The WWE but....well...not the WWE!

[RawisJericho]

Just came across your diary, I think I might have to set up camp here. I love it!

[Katsuya]

WWE Smackdown - Now with 30% more Shoes & Tribal Skirts!

Hulk Hogan came out to start the show off, getting a good reaction. He announced that he was setting down a Gauntlet for any 4 Smackdown Supserstars to answer. The Iraqi National Anthem began to play, and Sadamm walked out

Match 1: Gauntlet Match

Hulk Hogan V Sadamm Hussein

Big Boot, Leg Drop, 1-2-3. What a surprise?

Winner: Hulk Hogan via Hulk Hogan-ness

Match 2: Gauntlet Match

Hulk Hogan V "Screamin'" Christy Hemme

Big Boot, AAARGH!, Leg Drop, AAARGH!, 1-2-3. Just 2 more wins and Hogan can class himself "God" in his view.

Winner: Hulk Hogan, because Hulk Hogan has to win.

Match 3: Gauntlet Match

Hulk Hogan V Danny Basham

Big Boot, 1-2-3. Danny = Jobber. Jobbers = 1 Move From Hogan to Lose

Winner: Hulk Hogan. *Yawn*

Match 4: Gauntlet Match

Hulk Hogan V "No Charisma" John Cena

Finally, maybe someone who can stand up to Hogan. Cena grabs a mic, and begins to give one of his trademark "killer" interviews. Hogan begins to get woozy...he'd fallen to one knee! Cena throws the mic down, and lifts Hogan up for the F-WTLA (What's that letter again). Cena slams Hogan down, but Hogan springs right back up, making everyone who sold that move look like idiots - it's Vader all over again. Big Boot, Leg Drop, 1-2-3.

Winner: Do I Need To Tell You?

Match 5: Gauntlet Match

Hulk Hogan...what the?

Hogan suddenly rips off his bandana to reveal a halo, as angelic wings appear on his back. His pants also turn a godly white, as he finally transforms into God. Adam Bomb-Snitsky and Heidenreich run out though, and attempt to double team God, only for both to end up on the receiving end of a Big Boot. God gets ready for a double Leg Drop, only for JHB to run out and distract the referee. This allows Farooq to run out and smash God with a chair to the back, sending the big man down, allowing Adam B-S to roll over to get the victory

Winner: THANK YOU....Ummm....Satan? Adam Bomb-Snitsky wins via Farooq & JHB interference

With that finally over, we go backstage to see Teddy Long talking to Randy Notro. Long says he has security guards covering the whole building to make sure Bunny doesn't get in to interfere with the Main Event - Notro V Christian. Notro thanked Long, and then went out to support his partner Evad in his match with the She Hop Hippo herself, Trish Stratus.

Match 6:

Evad Sullivan w/ Randy Notro V She Hop Hippo Trish Stratus

Evad and Trish put on a good match for all of 3 seconds before things got out of hand. Notro ran over to a member of the crowd and gave them the OKR. The referee bailed out of the ring and grabbed Notro. Notro though kicked the fan's hat off to reveal it was a Near-Naked Mideon! With the referee down in the ring though, it allowed Christian & E to run down. E gave Notro a cross body, taking both men out for the moment. Christian and Evad began brawling, with Trish quickly teaming up with Christian. Chris Benoit ran down to even out the teams, with him working on Christian in particular. JHB ran out and went to get in the ring when the lights cut out. The reving of a bike was heard, and the lights cut on to reveal The American Drunk Deadman himself, The Undertaker! He drove down to the ring on the bike, with a massive chain in tow. He threw the chain into the ring, and effectively lassoo'd Trish, Evad, Benoit & Christian. Taker then began to circle round the ring, dragging all 4 of them with him. The referee had enough, and made the match a No Contest. E got up meanwhile, and grabbed Mideon before planting him with the LMNOP. E then covered Mideon, and won RAW's Hardcore Title!

Winner: E is the NEW Hardcore Champion. Screw the real match.

Teddy Long had managed to get Undertaker to stop the bike backstage, mainly by threatening to burn all of Taker's liquor. Christian meanwhile tried to get Long to change the Main Event because he was in pain. Long reminded Christian that he had won the Money In The Bank match despite bleeding from a drill wound. Christian suddenly perked up, and started mumbling about his victory at WM21. Christian eventually manged to get Long to change the Main Event to Notro & Kamatista V "E"&C

MAIN EVENT: Kamatista & Randy Notro V "E"&C

Kama and Christian started off, while Notro and E continued their brawl on the outside. Eventually E took out Notro with the HC Title Belt while the referee wasn't looking, and got on the apron in time to receive the tag from Christian. With the match now virtually a handicap match against former Tag Champs, Kama seemed to be in trouble. He managed to hold his own for a few minutes, but the double team took it's toll, allowing Chrisitan to deliver the Unprettier (as if he was pretty to start with). A busted open Notro got back in the ring somehow to break up the count, bringing E into the ring. Notro though sprang up and dellird E with the OKR, before rolling onto E, trying to win the HC title. Christian had other plans, and grabbed Notro, throwing him out of the ring. Kama though had got back up, and gave Christian the thumbs down as he turned round. One Kamatista Bomb later, and it was over.

WINNER: Kamatista & (To Some Extent) Randy Notro via the Kamatista Bomb.

JHB ran out again, and went to get in the ring, but stopped at the apron and stared Kama down. Benoit then came down, but only walked to the end of the ramp. Evad reappeared, and he got halfway down the ramp before stopping. Undertaker eventually come out, but he fell down at the top of the ramp. Christian got up on the outside against the guard rail, as 5 of the 6 competitors in the WWE Title match stared each other down as Smackdown went off the air

[Katsuya]

The winner of the competition, after much delibiration is....

*DRUMROLL*

BESMIRCHED TEA! BT's charachter will be appearing shortly. Tommorow, I;ll be posting a roster etc. with little notes on what each wrestler's being doing.

