The Battle for Vince's Soul

[The Third Dukes]

As you may have guessed by now, the Dudleyz (and hence, Our Heroes) led off Hour #2. If there was ever an indication that this was going to be on off-night, it came here. And no, the Show-Killing Demon was not prominently involved.

Brock v. Dinsmore is a feud I wish I could have back. I had never seen OVW, and Eugene didn't exist yet, so I was at a loss for what to do with Dinsmore. He had peaked in the game and needed to be called up, but I really had no plans for him and I didn't want to sit on him. So, I did what really needs to be done more often in some circles -- people get cups of coffee and are let go. In this case, Dinsmore got the cup of coffee and disappeared soon after. I'm not proud of it, and I got a bit of flak over it, but I can't hire him now -- he's a top star in my game's NWATNA. However, the ending to the match was also a callback -- I believe the same thing happened in Stampede in a Jason the Terrible match.

And yes, that is HHH in a throwaway tag match, set up so he could have a feud with Goldust of all people. This was my last-ditch effort to see if I could be interested with Dustin again, but his days were numbered. With 3 Live Kru aboard, his goof-off gimmick was being done and done better, and with the Tourette's bit overstaying its welcome, this was my chance to see if I could make a main event player out of him. I'll let you guess how well it went. By the way, the falls that eliminate the non-wrestlers are, as per orders, lifted straight from the InVasion Survivor Series match.

*****

"You guys ready?"

"I guess so."

"All right, as soon as the music hits, go out there and kick ass. And remember -- I'm watching you."

I don't like the way Vince said that.

The Harvard fight song plays over the PA as the first team enters as a unit. Chris Nowinski strolls forward, carrying his ubiquitous face protector. Rodney Mack follows, shadow boxing while heading down the aisle. Behind them are La Resistance, waving the flags and dressed in the berets and epaulets. Teddy Long is conspicuous by his absence as all four men get in the ring and await their opponents.

The Tough Enough theme music hits the air as the crowd cheers. Maven and Rob Conway emerge from the back, each one carrying a table with them. They set the tables up at ringside and pause, knowing the numbers aren't in their favor. That all changes when the fireworks head to the stage and "Get the Table" strikes up. Lindsay (D-Von) and I (Bubba) run out of the backstage area, carrying our own special table with a giant "H" on it for that Harvard guy. Before we get to ringside, though, the match is on with a 4-on-2 attack on our teammates.

We set the table down and charge the ring, punching and kicking anything that moves. I send Nowinski into the ropes, meeting him with a flapjack on the way out. As I pick him up, I get a lowblow from behind. It's Dupree, who grabs me with a Russian legsweep. All eight of us remain in the ring as the crowd chants for tables. Dupree seems to want a figure-four, but I kick him off and trip him up on the way back. I look around -- no one else in the ring but us and D-Von. D-Von sees it, and I grab Dupree for a slam and tell D-Von to get up. From the slam, I pry Dupree's legs open and ask D-Von whazzup. He replies and dives straight into Dupree's groin. The dance begins, as I get D-Von's attention and announce it's time to... "GET THE TABLES!"

And we're off and getting as many as we can. One gets set up in each corner, with another in the center of the ring. I grab Mack, who was in the midst of helping deliver a 3-on-2 beating, and deliver a couple of European uppercuts. I try to whip him into a table, but he slams on the brakes. Meanwhile, Nowinski tosses Maven in and follows. I go to intercept Nowinski, tossing him out of the ring. As we brawl around ringside, I hear a crunch. That would be Rodney Mack tossing Maven through a table for the first elimination.

I toss Nowinski back into the ring and follow him in. I go for a piledriver, but he backdrops me out of it, perilously close to a table. Meanwhile, Conway gets a belly-to-belly on Nowinski to get him out of my way. I slowly get up to see Grenier and D-Von battling near the center table. I get in position, and Grenier acknowledges, trying to whip D-Von into the ropes. It gets reversed, and on the rebound, Grenier takes a 3-D from us through the table to make it all square. That was fun.

I remove the other three tables from the corners, setting them up in various parts of the ring. I'm placing the "H" table down when I feel someone pounding on my back. It's Rodney, who slaps on the Blackout soon after. I flail around on the ground as Rodney whispers to me, "Shit, I'm out next. How do we do this?" I got an idea -- something Bam Bam Bigelow once did. I whisper back, "Brace yourself," then slowly climb back to my feet, with Rodney hanging on for dear life. As I make my feet I back us both up near on of the tables. I hear Rodney exclaim, "Oh sh--" before I drop backwards, flattening Rodney through the table and eliminating him. "Now was that so bad?" "Urgh." Is that a yes or a no?

No time to celebrate for me, though, because Dupree and Nowinski begin double-teaming immediately. I look around while taking the beating and see that D-Von and Conway are slowly getting up, with chairs lying beside them. How did I not hear that? Both men pound on me before Conway slides into the ring and clocks Grenier with the chair. Nowinski protests, but gets told all is legal. Frustrated, he climbs to the top rope as I stand in front of the "H" table. He flies at me, and I manage to catch him, turn around, and slam him through the table.

No, wait, that's what I was SUPPOSED to do. Instead, while catching him, one foot trips over the other. We both careen backwards through the table, and instead of Nowinski, I'm out. Crap.

Nowinski stares at the rubble, unsure what to do next. D-Von looks at me, trying to survey the situation. As I roll out of the ring and head to the back, I look over my shoulder. D-Von is busy conversing with Nick Patrick in an attempt to salvage the match. Great, not only did I screw up, but now everyone knows something's wrong. Gee, thanks. I slowly walk to the back, taking one last look and seeing D-Von and Nowinski getting tied up outside the ring while Conway and Dupree try to stall for time by being scientific in the middle of a table match. Finally, I disappear through the curtain.

"What happened? How did this happen?" Eric was immediately in my face, irate. I didn't blame him, but he didn't know what I was going through. "You were supposed to win. Now I got three greenhorns out there and one wrestler. You realize what a disaster this is?"

"Eric, please. Just... lemme regain my senses. I thought my arm was gonna go, and I was so worried about it I didn't see my stance. I'm sorry, man. It... I'm sorry."

"Hey, cut him some slack, Bisch." Booker T had walked by. "He's a veteran. It's one screw-up. You know he ain't like that. Bubba... you're alright. Don't worry bout it, got it?"

"Thanks... I..."

"Wait. I think I can salvage this. Follow me." Eric led me to a back room where a camera, a generic locker room backdrop, and Shawn Michaels were stationed.

Meanwhile, back in the ring, D-Von breaks up a figure-four on Conway. Nowinski follows, and after a bit of double-teaming involving the mask gone astray, Dupree is out of the ring. Conway rolls Nowinski onto a table as D-Von ascends the ropes. Conway fails to yell out Whazzup, but all things considered that can be forgiven as D-Von dives off and drops Nowinski through the table with his low headbutt. Unfortunately, Dupree takes this time to set up a table in a corner, then whips D-Von into said table before hitting a kneesmash to send D-Von through it, reducing us to 1-on-1.

Conway grabs Dupree and lifts him onto the top rope, belly-to-belly superplex throwing him halfway across the ring as officials attempt to clear the table carnage. Conway signals for the Iron Claw, slapping it on as Dupree fades fast. Dupree starts to tap, which gets Conway to release and celebrate. Of course, there are no submissions in a table match, so when Conway turns around, he sees a few things: that Grenier is back, that a table has been set up, and that La Resistance are lifting him up. One Crepe later, and Dupree wins the match for his team.

I continued to bury my head in my hands as no music played, mainly due to having the wrong thing cued up. Finally, the French music started, but by this time, the match was a fiasco. "I'm... I'm sorry, Shawn... I'm really sorry."

"Relax, man. These things happen. Look, we got it all covered. Just wait for the cue and we'll do something backstage. Gotta hand it to Eric -- he knows how to cover up flubs. Maybe cuz he had so many in WCW."

Cold. Fair, but cold.

Generic rock-style babyface music plays as Nick Dinsmore enters the ring. Clearly, he is uncomfortable with being involved in this match, and looks around hoping to find a quick escape. "Here Comes the Pain" plays as Brock Lesnar enters. He jogs in place, then vaults onto the apron, the pyro going off in time to the jump. He jogs in place in the ring again, but makes the mistake of turning his back on Dinsmore, and the match is on with a sneak attack.

Dinsmore slugs Lesnar down in an attempt to get the advantage, then tries a running clothesline. Lesnar doesn't budge, then flattens Dinsmore with a lariat of his own, causing Dinsmore to spin to the mat. Lesnar picks Dinsmore up and tosses him into the corner, then delivers shoulder thrusts. Dinsmore is dead to rights, but Lesnar doesn't let up, adding an overhead suplex. Dinsmore tries to pull himself up, but Lesnar punts him in the ribs, sending Dinsmore flying over the top rope to the floor. Lesnar follows, but Dinsmore escapes the axhandle drop Lesnar employs, then rolls back into the ring.

Lesnar, more angered than hurt, re-enters the ring. Dinsmore ducks under a lockup attempt, then tries to sweep out Lesnar's legs. Lesnar doesn't move, then grabs Dinsmore and powerbombs him. He picks Dinsmore up at two. Lesnar goes for an F-5, but Dinsmore slides out of it and chop blocks Lesnar from behind. He tries to keep kicking the legs out, but Lesnar doesn't stay still long enough for the strategy to be effective. Lesnar kips up, but Dinsmore charges again with a clip. Lesnar crumbles, and Dinsmore tries for a figure-four, but Lesnar kicks him off and gets another overhead suplex on the rebound.

Lesnar nails a sidewalk slam and again picks Dinsmore up at two. He goes for a powerbomb, but Dinsmore reverses to a pinning predicament for two. Dinsmore gets a small package for two, and an inside cradle for two. Both men are up, and Dinsmore ducks a Lesnar clothesline, then tries another cradle only to have Lesnar grab the ropes to block. Dinsmore runs straight into the Brocklock bearhug, and Lesnar hangs on for 20 seconds before letting go of his own accord. He covers and again picks Dinsmore up at two.

Lesnar sets Dinsmore up for a powerbomb and hits it, then a second one without release. He pins off of this one, but again picks Dinsmore up at two, into a third powerbomb. He grabs Dinsmore, who by this time is clearly dead tired, and delivers the F-5. He covers, and this time the ref fast counts so that he can reach three and save Dinsmore from a crippling. Lesnar F-5s Dinsmore a second time to punctuate the beating.

"Ready, guys? On in five, four, three, two--"

Backstage, I'm with Shawn Michaels. "Shawn, I... dammit, I'm so upset. I had him beat. I caught him. I shoulda just put him through the table. I don't know how I screwed that up."

"Relax, man," Shawn replies. "Just get them on RAW. There's always a next time. You guys still have some mileage left on your careers. At least some of us do."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, I... I don't wanna give away too much. Just see me tomorrow. I've got a bit of an announcement to make. In the meantime, how about you and Nowinski have a one-on-one encounter tomorrow? You can show him how good you really are."

"Yeah... I'll do that... but... wait... what are you gonna do?"

"Something that's been long overdue. Something I should've stuck with before. You'll see."

Shawn walks off, as I stand there with a puzzled look in my eye.

As the video package for the next match played, I walked back to the dressing room area. Spike greeted me before I could reach there, bags in hand. "Hey, bro," I said, half-smiling. "You leaving too?"

"Yeah... I just don't think I can take it anymore. I wanna settle down, man. I wanna go back to the old days, the ECW days. You know, I enjoyed the small-time. This global stuff... it's not me. I'll just see where I can go instead."

"Got any offers?"

"Most people don't even know my career's winding down. Tomorrow, it'll be announced that I asked for and got my release. Then I'll see where it goes. I'd love to do Nashville, though, man. That place looks wild."

"Yeah, it does... but wait. Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I'm worried about you. This seems sudden."

"Trust me. It's me. I've thought about this. I want to go back to the way things were. Besides, I've got a family that misses me. I don't want to be an absentee dad."

"Well, good luck, Spike. You'll always be my little bro. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. Seeya round, Bubba."

"Thanks." Any sadness I and Bubba should've felt about this was tempered. In fact, as I entered, I was smiling. The little guy left on his terms. He's making the right decision.

The screen goes to letterbox. We see that 24 Carat Productions in association with Shattered Dreams presents... as Goldust stands at the entrance. He inhales, then extends his arms, setting off the pyro. He heads to the ring, where he climbs the turnbuckle and inhales again as gold confetti falls. He whips off the wig and waits. "What Does Everybody Want?" is shouted over the PA as Al Snow emerges, going old-school with the Head and the "EM PLEH" written on his forehead. He shakes Head to the crowd and gets into the ring, raising his arms. "Stand Back" plays as the entranceway turns green. Hurricane emerges and poses at the entrance, then walks to the ring and poses again on a turnbuckle. "Here Comes the Money" strikes up and Shane McMahon bounces out to the entranceway. However, before he can get to the ring, Evolution jump him from behind and begin the beating, causing all three freaks in the ring to join the ruckus in the aisle.

They all pair off, Snow with Batista, Shane with Bischoff, Hurricane with Orton, and Goldust with HHH. All eight men make it to the ring, where chaos reigns. Eventually, the six wrestlers leave, making Shane and Bischoff the legal men. Bischoff and Shane exchange punches before Shane backs up and tackles Bischoff. The two men roll around a while before Bischoff tosses Shane aside. Bischoff charges in, but Shane sidesteps and Bischoff hits the turnbuckle. Shane then climbs the turnbuckle, but his dive misses and both men are down. Bischoff rolls over and gets to Orton, who dives in and prevents Shane from making the tag the other way. Orton nails Shane with the RKO and tags in Batista. Batista lifts Shane up and gets the sit-out powerbomb before bringing in HHH. HHH kicks Shane in the gut and lands the Pedigree. Bischoff demands back in and gets his wish, circling Shane and acting like he's going to pile on. Instead, he merely covers him to eliminate him.

Snow jumps in as the count is going on and makes sure Bischoff can't promptly tag out. Having caught him, he delivers a Snow Plow to Eric. He tags in Goldust, who sets Bischoff up in the corner. As Snow distracts the ref, Goldust nails Bischoff with the Shattered Dreams kick. The ref then sees Bischoff slumped over and asks Goldust if everything's legit. During this time, Hurricane charges in and chokeslams Bischoff for good measure. Goldust covers, and the pin is academic.

Orton enters and pounds on Goldust, beating him into the heel corner. Batista enters and beals Goldust cross-ring, then delivers a powerslam for two. Orton returns and continues beating on Goldust, adding Play of the Day for two. A Russian legsweep by Orton leads to a figure-four, but Hurricane dives in off the top rope to break. Goldust slowly crawls to his corner as Hurricane is escorted out and tags in Snow. Snow slams down Orton and a charging Batista before being told by the ref he didn't legally tag in. In the chaos, HHH grabs his trusty sledgehammer and prepares to hit Goldust, but Hurricane yanks it away and tosses it aside. Batista enters and powerbombs Hurricane, then covers for three as the ref has completely forgotten who's legal.

All five people duke it out before the ref escorts out Snow, leaving Goldust to be triple-teamed. Batista -- presumed by the ref to be the legal man at this point -- gives Goldust a backbreaker for two. A sidewalk slam gets two. Goldust rakes the eyes on a second try and goes low, collapsing Batista. Batista gets up and charges, but Goldust backdrops him to the mat. An exhausted Goldust then tags in Snow for real. Snow mows down Orton and Batista (with HHH wisely staying on the outside), slamming and clotheslining each. Orton is escorted out of the ring by the referee, and HHH enters. He sets Snow up for the Pedigree, but Goldust grabs HHH off from behind and tosses him out of the ring. Snow sees Batista coming and ducks underneath, then slaps on the Beast Choker. Batista struggles for 20 seconds before tapping out and giving the duke to Snow.

Orton is ushered into the ring by HHH and demands Goldust come in. Snow hesitates, but Goldust has no problems and tags himself in. Orton tackles Goldust down and proceeds to work on the legs. Goldust makes the ropes, but in trying to pull himself up, gets kicked in the leg by Orton. Orton pulls him to the center of the ring, flips him off, and hits the Sharpshooter. Goldust makes the ropes, so Orton pulls him back. The ref demands Orton break the hold, and during the argument, Goldust goes low. The ref sees nothing (so he says) as Orton doubles over. Goldust uses Orton to pull himself up, then unleashes a torrent of knees to the face. He turns Orton over so they stand back-to-back, then hits the Curtain Call. He rolls himself on top, and three seconds later, it's two-on-one.

HHH stalls on the ring apron before Goldust brings him in the hard way. Goldust punches him in the corner, but a well-timed kick in the leg slows it down. HHH gets a figure-four of his own, but Snow runs in to break it. HHH whips Goldust into the ropes and nails him with a facebuster on the way out, then kneedrops his leg. HHH gets a kneebar, but Goldust finds the ropes. HHH kicks the back of Goldust's knee, but while attempting Stretch Muffler, Goldust rolls backward, resulting in the least likely (and least co-ordinated) rana you've ever seen. Snow gets the tag and pounds away at HHH, knocking him down with a shouldertackle. He signals for the Snowplow, but HHH slips out the back of it. He spins Snow around, kicks him in the gut, and Pedigrees him. And since there's no way Al Snow's kicking out, we're at HHH vs. Goldust to finish.

Goldust slowly enters the ring, clearly nervous. HHH punches away at him, then chokes him down. He whips Goldust into the ropes and puts his head down, resulting in Goldust hitting a sliding punch. Goldust clotheslines HHH down, then gets a series of elbowdrops. HHH slowly staggers up as Goldust nails Flip Flop and Fly on him for two. Goldust carries HHH to the corner, but the ref tells him not to do "that kick", meaning Shattered Dreams. So Goldust sets him on the top rope and readies himself for a superplex, but his legs give out and the pair crash to the mat with HHH on top, getting the three-count and the win.

I paced around outside during the video package for the SmackDown! ten-man. As I did, I heard two things that bothered me. One was Vince asking Sable if she was "sure you're okay with going all the way here." She was. All the way? What does Vince have in mind?

The other came from around the corner in the RAW dressing room. I eavesdropped as Darren appeared to be giving instructions to Christian and Big Show. "Now remember, gentlemen. I'm counting on you and the others to give Nora her initiation to the main event. Make sure she learns what it's like to be on top and pays her dues. You got that?"

"What?" asked Christian almost in disbelief. "You want us to punish her? It's no skin off my nose if she's in the main event. I'm going to treat her how I see fit. Do you have that?"

"Fine, whatever... but remember, I'm being serious when I say she needs to learn the ropes, and this is her opportunity."

There was an air of suspicion in Christian's reply: "Why are you so concerned about how we treat her? Did she piss you off?"

"Look, I'm in charge of the women's division. I want to establish the gap between women and men. Do you know what would happen if a woman looked good against a man -- how the man would look?"

"I dunno... Chyna didn't make people look bad."

"Nora isn't Chyna and you know it."

"Look, I'm gonna wrestle my match, she can wrestle hers, and I'll leave it to others to do whatever's right. Got it? Now, excuse me -- I have to prepare."

Christian stormed past me as he went to the holding area for his interview. I listened for Big Show's reply, but heard nothing. The only thing I could deduce was that the last two matches were going to be memorable, and probably for the wrong reasons.

[The Third Dukes]

For the record, this thing probably is closer to a 4 hour PPV than a 3 hour one. I had no concept of timing whatsoever.

The last two matches are historic for two very different reasons. One of them is the GM Showdown, a blow-off to the Steph/Sable thing. In reality, I had fired Sable weeks earlier in EWR, so the result was no shock to me. DoubleX (who I probably should have credited back in the first hour with being the booker) didn't know this but booked Sable to lose anyway, because great minds think alike or something. Anyway, this was well before the Wardrobe Malfunction, as we in the US call it (that Super Bowl halftime fiasco), so I figured Vince would just laugh at the FCC if they griped about this stunt and note he said it was TV-14-LVN. Sadly, this moment was quickly forgotten.

The Elimination Chamber may have been the bizarrest-booked match in the history of bizarrely-booked main event in my universe. Just a total garbage match that would have really set back the gimmick if it happened for real. As it is, I'm not good at writing Elimination Chamber matches (my next attempt in 2004 was mildly better, partly because I had better people to work with). Then again, the motley crew here wasn't as strong as 2004's, and the whole thing reeked of backstage politics. Or something. On the other hand, it launched the Kane/Benoit feud proper.

And yes, I love the gag of the guys betting on how long the entrances for the SD match will take. That would be an outstanding thing to gamble on.

*****

I walked into the RAW locker room to join everyone else gathered around. There was a tension in the air. I saw a series of numbers -- 15, 20, 25, 30, and so on -- written on a blackboard, with all sorts of initials and chalkmarks next to them. "What's with the numbers?" I asked Booker.

"Oh, we're takin' bets on how long it'll take to go through the entrances for the next match," he said smiling.

"I see..." And I thought I had a weird sense of humor.

The wildcat growls and the whips crack as Sable walks down to the ring, perhaps for the last time. She is stylishly dressed in a one-piece suit that appears to be split on the sides. The leather reflects the lights of the arena as she rolls into the ring carefully. She looks to the entrance.

The electronic grunt of the jungle hits the PA as Rhyno enters. He pounds his chest a few times and stalks his way to ringside. He gets in the ring and pounds his chest again, raising his arms. He awaits his teammates.

VIVA LA RAZA is shouted as the Guerreros approach the ring in a customized Low Rider. Eddie is driving and Chavo rides shotgun. They pull into the aisleway and hop out. Eddie checks the chrome on the bumper as Chavo rolls into the ring. Eddie then vaults the top rope and poses for the crowd, who seem on the verge of cheering.

Championship-style music plays as Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin emerge in matching maroon singlets. The crowd makes an attempt to chant "You Suck" in time to the music, but fails miserably. Haas and Shelton play up to the crowd, then enter the ring and high-five all their teammates. Sable stands in front of her group, gingerly dropping to one knee as they raise their arms around them.

"All Grown Up" plays as Stephanie McMahon walks out. She strolls casually to the ring and looks over Sable's team. She then turns to Sable and laughs before heading to the outside, where she awaits her team's presence.

WORD LIFE kicks off John Cena's music as he walks out, flashing the hand signal. He awaits on the outside as he carries a mic with him. He holds up the stop sign hand to Tony Chimel, then to the boys in the back.

"Yo, yo, yo, cut it--

Tonight's Survivor Series, and the target is Sable.

This team can't beat the C-Dog, they just ain't able.

A pair of cheating losers from down Mexico's way?

You ain't better than us, you will never ever stay.

A tag team calling themselves the World's Greatest?

You're not even close, you're as bad as the Raiders.

Then the Man Beast thinks he can beat anyone.

Well before my rap is through, he will know his day is done.

I'm the Professor of Old School, and I'm about to give classes,

So when the night is done, I'll kick all yo--"

The crowd finishes.

"One of a Kind" hits as the pyro around the stage goes off. Rob Van Dam emerges from the back, pointing to himself and getting the crowd involved. He rolls into the ring and jumps around in place as the heels watch on, amused. RVD again points to himself, then climbs the turnbuckles and continues.

"Medal" kicks up as Kurt Angle joins his teammates, WWE Title belt around his waist. He waits at the top of the stage and points upward as red, white, and blue pyro goes off. He then heads to the ring while the crowd playfully lets him know he sucks. In the ring, he shakes hands with Cena and RVD before staring directly at Eddie Guerrero and pointing to his belt.

DEAD MAN WALKIN greets the Undertaker as the bell tolls. Undertaker shows up onstage, riding his motorcycle. He slaps his chest and raises his fist in the air, then maneuvers the bike around the Low Rider and does a lap around the ring. He goes to park, but by now there's no room to get back, so he sets the bike up in a corner of ringside, telling a fan to make sure he doesn't come near it. He climbs into the ring and throws his hands in the air again as flashbulbs go off.

"Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" gets the loudest reaction of the night thus far as Hollywood Hulk Hogan limps out to ringside, playing the air guitar. He walks down the ring as the crowd goes crazy. He gets to the apron as Hendrix declares he's standing next to a mountain, and Hogan chops it down with the edge of his hand. In the ring, he poses to each side, then rips the shirt. He looks directly at Rhyno as all ten men go to separate corners.

Eric Bischoff turned off his stopwatch. "21 minutes 47 seconds." There were cheers and groans as money changed hands. Some people are so easily amused.

The Guerreros charge the opposite corner and begin a ten-man fracas that spills out to the outside as Sable and Stephanie scurry away to their respective corners. When the dust clears, RVD and Haas are in the ring. RVD kicks away at Haas in the corner, landing a spinkick for two. Haas reverses a DDT try into a Northern Lights suplex for two. Shelton is tagged in, and WGTT hit the leapfrog choke, getting Shelton two. Shelton tries to work the leg, but RVD somersaults out and brings in Hogan. Hogan outpunches Shelton and backs him into the corner, where he hits the ten-punch count-along and forehead bite to finish. Shelton quickly stumbles out of the corner and gets slammed by Hogan. Chavo tags himself in and dropkicks Hogan's knee. Chavo tries a spinning toe hold, but Hogan shoves him aside. Eddie distracts the ref while a frustrated Chavo tosses Hogan out over the top rope. Outside, Chavo grabs a chair from a "fan" at ringside (in reality, OVW prospect Chris Divine) and clocks Hogan with it. However, the ref hears the sound and turns in time to see Chavo holding the chair. He calls for the bell, and Chavo is out.

Hogan, however, isn't ready to continue, so Angle and RVD jump into the ring and attack WGTT. RVD and Angle do stereo Greco-Roman throws, then Angle takes Sabu's place in the double-team Rolling Thunder. Eventually, Shelton and RVD are the legal men as Hogan makes his way to the corner. Shelton hits a T-Bone suplex to block an RVD superkick. Eddie and Taker tag in, and Taker smirks at Eddie until Eddie slaps the taste out of his mouth and punches away. Taker gets tossed into the ropes, but rebounds with the jumping lariat. He grabs Eddie's arm and preps for Old School, but Rhyno shoves him off. Cena gets in and tosses Eddie with a fallaway slam to keep control as Taker tags RVD back in. Eddie brings in Haas, who punches away at RVD in the corner. His kick, however, is caught, and RVD hits the stepover enzuigiri. With Haas down on the mat, RVD hits a split-legged moonsault for two. Haas low blows RVD, but his attempt at the Haas of Pain is blocked by RVD. RVD then tosses Haas into the corner and hits his shoulderblocks, causing Haas to collapse out of the corner. RVD climbs to the top rope, and the Five-Star Frog Splash gets the three. Sable looks like she's about to pass out.

