The Apprentice Series 5

[Scott McFly]

Been watching since the start of the series and I've never really been compelled to post anything, but if I have to sit through one more week of Lorraine (and now I'm guaranteed at least one more) I'm gonna fucking scream. She's got to be easily the most annoying person on there. Yes, Ben's a tool, but she's just a whole new level of irritation with her general attitude of "I'm honest and I tell the facts" which basically means she's gonna eschew her extremely high opinion of herself all over the place. Ben can be the same but at least he can come across as genuine some of the time.

Since this seems to be the thing to do...

James

Yasmina

Kate

Mona

Howard

Debra

Lorraine

Ben

If I were to pick right now who I want to win, I'd say James. Pretty much by default since the rest of them all have done something/have something about them that I just don't like.

[Farmer Reil]

Three main things to comment on this week:

You'd think, since both teams had two each and Nick and Margaret both had one, Sir Alan could've afforded himself an umbrella.

Mona in 'not completely useless after all' shocker. Her voice and general demeanour is still annoying as hell, she's far too "I'm going to talk to you as if you're a four year old and I'm reading this off an autocue that I can only just read, because that's the only way I know how to talk to people".

Finally, absolutely hilarious how quick Kate was snub out of the dying embers of Philip's apprenticeship after practically every sentence Philip said contained the phrase "Me and Kate...". Seriously, Philip's all "Me and Kate were awesome, me and Kate did this, me and Kate could do better than you, blah blah blah". Then when she's in the final three, Kate's all "Yeah, Philip was shit".

It was blatantly obvious who the final three would be: Lorraine was PM (which she apparently thought stood for Prime Minister), so Philip would've come back even if he did nothing wrong (as opposed to nothing at all), and Ben did one thing to redeem himself, which left Kate in the shit. The sun shines out of Kate's arse, so it was always going to be Philip or Lorraine, and as SAS has proven time and time again that he can't make a good decision in the boardroom if his life depends on it, Philip was screwed.

Seriously, his summing up was pretty much "Lorraine, you're fucking shit in every way and you even voluntarily admitted to being slow in the head, but despite all that, Philip - you're fired". It's usually the same unless someone really fucks up: "Person X, you really fucking suck. Having said that, Person Y - you're fired".

So yeah:

James - Hasn't put a single foot wrong, and his dry wit is awesome. "If I set up a funeral parlour, people would stop bloody dying!"

Ben - Seems to have been taken down a peg or two since his disastrous PMing last week, but still pretty awesome. Especially his sarcastic comments to Lorraine occasionally that go way over her head: "You need to get a sale or it'll look pretty poor in the boardroom..." "Yeah... we're aware of that :|".

Yasmina - Growing on me. Can be a bit annoying, looks a tad like a feral dog, but decent apprentice.

Kate - She's only this far down because she's so good in every way it's actually annoying. And she has one of those accents where she has to over-pronounce the 'g' on the end of 'ing' words. Yeah, that's all I got.

Howard - Has done much wrong so far. A 'backstage worker' kinda guy, but a good one. Him PMing next week (I'm assuming via the trailer) will be the making or breaking of him.

Mona - Annoying as fuck to listen to/watch, but actually quite a good business mind according to this week's task.

Debra - Very good at what she does, as long as she's the only one doing it. Cannot work in a team at all.

Lorraine - Just... just... read the rest of the thread. Looks like a slapped arse, hasn't washed her hair since the Apprentice started.

Edited May 7, 2009 by Farmer Reil

[Timmoru Suzuki]

The funniest bit this week was in the previews for next week with James telling the actors in some sort of commerical to not lick their ice cream suggestively because "we're not making a porno here lads."

[Jimmy]

So, final five's?

I'm hoping for Yasmina, Kate, James, Ben and probably Debra. I'd hate to work with Debra, she comes off like a selfish cunt. Kate has been pretty damn good throughout, bar last night, and I really like James and Yasmina. I don't think Mona or Howard have much life in them. And I can't stand Lorraine.

[Pesci]

I'm glad I wasn't the only one annoyed at Lorraine trying to make Project Manager sound more trendy by shortening it to PM. Philip was losing his likeability for a few weeks prior to this week's episode, I'm glad I decided I didn't like him a couple of weeks ago and got off the sinking ship

Kate went down a little in my estimation but not too much because she's still so fit. Likewise, Mona moved up, even though I liked her a fair bit before anyway. And James is still the king.

James

Yasmina

Mona

Kate

Howard

:/

Ben

Lorraine

:angry: :angry: :angry:

Debra

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

Weeeeell gotta say that the product choice was a bit ropey for the losing team (I believe that was Lorraine choosing "on her instinct"...You could see Yasmina incredulous that she didn't pick the dog lead which actually seemed to be a good seller for the other team).

