TISM

[Hardcore Weapon Smasher]

TISM (This Is Serious Mum) are seven unique musicians from Australia who haven't got the respect they deserve. It is my solemn duty to convince you to listen to their music and shower them with money. First, here is a picture of four of them, but once you know what four of them look like you'll know what the rest look like:

I should note, if you are easily offended at anything, you should leave now. Before you read another line.

Here's a biography of TISM from allmusic.com:

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TISM (short for This Is Serious, Mum), formed in Melbourne, Australia in 1982, and, after a couple of false starts, became one the most popular underground groups of the Australian music scene. Amazingly, the band even managed to receive some commercial success in the mid-1990s.

TISM have what can only be described as a twisted sense of humour. But whereas bands like They Might Be Giants use their humour to write pop songs with quirky lyrics, TISM use theirs to viciously lampoon anyone and anything. Literally nothing is sacred, and the band attempt to be as offensive as possible with mixed, although sometimes hilarious, results.

TISM are not publicity-shy in any way, but every time they appear in public (which includes live gigs) they wear masks to hide their identities. Officially, their line-up consists of Ron Hitler-Barassi (vocals), Humphrey B. Flaubert (vocals and drums), Eugene de la Hot Croix Bun (vocals and keyboards), John St Peenis (formerly saxophone, now vocals), Jock Cheese (bass), Les Miserables (vocals) and Tokin Blackman (formerly known as Tony Coitus) (guitar). Past members include Marco Fessey (saxophone) and Leak Van Vlahen (guitar).

Forming in Melbourne in 1982, the band wrote to Eddie Van Halen and Australian politician Paul Keating offering them the position of lead tamborine in the band. Both declined.

It wasn't until 1985 that TISM's recordings began to see the light of day. Their debut single "Defecate on my Face" was released that year, although it wasn't until their third single, "40 Years - Then Death" was released that one of their songs was deemed fit to be played on radio.

A rising tide of interest greeted the band in 1986 following the release of their debut album Form and Meaning Reach Ultimate Communion. An attempted interview at this time by a well-known music magazine was treated in a typical TISM manner: the journalist stood at the opposite end of a football ground to the band, and shouted questions to them through a megaphone. The answers were then shouted back through another megaphone. To make things even more difficult, a long piece of string ran between the band and the journalist - the string had to be kept taut or the band wouldn't co-operate.

In 1988, the album that made their name on the underground circuit appeared. Entitled Great Truckin' Songs of the Renaissance, the album was full of guitar pop, and the same twisted, tasteless lyrics that had been a feature of their work to date. Several singles were released from the album, including "The Ballad of John Bonham's Coke Roadie", "I'm Interested in Apathy", "40 Years - Then Death" and "Saturday Night Palsy". The last single hovered in the lower regions of the Australian charts, and prompted a popular television show to invite the band to perform the single. TISM performed, but in a move designed to infuriate the show's producers, performed the single with 28 band members, all in full costume.

In 1990, the follow-up Hot Dogma was released, but this failed to generate a great deal of interest and sold poorly. None of the TISM sense of humour had been lost here, and song titles from this album included "(I'm Gonna Sit Right Down) And Whittle Away My Furniture", "While My Catarrh Gently Weeps" and "Leo's Toltoy".

The next year, TISM were fired from their record company for being too difficult to work with. However, the small label Shock Records bought the rights to their back-catalogue and re-released some of their earlier work as a full-length album Gentlemen, Start Your Egos in 1992.

This was the catalyst for the band to record another disc, the Beasts of Suburban EP. It was more of the same anarchy, and featured a song entitled "Get Thee to a Nunnery", which was an attack on popular Australian childrens' television presenter Sophie Lee, although the band claimed to respect her work.

In 1993, another only mildly-successful disc, Australia the Lucky C*** was released. While not commercially successful, it proved to be one of their more controversial. The original cover art featured a koala with a syringe in its mouth, drawn in a similar style to art work by well-known Australian designer Ken Done. Done sued the band a week after the release of the disc, and it was withdrawn, but was re-released soon after with new cover art under the title Censored Due to Legal Advice.

Following this release, TISM found themselves in something of a rut. They had been unable to recapture the success of Great Truckin' Songs, and their later releases had been notorious due to surrounding controversy rather than for the music they contained. As a result, their next album Machiavelli and the Four Seasons, released in 1996, marked a substantial change in direction for the band.