RVD wisely tags out to Cena, then exits the ring. Eddie enters and slugs it out, losing that battle. Cena tosses Eddie into the ropes, but Eddie hits a crossbody on the way out. Eddie rolls to safety in his corner as he taunts to the crowd, clearly torn on who to cheer for. Rhyno enters and pounds away on Cena in the corner, hitting a powerslam for two. Cena reverses a charge into a DDT for two. Cena goes for the F-U, but Rhyno wiggles his way out and clotheslines Cena down. Shelton returns and superkicks Cena for two. Shelton goes up top and hits a legdrop for two. Cena reverses a suplex into one of his own for two. Cena tries the super fallaway slam, but Shelton pounds his back while hoisted up and drops on him for two. Shelton goes back up top, and pulls out a 450 splash -- something he'd done in OVW but never in the WWE -- and that ends Cena's night.

Taker strolls into the ring and soupbones away on Shelton. Old School hits, but gets two. Taker powerslams Shelton for two. Shelton blocks a chokeslam and hits a back suplex for two. Rhyno enters and pounds away at Undertaker. As Rhyno distracts the ref, Eddie enters with the slingshot senton. It gets Rhyno two. Shelton returns and gets a German suplex for two. Eddie enters and goes up, but the frog splash misses. Rhyno and RVD enter, with RVD a house of fire. All three heels bounce around for him off of punches and kicks, with Eddie flying over the top on a particularly nasty shot. RVD knocks Rhyno down, then goes for Rolling Thunder, but Eddie trips him. RVD heads outside as Rhyno does the same thing. RVD chases Eddie, which means he runs right into a GORE GORE GORE from Rhyno. Everyone returns to the ring but RVD, who is unconscious and counted out. Sable breathes a sigh of relief and adjusts her outfit, which appears to be slipping a little.

Hogan enters and punches away at Rhyno, then rakes his back. He goes for a slam, but that fails. Rhyno pounds him down from the UFC position, then taunts the crowd. Eddie comes in and goes for the Gory Special, spinning Hogan down for two. A back suplex gets two. Eddie chokes Hogan down, then hits the chinlock. Hogan tries to power up, but Eddie turns it into a bulldog. Shelton enters and superkicks Hogan for two. A clothesline gets two. A belly-to-belly slam gets two. Shelton gets frustrated, then pulls the straps down. He slams Hogan in the corner, then goes up top for another 450. This time, however, he under-rotates -- just enough for his face to hit Hogan's boot. Shelton staggers around the ring as Hogan gets to one knee, his eyes alight and his muscles bulging. Shelton tries to punch him down, but it has no effect as Hogan gets to his feet. One more punch, and Hogan points at Shelton. Shelton's next punch is blocked, and Hogan lands three right jabs to Shelton's temple. He throws Shelton into the ropes and boots him down. After signalling to the crowd, he runs the ropes and drops the leg. The three-count is a mere formality, and Shelton is gone.

Rhyno and Eddie look at each other as Hogan points in their direction. Each seems to be saying, "YOU go in!" Finally, Eddie sneaks into the ring and stares at Hogan. Hogan goes for the big punch, but Eddie blocks. Eddie begins to kick away at Hogan, doubling him over. Eddie hits the rolling vertical suplexes, then hits a legdrop of his own for two. Eddie goes outside and gets the slingshot senton, but that only gets two. Hogan goes back into his routine, shrugging off punches and firing back as he did with Shelton. The big boot sends Eddie near the corner of the ring. Hogan runs the length of the ring and jumps for the legdrop, but Eddie escapes, then grabs Hogan's legs. He pulls Hogan from the outside into the ringpost. Eddie then waits outside as Hogan crawls to the center of the ring. Eddie climbs to the top rope and slaps his chest. He dives off and hits an unsuspecting Hogan with the frog splash, pinning him and stunning the crowd.

Taker enters next and pounds on Eddie. He whips Eddie into the ropes and fires out with a tilt-a-whirl slam. He tries a dragon sleeper, but Eddie flips over the top and reverses it. Taker drops to one knee and mule kicks Eddie to break. Taker grabs the goozle and prepares to chokeslam Eddie, but Eddie "accidentally" catches the ref while flailing away. With the ref down, Rhyno breaks the chokehold, drawing Angle in. Rhyno and Angle clothesline each other down and roll out of the ring. Eddie slips outside as well, fetching the WWE Title belt. He waits for Taker to try to pull him in, then cracks him with the belt. Taker staggers around as Rhyno returns to the ring and waits. As the ref comes to, he sees Rhyno hitting the GORE GORE GORE on Taker. Rhyno gets the pin, and Sable smiles as Stephanie seems frustrated. It doesn't last long, as Taker gets to his feet soon after and gives Rhyno the Last Ride. Angle covers him for the elimination, leaving Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero to decide Sable's fate.

The two men stare each other down and begin a hold and counterhold sequence. It ends with Angle nearly landing the anklelock, but Eddie breaks. Eddie clotheslines Angle to the outside and follows him with a tope off the turnbuckle. Both men battle around the ring, each taking a headlong trip into Taker's bike. Back in the ring (and with double bleeding), Eddie punches away at Angle, then hits a monkey flip. A tornado DDT gets two. Eddie gets a gutwrench suplex for two. Angle blocks a vertical suplex into an Angle Slam, but is too tired to capitalize immediately and can only get two. Angle goes for a legbar, but Eddie rolls Angle up as he bends down, getting two. Eddie gets a back body drop, then holds the Gory Special for a full minute as Angle screams and squirms. Finally, Eddie drops Angle into the ropes and covers for two before Angle's foot makes the ropes. Eddie goes up top and tries the frog splash, but Angle lifts his knees. Angle gets the rolling Germans, but the third one is blocked into a snapmare and dropkick to the back of the head. Eddie scrapes his boot on Angle's face and covers for two. Eddie tosses Angle into the ropes, but his rana attempt is caught by Angle into the ankle lock. Eddie inches to the ropes, only to be pulled away. He tries a second time, and this time Sable tries to help, but Stephanie runs over and slaps her away. Sable runs under the ring and Stephanie follows. Back in the ring, Angle moves Eddie to the far side of the ropes this time, and Eddie makes it halfway across the ring before finally conceding defeat.

As Angle's music plays, Stephanie emerges from beneath the ring with Sable's outfit. The announcers speculate on what this means for Sable while Angle peers under the ring and gives a double-take. Eventually, RVD and Cena return and head under the ring as well. They re-emerge carrying Sable, who is frantically clutching a blanket to her body. They stand her up as Stephanie approaches with a mic. Sable is too busy panicking and holding the blanket up. "Sable," Stephanie says, "allow me to do what my Dad made famous. YOU'RE FIRED!" Sable walks slowly to the back, but Stephanie adds one last insult by ripping the blanket away, exposing all of Sable to the PPV audience as she's too shocked to block the view. After about 5 seconds of focusing on Sable's body, the camera goes to a house show ad.

The RAW locker room gave a standing ovation to the debut of full nudity on Pay-Per-View. Shawn walked out of the room, disgusted, soon followed by the six people in the Elimination Chamber. I turned to D-Von and signalled that we should leave as well.

Sable was walking around casually backstage, not even bothering to cover herself. Gail emerged to wish Nora good luck, but not before giving Sable the lookover. I don't blame her -- this is certainly a golden opportunity. Shawn, meanwhile, walked straight to Vince. "What was with that?"

"With what?"

"Did you have to put nudity on our show? Was it really that necessary?"

"Hey, she was fine with it. I want to know why you're not."

"Because it's unnecessary, unethical, and just plain pointless! She's just been fired and humiliated -- what's the point?"

"Hey -- she wanted to leave the WWE with a bang. I think she did."

I caught up with Shawn. "Hey -- you can talk about this later. Let's catch the main event."

Shawn's eyes never left Vince as they seemed to be scorning him. "Yeah," he finally said, "I'll talk to you later."

The Elimination Chamber slowly lowers as "Harder to Breathe" plays. Lilian Garcia explains the rules of the chamber for those who weren't around the last time. JR and Lawler talk about how dangerous and unforgiving the Chamber is, and about how they fear for the safety of all six individuals.

A Limp Bizkit remix of Tom Jones' "She's a Lady" plays as the crowd turns to the entrance, uncertain what to expect. Molly Holly emerges, garnering a nice reaction. She slowly climbs the steps and enters the Chamber, looking at all four pods in turn. Her eyes carry a fear, much stronger than Dinsmore's had been earlier.

"At Last" plays as a shower of sparks falls from the ceiling. Christian emerges, arrogant as ever and mocking the crowd. He circles ringside, seeing the chair Chavo had used in the previous match. He picks it up and carries it in with him to the Chamber, only to have Earl Hebner tell him to get rid of it. Christian shrugs and tosses it aside to the metal walkway outside the ring, causing a clanging as it lands.

"Well It's the Big Show" is heard over the PA system. After the pyro explodes, Big Show saunters to the ring. He gets into the Chamber and does the Chokeslam signal. He then walks over to the largest pod and gets inside.

"Can You Dig It Sucka" asks the PA as the crowd comes to their feet. Booker T appears on the stage, staring at his hand. He shakes his head first no, then yes, then raises the roof, setting off the pyro. He heads to the Chamber and repeats the roof raising as the crowd joins in.

Our Lady Peace plays next, as Chris Benoit arrives wearing the World Title belt. He stretches his arms out as he walks to the ring, then raises his arms upon entering the Chamber. He and Booker T shake hands, then head to separate pods.

Pyro goes off as the stage goes red. "Soul Chemical" plays and Kane emerges, towel over the head and eyes a bright white. He steps into the Chamber as Molly and Christian hide behind different pods. He raises his arms, then drops them, setting off pyro on all four Chamber tops. He slowly walks to the last Chamber and shuts himself in, leaving Molly and Christian to begin.

They lock up, and Christian grabs a headlock. Molly shoves him off, but Christian lowers a shoulderblock. Christian grabs an armbar as Molly fights to her feet. She reverses with a twisting arm wrench, flooring Christian. Christian gets back up and stares at her, as Molly seems a bit claustrophobic. Christian locks up with her again and backs her into Benoit's chamber. Christian tries to punch her face, but Molly ducks and Christian hits the glass. Molly gets a series of armdrags, causing Christian to bail for the sidelines. Molly follows him out, but Christian regains control. An attempt to send Molly into the cage is blocked and reversed, and Christian is busted open. Molly follows Christian back in and delivers a rana for two. A sunset flip gets two as the two get a pinfall-reversal sequence that continues until Big Show enters.

As Big Show's pod lights up, Molly scrambles for cover. Show grabs her hair and flings her into his abandoned pod, then boots her a few times. Christian jumps Show from behind and applies a sleeper, but Show simply backs him into Booker's pod. Booker shakes his fist from inside the pod as Christian falls to a legdrop for two. Show picks Christian up, only to get hit with a low blow from Molly. Show turns to face her, then laughs at her. "You wanna play?" he yells as he picks Molly up and gorilla presses her into the cage. Show them stomps on her as she lies on the metal floor until Christian drops Show's throat over the top rope. Molly rolls back in and seeks security, while Big Show boots Christian down. Show whips Molly into the ropes, then drives a knee into her gut. Show tosses Molly again, but this time Earl Hebner and Molly collide and both are down. As Show laughs and taunts Molly, Christian finds the chair he discarded earlier and cracks Big Show over the head with it. He tosses the chair aside as Show is staggered, while Molly climbs a Chamber. Molly crosses herself, then flips forward, hitting a Molly-Go-Round from the Chamber onto Show. Hebner and the entire crowd count three. Molly celebrates, only to get caught from behind by Christian in the Unprettier. Just like that, Molly is gone too. Christian rests in the center of the ring until Booker T's pod lights up.

Booker unloads on Christian with chops and punches, then flattens him with a clothesline. He measures Christian, gets on his tiptoes, and drops the knee for two. Booker continues to chop away, then slams Christian for two. Christian gets a low blow, then hits a reverse DDT for two. He tries to walk the ropes, but Booker crotches him. Booker then suplexes him back in for two. Booker goes to the ropes himself and dives in a Houston Hangover, but Christian rolls away. Christian slams Booker for two. Christian gets a series of elbowdrops, then backs Booker into Benoit's chamber and chops him. Booker reverses and chops away himself, then whips Christian corner-to-corner. Coming out of the third corner, Christian gets back body dropped. Booker waits for Christian to pull himself up, then gets the scissor kick. He stares at Christian on the ground, then at his hand as the crowd gets the flashbulbs ready. He hits the Spinaroonie, but as he stands up, Benoit's chamber opens.

Benoit darts out and immediately clotheslines Booker down. Benoit adds to the chopfest by unloading on Christian. Booker grabs Benoit from behind and hits a German suplex for two. Christian double-clotheslines Booker and Benoit. He tries an Unprettier on Benoit, but Benoit shoves off and goes for the Crossface. Christian blocks as Booker drops a leg on both men. Benoit gets up and stares at Booker, allowing Christian to roll him up for two. Booker grabs Christian in a headlock, but Benoit chops at the wide open Booker to break. Christian heads out of bounds as Benoit grabs an armbar. Booker gets to his feet, allowing Christian to hit a springboard dropkick. Benoit takes advantage and covers for two. Christian charges Benoit, but gets caught in the rolling Germans, with Benoit going for the fourth one when Booker axe kicks both men down. He climbs to the top rope, but the big splash hits Benoit's knees. Christian covers for two. Booker slowly gets up and pounds away at Benoit, but before Christian can join in, Kane is let out.

The participants pair off, Kane with Benoit and Booker with Christian. Booker fights Christian back to what was Big Show's chamber, and Benoit slams the door behind them, forcing both men to fight in a cramped space. Meanwhile, Kane punches away at Benoit, taking him down with a clothesline. He climbs atop the Chamber and hits another clothesline to Benoit as Booker and Christian fall out underneath him. Kane grabs Benoit for the chokeslam, but Benoit grabs the arm and gets a Crossface. Kane merely stands up and falls back on Benoit. Meanwhile, Christian gets thrown into the ropes. He ducks a Booker clothesline, but on the second try, Booker nails the Book End and gets the three. Kane stares a hole in Booker and abandons Benoit. He grabs Booker and throws him into Kane's Chamber, shattering the glass. Booker is dragged out and pinned easily. Benoit stares at Kane and chops him down repeatedly. He hits a snap suplex on Kane, then a lightning legdrop. He covers for two. He goes to the top rope and springboards off with the headbutt, but that only gets two. Benoit argues the count with the referee as Kane appears to have something in his hand. Benoit returns his attention to Kane. Suddenly, Kane spins around and tosses a fireball in Benoit's face. Benoit falls to the ground, screaming in pain. Kane picks him up and powerbombs him square in the center of the ring, getting the three-count and the World Title.

[chrishardcore]

Yet again brilliant

[StevenRichardsRules]

Wow...man, I just finished reading it. This has been awesome so far. Keep posting.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK Retro Rant for Survivor Series 2003.

- From Dallas, TX.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Josh Matthews, and Jonathan Coachman, in no particular order.

- As a sidenote, this was a four-hour PPV, to prep everyone for the 5-hour extravaganza that was WrestleMania XX.

- Opening match: Billy Kidman, Rey Misterio, and the APA v. Billy Gunn, Jamie Noble, and Mattitude. Okay, if you had to pick one guy out of this group to be a main event a year from now, you'd probably pick Rey first, Bradshaw second (due to the Hoss Factor), and Matt about fifth or so. But there he is. Huge-ass brawl starts us off, and Kidman ranas Matt, only to have Moore enter. Rey knocks Moore out and nails all the other Cruisers for fun. Back in, Simmons gets a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. Powerslam gets two. Simmons, of course, reverted to Faarooq, then re-reverted to Simmons, over the next 15 months. Bradshaw in, and the fallaway slam and Clothesline from Hell finish Moore easily at 2:30. Gunn and Bradshaw slug it out, but Noble enters and goes clubberin'. Bradshaw gets out of it and brings Rey in, who gets the 6-1-9 and West Coast Hop to send Noble packing at 4:32. Simmons is somehow the legal man now, and Gunn pounds on him, getting a press slam and Jackhammer for two. Matt works the leg, but Simmons escapes with a shouldertackle. He tries the Dominator, but Gunn nails the Dumbasser and steals a pin at 6:38. The timing was pretty brisk this time around, as every single match went to 1-on-1. Bradshaw lariats Gunn for nothing, because Matt (the legal man) enters with a sunset flip for two. Superkick and yodelling legdrop get two. This was back when Matt was still Version 1, it should be noted. They tease the fallaway slam, but Matt gets a crossbody for two. German suplex gets two. Twist of Fate hits (after some struggle) and Bradshaw goes back to the showers (where I'm sure Shannon Moore was hiding from him) at 9:28. Rey enters and gets run over. Code Red by Billy and Matt gets two. Corner clotheslines get two. Side Effect by Matt gets two. Rey flips out of a German, clip, rana, hot tag Kidman. This was before it was discovered Kidman could take a shitkicking with the best of them, naturally. Plus he was US champ at the time -- hard to believe, I know -- and therefore needed to look strong. Shots by everyone, but Matt tries a powerbomb. Dumbass. Spear, Kid Krusher, and Shooting Star Press send Mattitude to the back at 12:21. Double-teaming ensues, but Gunn ducks the 6-1-9 and gets the One and Only to finish Rey at 13:43. Kidman sends Gunn to the outside, then guillotines him on the way back in. Kid Krusher is blocked, though, and Gunn gets a back suplex for two. Diving lariat misses, moonsault misses, and both men are down. Jackhammer gets two. Kidman with a backslide for two. Ref bump, and the title enters the ring with Nidia ready to use it. Torrie blocks and we have a catfight. Gunn slams the belt into Kidman's head for the win at 17:00. Fun little opener, even if the wrong guy won. *3/4 One year later, Gunn was on his way out, Noble was a jobber, Kidman and Rey were getting pushed against Matt and Shannon, the APA were on the verge of splitting, and oh yeah, Matt was WWE Champion. Wild.

- WWE Tag Team Titles: Team JAPAN v. (Not Yet) Pure Energy. Ultimo and Tajiri won the belts from World's Greatest Tag Team out of nowhere on an episode of SmackDown!, a move which was justified by the match being unbelievably good. Nova and London were a pair of nothing heels thrown together for a title challenge in one of those bizarre things where they stuck together anyway. Brawl leads to Tajiri smashing around London, but walking into a dragon screw. Nova works the leg some more, then hits a clothesline. London with a legdrop on the leg, then a legbar. London Bridge (his finisher before discovering the Contra Code) gets two. Double-teaming leads to a blind charge by Nova missing, and Tajiri hits the Taranutla, but London breaks it and kicks Tajiri senseless. Nova gets two. Figure-four is blocked by the mist and a Buzzsaw Kick, hot tag Ultimo. Yes, this was before Ultimo and Kidman got into their selling contest, too. Suplex to London, and he chops him to the outside, where he Asais both men. Back in, London ducks a rana by Dragon, but the Kryptonite Krunch is stopped. Ultimo and Nova fight over a German, with Ultimo hitting the Asai DDT out of a Nova try to retain at 5:16. That's about as good as a 5-minute match gets. *** Nowadays, Ultimo and Tajiri are in the upper-midcard, and one year later, Nova and London would win that elusive title as babyface underdogs.

- 3 Live Kru, Trish Stratus, and Lita v. Right to Censor, Jazz, and Gail Kim. This had "bad idea" written all over it. RTC are Steven Richards, Sean Morley, and Mark Henry (getting push #323B before the WWE just gave up on him and ate the money). 3LK are as always, and at this point Lita was knocked up without even knowing it. Stacy Keibler had been kidnapped (not the first time) by the RTC, and this would lead indirectly to one of her better managerial stints. Lita gets the better of Gail with a rana, but Gail blocks a Twist of Fate and hits a bodypress for two. Trish and Jazz get involved as all four women fight. Lita slaps Jazz down and tries for the Litacanrana, but gets morning sickness or something and nearly breaks her neck all over again. Jazz quickly slaps on an STF for the tapout at 2:03. As everyone makes sure Lita is okay, Trish rolls Gail up for the pin at 2:53. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the plan. Morley enters and tells Trish to tag out, so Konnan enters and slugs away. Henry double-teams, but that opens the door for the rolling clothesline. A second try gets Konnan thrown around. Powerslam and torture rack finish at 4:34. Killings attacks, but no dice as Henry gets a sort-of fallaway slam. Why didn't I go hot pokers for this show again? Richards gets the former StevieT for two. Steven Kick misses, and Killings with a German for two. Kru Kutter (back before DDP showed up), but Henry returns. Killings fights him off with running dropkicks before being tripped by Steven. Henry gets the Big Fat Splash on Killings to get another pin at 6:21. Dogg gets a Thesz Press off the top, however, and Henry and his fat are gone at 6:42. Morley attacks from behind, getting the running kneesmashes and Russian legsweep. Octopus hold, but Dogg gets out of it. Figure-four try, but Dogg shoves him off and gets funky like a monkey, if you weel. Shaky kneedrop gets two. Morley gets the rebound lariat for two. Neckbreaker gets two. Backdrop attempt, but Dogg hits a DDT (which Morley sells the proper way -- right on his head) for the pin at 8:48. Trish and Jazz now enter. Forearm blows lead to a clothesline by Trish, but Jazz gets a double chickenwing. Trish falls into the ropes. Fisherman's buster gets two. Jazz gets dumped and tries to return via the top, but Trish hits the handstand rana. A little bit of awkwardness surrounds a half-crab try, but Trish gets Stratusfaction anyway for the pin at 11:40. Superkick, goodbye Trish at 12:03. Lot of that going around in this match, as apparently they felt quick eliminations would disguise the crap in this match. Dogg avoids a superkick, but Steven slips out of the Dogg Pound. Back body drop and Dogg takes a NASTY bump to the outside, so Stacy channels Miss Elizabeth in 1988 by yanking off her RTC outfit, much to the crowd's delight. Dogg returns with a rollup for two. Suplex is reversed by Dogg into another rollup for two. Slam by Steven gets two. He incites the crowd once too often, and Dogg punches away before shoving Steven into the corner and getting the Dogg Pound for real to win at 15:48. Yeah. 1/2*

- Table match: Dudley Boyz and New Blood v. Chris Nowinski, Rodney Mack, and La Résistance. It's a Pier Eight to start, and it's hard to follow anything until the Dudleyz get the Wazzup on Dupree and ask for tables. One goes in each corner (including a pre-sprayed Harvard table for you-know-who). Bubba Ray tries to send Mack into the table, but Mack stops. Nowinski grabs Maven, but Bubba saves, only to have Mack toss Maven through the table at 4:00. Bubba tries to piledrive Nowinski, but no dice. Conway belly-to-bellys Nowinski as Grenier is stupid enough to try to whip D-Von when 1) Bubba is standing there and 2) a table is set up. 3-D at 5:25 and he's gone. Outside the ring, Dupree nails Conway with the Extremely French People's Elbow (beta version 0.8). D-Von pummels Nowinski, but gets sent into the steps. Dupree and Nowinski grab chairs and use them. In the ring, Mack has the Blackout on Bubba, only to have Bubba fall back and drop Mack through the table at 7:13. Dupree and Nowinski double-team Bubba, getting a double suplex but forgetting to get a table set up. Conway enters and clocks Dupree with a chair, so Nowinski goes up top. And then it all falls apart, as Bubba catches Nowinski, but trips and puts himself through the table at 8:50, and the ref just can't pretend it didn't happen. The original ending was for the Dudleyz to stand alone, but now some re-working was needed and no one had a clue what would happen next. Dupree and Conway try to cover by doing some chain-wrestling as Nowinski stares in confusion. D-Von's the only guy with experience, so he breaks up the Dupree figure-four and goes to work on him. An errant mask shot by Nowinski and he's in trouble. Conway tosses Dupree into a corner, then puts Nowinski on a table as D-Von headbutts him through it at 10:41. As Conway gets another table, Dupree grabs D-Von and whips him into the table in the corner... which doesn't break. It's that kind of night for the Dudleyz, isn't it? Dupree makes it break at 11:23, reducing us to Conway v. Dupree. Conway pounds on Dupree and gets a belly-to-belly superplex, followed by the IRON CLAW~! Dupree taps, which is all a ruse. Conway falls for it, but Grenier returns and La Crepe ends this match at 12:55. Thing got shot all to hell by the erroneous elimination, and in fact Bubba would apologize -- well, as much as he could while staying in character -- later in the night. DUD

- Brock Lesnar v. Nick Dinsmore. Wow, remember this? Dinsmore basically was called up as a rookie who shocked the world in beating former WWE Champ Lesnar, and this was the payback. Dinsmore jumps the gun but gets Steinerlined. Shoulder thrusts and Dinsmore is hurting, so Brock gets an overhead suplex, then kicks Dinsmore so hard he bumps over the top rope. Wow. Dinsmore runs away from an axhandle, but gets caught back in the ring and powerbombed for two as Brock picks him up. This was basically how Dinsmore won the match in the first place, it should be noted. F-5 is escaped, and Dinsmore gets a chop block and goes at the legs. He even clips out of a kip-up, then tries a figure-four, but Brock escapes and gets an overhead suplex and sidewalk slam for two. Dinsmore gets three straight rollups for two. A fourth try is blocked, and Brock gets a bearhug. Triple powerbomb (as Brock pauses long enough to get two on the second one) leads to an F-5, and the ref fast counts at 6:18 so that Dinsmore won't suffer anymore. It doesn't work, as Brock F-5s him after the match just to prove a point. Dinsmore would be gone soon after this, but resurface in NWATNA as a top star, so clearly this didn't hurt either man in the slightest. Fun David/Goliath match, too. **

