The Apprentice Series 5

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

Bwahahaha everything Noorul did was useless.

Useless at team leading.

Useless at decision making.

Useless at making a good product.

Useless at costing.

Useless at design.

Useless at selling.

Useless at location.

Useless at not getting caught in traffic..... Ridiculous.

Glad Yasmina survived, she's pretty much my only original choice still in the running and definitely my fave. She's solid, decent and not too larey.

Ben......Ugh, he needs to get ripped apart in the boardroom one time and have someone speak over HIM. Sir Alan's only keeping him in for the entertainment value of the programme though cos he knows that he won't win it.

It's a shame that that team lost though cos they had all the strong candidates on it - I think he split the team into a perceived "strong" and "weak" team. Melty-faced woman and Yank-woman just drove Philip to crazies and they would have driven me mad too!

Kate and James sold well and the deal to the woman at the end for the rest of the stock was great.

[Sir Alan LCSugar]

When i saw the way the teams ended up i felt very sorry for Phillip and didn't expect that team to win in a million years. Nural would have gone if it wasn't for the mistake and I can see him going very soon!

[Farmer Reil]

Did anyone else notice the fact that Yasmina didn't get blamed one single little bit for HER fuck-up? There was a passing comment made by SAS in the summing up, but that was about it. The whole thing was pretty much "It was entirely Ben's fault, even though he's the only blameless one in the board room, but I'm going to fire Paula anyway, just because". This seems to be happening a bit too often for my liking on this show, getting a bit fishy. Several times over the last few series' the absolute lock-in for getting fired, the one person who's sole responsibility it was that the task failed, has ended up getting away with it. This time, the TWO people who's direct responsibility it was ended up getting away with it.

I wouldn't have fired Ben though, personally, even if it wasn't a TV show. I can kinda buy the argument that maybe Ben should've double-checked anyway to save his own ass, but at the same time, he shouldn't have NEEDED to. If TWO people have looked at the figures and are fine with it, it really shouldn't take a third person, stock broker or no, to 'just look over them again'. Just like it really shouldn't take three people to go and get some honey from a bee farm, or to get 300g of fucking seaweed from the sea.

Ben is quality, in just the same way that Tre was last year. Great for the show, but not particularly great for Sir Alan.

Nurool is fucking useless. Howard said it best: It's not Nurool's win, it's theirs. And when HOWARD is making you look like a useless cunt, is there really any point in you carrying on?

[SilentBob2004]

So......Pants Man then...!

[Farmer Reil]

That was the biggest massacre since Hiroshima. And it was largely Ben, Kate and James, as usual, dropping the bombs. Stephanie McMahon got screwed though. The Black Hole Of Positivity should've been fired. Or Moaner. Sorry, Mona. For someone who spends so much of her life talking, she sure can't present for shit.

End of the day: Phillip's idea was shit, sure. But it was the only idea they had. Steph made the best of a terrible situation, and pretty much everything she did was as good as it could've been under the circumstances. Phillip is a big-mouthed arrogant cock, but at least he DOES STUFF. Should never have even been in the boardroom.

Noorul did fuck all as usual, but at least that means he did fuck all wrong either. Mona and Lorraine should've been in the boardroom and Lorraine should've been fired. I don't particularly like Steph (should really stop with the nicknames, forgotten her real name completely ¬_¬), but she did the best she could with what she had. If she'd have been on the other team, it would've been less Hiroshima and more Fallout.

Revised league table:

Ben

Kate

James

Yasmina

Howard

Deborah

Phillip

Lorraine

Noorul

Mona

[Jimmy]

The team's seem very unbalanced, espically after seeing it this week. James, Kate, Deborah, Yasmina and Ben completley raped. The other team has two/three guys who just coast and they'll get caught up on soon.

[Farmer Reil]

Yeah, good point. I reckon some mixing of teams is in order next week:

Ben

James

Howard

Mona

Noorul

Kate

Yasmina

Deborah

Lorraine

Philip

Gotta keep Phillip and Lorraine together for entertainment value, and put them with Kate so Philip has even more reason to show off. Offload the dead weight (Noorul and Mona) on to Ben and James. Then you have Lorraine team leader (with all but one of the really strong characters to manage), and Mona team leader. Then Ben and James look like stars even more, lose, you have Mona bringing back Noorul (and probably Ben because she's thick as shit), Ben destroys everyone, and Noorul or Mona get fired.

Simple.