Machiavelli saw synthesisers and dance music replace the guitar pop of earlier releases, and, as a consequence, became their biggest commercial success. This was also helped by favorable reviews at the time. The album went gold in Australia, and a number of singles were released from it, including "Jung Talent Time", "Greg! The Stop Sign!" (a song that ridiculed television advertisements about avoiding road fatalities and featured superb Beach Boys-style harmonies), "All Homeboys are Dickheads" and "(He'll Never Be an) Ol' Man River". The latter featured some of the more tasteless TISM lyrics for some time ("I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix"). Despite this, or perhaps because of it, the song became hugely popular.

Two years later, in 1998, TISM re-appeared with another album of dance music-inspired anarchy. This record, entitled www.tism.wanker.com, did not receive flattering reviews and failed to match the success of its predecessor. Several singles became minor hits, including "Whatareya?" (which attempted to divide Australian men into two categories - "yobs" and "wankers") and "Thunderbirds are Coming Out". A third single, "I Might Be a C***, but I'm Not a F****** C***", was released, but, not surprisingly, was not picked up by radio.

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Now to the lyrics:

Ol' Man River:

I'm on the drug, I'm on the drug

I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix

I saw his body thrashing 'round

I saw his pulse rate going down

I saw him in compulsive throws

I said "I'll have one of those"

Hilary had, Hilary had

Hilary had it in his veins

Hilary had Everest in his veins

Armstrong did moon, was not the same

Heroes explore to give us hope

River pushed back the envelope

Drank the slab, drank the slab

Drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk

I drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk

I injected some of Hendrix's junk

I booked a seat on Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane

Mama Cass' sandwich? I ate the same

Now I'm bored, now I'm bored

Now I'm bored and there's no stoppin'

Now I'm bored and there's no stoppin'

I need another celeb to fill a coffin

Where will I get my next drug action?

Odds on it'll be Michael Jackson

I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix

I'm on the drug

Greg! The Stop Sign!!

The guy who slagged the football team -

Those yobs were not for him

Turns into a real estate agent

Who believes in discipline;

That guy who's the first to use cocaine,

The wild boy breaking free,

Ends up in a court of law

As a prosecuting QC;

Remember the school captain? -

Success was a matter of time;

I can hear her now as she screams,

'Greg! You missed the stop sign!'

Forget Snoop Doggy Dogg

Forget ol' Ice T

The true word out on the street

Is produced by the TAC

What good's the use of striving?

As life's road in front unravels

We get to do the driving

But don't choose the direction we travel.

Do your homework, or wag for weeks

And graffiti the Dandenong line;

It don't matter when you hear that scream:

'Greg! You missed the stop sign!'

Some time in the next hundred thousand years

A comet's gonna wipe out all trace of Man -

I'm banking on it coming before

My end of year exam.

The rich kid becomes a junkie

The poor kid an advertiser

What a tragic waste of potential -

Being a junkie's not so good either.

Your folks struggled hard for what you've got,

You are the fruit of their vine;

But who cares what you sow when what you reap

Is: 'Greg! You missed the stop sign!'

Bought a car just the other day

Man could that baby run

But you know what they always say:

There's always a better one.

Got a tumour in my brain

Its creeping to my lungs

And I've searched around in vain

Can't find me a better one.

Hardwired into everyone's head

Is the person they're gonna be

Growing up ain't a matter of choice

It's a matter of wait and see.

And so kids, yeah, you can do it!

You can do your best

Girls can do anything

You can pass the test

I'm OK, you're OK, We're all right, we're fine

I thought I saw a semi-trailer

Greg! You missed the stop sign!

Thunderbirds Are Coming Out

I was my parents' puppet till my teenage years

When I rebelled and swapped them for my peers

I used to sit for hours all alone

Without an opinion to call my own

I had to keep this compulsion to myself

This need to be like everybody else

But now I'm out of the closet and I feel free

Cos I just saw Thunderbirds on TV

Yes I've been outed and I'm so happy

I've found a role model just for me

I think I could be like those puppet guys

Cos there's less to them than meets the eye

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Sing if you're proud to be plastic now...

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Thunderbirds are coming out

Now I don't have to worry about a thing

As long as someone else is pulling my strings

My pop star can tell me what to know

I can get my political views from my youth radio

I can join the queues outside restaurant chains

Now I can do the Mexican Wave

Just tell me what's in and I'll make sure I fit

Just herd me into that mosh pit

Whatareya

You're a yob or you're a wanker -

Take your f**king choice

So who is your favourite genius

James Hird or James Joyce?

You ever seen a live performance?

Join the wanker club

You thought I meant table top dancing?

You're a yobbo, bub

What are ya? Yob or wanker?

Wankers once used mobile phones

But now that's sorta changing

And yobs once lived in cottage homes -

Ain't social change amazing?

If a yob and wanker want a girl

The wanker guy will get her -

Both of them are equally ugly

But the wanker hides it better

What are ya? Yob or wanker?

