The August Challenge

[JStarr]

This month, it's all about the promo. Your task is simple:

Post what you consider to be the best promo that you've written in any of your diaries over the last three months. Therefore, the original post cannot be dated any earlier than May 14th.

The post MUST lead off with a link to the original post containing said promo, for the purposes of verifying the dates. Then, the promo must follow.

I will be one of the three judges, and I will accept the first two who sign up to join me.

Entry deadline is one week from tonight OR any period where we go 48 hours without an entry. So, if you're interested in getting involved, it is HIGHLY recommended that you not procrastinate.

Edited August 15, 2008 by Sinistarr

[Sousa]

'kay, turns out I did jack shit in the promo department over the last three months (I really need to give Arn more mic time... ), so I guess I'll be a judge.

[HailtotheYo]

De Promo

Horsemen Promo from the 7-18 edition of WCW, posted on June 12.

yeah, I really haven't been posting in a timely manner .....

my hat sir, has been thrown in the pot (and I'll be a judge too :double :

"A very nice win for the Fabulous Express and Camp Cornette. I'm not sure how long it will take but I do know that Jim Cornette is working on getting the Midnight Express in the ring. That's all up to the NWA Board now. At this moment though, let me welcome the group of men that could have the highest profile in the sport of professional wrestling, the Four Horsemen !"

"WOOOOOOOOOOO ooooooo ! Tony Schiavone what the heck do you mean COULD have the highest profile ?! There ain't a man out there than can hold a handle to any of the four men you see standing before you right now. WOOO ! We are the top of the food chain, the best of the best, and there ain't a doubt about it to anyone with half a brain. NOW, let's get down to some business. A little earlier I couldn't help but hear some short bald guy with a bad accent run his mouth on the Horsemen. Ivan, that don't fly around our joint. Regardless of what you might think, THIS is OUR joint pal ! I'm the cock of the walk and have been for a heck of a long time Ivan. It takes more than a few weeks before you can make a claim at being anymore than Johnny Come Lately. I'VE BEEN HERE ! I've not only been on top of the mountain, but I RENAMED THE PLACE ! WOOOOOOOOO ! You don't hear the ladies wanting to ride the slopes of freezing cold Syberia, you hear them doing whatever it takes to RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN ! WOOOO ! Send me that overgrown buffoon of yours. I'll do to Nikita Koloff what I've done to hundreds of punks just like him. There's a reason I'm regarded as the greatest wrestler alive today. I haven't had that World Title around my waist for far too long now but IT'S STILL ME that the road goes through to get there. CHEW ON THAT ! WOOOO ! Arn tell him like it is ......"

----"Gladly Ric. You see, what we've got here, is a failure to communicate. I could have sworn that just a little bit ago there were, count em, SIX men out here with the littlest of the pipsqueeks shooting off his mouth. The lunch money gang was out here flexing their muscle and calling out the Horsemen. As you can plainly see, HERE WE ARE ! If you want a fight with the Horsemen, a fight is what you're going to get. But what I can't figure out Tony Schiavone, is just where in the heck those monkeys ran off too. Now, while I may not be smart enough to be a member of MENSA, and I'll probably never be accused of being a Rhodes Scholar ... I think I can figure this one out. That CCCP that runs across the belly of their little wrestling suits was just misplaced. They got the color right, but they just put them on backwards. That yellow streak Schiavone, SHOULD BE RUNNING DOWN THEIR BACK ! It's easy to be a tough guy when the man you're badmouthing ain't anywhere to be found. Well you punks came knocking on the Horsemen's door and WE ANSWERED ! Now you either better figure out something good to sell or get off our danged porch ! I've said it before and I'll say it again, you don't stop dancing with the devil until the song is done. Krusher Kruchev, you picked this dance and I can promise you that the devil in Arn Anderson is a demon you don't want wake up."

"WOOOOOOOOO ! HA HA, I'm glad I'm not Kruchev. OLE ! I know you've got something !"

-----"Well Ric, it's just too easy to come out here and let everyone know just how dumb Ivan Koloff and the rest of his buddies are. Each time they get a mic infront of them they make my case for me. I can't figure out why I wouldn't want to win the United States Title. Not only would I get to make Kerry Von Erich look foolish, but I'd be the UNITED STATES CHAMPION ! I can't for the life of me figure out how either one of those things are bad. Heck, I'm not even the United States Champion right now and I call the shots in regards to that belt. I think it's best if you jerks took a step back and realized just what you're dealing with. I know it's hard to grasp that you barked up the wrong tree but that's exactly what happened. We're reasonable men, but when you tick us off it's bad news. Now, you claimed to have given everyone here in the NWA fair warning before starting this war of yours. Well consider yourselves warned in kind. You're dang close to ticking us off."

"Ole you got that right. IVAN ! NIKITA ! The time for talking is done. We've got a date with Magnum TA and Jerry Lawler at SuperBrawl coming up. Do the right think Nikita and just get the job done. I'm TELLING YOU, that's what needs to happen. I'm TELLING YOU to do the job right. I promise you that I don't like you anymore than you like me, BUT I hate Jerry Lawler and Magnum TA. I don't care what you do Nikita, but don't you dare get in the way of me getting my hands on those two ! WOOOOO ! Tully, how about it ?!"

