The Two Rumbles...

[JStarr]

The 20-Man Golden Rumble

The Rumble of Champions got off to a rather exciting start as the music of the WWE Champion Edge heralded the first entrant of the night. Flashing a cocky grin across his face, “The Rated R Superstar” seemed in buoyant mood despite the task that lay in front of him as he awaited his first opponent and was duly obliged when Blood, Sweat and Ears Champion “Textbook” Tyson Dux marched to the ring. The youngster didn’t seemed put off by the fact Edge was standing across the ring from him and quickly laid into the Smackdown representative with a barrage of right hands although a poke in the eye, quickly turned the tide. Edge toyed with Dux and then bounced his head off the turnbuckle, before eliminating the BSE Champion just as the count-down for the third entrant was edging closer to one.

The buzzer sounded just as Edge turned his head to the entrance way and he was quickly greeted by “The All-American American” Jack Swagger. The undefeated ECW Champion looked pretty happy with his draw as he headed to the ring and after scrambling with Edge for ninety second both men had to take notice when entrant four headed out. The TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle’s appearance under the entrance-way seemed to force the two WWE superstars together and as Angle slide under the top rope, he was greeted by a barrage of heavy boots. The 1996 Olympic Gold Medallist tried to power out of the ambush but was helpless to stop the WWE double-team moves and just as ECWA star and 2008 Super 8 tournament winner Aden Chambers’ music hit the speakers, Angle was lofted over the top rope by the combined strength of Edge and Swagger for the second elimination of the night.

Of course, before Swagger even had chance to take stock of the new entrant “The Ultimate Opportunist” struck and shoved the ECW Champion in the same direction as Angle; and caused the third elimination of the match. Chambers didn’t seem in the mood to go for Edge one-on-one and took his time walking to the ring. “The O.C. Boy” made sure to high-five as many fans as possible, which is a complete contrast to his usual ring entrance but once the Young Lion’s Cup holder, Jimmy Olsen found his way out from the backstage area, Chambers’ usual confidence returned.

The two independent stars entered the ring at the same time, and that meant Edge couldn’t dominate them like he did Tyson Dux, although the WWE Champion did try. Initially trying to divide and conquer the two men, the plan quickly failed thanks to a dropkick from Chambers although the alliance between Equinox and Chambers quickly turned sour when the Super 8 entrant tried to shove the masked superstar over the top rope when all his focus was on Edge.

The CHIKARAthlete managed to battle free as entrant seven’s music erupted to a huge cheer from the crowd. Admittedly, it was 50% for “The Final Countdown” by Europe simply being on the speakers and 50% for the 2008 Outstanding Wrestler of the Year, as Bryan Danielson raced to the ring and wasted no time in slapping a submission hold on the first entrant to the match. Naturally, it didn’t take long for Aden Chambers to notice Danielson in the ring and he was greeted with a swift kick to the face as two one-on-one battles broke out on either side of the ring although no-one could plant any telling offence.

Entrant eight, NWA World Heavyweight Champion Blue Demon Jr. and entrant nine, CZW World Heavyweight Champion Drake Younger were soon in the ring as things settled down into a number of scrapes against the turnbuckles although Younger was quick to make it clear that he had a vendetta against the former ROH Champion as he tried to plant the Drake’s Landing just seconds into his time in the match. Sadly for Drake, it failed as Danielson wriggled free before locking himself in a mat battle with the highly-competent CZW Champion that took up the centre of the ring while Edge continued his streak of being behind 100% of the eliminations. He forced Jimmy Olsen over the top rope and then used his shoulder to knock the CHIKARA Champion onto the guardrail and out of the match with the tenth entrant just moments away.

And as the music of the tenth man started, a small smile grew across the face of Drake Younger as he backed up and stood across the ring from Bryan Danielson. IWS stand-out Beef Wellington bundled to the ring and quickly stood by the side of his fellow “death-match” regular. Sadly for Wellington and Younger, their stand-off forced many of the others in the match to pick a “team” and the “American Dragon” was quickly accompanied by Blue Demon, Aden Chambers and Edge as they beat-down Drake and Beef and after a barrage of quick moves by all four men bundled the two men out of the ring.

From there, things calmed down slightly as the four remaining entrants tried to force each other over the top rope until the music of the menacing AAA World Champion, El Mesias echoed around the arena. The behemoth slipped into the ring and while everyone seemed to be focused on each other; Mesias planted Aden Chambers with a massive right hand that spent him from the ring before lifting Blue Demon Jr. over his head and tossing him onto top of Chambers for two rather swift eliminations before Bryan Danielson and Edge turned to finally battle with the monster.

El Mesias proved more than capable of taking on the two men; although he was forced onto one knee by the constant barrage of punches from the two top stars until flooring Edge with a massive retaliatory lariat that left Bryan Danielson some-what stranded. The “American Dragon” tried to match the sheer force of El Mesias as they squared off one-on-one but quickly started to struggle and with Edge still out on the canvas, the AAA representative shoved the Outstanding Wrestler of 2008 straight over the top rope.

With rage in his eyes, El Mesias then turned to Edge and dragged the WWE Champion to his feet as the countdown for entrant twelve got underway. Pulling Edge onto his right shoulder, El Mesias picked his side as the High Flyer of 2008 sped to the ring and just as El Mesias looked to dump Edge onto the arena floor, he was dropkicked in the back by Evan Bourne and forced over the top rope himself with “The Ultimate Opportunist” channelling the spirit of The Rock circa 2000 to grab the top rope and keep himself in the match alongside Evan Bourne.

