The Invasion...Fully Loaded

[JStarr]

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana

The show had ended, and the ring crew worked avidly to take down the UWA ring. Another successful night for the promotion that had risen from nothing, founded on the instincts and talent of two former WWF/E writers, to present Stephanie McMahon and her husband Triple H with the first real competition their company had had since her father was able to vanquish the hated WCW. That was twenty years ago.

The WWF made hundreds of millions of dollars off of the death of WCW and its near-resurrection…and the two men that I was here to see helped bolster that balance immeasurably. I write for the Pro Wrestling Torch, and I had suggested to His Highness Wade Keller that a twenty-year anniversary piece on the WCW Invasion could make for tremendous reading. Of course, I had much bigger goals in mind. Rather than write some meaningless blurb that Keller could use to coax more VIP memberships, I wanted a cut of the action. There were book deals to be had and money to be placed in MY pocket rather than Keller’s. And the co-owners of the UWA were the pivotal figures in the story I wanted to tell.

Sowders was easy to spot. He stood six-seven, probably weighed 240 or 250, and was bald as a baby’s ass. By choice, I had been assured. As for Henry, he came up to his colleague’s chin at 5’10”, but his linebacker’s barrel frame probably held every bit as much weight.

“Excuse me…Mr. Sowders? Mr. Henry?”

Both men turned and simultaneously said, “Yo.”

“Tim Sather from the Torch. We talked on the phone.”

They both shook my hand, then Henry said, “We got a few things left to do to wrap up here. But meet us up at the Varsity Club and we’ll shoot the shit all night if ya like.”

“Okay. Where’s the Varsity Club?”

Sowders replied, “Club level. Just keep going up, you’ll find it.”

They headed off in the direction of the locker rooms, and I wandered off to find this Varsity Club.

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One Hour Later--Approximately 11 PM

They walked in laughing and sat down with me in a corner booth. The bartender apparently hadn’t had enough NBA players walking in from the Pacers’ games, because he seemed a little starstruck. The guy gushed over the show, which, as a matter of fact, was replaying on the screens above us at that moment. After saying that it was the ferocity of their competition that had REALLY caused Vince McMahon’s heart to give out, a comment which neither man seemed to appreciate much, he hustled off to get Henry his Long Island and Sowders his Budweiser. Then Sowders turned to me.

“So you’re doing a piece on the Invasion, huh?”

“Yep. We’re getting close to the twenty-year anniversary and people wanna hear from the principals in the biggest storyline in wrestling history. And it seems that everybody else has tried to cash in with books and what-not, but you guys never did. From all that I’ve seen, you guys don’t bring up much about your time in the WWF at all.”

“Not really,” Henry said. “There were a lot of people that really tried to make it more difficult than it should have been near the end.”

I told him, “Well, let’s start from the beginning. How did you guys get started there?”

Sowders said, “We’re originally from Lafayette, about an hour northwest of here. We met some guys that were working for IWA Mid-South, Ian Rotten’s company out of Highland. We got a hookup with them, and helped out all over the Midwest.”

Henry continued, “One weekend, this was around Christmas ‘99, I think…we had a Mid-South show in Charlestown on the Saturday, then we went to a OVW house show at a club called Riehle Brothers’ in Lafayette the next night. Ian went with us, and he introduced us to Jim Cornette.”

I asked, “How did Ian know Cornette?”

Sowders: “They both ran a lot of shows in the Louisville area. Cornette had just started with OVW at that time.”

“Was it Cornette’s habit to be at house shows three hours away?”

Henry: “It wasn’t unheard of, but this show had a pretty loaded crew on it. Basham, Dinsmore, Damaja, Conway, all those guys were there that night. Helluva show, really.”

“Okay, so did Cornette hire you guys right off?”

Henry: “No, but we kept in touch with him and Danny Davis.”

Sowders: “We even relocated to Louisville. It was close enough to everywhere Mid-South ran those days, and we became regulars at the OVW shows.”

Henry: “We started helping out with the ring crew and Davis decided to hire us. I even worked as an emergency ref every now and then.”

“So, when did the WWF come calling?”

Sowders: “About September of 2000.”

Henry: “It was kind of a surprise at that point, because OVW was still an NWA affiliate then. Memphis was WWF’s development group.”

Sowders: “Vince and some of the other brass came down to Louisville to do some negotiating with Davis…”

Henry: “…and a little scouting, too…”

Sowders: “Yeah, that too…and Danny talked us up as a reason that some of the storylines had been tight that fall. We had a great 4-way battle being waged for the OVW title. Doug Basham, Damaja, Nick Dinsmore, and Rob Conway kept beating the hell out of each other for the gold, and the fans loved it.”

Henry: “Mainly because they were all local boys, but it took a while for everyone to figure out that that really mattered to the fans in southern Indiana and northern Kentucky.”

“Okay, so you started with the WWF in September, so you’d only been around four or five months when everything started falling into place with WCW. How did you guys get to be big figures in the Invasion only being there that short a time?”

Henry: “We had ideas…no one else did.”

Sowders: “When we heard that this was happening, man, we marked the fuck out. It was like being kids again and thinking, WOW! There was a real once-in-a-lifetime feeling going on there. When it was first announced, we were on the phone all night, batting ideas around. Shit, we had over a year‘s worth of storylines ready to go in about four hours.”

Henry: “The hard part was selling it to Vince and appealing to his sense of magnitude.”

Sowders: “He wanted to simply crush WCW under his boot and move on, but when we presented a big mock-up of how much money he could make…well, his ego kinda took a back seat to his wallet.”

I asked them both, “Can you take me through what the planning stages were like? I mean, show by show, what really went on to make those angles happen?”

And that was all it took to get more information than I would have ever thought they could remember…

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WWF buys rival WCW March 23, 2001: 7:00 p.m. ET

World Wrestling Fed. ends 20-yr. rivalry, buys World Championship Wrestling

NEW YORK (CNNfn) - The World Wrestling Federation Entertainment Inc. agreed Friday to acquire rival World Championship Wrestling, ending a near 20-year rivalry.

Stamford, Conn.-based World Wrestling Federation Entertainment now has global rights to the World Championship Wrestling brand, tape library and other intellectual rights.

TNN is anticipated to be the new home of WCW, a WWF spokesman said, and WCW will not air on TNT or WTBS. Cross-brand storylines may start as soon as Monday during the "WWF Raw is War" on TNN and Monday's final performance of "WCW Monday Nitro Live" on Turner Network Television.

The WWF bought the wrestling firm from Turner Broadcasting System Inc., a unit of AOL Time Warner. CNNfn.com is also a unit of AOL Time Warner.

The two companies have been competing against each other for 18 years, and executives vowed that the WCW will not fade away.

"WWF has been a rival organization to the WCW for quite some time," said WWF CEO Linda McMahon on a conference call open to journalists. "With the new infusion of stars and the cross-branded story lines, this does nothing but raise the specter potential for us. We're very pleased to have come to agreement to purchase that brand."

No financial terms were released but McMahon said the purchase was not a stock transaction.

WWF is the largest provider of programmed wrestling entertainment, with such top-rated shows as "WWF Raw is War" and "WWF Smackdown!" on the UPN Network. Top stars also include The Rock, Chyna and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.

"We bought WCW because it would be great way to propel our core business, the sports entertainment genre, to new height," said WWF spokesman Gary Davis.

WWF is also an equal partner with NBC in the fledgling professional football league XFL which scored record low ratings recently. Executives said the WCW purchase has nothing to do with the football league.

AOL Time Warner could not be reached for comment.

Atlanta-based World Championship Wrestling produces live wrestling shows and competes against the WWF. The World Championship Wrestling franchise includes popular cable television show "WCW Monday Nitro Live" and "WCW Worldwide," which is seen in syndication in 94 percent of the United States.

In January, Fusient Media Ventures inked a deal to buy World Championship Wrestling. However, the deal fell apart when AOL's Turner Broadcasting decided to drop WCW from its TBS and TNT channels.

The once-popular WCW is now losing money and analysts estimate that last year the wrestling franchise lost about $80 million. WWF executives declined to discuss WCW's financial situation but said they encountered no surprises when looking at the rival firm's financials.

The WWF is still working out many details of its agreement to buy WCW. The company will be assuming some actor's contracts but others it will not, executives said. The WCW also plans to expand its pay-per-view offerings but not in the near future.

Shares for WWF lost 1 cent to $12.10 Friday while AOL gained $2.75, or 7.48 percent, to $39.52 Friday.

[King.]

I welcome another Invasion diary. I'll be reading. Sounds good so far.

[JStarr]

WWF Active Roster:

Face/Tweener/Heel

Main Event:

The Rock (filming The Scorpion King)

The Undertaker

Kurt Angle

Steve Austin (WWF/Tag Team Champion)

Triple H (Intercontinental/Tag Team Champion)

Upper Midcard:

Chris Benoit

Chris Jericho

Chyna (Women’s Champion)

Kane

Rikishi

The Big Show

William Regal (WWF Commissioner)

Midcard:

Billy Gunn

Bradshaw

Buh Buh Ray Dudley

D-Von Dudley

Faarooq

Jeff Hardy

Lita

Matt Hardy (European Champion)

Tazz

Test

Trish Stratus

Raven

Christian

Eddie Guerrero

Edge

Haku

Rhyno (Hardcore Champion)

X-Pac (X-Factor member)

Lower Midcard:

Al Snow

Crash Holly

Grandmaster Sexay

Hardcore Holly

Molly Holly

Scotty 2 Hotty

Spike Dudley

Steve Blackman

Tajiri

Albert (X-Factor member)

Big Bossman

Bull Buchanan (RTC member)

Dean Malenko

Ivory (RTC member)

Jerry Lynn (Light Heavyweight Champion)

Justin Credible (X-Factor member)

Perry Saturn

Steven Richards (RTC member)

The Goodfather (RTC member)

Val Venis (RTC member)

Openers:

Essa Rios

Jacqueline

Funaki

Taka Michinoku

Managers:

Debra

Stephanie McMahon

Terri

Non-Wrestlers:

Mick Foley

Shawn Michaels

Shane McMahon

Paul Heyman

Vince McMahon

WWF Champions:

WWF World Champion:  Stone Cold Steve Austin (def. The Rock, WrestleMania X-7, 4/1/01, Houston, TX)

WWF Intercontinental Champion: Triple H (def. Jeff Hardy, Raw, 4/16/01, Knoxville, TN)

WWF European Champion: Matt Hardy (def. Eddie Guerrero, SmackDown, 4/26/01, Denver, CO)

WWF Hardcore Champion: Rhyno (def. Kane, SmackDown, 4/19/01, Nashville, TN)

WWF Light Heavyweight Champion: Jerry Lynn (def. Crash Holly, Backlash, 4/29/01, Chicago, IL)

WWF Women's Champion: Chyna (def. Ivory, WrestleMania X-7, 4/1/01, Houston, TX)

WWF Tag Team Champions: Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H (def. Kane and The Undertaker, Backlash, 4/29/01, Chicago, IL)

OVW Roster: (BOLD=WCW talent)

Air Paris

AJ Styles

Big Vito

Billy Kidman

Booker T

Brock Lesnar

Buff Bagwell

Chad Collyer

Chavo Guerrero

Chris Kanyon

Chuck Palumbo

Damaja

Damien

Diamond Dallas Page

D’Lo Brown

Doug Basham

Elix Skipper

Eric Angle

Evan Karagias

Flash

Gregory Helms

Horace Hogan

Hugh Morrus

Jamie Knoble

Jason Jett

Johnny the Bull

Kaz Hayashi

Kid Romeo

Kimo

K-Kwik

Kwee-Wee

Lance Storm

Lash LeRoux

Leviathan

Mark Henry

Mark Jindrak

Mike Awesome

Mike Sanders

Mr. Black

Nick Dinsmore

O.G. Ekmo

Payne

R.C. Haas

Randy Orton

Reno

Rico Constantino

Rob Conway

Ron Waterman

Sean O’Haire

Shannon Moore

Shawn Stasiak

Shelton Benjamin

Stacy Keibler

Steve Bradley

The Prototype

The Wall

Victoria

Yang

Backlash Results:

WWF Light Heavyweight title match:  Jerry Lynn over Crash Holly ©

--In his WWF television debut, Lynn wins the Light Heavyweight title, pinning Crash with a handful of tights.

Lita over Molly Holly

--Lita’s Twist of Fate/Moonsault combo scores her the victory over the spunky Molly Holly.

X-Factor (X-Pac, Justin Credible, Albert) over Dudley Boyz (Buh Buh, D-Von, Spike)

--A Justin Credible superkick put Buh Buh Ray down for the count, but X-Pac was the worst for wear, as Buh Buh and D-Von recovered to deliver a 3-D on him through a table.

WWF Hardcore title match:  Rhyno © over Raven

--Rhyno Gores a shopping cart and eats several trashcan lids, but still manages to hit a Gore on Raven and defend his title.

Duchess of Queensbury match: William Regal over Chris Jericho

--Jericho hits a Lionsault and has Regal pinned…just in time for “Round 1” to end.  Regal taps to the Walls of Jericho…and the Duchess decrees that there are no submissions.  Regal smacks Jericho with the Duchess’ scepter, and the rules apparently state that there are no DQ’s.  Finally, Regal wins with several chair shots after Jericho has the audacity to put the Duchess in the Walls.

Ultimate Submission match: Chris Benoit over Kurt Angle

--Seven minutes in and Benoit taps to a knee lock.  Cross arm breaker forces Angle to tap, making it 1-1.  Benoit taps twice in succession following a vicious chairshot, once to the Anklelock and once to the Crossface.  A Benoit half crab makes it 3-2 Angle with 11:16 left.  Angle wastes some time, but Benoit manages to reverse an Anklelock into one of his own, tying the match with 1:36 left.  Time expires with Benoit in an Anklelock, and we go to sudden death, where Benoit manages to maneuver Kurt into the Crossface for the winning tap. 

Last Man Standing match: Shane McMahon over Big Show

--Show is in control until Test arrives with a Big Boot.  Show still manages to chase Shane up the stage set until Test attacks with a piece of sheet metal, beating Show down to his back.  Shane flies from THE TOP OF THE SET and delivers an elbow drop that keeps Show down for the ten-count.

European Championship Triple Threat match: Matt Hardy © over Christian and Eddie Guerrero

--Almost a handicap match at the end, as Edge arrives to Spear Matt and Jeff Hardy drills Christian with a Swanton.  Matt is able to follow up with a Twist of Fate on Christian to retain his gold.

Three-Title Match:  Triple H (Intercontinental Champion) and Steve Austin (WWF World Champion) over Kane and Undertaker (WWF Tag Team Champions)

--Wild brawl that ends with Vince bringing a sledgehammer to ringside while Kane drills both HHH and Stephanie with Big Boots.  Triple H gets the hammer and dims Kane’s lights to win the WWF Tag Team titles for himself and Austin.