----"I'd throw my hat in the pot with those Russian jerks, but it seems that we've got ourselves a different punk running his mouth. Rick Rude has quite the inflated sense of self these days. Sure, he's been walking around the regions piling up a nice collection of titles. He still hasn't exactly gotten it done on the big stage though. Heck, Magnum wiped up the mat with him. BUT, I can see where the logical progression leads. It would seem that up next for him is the National Title, and that's my territory. Tread your water carefully Rude, I'm not the man to cross. I'm not as nice as Ric or Ole. I don't care about fair warning or fair play. I only care about doing what's best for Tully Blanchard and the Horsemen. That National Title fits both of those bills. I don't care if you get in line and take your turn, but just so you know, you're place is BEHIND me !"

"WOOOOOOOOOO ! And that's just where EVERYONE in the NWA belongs Tony Schiavone ! BEHIND the Horsemen. WOOOOO ! Now we'd love to stick around here and chat with you but not only do we have to go find a certain group of monkeys, but Jerry Lawler is coming out here right now and we can't stand the smell of a loser. He might be the champion of a second rate promotion, but he's NOTHING here in the NWA ! WOOOOO ! Come on boys I can hear the ladies in line at the Hilton already WOOOOO !"

Edited August 15, 2008 by HailtotheKing

[JStarr]

De Promo

Horsemen Promo from the 7-18 edition of WCW, posted on June 12.

yeah, I really haven't been posting in a timely manner .....

my hat sir, has been thrown in the pot (and I'll be a judge too :double :

You can't judge AND enter, silly man. And I should have specified that C&P'ing the promo here would have been better. Saves a couple of clicks.

[MDP]

Damn my style of writing not having fully written promos .

Can I still write one completely out of my format and enter it?

[Katsuya]

Since, ya know, I don't write any promos myself, (and I am the Dome's Most Underrated Writer >_>), I'll happily offer to judge this shiznit.

[JStarr]

Damn my style of writing not having fully written promos .

Can I still write one completely out of my format and enter it?

Wanna do the extra work, sure...but you'll still need to post the link and the original segment as well, so the judges (now confirmed as me, Sousa and Kats) can judge how well you captured what you were going for originally.

[MyKILLv2.0]

Posted August 13th

w/ Kazz speaking on his opponent for the evening, Shawn Micahels, and his opponent for Lockdown, Randy Orton.

TNT returns with Titan Wrestling’s newest superstar, Kazz. He is alone in the boiler room, seemly at peace. The sadistic smirk he has painted on his face, gives an uncomfortable vibe as he stares blankly into he camera. As he stares into the camera, we see that Kazz is not alone. Lying down behind him is a motionless Joshua Mathews.

Kazz: “Pardon this momentary interruption, but it was requested of me that I come before you and make a statement concerning my match up later tonight with the legendary superstar ‘The Heart Break Kid’ Shawn Michaels.” Kazz continues to glare at the camera with the blank glare. “However due to an unfortunate circumstance, the purpose of my time this evening will not be as intended. I shall not spend the next three minutes of your time detailing to you, the fans of Titan Wrestling the exact manner in which I intend to cause Shawn Michaels an enormous amount of pain, nor will I explain the reasons for which I wish to inflict pain and suffering on a man to whom I have nothing more a basic common knowledge of.”

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Someone begins to bang violently on the door to the boiler room. Kazz does his best to ignore the distraction, and continue.

Kazz: “The target of my time & breath shall be none other then the man for whom I am scheduled to compete against in less then two weeks at Lockdown, Randall Keith Orton.” Pause. “I am told they have dubbed you the ‘Heir Apparent’, though for my feelings to be completely true, I must admit that is not what draws me to you, Randy. That to which draws me to you is a title you possess. This title isn’t made of gold, nor is it a championship that you defend, though it is a title I intend to challenge you for, none the less. This title of course is the title that is bestowed upon you as ‘the Dirtiest Player in the Game’.” Pause. “You see Randy, I admire that quality in you. True, some people may frown upon such acts, but me? I idolize them. I respect men like you, Randy… but at Lockdown, I must reveal to you an entirely different world then that of which you believes exist. I will show you that under handed tricks are just the tip of the iceberg. I will do things to you the likes of which you have never imagined, and force you to experience things that no man has ever thought of. “Pause. “And in doing so, I will challenge you… as a man, and challenge you for the very thing that defines you,” Pause. “However until that time, I truly do hope that are to sustain perfect health, because I am looking forward to the honor of facing you at Lockdown.”

Edited August 16, 2008 by MikelSweeten

[Bigal]

On June 23rd, Steve Austin won the WWF King of the Ring and cut one of the best promos in years, firmly establishing the “Stone Cold” character.

Link

On July 7th, Steve Austin made his return to WCW as the mystery partner of The Outsiders, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall.

The storyline of the match was played out excellently. The third man did not make his entrance with The Outsiders, who started the match with a 2-on-3 disadvantage. Lex Luger was knocked out early on and removed on a stretcher by EMTs, leaving Sting and Macho Man Randy Savage against Kevin Nash and Scott Hall.

In the closing moments it seemed as though WCW might be able to pull off a victory. With Hall down, Savage went up top for his elbow drop finisher, only to be shoved off by Steve Austin, who came through the crowd. A powerbomb from Nash allowed Austin to pin Savage and give the invaders the win.

Austin’s in-ring post-match interview was a mixture of work and shoot, as he explained his return to WCW.

