The Song and Video Review

[ROC]

So, I did this old thing here where I reviewed music videos. It sucked, because I wasn't sardonic and sarcastic about the idea that most music videos actually suck and most are in need of a good premise before they try to turn the band (or artist) into wannabe movie stars or into softcore porn videos (not that there's anything wrong with that ). So now, I try again because, hell, I was bored and I like wasting life. So here it is, the first edition of the second thread I've done devoted to music videos.

U2 and Green Day - "The Saints Are Coming"

The Music: At best, you could say that Bono and Billie Joe Armstrong aren't terrible vocalists, even if they happen to be in two of the bands that became majorly overhyped. Problem is, this cover seems to fall flat of anything interesting. It's par for the course for both bands, and there's no moments in the song that seem to stand out.

The Video: Perhaps the biggest reason U2 and Green Day are hated on might have to do with their "political awareness". Again, they try to be politically aware, using the Katrina tragedy and ace director Chris Milk (as in the one responsible for the Kanye West "Touch The Sky" video) to create a statement of intrigue. Unfortunately, the video's snazzy effects and obvious governmental attack underscores the fact that it's practically common knowledge how much the government screwed over Katrina victims and it seems a waste of money being "politically aware" when that money certainly could be spent in ways to actually support the cause. (Like when Sarah MacLachlan and Sophie Muller set one of her videos around AIDS and spent most of the budget giving to AIDS foundations.)

The Moral: Sucky covers + Obvious causes = Been there, done that.

Rating: 4/10

Oh, and maybe I won't be so ingrained in a tirate against the video next time. >_>

Next up, (I think) will be Fergie's video classic "Fergalicious". I smell classic...oh and wrestling with sweets. This must be a Fergie video...

So, bitch about this video for now. >_>

Edited February 5, 2007 by ROC

[NobBe Nobbs]

I hate U2 for going on and on about the plights of people in New Orleans or in Africa but never, say, donating money directly to their causes. They're multi-fucking-millionaires, do something good without having an alterior motive.

[Rashid]

When I first heard about the song, I was hoping for something good. But I agree with you ROC. The music video and the song were just poor. Song was boring, didn't care for it at all.

And if you give Fergilicious anything above 1, I'll be highly disappointed.

[Skummy]

Oh ho, Be, there's your first mistake. Dig up the last topic about "The Saints Are Coming" to see why speaking ill of Bono is frowned upon in these parts...

[Liam]

I hate U2 for going on and on about the plights of people in New Orleans or in Africa but never, say, donating money directly to their causes.

What are you on about? a) I'm pretty sure that they do give money to charities that they raise awareness for, as well as time actually spent doing something and b) most celeb charity donations tend to be very rarely made public because it shouldn't be about publicity.

I still find it funny that people worry about x,y,z cause, yet when someone in a position to influence people does something about it, people still find someway to moan about it.

[ROC]

Fergie - "Fergalicious"

The Music: Dude, it's Fergie. It's pretty much the closest thing this year (though, not as bad as London Bridge's horrendous beat) you'll hear that is comparible to "nails on a chalkboard" and yet can sneak into your head. Hell, just hearing the title and lyrics from the song and realizing that it pretty much rips off "Bootylicious" (which didn't exactly make a brilliant song on its own) sums it up best.

The Video: Fergie's running around in a lot of weird fantasy outfits, some of which seem to make no sense (The Girl Scouts outfit, which seems completely pedophilic, might apply here). But I suppose if you put it on mute and fast-forward through Will.i.am's ghey intro, it's probably enjoyable softcore.

The Moral: Do you think Fergie needs to give you a blowjob if you were suckered in enough to actually buy The Dutchess?

Rating: 2/10 (mainly because though all else fails, I can still masturbate to it. >_>)

[ROC]

Okay, so I don't care to double post and I realize this will take far too long if I do one video at a time, so I will try to emcompass as many gay opinions as I can within a post from now. >_>

The Music: Man gets broken hearted by girl. Man goes emo. Man writes gay song about hating girl. There's isn't much more to say.

The Video: I don't really like it. Well, except for that chick that sort of looks like Sarah Shahi (!). I doubt I'd write a gay song about hating someone, though, if I was fucking and then broke up with Shahi. >_>

The Moral: Hating is just gay when you broke up with chicks that look like hot chicks that used to be on shows devoted to lesbians.

Rating: 3/10

Jim Jones - "We Fly High"

The Music: BALLIN'! (Translation: It sucks.)

The Video: BALLIN"! (Translation: It sucks, too.)

The Moral: Wait, there's a moral?

Rating: Ballin'/10

Brilliant reviewing. >_>

[StevenRichardsRules]

I like Hate (I Really Don't Like You). Well, the song at least. Haven't seen the video yet.

[ROC]

Brooke Hogan (f. Paul Wall) - "About Us"

The Music: Can Paul Wall go one song without saying "what it do?" and "baby" after every verse? Well, I did some research, and here's what I found...

"Oh Girl": "What it do baby, don't leave me hangin baby"

"Sittin' Sidewayz": "It's Paul Wall baby, I got it made"

"Ridin' Dirty" (Don't confuse it with the Chamillionaire version): "Who's the man that's in demand, it's Paul Wall baby yeah that's me"

So, those lines plus his "baby" in "Grillz" is about five which I had time to search for. So yeah, the point is, his rhymes are hardly original, not that they would be in a trite "RnB" song, anyway.

The Video: It's just the oversexualization of Hulk Hogan's daughter. Take that for what you will.

The Moral: Maybe Macho Man would've sold more records if Paul Wall called him baby during his raps...

Rating: 2/10

The Music: Well, it's TV on the Radio, so it's awesome.