- Goldust, Al Snow, Hurricane, and Shane McMahon v. Triple H, Randy Orton, Batista, and Eric Bischoff. Don't ask how this came about because it was really thrown together. It gets Evolution on the card at a time when HHH needed to get his heat back, having disappeared for a few weeks to go on his honeymoon. Everybody pairs off before Shane and Bischoff start. Shane with a tackle, and the two fight like grade schoolers. Blind charge by Bischoff misses, Macho Mac elbow misses. Orton in, and he cuts off the tag, and it's RKO, Demon Bomb, Pedigree, and good night Shane at 2:53. And then it's Snow Plow, Shattered Dreams, chokeslam, and good night Eric at 4:21. Goldust becomes face-in-peril immediately, as Orton pounds away and Batista gets a powerslam for two. Play of the Day gets two for Orton. Russian legsweep and figure-four, but Hurricane breaks. False tag to Snow leads to BONZO GONZO as HHH gets the sledge, but Hurricane tosses it. Batista then Demon Bombs Hurricane for the pin at 6:23. Goldust gets triple-teamed as Batista gets a backbreaker for two. Sidewalk slam gets two. Goldust CHEATS TO WIN~! and gets a backdrop, hot tag Snow. Orton gets levelled, Batista gets levelled, and HHH does nothing. Then as Orton is being sent out, HHH tries the Pedigree, only to get tossed by Goldust. Snow catches Batista in the Beast Choker and gets the tap at 9:08. Orton and Goldust go at it now, and Orton tackles and works the legs. Sharpshooter, but Goldust makes the ropes. Dust goes low again for the hell of it, then starts blasting Orton with knees. Curtain Call gets three at 11:29. Goldust slingshots HHH in and goes nuts, but HHH hits the leg to stop it. Figure-four, but Snow breaks. HHH USES THE KNEE~! on Goldust, then tries a Stretch Muffler on the leg, only for Goldust to do something that JR has to call a headscissors with a straight face. Hot tag Snow, and he pounds away. HHH escapes the Snowplow and gets KICK WHAM PEDIGREE to pin Snow at 14:03. HHH attacks a hesitant Goldust, choking away. Goldust with a sliding punch to turn the tide, and lots of Bionic Elbows follow. Flip Flop and Fly gets two. No Shattered Dreams, so Goldust tries a superplex, but the legs give way and HHH lands on top for the win at 15:54. Fun match. **1/2

- For Control of SmackDown!: Sable's Team (Rhyno, Chavo Guerrero, Eddie Guerrero, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin) v. Stephanie's Team (John Cena, Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, Undertaker, and Hollywood Hulk Hogan). This was just after the Viva Guerrero promo that sent Eddie's stock through the roof, but the WWE didn't want to pull the trigger, figuring they could milk it for a while. History shows they were right. Entrances alone take up 20 minutes. Ginormous brawl begins, as per usual with these tag matches. RVD kicks away at Haas to start, getting two, but a DDT is reversed for two. Leapfrog choke gets two. Shelton works the leg, but RVD tags in Hogan. Hogan wins a slugfest (I'm shocked, really) and gets the punches and bite. Slam, but Chavo tags himself in. Spinning toehold goes nowhere, so they spill outside, where Chavo tries to use a chair... and gets caught and DQ'd at 3:20. Angle, RVD, Haas, and Shelton go at it, hitting stereo belly-to-belly suplexes and Rolling Thunder on Haas. RVD tries a superkick on Shelton, but gets caught and T-Boned, and everyone tags out. Eddie and Taker enter and staredown, and Eddie slaps Taker and we go to war. Taker with the jumping lariat and Old School, but Rhyno shoves him off. Cena gets a fallaway slam on Eddie as RVD and Haas tag in. Stepover kick by RVD, and a split-legged moonsault gets two. Low blow, but the Haas of Pain is blocked. Shoulder thrusts lead to the Five-Star Frog Splash for the pin at 7:02. Cena and Eddie slug it out, and Cena wins that only to get hit with a crossbody as the crowd cheers. Rhyno goes ground-and-pound, and a powerslam gets two. Cena with a DDT, but the F-U is stopped. Shelton with a superkick and flying legdrop for two. Cena gets a suplex for two. Super fallaway slam is reversed for two. Shelton goes back up and debuts his 450 splash to pin Cena at 9:43. Taker goes Old School for two. Powerslam gets two. Chokeslam is blocked into a suplex for two. Rhyno pounds away, and Eddie hits the slingshot senton to give Rhyno two. Shelton gets a German for two. Frog splash misses, hot tag RVD. Rolling Thunder on Rhyno is stopped by Eddie, and both men head outside, where RVD is suckered by Eddie straight into a GOAR GOAR GOAR for the countout at 12:42. Hogan punches away on Rhyno and rakes the back. A slam fails -- it's in Hogan's contract -- and Rhyno pounds away. Gory Special by Eddie gets two. Back suplex gets two and we HIT THE CHINLOCK. Bulldog and Shelton superkicks him for two. Clothesline gets two. Belly-to-belly gets two. 450 time, but he runs into Hogan's boot. Hulk up, yada yada yada legdrop at 16:26. Eddie enters after some stalling, and he kicks away at Hogan. Rolling verticals (slowly) and a legdrop for two. Slingshot senton gets... two. Hulk up, yada yada yada but the legdrop misses. Eddie crotches Hogan on the post, then frog splashes Hogan's back and pins him (!) cleanly (!!) at 19:16. It was past Hogan's bedtime anyway. Taker enters with a tilt-a-whirl, and they fight over a dragon sleeper. Taker mule kicks to stop that, then goes for the chokeslam, but Eddie hits the ref to allow Rhyno to break. Kurt enters and everyone seems to bail. Eddie smashes Taker with the belt (CHEAT TO WIN~!), then Rhyno hits the GORE GORE GORE on Taker for the pin at 22:08. But Taker is a poor sport and Last Rides Rhyno, so Angle covers for the pin at 22:47, and we're down to Angle v. Eddie. Chain wrestling starts us off, but Angle nearly grabs the Anklelock before Eddie escapes. Eddie clotheslines Angle out and gets a tope, and they brawl around ringside, each man meeting the bike and blading. Back in, monkey flip and Tornado DDT get two for Eddie. Gutwrench suplex gets two. Angle Slam out of nowhere, but Angle is slow to cover and gets two. Eddie with a rollup for two. Gory Special hold gets two after a long time. Frog splash hits the knees. German, German... but a snapmare and dropkick stop that. Rana try is blocked into the anklelock. The women chase each other under the ring as Angle keeps pulling Eddie back until Eddie taps at 27:27. Well-booked, and the heat was off the charts. ***1/4 Stephanie yanks off Sable's outfit (under the ring, of course) -- Angle's confirmation of this is priceless -- and Sable re-emerges in a sheet. Stephanie then fires her, and for the final humiliation, yanks the sheet off, leaving Sable totally naked. I'm sure Vince caught heat from the FCC, but it was on PPV and the thing was labelled -- unlike some Janet Jackson thing.

- Elimination Chamber II: Electric Boogaloo for the World Heavyweight Title: Molly Holly v. Christian v. Big Show v. Booker T v. Chris Benoit (the champ) v. Kane. This was during the token two-month title reign Benoit had, back when I thought it was just to shut me up. Of course, he's in the midst of another title reign that appears to be better-founded. Like, it has a PPV defense and everything. Molly and Christian start, and Christian gets the better of that and works the arm. Molly twists Christian, knocking him over, then shoots a glare at her, which causes Molly to bail. Christian tries to slug her but hits Benoit's chamber (Benoit shoots Christian a great look), and Molly runs back in and armdrags Christian like a maniac. Christian tries to leverage Molly into teh cage, but Molly blocks and Christian eats cage and blades. Back in, rana gets two. Pinfall-reversal sequence, but Big Show is next in. Show is clearly pissed at Molly's existence and flings her over the top into the pod! He boots her a few times, but Christian races over and grabs a sleeper. Show squashes Christian into Booker's pod, and back in, legdrop gets two, brother. Molly goes low on Show, but Show grabs her and launches her into the cage. This is legit scary to watch, especially after the SMVideo shoot in which Paul Wight said he was told not to go easy on Molly by Darren. And no one suspected anything? Show stomps away as Christian keeps turning on his partner to save Molly. Geez, this is just eerie in retrospect, isn't it? Big Show with a boot to Christian, then drives a knee into Molly (who has a nice shiner from going into the cage). Show flings Molly into the ref, but that allows Christian to retrieve a chair he intended to cheat with earlier. CRACK! Show is dazed, and Molly climbs the pod and hits the Molly-Go-Round to eliminate Show at 9:23. That sound you hear is Big Show's reputation going down the drain. Crowd goes nuts for the pin, but Christian silences them by hitting the Unprettier and pinning Molly at 9:41. This gives him a few seconds of rest before Booker T enters. Booker annihilates Christian, then adds a clothesline and tiptoe kneedrop for two. Chops and a slam get two. Christian with an inverted DDT for two. Ropewalk, but Booker crotches him and suplexes for two. Houston Hangover misses, and Christian gets a slam for two. A series of elbows, then the two have a chop battle right in front of Benoit. That's gotta be torture -- chopping someone in front of a helpless Canadian like that. Corner to corner whips by Booker, and a BAAAAAAAAACK body drop sets up the scissor kick. Spinaroonie, but Benoit's out and runs Booker over. Benoit immediately makes up for lost time by chopping away at Christian, but Booker gets a German suplex for two. Christian knocks both men over and tries the Unprettier, but Benoit goes for a Crossface. Christian blocks, and Booker nails both men with a legdrop. Christian rolls Benoit up for two. Booker slaps on a headlock, so Benoit chops Booker and gets an armbar. Christian hits a springboard dropkick on everyone, and Benoit covers Booker for two. Rolling Germans, but Booker axe kicks the pile. Superfly splash hits the knees, and Christian gets two. Booker attacks Benoit as Kane enters and Christian is fucked, yo. Kane goes for Benoit, though, as Booker and Christian gets slammed into Show's chamber and try to do anything with zero elbow room. Kane clotheslines Benoit a lot and tries a chokeslam, but Benoit reverses to the Crossface as Booker and Christian escape. Booker hits the Book End on Christian to eliminate him at 23:26, and Kane is PISSED because he wanted to kill everyone. So he tosses Booker into a chamber, causing the bulletproof glass to shatter, and pins him at 24:17. Benoit chops away and gets a suplex and legdrop for two. Springboard headbutt gets two. Benoit argues the count, so Kane preps a fireball and -- for the first time in his career -- hits it dead-on. A year later and he could nail flying opponents with it. Powerbomb ends it at 27:08. Yecch. *1/2

The Bottom Line:

Really nothing important to see here in terms of good matches or historical impact, unless you count Sable's body as historical. HA! I KILL ME!

Recommendation to avoid.

[The Third Dukes]

So, yeah, Survivor Series sucked and it was RAW's fault. More to the point, it was partly Andy's fault. So it was time for Stone Cold to give a hellfire-and-brimstone speech. Like he knows any other kind.

This also features a fight backstage. For the record, I did not get a notice of anyone getting involved in said backstage fight; this was just the natural progression of things. This was also an attempt to make Christian into an important supporting character in the diary. Feedback indicated that the Peeps approved of his role here and later on.

The "prayer" to God is something I based off of the Lion King, of all places. Simba is yelling at the sky (towards Mufasa) about how he feels abandoned. By this time, it was clear that the weight of the assignment was causing Andy to crack. Trust me, even I was surprised at the number of different things that gave me ideas for little bits in my diary. It would probably number in the hundreds.

My next assignment was a way to allow things to straighten out and to stall for a week before finishing the Molly story arc. I wanted to give Andy a place to cool off, and the best way I could think of was to separate him completely from everyone else. This also allowed me to continue establishing the healing process Andy had to undergo -- although I almost overdid it. But that's another chapter.

*****

Chapter 48

Angry Young Men

Sunday, November 16, 2003, 09:58 PM

Dallas, TX

Nora slowly made her way back to the RAW locker room for the post-show talk. She sat down next to Gail, clutching her Women's title closer to her chest than ever before. As she sat, I saw something I couldn't believe. Her eye was swollen.

I wasn't the only one to notice. Gail leaned over and seemed to be trying to determine the cause of the injury. Benoit looked on in concern, his face contorted as if trying to decipher a puzzle. Big Show seemed to be getting tears in his eyes, while Christian gave him a withering glance. Unfortunately, there was no time for concern.

Eric Bischoff and Steve Austin had taken their places at the front of the room, ready to address the crowd. Austin was shaking his head, while Eric seemed slow to get up, hurting from the shots he took out there that night. Eric spoke first.

"Gentlemen, things did not go well tonight. I've seen bad events, and this wasn't bad, but... we can do a lot better. You and I both know that we are capable of an outstanding effort at Armageddon, and the time for preparation begins now. Each of you has a chance to be left off the card based on the next few weeks. I don't care if we have to shuffle the whole lineup. I will not have a wasted effort like that. People were blowing their cues left and right. Not once, but twice, we had to re-arrange a match because of people making errors. I won't stand for that. We can do better."

There was some murmuring and a few heads turned my way. I stood up. "I just wanna say right now that what happened out there in my match is my responsibility. A lot of people are upset that the thing was a bad match... well, I can say that because I screwed up, everyone was flying blind, and that huge gap in the middle... it's my fault, guys. Sorry."

Amy stood up too. "Yeah, and... I don't know what happened up there. I know it's no big deal to some people, but, you know, I just don't want to let people down. I tried, and... I thought I could get through tonight. I guess I really couldn't, and... I put a lot of people in a bad... a... oh no..."

She raced out of the room. We all sat in silence as we heard her footsteps turn down the hall. Austin finally broke the silence. "Well, I... I guess if we're all done making each other's feelings better, there's somethin' else I wanna talk about. Poor Nora over here can't see out of her eye. That's a damn shame. I hope it was an accident, and I hope it came about in the ring. I'm gonna be studying the tape very carefully, and if I don't find evidence that this was caused by a bad shot in the ring, I'm gonna be one pissed-off SOB. I know what beatin' up a woman can do -- an' I'll be damned if anyone does it around here."

All eyes turned to Big Show -- well, all except mine. I looked at the people looking at him as he tried to speak. Christian's glance seemed the most furious, as if he knew the real story but felt an obligation not to speak and could only hope Show came clean. Nora seemed indifferent, unsure whom to believe. Darren smiled. Benoit shook his head, almost pitying rather than condemning.

"Nora, I..." Show began. "I don't know when it happened, but... I was treating you the way I treat most guys. I just... sometimes I don't know my own strength. You gotta believe me. I was trying to... to be a monster out there, and I just went overboard. I don't know how it happened. I don't know when it happened. But I'm sure I did it... can you... forgive me?"

"Sure," she replied, attempting to end the conversation.

"All right... that's settled then. Now, I don't want any trouble around here. I don't wanna hear anyone whinin' and bitchin' about how we got our asses kicked out there by SmackDown. We got our shot to show them up at Armageddon. I wanna see full out effort, or I might just have to whup all your asses up and down Texas. Am I clear?"

The locker room shouted in agreement.

"All right... now we got 20 or so hours to turn this bad ass around in Hidalgo. I want all your asses to report for duty tomorrow at 10 AM. I am demanding the best of the best out of all of you. I don't give a rat's ass whether you're first match on Heat or starting at 10:55. You will come ready to fight. Anything you wanna add, Eric?"

"Not at all."

"Good. Now troop dismissed. Look for me at the bar."

We all got up and left for our lockers. As I headed for the door, Christian stopped me. "Hey, man... I saw you were just outside the locker room while Regal and I talked. You hear anything?"

"Yeah. I heard him asking you -- no, telling you -- to rough her up."

"Not quite what he said, but I get the feeling... like he wanted to send her a message about her place in the locker room. She's not even that big a deal, man. I don't get it. Anyway, I wanna talk to him about it, and I want some backup. You and D-Von gonna be there?"

"I will. I'll check with him."

"All right, I'll be right here."

I turned and looked for D-Von. He was already packing up his stuff, including both pairs of glasses. I got his attention. "Christian wants us to follow him. He's got a bone to pick with Darren. This might be our chance to get him to help us."

"Help us? With what?"

"Getting even."

"What are you... oh, come on. You know we can't tell. Look, we just gotta go with what he does. I'll be there, but you gotta remember -- this ain't no time for a vendetta. Our target is Vince, not Darren."

"Our job is to make the world better. I want him to stop."

"Fine... but now ain't the time for that. Let's just listen."

We high-fived, then returned to Christian. "Let's go."

"Right." He walked down the hall to the RAW booking committee's office for the night. We stood by as Christian knocked on the door. Gerwitz answered.

"Is something wrong?"

"I wanna talk to Regal. Now."

Regal's voice appeared from behind the door. "Can I help someone?" He walked to the doorway. "Oh, hello there, Christian. What can I do for you?"

"Step outside. This is personal."

Regal walked out the door and closed it behind him. "If it's personal, why are these two gentlemen here?"

"On my invitation. See, what I'm about to say may upset you, and I don't trust you right now. So I'm bringing backup. That out of the way, I didn't like what happened out there."

"What do you mean? Out where?"

"You ordered us to treat Nora roughly. You didn't say those words, but you didn't want us pulling punches or anything. I wanna know why. Why should you give us special instructions? Didn't you trust us to put on a good match anyway?"

"Of course you put on a good match, but... but I thought if you worried about her, the whole thing would look fake. I wanted you to rest assured."

"I am resting assured. I always was. But you mentioned more. Something about paying dues and not making us look bad. About there being a gap between women and men? Why would you hold yourself back? This is your work. I'd think you'd want us to be protective."

"Christian, please. I'm only trying to establish the proper pecking order of things. If you want to be seen as someone who got defeated by a girl, you can go right ahead. It's not my career that'll be flushed down the toilet when it happens."

"Oh, come on, Regal. One loss doesn't kill anyone."

"The bloody hell it doesn't! Would you want to be thought of as the guy who faced some chick and lost? I know her. She's completely harmless. She can't do anything. She barely has credibility as the Women's champion. But... I'm under orders to a certain extent. I'm just saying that their place in the locker room is beneath the men. What'll you do about it?"

"I'll tell you just what I'll do," shouted Christian, now getting in Regal's face. I couldn't hear either man, but both were quite angry. Regal kept throwing out words that indicated he had no respect for women, and Christian seemed to have equally little respect for him. Suddenly, Christian shoved Regal. That's our cue.

I grabbed Darren and D-Von grabbed Christian. We held them apart, with the two still shouting at full force. Regal kept trying to break loose from my grasp as I held his arms behind him. Suddenly, my arm went numb -- Bubba's nerve problem was acting up. Darren got free, then turned attacked Christian as we tried to pull him off. A host of WWE stars heard the ruckus and helped.

I stared Darren straight in the face. "Look, you -- I don't care what your ideas are on Nora or any of the women. You will NOT hurt them. I KNOW you had Paul beat her up, and I SAW you have him take the fall. But I know, and he knows, just what the truth is. So shape up, asshole -- or I'll get you next."

"The fuck you will," he replied, then kicked me in the leg. A solid shot to the face knocked me over. I kicked back at him as he tried to jump on me, and soon people were separating us. Vince McMahon walked around, his eyes wide. "What the hell is this? Break it up! I want a full report of this tomorrow morning. Save it for the ring, boys!"

D-Von grabbed my arm. "C'mon," he said. "Let's go."

*****

That night, I prayed. Well, more accurately, I gave God a piece of my mind, if He was willing to take it.

"God, I... I know I haven't asked for much before. But I'm in a bad way right now. I'm messed up. I'm scared. And I... I don't know what to say. This whole month -- these past few weeks... So much has happened. And I've let it happen. I let Christian get hurt today. I let Nora... and Kathleen... I'm just not good anymore, am I? I tried, I really did. But... I don't know if I can handle it.

I'm losing. I'm losing it for You. I'm worthless. I'd take myself out, but I'm never alone. Maybe I need a new assignment or a new... a week recovering. No, that wouldn't do it. I'd just fail again, wouldn't I?

Well, they say You'd be here for me. Where are you? Where's the strength when I need it? What's Your plan? Is my screwing up a part of some vast goal? Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Or am I just gonna be worthless. If that's why I'm here, why didn't I live?

I thought You cared. I thought You had a plan. I thought You could show me what all this suffering would lead to. Why do I suffer? Why do You make me suffer? Are You jealous that somehow I died instantly? Is that it? No, what am I saying? You don't get jealous. You don't need me. Oh, God, I need you.

I need help."

*****

Monday, November 17, 2003, 07:00 AM

Birmingham, AL

I slowly came to. I was lying in a white room. Oh, no... I'm back in Heaven, aren't I? I looked around. I was in a normal bed, not my own. Oh, whew. I'm still... wait, I'm still working? I saw nothing on the ceiling but stucco -- no ceiling fan. I'm not in Dallas, that's for sure.

I rolled over on my side and immeidately felt a sharp pain in my leg, forcing me to stop. Man, Darren kicked me hard last night. Wait, it's Monday, so I'm someone new. Am I Christian? I reached up and flipped on a lightswitch. I looked around again. The windows outside showed no light. I was alone in the room. By the door were various personal items, including an old WCW belt and a pair of crutches.

Crutches?

I went to find my glasses, but they weren't evident. Maybe I was given the week off for re-assignment. I searched frantically for a mirror, or any reflective surface. Finally I ripped off the covers. I saw why my leg hurt. There was a huge wrap around my left lower leg. In addition, I was somewhat immobilized from the waist down, with both legs pinned by a metal clasp. I stared at my reflection in the clasp.

No wonder my legs won't move. It's so I don't rip my leg up again.

I was recovering, not just emotionally, but physically this week. I wouldn't have to worry about being in the ring because I'd be nowhere near the ring. I was an injured Chris Jericho.

[The Third Dukes]

The big things in this next chapter were on-screen: a tag team tournament, double-elimination, featuring eight teams and a lot of screwy booking. In addition, Michael Shane debuts here, and Big Show begins his stint in irrelevance, having pretty much had all credibility gone after losing to Molly the way he did. Yeah, other than that it's a pretty quiet show.

So most of the chapter is spent with Andy trying to clear his head. He even calls Shawn to get some help, which led to ardent Reader GYS proclaiming Andy a "whiny bitch". But never fear, he'd snap out of it soon enough...

*****

Chapter 49

Seeing the Forest

Monday, November 17, 2003, 12:45 PM

Birmingham, AL

I was bored. My mobility was shot. My leg was bound up, leaving me unable to walk. My mind was left to wander. The only good thing was that I was left out of the chaos and tumult of everyday WWE life. I could rest. I could do nothing.

And for once, nothing is what I wanted to do. I sat back and took a long nap, thinking of all the damage I wasn't doing, and all the chaos I wasn't starting. I was certain that Shawn and Lindsay didn't need me around anyway. They're experienced. They can handle this on their own.

"Mr. Irvine? Your lunch is here."

"Oh, thanks. Just put it over here for now."

This is more like it. This is how I wish I could always be. In a way, this is how Heaven should be. I mean, I didn't see enough to know what it'll be like, but if it's all harps and singing and stuff like that... how is that Heaven? The best possible existence is spending all day bowing down before another's majesty? It makes no sense.

What is Heaven, anyway? It's a place where everyone goes to live eternally happy when they die. It's a place that brings us all together, and where there is no pain, fear, hatred -- just a lot of pure love. And it's God's Home, and we're just His guests -- but we're His welcome guests, right? Or is it my home, too?

It can't be my home. I don't have a home. I'm a nomad. I'm a nonentity. I'm not a person. I'm... what am I?

What am I?

I'm hungry, that's what I am. Better eat the lunch. Man, I can't believe Chris has been here, suffering, for 3 months already. He got hurt around the time I died. The good news for him is he only has 6 months to go. I have an eternity.

What does it matter if I return? What does anyone care if I go back? I screwed up Kathleen, I screwed up Nora, and now I'm sure Bubba will feel the wrath. That stupid Darren. Stupid, evil man. Oh, I wish I could get my hands on him. It would be such sweet revenge to take him and...

No, no, NO! That would be wrong! That would be evil. I'm not that guy. I know I'm not. But why do I feel like I should be? I don't... get it. I'm angry, but I can't be angry. This week, I have to avoid feeling anything. Cuz feelings lead to actions. And I have no way to recover.

Besides, it's not like I can do much. I'm stuck in bed all day. Oh well. At least I get free food.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Nov. 17 / 2003.

- Live from Hidalgo, TX.

- Your hosts are the Tenacious Three.

- Opening sportz entertainment moment: RNN with Randy Orton. Highlights from Evolution's big win are shown on the "OrTron 1500", complete with their destruction of Shane McMahon. His guest is Big Show, who seems rather subdued all things considered. His first order of business: he feels humiliated. Orton reminds him (complete with still photos) of the fact that he lost to Molly Holly in the Elimination Chamber. Show swears he's gonna make her pay. Okay then. Second thing: the tag titles. He doesn't want them. He says he had inside info from Eric Bischoff about the Chamber including all champions, so he grabbed a partner and won them. Now that the match is over, so is his title reign. That's different. Steve Austin interrupts and tells Big Show that he's working for one person as only he can. He then declares there will be a tournament for the tag belts, and it'll be double-elimination to be fair. The first 7 teams to sign up will be guaratneed slots; everyone else will be thrown into a lottery, with two lucky people getting the shot. This could be interesting if they think it through. Oh, and he didn't like the finish in the Elimination Chamber, so he's ordering that Kane grant Chris Benoit a rematch. Both men have the night off, though. That's nice.

