The Battle for Vince's Soul

[Guest HardKore06]

Come on with an update I love this diary!

[Guest ryan_the_canuck]

If you're that desperate, the whole thing's on EWBIII, as stated earlier.

[The Third Dukes]

"You know what? This is all warmup. The real fun is in the next chapter."

Oh yes, yes it is.

Alexis has one more show before she joins the WWE proper, and that show is with the fun-lovin' workrate hippies at Ring of Honor. Now, let me establish, because otherwise I'm going to get the same replies I did then, a fundamental truth about Ring of Honor:

I had never seen it at the time.

This actually becomes important because it helps excuse one of the biggest mistakes in the diary -- RoH's reaction to Laree's last match. I was simply going on things I'd read about ECW. See, I never understood why indy fans love to say someone going to the big time has "sold out". Philadelphia seems to be the worst offender of basically not giving a damn about the wrestlers. So that's what I did here. I then took it up a notch just to REALLY drive home what complete and utter assholes Philly wrestling fans can be. In doing so, though, I went too far.

GoGo earns super points for calling me out on this. After I wrote the match up, someone sent me a copy of Paul London's last RoH match. Wow, talk about night and day. The fans are cheering him at every step of the way, they give him a curtain call, they ask him "Please Don't Go" -- I almost feel like a jerk for doing otherwise. Almost. I SAID ALMOST!

Another question is: why did Andy overreact? That's an easy one: because the atmosphere caused him to think of Molly. I never said it, not because I felt it obvious, but because it would cut too deeply into the narrative, which was about to take a drastic turn.

Speaking of turns, we have Matt Hardy. Yeah, there are a bunch of totally unexplainable wrestling coinicdences here -- namely, five different Carolinians colliding in one third-rate promotion's big show. But I had to bring closure, and above all, I had to come up with a way to make Matt not be a jerk. I shouldn't have worried, given his real-life reaction. Unless he's working us, in which case, screw him.

And I'm someone new. Of course I am. And at the time, I posted in the post-chapter comments, "There, happy?" You'll see why.

*****

Chapter 65

The Last Men of Honor

Sunday, December 21, 2003, 10:55 AM

Philadelphia, PA

We arrived early at the Murphy Rec Centre to let Rob Feinstein know we were here. As we got out of the truck, I stopped dead in my tracks. A familiar face was in line for tickets.

"Joey," I said, prodding him, "check out who's here."

Joey took a look and nearly dropped his bags in surprise. "Is that Matt?"

"Yeah... what's he doing here?"

"I guess the WWE's taking Christmas off. Man, I had no idea that..."

"Neither did I. You think we should talk to him?"

"Now? I'm not sure that's a smart idea. I mean, he's not exactly... well... you know, why not, Alexis? Let's go see how he's doing."

We walked over to him, trying to remain inconspicuous the whole time. Matt was at the ticket office, and had his ticket in hand, as he headed back to his car. Joey stepped up the pace and tried to cut him off, but Matt kept walking. Finally, I simply called out, "Matt!"

Matt, startled, looked up, nearly banging heads with Joey as he did so. He saw us and smiled. "Hey, guys... ready to go tonight?"

"Yeah," said Joey, "but... but what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just figured I'd show up and watch you guys as part of my vacation. Seeing as I have no one really to go home to... not anymore... well..." he faded. I looked at Joey. What do I say?

"Matt, I'm sorry. This can't be easy."

He took a deep breath. "You know... Jeff was just... he was such a good guy. I can't believe that I... it's not right." He was near tears. "And as if that's not enough... what happened with... with Amy... God, I hate this."

Joey put his arm around Matt's shoulder. "It's okay, Matt. It really is. Go ahead and cry."

"No... I can't. I'm a man. Look, the thing is... I just wish I coulda talked to them and... and maybe this would all be different. If only I insisted Jeff not have one more match. I never knew he... he would slip like that. It's so scary. I don't understand why God is doing this to me."

I sat down on the car roof and held Matt's head in my arms. "Matt," I said, "it's not that. You're not being punished. Everything happens for a reason. Why would you think God is punishing you? Jeff's the dead one, and Amy's the pregnant one. How is that your punishment?"

He looked me in the eyes, his tears beginning to subside while his frustration grew. "Because I have to live with it! I have my entire life ahead of me and no brother to share it with! I was in love -- you hear me? IN LOVE -- with Amy, and she ruined it all. I don't know if I can look her in the eye again. She stabbed me in the back. They all did!"

"Easy, Matt, easy," called Joey as he moved in on the situation. "Matt, you'll move on. The first year is always the hardest. But time will get better. You'll find someone new. You and Amy just weren't meant to be, that's all. Alexis and I may not be meant to be. It all happens."

My ears perked up as I heard that last statement. We what? Is he upset over Thursday night? I though I explained that! Wait, no I didn't. But I... it's not her fault. Does he really think she doesn't love him?

Matt, however, interrupted and provided a discourse. "Joey, I appreciate the sentiment, but it's not that easy. You've never had your heart really, honestly ripped out of your chest. It's happened to me, not just once, but twice. And it happened because of two people I thought would never betray me.

Jeff said we would always be together. He was telling me we'd be 40 and we'd be teaming up or going against each other every step of the way. He wanted to get back on his feet -- I could tell he was ready to start again. But he lied. He wasn't going to get back on his feet. He was never going to get on his feet again. The bastard left me -- this was his repayment for all the times I took care of him!

And Amy... she was by my side the whole time. But after Jeff died, she started acting strange. Like she was scared. I thought it was just because she lost control when we were all together. Hey, that happens, all right? But she went and got pregnant. That sort of shit doesn't happen from one time -- you gotta work at it. How long was she sleeping with him, anyway? Don't you know? How long?"

"Matt, stop!" Joey's eyes indicated a disgust with the proceedings. "Matt, don't blame them. You don't know. You're making yourself into a victim here. What about Amy? She's homeless right now because she's scared of you. What about Jeff? How do you think he feels looking down from Heaven and seeing you dissolve into beating up on his friend? Matt, for your sake, you gotta turn it around. Now."

As Joey and Matt argued, I saw something. My eyes went wide. I hopped down from the car and grabbed my bags. Joey and Matt saw me. Joey called after me, "Where are you going?"

"Don't mind me," I said. "I have to check in with Rob." In truth, I had seen something else that made me think it was time to do an end run and keep a full-blown incident from occurring. Two people had just walked up to the ticket counter and ordered tickets for tonight's show. Matt hadn't seen them, and with any luck, he wouldn't. I raced after them as they headed to where Matt was. They saw him and began to talk amongst themselves when I arrived.

"David, Amy," I said, short of breath, "we should move on." Quickly, I took them aside and led them to a lunch location, where Matt would never know they had already arrived and would be seeing the same show he was. I don't know where everyone's sitting tonight, but I do know that we're one step away from a first-class blowout. That's the last thing that needs to happen here.

*****

03:44 PM

Philadelphia, PA

Ring of Honor Presents

ROH FINAL BATTLE 2003

Live from the Murphy Rec Center, Philadelphia, PA

MAIN EVENT

ROH WORLD TITLE

ELIMINATION RULES

Samoa Joe © vs. CM Punk vs. Christopher Daniels

FOUR-WAY BATTLE FOR THE #1 CONTENDERS TROPHY

Danny Maff vs. Mark Briscoe vs. Kid Kash vs. Frankie Kazarian

I QUIT MATCH

Homicide vs. Steve Corino

ROH TAG TEAM TROPHIES

TAKA Michinoku and Men's Teioh © vs. Psychosis and Super Crazy

LAREE'S LAST HURRAH

Alexis Laree vs. Simply Luscious

PLUS

* AJ Styles vs. Bryan Danielson

* Raven vs. Trent Acid

* BJ Whitmer vs. Matt Stryker

* Joey Matthews vs. Jimmy Yang

Showcase Matches start at 6:00 PM

Main show begins at 7:00 PM

Tickets are $12, $10, $8, $5

Call 214-xxx-xxxx or visit www.rfvideo.com for more information

*****

I stared at the flyer over and over as David and Amy were off sightseeing. I didn't want to think about the match I had -- that would take care of itself. Luscious was fully capable of doing a good match, and Corino was certain to be at ringside to help her out. I was more capable than most female wrestlers, and the outcome was never in doubt. Instead, I began to think about Amy.

This is crazy. I set her up with David. We both needed a rebound -- a morale boost. We got it. Now, I'm wondering if I should've just let them both go their separate ways.

Why did I kiss him? Why did I do that? David's not right for her. She needs someone stable -- that's one thing David's never been. He's always doing something psychotic, always living on the edge of sanity...

Hang on, what am I saying? That's his character. You know the real David is a sweet, young, innocent kid. He's just someone who wants someone. Isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what you want?

Lindsay. What is she thinking about me right now? I've been so far away from her, and I'm thinking of everyone else's romance. I should be thinking about me, and my life, too! I've done so much to hurt her recently, and she's taking it so well... but is she setting me up?

She's gonna snap. She has to. I can't believe she's taking this so well. What's her secret? What's her perspective? What does she know that I don't? Maybe she's... what if... oh no, I can't wonder that. It's not right.

I'm so scared. I haven't seen her in so long, and now I'm... I'm getting jealous of what I did! That's basically it! But why? What's wrong with me? Quick, think -- what have you been through?

I was Lita and I dated David. I was Maven and I had an encounter with Trish. Now I'm Alexis, and I'm dating Joey. Just once, I'd like to be able to be with Lindsay -- somehow. Just once.

Wait, what am I saying? I was just with her, over vacation! Man, that seems like another lifetime -- another afterlifetime, even. It's because of Darren. He's messing with me. Even from the cell, he is. Everything I do, I feel like it's a mistake because of him. Why can't I just wipe that from my memory?

Well, I guess I could! But it would require wiping everything out. My time here -- gone. My friendship with Owen -- gone. Poor Kathleen's lesson -- gone. And Lindsay -- she'd be long gone. Even if we met, she'd never really think of me. She'd move on like that. I don't want to make that sacrifice.

Life is about the good and the bad, and taking them together. Life isn't about picking and choosing which you want and which you want to get rid of. I'm the sum of all my weaknesses and all my strengths. I saved Scott, but I lost Nora. I helped Lindsay and ruined Kathleen. I can't hide from it. It wouldn't be right, no matter how nice it would be.

I closed my eyes and got a quick nap.

*****

"Hello? Alexis?"

"Hm? Who's there? Is it Monday yet?"

"Not quite. I just need to talk to someone."

"About what?"

"Well, it's about Joey."

"Oh -- yeah, he's a hottie, isn't he?"

"Well, I guess... but that's not what I'm thinking of."

"What is?"

"I don't know what he thinks of you -- and it's my fault. I cut him off while we were in bed."

"Oh... what did you say to him?"

"That I couldn't. Not after what happened to Amy."

"Uh-huh."

"Will he understand?"

"I think he will. But I don't know if I do."

"Didn't you hear?"

"Well, yeah, I heard, but... that shouldn't bother me. I mean, I trust Joey. I trust him completely. He'd always be there. We're gonna get married, you know."

"Right... as soon as he comes back from Japan, I'm sure."

"Japan? What would he want to do there?"

"Oh, you weren't awake to find out. He... he's been talking to one of the groups in Japan -- I forget which. He might be leaving for a few dates on tour. Something he can do while you're with the WWE, you know?"

"Oh... right. Well, I guess that makes sense..."

"You don't sound too thrilled."

"It's just that he always wanted to be a superstar. He wanted to enter the WWE. But he can't do that if he's always on tour in Japan. They don't take anyone with overseas commitments. It's too much pay."

"Well, it may only be for this year."

"Perhaps... but then what? What if he likes it? What if he wants to stay there? You know all about what that Low Ki guy is doing, moving to Japan. I don't want Joey to be like that. He's my boyfriend -- he's supposed to be with me."

"Are you jealous?"

"Of him? No! Why would I be? I have my own career. I have my own life. You know this. I want him to be by my side, but... well, I expect him to sacrifice some."

"Shouldn't he expect the same from you, then?"

"Well, when we get married, I'll be the one taking years off the road at a time for the family, won't I? That's my sacrifice. The least he can do is accept working close to home for my benefit."

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"Well, we're not ready to get married, so I don't think it has to be an issue yet. Besides, if he goes to Japan, then I'll get worried. Till then, he's still my Joey."

"Right."

*****

I opened my eyes. HER Joey? Oh dear.

*****

08:34 PM

"Seven Nation Army" struck up for the second time in two days, as I walked out of the curtain. I expected to be greeted with the usual face reaction. Instead, I was nearly booed out of the Murphy Rec Center. I entered the ring and looked around, almost in surprise. What is this? What did I do to them? Oh, that's right...

I didn't even hear Corino's music play. I just saw him entering the ring. He took a mic and stood beside me. My opponent and his manager/girlfriend, Simply Luscious, looked on.

"You people oughta be ashamed of yourself. This lady is following her dreams, and you should respect that. I thought this was a ring of honor! Apparently, you're the same selfish, pathetic, Philly lowlifes who thought the ECW Arena was the Temple of the Arc of the Covenant! People need to live! She's working three jobs just to make ends meet! Now, with one signature, she'll never be hungry again, and all you people care about is that you'll never see her tits bouncing around in the ring for your juvenile enjoyment. You make me sick! You know what? You can forget about my match. Homicide, I'm sorry to let you down, but it's off. I'll see you in a more deserving venue!"

He flipped off the crowd and walked away. Luscious and I remained in the ring, surrounded by jeers. A huge "You Sold Out" chant erupted at me. I could see Luscious staring at me, wondering what to do. I was tempted to just start playing heel and let it be.

Then, they got worse. It started in the back row and was filtering its way down. It was the kind of thing that would make most people cringe, but in Philadelphia, it was considered the pinnacle of wit. After about thirty seconds, I stood in the middle of a sea of fans, all of whom were following the lead of someone in the balcony, and all of whom were saying the same thing.

"Two Bit Whore! Two Bit Whore! Two Bit Whore!"

I couldn't stand to be out there. I buried my face in my hands, hoping this was a nightmare that would go away. I felt tears in my eyes. I felt a kind hand on my shoulder, and only momentarily looked up to see Luscious offering her consolation. I thanked her, but I couldn't face her or anyone else. Everything was a mess.

Then, the booing turned to cheering. It became louder. I couldn't see what was happening, because of the tears in my eyes, but another individual had entered the ring. He threw his hands up, and the crowd began cheering even louder. It wasn't until a "Version 1" chant began that I realized what had happened.

"Now that I have your attention," Matt began after ripping the mic out of Gary Michael Capetta's hands, "I wanna say that you people need to think about what you've just done. Doesn't it bother you that she's crying now because of you? This person is my friend. I am honored to have her be that. I am humbled that she would look upon me as a friend. And when someone makes my friend feel miserable, I will do something about it. Tonight, I see a couple thousand people who deserve to be made miserable.

Let me make this clear -- in this city, down the road at the Spectrum, all of you gave me a standing ovation for the courage I displayed and in a show of solidarity for my brother, God rest his soul. But when he came here, and when he gave his heart to all you Ring of Honor fans, you told him you hated him. You refused to cheer him. You wouldn't show him the slightest amount of respect. The instant he stepped into the ring, you wanted him to leave. Lemme ask -- what had he done to you? Nothing. But you rejected him.

Now, what has Alexis here done to you? Nothing! She is going to be back. She'll be back when we visit again. Hell, the Royal Rumble's coming here in a little over a month. And I'm sure that all you fans who are out here questioning her lifestyle will be standing as one and starting some R-O-H chant when she walks through the curtain in the Wachovia Center. When she leaves, you treat her like shit! But when she visits, you treat her as a guest of honor.

Well, which is it, Philadelphia? Which is she? Make up your fucking minds! Either you love her or you hate her. Choose now. But let me tell you this: if you love her, then what you did was uncalled for and pathetic. And if you hate her, then I hope she never graces this hellhole with her presence again, and that'll go double for me! This isn't Version 1 talking to you; this is Matt Fucking Hardy! Now, do I have your attention?"

The crowd, which had begun by cheering him like there was no tomorrow, were now throwing garbage into the ring. One person even jumped the guardrail to take on Matt. Matt tackled him and began punching him down. All around me, things were falling into chaos. I saw Gabe Saplosky at ringside, motioning for us to head to the back. We did so, as Rob Feinstein emerged from behind the curtain and the crowd began singing "Na na na na" at me. The show was heading to an early intermission.

*****

10:44 PM

I didn't go back out. I couldn't. They had already rejected me. Mine was to be the last match before the intermission -- instead, it never took place. This was supposed to be my fond farewell -- it was a nightmare. Luscious looked at me, and I could see her biting her lip in our private locker room.

"I'm telling you, what they did out there was fucking stupid," she said. "It's not just that we couldn't wrestle -- it's that they think so goddamn highly of themselves. Man, what's next? Will they shit all over someone like Homicide when he jumps? Is anyone safe?"

I didn't respond. I was still hurt. The echoes of that chant -- I can't even think of what it says without feeling like I'm hurting her again -- rang through my head. I was livid. I was also very upset. I wanted to go home again.

There was a knock on the door. "We're okay," Luscious called out. Rob Feinstein entered. He was still the young, ambitious man I knew from when I visited him at Michael's as Teddy Long. This time, though, he seemed different. The anger in his face when he talked about Vince was there now, but it was accompanied by a frustration -- and, if you saw it the right way, shame.

"Alexis... I'm so sorry. You deserve better. You really do. I can't believe they'd... after all this time. I thought they were better than this."

"It's okay, RF. You didn't control them. They did this on their own. I'm just glad Matt was there to put them in their place."

"Yeah... I admire the guy. He told it like it was. This is one thing I couldn't stand. If only we'd just... I don't know. The ECW crowd would always respect you after the match. They always would chant things like "Please Don't Go" and stuff. I don't get why it changed. I don't blame you for refusing to perform."

"Thanks... I guess. I just wish Steve hadn't..."

"He did what I told him to. He wasn't leaving. They hadn't personally insulted him. But I think he was holding back. He said he wanted to do it right in Dayton. I don't blame him -- this crowd doesn't deserve to see the blowoff. Not the way they behaved."

"So, what, Rob? Are we gonna stick to the Rex?"

"No... no, we'll be back here. In a couple months, I'll just lead off with a message as myself. I hope they listen. I hope they understand. We had such high hopes for this show, and... dammit. I'm sorry. I really am."

"It's okay, RF. Like I said, you weren't under control. Anyway, I gotta go. I don't know if I could stay here."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, neither can Joey."

I turned around in surprise, halfway out the door. "What?"

"He quit. He said he didn't want to work in this town again. He was saying he didn't care if he never made the big time or if he was stuck in Southern California for the next 20 years. I still remember his exact words: 'No one who does that to her deserves to see me.' He's a good man, Alexis. You're very lucky."

"Thanks... I guess... well, bye, RF. And thank you for the opportunity."

"Thank you, Alexis. And I don't care what these fans say -- you're welcome back to Ring of Honor any time you want."

I turned around and walked out the door. As I headed to the exit, Joey was waiting for me. He held his arms out and accepted me in a loving embrace. I broke down in tears all over again. "Thank you," I sputtered out.

"It's all right."

We headed out the door, where a few fans had gathered. "Alexis," one of them said. I didn't even look up. "Alexis, we're sorry. We don't condone what happened in there. That ain't what Philly's all about, it really ain't. We love you, girl. We can't wait for you to come back at the Rumble."

I looked up through tear-stained eyes. "Thanks, guys," I said meekly before burying my head in Joey's arms again. The fans started a "We Love Laree" chant as we walked to Joey's truck. I saw Matt waiting there, along with David and Amy. They all hugged me in turn, adding their condolences and sympathies.

As I got in, I turned around to wave goodbye to all of them. I sat in the truck as Joey talked to the three of them about that night. I didn't hear it all, but one thing Matt said stuck with me for a long time.

"Yeah, I'm still kinda mad at her. But that's not important right now. In fact, it's kinda hard to be mad after seeing what an asshole you can be when you kick someone out. We'll talk about it, don't worry. I guess I needed a reality check. Heck, David invited me over for the holidays, so... I guess I just want to be her friend, that's all. I don't know if I can love her, but I'm not throwing away three years either."

*****

Monday, December 22, 2003, 05:45 AM

Stamford, CT

I woke up slowly and looked around. I couldn't make sense of where I was -- it all looked so unfamiliar. I walked over to the window and looked outside. I was about ten stories up.

"You up, honey?"

I turned around. A woman was looking back at me, smiling a beautiful smile. I knew her face, and immediately, I knew me. Still, I had to answer.

"Yeah, I... I just figured I'd start getting some working out in."

"Could you wait a couple hours? I'll go join you."

"Sure. Just lemme wake up."

I walked over to the dresser and got a workout uniform on. I headed to the mirror, just to confirm my suspicions, even though I was certain from the woman in the bed. Indeed, the face I saw staring back at me belonged to a long-haired, powerful man. It was Christmas week, and I would be working on Vince like I never had before.

"C'mon, Hunter," said the woman -- Stephanie. "Let's have a private workout first." I smiled. It's good to be Triple H.

[Guest HardKore06]

I clicked the link to EWB III and it says that its a broken link, so i went to EWB III and looked around and its not there.

[mattman1624]

It's there:

/ewbIII/index.php">EWB III

[The Third Dukes]

The first part of the show is almost exclusively devoted to a reward I gave out as part of winning the Armageddon prediction contest. I liked the idea of fobbing off work so much I repeated it the next year in the standard diary. Don't look at me like that.

Within this chapter are a few conflicting ideas. One is that Andy wants to show Stephanie what love really is, so that she will recognize the lack of love in Hunter. It plays upon a very unusual disconnect I established: that the mind and the personality are independent. It's probably pure fiction, but in order for the story to make ANY sense, I had to make that disconnect. Here, it shines through in that "Hunter" really does act differently when under new management.

Also here are profiles of HHH and Vince, two people who are doing more harm than good in the world. After having presented sympathetic portrayals of most WWE wrestlers, I needed a counterbalance. Yeah, Regal wasn't enough of one -- I needed to have someone actually be as we thought he was. Hence, Hunter became the corrupted influence, destroyed by greed. At the time, as with just about everyone in this story, this was pure speculation. However, interviews with ex-WWE employees seem to bear this out.

The demon's "victory" is a way to show that, really, we are powerless against supernatural forces. It's a common theme: demons, devils, and other evil bastards are constantly defeating humans, to the point where a human with an extraordinary gift must rise up. It does beg the question though: why do more people believe in Hell than in Heaven? Why do more people believe in Satan than in God? And yes, I have reason to believe the underlying assumptions of both questions are true.

*****

Chapter 66

The Devil Inside

Monday, December 22, 2003, 03:44 PM

Stamford, CT

"Don't mind me, honey. I'm just calling Shawn."

"Oh, okay, Hunter!"

I picked up the phone and called in. I hope he's home. After this week, I need someone to talk to. This has been just... if Stephanie hears me, she'll never believe it.

"Hunter, bro! Good to hear from ya!"

"Caller ID, Shawn?"

"Of course. You know that."

"Right... um, listen, you alone right now? I gotta discuss something."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Well... I had a rough week last week, you know."

"No... what do you mean? Wait... who's calling?"

"Well, that's just it. I'm not sure I can say."

He sighed. "All right, hang on..." I hope he doesn't think I'm burdening him by constantly having him move around like this. I'm just so nervous. I can't talk to him without sounding weird. And if Whysper or Stephanie heard anything... oh dear.

"Shawn?"

"Yeah, I'm clear now. Okay, Andy... I figured you'd call. Lindsay's already checked in. So, what's bothering you?"

"Well... last week was... a lot of bad things happened personally, and I just wanna... I wanna just talk about it, you know?"

"That's why I'm here. What happened?"

"Well, Joey came over, and he and I were, you know, getting frisky I'd guess you would say... and I had to stop him. I freaked out. It's cuz of Darren."

"I don't understand. He's in jail."

"Yeah, but... I had to stop Alexis because of me. I couldn't handle being touched. It's funny, really. I have no problems being a guy -- heck, Stephanie and I..."

"Right, right, I get it. So, it's okay when you're male, but not when you're female. That's strange. Well, I guess I won't understand, since I'm kinda locked in to being a guy, but... why do you think it is?"

"I don't know... I guess I... some parts of me just have memories. No, that sounds stupid. I mean..."

"Andy, look... I don't pretend to be an expert. I can't. All I know is that right now, you're feeling kinda weird. That much is clear. Look, I don't blame you for being scared of being on the receiving end of sex... but... well, it's not as easy as that. You have to be able to work through these things. Darren's not going to hurt anyone any more."

"I know... well, I know, but I can't accept. Everything has a memory attached to it. Everything I do... I don't know if I ever want to lead anyone into Mexico again because of what happened to Zach. I don't know if I want to work with someone who died young because of how I treated Kathleen. I know I'm not comfortable being a woman because of... of... God, I can't even say it."

"It's all right. It's all right, Andy. Just don't do it, and don't get yourself into a situation where it might happen again. You have freedom of choice. You can learn from your mistakes if you want. You can also run from them... and I'll give you one guess which one's easier and better for you."

"Yeah... I guess. But other things happened too. I don't know if you heard, but Matt and Amy are on decent terms again. But I had to suffer for it to happen."

"I don't follow."

"You read the Internet at all?"

"A little, but... you can't trust what they say. Every fan has an opinion. Heck, there's probably a bunch of guys out there who think they know how the WWE should run and are telling all their friends about it."

"Right... but did you see the results from Philly last night?"

"Philly? Last night? What was that?"

"Alexis was in a show for a group. It was her... her last appearance with the group. And they basically... they weren't too friendly. I was in tears when it was done. I couldn't even do the match because... because I..."

"Calm down, calm down, Andy. Take a deep breath and tell me all about it. Just stay calm, all right? We can't have Vince seeing you like this; you know that. He'll prey on you. Now... what happened?"

"Well... the show was in Philadelphia, and she was scheduled to make her last appearance. As I came out of the curtain, everyone started booing. They were saying, you know, how I sold out and all that. Now, that I expected to some extent. I mean, yeah, I was moving to greener pastures. And Steve -- Corino -- he was so cool about it, basically cutting a heel promo before his valet's match with me. I was all ready to just heel out for the match."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because they got worse. They... they were calling her... she... I..."

"Andy, just spit it out."

"They started chanting that she was... was..." Those words. They echo in my mind. I gotta get them out. "...that she was..."

"Andy... was what? I can't read your mind!"

"That she was a two-bit whore! All right? They called her a whore! They called me a whore! This after I couldn't even do anything with Joey a few days before... I'm not... I know I'm not."

"Andy... please... I know you're not, too. And that... that's just wrong. Philadelphia fans are just... there are times when you just wonder, why on God's green earth do you ever perform for them? I hated it every time. Guys like me -- who worked on the basis of sex appeal -- it didn't matter how much I worked my ass off for them; they never wanted to see me. Philly is... you're not a bad person, Andy. Don't let them get to you."

"Okay... right... I guess..."

"Anyway, you said this helped Matt? How?"

"Yeah... um... well... Matt got in the ring to defend her. The crowd cheered him, you know, at first... but then they... they started booing him too. One guy even tried to attack him. They had to go to an early intermission because of it all. And... and I never got to say goodbye to her fans. This was the thanks I got."

"Andy... it's okay. That's her problem now, not yours. I'm sure something will be worked out. It has to be."

"Thanks... it was all just a rough week. Doing three shows, and having to help other people... it's all..."

"Yeah, I was gonna ask. Who were these other guys that needed your help?"

"I can't tell you. But I can tell you what we were doing."

"Okay."

"We were working on... on Jarrett. Jeff. They thought he was almost ready to convert, and they wanted to hold an intervention. I think there were about a dozen of us helping out. It was crazy. Of course, we weren't all being helpful. That punk..."

"Which punk?"

"Oh, that's his ring name. CM Punk. He kept saying God was crap and that you couldn't believe it at all... and he was really ticking me off."

"Why?"

"Oh, he thinks he's so good, cuz he doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs or any of that... whoop de doo. He still doesn't know how to live his life if he can't accept the possibility that there's a God out there. And I know there is."

"Yeah, of course He's up there, watching over us. Was that ever in doubt? But... well, some people feel they don't need Him. Those are the hardest ones to get to realize the truth. But you can't worry about him. You were there to help with Double J. Did you?"

"I think so. I mean, I won't know -- he's attending some service on Christmas, though. We'll have to see if it helps. It was cool that people like Bagwell were there on their own, though."

"Yeah, Marcus is really a nicer guy than anyone gives him credit for. The guy got a bum rap. Of course, he also brought some of it on himself, but... he doesn't deserve the prima donna crap he gets. The man survived a broken neck. There was no reason for him to be walking again. I remember asking Scott about it -- he was scared stiff when he saw the shot Marc took. And you know how hard it is to scare a guy like Scott."

"Yeah... I understand. But anyway... oh, actually, there was something else I wanted to bring up. Something kinda weird -- I don't know what it means, if anything."

"What's that?"

"Well... when I was out there and Raven was talking, I found myself... this is so strange... it was like I wasn't Andy anymore. I wasn't even Alexis anymore. I was Laree, the character, the on-screen flunky in the Gathering. Do you follow what I'm saying?"

"Yeah. That sort of thing happens all the time. The good promo guys make everyone else around them better. It means nothing. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Hell, it happened to me a few times -- I'd really get into the story. And you know what? The promos I did during that time were some of the best I ever had. Don't worry about it."

"All right... um...."

"Something else on your mind?"

"Yeah... who's Lindsay this week?"

"Why? You wanna talk to her?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she said she was Nora this week, so... I don't think it would be a good idea to talk to her. Her emotions are still a little fried, you know?"

"I... I guess."

"Hey, you'll see her next week, right?"

"Sure."

"All right, then. Don't worry about it. Hey, have fun, you got that? You're right next to Vince, you're married to Stephanie... Merry Christmas, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. Merry Christmas to you, Shawn."

"Chin up, bro. You'll do great. Catch ya later."

"Sure... bye." I hung up slowly and began to ponder what I was and how I got there. I'm Triple H. I'm not Alexis anymore. So what happened to her -- shouldn't it be wiped clean? Shouldn't it? Or do I have a memory because I choose to continue my work. I guess it's like I thought yesterday before all this began... I am the sum of what has happened to me and what I have done. I cannot deny my own low points without denying my strengths.

I'm here for a reason, right? So let's get to it.

*****

08:55 PM

"Okay, that's good. Remember, we're making a DVD out of the shows this week, so I want you to make sure you got the footage ready. No screwing this up, right? Right. All right, I'll make sure it comes off the way I want it. Oh, don't you worry; you'll know. Good. Okay, after the show. Right. Bye."

Vince hung up the phone. He joined the rest of us in the living room within Titan Towers, where we were all ready to watch that night's Best of RAW. Vince and Linda were on one sofa, Shane and Marisa on another, and Stephanie was with me on the third. I put my arms around her as placed her head on my shoulder. She looked up at me and smiled, mouthing the words "I love you" to me.

We kissed quickly. I was surprised with how much passion and energy I could feel in a quick kiss. I began to think of the wedding. I remembered feeling the cold when Triple H said his vows. I couldn't help but wonder if Stephanie knew I -- he -- was a phony. Was he still even a phony? And what would that make me?

I looked over at Shane, who was lovingly rubbing Marisa's womb, where their first child would emerge in a few months' time. I remembered Amy, and Ivory, and what both of them were going through. I can't imagine how difficult it'll be for Amy down at the Flair house if she winds up breaking David's heart. He really liked her... I think. But I don't know if they're right for each other. They're just... something isn't real. I wish I could say what it was. Still, she's in a stable situation. That's important.

I turned and faced Vince, who had his arm around Linda's back. If only he weren't in such mortal danger, I would be touched by his display. I have no doubt that Linda loves him. I also have no doubt that Vince is a man who needs fixing, and that maybe she can help in some way. At least I know what my strategy is going to be when the time comes.

When it comes? The time is this week. It's now. I looked down and held Stephanie -- poor, sweet, innocent Stephanie -- closer to me as the show began.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Dec. 22 / 03.

- Live from nowhere.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jonathan Coachman.

- Ross tells us that tonight we'll look at the 10 biggest matches of the past six months, as well as the big moments that made RAW so special over that time frame. Coach is anticipating guests stopping by, which becomes a running gag throughout the night as he keeps running to the (offstage) door when a doorbell rings.

- #10: Booker T v. Chris Nowinski, SummerSlam. Joined in progress (as they all are) with Booker going for the Bookend, but Nowinski forcing him out due to Booker's bad arm. Rodney Mack (whatever happened to that guy, anyway) drops the arm over the top, getting Chris a Double Arm DDT for two. Nowinski bails and distracts the ref off of a slingshot, so Jazz gets a chairshot. Nowinski blows a hammerlock slam, and Booker takes over until Nowinski uses the FACIAL APPLIANCE OF DEATH for two. Booker with a clothesline and the usual to win, then a Bookend for Rodney.