In fact I'm sick and tired of Lorraine's mystical "instinct" shtick. It's played out, boring and not hard "FACT" (as she's so desperate to attack others with her FACTS!)

This episode was interesting cos everyone was so desperate for sales and really selfish with them - especially Lorraine who flat out refused to let Yasmina anywhere near a pitch so that she could get the sales for it (though Yasmina did suddenly regress to being a teenage girl which was glorious viewing).

Ben was a shadow of himself this week and probably a good idea to keep his head down. Kate didn't cover herself in glory with this task but she did ok (as well as someone not selling can...) and her other weeks have been far to good for her to be sent home.

Howard was a total worm when he whinged to Debra about not letting him sell. She did the only thing I've liked from her this whole series when she gave him the phone and told him to book some meetings for himself and actually DO something.

James was quietish this week and Mona was good apart from her "speak to a deaf, idiot, foreigner" style of speech.

Of course the story presented was always gonna be Melty and Philip. Philip's a moron so glad he's gone. The two of them squabble like schoolkids and it just turns personal. Frankly I wish he'd sacked both cos the survivor was always gonna leave feeling like they were better than they really are. Thing about Philip is that even when they're with clients he gets all disappointed and huffy and storms out of meetings and stuff and his reactions to Sir Alan were stupid so he shot himself in his foot.

Anyway, let's revise the ol' list....

Yasmina

Kate

James

Mona

Howard

Ben

Debra

Melty Meg

Lorraine drops to the bottom and Howard drops a spot for being a dopey idiot.

[Turbo Yannis]

Fuck it, I want Ben to win this whole thing. He's pretty much the only one in it now I don't want slap.

I loved me some Philip.

[METALMAN]

My list is same as Hammy's except Ben is one notch up. Cause I feel he's got better now that he's been put down a bit.

I actually can't believe I put Debra in my "don't mind" category during week 5. She's a total bitch. And she looks like the white witch as well.

[Farmer Reil]

My final five would be: James, Ben, Kate, Yasmina and Debra.

Lorraine has an outside chance of sneaking in (horrifying thought!), possibly even at the expense of Ben or Kate (even more horrifying!) but she hasn't crossed Debra yet to my memory, and... she will. And she won't live to tell the tale. In some ways, I actually like Debra. She gets shit done, and she's just about the only one (other than James) who backs up what she says in the interview clips.

Edited May 11, 2009 by Farmer Reil

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

The right team definitely won this week. Good leadership from Yasmina and Kate did an excellent pitch. Ben's photos were good (you could tell he knew he'd forgotten about leaving space from his expression while Melty Face got on her high horse so fair play to him). I liked the colour schemes and look of the Margate posters. Kinda modern in a 90s way.

Basically pitching a resort to 10% of the population (the gay market) was stupid, the posters were ugly and it was gonna be a hard sell to the locals. They deserved to lose.

However I would have sacked Debra every day of the week and a bit surprised as to why James is all sneaky as far as Sir Alan's concerned. Also, Howard's definitely gay right? He got far too into that task and was a bit too gleeful and "festive".

So yeah, it was 100% Debra's fault for the posters and useless brochure. Mona offered good stuff for it and Debra shot her down. She's a nasty piece of work as far as I'm concerned but perhaps Sir Alan is thinking about TV ratings????

Also, Lorraine "covering her back" again as with every week is just annoying. Even more so now that Philip is gone and therefore there's not another annoying person opposing her.

I'm disappointed they didn't use my catchphrase "Member Munching Margate" though.....Hey at least my wife laughed...

Anyways let's get the ol' honk-o-meter out:

Yasmina

Kate

James

Ben

Howard

Debra

Melty Meg

Ben overtakes Howard cos Howard is just spineless and mostly useless (except for when he's pitching today) and Ben is kinda better now he's chilled out again. The gap between Debra, Lorraine and the rest is just HUGE right now. Crazily so. I'd hate them both in real life - Debra for her hard faced bitchiness and shouting down of everyone. Lorraine for her Melty-faced holier-than-thou "I know best" attitude. Ugh.

Anyway, I found this exclusive picture of Debra and Howard...

[Pesci]

Yeah, Debra should've gone this week. He even seemed to know it was bullshit himself, saying that he has to judge the competition as a whole about twenty times to justify the decision. Ben was better this week, he seems to be good when he's not a main focus of the episode. I want to punch Lorraine in the face for every time she's said "instinct" so far in the series.