Except, Evan Bourne didn’t last much longer as El Mesias quickly picked himself up, got onto the apron and reached over the top rope to grab Bourne around the throat. The break-out star of 2008 couldn’t resist El Mesias’ undeniable strength as he promptly flung him over the top rope and set about a savage beating. In the ring, Edge had time to rest as he waited on unlucky entrant thirteen, AAW World Champion Tyler Black whose draw didn’t exactly stand him in good stead. Black, much like Evan Bourne had a break-out year in 2008 and much like Evan Bourne didn’t last long in the Golden Rumble as Edge quickly schooled him with a quick flurry of offence to dump him on his ass and continue his spell of rest.

In the crowd, El Mesias was continuing his heinous attack on Evan Bourne with a hugely-dented steel chair before Edge greeted Ring of Honor World Champion Nigel McGuiness into the fray with a kick to the side of his head. Nigel was quickly in danger of being over-ran by Edge in a similar fashion to Tyler Black but quickly bounced back with a massive lariat that dropped the WWE Champion on the canvas and bought the Englishman some time.

That was until entrant fifteen lifted the roof off as his music started up on the speakers. The fifteenth entrant was... World Heavyweight Champion John Cena who despite all of his smark hate, easily got the reaction of the night as he marched to the ring.

Edge and Nigel quickly picked themselves up as they saw Cena coming and tried to scramble a beat-down on "The Champ" as he entered the ring but it didn't exactly go to plan. Cena forced his way out of their grasp, shoving Nigel into a turnbuckle and then hoisted Edge onto his shoulders for the "Attitude Adjustor" to the massive delight of the crowd. Planting his long-time bitter rival on the mat wasn't a moment that Cena was able to savour however, as Nigel was quickly on his feet and attacking the World Heavyweight Champion. Nigel hopped on Cena's back with a standard sleeping hold as the Most Improved Wrestler of 2008 entered the match as entrant sixteen.

The Miz went striaght for the grounded Edge while the RoH Champion held his own against Cena, even if he was eventually forced against the ropes. Cena tried to hoist Nigel into his second signature move of the match only for the menacing Englishman to counter with a kick to the face of Cena that allowed him to line up and then thump him with his massive Lariat that left both men down in the centre of the ring while The Miz put the boots into Edge in the corner of the ring. Cena was the first to pick himself up of the two men in the centre of the ring although he had barely slammed The Miz head-first on the canvas when the NWA World Junior Heavyweight Champion caught him with a diving shoulder charge. Mike Quackenbush was quickly back on his feet as he tried to shock Cena with a flurry of offence that would see him bundled over the top rope and while it initially worked he was cut down by The Miz picking himself up and clubbing him across the back. From there, The Miz was joined by Cena who quickly picked himself up and evnetually Edge as the three WWE superstars combined somewhat to inflict some damage on the freshest man in the match.

However, the "onslaught" didn't last long as Nigel McGuniess quickly recovered to shove the three men away and pick up his "indy" colleague.

That left three WWE superstars standing side-by-side across the ring from two of independent wrestling's biggest names when the entrance music of entrant eighteen hit the speakers and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Champion Chris Hero bounded to the ring to even numbers.

Filling into rank between Nigel and Quack, Hero made the outrageous move of calling John Cena out as the two trios clashed in a mass six-man brawl in the centre of the ring. Unsurprisingly, Cena dominated Hero but things didn't go the way of the WWE in the other clashes as Nigel McGuiness' strong hands forced The Miz back with Quackenbush resorted to his kicks as he punished the tiring Edge whoase time in the match was starting to catch up with.

And just as Cena looked like he was finished battering Chris Hero and ready to help out his WWE buddies, Nigel McGuiness bounced The Miz out of the ring with a stinging lariat that left the reality TV celebrity seeing stars as he lay out cold next to the ring. Although he was promptly followed by his attacker as Nigel turned straight into Cena's graps who quickly dumped him out on his head with the second "Attitude Adjustor" of the match. The left four men in the ring, and John Cena very much in the ascendancy as the countdown for the peniultimate entrant started up although Cena had to stop his planned attack on Edge when he heard familiar sounds of the year.

The 2008 Wrestler of the Year had a massive grin on his face as he swaggered to the ring, delighted with his draw. And it didn't take long for Chris Jericho to make intentions upon John Cena very clear as he pointed straight at the man that took away his World Title and then beelined straight for him as he entered the ring. The two went hell-to-leather at each other with a flurry of right hands while Chris Hero and Mike Quackenbush tried to force Edge over the top rope. Naturally, the WWE Champion was rather unwilling to go and grabbed at the top rope for all his life while Jericho and Cena continued to swing right hands at each other with neither showing signs of giving up.

Eventually, Jericho had to relent as Cena over-powered him while Chris Hero turned on his SuperFriend and caught Mike Quackenbush with the Hero's Welcome out of literally, nowhere. The CHIKARA founder crumpled in a heap and could do little to avoid the elimination that followed although when he did come to, his stern expression proved that the feud between the pair had been reignited. That said, the smile quickly returned to Mike's face as Edge found enough energy to dump Hero out of the ring and continue his run of opportunistic eliminations.