- Review of 3 Live Kru debuting in a six-man against the Right to Censor (speaking of gimmicks that came and went), combined with a series of their greatest hits from WEEKEND UPDATE~!

- #9: 3 Live Kru, Lita, and Trish Stratus v. Right to Censor, Gail Kim, and Jazz, Survivor Series. This was contested under elimination rules, and is simply highlights, which is a VERY GOOD THING, thank you very much.

- #8: Christopher Nowinski and Rodney Mack v. The Dudley Boyz v. Hurricane and Goldust v. Big Show and Christian, RAW on October 20. JIP with it down to Dusticane and Show/Christian. Christian works the arm a little. Show legdrops Hurricane for two. Unprettier gets two. Hurricane gets a drop toehold in desperation, and hot tag Goldust. Goldust goes ballistic on both heels, but Show hits the Showstopper for the pin and the titles, which would be important since it got both men into the Chamber.

- Batista's return is highlighted from the same RAW, as he and the gang beat the living crap out of Shane McMahon. I could use all two hours watching a show called "Best of the McMahons Getting the Crap Beaten Out of Them", personally.

- Molly Holly's surprisingly popular run to the top is shown, starting with her September 8 run-in that established her as a babyface. This, logically, leads to...

- #7: Booker T, Goldust, and Molly Holly v. Evolution, RAW on November 3. JIP with HHH getting rolled up by Molly for two. Trips roids out and potatoing Molly, then adds a boot choke. Powerslam gets two. Legdrop follows for two as the crowd beings absolutely turning on HHH. Molly slides outside, and Batista tosses her back in. HHH then USES THE KNEE~! for two. Orton hits a desperation armbar as he sees if Molly's still alive. Molly gets a crossbody literally out of nowhere, hot tag Goldust. Flip Flop and Fly on Orton, axe kick and Spinaroonie by Booker on HHH. Bischoff runs in and KOs the ref, but HHH's sledge shot hits Orton by mistake. Shane-O-Mac gets the Skytwister on Orton and punches out Bischoff as Molly returns and crawl onto Orton for the win. Emotionally sound, if technically a car wreck.

- Highlights of the Tag Team Title Tournament, including the return of "Mighty" Molly and the chaos between 3 Live Kru and La Resistance.

- #6: Evolution v. Dudley Boyz, vacant Tag Team Titles, Armageddon. JIP as D-Von gets the hot tag and cleans house. Orton gets the Wazzup Drop, but Batista gets the Angry Man Spinebuster on D-Von to get even. Bubba gets the Bubba Bomb on Batista for two. 3-D on Batista sends him out of commission, but an RKO puts D-Von out. Bubba's leg goes, so Orton RKOs him to win the titles (without losing once in the double elimination tournament).

- #5: Shawn Michaels v. Michael Shane, Armageddon. This is highlights, with a full showing of Shane's post-match punking of his uncle, which I also approve of even though the match was actually quite good.

- We review Michael Shane's run in the WWE, including getting the pin in a few six-man tags and officially joining Evolution.

- #4: Randy Orton v. Rob Van Dam, RAW from August 25. JIP with RVD slamming his shoulder into Orton, but stumbling during the shoulder thrusts. Orton goes to a single-leg crab (with Ric Flair on the outside yelling instructions in psychology). RVD makes the ropes, so Orton dropkicks him out. Back inside, RVD gets a shot with his good leg in, but during the stepover enzuigiri he stumbles AGAIN on the bad leg, and Orton tries an anklelock, which turns into a Flatliner for two. Orton goes for the INDIAN DEATHLOCK OF SEVERE DISCOMFORT, and RVD punches him away. RVD falls flat during the Five Star, so Orton slaps on a figure-four until RVD passes out and is "pinned". This was easily the RAW Match of the Year.

- #3: Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels, RAW from July 21. JIP as Shawn bodypresses Jericho for two. Jericho goes up top but is caught with a dropkick on the way down. Shawn gets a backbreaker, atomic drop, and clotheslines. He catapults Jericho into the corner and rolls him up for two. Jericho gets a Northern Lights suplex for two. Bulldog and lionsault (on the second try) gets two. Powerslam for Shawn gets two. Flying elbow (NOT Picture Perfect) gets two. Jericho goes low, but gets a chair kicked into his face and is in la-la land. Ric Flair distracts the ref, thus fulfilling his reason to be at ringside, and Randy Orton RKO's Shawn on the chair as Jericho... crawls... over... for... two. Walls of Jericho FINALLY makes Shawn tap out. Too bad both men were out of action soon after this match.

- Speaking of which, we get a look at Jericho blowing his leg out in a match against Kevin Nash. Who knew leg injuries were contagious? This is followed by a series of the best of RNN, including Austin announcing he'll return at WrestleMania.

- Royal Rumble ad.

- #2: Triple H v. Chris Benoit, World Title match, Unforgiven. Highlights are shown, which is good because the match was hideously overbooked. Benoit wins with the Crossface and FINALLY gets a REAL World Title reign... for all of two months. Sigh.

- We get to see Shane McMahon's return as he costs Randy Orton the I-C title in a lumberjack match against Booker T on October 13. I worry that Shane's survivor series match is #1, but thankfully nothing comes of it.

- #1: Molly Holly v. Christian v. Big Show v. Booker T v. Chris Benoit v. Kane, Elimination Chamber, Survivor Series. Clips are shown, highlighting each pinfall as well as some major spots. The pop when Molly pins Show still has to be heard to be believed. Kane tossing Booker through the glass still looks impressive, and for once, Kane didn't botch the fireball at the end.

- JR and Coach are joined by DDP (carrying a menorah and dreidel) to wish everyone Happy Holidays and build up next week's RAW.

The Bottom Line:

Pretty decent for a clip show. Not easy to argue with some of their choices, though it's clear from looking at it that HHH isn't going away any time soon. Thankfully no mention of Lita's pregnancy angle on this show, which means not only is that insipid angle gone, but I get $20CAN from Scotsman.

And we all know that it's the season for giving, right?

*****

11:45 PM

"What's wrong, honey?" Stephanie looked over at me as I lay up in bed, thinking. She showed a genuine concern on her face as she set her palm against my cheek. She smiled, obviously trying to get me to do the same.

"Well... it's about your dad."

"Yeah?"

"I'm just worried about him. He's been behaving kinda funny, right?"

"What do you mean, Paul?"

"Well... the stuff he's done with Shawn's student, and when he was gonna fire Nora... I don't get it. What was that all about?"

Stephanie rolled back to her side. "Oh, Daddy's just stressed out. All he can think of is the WWE and helping the fans."

I looked at Stephanie. "Do you really believe that?"

"Usually. I mean, sometimes..." she blew her hair out of her face. "Okay, I'm trying to defend him. I don't know what goes on in his head. I never have. He's... he's not all there. I'm scared, Paul. I woulda thought Christmas would bring out the best in him, but all he can talk about is the show. It's like we're second in his life."

"Yeah... why do you think that is?"

"I wish I knew. But he's... he's not the Daddy I remember. Things were so much easier when Hogan was running the show... I mean, no offense. You're awesome out there, of course, but... Vince just seemed happier when the program was more childlike."

I smiled at Stephanie's attempt to butter me up. "Steph, honey, you don't have to stroke my ego. But you're right... things seemed so much easier before... before the feds."

"Yeah, that's it! That's when it all started getting weird. And especially over the last few months... he doesn't make sense anymore. It's like he's trying to alienate us. What do you think it all means?"

"Maybe Vince is possessed." Uh-oh, I wasn't supposed to say that...

"By what, the business? Yeah, I guess... I just wonder... he's thrown everything he has into making WrestleMania so special... what'll he do when it's over? Will he care enough to continue?" Her eyes brightened. "You don't think he'll turn the company over to Shane and me after it's over, do you?"

"I don't. This is Vince we're talking about. He's not quitting until he drops dead. And with any luck, that won't be any time soon. Don't worry, Steph. Your time will come."

"Oh, I don't mind waiting. It's not that... it's that I want Daddy to be happy and healthy. I don't know if it'll happen. I mean, just today, he was busy putting together the shows for this week. It's Christmastime! What happened to the spirit of family?"

I chuckled. "Maybe three spirits will visit him on the 24th."

"Paul!" She giggled.

"What? It might happen. You never know where the spirits of Christmas could be. Heck, you could be his personal angel. You're already mine."

"Oh, thank you, honey," she said, leaning over to kiss me.

"Look, it's a little late to worry about it right now. Let's work on it with Shane and Marisa tomorrow. If it's really a problem, we'll know how to handle it. Besides, there's always time for family this time of year, right?"

"Yeah... good night, Paul. I love you."

"I love you too, baby." Well, for this week I do. Hopefully, after I leave, he'll still care for her.

*****

Tuesday, December 23, 2003, 02:48 PM

Stamford, CT

Okay, five more. Four. Three. Two. One. Finished. Wow, I've never really spent this much time working out before. I guess I never really put too much into my physique when I was all the other people. It seemed more important to be good than to look good.

On the other hand, I feel better for it. Sorer, but better. It's like I now have a sense of accomplishment here. I mean, with the other people, yeah, I felt like I'd done something, but... at the same time, who I was wasn't something I had control over. Now, I feel like I'm actively helping to mold Triple H. Okay, it's shallow, but it's a feeling.

Look at Stephanie over there. She's busy working her arms on that one machine, trying to stay in bodybuilding shape. She's so confused... I can just tell. She's worried about her family -- and about Vince. I guess we all are, but... if she can't do anything, why can I?

Maybe she can do something. Maybe I can, too. But it requires getting her to realize she has the power. Deep down inside, I sense that she doesn't believe in herself. Why wouldn't she, though? She's got skills that you can't teach -- Internet reports be damned. She's sexy, she's smart, and she's... well, she's Stephanie. Any other last name than McMahon and she'd be a pin-up model around the world.

But why is she changing herself? For whose sake? Her own? Her father's? Mine? I don't care what she looks like, do I? She looked better when she was an All-American girl instead of a musclebound walking boob job. But... that was her decision, I'm sure.

Wasn't it? I wish I knew. Wait... I can find out...

*****

I stood outside the door where I knew Hunter would be waiting. I thought long and hard about whether to enter, since I had been hopping in and out quite a bit recently. I had a nagging feeling that, while what I was doing was fine, I was going to regret it. Still, it has to be done.

I opened the door. Paul Levesque -- Hunter -- was waiting as I expected, but something was odd about him. I had to squint to look in. His entire body was lighter than I had seen from Alexis just one week earlier. He turned to look at me, and I nearly walked right back out of the room; his eyes were a pair of bright golden discs.

"H-h-hunter? Are you... okay?"

"Yeah... who wants to know?"

"Not important. You just look funny."

"What are you sayin' about me, kid? Look, I'm just fine. I got it easy, don't I? I got a great life, I got a hot babe I can do whenever I want, I've got instant access to being at the top of the wrestling world, and when the old man kicks it, I'm the new owner. What's the big deal about that?"

"Hey, maybe you have it easy now, but you ain't always gonna be alive, you know."

"Pfft! Fuck that. I am alive -- that's the important thing. More than that, I'm set for life. Who's gonna knock me off? You?"

"I might. You never know. Or maybe Stephanie might. Nah... you two are in love -- that should be obvious." I looked him over and quickly saw otherwise -- no matter what Stephanie felt, Paul had yet to give his heart to her.

"Stephanie? Hey, don't get me wrong, she's a hot piece of ass that's got all the power, but do you believe I married her for love?"

I tilted my head in confusion. "I should hope so. It's not like you to say otherwise."

"Hey, I'll keep up appearance when I'm in charge, don't get me wrong. The beauty is, whoever's me has to play my game. They can't change my style too drastically -- it'll show through. Hell, I know of a couple guys who tried it, and they didn't make any progress."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I heard them tell Vince on my behalf that they wanted to give up the title. Vince thought the whole thing was a joke. That's how brilliant I am: I joke about laying down to Jericho every day, to the point where Vince wouldn't believe it if I said I had to. Hell, I only gave up the title to Benoit because I couldn't use it on my honeymoon. And whenever I want it, it's coming right back to Daddy."

I felt sick. I glared at him. "You're disgusting, you know that? You're a pathetic individual who doesn't seem to understand why we're on earth in the first place!"

"Sure I do. We're here to get ours and get out. There's no heaven or hell... if there is, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for your sake. I'm here to make the world better. And how dare you think there's no heaven -- I've seen it! I've seen Hell, too, and your kind of crap would go over really well down there, you know that?"

"Fuck, man... don't preach to me. I don't need your shit. You're nothing to me. Literally, nothing. Just like the fans are nothing, and Jericho's nothing, and... no, Vince is something. But only while he's alive. Once they stuff his ass into the ground, he's nothing, and I'm something."

"Why obsess over the WWE?"

"Why? Because I have earned it. Don't you get it? I've suffered through the most humiliating year of my life, stuck with stupid valets and meaningless feuds. That bitch Joanie -- god, what a fugly girl. I thought she was a cross-dresser at first, you know? And guess what -- when I saw the chance, I upgraded. Now, I've got Steph right where I want her -- in my pants."

"Is all you think about the sex? Didn't it mean something to get married to her?"

"Sure it did. Made me an heir to the McMahon fortune."

"Yeah, you and Shane."

"Shane? Ha! I've got Vince certain Shane was responsible for the InVasion crap. I watched Vince screw that up in seven different ways, and then when it tanked, I got him to exile Shane. Shane's nothing more than a stunt monkey now. And Steph... well, there's a reason I'm the heir."

"That is?"

"Vince hates her. HATES her. I didn't even have to do anything about this -- he's a crazy old man who wants his women to be dolls. I've never seen anyone more weak-spined than that old bag Linda. And Steph... ha! I am Vince's child now; she's just arm candy. Look, pal, lemme explain... you remember when that fucker Regal got put in the joint? You were there, right?"

That last question set off alarm bells in my head. I saw what he was trying to do. I had a feeling he wanted me to tip my hand so that I'd get re-assigned. If I played naive, I could keep my job and keep him talking. I did my best. "What about when he got arrested?"

"She went to him and was cryin' and whinin' about how Vince had to show some compassion to women. I guess the old man melted a little, cuz she said women were gonna be wrestlers now. How sad is that, man? But you know what the sweet part is? After he got back, he came to our room. He said she was so lucky they were in public. God, you shoulda heard the promo he cut on her. She was so fucked up after it was done, all I had to do was there-there her to get some tail."

I don't get it. Did the demon take over that fast? What did this all mean? "Okay, so Vince was acting. So what? What does that have to do with you?"

"Simple. Steph hasn't had any guy treat her right her whole life. She doesn't see Shane as a guy, just a brother. She can't appreciate him, or anyone. It's to the point now where you show her a little kindness and she melts. That's why the other guys eventually just play along with me -- they get to nail Steph so easily. Trust me, after seven days of seeing how pathetic that bitch is when she gets a nice word, you'll feel nothing about treating her like a toy."

As he spoke, I felt bile rise within me -- even though I didn't have bile to rise or a body for it to rise in. His casual references to sex, even with his wife, made me flash back both to what Darren did to me and to what he did to me that same week. He smiled as he mentioned how I'd feel about her, making me want to punch his lights out. I was ready to tell him exactly how I felt about him when the alarm bells went off again.

"No, Hunter. No, I'm not gonna tell you you're wrong. I won't say how misguided you are. You know that. I can see it in your eyes. You prefer your earthly ways. But that's not why I'm saving my breath. The fact is, you want me to get re-assigned. You want me to get yanked out of here so you can go right back to being in control. I can sense it. Well, guess what, Hunter. For the next few days, Vince is going to see how wrong you are, and Stephanie will understand what true love is. Then when you come back, we'll see just how effective you are."

I walked out of the room, taking one last look over my shoulder at him. He laughed and smiled. His golden eyes glowed as I closed the door, seemingly being the only evidence of his existence near the end. He had gotten so faint I could barely see him without the light.

I stood outside the door for a few minutes, unwilling to move forward and unable to go back. He's not gonna make it for much longer, is he?

*****

As I snapped out of it, I buried my head in my hands. All those things I couldn't tell Hunter for fear of blowing my cover, I had to get out. I had to find a way to tell him what a scumbag he was without anyone knowing any better. I had no idea how to do it. No one would understand.

"Hey there, son," sounded a familiar baritone. I turned around to see Vince entering for his workout. "You feeling all right?"

"Of course... just thinking about what to do for Christmas for the family, you know?"

"Need to go shopping? Hey, there's plenty of places downtown. Just try to avoid the rush. Or better yet, write down what you want, and I'll have an assistant go get it. Whatever's best for you."

"Hey, thanks. I'll get it all written down. Um... yeah, there's only a couple things really that I wanted to get." I struggled for the right words. What I had to say next would go a long way toward determining how easy it would be to reach Vince. "Um... something kinda bothers me."

"What is it? If this is about the Rumble..."

"No, no, not that. You see, I've noticed something... I treat Stephanie a hell of a lot better than you do, and... that just seems weird."

Vince raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... well, remember the night Darren was arrested? Remember how you came into our room after it was done?"

"Has that been bothering you all this time? Look, I was really frazzled. I said a bunch of things that night -- I can't even remember the specifics. Well, not really."

"It's not just that one night. I've -- well, we've all noticed that you... seem to... your eyes are disturbing me."

Vince laughed. "Oh, come on, Hunter. Don't be so jealous. I'm not that twisted."

"Vince, don't play dumb... I should just come out and say it. I saw the whole thing that night. I was around earlier when the girls were comforting Nora, and then I heard you and Austin yelling at each other from my room. Stephanie went out to investigate... but she didn't have to tell me anything. I heard. I'm sure the whole floor heard."

"Hunter, you remember something: I'm in control of a multi-billion dollar empire. I'm the man whose decisions change the world of wrestling forever. You are my true heir. You are the man I trust to keep the McMahon vision alive. Don't let some feelings you have for some girl keep you from fulfilling your destiny."

"Wh... some girl? Forget that that's my wife; that's your DAUGHTER!"

"She WAS my daughter. Only by birth. As soon as she came out of that demon-infested womb my wife has, and as soon as I saw she didn't have McMahon grapefruits, I knew she was a mistake. Don't you get it, Hunter? She wasn't my son; you are. She's too pathetic to know what love really is. How do you think I was able to get her to marry you?"

"She loves me."

"She loves you because I made sure she did. I didn't want some Canadian fucked-up Hart bitch like Test as my son-in-law. I broke that up and made you her on-screen husband. I did everything but fire Cupid's arrow! All the time you spent together... how you could've ever liked that beast Chyna I won't know."

"Vince... I like a woman who's into physical fitness. You noticed how much Stephanie's been hitting the weight room? She looks awesome out there."

"Yeah... yeah, I noticed. Why do you think I paid for her to get new tits? She may be your wife, but dammit, Hunter, don't ever let that cloud your vision. Be the man of the marriage, you got that? That's what I saw in you from the beginning. You took your punishment like a man and came back for more. That's why I trust you. Now don't go soft on me, Hunter. Divorce laws are easy in Connecticut. Remember that."

He turned around and walked off, making sure to keep his back straight and his chest out. I shook my head at him, then looked for the glasses next to me. I put them on. Vince's demon was staring back at me, smiling a million-dollar grin. It flipped me off again.

Shit.

*****

09:51 PM

I got into the bedroom and prepared for an early night's rest. Stephanie wasn't around yet, and I was hoping I would just be able to go to sleep early. I listened in on the radio as they announced the usual bad news that media members love to play up, even in the holiday season. I don't want to hear about murder and stuff. Can't they focus on the positives this time of year?

"Hey there, dear... what's on your mind?" I looked to the door, where Stephanie was in her casual outfit, likely soon ready to turn in as well. She seemed genuinely concerned. "I heard you talking to Daddy this afternoon. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah... well, kinda." I felt a pang of guilt. I have five days to make her feel appreciated before someone else takes over. "You see... your dad made me realize something. I... I haven't been the best husband to you."

"What are you talking about? You're wonderful. You're so generous to me, and you're a great lover. What else is there?"

"Steph... have I been generous to you without being a great lover?"

She stopped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I wonder if I only ever treat you nice because I expect something in return. You know... like I'm putting a coin in the machine or something."

She laughed. "You've got such a way with words. Don't worry, Paul, I love you. Doesn't that matter?"

"It would if... if I gave you a reason to love me. But you... I... no. You're just kind to me for no reason. And it... I just wonder... why?"

"Because you love me. Everyone thinks so. Daddy tells me all the time to be grateful someone loves me enough to marry me."

"Oh, c'mon, Steph. You think you're that hard to find a paramour for? You had Andrew... now you have me. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Andrew? Don't kid yourself. Daddy didn't like him, and he would've never treated me right... like you do."

"How have I treated you? Look, Steph, I'm thinking I'm doing something wrong. No, I know I have. I've taken you for granted. Vince, your Daddy, talks all the time about how I'm his heir and about how Shane isn't right for the business and... well, he says other things, too. I just look at how he and Linda are, together after so many years of marriage, and... I hope we can be together. But I want it to be even better. I don't want you to be a shell of who you are now. I want you to be YOU."

"Are you saying Mom... what are you saying?"

"Stephanie, even I can see it. I heard it in your dad's voice. I'm not sure he cares whether I love you or not. I think he sees the marriage as sealing the deal. You should've seen him in the church that day. He was grinning this smug, arrogant smile. And you remember what he said the night Darren was arrested."

"Look, what he said... he's right. I pushed the issue, and I made him uncomfortable."

I took a deep breath. I could see all the signs of psychological undoing in her that I did in Nora. "Stephanie... darling... how long has it been since your father told you in private that he loved you?"

She began to think. "I... I don't understand."

"He's pushing everyone away. You were worried he was getting overburdened by WrestleMania. He's got hundreds of people who are working on the same thing, but I guarantee you they and all the talent are home with their families enjoying the holidays. Why is Vince still working and pushing the family around? Why isn't he taking time to enjoy the season -- to enjoy you?"

"Paul, he loves me."

"Does he? Is that why he puts you in a catfight with a woman his age? Is that why he has 20 thousand people call you a slut? Is that why he chewed you out just minutes after seeing Nora approach him in shame?"

Stephanie was confused. Her eyes were wide, and in them I saw conflict. "I... but he... why does he do this?"

"Steph... what have you done for yourself? Did you marry me for yourself? Did you do this for you or for me?" I slowly ran my fingers up her chest to emphasize what I was talking about, then without turning my hand, lifted her chin so she was looking me in the eye. "Stephanie... I don't want to see you hurt. That's why I'm apologizing. If I kept behaving the way I started, I'd be... I'd be turning you into a nothing. I don't ever want to be responsible for that."

Tears of joy formed in her eyes. "Really?"

"Really... I love you too much."

"Thank you... thank you so much." She kissed me on the lips, then the neck, then down my shirt. I quickly stopped her.

"Wait... you... you don't have to do this. I'm not trying to get you in the mood."

She looked up at me. "It's okay. I am in the mood. I've never felt more in the mood before now, either."

[Boulder]

I told you I'd read the BVS at some point, and I finally did (well, not the whole thing, but what's posted here). This really is incredible, and I can finally see what all the fuss was about. From everything with Eddie and Undertaker (I especially loved the conversation on the bus as Cena) to the horribly disturbing stuff with Molly and Regal, this has just been so powerfully written. I love the Virchings, too. Once I finish this, I still have the BVS Universe continuation to look forward to. PM me or hit me up on AIM, Dukes. Gotta discuss this!

[The Third Dukes]

The chapter title sums this one up perfectly. This was a tribute to Dickens' beautiful Christmas Carol story. Ho ho ho. Some people didn't like it -- AR in particular hated it -- but others praised it as a very good adaptation.

Were EWB3 not dead, I'd give you proof.

Anyway, there's a couple of other things here. First is that Andy and Lindsay fight. Why do they fight? Partly because all couples fight, and partly because I was sick of Andy being in the right as often as he was. He seemed infallible, in part because everything was seen through his eyes. So to make him have something that drove her nuts was a way of humanizing him.

Meanwhile, we see the Clockwork Orange match alluded to last week. Lemme know if it's any good. TNA was still doing the "weekly PPV" concept in EWR, and this is my first attempt at booking that way. It's somewhat ironic that Laree is in a major storyline right before the WWE snaps her up, but that's typical TNA for you.

*****

Chapter 67

A Calgary Christmas Carol

I dreamed that night. We all did.

I looked at Lindsay, Owen, and Greg as we sat in a circle in the middle of the Tunnel. I noticed that each of them were as downtrodden as I was. It’s like they all knew at once, without me even having to say it.

"Honeymoon’s over, isn’t it," Greg finally said to break the uncomfortable silence. "I was afraid of that. And here I am... I can’t do anything about it."

"Sure you can," I replied. "Why not?"

"Well... my time’s almost up."

Lindsay gasped. "Really? That’s wonderful!"

"Not really, it isn’t... I’m not looking forward to it. I always thought that when I got the call-up, it would be at a time when I’d be ready for it. I guess I’m getting close to it... let’s see, I’d be 54 now, and my family had a history of cancer, so... I guess I wasn’t meant to last long. I just... I was hoping I could live my full lifespan on this side of the world."

"Wait a second," I said. "You’re going to Heaven and you’re... upset? Why?"

"Because I’ve been doing this for so long. I’m used to it. I mean, no one wants to die, and this is kinda like dying. I’m not gonna be able to see anyone I’ve been working with or... or any of you guys. And now that the demon’s getting stronger... I’m leaving at the wrong time, I really am."

Owen patted him on the back. "Hey, we can’t control when we leave. You know that. You think I wanted to die? Heck, none of us really wanna be here. We’d rather be in our own lives, being with our own families, loving our own wives and children... which reminds me. There’s something you can do."

"Yeah?"

"Come with us tomorrow night."

I stepped in. "Wh-where are we going?"

"Oh... I wanna visit Bret. I want him to get better. You know, stop being so bitter and cynical. I see it ruining his life. It’s time for him to step into the present. I want your help to do it. You up for it?"

"Sure... what do we have to do?"

"Well, the first thing is we meet here tomorrow night to go up to Calgary. Then... listen..." Owen began to describe his plan.

*****

After he finished, we were ready to head our separate ways. I turned to Lindsay and confronted her. "Lindsay, I... I’m confused."

"Why’s that?"

"Well, I’ve done a lot of bad things -- fooled around with Trish, slept with people’s wives... I just... I feel like I’m cheating on you sometimes. I don’t know if I feel comfortable always coming back to you. I just know one of these days, you’re... you’re gonna snap."

She laughed. "No, Andy, I’m not. There’s something inside me that says, this is IT. This is right. You know, while everyone else was out this week, and I was at my place in Minnesota, I started imagining you were there. I wanted you to be there. I miss you."

"You do?"

"Yeah... but... well, something’s coming up. With Greg leaving, and with Kathleen still gone, we’re gonna get new people. I already know that someone new is joining. I know because... they want me on SmackDown! to tutor that person."

I began to shake my head. "No... they can’t do this."

"Sure they can. Andy, don’t be so selfish. I’m not important, and neither are you."

"What do you mean, I’m not important?"

"Look, we can be replaced! You know that very well!"

"You’ll never be replaceable. I don’t want you to go away. No, you’re doing this cuz you’re mad at me."

"I’m not upset over what you did out there, but the way you’re acting right now isn’t exactly endearing to me."

"What, my apologies?"

"Your grovelling! You’re as bad as Stephanie is. You’re all tied up in me. Yeah, maybe you think I’m the sun and the moon or whatever, but guess what -- this is your job. 24/7, whenever it’s necessary, it’s your job! Get it?"

"I get it. You don’t! Don’t you know what love is? Don’t you remember how you felt with Terry and how you feel with me? Doesn’t that matter?"

"It matters, all right. But you gotta stop worrying about me. You can’t smother me. I have to be my own spirit too, you know."

A sense of dread crept over me. "You took this assignment on purpose, didn’t you?"

"You know... no, I didn’t. But maybe it’s better that it happens this way. Andy, I still love you... I think... but... we need to see if we’re really able to stand the test of time. Andy, you’ve got to live YOUR life now, not mine! Stop worrying about how I feel and get back to task!"

I felt almost angry at this point. I was ready to scream. "Do you love me or Vince? Which is it, huh? You wanna be Linda for the rest of her life? Would that make you happy? I thought we meant something. I thought I meant something, and now you’re telling me you’ll be better off without me? Did you do this to Terry? Did he mean anything when you were done getting laid?" A sharp blow to the face cut off my tirade. I stared at her.

"Shut up, now! You don’t get it!" She began to regain her calm. "Look... I love you, but I am loyal to the job at hand. If we break up, my existence continues. But if I betray Vince, I cease to be, and we cease to be a couple. I need priorities, and quite frankly, so do you. Just work on Vince. He needs you -- he needs all of us -- more than you realize. Please, Andy... there will be time for us later. But right now -- we have to try to exist on our own, too."

I was speechless. Is she... what does she mean? Why did she hurt me? What am I... "Are you breaking up with me?"

She sighed and hugged me. "No. No, I still love you. But I want you to be yourself. I love Andy, not an extension of me. So c’mon... do what you think is loyal to yourself. I’ll catch you later. Got it?"

She smiled and kissed me. I forced a smile on my face, then waved back as I walked off. Yes, she still loves me. But it doesn't change the pain I feel. How do I show her I can be a good person for her?

I may not be able to show her... but I know one person I can show. Maybe if I show Stephanie, Lindsay will get the message. Besides, by being a good husband to Steph, I'm making her better adjusted. Then, she can help us help Vince. That would be what Lindsay would want, wouldn't it?

Wait. There I go again. It's not about what she wants. I have to stop worrying as much about her feelings. Yeah, I don't want to cheat on her, or pretend she's not there -- it's important that I remember when I'm acting and when I'm being me. But I do know what God wants. He wants me to save Vince McMahon.

And if making Stephanie realize she's worth something is the right step -- and I can't see how it wouldn't be -- then it's the step I'll take. I turned to face Lindsay. "Wait!" I called. She turned around.

"Hm?"

"Lindsay, I... I’m going to take your advice. While I’m Triple H this week, I’m going to make Stephanie realize she is a good person -- and she is. She’s wonderful. She’s a sweet, loving, loyal, devoted... everything I like in you. But... well... she doesn’t believe in herself. If I make her believe in herself, I think she can help fight back the demon, right?"

She shrugged. "Go for it. It’s worth a shot. But do it because you think it’s right." I walked off, uncertain how to take this last piece of advice. I couldn’t tell if the next thing I heard was said or something I thought, but I could’ve sworn I heard Lindsay say as I left, "That’s my man."

*****

Wednesday, December 24, 11:45 AM

Stamford, CT

Stephanie was busy making lunch in the kitchen. I went up to her and embraced her. She pushed away slightly.

"Not tonight, honey," she said.

"I know. I just wanted to say I love you."

She turned around and smiled. "Thank you."

*****

Wednesday, December 24, 2003, 07:48 PM

Stamford, CT

We gathered again around the television. Vince had called DirecTV and set up to get the NWA program. The weird part -- to me, anyway -- was that he did this on his own, as if it were some family tradition. I turned to Stephanie, who was seated next to me under my arm.

"Steph... do you like these guys?"

She looked at me and giggled. "Well, they’re okay... I mean, you’re still better, honey." I half-smiled, trying to determine if she was saying that because she thought I wanted to hear it, because she believed it, or because it was what wives said to husbands.

"Yeah, but... well, they could be our next competition. Do you want them to do well?"

"Kinda. See, the thing with the brand extension... it’s just not the same. Yeah, there’s competition, but we aren’t trying to put each other out of business. Look at how things were with WCW. We wanted them to be buried. We got that. But... I miss the feeling of needing to go out and be on top of my game every week."

"Don’t you feel that way anyhow?"

"No. I don’t, really... and it’s sad, because I really should. But you see... we’re set. Our livelihood isn’t on the line like it was back then. There have been times when you and I and everyone... we’ve all gone through the motions."

I began to think about that statement. I've gone through the motions a few times myself. A lot of things I should've put effort into, I didn't because I thought they weren't important. If I'd only done more in terms of cleaning up my room or studying that extra hour for exams, I could say I left it all out there. But I didn't, and it left me feeling... kinda cheated. "I know," I finally said. "And all things considered, it was stupid of me to take stuff for granted."

"Stuff?"

I looked her in the eyes. "Well, people too." We kissed as TNA’s credits ran.

*****

09:13 PM

Nashville, TN, via satellite

The Gathering’s music played as the crowd turned to the entrance. Rather than Raven entering, though, CM Punk headed to the ring, joined by Julio Dinero and Alexis Laree. Laree constantly looked back as the crowd gave a mixed reaction to Raven’s lackeys. The camera showed the fence lined with weapons, then also pointed to a sign from the Heel Section, reading: "We Love Laree -- Fuck Philly!"