BACKLASH WEEKEND:

SATURDAY:

God Vs Faarooq

WWE Tag Team Titles:

We Like Your Shoes V "No Change" Eddie Guerrero & "Gay" Chris Jericho

WWE HC Title Grudge Match:

E © V GI Bro - No one can go for the title 24/7 until the match is over

Barbershop's Hell Match:

Shawn Michaels V HHH w/o Muffy & Ric Flair

SUNDAY:

RAW MAIN EVENT

World Heavyweight Title, Hell In A Cell Match

"Mr. Hell In A Cell" Kurt Angle V The Government

SMACKDOWN MAIN EVENT

WWE Title, 6 Man Battle Royal

Kamatista V Evad Sullivan V Chris Benoit V JHB V Christian V Undertaker

INTERPROMOTIONAL MATCH

No DQ

Randy Notro (SD) V White Bunny (RAW)

UNDISPUTED INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Shaniqua V Christmas Kane, DDS

Other little bits and pieces will go up over the weekend too.

[Jack Krauser III]

This diary is just too fucking awesome. Naked Viscera, Christmas Kane, I'm just loving this too damn much. Vince should take a look at this diary to see how his company should be run.

Okay, maybe not. Either way, this diary is so bad it's great. Continue writing damn you!

[RPS]

Hogan turning into God had me in stitches. People will say this will get old, but to them I say shut the fuck up. This will never get old, unless of course THE SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEERRRR, Lita disapperas.

[Katsuya]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR GETTING THIS TO 1,000+ VIEWS!

Okay, I'll go into detail for nearly all the RAW Superstars tonight (for example, jobbers won't really get a note, just noted as being there), and SD tommorow

RAW SUPERSTARS

"Mr Hell In A Cell" Kurt Angle

- Angle has certainly been fighting alot so far, mainly in Hell In A Cell matches. Kurt though has built his own Hell In A Cell, which is basically a large carboard sheet which has slowly been adapted to rest just below the top rope. Kurt lost at WM21 to Shawn Michaels, but has slowly worked his way up the rankings on RAW, and is scheduled to fight the Government in a HIAC match at Backlash.

The Government - World Heavyweight Champions

- The Government consists of Repo Man, Sargeant Slaughter and IRS. IRS turned up on the first RAW of the new era, and while HHH, Muffy & Ric Flair argues over who was HHH's manager, he walked off with the belt, declaring it "Government Property". They beat Kamatista at WM21 with help from Sadamm Hussein, and so far have dominated the scene on RAW, but the question remains - can they beat Kurt Angle at Backlash, in Angle's home of the HIAC?

"Mr. Barbershop's Windows" Shawn Michaels

- HBK has developed a love for the weapon he used so many years ago on Marty Jannetty. His victims are numerous, including Kurt Angle, Jannetty (again), Al Wilson and that interviewer on RAW who was famous for getting attacked by Trish. His rivalry with HHH has been refuelled after HHH nailed him with a Sledgehammer during a match with Kurt Angle on RAW. The two are scheduled to meet in the Barbershop's Hell match at Backlash.

HHH (w/ Muffy & Ric Flair)

- HHH was pushed into the backseat at WM21 after Muffy & Ric Flair cost him the World Heavyweight Title the week before on RAW. Eventually the two managers decided they would both manager HHH, allowing him to temporarily win the WWE Title, before he was drafted back to RAW. So far he's stayed in the background (thank god) although he's recently been at it again with Shawn Michaels, leading to the first ever Barbershop's Hell match.

The SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEERRRR, Lita

- Lita has found her deadliest weapon yet, which she has used to defeat her opponents, or at least do alot of damage - her ability to SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWW EVVVVEEEERRRRYYYYOOOONNNNEEEE! After costing her former husband CKDDS and her former lover Edge the Money In The Bank match, Lita was recently involved in the wild brawl for the HC Title on RAW, participating in the Battle Royal at the start of the show.

Christmas Kane, DDS - Joint WWE Intercontinental Champion

- Bringing momentum into the Money In The Bank Match, having beaten Kamatista in the RAW Main Event, CKDDS looked set to win, having incarcirated Shelton Benjamin and eventual winner Chrisitan. Lita cost him the match though, but he bounced back 2 weeks later on RAW, eliminating 6 men in the IC Title Battle Royal (although his pyro actually eliminated 4 of them). The ending was slightly controversial though, as both Shaniqua and CKDDS hit the floor at the same time. Both were named IC Champion, with an Undisputed Champion to be decided at Backlash

Shaniqua - Joint WWE Intercontinetal Champion

- Shaniqua returned on the first edition of Smackdown, single handedly defeating both the Religious Boys and The Bashams. She then nearly eliminated the Streakers in the "Who's the Daddy Battle Royal" match at WM21, but was distacted long enough by the Bashams to get eliminated. She then went on to win the IC Title Battle Royal with CKDDS, with a champion being fully decided at Backlash in a singles match.

White Bunny

- Fresh from another stay in rehab, Bunny has been fueding with Randy Notro for quite some time. Having ripped off Notro's head numerous times, most notably costing him his match at WM21 against Undertaker, Notro challenged Bunny to a No DQ match at Backlash. Bunny accepted, and later tried to get the Streakers to take Notro out before Backlash, but had that plan failed. Meanwhile, both....animals have interfered with each other's matches on their respective shows, adding the fuel to the fire of this fued.

Al Wilson

- Al returned on Smackdown before WM21, and with John Cena losing all his charisma, Teddy Long put Al in the WWE Title Match. Al defeated JHB to win his first ever title, only to be defeated 20 minutes later by HHH (who spent 19 minutes with a promo). Al has since been on RAW, where he has been on a losing streak somewhat, having lost in the IC Title Match and also the HC Battle Royal.

"No Hunch" Edge

- Edge's hunchback was mysteriously popped by Chris Jericho during the IC Title Battle Royal. He continued during the match though, showing no signs of being in any pain that a major part of his back was lost. He is also now a 2 time Hardcore Champion, winning the Battle Royal (only to lose to RVD) and then defeating Verger Ray during the Roster-Wide brawl. He's also had shots at the IC Title, and certainly looks ready to go the next step.