And so three remained... with the final entrant quickly on his way to make it four. FIP World Heavyweight Champion Tyler Black made his second appearance of the night, after representing AAW earlier and quickly went for Edge, the man that previously eliminated him. Black enjoyed a lot more luck than earlier as he pounded the WWE Champion, while Jericho caught Cena with a desperate elbow when perched dangerously on the top rope. Jericho was able to climb down from the top rope and continue his attack on Cena while Tyler Black pulled Edge into position for a powerbomb. Except it was Jericho that was the next man eliminated as he got a little cocky with his situation and that allowed Tyler Black to clothesline him over the top rope when it looked like the youngster was solely focused on Edge. Dropping "The Rated R Superstar" in the corner, Black blindsided Jericho with the attack to complete the elimination but then found himself tangling with Cena.

The two men were surprisingly fresh as they battled and with neither willing to give up, they eventually found themselves just trying to force each other over the top rope.

Naturally, the situation was perfectly set-up for the WWE Champion.

Swooping in, mustering the only energy that remained in his body, Edge continued his over-used tactic of trying to "shocking" and "surprising"by eliminating both men as they focused on each other and won the 20-man Golden Rumble.

Cliched? Hell yes.

================================================================================

Somewhere in the nexus of space and time...

"Now we move on to a game called Alphabet Rumble, and this is for all thirty of you. What you're gonna do right now is have a Royal Rumble match, every participant enters in alphabetical order--I'll buzz you if you make a mistake. Now can I get a suggestion from the audience of a letter to start with?"

A!

X!

Omicron!

Z!

L!

"Okay, I think I heard Z! Z? You mean we're gonna do Z twice? Okay, if you insist, let's head to Howard Finkel and get this party started!"

DA FINK: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the ROYAL RUMBLE match! Each of the 30 participants will enter at 60-seconds interval in an over-the-top elimination battle royal! The last participant in the ring will win the match! And now, introducing the individual who drew number one...

*eeeevil music*

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

*eeeeevil music*

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

DA FINK: ...he comes from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 266 pounds... THE ZODIAC!

The vile and insidious master of the dark arkana of the horoskope stalks to the ring in black-and-white face paint, looking rather relieved to be employed at all. At ringside, the terrifyingly alphabetical announce team of Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone, and Mike Tenay seem rather confused as to the nature of the event, but clearly, this is an alternate universe, and whenever there's an alternate universe... the stakes are fuggin' high.

DA FINK: And now... the individual who drew #2...

*JIVE SOUL BRO LYRICS GO HERE*

DA FINK: ...accompanied down the aisle by the Doctor of Style, Slick, from Deepest, Darkest Africa, weighing in at 455 pounds... AKEEM!

Along with the beebopping Doctor of Style, an oddly not past-his-prime Akeem shuffles to the ring, playing up the crowd, bafflingly trying to be an enormous white African babyface so that he'll be cheered for reasons other than beating the hell out of The Zodiac. Jim Ross points out that Akeem was one of the last men in the ring in the first-ever Royal Rumble before having been eliminated by eventual winner "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. How does this help his chances here? We'll find out soon enough!

*DINGDINGDING!*

Just as Akeem enters the ring, the Zodiac runs toward him with a punch-punch-kick-morepunch offense, but Akeem is having none of it... and seconds later, he levels Zodiac with a devastating clothesline that sends him tumbling over the ropes!

ELIMINATION #1: The Zodiac by Akeem

Zodiac is shocked, livid, and generally pissed off on the floor, but suddenly... a light bulb seems to go off over his head. In no time at all he is barreling to the back as Akeem stomps around the ring, clapping his hands and encouraging the crowd to chant his name. Hey, anything can happen in an alternate reality, just like anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation. In no time, we're counting down again as our B-named participant prepares to enter the ring...

#3!

To the strains of horrible, horrible, horrible disco knockoff, #3 walks out of the entryway in tattered pants, his face concealed behind a washcloth. The washcloth moves... and it's...

...The Booty-Man!?

Yyyyyyyup, back once again in different, more assless pants and with only streaks of his black-and-white makeup remaining, the Booty-Man is on his way back to the ring representing the letter B. Slick is outraged, arguing with the referee, while Akeem wears an expression that nicely skirts the line between bemusement and "oh sweet I get to kick this guy's ass again."

And kick his ass he does, mere moments after Mr. Bootylicious makes his way into the ring and gets yet another clothesline elimination!

ELIMINATION #2: The Booty-Man by Akeem

Once again, Booty-Man is pissed. He slams his hands against the apron as the outside-the-ring referees--and Slick--shout at him to return to the back. He tries to reenter, but the sight of the monstrous Akeem still standing there forces him to recoil. Finally, he walks down the ramp, seemingly oblivious as the clock counts down that someone, for some reason, has wheeled a very tall box onto the ramp...

#4!

A hideous WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR erupts from the box right as Booty-Man approaches it--someone is cutting his way out of the box! Booty-Man leaps back with a start as the rabid chainsaw carves its way through the plywood that held its owner, revealing none other than Chainsaw Charlie! Charlie charges toward Booty-Man with his chainsaw outstretched, but Captain Tushie beats a hasty retreat to the back, and Actually Not Terry Funk With Panty Hose On His Head saunters toward the ring, pumping his chainsaw in the air. The crowd is revved up for this fight, and Akeem beckons him to bring it on--even if the referees confiscate the chainsaw before he enters the ring. There's a bit of circling to start, a bit of feeling out, but it isn't long before the fists start flying. The crowd begins rallying behind Charlie, causing Akeem to shout at them as he has Funk in the corner... which marks--that's right!--a baffling mid-match heel turn. The agitation on the part of Akeem gives Funk the opening he needs to reverse the corner situation, rocking the big man with three hard left jabs, a wind-up, and a haymaker that nearly sends Akeem over the top! Charlie gets under him in the corner and begins trying to send him over, even as the clock counts down...