Vince turned to us. "What’s with the Philadelphia sign?"

Shane stepped in. "Oh, at some indy show Alexis was working in Philly, the fans were giving her a bunch of crap for signing a development deal with us. I mean, it’s Philly. It’s where ECW was. You expect class?"

"Shane," interjected Linda, "Philadelphia is one of our best markets."

"I never said otherwise," he said with a shrug. "They’re just a different breed."

A Cajun theme piped in through the PA as Lash LeRoux entered to a hero’s ovation. He carried a tiny box, wrapped in red paper and tied with a bow, to the ring with him. Before entering, he presented the gift to Alexis, who blushed and accepted it. Julio got in Lash’s face about it, but Lash ignored him until Punk dove over the top onto the pile.

The two combatants -- Punk and Lash -- exchanged right fists outside the ring as the crowd began doing duelling chants. The Heel Section was vocally behind Punk, a tweener, while babyface Lash had the support of the rest of the Asylum. Eventually, Punk tossed Lash into the ring and the bell rang.

Punk slammed Lash’s head into the turnbuckle, then stared at the camera, seemingly possessed. He went to the fence and grabbed a chair off of it, measuring Lash. Lash ducked under the chair shot, then punched down Punk, ending with the Bourbon Street splits and an uppercut. Punk bounced off of the ropes into a belly-to-belly suplex. Lash found the chair and began to stalk Punk. Punk slowly got to his feet, and when he turned around, Lash beaned him with the chair for two. Lash picked Punk up and tossed him into the fence, then blew a kiss to Alexis. Julio shot her a dirty look as Lash climbed the top rope and waited for Punk. Punk saw it coming and ducked the missile dropkick, then went back to the fence and secured a whip.

As Lash slowly crawled around the ring, Punk laid in the shots with the leather. Lash howled in pain as Punk wrapped the whip partially around his fist. He grabbed Lash by the red hair and nailed him with the fist wrapped in the whip. With Lash down, Punk looked for another weapon. He found brass knuckles.

As Punk smiled and turned around, he was caught with a spear into the fence by Lash, sending the knuckles flying. Lash then began to grind Punk’s face into the fence, drawing blood. As Punk stood up, Lash delivered a suplex onto the previously-used chair.It was Lash’s turn to find the whip and use it.

As the strokes landed on Punk’s back, Julio jumped into the ring and clocked Lash with the brass knuckles previously discarded. Punk slowly got to the top rope and measures Lash, but his flying elbow was caught with a boot, causing a double knockout. Julio entered the ring and rolled Punk on top, but the ref only got two. With both men bleeding, Punk began to punch Lash’s cut open more before looking back to the fence. He stared at the barbed wire that held the weapons in place, then called to Julio for help.

The two men pulled all the weapons -- including a crutch, a lead pipe, and a guitar -- off the barbed wire, then pulled the barbed wire itself off of the fence. Julio then walked over to Lash as he got up and wrapped the barbed wire around his face. Lash screamed as Alexis cringed at ringside. Julio began to wrap the barbed wire slowly around Lash’s body as Punk grabbed the lead pipe. The crowd was now booing the Gathering as Raven walked to ringside, smiling. Punk wound up to take a swing with the pipe, but never got the chance.

Alexis grabbed the pipe out of the way, then tossed it to ringside. Punk and Julio confronted her about this as Lash tried to untangle his body, resulting in poke marks everywhere. He slid outside, past a tuxedo-clad Mike Tenay and a lime-green-suited Don West, and grabbed the ring bell. He returned to the ring, having somehow disposed of the barbed wire, and began to crack both Punk and Julio over the head with the ring bell. Meanwhile, the camera noticed Raven pull Alexis out of the ring, and in the background (behind the fence) he was lecturing her. She stood there, conflicted and nervous, as the match continued. Lash went up to the top as Julio and Punk both got up. He nailed a crossbody on both bloody men (Julio having apparently bladed during the chaos) and covered Punk. It was only two. Julio was tossed into the fence, then over the top rope. Lash seemed to have the match wrapped up as he went for the Whiplash.

However, before he could get it finished, Raven entered and smashed the crutch over his head, flooring him. Punk went to cover, but Raven pulled him off. He ordered Punk to go to the top. Punk nodded, then dragged Lash over and prepared to hit the toprope pedigree -- known in other circles as the Pepsi Plunge. Lash struggled on the second rope and managed to toss Punk over his head. Punk crashed in the center of the ring as Raven rolled his eyes and yanked Lash off the ropes.

At this point, security (black-shirted) grabbed both Raven and Julio and escorted them from ringside. In the chaos, Lash went to pick Punk up, but Punk hit a low blow. He grabbed the guitar and broke it over Lash’s head, then covered. At two, though, Punk picked Lash up. He looked straight into Alexis’s eyes and ordered her to the top. She obeyed as Punk held Lash up. Alexis hesitated, seemingly making eye contact with both combatants, then jumped. Lash escaped, and Alexis wound up hitting a rana on Punk instead. Only after she got up did she realize what she did. She stared blankly as Lash hit the Whiplash on Punk and covered for the three-count.

As we listened to the Asylum crowd cheer, Vince seemed to be taking notes. I looked at him and saw he had a notepad in his lap the whole time. He tore off a piece of paper and handed it to Linda, who nodded. "What do you think they’re discussing?" I asked Stephanie.

"Oh, they probably saw someone who they liked," she said nonchalantly. "How do you think we discovered people like the Maximos? Ooh, look, there’s more."

Indeed, Lash was celebrating in the ring, barely able to stand and his face covered in blood. Alexis checked on Punk to make sure he was okay, then went to Lash and did the same. Raven re-emerged, his face showing disappointment and rage.

"Alexis," he yelled into a microphone. "Your time for wavering has passed. It is imperative that you make a decision. Do you wish to see the light of my teachings, or would you rather succumb to the cruel intentions of Lash LeRoux? We will find out next week. For you see, I have just cleared with Mr. Callis that Lash LeRoux will face myself next week. However, as this is Raven’s Rules, I add one extra rule to the match, one which you will be interested in hearing. I am making you the official, Alexis."

The crowd cheered the announcement. Raven stared at Laree and continued. "And Alexis, I anticipate that there will be no confusion as to your belief system when I am done. I will expose this man for the dangerous fraud that he is. You will see that I am the path to redemption. I have your best interest at heart. And I will make you make the final decision in that match, and for your future. Quote the Raven, Nevermore."

I was mesmerized by the whole speech. Wow. He sounds dangerous. It's hard to believe he's just acting. Where was all this potential, all this charisma, all this excitement when he was a WWE star? How did he not get a chance?

*****

We met in the Dream Tunnel, ready to go to Calgary. Owen said the word, and we were thought over to just outside Bret’s room. I looked around. Everything was the same as in Vacation -- including, unfortunately, our size. "So," I said nervously, "now what?"

"Follow me," Owen said. He flew to Bret’s side as we all followed. He stood near Bret’s head, barely audible over the snoring. "Put your hands right here," he said, pointing at Bret’s temple. "This will let us in and out of his dream world. Through here we will fix him."

I obeyed. As all four of us stood by, pressing on his temple, I felt a vacuum-like pull on my hands and body. I turned to Owen, his face calm. Could it be he doesn't feel what I feel? Or is he used to it by now? Before I could answer, everything went white, then gray. We were now normal-sized and in Bret’s room again.

"What happened?" I whispered to Greg.

"We’re in his dream now... all we have to do is get his attention."

"What if he wakes up?"

"Then we’ll be ejected. Don’t worry -- it’s perfectly safe." For my sake, I hope you're right.

Owen motioned all of us to wait outside, then approached Bret’s sleeping dream body. He shook it, causing Bret to sit upright with a start. "Who-- what---" he stammered before looking at Owen. "Owen! Bro! You’re... what are you doing here?"

"Well, Bret... it’s Christmas. I’ve got a few friends here who want to show you what you’ve become because... frankly, we’re not happy about it."

"Why not? I’m retired. What would you have me do -- risk another coma in the ring?"

"No. It’s not your physical state. It’s your mental well-being. Bret, if you continue the way you are, writing about all the grudges you hold and obsessing over what might have been, you’ll never be happy, and you’ll never be able to help the world. Isn’t that what you want?"

"I... of course. But Owen, I... look... I’m washed up. I had everything, and I had it stolen. Shouldn’t this bother me a little?"

Owen bit his lip. "Only if you let it. Now listen, I’m here to warn you. My friends are gonna be showing you your life, and explaining more what I mean. I’ll be along for the ride, but they’re the guides. I trust them. I want you to trust them."

Bret stared at Owen. "How can I?"

"Don’t you think I’d have your best interest at heart?"

"I don’t know. You’re so far gone from my life that I..."

"Bret, please. Trust me. I’m not pranking you. I’m deadly serious. I’m scared."

Bret sighed. "All right. Where are we going?"

Owen smiled. "I thought you’d see it that way. Lindsay, come on in!" Lindsay entered, smiling to Bret. "Bret, this is my friend Lindsay. She’s been following your life for a long time, and she wants to try to figure out how you got here. Now, since it’s Christmas, we’ll focus on that, right?"

Bret raised an eyebrow. "What is this, a joke?"

"Not quite," Lindsay said. "We don’t choose how to help you. We just show you what we can."

Bret folded his arms. "I knew I shouldn’t have read Dickens last night."

"Come on, Bret... pay attention. Now, what is your earliest real Christmas memory?"

Bret thought. "Well, when I was -- actually, it was Owen’s first Christmas. I remember leaning over the bars of his crib cage and looking at him, you know, playing with some mobile toy... he never looked happier. There was something in him that just, you know, made me smile."

Lindsay looked at Owen. "I bet you were a cute baby, too."

"Yeah, funny -- can we stay on task?"

"Okay, fine. Do you remember anything else about that day?"

Bret thought. "There was later in the day -- down in the Dungeon -- when Bruce and I, you know, we were practicing and trying to be like the guys in Stampede and on TV at the time... and Bruce wound up... injuring me. I mean, he didn’t mean it, but... the fact is, I spent that night in a cast, and most of the day waiting for an X-ray."

"Does that bother you?"

"Well... I dunno. A little. It bothered me then."

"Okay... any other childhood memories of Christmastime stand out?"

"A few... I mean, I remember when Dad talked to me for the first time about entering his company. I must’ve been, you know, 17 at the time. It was something I was interested in, sure, but... at the same time, I knew I was the star of the high school team. I... I didn’t want to give that up, or give up doing this in college or... or even the Olympics. And Dad was talking to me about how the Olympics didn’t matter, cuz they were such a longshot, and... I didn’t wanna hear it. But I went along anyway."

"Why? Bret, you know Dad would’ve understood."

"I dunno if he would’ve. He wanted all of us to help out with the family business. Why do you think it was so hard to... to go to Vince in the end? I mean, Tom and Davey... they were just wrestlers. We were family."

"I think you misunderstood Dad all this time. I really do. But that’s okay, Bret. He’ll forgive you."

Bret began to show concern. "I don’t know... I just wish I’d... I missed his death. I was out on the radio when I heard... I couldn’t be there."

Lindsay desperately tried to change the subject. "What about your early WWF memories? Don’t they mean anything?"

Bret searched his mind. "A little... well, I remember being in Boston in 1992, after winning the title. They were setting up for an Iron Man match with Ric Flair, you know, to solidify my spot up top. And a lot of the guys, you know, people like Savage and Perfect and that group... they were like, who’s this fool running things? He won it on a fluke. He’s not gonna last. And I just remember being so angry that Shawn was being seen as a bigger contender when I had the main title. I just never understood who they wanted to be the champ... I mean, Luger wasn’t due for a few months anyway."

"Bro... isn’t there anything positive? Remember in 1995, when you were the Champ and you and Davey had that awesome match? We were on top of the world!"

Bret shook his head. "What, that shithead? I carried him through that. I carried him every time. We were the real talent, Owen. He didn’t belong in the ring with me. I should’ve faced you, but... they didn’t want us working together. You know that."

"Bret... how good you are in the ring means nothing. It’s how good you are outside the ring... but fine. Any other memories you wanna share?"

"Well... I remember ’99. It was the first Christmas without... well, that we were apart. And I was in Washington... we’d just done the big nWo thing. They wanted me to ride out in this car, and I remember jumping in and taking off. I was like, what am I doing? My seat belt isn’t buckled, it’s cold and may be icy out there... this is the kind of thing that killed you. I felt like a sellout."

Lindsay looked at Owen, who shook his head. "Bret," she said, "It’s not about that. You have to focus on the good, right? Doesn’t it matter to you that... that you have thousands of fans? That you’re alive and well? That you can live comfortably? That Blaine will never have to worry about finances? Aren’t there blessings to be had?"

"Those. They’re meaningless. Look at all I lost to get there. I lost Brian, and Owen, and... I lost my job. I lost a lot of personal respect. I never felt good enough. I wanted to be the best. I couldn’t look Dad in the eye and say, I’m sorry, I’m not the man you were. I had to be the best. That’s why I got mad at everyone who would cut things out from underneath me."

"Like Shawn?"

"Oh, God... what a self-centered bitch he was. All he cared about was himself. He didn’t want to improve in the ring... he just wanted to get laid and get high. Why should I care what happens to him?"

"Didn’t he become good? Didn’t he turn his life around?"

"That’s his story. I don’t buy it for a minute. He’s just a... he says what he needs to. He’s a politician. I can’t believe he could con so many people into believing what he said."

I could hear no more. There wasn’t any more memory to relive. Besides, it was my turn to show him where he was at that moment. I was the spirit of the present, and my time was now.

"And what of you?" I said as I walked in. I tapped Lindsay on the shoulder. "Sorry, Lindsay. I think someone else should take a run at him. If we can’t change how he feels about the past..."

Lindsay looked at me, slightly perturbed but understanding. She walked aside. Owen continued. "Bret... maybe if you saw how people are doing now, you’ll pull yourself out of this... this rut. I’ve been watching it. I died almost five years ago. Montreal... that was six. Your career ended four years ago. Bret, I love you, and it’s time for you to see... people change. Please, believe it."

Bret simply shook his head. "Like who?"

"Well," I said, "wouldn’t you be interested in hearing what people are doing right now for Christmas? Think about it. People are learning what the true spirit is all about, and you seem to be missing the boat."

"Oh yeah? In what way?"

"Look... look at Test. You know what he’s doing right now? He’s counting down the days until January 31. He’s looking forward to making the big step in his life. He’s gonna get married. Married! Remember the feeling of love you get from family? Well, he’s about to get it again for the first time."

"Yeah, good for him. So what? What does that have to do with me?"

"Bret... when was the last time you talked to everyone in your family? How did you treat Davey, your brother-in-law? Or Neidhart?"

"Them? They’re not my family!"

"Then what about Diana?"

"She... she chose him. She chose him over me."

"Bret, she doesn’t have to choose anyone OVER anyone. She still loves you. Your family loves you. And you can bring them together. Why don’t you?"

"They don’t really believe in me, do they?"

"Sure."

He thought for what seemed like a long time. "I don’t know... it’s just gonna be hard to see all these people again."

"It’s always hard to make up," I began, semi-consciously thinking of the blowout Lindsay and I had the night before. "You know, you’re gonna fight with a lot of people. We’re all different. That’s why we’re all special. But you gotta know that the people you love are the ones you’ll always fight with because when you’re done, you become stronger. No, that’s not quite right. What I mean is..."

"I think what you mean," Owen interrupted, "is that you’ll have differences of opinion with lots of people, but family and friends -- the ones you can count on always -- will be there even after the differences, and love you because of them. I mean, think of me, Bret. We fought all the time, but do you hate me for it?"

"No... that’s what I loved about you, was that we could do all that shit and be together again when it was over."

"Exactly. And that’s how Diana and Neidhart and everyone’s going to be. I’m sure of it."

Bret slumped back in bed. "But what about Shawn? You expect me to make up with him?"

I smiled. "I don’t expect it. I’m counting on it. Shawn has been waiting for years to settle the account with you. He feels it’s the one hole in his life. You think he can enjoy Christmas and his new-found spiritual glory while still being held in contempt for his old ways? Bret, you can ease the greatest hurt in wrestling. Just accept his contrition."

"He’s a phony."

"How dare you say that ab..."

Owen cut me off. He stared at me, as if to indicate I was about to overstep my authority. After I nodded to assure him I’d be silent, I waited for Owen to continue. "Bret, give him a chance. For me?"

"He’s gotta prove it to me. I want to hear it."

"I’m sure you will."

"But Owen, it’s... dammit... there’s still... I mean... my life isn’t fun. I’m stuck at home. I’m separated from most of my family. I’m doing the occasional guest column and that’s it. My life’s hitting the bottom."

I stepped in again. "You think this is the bottom? Bret, look around you. I’d love to live here. And have you been to downtown anywhere recently? Damn, people there don’t even have houses. Many of them would be better off dead. But you know what? They celebrate. They celebrate their lives, and their families, and their positives. Why can’t you see how blessed you are? This kills me. You were my role model."

Bret stared at me. "Were? What about now?"

"Now... well, you’re not the person who became my role model."

"Go away! I don’t need this! Owen, what the hell are you pulling on me? Is this another prank? Do you care about me, or are you just out to berate me?"

"Bret, listen! Listen to yourself! We’re trying to show you what you have, and you’re shoving us aside! We don’t care that you’re not perfect. We like who you are. Lots of people do. I hate to do this, really, but... maybe you need to see the future."

"Future? What could there be in the future?"

"Let me tell you," said Greg as he walked in. I took my cue and left, standing next to Lindsay as we watched. "Bret, do you want to be seen as a man who had it all and wasted it? That’s where you’re going. That’s where you are right now, in fact. Look around you, dammit!"

"Hey, don’t be so harsh."

"Well, they tried other ways, and now I’m gonna make it clear to you. You are ruining what you have. You are wasting away in this house. Don’t you ever want to be remembered as something other than a washed-up former athlete? Give! Give of your heart! Forgive if you have to! Make peace with others."

"Others? I can’t even make peace with myself."

"You’d better fix that immediately, then. Look into your soul and realize that you have problems, yes, but they’re redeemable. YOU are redeemable. Can you live a life outside of being the Hitman?"

Bret was silent. Owen put his arm around him. "C’mon, Bret. I know you can. I know you’re a good man. Where’s the brother who would enjoy life and living? Where’s the brother who wanted to be a community leader? Where’s the brother who vowed he would change the world?"

"He died in 2000... when he was told never to do what he loved again."

I exchanged shocked looks with Lindsay as we took in that statement. So that's what's been bothering him all this time! Greg took a deep breath and looked at Owen. Owen consoled Bret. "Bret... he doesn’t have to die. You have another calling. Be your own man. Be who YOU want to be. Doesn’t it excite you to be a father, a husband, a brother, a community leader? Do that! Use your column to help bring Calgary out of the debt and doldrums and into the good life again. You have the influence. Please... use it."

"I... I don’t know... I don’t know if I can. I’ve tried to do so many things, only to have outside forces cut me off at the knees."

"Bret... don’t let them get you down. Fight them and beat them. They’re nothing compared to the heart and soul you have in you. When you wanna do something, you really put your mind to it, and no one gets in your way. Please, bro. Enjoy the life you have. It’s the only one you get."

"Where do I start?"

Owen smiled. "Start with family. I want to be able to see all of you together, even without Mom and Dad."

Bret smiled. "I’ll work on it." Owen and Greg slowly left the room, grinning. We looked at both of them as they exited. Owen had a tear in his eye. Greg simply felt a sense of accomplishment, as though he knew he was going out on top.

"Guys," said Owen, "let’s make sure Bret ain’t the only one having a Merry Christmas."

*****

We returned to the Tunnel, and as we did, Owen let out of scream of joy. We all joined in it, high-fiving and hugging each other. We felt we had pulled Bret out of it. All that positive energy he had when he wrestled was going to be positive in the rest of his life. As I headed back to being Triple H, I turned to Owen. "Owen," I said, "you think he’ll listen?"

Owen beamed. "Of course he will. He’ll be the best human being there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Any less... just wouldn’t be Bret."

[The Third Dukes]

This is the end of Part V. This chapter is all about Christmas, and gifts, and stuff. I'm not saying it's good, but it's a chapter.

We get another insight into Stephanie's character and to how little she seems to understand her own life. I really wanted to hammer home how she felt -- that she didn't question either Vince's or HHH's love of her. Somewhat ironically, the gift she gives Hunter is likely symbolic of Vince's gift to Hunter in real life (or, at least, within the context of the story). I didn't think of it that way at first, but someone pointed it out to me.

From there, it's back on the road, and HHH has a Christmas gift for everyone: he puts over the hometown guy. At this point, you knew two things: that Andy was firmly in control, and that Hunter would get it back. Both would happen soon.

This also marks the end of Part V, as I noted above. There was one more need to give, to do unto another, and it was alluded to when greg said his time was short. And as luck would have it, the last man he'd want judging him has to judge him. The pain Andy felt upon seeing Kathleen's loss had to be measured.

So I ask my readers: what's the truth? Who's responsible for Kathleen's turning away from the rest of her company? (Renotude doesn't count!) And was Andy too nice in his evaluation? Did Greg deserve to get in? Do we care?

And when's that damn chapter starting? Now.

*****

Chapter 68

Doing Unto Others

Thursday, December 25, 2003, 08:58 AM

Stamford, CT

I slowly walked down the stairs of our living quarters, wiping the sleep out of my eyes. I had had a long night, and I certainly wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the week. I had been alone basically for two weeks now, and with Lindsay replacing Greg on SmackDown!, I was guessing Shawn and I would be working short-handed.

My worries soon melted, however, when I saw what was in the hallway. The tree -- a 15-foot monster in the center hallway -- had gone from bare to alight. Vince's hired help must've worked all night for this! No wonder Stephanie and I are the first up. Speaking of which, where is she? Red, blue, and silver lights adorned seemingly every branch. Just about every WWF/WWE ornament ever made, along with a few more personal ones, hung all around. Underneath was every size package one could imagine -- some as big as I was, and some smaller than my hand. The place had apparently been transformed.

I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to be a child again. I _felt_ like a child again, staring at a tree that had magically been filled with presents overnight. But I knew it would be wisest to wait for everyone else. Still, the sight of everything -- the gifts, the music, the lights, the general decorations -- made me torn between two ideals. I went back upstairs to see if anyone else was up.

As I looked into my bedroom, I saw that it was empty. Stephanie hadn’t yet come back from wherever she was. It's not like her to be gone this long. She's usually around the house, wanting to spend time with me or with her mother. Why is she missing? I went to check on Shane and Marisa’s room, but as I did, I felt a hug around my waist. I turned. Linda was there. "Merry Christmas, Paul," she said.

"Thanks, Mom," I replied. I could never call her Linda. It's just not right. "Say, uh, you seen Stephanie? She got up before I did and I can’t find her anywhere. Did she go out to get dinner?"

Linda smiled. "I was hoping I’d find you early. We got up this morning to take care of something. Follow me -- she wanted me to show you something." We headed back downstairs to the tree. I noticed a few large packages in particular. Linda pointed me to the largest of these -- nearly as tall as I was, propped up in the corner. "I want you to read the card on that one. It’s one she and I put there this morning."

Confused, but excited, I went to the package. It was covered in WWE label wrapping paper, and a card rested just under the big red bow in the front. I took the card and opened it.

"Dearest Paul,

I went through a lot of trouble all night last night making sure this was just right. You asked me what the perfect gift would be for me this first and best Christmas together. I hope this gift lets you know my answer in some small way.

Love,

Stephanie

PS -- Take this gift upstairs before you open it."

I smiled and picked the gift up. I was stunned by how heavy it was -- over 100 pounds, by my estimation. "Wow... what’s in it?"

Linda shrugged. "You’ll have to find out. Where are you taking it?"

"Well, the note said to move it upstairs before opening... man, I’m gonna have to get a good grip on this." I turned around and carried it, the gift’s back on my back, with the bow on top. I slowly climbed the stairs back to the top floor. As I did, I thought I felt the contents of the box shift. That's strange. I moved past Shane and Marisa’s room, peering in as I did so. The two were still asleep, curled up next to each other, her in his arms.

I finally made it back to our room and stood the gift upright. I walked around to the back and began to tear away, starting with a few holes that had been punctured into the back. I saw a large, red, wooden plank with the WWE logo painted on it in white, but I also saw something else unusual. The board had holes in it, and the holes had wires protruding out of them. The wires were paired in four spots, and each pair was twisted together.

I moved to the left side and unwrapped. I saw another wooden board, also all red. In addition, there was painting on the side -- in bright white letters, the word "Stephanie" in fancy, almost calligraphic font. I moved over to the right side, now uncertain I wanted to know what was inside. The right side had the same thing as the left. The only thing protecting the gift’s identity now was the bow and front wrapping -- although by now I had a good idea what would be inside.

I quickly ripped off the bow and the rest of the paper, only to find another slab of wood, this one with hinges on the side. The wood was painted to resemble a Barbie doll display, only with Stephanie’s likeness on it. In addition, there were several tiny holes in the front of the box. Yeah, holes in a box the size of a human. It makes too much sense. I saw the front panel had hinges built into it. I slowly opened.

There she was, dressed in the same doll’s outfit painted on the front of the box. She smiled as I opened it all the way. "Merry Christmas, Paul," she said. "I just thought this would be a cute way to say that the best gift you’ve given me is yourself."

I was confused. "Wait," I said half-jokingly, "I thought I was supposed to show you my sentimental side."

She laughed. "Well," she said, "you have. You have been. I heard you talking to Daddy the other day, and I remember what you said to me about how you were sorry you didn’t appreciate me. Paul, I just wanted you to know how much that meant to me. You’re my favorite person... and you know, you were man enough to come clean. Now," she said smiling as she slipped out of the very loose wires around her wrists, neck, and feet that were allegedly keeping her in the box, "how about we see if you’re man enough in other areas?"

"Wait," I said, not even sure why. Something just made me want to back off. "Steph, um... this isn’t right. I mean, let’s wait, can we? Right now... I know you love me, and I really love you, but... I don’t want to just have you be my toy, my... doll. I want to be able to appreciate YOU. You’re more than just Vince’s heiress, his princess, my... wife. You’re a person. Please, let me understand that person."

"But Paul," she said, looking at me as though I’d lost my mind, "don’t you love me?"

"Of course. That’s why I’m asking to wait. Yesterday, I wanted to show you I didn’t need to sleep with you to love you. Don’t you understand? Right now I... I’m not sure. I just need you to feel good about you as a person rather than as a uterus."

"But... but why? Don’t you think I... I don’t understand."

"Steph... I want you to think about something. How does your father treat you?"

She began to lower her head. "Daddy cares for me. He tries to make me better. You’ve seen it."

"Don’t fool yourself. How does he treat you?"

She sighed. "Not well... but what can I do? He’s promised me that I’ll take over if I follow what he says. He’s already at odds with Shane." I didn’t answer. "I mean... I want to be able to run things, and this is the only way, right?"

"Steph... you’ll get to run it when he retires no matter what. I’ll make sure of it. The way he’s going, he may not outlive Linda anyway. But that’s not the point. The problem is that you... you need to stand up to people. Your dad controls you. He’s manipulative. He’s... man, he may even be abusive."

"So what do I do, just tell him?"

"No! You gotta soften him up. Remember how you handled it in Idaho -- when you made him see what he really thought of women? I think you really made a difference. I thought... I was sure... he was ready to give women a chance. Steph, you gotta believe me. You have the power to make him better. And the better he is to others, the better he’ll be to you."

"You really think so? But... but what about us, Paul? I mean... you’re really bringing me down here."

"Stephanie... you mean more to me than your body. I’m serious. I want you to be a better person, and the first step to that is not to be down on yourself all the time. I... I hate to say it but, you let a lot of things happen."

"Well... I saw what Daddy did to Shane. I just don’t want that to be me."

"Listen, Steph... if it’s your dad’s temper you’re worried about, let me say that if he tries to hurt you, he answers to me. If it’s his pursestrings that worry you, don’t be worried. You’re very employable. You’re capable. You’ll make an honest living if you have to. I believe in you. I love you. You make me... human."

Stephanie’s eyes glistened as she threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

*****

- The Rant for A Very SmarKDown! Christmas, Dec. 25 / 03.

- Well, happy Festivus and all that. Peace on earth, and goodwill toward men and women. Unless you’re Saddam Hussein. Or Darren Matthews, for that matter.

- From wherever.

- Your hosts are Tazz (dressed as Santa) and Michael Cole (dressed as an elf). It’s as disturbing as it sounds.

- #10: Vince McMahon v. Zach Gowen, Double or Nothing, SummerSlam. Can you believe THIS main evented the second biggest show of the year? JIP as Zach goes flying through the announce table and A-Train and Big Show waddle to ringside. Train punks out the ref, allowing a three-on-one until Kurt Angle makes the save and cleans house. Anklelock (by Zach, of all people) on Vince, but Big Show knocks out a second ref and creates havoc. Undertaker gets the turn to clean house, but Eddie Guerrero hits him with the US Title Belt, and everyone runs to the back. Zach takes advantage by hitting Vince with his leg -- er, his OTHER leg -- for two. Vince slugs out the third ref, and all the zebras walk. Vince gives Zach a mugging, then Stunners him into oblivion... for two. Stamford Jam misses, and Zach gets the corkscrew moonsault as Michael Cole, referee for hire, counts three. Sports Entertainment 101.

- Highlights of the next night in El Paso, as Hulk Hogan runs wild on the F.B.I. (remember them?) and Zach busts out the one-legged Sharpshooter on Nunzio, which is just sacrilege.

- #9: Eddie Guerrero v. Tajiri, US Title, SmackDown! on August 5. Highlights are shown, which is good because both these guys make tons of appearances on the countdown. Eddie wins by cheating, like you had to ask. This match indirectly started the Eddie feud with Undertaker that catapulted Guerrero into the stratusphere.

- A discussion of the Tag Team Titles leads to a pair of highlight packages, with commentary from Eddie, Haas, and Heyman...

- #8: World's Greatest Tag Team v. Tajiri and Spanky, WWE Tag Team Titles, SmackDown! on September 4. Highlights skim over Spanky and focus on Tajiri, of course. Tajiri blows the mist to get DQ’d, ruining an otherwise great match. APA stick their nose into the fun afterward, building to TLC V.

- #7: Team Japan v. World's Greatest Tag Team, WWE Tag Team Titles, SmackDown! on December 4. Highlights take up 10 minutes, as they flash between clips of the match and discussion from Charlie Haas and Paul Heyman. Heyman even stays in character, talking about his concern for Ultimo’s arm and how it may have caused a submission. Heyman is just awesome. Match ran an ungodly 32 minutes and led to the champs retaining.

- Tazz brings up a statistical oddity: the WWE World Title hasn’t headlined the SmackDown! side of a PPV since July. The announcers discuss Eddie and Taker some more, leading to an AWESOME highlight package containing the two of them.

- #6: Eddie Guerrero v. Undertaker, cage match, No Mercy. Just highlights, with the announcers promising more later. Hmmm...

- #5: World's Greatest Tag Team v. Mattitude v. APA v. Spanky and Tajiri, TLC V, SmackDown! on September 18. This is from Raleigh, and the crowd is SERIOUSLY cheering the local guys on. Spanky even takes the hint and plays heel. JIP as ladders are plentiful. Moore with the first highspot of the match-let, a split-legged moonsault onto Simmons involving the ladder and the top rope. Spanky nearly gets the belts, but Moore dives onto the ladder, sending everything crashing over into Haas. We get the SPLIT SCREEN OF DOOM as Matt Hardy battles Tajiri in the ring and Bradshaw tackles away about two feet of padding on the outside. Moore and Simmons set up a table pyramid outside as Haas slaps the Haastruction on Matt, with Spanky dropkicking him. Ouch. Simmons hits the Dominator on Matt, but Tajiri gets the Buzzsaw Kick on Simmons. Bradshaw begins stiffing the hell out of Moore before a low blow ends it. WGTT do the leapfrog choke off the ladder onto poor Moore. Spanky superplexes Shelton onto a ladder. A series of contrivances leads to Haas going through the top table, then Tajiri and Bradshaw, then the lower two tables. It looked good on paper. Matt gives Spanky the Twist of Fate, and the hometown boys climb to the top (with Matt doing the honors) to a MONSTER pop. This was pretty much the last time Matt was happy, too.

- The announcers talk about MSG that weekend, and both give fond memories of Jeff Hardy, followed by a ten-bell salute. Well, they didn’t give Owen any real respect either without marketing him for every dead dollar he was worth...

