The WWE but....well...not the WWE!

[Katsuya]

RAW opens up with Jerry Lawler and....Oklahoma! That's right, everyone's favourite Jim Ross wanabee has taken over JR's spot! And onto out first match, Orton V Hurricane!

Randy Orton V Hurricane

Orton comes out with a rabbit, and informs Lillian Garcia his name is actually Randy Notro. Hurricane comes out with a bird, and starts to shout at the crowd to do the "Hurri, Hurri, Hurri". The match begins, and Notro's hits his rabbit over the head, and moves it towards his head in order to get it to bite him. Unfortunately for Notro, the rabbit turns out to be the Killer Bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, fresh from his 4th stay at rehab. The Bunny rips Notro's head off, but begins to drink heavily before it can attack Hurricane.

Winner: Hurricane by death.

Backstage, Eric Bischoff is with E&C, who are complaining they're backs are aching. The camera points to their backs, to show both men are now hunchbacks! Bischoff reminds them they're match is up next against Benoit and Jericho. The two then leave Bischoff' office.

E&C V Chris Benoit & Chris Jericho

Jericho and Benoit come out holding hands, with Jericho sucking a lollipop, looking into Benoit's eyes. E&C come out, and Edge goes to slide into the ring, but his hunchback stops him. Meanwhile, Jericho drops his lollipop...into Benoit's trunks! Oh dear god, he's going into get it! With Jericho distracted in Benoit's pants, and Benoit in no way to wrestle, Christian rolls up Jericho and gets the win - but wait! It's an after match attack by Jericho and Benoit! Dear God, they're sexually assaulting him! Get the paramedics!

Winner: E&C by oral sex distraction

HHH V ???

HHH came out with his rehired Personal Trainer, Muffy. The crowd went silent as new music began to play, until a sentence rang through the arena

"You Haven't Paid Your Taxes!"

The fans began to cheer (well, the ones who aren't deadbeats) as Irwin R. Schyster returned to the WWE! HHH meanwhile falls over into Muffy, sparking Ric Flair to come out and say he wants a divorce. The three get into a heated discussion, ending with Flair and Muffy having a slapfest. With all this going on, no one realises IRS has walked off with the World Heavyweight Title, saying it's "Government Property" now.

Winner: Umm...no one? The Government are the new World Heavyweight Champions!

Backstage, Batista was backstage with Bischoff. Instead of talking, he slapped his chest (showing off his new moon and star paint), before walking off to fight Kane.

Batista V Kane

Batista came out in a tribal skirt, and continued to slap his chest, as the lights went out. Kane's pyro went off...except it wasn't flames that came out. No - it was tinsel instead! Coming out wearing an actual christmas tree instead of his normal attire, the Christmas Kane proceeded to enter the ring, and jump on Batista! Wait, their not pine cones - they're dentist drills! Dear god, it's The Christmas Kane DDS! Batista's down! Cover! 1-2-3!

Winner: Kane by 2 gimmick changes in the space of a minute.

And so RAW goes off the air. 1 Hour 50 Minutes early.

Dont like it, don't read it.

[Guest LilJoeyPez]

Clever - posting an incredibly unfunny show in order to get loads of feedback with guys telling you how cringeworthy that was. Maybe I should do that.

[Summers]

Bwahahahaha.

THE CHRISTMAS KANE DDS.

[Cactus Drags]

Best. Diary. EVER.

[Katsuya]

WWE Smackdown

Undertaker opened the show, with him promising them no matter whether or not Randy Notro's head was reattatched to his body, he would beat him at Wrestlemania - in none other than a "Spin the Wheel, Make The Deal" match! Taker then shot lasers out of his eyes to end the segment.

Kenzo Suzuki w/ Hiroko V Rey Mysterio w/ Eddie Guerrero

Luckily, Eddie and Rey did not perform any sexual acts during their entrance. Instead, Rey wasn't wearing his mask. WCW Swerve~<! Kenzo came out, beating Hiroko on the way. The match is fairly even, until the end when Mr. Run In made his return, knocking Kenzo down. Rey then picked up the victory. After the match, Kenzo was about to throw Hiroko into the steps when Hiroko announced she's pregnant - but she doesn't know who the father is!

Winner: Rey Mysterio via Mr. Run In....running in.

John Cena then came out, in his original wrestling gear from his WWE Debut. He gave one of the worst interviews ever, until Gospel Music began to play! Oh Testify Brother, it's Reverand D-Von and Verger Ray Dudley! The Religious Boys give John Cena the 12D (Twelve Disciples) only for the Basham Boys' music to play!

The Religious Boys V The Basham Brothers w/...Oh dear god. It's Shaniqua!

Shaniqua made her return to the ring, whipping the Basham's on their way to the ring. So badly so that they collapse due to the pain. Shaniqua then gets into the ring herself, picks both Religious Boys up and gives them a double Death Valley Driver! Shaniqua covers - 1,2,3! Shaniqua wins the match!

Winner: Shaniqua via steroids

Teddy Long then announced the first ever "Who's the Daddy" Battle Royal match for the right to be Hiroko's baby's father. The competitors? David Flair! (Crowd Dead) Kenzo Suzuki! (One Japanese Fan Cheers) Viscera! (I Like Your Shoes) Heidenreich! (Nothing) Booker T! (OMG! REACTION! REACTION!) Shaniqua! (Flatlined). Kurt Angle then comes in, wearing a toupee. He said he was ready to do the last thing Shawn Michaels did - Beat Undertaker in a Hell In The Cell match! Long told Angle there wasn't a cell ready, but Angle informed Long he had built one himself!

Hell In The Cell - Kurt Angle V Undertaker

Angle's Cell was actually a big wooden board that covered the whole ring. Unfortunately, it didn't fit on the turnbuckles, or the top rope. As such, the board was place on the second rope. That meant of course that the two men had to crawl about on the floor, and the other problem was that the crowd couldn't see the match. As of such, the referee decided the Main Event would occur on top of the board!