Rob Van Dam

- Although he's still not medically cleared to wrestle full time, RVD made his return to RAW after the Hardcore Battle Royal. Attacking Edge, and then pinning him to become champion, RVD held onto the title for most of the night, despite nearly all the RAW locker room chasing after him (although to be fair, do you expect Viscera, Flair, Muffy, Lita, Al, Zeus to catch up with him?). Confirmed recently was his entry into the King of The Ring, making him the first man entered.

OTHERS:

Doug Basham

Kenzo Suzuki

Zeus

Shelton Benjamin

TAG TEAMS

The Streakers - Naked Mideon & Naked Viscera

- The Streakers made their debut at WM21, with Viscera winning the Who's The Daddy Battle Royal match. Since then, they've dominated the RAW Tag Team Scene, although they were drafted in by Bunny to fight the Dyslexic Duo on Smackdown, meaning they couldn't get a shot at the Tag Titles at Backlash. But with the power of grossness, as well as Viscera's weight and Mideon's...Mideonism, they are certainly going to be contender's for the titles.

The Religious Boys - Reverand D-Von & Verger Ray Dudley

- The Religious Boys changed their ways from hitting people with tables, and decided to actually put people through Holy tables. They took John Cena out, and very nearly won the World Heavyweight Title from the Government last week on RAW in a 3 on 2 handicap match (and possibly could have, if the roster hadn't decided to interfere for the HC Title). They also are surely in line for the Tag Titles, and they'll have you know that the 12D's is the holiest move ever.

"No Change" Eddie Guerrero & "Gay" Chris Jericho

- When Jericho lost his partner (in more than one way) Chris Benoit, he needed someone to team with. Step in Eddie Guerrero, the only person not to be effected the change up. The team has worked so far, with Jericho only interfering (again, more than one way of looking at that) with his opponent's, and not Guerrero. The duo are shaking the scene up on the RAW Tag Division, and have earned themselves a Tag Title Shot at Backlash.

This took me an hour and a half. That's how much I care about you people. Read it or die.

[Katsuya]

SMACKDOWN SUPERSTARS

Justin Hawk Bradshaw, JHB

- Since losing the WWE Title to Al Wilson at WM21, JHB has been on a mission to get it back. He was entered into the 6 Man Battle Royal match after White Bunny hit Randy Notro with a chair, allowing JHB to nail the Clothesline From Texas. Since then, JHB has brought back his friend Faarooq, only for the team to lose to Kamatista & Hulk Hogan. JHB has seemingly been waiting to try and get his hands on Kamatista since then, but seems to be developing a fear of doing so - something he'll need to get rid of before Backlash.

Kamatista

- Kama had the worst of luck at WM21. He was just 3 seconds away from winning the World Heavyweight Title, but Sadamm Hussein cost him the match. After demolishing Sadamm on the Draft edition of Smackdown, Kama was entered into the WWE Title Battle Royal. He's defeated JHB, Faarooq and most recently "E"&C, and there seems to be no stopping the monster that is Kamatista.

God

- The Artist Formerly Known As Hulk Hogan, God turned into his new heavenly form on the last edition of Smackdown, having beaten 4 people in a row. God has been fighting with Faarooq as of lately, but has Faarooq gone too over his head - he had picked a fight with Hulk Hogan, not God. The two are scheduled to meet at Backlash, and you can be sure that the fans are going to be well behind God in this clash.

Randy Notro

- Notro revealed to the world that he had dyslexia on the first edition of RAW. It was also then that his war with White Bunny began, as Bunny tricked Notro to accompany to bring him down to the ring before ripping his head off. Notro went on to lose at WM21 thanks to Bunny, leading to Notro challenging Bunny to a No DQ match at Backlash. Even with the backing of the fans and his friend Evad, Notro is going to be the underdog in this match.

Chris Benoit

- After being drafted to Smackdown, and losing his partnership with Chris Jericho, Benoit has used his new found homosexuality as an offensive weapon, unlike Jericho. He's already booked his place in the Battle Royal at Backlash, after feeling John Cena up during the Crippler Crossface. Benoit is determnied as ever to win the WWE Title, an add it to his list of title belts - but will his new stlye cause him to lose touch with some of the fans (ya know, the homophobic ones.)

Christian

- Despite bleeding badly from a wound caused by Christmas Kane, Christian managed to be the sole survivor of the Money in the Bank ladder match. The next night, he teamed up with new found friend E to win the World Tag Titles. The team had their reign cut short though when they were both drafted to Smackdown. Since then, Christian has managed to get himself a WWE Title Shot in the Battle Royal, and is defenitely going to be one of Smackdown's Rising Stars of 2005.

"The American Drunkman" The Undertaker

- It's hard to tell what the Undertaker is at the present moment. He's still in his deadman attire, but now comes out on his Bike once again. He also seems to be developing a drinking problem, which has been troubling him somewhat. It's caused him to lose a Wrestlemania Rematch to Randy Notro, and he passed out in a match with Trish Stratus, Ingis Fatuus and Rey Maskless-terio. Taker though managed to win the 4 way match noted before, and is in the Battle Royal match at Backlash. The question is, will he even make it there in his current state?

E - WWE Hardcore Champion

- E debuted the night after Wrestlemania on RAW with his friend Christian. Although he fell victim to a Window shot from Shawn Michaels in a 4 Team Elimination match, Christian picked up the victory over Ricky Steamboat, making "E"&C the Tag Champions. The two though were drafted to Smackdown, and immediately E and GI Bro were at each other's throats. Nevertheless, thanks to Randy Notro taking out Naked Mideon, E manged to win the Hardcore Title, making the Bro V E match at Backlash a Hardcore Title match.

The She Hop Hippo, Trish Stratus

- Trish has certainly changed alot from her normal looks. She now weighs over 300 pounds, had larger muscles, a hell of alot of piercings and is bald. In fact, she looks like Albert more than anything. Trish demolished Christy Hemme at WM21, and since then has nearly beaten the Undertaker and Evad Sullivan. Trish's win-loss record might not look too good, but she is proving that she can certainly fight with the big guys.