- #4: Rhyno, Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin v. John Cena, Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, Undertaker, and Hulk Hogan. Clips of each elimination, with special Sable-Cams and Steph-Cams throughout for extra footage. Chavo smokes Hogan with a chair to get DQ’d. RVD gets the Five Star to eliminate Haas. Shelton gets the 450 on Cena to send him packing. Rhyno gets the GOAR GOAR GOAR on RVD on the outside and he ain’t coming back. Hogan goes over Shelton with the usual. Eddie frog splashes Hogan and pins him in the single most shocking development EVER. Rhyno punks out Taker, who in turn punks out Rhyno so Angle can pin him. Angle then makes Eddie tap out to the Anklelock to get Sable fired. Sadly, we get no PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD POSE OF DOOM at the end.

- #3: World's Greatest Tag Team v. Filthy Animals, SummerSlam. This of course got MOTY at RSPW, so they JIP with Kidman and Shelton doing the single most innovative spot I’ve seen: duelling LADDER shots. Rey and Haas break it up with a 619 and Hotshot, respectively, and everyone’s down. WGTT set up the infamous Ladder Bridge, but Rey and Kidman knock them off. Shelton drags Kidman to another ladder, but YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! The bridge falls apart and Haas takes a shot to the noggin in what looked unplanned. Filthy Animals build the bridge again, but Shelton crotches Rey when he tries to cross. Haas climbs, but Rey gets the Pop-Up Rana on him. Kidman now attempts to get the belts, but Shelton breaks that up, leaving the bridge standing. They go outside, and Kidman knocks Shelton onto a table the Dudley Boys left behind from earlier, then tries a Shooting Star Press off the ladder onto the table. And misses. Rey and Haas both climb, but Shelton pulls himself THROUGH the Bridge and gets the belts as the bridge collapses beneath him. This was an easy ***** ladder match, so of course it was forgotten about by the end of the night.

- Royal Rumble ad.

- Cole and Tazz show a montage of the funny SmackDown! moments. Hulk Hogan "rapping" may be a perfect 100 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale, but I’d have to check with Bill Simmons on that one.

- We see Vince McMahon sticking his nose into the World Title match at SummerSlam, which leads to...

- #2: Brock Lesnar v. Kurt Angle, WWE Title, No Mercy. JIP as the ref eats the table. Brock grabs the ringbell, and Kurt blades off of a dozen shots. Brock up top, but Angle superplexes him off, then uses the ringbell on his own. Anklelock, but Brock gets an enzuigiri and some Greco-Roman throws for two. Kurt rolls Brock up for two. F-5 is reversed to a Tornado DDT by Kurt, but the moonsault -- well, as always -- misses and the two get a pinfall reversal sequence. Anklelock, but again Brock makes the ropes. Angle Slam is flipped out of, but Brock misses a Brockline and Angle rolls him up for the pin and the title. Eh.

- And now, the reason we’ve been flying through this, as we present the #1 match in its entirety. From my review...

- #1: Eddie Guerrero v. Undertaker, US Title, SummerSlam. Eddie runs over the bike with his Lo Rider out of the gate, and Taker is PISSED. Eddie eats the STEEL steps and gets tossed in, where Taker slugs him out, yelling about his bike. Eddie goes low and gets a rollup for one, leading to a slugfest. Eddie wins (!) and gets a monkey flip and a rana for two. Taker chucks Eddie with a military press, then gets a flying clothesline. Eddie drops out of a slam attempt and gets a DDT. Slingshot senton gets two. Undertaker reverses a German into a bulldog. Taker rubs his forearm in Eddie’s face, but off of a whip Eddie gets a leaping DDT and a double KO ensues. Eddie charges, but flies out of the ring. Taker goes OLD SCHOOL, but the REDNECK ZOMBIE OUTTA CONTROL NO HANDS PLANCHA misses and sends Taker crashing THROUGH THE LO RIDER’S WINDSHIELD! Hot damn, Taker’s feeling his oats here. Taker blades (duh), but Eddie eats a suplex on the hood. Eddie spits "rubbing alcohol" into Taker’s eyes, and the poor ref eats a Tombstone. Taker tries to cover, and Eddie clubs him. A blind charge sends Eddie to the outside, and into the crowd they go. They race to a production tower -- where have I seen this tune before? -- and Taker punches Eddie around. Chokeslam is blocked, though, as Eddie runs up top. Taker follows and gets punched and chaired to the floor. Taker tries climbing, but as he reaches the top, Eddie gets a quasi-Van Daminator to send him flying. Wait, TAKER took that bump? And on top of that, EDDIE hits the frog splash off the tower!!! Did someone build a time machine and find 1997 Mark Callaway? EMTs arrive, so Taker comes back, literally hitting Eddie with the stretcher -- first by rolling it, then by SWINGING it. Back to ringside, as Taker chokes on Eddie, but Eddie breaks and works Taker’s cut up to .7 Muta. Frog splash hits the knees back inside, though, and Taker covers, no ref. Okay, so Taker had to establish himself as better. Thanks. Taker checks on the ref, so Eddie dives off the top and onto Taker. HOOD ORNAMENT OF DOOM slashes the cut even more, but Taker grabs it and nails... the ref. Oops. Eddie begs for mercy, then chop blocks Taker. UFC punching, but Taker grabs the chokeslam out of it and hits it. The ref is revived with smelling salts or something, as he enters the ring (even HE’S bladed) and throws the thing out at 22:53. Eddie slides out of the Last Ride, then gets the El Paso Lasso. Taker breaks it, but Eddie reverses the Tombstone... INTO ONE OF HIS OWN!!!!!! Taker sits up (it’s his move, after all), and the two brawl to the back as the Usual Idiots try to separate them. Taker brought his serious working boots because he knew he would look better, but hey, if this means a rematch where Eddie goes over, more power to them. Wild deathmatch, though not the best I’ve seen. ***

- We get Eddie’s now legendary "Viva Guerrero" promo to wrap things up, as the boys wish us a Merry Christmas.

The Bottom Line:

If you have any doubt SmackDown! is better than RAW, I hope this dispelled it. Even with the Orange Goblin stinking up the ring, the most awesome action has been on this show, especially in the tag ranks. Sure, Angle/Hogan is the headline right now, but you gotta love Eddie being an instant star.

Ho ho ho! Oh, wait, that’s Torrie, Dawn, and Nidia...

*****

Friday, December 26, 2003, 10:55 AM

JFK Airport, NYC, NY

Vince and I got ready to board the plane to El Paso to begin the daily grind again. I looked Stephanie in the eye as we stood at the gate. "Now, Steph," I said, "remember what I told you. I love you, and I want to love a person. Can you do that for me?"

"Of course," she said before kissing me. "I’ll miss you, Paul."

"I’ll miss you, too," I replied. The funny thing was, I really would miss her. Not HHH, me. Over the past week, I’d come to see her as a special woman who, somehow, was going to be important in Vince’s life. Once she believes she has the power, she will use it. When she uses it, we will win. I know it.

*****

Saturday, December 27, 2003, 09:48 PM

El Paso, TX

Motorhead’s rendition of "The Game" played through the Convention Center as the crowd began booing maniacally. I stepped out onto the stage, staring at the crowd, almost smirking as I did so. I struck the pose, then poured the water over my head, drinking a little of the rest. I carried this in my mouth as I climbed onto the apron. On cue, I sprayed it out for the crowd, posed, and entered the ring. That was fun.

I awaited my opponent. Normally, Vince would’ve had me in a match where I’d win. This was no normal occasion, though, as the Lo Rider music played and hometown hero Chavo Guerrero came out to a standing ovation. He stood on the stage, looking all around and soaking it all in. He dashed to the ring and started the match before the bell, punching me down and adding chops and punches while the crowd went crazy. I escaped from the mount and tried to whip him into the ropes, but he reversed it, then hit a cross body block. I rolled out of the ring to slow things down, but really it was to be in position for his huge dive onto me that sent the crowd into a frenzy.

Chavo got up and played to the crowd as a huge "Chavo" chant broke out. I returned to the ring, waiting for him to get in. He climbed onto the apron, but before I could charge, he vaulted himself into a West Coast Pop-like move on me. I remained on the defensive as he hit a dropkick. I tried to get up, but he continued flying at me, this time with a forearm as I staggered backward into the turnbuckle. He climbed up top and began the 10 punch countalong, with the crowd doing some Spanish counting. Right around 10, though, I went low and shoved him off, causing the crowd to boo. This is too easy.

I smacked Chavo with my taped fists in the center of the ring, then whipped him into the ropes and hit a facebuster. Chavo staggered around, so I grabbed him into a neckbreaker and covered. Earl Hebner counted two before Chavo’s arm shot up. I sneered and stood over him. I picked him up and suplexed him, then ran in with a kneesmash. I covered again, and again I only got two.

Frustrated, I began choking him down while glaring at the referee. I lifted my hand deliberately at four, then grabbed his hair and pulled him off. I went for a huge right hand, but he took advantage of the opening and got a front dropkick on me, sending me backwards into the ropes. He charged, but I caught him into a spinebuster and covered. Again it was only two, and now I turned my wrath from Chavo to Hebner.

I got in his face and argued the count vociferously. He maintained his stance, so I shoved him to get his attention. He shoved back as the crowd began cheering. I turned around and soon saw why they cheered: Chavo was back up and he nailed me with a superkick. I fell flat, then waited for Chavo to get up to the top rope. As he did, I shook the ropes, causing him to land on the turnbuckle. I climbed up after him and hooked him for a superplex. As we flew through the air, the flashbulbs went off. We both landed, but Chavo floated over on top and got two. Okay, now I'm ticked.

I clotheslined Chavo down and began stomping him. I threw him into the ropes and nailed him with a running DDT. I stood over him and flexed, ready to deliver the final blow. I picked him up and kicked him in the gut. The crowd was starting to throw trash into the ring. I hooked both arms...

...but before I could go any further, Chavo backdropped me over his head. As I staggered to my feet, he grabbed my head and ran up the turnbuckles. He connected with a Tornado DDT, then covered. Three seconds later, I sent the fans home happy by doing the job to the hometown hero.

*****

Sunday, December 28

We were all gathered in the Tunnel. After a long weekend and a wonderful Christmas spent apart, we were there to share stories and say our final good-byes. Owen, Lindsay, and I were all upset to various degrees, while Greg seemed to be smiling -- though it was hard to tell from his faint complexion.

"Greg, buddy," said Owen, who had had the most experience working with him, "I’m going to miss having you around. You always knew how to help me when I wanted to take time off... you did so much with Vince... I’m proud of you, bro."

Owen was almost in tears as Greg sat propped up in the corner -- fainter than ever, since he was soon to disappear and wing his way to Heaven. Owen reached forward and hugged what was left of Greg, who seemed rather serene, all things considered.

"Greg? You okay?"

"Yeah, Linds... why?"

"You’re just... there. You’re not happy or sad or... you’re going to Heaven! Doesn’t that mean anything?"

"A little," he said, measuring his words. "I’m tired right now. I just feel like they’ll have me wake up there. It’s funny... I never thought I’d be tired without a body, but I’ve been doing this for so long, I guess... the time is just right. I feel kinda... peaceful, really."

I thought about him as I stood there, viewing what was left of him. I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing something within the sympathy. Sure, I’d only known of his existence for a few months, which is why I perhaps didn’t feel any real attachment, but something else bothered me, deep down, that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

"Greg... I’m going to miss you. Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Join me at the gates," he whispered as his body became nearly invisible. We all waited as Greg appeared to convulse -- at least I think he did. It was hard to see. The last traces of Greg appeared to fade from view as he coughed out a final "goodbye". Soon, I could see nothing.

After a few minutes, I slowly stepped forward into the place he once was. I reached down to touch where his shoulder had been -- but I felt nothing. I grasped at the air where he was -- and indeed, it was all air. I looked back at Lindsay and Owen, both of whom were ready to burst into tears. "He’s... really gone," I finally said.

Lindsay buried her head in Owen’s arms and let loose a barrage of tears. Owen comforted her. "He’s off to a better place now. He’s going to be happy for all eternity."

"I... I guess so..." Lindsay was barely able to control herself. "I’m just... he... I can’t believe it. He was such a good man, he was. He did a lot to help all of us. I’m going to miss him."

"But... wasn’t he only here a few months?"

Owen shook his head. "More like a year or so. He knew this was his last tour of duty, so he chose to be here for his final year. I never saw a guy have more fun with his job. He loved being here. I just don’t know if... if the next guy will be as much of a sport about it."

"Wait, wait -- Owen, let’s not get all lost in the clouds and stuff," I interrupted, finally realizing the problem. "Greg was a womanizer. He was always hitting on the Divas. And... you know his mind wasn’t always the purest. I just wonder -- was he really Heaven material? Think about it."

Lindsay shook her head and stared at me. "Andy... how could you... what are you saying? This isn’t any time to..."

"Now hang on," I said, not sure I was in control any more. "It’s not like he just died. In fact, he’s been dead longer than he was alive. When this happened to Owen’s dad, we were congratulating him. Now’s not a time to be crying because we lost a friend! We’re supposed to be moving on. It’s just as if he got reassigned, right?" There was no reply. "Uh... right?"

I saw a pair of withering glances in my direction. I began to sense judgment was upon me, even though I wasn’t scheduled to face it for 50 or so years. Lindsay’s tearstained eyes made me wither with their shock and dismay. Owen, meanwhile, seemed to be holding back rage, a very uncommon emotion. I wanted to crawl somewhere and let them forget I existed.

"Andy," Owen said, finally responding to my statements, "don’t you dare believe that. What just happened... it’s... we’re allowed to react as we want to, aren’t we?"

"Well, within reason, I guess you..."

"AREN’T WE???" Owen backed me against the wall, seemingly ready to punch my lights out. I cowered in the corner, holding my hands over my head and trying not to look him in the eyes. I felt him breathing on my hair, trying to hold back. I realized my teeth were chattering from fear -- something I’d never expected them to do before.

"W-w-w... well I... I m-mean..."

*****

Before I could even get out what I meant, I found myself back by the gates of Heaven. St. Peter wasn’t there, though; instead, it was a group of 11 others, seated behind a long bench. I looked over and saw Greg in front of them, worry etched over every part of his brow.

These are the Apostles. Greg is at his judgment. But why am I here?

"Mr. Goss," said the man in the center, "you have been brought here because yours is the remaining issue facing Mr. Owens before we pass judgment. It appears that a certain Miss Kathleen Gray’s annihilation is the topic. We are attempting to determine who, if anyone, was responsible for her turn from us."

A full minute passed as I pondered this. I knew full well the gravity of the situation. If I stood there and said that I felt Greg began to corrupt her, began to make her believe in worldly things above heavenly things, he would be shut out. If, on the other hand, I said it was not his problem, and that it was a natural consequence, the last hurdle would be cleared, and the gates would open for him. His fate was almost literally hanging on my word.

"Why get me?" I asked in an attempt to stall while I considered my testimony. "What about Mr. Hart? He worked more closely with the two."

"We are not necessarily here for an expert opinion, Mr. Goss," the leader replied. "We are here for yours. After all, you are the one who feels the strongest about this." Am I? Why? Do I really feel it matters still?

"John, sir," offered someone down the bench, "perhaps the witness is right. Maybe we should call this Hart fellow to testify instead. After all, isn’t the truth important?"

"Thomas, my friend," John said in turn, "it is not for him to decide. We have called Mr. Goss for a specific reason. He is the person who felt most passionate. We were told what lies in his heart. Now it is up to him to determine if it’s truly there."

I took a deep breath. I knew what had to be said.

"Gentlemen," I began, "when Miss Gray was destroyed in that most horrific manner, there was a time when I thought Mr. Owens here to be a party to the act. I did not believe so in the direct sense; my own eyes had witnessed the deception of her friend, whose name I forget. However, I thought that maybe his influence had led her to consider the heavenly path meaningless.

However, that was one of many beliefs and blames I had. I remember thinking I had been to blame as well. In fact, it was partially my words, my thoughts, that sent her into a non-helping mood. In addition, I felt that our other colleagues had not been forceful enough in changing her opinion. I never really considered what I guess is the... true... cause."

My voice tailed off. I was right. I hadn’t considered it, and I was hoping I would stall for enough time to know what it was. It didn’t work. I just stared at the Apostles -- they had to be; 11 of them, John, Thomas -- and with my eyes, asked them for advice.

"I can safely say," said one, "that it would take a great man to admit to his mistakes. That is why Peter is at the gates, and we are merely a tribunal. However, I still remember the words Jesus said to my brother: if you hold them bound, they will be held bound."

Something in that phrase made me realize what I had to do. It was no longer a matter of whether he was responsible or not; it was a matter of whether I felt he deserved entry or not. This was all a smokescreen, a game I had to play along with. I then thought of how I would feel if my decision went first one way, then the other.

"Gentlemen, I realize this may not be the best of reasons given... but it’s the one I have to give. At issue here is whether Greg here doomed another person. You are asking me to pass judgment. By doing so... you’re giving me the chance to doom him. No matter how I feel about who’s responsible for Kath... for Miss Gray’s ultimate annihilation, if I send him to Hell on the theory that he sent her there, I would in turn doom myself. That’s a level of hypocrisy I’m not ready for. I cannot hold him responsible. If you wish, you can blame me or Miss Gray herself... but please, let him in."

"Thank you," said Andrew -- Peter’s brother. "You may go now."

*****

"Where were you?" Owen was absolutely wide-eyed when I returned.

"You wouldn’t believe me," I said, still trying to regain my bearings. "All I can say is that if the two of you want to go to Heaven and meet him at the gates, there won’t be any problems."

*****

Monday, December 29, 2003, 09:44 AM

San Antonio, TX

I slowly arose from the bed. I felt like a new man. What happened last night had given me the desire to move on, even though Lindsay was now on SmackDown! Still, that left me alone, unless someone else came along. Somehow I knew we wouldn’t be left with just three people.

I looked around the room, then stretched a little. Next to me was another person’s belongings, complete with yin and yang emblems. RVD? No, he's on SmackDown! and I'm on RAW, right? So who am I?

I looked over for my glasses. When I saw them, I saw something with them and knew I probably wouldn’t need a mirror to find out who I was. I picked up both objects, then checked myself with the glasses in the reflection of the other object. Oh, yeah... this'll be just fabulous.

That object was the Intercontinental Title belt. A quick look without the glasses confirmed my suspicions. I was Christian.

[The Third Dukes]

First, I'd like to apologize for the discrepancy in the size of "Chapter NN" sizes. I fooled around with it, and this is the closest I got. I like the new board, don't get me wrong, and I can live with this. Truth be told, I'm just bumping this so I can get people to rate it.

In all seriousness, now that there's a lull in my diaries, I'll come back to this one, and not a moment too soon. At the time this was being written, Christian seemed like a cult hero more than anything else. He was apparently stuck as a sidekick and not ready for the next level. This would doom him for some time. Then came the injuries, then the intertwining of stories with Edge, then... well, the less said the better.

But as for now, he's Intercontinental Champion in my universe, and this is actually, more than anything else, resolution from the previous show in El Paso. There's also some of a Chavo push, but it goes nowhere. As usual.

The biggest news, in fact, takes place away from the show itself -- backstage. It features another cameo -- this one by John Zandig. See, CZW went bankrupt around this time in the universe, which is a shame, because they had some ok talent. Of course, the WWE wouldn't be able to use more than one guy from it, but it's probably not who you would've guessed.

Unless you read the '04-'05 season in which case you already know.

*****

Chapter 69

Entering the Combat Zone

Monday, December 29, 2003, 11:45 AM

San Antonio, TX

"Shawn? Shawn?" I began searching each of the hotel rooms wondering if anyone knew which one Shawn was in. I had no idea how I was to report to him if we were to head to the arena together. With the buses about to leave, I needed an answer.

In the end, Hunter was the last person to leave. He saw me in a panicked state and confronted me. "Oh, Hunter," I said, "you're just who I wanted to see." For once. "Have... have you seen Shawn anywhere?"

"He'll be with us at the arena, Christian. You know he said he was arriving on his own."

"Yeah, but... he always does that. I mean, he always takes his own car from event to event and he's always with the guys anyway, so..."

"No, no. He's coming in from his house. He lives here, remember?"

I forgot. "Oh, right. Okay, thanks. I'll catch him there." I sheepishly got my stuff together and boarded the first bus I could find. Without Shawn's car ride to be a giveaway, I was going to have to find more subtle methods of locating who I was working with for this week -- if anyone.

I felt strangely alone, even though it was something I had been for the previous two weeks. It was only while I sat on the bus that I realized that it HAD been two weeks without contact with anyone else in the living world. First, it was Ohio Valley; then, it was the McMahon family. Now, I was with the group again -- and yet, I felt more isolated than I ever had before. I needed someone to find me this time. If only I knew how...

After about ten minutes of quiet, the bus arrived at the SBC Center, our home for the night. I got off the bus and waited around for Shawn to arrive. As I did, Earl Hebner, senior referee, approached me. "You lookin' for someone, Christian?"

"Yeah," I said nonchalantly. "I wanted to discuss working with Shawn on the house shows this weekend. I was hoping he'd be around and I could let him know."

"Ah, he'll be here soon enough. He always goes by his own drum, you know what I mean?"

"I know... always takin' his own ride, livin' his own life..."

"But he's a good man. He definitely is better than I remembered. Anyway, he'll be here soon enough. C'mon inside -- lunch is waiting."

*****

03:42 PM

Eric Bischoff entered as he always did, smiling and hamming it up. He handed copies of the night's schedule to everyone, exchanging pleasantries as he did. When he came to me, he said, "Ooh, you're here a lot, buddy. Good luck not getting stale."

I checked the list. Eric was right -- under normal circumstances, I could wear out my welcome. However, these were far from normal circumstances, I hoped. If my experience was any indication, I could fight my way through the overload and come out ahead of the game. At least, I hoped so.

As I got my costume out, I looked across the way. A bag I'd never seen before was positioned, abandoned, on the bench. A giant Z was on one side of it. I approached the bag and looked inside. In addition to the standard wrestler's equipment, there was a two-piece pool cue, dismantled but sticking out like a sore thumb. That's strange -- what would a guy need with a pool cue in a wrestling environment?

"Excuse me... just like to get to my stuff..." I looked over my shoulder to see a man approach the bag. His face was covered in scars from bleeding his way around the indy world. He had unusual piercings on his body, and overall he looked like he'd been through two world wars instead of one fake sport. I had to know his story.

"Are you new here?"

"Oh -- I'm not a part of the roster," he said. "I'm actually here to get a tryout against Tommy Dreamer. See, the group I belong to is... well, they've gone under. It's too bad, too -- we had a good fanbase and a good home. But I gotta move on. I was hoping to get me and a few of my buddies in the front door."

"I see," I said, eyeing the pool cue ominously. "You know, we're not much on the hardcore style up here in the WWE. I mean, I assume you can do more, but..."

"No, I understand. Actually, this is a souvenir from the last show. See?" He pulled it out and showed me. Now that I was able to see the end of it, I realized it wasn't a two-piece -- at least, not until it had been broken in half.

"Whoa! How did that happen?"

"Oh, it was our main event. We had this huge last match in a cage with a sh-- a lot of thumbtacks spread around. Sorry, not used to keeping it clean even now. Anyway, my champ brought this out and used it on me -- I was the owner of the company. Cracked me right over the head and gave me this." He pointed to a giant scar on his forehead, one that seemed to have stitches still in it. "Twenty-five, before you ask. The crowd loved every minute of it."

"Well, that's great, but... I mean, I'm sure you realize that Vince isn't one to take just any two-bit indy group and give them a tryout."

"Oh, I know -- but we have a bit of an ace up our sleeve. You see, we ran shows in Philadelphia, which as I understand it, is where the Royal Rumble is coming from. In fact, we took over the old ECW Arena for some of our shows -- awesome place, that little bingo hall. So basically, we have the name and we have a strong hardcore following."

"Well, all that's well and good, but unless the scouts were watching the last few shows, I'm sure that the McMahons haven't heard of you. Still, Shane should be here -- I'd suggest talking to him."

"Hey, thanks, Christian..."

"Say, I feel kinda silly," I said as he turned to leave. "I don't recognize you."

"That's okay. Not too many people do. My name's John Zandig. The group I ran -- Combat Zone Wrestling -- you heard of them?"

"Kinda..."

"Well, we tried to be ECW. I guess we succeeded -- right up to and including going out of business." Zandig chuckled. "Still, I hope that Vince will be kind enough to sign some of my boys. There's some good talent just waiting for a chance to bust out, you know."

"Yeah -- I've heard of some of them. Like that Trent guy..."

"Oh, Trent Acid, yeah. He's my nephew, actually. But I don't think he wants to enter the WWE just yet -- he'd prefer Japan. Still, if the money's right, I can talk to him about it. Anyway, I hope I'll be seeing more of you, Christian. It's nice to get a good conversation in a new world."

No kidding -- just like I got from Paul and Lindsay. "Well, good luck, John. I hope you land on your feet."

"Me too." He left to find Shane as I returned to getting in costume. Man, another tenant falls flat. I wonder if that place is cursed...

*****

09:24 PM

I walked down the aisle to a cascade of boos as the match in the ring was completing. Triple H and Chavo Guerrero were meeting again, and the match was much the same as it was in El Paso. As I made it to ringside, Triple H went for the Pedigree, but Chavo backdropped out of it. He got in a flurry of offense, then went to scale the ropes for the Tornado DDT.

I jumped onto the apron as he did so, getting both him and the referee distracted. I conveniently dropped the Intercontinental Title into the ring. As Chavo tried to climb the ropes, I grabbed his foot, causing him to crash off the top and have Hunter fall on him in a form of spinebuster. The referee told me to leave, and while he did, Hunter Pedigreed Chavo on the belt and discarded it. I picked it up as the ref counted three.

Motorhead's "The Game" played as Hunter went through his celebration. I climbed into the ring behind him and began to taunt Chavo. Hunter left, putting the spotlight directly on us. I kicked Chavo a few times, but when I went to whip him into the ropes, I got it reversed. He hit me with a rana coming out, then a flying forearm that sent me bailing from the ring. I landed at the feet of Chris Nowinski, who was coming out for the next match, and Teddy Long, who was coming out to be a nuisance during the next match. Chavo bounced off the ropes and landed a pescado on all three of us, delighting the crowd. As he got up, he demanded a mic.

"Hey -- hey Christian," he said. "I had you beat last time -- I want another shot. You and me, Christian, at the Royal Rumble -- well, if you get there with the belt, that is. What do you say? You wanna do it?"

I slowly rolled into the ring as he awaited my answer. I nodded, and motioned for him to bring it on. He simply smiled. "Not until the Rumble, Christian -- see, you're kinda busy right now... as soon as you turn around... but I'll see you at the Rumble."

As soon as I turn around? I slowly turned to wait for what had to be behind me. As I did, I was hit with a clothesline from the Hurricane, who had come in through the crowd. He began to hit me with lefts and rights as Nowinski climbed in to start the match proper. It was myself, Hurricane, and Chris Nowinski for the I-C title.

We did some three-way brawling, just punching anything that moved. I clotheslined both men out of the ring, then hit a baseball slide on Nowinski, sending him into Hurricane. I headed outside and rammed both men into the announcer's table, then threw Hurricane back in. I was saving the big spots for when RAW came back from commercial.

I grabbed Hurricane and put him in a headlock, hoping to hit a bulldog. Hurricane shoved me off and into Nowinski. He rolled me up from behind, but I kicked out at one as Nowinski charged Hurricane and hit some forearms. I rolled out of bounds and let them go at it as I watched the big screen. I got the signal from a road agent -- "we're back" -- and returned to the ring, slamming both challengers' heads together.

I grabbed Hurricane in a German suplex, but couldn't bridge. I stood up and stomped at him, then turned around into a headbutt -- geez, he's STILL got that mask on? -- from Nowinski. I fell down and waited for the next spot, as Nowinski slammed Hurricane onto me. He covered me, but I thrust my shoulder up at two. I went for Nowinski, hitting a back elbow, but he paid no attention to it due to that face protector of his. Of all the gimmicks to give the guy...

As I stared in disbelief, Hurricane grabbed me from behind and went for the Eye of the Hurricane. I grabbed his neck and dropped him straight down into a jawbreaker, stunning him. Nowinski clotheslined him, but that allowed me to grab him from behind and deliver a rear naked choke drop. I covered, but Hurricane broke it at two with a Shining Wizard. This match is going nowhere.

Hurricane whipped Nowinski into the ropes and hit a rana on him. He then went for a German suplex, but I grabbed Hurricane from behind and delivered a German to him at the same time. I scampered over to cover Nowinski, but at the count of two, Teddy Long put his foot on the ropes. I went over to talk to him, but upon turning around, a hand caught my throat. Hurricane was ready to deliver a chokeslam, but Nowinski broke it up. Nowinski went for a Double Arm DDT on Hurricane, but I grabbed his face protector and pulled it off. I then put it on myself and headbutted him, sending him out of the ring in pain. I discarded the guard and grabbed Hurricane. After some struggling, I hit the Unprettier and got the title defense. Bring on Chavo.

[The Third Dukes]

Okay, next.

This one I wish I could justify. I wish I could explain why he proposed it or she accepted it. There's so much into it. Just this morning I was thinking about how this seemed rushed and scratched the surface. Maybe I'll do an Outtake on it in TDD:A.

As it is, this little conversation led to one of the longer story arcs I've ever done. It went on throughout basically all of BVS 04-05, and I guarantee you it'll go through the a good chunk of 05-06 if I bring back the BVS. But that's then, this is now.

This is the first time I tried to rebuild a character I destroyed. I have no idea if it would work, or why it would work, and every effort I'd make to justify would only be accepted by people who agreed with it in the first place. So I'll present this. It's pretty important.

And then there's the New Year's celebration. Before anyone asks, I want to make clear that this event was real, and that VH1 was running a celebration in the Engine Room of Houston. I've never been there -- much as I've never been many places I describe. I just looked up the event on the Internet and made up the rest of the details.

*****

Chapter 70

A New Year, A New Life

Saturday, December 29, 2003

11:01 PM

"Nora, you there?" I had knocked on the locker room door, hoping to see if she hadn't gone home yet. Thankfully, she hadn't. She emerged, serious as ever, and hugged me around the neck.

"Hey there," she said. "I never got to thank you for your support during the whole... well..."

"I understand. Actually, I wanted to ask you a favor." I nervously cleared my throat. Ever since I had been Nora I wanted to make her feel better, and this was the easiest way I could think of. "I... uh... wanna know if you want to spend New Year's Eve with me."

Nora allowed a smile to creep along her face. However, I could tell it was one of regret and disappointment. She bit her lip in a thoughtful manner, as if to attempt to figure out if saying yes or no would be better. "Christian..."

"Please," I said, "call me Jason."

"Okay... Jason, I'd love to, but... I don't know if I'm ready to go out with anyone. I mean, I'm sorry, but... I want to trust you, and it's not that you're not trustworthy... I just... I'd feel better if we weren't going alone."

My heart sank. "Oh," I said, almost as though I anticipated the excuse. Soon, though, Nora seemed to get an idea.

"However... would three be a crowd?"

"Three? Who else?"

"Gail. She's been there the most for me, so I wouldn't mind if she came along, you know?"

I smiled. "Sure, I can accommodate. No problem."

"Thanks. You're a great guy, Jason." She smiled and turned around, returning to the locker room. I walked back to the buses, a huge grin on my face that wouldn't go away. It had nothing to do with liking Nora -- although I severely sympathized with her plight. I just knew I could make her forget her troubles for one night -- and that it would be my gift.

*****

12:44 AM

I returned to my room at the hotel. Shawn had had an outstanding match in the main event with Kane, and although he didn't come away victorious, he made Kane look better and stronger than most people would imagine. In addition, the remainder of Evolution first announced their entry into the Rumble, then faced Road Dogg and Ron Killings in the main event. Everything went downhill for them, though, when Triple H's sledge shot went awry, allowing Killings to get the pin.

I opened the door and immediately heard strange noises coming from inside. I had to do a double-take, trying to place where I'd heard them before. It sounded like pain at first, but then again, all random noises sounded like pain. It wasn't until I heard words like "yes" and "more" that I realized what it really was.

"Um... am I interrupting?"

"Oh, no... sorry, man, it's just the TV," called out the person inside. I walked in and stared at the television, where a movie that I don't remember being available in theaters was playing. Tommy Dreamer, my roommate for the trip, was on the bed watching -- clothed, thankfully, as though he were taking a more scholarly interest.

"Um... you're paying for this, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's cool."

"Good." I uneasily slipped into my bed, thankful that there were twin beds in the room. As Tommy enjoyed his lack of plot and ample display of "talent and acting", I tried to zone out the noise, afraid I would imagine Lindsay there with me. For the first time, I don't want to watch porn. This is surreal.

*****

Wednesday, December 31, 2003, 09:15 PM

Houston, TX

While most of the SmackDown! crew decided to gather at the Undertaker's ranch to laugh, sing, and generally inebriate themselves to unhealthy levels, the RAW people were scattered throughout the festivals in Houston. None of us had any idea of what would make for a good party, so we all tagged along with Booker T, hoping he'd be able to point out the good places of the nightlife. Halfway through our impromptu tour -- "I wuz kinda hopin' I'd be able to git back before midnight, ya dig?" -- we found ourselves on Pease Street in front of a long line of people.