Winner: No One at the present time

JBL V Hardcore Holly

JBL came out, dressed as a cowboy. He said he was actually Justin Hawk Bradshaw, or JHB for short. Hardcore Holly came out driving a racing car, which he drove into the ring and....killed himself doing so. JHB celebrated, when the lights went out and...dear god, someone's breaking through the wooden board! It's got to be Undertaker - no, it's...it's....IT'S AL WILSON! AL IS ALIVE! CLOTHESLINE TO JHB! JHB'S DOWN! JHB'S DOWN! Teddy Long ran out, and said that since John Cena now has no charisma, the WWE World Title Match at Wrestlemania will be JHB V Al Wilson! My god, what a match!

Winner: JHB by Car Crash

The rest of Smackdown was just zooming in on the wooden plank. After an hour and a half went, the match was declared a draw, and Angle and Taker woke up.

[FLiam]

Hell In The Cell - Kurt Angle V Undertaker

Angle's Cell was actually a big wooden board that covered the whole ring. Unfortunately, it didn't fit on the turnbuckles, or the top rope. As such, the board was place on the second rope. That meant of course that the two men had to crawl about on the floor, and the other problem was that the crowd couldn't see the match. As of such, the referee decided the Main Event would occur on top of the board!

Winner: No One at the present time

This is the best diary ever, can't wait for the next show.

[apsham]

This is horrible.

LOL FUNNY OLD GIMMICKS!

[Katsuya]

This is horrible.

LOL FUNNY OLD GIMMICKS!

Dont like it, don't read it.

RAW Presents: VENGEANCE

Sunday, 24th July: LIVE ON PPV!

A huge pyro ended the hype video for

1 - JERICHO'S LAST RAW MATCH:

Carlito vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho's music was the first to play, and the RAW crowd literally exploded for the last time as Chris Jericho walked out. Jericho looked slightly emotional as he turned round to face the crowd, but he held himself together as he walked down to the ring, which he entered after some extended playing to the crowd. Carlito got the opposite reaction though, which seemed to anger the man from the Carribean, who stormed to the ring, swinging his arm away from fans around the ring. Once he was in the ring, he revealed why he had his mouth closed the entire way down to the ring - as he spat apple directly at Jericho's face. As Y2J wiped the apple from his face, Carlito jumped him and started to throw left hands at Jericho, taking him by surprise. Whipping Jericho in to the ropes, Carlito expected Jericho to come back at him; Y2J had wisely grabbed hold of the ropes though, so Carlito decided to run at Jericho instead. Jericho back dropped Carlito over him though...but the wise Carribeanite was able to pull himself back on to the apron, and once he landed he proceeded to grab Jericho and landed the Carribean Breeze through the ropes, meaning that he fell to the floor, but Jericho's neck and back tweaked hard against the ropes. Holding his back where he landed, Carlito quickly got in to the ring to capitalise on his move, getting a very early two count, showing the effectiveness of that one move. Carlito began to punch Jericho before going for a second cover, but again Jericho kicked out at two. Carlito stood up, but this time chose to stomp Jericho down, before locking in a chinlock to try and force him to tap out. Jericho fought back to his feet though, and managed to land an elbow in Carlito's gut; Carlito countered that though by kneeing Jericho in the chest, before backing up in to the nearby ropes and landing a swinging neckbreaker to send Jericho back to the mat. Another cover saw Carlito get the closest two count yet, and he wasted little time in going to further his advantage, climbing out of the ring and on to the apron, before leaping back over the top for an elbow drop...that missed, as Jericho rolled out of the way. Y2J, sensing his first real opportunity to break Carlito's attack, picked himself up and went to whip Carlito in to the ropes - but Carlito reversed that, and in a complete mirror of what happened to start the match, Jericho would end up backdropping Carlito over the top, only for Carlito to land on the apron. This time though, Jericho was ready, and dropkicked Carlito off the apron with such force that Carlito's head (and hair) bashed in to the side rail.

Jericho then left the ring to meet Carlito on the outside, and after a short struggle he was able to bulldog Carlito on the floor, before he decided to roll him back in to the ring. As Carlito got up to his hands and knees, Jericho ran in to the ropes and delivered a low dropkick to Carlito's side, wiping out his opponent and gaining him a two count shortly afterwards. Jericho then began to focus his attention on Carlito's back, obviously looking to try and weaken it up for the Walls of Jericho. Driving his knee in to the small of Carlito's back, Jericho seemed intent on causing sufficient damage; eventually, he picked Carlito up off the floor and landed a backbreaker to give some variation. Now he was ready to go for the Walls, but Carlito wasn't about to let that happen, grabbing Jericho by the hair and pulling him in for a small package that got a two count. Carlito got to his feet first, but Jericho ducked a clothesline and sent Carlito in to the ropes, running in to the opposite ones at the same time. A running wheel kick sent Carlito flying to the mat, and Jericho dived on top of him for a cover. That only got a two, but Jericho was now in the flow. A double underhook backbreaker crumpled Carlito, followed by a enziguiri that echoed throughout the arena. The fans began to rally behind Jericho, as he laid out Carlito with another bulldog, setting him up perfectly for the Lionsault. Jericho leapt in to and then off the ropes...and landed chest first in to Carlito's knees. Showing incredible guts, Carlito got back to his feet and then caught the winded Y2J with the Carribean Breeze, before covering for the three count...or what would have been a three count, had Jericho not been able to get his foot on the bottom rope. Carlito yelled at the referee in Spanish, before pulling Jericho away from the ropes and going for another pin. This time Jericho was just able to kick out, angering Carlito ten-fold. Taking a second to get his breath back, Carlito brought himself and Jericho to a standing base, before going behind Jericho for another Carribean Breeze. Jericho suddenly jumped up, wrapping his legs around Carlito's waist and rolled through in to a surprising rollup - but Jericho didn't stay in the pin, instead using his position to quickly lock in the Walls of Jericho! Carlito began to immediately struggle, but Jericho walked in to the center of the ring, dooming the Cool one, who eventually tapped out after a brief struggle in the hold.

WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

The crowd went wild as Jericho released his hold, dropping to his knees and nodding his head as he looked round at the fans. The referee raised Jericho's arm as Y2J rose, before he pointed around the arena and mouthed "thank you". JR and King put over both men for the physical nature of the opening bout, as Jericho left up the ramp. We saw a couple of replays of the end of the match, before we cut back live to Jericho posing one last time at the entrance way, as the crowd continued to cheer for their departing hero.

2 - INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH - FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH:

Birchall vs. Christian © vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Shelton Benjamin

After a bit of hype for later matches in the show from JR and King, it was the music of "Mr. Money in the Bank" Shelton Benjamin that returned us to the action, and Shelton came out, looking very hyped up for this shot to regain his IC Title. "Sonne" signalled Birchall's entrance though, and that dampened the mood for the crowd, as they began to boo loudly for the monster walking out from the back. Birchall didn't seem bothered though, climbing in to the ring and staring a hole in to Benjamin. His attention shifted, along with everyone else's, to the next man to come out though, as Shawn Michaels pranced out from the back. Michaels wasn't in the mood for pyro though, instead getting in to the ring and immediately beginning to trade punches with Birchall. The referee was unable to stop the fight as Christian's music hit, and Captain Charisma came out, a bemused look on his face. Birchall, meanwhile, was getting the better of HBK in their brawl, while Shelton watched on. Christian got to the edge of the ring, then stopped, obvioiusly wanting to let the fight going on pan out first. Benjamin was having none of this though, and he leaped over the top rope and landed a senton on to the unsuspecting Christian; it was at this point that the referee decided to call for the bell anyway, as Birchall levelled Michaels with a huge clothesline. On the outside, Shelton began to punch at the champ, but Christian was able to defend himself fairly well - and stopped the assault by raking Benjamin in the eyes. If Christian thought he was safe though, he was wrong, as having decked Michaels with another punch, Birchall made his way to the floor, grabbing the champion and sending him face first in to the steel ring post. Birchall then hovered around CC, waiting for him to get back up...but Shelton, ever thinking, came out of nowhere with a dropkick, sending Birchall's head in to the post! Birchall was staggered, and Shelton landed another dropkick that was enough to send Birchall to one knee. Just as it looked like Benjamin would be able to topple the monster in front of him, a third dropkick went wrong, as Birchall grabbed Shelton's feet and pushed them to the floor, causing Shelton to land hard on the outside. Birchall's counter left him open though, and a risen Shawn Michaels leapt over the top rope and cross bodied Birchall to the floor. With all four men on the outside, no one could technically win the match, which seemed to resonate to HBK, as he went over and rolled Christian in to the ring, before rolling in himself. A backdrop got Michaels a two count, before he landed a nice combination of an inverted atomic drop, followed by a flying forearm to the face.

HBK didn't really get any chance to do much else though, as he spotted Birchall getting up on the outside. Running in to the ropes, Michaels went for a baseball slide, but in a sick moment, Birchall grabbed HBK's legs and then swung him back first in to the crowd barrier! Michaels went down like a sack of bricks, as Birchall laughed at HBK's body. Getting in to the ring, Birchall began to stalk Christian for what looked to be the C4, as Captain Charisma pulled himself up using the ropes. As Birchall threw Christian's arm over his shoulder though, he was oblivious to Shelton climbing up on the apron behind him. In the biggest "oh my god!" moment yet, Birchall leapt backwards for the C4 as Shelton flew through the air, springboarding off the ropes. Somehow, Benjamin timed it just right, and caught Birchall in mid flip with a dropkick right to the chest, sending Birchall flying across the ring as the crowd exploded with cheers. With all four men now down in or around the ring once again, it was the question of who would be the first up. That turned out to be Shelton and Christian, and both men began to fight amongst each other, with neither taking an advantage. They were on their own for about a minute or so though, with both Birchall and Michaels still wiped out; however, when Birchall did get up, he did so at the best time, as Shelton and Christian took each other out with a double clothesline. They were getting up too, but Birchall struck first, and looked set to land a double C4 on the two men. The two rivals fought together though, elbowing Birchall simultaneously in the head, and then joined arms to clothesline Birchall back to the floor. Shelton's quick thinking came in to play though, and using his grip on Christian, pulled him in and landed the T-Bone Suplex on the champion! Shelton threw himself on top of Christian, and looked certain to win...until HBK pulled Christian's foot on to the bottom rope. Michaels then met Benjamin on the apron, where Shelton surprisingly got the better of Michaels, and ended up landing a double underhook suplex that sent Shawn in to the ring. Shelton then clambered out on to the apron, and pulled back on the ropes, ready to go for another springboard move. HBK stood up and turned around, as Shelton leapt off for a springboard...and in another huge spot, Michaels caught Shelton in mid air with the Sweet Chin Music! Just as it seemed that Michaels had found the way to put Shelton out for the count, he was levelled to the floor by a huge clothesline from Birchall. The monster then walked over to Shelton and made the cover; a three count later, and the Intercontinental Title had found a new home.

WINNER: BIRCHALL

The crowd erupted in to boos, partly because Birchall had won, and also because he had stolen the win from Shawn Michaels. Birchall snatched his new title belt from the referee, before he looked intently at his first championship in the WWE, and held it above his head for everyone to see. We then saw a replay of how the match ended, as Birchall left the ring and walked up the ramp. Back live, we saw Michaels snarling at Birchall, furious that his enemy had stolen the win, while Christian pounded the mat in anger. Benjamin's eyes were fluttering open as we got one last shot of Birchall celebrating before we cut to a Fanatic series advert.

