The WWE but....well...not the WWE!

[Cactus Drags]

Fuck off Shampoo.

We love this diary.

←

[ROZAY]

Breaking News: The WWE have fired people who Katsuya doesn't care about. Won't list them - if they don't appear, consider them gone.

[Katsuya]

4 Things

1 - The above post makes me unsure whether you're bashing the diary or you don't understand that this is supposed to be bad (in a good way)

2 - THANK YOU FOR ALL THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK!

3 - Thank you also for getting this diary to 500 views so quickly.

4 - There is now an official Christmas Kane in a sig. That is too good.

[ROZAY]

4 Things

1 - The above post makes me unsure whether you're bashing the diary or you don't understand that this is supposed to be bad (in a good way)

←

[Katsuya]

That's good then.

[Katsuya]

RAW

11th April, for the people who can't be bothered looking at a calender.

Eric Bischoff welcomed everyone to the new era of RAW. He said that all titles except the World Heavyweight had been vacated, and the Intercontinental Title's fate would be decided in a 15-Person Royal Rumble Match - now!

Match 1: 15 Person Royal Rumble

WWE Intercontinental Title

Entry 1: Edge

Entry 2: Naked Mideon

Edge was obviously determined to win the IC Title tonight, but looked annoyed he had to go 2 minutes with Naked Mideon before someone came to help him. Edge went to give Mideon a spear, but Mideon simply fell to the floor, and dragged Edge on top of him. Edge jumped up, and rolled of the ring, as Mideon smiled and danced in the ring. When Mideon turned his back though, Edge got back in the ring and gave Mideon the spear. Edge tried to throw Mideon out of the ring, but was too disgusted to do it, and decided to leave it for Number 3.

Entry 3: Reverand D-Von

D-Von didn't seem to want to touch Mideon either, so instead he tried to preach Mideon into putting clothes on. Mideon wasn't about to convert though, and instead began hasing D-Von and Edge round the ring. CUE BENNY HILL MUSIC! This went on for about a minute, until Edge turned around and gave Mideon a hellatious spear. After much arguging, Edge & D-Von decided they would try and team up to eliminated Mideon. But before they got him even near the rope, the next entrant came out.

Entry 4: Shaniqua

Shaniqua ran out, and immediately gave both D-Von and Edge a double clothesline. Shaniqua then grabbed Mideon and lifted him into a Military Press position. She then ran forward, still holding Mideon and threw him over the top rope. Mideon hit the floor hard, as Shaniqua laughed. Edge tried to take Shaniqua down from behind, but she was having none of it. She threw Edge over her head, and then gave him a leg drop. D-Von was victim of a big powerslam, as the next person entered.

Entry 5: Chris Jericho

Jericho didn't even make it to the ring, as he jumped on Mideon's back and began to make sweet, sweet love. Shaniqua felt like joining the action obviously, as she walked over to watch. It was a costly error though, as Edge dropkicked her from behind, sending her crashing to the floor. Shaniqua tried to get back in the ring, but Edge gave her a baseball slide. This sent her flying into Mideon, which angered Jericho. He charged the ring, but tripped up due to his pants. It's Naked Jericho! Some women in the crowd cheer, and some guys do to. Jericho rolls in the ring, as we get ready for the next entrant.

Entry 6: Verger Ray Dudley

Verger Ray came to the ring, and immediately started double teaming Edge with his half-brother D-Von. After taking Edge down with the 12D, the Dudleys went after Jericho. They tried to give Jericho the 12D, but Jericho stopped before he reached Verger. He kicked Verger in the face, and threw him into the ropes. D-Von went to clothesline Jericho, but Jericho ducked, and D-Von clotheslined Verger Ray, but went with Verger, eliminating both men! Jericho then started to stomp on the downed Edge, as the crowd started to count down from 10 again.