GI Bro

- Formerly Booker T, Bro made his return to his military gimmick at Wrestlemania 21, but didn't compete in the Who's the Daddy match as planned. One of Smackdown's first drafts, Bro soon made an enemy in the form of E. The two men have yet to go one on one, but that will soon change as the two will fight at Backlash. Bro has nothing to lose, but alot to gain - mainly the Hardcore Title that's currently around E's waist.

"No Charisma" John Cena

- Cena's charisma has seemingly left him for good, as he's now delivering some of the worst interviews ever known to man. Even worse than THAT Jake Roberts promo. But his new found crapness is working for him, as he is able to use it against his opponent's, making them so bored thet are easy pray for the F-WTLA. Despite being kicked out of the WWE Title match at WM21, Cena is hoping to get back to his former self, even with this new burden on him.

Rey Maskless-terio

- Rey has ditched his mask, and he's looking to set the WWE on fire. The only real advantage of losing his mask so far though seems to be the fact he can see better. One of the disadvantages though has to be the problem of being able to lose in a First Blood match, although this predicament has not yet seemed to be a problem for Rey. But dispite all this, Rey is looking for his next big goal - the WWE Title. Surely it's not long before he gets his chance at infamy?

Faarooq

- Faarooq returned 2 weeks ago on Smackdown to be at his former partner JHB's side. The team lost their tag match though against Kamatista and Hulk Hogan simply because of Hogan. The two teams nearly came to blows again backstage, until Teddy Long broke them up by saying at Backlash we would see Hogan V Faarooq. This suited everyone, but with Hogan's transformation into God, has Faarooq bitten off more than he can chew - or is the first ever black WCW Champion going to walk away with the upset victory?

OTHERS:

Christy Hemme

Sadamm Hussein

Danny Basham

TAG TEAMS

We Like Your Shoes - Heidenreich & Adam Bomb-Snitsky

- These two behemoths are not the people you want to meet in a dark alley. You can ask Michael Cole why on his tour, advertising his new book "Heidenreich, Snitsky and Me". Sexual preferences aside, WLYS are a dominating force. Sorry, that's sexual preference again. Whatever they do in the personal time, WLYS are scheduled to meet Eddie Guerrero & Chris Jericho at Backlash for the Tag Titles. Will Heidenreich and Snitsky be enjoying a golden shower together? Damnit, sexual preferences AGAIN!

Team OMEGA - Hurri B. Cane & Ingis Fatuus

- Fan Favourites, Hurri B. Cane and Ingis are close friends since their times in Ingis' old promotion, OMEGA. It's easy to say then that the chemisty the two have is amazing, and it certainly is. Either by wowing the crowd with moves like the Twist of Faith or the Side Effect, or simply having a good time doing the Bird, Bird, Bird, Team OMEGA are lighting up the tag competition on Smackdown.

Edited April 23, 2005 by Katsuya

[Katsuya]

It's Saturday somwhere.

WWE Presents: Backlash

1st May 2005

MATCH 1: Undisputed WWE Tag Team Title Match

We Like Your Shoes V "No Change" Eddie Guerrero & "Gay" Chris Jericho

Backlash opened up with this explosive tag title match, with Eddie Guerrero & Snitsky locking up to start. The weight advantage of Snitsky helped him, as he managed to isolate Eddie in WLYS' corner. Both Heidenreich and Snitsky then worked over (Okay, no more near sexual preferences) Eddie, until the usual "face comes back and tags in partner who goes berserk" routine occured, as Jericho stormed the ring. He knocked Snitsky off the ring apron, before going to lock Heidenreich in the Walls Of Jericho. Snitsky got back in the ring as Jericho synched the hold in, but Guerrero ran in to stop him from interfering. While the other two men brawler, Jericho gave Heidenreich a bulldog and then ran into the ropes, looking to hit the Lionsault. Snitsky though threw Guerrero in the way of Jericho, and Jericho's knee clocked Guerrero, knocking him out. Snitsky then demolished Jericho with a Pumphandle Slam, and Heidenreich rolled over to get the victory.

WINNERS: We Like Your Shoes are the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions

Teddy Long and Eric Bischoff were in a skybox together, with Bischoff already in a bad mood because of Jericho and Guerrero's loss. Long said that at King of the Ring, Bischoff could put up any team against We Like Your Shoes to join a Smackdown team to be decided soon. Bischoff agreed to this, and said that RAW would walk out of King of the Ring with the titles AND the King of the Ring trophy itself. Long decided that it was the right time to announce Smackdown's First Entry into the KotR, none other then Randy Notro!

Match 2: Singles Match

God V Faarooq

"Real American" began to play throughout the arena...but it wasn't the normal Real American. No, instead the lyrics were being sung by a choir and the only instrument being played was a harp. The fans still cheered when God came out though, as he played to the crowd before flying down to the ring. Faarooq then walked out, looking nervous about the task ahead of him. As soon as he got in the ring though, he charged at God, and nailed vicious forearms and punches to his head and body in the corner. This continued for another 2 minutes, with God showing no signs of being in any pain. By this time, Faarooq was exhausted, and God simply pushed him backward, and Faarooq collapsed to the mat. God then began to fly to the top of the arena, before kamikaze diving to the floor. He changed from a head first dive right at the last minute though, instead delivering a leg drop from the top of the arena! Faarooq didn't move upon impact, as he seemed dead already. God got the pinfall, and the fans went wild. Suddenly, JHB's music began to play. JHB only proved to be a distraction though, as Satan rolled out from under the ring and attacked God, as we went to a KoTR promo

Winner: God via his ability to fly

Match 3: WWE Hardcore Title Grudge Match

E © V GI Bro

E was first out, but didn't even get to the ring as Bro attacked him from behind with a leather strap. Bro whipped E a few more times before the champion managed to get into the ring, only for Bro to continue the assault. E sneaked in a low blow however, and grabbed the belt off Bro. He then wrapped the belt round the throat of Bro, and went to throw Bro over the top rope to hang him. Bro though managed to get his foot caught in the ropes, but it only proved to be a temporary block, as E places his leg on the back of Bro, and began to pull back, choking Bro that way. Bro struggled to escape, and eventually did by kicking the rope with his free leg. He springboarded away and pulled on the belt, dragging E forward. Bro landed behind E, spun him roundna delivered the Book End! Bro covers, 1,2,

Oklahoma: Moh Gard, Not These Two!