3 - WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES MATCH - TRIPLE THREAT MATCH

S.L.B w/ Lacey vs. Tajiri & William Regal w/ Joey Matthews © vs. The Bloodline Foundation w/ Seven Fertig

The lights cut out shortly after the advert finished, and the lasers and the electronic sounds of S.L.B's theme song kicked off the entrances for the tag title match. Izzy was covered in glow in the dark paint from head to toe, while Dixie was quite obviously wearing flashing Christmas lights, which were draped over his shoulder, as Lacey was holding their "traditional" glowsticks and throwing them to the crowd. The sharp contrast to The Bloodline Foundation's entrance was obvious, as the demonic looking Seven Fertig led Rob Conway and Maven down to the ring, still lit up in the darkness by the S.L.B members. Finally it was the champion's turn to come out, with Joey Matthews making his first official appearance at ringside. Matthews whispered something in Regal's ear as Tajiri climbed on to the apron, before Regal and Matthews both entered. With all nine people in the ring, the referee seemed slightly overwhelmed, as JR and King explained that all six men were legal in the ring at any time in the match. The referee called for the bell, and immediately all three members of the Foundation went for the champions' group, leaving S.L.B watching. The six man brawl went to the floor outside, and there was

WINNERS: TAJIRI & WILLIAM REGAL

4 - The camera then immediately cut to a video, which opened up with a shot of a sunset above what appeared to be New York. Then, some very familiar music began to play, and an unmistakeable guitar began to play as a shot of two helicopters landing on nearby skyscrapers appeared. The words "Evolution is a mystery..." kicked in and out from the first helicopter stepped Triple H, followed by Ric Flair from the second one. Clips of Evolution's past success played, mixed in with the two men posing on top of the skyscrapers doing their familair poses; Triple H spitting his water above his head, while Flair strutted along the side of his building. After a while, the two men were then shown together on one building, where they pointed over the edge of the skyscraper. The camera went towards where they were pointing, and a man emersed in a shadow could just be seen on the roof of a smaller building. The words "EVOLUTION RETURNS" flashed up though before we could see him properly, as shots of a busy New York played in the background.

5 - SINGLES MATCH:

Ken Anderson vs. Steve Austin

Back from the video, it was Ken Anderson's music that played first, and the protege got a good reaction from the crowd as he walked down the ramp to ringside. Anderson got in the ring as JR and King reminded us that this was in fact Anderson's first singles PPV match, and how he was right in at the deep end against Austin. The glass shattered and the crowd went wild as Austin came out on his Quad bike, driving once around the ring before he hopped off and stepped in to the ring. Anderson watched patiently as his mentor climbed all four turnbuckles in succession, posing for the crowd, before Austin got down and stared at his opponent for the night. The bell rang, and Anderson seemed to be tentative to lock up with Austin at first; if this was down to nerves, Austin would have knocked that right away as he started to slug away at Anderson with right hands. Anderson tried to come back with some fists of his own, but Stone Cold had already got the advantage; thinking quickly, Anderson backed in to the turnbuckle, forcing the referee to hold Austin back. When Anderson came back from the corner, Austin once again went for some punches - but this time, Ken ducked one and kneed Austin in the gut. Having winded him, Ken then landed a double axe handle to the back of Austin's neck, targetting the most obvious area to get maximum effect. Continuing his assault, Anderson then drove his knee in to Austin's neck before locking in a front facelock. Stone Cold began to get to his feet, but just as he was up to his knees, Anderson fell back suddenly, driving Austin's head in to the mat with a DDT. A cover followed but this only got Ken a two count, which seemed to shock the rookie, obviously hoping the sudden jar would have done in enough to secure his victory. This didn't end Anderson's assault though and after continuing to land blows to Austin's neck, Ken then pulled up his mentor, pulling his head back before dropping to his knees. The neckbreaker slammed Austin's neck in to Anderson's shoulder, and gave Ken another two count. The move, however, had obviously taken a lot out of Austin though, as it allowed Ken to go over to the corner and climb the ropes. He then went for the Kenton Bomb, but Austin had been playing up the damage it seemed, as he rolled out of the way and Anderson's back slammed hard in to the mat. Clutching his head all the time, Austin got back to his feet, as Anderson did the same a few seconds later. The time difference meant, though, that Austin was able to Lou Thesz Press Ken to the mat, and he again began to whail away with punches. Anderson was able to push Stone Cold off him after a struggle, and he rolled over towards the ropes, pulling himself up using them as leverage. This backfired though, as it allowed Austin to charge him and clothesline himself and Ken over the top to the floor.

Now on the floor, Austin decided that he was going to push the rules to the full extent, as his first move saw him smash Anderson's face in to the steel steps. As Ken staggered back from the blow, Stone Cold punched him to the floor, and began to stomp away at Anderson's chest cavity. Ken attempted to crawl away from his mentor, but sensing that he now had his student on the ropes, Austin kept on the assault, shoving Anderson in to the crowd barrier near the timekeeper. Austin walked over, and then bent down to pick up Anderson - and got clocked with the ring bell! The crowd realised what had just happened and were audibly shocked; Jerry Lawler yelled "what did he do that for?", and the referee called for the bell to be rung for a DQ - unfortunately, the bell was still in the hands of a laughing Ken Anderson.

WINNER: STEVE AUSTIN

The boos from the fans started to grow louder as Anderson smacked his weapon over Austin's back this time, still smiling from what he had done. JR started to theorise that Anderson had been planning to use Austin all along, as Ken rolled the beaten down Austin back in to the ring. Here, he raised the ring bell above his head, taunting the fans, all the while stalking Austin as he struggled back to his feet. A third blow from the bell, and the second to Austin's head, seemingly knocked out the veteran, as Anderson threw the bell to the floor. Climbing to the top rope, Anderson had little trouble in nailing the Kenton Bomb this time round. Sitting down, Anderson began to laugh once again as the referee checked on the downed Austin, as we saw a replay of the ending of the match. A slo-mo captured the sound of the bell connecting with Austin's skull, as the live feed returned to show Anderson walking up the ramp, demanding that the fans "applaud me, cheer me, love me!", as JR and the King called him despicable and a coward.

6 - WOMENS TITLE MATCH:

Alexis © vs. Victoria

WINNER: ALEXIS

7 - WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH - TRIPLE THREAT MATCH:

Batista © vs. Edge vs. Matt Hardy

WINNER: BATISTA

8 - WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH - MONEY IN THE BANK CASH IN:

Batista © vs. Shelton Benjamin

WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN

WINNER: BATISTA

Edited August 9, 2007 by Katsuya

[Katsuya]

Wrestlemania 21

Announcers: Jerry Lawler, Oklahoma & Tazz (Michael Cole was assaulted by Heidenreich earlier)

- Jerry Lawler quit when he found out Miss Kitty was interested in getting back together with him. Out comes Rob Bartlett.

