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Aurora Wrestling Organization


Nick Adams
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(OOC: This is all EWR. I deleted YPW to make room for my fed, and created all the starting characters in the editor. I'm using RXEWR #26. For first-time readers, any and all comments are appreciated, as I would like some feedback. Apologies for the excessively long backstory, but I felt it was needed at the time, and there's still a few good bits in there.

Also, I realize that the "I won the Lotto, so I'm going to start a wrestling company," idea has been done to the point where it's not even funny. Well, all things considered, let me just say that while, for a long stretch, the diary is just another diary of some guys just trying to put on a good show, but just read on. There's a plot twist that I thought up to kind of spice up the diary. So just read on. And feel free to comment.)

I definitely need to stop being so absent-minded about my life. The fact is, I just looked at the only Colorado Lotto ticket I've ever bought and found that the number matches the drawing exactly. I just won millions of dollars. And I took an entire week after my birthday to find out. Somehow, there's a kind of odd irony in this that just doesn't make sense. I mean, come on, how likely is it that somebody wins the Lottery on the first ticket they've ever bought, and purchased that ticket the day that they became legal to purchase that ticket? It has to be astronomical. I mean, come on. The likelihood of that is insane. Even people with Ph.D.'s in mathematics would argue against the possibility.

And yet it happened. I have yet to tell my parents, and doubt I ever will. I just opened up and account at a bank that my parents never use. I plan to deposit all my winnings in that account. I can live comfortably for the rest of my life. And you know what? I've just applied to CSU. I figure that I can go to college. I need to graduate, right? Fact is, now that I've gained a secret free ride for my undergraduate and Law studies, I can do something far more interesting with the Senior year (besides Tae Kwon Do and actually getting good grades, of course...I still need to have good grades for Senior year). So I decided to create a wrestling company.

Oddly enough, when I proposed it to my friends, some were shocked, some were intrigued, one was really into it, and another said we were going to kill ourselves without a person with at least minimal medical training. The fact was, I agreed with the last idea. We needed somebody that knew how to be a medic. Unfortunately, the only person that did was the person that suggested it. She agreed to be a first aid provider. Also, one of the intrigued people said that one of his relatives had a two-year stint as a luchadore, but had poor pronunciation as far as English was concerned, and though he was charismatic, he wasn't easily understood. I figured that anybody that could give us any training would be able to help. Well, at least that's what I thought.

Finally, when I told them about the Lottery, they all agreed, even one person that I think is just a bit bi-polar. Before that, of course, they were kind of wavering on whether the company could succeed. With a security blanket of two million dollars (though I didn't tell them I'd won thirty million total, leaving me with ten million after taxes) behind the company, they were all for it. I decided to include myself in the on-screen dealings as a wrestler, although I will still manage the company backstage. Anyway, on with the show. Here's the basic rundown of my company...albeit we're starting out with shows in a public park, which is pretty much just a stone's throw away from a backyard federation.

We're a schoolyard federation that's just outside the control of the school. And all things considered, as Colorado doesn't require wrestling liscenses, as far as I know, it's smooth sailing. Anyway, here's the rundown.

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Federation Name: Aurora Wrestling Organization

Location: Aurora, Colorado, USA (Suburb of Denver)

Equipment: 16 foot square ring (Extremely basic), PA System, Video projector, video camera

Roster:

Robert Cameron - He's probably the coolest guy on the entire roster, and as such, he's also the only one with a Cool gimmick. While he isn't exactly a big fighter, he used to play football, and he knows how to sell punches, so he can do all right given a good brawl or some basic technical moves. Bob definitely has the lines and the slightly uncommon good looks to become our own version of The Rock. As long as he doesn't start going by, "The Bob", I'm good.

Malachi Pasillas - He's the person that got us a real luchador. His cousin is pretty much just going off of that - and a desire for a musical career, which I still don't get - but he's going for more of a stereotype. Since he's the shortest guy on our roster, the only thing that he's got is his race. As such, he's playing the Angry Minority card, going with the whole Eddie Guerrero slant, but tailoring it to piss off the crowd.

Shaun Draw - Our bi-polar manic depressive in real life, he definitely doesn't have the skill either in the ring or on the mic (save for being a jerk), but he complained and threatened to tell my dad about my winnings (not that it would have mattered, but it would have opened a can of worms about me having to move out that I didn't want), so I had to let him into the group. I'm playing him off as an Angry Young Man, since that's really the only thing he can do convincingly.

Matt Inferno - It's a gimmick name. He's a bit off, and rather vindictive, but he definitely has the ability to make a good interview. Pretty much, he's a bit nuts and anti-social, but upon hearing about the AWO, he knew that it was the place for some destruction. The only thing I could really do with him was take his pyromania and amplify it to the tenth power. That's right, we've got a resident Pyromaniac.

Drew Porter - He was interested to enter the company, but had no idea what he could do. Nothing he tried really worked, and seeing as his girlfriend would abhor him if he did anything completely extreme, he really couldn't do all that much. There were few choices left, and so I did the easiest thing - Old School Face.

Bucky - He's just, for lack of a better description, Bucky. He's a putz, in general, but he somehow gets on top. Honestly, I have no clue where to place him. He wants in, though, so I gave him a spot as another face. (OOC: Finally, somebody for which The Ryland Effect can be used correctly!) I suppose I'll have to figure out what to call his gimmick of one-liners and ending up on top later.

David Michaels - I tossed him in to the mix as another friend, but he really doesn't have a gimmick. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything, so I just asked him what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to be a pirate. I thought he was joking, but he just shook his head and repeated the request. Talk about cartoonish people.

Drake "Delta" Strata - He's technically our Color Commentary announcer, but I placed him as the Commissioner because he asked me to do it. The fact is that he's going to be the nonchalant boss that comes off as whatever he is. He's the only tweener on the entire roster, and it's going to stay like that.

Nick Adams - Yours truly, wrestling in general just seems like the best way to participate. I couldn't even figure out my own gimmick, so I polled everybody. Some said being a Weird dude would be good, others said that if I'm going to be a face, just go Old School. And then Drake suggested that I do what I do best - be completely oblivious. So, what did I pick as a gimmick? I am now officially a Putz. That's gonna be fun - although probably far too easy - ironically.

Finally, last (and least to me, but not to anybody that's heard of him)...

El Bulldust - Malachi's cousin, and the only reason that we're doing this at all. He's our trainer, he's one of our top people, and he has absolutely no clue what's going on except when he's doing matches. And I'm the Putz why? Anyway, he's surviving entirely off of his luchadore gimmick and his good performances in the ring, as far as I'm concerned. He wants to go out and start singing different songs as his entrance themes. Lord help us all.

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Well, now I just have to convince a few people to be techies...I've got until the start of August, so it should be realtively easy, right?

Right?

Methinks I may have just made a large mistake.

Edited by Nick Adams
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Well, I've got one week to figure this all out because my cousin is having a wedding. Anyway, the entire plan goes like this - find some people I know, get them to do the tech work, and then hope for the best. Unfortunately, it didn't exactly go like that. After talking to some people, I wound up with my crew. Too bad it wound up looking like this.

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Techies:

Ahern - Our production manager, he lives right across the street from me, and is the oldest employee of the AWO. He's a good tech manager, but unfortunately, he's somewhat disorganized. Also, he might take the initiative and do some production changes that I didn't approve. Sure, I have the money to do so, but it doesn't exactly bode well for the shows. Trust me, he has less of a clue about the wrestling business than a two-year-old.

Ace - Ahern's partner in criminally bad technicianship, he's the other techie on the job. He does good construction work, but he's pretty much silent unless he has something to say. Communicating with him is like talking to a pet...except for the fact that at least with the pet, you think they may actually be listening. I swear, if Ahern doesn't do something wrong, Ace's silent determination will do us in.

Ben Barrett - Our play-by-play man, he has very little clue what's going on, but I sent him to a website and showed him every last move in existence. He only has about thirty memorized, but random comments like, "And now he's just adding insult to injury." He only agreed because he didn't have a job, and his mother was yelling at him to get one. Trust me, you don't want to mess with an angry mother. You'd be on the wrong end of that conflict.

Katie Daniels - Our only medic, if we have to put somebody on a stretcher, we're going to have to use the wrestlers to get the job done. She was the one that was worried that we'd kill ourselves. And since it's only once a month on the job, for about four hours, $1,000 seemed like a good deal to her. Considering she's going to be bandaging our wounds, I feel like I'm ripping her off. But she didn't really care.

Corey O. - Our writer. He's one of our wrestlers, but I'll never tell who. He's good at fanfics and RPGs, so I figure that if he learns the ropes of wrestling storylines, we'll be on a good foot. Honestly, he wanted me to do all of it, but no thank you. He does the storylines, I book the matches, and there you go.

James Doan - Our referee. He wanted to have the same last name as a big-time wrestling referee, so I gave him that name. I know it seems ridiculous, but he's been keeping track of the rules for mat wrestling, and he can probably catch on quickly enough about the rules of pro wrestling. If not...well, too bad.

Victor - Okay, so I lied. This is our oldest employee. He's also our road agent. I picked him up from a talent agency and asked him if he could keep the peace between our workers. He said it was doable, but only if I paid him at the start of each month. Talk about your distrusting people, huh? I have a feeling that he won't be helping us that much.

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Now we've got techies, but the ring isn't set up, we haven't advertised, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with this promotion. I've only got the site planned out. I just hope it doesn't rain, whenever I do decide to put on the show.

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The First Meeting

We decided to meet in an Italian restaurant down the road from my house. It's right across from a local high school that looks oddly like a prison. I'm not kidding, either. Brick walls, steel fences off to the side that hold buses, small vertical windows, a small parking lot in the front - it looks like a minimum security prison, save for the metal letters on the top right corner of the wall proudly declaring that it's a high school.

As for the restaurant, it's small, but it had enough tables to support us. Also, I felt like treating everybody with some of my personal money (as opposed to the account I opened for the AWO's financial base). Italian seemed like a good choice. Anyway, it was only the wrestlers. Unfortunately, when I told people their gimmicks over the phone, I didn't exactly expect them to keep kayfabe...at the restaurant.

-----Switch to Restaurant-----

Everybody was assembled, and save for Drake and Bucky (Drake because his gimmick isn't really anything that you can display, and Bucky because he is his gimmick), everybody was decked out in full kayfabe gear. Where David picked up the pirate outfit, I'll never know.

There were a few gimmick interpretations screw-ups, as well. Apparently, Matt misheard me over the phone (as I called him on my cell phone) and thought I had assigned him as a firefighter. Drew didn't quite get the concept of "Old School Face", and came in dressed and made up as an old man, though he looked convincing enough to be my grandfather. Of course, there was one person that came in that didn't do what he did as a mistake at all.

El Bulldust.

So there we were, sitting in a restaurant, Bob looking like the Fonz, Mal with a picture of a Mexican flag displayed proudly on his chest, Shaun sitting off at his own table, but still demanding I pay, Matt wearing firefighting gear, Drew looking like an Old Face instead of an Old SCHOOL Face, David Dressed as a pirate, El Bulldust wearing his mask and matador gear, Drake and myself in regular clothes, and Bucky being...Bucky. Sorry, but regular just doesn't fit with him

We all had dinner while people tried on their gimmicks. The only ones that were convincing that kept kayfabe were El Bulldust, Shaun (which was a given, really), and Bucky (because, as I've already said, he is his gimmick. Of course, some of the stranger mishaps went like this...

Me: So, the fact is that you can't really do the announcing until we get the techies to...David, what the hell are you doing?

David: (In a poor pirate accent, with his fork pulling away part of my lasagna) Avast, matey, I'm stealing your booty!

Me: The only thing you're stealing is my dinner!

Bucky: Oh, diss!

Me: Bucky, that is such a tired line.

Bucky: Oh, snap to me! (Pauses) Wait a second...

David: (Taking his knife and trying to put the lasagna back on my plate) Well, I was just trying to fit into my gimmick. Did it work?

Somehow, in the middle of Colorado, where the nearest water bodies are resivoirs, piracy just doesn't have the same ring to it. It's kind of like that guy in the movie "Dodgeball" (who has no affiliation to this diary whatsoever, and all rights are reserved by whomever holds the rights to that movie) - totally pointless in the middle of the USA. And that's not the end of it.

El Bulldust: El Bulldust swears by heez matador skeelz dat El Bulldust can seeng quite well!

Matt: Yeah, right. You can probably sing about as well as you can take on my job of running into burning buildings.

El Bulldust: Fine. Eye vill prove eet! (Stands up and begins to sing very off key) Ay, ay, ay, canta y no llore...

At that point, everybody groaned and the people nearest him (Matt and Drew to be exact) clapped their hands over Bulldust's mouth and forced him back in his chair. Drew then started talking.

Drew: Why you whipper shnapper, I bet that you never learned proper mannersh. It's impolite to shing at the table, young man.

Though it was the most ridiculous part of the day, Drew placing Bulldust in his place was probably also one of the better parts. Too bad I'm going to have to explain that "Face" is short for "Babyface", which means "Good Guy". I'll miss the makeup.

Anyway, I paid the bill, said that I'd call everybody about the final date, and toasted the AWO with a glass of soda. Still, this might be appropriate for the AWO eventually...

:ohwell:

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Was the restaurant by any chance Armando's across from Smoky Hill?

This is the second Colorado diary in a couple days, it's amazing. I like original characters because it really makes the writer work hard to develop their personalities. Hopefully you can draw me in once the shows get going.

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(OOC: That's right. So I'm guessing you live in the area. Anyway, stay tuned, I've tried this twice before, albeit with fewer people...)

Whose Name is it Anyway?

The fact is that though we had decided upon a date (August 15th, just to give the few people still going to my school a week's break before school started), we had yet to name the event. I had absolutely nothing to go with. I had opened the company, made the bank account, found the people, and had the equipment I bought (namely a used ring from the 1960's that is barely holding itself together, along with about 20 folding chairs) shipped to Bob's house overnight. At that point, inspiration was the last thing that came to me.

Of course, naming an event isn't my forte anyway. Fact is, if I had to name something, I'd wind up calling it "?" just to be odd. I might do that eventually, but only if we get something extremely off-the-wall. It would be kind of New Age, wouldn't it? Just a show called "?". Of course, I think we're a long way from that. We've got to have some creativity behind our technical staff, right? Right?

Well, if my in-ring employees are indication, I'm wrong. Really wrong. And guess what? My in-ring performers are an indication. I called together all the techies for a creative session. Here's basically what happened.

Me: Okay, guys, the reason you're all here is because I have no freaking clue what to name our show.

Katie: And you need me why?

Me: I'll figure that out later. Anyway, so, for our first show, I need some name ideas. Anybody got one?

Ben: How about "The Premiere"?

Victor: "Unknowns in the Ring"?

James: "Le Ville de Guys in Big Smelly Costumes"?

Katie: "Wrestling in a Schoolyard"?

Me: Okay, stop...Ahern, think of something, I don't care. I'm getting a headache.

Ahern: I'm on it, boss.

And after that, we just kind of hung out. Ahern and Ace traded ideas back and forth (okay, Ahern suggested stuff and Ace nodded or shook his head), and there you go. Unfortunately, leaving Ahern in charge for naming probably wasn't the best idea. He chose something far too obvious...

Aurora Wrestling

You have to love the lack of creativity. I think I'll never do it again.

Well, at least it wasn't something more idiotic. One can only hope that the show is better than the name.

<_<

Edited by Nick Adams
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It's showtime. Somehow, the line really doesn't seem to fit for something tossed together in a school yard on a Sunday afternoon. The entire advertising campaign goes something like this - we talked with a few people, who talked to a few people, who talked to a few people. Now there's something you don't see every day. Now, instead of spreading by "word of mouth" (which has recently come to mean "by way of Internet conversations"), we were quite literal with our approach. Sounds fun, huh? Not really, but it works.

Anyway, everything seemed to be okay. Ace and Ahern had managed to set up our ring, which seemed to be a miracle due to the shape it was in. The rest of the gang had pulled together and set up chairs for our extremely pathetic crowd. Well, we expected it to be pathetic, anyway. With out top star being a guy named "El Bulldust", what do you expect? Top billing?

And then I wound up being the real-life putz. Ah, fun, isn't it? Corey came up to me and gave me a couple items of news.

Corey O.: Hey, boss. Just thought you should know that Drake won't be able to be at the shows until after September. He won't turn 18 until after that.

Me: I kind of figured that. We'd have an insurance nightmare on our hands if we had underaged people wrestling.

Corey O.: There is one other thing.

Me: Yes, Corey?

Corey O.: You have the main event listed as a title match between Bob and Bulldust, right?

Me: It's what I was planning. Why do you ask?

Corey O.: Well, some of the guys are wondering - what are you using as a title?

Me: :huh: Erm...I'll be right back.

Thus came the fastest drive I've ever taken (relatively speaking at least. It's kind of hard to race around curves at 30 Mph). I hopped in my car, rushed home, and frantically searched for something that could count as a title. Finally, my eyes settled upon some old stuff from earlier Tae Kwon Do lessons. And that was where I found our title. I grabbed it, rushed back to the schoolyard, and showed the title to everybody.

Me: Well, guys, here it is. Our title, the Big Aurora Medal.

Bulldust: Beeg Ayroarah Meedal, eh? Eet doan' look dat beeg to mee.

Bob: That is kind of pathetic.

David: (Still in a bad pirate accent, might I add) Arr, matey. If 'twere plunder from a ship, ye' couldn' pay me ter take it from ye.

Me: David the show hasn't started yet.

David: Well, sometimes it helps to stay in character. All things considered, our backstage is just a gazebo and a playground.

Bob: As for the title, we should probably call it the "Not-So-Big Medal".

Bucky: Now that was a good shot!

Me: Fine. In an effort to not appear juvenile, we'll call it what Bob suggested.

And thus our title is now the "Not-So-Big Medal". Now, on with our pathetic excuse for a show.

Aurora Wrestling

Pre-Show

Punctuality is a Virt-Drew

Well, we don't technically have a pre-show because this isn't a Pay-Per-View. And since Corey's too lazy to do any angles, we're stuck with a lot of interviews and matches. Ah, I love this job. It's so fun. Anyway, the "pre-show" was pretty much when Drew Porter arrived late. We really hadn't planned much for him anyway, but we had promised him an interview. Unfortunately, he still didn't quite get the idea of the "Old School Face". This time, though, instead of dressing up like an old man, he was wearing his graduation clothing, cap and gown included. Wild guess, he thought he had to act like he was facing his old school. If there were a wall, I would be banging my head against it. Drew picked up the microphone from Ben.

Drew: Well, folks, I'd just like to say it's great to be here. And another thing that's great is that I finished my high school education. It's an honor to have gone through that process, and I am now facing you as if I were still waiting to graduate. The fact is that for those kids out in the crowd [NOTE: Of which there were none.], I'm here to say that if you work hard enough, you can do anything. Now it's time for me to get ready to pummel whoever I'm pitted against today.

And he walked off. He doesn't get the concept, but he still did the interview right...if we actually had fans that weren't already in college (one of which was Drew's girlfriend). What in the world is up with that? I later discovered that he had been rehearsing that speech, which is why it took him so long to get here. Good thing he took what was going to be Drake's spot. Otherwise, I have no clue what we would have done to fill the empty ten minutes before 3:00. Really, I mean it.

Overall: 43%

After that, Ben almost burst out in hysterics. Completely unable to announce for the event, he excused himself from the event. And just because he showed up, he's still getting a paycheck. How does that one work?

----START SHOW----

NO PYROS GO OFF, NO MUSIC PLAYS, NO CHEERS COME FROM THE CROWD, AND WE ARE LIVE IN AURORA! (Of course, how else would we be doing this? We can't exactly tape anything because somebody *cough*Ahern*cough* couldn't find the camera.) Well, okay, I lied about the music. Drake still managed to be present by sending us his copy of the [Video game name deleted due to lack of sponsorship] soundtrack and suggesting the track for the opening of the show. Still, it wasn't exactly what you would hope for, but it was better than we expected. With Drew accidentally doing his interview early, we decided to cut right to the first match of the day.

Drew Porter vs. Matt Inferno

Drew came back to the ring, sans cap and gown, but still wearing some dress clothes. Suddenly, he took off his button-up shirt and revealed beneath a simple black and white t-shirt that's far more well-equipped for wrestling. I also noted that he was wearing black sneakers. Anyway, Matt came out still thinking he was a fireman, but carrying some lighters. He was wearing full gear, save for the headgear and 02 tank. Before stepping in to the ring, he put aside the jacket. The match itself was somewhat interesting. Lots of basic brawling, with not much else. Hey, it's a schoolyard federation. If you expect this to be Shakespeare in the ring, you're going to be seriously disappointed. Anyway, the match was okay. Obviously, there was a bit of confusion when the two got into a gimmick argument, as both were wearing suspenders. Anyway, after that, Drew got the upper hand, and yelled out, "It's textbook time!" Right on cue, Matt came up and smacked him with a textbook right in the face, then got the pin. How fun.

Match Quality: 65% (They might have only done a lot of brawling and a few slams, but they did them well.)

Crowd Reaction: 13% (Intrigued by the ironic use of a school book to make the student guy lose.)

Overall: 39% (Yeah. There you are.

(From Victor: Matt Inferno is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.

From Me: Overness? What overness does he have to lose?)

Buckah!