- Booker T and Goldust v. Triple H and Christian. Oh, joy, another tag match in which Hunter will get all the glory. Faces open up to start, with both heels bailing. Booker tosses Christian back in and chops away at him for two. Goldust gets a butt butt and sliding punch, but Hunter USES THE KNEE on a cheapshot and Goldust is your freak-in-peril. See how it works? Christian with a reverse DDT for two. HHH hits a kneesmash and MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. Booker blocks the Pedigree attempt with an axe kick, false tag to Booker. Christian uses a beltshot to get Hunter two. Christian in, and a snap suplex gets two. Unprettier is shoved off, powerslam connects, real hot tag to Booker. Kneedrop on Christian gets two. Scissors kick and Spinaroonie, but HHH cuts him off with a knee to the face. HHH gets Shattered Dreams from Goldust while Eric Bischoff, on the outside, harasses Terri. Goldust heads out to protest, while HHH and Christian score with a Con-Chair-To on Booker, but Goldust dives back in to save. Christian tries a second chairshot, but Booker ducks and HHH takes it, getting rolled up by Goldust (!) for the pin (!!) cleanly (!!!) at 8:43. So Trips not only takes a Shattered Dreams, he agrees to do the job? I guess Stephanie will be feeling _his_ oats tonight. Oh, TAG. *3/4

- Meanwhile, 3 Live Kru sign up for the tournament and look over the list of people they can meet. They put their name against La Resistance, figuring they'll flee at the first sign of conflict. Nyuk nyuk. Shawn Michaels passes by, and we find out it's time for his announcement. Well, it will be after this commercial break. Let's hope we don't miss it, you know? He might get to the ring too soon.

- Oh, thank heaven, he timed it just right. I was worried there for a second. So Shawn Michaels takes the mic and proclaims that he's been missing for a while from the ring. That's it? Oh, wait, there's more. He says he wants to get back in the ring, but not just for anyone. He has one specific opponent in mind, and he's offering an invitation to that man to join him at WrestleMania. Wow, we're thinking down the road, aren't we? But before we can learn who that is, HBK's music starts up again, and... another HBK comes out? A midget? No, wait, a young version? Ah, I get it... it's Michael Shane imitating his uncle. Well, that's nothing new. He calls him an old man (no comment) and accuses him of hogging the spotlight long after his time was up. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. HBK tells him to back off, and that he needs to pay his dues like everyone else. Shane says he learned from HBK to start big, and he's gonna start with HBK. Well, if they continue this, I can't imagine either man going over -- HBK is too big a name to feed to someone who doesn't have main event potential, and to have Shane lose his first match would be idiotic. Maybe if Shane gets some work before then it'll be better.

- Elsewhere, Steve Austin closes the list and draws the two names, but he doesn't tell us who they are. He then publishes the brackets, which can be seen (as they stood before tonight's matches) here. And with that, he declares the tournament starts... RIGHT NOW!

- First Round: 3 Live Kru v. La Resistance. Hopefully they didn't hear those comments in the back. Big brawl to start (what else is new), and both Frenchmen bump like maniacs. Killings with his usual nothing offense, and Dogg hits the funky punches. Shaking kneedrop misses, and Dupree gets the Prancing Elbow for two. Grenier dropkicks Dogg, who enters face-in-peril mode. Snapmare and ground sleeper by Grenier, but Dogg makes the ropes. Dupree gets an atomic drop for two. Right. Shinbreaker gets two. Grenier with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Dupree misses a clothesline, Dogg gets a Thesz Press, hot tag Killings. Punches fly all over the place, and the Kru Kutter gets two before Grenier saves. Dogg gets a piledriver reversed by Grenier, but tries to roll through for the sunset flip. Killings clotheslines Grenier over for two in a move the Rockers did a lot. I like it. Dupree returns and suplexes Dogg over the top, and shenanigans involving the flag get the pin for Grenier at 7:25. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. **1/4 The Kru do a 3-on-2 chase-off, and a black guy and a Mexican chasing after two French immigrants is just about the weirdest idea I've ever had to wrap my head around in the WWE.

- First Round: New Blood v. Chris Nowinski and Rodney Mack. Oh dear. Not even Teddy Long, master and ruler of playas everywhere, can save this one. Conway opens up a can of whoop-ass on both men, with Mack only half-heartedly selling. He bails, so Maven dives in on him. Back in, Nowinski uses the FACEMASK OF DOOM to headbutt Conway down. Maven hits the DROPKICK OF DOOM to stop Nowinski, and the two go into a Tough Enough sequence that fails to interest me. Mack tosses Maven into the corner and works him over, but Maven with some punches to fire back. Conway in, and Nowinski bounces like a pinball for him. Nowinski takes the double-decker belly-to-belly that they introduced at Unforgiven, then the high-low dropkick finishes at 4:45. Nothing going on here. 1/4*

- First Round: Dudley Boyz v. Right to Censor. I just realized, we're gonna have all tag matches tonight. Stop me before I get BattleBowl flashbacks. Anyway, short and sweet match here, as the Dudleyz run through their usual set before Henry cheapshots Bubba to take over before tables are called upon. Morley punches away and gets his whip into kneesmash into Russian legsweep combo for two. Moral High Ground (formerly the Money Shot) misses, hot tag D-Von. Punching goes on for a while until 3D finishes Morley at 4:11. Strictly warmup exercises for the Dudleyz. 3/4*

- And now, Evolution is out and talking about how awesome they are. Blah blah blah-UH, and Eric Bischoff tells whoever it is to prepare for their funeral. And here they come...

- First Round: Randy Orton and Batista v. Hurricane and Molly Holly. Man, someone's channelling Chyna. Although if Molly starts dressing in a black shiny outfit and shooting fireworks from a handheld cannon, I may have to shoot my TV screen. Hurricane opens fire to start, with Orton taking an Overcastle (Buff Blockbuster) for two. Batista enters and no-sells a Hurri-clothesline, then hits one of his own to make him superhero-in-peril. WHAZZUPWIDAT? Orton with Play of the Day for two, and a Flatliner for two. Batista hits the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. Orton tries a figure-four, but no dice as Hurricane kicks him away. Orton gets a back body drop, then a kneedrop for two. He's learning from the masters, all right. Orton actually has the gall to try KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, but Hurricane fights out of it and gets the Shining Wizard. Hot tag Molly, and you know things are backwards when the hot tag is to Molly. Orton sells a few slaps, then Molly gets a monkey flip for two. She goes up top, but the Molly Go Round is ducked. Batista in, and the SIT OUT POWERBOMB OF SEVERE HORROR gets the pin at 7:06. Not bad at all, really. **1/2 Evolution beats down the faces, but Goldust and Booker T save, end of show.

The Bottom Line:

Well, they went with putting new guys in the spotlight -- and HHH -- and it seems to be a bit of a mixed bag. Some people are clearly not ready for prime time, but if the tag tournament spawns some good storylines, I'm all for it. And hey, Benoit getting a rematch is A-OK with me.

Still, if SmackDown doesn't do better than this, I'll be really angry.

*****

Tuesday, November 18, 2003, 02:15 PM

Birmingham, AL

My cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Chris, it's Shawn. I was wondering if you could help me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I've been looking for someone, and I wonder if maybe he wandered off the roster to pay you a visit. Know anything about it?"

"Who are you looking for?"

"Oh, you wouldn't know him. He gets around. In fact, I never know where he is from one week to the next."

He's talking about me. "Shawn, this is Andy inside Jericho this week. Is this what you wanted to know?"

"Yeah... why didn't you let us know? I was so worried about you. Lindsay's been thinking you left or you went to Hell. She's scared stiff."

"Shawn, don't use 'stiff' and 'Hell' in the same thought. Too many memories."

"Um... okay, I think I understand. Look, I... I just needed to know where you were, that's all. You wanna talk any?"

"Actually... I was kinda hoping to be alone this week. I mean, you're better now that you don't have me holding you back."

There was a pause. "I think we'd better talk. All of us."

"Shawn, there's nothing to talk about. I'm away from the case, and you two can handle things on your own. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you think you're somehow a liability. You need to stop thinking that right now."

"Why? Because it'll make me feel better?"

"No... because it's wrong. Andy, you... you're a good person, and you've done a lot of good. Everyone will have setbacks. We're fighting a demon, for cryin out loud! This problem won't go away."

"Problem. It's not a problem. At least, it's not one that can't be solved."

"What are you going on about?"

"Shawn, don't you get it? Look at what's happened since I came over here. No, wait, let's just focus on what's happened in the last few weeks. I couldn't save Kathleen from herself. I couldn't save Nora from Darren. And I couldn't save Christian from his anger. What good have I done?"

"How about this: Christian knows that something's wrong now. Your fire -- your defense of Nora -- I just talked to him. He wants to know if I know anything."

"You... you didn't tell him, did you?"

"The truth? No. He wouldn't believe it yet. But I'm telling you right now, he's working on the side of good. That's what we need -- more people willing to take up the cause in life. Saints come in all forms."

"Well, good for him. He can't undo what's been done."

"Andy, how often do I have to tell you -- Darren is responsible. You're not. You fought as well as you could. Don't you understand free will?"

"Yeah, of course I do. But don't YOU understand that we were charged with a mission, and I'm not succeeding in that mission?"

"Andy... there are lots of people who don't do anything to help the world. But Heaven is full of those people, because they helped others. Making one person better can make the world better. You don't have to Nelson Mandela or Mother Theresa, you know."

"No, I just have to be more than I am. I can't even say I'm only human, because I'm not."

"Andy... it's an expression. I don't expect you or anyone to be perfect. Only one guy was perfect, and they killed Him for setting a good example. Do what you can, Andy. Do what you can. No one's asking for more."

"I am. God is. I can't go back to him and have to tell him I failed. I don't want to have to switch assignments because Vince died and went to Hell."

"Neither do I. I'm hoping some day I'll forget this conversation ever happened, and I'll be attending Vince's rebirth. It would be the greatest thing I could do. But today's not that day. Now's not that time. And look -- we all fail. You know how many assignments Greg's been a part of? He tells me he doesn't do better than 50/50."

"Doesn't that bother him?"

"No! Andy, we're fighting a losing battle. It's a miracle when we win."

"It's not enough of a miracle. It means nothing... look, suppose Vince beats his demons. Suppose that somehow, some way, we fight the thing out and Vince comes to his senses. Then what? Then I still got decades of doing this. I'm beginning to see why Kathleen wanted out. This isn't fun."

"Andy... it's not meant to be fun. Your reward is coming soon, I can only assure you. Would you rather not exist at all? Because I can tell you right now, neither God nor Satan will allow you to be on the sidelines. That's just not how this battle is fought."

"I'm on them now."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Andy, you're in a better position now than you've ever been."

"Wh... why?"

"Jericho's a locker room leader, even outside the locker room. People talk to him for advice... I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet."

"Oh, damn, that's right... Benoit said he was hoping to talk to the guy... I'll never get out, will I?"

"Do you want out? Do you really want to toss away your duty? Cuz I'm telling you, that's what she did. That's how Kathleen lost."

"Okay, fine, fine, sure. Fine. Look, what can I do? What's... what's the procedure?"

"Just... if people call you, talk to them. Tell them what you think is right. You're not perfect, but... a lot of people see you as a shining example. You... he... Jericho's not one to play politics. He refused to change who he was when it meant a push. And that's why he was given the Highlight Reel. So he could be on TV while nowhere near the main event. Don't you see? You're admired and respected."

"And forgotten."

"What?"

"You think the WWE fans care about him? He... I... the guy hasn't been on TV for three months. I just checked my charts. I won't be back until summer. If then. That's a long time to do nothing. Austin was a no one in his time out. Benoit was a nothing. Edge? Edge who?"

"No, Chris... that's not important. And I guarantee you that if you were to make a special appearance at some time, you'd be remembered. I don't know when it would be, but I know it would be huge. But you're getting off topic. The point isn't what he could be. The point is what he is. You're an advisor. I guarantee you, Christian will call you at least once to talk to you about this. I guarantee you, Trish will see how you're doing. Benoit wants to speak to you. Don't you see... you aren't forgotten."

"Well... no. He's not forgotten."

"Weren't you listening, Andy? I was afraid we lost you. I was afraid we were down to three people. Andy, Lindsay was crying for an hour solid -- all the way to Hidalgo. She was... oh man... you have no idea."

"Oh dear... I... I didn't know. But... why did this happen?"

"Why did what happen?"

"Why was I put aside? I know I asked for time to become a better person, but... I didn't think it would be taken seriously."

"Well, apparently it was."

"Unbelievable. I never would have guessed I meant that much to people. I... Shawn, I don't know what my family's been like. I don't know how my friends felt. I never saw them. I was just plucked out of my existence and into someone else's. Adam's, I think, but that's not important. The thing is... it didn't seem like anyone missed me. But I miss them. I miss my old life. I just wish I could... go back."

"You can't. You can't go back to being a college student any more than I can go back to being one of the Rockers. That's in the past. Life moves on, and it's a damn good thing it does. I wouldn't want to be stuck in 1990 forever."

"Shawn, this isn't funny."

"I'm serious, man. You think I want to be in one year all the time? I might as well be a computer game character, whose life is affected by the flick of a switch on a console. You should be thankful you can move on -- and YOU can decide to move on. Would you want your entire existence dictated by an outside force you never see?"

"Isn't it? I mean--"

"No! Not at all!"

"Hear me out, Shawn. Who decides who I am from week to week? Not me. Who decides when I need Recovery? I don't. What is it that controls how effective I am? Some other guy."

"Andy... look... we're all affected by the decisions of others. We're all subject to God's Eternal Plan -- even the devils. They just don't know it. So listen to me -- you gotta be willing to take what's been given to you and say, well, what's the best thing to do? Lemme try this -- you ever play poker?"

"I... don't gamble."

"But you know the game, right?"

"Yeah, who doesn't?"

"Well, anyway -- your hand is your life. It's what God gives you. Now, some deals you're gonna get a full house. It's easy then. Sometimes, you'll get a jack high. The trick there is to cut your losses. But then there'll be times when you get something in between -- and that's where you gotta think. Right now, you're in between. You're in a position where you might be the best at the table -- people listen to you. Or, someone out there, someone with a more constant voice, will outdraw you. You never know. But what you do know is that you have this hand. You gotta decide what to do with it."

"I think the analogy breaks down. I mean, I could be bluffed out."

"That happens all the time. Andy, I bluffed out Vince all the time way back then. I claimed I could jump to WCW, and he believed it. Truth is, I never wanted to go. I never wanted to be a part of their locker room. But Vince didn't know that, and I got money out of him for it, while staying where I wanted to be. See, you can do that too!"

"How? How can I--"

"Well... remember when we talked to Sting? You told him things would be better. You told him he would get respect. You had the lower hand and he knew it. But guess what -- you talked him into it."

"You don't think Sting will get respect then?"

"Me? I don't know. I don't know Vince. He's not in the mood to talk about it, either. He's... well, that's not important. The point is, you -- we all have the capability to play our cards right. And sometimes, you just don't know. What seems like a failure at first can become a great play down the line. Life sometimes turns negatives into positives."

"Not for us it doesn't. We deal at too fundamental a level."

"You sure about that? Ask yourself: do you think you'd have lasted this long with Lindsay if you two went at it from the get go? If she didn't have the knowledge of almost dying in her mind? I see -- I saw -- the passion you two have. It's a wonderful thing, but... it could also be dangerous. Just be grateful it didn't go that far."

"No... it only led to Lita cheating on her boyfriend. That's a great thing, isn't it?"

"Andy... don't think so short-sightedly. Amy and Matt are bonding even more over it. Matt forgave her. It's all over. It's in the past. Heck, right now Matt's been keeping a vigil over Amy to make sure she gets healthy. That's dedication."

"That's what he's supposed to do."

"No, what he was _supposed_ to do -- according to everyone I talked to -- he was supposed to dump her. Kick her to the curb. But he didn't. He hasn't. He's better than that. You never know how you'll react until the time comes. But he knows his love is strong. Don't you see?"

"He's all messed up. He lost a brother... that's what keeps them together. Compared to... to that... one indiscretion means nothing."

"You've got it all backwards. Andy, why are you fighting me? I'm trying to help you."

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because you're important to us. You're important to me, and to Lindsay. You know what? I don't forget who I worked with. I don't forget who I see on a regular basis. You better believe Lindsay doesn't. Think about it. You mean something. You can't just rip yourself out of the equation and not expect someone's equilibrium to be thrown. Doesn't that make sense?"

"I... I don't know. I just feel like... like I can't trust you or... anyone."

"Slow down. What do you mean?"

"I pushed Lindsay away, remember? I don't feel as much for her as I used to. Or anyone. It's like I... I'm numb. Something's missing. And I don't know what it'll take."

"Time."

"Why?"

"No, I mean, that's all. Time is what it'll take. You need distance. It's gonna be a little easier for you because... well, you won't be yourself all the time. But... but that won't change things. The fact is, this will never leave you. You may get back to a normal existence, but you'll never forget. The trick is -- are you gonna let this bog you down? Are you gonna say, this happened, I got abused, poor me, pity me, I'm not going to do anything because of it? Or are you gonna get up and fight? Lemme give you a short answer -- we fight on this side of the battle."

"I just wonder sometimes, Shawn. I wonder... what do I do? What do I... how do I do it? What's the point to being an Angel if you can't get through to those who'd harm you? If I can't protect me, who can I protect?"

"Andy... do you think your life is judged by your worst act? Do you think one failure wipes out 100 successes? I'm here to tell you it's the opposite. One success can wipe out 100 failures. If you're constantly trying -- failure is shrugged off. You know what? We're trying. That counts."

"It won't count for Vince."

"You never know. He might get around to fighting this on his own. He might... you know, I've never been a part of this before, so I don't know. But the fact is, he can be reclaimed. I just feel it. There's gotta be a way. And if he isn't... look at who has been. Success is a funny thing. It can fly under the radar."

"Who do you have in mind?"

"Hurricane. He... he has forgotten all about the pain of Jeff's death. It's not that it doesn't affect him, but... he took the words you said at that funeral to heart. He remembers the star he was. And he has dedicated himself to keeping the memory alive. Or didn't you notice?"

"Notice what?"

"His logo. The left side. The one stick is now a J. JH."

"I... really? I never saw that."

"Most people didn't. But it's his way. He tells me he prays every night for Jeff's acceptance into Heaven. Wherever Jeff is now -- whoever he's working for -- those prayers strengthen him. Don't you see... you did a great thing and you thought it was a nothing."

"Yeah... then he went and screwed Amy."

"For cryin out loud, Andy, focus! Life isn't hell! Life is the battlefield. You gotta take your victories. And now, I'm telling you, you're in the best position you've ever been in. You have the opportunity to change lives. You are, this week, right now, one of the most charismatic and influential people in the WWE. If you can't do something positive now, maybe you should pack it in. But I'm telling you... don't. Don't pack it in. Because you never know when it'll come around to being right."

"Shawn... what can Jericho do?"

"Listen to Christian. Listen to Trish. Be their guide. Be their... their conscience. You can do that. You essentially are right now, every week, for someone else. Well, now, you're gonna be that way for many people. I'm sorry, but if you were looking for a week off, you lost."

"Dammit. I was afraid of that. So... I'm supposed to be... but... ugh. I'm sorry, Shawn. I just don't know if I can handle it."

"Sure you can. I've seen it. You wouldn't be here if you couldn't handle it. You wouldn't have been Nora if you couldn't handle... what happened. You couldn't have been Hurricane unless you were going to let him cope with Jeff's death. God knows the future -- you don't. There hasn't been a single week where you haven't made an impact. Don't you see that?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah..."

"No. No I don't, Shawn. I don't see myself doing anything important."

"You're not thinking back far enough, are you? Remember the joy you felt as Stacy? I saw it in your eyes. Wasn't that important."

"But... but I didn't... he did."

"Someone had to say yes. Besides, you got her involved. You got Storm involved. Now Christian's involved. That's three people -- three -- that we have working on helping Nora. That's impressive. That's a good thing. But it's not just you. Booker T's in on it. Lindsay did that. In fact, all the women are concerned to some extent. Everyone knows Nora needs help, and they all want to help. And that's because you didn't sit back and say, well, Nora looks funny and that's bad. You said, hey, Nora is hurting and I'm getting to the bottom of it. Do you get it now?"

"...kinda. It just seems... I did that? That can't be."

"One person can do a lot. Don't be so surprised. Say, when are visiting hours over there?"

"Um... I don't think there are any. I think it's just... wait, why?"

"Oh, I just thought you might want to see me in person, ya know?"

"Thanks... I guess you can come. I'm just... I don't know anymore."

"Andy, you're fighting your preconceptions. That's good. You have to realize that you're not worthless. You have to realize all the things done to you -- you didn't deserve them, but you can handle them. You can fight them. And you'll be better for it."

"Thanks... um... I'm hungry. I'm gonna go to the cafeteria for some food. You've been a big help, really. I'm sorry I can't do more."

"No... you've done a lot. And I know you'll do a lot again. Just keep the faith, man. God bless you. See you tomorrow."

"Thanks. Goodbye."

I hung up. What is the measure of a man? Is it what he does or what he doesn't do? Is it how he tries or how he succeeds? Maybe the world is wrong. Maybe I need to fix things up. I have to let go of my earthly notions.

I also have to let go of my pain. Life goes on. Even after death.

[The Third Dukes]

This chapter is notable for a few reasons. First off, it marks when Andy finally, finally, FINALLY goes back on the offensive in the battle, a long overdue moment according to some readers. This was also around the time that Crash Holly died of alcohol poisoning, so I included that as yet another reason Molly's life was going downhill. Seriously, if Jeff Hardy hadn't already done it, I might've had Molly attempt to take her own life.

The wrinkle of Gail being attacked was one I came up with as the next logical progression from her defiant stand the previous week (which, you may have noticed, had her get eliminated from the Survivor Series match early). It was only afterward that I gave her Lindsay -- which begs the question, where's her trauma? The only thing I can offer is, maybe she waited until seeing Andy before getting out. You caught me.

Oh, there's a few highlights from SmackDown! in here as well, including the debut of the Maximos and the single funniest on-screen promo I've ever written. I'm just going to let you read it and imagine what it might sound like. You'll know it when you see it.

*****

Chapter 50

A Plan Comes Together

Wednesday, November 19, 2003, 04:03 PM

Birmingham, AL

"Mr. Irvine, you have visitors."

Huh? Who would want to see me? "One second." Must be Shawn and Lindsay. I wonder who she is. This is gonna be so weird -- dating someone whose face I can't find in a crowd, whose voice won't be music to my ears... where are those crutches? Man, why couldn't I have found someone to love before I died? I guess that would've been too much to ask. "I'm on my way." Now, lemme see, balance the leg, hop, crutch, hop, crutch... screw it, I'll get in bed. "Okay, send them in."

I was overwhelmed by a deluge of visitors. It seemed the entire roster was waiting for me, even if it was only a handful. My smile, which had been missing all week, returned. "Guys... this is... wow."

"No need to thank us, Chris. We all miss you. Survivor Series just didn't seem right without you." Benoit's smile showed me he meant every word he said. "We need you back fast. I wish you could be ready by WrestleMania."

"Yeah, me too... but it doesn't look like I will be. This... this is serious, you know."

"Yeah -- it's just a shame we can't all be healthy at once, man. You know, when I came over here, the place -- I mean, they miss you. They miss someone who isn't afraid to speak out. People here just... whatever, man. That's not important. We're all here."

"Well, not all of you..." I scanned the room. He's not here. "Where's the Nose?"

There was laughter. "Oh, Hunter?" Lance asked. "He's off at Stamford with his family. You know how they are... such a close bunch."

I heard someone say the word "screw" in between coughs. Everyone turned to face the source. At this point I heard Christian's voice more clearly. "Oh come on, we're all thinking the same thing."

"Puh-lease." I rolled my eyes. "Last thing I need to think about is those two... ew." I shuddered for added effect. "All right, guys... party on. I guess this room is big enough for the bunch of us. Hey, I'd invite you guys to dinner, but I don't think I have the guest passes."

"It's all right," Trish said. She reached into her cleavage (Yikes, even to a hospital she dresses like a Diva) and pulled out a few extras. "You'd be surprised what a little Stratusfying can do."

Everyone laughed. "Trish... you little fox!" Gail was particularly speechless.

"Okay, guys... uh... you know, dinner isn't for an hour, so if you all wanna talk... go ahead."

*****

5:33 PM

We were all gathered in the dinner hall. Shawn was seated next to me at the head of the table. I made a show of tucking my napkin into my collar and pretending to be nouveau riche at an expensive restaurant. They all loved it.

Gail and Nora were opposite Shawn and on the other side of me. Gail ate heartily, but Nora had a vacant look in her eye. If I don't find out now, there's nothing I can do. "Nora? Are you okay?"

"Yeah -- it's just... I guess I miss him."

"Miss who?"

"Mikey."

"Mikey?"

"Yeah," Shawn said. "You know, the guy who used to be Crash Holly."

"Elroy? Dude, he's doing just fine with that gig in Nashville. You could probably visit him at Stevie's place anyway, right?"

She shot me a dirty look, then ran off from the table. Shawn turned to face me, half shocked and half confused. Gail went to talk to Nora, and I could hear her say "He doesn't know" over and over. Trish walked over to me and put her chair next to mine. My eyes went up and down the table at everyone looking at Nora or me.

"What... was it something I... I said?"

"Chris... didn't you hear?"

"Hear what? I don't use the Net until Saturday."

"Oh... then you don't know."

"Know? What? Trish, what's the..."

"Chris," Shawn interrupted, "he's... he died."

"What? Him? B... but... how? He wasn't a druggie or a... roider... he was just... he was Crash. He was..."

Trish grabbed my arm. "It was a couple nights ago. We just found out this morning. Steven -- he and Mikey were splitting for rent -- he got home from the Survivor Series and... and just found him. They... they don't know how."

"Oh... oh dear." I grabbed my crutches and hobbled over to Gail and Nora. "Nora... I'm sorry... I didn't know."

She looked up at me through her tears. "No... I understand... he was such a... he was the guy I started with here. I... so much shit going on right now. I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have said that. I'm... I..." she buried her head on Gail's shoulder.

"Gail... should we leave her alone?"

"No... no, you wouldn't understand. She's got a lot more than this going on. She..." Nora grabbed her arms and stared at her, her blue tear-stained eyes pleading with Gail to stop. "No, Nora... people need to know."

"Gail, please... don't tell them... they'll think I'm... it's all I have."

