EWB's Top 50 Women Part VI: The List.

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

Eva Mendes is just generic drug baron's whore-wife fodder.

[TOG]

I prefer Zooey's sister to Zooey, but they're practically the same.

[NobBe Nobbs]

I'm just going to quote this for posterity:

"Fitzy: "Rosario Dawson is a ngh. There are not attractive nghz *headshake smiley*".

That way, if there is any doubt fuzzy is indeed a gay, this quote can be used to ascertain that he is, in fact, a gay. And quite a gay at that.

[ROC]

10. Eliza Dushku

Ringy: "I sat through two seasons of Tru Calling. Not only did I sit through two seasons of Tru Calling, I would only watch half of Smackdown to watch Tru Calling. And in those days, SD was awesome. And then I'd watch her show again on the West Coast feed. Do I need to say more?"

I didn't watch Tru Calling...but like with Chriqui, she made Wrong Turn a little more bearable.

9. Evangeline Lilly

Ringy: "She's hot, but in my eyes she's "bland hot". Very hot, but when I think pure hotness, she doesn't pop in my head. Looks like a hot western Canadian too. That means Beatnik must hate her. Though she's hot. Stupid faggot Beatnik. YOU HAVE CREATED A CONUNDRUM."

Eh, she's obviously attractive but...eh. Maybe it's because I don't like Lost.

8. Keira Knightley

Ringy: "Keira Knightley was hot until they decided to cast her as Skeletor in the He-Man movie."

>_>

7. Kate Beckinsale

Ringy: "When I was young, I saw Brokedown Palace or whatever the fuck that movie where Beckinsale and Claire Danes are in a Thai prison. Man that made me hard. To this day, I am aroused by their endeavours and in my mind, they so had lesbian sex until a male guard walked in and raped them. Fucking hot. Beckinsale's probably the hottest chick out of England over the past 10 years, and that's no hyperbole."

I think I remember Brokedown Palace. I'm guessing it was better than Pearl Harbor...

6. Rachel McAdams

Ringy: "I bought a faggy Canadian movie called My Name Is Tanino on VHS from this store downtown. Then I cleaned my VCR's lens and plugged it on my big screen TV just to watch the movie, 'cause she was nude in it. Fuck it, I sat through the Notebook. Do I need to say more? Yes? Okay. Rachel McAdams is really fucking hot, I love her and I wanna marry/rape her. Are you happy?!"

Edited May 3, 2007 by ROC

[NobBe Nobbs]

Pingu needs to get his tongue out of caligirl's ass and get the final five sorted.

[-A-]

Roll on the top 5 and, at least 4 of whom I voted for. I'm so commercial

[LL!]

Man, I hope Dakota Fanning is in the Top 5.

[NobBe Nobbs]

Man, I hope Dakota Fanning is in the Top 5.

[Fitzy]

Evangeline Lilly should be in the top five. :@

And Be is a fucking retard, that is all.

[ROC]

Okay, now we reach the final five. In this post, I'll just post 5-2 and then let you bask in a big long post for #1.

5. Jessica Alba

Ringy: "Jessica Alba. Hmmm. In 2001? I dunno, whenever the fuck Dark Angel premiered, they aired promos for it and I was all "that chick is hot" and even based on the promos, she was fucking hot. And then the show debuted, and it wasn't really any good, but my god was she hot. And I watched, and watched, and watched and was so happy. I even watched season two. I would tape it and I would watch it as soon as possible, and rub my crotch in a loving way. And then Dark Angel was cancelled and until that fucking dance movie, she fell off the face of the earth. That is when I lost interest in her. Mainly 'cause she went blonde. I still like her and there's no denying her awesome beauty, because I have yet to see a picture of her where she looks bad. And there's no other celebrity you can say that about. But I just lost interest."

She needs a mute button, and then she'd be the perfect woman.