Bucky came out to the ring. I really didn't think this was a good idea, but Bucky asked Ace if he could go out and promote his match, and Ace just nodded. Oh, fun, now Ace is making decisions besides where to place a bolt when setting up the ring. Anyway, somehow, Bucky really isn't that good of a speech maker. I discovered this rather easily today.

Bucky: Hey. So, uh, I'm Bucky. Just figured you guys should know that I'm going to have a match with this guy named Shaun Draw. And, uh, well...yeah. Fact is, I'm going to beat him. OH, SNAP!

And somehow, the fans (all five of them) saw reason to cheer him. If I knew how that one worked, I swear that I would probably be able to figure out how in the world a woman's mind works. In other words, however Bucky pulled it off, he pulled it off.

Overall: 52%

Bucky vs. Shaun Draw

Bucky and Shaun were okay with this, at least up until the end. Of course, the crowd was pretty much disappointed from the previous match. Both men really have very little clue how to wrestle, so I have to appreciate the fact that they tried. Because Draw basically sucked at selling (never having taking a drama class), he really had to dominate some of the match. I wound up seeing an enziguri from Bucky, though, which was odd. Anyway, at the end of the match, Bucky had Shaun in the corner. He backed away slowly and began to yell what sounded like, "Time for a Stinger!", but he stopped, then re-thought it, and just rushed in. As Shaun fell over, Bucky yelled "Diss!" and got the pin.

Match Quality: 43% (No-selling and yet it still worked.)

Crowd Reaction: 10% (The crowd liked the allusion to Sting.)

Overall: 26% (Duh.)

(From Victor: Bucky is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.

From Me: Ibid.)

David Michaels vs. Nick Adams

I walked out to the ring, and of course, I stumbled trying to get through the ropes, and then rolled out on the other side, go up, and said, "I'm okay." As for David, he came out decked in full gear pirate gear, sans weapons. Well, David against myself was made because Dave still didn't quite get the entire point of in-ring competition. Yeah, he was okay, and I was okay, but together, we put on a pretty good show. Too bad only one attendee noticed, and only for the very end. Anyway, it was a lot of okay stuff, including a second rope slpash from me and David's single standing spinebuster. In the end, David accidentally gave me a real shot right to the face, causing me to reel back a bit. I only know what happened afterwards because other people told me. Apparently, David noticed his error, slammed me into a corner, and then hit a belly-to-belly slam from the second rope that he calls the "Arr, Matey". He got the pin. And as I came to, David helped me up and we shook hands. Too bad the crowd wasn't really into it. I swear one of them was snoring.

Match Quality: 57% (Hmm...not bad, all things considered.)

Crowd Reaction: 2% (I saw a couple of people reading the newspaper.)

Overall: 29% (Jimmy good match, and they don't care...)

(From Victor: You know, both of your gimmicks really suck.

From Me: This is a schoolyard federation. What do you want, Mick Foley?

From Victor: We can get him?)

HEEEEY! It's Bob!

Bob came out to the ring and began to strut around. The crowd got a bit interested, but considering their reaction to the previous match, his coolness was kind of off-beat for this interview. Still, the fans paid a bit more attention. Bob called for a microphone and looked around. He ran a hand through his hair, and then smiled. That elicited a cheer from one crowd member. And then he started to talk.

Bob: Heeey! I came out here for one purpose, and one purpose only. I just heard from somebody that I'm set to face off against a guy named El Bulldust. Now, I don't know about you, but a guy named El Bulldust just incessantly seems uncool. The guy is named after an animal, man. And what's Bulldust, anyway? Is that the male version of a cow pie?

Now that got a good reaction.

Bob: Whatever, man. I just want to take El Bulldust on here and now. And what's more, I'm taking him on for the AWO's biggest prize - the Not-So-Big Medal!

Overall: 48%

Robert Cameron vs. El Bulldust for the Not-So-Big Medal

El Bulldust came out to the ring, fully decked out in some matador gear and a luchador mask. Of course, he was also carrying a microphone. And this was where the torture began. As Bulldust came to the ring, he started singing the chorus to an 80's hit from somebody of which nobody wished to be reminded.

Bulldust: Deed jou reeley wahn' to hairt mee? Deed jou reeley wahn' to mayke mee cryie?

At that point, Bulldust was in the ring. To stop the fans from leaving, Bob immediately punched Bulldust in the face. The fans sat back down as Bulldust dropped the microphone, and Bob began wailing away on the luchador. He eventually got Bulldust so stunned that he whipped the Mexican into the ropes and came back with a running clothesline. The Cool One then came and lifted the luchador off the ground. The fans kept watching intently, but weren't really involved. Anyway, after another shot, Bob went for a suplex. Bulldust easily blocked it, then hit a drop kick right to Bob's knee. Bulldust rolled back up and saw that Cameron had managed to flip up onto his feet. He improvised and hit a flying reverse elbow, then covered for a two-count. As he argued with our referee, Bob came up and hit a forearm shot across the back. With the matador reeling, he hit a bulldog off the ropes, then went for his own cover, which only got two. He immediately lifted Bulldust off the ground and hit a clothesline, then went for a near-three. Bob lifted the matador off the ground again, but Bob went wild with his punch, allowing Bulldust to hit a spinning heel kick. He then started disco dancing and singing.

Bulldust: Ah ha ha ha, stayeeeng alieyve, stayeeeng alieyve.

He then went back to the downed Cameron and went for a leg drop, but Bob rolled out of the way, having taken a breather during Bulldust's dancing antics. As Bulldust held his leg in pain, Cameron gave Bulldust one good shot. Suddenly, Malachi Pasillas came running down the ring carrying a Mexican flag waving on a wooden pole. Bob looked over, and with Cameron distracted, Bulldust came up behind the Cool One and whipped him to the ropes. Somehow, though, Bob managed to reverse it, and as Pasillas swung the flag, it connected directly with Bulldust's forehead! Our intrepid referee failed to call the DQ, though, not quite sure what do do in this case. Meanwhile, Bob took the advantage, bulldogged Bulldust, and then raised his hand, snapped his fingers, and hit a huge leg drop to the back of the head (I'm sure the Dames would approve) and got the victory.

Unfortunately for Bob, Mal slid in before the Cool One could get his medal, and hit him over the head with the remains of the wooden flag pole. Bob reeled and tripped over Bulldust's prone body. Mal then tried to get Bulldust up. The matador groggily stood, and both of them placed Bob's arms in between the top and middle ropes, except that the middle rope was raised above the top rope. They then began wailing on him. Our one referee, along with Ahern and Ace wearing referee uniforms, came out to break up the fracas.

Match Quality: 64% (Bob wailing on a Luchador = good match. Fun.)

Crowd Reaction: 13% (Yes, it's official. Our few fans don't care that much.)

Overall: 38% (And yet it's almost tied for highlight match of the night.)

Overall Show: 38%

Attendance: 5

Ticket Sales: $50

Well, that's just great. Five fans. I should use some of my money and advertise just once, without saying who's participating in the shows. The unfortunate part is that the only footage we have are some home videos belonging to Bulldust and Mal's family. Well, we can try, I guess. And now I have to try and convince people to change their gimmicks, as well as letting me change mine. I doubt that will work. But one can hope.

I'm screwed, ain't I?

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Month-End Report

Well, folks, this definitely makes sense. We're a backyard group. Getting over is harder than getting an untrained person to jump into an airbag designed for a high-level fall stunt. No, really. You should see our staff. Anyway, here's the basic layout. I need to use more interviews, and maybe less people per show. It may just get people over. I have no clue whatsoever. But all I know is this - so far, the people that have heard about the AWO only care about three of our workers. I'll start with them.

El Bulldust (Overness: 5-5, no increase) - Well, I suppose it makes sense. He came in with a small following, and I still see a few posts randomly talking about him. Unfortunately, singing Boy George on his way down to the ring doesn't exactly endear oneself to a crowd, regardless of the fact that we only got five people to come.

Drew Porter (Overness: 0-3, +3) - Drew made a good speech, and then won a match. I'd say that makes him one of the few people that really earned his paycheck.

Robert Cameron (Overness: 0-1, +1) - He's too cool to gain overness, I suppose. He's our current champion, and he only gets over by one freaking point. Well, he does have an excuse. David and I put the crowd to sleep before he even came to the ring, so he pretty much only gained overness because he won our title.

Everybody else (Overness: O) - WEEE suck! Yes!

Bucky - gained overness, then lost it somehow.

Matt - likes to burn things, and therefore the crowd did not like him.

David - ARR...GH. His Pirate gimmick, as expected, didn't quite work.

Me - Well, tripping over the ropes when you're trying to enter really doesn't get you noticed.

Shaun - Pissing off the crowd also doesn't quite work unless you're in a big company.

Mal - He only hit his cousin over the head with a flag pole and beat down on Bob. Not much work, really, even though I involved him.

As for our cash, liscensing can be a pain in the butt. I just discovered this, but as we held it on public property, every last one of us had to get liscenses. Normally, they're only a thousand a pop, but to expedite the process, I wound up paying $30,000 to get us all wrestling liscenses, as well as zoning to perform on the premises. You have to love the fine print on those things. Well, at least I've got about two million still in the bank.

In other news, public image is up, even if our finances aren't. Sure, one lousy point, but only because somebody that hadn't gone to the event called us and asked about next month. I have yet to figure out the date, so I said we'd keep him posted. Unfortunately, I think we've lost Drew's girlfriend as a paying attendee, as he wanted to have her see the benefits of working for us (even though it's normall for families, I had to agree, as he's our second most popular person in the group). You have to love that. Well, it's only ten dollars.

Until next time.

Edited by Nick Adams
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Another day, another dollar, I suppose. But of course, with the AWO, you have to realize that it's another day of frustration and another thousand dollars out of my pocket. Anyway, after the okay show last time (all things considered, that was an average backyard show), I decided that to really attract people we needed to go far past sending out some flyers and talking to people. Nope, it needs a lot more than that. So I decided to toss in a little more of my money to spread the word about my company. I'm not hoping for anything big, but I paid $10,000 for two well-timed commercials during two separate Denver area broadcasts of an afternoon talk show. Hopefully, if they like to see garbage on TV, they'll be willing to see it live. I just hope they don't come thinking that Jerry is doing an on-location interview of schoolyard wrestling.

Well, with that done, I decided that it was time to see what torture the month had brought me. Okay, so I actually waited a week before I did anything. But after planning that small bit of advertisement, I decided to do something. I wanted to have somebody else come up with a name for the show yet again. Of course, seeing the pathetic ideas that my techies had, I really didn't have much choice except to turn to my wrestlers. They had to have something creative. After all, they put on a show they pretty much invented save for the basic gist. As long as El Bulldust doesn't choose the name, I'm good. So I called everybody together.

Me: Okay, guys, you're probably wondering why I've brought you all together so soon before a show...

Bob: The thougt had crossed my mind.

Mal: What is this about, anyway?

Me: Well, firstly, due to the fact that we probably lost viewers due to the deluge of other events, including SummerSlam, I've decided that we should have our shows on Saturdays. Our next event is going to be on the twenty-fifth. Mark it in your calendars. We're going from three to five thirty, with a pre-show at ten til.

David stood up, wearing normal clothes save for a pirate-style headdress and a pirate-style jacket.

David: (In a bad pirate accent which has begun to get annoying) Matey, I tends ter agree with ye about yer eyedier, but ye could have just as easily shot off yer verbal volley with a tellyphone.

El Bulldust: Waht een dee wourld are jou tryeeeng to saye? Jou make no seense.

David: Oh, and ye believe yerself t' be so highly educated, is that it?

Bulldust: As a matteer of fahct...

Me: Guys, just leave it, okay?

They both raised their arms, sighed, and walked away from each other, both saying their own version of, "Okay." Matt, who had been hiding in a corner, began to stand, carrying a lighter with its lid still on.

Matt: We really don't want to set off fireworks in here. Think of the damage. An arsonist could destroy something very easily, but fireworks would destroy it even more quickly if used properly.

Me: Uh...right. Anyway, I actually called you here to think up some names for the show. Anything could help.

And just like before, everybody jumped in.

Matt: "Burn it All" would be good.

Bob: You've got to be kidding. Something better would be "Afternoon of Coolness".

David: (Finally abandoning his pirate persona) That sounds like a band name. "Tyranny on the High Ropes" is far improved from that disaster.

El Bulldust: NO! Eet needs to be cahlled sahmetheeng likhe "THE BULLDUST EXPERIENCE!"

Mal: How about "Aurora Wrestling: Part Two"?

Me: AAAGH! You know what? I give up. Bucky, you have the job of naming the show. Just think of something. I'm giving you an hour.

Well, I got a name. But it wasn't exactly something that I liked. It was something so utterly idiotic that it makes "Aurora Wrestling: Part Two" sound appealing. Apparently, Bucky has been watching far too many episodes of South Park. So, for your viewing pleasure, this month, the AWO is calling it show:

TIMMAH!!!

Somebody get me an open space of smooth brick wall. I'm going to try unsuccessfully to beat myself senseless by banging my head against that wall repeatedly.

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Okay, I now have to plan a show on a Saturday only two hours after I got off my job. Man, this is going to kill me. I swear, if I have to hear one more complaint about how having a Saturday show is cramping everybody's style, I'm going to strangle somebody. Anybody. Just gimme a target. Anyway, with this new schedule, we definitely drew a better crowd. No conflicts with schedules in other companies = no other place for our fan base to go. Of course, it may also be the fact that some people got lost on their way to some kind of South Park marathon their friends were throwing, and decided to stay. And you know why? Because I show is named after one of the characters. Note to self: Never let Bucky name an event EVER AGAIN!

Without further ado, the AWO presents...

TIMMAH!!!

EL BULL-PRE-SHOW!

Los Primos are backstage. They were on hype duty tonight, this time for a match with D&D Connection.

Of course, for our pre-show entertainment, arriving right on time (i.e. ten minutes before the show is actually supposed to start), Mal and El Bulldust came to the schoolyard. As they were getting out, the fans got to see this little debacle of a pre-show. This started in the parking lot. Anyway, they both got out of the car and Mal locked it. They then started.

El Bulldust: Eye sweear, mang, jou hahve no saince of deeriction. Wee couldh have beean heere eearlier, but jou got lost!

Mal: Look, man, don't talk to me like that. You might be older, you might have more skill, but you forgot to pick up your freaking International Driver's Liscense!

El Bulldust: Whahteever, primo. Jou jeest doan' knowe whaire jou are goeeng half of dee tyme.

At this point they were in the ring.

El Bulldust: End looke! Jou mayde mee misse mye job for announceeng El Bull-Pre-Show!

Mal: Whatever, man. You know that all you were going to do was to place an open challenge out for a tag team match against the two of us.

El Bulldust: Erm...weelle, dat waz dee geeneerale eyedeeya. So, heere jou goe.

Mal: Anybody that thinks they have the cojones to take us down, feel free to accept this challenge. But the fact is that you will lose. My primo and I will destroy anybody who tries to fight us. And you know why?

Both: SOMOS LATINO!

And with that, they walked out of the ring. Some of the fans started cheering, but having seen the antics of the last show, the five fans we had previously began to boo vehemently. I have no idea what to call that team. Maybe "Los Primos" could work. Well, at least they got here in time to provide the pre-show shindig.

Overall: 45%

-----START SHOW-----

ONCE AGAIN, NO PYROS, NO FLASHING LIGHTS, AND...wait, the fans are cheering and we have music. Something is seriously wrong with this picture. Apparently, the ads did a better job of getting people to see the show than anything else we could have possibly done. Well, that's really reassuring. I doubt the show is going to be able to live up to the hype, but we can sure as hell hope for the best.

I'm screwed.

And once again...BUCKAH!

Well, after that warm reception, Bucky decided to take advantage of the situation. He walked down to the ring carrying a microphone, and the fans all started to cheer. Bucky smiled and waved as he made his way out. The fans were all smiles to see an AWO superstar emerge. Upon sliding into the ring, he looked around at the crowd.

Bucky: Hey, folks. For those of you that don't know me, and those of you that need a reminder, my name is BUCKY!

That was a cheap call for applause if I ever heard one.

Bucky: Now, as some of you know, I took on Shaun Draw at our last show, and he pretty much sucked. OH, DISS! Anyway, it seems that he hasn't learned his lesson. This time, I guess I'll just have to give him a harder time. So Shaun Draw, come on down!

With that, he put down his microphone and waited for Shaun.

Overall: 50%

Shaun Draw vs. Bucky

Okay, this match was somewhat of an oddity. First, when Shaun came out, he was wearing a windbreaker and jeans. But after he took off the jacket, I saw why he was wearing it in the first place. On the white t-shirt which he was wearing, Shaun had written, "I'm Angry" across the chest. Somehow, that just doesn't reassure me. Anyway, the match started out okay, if rather weakly. Of course, when they accidentally did a ref bump, both men stopped and made sure that James was okay. Way to play the bad guy, Shaun. Anyway, after Doan stood up, the two went back to the match. They went through the match again, and, in another surprise turn, Bucky hit a huge superkick! Now, if I could just figure out how he learned that...anyway, it was a close pin, but Draw got his foot on the ropes. Bucky lifted Shaun off the mat, though of course Bucky actually helped him by lifting him up. Politeness can work - BUT SHAUN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, BE THE BAD GUY! Well, he must have read my mind, because right when Bucky went for a hammerlock, Shaun hit a cheap shot between the legs, then followed it up with an inside cradle, assisted by a handful of Bucky's pants. Shaun got the win, and stood. Of course, Bucky stood up, thinking that he had lost fairly. He offered his hand to Shaun, and oddly enough, Draw acted like he was going to accept it. But finally figuring out that he was the bad guy, he leveled Bucky instead! He then went and grabbed Bucky around the head and planted him to the mat! He called the move the Tri-Force Attack.

(Corey: More like a No-Force Attack, if you ask me.

Me: True enough.)

Anyway, Shaun walked off after that. Oddly enough, Bucky stood up one second after Shaun left the ring. Way to sell the move, Bucky, way to sell the move...NOT.

Match Quality: 44%

Crowd Reaction: 10%

Overall: 27%

(Victor: Okay, dude, Bucky's gimmick really isn't working.

Me: Unless you've got a better idea, just stop.)

Old School...and REALLY Old School

Just as Bucky was leaving, suddenly, out from the back came Drew. Well, he's getting better about the old school thing, I think. He's finally understood that "Old School Face" means "Old-Style Good Guy". Unfortunately, he went a bit TOO Old School. Has anybody seen the musical 1776? Well, he'd fit right in as one of the extras in the main hall. That's right. He wore a freaking Revolutionary War era costume (save for his wrestling boots, thank God), powdered wig and all. Anyway, he called for a microphone.

Drew: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I suppose that it is time for somebody to stand up against the challenge. You know that of which I speak. We all have the right to be free in this nation, and so we shall. But I believe that it is time to rid this fine company of the thorns in our side known as El Bulldust and Malachi Pasillas. And to do that, I have called upon an ally.

Oh, good, he's got a tag team partner. I wonder who he chose. I didn't really overhear anything. Please be Bob, please be Bob, please be...

Drew: He's a seafarer that happens to be a bit of a rogue. But the fact is that he's the only person that would agree to join with me to fight the rogues that have issued an open challenge.

Oh, crap. Please don't be who I think it is.

Drew: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...DAVID MICHAELS!

And I'm zero for two. Anyway, David came out from the back wearing his full pirate getup. Sure, it's appealing, but considering we advertised ourselves as a backyard federation, a gimmick like this still isn't quite what we needed. David got into the ring.

David: ARR, mateys! I be hearin' that thar' may be a wee bit o' trouble in the near future, and it involves a couple of people that don't really need ter' be involved. An' so I decided that, aye, I'd be in this little skarmish.

Drew: It's time to show those two what we're made of.

David: We're the D and D Connection, matey, and we'll be stealin' yer booty!

Obviously, David doesn't know that we don't have tag team titles. Anyway, they then waited for Los Primos to come to the ring.

Overall: 48%

Los Primos vs D&D Connection

They didn't have to wait long. But of course, Bulldust, our resident Luchador/Really Bad Singer That Thinks He's Good was carrying a microphone. I have a feeling that Mal might have smacked Bulldust upside the head if he wasn't his cousin. But of course, I have to give him some credit. He's the only man brave enough (or possibly stupid enough) to sing in front of this crowd. And for his entrance theme this time...

Bulldust: Jou can dahnce, jou can jahive, hahveeng dee tyme of jour lyfe...

Yep, ABBA's "Dancing Queen". I now agree with Drew and David. These two need to be stopped. The torture is too much for my ears to bear. Anyway, before the match started, Drew and David, obviously not quite getting the point of "Tag Team", asked the ref to wait for a second. Drew then reached into his coat and pulled out some sheets of paper. They then unfolded them and showed them to El Bulldust and Mal. They said, in very large letters, YOU'RE IT. Okay, this just became a game of tag. Mal and Bulldust decided to play along. Bulldust took the lead, and tagged Drew. Drew then started to run around and tagged Mal. Mal went and tagged David. David tagged Mal back after ten seconds. Mal tagged Drew, Drew tagged El Bulldust, Bulldust tagged David...well, you get the picture. This game of tag went in the ring, out of the ring, on the turnbuckles, and into the crowd. A few times, tags were made with suplexes, arm drags, and heel kicks, just to make the game interesting. Anyway, as El Bulldust was chasing David back into the ring, David turned and simply gave El Bulldust a shot to the face. Dazed and confused, Bulldust tagged the first person he saw - which just happened to be Mal. The ref, not quite sure what the rules were, decided that because Bulldust tagged his own team member, the D&D connection won! Mal looked at Bulldust incredulously, and then looked at the victors. All alone, Mal bum rushed both men and sent them outside. Mal started yelling at both of them as Bulldust looked around dumbly, still confused as to what the hell just happened.