Entry 7: White Bunny

Jericho immediately stopped as White Bunny's music played. Bunny began to run to the ring, when Randy Notro jumped out from the crowd. Bunny had no time to defend himself as Notro gave him the OKR. Medics came out to tend to Bunny, while security escorted Notro from the arena. Jericho then went back to working on Edge, but was unable to lock in the Walls of Jericho, as Edge's hunchback stopped Jericho from rolling over. Jericho then put Edge on his stomach, and went to Lionsault Edge's hunchback - which popped upon impact! Oklahoma and Bartlett were shocked, and the commentary was silent for a while. Luckily, the production guy realised he had cut the commentary and plugged it back in, just as Number 8 came out

Entry 8: Eddie Guerrero

Eddie came out in his lowrider, and acted like normal. My god, Eddie's not been effected! Eddie Guerrero is our saviour! He gave Jericho a missile dropkick, then landed the Frogsplash on Edge. He attempted to throw Edge from the ring, but Jericho got back up and started to hump Guerrero's leg. Guerrero was worked down to the floor, where Jericho continued to keep the leg love lock in tight. Edge though kicked Jericho in the face, and went to give him the spear. Guerrero tripped Edge up though, and Jericho held the top rope down. Edge was sent catapulting from the ring, just as the next person comes out.

Entry 9: Lita

Lita ran out, and immediately turned her attention the fallen Edge. Lita SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEEDDDD Edge! She then got in the ring, only for Jericho to try and throw her out straight away. Lita tried to counter though, and she was able to SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWW Jericho! Eddie got up though, and gave Lita the Three Amigos. He went to deliver the Frogsplash, but Lita moved out of the way and SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEEDDDD Eddie! Chants of "Slut" began to fill the arena, meaning no one hears the buzzer for number 10.

Entry 10: Naked Viscera

Viscera runs down to the ring, and tells Lita to bring it on. Oh my god, Lita REEEEFFFFUUUUSSSSEEEESSSS to SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWW Viscera! Vis' is angry! Viscera throws Lita to the floor, and it's a big bad naked splash! Viscera lifts the prone Lita up, and tosses her from the ring. Jericho gets back up, and jumps on Viscera's back, locking in a sleeper. Viscera seemed to be wearing down, when Eddie jumped on Jericho's back, trying to lock in a sleeper of his own. The 3 men staggered round the ring, until 11 came out.

Entry 11: Kenzo Suzuki

Kenzo came to the ring, and immediately gave Viscera a claw to the face. Obviously annoyed that Viscera stole his wife/husband, Kenzo charged Viscera back into the ropes. What happened next was like a domino effect. Eddie fell out of the ring, and started to drag Jericho with him. This, as well as Kenzo's claw made Viscera start to teeter on the top rope. Kenzo was thrown over Viscera's head, making him grab hold of Viscera's face. Viscera began to flail around on the rope, forcing Guerrero to grab onto Jericho's leg. Kenzo tried to kick Jericho and Guerrero off Viscera, but before he could it was time for Number 12 to come out.

Entry 12: Christmas Kane, DDS

The lights cut out, and CKDDS' pyro went off. The rumble it caused though was enough to send Viscera toppling backwards, effectively crushing and eliminating Kenzo, Jericho and Guerrero at the same time. This left Christmas Kane with nothing to do for 2 Minutes, as he waited for unlucky 13.

Entry 13: Al Wilson

Al came out to some cheers, and he made his way to the ring looking confident. He slid in the ring, and immediately offered CKDDS a test of strength. CKDSS obligied, and as soon as he got hold of Al, he twisted his arm so hard he broke it! A chokeslma knocked out poor Al, allowing CKDDS to add one final insult before tossing Al from the ring - a stabbing with the Dentist's Drill.

Entry 14: Shelton Benjamin

The former IC Champ came out to the ring...actually, he skated down with a hockey stick. When he reached the ring, he smashes the stick over CKDDS' head. The big man staggered back into the corner, allowing Shelton to go for the Stinger Splash. Unfortunately the run up was halted by the skates, so Shelton basically jumped onto CKDDS. And impaled himself on numerous dentist drills. CKDDS just turned around and let SheltGoon slip off the drills into a bloody heap on the floor.

Entry 15: Doug Bas---

Doug Basham took one step onto the stage when Shaniqua reappeared. Throwing Doug off the stage, Shaniqua ran to the ring. She entered the ring when...

"I AM A REAL AMERICAN"

The immortal words went through the arena, and the crowd exploded in cheers. All they got though was a "Hulk Hogan Returns....Soon" message on the titantron. Shaniqua and CKDDS looked at the message, when CKDDS realised he had a chance to eliminate Shaniqua, as she leant against the top rope. She turned around just as CKDDS went to clothesline her. She couldn't stop him, but as she went over the top rope, she dragged him with her. Both of them then hit the floor at the same time...who wins?