Match 1: WWE Women's Title

Trish Stratus © V Christy Hemme w/ Lita

Trish came out dancing, accompanied by Scotty 2 Hotty. She has also gained several piercings, has got a bald head and weighs a hell of a lot more than normal. She's announced as the "She-Hop-Hippo" Trish Stratus. Christy comes out screaming at the top of the voice, with Lita walking down beside her. Great, we have a Daffney-Wanabee against a She-Albert. Trish dominates the match, and ends it by ripping Christy's jaw from her face, followed by the Stratusfear. She then falls over on her way outside, knocking Scotty out, making the transition complete - Scotty is now the resident jobber, seeming as how Shannon's injured.

Winner: The She-Hop-Hippo, Trish Stratus (Still Champion) via change in complexion

Match 2: Who's the Daddy Battle Royal

David Flair V Booker T V Kenzo Suzuki V Viscera V Shaniqua V Heidenreich

David Flair is eliminated before he gets to the ring, after Ric Flair runs to the ring and knocks him out, because he has nowhere near as good talent as his dad. Heidenreich never comes out. Instead, a promo for One Night in Michael is shown. Booker T comes out to Military Music - It's GI Bro! And he immediately leaves the arena to start up his career up again in TNA. Viscera comes out, but he's naked! Being accompanied to the ring by Naked Mideon, it's Naked Viscera! Shaniqua comes out, and immediately starts to play around with Viscera and Mideon - wait, she's whipping them to death! Kenzo comes out, only for the Basham's to pass him on the way. They try to attack Shaniqua, but she starts to attack them when Viscera and Mideon sneak up from behind and eliminate her! Kenzo enters the ring, but never stands a chance against the double teaming naturists, and they eliminate Kenzo - Viscera's the daddy! Hiroko comes out to celebrate, and says she's going to take her make up off. She does so, and it's Chyna's old friend Sammy (with the you know what!)

Winner: Naked Viscera via grossness

Match 3: Decapitation Match

Undertaker w/ White Bunny of Doom V Randy Notro w/ Evad Sullivan

Undertaker comes out, drinking Jack Daniels with the White Bunny. Notro comes out with his new dyslexic friend Evad Sullivan. Match begins. Notro kicks Taker in the gut, RKO onto the Jack Daniels Bottle! The Bunny runs into the ring, and bites of Notro's head again! Evad gets in, and jumps on the White Bunny, but it eats through Evad's stomach! Taker gets up, and begins celebrating, when the Bunny bites of Taker's head. Bunny then cuts a killer promo (no pun intended), saying he is going to take over the WWE.

Winner: Undertaker via White Bunny

Shawn Michaels is backstage. Coach comes upto Shawn, only to be thrown threw a window on a set identical to the Barbershop's!

Match 4: "Mr Hell In A Cell" Kurt Angle V "Mr Barbershop's Window's" Shawn Michaels

Kurt comes out holding his wooden Hell In A Cell board. He informs the fans he's modified the ring so the Board can rest in the middle of the second and top rope! He begins fitting the board in, only for Michaels to rush down with a window, and smashes it over Kurt's head! Sweet Chin Music! 1-2-3! Michaels wins!

Winner: "Mr Barbershop's Window's" Shawn Michaels

Match 5:Money In The Bank Ladder Match

Edge V Christian V Chris Jericho V Chris Benoit V Shelton Benjamin V The Christmas Kane, DDS

All 5 men and 1 Christmas Tree made their way down to the ring. Immediately Jericho and Benoit tackled each other and began playing with each other's.....Back to the wrestling action, and Christmas Kane DDS has busted Edge open in the corner with one of his dentist drills. Christian is clutching his behind whilst he punches Shelton Benjamin. Christian squashes CKDDS into a corner, implaning himself on a drill. Christian pulls himself off the drill, and grabs the ladder from the outside. His blood pours onto the ladder as he starts to climb, but Benjamin knocks him off. Edge then spears Shelton, and begins climbing the ladder, when Lita runs out! Lita jerks Edge off....ON the ladder! Lita SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEEDDDD Edge! CKDDS gets back up, and Lita goes over to him. Lita SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEEDDDD Christmas Kane DDS! Suddenly, Matt Hardy's music begins to play, and Lita looks worried. But Matt doesn't come out. No, instead Ingis Fatuus of the Jynx Brothers comes out! Twist of Faith to Lita! </Tazz> Chrisitan's getting back up! Christian pulls himself up the ladder, and pulls down the briefcase! Christian wins the match

Winner: Christian via Jericho & Benoit having sex throughout the match, a spear to Shelton Benjamin and Lita SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWIIIINNNNGGGG Edge & Christmas Kane DDS

Match 6: WWE Title Match

JHB © v Al Wilson

JHB comes out riding a horse, and he jumps into the ring. Al walks out in his wedding suit, and JHB throws up (as do most of the crowd). Al takes advantage of this, and locks in his submission - the sex lock of death! JHB passes out! Mah Gawd, Al Wilson is the new WWE Champion! Al celebrated when

"TIME TO PLAY THE GAME"

blares through the arena. HHH runs out, accompanied by Muffy & Ric Flair, who after hours of negotiation have both decided to be HHH's manager. HHH shows Al his rematch clause, but has decided to take it on Smackdown. HHH then Pedigrees Al out of nowhere! Cover, 1-2-3!

Winner: HHH via a Pedigree to Al Wilson, ending Al's 20 Minute Title Reign (Becuase Trips took 19 minutes with his promo)

MAIN EVENT

World Heavyweight Title

The Government © V Kamatista

George Bush appeared on the screen, and said that Kamatista would have to fight 3 people who had jobs in the WWE which involved the Government in some way or form.