Match Quality: 67%

Crowd Reaction: 13%

Overall: 40%

(Victor: David's gimmick still isn't working, you know.

Me: You think I don't know that?

Corey: By the way, interesting match concept.

Me: It wasn't my idea, so your sarcasm is misdirected, dude.)

It's ME!

Hey. Corey here. I figure that, after seeing the match report last month, Nick might be a bit slanted in his view. Okay, so he reported that wasn't that graceful going down to the ring, but still, he gave himself a bit too much of a positive slant. Anyway, I guess it's my job to do the report. Basic idea: Nick looked at the roster and saw that we still had Matt Inferno, Bob, and himself to go. He decided to set up a match with Bob, and as he went out, he let Matt figure out something. As he walked out backwards, still talking to Matt and Bob, he managed to stumble over a stray rock. He fell backwards, slammed back-first into the grass, and stayed there. Really graceful, Nick. Anyway, he stood up, brushed himself off, and looked towards the crowd.

Nick: I'm okay.

Of course, Nick. Nothing bruised except your ego. Anyway, Nick walked into the ring with no further mishaps and took the microphone. He began pacing back and forth.

Nick: Well, it seems that our champion has yet to show himself tonight. So, MATT, GET OUT HERE!

He forgot which one of them was the champion. And Nick complains about the other guys. If he were somebody else's employee, he would be a major headache, I swear. Anyway, as the fans started cheering, five of them yelled, "BOB IS THE CHAMP!"

Nick: Oh...heh, I guess you're right. So, erm...Bob, come on down!

The fans pretty much figured out that they were looking quite simply at an idiot. Now that's got to be disheartening. OH! There's a newspaper! And a book! And somebody pulled out a cell phone! Nick has managed single-handedly to get the crowd totally disinterested in the show! Now that's something.

Overall: 46%

Robert Cameron {C} vs Nick Adams (For The Not-So-Big Medal Title)

Corey still here. Anyway, this was a good match, but with the fans not caring, it really didn't matter. It was really back and forth, with Nick pulling out his martial arts moves. That's what getting a Black Belt merits. You only fight with kicks. Now that's great. Still, our referee took another huge hit. I swear, if he isn't dead by the end of the show, it will be a freaking miracle. Anyway, there were a few good moments. One of the better ones was when Bob hit a huge DDT, and Nick barely kicked out. Of course, we got to see Bob's other trademark attack tonight. He calls it HEEEY! Personally, I would like to call it the Fonzie Flop. It was basically just a brainbuster DDT. Anyway, he got the win, but the match wasn't over. As Nick started leaving the ring, Matt Inferno rushed the ring with a handheld fire extinguisher and smacked the celebrating Bob upside the head with it! The fans all booed, and Matt dropped the extinguisher outside the ring. He then ordered the referee to ring the bell and announce that the next match was also for the Not-So-Big Medal!

Match Quality: 65% (I'd say so.)

Crowd Reaction: 1% (One small hand clap for Bob, if I saw correctly.)

Overall: 33% (Good match + asleep crowd = It works)

(Nick here for a short interlude. I was too distracted to watch the last match, so Corey still has the honors. But do you want to know the first thing I heard when I went to the small picnic area

Victor: You know, if you could just stop acting like an idiot, you might be okay...

Me: Tell that to Corey. Heck, tell that to Drake, he's the one that suggested it.

Fun.)

Robert Cameron {C} vs Matt Inferno (For The Not-So-Big Medal Title)

Matt immediately went for the cheap victory, and tried for a pin. Of course, Bob wouldn't go down so easily. He actually managed to kick out of the pin and toss Matt off of him. Bob them kipped up, a skill I knew he had, but had yet to really see him do in the ring. He then turned and faced Matt. He then grabbed Matt and started clubbing away at Inferno, completely incensed by the attack. After a few more shots to the face, Bob went and hit what I think was a push kick that slammed Matt into the turnbuckles. As Matt rebounded, Bob went for a body slam. Somehow, Matt managed to slip out, pushed Bob into the corner, and hit a huge clothesline. As Bob staggered out, Matt kicked Bob in the gut and hit a stump piledriver. Matt covered again, but Bob managed to get a foot on the ropes. Matt lifted Bob up and went for another piledriver, but Bob backdropped Matt out of the hold. Matt landed correctly and rolled to his feet, but Bob gave him a bulldog before Inferno could mount an opposition. Bob went for the pin, but Matt kicked out. As Inferno got to his feet, Bob waited. Inferno spotted Cameron and rushed in, but Bob hit a spinebuster reminiscent of Arn Anderson. He almost got a three, but not quite. Matt managed to mount a quick offense, but that ended when he was knocked out with a lucky clothesline. Bob motioned that it was time for the match to end, and went over to grab Inferno and drag him up. But instead of Inferno, he was met with another fire extinguisher shot! The fans all booed as Inferno slid back in and went for the pin, but the referee called for the DQ! The fans all cheered, but Matt wasn't pleased. He immediately grabbed the ref! Matt then pulled out a lighter, flipped it up, and with a single swing, caught it and hit the ref right in the face with it! We all rushed the ring (we all being all the wrestlers, plus Ace, Ahern, and myself just to give the illusion of stopping a crazed maniac) and got him out of there. With that, the show ended.

Match Quality: 63%

Crowd Reaction: 12%

Overall: 37%

Overall Show: 39%

Attendance Level: 14

Gate Takings: $140

And this just proves that if you advertise enough, you can bring the people in. And now that I'm filling most of the seats we have, I'm going to stop. One month of gigantic boosts is enough for me, thank you. Then again, a Saturday show might have something to do with it. Ah, whatever. I'm slowly tossing away my fortune, so I'm happy with what I have. Actually, scratch that. I'm amazed we're doing this well. Now excuse me as I slowly walk towards the nearest refrigerator and drown my sorrows in chocolate milk.

Edited by Nick Adams
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(OOC: Thanks for the comments, guys. It's nice to know that somebody out there likes this. Quick shout-out to Beeker. He pretty much gave backyard comedy the best twist I've ever seen. And now for the regular business.)

Well, all things considered, I'd say that this was much better than last month. Yes, we lost cash. Yes, the fans nearly fell asleep during my match. Yes, Corey said I was biased (Corey: Hey, guys. Actually, he wasn't biased. He just couldn't remember what he said during his interview, or during the last part of the show. Bob's finisher actually hurt him that much.). But do I care? No. And you know why? I now have some very over people on the roster. So, time for the superstar reports. First, the people that have some fan base.

El Bulldust - The luchador might not sing well, and his song selection is god-awful, but I swear that there's something there. Unfortunately, I wish there wasn't. No, really, it's torture having to hear him sometimes. Well, anyway, he finally made a gain in overness, getting up to an overness level of 9. Now that's a gain. Of course, accidentally tagging his partner, and therefore losing the "Tag" Match, didn't really help that much.

Malachi Pasillas - With El Bulldust at his side, where can he go wrong? Well, for one, he did lose. But somehow, he still managed to get into a groove. Sure, he got lost on the way to the show, but what do you expect? He's still in high school. Nobody in high school has a sense of direction when they're driving unless they hear the directions from their parents. Anyway, he is now up to 5 overness. Yay.

David Michaels - Somehow, I think that Victor was wrong on this point. He came out still carrying around his pirate getup, and was still talking like a pirate. He also managed to cause El Bulldust the "Tag" match, which is no small feat. His victory, as well as teaming up with Drew, brought him from zero popularity to a level of 8 in one month flat. Now if that isn't a shocker, here's a better one.

Drew Porter - It might just be me, but I think the crowd was feeling rather patriotic during the event. Walking out dressed as a George Washington wannabe might have added to his popularity, but I doubt he'll ever figure out what the heck "Old School" means in the wrestling world. Anyway, he cut a pretty good interview and was on the winning side of a match that I will not soon forget. He's currently at an overness level of 10, and is our most popular wrestler right now.

Robert Cameron - A boring match with me plus a great match with Matt equals the fact that he gains no fans whatsoever. You have to love that. I'm a career killer, I tells ya! Anyway, he's still our champion, so that amounts to something. Anyway, the champ stays at an overness level of 1. Now that's more like it for a backyard fed.

And now, just like last time...

WEEEE SUCK!

Bucky - I think the fans realize after the show that Bucky's current gimmick as himself just isn't that entertaining...

Matt Inferno - Well, losing a match and then assaulting the referee will do that to you.

Nick Adams - Yes, me. As far as I'm concerned, I am not popular because I am simply somewhat clumsy. (Corey: A bit? Yeah, right, and Niagara Falls is just a little bit of water.)

Shaun Draw - Being a heel but acting like a face really doesn't work.

In other news, somebody decided to mail me with some news from the wrestling world.

From a random GeoCities Site

Sources within the WWE have stated that Vince McMahon has finally retired from active participation on-screen. Oddly enough, Vince O'Mac retired not because of lack of ability, but lack of desire to remain as an on-screen participant. What's more, he has decided to leave the WWE entirely, and gave total control to his wife, Linda. Wanting to start a federation from scratch to see what he could build, McMahon has stated publicly that he might open another promotion.

In a long-awaited step, wrestling megastar Hulk Hogan has finally put away his boots. Of course, Hogan has refused to stay away from the industry. In a bold move, he has opened a facility in Venice Beach known as the Hulk Hogan gym. He hopes to pass on the knowledge he has of wrestling to future generations.

Relatively unknow staff member Mando Guerrero has retired from the WWE. Whoever he was, he was obviously related to Chavo and Eddie. Depending upon how much sway he held, Eddie and Chavo may be down-played in the upcoming months.

Now, after so many people have tried to take him down, Vince is trying to take down the house he built. What an odd concept. Of course, the logic doesn't really matter. This is wrestling.

I shudder at the thought of Hogan-trained wrestlers flooding the industry.

And whoever Guerrero was...eh, whatever. I say that Eddie will probably still get a push.

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October

As is usual for my crew, we decided to just leave the affairs of the AWO rest for a bit. I actually re-thought my original plan for the company, and chose to renew our advertising deal. I mean, come on. If we can get nine more people in the seats with one month of advertising, think of what we can do with four or five. I've got money to spare, after all. Sure, tossing away cash isn't the smartest idea, but it's the best one I've got. If nothing else, I can at least say I invested the two million in something. It would be no worse than some of the people portrayed in the John Grisham novel The Testament. So, yes, we're advertising some more as I decide to throw my money around like a madman. I have no business sense whatsoever.

Anyway, after the two week hiatus, I called everybody together again. This time, it was just at my house. It was nothing really big, just a get-together of everybody. My cousin (one of the un-married ones) held this huge party at my house once. I think we had thirty or forty people in there. So I knew everyone would fit. But I had to make sure my parents weren't going to be home, or I was seriously screwed. So, surprise surprise, I held it at three in the afternoon on a Sunday...at Bob's house. Yeah, we moved the venue. What else did you expect, that I would actually ask my parents if I could host this thing for a backyard federation? No freaking way, dude.

Still, seeing as I had yet to come up with a name for the show (albeit I had already advertised it once for October 30th as an ambiguous pre-Halloween event), and my creative juices had yet to really shine, I went to everybody. Oh, by the way, I almost forgot. Drake Strata is now part of the company. Everybody give him a warm welcome. Anyway, Corey suggested that as the past couple of naming sessions were total flops, I should instead have a randomized drawing that didn't include Bucky or Ahern, as they already named shows. Well, it seemed to make sense at the time. So I went, grabbed a hat, and started writing names on sheets of paper. I then went and grabbed Katie.

Katie: Okay, Nick, this is fun and all, and Bob seems to be enjoying himself, but you still haven't told us what this is all about.

Me: You really want to know? 'Cause I won't tell you unless you actually care.

Katie: A job is a job, I suppose. So, yeah, sure, why not?

Me: Then reach into the hat and pull out a sheet of paper.

She did, then unfolded it and read it. She looked at it in confusion, and looked back at me.

Katie: Okay, what's it for?

Me: You're all here because I'm suffering extreme writer's block. I need a name. So, whose name did you draw.

Katie: I don't think you're going to like this, but...El Bulldust.

And my face turned sour. Of course. It would have to be, wouldn't it. Well, I thanked Katie, told her she could go off, and then sat back, contemplating the best place to burn that little slip. Anyway, at that point, Ace came up to me. He was just kind of wandering around, saying, "Hi," to everybody. He was cool about the whole thing, at least. He didn't even ask what was up with the hat.

Ace: Hey, boss. What's up?

Me: Not much. Hey, if you could go tell El Bulldust that he's naming this month's show, and then just publicize whatever name he thinks up, I'd appreciate it.

Ace: Sounds good.

And Ace went off. But apparently, he didn't quite understand what I meant. It seems that when Ace went to tell Bulldust about the name, Bulldust was arguing with David about why the ring shouldn't be called a ring. Something about the mathematics of it. Anyway, somewhere in there, the number pi got into the conversation, and David began to argue about the area of the ring. Ace jumped in and said something like, "Hey, Bulldust, I need a name for the show this month," and Ace took El Bulldust's next statement as the name. You have to love how stupid efficiency can be sometimes. Our show's name for this month is...

Pyie Squayered? Pyies Are Rounde!

:CURSE::WALL:

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October, Part 2

Well, apparently, I managed to catch attention with my promotion. Somebody must have gone out and started telling some people about my humble little company. I finally checked my e-mail, and guess what I saw? An e-mail from Harley Race. At first, I figured it was just a bad joke. Probably some prank from one of the guys that figured out how to make a new e-mail address, and attached Harley Race's name. But just to see what kind of joke they pulled, I decided to open it. Upon seeing that it was from an address on the World League wrestling web site, I finally got the hint.

Harley Race was offering me a job with World League wrestling. Pretty much, it said something like, "Hey, son. Ah've jes' heard yah've stahted t' book a company out theah een the middle of nowheah, Colorada." (Middle of nowhere? He obviously didn't look at a map and figure out Aurora is a suburb...) "Anyways, ah figuhed tha' yah maht wan' t' get with sumthin' ah bit biggah. C'mon down to Missourah an' book mah companah. World League Wrasslin' is always a good opportunitah. Hell, yah maht be able to raise us to th' top."

Okay, so let me get this straight. I have two possibilities. One, I continue to book the AWO, potentially make money for myself (after a while, at least), and wrestle on the side, or go to MLW, be forced to train in Race's school before I go to the ring, and only make a booker's salary. Well, while it would rid me of the frustration of El Bulldust, I'll take the devil I know to the one I don't thanks. I sent something back to Race like, "Mister Race - Thank you for your kind offer. As the situation currently stands, I am not able to leave the Colorado area. Still, if you would like to continue your correspondence, feel free to do so. It's always good to hear from a wrestling legend." I just hope that Race just lets it go.

Anyway, another show is once again upon us. But this time, we have a somewhat trimmed group. There are a few reasons for that. First, we don't have El Bulldust or Mal. Sure, they provide some annoyance, but they're still good wrestlers. Anyway, they can't come on the 30th because they're going to be preparing for the Day of the Dead. Oh, that's great. Well, there goes one tag team. Oh, also, Bucky can't come. As the people still in High School all go to the same place, we all have this thing called Fall Break. Anyway, Bucky and his entire family will be leaving the state on the Friday before the show. So, we have Bucky, Mal, and El Bulldust gone. That's great...I'm going to have to figure out something.

Well, anyway, with three people gone, but one new person coming on the show, I have no clue what to do. I guess it's time to start anyway. Oy...I haven't even planned something before the actual start time. Well, so much for that. I guess it's time for the show to start. Here goes...everything.

The AWO now presents, a show named by a person that isn't even here...

Pyie Squayered? Pyies Are Rounde!

We have no pre-show segment, so...ONCE AGAIN, NO PYROS, NO FLASHING LIGHTS, REALLY CHEAP MUSIC, AND A SMALL REACTION FROM OUR FANS! And guess what? We now have a full announcing team! Hey, Ben, by the way, if you leave the show, I swear I'm going to sick Drake on you faster than you can say, "Oops." So, anyway...oh, dear lord, what in the world is he wearing?

Ben: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the AWO! We've got a great show planned, and...what?

Drake: Ben, you're dressed up like a cheerleader. Are you out of your McFreaking mind?

Ben: It's Halloween, Strata. I don't have time to change for my party later, so I decided to just wear my costume now.

Drake: Riiight...I'll just be going now...

What's This? A NEW PERSON?

As he left Ben to his own devices, Drake decided to enter the ring. After all, what's the point of having somebody come to the show if they're just going to leave because Ben is wearing a cheerleader outfit?

(David: (Still with the pirate accent, of course) That scurvy scalawag Benjamin is flauntin' off in women's clothin'? Why didn't anybody tell me ter get ready fer a raid later?

Everybody Else: WHAT?

David: (Still with the pirate-speak) So I sometimes dress up like a woman ter raid towns. What?

Drew: David, if you're going to be my tag team partner, please don't mention stuff like that.

David: Yeesh, guys. I was just kidding.)

Okay, then. I think I'll just leave that piece of information out of my mind until forever. I swear that I really didn't need to hear something like that just now. Anyway, while they were talking backstage, Drake was cutting an interview.

Drake: Okay, folks, I suppose that you're probably all wondering who I am. Well, the name is Drake "Delta" Strata, or DDS for short.

Oh, crap, I just realized something. He's got the same shortened initials as a dentist. user posted image. What in the heck was I thinking when I let him use that nick name? No, really, what was I thinking? Anyway, dentist initials or not, he apparently failed to notice it. He just continued the speech as a few people chuckled to themselves.

Drake: Anyway, the fact is that I happen to be in charge of this company now. You can say what you want about who runs the show, but I'm in control. Fact is, you can love me, you can hate me, but I'm going to put on a good show either way. It won't be for the fans, it won't be for myself, it will just be because the show should be good. Now, let's get on with the first match.

And with that, Drake left the ring, still not quite realizing what his nickname means.

Overall: 40%

He's a Loser, BABY!

Corey here. Well, pretty much, with Nick going on so early, he gave me the reigns for the rest of the write-up. Speaking of Nick, he walked out to the ring, pretty much looking all right. He may actually have found his groove. He doesn't stumble on the way to the ring, he doesn't trip on the ropes, so far, so good. Well, that was until Ace tossed him a microphone...and it hit him right on the forehead. Ouch. Somebody get some ice for that when he gets backstage. Anyway, Nick bent down and picked up the microphone. He looked around, then began to talk.

Adams: I'm okay. But the fact is that I have an opponent in a match that so far has yet to really make a name for himself. Fact is that you all know him because he's taken on a guy named Bucky.

The single pop from that name drop was from backstage. That's right, our employees marked out for another employee. Ben even freaking cheered. Drake, Ace, and myself were the only people that didn't. Of course, Ace didn't because he isn't very vocal anyway. And back to the interview.

Adams: Too bad he isn't here today. Because if he was, I wouldn't have to take on the waste of space known only as...

And he dropped the microphone...right onto his foot. It was funny to see him hopping around on one foot with a look of pain on his face. Eventually, he tripped over the microphone and slammed onto his back. With that, Shaun came out to help Nick at least save some face. Speaking of which, Draw has become a bit more personable recently. ON WITH THE MATCH!

Overall: 40%

Nick Adams vs Shaun Draw

Shaun apparently insisted upon still wearing his "I'm Angry" shirt, and kept it for future use. Now that's great. He has something off of which to go. As Nick began to stand, the referee started the match. It was all right, but Shawn really needs to start training. The two started brawling, albeit it wasn't that big. Shaun went for a kick, and Nick did his best to sell it, but it was so weak that it wasn't totally credible. Eventually, Nick took over, ducked a clothesline, and then hit a huge knee lift. He immediately went to the corner went to the top turnbuckle. He went for a missile drop kick, and, playing up his gimmick, he slammed to the left of Draw. Shaun lifted him up off the mat and went for a huge side suplex that nearly got the pin. Shaun then lifted Nick off the mat one more time and went for a clothesline, but receives a hip toss. Adams went for a sleeper hold, but Draw went for a good jaw breaker. As Nick stood, he looked around for Draw. He accidentally saw the turnbuckle, grabbed it, and went for a headbutt. Now THAT hurt even worse than the microphone. Draw took the opportunity to grab Nick, hit the Impant DDT that I like to call the No-Force attack, and got the three-count. Well, at least the fans have started cheering Nick's matches a bit...

Match Quality: 54% (Well, duh. The ending was the only thing saving it.)

Crowd Reaction: 9% (Some polite cheers here and there.)

Overall Match: 31% (Not bad...the best match from both of them to date.)

But WAIT! Shaun Isn't Done Yet!