“Bischoff, I’m back! I guess you never expected to see me in this ring again. What a difference a couple of weeks can make. Nobody knew I was the third man, nobody knew that I was coming back. Not a damn person in this building or sitting at home saw this coming!

Yeah, I was up North, I was winning matches, winning tournaments, but it just wasn’t enough, cause you see Eric Bischoff, you and I, we got a score to settle. Last year you fired my ass over the phone, but this time that can’t happen. You can’t fire me because I’m already fired! I ain’t a WCW wrestler, these guys behind me aren’t WCW wrestlers, and we ain’t gonna play by WCW’s rules!

This is a new world order in wrestling, a new world order that’s gonna take WCW from Billionaire Ted, Eric Bischoff and all the old boys in the back.

Sting, Savage, Luger, Hogan, Flair, The Giant… they ain’t got what it takes to stop a force like the one standing in this ring, and that’s the bottom line.

Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Steve Austin are going to tear through everybody in this company, and why? Because we can.

So listen real close, Bischoff. You’re not gonna know when we’re coming, or what we’re gonna do, but we’ll be coming after WCW. Tonight, the battle lines are drawn, and the war’s declared, and this ain’t gonna be a short war. This is gonna be a war that wears down the WCW until it can’t take no more!

All you pieces of crap in the back had better take notice, cause you haven’t got a damn clue what this new force is capable of. You better start calling VKM right now, cause if you’re still here, you’re gonna be a casualty, destroyed just like the WCW.

The beginning of the end for this piece of trash organisation starts tonight, and that’s the bottom line…cause Steve Austin said so.”

Edited August 17, 2008 by Donkey Punch

[Essa]

Posted July 9

http://www.ewbattleground.com/forum/index....60081&st=40

After Jamie Noble wins in dominant fashion, we head right to the backstage area where our recently rehired backstage correspondent Joy Giovanni is standing by and looking as lovely as ever.

Joy Giovanni: Thanks guys. Last week, Daivari issued an open challenge for the WWE Tag Team Titles on behalf of The Great Khali and Mark Henry. This challenge was extended across all three brands. So right now, I'm going to give some of the guys that have stepped forward a chance to try and get your votes. And remember, voting opens at 10 PM tonight, right after Smackdown ends. Up first...

Deuce and Domino step into the picture, with Cherry standing behind them.

Joy Giovanni: Deuce and Domino. Why should our fans vote for you?

Domino: Why? Why? You wanna know why tootse? Deucey, you tell'er why.

Deuce: She wants ta know why Domino. I'll tell'er why. When they beat us last time, they caught us off guard.

Domino: Yeaah.

Deuce: We didn't see 'em comin'.

Domino: Yeaaah.

Deuce: But this time, we're gonna see 'em comin'. And, Domino, you tell'er what we're gonna do to 'em.

Domino: We're gonna crack 'em in the mouth.

Joy Giovanni: So, vote for Deuce and Domino if you want to see Mark Henry and The Great Khali get... cracked in the mouth.

Joy Giovanni then walks along the line they've formed. We see her stand in front of Ron Simmons, who is of course wearing his DAMN shirt.

Joy Giovanni: Ron Simmons. Why should you get their votes?

Ron doesn't answer. Instead he just eyes up Joy. He takes a nice long stare at her very alluring cleavage, and then twirls Joy Giovanni around in a circle. Ron then lets out a very slick sounding.

Ron Simmons: DAMN.

Joy Giovanni: Well, I don't know if that'll help your chances of getting the Tag Title Match at Cyber Sunday, but I'm flattered.

Joy steps along the line, and this time she's standing in front of Stevie Richards.

Joy Giovanni: Stevie Richards. Why do you deserve a shot at the WWE Tag Team Titles?

Stevie Richards: Joy, I want the fans to vote for me because I want to prove to everyone out there, all the doubters, that Stevie Richards isn't a joke anymore. It's like I said on ECW this week, I've got a new lease on life and I feel like I can do anything. I want to put that to the test, and what bigger test is there than The Great Khali and Mark Henry?

Joy Giovanni:: I don't think they get much bigger than that.

Then Joy moves along the line. And she stops in front of Captain Caveman and his beautiful girlfriend, Kelly Kelly.

Joy Giovanni: Balls Mahoney, you're up next. Why should you get their votes?

Balls Mahoney: Joy, I should get everybody's votes because, hey, I'm Balls Mahoney. And everything I do, I do it Balls to the Wall. And hey, what's the worst that can happen?

Joy Giovanni: You'd be facing The Great Khali and Mark Henry. A lot of things could happen in there.

Balls Mahoney: You see Joy, I'm not worried about that. Because chicks dig scars, Joy. Aint that right Kelly?

Kelly laughs a little bit.

Kelly Kelly: Yes Balls.

Joy Giovanni: Well, Balls will be Balls.

Joy moves down the line to Cody Rhodes.

Joy Giovanni: Next up is Cody Rhodes. Do you have a more sane reasoning than Balls does?

Cody has a chuckle at first.

Cody Rhodes: Yeah, Joy I think I do. Joy, I'm looking to make a name for myself. Right now everybody just thinks of me as being Dusty's kid. And don't get me wrong, I love my father, but I want to carve my own niche in this business. I want to be known as Cody Rhodes, not Dusty's son. And if that means I have to team up with somebody and take down the two biggest men in the WWE, then that's what I have to do.