"Hey -- hey Book, what's that?"

"Ah, that's some charity event. Some music group's throwin' the party here. I wouldn't get too close -- lotta riffraff. You never get a moment's peace, sucka."

I turned to Nora. "Sounds like it's a good cause -- wanna see if we can crash it?"

She shrugged. "Couldn't hurt. I'd rather just get to dinner myself. We'll see if they have food."

Booker shook his head. "Nah... just dancin and drinkin. But dude, there's plenty o' places you can go to get a meal here. Like dat Viet restaurant over there. Man, you want Asian food -- this city's da place."

Gail looked at him suspiciously. "I'll be the judge of that. Still, it couldn't hurt. What do you think?"

"I'll go for it."

"Yeah, me too."

"Aight. You guys able to get home on ya own?"

"I think so. The hotel's well known enough."

"Good. I'll catch ya this weekend, suckas. See ya." Booker walked back to his car as we headed off to eat. I'm surprised he's so reluctant to be a part of his hometown. Maybe he's afraid that if he sticks around, I'll pin him. I chuckled at my own thought, then went straight-faced when Gail and Nora looked at me.

*****

10:45 PM

After a long meal and entertaining conversation, we left the restaurant. Even Gail was pleased with the quality of their cuisine, while Nora seemed relieved no one saw her and made a big deal of her. We were heading over to the building where the other celebration was occurring -- it was called the Engine Room -- when Nora stopped mid-walk. She seemed confused.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Um... could you go on in, Jason? I wanna bring something... feminine up with Gail."

I seemed hesitant. I wanted to tell her I could hear it without causing trouble, but saying that would cause trouble. Besides, if she knew the real reason I was capable of listening to these things she'd think I was crazy. I shrugged my shoulders and walked ahead, wondering what I could've been missing.

As I approached the Engine Room, a crowd of people in line noticed me and cheered. I looked around, pretending it wasn't me they were cheering. I then began to ham up the applause and bow to the fans. As I looked for the door, a security guard tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, you're Christian from the WWE, arencha?"

"Well, yeah, I am..."

"Hey -- you can get in on me. No biggie."

"Um, great... but, uh, I was hoping that a couple of my friends would be able to join me when they arrive, so if a pair of females approach you by the names of Nora and Gail, let them in. They're with me."

"Sure thing, buddy. Anything for a celeb."

I walked through the doors and tried to adjust to the pulsating and pounding of the dance music. A mass of humanity was present inside this giant ex-warehouse. I had a hard time seeing anything in the half-darkness outside of the giant clock that was counting from 70 minutes to midnight local time. I walked over to the nearest table and sat down, hoping to adjust quickly.

"There you are!" I could barely hear Gail's voice as she and Nora sat down next to us. "You just got here, right?"

"Yeah!" I responded, trying to be heard over the music and guessing it was a lost cause. Nora vacantly stared off at the music and dancers, trying to determine if she belonged at a place like this. I noticed her staring off into the distance and tried to get her attention. "Something wrong?" No reply. It's too loud here.

Gail grabbed my arm. "Is there somewhere quieter around here?"

"I think so! There's supposed to be some silent auction!" Hopefully with the emphasis on silent. "I just can't find any other rooms!"

"I think there's another one this way! Let's go!"

I got out of my seat and walked over to where Gail was. She grabbed Nora to get her attention. Nora quickly followed the rest of us as we headed to the other room to begin bidding on items. Along the way, Gail took me aside as we pretended to look at the original liner notes to "Hotel California".

"Nora's feeling a little weird right now," she said, hoping not to attract her attention. "I can't really explain."

"Can you try?"

"Yeah... I guess. See, she's been spending so much time around me after... you know... that I wonder if she's..."

"She's what? Lonely? Scared of being by herself? I'm surprised she's let us spend this much time away from her."

"No, you don't understand... when she asked you to go ahead it was to... well, she said she thinks she loves me."

I did a double take. "Wh-- what? She what? H--how?"

"I don't know. I mean, I guess when someone picks you up from absolute zero you get a sort of attachment."

"Okay, I can understand that, but... does she know what love is? I mean... heck, I've thought I was in love dozens of times, but it was all just a passing fancy, you know?"

"I know... I don't know what she means. All I know is she's been on this binge about how she won't let a man ruin her life."

"Yeah, but... what about her boyfriend?"

"Phil? I don't think he exists. I think she's making him up just to throw other men off of her. And if he does, he's no good for her either."

I thought carefully about this. "Maybe... maybe she's just gauging your reaction. I mean, maybe she thinks you feel that way about her."

"I dunno... it's confusing, that's for sure."

"Well, go for it. If she loves you, she'll kiss you."

Gail smirked. "You just want to see that, don't you?"

I tried giving my best innocent face, attempting to make my future halo appear over my head. "Oh, you don't think I have ulterior motives, do you?"

"Gimme a break. You and every other guy in the locker room. Now c'mon -- we should have some fun."

She hustled us over to where Nora was, and the three of us returned to the party room to enjoy free drinks and a night of dancing.

*****

11:59 PM

"Here we go!" Nora squealed with delight as the tenths-of-a-second counter kicked in. We all looked at the giant countdown as the live band began to play buildup music. The crowd was cheering louder and louder as we all got in place. Carson Daly -- an MTV VJ at a VH1 event; who knew? -- was counting it down with us as we all began shouting loudly.

"You know," I said as I turned to Nora, "it's customary to kiss someone at midnight."

"So I heard," she replied. Hmmmm...

Carson Daly cut off the band as he yelled, "15 seconds left, everyone, let's all count it down together! Here we go!"

TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! I turned to face Gail and Nora as they both looked up at the countdown clock. SIX! FIVE! FOUR! I went to put my arm around Nora, but she was too far away. THREE! TWO! I began looking all around, acutely aware that I was alone in a mass of humanity. ONE! I saw Nora just in time, but...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

At the stroke of twelve, Gail turned Nora's head and kissed her. My eyes went wide. I knew it was just tradition, but given Gail's aloofness when I talked to her, this caught me off guard. It was like watching a car wreck -- I couldn't look away, even though it would be the polite thing to do.

All through "Auld Lang Syne" I sang along, able to use the music to keep myself from focusing on the two Divas kissing each other. I was hoping it was a one-time thing as I toasted 2004 and the live band rocked out again. I never expected that Nora would react this way.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of lips on either cheek. I looked to one shoulder and saw Nora smiling sweetly. I turned the other way and saw Gail, beaming and giggling. "Aw, shucks," I said once I regained my bearings. "Thanks, girls."

"Nah," Gail said. "Thank you."

*****

January 1, 2004, 02:14 AM

We finally returned to Nora and Gail's hotel room. Gail seemed to have taken one too many Bacardis over the course of the evening and needed Nora and me to help her up. Nora opened the door and allowed Gail to lie down, telling her, "Just wait there; I'll be back." She returned to me and hugged me.

"Thanks for taking me out tonight," she said. "I had a great time."

"Yeah, and now you and Gail will have more fun, right?"

"What??"

"I saw you kissing her at midnight. Gail told me you said you loved her."

"That? Jason... I thought I felt strongly for her. I feel the same way about you and about a lot of people. I had... I had to know if it was affection or something else. I'm confused."

"How is that?"

"Jason, after what happened... I don't know if I can trust guys anymore. I mean, Phil's a sweet kid, but even he seems like a bit much at times. I didn't know if it was because I'm not ready for his discipline or if I had residual... feelings about guys. And with Gail here... I wanted to know who I liked."

"Meaning you thought you may be a lesbian."

"Well... yeah. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, no! I never said there was. I mean, to each her own, but... um... wouldn't you have felt that before?"

"What? Are you saying you never thought you were gay?"

"Well... no, I mean... yes... I don't... Nora, this isn't the point. I just wanted to know whether you and Gail were..."

"All right, all right. Look, Jason, you're a sweet guy, and I'd love to repay you somehow... but I don't see you as anything but a friend."

"Actually... you know... I was thinking about this for some time." It was an idea that I realized Christian had, and I was just waiting for the right time to express it. "How would you like to work with me in a program?"

"But... you and Chavo..."

"Not right away. Think about this: the woman who's been through it all, now taking the next step to glory -- the Intercontinental Title, something achieved only once before by a woman. And she's going to do it at WrestleMania."

Nora's eyes went wide. "You and me? At Wr... but... are you sure?"

"Why not? Even if you lose, you win. Can you imagine how much people would be rooting for you? You could be the next breakout star. Sunny, Sable, Chyna, Trish -- Molly. Wouldn't that be awesome?"

Nora's eyes went wide as she thought about it. "Well... it would... but Vince..."

"Oh, relax, I'll go pitch it to him. I think he'll get a kick out of it. Besides, you know the guy loves recycling stuff that worked the first time."

"Okay... I guess. But I feel like I'm using my misfortune to be a star."

"Nora, do you hear the fans out there? I was in the Chamber. I heard everyone cheering you when you pinned the Big Show, and I heard silence after I pinned you. That was a deflation that can only come from disappointment. They want to see you. I want to see it. C'mon -- don't let your public down."

Nora nodded her head and smiled. "Yeah... let's do it!"

"All right! Now, get a good night's sleep if you wanna enjoy the parades and the football and the SmackDown! tomorrow."

"Football? Since when have you cared about football? You're Canadian!"

D'oh! Something as simple as that can blow my cover! "Well, I've been in this country long enough."

"Right... nevermind. I should get some sleep. I hope Gail doesn't do anything stupid tonight. Thanks, Jason. You're a real friend."

She kissed my cheek again, then closed the door as I walked on to my own hotel room. The wheels had been set in motion -- all we needed was for Vince to okay an idea that had come from his demon's mortal enemy.

*****

Thursday, January 01, 2004, 10:55 AM

Houston, TX

I emerged from the shower to see what was going on in the world. NBC had the Tournament of Roses parade on, with thousands of red-colored floats and smiling people. CNN was reporting on celebrations in Greece as the year of the Olympics began. ESPN had a bowl game. ABC was prepping for Rose and Orange Bowl coverage. However, whichever channel I selected, I heard a moan -- and not from the TV either.

It wasn't until I turned around that I realized what the moaning was. Tommy was still in bed, still trying to sleep, and definitely in a bad mood. "Could you wait until later, man?"

"Geez, Tommy, it's almost 11 o'clock."

"I know... just keep it down."

I rolled my eyes and got dressed after turning off the television. I thought about the previous night's developments as I got ready for the new day. Do you think Nora will think I was serious? Forget Nora -- what about Vince? Will he like my idea? Well, he's off with the SmackDown! crew anyway, but I guess I can run it by people here and see if they'd go for it.

I exited the room after making sure I had everything. I walked down the hallway and over to Nora and Gail's room. I knocked on the door and waited. "Go away," grumbled a voice from inside. I shrugged my shoulders and headed to the elevator.

"Jason, wait..." I turned around quickly. It was Nora, emerging from the room in her bathrobe and slippers. She stood by the door and propped it open with a throwlatch attached to the inside of the wall. I headed over there to talk to her. When I did, she hugged me again. "I'm sorry. Gail's hung over."

"Yeah, so is Tommy," I replied. "I just... wanted to make sure everyone was okay. Did I come at a bad time?"

"Oh, no... oh, this?" She looked at her covering. "Nah, I was just going to wash up. I need it. Gail threw up all over the place last night. It was awful."

"Wow, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah... she was in no condition when it was over. I doubt she even remembers last night. Might be better, actually."

"Why's that?"

"Well, she... she was coming on to me."

I winced. "Oh, great, not again."

"Yeah... first Darren... I mean... she didn't do anything, you understand. She just... she wanted to play."

"Ah. But I thought you had someone in your life."

"You mean Phil? I don't know. You see, he... he treats me like I'm a student sometimes. I like to say he's my boyfriend, and... truth be told, it would be nice... but he's not romantic. He's all the time going on about how he walks the line and he doesn't stray into anything. If I told him Gail got drunk, he'd tell me to switch roommates."

"He doesn't sound like your type."

"What do you mean? He's a wrestler who doesn't get involved in dirty business and has the respect of a lot of people because of it. He's a wonderful guy -- he just thinks I can work hard to erase this blight from my life."

"You mean being raped?"

"Well... in a way, yeah."

"I don't understand."

"See, he thinks that I didn't fight hard enough. He wants me to atone for having had sex. It's..."

"Crazy, is what it is!" I was ready to tell her I knew what she went through, but I remembered I couldn't. I had to stammer for other words. "Nora, you... he made you. He... you didn't want to... it doesn't matter..."

"Jason... it happened. Why it happened or how it happened is secondary. I thank you for your support, but... you don't have to make me feel better. I want to make up for this somehow."

"You know how? Teach self-defense. Work a hotline. Make sure Darren never sees freedom again. You don't need to feel like you did anything wrong."

"Jason... I want Phil to see me as a human being. I want him to appreciate me. Please, try to understand. I want to meet his standards." She headed back inside. "Thank you anyway... I gotta get clean."

The door closed. I headed to the lobby to find Shane McMahon. Whoever this Phil guy is, he's demanding a little too much. But his philosophy sounds like I should've heard it before...

*****

03:54 PM

"...so, basically, I want to do this."

Shane tilted his head to indicate he was in thought. I could tell he was searching for a way to play Devil's Advocate, but what I couldn't figure out is whether he wanted it to happen or not.

"Well... do you think you can carry her?"

"Shane, it's not a matter of carrying. She's a great athlete -- probably the best of the Divas. It'll be an even match, both on-screen and in the back."

"You realize you run the risk of looking real bad out there."

"I know, Shane, I know... but look, I'm just a midcard second banana anyway. I was helping Big Show, I was helping Jericho, now I wanna help Nora -- well, offscreen. I think this can work."

"But there's no drama. I mean, when Joanie was doing it she had the size to match up with most guys -- she was a legit 5'9 and 200. You realize she was as large as some of our Cruiserweights, and she looked a hell of a lot more impressive? Nora... what is she, 5'4, 5'5? And weight-wise... well, you dwarf her, and you're no more than 220!"

"I know, Shane, I know. Look, I'll bump for ten if it helps get her over. Besides, after Chavo and I do our thing, the I-C title will have a great image. It's just a matter of time."

"I'll talk to Dad, but... I don't think he's up for it. We had to have the Clique push him to get Chyna into the men's scene, and now... I don't know. I'll see what I can do."

"Well, aren't you and Gerwitz in charge?"

"All the programs go to him for the final say. I wish I could say yes -- hell, I'd love to see it. But I can't. I agree, Molly Holly is the best women's wrestler in the US, maybe in the world. But can she really hang with the men? Sure, I guess... but you know how much people like Orton were mad at having to do the job to her. What if Vince came up to you and said, Christian, lay down?"

"So be it. I wanna work here." And it's one less person I could get fired.

Shane seemed to be pondering as Eric Bischoff walked over. "Hey guys, what's the story?"

"Oh, hi, Eric. Christian here would like to work with Molly for WrestleMania."

"Well, aren't we being a bit presumptive, Christian? I mean, the boys upstairs might decide to give Chavo a run with your strap."

"Fine. I'll do it anyway."

"Really... to go from I-C Champion to Andy Kaufman? Kind of a long fall, isn't it?"

"I know, I know... but I wanna make sure Nora gets the reward she deserves. She's been connecting with the fans in a way I didn't think possible. She should have a spot at WrestleMania... it's the least we can do."

"Well... good luck. If you can carry that fat-ass to a good match, I'll eat my nWo hat." Eric chuckled and walked off. Shane shook his head.

"Don't get mad -- he didn't mean it," he said, although his tone indicated uncertainty. "You'll get your program if I have anything to say about it."

[The Third Dukes]

Oh, I'm gonna hear about this one.

First off, yes, I need to do this more. Keep reminding me. Second, this chapter is going to be up there on the list of controversies, as I present a little insight into the life of one of my favorite conundrums -- CM Punk. For a guy who preaches about only doing the right things, he sure doesn't seem to have his head on straight morally. But hey, that's his business and not mine. At the time, I only knew the basics of the straight-edge philosophy and made up the rest as I went along. So if you disagree with something, I made it up.

I brought in Stefani for two reasons -- to signify that a reclamation could be done, in case people were getting a little distraught, and to keep myself from establishing ANOTHER fictional character. Stefani is nothing more than a plot device in this chapter, but as time goes on, we learn more and more about her and about her background, which led to a very cool moment down the line. But that's later.

And then there was SmackDown, where Hulk Hogan went from being a full-time wrestler to a "non-wrestler". This was the signal to phase him out I'd been waiting for. I still had the plans in place for the Rumble, and they weren't changing just because of one man's semiretirement. So for those who wonder about my Rumble match, that was the idea all along.

*****

Chapter 71

Unlikely Alliances

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Jan. 01 / 04, taped Dec. 30 / 03.

- From La-re-do-mi-fa-so, TX.

- Your hosts are Michael "I resolve to shave my goatee" Cole and Ta "I resolve to get a last name" zz.

- Opening match: Matt Hardy Version 1.0 v. Ultimo Dragon. Matt Facts: Matt resolves to run 5 miles a day, and Matt thinks LSU will beat Oklahoma. Must be an American thing. Dragon kicks away to start, stiffing the hell out of Matt as Paul Heyman joins us on commentary. Apparently, Mattitude have been begging him for a title shot. Begging, I say. Well, here’s hoping. Hardy goes low on Dragon, then flips him over the ropes, where Shannon Moore gets a few shots in. Moore throws Dragon back in, but Hardy misses the legdrop and Dragon gets a rana for two. Matt with a Side Effect for two. Moore distracts the ref, allowing Matt to score with the tag belt for two. Matt gets a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Dragon leapfrogs Matt into a sunset flip for two. Nice. Moore again jumps on the apron, prompting Heyman to trip him up. Dragon is distracted (figures), so Matt tosses him and follows with a quebrada on all three -- but Dragon escapes so that he can do a quebrada on all three. Back in, it gets two. Dragon gets the Asai DDT for two, as Moore puts Matt’s foot on the rope. Heyman blows the mist in Moore’s face, but in the ring Matt gets a Twist of Fate for three at 8:06. Not bad, all in all. *** Mattitude deliver a RnR double dropkick to Dragon and commence the beating.

- Stephanie is out, and why not? I was in a bad mood anyway. She promises that Hulk Hogan will appear via satellite later tonight. Kurt Angle interrupts and says he wants to defend his title because he’s a FIGHTING CHAMPION! So Stephanie gives him a triple threat match. Angle will face John Cena and Rhyno TONIGHT. I like that.

- Handicap match: APA v. Brock Lesnar. I guess they need something for Brock to do, don’t they? Both APA attack to start, with Simmons getting the Angry Man Spinebuster and Bradshaw the Last Call for two. Brock pops up and clotheslines them both, then gets a leglock on Simmons. Bradshaw saves, only to be sent into the corner and given shoulder thrusts. Simmons tries to charge, but Brock tosses him into Bradshaw, then German suplexes both of them at once. Okay, that was pretty cool. Double clothesline by APA leads to a double powerbomb, but it only gets two. Simmons takes a header to the outside, and an F-5 for Bradshaw finishes the slaughter at 5:00. Just a match. *1/2

- Kurt Angle enjoys everyone’s favorite pastime -- making fun of Kevin Kelly -- then insults Hogan, Eddie, Cena, Rhyno, and the next 10 people he can think of over the next two minutes. He’s the champ and they’re all jealous. Well, if this doesn’t telegraph the Rumble result -- 25 guys and a bazooka putting the title on the Goblin -- then I’m getting too cynical even for my sake.

- Eddie Guerrero v. Undertaker. Taker boots Eddie to the outside, then pounds him while he’s out there. Both men have cheering sections, and the announcers are at a loss to explain it. Taker rams Eddie into the post, then returns to the ring to give him a lariat for two. Eddie dropkicks the knee, then works it with a half-crab. Taker makes the ropes. Taker charges Eddie, but Eddie side-steps, then applies a kneebar. Taker kicks Eddie away, then grabs a dragon sleeper with bodyscissors. Eddie makes the ropes. See, this is how you establish Taker as a legit fighting badass -- make him use moves regularly, not out of nowhere. Eddie dropkicks Taker in the face, then tries a spinning toe hold. Taker pushes him away and gets a chokeslam for two. Powerbomb is set up, but Eddie grabs the leg and dragon screws it (with Taker nearly tearing his knee out doing the bump). Eddie goes to the outside and frog splashes the knee. Back in, figure-four attempt is blocked twice, and Taker punches Eddie down in the corner. Boot choke and something resembling a crossface follow. Eddie slips out, then gets the El Paso Lasso for the tap-out and a HUGE pop at 9:34. Not as awesome as their SummerSlam brawl, but serviceable. **

- Backstage, Eddie finds Kurt Angle and gets into a shoving match.

- Rob Van Dam and Goldust v. Nova and Paul London. London and RVD start, and Van Dam goes medieval with kicks and flips. Nova tries his luck and gets nowhere, either. Goldust pounds Nova down and hits the sliding punch into an RVD enzuigiri for two. London gets the cheap shot, then Nova Stinger splashes Goldust in the back to make him weirdo-in-peril. London with a facejam for two. Nova back in and gets the Spin Doctor for a close two, RVD saving. London tosses Goldust out, but a double-team is foiled by an RVD pescado. You ever notice that the cruiser style is back in -- flying all over the place? I wonder if Vince hears the pops it gets and uses them like heroin. Back inside, Goldust gets the butt butt on Nova and makes the hot tag. London eats the stepover enzuigiri, but Nova catches RVD for a superplex before the Five-Star hits. Goldust gets Shattered Dreams on Nova, but London sneaks back in and hits the London Bridge to win at 7:31. Goldust sticks out like a sore thumb, and I wonder if this is jobbing Dustin down or pushing Nova/London. *** They need a name, though -- Nova and London just sounds like a jobber team, you know?

- Billy Kidman talks about being the US Champ, but you can hear his stock drop when he opens his mouth. JUST WRESTLE, trust me. Rey Misterio thankfully interrupts and says they gotta focus on the next match. They try to talk strategy with Tajiri, but that goes about as well as you’d expect, which is to say, not at all.

- Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Billy Gunn and World's Greatest Tag Team v. Tajiri and Filthy Animals. Well, 5 out of 6 ain’t bad. All managers are banned from ringside, and the winning team joins the Rumble. Pier Six to start, and the faces hit stereo topes on the heels to wow the crowd. Haas and Kidman get things going as Kidman clotheslines down Haas. Shelton gets caught coming in, and Rey goes AERIAL with the rana to clear him out. Gunn, however, gets a cheap shot in the fracas to make Kidman champ-in-peril. Anyone else think it’s interesting the tag champs are split here? Just wondering. Shelton with a spinebuster for two. Haas hits a T-Bone suplex for two. Gunn with the One and Only for two. All three men enter and get a double Doomsday Device for two. Haas and Shelton get their finishing sequence and Tajiri saves. Haas with the Haas of Pain, Rey saves. Gunn comes in and screws up (I’m shocked), hot tag Tajiri. Karate rush sends Gunn bailing, and Haas is caught in the ropes and given the Tarantula. Rey adds to the fun by giving Haas an inside-out 619 while he’s still in the Tarantula! Shelton runs in and powerbombs Tajiri, Rey, and Kidm... okay, not Kidman. Unprettier attempt is foiled by a Gunn clothesline. Haas gets an Angle Slam on Rey for two as the whole thing’s breaking loose in Tulsa. Hop Up Rana gets two on Gunn, but Shelton superkicks Tajiri for the Haas pin at 12:24. Almost everyone is great, and even Gunn is a good tag wrestler, so this match was just fine. I could do without Billy Gunn in the Royal Rumble, of course. ***

- Hollywood Hulk Hogan is indeed live from his home in California. He talks about Kurt Angle and says the usual -- if you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times. He wishes Angle good luck in the main event.

- Main Event, WWE Title: Rhyno v. Kurt Angle v. John Cena. Cena and Rhyno brawl to start as Angle waits on the sideline. Rhyno tosses Cena outside and Angle works on him, choking him with his medals. Back in, Rhyno misses the GOAR GOAR GOAR and crashes into the post. Cena works the arm, but Angle gets a German on Cena. Rhyno clotheslines Cena with the bad arm, then Angle rolls Rhyno up for two. Cena hits both men with lariats, then a Throwback for Rhyno for two. Cena twists Angle’s arm and goes OLD SCHOOL on him, but Rhyno crotches him before Undertaker can sue for gimmick infringement. Angle gets an armdrag and armbar on Rhyno while Cena kicks away. Rhyno trips Cena, then hiptosses Angle and powerslams Cena for two. Angle goes for the rolling Germans, but Rhyno gets the GOAR GOAR GOAR on both men (with the bad arm) before the third one hits. Rhyno is up first, and he grabs Angle into a suplex for two. Cena shoulderblocks Rhyno down, and Angle gets a crossbody on both men. He covers Rhyno for two. Cena pounds on both to make his comeback, but Rhyno ducks a punch and DDTs Cena for two. Angle is woozy, so Rhyno shoulderblocks him, then goes up for a frog splash (!!) for two. Cena gives Rhyno a German, then sets Angle up for the F-U. Rhyno clips Cena, and Angle falls on top (putting his feet on the ropes) for the pin to retain at 10:58. On second though, maybe Angle’s turning heel at the Rumble if not before. If so, certainly Hogan is the guy to do it on, if only for my pleasure. **1/2

The Bottom Line:

Another very acceptable SmackDown! in the books, as they continue to trump RAW in just about every way. The Rumble main event looks iffy at this point, and it’ll depend on whether Angle has his miracle boots on. Of course, there’s always a chance Hogan will be able to get a decent match.

Nah.

*****

Friday, January 02, 2004, 12:49 PM

Houston, TX

We were ready to hit the house show circuit again, and all of us climbed into the vans to make the trip. As I left the hotel room, I looked around for Shawn’s car. It wasn’t in sight. I guessed he’d be making the trip straight to Memphis for next week’s RAW.

As I put my stuff in the storage area, I felt a slap on the back. I winced as I stood up, then turned around. It was Batista, smiling and holding his hand out for a shake. "It’s good to see ya again," he said.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh... allow me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of glasses. Whoa -- he’s my new associate, I guess. He handed them to me. "Go ahead, man. No one’s looking. Besides, I wanna see the look on your face when you see who you drew."

I slowly slipped the glasses on with my eyes closed. I was scared of seeing some long-dead wrestler, or worse yet, a demon. Maybe -- although I doubted it -- I would see nothing, just Batista himself. Whatever it was, I had to know. I opened my eyes, and as I did so, I smiled a grin a mile wide.

"Welcome aboard, Stefani," I said. "Looks like we ride together again."

*****

Saturday, January 03, 2004, 04:54 PM

Jackson, MS

"He’s here! He’s coming to work the show tonight!" Nora skipped around backstage like a schoolgirl, almost flying past the men’s dressing room. She stopped and whirled around. "You seen him yet?"

"Who?" answered a puzzled and bemused HHH.

"Him! Phil! He’s supposed to be helping with the show tonight! Oh, I’m so excited!"

She skipped away as all of us looked at each other. "Who’s Phil?" Hunter asked out loud.

"Oh... that’s her boyfriend," Hurricane responded while adjusting his mask. "At least, I think it is. She sure seems to talk like she likes him."

"She has a... I thought she was making that up!" Randy stared at Hurricane, confused. "Are you... who is this guy? And where are we getting our talent from?"

"A bunch of guys that Jeff Jarrett recommended to us," said Eric, walking in with a smile on his face a mile wide. "They’ll be playing the faces tonight for the lower guys. I suggest you get ready if you’re up against them."

I checked the roster. It was going to be myself with Big Show, like the old times, against Chavo Guerrero and Hurricane. I looked up and down the lineup to find anyone named Phil. Nothing stood out -- just the usual low-level names you’d expect. I saw that a six-man was booked with Evolution against a group called the Second City Saints. I called Batista -- Stefani -- over and pointed it out.

"Who are they? You’re the NWA expert."

"That’s not an NWA group -- they’re from before that. It’s a trio of guys from Chicago who pride themselves on clean living. I’m surprised they’re all coming down -- I thought Ace was under a written deal."

"Ace?"

"Yeah. Ace Steel -- he’s the third wheel of the group. The other two are CM Punk and Colt Cabana. They’ve been doing their thing in Ring of Honor for a while. Of course, now they must be seeing if they can land an OVW deal -- or maybe they’re just here cuz of Nora."

I did a double-take. "Wait... are you saying that Phil is..."

He nodded. "CM Punk. And the guy’s not that good for her, you know. Man, you should pay attention more -- I thought you noticed him calling someone on a cel phone backstage when you were with us."

"C’mon, Stef, you know I wasn’t exactly the most familiar person with the territory. There are things you haven’t noticed, too, you know."

"Probably... well, anyway, I’d suggest you do your best to talk to him. Maybe he can see things the right way around. He damn near ruined our Double J reclamation. I hope he doesn’t do it twice."

*****

10:58 PM

After the show ended, I got my stuff together and found Shawn. Batista, Shawn and I headed to the exit, discussing plans for Monday’s show. Shawn seemed excited about coming back from his long layoff -- he was ready to go full-time for the warmup to his match with Sting. We stopped at the door, though, when we saw who was outside.

"Hey there, Nora," said Shawn. "I see you’ve really taken to him, haven’t you?"

"Yeah..." she blushed as we looked at the two of them, in each other’s arms. "Well, he’s been so helpful to me. He’s making me a better person, you know." As she gushed about all the ways Phil was helping her, I turned to Batista and exchanged cynical glances.

"Well, as long as you’re happy. After Darren got to you, I was afraid you were done for," Shawn said, wiping his brow. "I wouldn’t want that to happen to any of my friends."

Batista stepped forward. "So," he said, trying to get the boyfriend involved in the conversation, "you think you have a future here?"

"I doubt it," said Punk, shaking his head. "I’m not much into this sports entertainment shit. Too much stupid stuff going on, and all the emphasis on girls whoring themselves -- it’s not my style."

"That’s all gonna change," Shawn jumped in with. "You see, Vince is making sure of it. He wants the Wrestling back in World Wrestling Entertainment. That title’s gonna mean something again. Besides, we could always put you on SmackDown! -- that’s where the good young workers are."

"Yeah... like Jose and Joel. Look at what they got -- a lot of nothing. They’re wasted. Nah... I don’t mind being part of TNA’s star. No offense, Dave -- I enjoyed our match tonight -- but I’d rather live on the road."

"You sure?" I butted in. Here was my chance to see what he was made of. "I mean, you know you’ll be given enough money to live on here. And seriously, you can see the world and meet all sorts of different cultures and customs wherever you go."

Punk thought for a second. "It’s not about the cultures and customs. It’s about your lifestyle. I mean, any environment where guys are free to drink and light up in the back -- it’s not what I want. At least in Nashville, Jeff keeps a tight rein on that sort of thing. But I don’t want to be around drugs or alcohol at all. It’s against my philosophy."

"Your... you have a philosophy? Oh, this’ll be good."

"Oh, yeah... it’s all the rage. It’s about being what I call straight-edge. Basically, you don’t do anything like drugs, sex, or booze. You keep yourself clean and live a happy and healthy life."

"That’s just fine, man, but... do you need to avoid temptation?"

"Yes. I don’t... my dad was into drinking and stuff. He went through hell. I’m not stupid -- I know alcoholism is genetic. If I get near that stuff, I’ll end up like him. I just want to be a clean, all-American kid."

At this, Batista began to chuckle. We all turned to him as he explained. "Look at yourself, Punk. You’ve got a ton of tattoos all over your arms. I mean, nothing wrong with tattoos, ya know, but... how does that jive with who you are?"

Punk rolled his eyes. "I get this all the time. Look, I’m the same person whether I have the tats or don’t. I like them, so they stay. I could explain the meaning of them to you if you want."

"Just one," I said. "What’s with the Pepsi logo? You hard up for sponsorship money? You know, like those guys who do the Golden Palace tattoos?"

"No! I’m not selling out. This is cuz my finisher’s the Pepsi Plunge. It’s a nasty little thing too. Didn’t get the chance to do it tonight, of course, but it’s my calling card. You know, plus all those guys getting liquor logos on their arms -- I just wanted to have fun with it. It’s who I am."

"Who are you? You sound really grounded in your life. I mean, most guys I know who don’t touch anything are very faith-based. Are you, too?" Okay, I know the answer, but does she?

"Faith?" Punk’s eyebrows arched, and he looked at me like I was a child in special education. "Faith’s for weaklings. You can do everything some church on a hill tells you to do without being part of it. God didn’t give me my mind, my body, or my lifestyle -- I worked hard at it. I can account for everything on my own."

"Except your life. I mean, after you die, what then? You’re dead. Doesn’t that scare you?"

"Maybe, but I’ll live a lot longer the way I’m going than you ever would."