#5!

...oh for the love of God.

Charlie nearly drops his lunch as the curtain parts to reveal that #5 has somehow managed to grow his hair out and is now sporting a mighty hobo beard--it's The Disciple! Charlie decides to help Akeem down, pointing the dazed African Dream toward the man making his way down the aisle. The Disciple is reluctant to enter, and justifiably so--the two former enemies now seem intent on pummeling this hobo even as he enters the ring. Finally, reluctantly, the Disciple enters the ring to meet a two-man clubberin' that was certainly coming his way. The pummeling is brutal and long; for basically the entire period, Akeem and Charlie take turns beating the Disciple so far into the depths of degradation that he won't even think about dusting off his Man With No Name gear when M rolls around. Finally, after a big double-suplex, the clock counts down once again right as Charlie and Akeem seem ready to finally dispose of their prey.

#6!

Apparently the "alphabetical names don't take articles into account" precident doesn't apply to Spanish names, as El Dandy represents the letter E in his fantastically hip Los Fabulosos gear. Akeem and Charlie, noticing the stocky luchador (Mike Tenay is quick to remind us not to be fooled by his stocky physique, as El Dandy is a gifted high-flyer in his own right!) jogging to the ring, decide to give their quarry over to him, and El Dandy backdrops the Irish-whipped Disciple over the top right as he enters the ring!

ELIMINATION #3: The Disciple by El Dandy

With that matter sorted out, the Disciple looks into the ring, realizes he's just been eliminated by f'ing El Dandy... and decides this is probably a good time to hang it up for the night.

Meanwhile, with things well sorted out in the ring, Charlie and Akeem go right back to pummeling each other with fists, and the smaller Dandy recognizes that it's Charlie who could use the most help. The two whip Akeem into the ropes and stagger him with a double-shoulderblock. Dandy hits a dropkick that further staggers the big guy. Finally, one running Funkin' hangman's neckbreaker puts Akeem down for good, and El Dandy celebrates.

Which is a bad idea. For you see Chainsaw Charlie is the sort of man who carries a chainsaw to the ring and wears panty hose on his head; thus, to assume that he wishes to celebrate and not, say, beat your fucking face in is probably a bad idea.

Indeed, the face-beating-in commences, and the crowd roars as the Texas Chainsaw Masochist (new nickname maybe?) lays the jabs into Dandy. They count down as a double-underhook suplex drops Dandy to the mat, leaving Charlie the only one standing...

#7!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

FLASH FUNK IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FUNKAAAAAY!

Along with his fly girl Funkettes, the high-stylin' Flash Funk parts curtains and dances his way to the ring, conveniently ignoring the strange team that seems to be assembling a zipline toward the ring. As Flash struts his stuff to the ring, he's soon joined by Slick, who grooves with the fly girls as an irritated Charlie looks on. The distraction is enough to allow a recovering Akeem to deliver a huge double-axhandle, and Akeem threatens to dump Charlie... but the tough Texan hangs on to the ropes! Dandy, also rising, tries to dropkick Charlie off the apron, but Charlie hangs on. Flash slides into the ring and delivers an equally stunning dropkick right back to Dandy, then fells Akeem with an excellent springboard moonsault from the second rope! Flash stands and turns... and sees Charlie entering the ring. There's a brief staredown, as Funk vs. Funk prepares to commence. Through the panty hose, it's clear that Charlie is mouthing "You're not a REAL Funk!" Flash asserts that Charlie doesn't know what REAL Funk is all about.

And that's enough and then they start killing each other.

Punches, kicks, slaps, jabs... whatever they can throw, they throw, and they throw often. Charlie corners Flash and punches away, while Flash turns it around and punches right back. Eventually, the two spill out of the ring through the middle rope, brawling onto the floor as the clock counts down.

#8!

Remember that zipline? Well, now it's got an occupant, as the sounds of heavy rock and machine gun fire herald the arrival of the face-painted GI Bro! Bro soars over the brawling Funks and onto the ring apron, where he enters the ring and is met by a heavy Dandy dropkick... or at least a heavy enough dropkick to earn a "what the fuck DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM SOLIDER?" look from Bro followed by a devastating axe kick! Meanwhile, the officials corral the Funks back into the ring, and Charlie and Flash climb back inside.

But not for long, because a whole lotta Africa clotheslines Flash Funk to the floor right as he enters!

ELIMINATION #4: Flash Funk by Akeem

Flash looks shocked. Akeem laughs. And Charlie? Charlie looks pissed, because dude, that was his elimination. In no time Charlie sets to work hoisting Akeem into the air, but the African Dream hangs on! GI Bro joins in, but Akeem still will not go over! Finally, El Dandy rises and prepares to help... but instead, he nails GI Bro in the back of the head with punches, then proceeds to punch him down to the mat! The distraction is enough to help Akeem gain some leverage, and he pulverizes Charlie with a double-axhandle to the back! Charlie backs down, and Akeem lays in with big overhand fists, even as Dandy locks Bro in a surfboard stretch. The clock is counting down! Who will be next?

#9!

DEEDLY DEEDLY DEEDLY DEEEE!

DEEDLY DEEDLY DEEEEEEE!

DOODOO DEEDLY DEEDLY DEEDLY DEEE!