"Nora, stop it. You gotta let this out. Chris is here to help. He has to know."

"No! You promised me! You said you wouldn't tell anyone!"

"Nora, it's too late for that. I'm in trouble here if I don't tell. I have to do something."

Nora slowly relaxed, almost conceding rather than consenting. "Fine," she finally said. "Tell him. Go ahead and tell him I'm a slut." She walked off.

"Nora, your food..."

"I'm not hungry."

She left the room. By now everyone was looking at us. They heard crying from the outside. Gail turned to the dinner party. "It's all right -- he didn't do anything." She turned back to me. "Chris, it's not you. And Nora's not telling the truth when she says she's a slut. She... well..."

"What? She's what? Is she sleeping around? Is she... oh no..."

"What?"

"Gail... tell me... is she being molested?"

"What makes you think that?"

"What else could it be that would make her think she's a slut when she isn't? If it isn't consensual, and she doesn't want you to tell..."

Gail lowered her head, then reached into her pocket. I saw her pull a compact out. I gasped as she opened it. She looked at me. "What?"

"Oh... I thought it was something else, sorry." I thought it was that glasses case.

"Oh, okay." She got out a huge cotton swab and began to rub her eyes. Makeup came off, and I got a close look at her left eye. There was a bruise.

"Gail? What happened to you? And what about her? What's going on?"

"It's all related. Look, while she's outside, I wanna tell everyone. C'mon." We headed back to the table. Gail stood behind me and began to recount the whole story of how it began, what Darren did, and how it affected her and Nora. I saw eyes bulge wide. Stacy and Trish seemed ready to break down. Benoit buried his head in his hands in shame. Christian's eyes burned with a fire that could only be quenched by revenge. I tried to remain calm -- I've not only heard this before, I've lived it -- but then I heard something I didn't know.

"He's getting worse. He... last week I prevented him from entering. That's why Molly was tossed around the way she was -- because Darren had to get to Nora."

"I fucking knew it. Fuck!" Christian shouted. "I'm gonna kill him. I swear I'm--"

"Wait," I said. "We can stop this."

"No, you don't understand, there's more," Gail said slowly. "Yesterday... while everyone was out at the tapings... he wanted to come in. He wanted me to leave. I stopped him. I told him no. But... but he just got madder. He slapped me -- that's how I got this. He tossed me out of the room and closed the door before I knew -- before I could react. I tried to get back in, but he threw the deadbolt. My card was no use. I kept trying to knock the deadbolt out... I heard her scream... I..." she had to sit down. She buried her head in my chest. I tried my best to calm her down, petting her hair as if she were a frightened puppy. I looked at Benoit. Even though Jericho didn't tell him, I did. I told you so.

We were all silent. Shawn coughed and pointed with his pinky as he did so. I turned my head slowly, just in time to see the door close. Nora had re-entered. She looked around the table. "I'm sorry, guys. I guess she told you how I'm... I'm sleeping for the title."

We all stared at her. "That's not what she said at all," Lance finally said.

"What does she know? She wasn't there. None of you were. You... look, it's my fault, okay? I did this. I brought this on myself. If I hadn't been so... so smitten with him back then. If I'd just told him to back off. I deserve it. I'm sorry. I'm terrible."

"Nora, no!" I found myself almost on autopilot, as thought the words were both mine and not mine, but a plea from a higher source. "Listen to yourself. Can you honestly say you perpetrated the act? The man is sick! He's a predator! And... and you didn't do anything! This isn't the Middle East where women have to dress in black to avoid tempting men. This is America. You have a right to live a normal life, and lemme tell you, this is not normal. He... he doesn't deserve to be within 100 feet of you. He doesn't deserve to be in this company! Guys," I said, turning to the group though still half out of control, "we gotta stop him. We gotta tell Mr. McMahon. He has to know that we won't tolerate this kind of garbage. You got me? You got it?"

There was no response. "Guys? Don't you think that? Anyone? Shawn?"

Shawn merely shook his head. "I don't know if it would do any good. Regal's this close with Triple H. If HHH likes him, he stays. It's that simple."

"It can't be that simple. This is... this is a crime we're talking about, a felony! Vince will have to fire him!"

Shawn looked me straight in the eye. "And what has happened recently to make you think Vince will act in a way that benefits everyone?" There's a second message there. I felt a shiver over my body. Shawn turned to the rest. "If I know him... right now he'd... he'd just make this an angle. And he'd make Molly turn heel and fall in love with Regal. You know how he treats women. We gotta go over his head. We gotta go around him."

I sat and thought. "There's nothing I can do. I'm stuck here for another month. I'm sorry, guys. I'm worthless." Then something hit me in the back of my mind. "Wait... wait, that's it! Guys, quick, huddle up."

*****

08:45 PM

Gail, Nora, and Shawn were the last to leave. They helped me back to my room. As I sat down on the bed, I looked at all of them. "Thanks, guys. I guess I can't do everything alone, can I?"

Nora smiled. "No... thank you. I hope this works. I hope you guys aren't... setting me up. I'm so scared."

"Relax. It's gonna work. It has to."

Gail chimed in, "Yeah... it has to. That's just it, though. It needs to. What if we don't get everything in order? What if... what if the cops don't show up? What if... what if..."

"Relax. It'll all be good in the end. I know it sounds crazy, but... we gotta show we can do something. I'm not letting this maniac ruin any more lives. He's already hurt a bunch of people. It stops now."

Nora reached over and hugged me -- the first outward sign of affection I'd seen from her in ages. "Thank you, Chris. I believe in you." She turned around and faced Gail. "Thank you too. You've been such a help." They hugged. She hugged Shawn too. "You guys have... I hope you're right. I don't know why, but... I can trust you. All of you. It's like you radiate this... oh, it'll sound stupid."

"No, no," Gail said. "Go on."

"Well, you... you all seem to have this aura. Like you're my guardian angels or something. Like, somehow, all this was meant to come out. I don't know why I sense it, but... you know, a couple weeks ago... when you first took me to see the doctor... I felt like I was being guided by a spirit of some sort. And now I feel it in you. It's so corny, isn't it? I mean, guardian angels, spirits guiding people from beyond... no one believes in that stuff, do they?"

Shawn took Nora's hand. "Of course we do. That's what religion is. That's what I believe. I should take you to my church sometime -- you may need the guidance. I know a few other wrestlers I meet up with during the holidays. It might do you good."

Shawn walked off with Nora through the door for a while. "Where'd they go?" I asked.

Gail smiled. "Oh, he'll be back. He just wanted to give me a few minutes with you alone." She sat down next to me and put her arms around me. "You scared me, Andy. I thought you were gone. I thought you gave up."

I slowly raised my hand up her arm and to the side of her face. I looked her in the eyes, trying to avoid the bruise with my sight. "He did this to you?" Lindsay nodded. "I swear on my own grave that I will do everything in my power to stop him."

"Andy... do you still love me?" I was dumbfounded. What kind of question is that? "Andy, I... I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to trust anyone... you've been so hard on yourself. I just want you to know I still love you. And I want you to know... if you do to anything to yourself... I will join you. If you can't stay alive for you, do it for me."

"Lindsay, I'm confused. You're not saying you'd let yourself go to Hell because of me, are you?"

"Andy... look, I may have been exaggerating, but the fact is... I thought I lost you. And it hurt. It hurt a lot more than actually losing anyone else. I wanted to skip the whole week. I wanted to walk away. Gail wasn't on RAW because I was a wreck. It isn't until Shawn called and said he found you that... that I could go on. Andy, you scared me. This was like with Terry. I... you're alive. And you're here. Thank God."

We kissed. She moved her hands around my back. "Hey, wait... Lindsay, not now. I'm touched... I guess... but... I don't wanna be like Terry." I smiled.

"I know." She gave me one last kiss, then slowly moved her hand down my arm, ending so we were holding hands. "See you Monday. I hope you'll be ready."

She waved and walked out the door. Oh, you damn better believe I will be.

*****

Thursday, November 20, 2003, 08:00 PM

As I sat up in bed to get a better view of the TV screen, there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I said. Dr. Andrews, whose face I had become familiar with over the last week, entered the room. "Oh, hi, Doc. Anything I can do for you?"

"No, Mr. Irvine. I'm just here to watch with you. See, a lot of the staff think it's kinda weird that I associate with Vince's employees, since they tend to have bad memories of his dealings with George Zahorian. But really, it's a great honor to be considered the name of choice by the WWE community."

"Oh, great. Well, when this happened, you know, you'd done such great work with Hunter that I thought I'd come here and make sure everything was in order. I mean, when he and Kev returned, they were able to move like they never had before." Namely, like Tyrannosauruses.

"Well, thank you, Mr. Irvine. I must say, though, compared to their injuries, yours should be something you won't have as much of a lingering effect from. You should be able to return to your normal self a lot faster."

"Thanks, Doc. Tell me, what got you started in wrestling?"

"Well, basically, it began around the time Austin broke his neck. Vince was absolutely scared that he'd lose his primary asset, and he saw that at the time I was the primary neck surgeon in my field. He asked me what course of action to take, and I advised him that eventually surgery would be necessary. Now, I give Steve all sorts of credit -- he was able to tough it out very well for as long as he did. Much like Kurt, he was going through a lot of pain. However, the time came for him to go under the knife, and he came here for the operation. Everything went well, and after Vince saw Austin back at his old form, I got most of his business."

"You think he'll switch now? I mean, the miracle Dr. Jho performed on Kurt..."

"Dr. Jho's procedure only works in rare cases. I've studied it, and it's an incredibly risky thing. Not even I have the malpractice coverage to attempt that."

"Yeah, but I guess it's the patient's decision, right?"

"Well, Kurt figured he was near the end of the line -- which I honestly don't understand, but there ya go. So he went to someone who promised a miracle cure. Sometimes, they happen, you know."

"So you don't think other people should get that procedure."

"Well," he said, clearly thinking of the right way to phrase this, "it's not quite that. You see, I think you can rest assured that there's some professional jealousy involved here. Dr. Jho was able to restore Kurt Angle to full health, and about 10 times faster than I could've. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. But hey... I guess it's all right in the end. Anyway, we're missing a good match here."

I checked. Rob Van Dam was putting the finishing touches on a victory over Chavo Guerrero. "I guess we are."

*****

08:45 PM

The show had been an average one so far. Paul Heyman was coming out with Team Japan, who were still undefeated. "Hey, Doc," I said, musing out loud, "How much influence do you think Paul has on SmackDown?"

"Oh, I'm sure he's one of a dozen or so advisors. Basically, while Vince is off camera, the inmates are helping run the asylum, and Stephanie and Paul have a good rapport. So I imagine she listens to him, but the buck stops with her, you know?"

"Yeah, I know... just wondering because, you know, Vince is very much a Wonderbread booker, if you get me."

"How so?"

"Well, look who's out there right now. Tajiri and Ultimo -- two great guys, sure, and Asai and I go way back -- are both Japanese. Vince usually wouldn't give them a second thought."

"Are you saying he's racist?"

"I don't think it's intentional. I don't think he thinks in terms of slurs. I just think he has this image of what white America wants, and he wants to give it to them. I don't think he expected Ultimo to get over with the crowd given the time to work."

"Why is that?"

"I guess he has in his mind a certain..." Image? Mandate? No, that's not good. "...style that he expects from everyone. I spent a couple months teaching Yoshi here what it was the fans wanted. It's really come through. I don't think he understands it, mind you, but I think he knows what to do now."

"Ah, I see. Well, good for... wait, who are those guys?"

"I don't know. I've never seen them before. Just a couple of luchas, I guess. Why, what did Paul say they were?"

"Los Max... something. I sure don't recognize them. It'll be interesting to see what they're capable of."

"I'm sure their style will fit well with the Japanese team's. But I'm as curious as you are."

We watched as these two newcomers -- called Los Maximos by Cole -- spent the next 15 minutes doing tornado tag style wrestling that wowed the crowd. Sure, they lost, but it's safe to say they kept their jobs, too. Asai seemed like he was back at home in Toryumon with all the flying going around. Tajiri, oddly enough, was having the hardest time adjusting to the style. When it was all over, Cole declared that it was like nothing he'd seen before.

Oh, c'mon, the cruisers in WCW did that all the time. On the other hand, if the Spanish announcing team needs an opening, I'm sure these guys will fill in just fine.

*****

09:25 PM

I hushed Dr. Andrews. "Doc, I was warned this was coming. It's gonna be great, according to the boys in the back." John Cena had walked into Hulk Hogan's dressing room.

"Can I help you, brother?"

"Yo, the Hollywood legend, I gotta tell it to you straight,

The way we got rid of Sable on Sunday was great.

Now we got ourselves a six-man, with Haas and the Shel

And Eddie Guerrero, who beat you up well."

"Yeah, yeah he did."

"But that's ok, Hogan, cuz when the dust clears

We'll give them a Texas beating they'll remember for years.

It was fun on Sunday, and our team proved to be a hit.

We got Sable fired, and we got to show the world her--"

"Hey, hey, whoa, brother, hold on there.

Well you know something, Cena, I think we got common ground.

We like to take our opponents, and we'll track 'em like bloodhounds.

Gonna make them run away from the pythons we got,

and with Angle in our corner, amigo, they're really on the spot.

Eddie thinks he's a man for beating me? I'll make him a child.

I'll boot him, and drop the leg -- I'll make Hulkamania run wild.

And for Shelton Benjamin and that dude Charlie Haas,

They'll never get the win over their former Team Angle boss.

So Beaumont, Texas has to know, boys -- whatcha gonna do

When the Hulkster, Angle, and C-Dawg run wild on you?"

Cena smiled. "Not bad, old timer."

Dr. Andrews looked at me. "Did I just hear what I think I heard?"

"I'm afraid you did. And it was pretty good, wasn't it?"

"Well, it was certainly funny. I mean, I wouldn't want him doing that all the time, but for a one-time basis, I liked it. Then again, even when he's rapping, it sounds like a typical Hogan promo."

We both laughed. Like Ivory said, an old dog can learn new tricks. Hogan looks like he's never had this much fun.

*****

10:03 PM

Unfortunately, Hogan's prediction didn't come true. The World's Greatest Tag Team got the win on Kurt after Hogan and Eddie went to the back. Strange. I would've picked today for Hogan to get the favor returned. I guess that'll be next week or something. Cena was his usual charmer until he landed funny on a fallaway slam. Shelton covered for it, but it was clear Cena rang his own bell. "It doesn't look serious," Andrews diagnosed -- even though it was nothing more than a perfunctory evaulation.

"Hey, thanks for being here, Doc. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know."

"Well, actually, Mr. Irvine, I overheard your friends talking yesterday. I have a few tips, if you don't mind."

"Sure. Any little bit helps."

"Okay -- first, make sure Nora still has some of the notes. I have no idea if she saved them all, but she needs to save next week's. It will be critical evidence. Second, make sure she presents any previous notes she saved to the police. Have Gail go with her when the group reaches Utah. Gail's testimony might be enough to go with the physical evidence and allow you to get a warrant -- which would really make the whole thing unnecessary. Actually, she should probably file charges in Texas -- they tend to be the hardest on criminals, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, but... this isn't about getting revenge, Doc. This is about ending the pain."

"Well, what he's done is reprehensible. He should be punished. You know this."

"Yeah, true... I'll have to think about whether it's a smart idea. I'll call up Gail and Nora and advise them of this. I just hope I can catch them over the weekend. Thanks, Doc."

"Anything I can do to help." He got up and tapped my restraint. "Rest well, Mr. Irvine."

"Oh, please... call me Chris."

"Sorry. It's not my policy. I don't want to play favorites." With that, he left the room. I began dialing up Shawn's cel phone, hoping I could reach him. Texas. He'd be in Texas right now, I'm sure.

"Hello?"

"Shawn?"

"Yeah."

"It's Y2J."

"Oh, hi, Chris -- one second, lemme get somewhere where I can take this call... okay, Andy, I'm free. What is it?"

"I just talked to Dr. Andrews. He heard our talk yesterday. He says it would be wise to file the charges in Texas. The assault on Gail should stick, even if the rape doesn't."

"Okay... good idea. But we couldn't get him anyway, could we?"

"Well, if Nora saved the letters -- I know I did -- if she saved all the notes, we got those too. The notes can be the smoking guns, especially that threat he sent."

"Got it. I'll discuss the notes with Nora and Gail tomorrow. They got pulled off the house shows this weekend. Gail's -- well, Lindsay's -- staying with me."

"Shawn, one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"If he's convicted of the rape... in Texas... that's not good, is it?"

"Well, why wouldn't it be?"

"Come on, Shawn, you're the one who's lived there all his life. You know what the judicial system is like down there."

"Well, Andy... society has its ways, and God has His. If they give him the chair, that's their business. I wouldn't... but I'm not the DA. So... I guess it's out of our hands. The only thing I can do is pray for leniency. Ultimately, though... it's Nora's call. If she wants him to die, the state will pursue the death penalty."

"Does she?"

"I don't think she's thought that far ahead. I hope she doesn't. But in her state -- I'm not sure she can think clearly anymore. It's... it's hard, Andy. Just let her think. Let her recover."

"I kinda wish we could yank her out. You know, that Recovery would do her so much good."

"Not really. The body and mind would go insane separated from the soul. I'm not saying right away -- we've never tried it before. The Recovery's only supposed to be used for souls that don't belong in the body -- that are extra. Like you."

"How long would someone survive without a soul? Are we... wait a second."

"What?"

"Vince doesn't have a soul, does he?"

"I think he does. Well, he used to. I don't know... maybe that's why people who are possessed act the way they do. I guess there's a difference between a lost soul and no soul."

"So is it too late?"

"I hope not, Andy. I don't think it is. If we can get the demon out, and keep Vince alive, we can save him. It's a tall task. But God will find a way."

I really hope so.

[DonaldMick]

Not to give away too many later events, but I have to say that recent stuff on Matt Hardy's website could be classified as life imitating art...

And I still cannot believe Hogan rapped. Usually he's the victim ("Be a Man" and "Hulk Hogan on Crack", anyone?). I guess it truly was a kinder, gentler Hogan.

[oldskool]

I do believe that segment won some awards. Well-deserved ones, too...brother. It's catchy, what can I say?

[The Third Dukes]

Not to give away too many later events, but I have to say that recent stuff on Matt Hardy's website could be classified as life imitating art...

←

[DonaldMick]

It wasn't your fault!

*gets shot repeatedly*

[DoubleX]

Not to give away too many later events, but I have to say that recent stuff on Matt Hardy's website could be classified as life imitating art...

←

I'll post another chapter soon, but first... I wish to take this opportunity to apologize for Gene Snitsky. Y'all know why.

←

Oh, so THAT'S whose fault it is!

[The Third Dukes]

In this chapter are a few things to get your attention. Not many, but a few. We hear from the real Chris Jericho, for one. We also meet Y2J's family. And Andy... well, he's in the right place at the right time. Oh, and he gets a new assignment.

Andy is worried about this assignment, but really, you can see that God works in mysterious ways. Or is that just a lazy author? You be the judge. Either way, a little more Andy in rehab, and a cameo from Mrs. Jericho. Enjoy.

*****

Chapter 51

The Jericho Family

Sunday, November 23, 2003, 01:35 PM

Birmingham, AL

It was a lonely weekend. While a bunch of people came in and visited me, asking for autographs and the like, it just wasn't the same. They were admirers, sure, but they weren't friends -- at least, they weren't my friends.

I had spent most of the time thinking the plan through. I need to be someone important next week. There's 8 or 9 people who trust me to get this done. I can't let them down by turning out to be... oh, say, Tommy Dreamer. Not that he's a bad guy, but he wouldn't do anything. I hope my prayers are answered, anyway.

With nothing left to do on a soggy Sunday afternoon, I closed my eyes and recessed in my thoughts.

*****

How did I get here? Oh, yeah, I remember now. I walked forward. Chris was alone in the corner, half-awake. I began to limp toward him, dragging my leg every other step due to the heavy cast on it. He woke up and looked at me. "Oh, hello."

"Hi. Enjoying the time off?"

"Not really. How much can you enjoy having a week of your existence taken from you?"

"Hey -- at least you can't do anything wrong. And you'll remember everything anyway."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, sorry you have to drag that ugly cast around. Believe me, it wasn't my idea to rip my calf muscle."

"I can imagine. I saw the match. It looked awful. You normally are good at hiding pain, but this..."

"You don't know the half of it. I could barely walk. I felt it go and all I could think of was the pain. If Randy and Kev hadn't been there to bail me out, the whole thing could've been a disaster. I'm just glad I was able to avoid further damage."

"Yeah, but... it really seemed like they didn't know what to do."

"Eh. Randy's a nice kid, but he's too green to be able to call it like that. Kev -- well, Kev doesn't like booking on the fly like that, because he's at his best when he's in a rhythm. Still, he did an awesome job of holding it together. Really, that's all I can ask for."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"You all right, junior? Something's on your mind, isn't it? What's happened?"

"Well, I... the other day, a bunch of people came over to pay you a visit, and... well, something got out. It was pretty bad."

"What's wrong?"

"Molly... she's... I can't even think you'd imagine what it could be."

"Care to tell me? Look, we all know she's been acting strange ever since getting the title. I can see her on TV -- her heart isn't in it as much as it once was. What's wrong?"

"Chris, she... it's Darren."

"Huh? Are they dating? Did he dump her?"

"Worse... he... he's hurting her."

"Wha... what? He's... how?"

"As long as she gives him what he wants, she gets to move up the ladder. But if she refuses or does a bad job, then he makes her lose matches or get stiffed."

"What does he want?"

"Her."

"Wait... he's forcing her to... to let him have sex with her?"

"More than you realize. He's... Chris, you're never gonna believe this, and I understand that, but... he's preying on her. He's taking advantage of her. He's..."

"Okay, okay... I know what you mean. Wow. That's... that's awful. But what can I do about it? Why are you telling me?"

"Because I -- or, rather, you -- set the events in motion to stop it. Hopefully. I want you to know this so that when you get credit for it, you're not trying to say it wasn't your idea. Chris, you're seen as a locker room leader and as a role model. I want you to know that."

"Well, I figured that much out. But come on, kid. So what if I am? I'm not in the locker room, and I got more important things to worry about."

"Like?"

"Like the fact that I have never seen my family since coming here. I call her every day, but... it's been so hard. My boy... he's two months old, and... I've never gotten to meet him. This hurts me. It hurts me more than my leg does. Can you appreciate what it's like not to be around family?"

"More than you realize. Chris, I... I don't know what to do. I can't exactly ask you to take my place right now. And I don't think it would do any good, anyway. The problem is... well, that's life."

"I know it's life. I know it's... I just miss her. I guess we all have our own crosses to bear, eh?"

"Crosses? You're religious?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm well aware of all the Heaven and Hell stuff. Why do you think HHH doesn't bother me? Why do you think the politics backstage are everyone else's problem and not mine? I'm cool. I'm doing just fine with what I have. Wrestling isn't life -- no matter what anyone says. God is life. Anyway, I should let you get back to being me."

I smiled. "You seem awfully cool with having someone take over your body."

He smiled back. "You would be, too, if you knew it was just another week being alone. I'm not missing anything."

*****

He sure isn't. I just kinda wish I could be capable of doing something here. I know I did the right thing when I was with all those visitors. But... something just seems weird. Well, hopefully it'll be another uneventful day. I don't want Chris to regret the timing.

Any hopes of having an uneventful day were soon dashed, though. The door opened, and in walked a beautiful woman. Her blond hair and blue eyes were perfectly placed around her light skin of her face and neck. Her outfit seemed to glow, and was enhanced whenever she smiled. She carried a little rocker with her, and although all I could see at first were blankets, I knew what -- or, rather, who -- else was there. I could hardly contain my excitement.

"Hi, honey... thank you for coming. This is a wonderful surprise."

"Oh, Chris, you know I said as soon as we could get out of the house we'd come see you. Well, here we are." She leaned over and kissed me. Even though it was Chris and not me she was in love with, I felt a calming force emanating through her lips. "Teddy, I want you to meet someone," she said as she turned to the rocker. "This is your daddy."

I looked inside at a tiny baby, eight weeks old. The kid was asleep, sucking his thumb. I doubt he could acknowledge me anyway. Not that it matters -- I've never felt more attached to a stranger than I do now. "Hey there, junior. C'mon, wake up. Please?" The baby kept right on sleeping. "I guess there's time later. I just hope I can be a good father."

"Chris, I'm sure you'll do just fine. I wouldn't have wanted to share my family life with you otherwise, would I?"

I smiled. "Thanks." I removed the restraints and attempted to get out of bed. "Hand me the crutches, would you, dear? I want to show you around."

*****

08:14 PM

We returned to my room, as I hopped over and sat down on the bed. Jessica -- Chris's wife -- sat down next to me. Together we stared in joy and wonder at little Teddy.

"Can you believe it?" I finally asked after ten minutes. "We did this. We brought him into the world. This is wonderful."

"Yeah... so, what do you think of him?"

"He's beautiful. He's... wow. I've never wanted to come back faster than I do now."

"Why?"

"Because I want to live. You don't know how hard it's been, being away from everyone and just focusing on getting better. After a while, you just begin to wonder what your motivation is. It's like a personal hell. But now... now I feel stronger, because I see what I'm fighting for. It's to make his life better. It's to give him a happy and loving home."

She was silent. We both were. I just felt myself embraced by a sign of love -- true love -- even if it wasn't mine. I almost wondered if these two were united. I don't remember seeing Chris incomplete in there, but then again, was I really looking for it?

"Chris," she said, finally. "Are we alone?"

"We can be." I got up and, with the help of the crutches, hopped over to the door. I pushed a button, then threw the lock. "There we go. That'll tell them not to disturb me right now. Not that they haven't before. And if there's an emergency, they can always unlock it anyway." I made my way back to the bed. "So, why do you want to be alone?"

She moved in on me and kissed me, setting me on my back on the bed. "Because I miss you." Ahhhhh, this is why. I hope Chris doesn't get jealous...