Joy Giovanni: Okay, thanks Cody. Next up is, Super Crazy. Super Crazy, why do you deserve the Tag Team Title Match?

Super Crazy: I am Super....... I am CRAZY.... I AM SUPER CRAZY!

--------------: Hoooooooooooooooooo!

Hacksaw Jim Duggan marches into picture with a 2x4 in one hand and Old Glory waving in the other.

Joy Giovanni: Mr. Duggan, I'm trying to give Super Crazy his time to speak. You're next, don't worry.

Hacksaw looks dumbfounded.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan: U-S-A, U-S-A. Lady that's the only thing my friend here has said in months. U-S-A. But, I'll tell ya somethin'. You wanna see those two guys taken out? Then vote for ol' Hacksaw. Cause a vote for Hacksaw, is a vote for the U-S-A.

Hacksaw starts waving his flag around, while Joy still looks on confused. Then Hacksaw stops dead in his tracks.

Jim Duggan: Whaddya lookin' at toughguy?

The camera pans out to see Duggan and Carlito staring at each other.

Carlito: Nothin'. Nothin' at all old man.

Joy Giovanni: And mercifully, this brings us to the end. Carlito, why should you get their votes?

Carlito: Well Joy, I shouldn't. Carlito doesn't deserve the votes. Look, you've got the winner of the first ever Royal Rumble here. Vote for Jim Duggan. And, you've got Balls Mahoney. He likes pain. Vote for him. But whatever you do, don't vote for Carlito. Carlito doesn't want to wrestle at Cyber Sunday. Carlito has a, a, bunion. Don't waste your vote on me, when there's all these other more qualified people to vote for. Voting for Carlito? That's not cool.

Carlito then walks off, leaving Joy Giovanni even more perplexed.

Joy Giovanni: Well, there you have it. These are all the other names that will be on the ballot, in addition to the names that we've already confirmed. The other names are Rey Mysterio, Kane... and Finlay! Remember everybody, voting officially opens at 10 PM tonight. Back to you guys.

[wolves]

From August 17th

Original Post: http://www.ewbattleground.com/forum/index....t&p=1500025

Note for the judges, if you don't want to go back and read multiple shows to get the backstory behind this I'll be happy to provide a summary.

The lights go out and the strobe lights around the arena start going off. Finally they go off again until a spotlight shines on the entrance ramp. Chris Hero comes crawling through the curtain bleeding with a barbed wire crown of sorts wrapped around his head. A flood of masked men come out from behind the curtain where the leader steps forward and kicks at Hero pushing him closer and closer to the ring. Two masked men follow him and drag Hero into the ring. The two extra men hold Hero up with his arms out, a Christ like pose. The leader of the masked men has a microphone and speaks with a distorted voice.

MASKED MAN: I want you all to look at what is behind me. This man, this Hero you worship is broken. He is bleeding. A hero is not what this man is. He is not your messiah, he doesn't not deserve your faith your trust your admiration. Chris Hero you wear a thinly veiled layer of lies to cover up the black heart that beats within your body. This man has betrayed you for years. He has come and gone when he pleases and made thousands follow him blindly until he turns his back on you all. This man is a symbol of why we have to do the things we do. You cheer for him and you love him without ever knowing him. This man hates me and taunts me without knowing me. Hero this is personal. That should have been made apparent by now. You wear that title belt around your waist as security blanket. The one thing in your career you didn't cheat to win. You think that title and that one night of doing the right thing wipes away years of sins? Hero I want you to look me in my eyes. I want you to soak this in. See Hero every person experiences a moment in their life where they are lower than they have ever been before. They find themselves shooting up drugs in a gutter somewhere. They find themselves cheating on their wives because they can't work out their own issues. Hero this is that moment for you. The years you spent talking down to people like me. The years you spent with that smug elitist smirk plastered across your face. It all catches up with you right here, right now. See Hero I fully intend on making myself known. My true identity. Hero when that day comes, and it's coming soon there will be nowhere for you to hide. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the sand in your hourglass are running out. You've been playing this game of hiding your true self for far to long. Whether these people want it or not I'm going to expose you for the bastard you are. You all may hate me now but in the end you'll thank me. Hero I want you look at at me face to face right now.

The two men holding Hero lift his chin up and hold his eyelids open.

MASKED MAN: Hero, listen closely.

The masked man kneels down next to Hero speaking softly and close to his face.

MASKED MAN: Hero we all have to pay for our sins. I've payed for mine. Now you will pay for yours.

The masked man lifts the mask above his lips and spits on Hero's face. He then slaps him across the face.

MASKED MAN: Look at this. Keep your eyes open. This is the death of a Hero. There will only be one outcome in all of this. The Chris Hero you all love and look up to will die.

The lights go out again and when they come back on, Hero is laying face first on the mat. Security and medical staff comes down to tend to him.

[450_Splash]

http://www.ewbattleground.com/forum/index....64390&st=15

Just to set the tone, this is the first Supreme TV after the february SWF PPV Nothing To Lose. Eric Eisen (the son of SWF owner Richard Eisen) joined forces a month ago with Phil Vibert, Vengeance, and Brandon James to re-form DaVE (a hardcore promotion owned by Phil Vibert that revolutionised the wrestling industry throughout the 90's and early naughties before going bankrupt early 2007). All three men had high profile matches at Nothing To Lose, including Eric Eisen taking on Jack Bruce (The SWF World Heavyweight Champion) In a cage match for the title.