The Video: I like the homage to silent horror films, and unlike other monster-laden clips as of late (looking at you, Fall Out Boy), the video actually makes sense with the song. It isn't a reinvention of the wheel, but it's neat.

The Moral: If your bitch is a werewolf, I'm sure you'll be able to deal with it somehow...

Rating: 8/10

[YI]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Plain White T's got popular enough to release a single? Plain White T's have a new album out? WHY THE HELL WAS I NOT INFORMED!!!!?

WTF? It sucks. Christ. Where's the band that wrote "Lazy Day Afternoon" and shit...at least that was simplistic and good.

Edited November 29, 2006 by Steve Mandela

[StevenRichardsRules]

What's wrong with Plain White T's?

[YI]

What's wrong with Plain White T's?

[Ananas]

Come on, "Wolf Like Me" 8/10? Maybe the song, but aren't we letting our biases get in the way just a tad? The video is dull.

[StevenRichardsRules]

What's wrong with Plain White T's?

I loved the last album, and the first one (Haven't heard the second, or the new one), but that new song is shitty.

[ROC]

Come on, "Wolf Like Me" 8/10? Maybe the song, but aren't we letting our biases get in the way just a tad? The video is dull.

[CKN]

Review "Pain" by Three Days Grace just because I like Three Days Grace.

[ROC]

Bow Wow (feat. Chris Brown) - "Shortie Like Mine"

Okay, so I've never prided myself on being the most objective person in terms of pop music and I probably jizz my pants way too much on bands I like's videos, but I can seriously say that this video really sucks...and here's how.

The Music: First off, the beat is incredibly terrible. Seriously, who the fuck produces this shit because common sense dictates that a beat as terrible as the one dished into this song should not ever exist. Add to the fact that Bow Wow is just an excuse for black teenage girls to like rap (same with Chris Brown and R&B) and can't actually, y'know, rhyme and the music part's pretty unbearable at best. (And since Lil' Wayne, another rapper who often is considered a sex symbol of rap, actually exists and actually has a solid flow, Bow Wow shouldn't really even exist.)

The Video: ZOMG, THE VIDEO IS ABOUT THE BOW WOW FAN SITE WITHOUT ACTUALLY SHOWING ANY OF THE FAN SITE. That's about as useful as me making a video about EWB and not actually showing any of EWB...not even Kou (which would so obviously redeem that video). But again, the video is unimportant when the ladies get their oogling of Bow Wow and Brown.

The Moral: Dude, seriously, Little X, are you just showing up for the paycheck now?

Rating: 1/10

Edited December 17, 2006 by COR

[ROC]

Okay, so time for more annoying and biased musical video opinions! This time, it's mainly the little known artists who are starting to get play on your MTVs and Fuses.

Mika - "Grace Kelly"

If 2006 was the year of strange emo hair, then 2007 must be becoming the year of growing long hair and singing with a faggy voice. (Any jokes referring to me aren't allowed. ) In Mika's "Grace Kelly", we learn that Mika is a guy who likes to talk about dead Hollywood starlets...or I think that's what's it's about. Here's the review.

The Music: Mostly dull indie-pop. Mika's voice sounds like a lot of indie artists, but in turn, that's the problem. For a guy who suddenly has his video popping up on MTV like he's really somebody in the industry, there seems to be nothing there that proves to me that he is different. (Well, maybe the hair, but fuck that.)

The Video: Moping around a house, posing...pretty much as dull as the song.

The Moral: Poor Sufjan Stevens gets shunned again.

Rating: 3.5/10

Silversun Pickups - "Lazy Eye"

"Poor man's Death Cab for Cutie" seems to come to mind when describing the droning indie tones of Silversun Pickups, a band who are catching fire in the States...but nobody's really sure why.

The Music: Mostly dull indie-pop. (I swear, it's a recurring theme. >_>) Their song sounds genuine, but it also sounds completely uninteresting. The band is so uninteresting, in fact, that I suspected they were Bright Eyes when I turned midway onto the video one time. The song isn't bad, it's just flat.

The Video: Kept simple. A simple performance piece works well enough for the clip and for the few folks who would like the song, it doesn't detract from it.

The Moral: Maybe I should start a band called Life Train to Pretty. >_>

Rating: 4/10

Gwen Stefani - "The Sweet Escape"

After royally confounding a good bit of the civilized world with her yodellingly shit first single "Wind It Up", the musical fashionista takes the soft approach with the second single from the album of the same name.

The Music: Surprisingly toned down. While her collabo partner Akon usually is extremely annoying, his voice with a quasi Jamaican beat actually create a decent quality to the track. Stefani hardly crafts the quality seen in tracks that layered the L.A.M.B. album here, but she creates a sort of solo version of "Underneath It All" here. A track that works mainly because it doesn't try too hard.

The Video: Gaudy but glamorously sexy. Stefani looks great in her varied attires, even in the video's strangest sequence involving her hair being a climbing rope, Rapunzel-style. The production looks massive and certainly impressive. There isn't really too many negatives, because Stefani's videos have always seemed to work well with the visual component (even "Wind It Up" looked great for the most part).

The Moral: Stefani is hot and you are not.

Rating: 6/10

Edited February 4, 2007 by ROC

[YI]

Why does everyone shit all over Mika. That song is fucking class. And to say it sounds like a generic indie song is total bollocks. Fucking awesome pop with a hint of Queen.

I'm just sick of Mika getting a bad rep. Small Blue and I still love him though.

Edited February 4, 2007 by Steve Mandela

[John Stones' Paint Trophy]

Yeah, Mika is great. Well, Grace Kelly is, not too sure about the album.