Opponent 1: Repo Man

Repo Man (what? Reposses stuff for the Government!) tried to use his condom-shaped suit to his advantage, but Kamatista had none of it. He gave him the Kamatista Bomb, and ended the match quickly.

Opponent 2: Sargeant Slaughter

Sarge came out to cheers, as Kamatista waited for him to come to the ring. The cheers changed to boos though when Sarge came out with Sadamm Hussein! Sadamm tried to escape to freedom, but Kama grabbed him. Sarge though took advantage of this and locked in the sleeper on Kama! Kama slowly got up, and eventually nailed Sarge with the Spinebuster, followed by the Kamatista Bomb

Opponent 3: Irwin R. Schyster

IRS ran out, and smashed Kama with his metal briefcase. IRS then covered Kama, when Kama kicked out! Kama's....Kama's....HULKING UP! Punch! No Effect! Punch! No Effect! Low Blow! No Effect (Thank you steroids!) Punch! Thumbs Down! Kamatista Bomb! It's over - no, Sadamm throws a Weapon of Mass Destruction at Kamatista! IRS rolls up Kama, 1-2-3! The Government are still the World Heavyweight Champions!

Winner: The Government via Sadamm Hussein's Weapons of Mass Destruction!

[apsham]

Dont like it, don't read it.

←

Classic response. Seriously though, this stuff is alright once or twice but then it just gets lame and repetitive. You seem to write half decent, so why not try a real diary?

[FLiam]

I love Kurt Angle and his cardboard hell in a cell

[Katsuya]

1 - JERICHO'S LAST RAW MATCH:

Carlito vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho's music was the first to play, and the RAW crowd literally exploded for the last time as Chris Jericho walked out. Jericho looked slightly emotional as he turned round to face the crowd, but he held himself together as he walked down to the ring, which he entered after some extended playing to the crowd. Carlito got the opposite reaction though, which seemed to anger the man from the Carribean, who stormed to the ring, swinging his arm away from fans around the ring. Once he was in the ring, he revealed why he had his mouth closed the entire way down to the ring - as he spat apple directly at Jericho's face. As Y2J wiped the apple from his face, Carlito jumped him and started to throw left hands at Jericho, taking him by surprise. Whipping Jericho in to the ropes, Carlito expected Jericho to come back at him; Y2J had wisely grabbed hold of the ropes though, so Carlito decided to run at Jericho instead. Jericho back dropped Carlito over him though...but the wise Carribeanite was able to pull himself back on to the apron, and once he landed he proceeded to grab Jericho and landed the Carribean Breeze through the ropes, meaning that he fell to the floor, but Jericho's neck and back tweaked hard against the ropes. Holding his back where he landed, Carlito quickly got in to the ring to capitalise on his move, getting a very early two count, showing the effectiveness of that one move. Carlito began to punch Jericho before going for a second cover, but again Jericho kicked out at two. Carlito stood up, but this time chose to stomp Jericho down, before locking in a chinlock to try and force him to tap out. Jericho fought back to his feet though, and managed to land an elbow in Carlito's gut; Carlito countered that though by kneeing Jericho in the chest, before backing up in to the nearby ropes and landing a swinging neckbreaker to send Jericho back to the mat. Another cover saw Carlito get the closest two count yet, and he wasted little time in going to further his advantage, climbing out of the ring and on to the apron, before leaping back over the top for an elbow drop...that missed, as Jericho rolled out of the way. Y2J, sensing his first real opportunity to break Carlito's attack, picked himself up and went to whip Carlito in to the ropes - but Carlito reversed that, and in a complete mirror of what happened to start the match, Jericho would end up backdropping Carlito over the top, only for Carlito to land on the apron. This time though, Jericho was ready, and dropkicked Carlito off the apron with such force that Carlito's head (and hair) bashed in to the side rail.

Jericho then left the ring to meet Carlito on the outside, and after a short struggle he was able to bulldog Carlito on the floor, before he decided to roll him back in to the ring. As Carlito got up to his hands and knees, Jericho ran in to the ropes and delivered a low dropkick to Carlito's side, wiping out his opponent and gaining him a two count shortly afterwards. Jericho then began to focus his attention on Carlito's back, obviously looking to try and weaken it up for the Walls of Jericho. Driving his knee in to the small of Carlito's back, Jericho seemed intent on causing sufficient damage; eventually, he picked Carlito up off the floor and landed a backbreaker to give some variation. Now he was ready to go for the Walls, but Carlito wasn't about to let that happen, grabbing Jericho by the hair and pulling him in for a small package that got a two count. Carlito got to his feet first, but Jericho ducked a clothesline and sent Carlito in to the ropes, running in to the opposite ones at the same time. A running wheel kick sent Carlito flying to the mat, and Jericho dived on top of him for a cover. That only got a two, but Jericho was now in the flow. A double underhook backbreaker crumpled Carlito, followed by a enziguiri that echoed throughout the arena. The fans began to rally behind Jericho, as he laid out Carlito with another bulldog, setting him up perfectly for the Lionsault. Jericho leapt in to and then off the ropes...and landed chest first in to Carlito's knees. Showing incredible guts, Carlito got back to his feet and then caught the winded Y2J with the Carribean Breeze, before covering for the three count...or what would have been a three count, had Jericho not been able to get his foot on the bottom rope. Carlito yelled at the referee in Spanish, before pulling Jericho away from the ropes and going for another pin. This time Jericho was just able to kick out, angering Carlito ten-fold. Taking a second to get his breath back, Carlito brought himself and Jericho to a standing base, before going behind Jericho for another Carribean Breeze. Jericho suddenly jumped up, wrapping his legs around Carlito's waist and rolled through in to a surprising rollup - but Jericho didn't stay in the pin, instead using his position to quickly lock in the Walls of Jericho! Carlito began to immediately struggle, but Jericho walked in to the center of the ring, dooming the Cool one, who eventually tapped out after a brief struggle in the hold.

WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

The crowd went wild as Jericho released his hold, dropping to his knees and nodding his head as he looked round at the fans. The referee raised Jericho's arm as Y2J rose, before he pointed around the arena and mouthed "thank you". JR and King put over both men for the physical nature of the opening bout, as Jericho left up the ramp. We saw a couple of replays of the end of the match, before we cut back live to Jericho posing one last time at the entrance way, as the crowd continued to cheer for their departing hero.

2 - INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH - FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH:

Birchall vs. Christian © vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Shelton Benjamin

After a bit of hype for later matches in the show from JR and King, it was the music of "Mr. Money in the Bank" Shelton Benjamin that returned us to the action, and Shelton came out, looking very hyped up for this shot to regain his IC Title. "Sonne" signalled Birchall's entrance though, and that dampened the mood for the crowd, as they began to boo loudly

Edited August 7, 2007 by Katsuya

[apsham]

Am I missing something, because the last three you made did indeed have it, some of it didn't even have you as the last post.

[Katsuya]

Am I missing something, because the last three you made did indeed have it, some of it didn't even have you as the last post.

←

Domino City Wrestling

Diary Dome Katsuya 6 152 24th March 2005 - 8:18 pm

Last post by: Katsuya

Welcome to 2000: Return to WWF 12

Diary Dome Katsuya 20 450 28th December 2004 - 9:40 pm

Last post by: Katsuya

[apsham]

Point is, you were getting feedback, in the Domino one it was one post before it.

[Katsuya]

I don't find someone telling another person that the wrestlers are actually from Yugioh feedback.

[Summers]

Fuck off Shampoo.

We love this diary.

[Katsuya]

Breaking News: The WWE have fired people who Katsuya doesn't care about. Won't list them - if they don't appear, consider them gone.

WWE RAW

Commentators: Oklahoma & Rob Bartlett

Kamatista comes out, and gives a promo about how he deserves a title shot if he beats Sadamm tonight. Vinnie Mac enters the ring and cracks his spine in 5 places. He lies on the floor, and says that Kama can't have the title shot, because on Smackdown there's going to be a completely new draft! Kama goes to give Vince the Kamatista Bomb, but Vince says if Kama wins tonight, he gets to choose which show he goes on.

Match 1: Naked Viscera & Naked Mideon w/Sammy-San V La Resistance

The Naked Men come out first, causing half the audience to be violently sick. The other half are sick when La Resistance come out bathed in WWE's Septic Sludge accesory. Trying to advertise "Dead Fish" smell doesn't seem to work on the crowd, but it certainly helps La Resistance during the match. They used the pungent smell to KO the streakers, and won the match. The referee was escorted backstage on a stretcher when he lifted Robert Conway's arm.

Winners: The Septic Sludgers via Dead Fish

Match 2: World Tag Title Match - William Regal & Tajiri V E&C V Muffy & Ric Flair v The Rockers

Regal came out, and immediately tore down the RAW stage, shouting "I'm a Real Man"! He then announced Tajiri would represent a different animal each week from now on. So to start off with, he comes out dressed as Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. Wait, that is Ricky Steamboat! The crowd cheer at Steamboat, as Christian comes out, rubbing his hump. It turns out "E" is actually some guy dressed up as the letter E. Muffy & Ric Flair come out next, with both of them taking breaks from walking every 5 seconds - Muffy because she's too fat, Flair because he's 186 today. The Rockers come out...and Shawn Michaels smashes a Barbershop Window over Marty Jannety's head. Out comes Al Snow - it's the New New Rockers! Muffy & Ric Flair are first eliminated, because they both have simealtaneous heart attacks. The New New Rockers are out next due to disqualification thanks to Michaels. Michaels smashes a window over Snow, Regal and E in anger. Steamboat and Christian then lock up, and no matter what Steamboat does, Christian won't stay down for the pin. Christian ends up nailing the Unprettier, and E&C are the new Tag Champs!

Winners: The Letter "E" & Christian via Christian's hunchback. (NEW World Tag Team Champions)

Randy Notro leaves the Nurse's Office with his head reattached. Coach runs upto him, and asks him if he has anything to say to the White Bunny. Notro says that Bunny will pay, no matter what show he's on, because Notro is challenging Bunny to a match at Backlash!

Match 3:

Edge & Christmas Kane, DDS V Ingis Fatuus V Lita

Ingis immediately attacks Edge & Lita, while CKDSS tries to offer free healthcare to the fans. When they reject his offer, CKDDS stabs them in throat with his dentist drills. Meanwhile, Ingis gives Lita the Twist of Faith and goes for the pin, but Edge breaks up the fall.Edge tags out to CKDDS. CKDDS goes to stab Ingis, but Ingis moves and CKDDS stabs Lita. Gene Snitsky comes out dressed as an A-Bomb and shouts "It's not Bomb's fault!", as CKDDS is distracted long enough for Ingis to roll him up and get the pin!

Winner: Ingis Fatuus via Christmas Kane, DDS stabbing Lita

MAIN EVENT

Kamatista V Sadamm Hussein

Kama demolishes Sadamm throughout the match, nearly ripping his head off on numerous occasions. The match breaks down though when the White Bunny runs out and tries to actually rip off Sadamm's head. Notro runs out, and goes for the OKR, but Bunny slips out. Undertaker and Evad Sullivan suddenly appear and double team Bunny, when the National Anthem plays! IRS, Repo Man and Sargeant Slaughter run out, and start to clean house. HHH then appears with a revived Muffy & Ric Flair, and he starts attacking people! It's carnage, as RAW goes off the air!

Winner: No Contest via lots of interference

[Katsuya]

WWE Smackdown

The draft was ready to go and Teddy Long went first, and drew "E", Christian, GI Bro and Evad Sullivan for his first set of Smackdown Stars. Eric Bischoss went next, and he was an extremely happy GM, as he got Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels, HHH and...Doug Basham. 3 out of 4 is still good though...but Doug Basham...Teddy announced that for the first match of the new Smackdown, Christian will take on GI Bro - right now!

Match 1: Christian V GI Bro

Christian was accompanied by "E", while Bro came out on his own. Bro dominated Christian throughout the match, but when the referee was knocked out, E slid in the ringand demolished Bro with his finisher, LMNOP. Christian then got up, and drilled Bro with the Unprettier. The referee woke up right on cue, and Christian won the match!