Oh God, I just one-upped TKz, I just fantasy booked a REALITY show, didn't I :\

[Turbo Yannis]

Anyone else noticed that the further into an arguement she gets, Mona's voice goes more ethnic sounding?

Just me?

[Farmer Reil]

Haven't noticed that. I have noticed that Lorraine becomes Irish sometimes, at random times.

[Dynamite]

If Kate doesn't win this series I'll be shocked. Between the 'coasters' and those that seem to make a mess of it every week, it's been a pretty poor selection of candidates in general and it does seem geared up so that whoever wins is going to be the 'best of the worst' rather than being the one outstsnding candidate among a group of highly suitable candidates. That's why I think Kate will win - she actually gets actively involved and doesn't seem to make any big mistakes whereas the rest of them seem to fail on one of these if not both.

[Pesci]

"They took logic and tortured it until it screamed" - Nick is the best part of The Apprentice by far.

James is still my favourite, by far. Apart from Lorraine and Deborah, I quite like everyone. Well actually, Ben's getting annoying as fuck now. I can't wait until he gets fired because I know Sir Alan will make him look like a complete cunt.

[METALMAN]

Where has this thread been all my life?

This is the first time I've ever watched the apprentice and I've become hooked. I want Yasmina to win. Pretty much for Hamster's reasons.

Em other things to note - Debra started off a total cow but she's improved in the last couple of weeks by taking it a bit easier I think. Noorul is proper shit. I hate Lorraine.

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

I've never seen a task nailed so brilliantly throughout as the winning team this week.

They functioned perfectly as a team throughout (except the male/female voice debate in which the original female voice was better).

The box was good, character good, leadership great (Kate is getting better every week). Yasmina was good again thankfully (though Kate is probably more likely to win) and James was good too. Ben got all moody when his idea was changed but then was able to hide in the outfit all day.

The other team must have had such a sinking feeling when they saw the Treasure Flakes box. It was the clearest victory ever.

Old Melty Face went into total melt down this week but Philip can come across REALLLLLLY annoying and mouthy sometimes. Ugh. The two of them deserve to be stuck arguing with eachother every week.

Noorul's story is great cos he must feel like he's got a chance of winning cos he's still in the competition

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

Oh and my league table just for the fun of it....

Yasmina

Kate

James

Mona

Howard

Debra

Philip

Ben

Lorraine

Noorul

It's a bit bottom heavy.

Edited April 24, 2009 by Hammy Four Fingers

[y2gudge08]

The most one-sided victory ever in my opinion although this series is looking like the weakest so far with too many literally useless candidates - I'm glad Kimberley went as she was terrible and annoyed me so much this week as she was just a lot of hot air not doing what she does for her day job!

Am I the only one who actually quite likes Ben?!

Nick and Margaret > All

[METALMAN]

Doing what I do best and stealing someone else's idea:

Yasmina

Kate

James

Mona

Howard

Philip

Debra

Noorul

Ben

Lorraine

Edited April 25, 2009 by aluminiumman!

[Farmer Reil]

They functioned perfectly as a team throughout (except the male/female voice debate in which the original female voice was better).

If you're arguing that the Ben wasn't as good at the voiceover as the professional female voice actor, then fair enough. But if you're arguing that a female voice was better than a male voice, then with respect, sir, you're an idiot.

Pirates be male, and they talks like this. Gyar. Scrapping the female voice was the best waste of money ever on the Apprentice, it was shit.

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

Yeah, Ben wasn't as good as the woman is what I meant. She may have a lady voice but at least she's professionally paid to do a professional job. Ben just gurned his way through.

I don't think the female voice was too much of a problem though - it was a PARROT and kids TV and adverts uses female voices for kids and even some men's roles in advertising anyway sometimes - less threatening to the little darling kiddies or something.

That child actor was a bit rubbish though considering....

[Farmer Reil]

Bwahaha. You have to love the fact that the ONE TIME Noorul doesn't actually deserve to be fired, he's fired.

Ben is like, and escape artist or something. I was SURE he'd fucked it all up this time. Then when Debra opened her mouth at Nick I was sure it was going to be her. Never, once in the boardroom, did I envision Noorul being fired (especially when he pwned Ben).

[METALMAN]

Bah...what an idiot Ben was when he said he'd bring in James. i was totally gunning for Debra to get fired. She was a right bitch there. And even though Lorraine was correct, and routinely praised for it, she still managed to do so while being a total naggy whingebag.

Edited April 29, 2009 by aluminiumman!