Winner: No One via Shaniqua & Christmas Kane, DDS falling out of the ring at the same time.

Eric Bischoff came out to sort the result out. He said that since both Shaniqua and CKDDS were eliminated at the same time, there were no winners. But there were no losers either, and since neither person lost then both of them are the IC Champion! Bischoff then said that an Undisputed IC Champion would be decied at Backlash, with Shaniqua and CKDDS fighting out. Until then, they would have to team up to keep their belt. RAW went off the air as Shaniqua and Christmas Kane, DDS looked at each other, and at the IC Title.

[Guest Limitz]

Sweet fuckin diary.

I Heart It.

Edited April 16, 2005 by Limitz

[Katsuya]

Okay, is what I've put about Apple in my sig too harsh? Should I remove it?

[Cactus Drags]

*Marks out for Christmas Kane as I-C champ*

[Katsuya]

WWE Smackdown

Teddy Long came out, and said that the first two entrants in the 6 Man Battle Royal would be Kamatista, because he had beaten Sadamm the week before, and Evad Sullivan because he went on defending Smackdown's honour the week before, even with the odds stacked against him. Teddy then announced the Main Event would see Kama & Evad team up with Randy Notro to take on Christian, E & JHB.

Match 1: Hurri B. Cane V She Hop Hippo, Trish Stratus

Trish had recovered from her ordeal last week to take on Hurri B. Cane, coming to the ring with his parrot, shouting at the fans to do the "Hurri, Hurri, Hurri". Trish looked set to win the match, demolishing Hurri with the Hippo Kick. Trish though only got a 2, and in her anger she knocked the referee out with a Hippo Kick. Trish decided to try and cheat to win, as she grabbed a chair. But before she could use it, Ingis Fatuus ran in to save his friend, and drilled Trish with the Twist of Faith onto the chair. Hurri then covered Trish, and got the slow 1-2-3.

Winner: Hurri B. Cane via stereotypical "heel tries for weapon but face saves the day" routine.

GI Bro was backstage, and demanded to Teddy Long that he should have a revenge match against E at Backlash. Long agreed, only if he could beat Adam Bomb-Snitsky in a match, next.

Match 2: Match Making Match

If GI Bro wins, he can fight E at Backlash

Adam Bomb-Snitsky V GI Bro

Adam Bomb-Snitsky was having trouble getting to the ring in his crazy ring attire, allowing GI Bro to quickly nail the Scissor Kick as Adam B-S struggled to get in the ring. GI Bro then gave Adam B-S the Houston Hangover, and covered Adam for the easy and quick pin. After the match though, E ran in and locked in the E=MC2 on Bro! Bro tapped out, but E refused to let go. Adam B-S got up, and angrily gave Bro the Mushroom Cloud Slam in the middle of the ring. E and Adam B-S celebrated over the fallen Bro.

Winner: GI Bro via bad ring attire choice

Teddy Long was backstage with JHB and Christian. They demanded their entry into the Battle Royal at Backlash. Long agreed their entry if they won their match tonight. Meanwhile, he announced the next match was "No Charisma" John Cena taking on Chris Benoit, with the winner getting a shot in the Battle Royal.

Match 3: Battle Royal Entry Match

"No Charisma" John Cena V Chris Benoit

Cena used his biggest weapon before the match - his charismatic-free interviews! Benoit though is used to them, as he is the master of them. After tricking Cena into making him think he was asleep, Benoit reversed the F-U into a Crippler Crossface. At the same time though, Benoit began touching Cena up. Cena quickly tapped out, if anything to get Benoit off him. Benoit though kept the hold locked in after the match, forcing road agents to come to the ring.

Winner: Chris Benoit via feeling Cena up.

MAIN EVENT: 6-Man Tag

If JHB & Christian win, they are entered into the Battle Royal at Backlash

JHB, Christian & E V Evad Sullivan, Kamatista & Randy Notro

E never made it to the ring, as GI Bro assaulted him from behind for some revenge before Backlash. Leaving JHB & Christian in a 2 on 3 situation, the heels had a tough time getting through the match. Kamatista though left ringside when Sadamm appeared on the titantron, threatening to blow up Kama's paint sets. When the referee got knocked out (someone needs to train these refs), White Bunny appeared from the crowd. Smashing Notro with a chair, it was an easy set up for the Clothesline from Texas. Christian woke up the ref while he held Evad Sullivan back from getting in the ring. JHB got the 3 count, and he slid out of the ring along with Christian. But the two of them had the fright of their life when the lights went out and Undertaker's music hit. Taker didn't appear though, but the two were lift worried on the ramp, as Smackdown went off the air.