A wanker fights inequality

And for people's rights;

A wanker fights class prejudice

A yobbo just fights

Yob or wanker - wanker or yob

Pass me the brush to tar ya:

Make your choice then live your life;

Come on pal, what are ya?

(There's Gonna Be) Sex Tonite

She slagged Helen Garner, he said "You're right"

He shook his dreadlocks and condemned Wayne Carey

She offered him tofu; both were quite hairy -

There's gonna be sex tonight

Interval at the theatre - they both hit it off

Discussing the meaning of Anton Chekhov;

The director they hated, the actress? - they panned her;

What they acted out later weren't exactly Uncle Vania

On the deck of the boat she pointed out east

Said "A whale is in fact an air breathing beast"

He really liked nature; he was out of the slammer

He had a gram of cocaine and a video camera

He was knocking on doors; she was watchin' television

He said "Money for the kids? I'm collecting for World Vision"

Her heart was full of pity for a world full of grief

He donated to a charity she called Hand Relief

Links:

TISM Official Site

Official TISM Site #2

Shock Records - TISM

Now to the songs. I order you to obtain the following TISM songs:

Ol' Man River

Greg! The Stop Sign!!

The Penis Is Mightier Than The Sword

The Ballad Of The Semitic Nazi

Defecate On My Face

If You're Creative, Get Stuffed

Saturday Night Palsy

I Might Be A Cunt, But I'm Not A Fucking Cunt

The Parable Of Glenn McGrath's Haircut

Thunderbirds Are Coming Out

Whatareya?

Martin Scorcese Is Really Quite A Jovial Fellow

Gimme Gimme Nervous Breakdown

All Homeboys Are Dickheads

Jung Talent Time

What Nationality Is Les Murray?

I Drive A Truck

Get Thee To A Nunnery

Lillee Caught Dilley Bowled Milli Vanilli

That is all. Tell all your associates about TISM. First step, World Domination.

[Quom]

TISM suck. Having said that I always liked what are ya.

[Emperor Fuckshit]

Those lyrics aren't even mildly amusing, and are just lame attempts at being edgy / controversial.

'I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix'. Ooooh, hilarious. And so edgy, considering he ONLY DIED ELEVEN YEARS AGO. Do something about Marlon Brando or Pat Tillman, then you can say it's edgy.

I listen to music because it's good music, not to hear some dumbasses who think they're being edgy to prick around.

[Skummy]

Wow. Anal Cunt-lite. I shall NOT be listening to them.

[Quom]

Those lyrics aren't even mildly amusing, and are just lame attempts at being edgy / controversial.

'I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix'. Ooooh, hilarious. And so edgy, considering he ONLY DIED ELEVEN YEARS AGO. Do something about Marlon Brando or Pat Tillman, then you can say it's edgy.

I listen to music because it's good music, not to hear some dumbasses who think they're being edgy to prick around.

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I'm on the drug is at least 8 years old

Edited July 10, 2004 by Quom

[Guest Angry Baboon]

Just heard two of their songs. They're like Anal Cunt.

Contreversial yet Unfunny lyrics + Random Gimmicky Costumers does not equate to anything good.

They're fucking bollocks.

[GoGo Yubari]

Looks so uncool. I like my comedy to be funny.

[gunnar hendershow]

Wow. Anal Cunt-lite. I shall NOT be listening to them.

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Same here.

Maybe if they had a cool name like Clitic Hunters I'd listen to them, but since they don't... no listening for me.

[Underage Politician]

I like TISM :$ I started listening to them when what are ya first came out and haven't looked back. They're quite funny and their music is actually quite catchy. All the people comparing them to Anal Cunt have never heard their music. Completely different.

[Hardcore Weapon Smasher]

Just give them a chance. They're a novelty act, so don't take them too seriously. Just listen to Thunderbirds Are Coming Out, Whatareya, Greg! The Stop Sign!! and Ol' Man River, and you might like them.

[Troy Maskell]

I've heard them

They're really not what I'd call good.

Whatareya is a good song though.

And the Parable of Glenn McGrath's haircut

Now if you want a novelty act look at my sig

Yep Blue's Clues Steve....Indy Rock God

Edited July 11, 2004 by Troy Maskell

[Skummy]

I've listened to them now. I don't like them.

As far as novelty acts go:

Bill Bailey > The Evolution Control Committee > The Shirehorses > *

[Hardcore Weapon Smasher]

They're fucking bollocks.

←

Your small size font don't fool me Squancho.

[Gongsun Zan]

I don't get it. How exactly does being a novelty act come in conflict with being funny? Wouldn't being funny actually help the novelty act?