I turned to Shawn, almost begging him to step in. He got the message and cleared his throat. "You know, kid, I used to think that too. I thought I was just living for this world. But you know what -- if we’re only here for this world, we’re all pointless. Life isn’t pointless. Our intelligence isn’t pointless. Therefore, there’s gotta be more than this. Right?"

"No," he said bluntly. "Our legacy -- our intelligence -- is our progeny. The better our children are, the better we have been. Right? I mean, Shawn -- look at what you’ve started. Look at your nephew, for example. He’s an arrogant little prick. He kept telling us he was so damn cool because he was going to the WWE. Well, screw him -- I hope he enjoys his life, and he’s out of mine. But what does that say about you when your legacy is embodied by people like Michael Shane?"

"Hey, wait a sec--"

"Shawn, hold up," Batista said as we cut him off. "He’s got his opinion, and we have ours. But the fact is," he said, turning to Punk, "a man is judged on his own actions. Shawn’s been clean, sober, and a good man since I got here. That means something to me."

"Good for you, pal. Now lemme tell you who he was. This guy was the worst fucking offender in the history of politics. If you didn’t like him, or he didn’t like you, it didn’t matter if you were Bret Fucking Hart. You meant nothing. You might as--"

"Phil, wait," Nora finally piped up. "Can’t you be friends? For my sake? It doesn’t matter who I hang around with. What matters is us. Right, Phil?" She placed her head on his shoulder and brushed her hand along his face for emphasis. Phil bit his lip, then seemed to smile.

"Yeah... I’m sorry. Shawn, I’m just... well, it’s hard for me to like people who aren’t willing to accept me."

"Dude -- we didn’t say we didn’t accept you. We want to accept you, but more than that, we want to help you. All you have to do is believe... it can’t be that hard."

"Well... I don’t want to feel like I’m weak. Like I can’t do this on my own. The point is, I can do it on my own. I have done it on my own for ages."

Shawn shook his head. "You think you have. Would it surprise you to learn that supernatural forces tinker with the world every day, and people take credit for their doing?"

"Yeah, because there is no Heaven or Hell. Well, not in the literal sense -- I’ve had some serious hell in my life with my dad."

"And who do you think guided you to accept this... this... what did you call it..."

"Straight-edge? I did that. I saw what my father went through and decided to do the opposite."

"And do you know how many people go the other way? Why were you saved from that ignominious fate of continuing your father’s legacy?"

Punk didn’t reply. Nora looked up into his eyes, seemingly wondering for herself what his answer would be. I gave Batista a sideways glance. He’s stuck. He can’t or won’t take credit. Finally, he took a deep breath and began to speak.

"I see what you’re getting at. You want me to see that God took me down this Straight-Edge path. You want me to admit that God has kept me clean. Well, no way. God doesn’t exist. I know he doesn’t. If there was a God, why did I have a father who drank all the time and beat me for it? If there was a God, why would people be killed by some lowlife shooter who doesn’t know them? If there was a God, why were 20 men able to take out three thousand in His Name? And if there was a God, why did Nora -- poor, sweet girl that she is -- find herself in the mercy of that fucking predator? Do you know that Rob Black wants to hire him? Is that something a God would allow?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. I knew the truth -- that God was there at the end of the day, and that good would triumph over evil if only because it had to -- but to say it would sound clichéd and preachy. Just as Punk nodded his head, Nora spoke up, though.

"Phil... God made you better than your father. God brings evil men to justice. God rescued me from Darren. And you know what? Yeah, people have to suffer for Him to work, but He does work! If there was no God, why is Darren in jail?"

"Cuz of the cops. Cuz of Austin. Cuz..."

"Wait," Nora said, almost in tears as she reminisced. "You know, when I was in trouble... when I finally admitted what had happened... I felt an angel on my shoulder, guiding me to come forward. And as I thanked Austin for helping put Darren away, and as I thanked Jericho for devising the plan, I felt angels smiling on me. You may not believe they exist, because your life hasn’t had the problems mine has. They do -- and I know it -- and I want you to accept that I know it. The fact that you accept me for who I am means everything... it’s another blessing... almost another angel."

She hugged Punk tightly and kissed his cheek. I could see the anger and confusion swap places inside him. He didn’t know what to think anymore. "I... well... look, it’s... Nora, you’re a wonderful girl. I want to make you better. I care for you enough to do that. I just... guys, can we talk alone?"

Shawn nodded, then motioned to us. The three of us walked off to Shawn’s car, ready to continue the journey.

*****

Monday, January 05, 2004, 08:31 AM

Memphis, TN

I woke up slowly, trying to figure out my surroundings. I was back in Memphis, in the hotel room, whereas the previous night I was in Tupelo working a house show. I must be one of the people who went ahead for RAW. I searched for my glasses and my stuff, then sat up in bed. As I did, I heard a grumble from across the way.

The grumble turned into words -- words I understood, though barely. I replied in the same language, then realized who I had to be. I popped out of bed and walked into the bathroom, turning on the light and confirming my suspicions.

I was a rising star. I was an exciting addition to RAW. And I was bilingual -- Bonjour, Monsieur Rene Dupree.

[The Third Dukes]

So help me, I'm on a roll.

This chapter features something you never thought you would see in a diary: SUBTITLES! That's right, my old friend Babelfish strikes again, as I take some thoughts in English and make them French, to complete the overall sauciness of La Res. It gives the chapter a certain je-ne-sais-quoi, n'est-ce pas?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Oh, and we're in MEMPHIS, BABEE! And that means we need to see how the King is doing and stuff. Never fear, he's the King. He's still a lecherous little bastard. And it's fun for the whole family.

The real fun continues on Heat, where I'm actually building a storyline. Yes, on Heat. Stop laughing. Oh, and RAW in Memphis requires only one thing: piledrivers. And some southern booking. I'd like to think I can do "southern booking" pretty well, but I'll defer to TGC and others on this one. I'm a lousy judge of my own talent.

*****

Chapter 72

Le Roi du Vivre

Monday, January 05, 2004, 12:28 PM

Memphis, TN

Où est Shawn, quoi qu’il en soit? Ah, droite, il est probablement toujours avec l’équipage d’exposition de maison en Tupelo. Je devine que qui veut dire ce M. Grenier et je devrai trouver notre chemin par la ville jusqu’à ce soir. C’est quatre Lundi droits que j’ai étés parti de l’équipage, cependant.(1)

Wow, I just had a stream of consciousness in French. Sweet.

I walked through the lobby, wearing the French garb my character was associated with. Might as well live the role now. Sylvain came up to me as we grabbed a taxi and made our way to an early Heat practice at the Pyramid. He was more comfortable speaking his "native" French, which was no problem for me, as I found out earlier.

"Rene," he said apprehensively, "nous supposez-vous volonté avoir une allumette aujourd’hui? Depuis le tournoi, nous avons la sorte de un siège arrière. Savez-vous pourquoi?"

"Pour être honnêtes, Sylvain, peut-être nous étions à la télévision trop tôt. En outre, nous sommes jeunes avec beaucoup de potentiel. Notre moment viendra."

"Mille excuses, monsieur. C’est simplement qu’I... Je suis nerveux au sujet de ma carrière. J’entends les chuchotements dans le dos, avec l’énonciation de personnes je ne suis pas mériter de ce que j’ai, et de la façon dont elles m’ont renvoyé pour mon amitié avec M. Patterson. Je veux m’avérer que j’appartiens, et cela je ne suis pas simplement ici parce que j’adapte M. McMahon de rôle créé. Est-ce que c’il est si difficile de comprendre?"

"Ah, aucun... pas pour moi," I hastily said. "Regard, Sylvain, nous sommes à la plus grande compagnie dans notre profession. Notre ciel est la limite. Ni l’un ni l’autre de nous n’ont atteint 25 ans. C’est un temps pour se réjouir dans ce que nous avons et pour ne pas s’inquiéter de ce que nous pourrions devoir accepter."(2)

"Hey, guys," the cabbie yelled back, "you better not be paying me in frog money!"

"Sir, you misunderstand us," I said to the man, a gruff city guy who probably had a limited education. "We’re not really French. My friend here is from Montreal -- he’s a Canadian. It’s easier for him to talk in French because he grew up speaking it. We just pretend to be French for TV."

"Ah, that’s fine," he said, before doing a double take. "Hey -- you, you’re... aren’t you those resistance guys from the rassling company?"

"Oui," I said, half-bowing. "I am M. Rene Dupree, and this is M. Sylvain Grenier. And it’s pronounced re-zis-TAHNS, by the way." I smiled, hoping he’d get the joke.

"Whatever, Renny. Listen, I was hopin’ to get tickets to tonight’s show, but I don’t know if I can afford them on my salary. You know what to do about that?"

"One moment, sir. I will see if we can think of something." I turned to Sylvain and winked. "Le monsieur pense que nous pouvons lui obtenir un billet pour le ce soir sur un prix réduit. Au cas où nous faire ainsi? Après tout, il nous donne ses services sur le chemin à notre destination."

"Je suis sûr qu’il y a des billets qu’ils veulent donner loin ainsi ils peuvent empaqueter le bâtiment. Peut-être si nous obtenions un pour lui, nous pourrions obtenir notre tour sans coût. C’est en valeur un essai, n’est-ce pas?"

"J’aime votre manière de la pensée, Sylvain. Faisons-le!"(3) I turned back to the cabbie and explained. "Well, sir, I’m sure we can get a ticket for you if you let us go for free on this ride."

"It’s a deal," he exclaimed.

*****

(1) - Where is Shawn, anyway? Oh, right, he is probably still with the house show crew in Tupelo. I guess that means that Mr. Grenier and I will have to find our way through the town until tonight. That’s four straight Mondays I have been away from the crew, though.

(2) - "Rene, do you suppose we will have a match today? Since the tournament, we have sort of been given a back seat. Do you know why?"

"To be honest, Sylvain, maybe we were on television too soon. Besides, we are young with a lot of potential. Our time will come."

"A thousand apologies, sir. It is simply that I... I am a little nervous about my career. I hear the whispers in the back, with people saying I am not deserving of what I have, and how they resent me for my friendship with Mr. Patterson. I want to prove I belong, and that I am not just here because I fit the role Mr. McMahon created. Is that so hard to understand?"

"Oh, no... not for me. Look, Sylvain, we are in the biggest company in our profession. Our sky is the limit. Neither of us have reached 25 years of age. This is a time to rejoice in what we have and not worry about what we might have to put up with."

(3) - "The gentleman thinks we can get him a ticket for tonight on a reduced price. Should we do so? After all, he is giving us his services on the way to our destination."

"I’m sure there are tickets that they want to give away so they can paper the building. Perhaps if we got one for him, we could get our ride without cost. That’s worth a try, isn’t it?"

"I like your way of thinking, Sylvain. Let’s do it!"

*****

03:44 PM

After finishing our practice session, I walked backstage with Sylvain. A crowd had formed around Jerry Lawler, who was back for the night for RAW in his hometown. He hadn’t changed much in the month since his dismissal, still bragging about how big he was in Memphis and saying he could get any lady he wanted. Once a philanderer, always a philanderer.

I approached him as he was talking with Jim Ross about the RAW product.

"Pardonnez moi, Monsieur," I said, opening with just enough French that could easily be understood, "But would you mind giving me an autograph?"

"I’d be delighted," he said with a smile. "You know, there’s a lot of weird stuff going down on the show nowadays. I kinda miss seeing you guys to kick around."

Ross got a smile on his face. "I think we can fix that," he went off to find Brian Gerwitz. I looked at Lawler, who was smiling his most devious grin.

"What does he mean by that?"

"Oh, he’s probably going to get me included in tonight’s show somehow. I thought as much -- they always try to give me a pass through on their stopovers here. It’s a tradition."

"Well, sure it is, but... but you’re not employed by the WWE, are you?"

"That’s all right. I’ve been doin’ a bit of thinkin’. You see, some of the stuff I said was misguided. Maybe I am a little outdated for an announcer. That’s cool, though. I don’t mind the easy life. I run a nice little promotion out of here in my spare time to keep the local boys interested. People seem to like it, and it stays mildly solvent with our spot shows, so I really can’t complain."

"But don’t you miss the road, the travel, the... the life?"

"Oh, a little, but not as much as I thought I would. Memphis is my home, you see. I wanna live out my life here. I guess my time had come. You can’t be in the ring forever, though I admire guys like Flair and Hogan who are trying," he said with a wink.

"Yeah, it is odd how they are able to keep going, n’est-ce pas?"

"Exactly. But some people just have the capability. I can’t go more than a few minutes anymore without feeling out of place. My big offense doesn’t count around here. I can punch well, sure, but without the piledriver -- I might as well hang it up. Hey, I’m secure in what I am. My place in history is guaranteed. I figure I can do what I want now."

"Isn’t that still a little selfish?"

"Selfish? Hey, I’ve earned it!" As he spoke, Nora walked by. She gave him a perfunctory glance, then walked on, not even pausing to say hello to us or him. "Well, how do ya like that? I got her in the door here, and this is how she thanks me."

"Well, with all due respect, M. Lawler, perhaps if you had been a little more respectful to her once she got here, she wouldn’t think so little of you."

"Yeah, yeah... it’s that punk boyfriend of hers," he stammered out, perhaps unaware of the irony. "He’s making her into some mindslave. Like she doesn’t want to have any fun anymore, because she’s afraid of disappointing him. I’ve heard the talk. The Mid-South guys know all about it. He’s poison for her."

"Why? Because he wants the right thing for her?"

"You call being a prude the right thing? You gotta have a little fun. Back in my day, we weren’t so damn concerned about someone giving us the moral stare or thumbing their nose at us. We did what we liked. It was the times! But now, it’s all this I’m-better-than-you stuff. Geez, just be yourself. Don’t pressure me to change."

"That’s not how you always were, was it? I remember Shawn telling us about how you helped him get into religion after all the trouble on the road."

"Yeah, I know, I know... I’m not a total idiot." He sounded almost agitated now. "But that church stuff is overrated. This is the life, Rene. This and no other. You gotta live it to the fullest."

"So it doesn’t bother you that you go through wives like tissue paper or that people think you’re a scandalous man?"

"Nah, let ’em think what they want. It’s just fine with me."

As I pondered his statements, and his connected fall from grace, Jim Ross returned. "Guys, I got a deal. It goes down on Heat. Listen..."

*****

07:33 PM

Our "decidedly French" theme began as the boos rained down upon us. We emerged, carrying the French flags with us and holding our noses high at the rest of the Memphis crowd. We entered the ring and waved the tricolore for everyone to see. I took the microphone and went to address the crowd, then turned to notice something that had been in the corner of my eye.

"Sylvain, look who is here," I said, pointing to a seat in the front row. "I think we have a legend in our midst. Someone who fancies himself for royalty, perhaps?"

The camera turned to show Jerry Lawler in his front row seat, conveniently dressed in his usual kingly coat and crown. A huge "Jerry!" chant broke out as I got out of the ring and approached him. I shook his hand, with Lawler approaching it nervously.

"So, it is Jerry Lawler -- we meet again, do we not? Well, I see you are a civilian tonight. Such a shame, too -- it would be a pleasure to make an example of you, King. For just as our forefathers stormed the Bastille and liberated our land from royal oppression, we wish to storm the Pyramid and liberate ourselves from your stupidity."

The crowd was absolutely hating us now. Before Lawler could respond, though, Tommy Dreamer’s music hit and he came out. He had on the flag-motif WWE shirt and the tape on his hands. He was, as always, ready for a fight, and tonight he was to face me in one.

I climbed back into the ring as Dreamer charged. I collided with him, conveniently sandwiching the referee in between. As the ref collapsed, Sylvain added shots to Dreamer’s back with the butt of the French flag. We stomped away as a USA chant began, but the chant became disorganized cheering when Lawler hopped the railing and removed his coat and crown, revealing his wrestling outfit underneath.

Lawler chased us out of the ring as the referee slowly got back up. He talked to the timekeeper, then to the men in the ring. He came out to us and repeated what he said. We smiled and nodded, then jumped into the ring as the referee told Lillian Garcia.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Garcia, "I have been asked to inform you that tonight’s match between Rene Dupree and Tommy Dreamer is now a tag team match! It will be La Resistance versus Tommy Dreamer and Jerry the King Lawler!"

The crowd went ballistic as we stared each other down. I pointed to myself, indicating I wanted to start. As Grenier headed to the apron, I charged Dreamer and tackled him. Lawler tried to help out, but the referee cut him off. I pounded on his weakened back, then slapped on a camel clutch. Dreamer screamed in pain, but made it to his knees and was carrying me to the corner. I jumped on his back to put him back down, then dragged him to our corner to tag in Sylvain.

Sylvain continued to stomp away at Dreamer, then whipped him into the ropes. Dreamer came off with a clothesline attempt, but Sylvain ducked it, then caught him with a kick to the jaw on the rebound. He skipped back over to tag me in, and I hit the prancing kneedrop to Dreamer’s back. I whipped Dreamer into the corner and slid out of the ring, then grabbed Dreamer’s legs to trip him up. Well, it’s in his contract, right? I pulled him wishbone-style into the post as the crowd groaned in pain. I climbed back in and tagged Grenier in.

I grabbed Dreamer in a piledriver position as Sylvain climbed the ropes. The crowd began to buzz as we called to each other in French. However, before we could execute, Dreamer flipped me over his back, then turned around and caught Grenier with a fist as he came down. We both crawled after Dreamer, but my last-second lunge wasn’t enough. Dreamer got the tag, and Lawler was the legal man.

Lawler pounded away on both of us as we took turns getting up, getting hit, and falling back down. I approached him, but he grabbed me by the hair, then got Grenier as well. He reared back, and I put my hand up to block skull-on-skull contact. We took the double noggin-knocker and fell flat again. Lawler covered Sylvain, but I broke it up at two. Dreamer came back in, and we proceeded to go all out.

Dreamer took Grenier while I backed Lawler into the corner. They won’t notice I’m no longer the legal man, I hope. I pounded away at Lawler, who sold the punches at first, but gradually seemed to be getting a second wind. The crowd rallied behind him as Grenier and Dreamer brawled around ringside. Lawler began to stare at me as I landed another right. He didn’t flinch -- instead, he pulled down the strap as the crowd grew to a crescendo. It was my turn.

He blocked my shot, then began unloading right hands on me. I staggered all around the ring, actually falling back into the opposite corner. He continued hammering me as I fell to the ground, where he stomped me a few times. He climbed to the top rope as I looked up at him and waited for him to jump off. He connected with the fistdrop and covered. In his hometown, he got the three-count. The crowd cheered wildly as "Great Gate of Kiev" played with the win. I slowly rolled out of the ring and let Lawler and Dreamer share the spotlight.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Jan. 08 / 04.

- Live from Mempho.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- RNN! This week, the "OrTron 2500" contains highlights of the "travesty" that was the Kru/Evolution main event. Orton vows that in tonight’s title match, things will change. That’s good. He also says that Michael Shane will beat Konnan to keep the Kru out of the Rumble. His guest tonight: Ivory, who explains that Trish Stratus is jealous of her title reign. With Molly not interested and Lita not fit to wrestle (aw crap, they ARE continuing that!), it leaves her with a shortage of challengers. She promises, however, that Trish can have ONE MORE CHANCE if her team wins tonight. No embellishment. Trish, of course, objects to the stipulation and WE HAVE A CATFIGHT! Orton tries to separate them (well, it’s heel heat), and Trish kicks Ivory onto and through the barstool. Good heat segment.

- Road Dogg and Ron Killings watch backstage and play up their title shot. They also wish Konnan good luck on their behalf.

- Michael Shane v. Konnan. As a reminder for the five of you who tuned in late, if Konnan wins, all of 3 Live Kru enters the Rumble. Shane dropkicks Konnan to start, and they head outside, where Shane slams Konnan’s head into the announce table. Back in, Shane gets two. A suplex sets Konnan up for a kneedrop, and then Shane works off of an armbar. Konnan leverages him for two, but Shane flips Konnan over and nails a rana, then a baseball slide on the way out. Konnan ducks a crossbody, and Shane SPLATS on the ground. In the ring, Konnan gets a carpetmuncher for two. Tequila Sunrise, but Shane makes the ropes. Shane flips out of a slam attempt, then German suplexes Konnan for two. Shane goes up top, but the Picture Perfect Elbow misses, and Konnan gets the rolling clothesline and modified Gory Special (called the 187 by Page) for the pin at 7:42. Hey kids, Michael Shane just carried his first match! **1/2

- Hey, Jerry Lawler is at ringside! Booker T brushes off an interview with the Coach to talk to him. And really, wouldn’t we all? Booker and Lawler reminisce about old times and stuff, but Kane attacks. The announcers point out that Lawler helped train Kane. But wait, isn’t he a psychopathic pyromaniacal quasi-undead brother of... oh, screw it. I’ll let it go just once. Anyway, looks like we have ourselves a main event.

- Non-title: Christian v. Chris Benoit. Benoit goes medieval to start, hitting the rolling Germans one minute in after solid CANADIAN VIOLENCE~! Christian flips out of the third, then gets a wheelbarrow suplex for one. Christian comes back with the CHOPPING and sends Benoit into the corner, then hits the move called "Rear Naked Stretch" in the videogames for two. Christian gets a lariat and a suplex for two. Benoit punches Christian right in the face to cue the comeback, then tosses him and hits a tope suicida. Back in the ring, the swandive gets two. Benoit goes for the Crossface, but Christian scrambles to the ropes and checks his reflection in the title belt. Funny stuff. Benoit brings him in the hard way, then drops some elbows. Christian blocks the Crossface again, then elbows out of a headlock. Unprettier is blocked, and a double clothesline leads to a double KO. Chavo Guerrero then hits the ring and unloads on Christian for the DQ at 8:14. They were just getting into a groove, too. **3/4 Chavo and Christian brawl to the back as we go to commercial.

- During the Break, Christian tossed Chavo into a set of boxes backstage (cardboard can be abrasive, you know -- sorry had a Schiavone moment), then DDTs him on the concrete. He cuts a promo about how the title means everything to him (another one of those, I see) and how he’ll defeat Chavo to prove he’s the best man on RAW. Nothing we haven’t heard a million times.

- Dream Partners Match: Triple H and Ivory v. Shawn Michaels and Trish Stratus. Ivory’s got some weird dreams. Men and women pair off to start, and Ivory whips Trish into a Hunter clothesline, drawing him INSTANT heel heat. Nice to see you work on your heel tactics, Hunter. Well, it is Memphis... anyway, Ivory goes to work on Trish and those two have a matchlet. Ivory with a suplex for two. Trish gets a handstand rana for two. HHH powerslams Trish, and Ivory gets two. Ivory with the carpetmuncher for two before Michaels saves. Michaels saves... there’s a joke in there somewhere. Discuss. Trish bounces off into a rana on Ivory, and the men come in. This counts as a hot tag, I guess, because Michaels goes to town on HHH. HBK with a slam and elbowdrop, but Ivory distracts the ref. HHH gets KICK WHAM, but Michaels backdrops him out of the PEDIGREE. Michael Shane re-appears and dives off the top, but HHH eats the crossbody. Hunter yells at Shane, then turns around into a Superkick for the pin at 10:44. HBK may be in touch with Jesus, but he’s not a miracle worker. *3/4 Evolution do a massive beat-down of HBK after the match, but Trish has her title shot.

- HBK throws out his mystery challenge again. He says there’s one man he regrets he’s never met, and he wants to meet him at WrestleMania. He demands an answer by the Rumble. HBK v. Rock would be pretty cool, actually, and all indications are that’s where this is headed. No one on the internet seems to have any idea of anyone being signed recently, and with all the big names headed to the rumoured Showcase match, Rocky’s really the only big player left. I’m sure he’d do it, too. Heck, HBK/Rocky would be a draw. But I digress.

- World Tag Team Titles: Randy Orton and Batista v. 3 Live Kru. Orton and Road Dogg start, with Dogg getting the funky punches to floor Orton. Killings adds a dropkick and bodypress, then sends Orton outside for a brawl. Orton reverses the throw into the STEEL steps and Killings plays Ricky Morton. Batista enters and powerslams Killings for two. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER gets two as the announcers note all four men are confirmed entrants in the Rumble. Orton enters with Play of the Day and the Owen Kick. Indian Deathlock, but Dogg bulldogs Orton to break. Batista picks Killings up legfirst and dumps him over the top, then throws him back in. That’s impressive. Orton with the figure-four (WHOO), but Killings reverses to break. Orton clips Killings to stop the hot tag, then works the leg some more with Batista’s help. Miscommunication leads to a double clothesline, and it’s a hot tag for Road Dogg. Both men go flying off of clotheslines, but the ref is bumped. Orton comes in with the title belt, decking Killings, but the ref is still out. Dogg grabs Orton and hits a piledriver, then throws Killings on top. Twenty seconds later -- and trust me, in Memphis a piledriver CAN knock you out for twenty seconds -- the ref comes to and counts three at 9:02. BUT WAIT! Eric Bischoff, official buddy with Evolution, enters and declares that the piledriver has been illegal in the WWE for going on three years now, so the faces are DQed and the title stays. Dusty Finish, but an acceptable one. Match was okay, with the heat really adding to it. **1/2

- An AWESOME video package recaps the Benoit/Kane story and prepares us for the Rumble.

- World Title: Kane v. Booker T. I think the winner is known here just based on the video from earlier, but so what? Booker dives out onto Kane to start, then tries to whip him into the steps, only to get reversed. In the ring, Kane press slams Booker into the corner, then uses a boot choke. Booker goes for a big chop, and Kane no-sells and gets a choke lift for two. Booker ducks a clothesline, then gets an inverted DDT for two. Kane powerslams Booker, then gets the JUMPING LARIAT OF DEATH for two. Booker trips Kane, then pounds the back of his head. No dice, as Kane stands up with Booker riding piggyback and falls backward for two. Kane with a sideslam for two. Shoulderbreaker, then a flapjack for two. Kane gets the goozle, but Booker slaps it aside and goes low. Axe kick sets up the spinaroonie... straight into the chokeslam for the pin at 6:58. Benoit runs in and gets chokeslammed as well. Then Lawler hops the rail and tries to attack, and HE gets chokeslammed. Kane sets off the pyro to end the show. *3/4

The Bottom Line:

Pretty much what you’d expect from a stop in Memphis, with some southern tag action and a serious heel push for the champ. No real complaints, as even Konnan the Barbarically Bad gave his working boots for this week, and the result is an episode of RAW as good as you’d expect it to be.

Until next week, BUY THE BOOK!

*****

12:03 AM

Sylvain and I were in our hotel room, watching tapes of last week’s RAW and SmackDown! to pick up pointers in tag team wrestling. As we watched, I noticed Sylvain taking notes, while I tried to ascertain who Lindsay would have been from the characteristic movements of each wrestler.

"Rene, j’étais curieux au sujet de quelque chose," Sylvain said, getting my attention. "Combien de lutteurs gais pensez-vous là êtes-vous dans le WWE?"

I didn’t quite know how to respond. I knew Sylvain was one -- his friendship with Pat Patterson was pretty much universally questioned as to its nature -- but beyond that, I didn’t think it wise to mention anyone else. "Autre que vous? Je ne pense pas qu’il y a n’importe qui ouvert à son sujet. Pourquoi demandez-vous? Pensez-vous là est-vous un autre homme gai autour ici?"

"Ah, parce que je pense là sont d’autres. Shannon Moore, par exemple, est probablement gai."

I was floored. "M. Moore? Queest-ce que vous a donné cette idée? Il n’est jamais montré aucun signe d’être intéressé par aucun d’entre nous. Vous ne pouvez pas être sérieux!" Je veux dire, avez-vous raison et toutes, mais toujours, comment avez-vous su?

"Nous pouvons le dire. Ou au moins, je peux le dire. Vous savez, je ne m’occuperais pas de voir si son calendrier social est libre. Il n’est pas facile trouvant quelqu’un quand vous êtes sur la route toute l’heure. Il est encore plus dur pour moi, vous savez. Bien, je suppose que je ne devrais pas penser trop cela."

"Naturellement, Sylvain. Vous trouverez la personne pour vous. Il y a quelqu’un pour chacun, même un lutteur professionnel Canadien-Français gai." Maintenant, si seulement il y avait quelqu’un pour une âme morte attrapée entre le Ciel et la Terre, je serais placé. Oh bien, cela a lieu pour un autre jour.(4)

*****

(4) - "Rene, I was curious about something. How many gay wrestlers do you think there are in the WWE?"

"Other than you? I don’t think there’s anyone open about it. Why do you ask? Do you think there’s another gay man around here?"

"Oh, because I think there are others. Shannon Moore, for example, is probably gay."

"Mr. Moore? Whatever gave you that idea? He’s never shown any interest in any of us. You can’t be serious!" I mean, you’re right and all, but still, how’d you know?

"We can tell. Or at least, I can tell. You know, I wouldn’t mind seeing if his social calendar is free. It’s not easy finding someone when you’re on the road all the time. It’s even harder for me, you know. Well, I suppose I shouldn’t think too much about it."

"Of course, Sylvain. You’ll find the person for you. There’s someone for everyone, even a gay French Canadian professional wrestler." Now, if only there was someone for a dead soul caught between Heaven and Earth, I’d be set. Oh well, that’s for another day.

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

I remember reading this the first time and wanting to tear you a new one for really crappy French, but figured someone as unknown as I was at the time (and still am to some extent) shouldn't do that.

On a more positive note, I've pretty much forgotten everything else, so this should be some fun reading.

[DoubleX]

WOOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP!!!

Yay, it's back! And maybe you'll actually finish reposting this so it can go in the DDHoF.

How did you do the subtitles? Obviously you used Babelfish, but did you translate English to French, and then translate it back to English, and use that as the subtitles? Because some of it sounds a bit odd.

Edited January 13, 2006 by DoubleX

[Nick Adams]

FINALLY! I got through!

Good to see this back up. Now if only you could either A) Get the rest of it into PDF and put it on your site or B) Keep posting this until you finish it, I'd be a VERY happy camper.

Especially since the PDF's leave off at the answer for that last post...

And I love that last translation from Andy as Rene.

"Of course, Sylvain. You’ll find the person for you. There’s someone for everyone, even a gay French Canadian professional wrestler."

[The Third Dukes]

Let me do this before I get pissed off at either the failure of my ECW ONS to set the world on fire or the DDBL basically jerking me around. More on that elsewhere.

This chapter is all about people who've been around the block a few times -- be it Stefani, who leads things off, or Kevin Nash, who makes a return. I will not hide this: I wanted people to like Kev -- well, really, I wanted them to appreciate wrestlers as PEOPLE. Yes, I sacrificed Regal and HHH for the cause of a storyline, and yes, Mr. McMahon is his character, but c'mon. This would be a meaningless piece of work if I didn't create my own people out of it.

Look, we know nothing about these people as people -- it's just that, because the characters they're playing are themselves taken to self-parody, we THINK we do. Consider: no one thinks there's any correlation between Marty Wright and the Boogeyman because the character is so damn outlandish that it can't possibly have a connection to reality. But because JBL plays a character similar to himself (a self-made millionaire), we hate him. Not the characer, HIM. Why?

For crying out loud, don't you people read Foley's books? And doesn't it say something that the only grudges people have are professional, not personal? Hello? Maybe the net has made us jaded, and I guess that was part of it. Deep down, these people are human; that means they all have good qualities. But we'd rather focus on people's faults and failures. It goes beyond wrestling to the rest of the world. It sucks. I wish it would just stop.

Look, at the risk of sounding like some New Wave Kumbaya kind of person, I want you to do this right now: think of all the people you know, and think of one thing you like about them. Very soon, you're going to realize that the world has a lot of good in it, and if we stopped bitching about the bad, we could get somewhere.

Sheesh.

(Gets off soapbox)

Back to the chapter: I don't know why, but I always had the Angels die semi-traumatically. I mean, I guess it's impossible to die from an accident or murder without it being traumatic. But they were all famous, too. Even Stef's. Of course, the only one not connected to anything famous is Kathleen's. Death envy, maybe? Let's not think about it. Attribute it to lazy booking.

Okay, one that I just can't explain: in the original version, Stefani's first reference to her child is as a "son". This changes. I corrected that one mistake.

For the record, the detective stuff is 10 times cooler if you imagine the late great Jerry Orbach saying it.

For those asking, the French is by Babelfish. The subtitles were the English that went into it. So if the French sounds stupid, there's a reason. It continues, as Sylvain rants in French about a lost costume part. This also sets up a great punchline by Kev. I'm a Nash mark; sue me.

Well, actually, don't; I need the money.

*****

Chapter 73

Veterans

Tuesday, January 06, 2004, 02:55 PM

On the road to Huntsville, AL

Shawn was busy navigating some of the back roads of the South as Stefani, in her assignment as Randy Orton, and I rode along, discussing our plans and getting to know each other.

"So, Stef," I asked, "what’s your story?"