Current Backlash Card

RAW MAIN EVENT

World Heavyweight Title, Hell In A Cell Match

"Mr. Hell In A Cell" Kurt Angle V The Government

SMACKDOWN MAIN EVENT

WWE Title, 6 Man Battle Royal

Kamatista V Evad Sullivan V Chris Benoit V JHB V Christian V ????

INTERPROMOTIONAL MATCH

No DQ

Randy Notro (SD) V White Bunny (RAW)

UNDISPUTED INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Shaniqua V Christmas Kane, DDS (Should they retain the title until Backlash)

REVENGE MATCH

E V GI Bro

[Scott McFly]

Oh my God, I love this diary! It's like organised chaos - there is just so much crackpot stuff goin on, but you're still making intriguing storylines out of it, it's very strange! Too many good bits to mention, but bits that had me laughing in the last couple of shows:

Kamatista comes out, and gives a promo about how he deserves a title shot if he beats Sadamm tonight. Vinnie Mac enters the ring and cracks his spine in 5 places.

[Katsuya]

Heat & Velocity Short Results

VELOCITY

Ingis Fatuus def. Danny Basham

Sadamm Hussein drew Christy Hemme (Both broke a fingernail)

Heidenreich & Adam-Bomb Snitsky def. The Dyslexic Duo (White Bunny attacked Notro) - Heidenreich & Adam B-S are entered into the Tag Title Match at Backlash

HEAT

Naked Viscera def. Kenzo Suzuki

Shelton Benjamin def. Doug Basham

Eddie Guerrero & Chris Jericho def. The Religious Boys - Guerrero & Jericho are entered into the Tag Title Match at Backlash

WWE RAW

Match 1: Shaniqua w/ Christmas Kane, DDS V Lita, WWE Intercontinental Title

RAW opened up with Shaniqua taking on fellow Diva (is Shaniqua a woman? I don't know) Lita. With Lita unable to SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWW Shaniqua (I think, anyway....), Shaniqua dominated the match. The end was quick and brutal, as Shaniqua gave Lita a Piledriver, followed by a Powerbomb from the apron to the outside. Shaniqua turned her back on Lita, believing she would be counted out. CKDDS though had other ideas, and threw his wife (Or ex-wife, who knows?) back in the ring. Shaniqua looked at Lita, then at CKDDS who shrugged his shoulders. Shaniqua proceeded to give Lita a Death Valley Driver, and covered her for the pin. CKDDS walked off even before the 3, and took the IC Title with him.

Winner: Shaniqua via She-Man Muscles

Backstage, Kurt Angle was in Eric Bischoff's office. The Hell In A Cell was by the side of the office, and Angle was telling Bischoff how he would beat The Government at Backlash. Bischoff seemed unsure though, and had the idea of putting HHH or Shawn Michaels in the match, if only to help Angle. Angle became amazingly angry, and said he would take on anyone in the First Ever "Mr Hell In The Cell" Hell In The Cell Invitational Match, right now!

Match 2: Hell In The Cell Invitational Match

Kurt Angle V ????

Angle came out, and began fitting the Cell, when Shawn Michaels' Music Hit. "Mr. Barbershop's Window's" ran to the ring with a window, as Angle looked terrified. He jumped onto the top of the cell, and began running round the ring, with Michaels following. Angle jumped out of the ring, and immediately rolled under the cell. Michaels followed, and eventually both men got to the outside of the ring. Suddenly, as Michaels began to catch up with Angle, HHH sprung from under the apron (with Muffy & Ric Flair), and nailed MBW,HBK with a Sledgehammer shot, followed by nailing HBK with his own Barbershop's Window. HHH threw HBK onto the top of the cell, and Angle gave HBK the Angle Slam THREW THE CELL! MAH GAWD! Wait....JR's not on commenatary more, it's Oklahoma. MOH GARD! Angle covered HBK, gaining revenge for Wrestlemania.