After a casket match involving Brandon James and Christian Faith the rest of DaVE left with the casket in a hearse to push it off a bridge into the east river with Christian Faith still locked inside. Leaving Eisen to battle it out in the steel cage without reinforcements. He subsequently got his ass kicked, and here we are, first segment on the following TV show.

DaVE's music hits and Phil Vibert heads to the ring flanked by Brandon James and Vengeance.

Duane Fry: Speak of the devil here he is. Accompanied of course, by two of DaVE's golden boys Vengeance and "Big Money" Brandon James. But where is Eric Eisen?

Ana Garcia: Maybe he's still crying over his loss to Jack Bruce?

Vengeance and Brandon step on the ropes to allow Phil into the ring. Phil has a microphone with him and he raises it to his mouth to speak but is berated with ******* chants from the sold out Friedman Building.

Duane Fry: Looks like the big announcement from our President is going to kick things off here.

Ana Garcia: Yeah if the crowd ever let the man speak of course.

Phil Vibert: Excuse me, we have a show to run here if you don't mind so I'd like to get this out of the way. I have a little announcement to make. You see 5 nights ago at this little show we held in Manhattan called Nothing To Lose. Professional wrestling suffered a major loss. I am of course talking about Christian Faith, who was brutally beaten by THIS MAN and then locked inside a casket alive. BARELY alive mind you, but still alive. After the match we took the casket and its contents to the Manhattan Bridge, and dumped it burying it and Christian Faith forever at the bottom of the East River.

The crowd boo heavily as Brandon James patrols the ring telling the people to shut up. Vengeance stands in the very centre of the ring completely still.

Phil Vibert: And with that one man we buried the legacy of an entire piece of **** company that should have been buried years ago! The SWF, in recent years, has become a shell of what it once was. The superior wrestling that was once seen here every tuesday night has degraded over time into Disco Stu rip-offs and giant lobster's fighting over who gets the last piece of pizza! So we did each and every wrestling fan in the world a favor. We put to rest the "Supreme" Wrestling Federation, and in it's place we will reform the greatest wrestling promotion in the history of North America, Danger and Violence Extreme! So we invite you america, join us in 2 weeks time when we debut televisions newest saturday night staple, DangerZone TV, right here on C.A.N.N and put to rest 20 years of "Supreme"!

"One Step Closer" blasts through the speakers of the Friedman Building and Eric Eisen stands in a full business suit on the stage with a microphone in hand. He seems to have some dressings over a wound above his eye.

Eric: Phil, Brandon, Vengeance...Man am I glad to see you guys! My friends, my partners!

He starts to make his way down to the ring.

Eric: I am so happy to see the three of you reveling in "our" successes. I have to say though, guys...I mean, how great was last thursday night huh? Oh it was DaVE's night alright. I mean Vengeance you had a great match with Steve Frehley, you destroyed him. You were the LAST MAN STANDING. Just like DaVE will be the last promotion standing when you...I'm sorry I mean WE finish burying my fathers company in two weeks time right? And Brandon. BIG MONEY Brandon James. I can't even IMAGINE the bonus you must have received from Phil for locking Christian Faith inside that casket. Christian Faith, a 20 year loyal employee to my family is now breathless at the bottom of a river because of you...WOW, what a night.

He reaches the ring and slides in under the bottom rope and comes face to face with Phil Vibert.

Eric Eisen: It sure was, a good night. Wasn't it Phil?

Phil Vibert nods his head in agreement and smiles, almost awkwardly.

Eric Eisen: Im not...forgetting anything? Am I?

Phil and Brandon both shake their heads "no, thats it great night", Vengeance remains still and silent.

Eric Eisen: Oooooooh, thats right! I had a match too! A cage match I believe. Wow! I cant believe I forgot about my cage match. Although I have to admit things about that time of the night have been a little hazy for me. You know what? Maybe the guys in the back can help me out here. Do we have a highlight clip of my match? I need a little refresher.

We are treated to another recap video and see highlights of the Jack Bruce vs Eric Eisen match from Nothing To Lose.

Eric Eisen: WHERE WERE YOU GUYS!? You couldn't wait!? You couldn't wait until after my match to go and bury that son of a bitch!? You didn't think that maybe I wanted to be there!? That maybe we could have done it to celebrate ME being the SWF World Heavyweight Champion. No!? No no no, of course not. Because all I am to you is a pawn. I am a pawn on your little chess board, and here I am trying to run with the Knights, the Rooks...

He points to Brandon James

Eric Eisen: And the QUEENS!

Brandon James surges forward angrily, the crowd let out a massive cheer as Eric Eisen smashes the microphone over Brandon's head dropping him to the mat. Phil Vibert slides out of the ring and is followed by Vengeance who drags Big Money out after him.

Eric Eisen: I'm onto you Phil! Regretfully, I drank the cool-aid for a few weeks but not anymore. You only had me around, you only showed any interest in me, so I could keep my father from ruining your plans. That is all I ever was to you, and that is all I would have ever been to you! But damnit Phil you have made a huge mistake in underestimating me like all the others. You will rue the day you decided to **** with the Eisen's!

He throws down the microphone and climbs up onto the turnbuckles pandering to the fans as Phil Vibert, Brandon James, and Vengeance head to the back.

[Man Behind the Mask]

Do you know what this competition needs? More musicality!