"Story? What do you mean?"

"Well... how did you die? What happened to you since then? How long have you been doing this?"

"Oh, I see. Well, I’d say I’ve been doing this for about 15 years now. Yeah, that’s about right... this year would be 15 later on. As for how I got here... well, I was part of the Bay Area’s social elite. You know, the people who helped bail the city out with charity balls and such. I’m used to getting my way, so this whole thing was a bit of a shock, as you can imagine. It was October, and it was a bright afternoon. I was headed to the park to watch the World Series. Everyone who was anyone was gonna be there... and, well, I never got to the stadium."

"Your car crashed?"

"Not just mine. Everyone’s. I was already running a little late, even by my standards. My husband and son were giving me some grief about how we’d miss the game at this rate -- and with the A’s winning, it was important, because we might not get another chance. Well, at that moment, I felt the road get a little bumpy."

"Well, doesn’t that happen?"

"Not when you’re not moving."

I paused to think about what she just said. "N... not moving? What do you mean?"

"Come on... don’t you remember?"

I thought for a few seconds. 15 years ago, World Series, A’s... holy c... wow. "Oh, I remember now! Wasn’t that Series put on hold for a week or so because of a big earthquake?" Then it hit me again. "And... I guess... you were in it."

She nodded. "I was. I never stood a chance. We were under an overpass, and the thing just fell right on top of us. I never said goodbye to my family or to my friends. It just happened. Everything was gone."

"Yeah... that happens like that. It’s not... it’s not fair. But you know, I guess..."

"Yeah, yeah, that’s life. No need to tell me, okay? I’ve been doing this for longer than you have. Well, you wanted to know how I got here... so how about you?"

"Hardly as dramatic. You see, I..."

Before I could begin, Michaels slammed on the brakes. The traffic had slowed to a stop, as police cars were strewn about the road. A group of detectives had gathered in the center, and cars were honking for miles behind us.

"What’s wrong, Shawn?"

"I’m not sure yet... hey," he called out. "Hey, officer! What’s the holdup?"

The officer walked over to talk to Shawn. "Sorry, buddy... the road’s closed for a few hours while we clear up a crime scene. We got a dead body in a car behind the wheel with a bullethole in his skull."

"Damn."

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly. No sign of struggle, either. The car crashed into a guardrail, but hardly fast enough to kill the driver. He was shot out, no mistake."

A detective appeared, breathless, and approached the officer. "Hey, Sarge," he said, "take a look at this here." He produced the bullet. "This sucker was found on the passenger side. Blew right through the guy, but given its quick stop I’d say the shooter was a hundred or so feet away."

"That far? What does that mean?"

"I dunno, but we got police scanning the woods trying to find a shell casing or any indication of where it came from."

Shawn turned to us. "Wow... one shot jackpot. And from that distance... fella must’ve seen a deer and missed. I mean, what else could it be?"

As we spoke, a patrolman emerged from the woods by the highway, breathless. He held up a card and handed it to the detective. The detective studied it, then wiped his brow. He waved his hand in a circle, causing detectives to scatter.

"Hey, pig, what’s the fucking deal," yelled a motorist ahead of us. "I got a place to go here!"

"Yeah, and we got a dead body that was just sniped, so cool it, bub," the detective yelled back.

SNIPED? Oh... my... God... As the word seemed to permeate through the line and people got out to talk to each other and spread news of the delay, Stefani turned to me.

"Wow... poor guy. Not some freak of nature or a crime of passion -- just some psycho with a scope."

"I know... that... that’s..." I found myself at a loss for words, hoping that I could think of something to hide my fear. Just hearing the word sent me into a bit of a frenzy. While I tried to remain calm on the outside, my insides were churning faster than I could imagine.

"Andy?" Stefani seemed genuinely concerned. "Hey, buddy, what’s wrong? Why you so scared? The dude’s a hit-and-run. He ain’t coming back for anyone."

"I... I know... b-b-but he’s... supposed to be a DC guy... what’s... what’s he doing here?"

"I guess he’s expanding his territory. I mean, he got someone in South Carolina just a couple weeks ago, remember?"

"Y-y-yeah... I just wish he wasn’t.... wasn’t here."

"Well, he is, okay? So you’re just going to have to deal with it. Besides, it’s not like this guy was anyone you know. It was just some poor fella." She did a double-take as I cowered in my seat. "What’s got you all worked up? Flashing back or something?"

"You can say that... I mean... well, I..."

Stef put her arm around me. "What’s wrong, kid? You wouldn’t be so freaked out if there weren’t something."

"There is. R-r-remember how I was gonna tell you how I... how I died?"

"Sure, what about it?"

"I died... like he just did. The same guy, the same out-of-nowhere shot... he didn’t hear a damn thing. One minute happy, the next minute dead. That’s how it went."

"Wow... I’m sorry, man. I didn’t... I didn’t know. You gonna be all right?"

"Sure... sure I am... I’m just gonna need a while to calm my nerves."

*****

05:48 PM

We were finally on our way again. I had spent the hours waiting trying to relieve the fear and trauma in my mind. Stef hadn’t spoken a word, keeping her distance. Shawn, meanwhile, just listened to the news, hoping to hear that they caught the shooter. No such luck.

"All right, let’s get out of here and into Huntsville," Shawn said as the line moved again. He took a quick exit and headed to the nearest highway, knowing he would have to deal with traffic, but not really caring if it meant safety. I took a few deep breaths. I was still feeling like a nervous wreck, and would continue to feel that way -- I figured -- until we got to Huntsville.

"Andy... you gonna make it?" Stefani looked at me. "You seem pale."

"I... I’ll be fine. I just would rather keep the number of times I die as low as possible," I said, adding a forced chuckle at the end.

"I understand. Once is enough for everyone. Well, some people aren’t so lucky, but that’s their problem. Anyway, you were asking what I have done since I died, weren’t you?"

"Yeah... like, you couldn’t have been working on Jeff for that long, so how many missions have you had?"

"Let me see -- this is my 6th. So far, I’m 3 for 5 in saving people. Although I don’t like my chances this time -- none of those people were possessed, and I’ve heard stories."

"You have?"

"Yeah... once those guys get you, you’re gone."

"But... if that’s so, why am I here?"

"Well, it’s not strictly true that being possessed is the final straw. In fact, at least one person I know has pulled off the miracle."

"Ben?"

"Yeah, actually. I didn’t ask him how he did it, but he said it nearly cost him everything -- to say nothing of Daniels."

"D-d-daniels? You mean, he..."

"Haven’t you seen what Gabriel does?"

"Sure, I have, but... I mean, I just thought that once you went somewhere, you didn’t go back."

"Not always. See, Ben has been through that Hell Machine before. He says he was seconds away from being taken out for good when Gabriel saved him. He knows he’s lucky to be alive, but... I think the whole thing left him a little bitter." No kidding... he was definitely not in a good mood. "Anyway, he told me what goes on after you’re rescued and revived."

"He did? Tell me."

"Well, someone who faces down a demon and defeats him gets a free ride into Heaven right then and there. But you see, Ben didn’t want that."

"He didn’t? Why not?"

"I asked him that too. He said he only had a few more years to go until retirement, and if he was guaranteed entry, he wanted to be able to fix things on Earth some more. So, his spot is on hold."

"Wow -- that’s awesome. And what of Daniels? Is he okay?"

"Sure. He’s back in his body now... a little more aware since his near-death experience, sure, but all is good. I’m sure he’ll be a good man for his years." I began to think. "Seems kinda unfair for the guy, doesn’t it? I mean, didn’t you say that Daniels was captured too?"

"That’s what I was told. Wrong place, wrong time -- you should be able to relate to that."

"Don’t remind me," I said firmly, shuddering to make my point clearer. "Let’s just move on, then. So... now that Jeff’s saved, I suppose you can tell me who you reported to each week."

"Ah, the intermediary. Would it shock you to learn it was Dusty himself?"

"Really. No it wouldn’t actually. The guy’s a good man. Got a good head on his ample body. And his son -- another good family. Too bad he never really got to know him."

"I know... he talked about that all the time. He wanted his son to do well, but he was never there. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be without... your..."

She stopped. A tear seemed to form. Beneath Orton’s cocky veneer, a human, regretting side came through. It was as though Orton had ceased to exist, and Stefani was merely wearing his body as a costume.

"You miss your husband and kid, don’t you?"

She nodded. "Up until a year or so ago, she was with me every step of the way. When she turned 18, she... she moved on to her own assignments. I miss her all the time. And Danny -- my husband -- I know he’s out there somewhere. I just hope we can reunite some day, where it counts."

I offered my consolation to her, just as she had for me earlier. "No, no... I’ll be fine. I just... I want to get it out of my system... it’s always hard to talk about this... don’t you miss your family?"

"I missed my old life for some time. I can’t talk about losing a child, because I just don’t know. But... this is my new family. Shawn’s in it. You’re in it. The people on SmackDown!... yeah, they’re in it too. And I wanna welcome you to our family. You’ll love being here. I’m sure of it."

She sniffled. "Thanks... I appreciate that."

*****

11:54 PM

411mania.com

Hey Wids, I just got back from the event at the Civic Center. Big crowd -- nearly 10k, and I’m sure they all paid from the heat they gave. Awesome show, too.

Dark Matches:

Julio Dinero d. Some Guy -- Julio got a few TNA chants before the match. He won with a swinging rana. Decent enough match, but boring.

Johnny Jeter d. Colt Cabana -- Cabana’s a Mid-South guy. Awesome match. Jeter cheated to win, hitting Colt with a belt (apparently an OVW title of some sort). Jeter makes an AWESOME heel and needs to be called up soon.

Velocity:

Zach Gowen & CM Punk d. Los Maximos -- wild match. Punk is pretty over, and I hope this leads to a contract. Gowen won with his Sharpshooter -- crowd popped huge for it.

Hardcore Holly d. Nova -- Holly got the monster pop of a lifetime being from Alabama. Crowd cheered him constantly and even when he cheated. Holly won with the Falcon Arrow.

Nunzio d. Adam Windsor -- Hey, remember when Dory Funk was praising this guy at 1wrestling? Yeah, Windsor’s okay, but nothing big. Nunzio won with the jumping armbar thing he does. No one cared.

SmackDown:

Billy Kidman d. Rob Van Dam to retain the US Title -- Holy f*cking damn! These two tore the house down in the opening match! Long match, too -- about 16 minutes. Finish came when Kidman rolled away from the 5* and went for the Unprettier. RVD pushed out, the two smacked heads HARD, and Kidman staggered into the ropes. RVD was flat on his back, and Kidman got the SSP to win -- but barely. The two shook hands afterward. Fantastic match.

Stephanie comes out. She replays the finish of the three-way from last week and says the champ won’t win like that. Rhyno storms in and wants a rematch, so Stephanie gives him one.

Paul London d. Goldust -- Just painful watching poor Dust ride out his contract like this. Still put on a nice match, but London got most of the offense. He won with the Bridge -- let the man do his SSP dammit! Nova helped beat Dust down, then both men said they’d be in the Rumble.

Team Japan d. World’s Greatest Tag Team by DQ to retain the WWE Tag Team Titles -- OH YEAH! This is what I’m talking about! BIG heat segment on Tajiri, lasting 10-15 by itself. Haas is awesome, yelling with the fans and doing all the little things. These guys rock. Ultimo made me feel pain from his kicks all the way up in the rafters! Finish came when everyone hit everything, then Tajiri kicked both WGTT members in the head, but Matt and Shannon ran in and beat up the champs for the DQ. Crowd booed the finish out of the building. After a commercial break (I assume) Hardy demanded Team Japan for the Rumble, and all three teams brawled again. Crowd was exhausted.

Jamie Noble d. Rey Misterio to retain the Cruiserweight title -- Crowd was dead for this match, but they gave it a good effort. Noble’s just not really a Cruiserweight type -- they need someone else to have the title. Like London, maybe? Anyway, Noble won with a powerbomb.

Undertaker clears the ring! He talks about how he’s the best in the WWE’s history, but that he’s never won the Rumble. He says he’ll take care of that this year. The usual stuff, but the crowd loved it.

Brock Lesnar d. John Cena -- Cena’s rap was a little flat. Brock was totally over, and he’s scary-looking. He tossed Cena around all over the place. Cena hit the Throwback to start the comeback. Ref bump, and Brock uses the chain to win. Cena is not happy.

Eddie and Hogan have a tense staredown in the back. Both men claim they’ll beat Angle and win the title. Crowd loves them both, and Eddie getting the rub is good.

Kurt Angle d. Rhyno by DQ to retain the WWE World Title -- crowd wasn’t expecting a title change here, and so they didn’t get one. Rhyno pounded on Angle a lot and screamed. HUGE "Rhyno sucks" chant went up. Angle got the Germans, then gored Rhyno!!! That draws Eddie out for the massive beatdown. Cena makes the save, and I think the show ends here.

After the show, Angle and Cena called out Hardcore Holly again. The three of them did an AWESOME rap talking about Alabama and how cool it is. Crowd loved every minute of it. Dawn Marie came out and berated Holly about being with these guys and not attacking them. So Holly slapped her and spanked her. Crowd loved it. Everyone left, thanks for coming, blah blah.

All in all, an awesome show. Two big-time matches and a lot of fun stuff in between. I can’t do the biggest pop/heat thing, but it was kinda funny that Eddie got a bigger pop than Hogan when they were together, then drew intense heel heat at the end.

Thanks for the site, Widro. Love it!

RobbieV4Life

*****

Wednesday, January 07, 2004, 10:33 PM

Knoxville, TN

Sylvain and I were stopping here, along with some of the RAW crew, on the way to the house shows. All during the day I felt somewhat useless, because I was still panicky from the sniper incident. I didn’t normally feel this strong, but this time seemed like an exception.

I’m not supposed to be such a nervous wreck. I just want to get through the day -- through the week -- and on to my next body. If only I knew why this more than anything else.

Maybe it’s because I saw the victim. I saw what happens in the aftermath. I remember being scared with the rest of the state a year ago. Now I was scared by myself. I can’t imagine what that guy’s family is thinking. It was just an ordinary day, and now their family member is gone. There’s no way he can come back, and they’re left behind. It’s a shame.

It’s what my family must have gone through. Do they still remember me? Do they care for me? Am I out of their mind? The schedule says we’ll be back in DC in two or three weeks, so I can always find out. But it doesn’t seem right. I’m scared.

Am I forgotten? I wish I knew. I wish I could see my family interact again. But they’re gone forever from my life -- well, at least until we meet again in Heaven. Are they still happy? Are they healthy? How do they feel? What do they think of me?

I wish I could’ve said goodbye. Stefani was right there with her family all the time... they died with her. She knows she’ll see them again when it’s all over. She got to watch over her daughter as she grew up behind the scenes. She probably still sees her husband on a regular basis. That’s one advantage of everyone being either all alive or all dead. It’s something I don’t get.

I just hope that, when my time comes, I’ll be able to see my family. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I want to be able to say hello.

*****

Friday, January 09, 2004, 03:53 PM

Oshawa, ON

"Fichu il! Rien!" yelled Sylvain as he searched his bag of items. He frantically threw clothing out onto the locker room floor as he began to dig deeper. We all stared at him as he shouted louder and louder. Everyone looked at him as Kevin Nash came over to investigate.

"Fish oil? What, your joints bothering you, Sylvy?"

I pulled Nash aside as everyone laughed -- except Sylvain, who legitimately looked like he was going to blow a gasket. "M. Nash," I began, uncertain what his attitude would be, "he’s swearing. Rien means damn. I think he lost something."

"Oh," he said, glancing backwards over his shoulder at Sylvain -- who, by now, was literally holding his travel bag upside down and looking at it. "You’re no fun, Rene. Man, I was just tryin’ to lighten the guy up."

"Now’s not a good time to do that. He doesn’t often get in this kind of mood, and I think it would be best just to let him be."

Sylvain threw his bag down to the ground. "BAISEZ-LE TOUT!" he shouted, causing some of the Canadian members of the locker room to raise their eyebrows and noticeably flinch.

"What did that mean?" Nash asked me.

"You don’t wanna know," I replied. "Baise has two meanings in French. One of them is kiss. I think he was using the other definition."

"Sounds bad," Nash commented. "I’m not that familiar with French, unless it is baising."

"I guessed as much," I said somewhat disgustedly. "Do you take anything seriously?"

"Me? Not this," he said, gesturing around him. "Are you kidding? Wrestling is a joke, man. No one cares about us. Why should I?"

"I would expect you to show a little pride in your work, sir."

Nash smiled. "Spoken like a rookie. Look at Foley, man. You think people gave a shit about him when he was bleeding buckets and putting on classics with Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer? Hell no. You think people cared when he almost died at King of the Ring. Hell, I watched that with the boys in WCW, and we cared, but the fans on TV... they forgot in two months. You know what made him a star? Socko. He basically became a star because of a two-bit ventriloquist act that put him in the center of the biggest story they had."

I shook my head. I knew what he said made sense -- where was Mankind going before Socko took off? He was in the I-C title ranks, as I recall. But then he was thrust into the main event at Surv... wait a second. It’s more than that. It has to be. "You simplify things, non? He had to make it work. He could not just be accepted. You give Vince too much credit, certainly."

"Yeah, maybe I do. Don’t get me wrong, Foley’s a good egg. He’s what we all should be. Well, except in the looks department. There I set the standard. I mean, look at me. You know anyone with my kind of sex appeal?" I thought better of answering. "Exactly. But looks aren’t everything."

"Well, what is?"

"Connections. You see, we’re just actors. Some of us are prima donnas and some are yes-men. Some of us are great, some of us try hard, and some of us are lucky. But what we all got in common is that our fate is in someone else’s hand."

"Unless you have creative control," I reminded him, hoping to get a smile out of him. Fortunately, I succeeded.

"Yeah, but I don’t anymore... I wasn’t around to drug Stephanie and marry her in a Vegas shotgun wedding. But that’s okay. You know, I’ve done enough to make people’s lives hell. Funny how karma bit me in the ass with that ol’ leg."

"You know, a lot of people felt that way. I still hear people who will laugh at your misfortune."

"That just bothers me. It’s cruel, man. I mean, sure, I brought some of this on myself, and it’s okay for them to give me shit about WCW... dude, yeah, WCW sucked at times, I admit it. But c’mon -- I coulda been confined to a wheelchair and they laugh at me over it! You don’t think that hurts?"

"I know it does... it has to." I could tell this had been something he didn’t feel comfortable talking about before.

"Look, people expect me to laugh these things all the way to the bank! They were laughing at me that night! My body was shot on live TV. I thought I would never wrestle again! You can’t possibly know what it’s like to see everything you like to do stolen from you at the last second. But you know what? Screw them. Seriously... they don’t know me, and they’ll never meet me, and if they tried to take me on, I’d hurt them."

"You would? M. Nash, you’re an old man with a busted leg. Do you really think you could last more than five seconds in a legitimate event?"

At the sound of these words, I saw him get angry. He picked me up and, against my wishes, pinned me against the wall. "You doubt me now, kid? You doubt me?"

"No, no!"

"Good." He set me down and turned to the rest of the locker room, which was staring at us after hearing me hit the wall. "Don’t worry, boys," he said. "I’m just establishing a rapport here." He turned back to me. "Listen... no one seems to think I’m anything more than a joke. Sure, I’m defensive. You would be too if you had people every day falling over and grabbing their leg for you while crying in mock pain. That was the worst moment of my career -- maybe my life. People MOCK it. Pieces of shit."

As he spoke, Sylvain approached. "Pardonnez moi, monsieur Nash, but... do you have... um... happen to know where my hat is?"

"Your beret? I haven’t seen it, kid."

"Oh dear... I must have left it in the hotel! Rene! Je suis dans la merde profonde!"

"You’re what?" Nash turned to me for a reply.

"He says he’s in deep... um, trouble. Sylvain, do not worry. Go talk to M. Patterson... I’m sure he has one."

"Oui, oui," said Sylvain as he hastily exited. As he left, Kev called out after him.

"Get on your knees and beg if you have to -- he’ll like that!"

The entire locker room groaned.

[Ace]

"Get on your knees and beg if you have to -- he’ll like that!"

Bwahahahahahahaha. I frogot how good this Diary was until I read that line. That line basically makes the whole chapter.

[The Third Dukes]

I just realized my intro to the previous chapter will make zero sense when someone's reading this in the HoF 2-6 months from now... assuming I'm done reposting by then. Hell, I've milked 18 months out of this so far.

I wanted to develop Stefani some more character, and the best way to do that is to yank the characters out of their mission and have them talk. In a way, you can see how Recovery was becoming my crutch, my escape hatch. It's amazing how many flaws I can see in this, looking back. And the sad part is, I don't know how I'd fix them. And yet, everyone praises this. Either I'm too stern or this is a case of not seeing the forest for the trees. I don't know.

Anyway, the plot device used here was a variant of the Plane Ride of Doom. Around this time IRL, the RAW guys were going on a tour of Korea that resulted in major turbulence, an emergency landing, and Ric Flair nearly having a heart attack. So I just shifted the location and worked it in. I ripped from real life more shamelessly than Dick Wolf, just so you know.

So what of Stef? Who is she? Well, we already know she's a socialite who misses her family. She's also been doing this for a very long time. Add these together, and you get a strange picture. I addressed a few other things that I can't even explain putting in there, such as Stef just wanting to do something different to the point that Andy is left wondering what the hell's going on. Further, I explain what worked with Jeff Jarrett. Answer: nothing that could help here.

I loved throwing in little New Testament things here and there. For example, there's a discussion of St. Paul. Understand that Paul was one of the biggest prosecutors of the Roman Empire. It was his job to round up people who were considered treasonous -- and the Romans definitely felt the followers of Jesus fit the bill. In fact, legend has it he was present when St. Stephen was stoned to death (the first recorded martyrdom in Christianity). But he turned his life around and became a PROPONENT of Christ's teachings -- writing dozens of letters to the early churches. Amazing.

Also, the whole "last shall be first" thing -- that's a line Jesus would use often. I just threw it in.

Back to Stefani: you notice that her perspective causes Andy to wonder about things, but Andy does the same to her. It also becomes clear that she's much more attached to her daughter than her husband -- which is just fine, really. But it's what she says to Andy that makes him wonder: after all, he's clearly not been given God's blessing the way Owen and Martha were, so are he and Lindsay a passing fancy? Will there be someone else? Does this have an answer? Can he trust anyone, after being assaulted the way he was? He knows one thing: the blowout he had made led to a separation, and he hated it. It sets up the rest of this Part perfectly.

*****

Chapter 74

Turbulent Times

Friday, January 09, 2004, 11:58 PM

On a plane bound for Halifax, NS

"Ladies and gentlemen, please return to your seats and fasten your safety belts. The Captain has informed me that a severe patch of turbulence is up ahead."

The wrestlers groaned and returned to their seats. Sylvain buckled up, then grabbed his book -- L’Etranger -- and began to read. I tried to get an early night’s sleep, hoping that nothing serious would happen. This wasn’t my day, though.

The plane tossed a little, which the wrestlers expected. However, eventually, the plane began to dive -- at least, it sure seemed to. I looked around to see if anyone else was feeling what I was. There were a few murmurs of confusion. Orton gulped. I leaned back and waited for the worst. Eventually, I felt the plane seemingly righting itself, but the buffeting of pockets of air continued.

Sylvain put his book down, as though he could not concentrate on fiction with reality around him. "What is wrong?"

"I don’t know," I said. "I think the pilot just descended to get out of turb..."

I couldn’t finish my thought, though, as a red emergency light flashed in the front of the cabin. Wrestlers commented among themselves, with most almost immediately putting things away. I saw Konnan and Killings staring bewilderedly at the light. I turned to the nearest person I could find -- coincidentally enough, Nash.

"What’s going on?"

"The plane’s seriously in trouble. We’re gonna have to make an emergency landing -- or maybe even crash. Dammit -- of all the places to die, I’m gonna go down in Quebec!"

"Hey, watch that," Sylvain shouted. "I grew up there!"

"Guys... now isn’t the time to discuss this..." I stared at the red light and hoped it would turn off. I felt the plane rock in the wind, slowly descending. I closed my eyes and gripped the armrests with all my might. I waited for the thump of the ground beneath me, and prayed it would be the wheels and not the belly.

As I sat there, I felt a slap on my shoulder. It was Nash. "Hey, buddy... Shawn said for me to give you this. He thinks you should use it."

I looked for a second as Nash handed me the Recovery lamp. I looked around.

"Um, what about... uh... am I the only one?"

"Nah... Orton’s supposed to get it too. He said he thought you two would get apprehensive if the plane got in trouble... which it is."

I looked around. Orton was sitting with his hands behind his head in crash position. "I understand," I finally said. As I blew into the lamp, the noise of chaos dwindled, as did my sensation of panic. I began to realize what Shawn was doing. He was making sure we didn’t die twice.

*****

"Stef? Did you make it?"

"I’m over here."

I turned to my right and saw her lying there. She was dressed in a green and gold A’s jersey and tight jeans. Blood covered her limbs as she lay there. She didn’t move, except to speak. She just lay still, almost as if she were in a coffin, except with her arms at her sides.

I got up and went over to her. "Are you all right? You look like a corpse."

"I know," she said. "I should. I got crushed by a piece of freeway, you know."

"Oh yeah... so... this is how you are in the afterlife? That’s pretty rough, man."

"Only during Vacation. But I just stayed here all week and rested. You’d be surprised how therapeutic it is just to lie still and talk."

"I know... I guess. You suppose the plane landed okay?"

"I’m sure it did. I’ve never been on one that crashed yet, and I had to be a pilot once. That wasn’t fun."

"Nerve-wracking?"

"Definitely."

I seemed lost for things to say. "So... you basically can’t move?"

"Not at all. I’m stuck here. It’s not as bad as it sounds, but I still don’t like being here more than a day at a time. I’m going to be a little antsy tomorrow."

"I can imagine. Then again, I’ve had to spend four or five days out of a week here before."

"You did?"

"Yeah... but then, I had a reason..."

"What was it?"

"Um... no, you wouldn’t understand."

"Try me, darling."

"All right, here it goes... well... long story short, I was Nora one week and gone by Wednesday."

"Nora?"

"Yeah -- Punk’s girl -- Molly."

"Ohhhhh! Oh you poor dear! You must have been terrified!"

"Completely. And to be honest, I still feel a little bad about it."

"Why?"

"I... I was in a position to stop it. I tried to get Nora to tell me what it was and couldn’t. And then it happened again."

"Andy... have you talked much about this?"

"As much as I can. I see Shawn pretty regularly to speak about it."

"Andy, I’m sorry it happened. I would hug you if I could. But you gotta realize, that’s what here is for. It’s supposed to cleanse you."

"Yeah, and physically it did. Mentally -- no. Nothing can. I don’t want it erased. It happened, it’s something I did and something I have to find a way to use. I just... don’t know how." I walked over near her head and sat down. "This never happened to you, did it?"

Stefani smiled. "I can’t say it did. I guess I was lucky. Like I said, everything in life was pretty much mine to have. Now I’m back to square one." She smirked. "Kinda like Paul, you know?"

"Paul? Heyman?"

"No, no, Saint Paul the Apostle! You know how his life went, right?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, that’s the way it was for me. I didn’t give a damn about the world before I died. I was lucky to be alive still. I had to spend a week in here just healing. Closer to two weeks, actually... but that’s because I died on a Tuesday. Anyway, after that, and after I saw what lay in wait for me in Heaven and in that... that museum park... I realized I was better being an instrument to help others I never got the chance to help in person while I was alive. Maybe dying was the best thing to happen to me."

"I’ve heard that a few times. I certainly wonder if it was for me. I’m living more now than I did when I lived. At the very least, since getting this -- this job, I feel more capable, more powerful. It’s kinda funny, because I’m still not sure what I’m doing differently."

"Me neither. I’m just trying to be a person."

"You know, maybe that’s it, Stef," I said with a smile. "Maybe it’s that we are in a position now where... where we know what we’re supposed to do. We realize that... every little thing counts."

"Yeah, I know... it’s funny. I was told an offhand comment I made three jobs and eight years ago got me to crack a 10-year-old case and get the woman to convert. I had no idea."

"Some of us never do. Maybe the best things come in the strangest packages, you know?"

"I guess so. Like this lamp here. I’m sorry, Andy, but... I was tired as Randy, and I’m still tired now. Let’s talk some more tomorrow."

"Sure." As I sat down and watched her eyes close, something Nash said resonated in my mind. "But what we all got in common is that our fate is in someone else’s hand." A similar thing was expressed by Undertaker back in the beginning, wasn’t it? This idea that being a wrestler means that there’s a higher power who you place your trust in. It makes sense, though.

After all, wrestling is its own universe, and its gods are those who dictate its every action -- the writers. We can hope that good things will befall our characters, and that we can steer clear of being in a bad situation, but in the end, it’s not our call. Fate -- the stroke of a pen -- dictates how a wrestler does in the ring.

But in both cases, you can make your own luck. You have tools, strengths, weaknesses, abilities, reasonings -- everything to be a good wrestler, just as you can be a good person. Just as you have to talk to the bookers, and they will decide, you pray to God, and He decides. In the WWE, Vince makes the final decision. Vince plays God with the WWE every day.

Hopefully, that’s the last time I compare Vince to God.

But still, a man with that power must have an ego. How can you not and still survive? So what happens when you find yourself needing to adapt to outside forces? You try to change them. If something doesn’t go as you like it, you do everything in your power to fix it. After a while, it must be easy to lose your sense of perspective and reality.

And now, I have two months to get him to realize that he’s not God. He needs to accept the direction set for him, without question, without complaint. This may be the hardest thing I am ever asked to do.

But if St. Paul can change, so can Vince.

*****

Sunday, January 11, 2004, time unknown

Recovery

I hope we landed.

The same thought ran through my head over and over again. I couldn’t help it. There was always a chance I’d wake up tomorrow and be out of people to be. The entire show could have self-destructed. There was no way of knowing.

Stefani was asleep -- or, at least, she had her eyes closed -- right next to me. I examined her bloody body. I began to think back to myself and how I died -- quickly and painlessly. I had no idea if she was the same. I couldn’t imagine suffering.

Suffering. Having to live through the pain echoing in your entire body as you are helpless to stop it. Entering a phase where death is no longer an unpleasant end but a welcome diversion. It’s terrible. Why would anyone go through that who didn’t have to?

Wait -- Someone did.

Stefani began to groan. I rolled over to face her as she blinked her eyes repeatedly while trying to return to consciousness. "Sleep well?" I asked as she took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I think so," she said. "It’s nice to be asleep for me, actually. Better than being here. I get to be as I was... free to move and free to enjoy life."

Something sounded odd about that. "Enjoy life? Don’t you enjoy it every day?"

"I enjoy being able to move around. I enjoy being able to live as a human being. I don’t enjoy having to do it as someone else. I don’t enjoy always putting on a fake face and handling someone else’s problems. Even after 15 years, I look forward to Heaven. It’s when I’m me."

My heart sank from her words. "I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sorry that you feel that way. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been doing this that long, and the memory of death is in my mind still, but... but I love being given a second chance. I love that my time isn’t over. I can still write a legacy."

"Hey... that’s all right, but... it’s not enough. It’s not the same. As far as everyone’s concerned, I am through. 1959-1989. That’s it. That’s all... like you. Your days are over. Why don’t you get bothered by that?"

"You wanna know why not? Because my days are NOT over. They won’t be over until I say they’re over. I lost people to Hell. I saw people who quit standing there, frozen for all eternity. I felt it creep up my body and leave me half-dead. And I worked with someone who refused Heaven and wound up being captured and destroyed. That doesn’t leave me."

Stefani seemed nonplussed. "Andy, it’s all for naught. Look at yourself. Apart from a stupid hole in the head, you’re perfectly normal. You know what I have to go through until it’s over? I have to be motionless, paralyzed. I wear the same stupid outfit, adopt the same stupid posture, and feel the same stupid detachment I have had every time for 15 years. You tell me... is that fair?

I didn’t think so. But that’s how I am. I don’t even know if I have a body anymore unless I’m dreaming. I can barely feel it. I sure can’t move it. I want to express feelings with it. When my husband or daughter sees me next time -- if we ever work together again -- I want to be able to hug her, to kiss him, to... I can’t do any of that."

I saw tears form in her eyes that she couldn’t wipe away. I heard sobs come up from a throat attached to a body she couldn’t calm down. I began to feel sympathy. It must be a strange, awful feeling, being conscious of oneself, yet unable to affect anything in the world around you.

"Stef, I... I can’t pretend to know your helplessness. I don’t want to feel it. I don’t want to sense it. I can only say that... well, it’s the way it is. I’m terrible with cheering up right now. I just don’t know what to do."

"There’s nothing you can do," she said. "Just pray it never happens to you."

"Couldn’t Ben be sympathetic? He... he was captured, right? I’m sure he knows the feeling."