Suddenly, the D&D Connection came out from our pathetic excuse for a backstage. David was attired in his usual pirate get-up, but Drew had changed just slightly. When he heard about the offer I received from WLW, Porter believed that he'd heard me wrong. He now believes that he's supposed to be kind pretty much an "Old School Race", as in Harley Race. Well, it could be worse. Still, now BOTH of them have accents...and Drew is wearing only wrestling trunks. I've seen some people shirtless, but nobody in this company really should go without a top...well, Nick thinks one person in the company would be attractive without one, but I'll just stop there before I dig him more of a hole. Drew is carrying a microphone.

Drew: Nah wait raht theah, Shaun-boy. Yah've caught the attenshun of both David an' mahself. So, what we wah gunna propoase was that yah faht against th' both of us an' see what yah have.

David: Arr, matey! Ye migh' be angry, but we have summat a might bit more powerful.

Drew: We ah th' bes' team in the company, an' we both know it!

David: Right ye are! We're going ter raid yer ship, and we're going ter sink it!

With that, they both rushed the ring. Nick, in the meantime, rolled out of the ring in serious pain. Shaun looked at both men and got ready to fight, albeit a bit worn.

Overall: 53%

Shaun Draw vs D&D Connection

Before Shaun could even get a punch in, Drew went for a headbutt. With Shaun reeling, David hit a huge body slam on the "Angry" man. Right afterwards, Michaels lifted Shaun and held him on his shoulders. Porter bounced off the ropes and came back flying, slamming Shaun off of David's shoulders with a huge clothesline. Drew then went for the pin, but Draw managed to kick out. Drew went and hit a side suplex, and went for another pin, but Draw somehow managed to kick out again. Drew shook his head and called David over. THey hit a double suplex. Folks, these guys make a great tag team. Drake said it, Ben said it, and I'm saying it. And while I was messing around, they went and hit a Hart Attack together. Not one that the Hart Family would approve, but it would have been okay if Drew hadn't gone soaring over as Shaun managed to figure out a victory roll. David managed to kick out again, but Shaun managed to make a quick turnaround. As Drew came running back, Shaun went an hit a hip toss that sent porter flying, not only across the ring, but over the ropes! David came and went to attack Draw, but Shaun managed to hit a spinebuster from the school of Rey Mysterio Jr. (if you get my drift). Still, he went for a Magistral Cradle, used the ropes for leverage, and got the three-count! That was cheap. But all things considered, it makes sense.

Match Quality: 51%

Crowd Reaction: 15%

Overall Match: 33%

(Victor: You know, making David lose like that probably wasn't the best idea.

Corey: Hey, it was Nick's idea. He'll rectify it sooner or later.

Add-in from Nick: user posted image. That is all, as this is also a bad reminder of my repeated accidental head injuries.)

(Corey here. I have been deposed by Nick, who has recovered from the huge head shots. So, if anybody wants to criticize the match write-ups, it's all on the head of the idiot who mistook a turnbuckle with a person.

Me: It was an honest mistake, I swear. Come on, I didn't even have my eyes totally open. Well, whatever. Back to the event on hand. I think I scheduled a title match.)

Robert Cameron {C} vs Matt Inferno (For The Not-So-Big Medal Title)

Matt and Bob came out to the traditional cheers. The fans were really into this match...well, okay, they weren't as into this match as the previous handicap endeavor, but it was still workable. Anyway, Matt came out dressed as a fire fighter, still not quite getting the point of being a pyromaniac, carrying his trusty fire extinguisher...and probably a lighter in his pocket as well. Bob came out dressed, as usual, like the Fonz. He got a cheap pop for being the champion, but not much else. You have to love the fact that our title match has two of the least over people on our roster. Anyway, the bell rang, and the action was on.

Bob immediately went for the brawling aspect of the match, hitting a huge haymaker on Matt for the start. Matt reeled back from the shot, rubbing his jaw, and selling the move quite well. With Inferno slightly stunned, Cameron pulled a Bucky (a term I've decided to coin for hitting something totally unexpected) with a huge back heel kick. Matt went down to the mat (now that's confusing as hell) with a huge thud. The champ went for the early pin, and there's the one, and the two, and no dice for the three. If he was expecting a two-move victory, he should have taken on Gillberg.

As both men stood, they engaged in a quick staredown. They then went into an epic lockup - okay, actually, epic might not describe it. Rather, a three-second lockup. Anyway, Matt managed to gain the advantage, whipped Bob against the ropes, and hit a decent back body drop. Nothing to really boo, but nothing to really cheer. Matt got a bit impatient, and went to grab Bob off the mat. He then hit a big right punch, and another, and another, and finally, he went and kicked Bob on the gut. He pulled Cameron up onto his shoulder and looked around. He then unceremoneously dumped the champ to the mat with what I think was supposed to be a spinebuster. I'm not quite sure. Shades of most jobbers in the business in that move. Matt immediately went for the pin after that shot, and it was one, two, thr...WAIT, BOB KICKED OUT!

Matt slapped the mat (still confusing to pronounce, really) and began to argue with our illustrious referee. Doan kindly informs Inferno that he had even counts. Personally, I saw a pause before the last count as if James had forgotten what came after two. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, Bob turned Inferno around and started another lockup. Oddly enough, Bob lost this one as well, and took a huge vertical suplex. Somehow, though, he managed to stand up very quickly, still gripping his lower back. Inferno took the advantage and went to punch the reigning champion. Somehow, Bob blocked the shot, grabbed the pyromaniacal fireman, and hit a huge bulldog. He then went for the pin, but Matt kicked out.

Bob went to grab Matt and drag him up, but Inferno managed to kick him in the head. Matt then rolled out of the ring and fell off the apron. Bob looks back at where he thought Inferno went, and then starts to walk over. Suddenly, with the ref's attention drawn, Matt slides back in, lighter in hand. The flame emits from the Zippo, visible to everybody in the crowd. He then places the top back on with a flick against his leg, and hides the lighter in his fist. As Bob turns to look at Matt, Inferno immediately comes up and hits the champion in the face with the lighter! The ref hasn't seen it! Matt gets the pin, and the Not-So-Big Medal!

Match Quality: 63%

Crowd Reaction: 12%

Overall Match: 37%

Bob Plays it Cool...and Gets Intense

As Matt Inferno began to celebrate his title win, Bob rolled out of the ring and called for a microphone. The fans all began to cheer as Cameron looked at Inferno with rage. As Matt turned to face the last side of the crowd at which he was going to display the medal oh-so-callously, he instead saw a very calm and collected Robert Cameron. Inferno froze immediately, knowing that what was coming next wasn't going to be pretty.

Bob: Well, now, that just looks like you can't win fair and square, Matt. Our glorious referee might have missed it, but I sure as hell didn't. You used a lighter punch to win! Now that's just pathetic, Inferno. Pulling a hand-held punching weapon out of your pants? Who are you, William Regal?

Cheap pop to show that he knows wrestling. I taught him some basic wrestling backgrounds if he really wanted to use such comparisons. Of course, with speeches like this, the thing I feared may happen very soon - we may have "The Bob". Anyway, things got more interesting, because Bob apparently has discovered a new kind of match.

Bob: So, Matt, you like weapons? Well, then, let's make this even, shall we? For the main event, me and you, for your newly-won Not-So-Big Medal. And there's one extra thing...

Bob was apparently pulling something out from under the ring.

Bob: EXTREME MATCH!

Upon yelling that, he immediately beaned Matt with a huge football rifled right into the gut (and that went between the ropes. That takes talent, folks), doubling the new champion over.

Overall: 50%

Ben: An extreme match? What the heck is that?

Drake: For crying out loud, you call yourself an announcer?

Ben: Yes I do. But my brain checked out after the Handicap match...

Drake: Well, folks, here comes the second part of our apparent two-match Main Event. The rules are simple. Anything goes, but the victory has to happen in the ring! Let's get this started!

Matt Inferno vs Robert Cameron (For The Not-So-Big Medal Title)

Okay, while I wrote up the previous match in a blow-by-blow fashion, this really didn't deserve it. Honestly, these two did okay, but due to the fact that I had been totally inable to bring the weapons to the event, and I couldn't reach Ahern, we had these weapons: two chairs, the lighter, the fire extinguisher, and of course, our title. Talk about preparation, huh? Weapon shots didn't really play in, as they became props. One of the best parts was when Inferno got ready to spray the extinguisher right in Cameron's face, and Bob blocked the spray with a raised chair. Inferno later tried to stand on the the same chair for an elevated leg drop and wound up slipping on it due to the residue from the fire extinguisher. Anyway, the match came to a conclusion after Matt went to set Bob's pants on fire. Bob saw it coming, caught Matt's hand, and punched Inferno in the face! The pyromaniac dropped the lighter, and Bob immediately kicked him in the gut. Cameron set up the front headlock, playing immensely to the crowd. FONZIE FLOP! He got the pin, and won back his title. As Matt remained down, Bob went and picked his medal up from one of the corners, lifted it up, and put it back around his neck. Bob then went and began to celebrate by climbing the turnbuckles. I let the show close out like that, figuring that it's as good a finish as any.

Match Quality: 63%

Crowd Reaction: 13%

Overall Match: 38%

Overall Show: 40%

Attendance: 14 (three of which left after the second interview, distraught at not getting any pie, then two more that left around 4:45 to watch Velocity, no doubt)

Ticket Sales: $140

Well, that's great. And now Drew is our most popular guy on the roster. How that one works, I'll never know - kind of like why David really chose to be a pirate. And note to self - if I ever become big enough to air my shows (which I doubt), I have to insure that I can actually bring the weapons to the arena. Maybe I should get a truck...ah, whatever.

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October, Part 3

Well, at the end of the month, I sat down to check my e-mail. I figured it would be no big deal, as I no longer get a lot of junk as part of the daily rounds. Anyway...college information...college information...info from EWB, what the heck is that about?...college information...survey from a site that I can't believe I signed up for...GeoCities information...and...WHAT?

Harley Race, of all people, sent me an e-mail. That's right, the immutable Harley Race sent me an e-mail. If he found out about Drew ripping him off, I swear I'm a dead man. I can't stand up to the might of the great Harley Race. He might just absorb my company and add Colorado to his touring list. But no...for some reason, Harley decided to keep me informed about the wrestling world. I have no clue why. But I opened up the e-mail, and this is what I got.

To: Nick Adams

From: Harley Race

Subject: Jes' thought ah'd inform yah

Well, son, it takes a lot of courage to say no to somebody such as mahself. Ah am one of the best promoters. But yah've got yuh heart set on makin' that company work. Ah don't see no reason for it, but ah suppose you do, and that's really what mattahs for yuh in the end. Still, ah figuhed that yuh maht wan' t' keep in the know abou' some of the comins and goins of th' wrasslin' industry.

UPW - Well, ah guess they wahn't the ultimate, were they now? Somebody took the company, an' it went belly up. Good luck to th' people now totally unemployed. Maybe ah'll be able to pick up some of their leftovahs.

ECWA - One of th' oldest indy companies fahnally goes belly-up. Kahnda' sad, reallah. But when yuh work in Vince McMahon's backyahd, yuh're boun' t' fold sometime.

ECCW - Nevuh put on a single show, as fah as ah've heard. Bein' in British Columbia didn't help much, but they still maht have stood a chance if they just decided to actually do somethin'. Speakin o' which, I heard about somebody tryin' t' do the same thing as you somewheah up in BC...ah, that's anuthuh thing entahly.

An' now foah a verah long list. Fact is that there's a lot of people retahrin' oah plannin' t' retahre. Theah's almos' as many people on this list as were on the stage at WrassleMania XX bein' inducted inta the Dubya Dubya Eff...or E, oah whatevuh...with me. Talk about odd. But while theah ah aroun' twelve oah so, ah'm onlah gonna' list th' ones ah recognahze.

Rico - Realahzed that he was sick of bein' the weirdo. Couldn' salvage his image as far as being a legitimate performah, so decided to hang up his boots and unholstuh his gun again. Well, best uh luck in the Nevada Police Force. Ah hope they won' have t' bring you up on charges...

Jackie Fargo - Used t' pal around with Jerry Lawler. Decides t' fahnally call it quits at 54. Good foah him, he had a good run a while back.

Cien Caras - He's gonna' do one oah two more shows, and then leave the industry, or at least leave active competition. He's actually prettah good. Ah wonduh why he's decided to just end it?

Carlos Colon Sr. - Good man, realah. He retired from evah bein' on screen again, leavin that t' the next generation of Colons. Still, Carlos desahded t' become a rood agent. Good fah him.

Dusty Rhodes - Fahnally just chose that it was his tahm t' end it. With a son whose gimmick was "Goldust", ah cahn't realah blame him.

Theodore Long - This referee cum manager desahded that he was gettin' a bit stale, an' just wanted t' leave without incident.

And tha's it from me, son. Yah keep workin' on that companah, now.

Oh, brother...I have a feeling that Harley is going to become a permanent attachment. I hope I don't have to eventually move in on his territory when I drag the AWO kicking and screaming out of Colorado...

Edited by Nick Adams
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November

Well, I finally decided that my original plans to name a show were pretty much going nowhere fast. Instead, I decided that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Unfortunately, I only had two weeks to think up a name. That's right. Two weeks after one show, we're tossing up another. The only reason for this was that we were keeping to our idea of hosting a show on a Saturday, but nobody was free for the month except on Saturday the 12th. Blasted school play and Thanksgiving weekend. Anyway, with my plans for a quick break thrown out the window, I sat down and got to work on names.

Of course, I couldn't get this odd pounding out of my head. It was the permanent loop of all the different names that were suggested, as well as the names we actually had. It was like "The Song that Doesn't End", but more annoying. Honestly. I couldn't think up a blasted thing. And seeing as I couldn't throw another naming party like last time, I had very few tricks up my sleeve. All that kept going through my head were the horrid names for the shows. Oh, that was fun. So, the original name for the show was going to be...

AWO in November

Well, when the 13th arrived, that was still the plan. Nobody else could think up anything better because they were all worried about something. The main problem was that we were missing a few people that I had planned to attend. They were intrinsic to some of the matches. So, we had no Shaun Draw, no David Michaels, and in the biggest shock of all, NO FREAKING Robert Cameron. That's right, our champion was sadly absent from the proceedings. Something about a problem getting back from college today. So with a terrible name and no champion, we all met up at 1 PM. The fact was that the weather forecast wasn't looking too bright. We actually decided to start the show, pre-show segment included, a full thirty minutes early, and advertised it as such wherever we could.

Planning on inclimate weather, we all scrambled to throw together the best coverings we could for the crowd. The best we could do were a few tarps on poles. Now it looks like we've assembled a large plastic roof around the ring. What's worse, we couldn't find anything to substitute as walls. Now isn't that special? We finally managed to afford a freaking roof for the fans! Isn't that just great? Oh, by the way, somebody *cough*Bucky*cough* made a suggestion for a new name for the show. So, as opposed to a craptacular obvious name, we have a craptacular oblivious name with a double meaning. Folks, I give you...

Rain Really Bites

Here He Comes to...Erm...Well, Be the Boss, I Suppose...

For the pre-show (which occurred at 2:20 due to serious weather problems), none other than our resident Commissioner and unwitting wannabe dentist Drake "Delta" Strata came out to the ring as Ben also walks out to take his position at the announcers' table. I just noticed this, but somebody decided that it was all right to just give the announcers a tarp as well. Oh, goody. The performers have to brave the elements, but the announcers? NO CHANCE! Anyway, Drake got in the ring as the clouds loomed. Drake looked around at our crowd, which was somewhat smaller due to the time change.

Drake: Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome again to the illustrious Aurora Wrestling Ogranization. I suppose you're probably wondering what I've got up my sleeve, considering I'm the Commissioner of this company. Well, first, we have some absentees today. David Michaels, Shawn Draw, and our champion, Robert Cameron, were all prevented from coming to today's show. So, taking who we have, I came up with this grand endeavor.

He paces around and looks at the crowd, who are all under tarps. I just realized that the cover creates a kind of spotlight effect on the ring. Too bad I only took the poles and stuff for one month. Ah, whatever. Back to Drake.

Drake: Today, you shall be seeing something a little different for the AWO. I have set up a tournament to see who will challenge our champion. There will be three singles matches, and then a three-way fight to see who really can match up against the illustrious Robert Cameron. And you know why I'm doing this? Because I can.

And with that, he took the mic and walked off. You have to love stuff like that. So ambiguous, and yet so informative.

Overall: 40%

-----START SHOW-----

ONCE AGAIN, NO PYROS, NO FLASHING LIGHTS, SOME CHEERS FROM THE FANS, AND "This Fire" by Franz Ferdinand plays over...wait, Franz Ferdinand? I didn't tell anybody that they could use my CD collection. In fact, I don't even recall telling anybody that I had a CD collection. That does it. AHERN! GIVE ME BACK MY CD!

(Some arguing ensues, and then the music promptly cuts out. A few more indecipherable words are heard, and then it all calms down.)

Okay, now that that's sorted out, on with the show! Yes, let's go!

Oh, DISS! Oh, SNAP! Oh, Does He Know Anything else?

That's right. Our resident man who is his gimmick came out to the ring to...well, actually, for some reason, the fans were really behind him. They had no clue who he was, but somehow, that didn't seem to matter that much. He apparently had enough innate popularity to just get over with the crowd. He immediately slid into the ring, grabbed a microphone, and started walking around, looking at the fans.

Bucky: Hey, folks! This is quite an opportunity, getting the chance to compete for the Not-So-Big Medal. Of course, I just found this out, but I get to take on somebody that's a former champion!

The fans all cheer, then pause and all get a kind of "What?" stare on their faces. As far as they know, Bob is the only champion ever to come through the AWO.

Bucky: Oh, right, the champion I'm facing only held that title for around maybe ten whole minutes. Talk about crashing and burning. OH, DISS! You might know who I'm talking about now. So, Matty-boy, get your sorry fire-obsessed hide out here now!

The fans all cheered as Bucky waited for Matt to emerge from backstage, and handed the mic to Ace. Our glorious (if somewhat clueless) referee rushed out before Matt's entrance.

Overall: 54% (You can't fight the power of the DISS, I suppose...)

Tournament Match 1: Bucky vs. Matt Inferno

Matt came out in his usual attire, except for one small detail - he no longer had his trusty fire extinguisher. Maybe he's starting to get the point of being a pyromaniac. Anyway, after discarding his jacket and helmet, the match got underway. It was your basic match-up, with a few good bits of brawling, and one mid-match segment wher Matt went for a vertical suplex, Bucky slid over and tried to grab Inferno for a reverse DDT, Inferno elbowed Bucky before he even got a grip, circled around and went for a release German suplex, and Bucky flipped over and landed on his feet. That was some good chain wrestling. Unfortunately, that was all that was good, as Bucky's attempts to wow the crowd fell flat on their face (and, in the case of one top-rope splash, that was quite literal when Matt rolled out of the way). The end came when Bucky was almost ahead. Unfortunately, the referee was KO'ed. Matt got desperate and gave Bucky a shot with his lighter. Bucky reeled, but he didn't go down. Matt decided to literally light a fire under Bucky's butt, setting Bucky's jeans ablaze. Bucky immediately realized what was happening, and tried to drop, but Matt got the upper hand and hit his version of an Osaka Street Cutter that he likes to call the Lighter Side of Fire (bad pun, not my idea). Bucky rolled around in pain, unintentionally dousing the flames, and Inferno went for the pin. The referee woke up and made the three-count. As Matt began to leave, Bucky suddenly managed to stand. He went and asked Matt to return to the ring. Weakly, Bucky offered out his hand as a show of respect. Matt pulled his lighter out, placed it into his left hand, flipped on the light, and began putting his right hand into the flame. He then went to shake Bucky's hand, but just as Bucky went for it, Matt pulled it away, shook his head, and left the ring. Methinks he just dissed Bucky.

Match Quality: 49% (The one bit of chain wrestling really helped...oh, by the way, the wind is starting to blow quite heavily...)

Crowd Reaction: 12% (Nothing like a little bit of shock value to wake up the crowd, huh?)

Overall: 30% (Just what I expected. Actually, better than I hoped.)

He's Short, He's Pissed, He'll See You In the List! Malachi!

If anybody gets that reference, it's going to be a shock. Anyway, Malachi Pasillas walked out to the ring, hyped up and ready for action. But first, he grabs a microphone and starts walking around. The fans all start to boo as Mal just gives them the Mexican version of the middle finger, during this interview, it was rather windy, so we actually wound up shutting off the microphones and just having Mal project. It worked about the same.

Mal: Well, folks, it's good to see that you're all here to see the show. Seeing Bucky on fire like that was one hell of a wake-up call, huh? Fact is, you mess around with something that hot, you get burned. But the fact is that I am also in the tournament this afternoon. I'm taking on your little hero, Drew Porter.

The fans cheered, as most of the crowd recognized the name. Nice. I managed to get a guy who doesn't quite understand a simple concept like being an "Old School Face" very over. That's just great.

Mal: Yeah, I thought you people liked him. And you know what? That really ticks me off! I'm Latino, and I get no cheers because of it! You cheer for mister "Good Guy" Porter. You cheer for that Fonzie Academy reject, Robert Cameron! But me? HELL NO! You people don't respect me, and it's because I'm Latino. Well it's time for that to end. Drew, get you a** out here. It's time to learn what a Latino a**-kicking is all about!

Mal stood in the ring, waiting for Drew to approach. The fans were booing vehemently during the whole rant. Also, Ahern is scrambling to store all the electrical gear. The fans can't help but notice that except for Drew, Drake, Mal, and Ben, everybody is working together to get that stuff in a car.