Raw--April 30th, 2001

From Bradley Center, Milwaukee

--Kurt Angle gripes about his loss to Chris Benoit, invoking International Olympic Committee rules and everything.  Benoit takes exception and invokes the WWF record books, which show a victory for Benoit.  We have a brawl, Benoit hits two Germans and tosses Angle…then walks off with Kurt’s gold medals.

--Backstage, Kurt asks Michael Cole and Tazz where his medals are.  They decide to let Kurt look a while longer.

WWF European Championship match: Matt Hardy © v. Edge

--Once again, both men’s brothers figure in the outcome.  Christian distracts Matt and the ref long enough for Edge to hit a Spear.  The ref counts, but Jeff tosses Christian into the ring, where he hits the ref to break the count.  Edge and Christian argue, and Matt hits a Twist of Fate for the win.

--The Coach interviews Commissioner Regal, who punishes Chris Jericho for attacking the Duchess by giving him a Hardcore title match with Rhyno.  Coach leaves and Trish Stratus enters, and Regal gives her a non-title opportunity against Chyna.

X-Pac v. Spike Dudley

--Surprisingly clean match, which sees X-Pac block the Dudley Dogg by clinging to the ropes, then hitting the X-Factor for the victory.

--Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley arrives via limo with a huge bruise on her face.  Michael Cole stops her for an interview and she tells us that Kane will pay for the bruise and Test will pay for interfering in family business.

--Edge and Christian are talking about the match earlier when Kurt Angle interrupts, looking for his medals.  E & C know nothing, and Angle thinks he’s covering for their fellow Canadian.  Kurt walks away angry.

--Stephanie interrupts a Test phone call to tell him that he has a match with Triple H tonight, and that HHH has been ordered to take Test out.

--Crash is getting massively drunk playing cards with the APA when Cousin Hardcore walks in.  Hardcore wants a match with the APA, and demonstrates his intent by throwing a beer in Bradshaw’s face.

WWF Hardcore Championship match: Rhyno © v. Chris Jericho

--Jericho is starting to take control when Edge and Christian barrel to the ring.  Christian sprays Jericho with a fire extinguisher, and a blinded Y2J walks right into a Gore.  Commissioner Regal wants a post-match cheap shot, but Jericho smacks him with a trashcan.

--Vince and Stephanie gloat about Austin and HHH’s win at Backlash and threaten Kane and Test again.  Vince wants Kane to fight Austin for the title, but Linda McMahon interrupts all the way from WWF New York and makes it Undertaker v. Austin.

The APA v. the Holly Cousins

--Crash is shitfaced, so he’s not much help.  In fact, he ends up costing Hardcore a victory when he scores a missile dropkick on his cousin.  Bradshaw scores with the Clothesline From Hell and picks up the win.

--Backstage, Lilian Garcia speaks with Undertaker, who compliments Austin and HHH on their gameplan to damage Kane’s arm.  “It took Austin, Triple H, that bitch, and McMahon to beat a one-armed man.”  Tonight, Austin’s got problems as he faces Big Daddy Deadman one-on-one.

Triple H v. Test

--Test takes control with a tilt-a-whirl and a clothesline that sends HHH to the floor, but Triple H whacks Test with a chair to end the match.  Post-match, Test eats a ringpost, the ring steps, and then gets powerbombed through the announce table.  Kane runs HHH off, but Test is still stretchered out.

WWF Women’s Champion Chyna v. Trish Stratus (non-title match)

--Chyna squashes Trish, finishing with a big powerbomb.  Post-match, Chyna says she just doesn’t have any competition here in the WWF, a statement which Lita takes exception to.  Lita wants a title match, and Chyna says she’s in for a spanking.

WWF World Championship match:  Stone Cold Steve Austin © v. The Undertaker

--Taker’s in the ring, Austin and HHH are in the back attacking Kane.  Taker gets back there, disposes of HHH, and pounds Austin all the way out to the ring.  A brief brawl in the ring, and here comes Triple H with the sledge, cracking Taker for the DQ.  Kane returns as well, but Austin and Triple H demolish both him and Undertaker with the hammer and a chair.

WWF SmackDown! Preview

May 3rd, 2001

Indianapolis will be explosive this Thursday night when SmackDown comes to town!

The Undertaker was denied his chance at the WWF Championship this Monday on Raw when Triple H intervened with a steel chair in hand.  Now the Deadman has promised that Vince McMahon, Triple H, and Stone Cold Steve Austin are all marked men.  What will the Undertaker have to say to the Power Trip, and just as importantly, how will they respond?

Hostilities between the Dudley Boyz and X-Factor don’t seem to have subsided, especially after the beating that X-Pac administered to Spike on Raw.  Thursday, big brothers D-Von and Buh Buh get involved again when they take on X-Pac and Justin Credible.  We can rest assured that Albert won’t be far away, though, so can the Dudleyz count on a fair fight?

Commissioner William Regal has been heard to remark that Chris Jericho hasn’t quite gotten enough punishment for his “besmirching” of the Duchess of Queensbury at Backlash.  Even though Y2J fell in a Hardcore title match with Rhyno on Monday, Regal says he has an even BIGGER challenge in store for Jericho!  What does this mean?  Tune in Thursday to find out!

Plus, Crash Holly gets his rematch against Jerry Lynn for the Light Heavyweight title, but what condition will Crash be in after partying a little too hard with the APA this week?  Also, the Hardy Boyz will face two of the Radicalz, Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko, in tag team action!

SmackDown this Thursday from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis…check it out!

Edited May 28, 2005 by jstarr2k3

[Guest LilJoeyPez]

Looks good. If this is anything like your previous diary it should be awesome.

[JStarr]

Thanks, SlapDash and LJP, for the kindness...especially you, SlapDash, since we're kinda treading the same turf here. And Joey, you say previous diary like the other one's dead. It's not...it's just that this idea struck me during a long convo with a friend, and I decided to run with it. I'll be double-fisting for a while, and we'll see how long that arrangement lasts. But "J. Starr" isn't dead until "The Icon of Anonymous Excellence" disappears from le sig.

Meanwhile, everyone please enjoy the show. And in case you're wondering, it's gonna be a while before the Invasion starts proper, so sit back and have a cold beverage...the ride could get bumpy.

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SmackDown!-- May 3rd, 2001

From Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana

Hosted by: Michael Cole and Tazz

Cole: WWF SmackDown is on the air, coming to you this week from Indianapolis, Indiana! The Conseco Fieldhouse is rockin’ tonight, Tazz!

Tazz: No doubt, Cole! These Indiana fans know that something big is coming tonight!

(Limp Bizkit’s “Rollin’” blasts over the speakers, and the crowd pops wildly.)

Cole: And that something big may be coming right now! Here comes the one-and-only American Badass himself!

Tazz: And we know that Deadman Inc. is gonna be in a bad mood tonight, Cole! After the beating that him and his brother Kane took last Monday at the hands of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H, I’m surprised Taker even made it here tonight!

Cole: Well, it goes to show that if you wanna slow down the Undertaker, you better bring an army!

Tazz: I don’t even think most countries’ armies would get in there with Undertaker right now! He’s got a bandage on his forehead, a chain around his neck, and a pissed-off look on his grill!

(Tony Chimel hands him a microphone, and the Deadman has something on his mind.)

Taker: Once again, Steve Austin, you proved my point. I told you you couldn’t beat the Deadman one-on-one. I told you that title was gonna be mine. I told you that you were a little yellow-bellied sap-suckin’ coward, and you proved that one hundred percent last Monday on Raw. First, you and your new life partner Triple H do some bashin’ on an injured man. Then, I come back there and have to drag your ass to the ring, since you won’t meet me out here like a man. Finally, your boy comes packin’ a sledge and dims my lights with it to get you disqualified. You and I both know, Austin, that Triple H and his hammer were the only things that saved your title. But there won’t be no savin’ you this time, Austin. You see, I spoke with the one who REALLY wears the pants in the McMahon household…that bein’ Linda. And she made a match that made me smile like I was unwrappin’ a new leather coat at Christmastime. You and me, Austin. One-on-one…at Judgment Day.

(Taker pauses for the crowd to roar its approval.)

Taker: But it ain’t a no-disqualification match. No, I think we all know where that would lead. We’d be seein’ Triple H…a sledgehammer…three or four chairs…that bitch Stephanie…that other bitch Vince…hell, Vince’d call in the National Guard and have me shot if he had to, just to protect that investment he made when he bought your ass, Austin. No, this match is your regular normal one-on-one match…with a catch. You see, disqualifications are allowed…but if you get DQ’d, then that title’s mine, Steve. Just as sure as you eatin’ a Last Ride and gettin’ pinned for the three-count. You see, Steve, I told you…I told you that if you mess with me or my family, then I’d make ya famous. And maybe it’s time to show you what I meant. I’m out here for a piece of your ass, Austin. And I’m all alone. Kane’s back at home with a broken arm. So Austin, if you don’t wanna face me at Judgment Day, then I’m beggin’ ya to come get some right now. You wanna bring that Mr. Olympia reject Triple H and his shrew bitch of a wife, bring ‘em on. Vince, you wanna come out and watch? Come on. I’m just ready to kick somebody’s ass right now, and it’s gonna be the first person that sets foot in my yard. Who’s up?

(A short pause.)

Taker: That’s okay, boys and girls. I got all night.

Taker demands a chair from ringside, and he gets one handed to him quickly. He opens it and sits down, then produces a pouch of Red Man from his vest pocket. He’s just about to have a dip when Vince McMahon’s “No Chance in Hell” blares over the speakers. The Chairman walks out, mic in hand, annoyed expression on his face.

Vince: So that’s it, huh? You’re just gonna hijack my show, is that it?

Taker: That was the plan, yes.

Vince: So if I want you out of my ring, I’m gonna have to take you out, am I correct?

Taker: Yup.

Vince: And how do we know you’re not lying about Kane? Not about the broken arm part, I mean. I’ve seen his X-rays, and it looks pretty gruesome. Austin, Triple H, and I, we toasted some beers over that one, believe me. But how do I know he’s not lying in wait here tonight?

Taker: Well, Vince, you got every right to be scared. Hell, I’d be scared, too. To a guy who had half his face burned off as a child, a broken arm ain’t much to sweat. So maybe I am lyin’ to ya. But do you got the grapefruits to come find out?

Vince: Oh, sure, pal. I’m gonna come get in the ring with an angry seven-foot inbred redneck biker with a chain. No thanks. But I’ll make you a deal. I’m gonna give you a match tonight. Not with Austin, not with Triple H, but with someone else who has a bit of an issue with you. If you can win this match…then…then…

Taker: Then what, Vince?

Vince: DON’T RUSH ME, DAMMIT! I’m trying to think here! Okay, I got it…you and Kane can have a HANDICAP match at Judgment Day. You two against Austin for the title. You win the title even if Kane pins Austin. How about it, Deadman?

Taker pauses to think a moment.

Taker: And I assume this is also based around my getting outta this ring soon, right?

Vince: Yes, that is correct.

Taker pauses for thought again as the crowd chants “TA-KER! TA-KER!”

Taker: Sounds like you’re real desperate, Vince…and I like to hear that. You got a deal. Whoever you got lined up back there, you better let him know…he’s about to be famous.

“Rollin’” cranks up again and Taker moves to leave the ring.

Cole: Mr. McMahon is gambling big-time tonight, Tazz!

Tazz: You’re tellin’ me! What I wanna know is, what’s the Rattlesnake gonna say when he hears about this?

Cole: If Stone Cold’s in a good mood tonight, he won’t be for long! But I’m anxious to see who this mystery opponent’s gonna be! Anyway, we’ll be right back with some great tag team action! The Hardy Boyz against two of The Radicalz, Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko!

Tazz: And a ripe tomata in each team’s corner, Cole! Nobody’ll wanna miss this!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko (w/ Terri) v. The Hardy Boyz (w/ Lita)

Dean and Perry work a solid mat-based match, isolating Matt for the better part of it. They work the back, trying to soften Matt up for Malenko’s Texas Cloverleaf. Perry, however, makes a bit of a tactical error when he drills Matt with a Northern Lights Suplex that sends Matt toward his own corner. Jeff reaches out and tags a foot, which Jim Corderas registers as legal, and Jeff races into the ring as the teenage girls start squealing. Some underwhelming right hands to Saturn send him tumbling all the way out of the ring, and Malenko charges in. Dean Irish-whips Jeff toward the corner, but Jeff leaps up the buckles and connects with a Whisper in the Wind! Off comes Jeff’s shirt, and back in comes Perry Saturn. He tries to hit another Northern Lights, but Jeff sits out and scores with a jawbreaker. Matt charges back in and hits Perry with a flying forearm that sends him into the corner…then drops to all fours for Jeff to score with a Poetry in Motion! Jeff covers and only gets two as Matt clotheslines both himself and Malenko to the floor. Jeff heads up top, seemingly looking for a Swanton, but Terri leaps onto the apron and gets a death grip on Jeff’s leg! Jeff tries to shake her off, but the distraction gives Saturn time to recover, and he climbs the ropes to join Jeff. Perry tries for a second-rope suplex, but he can’t get Jeff up with Terri still clinging to his leg! Jeff finally punches Saturn off as Lita drags Terri off his leg…and the Swanton connects! Cover…1...2...3! The Hardyz claim the victory, and outside the ring, Lita smacks the taste out of Terri’s mouth!

WINNERS: The Hardy Boyz

Tazz: Ouch, Cole! The little She-Devil just got burned!

Cole: Well, what business did she have trying to get involved here, Tazz? If I were Lita, I’d have done the exact same thing.

Tazz: If you were Lita, I’d enjoy my job a hell of a lot more.

Cole: You’re too much sometimes, you know that? Well, it’s time to send it backstage, where our colleague Lilian Garcia is standing by with WWF Commissioner William Regal!

Lilian: Thanks, Michael. Commissioner Regal, you’ve said that you aren’t satisfied with the job that Rhyno and Edge and Christian did on Chris Jericho last Monday. What else do you have in mind for Y2J?

Regal: First of all, what the bloody hell are you wearing, you scandalous tart? Since when are a miniskirt and a midriff top considered professional journalistic attire? I feel I’m being interviewed by a common streetwalker. But be that as it may, I have a difficult enough job controlling some of the lawless heathens on this WWF roster without worrying about how your mother dresses you in the morning. This past Monday, we not only witnessed a heinous assault on my personage from that miserable little specimen Chris Jericho, but also a case of grand theft when Chris Benoit absconded with the gold medals belonging to Our Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Both of these criminals will be punished tonight.

Lilian: How are they going to be punished, Commissioner?