"These Two" are actually Muhammad Hassan and Daivari! The two run into the ring, and break up the pin. Hassan gives Bro a massive STO, and throws E over Bro. E gets the pinfall, but Hassan then walks over to E and locks in the Camel Clutch. The Basham Brothers charge into the ring, obviousl looking to win the HC title, only for Daivari to produce a lead pipe, which he smacks them with. The same fate befalls Christy Hemme, as E taps out.

Winner: Muhammad Hassan is the NEW Hardcore Champion

In the skybox, Bischoff was gloating that his plan to get the Hardcore Title back worked, and showed Long Hassan's new RAW contract. Long said that there was no attacking for the HC Title during the match though, and that E should stay champion. Bischoff replied though by saying Hassan hadn't attacked E for the title - he had assisted E by attacking Bro. Long had no reply, as Bischoff announced the Barbershop's Hell match

Match 4: Barbershop's Hell Match

Shawn Michaels V HHH

Michaels immediately rushes to the ring, and grabs one of the numerous windows that are scattered around it. HHH comes out, and grabs a pair of safety scissors. Sid Vicious runs out with a squeegee and goes to attack HHH, but HHH ignores him and rushes to the ring. HHH dodges a window shot, and goes to stab HBK with the scissors, but accidently hits the window...and breaks it. HBK stares at the broken window, then at an extremely worried HHH. HHH attempts to get out of the ring, but is tackled to the floor by HBK, who begins to punch the hell out of HHH, before the referee pulls him away. HBK then grabbed a window, and backed into the corner, getting ready to deliver the Sweet Chin Music. HHH got up, and HBK charged, and taking a page out of RVD's book, throws the window at HHH before SCM'ing it, delivering the Shawn Terminator. HBK then sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, when Shane McMahon appears from nowhere, and attacks HBK. He nails him with a chair, and then gives him an elbow drop from the ladder. Shane then heped his brother in law up, and HHH climbed to the top of the ladder before pulling the Barbershop's Sign down.

Winner: HHH via Shane McMahon interference

Ric Flair and Muffy came out celebrate as Shane grabbed a microphone. He started saying about how being head of WWE Media was so boring because there was no good media to put out. He then announced he had teamed up with Flair, Muffy and HHH to form the band "Backstage Powerz" and he was their manager, MC McMahon! Before they left the ring, HHH gave HBK a Pedigree for good measure, while Flair and Muffy attempted to rap in the background, but failed horribly.

END PART 1 OF BACKLASH

[TGC]

This is an inspiration to everyone everywhere in The Dome. It may be the most fucking insane and idiotic diary I have ever read, EVER, but it is also worthy of numerous hearty laughs. I am shocked to say that I not only enjoyed this immensely, but I loved every second if it. Fun does not begin to describe it. Continued success I guess.

Overall grade for this bizarre pile of shit that I love is...well it's a complete and total F, but grades are SO overrated anyways.

TGC

[Guest Weden]

We love you Katsuya!

[Katsuya]

As usual, thank you all for the comments. Now to continue with the Backlash weekend, if you have any questions etc. you wish to ask me or want to suggest something, then you can catch me on AIM & MSN from...now. Think of it as a Q&A thing.

AIM = Kats Jounouchi

MSN = christoman280391@hotmail.com

Edited April 24, 2005 by Katsuya

[Katsuya]

MATCH 5: Undisputed Intercontinental Title Match

Christmas Kane, DDS V Shaniqua

It took a while to get the match starting, as both competitors wanted to give the title belt to the referee, and as soon as one gave the belt to the referee, the other snatched it back. Eventually they both gave the belt to the referee, but Shaniqua let go at the last second to kick Christmas Kane between the legs. Shaniqua, taking a page out of Edge's book went after CKDDS' back, and took control of the match with this. Shaniqua though got too cocky and went to give CKDDS a backbreaker, got impaled herself on one of the drills covering CKDDS' torso. The time Shaniqua took trying to find some bandages on the otuside of the ring allowed CKDDS to recover, and he sneaked up on Shaniqua on the outside. Throwing *it* into the steel steps, CKDDS then rolled Shaniqua back into the ring, and gave *it* a chokeslam. The fans cheered slightly as CKDDS covered Shaniqua, and got the pinfall. Suddenly, the power cut out. When it came back on, DIESEL's Music began to play, and Diesel came out...that's not Diesel. It looks more like...oh my god, it's FAKE UNIBOMB! Fake Unibomb charged into the ring, and gave CKDDS a Jackknife Powerbomb, leaving the new champion laid out in the ring.

Winner: Christmas Kane, DDS is the NEW Intercontinental Champion via a Chokeslam.

Match 6: Interpromotional No DQ Contest

Randy Notro V White Bunny

Notro came out sans his tag partner, but instead he was clutching a bear trap, which he set up in the middle of the ring. Bunny rushed out with an extra add on to his teeth - 2 very sharp razor blades. He went right for Notro, who tried to get Bunny into the trap, but Bunny realised what Notro was doing, and jumped over the trap. He leaped for Randy, who jumped out of the ring, but Bunny followed and bit Notro's finger off. Notro got out of the way from further damage though, and ran round the ring, Bunny following. Notro slid back in the ring, jumped over the bear trap - but Bunny forgot about it and got his foot clamped. Bunny struggled to get out, but Notro finally had him where he wanted him. He went out of the ring and got Lilian Garcia's chair. He got back in the ring, and stomped on Bunny's face, allowing him to wrap the chair around Bunny's head. Placing the trapped Bunny on the top rope, Notro then grabbed the chair in an OKR position, and leaped off the turnbuckle. The chair crushed Bunny's head, as well as severing Bunny's trapped foot due to the position of the landing. Notro then covered Bunny, and finally defeated his foe!