:wub:

James

Yasmina

Kate

Howard

:/

Ben

:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@

Lorraine

Debra

Edited May 15, 2009 by Pesci

[Farmer Reil]

Howard is awesome. Every time he's been noticeable, he's been noticeable for awesome. Debra fucked him over well and truly, but having said that I'm still glad it's Moaner that went. Not because she deserved to on this occasion, but because whenever she opens her mouth I want to horribly disfigure a cat. SAG nailed it, she never has any ideas, she merely says what people want to hear, the incident in the gay bar was hilarious and I wish she'd make her fucking mind up about which accent she wants to use.

So yeah... she didn't deserve it this week, but I'm glad she's gone nonetheless.

James

Ben

Yasmina

Howard

Kate

:/

Debra

:@:@:@:@:@

Lorraine

It's going to be 3vs4 next week, so the short-staffed team will all be in the boardroom if they lose. Lets hope Debra and Lorraine are on the 3-person team then...

Yasmina, Howard, Ben and James would be a fuck-off awesome team. Yasmina the project manager, Howard the master strategist and presentation guy, James the ideas man, Ben the workhorse and assistant creative genius. That'd be doubly-awesome, as it'd leave Little Miss Flawless on the losing team, so SAG would be almost forced to fire Debra or Lorraine.

Also, You're Fired got the quote of the week wrong again. It was clearly either James calling the poster "codshit" or Debra telling Howard - the gay guy - that he doesn't know what gay people want.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Farmer Reil

[Timmoru Suzuki]

Holy shit, I was sure James was gone from the second he entered the boardroom, it was such a shock when Ben went. I have to say, I actually felt sorry for Ben in the end.

And I may have to steal and adapt "making a real/right/total/complete horlicks of it" as a catchphraae.

[METALMAN]

When will Debra ever go? I think she's being kept cause she's quite a controversial character. She'd be absolutely horrible to work with. I mean Ben's arrogant and James is an idiot but none of them are horrible at least. I'd rather work with a dumbo than a bitch.

[Turbo Yannis]

Ben

That sucks.

[Dynamite]

I'm glad James stayed on. Either Ben or Debra could have gone and I would have been happy. Anyone else notice that Ben wore that same blue shirt with the white collars and gold tie every week?

Seeing as everyine else is ranking, here's mine:

James

Yasmina

Kate

:/

Howard

Debra

Lorraine

I'm hoping Lorraine will leave next just because she annoys me more than the rest. That caricature of her was brilliant though. Barring a huge error on her part, Kate surely will go on to win. Yasmina will probably come second (was I the only one who kept getting her mixed up with Debra?). The standard if the candidates has been pretty poor this year in general though.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Dynamite

[Pesci]

Thank god for that. I was sweating like a bitch when James was in the boardroom, I was sure he'd go.

James, Yasmina, Kate and Howard are so much higher up on my list than Lorraine and Debra that it wouldn't be worth making one. In fact it would be exactly the same as Dynamite's, just with Debra and Lorraine a few lightyears down the page. Lorraine needs to shut the fuck up about her instinct and Debra needs to stop being a cunt.

[Jimmy]

I was really worried there too, for James. I don't know how the fuck Debra was trying to spin the loss onto James. I mean, she lobbied for the product and said there was 'Nothing Else'. Ugh, I can't stand her - AT ALL. I'm a little sad Ben went. Yeah, he was full of himself, but he was very, very passionate.

Also, did anyone else really cringe when Lorraine kept saying Instinct?

Kate, Yasmina, James, Howard and Lorraine for the final five. I hate Debra. ALOT.

[y2gudge08]

I'm the biggest Ben fan but I think he just about had to go. As much as I hate Debra I think she fought well having better arguments/answers to Sir Alan than Ben unfortunately. I have this feeling one of the favourites (Kate or Yasmina) are gonna slip up next week on the TV selling task and fall hugely on their own sword - quote me if you wanna - I just hope it's not James.

My Final Four: James, Yasmina, Lorraine & Debra (Believe me I really don't wanna put either Debra or Lorraine on there but they fight for their lives in that boardroom)

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

It was really subdued in the board room actually. Kinda sad. Ben went out on a whimper and it was a bit sad to see him go as he'd been better these last few weeks and quite likeable again. Shame Debra didn't go Her time is running out though.

Yasmina was probably the best on the team again and seemed to sell well. She's also been good at being friendly with the project manager and when she's managed she's won both her tasks so she's been out of the board room nearly every week....And she pwns.

I'd love Yasmina to win it now and she could. She plays good politics, isn't up everyones' noses, leads well and sells well. Good allrounder.

I think the big surprise will be in the interview process though. I reckon Kate will screw herself sideways over some question or something on her CV and it'll be Yasmina vs Howard (of all people) in the final...Quite a vanilla final then but at least it'll be relatively peaceful with a hint of gay.

Yasmina

Kate

James

Howard

Debra

Lorraine