Winner: "Mr. Hell In The Cell" Kurt Angle via HHH's interference

Eddie Guerrero and Chris Jericho were backstage with Eric Bischoff. Bischoff was motivating both men for their Tag Title Match at Backlash, telling them if they won then not only would it give RAW the advantage over Smackdown, he would give both of them IC Title Shots the next night on RAW. Bischoff also announced that HBK and HHH would fight at Backlash in a "Barbershop Hell" Match.

White Bunny was talking to Naked Viscera & Mideon. He told them that he had convinced Teddy Long to give them a match on Smackdown against Randy Notro and Evad Sullivan. Bunny promised both men a large amount of money if they took Notro out for Backlash. Coach then ran upto Bunny, and told him that he had a match against a famous movie star next. Bunny looked amused, before ripping off Coach's head

Match 3:

White Bunny V "Famous Movie Star"

Bunny came out for the match, and waited in the ring for his opponent to come out. No one did appear though for about 10 seconds, and the referee was about to rule Bunny the winner when...

"I AM A REAL AMERICAN"

Bunny looks terrified at the fact Hulk Hogan is coming to the ring....but he isn't. Instead, the same "Hulk Hogan Returns.....Soon" message came up. But more was added at the end, "But until then, I've set an old enemy of mine to fight you Bunny." The Theme Music for "No Holds Barred" begins to play, and ZEUS returns to the ring! Zeus charged at Bunny as soon as he gets into the ring, and tries stomping on the little monster. Bunny though dodged the shot, and bit off Zeus' finger. Zeus began to break down in tears, when Bunny offered a peace truce - he wouldn't rip off Zeus' head if he laid down for Bunny. Zeus obligied - and Bunny ripped off Zeus' head for fun anyway. EVIIIIIIIL BUNNY~! 1,2,3, it's over.

Winner: White Bunny by Zeus' idiocy. NEVER TRUST A CUTE WHITE BUNNY!

Rob Bartlett and Oklahoma ran down the list of RAW Matches at Backlash - Kurt Angle V The Government in a Hell In The Cell, HHH & HBK in a "Barbershop's Hell" match, and Kane V Shaniqua in an Undisputed Intercontinental Title match, before announcing the Main Event - Kane defending the IC Title against Edge!

MAIN EVENT: IC Title Match

Christmas Kane, DDS V "No More Hunch" Edge

CKDDS came out with Shaniqua nowhere to be seen. Edge came out, sans his Hunchback (which was popped by Jericho, remember). Edge was wary of getting too close to CKDDS, as he remembered getting impaled at WM21. CKDDS continually tried to grab hold of Edge, but Edge ducked out of the way and nailed shots to CKDDS' unprotected back. A dropkick knocked CKDDS into the turnbuckle, and as he walked backwards, Edge rolled him up and nearly got the 3 count. Shaniqua suddenly appeared, just as Edge was about to lock in the Edgeucator. She clocked Edge with the IC Title Belt, causing the DQ, but allowing Shaniqua & CKDDS to retain the IC Title. But CKDDS looked annoyed Shaniqua had helped him, and he gave shim a massive chokeslam as RAW went off the air.

Don't ask me why, but I don't think this is as good as the last few ones. Maybe I'm wrong. Smackdown'll be up tommorow probably.

[Katsuya]

Smackdown - 1 More before Backlash!

Teddy Long opened up by saying that the Main Event tonight would see Rey Maskless-terio, the She Hop Hippo Trish Stratus, Undertaker and Ingis Fatuus fight each other, with the winner getting the last spot in the 6 Man Battle Royal. Long also mentioned the Naked Viscera & Mideon V Dyslexic Duo Interpromotional match later on.

Match 1:

E&C V Hurri B. Cane & GI Bro

Hurri & Bro did the "Hurri, Hurri, Hurri" to the ring, as the fans either clapped or did the same. E&C came out, and immediately E & and Bro began to brawl outside of the ring, eventually moving into the crowd. This left Hurri B. & Christian fighting what was essentially a singles match in the ring. Christian took advantage at the end of the match, and went for a crossbody off the top. Hurri B. caught him though, only for Christian to nail a sneaky low blow, followed up by the Unprettier. Hurri B couldn't do anything, and Christian won the match.

Winner: Christian via a low blow.

Heidenreich and Adam Bomb-Snitsky were backstage, and discussing what they would do at Backlash. Teddy Long walked upto them, and reminded them not to do anything stupid in the match which would get them disqualified. They said they wouldn't, and told Teddy they were going to help Smackdown make an impact. As Teddy walked away, Heidenreich said "I Like Your Shoes, Teddy", causingthe GM to run away very quickly.