Bouncy Breakdown

So, to work the crowd into a frenzy before the main event, here is the first real diva of wrestling and the ultra-talented challenger to the Universal Title.

(6) Stacey's Rockers Performance

The loudest roar of the night echoes around the arena as Stacey, The Rocking Wrestling Machine and Billy arrive on the stage ready for the main event. To a big cheer, and a squeal of affectionate wolf-whistles, Stacey introduces the song for this evening.

"Thank-ye darlin's! Tonnaht, mah Rocking Wrasslin Machine takes on Frankie Future for the Universal Championship. He was cheated out of a tahtle victory last tahm he fought for the belt, and this is his big ol' chance. It doesn't matter what Frankie does, because when the going gets tough, the Rockin' Wrasslin' Machine gets rough!"

The crowd pop as the music starts. The Machine looks nervous, but he is settled by Stacey's good luck kiss. He grabs the mic, swivels his hips, and launches into the song:

"I got something to tell ya,

I got something to say,

Gonna win my match with Frankie,

Gonna let nothing stand in my way,

When the going gets tough (oo-oo)

The tough get going!

(Whoo!)

I'm gonna make good use of my training,

Gonna be champ by the end of the day,

The belt’s now there for the taking,

Then my Stacey can shout out 'Hooray!'

(oh-oh)

Fran-kie, I'll get past your cheating,

Fran-kie, I'll do anything,

Ooo (oo), gonna hurt ya, (gonna hurt ya) and win the title off of you, (oh-oh)

Ooo (oo), gonna choke ya, (gonna choke ya) I'm gonna beat you black and blue,

(oh-oh)

When the going gets tough

The tough get going,

When the going gets rough,

The tough get rough

When the going gets tough

The tough get going,

When the going gets rough,

The tough get rough!! ....."

As always, the crowd react superbly to the performance and are close to their noisiest ever as the Machine completes the song. He grooves and poses in fine fashion, and Stacey is clearly proud of her man.

[JStarr]

All right, we'll call time on entries...technically, MBTM's a little late, but I haven't looked in here in a couple of days, so what the hell. Sousa and Kats, since there are only seven entries, go ahead and rank all seven with a little bit of commentary at your convenience. Points won't be allocated until all three of us have rendered judgment.

And thank you to what are (apparently) the only seven people who've written decent promos in the past three months.

[ClaRK! Kent]

Can I still enter this? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? If not, grr, and the Rocker singalong should win. Clairely.

[FireDoughnut]

Can I enter an as-yet-not-posted segment? >_>

[JStarr]

Sorry, fellas. Judging's begun, and Sousa and Kats have both assured me they'll have verdicts in by the weekend's end.

[Sousa]

And I NEVER lie. Except for that one time.

I'll start at the bottom and work my way up ranking-wise, along with comments.

7. MikelSweeten: Interesting setting to start--I like the idea of Kazz laying out the interviewer before the camera's even on him. Once he starts talking, however, I lose you completely. There's nothing that bothers me more than a badly executed "look how mysterious and intellectual he is" promo, and, with all due respect, this one pretty much exemplifies that. Kazz isn't being intelligent; he's being wordy. Read this again, aloud this time:

That to which draws me to you is a title you possess.

Or this:

The target of my time & breath shall be none other then the man for whom I am scheduled to compete against in less then two weeks at Lockdown, Randall Keith Orton.

Nothing about this promo is insightful. He's saying the same old shit--"I'm dangerous, I respect you for cheating, I want your belt"--and just dressing it up with a ton of useless phrases ("The target of my time and breath?"). The result is that there's zero passion in the promo, and to be honest, I didn't like it at all.

6. MBtM: Hmmm. I like it in theory, and I really, really like the Stacey Marie-Wilson character, as always, but this one, to be honest, didn't really do it for me. The big problem with using music in promos is that they don't translate well; barring some description of what's going on, what the music is like, and so on, they're just sort of... there. Words on a page. And, to be frank, I didn't think this one was very good. Don't get me wrong; I'm a big fan of BBW. But this promo, to be honest, didn't do much for me.

5. Essa: This is a very fun lower card guy promo, a showcase of the guys who are never going to be main eventing pay-per-views. By and large, it accurately depicts everyone involved. You pull off Duggan very well in particular, and you nail Deuce & Domino. That said, it's extremely crowded, and I don't really care for the sound-byte format. Everything said is good, but I wasn't really interested, especially when you hit the end and basically said, "Oh by the way, here are three other guys also on the ballot who are more interesting than the rest of these scrubs." It was a fun, stupid little midcard promo, but it was a bit too much to say in one segment.

4. BigAl: Nothing really major to complain about here--this is an absolutely solid promo, and you've got the Austin speech mannerisms down pat while still making it clear that the Stone Cold character (which is still being portrayed here in manner if not name) is in its infancy. It's rough, but in July of 1996, it should be. My only big problem is the fact that it's not much of a heat-generating promo. Austin focuses on the boys in the back, on Bischoff, and on Turner. Okay, fine. Why should I as a fan hate him? He's rebellious, and he's really cool. Compare this one to Hogan's promo (which, I know, you couldn't hope to match), where much of the latter part of the speech lashes out against the fans. If the nWo is going to take off as the major heel faction in the wrestling world, Austin needs to do more to turn the fans on him, and I'm not feeling it here yet.