*****

Monday, November 24, 2003, 07:35 AM

Salt Lake City, UT

The radio station woke me up to the sounds of Chopin. I slowly rolled out of bed and looked around. Well, I'm not Jericho anymore, that's for sure. I'm back on the road. Not only that, but apparently I'm all by myself. I checked the other bed. Sure enough, no one was in there.

I looked at the bedside table. The glasses had migrated back to my side of the bed. Hopefully, Shawn will be expecting me this time. I tried to walk over to the mirror, but felt pain in both my knees. I saw knee braces on the other bed. I worked my way over there and put them on.

I was finally able to walk around. I double-checked the mirror. I wonder if God let me be someone important. One glance revealed that my prayers had been answered.

Oh, hell yeah! I'm not just any important guy -- I'm THE important guy. Let's hear it for ol' Stone Cold Steve Austin!

[The Third Dukes]

Lots of goodies in this chapter, as Stone Cold is a very important guy. First up is a talk with Nora/Molly about what she's going through. It reveals a different side of her -- and it also shows another after-effect of the assault. With her trust so absolutely shattered, she can't sustain feelings for more than a few seconds. It's a mental thing: you want to open up, but you're afraid of getting burned again, so you push away, but then you think you're overreacting. Middle ground is hard to come by. But I cover this near the end.

Plans are first announced for the Showcase of the Immortals here, too. As time went on, I'd leak more and more info about it, but it was a plan to celebrate the history of the WWE at WrestleMania XX. I'll let you speculate.

There's a cameo in this chapter. It's about as close as I'll ever get to an inside joke. Needless to say, it was well-received, given the time frame.

And then there's RAW itself, in which Austin walks away, but not before handing out a couple of orders and abusing Michael Shane. Which, really, is all in the spirit of things. I'm almost disappointed that I didn't show the Molly/Hurricane v. Right to Censor match, which would've been a pure comedy match as you can imagine. But my allusion to its comedic nature is in there.

Not much else to say, really. So somebody throw me a damn beer.

*****

Chapter 52

The Golden Day

Monday, November 24, 2003, 12:45 PM

Salt Lake City, UT

I hobbled down the stairs and past the lobby. I can't believe I'm this immobile right now. I thought my neck was the biggest problem. Dammit, no wonder he's drunk all the time. I sat down in the big chair by the entrance as the rest of the people filed by to the buses. I thought of putting my glasses on, but I couldn't hope to hide behind them. Austin doesn't wear glasses. He wears... actually, my vision's pretty good as it is. I guess that's a requirement.

"Steve? Are you there?"

I whipped my head around, then instantly regretted turning that quickly from the pain in my upper neck. As soon as I stopped wincing, I saw Nora headed my way. She grabbed me around the chest and gave me a quick hug. "Thank you," she said.

"Hey, don't thank me yet, girl. All I did was talk to Jericho. I ain't sure the plan's gonna work. Hell, I'm still having a hard time believing it all."

"Steve, you have to. Please. Just... just wait and see. I don't want you to come to conclusions."

"Well, that's awful nice for you to be concerned about, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean? Last few months you been moping around acting like you wanna go and kill yourself, now you seem like you wanna take on the world. Sit down, girl. You've changed quite a bit, you know that? Now I ain't sayin' that's bad -- in fact, this is the Nora Greenwald I know and love right here -- but what's the difference?"

She looked around, as if to make sure no one was listening in on us. "To be honest, Steve... I don't feel guilty anymore. I don't feel like I... like it's my fault. I guess when everyone knew, when everyone rallied to my side... I could just feel a weight being lifted off of me. It was wonderful. It was... wow. I can't understand it. I guess after you hear it from enough people, you... you believe it."

"Well, that's wonderful, Nora." I moved in to return the hug. However, she squirmed a little and moved away.

"Sorry... I may feel better, but... I'm not gonna be the same. You're just gonna have to deal with... I guess I am too. It's gonna take a long time."

I took a deep breath. "I know what you mean."

"How? This never happened to you!"

"Nora, wait..." Okay, quick, think... Austin's past... oh, duh. "Nora, I've been on the other side of the trust issue. You think it's easy? I walk on thin ice of my own doing every time I go home. Debra... she may forgive, bless her heart, but she don't forget. I don't want her to forget. And that means, every time I get upset at home, she's scared of me. And she should be. She can trust me -- I know she will -- but it's gonna take forever. Hell, been 18 months and it still hasn't happened. So I know you're gonna need space, girl -- but if you wanna talk about your troubles, just come to ol' Stone Cold."

She looked at me. "You mean it?"

"Hey... this dog can't fight no more. Well... maybe a little. But he's all bark, and no bite. Please... I want you to trust someone."

"Well, Steve... don't take this the wrong way, but... I have people I can trust. I have Gail, my... my roommate. I never thought I could trust her, but... I feel a kinship to her now. We're both getting screwed." She chuckled. "And I have Shawn. He took me to his church the other day and introduced me to another wrestler who had a bad past."

"Really? Who?"

"You don't know him. Thing is, the guy went through a lot in his life -- bad father, ugly childhood, you know -- but he was there for me. He saw I was all right. And if I talk to him and Shawn... and of course, the doctor..." She wavered. "Time will heal the scars on my body. I just hope my mind and my soul can heal, too."

"I know you went to the church, but... are you spiritual?"

"Yeah... I was. I hope I will be. But during this whole thing, I... I kinda fell out a little. I was like, 'How could this happen? How could God let me suffer?' I just didn't know. But maybe I had to fall down to get up. In a way, I still don't know why it happened, but I know I've been blaming the wrong people."

"Who did you blame? God?"

"Myself mainly. Like I didn't fight enough. But... when you hear from enough people that you're all right, and they're racing to help you, and they're willing to fight for you... you know, Christian said he wanted to kill him. That meant a ton. He was willing to do something that bad. He was that angry. I just kinda hope I can make people feel that. I'm so confused."

I heard a car horn go off outside. I looked up. Shawn was standing half in his door, glasses on and staring at me. "Oh, sorry, girl, I gotta go. Chin up, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks."

I took off to the car, carrying my luggage behind me. Shawn helped me put it in the trunk. "I hope you didn't say anything stupid to her."

"Relax, Shawn. I had it covered. I called Jericho and asked him about Nora. Then I just told him that as far as anyone knew, he called me. It's all covered."

Shawn thought a while. "All right, I guess so. Sorry, man... I got a bit of a shock when I woke up this morning. There were two sets of glasses in my room. I didn't expect... well, I guess it just didn't hit me."

"What do you mean?"

"Look for yourself inside."

O...kay... I made my way over to the front passenger side. "No, no," said Shawn. "Sorry, but you're outranked in my car."

"What? By who?"

As I spoke, a smaller man stuck his head out the window. "By family," said Michael Shane. "Move it, Andy. I got shotgun."

I simply shook my head. Man, Shawn gets to room with Lindsay this week. Lucky bastard.

*****

02:55 PM

"Steve, I'm glad you could be here for this conversation. You see, I wanted to talk to you about a possible direction we're going with your character, and since you do have creative control, it was important to have you in on it."

"Well, thanks, Vince, but you know there ain't much I'm against as long as I can keep kickin' ass."

"I know, Steve. See, we want to do something special for WrestleMania. We want to provide the people with a match that celebrates twenty years of the greatest sports entertainment extravaganza of all time."

"Well, that's just fine, Vince, but where do I come in?"

"Well, we want to take you off the air for a while. You see--"

"Now, hold on, Vince, hold on. Why would you want ol' Stone Cold to take a back seat? I still get the best results."

"You see, the two general manager thing isn't really working out, so starting next week, Eric will be on his own. We think the interplay between Eric and Stephanie is a lot better, and quite frankly... you don't want to be thought of as a joke. I would've thought this is what you wanted."

"Okay, Vince, I'm listenin'. But what do I do for the next few months, and how does this all fit in with WrestleMania?"

"Steve, it's simple. At WrestleMania, we are having a Showcase of the Immortals Match. Basically, we're going to get a ton of the biggest names we've ever produced, and some of the biggest names in wrestling history, and we're going to have them all together. I don't have the exact details yet, but I do know I want you to be a part of it."

"So, what, you want me in an old-timers match?"

"Steve, the fact remains that with your knees and your neck... you can't go every day. You've told me the road is hell on you. I'm giving you three months' rest and the chance to be on the biggest stage of the game. Isn't this what you want?"

"Yeah, you're right. Tell ya what, Vince -- I'll do it. But I got something I gotta do this week, so how about we make next week the send-off for Stone Cold?"

"Hey, you're on the air this week. You can tell the fans yourself that you're taking time off to prepare for WrestleMania. I'm sure they'll understand."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks, Vince. I think this'll work out well for the both of us."

"I'm sure it will."

"Actually, Vince, there's somethin' I wanna tell ya. Um... it seems that Nora... Molly... she's been getting some rough treatment mixin' it up with the guys. A couple of 'em are under the impression they have to roughhouse with her. Now, I don't wanna see her hurt, so is there somethin' we can do here?"

"Steve... she made her decision to face the men. I was told she wanted this. She's lucky we're keeping the women's title on her all this time. It would be well within my right to take it from her. So I suggest you stick to your business and let me handle the affairs of the WWE. You got that?"

"Fine, Vince. If you say so."

*****

05:44 PM

As I walked around backstage planning the last-second details of my part of RAW, I heard a series of shouts from near the entranceway. I headed in that direction to discover Lance Storm, irate and having to be restrained. Opposite him was a much younger kid, decked out in a bright yellow costume. The two sides were having words. I stormed between them.

"Hey, now, just wait a goddamn minute here! What the hell is going on here?"

"This punk," Lance sputtered out, "he wasn't playing ball out there."

"Hey, I'm here to get a job," the recently-labelled punk yelled back. "I'm here to work. What's your reason?"

"I'm here because I have a job. You should consider yourself lucky you were allowed here."

"And you should consider yourself lucky you got to face me instead of being sent home, you boring piece of..."

"Hey, hey, whoa, enough. Enough! Lance, I'll talk to you later. Son," I said, turning to the other guy, "I wanna talk to you right now. The rest of ya, get in the back and get ready for tonight."

The crowd dispersed. I took the young wrestler aside and spoke in a calm voice. "Now, kid..."

"Don't call me that."

"How old are you?"

"19."

"Then you're a kid. Listen... I know this is a big opportunity for ya. You probably got all your friends and your family out there, hoping for you to do well. But ya know what? You can't try to go into business for yourself. Now what exactly happened out there?"

"Nothing. That guy just didn't let me show off my talent."

"Kid, do you really think you're here to show off your talent? You're here to see if you're a company man. Hell, we all gotta kiss ass sometimes. We all gotta look at the lights. That's the way it is. You should know that."

"Not for me, it isn't. I'm my group's champion. I'm the best wrestler I've ever seen. That Storm guy? He couldn't keep up with me out there. He's yesterday. I'm tomorrow. For that matter, you're yesterday."

"Oh, come on, son. Treat me with a little respect. Don't ya know I could help you get a job with the WWE?"

"Fuck the WWE. I've got my own group, and we'll take you down. Just wait."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you will, but not with an attitude like that. Now listen... what's your name, anyway?"

"Jeff."

"Okay, Jeff. Pay attention. You wanna be something around here, you gotta know how to get along. I don't see that in you. In fact, your references ain't exactly the best, you know? They talk about you gettin' in fights and drinkin' and stuff. That's what got me in trouble, son."

"They're just jealous. They just want to keep me so I can take them to the top. Don't you see that? I'm better than them. I'm better than the WWE, too. You should be begging me for a job."

"Can it, kid. I hold the key to you gettin' hired around here. Now do you want my help or not?"

"I don't need your help. They all saw what I was capable of. They'll come knocking down my door."

"Not with an attitude like that, they won't. Now, are you gonna shape up? Do you really want to be a star? Or are you just gonna be one of those guys in a bar at age 40 talking about what you might have been able to do? I suggest you get your ass in line right now. You hear me?"

"Hear this, asshole!" He took a swing at me. I casually caught his fist and stared at him.

"Wrong answer, Jeff," I said with a deadly seriousness. "Now before I have you arrested, I suggest you take one of two options: shape up or ship out. You got me? Either way, take off that stupid outfit. You look like a goddamn Christmas tree ornament."

Jeff looked at me. I stared back. His eyes burned a bright green. Finally, after almost a full minute, he stormed off in the other direction. As he did, the fireworks for Heat went off. He walked into the locker room. I followed to watch.

He very forcefully packed his bags as the rest of the locker room looked at him with a condescending and wary glance. He turned around when he was done and flipped off everyone. Finally, he stormed out of the locker room. "You'll regret your decision, old-timer," he said before heading off into the night.

Lance walked up next to me. "What's with that kid? Most people would at least be deferential."

"I dunno, Lance. I guess he thinks he's wrestling's golden boy. C'mon, let's go watch Heat."

*****

07:00 PM

The fireworks went off out in the arena. I stayed back, waiting for my cue. For whatever reason, the nervousness of Stone Cold realizing his career was almost over was catching up with me. I thought back. It's only been four months for me. Four long, lonely months, with no one but a handful of people to sympathize with. I've been half-destroyed, used, abused, loved, hated, scared, scarred, and just about everything in between. I've lived more since I died than before it. But I wouldn't trade it in for my life at all.

But that's me. This is Austin. He's been living this personal hell for 13 years. He's been trying to get to the top, stay on top, get right, get bright, and everything in between. Now he's coming to grips with the fact that Vince McMahon thinks he'd be better off as a special attraction. I cannot imagine -- I cannot begin to imagine -- how hard it must be to face your retirement.

"Steve? Can I ask you something?" It was Nora again. "Do you think our plan will work?"

"Shhhh!" I got close to her and whispered. "You wanna blow it? Darren might hear ya."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so stupid. I can't believe I... I'm sorry."

"Nora, wait... c'mon, what's the big deal? You were so happy this morning."

"Yeah, I know... I'm just nervous. I mean, if something goes wrong... then I... I... oh God..." she sat down and curled up into a ball. I squatted down as far as Austin's rickety knees would let me.

"Nora... c'mon... you can do this. We're all behind you. This ain't a setup. We're all honest people. Can't you trust Gail? Lance? Christian? Trish? Stacy? Me? Aren't we worth it?"

"I... yeah... I'm just scared. I... I don't want it to happen again. I'm sorry."

"Nora, girl, just... just relax. You got a match tonight. It's all right. You got a big deal. Just go out there tonight, and fire up the crowd, and make them want to be you. And if you can't do it for me... do it for Mikey, all right?"

She stared into my eyes as tears formed. "All right. I'll do it for Mikey. I guess."

"That's my girl. Now, c'mon... you got a big night tonight."

I went to help her up, but she refused. She stood up on her own and walked to the Diva locker room. I waited for my cue from Kevin Dunn. In the ring, Randy Orton was holding court with RNN, and Michael Shane was his guest. Come on, Stone Cold... don't break down now.

CRASH!!!

I waited eight bars while the arena went crazy before strolling out in my "F*CK FEAR -- DRINK BEER" shirt. I sauntered into the ring, barely able to hear my own thoughts from the din of the crowd. I got into the ring. I got on each middle turnbuckle in turn and fired off the Stone Cold Bat-signal. I then turned around and found myself looking at Orton and Shane -- neither of whom seemed too happy about having their little interview bit interrupted.

"Well, Michael, look who we have here. Sit down, Steve... here, you can have my chair. Or better yet, you can stand over by the special OrTron 2200 we have especially for this occasion. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"What?"

"I said, wouldn't that..."

"What?"

"Steve, I'm trying to be nice. It's rude to..."

"What?" Orton got upset. Shane seemed more agitated that his moment in the spotlight was being taken from him. I just smiled at both of them. I continued. "Now, you done asking me questions?"

"What," yelled the crowd. Here we go again.

"You done quizzin' me? (WHAT?) You gonna let me talk now? (WHAT?) That's better. (WHAT?) As for you, kid... (WHAT?) ...you wanna make a name for yourself? (WHAT?) You think you can get to the top by being the Heartbreak Kid's little boy? (WHAT?) Is that what you think? (WHAT?)"

"I'll show you how good I am."

"Is that so? (WHAT?) Little Mikey Shane thinks he can be the next Shawn Michaels. (WHAT?) Well, lemme tell you somethin'. (WHAT?) I know Shawn Michaels. (WHAT?) Shawn Michaels is a good friend of mine. (WHAT?) And lemme tell you... (WHAT?) ...you are no Shawn Michaels. (WHAT?) The only thing you got in common with him is your DNA. (WHAT?) That and the whole routine, but that's just cuz you wanna copycat him. (WHAT?) Can't you make a name on your own, son? (WHAT?) Well? (WHAT?)"

"Gimme a chance."

I acted like I was thinking for a second. Then I smiled. "Is that all you want is a chance? (WHAT?) Well ol' Stone Cold sez tonight's your lucky night. (WHAT?) Because after tonight, you'll have had your chance to be a star. (WHAT?) But before I get to that, I wanna say somethin' to all of Stone Cold Steve Austin's fans."

A huge cheer went up -- along with a few hundred middle fingers. Ah, my public. "You see, ol' Stone Cold has to say somethin' he doesn't wanna say. (WHAT?) He has to say goodbye. (WHAT?) Yeah... ol' Stone Cold is takin' a little leave of absence from the WWE starting next week."

The crowd booed. "No, no, no... you see, as much as I hate that low-down double-dealing sonofabitch Eric Bischoff, I gotta leave him in control. (WHAT?) You see, I'm gonna be in the gym for a few months. (WHAT?) I'll be training. (WHAT?) I'll be taking my vitamins. (WHAT?) Hell, I might even say a few prayers. (WHAT?) But mostly I'm hitting the weights, (WHAT?) doing the running, (WHAT?) push-ups, (WHAT?) pull-ups, (WHAT?) sit-ups, (WHAT?) eatin' right, (WHAT?) drinkin' health stuff, (WHAT?) cuttin' back to maybe three or four beers a day, (WHAT?) and all the other things Stone Cold needs to be back in ass-kicking shape (WHAT?) so that he can be ready to step into the ring at WrestleMania!"

The crowd went nuts. I could hear JR screaming his head off from 50 feet away. An "Austin" chant broke out. They like me, don't they? I turned to Orton and to Michael in turn. Even Orton smiled. "Well, Steve, as nice as it is that you'll be coming back -- I'd be lying if I said I hate to see ya go."

"Now, wait a damn minute, Randy, I ain't gone yet. You see, I promised Junior over here a shot at bein' a star, and I damn well plan to deliver. So you see, Shane, tonight, In This Very Ring..."

"Hang on, old man. You treat me with more respect than you have so far. Give the future of the WWE the respect he deserves." This is too easy. I flipped him off. The crowd cheered.

"You gonna let me finish now? Good. As I was sayin', tonight, In This Very Ring, you are gonna be a part of a big match. It'll be you, Christian, and Triple H... against Booker T, Goldust, and Chris Benoit! See, son, I ain't all that bad. I gave you some good teammates. Of course, the way you're acting, I think they might be happy just to let you take all the beatin. So say hi to the Rock for me over in the ICU, cuz that's where I expect you to be when Booker, Goldust, and Benoit get through with you. And that, son, is the bottom line... cuz Stone Cold said so!"

CRASH! Hit the corners for a salute and head out of the ring. As I walked to the back, I saw Shane's face on the TitanTron. The arrogance was gone, and fear had taken its place. Lindsay perfectly portrayed a young man thrust into an uncomfortable situation and realizing he was about to get a baptism by fire.

*****

07:19 PM

"You're bringin' out this thing again, Eric? Why?"

The shot pulled back to show a giant wheel with a cutout of Eric Bischoff's big grinning face in the middle. Eric was standing by the side of it, looking on with pride as I stood confused.

"Well, you see, Stone Cold... now that you're leaving me in charge of RAW, I figure I can have a little fun. And part of that fun will be in this."

"The RAW Roulette Wheel?"

"Once, perhaps... but before then, it was bigger and tougher, and it was a brutal wheel. It was something we used in Halloween to set the toughest, most dangerous, most horrifying match we could think of. And now, with you out of the way, I figured I might bring it back for one special appearance."

"Eric... why bring anything from WCW in here? Don't ya know if it's WCW, it's gotta suck?"

"Oh, no... that's where you're wrong. You see, my ideas were good... but the execution failed. Well, not here, not now. You see, on this wheel will be 10 brutal, devastating matches that will push Kane and Chris Benoit to their limit at Armageddon. One of them will be their torture."

"What are they?"

"Oh, no, Steve... you'll have to find out like everyone else. Tune into RAW next week, and I'll reveal the matchups that will be on this Wheel of Death."

I stormed off. "Goodbye, Steve. We'll all miss you so much." Eric beamed as the camera went to the ring.

*****

07:25 PM

Having completed my first assignments for the day, I looked on as Gregory stood by the women's locker room door. Kevin Dunn gave him the cue as microphones were set up all around, including (apparently) one on the inside. He knocked on the door.

"Molly... Molly, are you ready?"

"I will be soon. Are you sure you don't want me to... you know..."

"Citizen Molly, we discussed this earlier. The Hurricane does not forget. He works alone."

"I know, but I got so many people asking if I would."

"My answer is the negative. You made your choice. You left the Hurricane. And now, you want to... this? WHAZZUPWIDAT?"

"But please... Crash told me he wanted to see it one last time, and now... well... I know it would mean so much to the family."

"Well... I didn't know that was why..."

"So... is it okay?"

"Very well. But just this once. Consider it a gift... from the Hurricane."

Gregory leaped off-screen as a "whoosh" sound effect played. We continued to listen to behind the door. "All right!" Nora shouted. "Thank you!" Then we heard a second "whoosh" sound effect as the door was about to open.

We went to commercial as the sketch stopped. The door opened. Nora exited, her brown hair about the only thing recognizable. She had completely changed costumes and attitude. She was back to the black and pink I remembered from years ago. She wore a bright tiara in her hair. She smiled a million-dollar smile. "How do I look, Steve?" she asked.

"Like a hero," I replied. She giggled and walked off to the entrance, ready to make a one-night-only return to being the super-sidekick Mighty Molly.

*****

08:59 PM

I waited as the main event finished. In the ring, all six men were brawling. Triple H headed to the outside as Kane emerged from the back. Benoit saw him and gave chase. With those two out of the ring, Booker and Goldust took advantage. Booker clotheslined Christian out of the ring as the ref tried to get them to their corners. Goldust put Shane in the corner and had him set up for Shattered Dreams when HHH returned and hit him with the sledgehammer. With Goldust thus incapacitated, HHH got the ref to help Shane out of the corner. Shane went to the top rope and did Kevin Nash's framing before dropping the big elbow on Goldust. The ref counted three, and Michael Shane had snuck his first victory out from under my nose.

Before he could celebrate, though, the glass broke. I stormed out a second time for the night. This time there was no saluting or anything else. I just looked Michael straight in the eye. As we stared, I saw a smile come across Shane's face -- a smile I knew was Lindsay acknowledging how much fun it was to be working on-camera together.

"Well, good going, Michael. Looks like you've learned your lesson well from the master of being an asshole," I said, pointing to Triple H. "But I'm not lettin' my last night as an officer of the RAW brand end like this. So Triple H, since you just saw fit to screw Goldust there, I'm givin' him a little rematch against you at Armageddon! And that's the FINAL bottom line, cuz Stone Cold said so!"

"Wait!" Shane had the mic. "That may be well and good, but aren't you going to congratulate me on proving I am the next icon of the WWE?"

"You didn't prove crap to me, kid." I walked off. As I headed to the ropes, I felt a hand grab my arm. I knew it was Shane's. I looked up and smiled a big smile to the audience. He's touching me. That's a physical provocation. "You got five seconds to show regret for touchin' me, kid, or I'll make you show regret." I saw everyone else leave quietly.

"Come on, old-timer. Do your worst." He pulled me back to the center of the ring and slapped me across the face. I stared at him. He didn't change expression. I smiled and nodded. I've been wanting to do this since I first saw Stone Cold as champion.

I kicked Shane in the gut and turned around. I grabbed his head in my arm as I jumped into the air. I sat down while letting go of the head. I turned around as I got up, just in time to see Shane flying backwards three feet in the air. He landed semi-conscious by the ropes. I got down in his face and barked at him for a while. I then stood up and faced the timekeeper. Somebody throw me a damn beer or two.

*****

10:54 PM

We rode back in character. Nora was in the back seat with Shane, talking about their experiences of being young and famous. I was up front with Shawn, the latest, and hopefully last, note in my hand. "NG Wed 1930 yours DM," it read. I looked back at Nora, who seemed to be trying to lose herself in conversation.

"Shawn, I don't get it," I said quietly. "Nora's relieved this morning, nervous this afternoon, and enjoying herself tonight. Can't she hold one emotion for more than five seconds?"

"I don't know," Shawn replied. "Maybe she's scared of letting her guard down, so she's constantly changing emotions as a defense. Or maybe... nah, I dunno."

"What?"

"Well, maybe she actually can't stay level. Maybe she's overreacting. I mean, I talked to her earlier today and she seemed to take everything I said like it was deadly serious news. I think she doesn't know what's minor and what's major anymore."

"Whaddya mean by how she was acting?"

"Well... it's like this. She comes in, on the verge of tears. She wants the whole plan off. She says she'll just take her punishment, she can't trust anyone, she thinks she's not worth helping... anyway, I try to cheer her up, and somewhere along the line, she does this total 180. Like she goes back to being perky and cheerful and ready to take over the world. I can't figure it out myself."

"It's like she's a hill."

"What?"

"Oh, just a metaphor I have. See, most people are valleys. They have moments when they're really far up one emotion or really far up another, but you give them enough time and they'll return to the center -- cuz that's what they wanna do. But Nora -- well, something ain't right. Her equilibrium's at the top of a hill or something, so that when you push to get her out of her bad mood, it rolls down the other side all the way to good. You get what I'm saying?"

"Kinda... but... something bothers me."

"Yeah?"

"Why hasn't that happened to you?"

I thought for a while. "I don't know," I finally said. "I guess I'm just lucky. Or maybe it's because I don't have to live in fear every day of the week. Maybe it's because it was just once. Or maybe -- maybe God just hit me over the head and got me out of it. I dunno... but whatever it is, I want her to have the same thing."