Winner: Randy Notro via a Bear Trap and a Chair.

Bischoff was now livid in the skybox, as he tried to get Long to fine Notro for injuring one of RAW's stars. Long said that Bunny had injured more RAW superstars and he didn't really care, before saying Bischoff would have a lot more to cry aboutby the end of the night, because Smackdown's title match would be much better then Raw's.

Match 7: WWE Title Battle Royal Match

- Entrants will enter every 2 Minute. You can only lose via pinfall or submission.

ENTRANT 1: JHB w/ Satan

ENTRANT 2: Christian

The two men locked up in the middle of the ring, with JHB getting the advantage thanks to Satan rolling in the ring to distract Chrisitian. JHB then used his weight to work down Christian, and gave him a back body drop before going for the cover. Christian still had a lot left in him though and easily kicked out of the pin. Christian tried to fight back, but JHB had every one of his moves covered, yet couldn't get a pin. He tried for the Clothesline from Texas, but Christian ducked the blow and jumped up onto the middle turnbuckle. He then jumped backwards and gave JHB a crossbody as the time ran out.

ENTRANT 3: Chris Benoit

Benoit ran out and immediately attacked Christian. Unfortunately for Benoit, JHB decided to help the man who he had just been attacking and the two heels started to double team Benoit. Benoit though stopped this from happening, or at least tried to. He managed to take down Christian and then locked JHB in the Crossface, if only for about 3 seconds before Christian stopped him. Christian then launched Benoit from the ring, allowing Satan to attack Benoit while Christian kept the referee busy by attacking JHB while the buzzer went.

ENTRANT 4: Kamatista

Christian looked absolutely terrified that Kama was next out, and he bolted from the ring. Kama stared at him from the ramp, as Christian tried to convince Kama to go after JHB. Kama just shook his head, and began to walk towards Christian. Christiain got back in the ring, and then tried to stop Kama from getting in the ring. JHB meanwhile got back up and attacked Christian from behind, allowing Kama into the ring. Kama immediately clotheslined both men, before giving Christian a Kamabuster. JHB though gave Kama a low blow, when God ran back to the ring! A Big Boot took JHB down, as God went after Satan on the outside, stopping his attack on Benoit. Kama then demolished JHB with the Kamatista Bomb and got the pin, eliminating JHB as the next entrant started to come out

ELIMINATED: JHB

ENTRANT 5: Undertaker

Taker came out, and took a massive swig of his Jack Daniels before charging into the ring, and passing out. Kama lifted the unconscious Taker up, and then slammed him down with the Kamatista Bomb, eliminating him with ease.

ELIMINATED: Undertaker

Benoit then rolled back in the ring, and stood up in behind Kama. Kama turned around, and looked at Benoit. The two men then shook hands and began to trade punches. Christian attempted to take advantage of this by attacking both men, but only tasted the mat outside as they launched him over the top rope. Kama began to take control, and kneed Benoit in the gut as he backd him into the corner. Kama's attempt at a Kamabuster was reversed though, as Benoit grabbed the ducked Kama's arm and began to lock in the Crossface. But before he could fully lock it in, Evad Sullivan's music began to play.

ENTRANT 6: Evad Sullivan

Evad ran out and went after Benoit, kicking him in the face, before lifting him up and dropping him with a suplex. Evad then went for the Dyslexic Driller, only for Christian to jump him from behind. Christian attempted the Unprettier, but Evad reversed it and lifted Christian up for the Dyslexic Driller. This time, Christian reversed and drilled Evad with the Unprettier. Kama though had other plans about Christian making the cover, and gave him another Kamabuster. Benoit had got up by now though, and climbed to the top rope. He launched himself off the top rope and gave Evad a headbutt, as Kama picked Christian up. Christian suddenly rolled Kama up in a small package, grabbing Kama's tights as Benoit covered Evad. The referee hit both his hand down on the mat for the 3, as both Kama and Evad were elimianted!

ELIMINATED: Kamatista & Evad Sullivan

Kama was obviously pissed off that he had been unfairly elimianted, but the referee stopped him from attacking Christian. Benoit meanwhile went for a Crossface, but Christian gave him a low blow. Christian then got up behind Benoit, and got ready to deliver the Unprettier - but Benoit rolled him up! The referee turns around, 1,2,3! Chris Benoit is the WWE Champion!

WINNER: Chris Benoit is the NEW WWE Champion via the fact he deserves it.

Match 8: World Heavyweight Title Hell In A Cell Match

The Government © V Kurt Angle

As Christian skulked backstage, Kurt Angle walked out with his HIAC. Christian shoved Angle, only to be Angle Slammed on the ramp. Kurt shook his head, and walked to the ring where he fitted the board in it's usual resting place. Repo Man then ran out, and the match began. Angle wasted no time in taking Repo to the mat and locked in the Angle Lock. Repo only fought the hold for about 5 seconds before tapping out, and Kurt Angle was 1/3rd the way to the World Heavyweight Title.

- Repo Man has been defeated -

Sargeant Slaughter then ran out with new friends Hassan and Daivari. Kurt again took Sarge down to the mat quickly and locked in the Angle Lock. Daivari jumped onto the apron, allowing Hassan to get in the ring. Kurt immediately let go of Sarge, kicked Hassan in the stomach and then sent him flying from the ring. Daivari jumped in the ring, but Kurt had him covered too, sending him through the cell with an Angle Slam. Sarge though had got up, and snuck up on Kurt to lock in the sleeper. Angle nearly passed out, but as the crowd got behind him, he fought back, and snapmared Sarge off him. Kurt then stomped on Sarge's head, before locking in the Angle Lock. Sarge lasted slightly longer then Repo in the hold, but tapped out, putting Kurt even further into the match.