3. 450 Splash: It took me a minute since I was unfamiliar with the characters, but I was really starting to get into this. Some minor proofreading issues aside, this started as a big promo that built up a ton of energy... and then you seemed to get burned out. The energy was really starting to pick up near the end. We were building toward a confrontation. We got the great (for a pro wrestling promo anyway) line about pawns and queens. And then... it just sort of fizzles out with no real resolution. This promo needed to be a few minutes longer to really be effective, because I really, really hated the ending. But otherwise, pretty great.

2. Omelets: First of all, proofread.

he doesn't not deserve your faith your trust your admiration.

But other than that, I really, really like this promo. When I said earlier that I hated it when people tried to write a "mysterious and intelligent" promo without the ability to do so, I intended something like this as the opposite. Other than the proofreading, I can't really think of any major problems with the promo aside from the end, when Hero's beaten down, the lights drop, and when they come back on... Hero is still beaten down. Silly, gimmicky, and mostly unnecessary, especially considering how strong everything else was.

And YOUR WINNAR...

1. HttK: Okay, first off, your Flair seems off, but just by a hair. He's using some strange turns of phrase ("You don't hear the ladies wanting to ride the slopes of freezing cold Syberia") that seem out of character--a bit too descriptive and in-depth. Flair was wordy, but he was generally simple, and you lose that here--until Flair starts chiming in later, at which point you start to get it right. Other than that, your Horsemen are by and large perfect. What I love about this promo is that there's something of the typical 80's rasslin' promo in it, but everyone has his own distinct voice--even Ole, who was always the worst of the four behind the stick. In short, there were some early hiccups, but once you hit your groove with Arn, things clicked into place for me.

Thanks to everyone for participating. Was definitely a good time. (Y)

[Katsuya]

7: Mikel

So, yeah. I get that Kazz is supposed to be the mysterious figure, and it looks like you're going down the Raven-esque path with the character...but this promo just sounded like it was written, and not like someone could be saying it. For example, the first line...there's one comma to allow for breath, and that's only four words in to a rather long sentence. Also, I don't particularly like the layout of the promo, and the whole "Pause" thing kind of bugged me when I was reading it. If it's supposed to be a mysterious character...it just didn't click.

6: Omelets

First of all, to echo what Sousa said, you need to proofread, because there were quite a few grammatical errors. Furthermore...it really, really bored me. It came off to me as some guy, reading a really long passage in a monotone voice, and I just couldn't be interested in it. It also sounds rather disjointed - like how does it get from "He has come and gone when he pleases and made thousands follow him blindly until he turns his back on you all" to the next sentence being "This man is a symbol of why we have to do the things we do." The expression is not clear, and that is a major downfall here.

5: 450_Splash

"After the match we took the casket and its contents to the Manhattan Bridge, and dumped it burying it and Christian Faith forever at the bottom of the East River."

That sentence alone kind of angered me. Let's start with the fact that there should be a whole host of comma's somewhere in there. It sounds boring. Is this supposed to be the big heel intense kind of promo? Because it's not intense, it's just quite flat. Eric Eisen at least shows a little bit of character which does rescue it, even if some of the things that he says are ever so slightly confusing/"happen in every face promo" (Cool-Aid references? Really?).

4: Essa

It's a good enough promo, although the little bits of humor added here and there are a bit too "obvious", as it were, and don't interest me. My main gripe here is, this is supposed to make me want to vote for these guys to get a title shot, and none of them seem to have that much of a character or urgency, bar their pre-defined gimmicks. The only bit that I kind of laughed at was Deuce & Domino at the start, because then it started to drag on. Oh, and Joy goes through like, three different character changes in the middle of the promo, which is a bit of a drag.

3: Man Behind The Mask

This is high because it's original. It gives both Stacey and Billy extra character, because they're not just doing some boring old promo, they're ripping in to a guy via song. Sure, it might not be the best promo ever in terms of expression or quality of what's said, but it would create heat more than a usual promo that doesn't really have a strong voice in it. Hence, this deserves to be in the top three for me.

2: Bigal

Ah, the Austin to the nWo promo. I liked it back when I first read it, and that's because it would be such a huge moment in wrestling that Austin wouldn't have to say much, and he doesn't really. Sousa pointed out that you can't beat the original Hogan promo, and I agree on that, but this one works in the way that it's Austin venting his hatred for Bischoff and the backstage crew, which explains why he's joined the nWo. Furthermore, it puts a whole new spin on the nWo, and while it doesn't attack the fans, they already had a bone to pick with Hall & Nash, so it could work that Austin adds on to that with his own hatred.

1: HTTK

First impressions were that Flair didn't sound right to begin with - he was a little wordy and was...not Flair (it's hard to put it any other way). Then Arn comes in and is brilliantly written, and that continues in to Ole and Tully. It sounds like the Horsemen, it gets the point across, and Flair comes good at the end. I loved his willing Ivan & Nikita not to get in the way, and even with all these targets that they've got in the promo, it sounds right and works. Easily the best of the bunch, I must admit.

Edited August 24, 2008 by Katsuya

[JStarr]

7. Mikel--Wow. Kazz is a wordy fucker, ain’t he? Too wordy, as there’s just so many turns of phrase that are completely unnecessary. “…entirely different world then that of which you believes exist” could be trimmed to “…entirely different world than you believe exists.” “…a man to whom I have nothing more a basic common knowledge of” needs to be “…a man of whom I have little knowledge.” “…the man for whom I am scheduled to compete against…”? What’s wrong with “my opponent” or “my scheduled opposition”? Mysterious is one thing, hyperverbosity for its own sake is another. Wordy can be good for an arrogant heel, but Kazz just has verbal diarrhea here.