Overall: 45% (And the clouds loom ever closer.)

Tournament Match 2: Malachi Pasillas vs. Drew Porter

This wasn't a classic, but the fans were seriously into the match. As Drew walked out, the fans really went on overdrive here, at least overdrive in comparison to what is normal for the AWO. Drew apparently has taken a liking to his interpretation of his gimmick, and so is just dressed like Harley Race. I can only hope that he doesn't attempt to imitate Race with the same haircut, facial hair, etc. That would be the end of the world, I swear. Anyway, on with the match. Better than the previous showing, these two did their best. Drew pretty much dominated due to the fact that he's pretty big in comparison to the 5'8" Mal. Still, Mal made up for it with serious anger, and countered with some quick moves. Still, Drew's hard slams were pretty much the thing that took Mal out. Eventually, it started to rain lightly during the match, coating the ring with a light level of dew. Eventually, Mal went up top and tried a new move he learned from his cousin - a flying crossbody attack. Unfortunately for Pasillas, he telegraphed it, and Drew caught him. He then continued the momentum for a devastating powerslam, picking up the win. As Drew stood and went to the back, Mal looked at the ref and started to argue with him. Doan stood his ground, saying it was a legal pin. Mal immediately shouted "That's a load of crap!" and stormed off, furious with the result.

Match Quality: 57% (Not bad, considering Drew really dominated the match)

Crowd Reaction: 18% (Isn't it kind of sad that this is the biggest reaction we've ever had?)

Overall: 37% (Typical AWO, I say.)

(Corey, here. I'm taking on the task of writing up the rest of the show. Well, isn't that just great? One time, just one time, I wish Nick wouldn't book himself in a show. Sure he owns it, and he isn't going all...what was Nick's term for it? Oh, yeah, he wasn't going all Levesque on us, but I still wish he would decide not to book himself just once. Well, regardless...)

Once a Putz, Always a Putz, Says I

Well, Nick once again goes to the ring. It's still raining, and it's only getting worse. Well, without a microphone, Nick just decided to run to the ring and slide under the ropes. Now, normally, that would have been cool. But in this weather, the ring mat wound up acting like a Slip-N-Slide. I never owned one, but I'm pretty sure that what happened to Nick was the basic intention. Yes, it's November. But this is Colorado. We have hail in August. Anyway, he slid all the way across the ring and fell out under the bottom rope. Ouch, that looked like it hurt. But suddenly, Nick manages to get a hand on the ring, and stands, albeit rather shakily. He looks out to the crowd.

Nick: I'm okay.

He then slumped to the ground. The fans all looked around, and then started to cheer. Nick made his way over to the steps, crawling on the now extremely wet ground. He then climbed them and stood outside the turnbucle, afraid of falling flat on his face by entering the ring.

Nick: Okay, folks, here's the basic rundown. I'm in the third match, and it's going to be against Malachi Pas...ahem, lemme try that again. It's going to be against Matt Infer...no, wait, he's already gone, too. Erm...WAIT, I KNOW! EL BULLDUST, GET YOUR HIDE OUT HERE AND whoaah...

And Nick managed to slip on the stairs and fall head-over-heels into the ring. Whatever else Nick may be, he's a guy than can take a lot of punishment - albeit all self-inflicted.

Overall: 37% (Sliding not only in, but out, of the ring really killed it for him.)

El Bulldust vs. Nick Adams

Somehow, this was definitely not what I expected at all. El Bulldust came out, and the fans booed, but Nick was just trying to keep his balance in the biting rain. Finally, El Bulldust started to sing. Of course, this didn't endear him to the fans any more than usual.

El Bulldust: Jeest beeat eet, beeat eet, beeat eet, beeat eet, nowone wahnts to bee deefeeateed! Showe dem jour power, show dem jour mighte, eet...

At that point, Nick finally got his bearings, and got a bit annoyed with Bulldust's poor rendition of Michael Jackson's classic (albeit the guy is now just a weirdo). Adams ran across the ring and jumped over the ropes, landing right on top of a still seeingeeing El Bulldust (as you really can't call what the masked man was doing music). Both men were down, and the referee got into the pouring rain to try and officiate. The fans began cheering, and the referee tried to see what was going on. Unfortunately, he had no such luck, and therefore did not begin the count-out. Meanwhile, the two competitors both stood, and started to slug it out in the rain. This had a kind of "movie scene" feel, what with the rain and all. It definitely added to the match. They went shot for shot until Adams finally grabbed El Bulldust and slammed him into the steel steps.

Adams then went and carefully rolled El Bulldust into the ring, slowly getting in quickly afterwards. Unfortunately, Nick once again slipped on the mat and slammed down back-first. You have to love idiot moves like that. Anyway, El Bulldust managed to stand, and through the heavy rain saw Adams lying on the mat. Taking the initiative, he immediately went and hit a huge leg drop. The fans booed loudly as El Bulldust yelled out, "Nowe dat's howe dees kyinde of theeinge ees done!" He then jumped up and hit a huge knee drop. The rain splashed off the mat as Nick bounced and Bulldust rolled forward and back to his feet. Calling the referee over, Bulldust went for the pin. One, two...Adams kicks out. That has got to be quite an early pin.

Bulldust slapped the mat, splashing up water (albeit it wasn't really noticeable with all the other rain slamming down), and began to argue with the referee. James argue right back, saying that it was only a two-count, and Bulldust shouldn't get all wound up about it. The match was still going, and...right at that moment, Adams swung his legs and swept Bulldust's legs from under him, causing the luchador to trip, catch his own throat on the top rope, and fall back onto the mat. The fans all cheered as Nick rolls to his feet. He lifted El Bulldust off the mat and went for a tie-up. As El Bulldust fought back, trying to get control, Adams suddenly stepped his right leg behind El Bulldust and hits a Judo-style side slam. A pinfall attempt from Adams only gets a two-count.

Adams immediately pulled the seeingear up to a sitting position and tried to hit a drop kick right to El Bulldust's face. But somehow, Bulldust managed to duck it, sending Nick flying, and once again sliding out of the ring. The fans all booed as Bulldust stood and looked around, then started singing "Beat It" again. Adams, roused by the terrible singing, slid back into the ring. The fans cheer as Adams rushes El Bulldust and hits a huge running jump side kick! Bulldust goes sliding back, and Nick also slides along the mat. He then sees that Bulldust is down for the count. Adams goes and begins to climb the turnbuckle nearest El Bulldust. Suddenly, Malachi Pasillas comes running down to the ring! As Nick reaches the top turnbuckle, Mal comes up behind him and pushes him off, slamming Adams face-first into the mat! The ref was too blinded by the rain to see it! El Bulldust struggles over to Nick's limp body, went for the pin, and got the victory!

After the match, El Bulldust waved for Mal to come in the ring. After he did, they conferred, and El Bulldust and Mal shook hands. They planned it all along. And that was one hell of a show.

Match Quality: 82% (Partially due to the blinding rain, but also just because they really complimented each other in this match.)

Crowd Reaction: 15% (Despite the tarps, the rain was still turning into a river through the crowd, which distracted everybody)

Overall: 48% (Folks, this is as good as it gets. A pity, but true.)

Tournament Finals: El Bulldust vs. Drew Porter vs. Matt Inferno

With the drowning rain and the chance of lightening, Matt cut his planned interview on Drew Porter, and both men just ran out, one after another. But because of that, it looked like Drew was chasing after Matt, thankfully having tossed on jeans and a t-shirt due to the inclimate weather. Because of that, Matt turned around and began to just brawl with Drew. El Bulldust broke it up by giving a double clothesline to both of them. Matt stood first, but Bulldust was already in the corner on the second rope, and hit a huge flying axehandle. Bulldust then went to charge Drew, but Porter countered with a hip toss that splashed up a lot of water, making the rain one of the better sellers in the show. (Nick: You know, you've been reading too many other online reporters.) Thanks for the input. Now go back and nurse your injuries. Anyway, as I got back, Matt and Bulldust decided to team up against Drew. Unfortunately, this proved to be a bad plan, as Drew caught Inferno in a flying crossbody attack, and then tossed Matt at El Bulldust with a fallaway slam. Bulldust improvised, caught Matt, and got the pin. One man down, and only two men left in the ring, Bulldust and Drew circled one another, ready and raring to go. The fans all got hyped up, looking at the two top men in the company going for a fight. Bulldust immediately hit a textbook drop kick on Drew, sending Porter splashing to the mat. Seeing his opportunity, Bulldust went up top and tried to hit what he calls El BullSplash. Unfortunately for the luchador, the only splashing he did was due to the rain in the ring. He impacted heavily. Drew lifted Bulldust off the mat, and, in total imitation of "The King" (Race, not Lawler), went for a fisherman's suplex. But before he could carry it through, the luchador pulled him in for a Magistral cradle. He then put his feet on the ropes and, due to the fact that the ref barely could see the pin, much less Bulldust cheating, gave him the win. Thunder ominously rolled as the show ended at 4:15, a full fifteen minutes before the intended finish. And we have to get out of here...

Match Quality: 60% (It was all in the ending, man.)

Crowd Reaction: 18% (Most over face + Most over heel = Really good reaction, all things considered.)

Overall: 39% (Good by AWO standards.)

And that's it. Thanks for coming.

Overall Show: 41% (Not bad, all things considered.)

Attendance: 11 (It wasn't the people who were expecting pie, but the hardcore match last month did turn a few people off...)

Ticket Sales: $110

So, set a man on fire, get a few matches going in the rain, and we're set. And now El Bulldust has a shot at our not-so-illustrious title. How...fun. There's only one thing to do in a situation like this:

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Nick,

El Bulldust goes for the gold... I'm assuming it was a Not-So Big Gold Medal you won... but more importantly what song will he see-ingah?

Thanks for the compliments about backyardery and comedy. It's been funny re-reading and re-editing all my posts.

You got Race to offer you a job and keep you updated on the wrestling industry. I'm ever so jealous! But after only two or three months getting that sort of offer, that's pretty damn sweet. As an aside, if you keep Harley as a correspondent (and you should) if you start to get too big or too successful, remember Vader lives/lived in Colorado... and is good friends with Harley.

Now I'm going to have to rip off that "Tag" concept for my Pillow of SOFTcore.

Yet another top notch incarnation of the AWO.

***

Starting to mark out for Ace.

Beek

Edited by Beeker00Zero
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December

Ah, yes. Our Indian Summer has finally come to an end with the first snow...on December 2nd, no less. So, with the world a nice clean white, it's rather easy to forget some stuff. For example, homework. For another example, a job. And for another example, the slow drain on my fortune that I can actually declare as untaxable because we haven't made a nickel on this misadventure. Of course, I can never forget my addiction to the sink-hole called the WWE, so after my other job that my parents know about, I came home and watched the tape while suddenly recalling homework. The next morning, after getting everything ready, I got on my laptop to check my e-mail and...

Dad: Get off that computer. You should be getting ready for school.

Me: I am ready for school, and it's 6:45. I've got time.

My dad really didn't have any comeback for that. For once, a rant-free morning. Thank God for that. Unfortunately, it wasn't completely devoid of somewhat asinine comments. Not by a long shot. Instead, I ran in to an e-mail from the owner of WLW, "The King" that never played up a royalty gimmick, the man from Missouri himself, Harley Race. And damn, for a man getting on in years (He's in his sixties, right?), he sure can type a hell of a lot. Anyway...

To: Thah Coloradah Kid

From: Harley

Subject: Updates, what else?

Hey, kid. Ah'm supprised yah still in the business. Ah wuz expectin' yuh to fold aftah a few months. But yah still heah, oah at lease up n' runnin'. Yuh mus' have a hell of a financial base, though. Well, anyways, as usual, it's tahm foah th' general industrah info ah'm gunna keep givin' yuh.

Lucha Va Voom - This Mexican wrasslin' companah jes' wen' Ba Boom. Ah, hell, who am I kiddin'? Bad puns are foah idiots like Jerry Jarrett. Anyways, they had some promise, but warn't no competition foah eitha' th' Triple A oah the Worl' Council of Luchah Liebreh.

USA Pro Wrestling - Somehow, th' fact tha' they were only US pro wrasslin' killed 'em. Possibly the hope o' seein' some good Canadian talen' jes' disappeared? Then agin', ah'm tryin' t' perfect powah wrasslin', so maybe it's just a curse ah anybody includin' th' initials "U-S-A" in theah name.

IWA: Mid-South - Less competition foah me, tha's all ah'm sayin. Les' jes' say they wuh a bit too close foah comfor', huh?

An' now, the mandatory list of retahrees. Les' see who's joinin' me with a penshun plan...

Abdullah the Butcher - Th' big man decides he's chopped his last piece o' meat. Okay, movin' on...

Ralphus - Too old, nawt enough skill...good thin' he's leavin'.

Bob Orton - The Cowboy desahds he's done with the in-ring stuff. Maybe he'll be able t' use his free tahm t' teach his boy how to actuallah cut a good promo.

Bobby Heenan - The Brain is also gunna' retahr. Ah suppose it fits. Jes' as long as Tony Sciavone retahres soon aftah Heenan. Sorrah, Tony, but without Bobby, yah doan' have much.

Now foah some of the hirin' around the wrasslin world:

NWA: TNA

Diamond Dallas Page - Wanted back in t' the industrah, and signed a per-appearance contract. Damn, his insurance mus' be hah.

Sean O'Haire - The formah WWE man desahded to fahn' a good place t' go. Settlin' upon t' NWA, O'Haire went with a written contract.

Quinton Jackson - Verah charismatic, somewhat well-known outsahde o' WWE circles, good choice bah Jarrett. Hopefullah won' get jobbed repeatedlah due t' nepotism.

IWA: Puerto Rico

Don Callis - Good hirin', whoever advahsed it. Ah say give the man whatevah he wahns.

New Jersey Pro Wrasslin: Inoki Dojo

Went Cult and made so many hirins it would make yer head spin. Aw, shucks, now theah tryin' t' move in on my territorah. Tha's gunna' have t' stop.

An' with that, this ol' man is goin t' go an' see abou' some otha' bookahs tha' maht wan' t' take tha' job. Ah trahed yuh wrahtah, but he said th' same basic thang. Well, best ah luck t' yuh.

And with that, it's 7:00. Well, that spent more time then expected. Until my next entry.

=======

I am keeping Race on, just so you know. And Vader, hm? Well...

(Goes, adds "Vader" under "Mike Rapada" as his "List of people actually in CO")

Thanks for the tip. And now...back to writing.

Edited by Nick Adams
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December, Part 2

Well, with the first snow came my first real pain in the butt around the house for the winter. As my dad is getting on in years, he really has gotten tired of putting up the Christmas lights. More recently, he does the most expedient thing in the way of Christmas lights. We've gone from pretty good displays to just those "icicle" lights, hung of the edge of the roof. But this time, wanna' guess who got the fun duty of putting them up? Here's a hint - it isn't the neighbors, and it isn't my parents. So, getting seriously overheated in my coat because of its very well-planned insulation, I put up our sad excuse for Christmas lighting.

One thing about that - I generally talk to myself when I'm frustrated. And as neither of my parents were home at the time, I was being very vocal. Yes, I know this isn't the best thing to do when setting up Christmas lights, but as I have a feeling that my dad doesn't give a crap about that, and more about appealing to the norms of the neighborhood, I didn't care as much. All apologies to the Almighty, and whoever else is listening right now (for those atheists out there, this is not a religious rant, but I figure I might as well state my beliefs...). So, as I started putting lights on the side of the garage, I began to just complain.

And wouldn't you know it, right at that moment, Ahern, who was visiting his parents for the weekend, saw me across the street, and came up with the bright idea to talk shop. Of course, I didn't discover this until the next week, as I was too distracted with the lights to even notice him coming over. So, as I grumbled, I figured this was the conversation that resulted.

Ahern: Hey, Nick.

Me: (Finally finding the right hook on which to place a cord) Oh, hello...

Ahern: Well, I figured that you may want to discuss show names, seeing as we're holding it on the Saturday before Christmas.

Me: (Referring to where I should hang the lights) Here ought to work...

Ahern: So, do you have any name ideas? If you've already decided upon one, just tell it to me and I'll get right on it.

At that moment, I managed to drop the lighting that I was about to hang. At that point, I just exploded. And right as I did, I suppose Ahern shrugged, took that as the name, and walked away before I could notice he was even there. Man, I really am oblivious to everything. So, because of my short temper and lack of attention to anything except my immediate task, our show is now named...

Sonuvab**** Lights!

And now excuse me while I go drown myself in a lot of lemonade.

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  • 2 weeks later...

(OOC: Sorry for the long time in between updates. Real life got in the way, and then I broke my hand. So, there you are. Enjoy this installment. As for future updates, for the time being, they're going to be few and far between. Most likely, they're going to be monthly. So, real-time, but a few months in the future. For the people that read this, thanks. For the people that left comments, even more thanks. To Beek, you da man. And to Big Ali, who reviewed this, hope this show meets your expectations.))

December, Part 3

Well, as I half-expected, snow coated the ground on the morning of the event. It generally looked like we would be snowed out, a hazard which I had half-hoped would get in the way, given the event's name. Of course, as there was no blinding snow as I left work, and no clouds in the sky, it appeared that we would have the event, albeit we would all be wearing winter gear. Anyway, as I drove up to the same place as always, I noted a few changes. First, while the ring was being assembled, David and Drew were building a snow fort opposite one from El Bulldust and Mal. While it looked like fun, I have no clue what I'm going to do if I need them to actually participate in a match.

This time, the roster suffered no casualties, which was a definite plus. but we did suffer a technical difficulty of a different manner. You see, Ahern and Ace keep the keys to the storage place at which we keep the ring gear. Unfortunately, Ahern is the only person that can actually haul the ring around, as he has a huge-as-anything pickup. Well, wouldn't you know it, but Ahern had to do something else for his real job this month. So while Ace had the key, we had no way to bring it in.

While I have never said this previously, I might as well say it now. For the past four shows, Bob has been begging me to have us use his gigantic trampoline. It's pretty big, it's circular, and would be interesting, to say the least. But as we already had a ring, I kept saying, "No." Well, of course, for the Winter, Bob and his family had taken apart the trampoline and stored it away. As it was far more compact than the ring, he was able to drag it in with a station wagon. And he was more than delighted to hear that Ahern would not be able to bring the ring to the show. So we now have to constructions that you would never see at a professional show -

Two snow forts opposite of each other with growing arsenals of snowballs, and a trampoline placed where the ring should be. Oh, joy. And of course, to berate...erm, celebrate the event, Bob even brought a HUGE amount of batteries , wire, and electrical cord so that he could have the edges decorated in Christmas lighting. Well, that's great. And now, the AWO presents a show with a rather fitting name...

Sonuvab**** Lights!

Well, we decided that instead of starting the show early, we'd just end it late. After all, what can the fans do, ask for their money back? We only advertised wrestling at 3 PM. We delivered wrestling at 3 PM. We didn't say it would be good, or even professional, so I fail to see the problem.

Anyway, with that explanation out of the way...NO FLASHING LIGHTS, NO PYROTECHNICS, AND BECAUSE AHERN CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO SHOW UP, NO FREAKING MUSIC. Oh, and the fans don't start cheering until they see Ben and Drake (DDS...still annoying...)...coming down to the announcer's table, which is kind of pointless due to the lack of a sound system. Well, Drake decided to actually do something to get the crowd pumped up.

The Dentist...erm, Commissioner...Has a Few Cavities...erm, Minutes...to Fill

Well, the fans, kind of down due to the fact that they suddenly realized the poor setup of our show, definitely needed this. So, with our announcers pretty much using a voice recorder to keep track of what they're saying (as David somehow managed to lug a camera all the way here, but forgot to bring the audio feeds for anything except ambient sound), Drake decided to just walk out and start to announce the show. Unfortunately, Ace, our camera operator, was freezing his butt off, and so the entire video of the show was pretty much a continuous shot of the ground. Thanks, Ace. "No problem, boss." *Sigh.* Anyway, Drake looked at the trampoline, then looked back at the fans.

Drake: Well, this is a new installation. I suppose it's our winterized ring. Anyway, folks, the show today is going to be great. The most important part of the show will be, of course, the match for the Not-So-Big Medal between El Bulldust and Robert Cameron!

That was a seriously cheap pop right there.

Drake: But there's something more pressing on my mind. You see, last month, we had a wrestler that I had originally intended to participate in the tournament decide that he was not going to be able to show up. I'm sorry to say, but that just doesn't hack it. So, today, Shaun Draw, you will be facing none other than Nick Adams in competition.

The fans all kind of got down because of the announcement of that match. Go figure.

Drake: And do you know why I'm doing this? Because I can.

With that, he went to re-take his position next to Ben. And we continue to waste video tape because Ace is cold. (Ace: You got that right.)

Overall: 53% (Cheap pops always work, I suppose.)

A Snowball Cannonade!

Well, as Drake re-took his position, a loud one-sided shouting match at the D&D snow fort began. Well, actually, David and Drew came out dressed in snow gear (albeit Drew had "The King" embroidered very blatantly on the back of his snow jacket and David was wearing a Buccaneers jacket, even though he has not watched a game of football in his life). Both are holding snowballs in their hands.