Regal: Stop interrupting me and I’ll tell you, you brazen little strumpet. Chris Benoit will need to find some friends, and find them fast, for he will be across the ring from the seven-time WWF Tag Team Champions, Edge and Christian, and their beastly compatriot Rhyno, in a six-man tag team match. However, if Benoit cannot find partners, then it will be his loss, because the match will then become a handicap match. As for that disgusting toerag Chris Jericho, he will be facing the seven-foot-tall, five-hundred pound Big Show tonight. And Big Show has been given full carte blanche by my office to use whatever force necessary to end Chris Jericho’s career tonight. Jericho, your audacity astounds me, but tonight, sunshine, there will be no clowning around on your part. The Big Show fights not only for me tonight, but for the besmirched Duchess of Queensbury, all her loyal subjects, and all the decent WWF fans who have tired of your disrespectful antics. Good day, Miss Garcia…and for God’s sake, put some clothes on.

Regal takes his leave on that note.

Tazz: I don’t get it, Cole.

Cole: What’s to get, Tazz? Regal’s angry that Chris Jericho bashed him with a garbage can on Raw this past Monday, so he’s got to send a giant to get revenge!

Tazz: No, I mean what’s his problem with Lilian’s wardrobe? I think she looks lovely tonight.

Cole: Well, so do I, but…wait a minute, we’re off the topic here. Chris Benoit’s got to find two partners for his match or else he’ll be facing Edge, Christian and Rhyno alone, and Chris Jericho may as well be in a handicap match, because he’s up against a man more than twice his size! A difficult night for those two tonight, folks! Stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

X-Pac and Justin Credible (w/ Albert) v. The Dudley Boyz (w/ Spike Dudley)

Buh Buh and D-Von are off their rhythm in this one, distracted by the looming presence of Albert at ringside. They are able to use their size advantage to throw around the smaller Pac and Justin, and things are looking bleak for X-Factor with X-Pac caught in the “WHAZZUPP” position. Albert chooses that moment to level the cheering Spike with a bicycle kick outside the ring, and D-Von hops off the top rope to give chase. X-Pac’s testicles are safe, and referee Teddy Long is busy yelling at D-Von to get back in the ring, so Justin has a wide-open shot at a low blow on Buh Buh Ray. Pac hops up and hits the X-Factor…Justin grabs Teddy and points out the cover…1...2...and Buh Buh kicks out! D-Von has chased Albert all the way back up the ramp, and turns to return to the ring just in time to see Credible Irish-whip Buh Buh into the ropes…and X-Factor drill him with the Dudleyz’ own 3-D!! X-Pac covers again…1...2...3!! Spike is back up and heads to the top rope, where he scores with a missile dropkick on Justin! Of course, X-Pac is Johnny-on-the-spot with another X-Factor, and he drags Justin out of the ring just in time to escape the charging D-Von!

WINNERS: X-Pac and Justin Credible

Cole: The Dudley Boyz got screwed in this one, Tazz! That’s undeniable!

Tazz: I’ll deny it right now, Cole. It was good strategy by X-Factor. Albert never laid a finger on Buh Buh or D-Von, and it’s D-Von’s own fault for taking his eye off the ball, so to speak.

Cole: Albert never should have been out there in the first place.

Tazz: Well, neither should Spike, then.

Cole: Fair enough, I guess…

And with that, we head backstage. Vince is pacing anxiously while Triple H and a still-bruised Stephanie look on from a plush couch. Vince turns…and comes nose-to-nose with an angry-looking Steve Austin.

Austin: Is there something you’d like to tell me, Vince?

Vince: Um…Steve, hi. Look…I had to come up with something, or Undertaker was going to sit in my ring all night, and…

Austin: SHUT UP!

Vince closes his mouth with an audible click.

Austin: Vince, our arrangement has brought me my fifth WWF World Championship…my fourth WWF Tag Team Championship…and a peace of mind that I haven’t had in a long time. Now, what you did tonight…that jeopardizes my peace of mind, Vince. How am I supposed to go to sleep tonight if I know that I have to face both of those freaks at Judgment Day? I’ve been a happy man this past month, Vince. I’m so happy, I’ve been thinking of taking Debra on a second honeymoon. How can I do that if two monsters tear me to pieces, Vince? What happens then? What, are you gonna take Debra on a second honeymoon for me?

Vince: Well…

Austin: SHUT UP!

HHH: Austin…

Austin: WHAT?

HHH: Trust us…there is no way that you’ll have to face both Undertaker and Kane at Judgment Day.

Austin: And how are you so sure?

HHH: Well, for one thing, I’ve seen the guy Undertaker’s facing tonight, and I’ll tell you this…he’s pretty pissed off right now.

Austin: So am I, what’s your point?

Stephanie: Steve, he’s brought his own backup, too. And these guys are a pair of total savages. You don’t have anything to worry about.

Austin: Well, since you two are so confident, then why don’t you put your title where your mouth is, Triple H?

HHH: Okay, if that’ll shut you up, fine. If Undertaker wins tonight, I’ll go down to that very ring on Raw this Monday and I’ll just HAND OVER the Intercontinental title to Kane. How about that? I’ll just give it up. Do you feel better now? Are you ready to quit your damn whining? I really hope so, because I’m getting an Excedrin headache over here.

Austin: You would do that for me? You would give up your title for Stone Cold Steve Austin’s mental well-being?

HHH: No, I’m doing this for all of our hearing, because you sound like fingernails on a chalkboard right now.

Austin: Close enough. Come ‘ere, ya big lug.

Austin reaches out and hugs Triple H. Vince and Stephanie look shocked, Triple H looks frightened, and Austin looks positively deranged.

Tazz: Well, there’s a sight I never thought I’d see.

Cole: Me neither, partner. But if Triple H is that confident, then the Power Trip must really have the deck stacked against the Undertaker. We’ll be right back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

WWF Light Heavyweight Championship Match:

Jerry Lynn © v. Crash Holly

Crash comes down with an ice-pack on his head, apparently still hung over from his card game with the APA on Monday.

Tazz: Guess Crash isn’t all that good at holding his liquor, huh, Cole?

Cole: Well, Crash isn’t nearly as big as Faarooq or Bradshaw, but he seemed to be going beer for beer with them on Monday night. AND he wrestled a match against them that same night.

Tazz: Gotta give it to Jerry Lynn, though...he’s a helluva smart champion, challenging Crash for his rematch when Crash is in this kind of condition.

And Crash’s condition does him no favors in this match, as Lynn breaks out some high-impact moves that leave Crash more wobbly than he already was. Lynn nearly coughs up the match when he tries for a flying bulldog, only for Crash to wobble and fall to one knee, leaving Jerry to land on his ass. Crash hits a running neck snap, but gets light-headed when he stands up. Wobbling side-to-side, Crash is an easy target for a German Bridge Suplex by Lynn…1...2...and Crash gets the shoulder up! Jerry wastes no time pulling Crash up and placing him into position…and he hits the Cradle Piledriver! Cover…1...2...3! Jerry Lynn retains the gold…and surprises a great many people when he helps Crash stand up! His display of sportsmanship is a sham, though, as he shakes Crash’s hand…then pulls him back to the mat with an inverted Russian legsweep! Jerry stands over Crash grinning until Hardcore Holly barrels to the ring! Jerry escapes and Hardcore stops to check on Crash.

WINNER and STILL CHAMPION: Jerry Lynn

Cole: Gotta give Crash credit, he fought a tough match in his condition.

Tazz: No doubt, Cole. Crash is a tough little dude, and Jerry Lynn’s not seen the last of him…WHAT THE?!?

Cole: Oh, my God! Tazz…Crash just vomited all over his cousin Hardcore!

Tazz: Um…what I said about Jerry not seeing the last of Crash? I take that back, because Hardcore is gonna kill him when they get back to the locker room!

Cole: No, it looks more like Crash isn’t gonna make it back to the locker room. Hardcore’s just leaving him in the middle of the ramp!

Tazz: I think we’re going to a commercial break now, and it’s a good time for one.

Cole: I agree, and I hope we don’t see any replays of this, or else I may be sick!

Tazz: Cole, you puke on my suit and I will choke you out, trust me.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Edge, Christian, and Rhyno v. Chris Benoit, ???, and ???

Edge and Christian accompany Rhyno to the ring, looking smug and confident as ever, and they maintain those looks as Chris Benoit’s “Shooter” plays over the speakers. Benoit pauses at the top of the ramp…and watches Edge and Christian’s grins disappear when the pounding chords of the APA’s music start up! Benoit, Faarooq, and Bradshaw rush the ring, scattering Team REC, and setting off what turns out to be a fairly rousing brawl. Edge and Christian bend every rule they can find to get an advantage over the bigger APA, and manage to isolate Faarooq for a while. Edge thinks he has the match won as he stalks Faarooq, bouncing up and down in the corner, waiting for a Spear. He charges…but Faarooq catches Edge coming in with a thunderous powerslam! Edge is in agony as he holds his back, and Faarooq takes the opportunity to crawl for the tag to Bradshaw! The big Texan barrels into the ring, catching Christian, who’s unwisely tried a high cross body. That turns into a fallaway slam, and here comes Rhyno to trade fists with Bradshaw. Rhyno ends up getting backdropped to the floor, and Bradshaw reaches out for the tag to Benoit. Benoit heads straight up to the top rope and watches Bradshaw charge at Edge…and connect with the Clothesline From Hell! Edge is spun 270 degrees, landing flat on his back, and Benoit gestures for the end. But before Benoit can attempt a Swandive…here comes a figure from the crowd, wearing a hooded sweatsuit! The figure leaps up the turnbuckles and delivers a wicked-looking belly-to-belly throw! Jack Doan calls for the bell, ending this match on a DQ, while the intruder yanks his hood off to reveal himself as Kurt Angle! Angle clamps the Anklelock on Benoit, screaming “WHERE ARE MY MEDALS, BENOIT?!?” Bradshaw’s headed over for the save…but he takes a vicious GORE from Rhyno! Meanwhile, Faarooq absorbs an Unprettier from Christian, and it’s absolute carnage!

WINNERS by DQ: Chris Benoit and the APA

Cole: Kurt Angle’s snapped, Tazz!

Tazz: Gee, ya think? I’d say he wants his medals back, and in a pretty bad way, too!

Officials finally arrive to pry Angle off of Benoit, and we head backstage.

The Coach is standing with Triple H and his wife Stephanie.

Coach: Triple H, you’ve made a pretty bold statement regarding the Undertaker’s match tonight, offering to hand over your Intercontinental title to Kane if Undertaker wins tonight. Are you that confident that Undertaker will lose tonight?

HHH: Yes, I am, Coach.

Coach: Can you give us any insight as to who the opponent is?

HHH: I could…but why should I? You’ll find out when all these other cretins do.

Coach: Fair enough. Let’s say, then, that this opponent does defeat Undertaker tonight…where does that leave you and Kane?

HHH: It leaves me still very pissed off that my wife has a bruise on her face the size of a softball, Coach. We have Kane to thank for that, and my payback to him isn’t done yet. I’ll put my title on the line to defend my wife, Coach. I don’t have to be forced into it like Austin does.

Coach: Does this mean that you’ll defend the title against Kane?

HHH: Damn right I will, jack. Me and the giant Crispy Critter…one on one…Judgment Day.

Stephanie: Tell him about the rules.

Coach: What about the rules?

HHH: Good point, Steph…Coach, I’m challenging Kane to a Street Fight. So, if I wanna bring a sledgehammer or a chair or hell, even low-grade artillery, it’ll all be completely legal.

Stephanie: Or if I wanna jump in the ring and claw Kane’s disgusting mutated different-colored eyes out, that’s legal too.

Coach: So you don’t think Kane’s broken arm will be enough of an advantage? You also want no rules in the match?

HHH: Coach, one thing you should know about me by now…is that I never have too much of an advantage. Come on, Steph.

Tazz: A Street Fight at Judgment Day? That’s a sure-fire rocketbusta, Cole!

Cole: You got that right, partner! Folks, stay tuned, because after the break, we find out if Chris Jericho can climb the seven-foot-tall, 500-pound mountain known as the Big Show!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Big Show (w/ Commissioner William Regal) v. Chris Jericho

Regal heads out to join Cole and Tazz on commentary, seemingly forgetting that the same decision resulted in a trashcan shot for him on Raw. Y2J, however, manages to keep his focus on the giant he’s in the ring with, and works the tried-and-true gameplan of “cut out the bigger man’s legs.” Jericho ducks enough fists and clotheslines and lands enough basement dropkicks, leg sweeps, and chopblocks that he even manages to put Show on one knee. Show ducks out of the bulldog that would have set up the Lionsault, however, and when Jericho lands on his ass, it gives Show a little time to regroup. From here, Show goes to town, pounding away at Jericho with his ham-sized hands and Beale tossing him across the ring like he was a five-year-old, much to the delight of Commissioner Regal. Regal cheers the giant on as he locks his hand around Jericho’s throat, preparing for a Chokeslam, but the joy is short-lived as the camera catches a figure dashing down the ramp and sliding into the ring. The man pounds Big Show across the back, and we see that it’s…Billy Gunn?!? Tim White calls for the disqualification, and this match is thrown out. Billy keeps pounding, though, until Show turns and grabs a goozle on him! Billy scores a field-goal kick down south, though, forcing Show to release him. Billy hits the ropes and scores with a Fameasser, and soaks up the crowd’s…indifference.

WINNER by DQ: The Big Show

William Regal pops out of his commentator’s chair, removes his headset, and grabs a house mic.

Regal: Mr. Gunn, I certainly hope you have a damn good explanation for your actions. This matter did not concern you in the slightest bit, but you have taken it upon yourself to get involved in my disciplinary procedures. You leave me no choice, sunshine, but to hand out some discipline to you as well. This coming Monday on Raw, I will have Chris Jericho back in the ring with The Big Show, as their match was so rudely interrupted. For the sake of variety, however, we will have a tag team match. Chris Jericho’s partner will be that thieving scoundrel Chris Benoit, and their opponents will be the sorely aggrieved Big Show and Kurt Angle. As for you, Mr. Gunn, your punishment will be every bit as severe. You will be working alone…in a three-on-one handicap match against the X-Factor! Now get the hell out of Mr. McMahon’s ring before someone comes to remove you bodily!

Cole: Come on! William Regal’s on a power trip now!

Tazz: Hey, he’s the commish, Cole! Power trips are a perk of the job. But if I’m Billy Gunn, I’d be leaving right about now…whoops, too late!

Cole: What the hell? Big Show’s back up!

Tazz: GOOZLE!

Cole: And Big Show gets some revenge with a thunderous Chokeslam!

Tazz: I think Billy Gunn just learned to mind his own business.

Cole: That’s definitely a painful lesson, though! Coming up, we’ve got our main event! Mr. McMahon’s mystery man…and his backup, whatever that means…against The Undertaker! If Undertaker wins, he and Kane get a handicap match with Stone Cold at Judgment Day AND Kane will be handed Triple H’s Intercontinental Championship!