6. HttK--In the context of a diary, a promo gets judged more on how it fits into the storylines, and structure‘s not as much of a concern. In something like this, though, structure is huge, and the structure of this promo bothered me. Using Flair as a transition piece to go from one Horseman to the next, making sure he tells us who he’s talking to, makes it look…well…written rather than spoken, as Katsuya said about someone else’s. I honestly don’t remember Horsemen promos going like that from my youth. If I’m wrong, okay, but it makes more sense as just a relay, where Flair hands the baton to Arn, Arn hands it to Ole, and Ole hands it to Tully. Bringing Ric back for a coda at the end would be good, so he can cover his and Nikita’s match with Magnum and Lawler, but Flair interjecting every time speakers change is awkward and unnecessary. The speeches are fine, although Arn could have left out the mention of MENSA, maybe? Just all sort of unwieldy, as I picture Schiavone in my head spinning like a fucking top trying to turn with the mic from Flair to Arn back to Flair to Ole back to Flair again and then to Tully and back to Flair one more time. I don’t often sympathize with Tony, but I have to here.

5. Essa--First off, I’m surprised to see Essa using “lovely” to describe Joy as opposed to something like “fuckable,” but that’s neither here nor there. Down the line with the suckers…er…superstars that wanted to get squashed, and there’s not really time for people to establish a lot of individual character. Except maybe for Joy, and honestly, she seemed a little more sarcastic than I would have expected, especially questioning Balls’ sanity. I could see Coach making a crack like that, but none of the various Diva interviewers that have been employed over the years. Deuce and Domino were good, as was Cody. His earnest straightforwardness works. Stevie Richards, not so much. And then we came to Carlito and his bunion. Loved Carlito. He alone puts this lineup over for me. Problem is, there’s still a lot of people and not a lot of time.

4. Bigal--Austin leading the nWo is about the only swerve that could have come remotely close to equaling Hogan for shock value. The promo was blunt, to the point, and it sounded like classic Austin. And I dug the “you can’t fire me, I’m already fired” bit, poking a little bit of fun at what we know now about WCW’s real-life death spiral. BUT…two big problems stand out for me. One, there needed to be some Nash and Hall interplay with Austin to help with problem #2, which was a real lack of venom toward the fans. Hogan had fifteen years of fan adoration to spit on, which Austin didn’t have, so it was hard for him to summon up the kind of indignation toward the WCW fans that would make them say, “Well, fuck you, too, buddy!” Nash and Hall had started to foster that kind of resentment, and they could have really driven this promo home.

3. 450 Splash--Honestly, this one, even with unfamiliar C-Verse characters, played out in a very believeable manner, since it’s perfectly obvious who the real-life archetypes were for Eric Eisen and Phil Vibert. The one problem that stood out for me was that many stable leaders in Vibert’s shoes would have known where this was going and tried to talk their way out of a confrontation. It would have been quite interesting to see how you would have had Vibert backpedaling and trying to keep Eric onside. But Eric locking into the chess metaphor was class, and honestly, this promo had the best finish of them all. It’s just a sort of bland beginning and a big missed opportunity in the middle that cost it.

2. Omelets--This, for me, is a better-executed “mysterious” promo than many that I’ve read over the years. But, even though we try to make a written promo look “spoken” rather than “written,” small writing aspects can make a big difference. We’re told when we’re young readers that commas serve as pausing points that can help with a paragraph/speech’s flow. The lack of them in many of the proper places here can screw up the rhythm that you hear in your head when you read it. This flattened out what could have been a nicely flowing speech, especially the “your faith your trust your admiration” bit. The words themselves worked for me, and commas and all, this is one of my favorites in this group.

1. MBTM--One of the biggest things that I enjoy about BBW is MBTM’s use of Stacey-Marie Wilson, and since he draws liberally from ‘80s hits for her promos, I can always lock right into the tune she’s using. The words almost always flow nicely with the tunes, and this one was no exception, even with the Machine doing the singing. May have been too well-done, really, as a stammer or two early would have been good to get across Machine’s performance anxiety. It was short, but hell, one verse can be hard enough, let alone two.

And so, we'll total up the points, with 7 points for 1st and 1 point for 7th, and all points in between.

MikelSweeten--1 (Starr) + 1 (Kats) + 1 (Sousa) = 3 pts.

Essa--3 (Starr) + 4 (Kats) + 3 (Sousa) = 10 pts.

450 Splash--5 (Starr) + 3 (Kats) + 5 (Sousa) = 13 pts.

Omelets--6 (Starr) + 2 (Kats) + 6 (Sousa) = 14 pts.

Bigal--4 (Starr) + 6 (Kats) + 4 (Sousa) = 14 pts.

MBTM--7 (Starr) + 5 (Kats) + 2 (Sousa) = 14 pts.

HttK--2 (Starr) + 7 (Kats) + 7 (Sousa) = 16 pts.

So, HailtotheKing's Horsemen carry the challenge, and 20 KOTD points for the victory. Congrats to HttK, and to everyone else, thank you for putting your names in the hat. Thank you as well to our intrepid judges. Overall standings will be updated in the Step in the Arena thread.

Edited August 24, 2008 by Sinistarr