Drew: (Trying to talk like Harley Race) Well, yuh Primuh pansahs, we jes' though' since you have uh snow foaht, and we have a snow foaht, we'd jes' see which one of us is the bettah competituh.

David: (With a slightly improved, but still pathetic, pirate accent) Arr, ye scurvy scalawags! Ye have injured our better senses in makin' yer own snow fort. We aims ter take ye down an' plunder yer fort!

Drew: Seein' as we both have ahsenahls of snowbahlls, we figuhed we should jes' have a good ol' fashioned snowball faht.

David: So, do ye accept, or are ye lily-livered sea dogs without a backbone or a seafarin' bone in yer body?

Instead of responding with words, Los Primos launched a snowball each, causing the Dungeons and Dragons boys (I just realized my fatal flaw last week at school. user posted image) to run for cover.

Overall: 39%

D&D Connection vs. Los Primos: The Inaugural AWO Snowball Fight

As usual, our tag team match for the day has the referee scratching his head. He has no clue how to call a snowball fight...and neither does Ben, apparently. Here's an example of the commentary, taken from right after Mal and Bulldust threw snowballs in response.

Ben: Double snowball piledriver from Los Primos!

Drake: A piledriver? Ben, that's when a person drops their opponent on their head from a standing headscissors. They haven't even touched one another.

Ben: Who died and made you boss?

Drake: Nobody. I was hired as an official authority figure...

You get the basic idea. Anyway, with the snowball fight, I had to just shake my head. These four made the fight almost watchable for about five seconds. I say almost, because the only person that was near-accurate was Mal. Talk about crazy. You see, they were juat lobbing off snowballs in random directions. Unfortunately, while their range was impressive, their aim wasn't. The snowballs flew high, long, and...began to bombard the crowd. And of course, Bulldust had to make a smart-aleck comment, in the form of seeingeeing.

Bulldust: Let eet snowe, let eet snowe, let eet snowe!

At that precise moment, with El Bulldust standing, David and Drew immediately ran out of opposite sides of their fort. With Mal aiming at and missing the moving Drew, David rushed out and started carrying a very large snowball. As he got closer to the self-distracted El Bulldust, he decided to give fair warning.

David: ARR, MATEY! I BE THE BUCCANEER TO TAKE YE DOWN!

And with that, he pelted Bulldust with a broadside snowball launch! The fans all cheered as the snowballs suddenly let up, and David rushed in and hit a huge flying clothesline. Our screw-up of a referee obviously had no clue what to do. With Bulldust grounded and Mal distracted, David grabbed one of Los Primos's snowballs and immediately pelted Pasillas with a snowball. The referee, noting that both of Los Primos had taken snowballs, called for the bell, giving both men the victory. Bulldust and Mal both stood up and shook their heads, then went to our dry area to get themselves remotely clean. Meanwhile, Drew and David celebrated on Los Primos's snow fort waving a Jolly Roger and singing something that I didn't recognize. I have a feeling that it came from a Harley Race entrance.

Match Quality: 67% (Snowballs sell, I guess.)

Crowd Reaction: 18% (Because David saved them from a snowball barrage.)

Overall Match: 42% (Ah, yesh.)

How Many Angry People Could THERE BE ON ONE SHOW?

Shaun Draw walked out to the ring...oh, right, it's a freaking trampoline. Anyway, the world can laugh for all I care. I already humiliate myself in the ring. Anyway, back to Shaun. He walked out to our trampoline, which is rounder than any wrestling ring currently in existence. He sat up on the edge, removed his shoes, and then stood on the trampoline. Note to self: do not fall off the sides. Anyway, he started projecting out to the crowd.

Shaun: So, Drake, you think that I didn't pull my own weight last month? In case you didn't remember, two months ago, I pulled two matches! Two damn matches for one month. I think that deserves a bit of time off, especially since I won both of them! I beat the damn Dungeons and Dragons boys...with one classed as a Pirate and the other classed as a Loser!

Oh, cheap boo right there. Not bad, actually. Anyway, Corey, take over. I need to get ready for my match.

Corey here, busting my butt on the keyboard for the rest of the show. Shaun kept going, but I only got in when he started ranting on his opponent.

Shaun: Now, as for that idiot, Nicholas Adams...I faced him last time I was here...well, not exactly in this ring, but you get the point. I am insulted by this match creation! I could destroy him more easily than a Cracker Jack. So, Klutzo, Nick the Hat Trick...of LOSSES...get on out here. Drake made another match between us, and I'm just as ready to take you down!

For some reason, the fans started booing. How our resident bumbler suddenly became a popular babyface is beyond me.

Overall: 47%

(Victor: You know, I still don't know how they're going to pull off the matches...

Katie: Well, at least I won't have to go out with a stretcher...

Ace: You'd be surprised how many ways you can hurt yourself.)

Nick Adams vs Shaun Draw

Nick came out sliding to the trampoline, riding on a snowboard. He's wearing normal snow shoes, but the straps seem to work. Anyway, he jumped on to the tramp, and then immediately bounced up...and off. Ouch. Not as high as the ring, but still a huge drop. He ain't doing any recapping for the day.

Ben: Nice flipping senton splash!

Drake: Except for the fact that he landed on the ground...

And Ben proves himself once again to be a man of some knowledge, but very little. Anyway, Nick struggled back up and mubled what I think was "I'm okay." Anyway, the referee came down and called for the match to start. Shaun, being the nice bad guy he is, went and helped Nick up to the ring. He lifted Nick up into the tramp, and then gave him a huge suplex. The ring did half the job, bouncing both men up. Somehow, the bounce allowed the dazed Adams to find a vertical base. He went and dropped an elbow across Draw's throat. The bounce propelled both of them into the air. I've got to say, even though this wasn't advertised as a gimmick match, it sure is working out as one. Anyway, with Nick and Shaun both off-balance, the tramp kept them flying this way and that. Suddenly, Draw caught his bearings and bounced himself towards an airborne Nick, slamming on a huge spear! Both men went down, and Shaun stood. Nick managed to stand, and the two went into some brawling. It didn't work as well as it usually does, since they had gloves on and were throwing punches like they were being broadcast on Galavision (a cheap shot at AAA? Yes. Do I care? No.) Anyway, suddenly, Shaun stomped on the ring, causing Nick to bounce away just a bit. Nick stumbled over himself and, wonder of wonders, fell onto the metal around the tramp. Shaun took the advantage, lifted Adams up, and hit his Implant DDT for which Ben thought up a better name: "The Angry Plant". He got the three-count, and Nick is out for the count.

Match Quality: 53% (When the ring does half of the selling for your, it figures)

Crowd Reaction: 13% (Marking out for the tramp, and that was it.)

Overall Match: 33% (Eh, we're still working out the kinks.)

Happy Days is Here Again...Lord Help Us

Well, as Katie and Ace came out with a stretcher and attempted to load the totally KO'ed Nick onto it, some music started to play. I may be forgetting something, but I thought we didn't have a sound system.

(Ace: We don't. That sounds like a boombox.

Katie: Then who the heck is playing an entrance theme?)

Well, to answer the question, the song is "Stop the Rock" by Apollo 440...but it appears to be saying "Can't stop the..." Oh, well, that explains it. Robert Cameron came down to the ring with "Stop the Bob" playing across the crowd. The fans began to cheer. Bob walked over, wearing only a leather jacket, jeans, a white t-shirt, and some black snow shoes. Being the classic cool guy, he goes and checks to see that Nick is okay. Well, at least he's playing the good guy. He then stepped into the ring. I now see that he's got the Not-So-Big Medal around his neck. He obviously isn't here for a match.

Bob: HEEEEEY! In case you didn't know, tha' thing around my neck is none otha' than tha' Not-So-Big Medal. That makes the man standing in front of you the AWO's best competitor.

The fans remained a bit reticent, waiting to see where the show went.

Bob: Ah, yes, you might be wanting to know who I am. Well, let's just say that you can call me..."The Bob". Yes, the full name is Robert Cameron. But the fact is that the name is not cool enough. The Bob is much cooler than something like that. THe Bob is also too cool to lose this title. So, El Bulldust, though you won the right to fight against The Bob for this medal, The Bob will be the one that wins. HEEEEY!

He then snapped his fingers. And Katie, being somewhat of an Oldies fan, decided to go with the flow, and suddenly got into a trance-like state, went up to Cameron, and just followed him mindlessly. Ace started to complain, but Nick suddenly sat up.

Nick: What did I miss?

To steal a line, NO POPS FOR NICK! Hehe.

Overall: 42%

Let the SNAPPING Begin

Well, with that, Bucky decided to come out without the fanfare. The fans still managed to cheer, as Bucky was being his usual self...or should I say his unusual self (Bad puns are a trademark of Nick Adams, currently on a pain medication that we can't name due to lack of sponsorship). Anyway, he went out to the tramp and slid onto it. I just realized that he's barefoot. My, it must be cold out there. (Nick: Kinda'...like...Kamala...) Okay, whatever...anyway, Bucky went to speak.

Bucky: Well, folks, I'm here. For those of you that don't know me and those of you that need a reminder, my name is BUCKY! AW, YEAH!

Cheap pop. Somehow, methinks he's memorized that line. Hey, David, has he said that line before? "Aye, matey!" Okay, thanks. Guess it's a catch phrase.

Bucky: Now, the thought struck my mind as I was going through the results of the last show that a lot of people were involved in activities which they shouldn't have been doing. Wrestling in the rain, lighting my pants on fire...and swinging flag poles into people's backs!

The fans all began to boo, albeit only progressively.

Bucky: You see, Matt Inferno won in a way that I don't like, but another man came down and fought in an even worse way. He soiled the flag of a nation just to help his cousin win a match. Even worse, he just plain sucks! OH, SNAP!

Cheap pop, thanks for coming.

Bucky: You know who I'm talking about! Malachi Pasillas, come on down!

And the fans cheered as Mal rushed down to the ring, also apparently barefoot. (Okay, I'll tell the truth. They're rubber foot covers like the ones used in "Jungle 2 Jungle". They're kind of cozy, from what I hear.)

Overall: 51%

Bucky vs Malachi Pasillas

Once again, the trampoline's influence on the match killed the entire experience. Bucky and Mal tried to make the best of it, though, and they definitely got into a good match for the crowd. With Mal just rushing in and raring to go, and Bucky building up the crowd, these two piqued the fans' interest enough to make it the most exciting, if not the best performed, match of the night. As Mal jumped up onto the tramp, Bucky and Pasillas shared a huge staredown. They looked at one another, then to opposite sides of the crowd, and then back at each other. They suddenly got very close and began to talk trash.

Suddenly, the trash talking escalated, and they got into a shoving match. Mal shoved Bucky, Bucky shoved Mal, and suddenly, they got into brawling. The fans began to cheer, and Bucky and Mal locked up. In the spot of the night, Mal went to suplex the Buckster, but the Diss-Man managed to suddenly reversersed the momentum, drop kicked Mal in the face, and then went for the pin. One...two...and a kick out! Tough break. And with the kick out comes a lot of bouncing from our trampo-ring. The fans were still into the match, and Bucky went to argue with the ref.

Mal stood and looked around at the fans. They all began booing the short (albeit very muscular) man, and he played the psychology to the moon.

Mal: Orense, baratos, I will prove my worth! I'm better than you all!

And a cheap boo. Gotta' love it. Anyway, as Mal yelled at the crowd, Bucky came behind him and hit a back suplex. You know, Nick would probably say that when Shawn Michaels did that, it was a total Mark-out moment. I still have no idea who this "Mark" is. Anyway, the tramp vibrated like crazy. Bucky stood and stomped Mal a few times, but the tramp vibrated so much that the rebound from the last kick caused Bucky to fall back, and it also propelled Pasillas to his feet. With Bucky flat on his face, Mal went for a drop kick right to the back of the head! Mal hit an ankle lock quickly after, but Bucky suddenly started bouncing on the tramp with the body parts he could move, forcing Mal to let go just to keep his balance.

Bucky gained so much height that he was able to gain his footing. and then bounced towards Mal with a huge wheel kick, which Ben called a "flying side drop kick". Anyway, Mal slammed down, and /bucky landed on his feet. He went to the opposite side of the ring, and then started running at the prone Mal. Bucky went for a running senton, but Mal raised his knees! Bucky dropped to the mat, and Mal stood. He then went and looked around at the fans, flipped them off, and then bounced up on the tramp, hit a moonsault that he calls "Pride and Prejudice" (check the literal reference), and got the win!

Mal stood and celebrated, and then saw that Bucky was walking off. He suddenly ran off the edge of the trampo-ring, flew through the air, and hit a huge suicide dive onto Bucky! He then delivered a few bare-foot stomps onto Bucky's prone body. Katie, Ace, and Victor all rushed out to get Bucky away.

Match Quality: 56% (Blame it on the ring.)

Crowd Reaction: 21% (The highest reaction EVER.)

Overall Match: 38% (Typical AWO, as usual.)

El Bulldust vs "The Bob" Robert Cameron {C}: Not-So-Big Medal Match

As Bucky was carted off, "The Bob" walked to the ring with "Stop the Bob" playing on the boombox. You have to love that remix. It's so catchy, and yet so annoying at the same time. And with Bob bouncing on his own trampoline, forcing James to abandon ship, a snowball suddenly pelted our champion on the side of the head! All attention focused upon the snow forts, and the obvious result happened. El Bulldust was standing at his former snow fort with a snowball in hand, obviously wanting a regular match there. Personally, I think that was the smartest thing he could have done. Then he went and did the dumbest thing.

Bulldust: Duh na na nah, Cayeen't touche deese! Du na na nah, nuh nuh, Cayeen't touche deese!

And The Bob rushed over to end the bad impression of MC Hammer. Couldn't he try to impersonate somebody Latin? Rico Suave? Ricky Martin? Enrique Iglesias? And with the filler out of the way, Bob commenced to try and attack Bulldust, but got a face full of snow for his trouble. Bulldust then rushed Bob and hit a huge side kick to the jaw, slamming The Bob through one of the snow fort wall. Cameron got up from the snow pile and began just punching El Bulldust. Bulldust began reeling. Bob went and grabbed Bulldust for a quick snap suplex. He slammed Bulldust into the nearest snow fort wall and went for the pin, but only got a one-count.

Bulldust and the Fonz...erm, Bob...stood, and began an epic lockup. This time, it was actually epic. It lasted a full twenty seconds, with both men trying to gain the advantage by attempting to slam each other into the snow fort walls or the snowball arsenal. Finally, the referee came in to break the hold, and for once, he got the rules right. Bob and Bulldust circled around and then locked up again. This time, Bulldust got a huge hip toss into the ground. Bob stood up and walked in to yet another hip toss. The Bob, being utterly relentless, stood once again. But this time, Bulldust climbed up the four-foot-high snow fort wall and lept off it with a huge flying crossbody attack. Bulldust got the pin, but only earned the two-count.

Bob and Bulldust both stood, and of course, as per AWO standard, they engaged in a STAREDOWN OF DOOM!

Ben: OY VEY, DRAKE! THE STAREDOWN OF DOOM!

Oy vey to Drake, indeed. Anyway, they looked around, then went back to the STAREDOWN OF DOOM (include sinister music here). Suddenly, Bulldust broke the gigantic evil stare with a punch to the face. A brawl broke out and spilled over the fort and into the battle zone between Fort Primos and Fort Pirate Race. They started slamming one another with some pretty hard shots to the chest. Finally, they backed off to the opposing forts. After getting breathers, both men rushed in and gave one another a double clothesline! The referee, having no clue what to do, went over to check with our announcers.

Ben: You're asking me? I don't know a powerbomb from a piledriver!

Drake: Just go officiate the match, I suppose.

The referee shrugged, and then went back to the match. But when he got back, he saw a chaotic brawl with Matt Inferno punching at El Bulldust and Cameron, both of which were infuriated with Inferno's interference. Matt backed off. But finally figuring out one of the rules, the referee called for a no contest due to the interference! Bulldust and Bob stared at Matt in disbelief, then suddenly rushed him, re-starting a three-way brawl! The rest of the group, dressed either in Security clothes or referee's shirts, came out and stopped the brawl, escorting them backstage, ending the show.

Match Quality: 65% (Take out the trampolines, you get a good match.)

Crowd Reaction: 20% (Half of which were confusedly cheering "BUCKY!")

Overall: 42% (Start strong, finish strong.)

Overall Show: 41%

Attendance: 20

Gate Sales: $200

Not bad for a month where we didn't have A REAL RING. Well, here's hoping for a better next month.

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Nick,

Or is it Nic so you can be a Nature Boy?

Fun show, actually reminds me of the First Show the WEF put on, called, the First Show or even Snow White Fields. But still distinctly and uniquely AWO.

***

A few thoughts. "The Angry Plant" is a brilliant finisher, but you should give it a name. Either, "Emma The Angry Plant" (a person's name) or "Dandelion the Angry Plant" or "Tulip the Angry Plant" (a flower name.) It would be odd, but so fitting. I think,

For Nic the Wreslter, I'd play up the whole Luke Skywalker vibe you've got going. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but whenever he falls over and then jumps up and says "I'm okay." I keep seeing the scene in the Mos Eisley Cantina when Luke first goes there with Obi-Wan, and gets shoved over in the first altercation, pops back up, goes "I'm okay," after doing nothing to help Obi-Wan and looking like a perfect putz. But I'm odd that way.

I so expected there to be a double-bounce on the tramo-ring.

You should consider keeping the trampo-ring around. One) it's an actual round ring! Two) it would be a fun alternative to those square rings, daddio. The wrestlers could challenge one another to one sort of ring or another. I dunno, that's just a thought.

If you don't create a character called Mark Out with the finisher Moment, I will.

I give you fair warning. That's too good a character NOT to use.

Did you rip off Norcross' catchphrase? :lol: I'm aghast!

***

And I'm not the man.

Vader'll always be the man. No matter how much Bubba Dudley asks 'who's the man.' Just once I'd love for an opponent to yell VADER at him. Well, I'd Mark out for it.

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January, Part 1

As usual per my New Year's Eve celebration tradition, I turned on my PS2, and started playin FFVII from the start. Every year, I take less and less time getting to the world map. Of course, this year was different, as the entire AWO crew came over. Corey kept begging to use the system so that he coul continue his run with FFXIII or FFIX. Still, it was good. I only took about an hour and a half to bust through without getting any Easter Eggs and skipping the avoidable tutorials, allowing me to just blast through.

Anyway, the party went off without a hitch...except for the fact that we ran out of salsa and bean dip pretty damn fast. If that isn't a Tostito disaster waiting to happen, I don't know what is. But enough with that. You've seen enough of my crew to take a wild guess what happened. As Bucky said, "A party isn't a party without a little mayhem, bro." They overdid it, 'nuff said without ranting on Ahern, Bulldust, Bucky, David, David's people that he invited (and who, I might add, caused the salsa shortage), and not surprisingly, Mal.

Well, somobody (wanna' guess?) decided to send me a couple e-mails (still stumped? Obviously you just skipped to the last post without reading the rest). Anyway, this somebody decided to mail me with the GrappleFanatics End of the Year Top 100. As expected, the top 10 were NWA:TNA or WWE. Check this - Juvi Guerrera was number 7. The Juice just rocks, I suppose. Too bad Juvi's either doing nothing, or jobbing to Jeff. (OOC: I saw one of his AAA matches. He definitely deserves the hype.) Another interesting fact - Chris Jericho was #2 and Beniot was #3. Where was Trips? #52, baby! Just goes to show that sometimes, the Internet hatred of Trips being at the top might have merit. I mean, c'mon...when the original La Parka beats you on a list, how much do you really deserve?

Anyway, the next e-mail was a bit of a bigger drop. We're talking a gigantic electronic laundry list. With stuff like this, I'm beginning to think he's dictating this to a secretary. So, without further ado, I give you the guy that sent me my e-mail info. Oh, come on, now. You thought I'd actually kill the suspense for the new people that decided to just check out my most recent entry? Oh, fine. I'm getting monthly updates from none other than The King. No, not Lawler. Try Race!

To: Mike Ro...oh, wait, wrong Colorado person...

From: Harley "Davidson" Race

Subject: Ya'll can take a whald guess...

Sorrah about the bad pun. It was Ace Steel's personal joke. Ah've nevah been partial t' motahsahcles mahself, but maybe ah could toss one of mah people on one when we get big enough t' really branch out. D'ya think that imitatin' Calloway would be good fer one ah' mah people? Eh, whatevah. Movin' on with the traditional info, ah guess.

Revolution Pro took a huge jump when they wen' an' took theah high-flyin' t' th' Regional level.

Kato Kung Lee fahnally desahds t' hang up his boots at 57. Hey, ah've nevah huhed of him. Maybe yuh can give him a job fer a month. He wuz an NWA Welterweight champ.

WWE - Vince shows some vision.

Mike Sanders - More charisma than workrate, but look where that got Hogan...and Sanders is WAY better than Hogan.

NWA-East - Tony Smalls took ovah an' rearranged evrahthang. Too many firins and hirins foah mah tastes to list.

IWA-PR - Victor gets a chaplain...

Eric Priest - Yeh, Ah should leave th' punnin' t' othas. Still, okay fer wheah the place is now.

PWI - Siegel goes OLD instead of OLD SCHOOL.

Lizmark - Pot callin' the kettle black? Yes. Do ah care? Hey, ah was smart enough t' hang up mah boots.

BCW - No jokin', ah sweah.