Tazz: Stakes are too high, Cole! Mr. McMahon and The Game have somethin’ up their sleeves.

Cole: I don’t doubt that for a second. We’ll be right back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Undertaker v. ???

Undertaker zooms back out to the ring on his bike, chain still around his neck, and waits for his opponent…but the first music that plays is once again “No Chance in Hell.” The Chairman walks out with a smug look on his face and a mic in his hand.

Vince: Well, Deadman, I know the suspense has gotta be killing you right now, so let me introduce to you your opponent. You haven’t been face-to-face with him…since you tried to kill him at Armageddon! And now he wants some payback! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…RIKISHI!!

“Bad Man” plays over the speakers, and here comes the 350-pound Samoan himself!

Tazz: Well, Rikishi does have some issues with the Undertaker, Cole. If somebody tried to heave me off a twenty-foot Cell, I’d have issues with him, too!

Cole: Rikishi’s just a hatchet man now, Tazz! He used to be a fun-loving party kinda guy, and now he’s just a common thug!

Tazz: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Rikishi slides into the ring and immediately starts to trade haymakers with the Undertaker! In a rare sight, Taker is actually the first man to stagger off, giving Rikishi the opening for a big Samoan Drop! Rikishi mounts Taker and rips the bandage off his forehead, pounding away at the now-exposed cut from Monday night! The pounding continues until Rikishi finally decides to pull Taker to his feet and whip him toward the corner. The Phat Man charges, but Undertaker vacates, leaving Rikishi to crash into the turnbuckles! Taker hits the ropes and rebounds with a massive lariat that flips Rikishi head-over-heels, and now it’s Taker’s turn to ground and pound! Taker doesn’t get too many shots in, however, before he spots someone coming quickly down the ramp!

Cole: Now what?

Tazz: Cole, I’d recognize that hair anywhere! It’s Haku!

Haku charges the ring, but Taker’s already prepared for him and greets the intruder with a big series of rights and hurls him into a corner. Seeing Rikishi propped in the opposite corner, Taker charges at him and connects with a Bundy-esque Avalanche! Now for the other side, Taker does the same thing to Haku, and both Samoans are woozy! Taker snatches Haku around the throat…and delivers a massive Chokeslam that causes Haku to decide it’s time to roll out to the floor! Taker turns…and walks right into a superkick! Rikishi covers…1...2...and Taker gets the shoulder up! Rikishi decides it’s time to finish things, so he begins to drag Taker toward the corner. Setting him in position, Rikishi steps onto the second turnbuckle, in position for a Banzai Drop…and Taker stands up! The Deadman grabs a hold of Rikishi and has him in position…for a ring-rattling Last Ride!! No sooner does Rikishi hit the canvas than Triple H’s music blasts over the PA! Both Undertaker and Earl Hebner turn and check out the ramp, watching Triple H stomp toward the ring, sledge in hand! Hebner actually leaves the ring to head off The Game, and Taker turns back toward Rikishi…

Tazz: Wait! Look at this!

Cole: It’s Stone Cold! He just jumped the barricade!

Tazz: STUNNER!

Cole: Stone Cold just leveled the Undertaker, and Earl Hebner didn’t see a bit of it! Dammit!

Rikishi staggers to his feet, as Triple H turns and heads back toward the curtain, apparently done arguing with Hebner. Austin has vacated the ring by the time Earl turns around, and the referee sees only Rikishi dropping his bulbous ass right onto the Undertaker’s chest! Hebner dives back in…1...2...3!!

WINNER: Rikishi

Cole: I can’t believe this!

Tazz: I can, Cole! I told you the stakes were too high! Austin and Triple H planned this out to a tee, my friend, and if I may say, it’s a work of genius!

Cole: I can’t believe you’re condoning this!

Tazz: Well, I’m not exactly condoning it, I’m just saying it’s a good plan. You gotta have a plan if you’re gonna get one over on the Undertaker!

Cole: Yeah, and the Power Trip certainly needed to get one over tonight! There’s gonna be hell to pay for Austin and Triple H! Good night, everyone!

The show ends with Austin, Triple H, Rikishi, and Haku backing up the ramp, all smiles.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wait a minute…Billy Gunn?”

Henry: “Yeah, he was pretty random for that spot, but we didn’t really have anyone else that would make sense, either, so Mr. McMahon just said to throw Billy in there.”

“And did you think the main event was a bit overbooked?”

Sowders: “Had to be. Face it, would you have bought Rikishi beating Undertaker without all sorts of rule-breaking shit going on?”

“Hmmm…good point. So, at about this moment in time, what was the status with the WCW headline guys?”

Henry: “You mean Flair, Nash, Goldberg, Sting, and all those guys?”

“Yeah.”

Henry: “Actually, we were able to sign the first guy on May 5th…and it was the one guy that nobody thought would sign at all, let alone be first.”

“But he didn’t actually appear for a while.”

Henry: “Nope. Had to let that one simmer a bit.”

“It’s been confirmed in the years following the Invasion that there were four fairly big names that weren’t even considered for signing…Jeff Jarrett, Bam Bam Bigelow, Lex Luger, and Shane Douglas. And there’s still debate to this day as to why those guys weren’t invited along. Why do you guys think those four were excluded?”

Sowders: “Too much heat backstage. Jarrett and Douglas had just pissed off too many people in both the WWF and WCW, Vince still had a beef with Luger for all the WrestleMania X stuff AND the whole Raw/Nitro same night thing, and Bigelow just couldn’t hardly work anymore, as far as Vince was concerned.”

“Wait…but some of the other guys who showed up could?”

Henry: “Well, remember who some of the other stiffs were friends with.”

“Ah.”

[thuganomic]

Very nice show, J-Starr. I'm loving the fact that you didn't stick Goldberg in the first show, tempting as it may be. Building up to the invasion, IMO, is just as exciting, if not more fun, than the invasion itself. My minor problem with the booking of this show is the fact that it was fairly predictable that Undertaker was going to lose. I think having HHH hand the IC title over to Kane was a bit overkill, and kinda defeated the purpose. Overall, I really liked the show. I haven't read many diaries lately, but I'll be sticking around for this one.

[DonaldMick]

I'm tracking "J. Starr", and I'll track this one as well.

You've got it off to a pretty good start. I'm curious as to who the first big name is, though.

[Commander Sheepard]

Well, since your other diary is one of my top 5 here on EWB, it stands to reason I'd be checking this one out as well. And so far, I have to say, it's looking pretty good. I like the whole "history lesson" as a way of looking at things without making yourself the booker. A little different twist on a backstory is always a welcome thing.

Not much to say about the show, as it seemed ot be pretty solid overall. I kinda miss your little opiniosn thrown into the matches and all, but I know you can't really do that with this type of diary. As usual, you have the characters down very well, expecially the slightly "off" Austin from this time period. I've always imagined it would be fun to write for the paranoid/delusional/plain ol' crazy Austin during the time of the Invasion, so good luck with that. The other characters, as mentioned, all came off well, though Vince seemed just a touch...I don't know what the word I'm looking for is. Just some of his comments I couldnt' hear Vince saying. May just be me though.

As far as how things are setting up, I'm intrigued to find out who the first "big name" signed from WCW was, as well as interested in seeing how you debut the Invasion angle. To me, that was part of the problem with the real LIFE Invasion, as I didn't feel it had the big start necessary to make the angle truly epic. Hopefully you can fix that. I too thought it was a bit of overkill having HH offer to hand over his IC Title if Taker won, but seemingly so much of the whole Angle with Austin/HHH/Vince revolved around keeping Austin happy, so it wasn't THAT bad.

Overall, a very solid start to what looks to be a diary with a lot of potential. I'll be reading for sure. :thumbsup:

[TGC]

I made mention of taking a look and posting a review of your other diary, yannow the 600 page long WWE one, but once I realized it was 600 pages I sighed and moved on. It wasn't that i didn't want to read it or that i wasn't going to read it, but I've been making my mark as of late by going into relatively newer diaries and getting in on the ground floor so to speak. WWE's New Fixer didn't work under that criteria, and a 600 page diary is a bit of a daunting task. So I moved along, amking a mental note to try to get the time to read your War And Peace Diary.

Then I saw this. I skimmed, I waited, I skimmed some more, I waited, and today seemed like the day to go in, read, and post my review. Thus here I am. Post by post we'll be commenting as we go along. I hold nothing back really and make it painfully obvious when I don't find something working. Just reminding you of the rules I use.

The BS Part One was good. Innovative, fresh, and entertaining way to get our behind the scene characters before us as well as have a reason to be reasdng this story. Having done an InVasion Diary, or at least tried to, I know how difficult it can be. You have over a hundred potential workers here, a ton of egos, and three shows to make things make sense. So the BS, as simple and unique as it was was a breath of fresh air. Nicely done.

Looking over the list of WCW stars you have, it saddens me to see not a single big name on there. Hopefully this is for the sake "surprises", and not a desire to remain particularly "realistic". We all know that poor execution and shitty stories were only a PART of the real InVasion story's abyssmal failure, the other part being that the WWF didn't acquire the names it needed to make it a success. I'm hoping against hope that it is the surprise factor you've got going here, or else you've already paved your way down the road to failure.

Nice recaps of Backlash and Raw as they were. Simply put, it reminds me that the WWF was kinda crappy right after WM and it should have been no real surprise that the real inVasion sucked dick so badly.

Your comments that it's "gonna be awhile" before the InVasion proper happens kinda worries me. I'm going to be optimistic though so no worries. Yet.

Now, after a number of opening posts we make it to SD, the first actual J-Starr booking I get to see in action. I'm excited. Are you nervous?

Nice opening promo from The Big Evil or whatever other annoying nickname The Deadman was using at this time. You have him down pat, to be sure, but man oh man, could he have said the word bitch another 50 times? Also, I'm new to your style of writing, but man oh man the logic just went out the window. Taker has the match he wants, with the stips in his favor for Judgement Day as handed to him by Linda, but rather than be happy with that he accepts Vince's rather silly and downright crazy idea to have to WRESTLE an UNNAMED opponent to get a different match at JD? Why? He has nothing to gain here and everything to lose. It makes no sense. I'm not sure who's higher, you for thinking anyone with a brain would buy this or Taker for gambling away his shot at a World Title Match where the now cheating yellow bellied Austin is almost guaranteed to lose?

Cole: Mr. McMahon is gambling big-time tonight, Tazz!

No Cole you moron, Taker's the one making the biggest gamble of the night. Talk about bad ideas.

Nice little nothing match between The Radicalz and The Hardyz. No numbers posted huh? I dislike that, but to each his or her own. I prefer to see the numbers and compare them to how the actual match was written out. Oh well.

I can already see that the commentators are going to annoy me. Few people make their comments really necesary or enjoyable, myself included. JHS makes great use of them for instance. So far, you're not as they are adding nothing.

Excellent Regal. You have thus far found the voices, and quite easily I might add, of Vince, Regal, and Taker. Nicely done. Furthermore the matches the corrupt Commissioner made are good ones. I am intrigued to find out which two partners Benoit recruits for his Six Man Tag Match.

See above for Radicalz/Hardyz to know how I felt about X-Factor/Dudleys.

Austin was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I'm thinking Haku or Rikishi for some reason to take on Taker. Loved the hug and the maniacal look on Austin's face as well. You know these characters, which is making the lackluster matches and horrid booking for the ME feud a little easier to handle. Also, I dunno, but if Trips hands over the IC Title to Kane then that pretty much, well, kills that belt. Either you're a genius who's about to book something absolutely mind blowing in the ME or you just screwed the pooch twice in one show.

Crash is STILL hungover three days later? Oy vey but that's ridiculous. So was this sham of a match. Plan on booking anything actually meaningful? Here's hoping the matches featuring Benoit and Y2J aren't as shitty and meaningless as the other three have been thus far.

The APA huh? Guess I should have seen that coming to be honest, as every other worthwhile team has already been used. This was better, continued the storylines, and made everyone look pretty decent. No bitching or complaining for this one.

Now I'm confused. I like the IC Title Match at JD, but is HHH gonna hand the title over to Kane if Taker wins tonight or not? I also like the way HHH is continually makeing snipes and dirty little comments towards Austin, despite the two of them being a cohesive unit as of late. Very good stuff that doesn't ignore that HHH and Austin were part of a wild and crazy feud earlier in the year. I was ALWAYS under the asumption IRL that the ONLY reason Austin wanted HHH in The Power Trip to begin with was because HHH had beaten him rather decisively prior to WM, and as such would easily be the Number One Contender to Austin's title. Having the two of them on the same team/side would go a long way to keep that from happening. This makes more sense seeing as how paranoid Austin was/became at this time. So yeah, I like a lot of this here even if the now muddled and muddied thing with the IC Title has me quite confused.

Good to see that the farther we get into the show the less I hate it. That's a good sign.

Y2J vs. Show was, well, shit. I liked it up until the NONSENSICAL interuption from one The One Billy Gunn. Can we say that's out of left feild? Of course it sets up two interesting matches for RAW, so if that was the whole point of this segment it did it's job well. I hope that was the SOLE point of this segment, because if you had any other point or reason you failed miserably.

Okay so according to Cole if Taker wins HHH will be handing the IC Title to Kane, which makes the JD No DQ Anything Goes Match a brilliant move on HHH and Steph's part. Even if he has to give it away, he gets the first Title defense that Kane gives up. Good booking.

And the ME hits and the mystery opponent is...

...I nailed it. Rikishi did the HiaC bump at Armeggedon as Vince said, as weak and stupid as it was to be sure, so he has a reason for wanting to fuck Taker over, and he's got Haku backing him up. I HATE HATE HATE Rikishi, but this was a good choice as it makes perfect sense. You go from 100% nonsensical to completely logical and lucid like nothing. You are confusing me sir. The match itself ends with plenty of over booking necessary and normal for this period of time in the WWF, so that makes perfect sense as well. Of course, HHH keeps his IC Title (The good here as that would have been dreadfully bad for the belt's prestige) and Taker fucks himself out of his Title shot at JD (The bad as it's simply so ludicrous that The Deadman Biker Big Evil would be so stupid as to gamble a Title Match away that was FUCKING HANDED to him by Linda).

I'm of two minds here on this show. What was good was really good, but what was bad was dreadfully bad. And sadly it's half and half. That would garner this show a C grade.

But wait, we're not done, and a return to the place of our clever BS seems poised to give some sort of meaning and make sense of some of the rather shitty booking.

Okay then again maybe not. Billy Gunn was just a random inclusion because, shit, we need SOMEONE to do this why not him? That makes sense for the style of booking that was present in 2001 and all the way until right around today really. I'll buy that. I liked the mention of Rikishi winning and how because you made a valid point. Who in the fuck would buy Rikishi beating Taker without loads and loads of over booking.