Shawn kept looking forward as he drove. "Yeah... I know what you mean."

[DonaldMick]

GOLDEN BOY~

This was, IMO, the best week of the entire diary before Wrestlemania. I'm not going to say why, but it'll all come out sooner or later.

Poor Andy, though... did the poor guy ever get shotgun with Lindsay around?

[The Third Dukes]

I am SUCH a lazy bastard.

Okay, so here's some more fun with the original... this also reveals why it is that, in the current variation of the BVS Universe, Molly is considered on par with (if not better than) Chyna. After all, all Chyna did was bulk up to 200+ pounds and stand 6'1. That's NOTHING.

Anyway, we get the special Thanksgiving edition of SmackDown! (with obligatory food fight) in spoiler form. I did this occasionally to keep up the idea of varying what I was doing when. This also sets up a Hogan/Eddie match that I produced later. The politics were in full swing, as I knew Eddie had to win the title, but didn't know when or how. Hogan was part of the answer.

Also, we see the stakeout and bust. I moved it five or six times in my mind before settling on the hotel. Somehow the farm just rang false. Anyway, a little background. Sgt. Allen's name was chosen because Allen is the long form of Al. In another diary, there was an Al-Snow-as-sergeant routine that a ton of people really liked. So I jumped five steps before getting to the character's name. That said, his buddy Cpl. Robinson is slightly less subtle. And at least one IWA:MS fan recognized it.

It should also be noted that this was originally two posts, and that the split came just as Regal was walking into the hotel room. People did not like that.

Torrie's concerns about Lita are a red herring. No one bought it.

The aftermath, with a half-dozen guys talking about their various opinions, was a way to set up a showdown with Vince. I tried to establish that if he had a salvation, it was through Stephanie. This was the first clue the Angels had to try that route. Meanwhile, seeing everyone's different reaction -- from Benoit's disbelief to Kidman's dismay -- it's certainly an interesting discussion to say the least. And the final image of this multi-man showdown is one everybody liked.

*****

Chapter 53

The Truth Comes Out

Tuesday, November 25, 2003, 02:45 PM

McCall, ID

"Wow... this place is huge."

We were walking through the fields of a little forsaken town just 30 miles north of Boise, where the night's event would take place. A lot of the RAW stars came along to participate in a WWE reunion for Thanksgiving. Although this pretty much ignored the fact that we met for Survivor Series 11 days prior, it was the thought that counted.

"Yeah -- this is my home," said Torrie Wilson, showing us around the premises. "Oh, watch your step -- Mom and Dad don't want to harvest mashed potatoes this fall."

As we stepped lightly over the crops, a thought occurred to me. I quickly turned to Shawn. "Wait... ain't Torrie's parents dead?"

"What? What made you think that?"

"Well, I mean, her dad remarried and died soon after he... well... I mean they..." Shawn began to look at me like an entire segment of my brain was missing. "What? Didn't he... I remem... um... well..." Andy, you're about to say that you saw her father marry Dawn Marie, aren't you? Think about what you really saw. "...uh, never mind."

Shawn smirked. "Don't worry about it. It happens to all of us after a while. You don't know how often I find myself talking to Paul Levesque about what HHH did. It's an easy mistake."

"Um... thanks. Y'know, I just feel kinda awkward renting out this huge barn for the big dinner tomorrow night. Even if it is better than a hotel... I mean, it sorta ruins everyone's plans. What if Darren gets cold feet? I mean, we gotta co-ordinate this with the local authorities, don't we? I'd hate to think what Nora's up to right now."

"Andy," he snapped at me, turning me to face him and gritting his teeth so no one could read his lips, "listen. You've done what you can. Let God handle the rest. Got it?"

I lowered my eyes, avoiding looking into his. I sighed. "I guess so."

"All right, good. C'mon... let's go."

*****

03:23 PM

We all watched as vignettes for SmackDown were being filmed in the dining room. Kidman and Torrie were enjoying their dinner together when Torrie began to choke back tears. Kidman turned to her in concern.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Oh... I'm just thinking of Dad. It's the first Thanksgiving here... without him."

"I'm sorry... I miss him too. I just wish he could see what you've done. You're so wonderful."

"Oh, thank you, honey." They kissed. Off-camera, a gagging noise was heard. "Who's that?" Torrie would get her answer when Dawn Marie walked into the shot.

"Hey there, you two. Enjoying a family dinner without me?"

Torrie looked up, disgusted. "You don't belong here! You're not family!"

"Of course I am, Torrie baby. I'm your stepmom, remember? Now, how about letting me sit in on this?"

Torrie got up and was ready to smack Dawn when Kidman grabbed her arm. "Not today, please... let's just be civil. It's only Thanksgiving once."

Torrie stopped and took a deep breath. "Sure, you're right. I'm sorry... _mom_. Come join us." Torrie smiled the most forced smile one could imagine as she began to serve Dawn.

As they all sat down, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Kidman said. He got up and walked offstage. After a few seconds of extremely awkward silence between Dawn and Torrie, Kidman returned, shouting, "What are you doing here? I know you're not family!"

Jamie Noble and Nidia were following him. "We knew we could find you here. Tonight, I want you to put that US Title of yours on the line against me! I beat you last week, and I'll beat you this week!"

"Jamie, I'm at dinner with my... family. Can't this wait?"

"Gimme an answer, dammit!"

Torrie got up. "Jamie, please, leave us alone. We'll see about it tonight."

Nidia stepped in her way. "What are you going to do about it?"

"You have three seconds to leave before I call the cops."

"Well," Jamie said, "might as well give you a reason!" With that, Jamie attacked Kidman. The two brawled in the middle of the "feast". Meanwhile, Nidia and Dawn Marie teamed up to knock down Torrie and rip her dress off. Jamie left with both women, saying, "I guess we'll see you tonight, huh? Oh, and Torrie, you look as good as I remember... hahaha!"

"Cut! That's a wrap, people, good job!"

Torrie and Kidman got up and helped brush the food off of each other. We sat back and applauded. Well, there's the obligatory Thanksgiving stripping and food fight out of the way.

*****

11:55 PM

Rajahwwf.com

Hey Raj, I just got back from the event at the BSU Arena in Boise. Big house -- well over 10000 in attendance tonight. The crowd was AMPED, too. Lemme tell you about it.

Dark Match:

- A couple guys I didn't know went at it. One guy was announced as being from Boise, so he played face. The other guy won, though.

- Bull Buchanan d. Jeff (?). The other guy was announced as being from Denver. Nothing match, and the jobber didn't seem to be playing ball either. Bull won with a springboard lariat.

Velocity:

- Paul London d. Don Morgan. WHOA! If they let this match air unedited, it's the reason to watch Velocity by itself! This Morgan guy is unreal, I wonder if WWE wants him. London won with the London Bridge.

- Zach Gowan d. Aaron Stevens. Nothing match. Gowan's pretty much wasted his 15 minutes -- a lot of "break his leg" chants which was not nice. Zach won with the Sharpshooter, which is insane to see live. Crowd popped bigtime for it.

- Test d. Mike Rapada. A decent punch-kick match. Test won with the boot.

Tazz and Matthews came down to call the action. Some chick sang the National Anthem.

SmackDown!:

- Brock Lesnar, Matt Hardy v1.0 (Matt Fact: Matt is thankful for potatoes) and Shannon Moore defeated Nick Dinsmore, Ron Simmons, and Bradshaw. Crowd was into it, chanting "APA" and "Lesnar sucks" a lot. Dinsmore took all the pain in this match. Bradshaw looked like he wanted to kill Moore -- is he still in the doghouse cuz of that mist thing? Hardy pinned Simmons with the Twist of Fate.

- Stephanie comes out, and I the crowd actually LIKES her. I'm scared too. She proposes that there will be a four-man tournament for the WWE Title shot at the Royal Rumble, and it'll begin tonight. Eddie Guerrero faces RVD and Hulk Hogan faces Rhyno. Winners go at it in two weeks. Sounds good to me.

- John Cena's out. He raps about Thanksgiving and how cool it is, then issues an open challenge. Jose Maximo (or is it Joel?) comes out and accepts. Decent squash, with Cena winning with the F-U. The Other Guy Maximo tries to attack after the match. Then -- and this was weird -- this girl ran into the ring and threw herself at Cena! I doubt it'll make TV, cuz security was all over her. Cena looked like he wanted nothing to do with her too!

- They showed "Earlier Today" footage from the Wilson farm in McCall (just north of here). Torrie and Billy Kidman were enjoying dinner when Dawn Marie invites herself. Some bad acting here, but it served the purpose. Noble and Nidia crash the party, and yep, we have a food fight. Torrie gets stripped, because she's Torrie. So that's a match tonight.

- Eddie Guerrero d. Rob Van Dam. This was great, but I think they've done better. Good LONG match, too. RVD had it won, but the ref was out. So Eddie gets something out of his car and hits RVD with it, then frog splashes him for the win. Eddie gets to main event in two weeks -- works for me.

- Kurt Angle is shown watching the tournament. Some indy guy asks him what he thinks of the idea, and he says he wants Eddie in the ring. He then talks about Thanksgiving being an American holiday. Man, I miss the heel Angle.

- Billy Kidman was out next with Torrie, while Jamie Noble had Nidia. Kidman was dressed as a Pilgrim, while Torrie made me want to poke her hontas lol. Anyway, good cruiser match here. Kidman seems to be stalled just outside the big time. He won this with a SSP, then Billy Gunn came out and attacked as Nidia cheered him on. They need to get Gunn/Kidman out of the way.

- Team Japan vs. World's Greatest Tag Team was next. Before the match, Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore returned to do commentary with Tazz and Matthews. MICHAEL COLE WAS THE REFEREE, and he got a good reaction. Outstanding match. No real face-in-peril stuff, either -- just tons of back-and-forth goodness. Tajiri's leg was totally owned by Haas during the match, and the Kick was nothing near the end. About 30 near falls in this one. Match went the full 20 and was a draw, getting booed out of the building. Everyone demanded five more minutes. Heyman had to take the mic and tell the crowd that next week, he'd give WGTT a rematch. Crowd loved it.

- Hulk Hogan d. Rhyno in the main event. Bad match, but it's Hogan so who cares? Rhyno is insanely over as a heel. He absolutely beat the crap out of Hogan in this one. Hogan appeared to have his sell on, too. Finish came when Rhyno got the Gore, but went up top. He tried for a FROG SPLASH, but Hogan moved out of the way and did his routine. Hogan celebrated for like 10 minutes at the end as Eddie came out.

End of show.

Awesome, awesome night. I loved it. Everyone had a great time. I can't wait to see how it comes out on TV.

Biggest Pops:

1. Hogan

2. Angle

3. RVD

4. Eddie

5. The girl who charged Cena

Biggest Heat:

1. Rhyno

2. Lesnar

3. The finish to the tag title match

4. WGTT

5. Eddie again

Thanks a lot!

--Jason Warren

*****

Wednesday, November 26, 2003, 03:17 PM

McCall, ID

"Attention, people, I have a few announcements."

We all looked on as Vince McMahon decided to give a speech.

"First of all, I want to thank Torrie and her family for providing us with this wonderful location for a cross-promotional dinner. We have received very good reviews from the internet fanbase and from the casual fan. In addition, the buyrate came back from Survivor Series, and despite what I thought was a less-than-perfect performance, we got over half a million buys -- which is an outstanding showing! At this rate, one million WrestleMania buys seems a natural -- and with it, a huge bonus for all of you.

Now, I have great news for all of you. I've decided that tomorrow, we'll all head down together to Las Vegas! As you RAW people know, we have a show there on Friday, so we can do some practice during the day. However, as a special bonus from me to you, I've decided to open my wallet and... well, give a small something to all of you. You will find $500 in spending money waiting for you back at the hotel, complements of the WWE profit fund. It's the least I could do.

Furthermore, I want to let you all know that... well, I discussed this with some of you before making this announcement. A lot of old faces will be hanging out backstage in the next few months. We're recruiting some of the bigger names in the WWE's and NWA's history to get together for a match at WrestleMania. See, WrestleMania has always been the Showcase of the Immortals, and this year I want to do that literally. Now, there will be a lot of advertising based around this match... before you all grumble, understand that it's by design. Consider the names that we've already had confirmed in that match. The Rock has said he'll do it. Ric Flair wants to come back for one last time. Stone Cold Steve Austin will be in the match. Doesn't that right there deserve some press? But rest assured, it will not be the main event. We still have plans to have that be one of the two title matches.

Now -- a lot of you will not be on the WrestleMania card. I hope you understand that. We will do our best to get as many people as possible on one of the next three shows, if not two. But WrestleMania -- well, we have a very good idea what we will do with that. We have 8 titles right now in the WWE, and at least 6 of them will be defended. We want to make this night epic, and... well... you'll see. Only about half the card is set in stone right now -- and that's the Showcase, the two world title matches, and a special match on either side. There's still four matches -- four title matches -- we have yet to decide on. We might expand the card if there's demand, but we mainly want to focus on quality instead of quantity. Only the most popular, the most talented -- in short, the best -- will be invited.

Don't despair, though; the Armageddon card has shaped up very nicely, from what I hear, and a lot of you have been allowed prime air time through the tag tournament while we heal up. Over on SmackDown!, the success of yesterday's show makes me think that No Way Out will also go very well, as will our top feuds. I expect all of you to give 110% every night, and there is a chance you will be on the WrestleMania card in one of those matches. Good luck.

Now, as it's Thanksgiving... I just want to say thank you for making my company the best in the business. Twenty years ago, when I took over for my father, we were another back alley organization. However, under my leadership, we stand today a recognizable icon and the undisputed king of our business. But I couldn't get there without the hard work, the dedication, and the nightly effort I got out of each and every one of you. You helped make it possible for me to put the WWE on top of the world. We would not be here if it weren't for the whole company working together. I thank you for allowing my two decades of hard work in this organization to reach a successful payoff. So, I suggest everyone raise their glass -- c'mon, everyone -- and give a toast. To World Wrestling Entertainment and to twenty years of continued success! To the WWE!"

"To the WWE!" we all shouted as we drank up.

*****

05:46 PM

Boise, ID

I met with Sgt. Garrett Allen of the Boise Police Department in my hotel room. Before we arrived in Boise, I had worked it out so that my hotel room was connected through a door to Nora and Gail's. Each room had a door that they could open, close, or lock at will. I had asked Nora to keep hers wide open.

We walked into her room. Police began searching for appropriate locations to set up their monitoring devices. Sgt. Allen kept looking at me suspiciously. "You know, Mr. Austin, the evidence you all presented to me yesterday may have been enough to convince a judge, but I'm not sure it's going to happen. For your sake, you'd better hope he shows up tonight, or we're not going to be in a good mood."

"Look, sir, this is a very difficult thing to pull off, I know, but... well, there's about 10 of us who believe this is happening and wanna put a stop to it. Now, when everything's set up, y'all can wait in my room and enter through the connecting door we got. Miss Greenwald said she would keep the door on her end open."

"Mr. Austin, that's good, but even if the door is closed, we have devices that'll help fix the situation. Anyway, just make sure everyone leaves it to us. It's our job to prevent things like this from happening."

"Thank you, sir. You're very good to do this."

"Thank you for reporting this." Sgt. Allen turned to Nora. "You're a brave woman for going through with this. I want to assure you that there's no way on earth you will be harmed. It was great thinking of you to save all his notes -- it established the pattern we needed to get the permit to do this."

"Thank you... sir..." Nora seemed tense.

"Miss, you have nothing to worry about. We will not let this happen."

"I hope not."

"Sir, she's very nervous. Maybe it would be best if we just waited for the right time."

"Now is the time, though, Mr. Austin."

"No, wait," Nora interrupted. "Don't... don't hurt him. It's my fault."

"Nora, what the hell are you talking about? He's the sonofabitch who's--"

"Mr. Austin, please. It's our concern now. Miss Greenwald, we have obtained a warrant in the state of Texas for his arrest. He is to be extradited there for trial. Miss Kim's testimony, coupled with the notes, was enough to obtain a warrant. This is simply the most convenient time to do it."

"B-b-b... but why have him... why?"

"Because, Miss Greenwald, all we can get him on right now is assaulting Miss Kim. That's a bad thing, but he'd be out in a few years. If we can catch him in the act of doing this, then combine it with your testimony of his previous acts, that's first-degree rape -- he's going to jail and never coming out. Isn't that what you want?"

"I don't know... I don't want to ruin his life. I don't like the thought of getting even."

"Nora," I said, staring directly into her blue-gray eyes, "you're not getting even. You're getting safe. Please, believe it."

She took a pair of deep breaths. "All right... I believe."

*****

06:22 PM

There was a knock on my door. I got up and let Torrie in. "I heard that you're gonna do a stakeout in here... this is fun. Can I see?"

"Ma'am, we would like for as few people as possible to be involved in this. Please leave the room before 7 PM," Sgt. Allen stated from behind the monitor set-up before looking up. "Oh, excuse me, Ms. Wilson. It's an honor to have you here."

I turned to Torrie. "You're pretty popular, aren't you?"

She shrugged. "Not every day a small girl makes a national magazine. But that's not why I wanted to talk to you. Can we speak in private?"

"Sure." I grabbed my hotel card and stepped outside the room. "What's wrong, Torrie?"

"It's Amy. I saw her after you guys left. She was in the bathroom, throwing up. Steve, I'm scared."

"Why? Maybe it was just something she ate. The flu bug's been going around, too -- I mean, Cena could barely touch his food. She's just sick."

"You don't have the flu for two weeks. I think she's purging herself!"

"Purging herself?"

"Yeah -- I don't wanna say it, but... think about it. Constantly running out and all that -- I think it's a ploy. She's... she hasn't held food down for weeks now. Steve, I think she might be in the early stages of an eating disorder!"

This thought had never crossed my mind. I just thought she was sick. This... wow. "Torrie, if she's bulimic, don't you think the rest of the WWE would notice?"

"No, I don't... they don't know what to look for. I do. I had it. Steve, all throughout high school I did that sort of thing. I was a wreck. I'm lucky to be here. I lost four years of my life constantly trying to lose weight, all because some no-name talent agent told me I was 10 pounds too fat. I don't know whether Vince told her she had put on weight during her rehab or what, but... she's losing it. I'm scared."

"Well..." Come on, Andy, think. "Well, why come to me? Talk to her!"

"I can't. I don't see her more than a few days. I've only heard reports about it, and today... this was the first time I saw it in person. She won't listen to me. She doesn't think I know enough. Steve, you gotta get through to her."

"All right, Torrie, all right. I'll do what I can. I... I think you're a little off-base about this, but I'll make sure she sees a doctor about this. Happy?"

"Steve, please... don't blow this off. Please?"

"All right. I'll help her out. Now, c'mon. A pretty thing like you deserves to be with her people -- not us. I'm sure Kidman's waiting for you."

Torrie blushed. "Well, I did say we would spend a romantic night together."

"TMI, Torrie. Too much info." I shuddered.

"C'mon, Steve... you know I'm not shy. I showed it all before, right?"

"Yeah, but... I'd rather think 'bout me and Debra than you and Billy."

She laughed. "Okay, fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Steve. Thank you."

"No problem."

*****

07:27 PM

Gail entered my room. Sgt. Allen was listening and watching the monitor. I stood with Cpl. Nick Robinson by the connecting door, ready to bust in and help make the arrest. Gail tapped me on the shoulder.

"Where's everyone else?" she whispered.

"Just us... there's nothing they can do. Now all we have is to wait and pray."

God, do you think you can spare me a miracle tonight?

There was a knock on Nora's door. Cpl. Robinson and Sgt. Allen told us to be quiet. Gail and I walked over to where we could see the monitor. We watched as Nora slowly, hesitantly, made her way to the door while the knock was heard again, this time more forceful.

Nora opened the door. Darren was standing on the other side, looking rather impatient. He walked in and closed the door behind him. "What took you so damn long? Do you want people to think we're having an affair?"

"I'm sorry. I just... you know I don't want to do this."

"And you know you have no choice. Now, get to it."

Nora slowly backed away from Darren. "Darren, I suggest you leave now. People are talking about me. They are pitying me. I don't want to do this... I don't want their pity anymore."

"Nora, it's too late. Do you think Vince McMahon will care if people pity you? You're nothing to him. You're a fat-arsed half-hearted Diva who's only in the WWE as a favor to me. No one will miss you among all the slender women. You think that dyke roommate of yours cares?"

"Let me at him," hissed Gail. I put my hand on her shoulder and held her back. She turned to me in anger. "How dare he..."

Meanwhile, Nora was hiding on the side of the bed as Darren approached. He held the condom package up. "Oh no. She doesn't care at all. Why do you think she sets you up for me each week? Why do you think she isn't here to help you? No one is here to help you. You're like a mouse, and I'm the cat. And tonight, missy, just like whenever I want, I will toy with you before crushing you."

I turned to Sgt. Allen. Isn't that enough? He held his hand up and gave off a "wait for it..." body signal. Darren was almost done digging his grave.

Nora was near tears. "Dammit, what do you want? Why do you do this?"

"Why?" Darren seemed to laugh as he spoke, although his back was to the camera. "It's simple. Because you let me. Every week, I come in here, have my way with you, and leave. You must want it to happen because you never stop it. Sure, you say no, but you don't mean it. You can't mean it. You want to keep that title, so you let me do you. That's why I don't take no for an answer, Nora. And that's why I'm not doing now, either. Now get up."

Nora slowly stood up. Darren approached her and grabbed her wrist. Even through the grain of the surveillance camera, I could see the tears in her eyes. Be brave, Nora. Be brave. Darren grabbed her shirt and began to pull it up over her head. Nora screamed, but Darren simply hissed at her, "Quiet!" Darren pulled the shirt all the way off, then jerked her bra cups off of her chest and over her head, exposing her.

"NOW!"

Sgt. Allen gave the signal, and Cpl. Robinson swung the door open. He charged into the room and shouted, "STOP RIGHT THERE!" Darren shoved Nora to the bed and turned around in surprise. I looked at Sgt. Allen, who was busy following his mate into the room. Gail got up to join them, but I stopped her.

"Let them do this."

Darren yelled at Cpl. Robinson, "What the bloody hell is this? What are you doing here?" Sgt. Allen approached him and tried to put handcuffs on him, but Darren resisted. He clubbed Sgt. Allen over the head with his forearm, using his carny background to try to escape. He kicked Sgt. Allen square in the ribs as a helpless Nora watched.

"Oh, no," shrieked Gail. "What now?"

Darren turned around and set his sights on Cpl. Robinson, who by now was charging him. Darren stepped aside and sent Cpl. Robinson crashing into Sgt. Allen. He turned his attention to Nora. "Now, my princess," he said. "I'm going to make them watch!"

Just then, we heard two "clicks" of a gun in the background. Sgt. Allen and Cpl. Robinson had recovered and were pointing their weapons at Darren. He slowly backed away from Nora and stood up. His eyes darted around the room, searching for a weapon. He could find none.

As Cpl. Robinson kept the gun pointed at Darren's face, Sgt. Allen walked behind him with the handcuffs.

"Darren Matthews, you are under arrest for attempted rape, for resisting arrest, for sexual assault, and for assaulting a police officer. You have the right to remain silent. If you choose to waive that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you at no expense. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

With that, the police officers left the room. Gail and I walked in. Nora was sitting up on the bed, her shirt in front of her bare top. She was crying, but something told me it was tears of relief and of joy. Gail sat down next to her as I looked on from the doorway. Nora hugged Gail.

"Thank you," she said in between sobs. "Thank you so much."

*****

10:44 PM

Sgt. Allen and Cpl. Robinson returned to my room to get their A/V surveillance equipment. They were somber as they packed up, seemingly unaware of the magnitude of what they had done.

"Guys, I just wanna say, we all thank you so much for helping to rid us of that scumball."

"You're welcome, Mr. Austin. Just doing our job."

*****

11:13 PM

All the Divas had gathered in Nora and Gail's room to comfort their champion. Meanwhile, a few of the guys were in my room, trying to fathom what had just occurred.

"I don't believe it," HHH finally said, breaking the silence. "I thought I knew him. I thought I... understood him. He always seemed like a nice guy. How could he do this?"

"I don't know," I replied. "But he did. And... for so long, we didn't see it."

"God... this just ruins everything. I feel so horrible. I called him my friend. I still do... I guess... it just hasn't sunk in."

"He seemed like a nice guy," Kidman added. "I didn't see him that often, but he was always there to smile and to talk to you, see how you were doing. I noticed he really liked Torrie too... I think I know why."

"Now, wait a second," said Benoit. "I... don't you guys believe in innocent until proven guilty?"

"Chris, he's guilty," I stated, almost indignantly. "I saw him start pulling her clothes off. I saw him attack the cops. He bragged about it to her. Do you wanna see the tape?"

"Easy, Steve," said Shawn. "We're all a little upset right now. It's gonna take a while for us to understand what's happening. Look -- I don't like this any more than you do. But this is the best thing to happen to him. He's gonna have to face up to his... his mistakes. No, that's too light a word. To his evils. Yeah, and if he doesn't? He's gonna regret it."

HHH chuckled. "I wonder if he'll understand Nora's position better on the other side."

We all looked at him. "That's not funny," Michael Shane finally said. "That really isn't."

"Yeah... I guess... sorry. I'm just... I don't get it."

Kidman sat down beside HHH. "It's a bit of a shock, I know. Look, I had friends back in Allentown get arrested all the time. I didn't believe they could do the things they were accused of, but... you know, they did it. I couldn't ignore the facts. And, seriously, I had to think of if I wanted to be around those types of people. Hunter, you're lucky. You're in a situation where you can say, I don't need that guy. I don't want him around me."

"But... that's not it. I like him. I... I want him to get better. I don't want him to spend his life in jail. This isn't the Darren Matthews I know."

"But it's the one that exists! Don't you get it? Your so-called friend lied to you. He presented a face that made himself seem like a likeable person. He is a predator. He is worse than a murderer! He doesn't deserve to live!"