- Sargeant Slaughter has been defeated -

Finally a competent member of The Government came out, as IRS charged to the ring. Him and Kurt then began to put on a proper wrestling match for about 5 minutes before IRS was sent flying into the referee. Sarge, Repo, Hussan and Daivari all stormed the ring, and it looked like Kurt was going to lose by cheating when Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho & GI Bro ran to the ring! The three men took the others out of the ring, and Kurt went to give IRS an Angle Slam - but IRS had his briefcase in his hand! IRS smashed the briefcase over Kurt's head, and covered him as the ref woke up to count the 1,2,3!

Winner: The Government via IRS' briefcase.

END BACKLASH

[Katsuya]

FINAL RESULTS:

WWE Tag Team Title Match:

We Like Your Shoes def. Chris Jericho & Eddie Guerrero

God def. Faarooq

WWE HC Title Grudge Match

E def. GI Bro, Muhammad Hussan def. E later to win the title.

Barbershop's Hell Match

HHH def. Shawn Michaels

Undisputed Intercontinental Title Match:

Christmas Kane, DDS def. Shaniqua

NO DQ Interpromotional Match

Randy Notro def. White Bunny

WWE Title Battle Royal

Chris Benoit def. Christian, Kamatista, Evad SUllivan, Undertaker & JHB

World Heavyweight Title Hell In A Cell

The Government def. Kurt Angle.

Oh, hang on a minute. You know the result of the World Heavyweight Title Match?

Just Kidding

Kurt went to give IRS an Angle Slam - but IRS had his briefcase in his hand! IRS swung the briefcase at Kurt, but Kurt ducked the shot and gave IRS the Angle Slam through the cell! Kurt went to wake the referee up, when Christian staggered into the ring. He low blowed Kurt, and then nailed him with the Unprettier. Christian then sauntered over to the hole in which IRS was lying, and dragged him out of it, placing him on the mat, as the fans started booing. All 4 announcers were wondering what the hell was going on as the referee came too, just as Christian covered IRS. The referee looked as confused as the announcers, when Christian mouths something at him. The referee obviously now knows what's going on, and he begins to count the pin!

1

2

3!

Winner: Christian is the NEW World Heavyweight Champion via...wait, how's he won?

Cut to the skybox, where Bischoff looks equally confused, as do most of the fans. Long informs Bischoff that Smackdown is now the owner of the World Heavyweight Champion. Bischoff says that can't be right - Christian wasn't even the match. The Backlash symbol comes up, as Long mutters the last 4 words of the Pay Per View. The same 4 words Christian mouthed at the referee. The 4 words why RAW is without a World's Champion - and it's Eric Bischoff's fault.

"Money In The Bank"

[Katsuya]

Hope you enjoyed the surprise ending. The title situation will be decided on RAW/Smackdown. Depends on how I feel. Anyway, here's something for you to debate about. You can now choose two of the following stars to rejoin the roster. Both will go to Smackdown (because RAW has more due to Hassan & Daivari). Simply post who you want to stay, whoever gets 3 votes goes through. You can post 2 names.

PAUL LONDON

CHARLIE HAAS

RENE DUPREE

EUGENE

TAJIRI

WILLIAM REGAL

LA RESISTANCE AKA THE SEPTIC SLUDGERS (Counts as 2 votes, but only 1 goes to them)

JEFF HARDY

RHYNO

[Guest Weden]

Regal and Hardy to stay.. I'm sure you can think up good gimmicks for them... such as Regal as a Chav and Hardy as a paint-drinking madman

[Scott McFly]

Gonna vote for Jeff Hardy and Tajiri.

Not sure I liked what you did with the ending to the main event there, I think it would've been better to just post the actual ending rather than posting a fake ending and then saying you were only kidding. That way you avoid talking about things that haven't actually happened... one final gripe - it's "feud", not "fued".

But I enjoyed Backlash overall, was disappointed Benoit didn't feel anyone up in the battle royal (which wasn't strictly a battle royal, but meh), but was pleased that he won. The Backstage Powerz could be interesting, and the feud to end all feuds - God vs Satan! Really good stuff Katsuya, good to see lots of people enjoying it as well as myself.

[Besmirched Tea]

I liked the fooler ending to Backlash, I actually marked like a bitch for it!!! and the actual use of the MITB stip was better and made infinitely more sense than anything the wwe themselves will have booked.

And the God legdrop was breathtaking!!!

[Mr Muggy]

I'll say Paint Hardy and Paul London. Oh yeah, I loved the ending. Reminded me of the many ending the movie Clue had.

[Katsuya]

So Jeff's back, and London, Tajiri & Regal are all on 1 vote.

I'm glad most people liked the trick ending. For me (just from a writing perspective) I enjoyed these parts the most

1: Christian winning a title. I don't know why, but I'm finding myself becoming a peep.

2: God Legdrop and then Satan turning up

3: Fake Unibomb. 'Nuff Said.

[Katsuya]

WWE RAW

RAW started with Eric Bischoff in the ring, with all the RAW stars around it. Bischoff said that he had devised a fool proof plan to get the World Heavyweight Title back and snatch the King Of The Ring crown from Teddy Long's grip. He started by calling people into the ring, mainly The Government, Kurt Angle, Christmas Kane, Shawn Michaels, HHH, White Bunny and Shaniqua. He said that tonight we would see 4 matches between the 7 of them and a returning superstar. The winners would then fight each other again in 2 singles matches, with the two winners there taking on Christian at King of The Ring. Meanwhile, the 6 losers would be entered into the King of The Ring tournament. Bischoff then announced a massive piece of news - with the Government now no longer Champions, RAW had too many superstars on the roster, and therefore he fired Sarge and Repo on the spot. He then told IRS that he too would be fired if he didn't get into the Final of the competition or win the King of the Ring. Bischoff then announced that all matches were to be lumberjack matches tonight, with everyone not included in the tournament being the lumberjacks.