DOODEEDLY DEEDLY DEEEEEEEEEE!

IT'S HORNSWOGGLE!

BUT WHERE?

WHERE IS HE?

The participants inside the ring seem lost. Dandy releases the hold, looking around toward the entryway with the dastardly Akeem.

The crowd, however, pops quietly as Horny slides out from under the ring, a plunger-powered detonator in hand.

Akeem sees him.

Akeem shits a brick.

And the ring explodes.

*STATIC*

An indeterminant amount of time later, the ring is rebuilt, all participants have by and large been reconstituted, and the four of them are now beating the tar out of Hornswoggle for being an asshole and forcing the alternate universe to rewrite itself all at once like that, which--as those of you who frequently deal in alternate universes know--is a dangerous and almost universally messy thing.

They don't deposit Hornswoggle, though--oh, no, that's not enough. They seem instead content to batter him as a foursome instead, all four becoming impromptu heels as they assist in ramming the little guy into the ringpost. Then, just when they're satisfied that they've had enough, Chainsaw Charlie takes the fight to all of them with a jab apiece, because he was never really into the midget-destroying anyway.

In fact, as the clock counts down, he helps Hornswoggle to his feet, picks him up, and hurls him at Akeem's face for a rather inconvenient flying splash!

#10!

Representing the completely not gay tag team Too Excess, it's noted goggle enthusiast and actually not a Dome mod Idol, which is doubtless a joke half of you are too young to get and the other half are too apathetic to care about! Yay! Certainly the impromptu Hornswoggle/Chainsaw Charlie tandem is too involved to care about the jobber jogging to the ring, as they attempt to work together to hoist the massive Akeem over, with Hornswoggle positioning himself under the big man's ass. Bro and Dandy are once again squaring off, with Bro hoisting Dandy up over the turnbuckle in that battle royal way that never works. Idol, sensing an opportunity to insert himself in the Dandy/Bro situation ( ), clubs Bro in the back with a weaksauce clothesline, and the double-team is on. Idol and Dandy whip Booker into the ropes, but the former Harlem Heat member drops both with a double clothesline to the delight of the crowd! Meanwhile, Akeem powers out and manages to nearly crush Hornswoggle in the process, and he and Charlie get right back to trading blows until the obnoxious little guy begins biting at Akeem's ankle! Akeem kicks and howls and generally oversells, and Charlie levels him with a roundhouse right that knocks the big man into the ropes... and tangles him in them! OH! SNAP! On the other side of the ring, Booker is trying to hoist both Idol AND Dandy over with little success, and Hornswoggle is planting as many slaps into Akeem's face as he can! We're counting down again! Who is it?

#11!

Oh, it's Just Joe.

The Canadian musclehead strolls to the ring, stroking his chin as he watches the forces gather against each other. He takes a measured approach, trying to figure out which opportunity he could most easily exploit. Inside the ring, a Hornswoggle uppercut frees Akeem from the ropes, while Dandy has been hoisted over the ropes to the apron! Finally, Joe rushes to ringside and grabs Dandy by the trunks, yanking him to the floor!

ELIMINATION #5: El Dandy by Just Joe

An indignant Dandy turns back to Joe as if to say, "Que?", but Joe shrugs as if to say, "Hey, you suck. Don't shoot the messenger." And then Bro acts in a way that seems to say "GET YO FOOL WHITE ASS IN THIS RING SUCKA!" as he grabs Joe by the arm and pulls him inside, then sets to work with the punches! Idol, sensing that he's escaped, takes the opportunity to go after Hornswoggle with a running tackle, knocking the little man right into the feet of Akeem. At first, Akeem smiles, but then he remembers what happened the last time this guy was so near his boots and boots the hell out of Idol for even insinuating such a biting occur again. Charlie helps Horny to his feet, but Horny shoves him off... and then slaps him in the face! For not protecting him from Idol! Good Gawd almighty, a wedge has been driven between Hornswoggle and Charlie! Charlie at first shrugs it off, but when the little bastard proceeds to bite the hell out of his leg, he has no choice but to acknowledge with a few kicks of his own. Meanwhile, Akeem chokes Idol in the corner, and Bro tries to eliminate Joe just as he just nearly did Dandy! The clock reaches zero, and it's... it's...

#12!

HEEHEEHEEEEEEE!

EVERYBODY COME SEE THE SHOW!

The twisted rhymes of the Insane Clown Posse can only mean one wrestler whose name starts with K, and it's that fun-loving, tie-dye wearing giant Kurrgan who shucks and jives his way to the ring! Things continue as normal while Kurrgan slides inside, waving his arms in the air to the music... before catching a stray elbow from Akeem.

An elbow... that knocks off his tie-dye beanie.

...MOTHERFUCKER DON'T EVER TOUCH KURRGAN'S TIE-DYE BEANIE.

All at once, the beast is lose. The former Interrogator growls as he drags Akeem from the corner, holds him by the hair, and with one devastating punch knocks the African Dream to the floor!

ELIMINATION #6: Akeem by Kurrgan

The rest of the participants, sensing that the monster is in danger of dominating them all, immediately leap onto the giant with punches! Bro, Charlie, Idol, and Joe all put aside their differences and descend on the big man, but he shoves them all aside, knocking each into the four corners of the ring! Idol staggers over the top rope but holds on... until Hornswoggle, climbing the turnbuckle, bites at his fingers and sends him toppling!