"Billy, calm yourself down!" Michael Shane was now standing right next to him, as the biggest and most experienced veterans watched two young "vanilla midgets" stand off. "Everyone deserves to live. I don't know if he can be reclaimed, but sometimes people turn their lives around. Sometimes, it takes hitting bottom to start climbing. Don't kick him when he's down. Feel sorry for him that he... he deluded himself into thinking he could do this to another person."

Kidman stared at his shoes, seemingly trying to justify his anger. "It's... no. I can't. I can't feel anything but rage. I... I'm ashamed to have known him. I'm ashamed to be associated with him. You know, right now I'm ashamed to be a man, knowing that men can do this! God dammit! This is crap! We all should be ashamed we let him do this! How could we? How?"

We heard a knock on the door. I walked over and opened it. Torrie and Trish entered. "Is something wrong, ladies?" I asked.

"Well... we just were kinda hoping you'd keep it down a little. Nora doesn't need to hear you guys getting mad."

Kidman stared at Trish as if she'd lost her mind. "But... how can we... I am mad! I can't believe he would do this! I..."

Torrie walked up and silenced him by putting her finger to his lips. "Billy, dear... it's okay. It's over. I don't love you less for being a man."

Kidman stood still for twenty of the longest seconds I could imagine. I finally spoke up. "C'mon, guys, she's right. Let's just forget he ever existed. We gotta get some sleep. Tomorrow's our holiday. The show goes on."

*****

01:53 AM

I heard a knock on my door. I left Shawn and Shane and got up to answer. An irate Vince was on the other side of it.

"What the hell happened here? Why were the cops telling me one of my men had been arrested? Dammit, Steve, I count on you to help keep things in order around here!"

I tried to quiet him. "Vince, calm down. People are trying to sleep."

"I don't get it, Steve. How could you let things break down to the point that this happens? What went on? It better be good!"

Shawn was standing behind me at the door. Vince saw him. "And you, too, Shawn... you and your holier-than-thou shit can sit on it! I bet you called the cops in over some minor dispute! That's exactly the kind of crap you would pull. Now one of my most trusted men is spending the night in prison! I don't want this kind of bad press, do you hear me?"

"Well, get this, Vince -- it's too late for that. Right now, Darren is sitting in jail because he was caught on videotape trying to rape Nora. He's in jail because he punched a police officer. He's going to be taken to trial for repeatedly raping Nora, and guess what, Vince -- I think he did."

Vince's face curled up in a furious sneer. "You take her word over his? You believe her? You believe a Diva? You know they're here to cash in on their genetics! They don't have a single sincere bone in their body! How can you possibly believe that? She probably just wanted to keep the title and was threatening to get Darren arrested on trumped-up charges. Yeah, that's it. I should do something about this!"

"Vince, stop it right now! Darren did it! I watched him do it on police surveillance!" I was ready to turn Austin vs. McMahon from a storyline to a reality. "Not all your women are whores, Vince! In fact, none of them are! They're great people! And right now, Nora needs your support and your comfort, not your stupid blanket accusations!"

"Shut up right now, Steve! You... you of all people. Since when did you give a crap about a woman's feelings?"

"Since I saw my wife cry and realized it's because of me, dammit!"

"Come on... you didn't like that? You don't like feeling power? That's what being alive is all about! That's what Nora was trying to do! She wanted to fuck with Darren's life. Well, she conned you, and she probably did something to convince some two-bit rent-a-cop in this nothing town to go along with it! I cannot believe these charges will stand! They cannot! I won't let them! Darren's gonna be out of that prison by tomorrow morning, and by Monday Nora's gonna be looking for work. I will not let some bitch ruin my company! I AM VINCE MCMAHON! I..."

"DADDY, STOP!"

We all looked into the hall. Stephanie was standing there, in shock and in tears. "Daddy, please... you're wrong here... Nora... it happened. I saw it happen. I saw him rip her shirt off. I heard her scream... you can't know what it's like, Daddy... what if Paul did it to me? Would you feel I was some bitch? Would you, Daddy?"

She cried some more. She ran into Vince's arms. We looked him in the eyes as his rage began to melt to understanding, then to sorrow. "I'm sorry, Steph honey. I'm so sorry... I... I don't know what came over me. I love you, sweetie. You're Daddy's little princess. You're right... I..."

He slowly turned to us. "What should I do?"

I looked at Shawn, who nodded his approval of having me speak my mind. "Fire him. The minute this gets out, he'll be blackballed anyway. You think anyone wants to touch him after this? He has ruined his career. Hell, he may even have ruined his life. Make a statement that you don't trust these kinds of people and fire the sonofabitch right now."

I heard the door open behind me. I turned around. Nora had walked into the room. She was trembling, but seemed able to hold herself. She approached Vince. "I'm sorry, Mr. McMahon... I should've just let it happen."

Vince remained expressionless as Nora sat down on the floor and held her head in her hands. Stephanie walked in past us and comforted her while looking at her father. Suddenly, I saw Vince smile. It was a smile I had never seen before from Mr. McMahon -- it wasn't haughty, arrogant, self-proud, or vindictive. It seemed genuinely caring.

"Nora... do you want to take time off?"

"No... I can't do that to you."

"Well, understand... I want to make this up to you. I want to help you. I'm sorry I said those things... all of you, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did. I just assumed... well... I began to believe my own portrayal of women. I don't want to do that anymore. I promise, I will make the WWE believe in women as wrestlers. No more going halfway on this -- if they're in the women's division, I will focus on their wrestling acumen. I'll even tell Lawler to back off. It's what they... no, it's what YOU deserve. I'm sorry."

Nora looked up slowly. "Thank you," she said. Stephanie helped her up, and the two of them returned to her room. Vince began to walk away. I put on the glasses as he did so. The demon stood there, hunched over and sneering, appearing almost weaker. It saw me and flipped me off.

Damn right. We win.

[The Third Dukes]

Making up for lost time? Sure. Maybe with any luck I'll finish this.

Today's chapter deals with the Angels being themselves again and an unresolved issue. Namely, fidelity. Or, more to the point, Andy's being weird again. Feel free to ignore him.

Secondly, it was the end of Part IV. Hence, something Awesome needed to happen. Today's awesomeness was provided by a reward being given to Lindsay and Andy. Oh, and I introduced what would turn out to be Yet Another Wrinkle in how to end the story, not to mention something that piggybacks off of Part III's rather despicable end.

And Andy becomes someone new. But you assumed that.

*****

Chapter 54

A Heavenly Reward

Thursday, November 27, 2003, 12:45 PM

On the road to Las Vegas, NV

Shawn had pulled over to fill up the car. I was barely awake, and Michael next to me was using me for a pillow. He smiled, then got an idea. As the tank filled, he returned to the car and grabbed the lamp.

"Guys," he said, "you've done more than enough. You've earned the weekend off."

*****

Friday, November 28, 2003

Recovery

I put it off yesterday. I gotta tell her today. I gotta let her know I did this. It's not fair for her to think of me as something I'm not. I might as well tell her.

But if I do, she's gonna be mad. I'm telling her I let her down. Mission or not, this is personal. How can I work with her after I tell her? She won't want me to.

Will she? Is this a big deal to her? Hasn't she told me about this before? Come on, Andy, try to remember. What has she told you? What did she say about this? What would she have done?

That's not important. What's important is what I would do -- what I did. I gotta let her know. I hope she's not mad.

Oh, who am I kidding? She's gonna be furious. She's gonna hate me. Kathleen hated Greg over this, didn't she? Wasn't this something that bothered her? Or am I projecting?

Wait, who cares about Kathleen? She's gone. My worry's not with her anymore. It's with Lindsay. I have to tell her. It doesn't matter how mad she gets; she has a right to know. She has to know. So I have to tell her.

Then why am I trying to put this off? Spit it out, Andy, SPIT IT OUT!

"Lindsay?"

"Hm?"

I rolled over onto my side to face her. "I have something important to tell you."

She sat up and placed her head in her lap. "What is it?"

"I... I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"While I... While I was Jericho... his wife came to visit. I couldn't say no. I should have. I should've stopped and let the real Chris take over. But... but I didn't. I..."

Lindsay smiled and laughed. "Andy... what's the problem?"

"You... you're not upset?"

"Over what? That you were a faithful husband to a faithful wife?"

Is she ignorant or just stupid? "Lindsay, I cheated on you. You told me how in love with me you were. You still feel that way. And I just went ahead with someone else. And if that wasn't bad enough, it was another man's wife! Isn't that a big deal?"

"Andy, who were you?"

"Jericho."

"And who was she?"

"His wife."

"Exactly." I stared blankly at her. "Andy, I understand right now why you're hung up over sex. You were unmarried, you've been violated -- you have every reason to think it's a problem. But you gotta understand -- what you and she did was natural, and was wonderful."

"It... it was?"

"Yeah."

"So you're... not mad?"

"Andy, how could I be? When I was Terri, how do you think I handled being with Dustin? She loves him, and he loves her, and they're a family. That's a good thing."

"Yeah, but... well..."

"Andy, it's not cheating. When you are someone, you are that person entirely. If that means making love to their spouse, then that's what you do. But that doesn't mean you think any less of me." I didn't respond. "Does it?"

"No, no. That's why I feel so guilty. I feel like I did something bad. It didn't bother me while I was Jericho because -- well, because all that love I have for you... it felt like you were there. It was like I was looking at her smile, her eyes, her body... and it was yours. What was that?"

"Andy... the same thing happened to me when I was Terri Runnels. I was thinking of you while feeling him. I had to. That's why I was so concerned the next day when you fooled around with me -- I was worried I had made her cheat."

"I'm confused."

"Look, it's like this -- remember how you felt when Andrew proposed to Stacy? Remember that feeling of sheer joy, even though it wasn't you? That's because their feelings are your feelings. Stacy's free will was dormant, but her emotions weren't. Am I making any sense?"

"A little... keep going."

"Okay. So when the person you are is in love with someone, you feel that love. When you become someone, you BECOME them. You get their love, their pain, their happiness, their failures, their strengths, their weaknesses -- the whole package. It's how you handle them that makes you better or worse."

"Then why did I start thinking of you? Does that mean Chris thought of you? Is this how marriages break up?"

"Whoa, slow down! You didn't call her by my name, did you?"

"I don't think I did. She didn't get mad or anything."

"Then you didn't. You probably projected me onto her because you felt guilty. I'm telling you it's okay. Andy... when you're out there, and you're someone, don't even think of who I am. We are in character almost all the time. When we're here, we can be ourselves. When we're alone or only with Shawn, we can be ourselves. But out there... you gotta pretend I don't exist."

I was stunned. How can I do that? You do exist. You're always there. You see how I act. You react to it. I can't just ignore someone. It's not right to them. It's not right to you. You're my love -- my mentor -- my inspiration -- and you want me to forget you? "B... but I..."

"Andy, stop. Listen. Did you do theater when you were alive?"

"A little."

"Okay, good. When you were onstage, did you call anyone by their real name or pretend they were themselves?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, that's how it goes here. Some of us are actors and actresses -- only we're that way every time someone is watching us. If we have to be a character 24 hours a day, so be it. That's why we switch up every week -- if we didn't, we would lose our identity."

I smiled. "Is that always bad? You telling me you wouldn't want to be one person for the rest of your stay on Earth?"

"Well, I have thought about it. But... we couldn't do any good that way. We'd be doing a disservice to Vince. Besides, once I get to Heaven, I'll be me for the rest of eternity. Still... it would be nice to wake up one Monday morning and know exactly who I am and what I have to do with my life."

We both smiled. I leaned in and took her head, bringing her lips to mine. I felt her head squirm a little. "No, Andy," she said. "Not now. I wanna make sure you're doing this for the right reasons."

"Huh?"

"Andy... give me my head back." I did so. She tried to balance it on her shoulders. "Andy, are you doing this because you love me, or because you feel you owe me?"

"Of course I love you."

"Yes, but do you feel you need to prove it to me?"

I thought for a long time before replying. "No... I guess I feel I need to prove it to myself. I need to know I'm still attracted to you -- happy with you -- in love with you. I'm worried I ruined my own feelings."

She moved herself next to me and placed her arms around me. "I believe you do. Otherwise, why would this bother you so much? Andy, you'll have to trust me when I say I forgive you. I would have done the same thing you did."

"Then why do I still feel bad?"

"You probably were hoping it would be with me, weren't you?"

"Well... yeah."

"Andy, sex is just another thing married people do, like raising children. Someday -- I'm sure of it -- we'll be given the roles of husband and wife. But until then... I'm just fine with being with you here."

"You are?"

"Yeah." She set me back on my back and crawled on top of me. She gave me her head, and I brought it forward and kissed her. I set her head to the side and stared into her eyes as her hands caressed my face. "Believe me now?"

"Thank you." I spent the rest of the day in her arms.

*****

Sunday, November 30, 2003

I woke up alone. The room was white -- either that, or there wasn't a room. It was almost a repeat of when I died, only there was no bed present. I looked around and saw nothing and no one. I slowly got up.

As I did, I noticed I was dressed differently. My T-shirt was gone, replaced with a bright, red, almost military-style button-down shirt. On my shoulders were black epaulets, each one decorated with a pair of wings. I had on white pants, but they were a strong white -- as if bleached by supernatural means. My shoes and socks were gone, but I had sandals on instead. What kind of uniform is this?

"You're up."

I turned around. Lindsay was standing behind me, dressed almost exactly as I was. She had re-taped her head to her body. At first glance, we seemed to be twins. Then I noticed her epaulets -- each one had three red stripes on them by the angel's wings.

"Yeah, I'm up," I replied. "Where am I?"

"We're in Heaven."

"Isn't it a little early for that? I coulda sworn I still had a few years left on my assignment."

She laughed. "No, silly -- you're not in permanently. This is a ceremony. We're getting a reward today!"

"We... we are?"

"Yeah! Didn't you hear? Oh, of course you didn't. They just told me. You see, Scott Hall -- he's out of rehab now. He's clean, and he's re-dedicating himself. He's back! We saved him!"

"We did? Wait, _we_ did? Didn't he save himself?"

"Okay, technically, no we didn't -- but he accepted his salvation, and we sent him down the right path. That's a big deal, and a high honor for a Fallen Angel. It's the accomplishment of a goal. Congratulations, Andy."

Wait, this is all so fast. "Lindsay... don't... don't we all do this?"

"Well, sure. But there's more joy in Heaven over the saving of one sinner than over all of us Fallen Angels put together. That's why it's such a big deal."

"But this happens every day, doesn't it?"

"Well, sort of. You see, there's so many of us that every day someone gets a reward. But each individual will only be so honored a handful of times -- once a year, IF he's good. And since you've only been here four months, you're good. Anyway, we gotta fix you up."

"How? I'm perfectly dressed, aren't I?"

"Your head, Andy. We can't have you meeting Him looking like that, can we?"

"Who? Who am I meeting?"

"You'll know."

She led me to a row of chairs. In most of them, people dressed just like I was were seated. Behind each person was an angel -- a real angel -- applying makeup, fixing hair, plugging holes in the chest, and performing any of a number of cosmetic changes based on the individual's death.

"Hey, mate. I'll take ya." I turned and saw an empty chair with an angel behind it. I nervously sat down and let him go to work. He continued to talk to me in a Cockney voice that was at once humorous and calming. "So, bud, this be your first one, right?"

"Yeah... how'd you know?"

"The boards on yer shoulders told me. They ain't got no marks on 'em. You can tell by readin' the marks just 'ow many everyone's got. Like that chap over there. See 'im?" I looked. His epaulet had three pairs of crossed lines. "Now, each cross means ten. So I reckon 'e's got 'imself 30 honors -- and goin' fer number 31 'ere."

Wait a minute. Three crossed lines -- three X's -- thirty. Thirty... three X's... XXX... three times ten... of course! "So they use Roman numerals?"

"Y'know, I never thought o' that, but you're right. I guess 'ey do. Huh -- can't believe I ain't noticed 'at before. Anyway, 'old still -- this won't 'urt much if you don't squirm."

He produced a pink block, about the size of a bullet. I shuddered. "Sir, I... I'm sorry, I got bad memories of that."

"I know... that's why it's this shape 'ere. Relax -- you won't feel a thing."

I tried to relax. I felt the angel place his hand on my forehead. He pushed hard for a few seconds, then let go. "There, see now, mate? All good as new, I say."

I looked in a mirror. I sure looked like I did when I was alive. The blood stains, the exit wound, the messed up hair -- everything was back to normal. "Thank you, sir. You're too kind."

"Ah, don't mention it. All in a day's work, it is. Now, you got yo'self an award to go get. Good goin', champ. 'Ope to see you back soon!"

*****

Lindsay and I stood at the back of a procession line. People all around were watching. Surprisingly, I recognized most of them -- or at least, I felt like I should have recognized most of them. Some were in the same uniform I had. Others were in the pure white of sainthood. But about half of them looked very familiar.

"Lindsay... why do I feel I should know these people?"

"They heard you would be here. They came to see the reward. Same with me. See? Those are my grandparents up there." She pointed to the balcony and waved. I followed her line of sight to a couple in the front row of the balcony. They waved back and blew kisses.

"Oh... now it makes sense. So what's the holdup?"

"We're waiting for Him to show up."

"Him? Him Who?"

"You'll see, Andy. He bestows the awards personally on everyone."

"Must take Him forever."

"Andy, time means nothing in Heaven. It's a convenience for when the Fallen Angels visit. These might as well be happening at the same time. We could be up here for hours and not miss a second."

"A 30-hour day?"

"Possibly."

"Wouldn't that make us ti... oh, wait... fatigue's for the body."

"Now you're catching on."

Suddenly, we were interrupted by a white light. I tried to look at it, shielding my eyes from the glare. The light stopped, and a Man stood at the center of the auditorium. Everyone in attendance rose as He entered, and genuflected upon His presence. I even found myself genuflecting from a reflex.

"Come forward, My children," He said. I slowly walked toward Him, aware of everyone else looking at us. I tried to get a better look at the Man in the middle. He was of average height, wearing the same white robe the saints wore, but somehow it seemed tailor-made for Him. He had dirty brown hair and a short beard and mustache. He appeared to be wearing a headband with something sticking out of it. Even over the robe, He had on epaulets -- but each one had the symbol for infinity on it. I looked closely at His hands -- each one with a hole in it.

Of course. Him.

I knelt before Him as He spoke. "My son, My daughter, today we honor you for your success in bringing a lost sheep back to the fold. It is written in Scripture that there shall be greater joy over one sinner who repents than for 99 who need not repent. Your efforts in causing this repentance are to be rewarded." He turned to the audience. "Please, be seated." They were.

"Andy and Lindsay, My children, I hereby recognize your efforts in returning Scott Hall to My presence. Through good times and bad, you persevered in bringing the lost back to My light. You are the prophets through whom I choose to do My good works and spread My Good News. May you continue to shine as an example of how to better serve others. And know that I am with you always, until the end of time. Amen."

As the crowd replied, "Amen," I felt Him place His hands on my shoulders. A strange glow seemed to surround me. I thought for a second I was going to be consumed by it. I couldn't see anything but a bright white. I noticed the glow seemed to emanate from His hands. Then, just as quickly as it arrived, the glow left -- but I could still feel its residual effects, as though it were a transfer of emotion and energy. I stared at Him as He smiled and offered His hand to me. I shook it, feeling like I was experiencing the greatest honor I ever would.

A second glow came from beside me. I turned and looked in time to see Him placing His hands on Lindsay's shoulders. She was surrounded by a bright light. Her eyes were transfixed, focused on His. He smiled as He removed His hands. She remained staring at Him, then shook His hand, just as I had done.

"Rise, My children, and be acknowledged," He said. We both stood as a thunderous applause rained down from the rafters. I was on the verge of tears. I looked to Lindsay, but she was smiling and crying. We hugged each other and Him. Slowly, we both walked to the back. There was another bright light from behind us -- but when I turned around, He was gone.

I looked at my shoulders. The epaulet had changed. There was now a single red stripe on each one. Lindsay's, too, had changed. Now each one bore the symbol IV -- four. I smiled at her as she smiled back. It didn't matter that the whole thing seemed largely ceremonial -- the sense of accomplishment made me feel I could conquer Satan single-handedly.

As we headed to the gates, a shrill trumpet blast caught our attention. An angel approached on a stallion, heading to St. Peter. He dismounted and approached. St. Peter bowed to him, and the other angel returned the bow.

"What is this?" I whispered to Lindsay.

She merely shrugged. "I've never seen it before."

The angel entered the gates and rushed towards us. We both stepped aside, but he stopped. "Kind strangers, have you seen the Most High? I need Him to complete my rescue."

We looked at each other. Lindsay replied. "He was just here -- He just rewarded us... I don't know where He went after that."

"I must congratulate you, then."

"Are you... in a hurry... sir...?"

"Oh, forgive me. Not anymore. They can't get me here. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gabriel. My duty in this ongoing struggle is to battle the demons and keep them from destroying the souls of the just."

"Hey, kinda like we do," I blurted out. I quickly covered my mouth. That was awfully presumptive of me.

Gabriel smiled. "After a fashion. You work with those who have yet to die. Sometimes, saints and angels fall into the clutches of Satan and his minions as well. This is where I come in."

"Do you save them?"

"I try to. It depends on the strength of the person's faith and the magnitude of their works. Only the best can go through Hell and survive. You noticed that a few weeks ago, right?"

I tried to maintain my composure as my thoughts wandered to Kathleen. Lindsay took up the slack, saying, "Well, actually, we lost one of our friends over Vacation."

"Oh... oh dear... I'm terribly sorry. I didn't pick up on them."

I look at him. I felt betrayed. "Why not? Why couldn't you do something?"

"Please, it's not that easy. We know when someone is captured -- they send out a distress signal when they get melted. But not all signals are the same. Depending on how righteous the person was, they can send out a strong signal or a weak one or none at all. I can only pick up on the strongest ones. But enough talking -- I should report to His Throne. You can come with me if you want."

I turned to Lindsay. "Why not? Might as well see what's going on."

"I was thinking the same thing. Okay, let's go."

*****

We all stood in a bright room, decorated in gold. The Man who had blessed us was seated upon a majestic throne in the center. Gabriel approached him as we followed. There were about a dozen others of us, dressed in the red and white of the Fallen Angels. We all looked on.

"Lord Jesus, I bring these souls to you to be reclaimed from there transformation."

Gabriel reached into his bag and produced a box. Upon first sight, all of the Fallen Angels' eyes went wide, mine included. I recognized the box -- it was the same one the demons used to capture those who were frozen.

Gabirel opened the box and pressed a button in the back. Instantly, two dark objects spun out of it, growing to almost ten times their size. They came to a rest on the ground, flat and long. I looked closer and saw the image of a person on each one. I nearly fainted upon recognizing that these people -- whoever they were -- had been turned to stone, then melted down and made into demon food. They must have been seconds away from being eaten and destroyed.

Jesus approached the two... bars -- people -- whatever they were..., laying His hands upon each one's "forehead". As he did so, the bright white light consumed each one. "Be healed, for your faith has saved you," He said. When the light left, two men were in its place.

I smiled and breathed a strong sigh of relief. I turned to Lindsay and hugged her with all my might. She returned the favor, squeezing with a joy I never felt another person feel for me. Both of us knew that the souls had been not just saved, but restored -- as did everyone else, as a cheer went up from our section.

The two men slowly got up and looked around. Even though the demons had stripped them, they were in the white robes of the saints. One smiled and thanked Jesus profusely for saving him. The other seemed confused. "How did I get here?" he said.

"Relax, My child. You have been saved. Your life is no longer forfeit to Satan. Rejoice."

*****

We were back in Recovery. We were dressed the way we had been on death. Lindsay's head was back in her arm. The hole in my head had been restored.

"That was... wonderful."

She smiled. "Yeah, I know. I needed to see that."

"Why?"

"Well, to be honest, Andy, there have been times when I was nervous that we were alone in this fight. I'd never seen a demon defeated, and I don't know what we'd do now that he knows of us. But guess what -- we have nothing to worry about!"

"If we think we don't. Did you see what happened to them?"

"Did you see what Jesus did to them?"

"Yeah, true... I guess the one guy was a human, not yet dead. The other... I don't know... must've been a saint or angel. But... how does that apply to us?"

"Andy... it means we can win. Gabriel -- he's on our side here. He and the rest of the saints and angels -- they'll help us out if we ask them to. Vince isn't dead. He's not a lost cause. After all this time, when I saw the demon, I thought it was over -- but now... I realize we can win!"

I hugged her. "I guess tomorrow we go back to fighting."

"Yeah," she said, smiling as she lay down to rest, "that we do. But you know something? I'll be ready to go for him stronger than ever."

Me too.

*****

Monday, December 1, 2003, 04:59 AM

Sacramento, CA

I woke up with a start. My stomach was violently churning. I dove out of bed and looked around for the bathroom as I felt something rise in my throat. I turned on the lightswitch and headed straight for the toilet, not even bothering to look in the mirror. I bent over and let it all out.

As I did, I heard a voice behind me. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah... I'm fine... sort of." I didn't even bother to see who was behind me. I just kept getting whatever was bothering me out of my system.

"You want some water?"

"Yeah... I guess so..." I felt very weak and very tired from regurgitating. I flushed the toilet and slowly lay down on the bathroom floor. I tried to regain my strength, but had none to regain. I could only turn my head and see my reflection in the porcelain of the bathtub.

"Here you go," the other voice said. I looked up. Ivory was handing me a glass. I slowly pulled myself up into a sitting position and took the glass. "I'm sorry you're so sick. Maybe you should see a doctor."

"Yeah... I'll try to do that. I'm just so... I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

"Okay. If you need me, just let me know." She walked out of the bathroom and left me sitting there. I slowly drank the water, trying to make sure it wouldn't just reverse course on me.

Well, at least now I'll know for sure why it is Lita's been sick so long. I just wish I didn't have to be Lita to know.

[Guest Botmaster4lyfe]

I just read all of this Dukes, and I have to say that it is one of the most interesting concepts for a diary/story I've ever seen. I really like how it has the EWR booking in it, but it also has this incredible story that actually could be written without EWR. The combination of the two is awesome. I'll be reading this, rest assured.

[chrishardcore]

Excellent as usual!!!