As for the names mentioned, this is what I wanted above. No Bam Bam, Douglas, JJ, and Luger isn't a bad thing at all, but the first NAME being signed on May 5th makes me all tingly inside. Dare I say Goldberg? Always, always, always thought a great way to intro Goldberg would be to have him Spear the fuck out of Edge. Just always thought that would be a great introduction into the WWF.

So again, I'm of two minds on this whole diary. It's overall good, but there's just a lot of nonsensical booking going on all over the show. Maybe this is by choice. Maybe the bland matches is by choice. I am tending to think it might be, but if that's the case I hope you end that soon. A good and intriguing ongoing BS that filters throughout the whole diary is nice, but if the actual shows and booking are going to continue to be half assed and weak then I must ask is the intriguing ongoing story enough to keep me coming back? As of right now the answer is yes. How long that remains to be the case is another issue.

Overall grade for this diary is a C+.

Good luck, and I'll be back,

TGC

Edited April 29, 2005 by thegodcomplex

[Guest Rich F]

>He has nothing to gain here and everything to lose. <

When did Undertaker put his title shot at risk? He was merely offered the chance of a sweeter deal if he left the ring. It was a win-win situation.

[JStarr]

Deepest appreciation to TGC for the critical analysis. Glad I could supply you with a bit shorter work to scrutinize. A few points, though...

--Glad that you enjoyed the backstory, and as for the roster question...yes, the surprise factor must be maintained. In the scenario I'm using, I had to build some extra indy companies (there were only 3 to start with), and none of them are big or rich enough to afford some of the talent that's still out there. That's a good thing, because I don't have to spend the money to sign everyone months and months before I really need them. The first guy will be making his presence felt in-game by the end of the month, but he won't be written about for a bit longer. Hopefully I don't lose anyone who's waiting for the first blow from WCW. Remember, it wasn't until May 28 that the real Invasion started...but the guy who's gonna strike the first blow here is a bit of a bigger name than Lance Storm.

--As far as Taker goes, I think you read a little more into it than what was there. Rich F nailed it when he said that Taker didn't gamble anything...Vince was just trying to bribe Taker with ANYTHING to get him out of the ring so they could start the show. That's not to say that Austin and Vince won't try to get some mileage out of a similar idea, though...

--Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not seeing all THAT much difference between the way I use announcers and the way JHS has been using them, at least in the 1990 split. Michael Cole was just barely competent at this time anyway, and Tazz was still a bit of a novice as a commentator. If they're sounding like Monsoon and Heenan overnight, that wouldn't serve realism very well, would it? They're there to bridge between segments and make jokes. I hope some of them will at some point be entertaining. Hopefully, JR and Heyman will be stronger...although the thought of writing Heyman worries me a bit.

--No, I don't post numbers unless I could possibly explain what they were. If Sowders and Henry had some hard-and-fast rating system for the matches they had helped book, that would be something else. It just seemed like a stretch to throw something like that in there, though.

--The Radicalz/Hardyz match is not as "nothing" as it might seem. See Heat below.

--I'm glad that you enjoyed the promos, as they're the part I enjoy writing the most and the part of my diaries that I'm proudest of.

--Yes, Crash was still hung over. It's Crash, the man was always a joke to begin with, why not make fun of his inability to drink? The hangover, the match, and Tazz's comment during it, was designed to help further an image of Jerry Lynn as a smart, canny champion. No more, no less...and the puking was the kind of shit that Vince was (and still is, really) into as far as humor goes.

--As you and others noted, the Triple H-handing-the-title-over idea WAS overkill, and it was intended as such. I wanted to create the feeling that Hunter and Vince had the deck stacked so high that there wasn't any possible way they could lose. I had hoped it would create great anticipation for a swerve that wouldn't really ever come.

--And the overarching backstory will be ever-present, helping with hints to make sense of some of the "WTF?" moments. Trust me, I don't do as much "nothing" as it might seem.

Your comments were a great read, and I hope to keep seeing them. And hopefully by reading some devil's advocate commentary like yours, I can get an answer as to whether I really am a "throw shit against the wall" kind of booker or whether I can make things tie together at the end. Here's hoping for the latter. :thumbsup: Once again, thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday Night Heat--May 6th, 2001

Hosted by: Michael Cole and Tazz from WWF New York

Cole: Good evening, fans, and welcome to Sunday Night Heat, live from WWF New York! I’m Michael Cole, and with me as always is Tazz, and tonight…

Tazz: Whoa, whoa, whoa…with you as always is Tazz? What am I, Tonto to your Lone Ranger over here? Jim to your Marlin Perkins?

Cole: Sorry, partner…but we do work two shows together each week. I see you more than I see my wife.

Tazz: Don‘t complain, I’m better lookin’ than your wife.

Cole: Can we start the show, please?

Tazz: Go ahead, I’ll be over here doing all the real work, like all the great SIDEKICKS do.

Cole: As I was saying, tonight we have a very special guest, that being Commissioner William Regal! He says he’s got a big announcement involving Judgment Day, Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin, and every tag team in the WWF! Can’t wait for that! Also, tonight, we’ll be seeing Haku in action as well as Raven, and tell ‘em about our main event, Tazz.

Tazz: …

Cole: Yeah, anyway, in our main event, we’ve got some tag team action, as the always-unorthodox team of Grandmaster Sexay and Steve Blackman team up to face two members of the Right to Censor, Val Venis and the Goodfather! Should be a great show, eh, Tazz?

Tazz: …

Cole: Well said. Let’s get to the ring.

Raven v. Essa Rios

Raven strolls down with his trademark shopping cart in tow, and begins heaving his goodies into the ring. Referee Mike Chioda demands that he stop, but since when does Raven respect authority? Chioda’s distracted kicking stuff under the ropes, and Essa comes over toward Raven and tosses a stop sign back into the cart. Raven takes the opportunity…to smack Essa across the temple with a black baseball bat, laying the Mexican superstar out in the corner! Raven dives into the ring and drags Essa to his feet…Raven Effect connects! Chioda spots Raven covering, calls for the bell to start the match…and then counts the three to end it! And Raven rolls out of the ring and takes his leave, leaving cart, bat, sign, and everything at ringside!

WINNER: Raven

Tazz: Raven certainly don’t get paid by the hour, Cole.

Cole: Well, I’m glad to see you decided to join me.

Tazz: Don’t get excited, I got a voice in my ear sayin’ I wasn’t gettin’ paid if I didn’t say anythin’.

Cole: Good to have you back either way. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re only two weeks away from Judgment Day. May 20th at Arco Arena in Sacramento, California. And Tazz, we’ve got a double main event that’ll tear the house down!

Tazz: No doubt, Cole, no doubt! We’ve got The Game, The Cerebral Assassin, and the Ted Williams of the sledgehammer, Triple H, defending his Intercontinental Championship against Kane, and that one’s sure to be brutal!

Cole: Absolutely, because it’s Street Fight rules! Anything goes!

Tazz: Weapons are legal, they can fight all over the building, anybody can get involved, and anything can happen, Cole.

Cole: And we can’t forget the big one…for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship, it’ll be the paranoid Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin, taking on a very angry and determined Undertaker! And Tazz, this one is truly a one-on-one affair, because if Stone Cold gets disqualified, he’s gonna lose his title!

Tazz: Yeah, that’s gotta change the strategy a bit. Austin can’t call for help, he can’t break out any weapons, he can’t have any of the advantages that Triple H is gonna have against Kane. I’ll say this, Cole, I’m glad I’m not a referee, because Austin’s gonna do whatever he’s gotta do to get some edge on the Undertaker, and he’s not at all above knockin' out a zebra here and there.

Cole: Folks, now we’re gonna take a look at the recent history between the Two-Man Power Trip and the Brothers of Destruction.

(Cue video package, set to some metallic Jim Johnston production music.)

Highlights include:

--From Raw 4-16-01:  Taker and Kane break up Austin and Triple H’s beating of the Hardy Boyz and Lita.

--From SmackDown 4-19-01:  Austin and Triple H attack Kane with steel chairs, causing him to lose the Hardcore title to Rhyno.  Taker arrives late and can only throw a chair at the retreating Power Trip.

--Also from SmackDown 4-19-01: Taker and Kane defeat Edge and Christian for the Tag Team titles, then Kane runs Austin and HHH off.

--From Raw 4-23-01:  Austin and HHH attack from behind while Taker and Kane are attacking Edge and Christian.

--From Backlash:  Triple H hits the hammer shot to Kane to win the Tag Team Championships.

--From Raw 4-30-01:  Triple H drills Undertaker with the sledge, drawing a DQ in Taker’s match with Austin.

--From SmackDown 5-3-01:  Haku, Triple H, and Austin all get involved in Undertaker’s match with Rikishi. 

--Final image is of Austin and Triple H heading up the ramp smiling on SmackDown and Taker scraping himself off the canvas.

Cole: When we come back, we’ll see some hard-hitting action for sure when Haku goes one-on-one with Hardcore Holly! Don’t touch that remote!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Haku (w/ Rikishi) v. Hardcore Holly (w/ Crash Holly)

Two stiff workers beat the ever-loving hell out of each other in this one. Holly takes control of the match when he ducks a Haku clothesline attempt and scores with his famed dropkick, which sends Haku into the ropes and ties him up! Referee Tim White attempts to help Haku free himself, which leaves an opening for Rikishi to slide into the ring and deliver a headbutt that staggers Holly, leaving him vulnerable to a big thrust kick! Rikishi ducks out, only to have Crash jump on his back outside the ring. White frees Haku, and the Tongan madman locks in the Tongan Death Grip on the already stunned Holly, and Hardcore has no choice but to tap out! While White raises Haku’s hand in victory, Rikishi flips Crash over onto the floor and drops the big ass right on his chest!

WINNER: Haku

Cole: Tazz, even you can’t deny that Bob Holly was in control of this match until Rikishi jumped in.

Tazz: Sure, Haku was in a bad way, tied up in the ropes and all, but Rikishi and Haku are veterans of this business, Cole. They know all the tricks and they know how to seize an opportunity. Rikishi saw the opportunity and he took it.

Cole: You call it an opportunity, I call it cheating.

Tazz: Eh, tomato, tomotto…

Cole: When we come back, we’ll be joined here at WWF New York by the Commissioner himself, William Regal! Stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(Back from break, Cole and Tazz are seated on the stage.)

Cole: Fans, we’re about to be joined by a man who has made some very interesting decisions the past few weeks, and he says he has a big announcement for us tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Commissioner of the WWF, William Regal!

(Regal enters, shaking Tazz’s hand and simply glaring at Michael Cole. Tazz is chuckling as everyone sits down.)

Cole: Well, anyway, welcome to Sunday Night Heat, Commissioner. We understand you have a big announcement for us here tonight.

Regal: Yes, I do, but Michael Cole, to you, I am MR. Commissioner. You’ll learn to treat me with a measure of respect, sunshine, or I’ll have you hanging from a helicopter, doing traffic reports in Syosset. Do you understand?

Cole: Um…yes, Mr. Commissioner, sir.

Regal: Very good, Michael. Now, I have been in consultation with the men who hold the top three titles in the WWF, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple Haitch. These two legendary performers have become bored.

Tazz: Bored? With the Undertaker and Kane chasing after them?

Regal: Precisely, Tazz. The Undertaker and Kane have posed so little challenge to Stone Cold and Triple Haitch that they have come to me and asked me if I can find them a tag team opponent who might pose some threat.

Cole: And who might that be? (Regal glares.) Um…Mr. Commissioner, sir.

Regal: I’m getting to that, you impatient little fop. (To Tazz) Is he always like this? (Tazz nods.) As I was saying, Stone Cold and Triple Haitch do not care who their opponents are, but they do know that any opponent I can find them will certainly be more of a threat than what the Undertaker and Kane have been. So I am announcing tonight, to all you miserable little specimens here on Sunday Night Heat, that we are beginning a tag team tournament to determine Number One contenders for Stone Cold and Triple Haitch’s Tag Team Championships.

Cole: And who will be involved in this tournament…Mr. Commissioner, sir?

Regal: Just look at the screen, you oblivious little twit.

(Brackets appear on the WWF New York big screen:

                                  Hardy Boyz

Sexay/Blackman

Goodfather/Venis

                                  Dudley Boyz

Saturn/Malenko

Kaientai

                                  Edge/Christian

APA

Richards/Buchanan

                                  Rikishi/Haku

Hollys

X-Factor

Regal: As you can see, tonight’s main event involving the Right to Censor and their opponents Steve Blackman and Grand…whatever the bloody hell his name is…is the opening match of the tournament, and the winners will move on to face the Hardy Boyz.

Tazz: Looks like some good matches, Commissioner. But, we’ve heard that Bradshaw might be out of action for a little while. How’s the APA gonna compete in the tournament?

Regal: You have heard correctly, Tazz. At least someone on this show is somewhat perceptive. That miserable alcoholic Bradshaw did suffer serious abdominal injuries when he was Gored by Rhyno on SmackDown, therefore he has not been cleared to compete. I will offer the same option to Faarooq that I offered to Chris Benoit on SmackDown…find a partner or fight alone. I’m sure Mr. Richards and Mr. Buchanan will have no opposition to facing Faarooq by himself. Now, the four second round winners will face each other at Judgment Day in a Four Corners Tag Team Elimination match, and the winners of that match will face Stone Cold and Triple Haitch for the Tag Team Championships on the May 24th edition of SmackDown.

Cole: Why not the following night’s Raw?

Regal: Ahem.

Cole: Mr. Commissioner, SIR.

Regal: I am completely certain that the Undertaker and Kane will attempt to take every liberty to injure Stone Cold and Triple Haitch at Judgment Day, so I will be granting the champions the following night off to recover.

Tazz: That’s very fair-minded of you, Commissioner.

Regal: Thank you, Tazz. I thought so as well.

Cole: Well, Mr. Commissioner, that covers the tournament, now what about the matches you’ve made for tomorrow night on Raw? You’ve put Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit up against Kurt Angle and the Big Show, and Billy Gunn has to face all three members of X-Factor by himself. Don’t you think those matches are a little excessive, especially that handicap match?

Regal: Not at all. It is my job to maintain discipline and order in the WWF, and that was the responsibility entrusted to me by Mr. McMahon. Billy Gunn entered into a situation that did not in the slightest concern him, and now he will pay the piper. As for Benoit and Jericho, they are common criminals, and they should consider themselves fortunate that I have chosen to deal with this within the confines of the company and not involved the proper authorities. And honestly, Michael Cole, I’ve tired of you questioning every one of my rulings, and I will now inform you that you are on probation. I will be scrutinizing the tapes of SmackDown and Sunday Night Heat from now on, and if I hear you attempting to create dissent among the WWF Superstars and fans, I will have you removed from your announcer’s chair. Nod your head if you understand me. (Cole nods with a shocked look on his face.) Good. This interview is concluded. Good day, Tazz.