ELIMINATION #7: Idol by Hornswoggle (YES THAT'S RIGHT IDOL, HORNSWOGGLE ELIMINATED YOU)

While Kurrgan rampages around the ring, Hornswoggle razzes the eliminated Idol, slapping his hindquarters and dancing a happy jig. The incensed former Lodi kicks at the mat, then storms to the back as the clock counts down for...

#13!

...Idol's tag team partner Lane? Yes, the other not gay man meets his not gay brother halfway down the aisle, talking in blatant pantomime and motioning to the midget in the ring. Lane immediately gives chase, and it isn't long before he's got that lovable scamp Hornswoggle by the jacket! Then, with one effortless motion, Lane picks up Horny and tosses him out of the ring!

ELIMINATION #8: Hornswoggle by Lane

Lane seems very pleased with himself. As he dusts his hands off, he grins like a Cheshire cat, turning around slowly and generally not being prepared for the fact that Kurrgan is right there and happened to like Hornswoggle a little bit. Lane tries to backpedal, but he's already against the ropes, so he does one better.

He runs like a bitch.

While Kurrgan chases Lane across the ring, he misses Joe and Bro, who have set aside their differences to put a first-class hurtin' on Chainsaw Charlie in the corner. Both men are plugging away with double-team kicks, and the exhausted Charlie is down. Of course, Joe immediately turns on Bro with a kick to the gut, followed by a nice jumping DDT, but that's just because he's Joe and that's the sort of guy he is. With Bro down, Joe takes a moment to showboat, ducking just as a rampaging Kurrgan manages to finally catch Lane, dragging him by the arm toward the corner! Kurrgan picks Lane up in a double-handed chokehold... but Lane counters with a thumb to the eye and climbs down! Both Lane and Joe join forces on Kurrgan as the clock counts down once again...

#14!

If it was anyone other than Meng at M, you'd be disappointed.

In no time at all, the monstrous Tongan makes his way to the ring, where Kurrgan is shoving aside both Just Joe and Lane, then stalking toward the smaller Lane. Meng climbs into the ring and initiates the big man staredown, which is enough to get Kurrgan's attention. Joe, seeing Meng as distracted, tries to take advantage...

...but he eats a Tongan Death Grip instead!

Kurrgan sees an advantage as well, but Meng hurls Joe at Kurrgan instead, sending the big man reeling toward the ropes... and toppling right over!

ELIMINATION #9: Kurrgan by Just Joe hurled by Meng

Joe bounces off of Kurrgan and back into Meng, who is waiting with the same Tongan Death Grip he had on before. Lane considers moving in but thinks twice... so Meng moves in for him, catching Lane with a Tongan Death Grip as well! Charlie and Bro look on as Meng holds fast to the two jobbers. They look at each other, think about it... and set to work a-clubberin' Meng! Can Meng sustain it? Will someone come in to help?

#15!

Former convict Nailz has arrived in the alternate dimension, looking rather large and dangerous as he storms toward the ring with only one opponent in mind.

That's right, bitches.

It's Meng.

While Meng continues to rip the larynxes out of Joe and Lane, Nailz shoves aside Bro and Charlie and sets to work choking the life out of the Tongan monster. Meng responds the only way he knows how: by reaching out one muscly arm and Tongan Death Gripping right back. The two big men hold fast to each other's throats, strangling, choking, tearing, crushing, while Joe and Lane hack up a lung on the floor and Bro and Charlie go right back to exchanging punches. Both Meng and Nailz squeeze harder and harder, their eyes bugging out, their neck muscles bulging, their arms tensing further and further...

...and they both fall unconscious.

The two monsters suddenly slump forward, each one collapsing into the other. Finally, like two huge trees, they both drop to the mat right as Joe and Lane recover... wondering what the hell just happened.

#16!

BAH GAWD!

THAT SON OF A BITCH OKLAHOMA!

As Oklahoma goes sweeping down the aisle, he's got a microphone and a cowboy hat and a bottle of BBQ sauce, looking like quite the dapper shill as he barnstorms his way to the slobberknocker in the ring.

Of course, when he enters, he finds that someone has left the announce booth.

It's Jim Ross.

And one punch is all it takes to send the phony Okie back where he came from.

ELIMINATION #10: Oklahoma by Jim Ross

Like an angel parting the raindrops, JR maneuvers back out of the ring, past Charlie trying to eliminate Bro in the corner, past Joe and Lane slugging it out, and back to the announce table, having successfully destroyed his rival without even losing his hat.

Meanwhile, Lane and Joe have decided to consider their position more carefully, and they both begin hoisting Nailz up, dragging him toward the ropes. Bro kicks Charlie in the head and makes his way down from the turnbuckle, then tries a flying scissors kick but misses, catching himself on the ropes and crotching himself hard. Meanwhile, Joe and Lane begin to pull the unconscious Nailz up, trying to snake him over the top rope as best they can. Such action, however, seem to rouse the suspicions of the recovering Meng, who would like nothing more than to see all three men with their larynxes in their hands. Meng charges forward, and Lane and Joe, panicking, duck for a double back body drop.

Of course, that turns out to be a really bad idea, as Meng instead catches both with a double... Tongan Death Grip!

The two men find themselves choked to the mat as Bro drops to the apron! Charlie tries to charge at him, but Bro catches him with a punch instead! The clock counts down to zero! Who could it be? WHO!?

#17!