Match 2:

Kamatista & ???? V JHB & ????

JHB came out first, and introduced his tag partner.....FAROOQ! The APA are back! Kama then came out, and waited on the ramp for his partner, as the APA watched from in the ring. Kama began to make his way down to the ring after no one came out, when.....

"I AM A REAL AMERICAN"

The crowd popped as Hulk's music began to play. But again, it was only a promo. Kama got into the ring, and immediately the APA began to attack him, when

"I AM A REAL AMERICAN"

Real American played for the second time, but the APA took no notice - until HULK HOGAN CAME OUT! HULKAMANIA LIVES! Hulk ran to the ring, and drilled Farooq with the Big Boot, as Kama got back up and gave JHB the KamaSpine Buster. Hulk then ran into the ropes, and gave JHB the Leg Drop, before rolling over and getting the pin!

Winners: Kamatista & Hulk Hogan via Hulk Hogan

Match 3: Interpromotional Tag Match

The Streakers V The Dyslexic Duo

Naked Viscera and Randy Notro started the match off, and Vis immediately tried to squash Notro. Notro though continually moved out of the way whenever Vis managed to knock him to the floor. Vis and Mideon managed to isolate Notro in their corner though, and double teamed him. Evenutally Notro managed to fight back, and took down Mideon in the middle of the ring with the OKR. Instead of going for the cover, Notro went over to tag in Evad Sullivan, and did so. Evad charged into the ring as Mideon tagged in Vis. Evad in an amazing show of strength tackled Vis, and took the big man down!

Evad then lifted Vis up, and somehow managed to deliver the Dyslexic Driller. Notro clotheslined Mideon over the top rope, as Evad got the pinfall and the victory. After the match though, Heidenreich and Adam Bomb-Snitsky ran down. They lifted Mideon up, and gave him a Double Powerbomb onto the Guard Rail!

Winners: The Dyslexic Duo via "face gets tagged in and clears house" routine.

We cut backstage, where we see the APA being held back from brawling with Kamatista and Hulk Hogan. Teddy Long steps in between the two brawling teams, and announces that at Backlash, the last match to be added to the card is Hulk Hogan taking on Farooq! The two teams seemed happy with the conclusion, as we go to the Main Event.

MAIN EVENT: Battle Royal Entry Battle Royal Match

Rey Maskless-terio V She Hop Hippo Trish Stratus V Undertaker V Ingis Fatuus

Undertaker struggled to get down to the ring, as he drank from his Jack Daniels bottle. Trish tried to take advantage of this by going for the Hippo Kick early on, but she knocked the bottl out of Taker's hand by accident. Taker was enraged by this, and he chokeslammed Trish. But before he got a chance to go for the cover, he passed out. Rey & Ingis meanwhile fought around the ring, with Rey managing to pin Ingis after the West Coast Pop. Trish though had got back up, and as Rey got off Ingis, she drilled him with the Hippo Kick and got the 3 count. Trish then went to cover Taker but he sat up! A Hippo Kick had no effect, as Taker staggered about, befoe giving Trish the Tombstone on the bottle - 1,2,3 and it's over.

Winner: Undertaker via Jack Daniel's.

Okay, good news people. My copy of Wrestlecrap has finally arrived, so I'm reading that and gonna try and modify a few gimmicks to work in the diary. But for now, I have a little competition. The winner gets to add a charachter of their choice into the diary (I can work with anyone. I mean, let's face it - I've got a rabbit and Sadamm Hussein in here). All you have to do to win is -

Create a 12 week storyline for the upcoming WWE Game, "WWE - Have You Got Tribal Skirts?" You can use anyone who has appeared AFTER the Draft, so basically everyone mentioned in said draft, as well as Zeus, Faarooq & Hulk. Basically, your storyline has to see your charachter (anyone in the diary) start in April and go onto the end of June, where the PPV will be (Diary Spoiler) - King Of The Ring. Yep, KoTR is back. Now, at KoTR your wrestler can either be in the World Title Match or in the KoTR Final, but it must be one of them.

The winner is the one who actually has a storyline, but at the same time has the same type of style as the diary itself (in other words, absolute garbage). A winner will be declared on Thursday 21st April, but if you are busy and can't make the deadline, PM me and I'll do what I can.