(Regal stands up and takes his leave.)

Tazz: Uh…my partner here’s a bit speechless at the moment, so come on back. Up next, we’re gonna see some hot action between hot women! Lita and Terri go one-on-one, next!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Lita (w/ the Hardy Boyz) v. Terri (w/ The Radicalz)

The crowd’s all up for a good old-fashioned catfight, and Terri doesn’t disappoint, offering a lot of slapping and hair-pulling. The men outside spend a lot of time trying to goad each other into a fight, and finally Matt takes a shot at Dean Malenko. Jeff comes over to try and separate the two, which occupies the attention of referee Mike Sparks. While this happens, Lita boots Terri in the belly and scores with the Twist of Fate, at which point Perry Saturn wants to dive into the ring…but he’s held back by Eddie Guerrero?!?! Lita heads up top, looking puzzled at Eddie restraining Perry, but she leaps off with a Moonsault that gets Sparks’ attention back on the match. Cover…1...2...3!! Lita claims the win, and Perry looks rather pissed off at Eddie. Eddie is heard apologizing to Perry, but Saturn ignores him and rolls into the ring to collect Terri.

WINNER: Lita

Cole: Surprising actions by Eddie Guerrero, and Perry Saturn wants some answers.

Tazz: So do I. Chivalry’s never really been Eddie’s strong suit, and he’s never been above gettin’ up in someone else’s business.

Cole: Well, when we come back…hey, wait a minute!

(“I’ve Got It All” plays over the speakers, and out to the stage comes “The One” Billy Gunn.)

Cole: Billy Gunn is here! He wasn’t scheduled tonight!

Tazz: Maybe he wants a last meal before he faces X-Factor tomorrow night!

Cole: Billy, this is an unexpected surprise!

Gunn: Yeah, I heard Regal was gonna be here to gloat about the match he stuck me in, so I figured I should come out and let everybody know that I’m gonna give it everything I got against X-Factor tomorrow night.

Tazz: Billy, the question on a lot of people’s mind is, why DID you interfere in the match between Chris Jericho and the Big Show?

Gunn: Well, I haven’t been around much lately, and I wanted to make some kind of impact. What better kind of impact to make than helpin’ Chris Jericho tick off a power-drunk tyrant like William Regal?

Cole: Yeah, but a match involving the Big Show turned out to be a bad place to do it.

Gunn: You got a point there, Michael Cole. Big Show let me know that he didn’t like me in his business, but I ain’t scared of him, Regal, OR X-Factor. Like the song says, I’ve got it all, and I’m gonna show X-Factor, William Regal, and all these awesome WWF fans how good I am tomorrow night!

Cole: Well, best of luck to you, Billy. Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Gunn! (Crowd’s busy ordering beers, apparently.) When we come back, it’s our main event! Goodfather and Val Venis of Right to Censor take on “The Lethal Weapon” Steve Blackman and Grandmaster Sexay! Stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Back from break, we see Steven Richards addressing the troops.

Richards: My brothers and sister, this is the opportunity we’ve waited for! We have two opportunities to get to Judgment Day. We can spread our message of decency all over the world once again, and go on to reclaim the Tag Team Championships that we once held so proudly. We can bring honor and morality to those titles again. Unlike that hip-hop-addled moron Grandmaster Sexay and his violent robot of a partner Steve Blackman. Unlike those drunken reprobates the APA! And unlike those idiots the Hardy Boyz, the Dudley Boyz, and Edge and Christian, who fill our children’s eyes, ears, and minds with images of shocking brutality and risk-taking behavior, and make it all look “cool.” Well, none of these teams are “cool.” None of these teams are honorable or moral, and none of them deserve to be Tag Team Champions! Only the Right to Censor deserve to wear those titles! Brother Goodfather, Brother Venis, go out there, make me proud, and strike a blow for righteousness! We can never stop fighting the good fight!

RTC huddle, and we’re back to Cole and Tazz.

Tazz: Well, Stevie Whitesocks raised a good point, Cole. The RTC do have two chances to get to Judgment Day. Goodfather and Val tonight and Richards teams with Bull Buchanan against the APA later.

Cole: Well, Faarooq and whoever he can find to be his partner, anyway.

Tazz: Yeah, that’s what I said, Cole.

Val Venis and the Goodfather (w/ Steven Richards) v. Steve Blackman and Grandmaster Sexay

Venis and Goodfather use all the shortcuts they can find to isolate Steve Blackman. They take turns strangling him with their ties, and Val even takes advantage of a well-timed distraction by Richards to whip Steve with his belt! Goodfather gets Blackman into a corner and revs up for the Just Say No Train, but when he charges toward the corner, Blackman dodges and connects with a reverse thrust kick to the back of Goodfather’s head! Goodfather is barely able to reach out for the tag to Val, but not before Blackman makes the tag to the Grandmaster, and Sexay comes in throwing right hands to Venis! Val ducks a shot and tries to fire back with one of his own, but GMS is able to dodge and clamp on a full nelson, from which he drops forward and drives Val face-first into the mat! Goodfather wants to come after Sexay, but referee Earl Hebner orders him to leave the ring as GMS heads to the top and slips on the ol’ flying goggles! Blackman arrives to brawl with Goodfather, and Richards takes the opportunity to shove Sexay off the top buckle, crotching him on the top rope! Venis is back up and pulls GMS off the ropes for a fisherman’s buster, then HE heads to the top rope! Morality Shot connects, and Richards yells at Hebner to count! 1...2...3!!

WINNERS: Val Venis and The Goodfather

Cole: The RTC score a big win in the tag tournament, Tazz! But it was all due to that damn Steven Richards!

Tazz: Yeah, kinda looked like Sexay was ready to fly with that Hip Hop Drop, but Stevie Whitesocks changed that idea real quick! Of course, now it looks like Blackman wants to change someone’s face real quick! WHOA!

Cole: Huge shot right between the eyes of the Goodfather with that kendo stick! And Steve Blackman is one angry Lethal Weapon!

Tazz: Now, he’s goin’ after Whitesocks, and Stevie looks like he’s got somewhere else ta be!

Cole: He’s running like a scalded dog, as JR would say! Fans, tune in tomorrow night at 9 Eastern time! Monday Night Raw on TNN! I’m Michael Cole, for my colleague…NOT my sidekick…Tazz, we’ll see you next Thursday on SmackDown!

Heat signs off with a shot of Steven Richards sprinting back through the curtain.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So this was where we first saw The Bat.”

Henry: “Yeah, it was fairly important to get Raven on TV utilizing that particular weapon to steal some matches. We had to keep it fresh in people’s minds, all the way up to Judgment Day.”

“And we also saw the first signs of a different Eddie Guerrero, too.”

Sowders: “Eddie loved that storyline. He got to be somebody other than the lying, cheating Mexican for a while. I remember reading in his book that that was one of his favorite storylines ever, and it felt good that we were able to help polish that one up.”

“Did you think Eddie was going to get as popular as he did?”

Sowders: “Absolutely.”

Henry: “Eddie was up there with Kurt Angle as far as I was concerned, in terms of being able to bring it in the ring AND entertain people on the stick. The only thing that could possibly hold him back was politics.”

“What? Politics in wrestling? Surely you jest.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, for those of you who dig prediction contests, we're gonna start one up for JD...right about...now. For those who don't, please enjoy your continued surfing of the forums and drive through.

The questions here are simple:

1) Which 4 teams do you think will win in the 2nd round and face off at JD? 1 point each and DOUBLE if you get them all.

2) Will Faarooq wrestle alone or find a partner? 1 point

3) If he finds a partner, who will it be? 2 points

11 points possible, to be added to whatever you can predict AT Judgment Day time. Top TWO finishers get to name three guys each that they'd like to see in the King of the Ring tournament. Good luck, all...and hopefully, I can swerve ya.

Edited April 30, 2005 by jstarr2k3

[Venom]

Really good work on this diary so far, man. I don't follow diaries too often, but this one's on my browser's Favorites as of now. Now I'll throw some predictions out there:

1) Which 4 teams do you think will win in the 2nd round and face off at JD?

Hardy Boyz, Saturn/Malenko, Edge & Christian, Rikishi/Haku.

2) Will Faarooq wrestle alone or find a partner?

Find a partner.

3) If he finds a partner, who will it be?

Big Bossman. (Don't ask why, cause I have no idea)

I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with the Benoit/Angle storyline, and obviously to the beginning of the actual Invasion. I kinda hope the Invasion starts sooner rather than later though, as this is labeled as an Invasion diary.

[Guest simon522109]

Good work so far with the diary. looking forward to Judgement day , here are my predictions anyway.

1) Which 4 teams do you think will win in the 2nd round and face off at JD?

Hardy Boyz, Saturn/Malenko, Edge & Christian, X Factor.

2) Will Faarooq wrestle alone or find a partner?

Find a partner.

3) If he finds a partner, who will it be?

Blackman after the altercation between Richards & Blackman on Heat.

Anyway keep up the good work with the diary.

[The Future]

Really good work on this diary so far, man. I don't follow diaries too often, but this one's on my browser's Favorites as of now. Now I'll throw some predictions out there:

1) Which 4 teams do you think will win in the 2nd round and face off at JD?

Hardy Boyz, Saturn/Malenko, Edge & Christian, Rikishi/Haku.

2) Will Faarooq wrestle alone or find a partner?

Find a partner.

3) If he finds a partner, who will it be?

\Steve Blackman?

[Sting Fan]

Well as you know Starr I love your work, this diary looks like it will be no exception as so far I am loving it.

Mainly though big props to you on holding off the WCW invasion, I hate how guys start an invasion angle and on the forst show they have shot there load all the WCW guys are there and its just straight up WCW vs. WWE. Where as the way you are doing it we know who hates who in the WWE and there is more room for infighting meaning a less certain winner. Overall beautiful booking as usual.

This is bookmarked on my browser.

[JStarr]

This is only a one-time stand-alone preview, I assure you...normally I'll tack it on at the end of Heat when I don't have anything OOC to say in that spot.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WWF RAW Preview

May 7th, 2001

Commissioner William Regal’s crusade to rid the WWF of chaos and dissension continues this Monday night as RAW makes its way to Nassau Coliseum!

The Commissioner aims to punish his longtime nemesis Chris Jericho by teaming him up with Chris Benoit…against the 500-pound Big Show and the Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle!  Angle is already chasing Benoit in an attempt to get his medals back, but will he be reunited with his pilfered property this Monday?

Also, Billy Gunn got an unpleasant greeting from both Commissioner Regal and the Big Show this past Thursday when he got Big Show’s match with Chris Jericho thrown out on a disqualification.  The Commish put Gunn in a three-on-one handicap match with X-Factor tonight…and then the 500-pounder put Billy almost through the ring with a massive Chokeslam!  Will Billy be in any kind of shape to handle X-Pac, Justin Credible, AND the 325-pound Albert?

Commissioner Regal’s tag team tournament continues as well, as the team of Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko will face the Japanese high-flyers Kaientai.  But will the Radicalz be more concerned with the actions of their teammate Eddie Guerrero, who prevented Perry Saturn from interfering in Terri’s match on Heat?  And will Eddie have any explanation?

All this, plus some words from the WWF Champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin, tomorrow night on RAW!  9 PM EST on TNN!  Don’t miss it!

[Draevyn]

I follow your other diary and I'll definately be following this one as well.

1) Which 4 teams do you think will win in the 2nd round and face off at JD?

Hardy's, Edge & Christian, X Factor, Dudley Boyz

2) Will Faarooq wrestle alone or find a partner?

Find A Partner

3) If he finds a partner, who will it be?

Crash Holly, come on, it would be funny

Edited May 3, 2005 by Tristan Kancer

[wwefan14]

1) Which 4 teams do you think will win in the 2nd round and face off at JD? 1 point each and DOUBLE if you get them all. Val Venis and Goodfather, Dudley Boyz, Edge and Christian, X-Factor

2) Will Faarooq wrestle alone or find a partner? 1 point Find Partner

3) If he finds a partner, who will it be? 2 points Blackmen

[JStarr]

Um, fellas...Blackman's already been in the tournament...no editing, though.

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RAW--May 7th, 2001

From Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York

Hosted by: Jim Ross and Paul Heyman

JR: We are live at Nassau Coliseum on Long Island, and welcome to Monday Night RAW! I’m Jim Ross…

Heyman: And I am Paul Heyman, the voice of RAW!

JR: Are you finished?

Heyman: No, sir, I am just getting started! Fans, tonight everyone gets a lesson in what happens when you cross the boss!

JR: Or at least a power-mad Commissioner.

Heyman: Careful, JR, you don’t wanna end up on probation like Michael Cole.

JR: Yeah, well, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?

(“No Chance in Hell” starts up, heralding the arrival of WWF Chairman Vince McMahon…and he’s accompanied by WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin.)

Heyman: Look, JR, it’s your best friend…how’s the scar on your head, by the way?

JR: Healing nicely, thank you. Can we call the show, please?

Heyman: Look at it this way…you can give people another reason for why you wear the hat everywhere.

(Vince reaches for a mic, and apparently has some words.)

Vince: This past Thursday on SmackDown, we witnessed a man make the biggest mistake of his life! A move so colossally stupid that it will go down in history with decisions like New Coke…the DeLorean…WCW signing Hulk Hogan…and the Dutch colonizing the cesspool we call Long Island! (Pause to absorb all the cheap heat…and Austin is laughing his ass off.) This past Thursday, the American Bad Ass looked more like the American Dumb Ass! Roll the damn footage!

No sooner does Rikishi hit the canvas than Triple H’s music blasts over the PA!  Both Undertaker and Earl Hebner turn and check out the ramp, watching Triple H stomp toward the ring, sledge in hand!  Hebner actually leaves the ring to head off The Game, and Taker turns back toward Rikishi…

…the referee sees only Rikishi dropping his bulbous ass right onto the Undertaker’s chest!  Hebner dives back in…1...2...3!!

(Back to live after the intentionally awful edit-job, and Vince and Austin are grinning ear-to-ear.)

Vince: Now, I ask you all…why should a man who can’t even beat Rikishi be our number-one contender for the WWF Championship? Rikishi defeated the Deadman 1, 2, 3 right in the middle of this very ring! And yet the Undertaker continues on his merry way with no repercussions, no harm done to his championship aspirations. How is that…fair?

(Now Austin has a mic. He‘s looking around with a worried look on his face as he begins to speak.)

Austin: Look, Vince, we got a show to get to, and Debra and me got a plane to catch, so let’s get to the damn point. I say we oughta leave it up to these people here. If ya think the Undertaker should lose his title shot at Judgment Day, gimme a hell yeah!

(The crowd boos mercilessly.)

Austin: Ah, who gives a crap what you people think anyway? Dammit, Vince, you’re the Chairman of this company! Grow a set and STRIP him of the damn shot!