Winner: Christian via interference from E

Long drew his next 4 stars - Danny Basham (Splitting up the Basham's, eh?) Christy Hemme (AAAAAARGH!), Randy Notro (Dyslexics Unite!) and Adam Bomb-Snitsky (Double Barreled Name!). Bischoff struck hard though with his picks, as he got the Government, Lita, Al Wilson & Edge. Long let Bischoff have one match for RAW next, which Bischoff took quickly.

Match 2: Hell In The Cell Match

Kurt Angle V Shawn Michaels V HHH V Al Wilson - Winner gets a World Heavyweight Title Shot at Backlash

Angle's Hell In The Cell had once again been modified, as it now fit just below the top rope. HBK took advantage of the No DQ rule, as he smashed Al over the head with the Barbershop window as Al made his way to the ring. HHH and HBK then fought on top of the cell (ooh, dangerous), while Kurt slipped out of the cell underneath them. He threw Al Wilson into the cell, and got the pin with HBK and HHH unaware!

Winner: Mr. Hell In The Cell, Kurt Angle via HBK & HHH's stupidness

Long congratulated Bischoff on what should be a thrilling RAW Main Event at Backlash. Long made a big shock though when he said that he had got Vince McMahon to have all PPV's as Joint Productions! Long said that the Smackdown Main Event would be a 6 Man Battle Royal match for the vacant WWE Title. With that, Long drew his next 4 picks, and finally got some revenge on Bischoff fo losing his big stars, as he got Sadamm Hussein AND Kamatista! Also getting Ingis Fatuus and Undertaker, Long looked happy with himself. Bischoff though also got 2 vital stars though, taking Christmas Kane, DDS and the White Bunny, splitting Bunny from Notro. Reverand D-Von also came to RAW, and Naked Viscera kept his place on the roster. Long then announced we would now see a No Interference Raw Re-Match, as Kamatista and Sadamm would go head to head!

Match 3: No Interference Allowed

Kamatista V Sadamm Hussein

Kama took out all of his revenge on Sadamm for not being able to get a rematch against the Government. Sadamm was victim to not one, not two, but four Kamatista Bomb's, and after the match was over, Sadamm had to be stretchered to the back, as Kamatista motioned at Long, and made a belt sign at his waist. Long however was doing a crossword and took no notice.

Winner: Kamatista via ****ed Offness

Long finished the crossword, and drew Hurricane (Hurray, but the WWE don't care), the She Hop Hippo Trish Stratus (Watch Hurricane job to her next week), Heidenreich (Sorry Michael!) & JHB (Fuhrer's Cowboy King). Bischoff kept The Streakers together by getting Naked Mideon. He also got Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho and.....Shaniqua????? Long announced Match Number 4, a Wrestlemania Rematch in Randy Notro V Undertaker!

Match 4: Wrestlemania Rematch

Randy Notro w/ Evad Sullivan V Undertaker

Notro was dominated throughout the match, as Taker demolished him with various moves. Unfortunately, a half-time drinking marathon for Taker let Notro get back into the match, but Taker was able to counter the OKR. Taker then tried to give Notro the Tombstone, but was violently sick before he could deliver the move. Notro got back up, and demolished Taker with the OKR, getting the pinfall. After the match, Bunny appeared on the titantron. He accepted Notro's Backlash Challenge, but only if the match was a No DQ match! Evad tried to talk Notro out of the match, but Notro accepted anyway!

Winner: Randy Notro via vomit

Teddy Long then drew his last 3 stars - Chris Benoit (Everyone's favourite *** couple are gone, this is terrible!), Rey Maskless-terio and "No Charisma" John Cena. Long begged Bischoff to take Cena, but Bishcoff refused. He then got Verger Ray Dudley, Shelton Benjamin and Kenzo Suzuki. The two GM's began to argue about who drew the better team, so they agree to have the Main Event as a 10 Man Tag Team Match!

Match 5: RAW VS SMACKDOWN!

Team Raw: (The Government, Christmas Kane DDS, Naked Viscera, Naked Mideon & Chris Jericho)

V

Team SD!: (JHB, Chris Benoit, She Hop Hippo, Evad Sullivan & E)

Jericho & Benoit immediately go down on each other, and in a sick moment, Viscera & Mideon are seen enjoying it (guess how....*shudder*). But both men end up with their shoulders on the mat, as they show of their latest position. They are both eliminated, and Repo Man and JHB get in the ring. JHB is able to eliminate Repo with the Clothesline From Texas. Sargeant Slaughter then came out, and looked to eliminate JHB. Luckily, JHB was able to tag in E, who drilled Sarge with the Alphabetiser, and eliminated him. GI Bro emerged though, and gave E a Scissors Kick. IRS charged into the ring, and pinned a prone E.

Remaining Member: RAW - 4, SD - 3

The She Hop Hippo came into the ring, and brawled with IRS for a while. IRS was able to tag in Christmas Kane, DDS but Trish had a back up plan - Lita! Lita SCCCCRRRREEEEWWWWEEEEDDDD Christmas Kane DDS! Trish with the cover, 1-2-3! Trish has no time to celebrate, as Naked Viscera throws her into the corner. Oh no, Bronco Buster to Trish!....Naked Vixcera just did a Bronco Buster....No wonder he gets the pin. JHB comes in, and manages to knock Viscera down with the Clothesline from Texas, but before he can make the cover Naked Mideon runs over and knocks JHB from the ring. JHB is counted out, but Mideon is disqualified as well, leaving Evad on his own against the Government and Naked Viscera. Evad debuted his new finisher, the Dyslexic Driller, amazingly pinning Naked Viscera. But the move had taken the strength out of Evad, and IRS was able to nail the Tax Cut to get the win for Team RAW.

Winners: The Government (IRS) via the Tax Cut to Evad Sullivan

[Thomas]

I thought maybe I'd come into a thread and Apple Shampoo wasn't having a go at somebody.

... and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion.... VISCERA!