"I never talked to him about it. He said on the very first day that he wanted it to be buried in his past. That may have been what hurt him the most -- made him so difficult to get along with. I hope he hasn’t ruined his shot at Heaven. All I know is... he left as soon as Jeff was saved."

"So you don’t know what happened to him?"

"I assume he went to Heaven, but I don’t know. Besides, it’s not like I was too fond of him. I mean, I still have Danny, and I have my daughter."

"I never assumed... what brought that to mind? I mean... I didn’t think you loved him or anything."

Stefani chuckled. "Oh, I’ve seen them come and go. So many people start having a relationship on the job. It’s funny... most of them never last. Oh, sure, they think they will, but absence makes the heart go wander, kid." I winced. "Oh, hit close to home?"

"Well, yeah. I’m currently... you know... seeing someone over on SmackDown!."

She rolled her eyes -- probably the most complex emotion she could express. "Oh, don’t worry bout it, kid. I mean, maybe you two will last, but... well, it’s not like me and Danny did. We got something special, you know? Seven wonderful years together. You can’t top that."

"Unless you complete each other."

"Pardon?" Stefani’s surprised reaction surprised me. I didn’t know how to break it to her, but apparently she hadn’t noticed something for 15 years. Even through the glasses, it probably never occurred to her.

"You ever seen someone -- either another person or a co-worker -- who had a hole in their body? I know at least one person here does."

"A hole? You mean, like a bullethole?"

"No... a hole in the shape of a heart."

She began to think. "I’ve seen one or two, where the coloring changed there. And yeah, it was heart-shaped. But... what of it?"

"Well... those people are... they’re linked to someone. See, how it was explained to me was that they and the other person enter Heaven together, and on earth, they stay married -- no divorce. They keep each other sane -- they make each other perfect, I guess."

"C’mon... you make it sound normal. I bet it almost never happens."

"Maybe, but it does. And as for you and Danny... I... wait, I’m saying too much." I looked away in shame. I didn’t know how to tell her the next part without hurting her.

"Are you saying that we... we aren’t in love? Is that what you’re implying?"

"No, no! You might be. You probably are. I would bet on it. But you’re... look, I don’t know the full significance of it, and I don’t pretend to. All I know is the people I’ve talked to who’ve been like that have been devoted, in love, at peace -- just wonderful couples. I don’t think you need it, though. It’s like... like sainthood. There are millions of people in Heaven who never got the designation from some Pope."

"Okay... just checking." I could tell she didn’t seem to trust me after what I said.

"Andy... I... what do you think of me?"

"Of you?" I had a million thoughts. It was just a matter of figuring out what to say. "Well, you’re certainly experienced. You’ve done a great thing with Jeff. You seem willing to talk to people and enjoy company. But the truth is, I don’t know you that well. You’re a stranger still... to some degree. Truth is... I don’t know... there’s something different about you."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean... how’d you ever get me to help you with Jeff? That shouldn’t have happened. We should’ve never interacted. All those other people -- they should’ve been separate from your group. It was a two-person job, not twelve! So how did you manage to do it?"

She smiled. "Well, I just asked for help. I knew something big was happening, and I asked God to provide backup. I never knew he’d come through. He... well, He’s ignored me before along those lines. Besides, it wasn’t like you all did any progress. At least, not like Ben did. His was the deciding factor."

"It was? Who was he?"

"B.P.," she said matter-of-factly. "You know, the towelboy? He was really pissed about being a lackey, too. But he made the final impact. I could tell. His words resonated the most." She chuckled to herself. "Strange, isn’t it? Sometimes, the last man you expect makes the biggest impact."

"The mouse roars," I added.

"The last is first," she said correcting me. "But enough philosophy. I’m bored."

"So what do we do? You can’t exactly do anything other than talk."

"I know... but I’d like to rest. Actually, more to the point, I’d like to get out of this outfit. I’ve never been in Recovery with someone else... could you help me?"

I had to think about what was just said. "Could I what?"

"Oh, it’s nothing... I just feel kinda constricted. My daughter always talked about being able to run around in her underwear -- four-year-olds are so funny," she said. "But I... I guess it would be nice."

"But I... you’re asking the wrong guy."

"Oh, come on, Andy, I’m not saying you should do me, I just want to get out of this dirty, bloody outfit! Is that so bad?"

"Well... tomorrow... you’ll go back to work without..."

"Tomorrow I’ll be in someone else’s clothing, remember?"

I gulped. "You sure you want me to... I mean, me..."

"Andy, if I could, I would’ve done it by now. You’re not scared of anything, are you?" She paused, then seemed to realize what I was thinking. "Oh... your girl. I see. This is more personal, I guess. Oh well... I guess I can wait. I just feel so..."

"I know what you mean," I said. "You’re basically an invalid. You can’t do anything on your own. I’m sorry. But you have to think about who you ask to do what. However, let me try something else." I bent down and lifted her up, setting her in a seated position against the wall of the room. "How’s that?"

"Hey, this is fun," she said. I turned her head from side to side to show her the whole place. "Wow, I’ve never seen so much before. This is cool."

"See? Freedom comes in many forms," I said with a wink. "Now, you still want to get out of that outfit?"

She smiled as she began to close her eyes. "I think I can wait another few years."

I sat back and began to ponder everything we talked about. Her comment about people being in relationships all the time stuck with me. I knew I had to talk about it soon. I wondered if I’d ever get the chance as my eyes began to get heavy.

*****

I was dreaming.

I walked to the center of the Tunnel, wondering why I was called here. Usually, this didn’t happen unless there was a purpose. I waited for my purpose as I stared into the distance -- by SmackDown!’s entrance to the Tunnel. Soon, it became clear.

Lindsay emerged from the other side. She saw me and walked up to me. We hugged for a long time without either of us saying a word. Finally, she spoke. "I’ve missed you."

"I’ve missed you too."

"It’s funny," she said. "I’ve had other people I’ve really liked, and after a while I forget them. But... it’s been a month, and... I know we fought, and I’m sorry, but... I never realized how I felt."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... when you kept doting on me and worrying about how I’d handle things, I thought you were just being a nice guy, or even... I thought you were trying to impress me. I didn’t think that these were genuine, honest concerns. I... it was..."

"Lindsay," I said, "you don’t have to convince me. I worried about you a lot. I wanted to... well, the person I’m working with can’t move while in Recovery. She wanted me to help her loosen her shirt and stuff... and I couldn’t do it. I refused."

She nodded. "It’s funny," she said. "Owen’s had to counsel me on how I feel. I told him that while you were gone I was feeling lonely -- and I’ve spent weeks in Recovery alone and not felt that way. I told him I... I wanted to see you again, and he said maybe you’d be here. I’ve... I don’t know what to say."

As we kissed, Stefani’s words bounced into my mind. I pulled away slowly.

"Lindsay," I said, "I don’t know what we mean to each other. I mean, I’m sure people hook up all the time. But... right now I think we might be right. I just wish we weren’t separated like this."

"I do too," she said. "But... but we have to pull through. Maybe soon, we’ll be able to get to see each other again. I want to. I love you. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone else. Andy, I... I keep thinking of you when I’m with other guys as a Diva, or when I’m seeing someone’s wife back at home. I wished you were Phil when I was Nora. It... it’s so strange."

"But... Lindsay, it’s... when this is over, we’ll move on. We’ll have other people."

"No, don’t say that, Andy. I’m sorry I ever told you you were doting over me. It’s driven me crazy. I can’t stand being away from you. I want us to be together. I’m sorry."

"Thank you." We gave each other one last kiss for the next three minutes before returning to our separate lives, though not before exchanging one last glance as if to say, I’ll never forget you.

*****

Monday, January 12, 2004, 08:37 AM

New York City

I woke up with a start as "Sexy Boy" played. I looked around quickly to see what was going on. I must’ve been heard, because soon afterward, the music faded out. I thought someone had turned down the volume, but instead, the screeching tires of Razor Ramon’s old theme started up. I tried to bury my head in the pillow to make it go away. After a few minutes, I heard an unmistakable voice calling out to no one. "Oh yeah, baby, the HBK is back in NYC. C’mon, Mikey, get up!"

I rolled over slowly. "Shawn, please, gimme some time to adjust."

"Adjust? What’s with ya, man? Aren’t ya thrilled to be in the Big Apple?"

"It’s not that... it’s that I... well, put some glasses on."

He nodded his head, then put the glasses on. "Ah, I get it," he said with a smile, "Well, Andster, prepare to be the Next Showstoppah this week! And don’t worry, kid -- I’ll teach ya how to walk the walk and talk the talk."

"Are you always this perky in the morning?"

"Generally."

"Great." I rolled back over in bed, now knowing I was in for a fun week as Michael Shane.

[The Third Dukes]

Ah, yes, Michael Shane. Or Matt Bentley. Or the Other White Meat. Whatever you want to call him.

But he's not the focus here. The focus is SQUARELY on one man in thhhis chhhapter. Guess whhho. Whhhethhher it's... sorry, forgot to turn off my "smark lock" button (which is next to my "caps lock" button)... whether it's turning himself face in MSG to create a moment and overshadow all of Evolution (just wait and see what Shawn thinks of this) or nearly getting Mickie James to kick his ass (sidenote: please ignore the fact that everyone calls her Alexis; I honestly thought that was her real name), the nose is everywhere. In fact, this chapter's kinda depressing. The whole week's depressing, really. Let's move on.

*****

Chapter 75

Immunity Abused

Monday, January 12, 2004, 02:56 PM

New York City

"Let’s go, boys, let’s go." Eric Bischoff seemed more businesslike today than usual. We all attributed it to his being in Madison Square Garden, but something else was slightly amiss. It was as though he had a lot on his mind as he dropped off the schedule of events for the day.

I went to Shawn as he came back from reading the list. He seemed to be shaking his head a little. I could tell something was on his mind, but I wasn’t sure what it was.

"Uncle Shawn? You seem upset."

"I am," he said. "I was afraid that he’d... well, it’s not important. I mean, it’s just wrestling."

"Talk to me, Uncle. I wanna know what it is."

"Oh, it’s... they’re doing a face turn tonight. I’m not sure it’s the smartest one in the world to do, either."

"What are you talking about?"

Shawn simply pointed me in the direction of the list. I walked over apprehensively, hoping it wasn’t something I would regret. Right on the top, I saw the item. It made my stomach turn just thinking about it. I ran off to find Eric.

The writers were sitting around and trying to think of new ways to present the ideas for tonight’s show. Gerwitz in particular was excited about the goings-on at MSG, because "something big was always happening -- people expected it". While I couldn’t help but agree with him, I thought something was wrong with what they were expecting this time.

"Mr. Bischoff, can I speak to you for a second?"

"Sure, Michael," Eric replied. He strolled out of the room, his usual swagger amplified by his trademark Cheshire cat grin. "What’s up?"

"The big thing going on... with Hunter... you sure it’s a smart idea? I mean, it leaves us without a real star right now."

"Michael... you have me. I’m your big star. I’m the mouthpiece. I’m the guy who gets you where you belong. Don’t panic... soon you’re going to be the mouthpiece and the leader of the group. When the time is right and the public is ready, I’ll step aside and let you handle the reins. Trust me."

"But it’s... I don’t know... Uncle Shawn seems worried about something else."

"Well, he can tell me about it. He’s a big boy. Now, Michael, don’t you worry about this. Heck, if you looked down, you’d see we had it all covered. So just relax and let the flow come to you. You play a big part tonight yourself."

His words, his smile, and his pat on the back reassured me that whatever concern Michael Shane may have had was unnecessary. However, it was the concern Shawn Michaels voiced that made me wonder if something beyond what Eric could see was afoot.

After all, Bischoff isn’t exactly known for long-term planning.

*****

09:03 PM

As the fireworks from the opening shot off and the stage around me cooled, I looked into the ring from behind the curtain where a nervous Randy Orton waited for his cue. Behind me were Eric, Batista, and HHH -- all of us about to perform the angle that would either sink or float wrestling on RAW. I had no idea why it was happening, but I knew it had to happen. Orton began.

"Welcome, everyone, to a super-special Madison Square Garden edition of RNN. As you can see, the place is set and ready, with extra chairs tonight. That’s because we have very -- and I do mean VERY -- special guests. You see, rather than taint the show with the presence of someone unhealthy like a 3 Live Kru or even a Booker T, it is my decision to have only the finest appear. So without further ado, I present to you the group that will change wrestling as we know it -- Evolution!"

Motorhead’s Evolution theme played as all of us walked out together. HHH headed to the apron as Eric Bischoff stood beneath us, flashing all 32 teeth at once or at least trying to. I climbed to the top rope as Batista stood in the background. HHH entered the ring, with Bischoff not far behind. We all waited for Orton to continue.

"Look around you, gentlemen. Look at the twenty thousand people. Remember this moment, for you won’t see it again until two months’ hence at WrestleMania. However, when that time rolls around, you will see the greatest men standing right here, showing you the clear path to the future of RAW and of the WWE. You have Michael Shane, who lives, breathes, and most likely bleeds wrestling. You have Batista and myself, the current tag team champions and stars of our own opening news show right here on RAW. And the mastermind behind it all -- the greatest thinker there has ever been -- a man who for two years was the invincible force that drove sports entertainment to its very pinnacle -- Eric Bischoff, guiding our path to..."

Naturally, Orton didn’t get much further. As soon as Bischoff was mentioned as the leader, HHH turned his head and faced Orton. He grabbed the microphone out of Orton’s hand and began to stand close to him. "Did I hear you correctly?" Hunter spoke with fire in each word, even going so far as to drop the gratuitous "uh" syllable to indicate how serious he was. "Did you say Eric Bischoff was the leader of Evolution? I created Evolution, dammit! I gave you a place of honor! You will consider me the leader!"

Orton slowly got the microphone back from HHH. He composed himself, then stared directly into Hunter’s eyes. "Are these the actions of a leader? Direct your attention to the OrTron 2650 and see what kind of leader you really are."

Footage from two weeks ago played of Triple H interfering in the main event against Road Dogg and Ron Killings, but with his interference backfiring. That match led to 3 Live Kru getting a title shot last week. It also showed last week’s match with Shawn Michaels, where HHH lost. As the footage showed, the crowd began to buzz a little, sensing perhaps where this was going. The mic found its way to me during the video footage. I smiled and looked at the greedy man who would be king. It was my turn to rip him apart.

"You see, Hunter -- I can’t even call you the name you want to be called -- you made two big mistakes. And those mistakes led to title shots for other people. You’re supposed to be getting us title shots! You went and announced your entry in the Royal Rumble a week before the rest of us -- we had a deal to go in all at once! But you had to be the spotlight! You had to be the star! You had to flex your muscles and be the big man! Evolution is supposed to be about all of us working together to build the future! Do you remember that speech? Do you?"

"You watch it, punk! I let you into this group after you passed the test. You helped me, I helped you. That’s teamwork. Now all of you seem to be thinking that teamwork leads to success. No! Success leads to success! I am a success at levels none of you can even imagine! And for you to question my leadership... have you all lost your minds? I’ve done more around here than..."

He couldn’t get any more out, because Eric Bischoff cut him off. "Triple H... you’ve made a big mistake. You see, under your so-called leadership, you won the World Title, but we have gone nowhere. I entered this group for Survivor Series because you agree to take out a common foe. What I saw was someone going soft. Apparently you feel you’ve got it made. You think you own this joint. Well, I got news for you, buddy... if you’re so certain you’re the man around here, show it... on your own."

With that, Batista kicked HHH in the gut and landed his Sit-Out Powerbomb on him. I scrambled to the top rope and positioned my hands like Kevin Nash did, framing HHH in my sights. I then dove off for the Picture Perfect Elbow, landing it in HHH’s heart. The crowd seemed confused as to who to cheer for until they burst into a huge ovation. We continued stomping HHH, unaware that the ovation was for Shawn Michaels and Booker T entering the ring.

I celebrated, only to turn around into a series of rights from Booker T. Michaels double-clotheslined Orton and Batista as Bischoff dove for cover. I was sent off the ropes and nailed with a superkick on the dead run by "my" uncle. I lay flat in the ring as HHH got up and saw me. He picked me up, ready to deliver the Pedigree, when Orton and Batista mounted a counterattack, sending Booker out with a Conchairto and hitting HHH in the back. I slowly pulled myself to my feet as both sides brawled. Eventually, Bischoff gave the signal, and we all headed to the back.

"Hey, Evolution," shouted Michaels, getting everyone’s attention. "Yeah, Three Stooges, I’m talking to you. It looks like you think you can beat HHH -- like you’re better than he is. Well, I got a proposition, boys. How about you see if you can beat him with fair odds? Look in this ring here and tell me if you want to continue the fair fight!"

We turned to Eric and nodded. "All right, Shawn," shouted Eric. "You got your match. I’d normally save something like this for the Rumble, but since you guys will get your hands on each other then, too, now’s as good a time as any. So get ready, HBK, because tonight, In That Very Ring, you, Booker T, and that selfish worthless Triple H will face the future of this industry, EVOLUTION! And Shawn, the future will be here sooner than you think."

*****

10:49 PM

Evolution’s theme played again as we entered the ring to a chorus of boos. Eric Bischoff led the way, smiling like a thief in the night. I followed him, with Orton and Batista guarding my back. As we got into the ring, Orton and Batista posed with the tag belts on each corner, while I bounced on the middle rope and taunted the crowd. We all waited for our opposition.

"Can you dig it, sucka?" Oh, yes I can. Booker T emerged from backstage, staring at his hand at the entranceway. He set off his pyro, then walked to the ring as the flames climbed by the entrance. He waited at the entranceway for the next person to come out.

"Sexy Boy" played as the crowd climbed to their feet. Shawn Michaels emerged, dancing and prancing around the stage, proclaiming his greatness to anyone who would listen. He marched down to the ring and danced a second time as pyro went off for him onstage. I didn’t wait any longer. I dove over the top rope and onto both men, as the tag champs backed me up. We pounded on Michaels and Booker and hoped to capitalize on our advantage before HHH arrived.

Too late, though. "The Game" started up and HHH ran to the ring. I dove for cover as Hunter cleaned house on Orton. Booker sent Batista over the top rope right next to me and followed him out. We controlled with a 2-on-1 until Michaels dove off the top turnbuckle onto the pile. This left Orton and HHH in the ring, and HHH was ready to finish the match early. Thankfully, I snuck into the ring and clipped Hunter before the Pedigree could do damage.

I was escorted to my corner by the referee, allowing Batista to hit a spinebuster on HHH to further the advantage we had. I jawed some with the crowd as Orton began to work on HHH’s leg -- hopefully, JR remembers the torn quad. After a while, Eric called me into the corner to discuss strategy. As we huddled, Orton tagged in Batista, and the tag champs went to work with a double-team neckbreaker.

I returned to my corner slowly as Orton joined me. Batista slammed HHH hard and covered for two. He punched away at HHH, then tossed him roughly into the turnbuckle, charging in with a clothesline. He watched HHH fall flat on his face, then tagged me in. I immediately pounded away on Hunter’s leg, then grabbed him and slid out of the ring towards the post. As the referee admonished me to stop, I wrapped his leg around the post and put my legs over his, bending backwards. HHH screamed in pain from the ringpost figure four while the ref counted, then pried me off. I jawed with him before returning to the ring and bringing in Orton.

Orton cockily stared at HHH, then grabbed his leg and threw it to the mat. HHH screamed in pain as Orton taunted him some more. He picked HHH up and bounced off the ropes, ready to land a dropkick to Hunter’s knee. Somehow, HHH lifted his leg in time, causing Orton to fall flat on his face. Hunter then dropped himself onto Orton to knock the wind out of him, and the race was on. I got the tag, but so did Uncle Shawn.

Shawn began to punch me off my feet several times in a row. He added shots for Orton and Batista as well, bringing them into the match. As Batista got the ref distracted, Booker T leaped off the top and gave me a missile dropkick. Shawn went to cover, but Orton dragged him off and began slugging it out. I took advantage by cheap-shotting HHH back off the apron, but he soon returned and the melee was on.

In the chaos, I managed to escape to the top rope. Orton superkicked Michaels, and I dove off with the Picture Perfect Elbow. However, Booker T went up the same turnbuckle and landed the Houston Hangover onto my back, then stared at his hand, indicating a Spinaroonie was imminent. Orton tried to cut him off, but HHH cut HIM off and sent the both of them over the top. Finally, Batista caught Booker right after the Spinaroonie and powerbombed him for the legitimate pinfall decision. The crowd was not happy.

As the cameras stopped rolling, Eric Bischoff smiled a million-dollar smile. HBK and I were unconscious next to each other. Booker was slowly getting to his feet, upset at the turn of events. Batista and Orton laughed and smiled at Booker and HHH, who stood with rage in his eyes. It wasn’t over.

*****

12:15 AM

"Hey, Uncle Shawn," I finally asked as we were about to turn in, "why were you so upset about tonight?"

"Oh... I don’t like the idea behind turning HHH."

"But... it gives us more time in the spotlight, doesn’t it?"

"Who are you kidding, kid? He’s gonna toss all three of you at the Rumble probably. Or at least you -- you make good fodder. Besides, that’s not what bothers me."

"What does, then?"

"It’s almost WrestleMania, and faces go over at WrestleMania."

"Oh, c’mon, Uncle Shawn, is that all? So what? We have bigger things to worry about. What about Vince? We have until WrestleMania to talk him into going to church and listening. Haven’t you forgotten why I’m here?"

"I’m sorry, Andy... I guess I did. I wouldn’t worry, though. If Vince is meant to be saved, he’ll be saved. God will find a way. We just gotta keep on trying."

"Yeah, I know... you’re not really in the mood to think about his now, are you?"

"Not really, sorry." He turned off the light. "Maybe tomorrow."

*****

Wednesday, January 14, 2004, 12:55 PM

Stamford, CT

After a long practice session for the Rumble, the WWE headed to lunch to try to regain our strength. Shawn and I were seated at a table with HHH, Randy Orton, Batista, Brian Gerwitz, and the newest addition to the RAW roster, Alexis Laree, who debuted on Monday. She seemed slightly starstruck given the circumstances.

"Wow, I just can’t believe you all are so nice to me," she said, practically gushing. "I mean, most of the girls seem to take to their own table... why invite me here?"

HHH shrugged it off. "Just thought you’d like it. You know, Vince is saying you’ve got a future, so it’s worth seeing if you can handle yourself. You know, if you have the Look."

"Well, it’s awfully nice of you to try me. I must admit, having all these men going out of their way to make me feel comfortable -- why, it’s a girl’s dream."

"Don’t worry about it, Lex. Hunter here just wants to make sure you’re not better looking than Steph."

"Shawn!"

"Sorry, it had to be said."

As HHH fumed, Randy Orton stepped in to fill the gap. "So, you got any fun stories from your last few weeks out on the indy leagues?"

"Well, I just got finished doing an outstanding angle in NWATNA. They’re so excited about where it’ll go, even if I’m not involved. See, Raven -- you remember him, right? -- he’s trying to manipulate me and all, and Lash -- LaRoux, I mean -- was just trying to be a nice guy -- okay, he was hitting on me -- and so Raven made him run the gauntlet of the Gathering and stuff. So anyway, January 7 comes around -- it’s my last show and all -- and I’m the ref for a match between the two. Well, Raven’s got the match won, but he keeps picking Lash up, and I’m all, Let him go already, you beat him.

But no, Raven’s trying to prove a point or something, so he tells me to go to the top and hands me Lash. He wants me to add the final exclamation point on the match, you know? Show I never really cared for Lash. Only the problem is, I do care for him. I want to care for him. But the whole thing’s sort of creepy, you know -- he’s got almost like a hypnotic control. Anyway, I got him up there, and rather than deliver any move, I just sort of let him recover while I stand there. And when he’s healthy, I lose control -- well, sort of -- and he just starts pounding on Raven, wham wham wham, ya know? So anyway, it’s a slugfest again, and it’s still not prefectly clear whose side I’m on.

And they’re at it again, and now Lash has the pin, but he doesn’t cover. He wants me to prove I’m my own person. So he asks me to kick Raven right where it hurts, you know? But I can’t do that either -- I mean, Raven’s still the only authority I know, my father figure. So I’m stuck between two poles, not really reacting to either one, and Raven’s up again. Now the two of them are just desperate to get me to do something, but I’m the referee, and I gotta pick a winner. Crazy, isn’t it?

So anyway, after a few minutes of this, the two are going at it with some leather belt. It’s clear that I can make either one of them drop the belt and give the other the advantage, and really, they’re both kinda looking at me. It’s like a tug of war for my sensibility, right? Well, I just forget all that and seem to crumble, almost shrink up like a violet, right? And as they both put the strap down and look at me, I just roll out of the ring and walk away. Which is kinda bad since I’m the referee and all, see?

So anyway, both men get out of the ring. Lash is pleading with me to get back in, and Raven’s ordering me to continue the match. But the way I tried to show it, it’s just... I don’t want to do something just for them, I want it for ME. And it just seemed that they both expected me to support them, not myself. So I just pushed them both aside and walked to the back, and... I dunno, the match may have continued, but I didn’t care."

HHH seemed indifferent. Shawn was listening, but seemed to be anticipating, as if sure the story didn’t end there. "Hang on," I piped up. "So you just leave? That’s it? We don’t get to know whose side you’re on? You’ve left those two fighting over nothing?"

"No no -- it’s not that bad," she added hastily. "You see, end of the show, Raven and Lash find identical notes in their hangouts, right? And they’re supposed to read it at the same time -- but of course, we had to film this ahead of time to make sure it worked. But anyhow, here’s what the note said: I cannot follow you. I cannot support you. Your anger has left me as a prop in your game. I am not a prop. As long as I’m here, I cannot feel human. My destiny lies elsewhere."

"Wow," Shawn finally said. "That’s a gutsy move for any woman in wrestling."

"I know... so many women are cardboard cutouts nowadays. It’s so frustrating. I wanna portray someone with depth, with feeling, with MEANING. But they’re so hard to find nowadays. Anyway, now while those two are off blaming each other for running me out of the NWA, I get to enjoy the greener pastures of the WWE. So it’s all working out for the best, I’d say."

"At least something had a happy ending," I said offhand. "Especially after the--"

I cut myself off. I began to wonder if I had any business knowing about this. Shawn gave me a sideways glance as if to tell me not to blow my cover. Alexis seemed to wince at even the thought of that night. Batista seemed flat out confused. "What happened?"

"No... I won’t... Do you want to...?" I was hoping Alexis would bail me out of this one.

"All right... I might as well say. Last show I’m doing for this group in Philadelphia, and, you know, it’s Philadelphia, so we got the usual You Sold Out chant. Standard fare, right? Well, not this night. You see, some asshole in the back row decides to doll it up a bit by making fun of my looks. And, you know, if you’ve seen me in the ring, you know I wear a lot of makeup and a lot of revealing stuff... but he was... well, it... it was kinda personal..."

Alexis seemed to want to avoid the words. Batista looked at me, as I tried to signal to him not to press further. Shawn gulped -- he wanted to help, but what could he say? He didn’t "know" either. Thankfully, HHH took care of it for all of us.

"C’mon, girl, what could they say to you? It’s not like they give a shit one way or the other. So you joined us. Big deal. You don’t have to put up with those flunkies again. They’re too poor to get into our events. Besides, what could they say that would hurt you so much? Not like you’ve had a past, have ya?"

Alexis shook her head, trying to look down at her lunch. "I haven’t. But you see... my boyfriend worked for the Hardy Boys down in North Carolina, so... I know them pretty well. I know Matt, and I know Lita. And... well, she’d told me what had happened just a couple weeks earlier, and... you know, everything was just clouding my mind then."

"I don’t understand."

Alexis buried her face in her hands, trying to hide the tears that would normally come at a time like this. I wanted to cover for her, but I first had to check with Shawn for a sign that I could. A subtle nod from my "Uncle Shawn" let me know I could try to talk.

"Hunter, do you know what Matt thought of her? Do you know how he was talking about her? Up on the Mattitude site, he was making veiled references to her that were... well, they were mean. They were crude. They were... slanderous, really. And maybe that’s what happened here, that she heard the same thing and... and it hit a nerve."

HHH laughed. "Oh, come on, you’re not saying that you took something like being called a slut personally, are ya, Laree? Please! I hear that all the time! My wife gets it all the time, and she doesn’t care! Don’t be so insensitive. Unless, of course, you have something to hide..."

Alexis wound up her hand to slap HHH, but he caught her wrist and wouldn’t let go. As she struggled to get free, he kissed her right on the lips, then let her go smiling as we all sat in shock. Alexis threw her chair halfway down the cafeteria, making such a loud clatter that everyone stopped to look at her -- and at us.

"You insensitive fucking prick! Just because you think it’s ok doesn’t make it ok for everyone! You wanna show me that you feel like cheering me up, you... you treat me with respect! It hurt me, and it hurt Amy! Now you laugh at me! You little bastard! How the fuck did you ever get to marry her?"

HHH was too shocked to reply -- we all were -- as Alexis stormed out of the cafeteria, leaving her lunch tray behind. We all watched silently as she slammed the door behind her. Slowly, Nora got up and walked after her. The rest of us waited for some invisible, inaudible clue indicating that the din of the cafeteria would return.

When it did, we all glared at HHH. "What?" He said, oblivious to the gravity of the situation. "The freak overreacted. Is it suddenly my fault? Besides, I was tryin’ to calm her down. Deep down, she’s just trying to make a name for herself her first time through here."

"Why you little son of--"

Shawn physically restrained me from lunging over at HHH. He had to know how I felt -- her pain is my pain, and I saw how he felt about it; I want him to feel our pain -- but he also was HHH’s friend. I sat back and bit my lip as Shawn spoke on my behalf.

"Honestly, Hunter, forcing your lips on a woman -- that’s just not cool. That’s the sort of shit that gets you arrested. You realize she could take your whole family to the cleaners for sexual harassment? You’re a McMahon now, Hunter. Don’t you forget, that means everything you do reflects on everyone in this company. Now, cut out the playboy shit and be a man."

After a few long minutes, I got up and cleared my place, then headed back to the gym. Along the way, I saw Gail and Nora consoling Alexis. I sat down beside the girls, hoping to add a few extra words of encouragement. However, Gail’s motions behind Alexis’s back made it clear: this was girl time, and I was to keep on walking.

*****

04:44 PM

"Michael?" Alexis had come up behind me, her makeup adjusted, her eyes slightly redder, but all in all in better shape than before. I smiled as I saw her and hugged her quickly, so that she would know I was on her side. She patted me on the back as she returned the hug. "Thank you."

"Any time," I said. "Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with HHH, but... he’s not representative of the kind of people in the WWE, I want you to know."

"Thanks... I’m sure he isn’t. He’s just -- such a bastard. I don’t know how he got as far as he did."

"I don’t either." Well, yes, I do -- I’ve looked deep into his soul, and trust me, girl, it’s not pleasant. Deep within his heart lies only a passion for more. More money, more power, more fame -- more everything. But I can’t tell you I’ve seen this. I can only speculate about my uncle’s best friend. "It’s odd, though. Ever since he married Stephanie, he’s been pulling more of this crap. I think he figures himself invincible."

"I hope not," she said with a shudder. "That bastard needs a kick in the nuts, and I’m just the girl to do it."

"Easy, girl, easy -- it’s not as simple as it sounds. Hunter’s a ruthless individual. You do anything, and he pays it back ten times over. Why do you think I’m always by Uncle Shawn’s side? Cuz we’re family, sure, but he’s my guide. He knows what Hunter lets go and what he holds onto."

"He’s like an anti-angel."

"A what?"

"Oh, sorry, Michael. It’s like he avenges people’s wrongdoings, but instead of these wrongdoings being against humanity, it’s against him and him alone. Like he IS humanity -- the only humanity that matters."

I rolled my eyes. "It’s a shame... you’d think that with all the stuff he gets in the WWE, he’d be happy. He’s the heir to the fortune -- well, through Stephanie anyhow. So he’s just got it all coming to him eventually. There’s no need to go grab it. And yet, he does."

"Some people -- Jeff Jarrett used to be like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... he was always about defeating Vince and about being the champion of wrestling and all that crap -- oh, trust me, he was bad. But over Christmas, he announced he had seen the new light. From what little I saw, I think he has. He’s certainly a lot easier to get along with."

"That’s awesome."

"I think it is, anyway. Always nice to see little Christmas miracles. It’s kinda weird they don’t come during other times of the year, though, don’t you think?"

I smiled, thinking of Nora’s rescue and of my own love. "Well, it depends on what a miracle is," I said. "For some, just living is a miracle. For others, it’s a series of simple, explainable, human events that combine in just the right way to produce a complete change in their life. It varies from person to person."

"Well, what’s your definition of a miracle?"

"Mine? Life after death. The idea that there’s a Heaven and a Hell, and that everyone goes one place or the other to spend their immortality."

She laughed. "You’re so silly and sweet. I like that. I think I’ll get used to being here."