Vince: Well, Steve, that’s kind of a problem…

(Austin gets right in Vince’s grill.)

Austin: What do you mean, that’s a problem, VINCE? You tell the man that somebody who lost a fair fight to Rikishi doesn’t deserve his damn title shot! That’s all you gotta do!

Vince: Okay, I can do that…but you’ve gotta come with me.

Austin: I can’t do that, Vince. I told you, me and Deb got flight reservations. So I’m gonna hafta be on my way. After I’m gone…wait a few minutes, then call out the Undertaker. Tell him he don’t got the shot, and it’s all settled.

Vince: I told you, Steve, that’s a bit of a problem.

Austin: Me kickin’ yer damn teeth down yer throat would be a problem, too, wouldn’t it? (Pause to calm himself as Vince backs up a step.) Aw, hell, Vince, I’m just funnin’ ya! But seriously, why would that be a problem?

(The WrestleMania Classic music hits, and we’re about to be joined by the CEO.)

Heyman: What the hell does Linda McMahon have to do with any of this?

JR: She’s the CEO of the company, Paul, she’s got more right to be out here than you or I do!

Heyman: Well, more than you, maybe.

(Now Linda’s got a mic.)

Linda: Steve, what my soon-to-be former husband doesn’t have the…ahem…grapefruits to tell you is that The Undertaker’s Judgment Day contract does have an escape clause. If the Undertaker should lose a match in a clean fashion between the signing and the pay-per-view, then yes, he does lose the chance at the title.

Austin: Then it’s all settled! I ain’t facin’ the sonofabitch! Somebody gimme a beer!

(Austin gets tossed a Steveweiser.)

Linda: Not so fast, Steve. (Austin pauses in mid-gulp and nearly chokes.) You see, there are two problems with your train of thought right now. One, having Haku, Triple H, AND yourself get involved in the match this Thursday hardly seems to me like a clean decision.

Austin: But I wasn’t even there!

Linda: Oh, no? Watch.

No sooner does Rikishi hit the canvas than Triple H’s music blasts over the PA!  Both Undertaker and Earl Hebner turn and check out the ramp, watching Triple H stomp toward the ring, sledge in hand!  Hebner actually leaves the ring to head off The Game, and Taker turns back toward Rikishi…

Tazz:  Wait!  Look at this!

Cole:  It’s Stone Cold!  He just jumped the barricade!

Tazz:  STUNNER! 

Cole:  Stone Cold just leveled the Undertaker, and Earl Hebner didn’t see a bit of it!  Dammit!

Rikishi staggers to his feet, as Triple H turns and heads back toward the curtain, apparently done arguing with Hebner.  Austin has vacated the ring by the time Earl turns around, and the referee sees only Rikishi dropping his bulbous ass right onto the Undertaker’s chest!  Hebner dives back in…1...2...3!!

Linda: Looks like you delivering a Stone Cold Stunner, doesn’t it? And that’s Triple H playing the decoy on the ramp, isn’t it?

Vince: Linda, this is an outrage! That footage is heavily edited!

Linda: Shut up, Vince! (Vince obliges.) This footage aired just as it’s shown here, and that’s what I’m going by. Now, Steve, would you like to hear the REAL reason why Vince doesn’t want to tell you about this contract?

Austin: What?

Linda: I said…

Austin: I heard ya the first time, dammit, just tell me!

Linda: Vince didn’t look at the contract before he signed it, so he is a willing party to the fallback clause that the Undertaker asked to have inserted.

Austin: What the hell’s a fallback clause?

Linda: It ensures that if the company is unable to feature a World Championship match as the main event at Judgment Day, we are guaranteed a match of similar value and stature. A match that people will pay to see, if you will. So if Undertaker were to lose his shot, his match would be changed and he would face an opponent of similar name value to you, Steve.

Austin: Undertaker versus The Rock? Hell, I’d pay to see that! (The crowd roars at Rocky’s name.)

Linda: As would I, but it’s not The Rock. The fallback main event for Judgment Day would feature The Undertaker…going one-on-one…in a match of his choosing…against Vincent…Kennedy…McMahon.

(Vince swallows hard, while Austin breaks out in a grin.)

Heyman: Now, how is that fair? Mr. McMahon’s not a wrestler!

JR: No, but he does like to get physically involved. Serves the sonofabitch right!

Austin: Now, wait a minute…let ol’ Stone Cold see if he’s heard this right. If Undertaker loses a match…straight-up, fair, 1-2-3, middle of the ring…before Judgment Day, he loses his title shot and gets to face Vince instead, right?

Linda: That’s correct.

Austin: Thank you. That’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time.

Vince: Wait a damn minute here…

Austin: Sorry, Vince…it’s business, ya understand. I ain’t facin’ Undertaker at Judgment Day, and that‘s the bottom line…(pauses and listens to the crowd sing along)…ah, shut the hell up, ya bunch’a parasites! Hit my damn music!

(Austin’s music hits, and he heads for the back.)

JR: No wonder McMahon didn’t want to discuss the contract!

Heyman: He had to be under duress, JR! Mr. McMahon would never sign a contract before reading it!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Hardcore Rules Match:

Raven v. Steve Blackman

Heyman: JR, I’ve been informed that this match is to determine a Number One contender to the Hardcore title, and the winner faces Rhyno next week!

JR: Funny, I got the same memo.

Heyman: Damn. I need to get better sources.

Raven pulls out everything he can find in his shopping cart, but still can’t quite put Blackman down for three. Blackman fights back using his martial arts skills and his trusty kendo stick, even managing to bust Raven open. Blackman attempts to take Raven’s head off with a jumping front kick, but Raven ducks and drives his opponent toward the ropes! Blackman topples over the top rope to the floor, and Raven looks around for another toy to use. He finds the black bat that defeated Essa Rios last night on Heat, and waits. Blackman pulls himself into the ring and stands up groggily…just in time for Raven to level him with the bat to the temple! Blackman hits the canvas, and Raven covers…1...2...3!!

WINNER: Raven

JR: With wins two nights in a row, Raven’s on a roll, Paul!

Heyman: Of course he is, JR! He’s finally showing the killer instinct and resourcefulness that made him a legend in ECW! And I will be privileged to call the match next week when he takes on another ECW legend in RHYNO!

JR: Remember, Paul, there is such a thing as decaf.

Backstage, we see Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn preparing for their tag team tournament match as Terri looks on. Perry leaps to his feet with an angry expression when he sees Eddie Guerrero walk into the room.

Eddie: Orale, vatos! Que pasa…whoa. Perry, you okay, ese?

Perry: What the hell were you thinking last night, Eddie? Terri could’ve been hurt in that match with Lita!

Eddie: And Lita could’ve been hurt, too…you got a point, homes?

Perry: Terri deserved to win that match.

Eddie: And does she deserve to take on Chyna at Judgment Day for the Women‘s title, too?

Perry: Well, I wouldn’t go that far…

Terri: What was that, Perry? Are you saying I don’t deserve to be the Women’s Champion? Is that what you’re saying?

Perry: No…well, I mean…not exactly…I mean…

Terri: I think I know what you mean, Perry. Good luck going out there by yourselves, guys! (Terri storms out.)

Perry: Damn women.

Dean: Look, Eddie, seeing it on tape, it really looks like you were only out there to help Lita. If there’s something goin’ on…you know, you wanna give her a little Latino Heat, that’s fine. (Eddie grins and poses.) But you don’t do it at the expense of the team. You wanna help Lita, do it on your own time, not ours or Terri’s…got it?

Eddie: Just like you thought about the team when you were chasin’ after Lita, eh, homes?

Dean: Hey, I didn’t disrupt anyone’s match to do it. Leave me out of this, Eddie. Matter of fact, you better stay back here tonight.

Perry: Yeah, wouldn’t want you to think Funaki would look good in a red wig…ese.

(Perry and Dean leave as Eddie fumes.)

JR: The Radicalz versus Kaientai, that match is next!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Tag Team Tournament Match:

Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn v. Kaientai

Kaientai enter first and, as per usual, they both carry mics with which to share “their” surprisingly good English…

“TAKA“: Tonight, Funaki and myself face the Radicalz. And while our opponents may be experienced, and they may be skilled, and indeed, even radical…one thing they are not…is EVIL!!!

“Funaki”: IIIIINNNNDEEEEEEEED!

Okay then. Perry and Dean stomp toward the ring with looks of angry focus on their faces…but they’re still taken off guard by a flying TAKA landing across both of them with a plancha suicida! Everyone untangles themselves after a moment, but Funaki follows up by catching Perry with a tornado DDT off the apron!

Heyman: Trying to attack before their opponents are even in the ring! These guys truly ARE evil!

JR: Gives new meaning to Pearl Harboring your opponent, I’d say.

Dean quickly kicks TAKA in the gut and shoves him into the ring to start the match proper, and from here, it’s back to the usual tag formula. TAKA gets isolated for a while as Saturn and Malenko take turns taking liberties. The Radicalz try for frequent covers, but TAKA’s a bit more resilient than normal, kicking out of all of them. Dean tries to put TAKA away with a Tiger Bomb…and it’s countered into a quick rana for a two-count! TAKA dives at Dean’s legs with a chop block, then rolls all the way to his corner for the tag to Funaki…but the fire on this particular hot tag gets put out quickly, as Saturn races across the ring and nearly decapitates Funaki with a vicious lariat! Perry gorilla presses Funaki as Dean drops to one knee…and Saturn drops Funaki right across Malenko’s outstretched other knee in a hellacious variation of a backbreaker! Timmy White finally gets Perry back to his own corner as Dean locks in the Texas Cloverleaf! Funaki fights for a few seconds, straining for the ropes…but is finally forced to submit! Dean leaves the hold on for a few moments, and as TAKA tries to save his partner, he’s caught by Saturn…who scores with a Death Valley Driver that leaves Michinoku flat!

WINNERS: The Radicalz

JR: Saturn and Malenko certainly took out some frustrations on Kaientai tonight.

Heyman: Yes, they did, and these men are dangerous enough when they’re not angry! Make them mad, and they’d sooner tear you limb from limb than look at you, and they know how to do it, too!

JR: And they get to face the Dudley Boyz next week!

We quickly cut to backstage, where Stone Cold is attempting to hustle Debra out the door, but she’s dallying around the dressing room, sure she’s forgotten something.

Austin: No, you got everything, let’s go!

Debra: Steve, I swear I don’t have my hairbrush! I have to find it…and besides, what’s the hurry? Our flight doesn’t leave for two hours!

Austin: I hate waiting in lines, you know that! Come on!

A deep voice behind him sends Austin diving behind his wife.

???: Leaving so soon, Austin?

The Undertaker steps into the shot, working over a massive mound of tobacco in one cheek.

Austin: Yeah, we’re leaving…what’s it to ya?

Taker: Oh, I was hoping we could…maybe warm up for Judgment Day. I’d love to get an early start on your early retirement.

Austin: Yeah, I bet you would. Try not threatenin’ me when there’s a lady present. If my wife wasn’t here, I’d…

Taker (leaning in closer): You’d what?

Austin: I’d stomp a mudhole in yer ass and walk it dry, that’s what!

Taker (chuckling): Heard that one before, Austin, and it wasn’t intimidating then. But I do understand you not wantin’ to take a beating in front of the missus…doesn’t make ya feel like much of a man, I hear. But that’s okay. (To Debra) Deb, always a pleasure…but I’m gonna kick yer old man’s ass at Judgment Day, whether you’re there or not. (To Austin) You can’t hide much longer, Steve. Thirteen more days, and your ass is mine.

Taker spits a glob of tobacco juice across the lapel of Debra’s jacket and leaves.

Debra: What the…dammit, Steve, look what he did to my jacket! Look at this! I’m never gonna get this stain out!

Austin: Well, ya wouldn’t have that problem if we didn’t stay to look for yer damn hairbrush, now would we? Come on!

Austin drags Debra out the door…

…and staying backstage, we shift to Commissioner Regal’s office, where he’s standing with a strange little Japanese man.

Regal: Look, Mr…Tajiri, was it?

Tajiri: Yah, Tajiri, uh-huh…

Regal: I get many requests from people wanting to become WWF Superstars, but we only take the best of the best here. Why should I book you in a match?

Tajiri unleashes a stream of Japanese that leaves Regal so confused, he almost looks relieved to see Crash Holly wander in.

Regal (cutting Tajiri off): Ah, Mr. Holly…how’s your head?

Crash: If you mean my hangover, it’s fine, Mr. Regal. If you mean my state of mind, it ain’t so good.

Regal: Well, none of your family appear to be known for their mental stability…what seems to be the problem?

Crash: Well, I let that rat fink Jerry Lynn bait me into…(looks at Tajiri, who’s eyeing Crash curiously)…who’s he?

Regal: Oh, him? My new assistant, Tajiri. Tajiri, my boy…

Tajiri: Yuh?

Regal: Run along and fetch me some tea. (Tajiri bows and obliges.) Strange boy…anyway, you were saying?

Crash: Yeah, anyway…I let that rat fink Jerry Lynn bait me into blowing my rematch when I wasn’t at my best condition. I’d really like another shot at him, Mr. Regal, sir.

Regal: Well, my boy, I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’ll have to earn another shot…but I have the perfect solution for you. You see, we’re going to be having a ten-man over-the-top-rope battle royal on Heat this Sunday, and the winner will receive a shot at Jerry Lynn and his title before the Judgment Day pay-per-view. Does that sound acceptable to you?

Crash: Boy, it sure does, Mr. Regal. I’d love to get into that battle royal.

Regal: Then it’s settled. You’re in. (Tajiri returns with Regal’s tea.) Ah, thank you, Tajiri. (Tajiri bows.) Stop bowing all over the place, boy, you look like a ridiculous stereotype…and we don’t do stereotypes here in the World Wrestling Federation. (To Crash) Why are you still here?

Crash: Well, Mr. Regal, I was hoping I could get a match tonight, too.

Regal: Oh, you were, were you? Well, I just happen to know someone else who was looking for some action tonight as well.

Crash: It’s not Kane or the Undertaker, is it?

Regal (laughing): Oh, no, someone much more your size, young master Crash. Tajiri?

Tajiri: Yuh?

Regal: If you want a match, just meet this young man in the ring later tonight.

Crash: Him?

Regal: Yes, him, why not?

Crash: Oh, sorry, Mr. Regal. He’ll do just fine…hope you’re ready for your beatin’, Mr. Tajiri.

Crash backs up…right into a larger body, which turns out to belong to Triple H.

HHH: Beat it, runt. (Crash does so.) Regal, I’m gonna get right to the point…(looks at Tajiri)…who’s he?

Regal: My new assistant. What can I do for you, Triple Haitch?

HHH: I want a match tonight…I need to kick somebody’s ass to warm up for Judgment Day.