MATCH 1: Tournament Match

IRS V Christmas Kane, DDS (IC Champion)

IRS soon realised that he was in for a tough time on his own, and with a very angry CKDDS on his hands, it was understandable that he jumped the ropes and started to walk up the ramp. He only got one foot on the ramp before he was jumped by the lumberjacks. For some reason though, they didn't even attack him. Instead, they rolled him back into the ring like lumberjacks should do. CKDDS then chokeslammed IRS to the outside, and shouted at the lumberjacks to attack IRS. Again, they rolled him carefully back into the ring. A shouting match between CKDDS, the referee and Bischoff against the lumberjacks then occured, when CKDDS was jumped from behind by Fake Unibomb, who levelled him with a Fake Jacknife Powerbomb, before rolling IRS onto CKDDS. The referee turned round to count the pin, and Fake Unibomb gets another one over his current/former self.

Winner: IRS via Fake Unibomb interference, and the lumberjacks not doing their jobs.

Emergency talks were held after the match, with Bischoff begging the lumberjacks to do their sports entertainment jobs as lumberjacks, but again nothing happened. Suddenly, Bischoff seemed to remember something, and he called out Muhammad Hassan and Daivari. The two came out, when Bischoff told the lumberjacks to "get them!" Silence followed for little less then a seconds, as the lumberjacks charged at the HC Champion and his companion. A large amount of brawling ensued, as all the RAW Referees poured out to count the falls. In the chaos, Mideon managed to get him and Hassan into the crowd and get the pinfall.

WINNER: Naked Mideon is the NEW Hardcore Champion! (3)

Daivari wasn't far behind Hassan though, as he jumped onto Mideon, stunning him long enough to pin him!

WINNER: Daivari is the NEW Hardcore Champion!

Lita low blowed Daivari as he got up, before SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWIIIINNNNGGGG him, at the same time pinning him.

WINNER: Lita is the NEW Hardcore Champion!

Before anything else could happen, the lights cut out. When they cut back on, none other than CYRUS was in the ring! Wait, I'm sorry, it's just Don Callis with long hair. They really looks the same, but seeming as how TNA never mentioned any relationship....Anyway, Cyrallis says he is representing Spike TV, who are getting very worried by the bad ratings RAW has been getting. As of such, he demanded that Bischoff bring out the mystery wrestler for Callis to deem them worthy of being on RAW. Bischoff eventually decided he would, and the lights went out again. When they came back on....

STEVE CORINO WAS IN THE RING.

Cyrallis looked shocked, as the fans reacted to Corino's debut. Obviously most of them are RoH fans then. Cyrallis then demanded Corino be in the next match in the tournament. Bischoff once again took his time before saying yes, and announced Corino V Shaniqua!

MATCH 2: Tournament Match

Steve Corino V

WINNER: Verger Ray Dudley is the NEW Hardcore Champion! (2)

Shaniqua

The two lock up in the ring, and Corino obviously gets the upper hand. Cyrallis suddenly rushes into the ring, claiming Corino must let Shaniqua get the upper hand because it's sexist otherwise. Corino looks annoyed, but Cyrallis tries to

WINNER: Edge is the NEW Hardcore Champion! (2)

convince Corino to agree. Shaniqua realises she can attack the distracted Corino, and she does so, much to the cheers of Cyrallis who is blissfully unaware he has set this up. Shaniqua nearly gets the 3 count on numerous occasions, until Cyrallis gets up again, trying to get Shaniqua to shout "Lesbian Rights" out to please GLAAD. Shaniqua refuses, and Cyrallis goes into another rant about how

WINNER: Zeus is the NEW Hardcore Champion! (2)

Cyrallis suddenly breaks off in mid sentence, and announces the next person to try and win the Hardcore Title is fired. Everyone begins to scowl on the way to the back, as Shaniqua suddenly tackles Cyrallis to the ground! It's a costly mistake though, as Corino gets back up and takes Shaniqua out with the Old School Expulsion, getting the victory.

WINNER: Steve Corino via Shaniqua attacking Cyrallis

Backstage, Eric Bischoff was in his office, looking through the list of tag teams which RAW had. The Backstage Powerz then came in, and said they wanted to be RAW's team for the Tag Title Match at KoTR. Bischoff said he would decide next week, because he had another big surprise which Teddy Long could not top. He then told the Powerz to get to ringside, because HHH's match with Kurt Angle was next.

MATCH 3: Hell In A Cell Tournament Match

Kurt Angle V HHH (w/The Backstage Powerz)

Angle was obviously annoyed he had lost the World Heavyweight Title the night before thanks to Christian, as he made a mess of fixing the HIAC in place. As of such, the match was fought on a slight slope, as the cell hung from the top of the middle rope to the mat. Angle though wasted no time in going for HHH, as the Powerz started singing on the outside, much to the delight of MC McMahon, and to the annoyance of everyone else. Angle became so annoyed he flew over the top rope and gave them a crossbody, taking all 3 of them down. This allowed HHH to rest long enough to gain the upper hand over Angle. Suddenly, Shawn Michaels ran down and into the ring, attacking HHH. White Bunny then came to the ring and started attacking Michaels, as Angle and HHH started fighting again. Cyrallis appeared from thin air wearing a genie outfit. He decided the match would be restarted as a tag team match, Angle & Michaels V HHH & Bunny, before clicking his fingers and disappearing again.

MAIN EVENT: Tag Team Badly Positioned Hell In A Cell Tournament Match

Kurt Angle & Shawn Michaels V HHH & White Bunny

The match just continued from what was going on before, with HBK & Bunny fighting amongst themselves, while Angle & HHH did the exact same. The referee just let it happen, which led to the Backstage Powerz getting back up and getting in the ring, before attacking Angle. With the match now virtually a handicap one, Michaels acted fast and gave Bunny the Sweet Chin Music, before jumping on HHH. Bunny had other ideas though, and sprung back up, no selling the move! NAUGHTY BUNNY! Wait, this is the WWE where being a bad wrestler normally means you get a World Title Shot. In that case, Bunny leapt on Michaels head, and after some struggle, ripped off HBK's head and pinned him to get the victory!

WINNERS: White Bunny & HHH via Decapitation of HBK.

The actions wasn't totally finished though, as Bunny then jumped onto HHH and ripped off his head! Bunny then lifted both people's heads up with his teeth, laughing all the time as RAW went off the air.

- I've been busy this week, so I've not had a chance to update. Sowwy.