[Katsuya]

WWE RAW

Subtitle: Give 2 religious brothers a World Heavyweight Title Shot

Eric Bischoff came out, and said if Smackdown was going to have a Battle Royal at Backlash, RAW would have one right now - a Hardcore Battle Royal, as Bischoff brought the Hardcore Title back!

MATCH 1: Hardcore Title Battle Royal

Doug Bahsam V Lita V Al Wilson V Edge V Kenzo Suzuki V Zeus

Doug was eliminated first because...we, he's a jobber isn't he! Al was next to go when Lita SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEEDDDD him to death, while Edge let Kenzo and Zeus fight it out. The two men traded headbutts, with Zeus coming out on top. Edge then went to spear Kenzo, but Kenzo moved at the last minute, sending Edge straight to the outside. Zeus nearly fell victim to a SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWIIIINNNNGGGG from Lita, but Kenzo grabbed Lita before she could and gave her the weird takedown thing to eliminate her. Zeus gave the rising Kenzo a powerbomb to eliminate him, but as soon as he turned around fell victim to a spear from Edge! Edge covered Zeus, and became the first ever new Hardcore Champion. Suddenly Doug Basham rolled up Edge, and got the victory by the 24/7 rules. Doug began to run up the ramp, when a fan jumped the rail and knocked Doug down, before getting the pinfall. WAIT - that's not a fan. It's ROB VAN DAM! RVD ran away with the title, as Edge, Doug, Lita, Kenzo & Zeus followed.

Winner: RVD via disguise. RVD is the NEW Hardcore Champion

In Bischoff's office, the Religious Boys were complaining about not representing RAW at Backlash in the Tag Match. Bischoff reminded them they lost to Eddie and Jericho on HeAT, but said they could still be at Backlash, because in tonight's Main Event, it's the Religious Boys against The Government in a 2 on 1 / 2 on 3 Handicap World Heavyweight Title Match. The Religious Boys look happy, as in the background RVD is still running, with Edge closest behind, Doug next, Kenzo 3rd and Lita & Zeus trailing (due to fat and high heels respectively).

Match 2: Singles Match

Shelton Benjamin V White Bunny

Shelton looked to try and give his flailing career a Kick Start by defeating Bunny. Bunny though stopped Shelton from attacking by continually going to bite off his hand. Suddenly, Randy Notro's music hit and he came out on the entrance ramp. Bunny was distracted enough for Shelton to grab him and deliver the That's Mister EXL00D3R~!"%^ for the win. Shelton go out of the ring quickly before the very angry Bunny could attack him. Randy smiled, before going backstage.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin via Randy Notro's distraction and the That's Mister EXL00D3R~!"%^

Cut to the Parking Lot, where we now see RVD being chased by (In Order) Edge, Coach, Naked Mideon, Doug, Kenzo, Shaniqua, Christmas Kane, DDS, Naked Viscera, Lita & Zeus

That female interviewer who Trish beat up a few weeks ago was backstage with Shawn Michaels. He smashes a Barbershop's Window over her heard, before taking the microphone off her. He said that the Barbershop's Hell Matches rules were:

1. Only Barbershop's Windows, Scissors and Shavers are allowed to be used for weapons.

2. The first person to get a ladder, climb it and take the Barbershop's Sign down from the rafters wins.

3. Muffy & Ric Flair are BANNED from ringside

Michaels then left, not before hitting that interviewer with another window as she got up. She then started screaming poorly again.

MAIN EVENT: World Heavyweight Title Match

The Government © V The Religious Boys

All 3 members of the Government come out, defenitely making it a 3 on 2 encounter. The Religious Boys quickly eliminated Repo Man with the 12D, but ran into trouble as every time they tried to pin either IRS or Sarge, the other member of the opposing team would run in and interfere. Things took an even worse turn when IRS tackled Verger to the outside while Sarge rolled up D-Von, grabbing D-Von's collar for leverage. Suddenly, RVD ran out and into the ring. D-Von had got back up, and immediately gave the tired RVD the Saving Grace, before covering him for the Hardcore Title!

WINNER: Reverand D-Von is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Coach staggered to the ring, as Sarge realised what was going on and locked D-Von in the Sleeper. Coach attacked Sarge though, as IRS got in the ring. The ref called for a DQ because Coach attacked Sarge, only for IRS to throw Coach into him. Naked Mideon then came out, and while Sarge & IRS attacked Coach, he gave the woozied D-Von a powerslam and got the pinfall, as Edge and Kenzo came out.