Regal: Yes, you and the whole bloody world needs a match tonight. Fine, you can have the first person you find in the corridor there, but I’d like to drink my tea before it gets cold.

HHH: Anyone I want?

Regal: Anyone.

HHH: I knew there was a reason I liked you, Regal.

HHH leaves the office, and the camera follows. Hunter rounds a corner…and runs smack into Al Snow! Well, that’s all it takes, and Hunter’s throwing vicious right hands, pounding Snow in the general direction of the ring.

JR: Al Snow’s definitely not having a lucky night! Hope he didn’t buy a lottery ticket.

Heyman: Yes, he’ll need that money…to make sure his health insurance is paid up!

JR: Folks, it looks like it’ll be Triple H and Al Snow when we come back! Stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Non-title Match:

WWF Intercontinental Champion Triple H v. Al Snow

When we return from break, the combatants have reached the ring, and Triple H is already set to attempt a Pedigree…but Al is able to backdrop out of it and roll to the floor! Cue the split-screen…

Snow tries to retreat and regroup, heading up a flight of stairs…but he finds himself at the gorilla position.  He turns, only to find Triple H right behind him, and Hunter scores with a knee lift that doubles Al over.  HHH shoves Snow through the curtain and onto the stage, and after he allows Al to get up, he scores with a right hand that sends Snow rolling all the way down the ramp!  Al tries to get up and fight back…but HHH is right there with a spinebuster on the steel!

Back live, Al catches Triple H sliding out of the ring and rams his head into the apron. Al gets in a brief flurry of offense, including a DDT on the floor! Referee Mike Chioda begins his count, and both men manage to rise when he gets to five. Snow tries to whip HHH into the ring steps…only for Triple H to reverse and send Al sprawling over the steel! Hunter rolls into the ring to break the count and heads back out. He batters Al around the ringside area for a bit, then finally sends him back in. Hunter stops to jaw at a fan for a few seconds before sliding in, where he sees Snow charging into the ropes! HHH calmly hits a jumping knee which sends Snow back to the canvas!

Heyman: You see, JR? Triple H is a machine out there! He didn’t panic, didn’t lose his cool, just calmly hits a high knee and ends Snow’s hopes of a comeback!

JR: Yes, Paul, I’ve been calling Triple H’s matches for a lot of years, and he is a cool customer in the squared circle. But don’t count out Al Snow, he’s a cagey veteran, too, you know.

Heyman: Oh, I don’t dispute Al Snow’s talent…he used to work for me in ECW, so he HAD to be talented…I’m just saying that when he got rid of the mannequin head, he fired the brains of the operation!

Yes, there’s still action in the ring, but not much, as Triple H hooks up another Pedigree…and this one connects! Cover…1...2...3! An easy win for Triple H…but there’s not much time to celebrate, as the stage explodes, and HHH turns to the stage in time to see Kane stride through the curtain! Hunter hustles to the timekeeper’s table, grabs his belt, then leaps into the crowd to escape the Big Red Machine!

WINNER: Triple H

Heyman: Now, what is this? Kane’s got plenty of chance to do whatever he wants to Triple H at Judgment Day in their Street Fight for the Intercontinental title! Why does he feel the need to ruin Triple H’s celebration?

JR: May have something to do with that big cast on his arm, Paul. Triple H had a hand in putting it there, you know…or did you miss all those steel chair shots and sledgehammer blows Kane took to that arm?

Heyman: Well, there’s still no need to be stalking the man everywhere he goes! He can still be civilized about it!

JR: Well, why don't you go down there and tell him that? Folks, don’t go away…Commissioner Regal’s assistant Tajiri makes his WWF debut NEXT!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Tajiri v. Crash Holly

The crowd’s not quite sure what to make of Tajiri, but his punishing kicks and skilled acrobatics should help win them over in time. Crash seems to take Tajiri a bit lightly when he enters the ring, but he’s quickly warned with a stiff roundhouse kick to the dome!

JR: Paul, you know a bit about this Tajiri fellow, don’t you?

Heyman: Yes, I do, JR, and I must say I’m a little disappointed to see him fetching tea. Yoshihiro Tajiri is one of the most dangerous martial artists on the planet, and he could take William Regal’s head off with one of those kicks if he felt like it.

JR: Well, you keep talking like that and the Commissioner’s gonna be putting you on probation instead of me.

Heyman: JR, I made my name fighting the system, and I’m not about to stop now.

Crash tries to outwrestle Tajiri, but quickly finds that he’s not having much luck in that area, either. He does manage to take control for a bit by ducking a kick and catching Tajiri from behind with a move similar to Spike’s Dudley Dogg. Crash tries to work the legs, but Tajiri is able to escape a kneebar attempt and roll away. Crash quickly gets back on the attack and whips Tajiri into the corner…only to run right into a move that Heyman calls the Tarantula! Crash staggers back toward the center of the ring, and Tajiri runs the ropes, then ducks under an attempted clothesline…and scores with a perfect handspring back elbow off the ropes! Crash is woozy as he tries to get his bearings…and Tajiri doesn’t help by scoring another stiff kick to the dome! Cover…1...2...3!! Tajiri wins his debut!

WINNER: Tajiri

Heyman: See? I told you he was dangerous!

JR: Well, I don’t think Crash Holly will argue much…when he wakes up, that is.

Backstage, we see Lita and the Hardy Boyz talking in their locker room until they’re interrupted by a knock on the door. They invite the visitor in…and Matt and Jeff leap to their feet when they see Eddie Guerrero enter.

Matt: What the hell do you want, Guerrero?

Eddie: Easy, homes, easy…I came to talk to Lita.

Jeff: Well, anything you can say to Lita, you can say to us.

Eddie: Okay, fine. Look, Lita, I know you all were, like, all confused when I did what I did in the match last night…

Lita: You can say that again.

Eddie:…and believe me, Saturn and Malenko gave me some hell for it, too. But you see, I got my reasons.

Lita: And what would those be?

Eddie: I wanna see you win at Judgment Day. I wanna see you take that title off Chyna’s waist.

Matt: What’s it to you? You and Chyna haven’t been an item for a long time now.

Eddie: Yeah, I know…but I don’t like the way she’s been acting lately, ese. Like she’s all above everybody else. All this spanking stuff she keeps talking about…now don’t get me wrong, I like seeing mamacitas spankin’ each other as much as the next guy, but that ain’t what this business is about, homes. It’s about winning and doin’ what you gotta do to win, but at the end, you ain’t gotta humiliate nobody. You hear what I’m sayin’, chica?

Lita: Yeah, I hear you, Eddie. And I agree. (Pause.) But I still can’t say that I trust you.

Eddie: I don’t blame you…after all, I am Señor Lie, Cheat, and Steal…but I mean what I say, Lita. Chyna needs to be knocked down off her high horse, and I think you’re the mamacita to do it. You want any advice on how to beat her…you know where to find me, huh?

(Eddie leaves.)

Matt: You don’t believe any of that, do you, Lita?

Lita: Hmm? Oh, no…I’m not sure what his game is, though.

Jeff: We’ve all gotta keep our eyes open…especially if we have to face the Radicalz at Judgment Day.

JR: Jeff makes a really good point, Paul…could Eddie be setting Lita and the Hardyz up?

Heyman: With Eddie Guerrero, you know he’s always got an agenda, but you never know exactly what it is until he tells you…kinda like me, actually.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

3-on-1 Handicap Match:

X-Factor (X-Pac, Justin Credible, and Albert) v. Billy Gunn

Billy spends the first part of the match trying to divide and conquer, sending X-Pac over the top rope to the floor immediately and drilling Credible shoulder-first into the nearest ringpost. Unfortunately, that leaves one giant variable left unaccounted for, and Albert scores with a massive bicycle kick right to the grill! And that about does it for the Billy Gunn offense in this one, as Albert continues to manhandle Billy with a pair of powerbombs before tagging out and letting Justin and Pac have some fun. Billy gets a momentary reprieve when he blocks X-Pac’s attempt at a Bronco Buster…by placing a foot in X-Pac’s groinal area! Pac’s in some pain, and Billy tries to capitalize by going for the One and Only! Pac counters, though, running for his corner and dragging Billy with him, and Gunn hits the turnbuckle face-first! X-Pac tags in Albert, and the big man snatches up the stunned Gunn and drills a massive Baldo Bomb! Cover…1...2...3!!

WINNERS: X-Factor

Heyman: And backstage, we know Commissioner Regal is smiling! Billy Gunn just learned a very painful lesson tonight, JR. You do not interfere with the disciplinary process here in the WWF!

JR: I’m sure this won’t be the last time we see Commissioner Regal abuse his power. (Camera cuts to show Benoit and Jericho headed for the ring.) Up next, these two men, Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit, have a stern challenge in front of them, as they face an Olympic gold medalist and a 500-pound giant!

Heyman: Kurt Angle and the Big Show are the Commissioner’s instruments of justice tonight, JR! This will serve as a lesson that you don’t assault visiting dignitaries and you don’t steal other people’s property! And Kurt Angle is going to strip Chris Benoit naked if he has to to get those gold medals back!

JR: Hopefully, it won’t come to that. I mean, this isn’t really a family show, but we do have SOME limits. That match is NEXT!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Kurt Angle and The Big Show v. Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit

Angle wants to start the match, and it turns out to be a risky move, as he doesn’t see his corner for a while. Jericho and Benoit use their experience advantage to cut off the ring and isolate Kurt, keeping Show out of the match completely. Chris and Chris keep the pressure on Angle’s back, looking to set up the Walls of Jericho or the Sharpshooter. Angle tries to rally, popping off a German suplex on Benoit, but as he tries for a second, Benoit goes behind him and delivers one of his own! And another! And third! And, hell, even a fourth because he don’t like Kurt’s haircut! Chris signals for the end and heads up the turnbuckles for a Swandive…but Big Show decides to head him off by shoving him off the top rope to the security rail! Benoit lands across the railing, which had to have knocked the wind out of him, and Big Show just grins…until Jericho hits the ring and delivers a springboard dropkick that knocks Show off the apron!

Heyman: TIMBER! Big Show hit the floor pretty awkwardly, JR! He could have broken an ankle!

JR: Bad news for a 500-pound man, that’s for sure!

Show is on the floor, holding his ankle, and appears to be hurt legitimately. Meanwhile, Angle scores with an Olympic Slam after trading some shots with Y2J! Not the legal man, though, so Kurt heads outside to collect Benoit. Kurt grabs Benoit around the waist and delivers a German on the floor, then stops to celebrate for a moment. Angle grabs Benoit and rolls him into the ring, where he applies the Anklelock! Benoit screams as Kurt twists the ankle, looking fully intent on breaking it.

JR: He’s got the same look as he did when he broke Scotty 2 Hotty’s ankle a couple of months ago!

Heyman: And Scotty got off lightly! Imagine what Angle’s going to do to the man who stole his gold medals!

Benoit is moments away from tapping out…until Jericho comes off the top with a missile dropkick to the back of Angle! Kurt releases the hold and rolls all the way to the floor, right next to Big Show, who’s still unable to stand! Show tries to hobble into the ring on one leg as the referee watches Benoit roll to the corner and tag Jericho in legally! Jericho hits the ropes and rebounds into a bulldog that takes Show down to the mat…then he follows it up with the Lionsault! Jericho poses over the fallen giant, but he’s interrupted by Angle attempting another Olympic Slam! Jericho slips out of this one, though, and tries for a quick rollup…then bypasses the rollup to turn Angle over into the Walls! Kurt is facing the prone Big Show, and he screams at his partner to get up and help him, but Show appears to be in too much pain to even move! Because Show’s in the way, there’s no way for Angle to reach the ropes…but he keeps trying once he sees Benoit pull the gold medals out of his tights and wave them teasingly in Kurt’s direction! Benoit dangles the medals just out of Angle’s reach as he tries to snatch at them…and finally, Kurt is forced to tap out to the Walls!

WINNERS: Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit

Heyman: Arrest that man! He’s running around with stolen property and making no attempt to hide it! That’s theft, Jim Ross, and you know it!

JR: I know, but it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Heyman: Speaking of nice guys, here comes the Commissioner, and he’s not happy!

JR: Looks like he was listening to you, Paul…he’s got some security with him, and I think they’re going after Benoit!

Heyman: And look at Benoit, running into the crowd like a common pickpocket! I hope they throw the book at him!

JR: Fans, we’ll see you next week!

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“So with Big Show damaging his ankle, how did this affect the plans for Judgment Day?”

Henry: “Show was going to be part of the Hardcore title match that we were preparing, but without him there, we had to improvise.”

Sowders: “But the match definitely turned out for the better, I think.”

Henry: "And the one where he got hurt wasn't too bad, either, for an improvised ending."

“And we saw the first appearance of Tajiri tonight as well. Why was he brought in now and not as part of the Invasion?”

Henry: “Well, ECW wasn’t really all that loaded with talent that McMahon was hot to sign. But he did agree to guys like Lynn, Tajiri, and a couple of other cruiserweights that showed up on SmackDown that week.”

Sowders: “And at that point, we were a little short of guys for the battle royal on that episode of Heat, so we needed a few more light heavyweights anyway.”

“They weren’t exactly growing on trees at that time, were they?”

Sowders: “Not in that company, that’s for sure.”

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SmackDown Preview

May 10, 2001

For the next stop on the road to Judgment Day, the WWF stops at the Hartford Civic Center for this week’s SmackDown!

Kurt Angle is one very angry Olympian after being taunted with his gold medals by Chris Benoit AND being forced to tap out to the Walls of Jericho!  What will he have to say to Benoit, Chris Jericho, The Big Show, Commissioner Regal, and anyone else who happens by?

The Tag Team tournament continues, with two more matches lined up.  Hardcore Holly hopes that his cousin Crash’s recent bad luck doesn’t affect him as they team up to battle two members of X-Factor…the problem is, no one’s quite sure which two members they’ll be facing!  Will it be the speed of X-Pac, the power of Albert, or the toughness of Justin Credible?  Tune in to find out!

In the other tournament match, Bull Buchanan and Steven Richards of Right to Censor were scheduled to face the APA, but with Bradshaw out of action, Faarooq faces a tough decision: go it alone or swallow his pride and ask someone for help.  The RTC would love a handicap match, but will Faarooq cooperate?

Also, Chyna will face Jacqueline in a non-title match, and rumor has it that Shane McMahon will be in the house as well!  Catch SmackDown this Thursday on UPN at 8/7 Central! 

Edited May 4, 2005 by jstarr2k3

[Typical Phenom]

I believe your other diary's still in my sig and the way this one's headed, it'll be there shortly. The match results and shows themselves are good, not great, but it's the extra stuff that always drags me in. In the "Fixer" diary, your backstage character portrayals did it. In this one, it's the entire story, having two WWF writers being interviewed for a book and giving you the info as you go. It just captivates my attention. Definately looking forward to this one.