4. Elisha Cuthbert

Ringy: "Cuthbert! She lives near me, she's Canadian, and she's just perfectly hot. She's incredibly hot, of course, one of those dodgy chick lovers is gonna come in and say she's not hot, but fuck him and his mother. I also had many a great boners while seeing the Girl Next Door. Fabulous, fabulous girl. According to iMDB she's also a former foot model, so I'd like to bend her feet until she's fucking herself with her toes, and then I'd like to cum in her hair and then fuck her ass while she asks me for money."

Yay Canadia!

3. Kristen Bell

Ringy: "Mmh. I am the reason most of EWB even likes this girl . Seriously though, summer of 04, I'm watching Deadwood and they have this hooker on it and she's cute but I don't really pay mind. Then I hang around a friend and watch Spartan and there she is again! Still hot. And then VM debuted and it was like fate. I think a huge part of the attraction isn't simply the fact that she's stunning, it's also the fact that on Veronica Mars, she has an awesome personality you can't help but love (with a few episodes in season three being the exception to the rule). She's just a lovely, lovely gall you can't help but feel attracted to. Unless you're a fucking tool who likes reality TV and gutter-looking trashbag hoes instead. In that case, you ought to just kill yourself. You son of a bitch :@. Still, lots and lots from my Kristen. Also, according to Jewish law, she's Jewish because her mother is so VICTORY!"

Hotness.

2. Natalie Portman

Ringy: "Natalie Portman was a girl that only got my attention circa Mars Attack! Back then I was all <3 <3 <3 and then I watched Episode One a few years after and was even more <3 <3 <3. Then I stopped really caring even though, again, there's no denying that she's hot. She's also Jewish, so I'd like to stick dreidals in her ass and spin them, and then stick them in her mouth while I fuck her from behind. Hopefully she'll cry a bit too."

The best reason to watch any movie ever. It's only helped by the fact that, y'know, she's really good in all of her movies.

Okay, #1 shall be up in a nice seperate post at some point. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, who knows...

[Fitzy]

Great list as all four of those are hot.

[NobBe Nobbs]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

This list can only get worse now.

[-A-]

Surely the best single post in the history of any of these polls?

[NobBe Nobbs]

I believe so.

[figos]

Scarlett!!

[NobBe Nobbs]

Aw, shit, Scarlett hadn't gone before? Fuck, that means she's going to win.

Told you it was all downhill.

[ROC]

Now kids, it is time for #1. One that you shall all love!

1. Dakota Fanning

Ringy: "Dakota Fanning is a total babe. I really love her smooth skin and lemon-sized tits. I'd squeeze them 'til the cops took me away."

YAY! CONGRATS EWB ON THE NEW #1! YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF GAY PAEDOS BUT CONGRATS ANYWAY!

(The actual #1 shall be posted shortly, I swear. >_>)

[Sabu]

Best.Numberone.Ever.

[ROC]

Okay now, here is the real #1, as some of you have figured out...

1. Scarlett Johansson

Ringy: "Scarlett is hot. There's no denying it. I've had a thing for her since the Ghost World/The Man Who Wasn't There days. I have kinda lost interest nowadays because she's everywhere and all the people are like but I am still aroused by her breasts and physical features. I wouldn't put her on first on my list, but I won't complain because I'm not one of those faggots who has complained every step of the way through this list and who shouldn't be allowed to live anymore (you know who you are, you sorry sons of bitches). Also, Scarlett is Jewish so I would like to stick some matzah in her ass and then eat it with her. Then we'd fuck while Be watches approvingly and pronounces man and wife, because Be is short for Rabbe 'cause he's a rabbi and all that Jazz. Then I would hang her and fuck her while she's hanged and hopefully she won't die. I'll probably be in prison after that, so I've nothing more to add."

Neither do I...and this is the list finale. Hope you had fun. Bye. More bitching in six months!

[NobBe Nobbs]

Apparently I'm a rabbi now. Also the fake number one was a better one than the real one.

Boohiss.