WINNER: Naked Mideon is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Edge ran in and speared the hell out of Mideon, only for Kenzo to grab him and give him the weird takedown thing. Sarge, mistakingly believing Kenzo is the HC Champion locks in the sleeper, as Kenzo begins to stagger. The dual IC Champions then come out, and begin brawling with Edge, Kenzo, Sarge & IRS. In all the confusion, Verger Ray gets back in the ring, smashes Mideon with a Moses Bomb and covers to win the title.

WINNER: Verger Ray Dudley is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Vis, Lita and Zeus finally make their way to the ring, with White Bunny, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin and Eric Bischoff after them. A huge 21 Person Brawl erupts, as RVD smashes Verger with a Van Daminator to the outside. Edge dives ontop of Verger before RVD can though, and gets the cover.

WINNER: Edge is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Eddie Guerrero then dived on top of Edge with a crossbody, only for RVD to nail both with a Split Legged Moonsault. RVD was too winded to cover though, allowing Zeus to get the pinfall!

WINNER: Zeus is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Zeus' reign was short lived though, as Chris Jericho gave him the Lionsault from in the ring. Jericho though, obviously concerned he had hurt Zeus began to give him Mouth to Mouth ressucitation. Coach meanwhile grabbed a chair and smashes Jericho with it, as well as Zeus. Coach then covered Zeus!

WINNER: Coach is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Coach began to run up the ramp, when Naked Mideon came out of nowhere and tackled him on the steel. Mideon then covered Coach to win the Title again!

WINNER: Naked Mideon is the NEW Hardcore Champion

Mideon then ran up the ramp and out of sight, as everyone else left standing began to run after him. RAW went off the air as the camera looked at all the fallen people on the outside.

[Katsuya]

PREDICTIONS:

RAW MAIN EVENT

World Heavyweight Title, Hell In A Cell Match

"Mr. Hell In A Cell" Kurt Angle V The Government

SMACKDOWN MAIN EVENT

WWE Title, 6 Man Battle Royal

Kamatista V Evad Sullivan V Chris Benoit V JHB V Christian V Undertaker

INTERPROMOTIONAL MATCH

No DQ

Randy Notro (SD) V White Bunny (RAW)

UNDISPUTED INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Shaniqua V Christmas Kane, DDS

REVENGE MATCH

E V GI Bro

BARBERSHOP'S HELL MATCH

1 - Only Ladders, Windows, Scissors & Shavers are allowed as weapons.

2 - Muffy & Ric Flair are banned from ringside

3 - The first person to get a ladder, climb it and take the Barbershop's Sign down from the rafters wins.

"Mr. Barbershop's Windows" Shawn Michaels V HHH

UNDISPUTED TAG TITLE MATCH

Heidenreich & Adam Bomb-Snitsky (SD) V "No Change" Eddie Guerrero & "***" Chris Jericho (RAW)

Farooq V Hulk Hogan

[Mr Muggy]

This diary is true greatness.

[Besmirched Tea]

Viscera runs down to the ring, and tells Lita to bring it on. Oh my god, Lita REEEEFFFFUUUUSSSSEEEESSSS to SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWW Viscera!

Edited April 19, 2005 by Besmirched Tea

[Katsuya]

Viscera runs down to the ring, and tells Lita to bring it on. Oh my god, Lita REEEEFFFFUUUUSSSSEEEESSSS to SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWW Viscera!

SCCCRRREEEWWWW the naysayers... This diary is friggin funny!

One thing though: On the Raw battle royal for the IC championship which was tied by XmasKaneDDS and Shaniqua, Al Wilson was chokeslammed but not tossed out of the ring! Even though he was out cold, I believe he is technically the winner, since everyone else got eliminated over the top rope.

Oh, and the dyslexics should probably Untie, not Unite.

←

A chokeslam knocked out poor Al, allowing CKDDS to add one final insult before tossing Al from the ring - a stabbing with the Dentist's Drill.

[RPS]

This is a great, great, great diary. Fuck whatever people say about it, because they are fucking losers anyways.

I don't think I have laughed any harder than when The Government became the World Champion, and subsequently, George Bush putting forth three opponents.

[Guest We Are Robots]

Best. Diary. Ever. I mark out hard for this.