John Zandig - That crazy loon? Well, ah suppose it works...

Mil Mascaras - Ah, good ta' see him trin' t' please anutha' crowd.

An' ah'm spent.

Not bad for an old man. I have a feeling he left out something, but I figure it wasn't anything important. Anyway, until next time, I have a load of party cleanup to do.

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  • 1 month later...

(OOC: Sorry about the long delay. My life has been busy recently, so I really could only browse the boards. On a side note, is it just me, or does Kenzo Suzuki seem like a chaep Bulldust rip-off?)

January, Part 2

It had to happen sometime. Honestly, though, I don't believe he was this stupid. Pretty much, Drew decided to finally watch a WWE show. I think it was an episode of RAW. Anyway, they were bringing back Al Snow for one match only, and Drew began marking out like a five-year-old. Unfortunately, he celebrated so much when Al beat the hell out of a returning Christopher Nowinski that he slammed his head on his ceiling (he was in his basement), fell backwards, slammed over a chair, and landed wrong on his neck, pulling some muscles. Now, that would have been fine, and he would have only been out for a month. But he watched SmackDown that week, too. And the same basic thing happened. So, another two months. And then he watched TNA Impact. Another three months. And Velocity just took the cake, adding two more months to his time.

What's this amount to? Well, first, Drew is out for eight months with neck problems caused inadvertantly by wrestling. Second, he's NEVER EVER going to watch those shows again. He's too much of a mark. Third, Drew is officially dumber than I am.

Well, with that kind of stupidity ringing in my head, I decided to leave the control of the AWO to Corey for the month. Unfortunately, the man couldn't think up a useful name if his life depended upon it. So, as expected, the guy pretty much decided that he needed my help. So first, he tells me that I'm on the nest show. Fun. And I gave him the reigns for a break. Well, at least all the screw-ups blamed on me can only hurt me. Of course, with that basic idea in mind, Corey still needed a basic plan for the show's name. Yeah, that's right. First, he calls me to the show anyway. Then he talks to me on AIM ABOUT THE NAME! I really, really need to get a life or some aspirin. Well, anyway, the basic conversation led to Corey begging me for a name.

Generally, I would have given him a name. But I was short on both time and patience. So now, folks, it is with great pride and pleasure that I unveil our first show tailored for Nickelodeon-aged audiences due to the name. While fans of Winnie the Pooh may rejoice, I doubt that Matt is happy this month, as I had to send him home for being "too risque" for our current clientele, which includes seven-year olds. So, you're probably wondering what in the world I told Corey to name the show, right? Well, here it is, in all its glory. Today's show is an AWO presentation, live from the schoolyard at 3:00 PM on Saturday, January 22, 2005, and it is called...

TTFN

(Tigger fans rejoice)

Corey here. As Nick is too frustrated to do anything but go out, I've got this show. I can understand, as Drew was our top draw...and Shaun is our bottom one! HA! I kill myself sometimes. Anyway, now our most over man is El Bulldust. Well, whatever. And it looks like we're starting the show on time, and ending late...again. *sigh* Well, at least Drew can't watch Velocity today because he's at a hospital. Still, on with the show. We now have a few kids in the audience. That's just great. So, without further ado, to use Nick's line...

NO PYRO, NO FLASHING LIGHTS, SOME MUSIC THAT I MIXED ON MY PC AND DON'T RECALL GIVING TO AHERN, AND THE CHEERS OF OUR FANS FILL THE SCOOLYARD AS BEST AS THEY CAN! And...wait, music that I never gave to Ahern? Something's wrong, here...eh. whatever. I burned it, I can do it again. So, with that...

Raidin' fer' th' lost Arr!

Just a note, I'm on a movie kick. Apologies for any references that become irritating. But as Nick isn't doing anything with this month, save for getting in the ring, I doubt he cares. Anyway, with that out of the way...David Michaels came to the ring. He was waving the Jolly Roger from last month like there was no tomorrow, and was still wearing his Buccaneers jacket due to the temperature. Anyway, the fans started cheering him loudly. I dunno about you, but he seems kinda'...shall we say...odd...without Drew at his side. Well, whatever. David looked around at the crowd and nodded, a smile crossing his face. He tossed the end of the long bandana over his shoulder, then began to speak.

The Colorado Pirate: So, mateys, t'would seem that Drew Porter can't arrive fer th' wrasslin' and raidin' o' today's show. But that means exactly pettycoat change in me books. Fact is, you jes' don't understand - th' raidin can be done anywheres...but eye I do have one bit er' a problem.

The fans decided to just mark out, or at least the kids did, for SCSA (thanks, Nick, by the way) and gave a "What?" chant. Oh, dear God. Now we're going to wind up with some kind of cheap backyard rip-off name like "Caribbean Ice" David Michaels or something. Well, it could be worse...we could have a wrestling clown or something.

David, Arr Resident Buccaneer: I said tha' me instincts er' tellin' me tha' thar' be somethin' wrong with th' Aurora Wrestlin' Organyzayshun...mainly th' leadership.

Another "What?"

Not-Shawn Michaels: Yar, mateys, I be talkin' bout Drake Strata!

And another "What?"

"Yo-Ho" Man: Ye people knows - DDS! (WHAT?) The boss. (WHAT?) The Commissioner! (WHAT!) That chump over there at the announcer's desk that's wearing a stupid button-up tee-shirt! (WHAT?) He's screwing the rest of us over! (WHAT?)

And David suddenly realized that he had dropped the Pirate persona entirely. Well, when you get in the moment, I suppose anything will do.

Captain Fate's Mate: So ye' knows what I aims ter' do? (WHAT?) I aims ter' punch it through that scurvey coddled landlubber scallywag that th' show is about more than just Shaun Draw! (WHAT?) That meager match-maker cares nothing about the rest...tournaments, matches, and one man. (WHAT?) O', ye'll find out what I am talking about soon enough. (WHAT?) Drake, methinks ye'll be th' one o' us tha' chooses ter' change.

And another obligatory "What?" as David nodded, and looked around. He then decided to take the moment.

How Many More Pirate Puns Can I Invent?: An' matey, if ye' thinks me abilities aren't up ter ship shape, I'll prove ye wrong and...(WHAT?)...STEAL YER BOOTY!

You really have to love that. The kids were marking out for SCSA...and the adults were admonishing them. Why did I agree to what happened next? After all, if the kids know about a beer-swilling, whisky-loving, profanity-tossing, finger-flipping, KICK, WHAM, STUNNERING sonuva...and I'll stop there...then what's the problem with a little more violence? Eh, whatever.

Overall: 52%

HERE HE COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAAAAAY

Gotta' love Jim Carrey. Anyway, in came Drake Strata as David started heading backstage. He got a microphone as soon as he can, with David still heading back, but in the fans' view. He immediately started talking.

DDS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! David, turn around and get back here! I target Shaun Draw for not putting in his level of work, and you insult me for that? Who do you think you are, Michaels? You think you can just waltz down here and insult the Commissioner of this company?

David started walking back to the ring, and the "Dental Man" kept going.

Drake: Oh, no, you don't! I will be called Mary Jingleheimer Schmidt before I let you get away with something like that! David, you are now going to have a match! And in that match, you be facing, all alone, none other than EL BULLDUST AND MALACHI PASILLAS! LOS PRIMOS!

David shook his head and mumbled, "Ye scarvy dog." Still Drake didn't quite look to be finished.

Strata-spherical Pain in the...: Oh, by the way...James, get your hide in the announcer's position. I'm refereeing this match!

The fans booed, due to who he was insulting. Gotta love it. He targets a heel, he targets a face...he might just move on to a knee or a throat. Okay, bad pun, move on...

Overall: 50%

But wait! As David entered the ring, and Drake pulled off his tee-shirt to reveal his one-of-a-kind-in-the-AWO BLACK, WHITE, AND BLUE referee's shirt, David got a partner that sprinted into the ring! And it's none other than...wait for it...

BUCKY! So now, without further ado...

Bucky and David Michaels vs Los Primos

As per usual, El Bulldust and Mal provided their own entrance music. But this time, it was totally instrumental. Oh, dear lord. You'll pardon the expression, but what in the McFreaking hell were they doing? Mal was playing a flute, and Bulldust had a violin! And they were playing correctly! Nick, what are they playing, anyway? (Nick: Bizet. It's from "Carmen". "Los Toreadores" or something...) Oh. Never heard of it. Though the tune is familiar. Anyway, with that done, El Bulldust and Mal put away their instruments and slid into the ring. I think Nick said play something Latin or Spanish...but Spanish instrumental? Well at least we're culturing the kids, right?

Anyway, this match started out with David telling Bucky to just wait his turn, and then waited as El Bulldust came in. Drake called for the bell. Meanwhile, our illustrious regular referee decided to take Drake's position. Meanwhile, with David thinking that a Handicap match is a kind of tag team match, went and pulled out some rope from under the ring. He apparently thinks that people need to be disabled. Apparently, he thinks it's a tag match - with everyone having one arm tied behind their back. Yeesh. Somebody tell these guys the rules before we actually give them something to - oh, Nick is distracting me. Be right back.

APPARENTLY, WE CAN'T DO THAT. Go figure. Our stupidity gave us the original concept for an AWO tag match, so just work with it. So, a Handicap match is technically a Handicapped Hand match. Great. So what happens when people try to suplex each other? Well, either way, David and Bulldust locked up - kinda' hard to do with only one arm. I missed what happened after that due to Nick's distraction, along with about the first two minutes. I feel like the Scotsman, who went to grab a beer or something, and just missed the entire basis of a match - I don't particularly care. Well, at least I know the background. Anyway, David was down on the mat when I came back. And suddenly, Mal was clamoring for a tag. Bulldust looked around, and then shook his head. He then started singing. (Nick: Seeingeeing, dude.)

Bulldust: Dat's dee waye, uh-huh, uh-huh, eye like eet!

Okay, could somebody PLEASE bring him up to date on the music scene? Just ONE Jimmy Eat World song! That's all I'm asking! Either way, Bulldust then went and hit a huge running senton spash and went for the pin. Drake made a two-count, and really went fast, but David kicked out so fast it would make your head spin. Bulldust got up and started arguing, but that only wasted time, as David got the HOT TAG! We're talking BURNINATION! TROOOOGDOOOOR! Sorry, Strong Bad markout moment. Anyway, Bucky jumped in, and Mal made the blind tag. The two enemies got into a grapple, once again difficult because of the one-armed rule. Anyway, Mal finally just got out of the hold, kicked Bucky in the gut, and DDT'd him. Love it. Regular count, only gets two. Mal lifts Bucky off the mat and whips him to the ropes, but David gets the blind tag, somehow managing to use his Pirate Powers to revive himself. Either way, Mal clotheslined Bucky over the ropes, and then saw David in the ring. Pasillas tagged in his cousin, then did a one-armed plancha onto Bucky. Meanwhile, David went to attack Bulldust, but the luchadore got the one-armed roll-up. Drake then insured Michaels' loss by counting to three so quickly it could make your head spin! (Edit from Nick: Didn't he just say that like three or four minutes ago?) But wait! David kicked out! And now he clotheslined Bulldust! Meanwhile, our resident Dentist wannabe bailed before David could get revenge.

Match Quality: 59% (Note to Nick - never actually let people wrestle with one hand tied behind their back again.)

Crowd Reaction: 19% (All due to El Bulldust, most likely.)

Overall: 39% (Yar.)

Bucky Returns

I was too busy being confused about the total loophole of logic for this to even make sense. I guess jumping out of the ring onto an opponent with only hard ground and grass to catch you doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Either way, this is going to be more of a rant on that. This is kind of annoying, how somebody could take such a beating as David, and still stand...and get beaten. If that isn't odd, I don't know what is. The same goes for Bucky here. I guess we're just throwing realism out the window, then. Well, regardless, Bucky said something about Mal and snapping somethingorother, and after getting their hands freed, another match started, with our slightly flustered referee-recently-turned-announcer-recently-returned-referee as the official. I heard a cheer or something. Yeesh, I miss a lot when I go off on short tangents like this.

Overall: 48%

Bucky vs Malachi Pasillas

As quite possibly the shortest match in AWO history - apparently, Goldberg gets the "Shortest Match EVAR" Award. Anyway, Mal got into the ring after Bucky finished his schpiel about something...okay, I missed it, would you get over it? Anyway, with Drake back on commentary, our referee, who spent about fifteen seconds attempting to teach Drake proper counting technique, noticed that the two of them were staring one another down. Somehow, I think our company may eventually hold the world record for in-ring staredowns. Anyway, with that, both men had the same idea - GO BETWEEN THE UPRIGHTS! So, we have a double Golden Globe Awards (a phrase stolen from Ben, who unintentionally took it from Goldust) ceremony, and both men went down. Bucky, in less pain because Mal couldn't completely reach, managed to drape an arm over Mal for the three-count. Time was 28 seconds, including the staredown, ref entrance, and the end.

Match Quality: 56% (All the staredown.)

Crowd Reaction:: 23% (Also the reaction, though potentially unintentional Goldust allusion by Ben)

Overall: 39% (Well, what would you expect from a double nutbuster?)

The Interview Strikes Again!

It might just be me, but I just realized that we spend a lot of time on talking. What are we, a televised company? Either way, Shaun Draw came out, ready to run his schpiel. He's apparently still "Angry", but with a specialized sweater to show it off! Eh, anything works these days. After all, other companies think popcorn bags can hurt people. Having some angry dude walk out isn't...and I'll stop here so that I don't totally miss another rant.

Shaun: Well, you all seem to know who I am. And for some odd reason, the people that told you about me gave you a bad impression. I wish I could say that they were wrong and let it be. But instead...

He looks around, and gives recognizing glares at certain people which he recognizes from last month's audience.

Shaun: Well, well, well, looks like some of you came back to deride me. You know what, just because I did what it takes to win a match, and took advantage of Nick's stupidity, I'm not a bad guy. So forget every last one of you!

The fans all boo profusely.

Shaun: Whatever. You can go jump off a cliff for all I care! And so can my monthly in-ring opponent, with whom I have grown tired of wrestling. NICK, GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN!

The fans begin to boo loudly at Shaun. As somebody once said - a crowd that hates you is better than a crowd that doesn't care.

Overall: 45%

Nick Adams vs Shaun Draw

Is it just me, or can Nick never enter the ring gracefully? This time, he came down, climbed the outside turnbuckle, and promptly slipped when he tried to enter the ring by walking across the top rope. We really should include a warning that Nick may end up flying into the front row. Which is what happened. And the fans all moved. So, a loud CLANG! And suddenly, we went from nothing more extreme than a Submission matches to a guy nearly killing himself by slamming into about five unfolded steel chairs in the crowd. But Nick, being Nick, got up after about fifteen seconds of silence and then a sudden freak-out session by Katie. And, upon standing right as Katie told Ace to ready the stretcher, he turned to the crowd and waved.

Nick: I'm okay!

Cheap pop from the kids that watched "Cousin Skeeter" on Nickelodeon. He then turned and received a huge slap from Katie for freaking her out. NO CHICKS FOR NICK (or Norcross, for that matter, as far as I know...all apologies to Beeker)! Either way, the slap sent Nick into the ring, and the match began. Nick stood, rather dazed, and Shaun came in for a clothesline. But suddenly, Nick got a head rush, and ducked unintentionally, causing Shaun to miss. He turned to look at Nick, but only gets a back kick to the gut. Inside cradle gets roughly a two-count. Of course, the two of them were too far away for me to see who was pinning whom. Either way, they both stood and faced one another.

After that, a series of I-block-your-punch-you-block-mine, lather, rinse, repeat moves went on, albeit after the first few punches, it went to clotheslines, hip tosses, arm drags, and finally ended when Shaun somehow connected with a gut shot. Shaun whent for the early finish with The Angry Plant of ANGER (redundancy is all around this report, so what?), but Nick reversed into a Northern Lights suplex that sends the angry boy flying! Shaun just stood and looked at Adams in rage. Nick scored a huge shot to Shaun's gut, but Shaun was too angry to feel it! Another shot to Shaun's chest, and SHAUN GOT REEEEAAAALLY PISSED! He charged in at Nick and hit a huge neckbreaker! The fans begin to boo as Draw begin pacing around the ring, yanking at the ropes and yelling like a madman.

Shaun: Forget all of you! I'm going to...

And at that point, Nick grabbed him from behind. Our illustrious ref came in and said "Guys, you've only got two minutes left. Figure something out!" loud enough for everyone to hear. So much for suspension of disbelief. Still, it might have helped if I had remembered to tell Nick and Shaun who was winning. Either way, Nick whipped Shaun into the corner. Almost as if to chastise the ref for being an idiot, as Nick charged in for an avalanche, (Go Avs! Sorry, hockey mark-out moment - too bad about the NHL lock-out, eh?) Shaun grabbed Jim and tossed him right into Nick's path! Doan called for a DQ, and Nick won because the ref was stupid - in a roundabout way, I suppose. After the match, Shaun looked around and just yelled in frustration as Nick walked away, shaking his head...and then stumbling over himself without falling.

Match Quality: 54% (Methinks the Angry Boy's anger rush was too Hogan-esque.)

Crowd Reaction: 22% (Of course, kids are always nostalgics...)

Overall: 38% (But it all adds up to potential WrestleCrap material.)

I, Robert

Okay, enough with the bad puns...for now, anyway. Bob came out to a loud round of cheers. Have to love that, I suppose. Either way, the traditional Apollo 440 modification played at the same time. Bob then looked around at the fans.

The Bob: Well, it's good ta' be here! Fact is, this place was beginning to look a little uncool. A five minute tag team match, a one-on-one contest that lasted less than half a minute, and somebody slamming into the crowd. Besides the last one, I don't think any of those were particularly entertaining.

The fans all nodded in assent, and Bob continued.

The Bob: And when the Bob thinks that an entire show is lacking in entertainment, then the show definitely lacks in coolness. Ladies and gentlemen, the Bob intends to utilize the remaining hour in this event to do a one-time-only match, probably never to be seen in this schoolyard again!

The fans begin cheering loudly. Bob paused and looked around.

The Bob: So, as Bulldust is getting another shot at my belt due to Matt Inferno's interference last month, the Bob thinks that it is time for Bulldust to truly prove his worth.

The fans began to cheer again.

The Bob: The Bob and Bull-bites-the-dust shall face off in an Iron Man match! HEEEEEEY!

And a final cheer. It may just be me, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Overall: 53%

(You have got to be kidding me. A match that has to last an entire hour? Who the heck is running this show? I said to get out there and have a match. I did not tell them to spend an hour doing it! I have neither the endurance or the attention span to actually watch the whole match. ACE! You doing anything? "Umm...no. Why?" Take over writing this thing for me! "Er...okay, I guess..." Thanks.)

Iron Man Not-So-Big Medal Match: Robert Cameron {C} vs El Bulldust

Hi. Ace here. I really have no clue what I'm doing. But that's life, I suppose. I just run the tech with Ahern. (Nick: Yeah, sure you do, Ace.) Either way, Corey ditched this report off on me. I guess it's my job to say what happened, right? Well...let's see, can I just take a description off another Iron Man match and toss it in here? Great. No internet connection. Well, in that case...

1st Fall

Bulldust came to the ring "seeingeeing" some song - I think, through the poor pronunciation, that it's "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by the Smashing Pumpkins. Anyway, after that - into internet reporter mode. Bob walks up to Bulldust, but gets a kick to the chest before the bell rings. The ref is still a bit dazed from the last match, so you know where this is going. Anyway...Clothesline from Bulldust. Elbow drop, and a pin gets the one-count. They lock up, and Bob hits a powerslam. Another one-count. These guys are going for pins far too early. Bob goes for a side headlock, but Bulldust slips out before Cameron can get a grip. Bulldust with a double leg takedown. Bob kicks the luchadore in the face before the man can attempt anything. OH, FACE! Anyway, Bulldust takes Bob down again with a spinning wheel kick. Leg drop to the back of the head from Bulldust, and one of the former internet reporters would be having a conniption fit right about now. Another pin only gets the two-count. Bulldust whips the champ into the corner. The crooner wannabe rushes in, but only eats turnbuckle as Bob drops out of the way! Schoolboy rollup from the Bob! ONE...TWO...KICKOUT! Almost, but not quite a fall. One punch, and another, and a back and forth brawl breaks out! CLUBBERIN' TIME! Does anybody ever actually read the Fantastic Four anymore? Either way, Bulldust finally ducks one of Bob's shots and hits a huge BOOT TO THE HEAD! Bulldust wrenches Bob off the ground, delivers a wheelbarrow bulldog a-la Rey Misterio or Juvi Guerrera, and then gets the first pin.

The Bob: 0

Bulldust: 1

Time Remaining: 43:27

2nd Fall

Taking advantage, Bulldust goes for another pin. This time, he holds the waist of Bob's pants to insure the win. The ref slides in. ONE...TWO...WAIT! The ref has spotted Bulldust's blatant attempt at cheating! He calls for the bell, and Bob is awarded the second fall! That was the fastest thing I've ever seen, our recent Bucky/Mal match nonwithstanding.