It's that cruel voodoo master Papa Shango, who looks every bit like the Boogeyman's way cooler brother as he stalks toward the ring! While Bro climbs to the top rope and connects with a missile dropkick to Charlie, Shango seemingly does the unthinkable. He shakes his voodoo staff toward the ring, chanting and rolling his eyes back in his head. All of a sudden, Lane disengages himself from Meng. He walks to the ropes.

And, very calmly, he eliminates himself.

ELIMINATION #11: Lane by... uh... Papa Shango?

Proud Papa Shango laughs an evil laugh as he hops over the top rope.

And gets his face knocked off by Meng.

And goes right back over.

Because nobody voodoos Meng's prey.

ELIMINATION #12: Papa Shango by Meng

Having once again established himself as the shit, Meng sets back into the now-conscious Nailz with chops, shouts, and headbutts. A recovering Joe decides there's some fun to be had as far away from Meng as possible and instead directs his attention to Joe and Charlie--and, specifically, putting the boots to the fallen Charlie. Bro helps Joe pick him up, the two whip him into the ropes, and both men nail a double arm drag as the clock counts down again!

#18!

It's the two-eyed Canadian superstar known as Quebecer Jacques, because you tell me who the fuck Q was gonna be. He's not a Mountie, but he always gets his man, and sliding into the ring, his man appears to be Chainsaw Charlie as well! Jacques, Bro, and Joe put in some triple-team work on Charlie, at last picking him up one more time for a triple-team power bomb!

The group celebrates.

And then Jacques and Joe suddenly clothesline Bro to the outside!

ELIMINATION #13: GI Bro by Quebecer Jacques and Just Joe

For just a few moments, Jacques and Joe gladhand themselves. It was a cunning plan, perfectly executed, and it left GI Bro on the ground. The taunt their fallen prey as, on the other side of the ring, Meng attempts to hoist Nailz over the turnbuckle. Both Jacques and Joe, however, seem rather ignorant of the fact that their former former prey has now recovered and is more than happy to remind them that he still exists by slamming their skulls together! While the heels stagger, Charlie is pleased to cross the ring and do the same thing to Nailz and Meng, which would be a fine idea if headbutting Meng ever led to anything other than sorrow. Meng instead charges after Charlie, dropping him with a running savate kick right as the clock hits zero...

#19!

REEEEPOOOOOO MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

It's Mr. Hole in One!

ohwaitnoit'sREPO MAN!

Stalking his way down to the ring, the vile Repo Man slinks and slides, while Meng takes Chainsaw Charlie to the corner and batters him to a pulp, reminding him why it is never, ever, ever a good idea to try to make Meng headbutt something. Repo, meanwhile, slides into the ring and decides that it's time to put a good sound thrashing to his fellow convict Nailz in the corner, whaling away with punches. Joe and Jacques, now fully recovered, try to join Meng in the assault, and they join in with a three-way clubberin' in the corner that everyone seems well involved with. Of course, once Charlie is thoroughly battered, Jacques and Joe decide to repeat the same action that felled the mighty GI Bro.

It's much less successful and Meng decides they'd look better with their throats in a vice instead!

For a few moments--as Repo slugs away at Nailz in the opposite corner--Meng holds tight. However, right as the clock counts down, Meng shoves both men away from him, and the force and distance is enough to propel Jacques over the rope!

ELIMINATION #14: Quebecer Jacques by Meng

#20!

Even before the buzzer sounds, #20--Silver King is bolting to the ring. It's as if he's trying to catch something, and... yes, he is! Just as Joe hits the ropes on the OTHER end of the ring, Joe leaps and pulls them down, sending Just Joe over the top--fitting revenge for the man who eliminated his Los Fabulosos partner!

ELIMINATION #15: Just Joe by Silver King and Meng

Of course, now Silver King has to enter the ring... and what he faces inside is a Nailz who is none too happy about having just been manhandled by a guy in a fucking Lone Ranger mask and would love to beat the hell out of some shit-eating chunky luchador to make himself feel like a big strong man again... so Silver King bides his time. Meanwhile, Meng is content to choke away at Charlie in the corner, which seems like a slightly better option in that at least Meng is distracted. Silver King enters there, hangs back, and waits.

But the two conmen in the ring aren't happy to let him wait, and both charge across the ring with a big double-clothesline.

Joined by a sort of prison respect, Nailz and Repo Man batter the hell out of the luchador until he can't feel things anymore. Meanwhile, Meng seems content to taunt, dropping to one knee and holding out his arms, completely obliterating any mystique he may have had as an unstoppable monster. Things remain firmly under heel control as the clock ticks down once again. Gee I wonder if some babyface is gonna show up to--

#21!

YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!

EE!EE!EE!EE!EE!EE!EE!

TATANKA!

(Somebody quote the above and respond appropriately. )

With a swift jog, the Native American warrior makes his way to the ring to a nice pop from the alternate universe crowd, and he wastes no time making an impact upon his arrival, putting the punches to Nailz, then Repo, then Meng, all the while pumping his arms and generally acting like a hero. Nailz and Repo both advance on him, but Tatanka wastes no time first dropping Repo with a punch, then whipping Nailz into the ropes and putting him down with a Samoan drop! The crowd is on their feet as Tatanka turns his attention back to Meng AND GETS A THROATFUL OF TONGAN DEATH GRIP FOR HIS TROUBLES! Of course, by this time, Chainsaw Charlie--still in the Rumble after all this time--is back to his former self, and he hurls himself at Meng with a flying forearm that causes Meng to discharge his victim! Both Charlie and Tatanka grab Meng by the legs and try to hoist him over the top rope, while Silver King, climbing to another turnbuckle, executes an impressive moonsault on the slowly recovering Repo Man! The clock is counting down the zero, and--

#22!