The Bob: 1

Bulldust: 1

Time Remaining: 43:10

3rd Fall

Well, after that crappy excuse for a fall, some of the fans started getting a little antsy. Anyway, with Bulldust arguing with the ref, Bob uses his time wisely and takes a breather. After wasting about a minute or two of the fans' time, Bulldust turns to look back at the champ - but he's gone! Of course, our ref doesn't know how to do a count-out, as far as I know. Either way - oh, Bob's standing on top of on of the pieces of playground equipment. Cheap pop, but it works. Bulldust calls Bob back to the ring, and Bob shrugs. He jumps nonchalantly off the playground set and struts back to the ring. At this point, the fans are DEAD. Anyway, Bulldust bum rushes Bob, grabbing him and suplexing him off the apron and back into the ring. The ring bounces almost as much as the AWO's Tramp-o-Ring ™. Bulldust begins laying a gigantic beatdown on Bob, stomping on him like a madman. Bulldust lifts Bob off the ground and hits a huge rana. The luchadore hits an elbow drop, and the man is absolutely DOMINATING! I dunno about you, but I think I see som people leaving. Fact is, the Cool Man is totally out, or at least it looks like it. Bulldust points to the corner, and goes to the top rope. He jumps off with El BullSplash (a frog splash, though it's more RVD than Guerrero), but Bob somehow manages to raise his knees! Bulldust slams abdomen-first onto the Cool One's shins, and nearly kills himself! Bob goes for the pin, and gets the third fall of the night!

The Bob: 2

Bulldust: 1

Time Remaining: 33:10

4th Fall

With Bulldust and Bob still relatively dead, the ref just left the ring to catch a breather. Is he allowed to do that? Really, this is getting ridiculous. The ref is supposed to keep the match going, right? Oh, heck...Corey, you're not doing anything, get out there. "Fine...better than having to type up the whole match." All righty, then. Anyway, that's roughly three minutes burned by the time Corey gets down to the ring. I don't think either of these guys really has the endurance to pull off a one-hour match, anyway. Either way, Bob and Bulldust get to their feet, coughing out of sheer exhaustion. They charge at each other, but a double clothesline takes them both out! Corey looks at them, and then back at the clock. He starts the ten-count. Of course, neither man is actually able to stand, and as Corey is burning five seconds per count, he tosses away about a minute counting. He finishes the count and calls for the bell. He then walks over and shouts, "It's a double DQ!"

The Bob: 3

Bulldust: 2

Time Remaining: 28:20

5th...6th Fall

Our regular referee saunters back to the ring, and our replacement looks at Doan in admonishment. The two start arguing, looking like two five-year-olds that want to have the same ball. Finally, as Doan steps into the ring, Corey looks at James and says, "Paper, rock, scissors for who takes this fall. Best three out of five." James nods and they have the referee face-off. Somehow, this is almost humiliating...not for me, but for Bob and Bulldust. The two then begin to have the face-off. The first four sets lead to a tie, and then a lot of "Scissors-Scissors", "Paper-Paper", and "Rock-Rock" clashes. All in all, the whole incident takes roughly seven minutes. I've never seen such a heated competition for who was going to be an official for the next fall, and who was going to be an official for the rest of the match. Eventually, James won, and Corey was forced to only finish the next fall. Corey, being the ever-watchful man, looked and saw that the double clothesline left Bulldust's hand on top of Bob. Corey goes to make the count, and about ten seconds later, we have another pin. This is just getting ridiculous.

The Bob: 3

Bulldust: 3

Time Remaining: 21:18

7th (and final) Fall (Thank God)

Bob and Bulldust finally show some life, and both men start to stand. Nothing the time, Bob pauses and looks out to the crowd.

The Bob: You know what, folks? We're definitely not being interesting enough. SO, as the match is all tied up, three to three...the Bob says that just like in baseball, the person to get the 7th fall wins! You cool with that, Bulldust?

Bulldust: El Bulldust eez goode foar dat!

The Bob: Then it's cool. Let's get this started!

And with that, these two go full tilt (pinball style, even). Bulldust goes for an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, but the Bob flips out. Cameron with a release German, he gets the same result. The two turn to each other and nod. They lock up, but Bulldust manages to push the Bob into the ropes, whips him off, and goes for a backdrop. Bob leapfrogs Bulldust and continues to the other side. He leaps over a slowly rising Bulldust and hits a flipping neckbreaker. Not bad, but not good, as neckbreakers aren't supposed to nearly break a guy's neck, as far as I know. Bob stands slowly and lifts Bulldust off the ground. Bob's getting desperate, here. Either way, the champ grabs Bulldust in a front face lock. Here it comes! Fonzie Flop! NO! Bulldust flips out, turns the Bob around, boots him in the gut, and then hits the three-quarters headlock bulldog! OY VEY, DRAKE, THE STUNNER! Bob does a different kind of Fonzie Flop (bad pun, I know), and Bulldust looks at the turnbuckle nearest Bob. He runs at it, hops up, and looks around. He makes "Bull Horns" above his head, poorly imitating John Cena, and then jumps off with El BullSplash! He lands it this time! The finish is academic, with James Doan making the count. Bulldust wins, and as he gets the medal, he takes time to celebrate, rubbing it in everyone's face by going around in the crowd, showing off his medal to a booing fanbase.

Final Score

The Bob: 3

Bulldust: 4

Time Remaining (If we had gone the full amount of time: 15:16

Match Quality: 59% (The first fall and the last five minutes dragged it there kicking and screaming.)

Crowd Reaction: 15% (Would have been less, if not for the early ending.)

Overall: 37% (Typical AWO.)

Overall Show:: 42%

Attendance: 22

Gate Sales: $220

Edited by Nick Adams
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January, Part 3

Well, Corey here...AGAIN. Nick also told me to write up this little thingamajig. Somehow, I don't think I should have agreed to this. It's too difficult to understand Harleytarian. I tried calling up Drew, but realized that he would probably have more of a conniption fit over reading an e-mail from Harley Race than from watching a WWE or TNA event. After all, Drew stole the guy's gimmick, which was roughly nothing but being Harley Race, as far as I know. Plus, Nick would fire my hide if he heard that I phoned up Drew and said, "Hey, care to translate an e-mail message from Harley Race?"

So, that said...

To: Nick Sumthinorotha

From: Yah buddah Harlah

Subject: Rasslin', What Else?

Anuthuh month, anuthuh dollah oah so, ah s'pose. So fah foah me, ah've got some good people. Steel, ah hurd ya' trahd t' give a Bronze Man match when yuh promised an Ahron' Man Match. Sorrah, but tha' is not a way t' get crowds t' like yuh. Well, on with the' show.

NWA:TNA - Problems an' advantages.

Well, with theah renewed Global touah, Jeffy dun' sahned some people to written contracts. Raven, Jerrah, Lynn, Shane Douglas, Road Dogg...ah mean BG James, Konnan, Th' Sandman, Kid Kash (Kash is money! Ha, stole tha' frum an online rasslin' thingamajig), Chris Candido (dido-dido-dido...), "Phenominal" AJ Styles, Sabu, Big Vito, Ron Killings, "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock, Elix Skipper, James Mitchell, Sonny Siaki, Erik Watts, Don Callis, Vince Russo (WCW killah), DDP (back frum eensurance problems), and indy workers Animal (of the Legion of Doom) an' Joey Matthews to written contracts. Anuthuh roun' o' this, an' Jerry maht jes' have hisself a full rostah. Unfoahtunately foah them, IMPACT! was cancelled. Eh, at least they kin' re-staht th' weekly PPV's.

CZW - Good picks fer' Shrader, rose t' a Nashunal touah

Th' Great Suzuki...Sazuki...whatevah - Grat pick, but ah can' spell his name.

Petey Williams - Good rassler, cain' talk worth anahthang.

Samoa Joe - Anuthuh Samoan? How many ah ou' theah?

Anderson Silva - Silva an' Gold...hmm...ah wonduh if'n anybodah's las' name is Gold oah somethin uh th' like...

ROH - One, count 'em, one hirin'

Pat Militich - Ace dun' tol' me he's a gud' pick.

IWA-PR - Rich Port, sounds like a wahne...

Spankah - Forma' WWE man, 's'pose they coul' use a rappah.

Bryan Danielson - He can flah, he can faht, he coul' prob'ly crow...whah ain't he called hisself Petah Pan?

Pat Kenney - Ah'm amazed this man ain't dead with all the work he gits.

Rosey - SAMOA! AUGH!

Low-Ki - "He represents/ the Lollipop Guild..."

Nick Dinsmore - EUGENE!

Donovan Morgan - Raht...

Ernest "The Cat" Miller - Yah gotta' staht somewheah.

REVPRO - Livin' la Vida Loca...

Ricky Marvin - Wrong Ricky? Shucks...ah'm fahrin' mah secretary...

And for some odd reason, the e-mail stopped at that point. I'm handing the rest of this to Nick.

Interesting. Methinks Harley doesn't know how to type, so I'm finally free of that annoyance. Anyway, apparently the voice of RAW for the longest time, Good Ol' JR has finally decided to call it quits. Best of luck in the future. Jimmy Hart is leaving the ring, but who knows wher he'll go from there? And that's it...one company went bankrupt, but in the current environment, that's no unusual.

Until the show in February, later.

Edited by Nick Adams
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  • 2 weeks later...

February, Part 1

Okay, we've gotten past the whole "we're without Drew as our top star" phase. We can go on without him, at least for now. And with the latest show name caused by an advertising mix-up, I wish I could make do without Ahern and Ace. Pretty much, here's the monthly flyer that they posted. We decided to hire out some large bulletin boards instead of TV adverts. Either way...

COME SEE THE NEXT SHOW OF

THE AURORA WRESTLING ORGANIZATION

!

So, without further ado, the AWO is very proud (but I'm very annoyed) to present...

!

(Which gives us an excuse to pretty much shut up and wrestle.)

NO FLASHING LIGHTS, SOME MUSIC, FANS CHEERING, AND WE ARE LIVE AND FREEZING OUR BUTTS OFF IN AURORA, COLORADO...OR AT LEAST, I THINK IT'S AURORA! Anyway, let's get to work. And here comes David for God knows what reason.

Aye thought I said "shut up and wrestle..."

But apparently, to work as a gimmick, we have to have him speak at least once during a show. So, for the necessary boost of David's popularity, A rock and roll verson of "Captain Fate" by the man that goes by PDQ Bach plays over the speakers, and "Caribbean Ice" (apparently, or at least that's what Corey told me) David Michaels walks out to the ring. The fans begin cheering, and David looks around.

David: Well, mateys, I hope ye be th' people tha' came ter see me raid th' ring!

The fans cheered, and David nodded.

David: Arr, I thought so! Well, today, we gots ye people a mighty good treat. We're goin' ter have a tourneyment fer a match against Bulldust!

And of course, as the fans recall last show and yell, "WHAT?" You have to love cheap rip-off gimmicks that aren't cheap rip-off gimmicks.

David: I SAID THAT I AN' TH' REST O' THE COMPANY ARE PUTTIN' ON ANOTHER TOURNEY FER THE TITLE! (What?) A LARGE GROUPIN' FER THE TITLE MATCH! (What?) AN' TH' FACT IS THAT MATT INFERNO, I'M GOIN' TER BEAT YE! (What?) I'M GOIN' TER DESTROY YE IN TH' MATCH! (What?) YE SHALL BE DEFEATED! (What?) AN' AFTER THAT, I'M GOING TER TAKE ON EL BULLDUST AN'...(What?)

You have to love long, drawn-out pauses. It works with the crowd anticipation.

David: STEAL HIS BOOTY!

Overall: 49%

David Michaels vs. Matt Inferno

Matt came out to large boos. You have to love the hate. Of course, the boos emanated from only about three of the fans, but they were large, drawn-out boos. Either way, the two started out in a lock-up, but released each other quickly. They then circled and went for a lock-up again. David went to Kilarney (my new term for being Irish whipped. Like it?), and Matt came up with a clothesline. David dropped, but got up pretty quickly. David and Inferno locked up again, but Matt went for the ride this time, and got a hip toss. They stopped and paused, then looked around again. Matt and Dave charged in, and both ducked clotheslines before rebounding and hitting each other with arm drags, making a whirling dervish of body mass. The two rolled out, and David hit a quick body slam, then an elbow drop. Quick pin. One, two...Matt kicked out. Matt and David circled again, and then Matt hit a football tackle, and began to pummel on David. The ref called him off, and Matt used most of the DQ count to get in a few extra punches. Matt pulled David off of the mat and sent him into the turnbuckle. Matt went in for the clothesline, but caught an elbow and a bulldog. Quick pin, only got the two-count. David signalled that it's time for the match to end by acting as if he were swinging a flag above his head. He then lifted Mat off the ground again, but Matt stopped the whip into the corner and came back with a clothesline. Inferno lifted Michaels off the ground, placed him in a rear head lock, and hit the Lighter Side of Fire. ONE, TWO, THREE! MATT ADVANCES IN THE TOURNAMENT!

Match Quality: 64% (Good exchanges, but nothing that appeared even remotely special.)

Crowd Reaction: 17% (More for the Pirate, but good reaction to Matt after he won.)

Overall: 40% (Go figure.)

Bucky vs. Shaun Draw

Bucky and Shaun came out to very little fanfare, and the fans settled in, knowing what both men could do. They hit a quick lock-up, and Bucky went for a quick hip toss. Shaun no-sold it, but only because he has no clue how to fake injuries. Bucky hit another hip toss and got in a hammerlock. Shaun immediately countered with an arm whip, and then hit a back body drop. Bucky satyed down, and Shaun hit an elbow drop. Draw continued by pummelling into Bucky's face. The ref called Shaun off. Shaun walked around, shaking his head as some of the fans started booing him. OH NO! HE'S GETTING PISSED OFF! But Bucky suddenly got to his feet, spun Shaun around, and hit a snap suplex. Draw was too pissed to feel it, forcing Bucky to hit another one. Shaun got up, and an "I-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine" ensuee, with Bucky losing. Shaun lifted Bucky onto his shoulders and hit a high fireman's carry, but because of the elevation, Bucky landed on his feet and whipped Shaun into the corner. Bucky then rushed in and hit the avalanche he calls "The Diss Shot". Shaun staggered out of the corner, and Bucky came behind, hitting a bulldog, then stood up. Oh no...here comes a Scotty 2 Hotty impersonation that Bucky told the people in the crowd about before the show...S! N! A! P! HUAH, HUAH! And a huge elbow drop. Bucky covered. ONE, TWO, THREE! Bucky wins, and advances.

Match Quality: 45% (It's Shaun. He's playing up the Angry thing...a lot.)

Crowd Reaction: 14% (All in the "SNAP", pretty much.)

Overall: 29% (And that's what I get.)

(And with that, Corey is taking over.)

Nick Adams vs. Malachi Pasillas

Hey, Corey here. One thing that I don't get - why not just have El Bulldust face Bob again? Doesn't he get a rematch or something? You know, quid pro quo? Well, I guess that one tournament every couple of months is just another excuse to toss in random people for matches. I personally think I would have done better. Oh, by the way, this rant is just so I can ignore the entrances of both guys. Fact is, Nick probably just stumbled after trying to pose on the inside of the turnbuckles, and then said, "I'm okay." As for Mal...it's Mal, he doesn't really do much except tick off the crowd a-la heel Los Guerreros. So, there's my rant, and my ability to totally ignore what in the world they're doing during the entrances. Anyway, they exchanged some quick kicks, none of which connected. You have to love that kind of fighting. And our referee is down. I swear, another few bumps like that, and we may have him leave. Either way, due to this, we have sheer anarchy. And due to somebody realizing this, that somebody yelled, "Anarchy roolz j00!" (and trust me, that's what she would have put if it were online), and got a cheap pop. How the hell does that one work? Dropkick on Nick, and the pin that doesn't get counted due to the ref's general lack of consciousness. Nick went for some fast Tae Kwon Do attacks, and did pretty well until he accidentally tripped over himself during some kind of spinning kick thingamajig. That's a great image. Nick being an idiot...again. How is he even running this company? Anyway, Mal flipped Nick over, ran up top, and hit the Pride and Prejudice moonsault! The fans all booed, and to add insult to injury, Mal grabbed Nick for a rollup, placed his feet on the rope, and held Nick's pants for extra leverage. Talk about cheating! Either way, Mal, due to a dazed referee, got the ONE, TWO, THREE! Mal stood up, grabbed a Mexican flag that I didn't notice him bring in, and slid in. He started waving the flag to the chagrin of the fans. Nick stood up, thinking that for once, Mal won cleanly. Nick went for a handshake, but Mal looked back and simply swung the flag right into his face, cracking the pole and sending the banner flying! What a moron - Nick, I mean.

Match Quality: 68% (Not bad, considering.)

Crowd Reaction: 17% (The flag and the blatant cheating + Nick's sheer stupidity = The fans kinda' care)

Overall: 42% (Well, it made up for the previous match.)

Hey, Ace Here, Reporting on a Dentist Wannabe...

For some odd reason, Corey wasn't able to report this segment. Eh, whatever. Anyway, Drake came out to the ring. So, he's actually going to wrestle a match? Or is it just another thing about the tournament? Well, we'll just see.

DDS: Hello again. I see you're all wondering why I'm out here if we've already announced the tournament.

Drake looked around, and people were nodding in assent...or something like that. Either way, Drake continued.

DDS: Well, I figured that since this tournament is for all AWO employees...I'll just take on the Number One contendor, Robert Cameron!

The fans all looked incredulously, and then shrug.

DDS: And you know why I'm doing this?

The fans suddenly decided to just say, "WHY?" Well, you have to at least admire that.

DDS: Because I can.

Cheap pop for the catchphrase. Whatever works.

Overall: 44%

Robert Cameron vs Drake Strata

Nick here. Still a bit woozy, but Ace didn't want to report this match. I dunno, maybe something about...oh, whatever. I'm barely able to focus on the match. Anyway, I think it went something like this. Bob came down, as per usual, cool gear et al, and strutted down to the ring. Bob and Drake immediately got into a grapple, and Drake scored a headlock which quickly became a bulldog, and then another headlock, this time kind of like a crossface. Bob started struggling to the ropes, but because he slapped his hand down on the mat three times, our referee, who just learned about submissions, thought that Bob's struggling was him tapping out. If I were a bit more aware of everything around me, I probably would talk about that. It now holds ground as another very short match at roughly one minute. It's a dusty finish in my books, though.

Match Quality: 58% (For a lockup and a submission? Yeesh, I need to do that more often.)

Crowd Reaction: 20% (Drake's first match, dude.)

Overall: 39% (And with all that, traditional AWO results.)

Bucky vs Malachi Pasillas vs Matt Inferno vs Drake Strata

Hey. Ben here...oy, I can't type and announce at the same time. I might wind up announcing nothing, or typing nothing. So, with that said, I think it's time to get Drake out of the match...

Okay, Ben here again. I just hit Drake over the head with a chair, he's been eliminated from the tournament. You have to love four-man elimination rules. Anything goes! Anyway, DDS rolled out of the ring after Mal pinned him, and then came over...oh crap, coming back to the booth. I hope he didn't see me...I'm out of here.

Erm, hey. Well, there's a laptop here, and Ben's running away. Looking at the screen, looks like a show report. So...oh, this is the AWO Commish, by the way. Just thought you people would like to know. I'm doing the report because it's here. Anyway, Matt and Mal locked up, but oddly enough, Matt oversold what he thought would be a DDT, falling before Mal even went for the drop. Mal looked down and gave Matt an elbow drop. Bucky then came in with a knee drop. Nice little dog-pile there. Wait, was everyone supposed to be in the ring at the same time? Anyway, I missed some stuff because I'm still not sure what happened with the chair. Our ref is a total idiot, ladies and gentlemen. First, I get hit with a chair and nobody else gets eliminated. Then he doesn't even know the rules. Whatever, he's the best we've got. Either way, the rest of the match was a gigantic brawling dog-pile, with Matt getting tossed over the rope, and, as per the ref's lack of understanding, eliminated. Mal and Bucky circled one another and locked up. Bucky hit a quick snap suplex. Mal wound up rolling through it, though, and came back with a drop kick. Mal ran up top, and went for a second Pride and Prejudice, but somehow, Bucky caught Mal during the drop, rolled over, and got the pin. Bucky just stood up and saw El Bulldust on the ramp, carrying the Not-So-Big Medal with him. Bucky nodded, and as Mal slid out, he motioned for Bulldust to bring the fight.

Match Quality: 56%

Crowd Reaction: 19% (They apparently got interested a little bit after I got hit with the chair.)

Overall: 37%

Not-So-Big Medal Match: El Bulldust {C} vs Bucky

Ladies and gentlemen, right here is a perfect example of a potentially great match gone terribly wrong. Fact is, Bucky and Bulldust shared the STAREDOWN OF DOOM!!! and then began to circle. A quick lockup, and then Bulldust, totally by accident, went to suplex Bucky, and kneed him right where the sun don't shine! James Doan, our clueless ref, actually caught the attack, and DQed Bulldust! So, what's that mean? The Luchadore is still our champion...by a fluke. And so the show ended early...again. WHY, GOD? WHY?

Match Quality: 52% (As the knee shot was real.)

Crowd Reaction: 21% (IT'S BULLDUST!)

Overall: 36%

Well, Nick, you put up your best, and you did all right, But the fact is that the Main Event wound up being a major dud. So, with that in mind, there's just one thing left to say.

*CLUNK*

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!

Thanks for playing.

Overall Show: 38%

Attendance: 24

Ticket Sales: $240

Edited by Nick Adams
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