Heavy rock, flashing lights, and that all-too-familiar almost tribal rhythm signals the arrival of--first--a monstrous pop unlike any heard all night, followed immediately by the one and only Ultimate Warrior! This is not your daddy's Ultimate Warrior, however; it is, instead, YOUR Ultimate Warrior. The one right now. Gray-haired, business-like, and decidedly unferal. When the alternate universe was handing out in-their-prime wrestler bodies, someone apparently addressed Warrior's package to Chris Masters.

So instead, he stands in the aisleway, pumping his arms in the air while Nailz grabs Silver King and chokes him out in the corner. Warrior starts to break into a run but gases out quickly, so the crowd turns its attention back to the ring, where Chainsaw Charlie and Tatanka have turned on each other and are trading blows back and forth. Warrior tries to go to it again, but he instead resolves to pump his arms in the air some more, reaching on high for the heavens above. He's still getting an okay reaction, and he's milking it for all he's worth, but the action in the ring--in which Meng has pulled Nailz off of Silver King and re-instituted the Tongan Death Grip--is more exciting in that something is happening. Finally, Warrior breaks out into a full-on sprint and makes it all the way to the end of the guardrails before collapsing on one knee, taking a deep breath...

23!

HELLO LADIES!

...and being passed up on his way to the ring by a fiery Val Venis, eliminating the Warrior since he didn't make it to the ring before his successor.

He'd be upset about it if he weren't so dying.

ELIMINATION #16: Ultimate Warrior by the... cruel, cruel ravages of age and poor cardiovascular conditioning

Val, however, is in the shape of his life, and the veteran is ready to rumble and in tip-top shape as he locks horns with a recovering Repo Man mid-ring. As paramedics rush out to tend to the Warrior, Charlie scoops up Tatanka and drops him with a piledriver, then takes a breather himself--one that doesn't last long as a surging Silver King rushes toward him with a flying spinwheel kick. On the other side of the ring, Meng nearly has Nailz eliminated, but the big man answers with a knee to the gut, followed by a slam of the head to the turnbuckle. Meng brushes the blow off and chops, and Nailz finally gets pissed off enough to steamroll Meng with a Thesz press and then slam his head repeatedly into the mat as if to say "WILL YOU START TAKING DAMAGE TO YOUR SKULL ALREADY!?" The more technically sound Val, meanwhile, is wrestling circles around Repo Man, keeping him tied in a hammerlock before sending him into the ropes and picking him up high in the air for a BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK body drop that very nearly sends him over the ropes. Repo crawls to his knees and begs off, and stupid Val advances and eats a thumb in the eye to the face for his efforts. Across the ring, Silver King is trying to hoist out Charlie, while a recovering Tatanka has focused his attention on stunning Nailz with a forearm. We're counting down again!

#24!

Scepter in hand, the mighty Warlord stomps toward the ring, giving the stinkeye to a stretcher carrying an oxygen-mask-aided Ultimate Warrior out of the arena. Warlord enters the ring and wastes no time finding where the action is, as Tatanka and Nailz are both tied up trying to eliminate each other. Warlord, seeing no reason to do anything different, grabs BOTH men by their legs and dumps them BOTH on the floor!

ELIMINATION #17: Nailz by Warlord

ELIMINATION #18: Tatanka by Warlord

Warlord flexes and holds his arms high, feeling firmly established as the top big man in the Rumble mere moments before Meng firmly establishes a headbutt to the back of his skull. After Repo Man takes Val down with an impressive snap suplex, he decides to focus his attention on helping Silver King push the exhausted Charlie over the turnbuckle, but both men meet with limited success. Meanwhile, Meng sets to work chopping the hell out of Warlord in the corner, and Warlord sets to work reversing that shit and firing back with big forearms, a back elbow, and an Irish whip into a spinebuster! Warlord then continues his path of destruction by helping Charlie in the corner, leveling both Repo and Silver King with double clotheslines. Warlord picks Silver King up high over his head and deposits him over the ropes, but Silver King barely hangs on, skinning the cat and flipping back in. Warlord tries the same move to Repo but gets similar results, but that doesn't stop the big man from taunting a bit--mere moments before Meng comes back to life and takes him down with a Savate kick! The crowd is on their feet as Meng, now thoroughly enraged, locks on the Tongan Death Grip to the downed Warlord! Val Venis has recovered, and all four remaining men are locked in a brutal and violent fistfight that's impossible to sort out! The clock is counting down! We're at X! By God, who could it be?

#25!

X-PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC! x-pac!

YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO?

YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL US WHAT TO WEAR?

YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTA?

WELL YOU BETTER GET READY TO BOW TO THE MASTERS!

Crotch-chopping and sticking his tongue out all the way, the excitable X-Pac is a house afire on his way to the ring, and the crowd very nearly sets the place afire with boos, a healthy chant of "X-PAC SUCKS!" rising to the rafters. Pac enters the ring and continues his antics, playing babyface despite the fact that no one in the arena--or on the planet, or in the alternate universe--is buying it. For fifteen full seconds mid-ring, X-Pac chops at his crotch, jumping up and down, holding up his arms in an X, all the while enticing the crowd to greater fits of rage, even louder chants of "X-PAC SUCKS!"

Meng releases.

The fistfight breaks up.

And this shit gets real.

Within moments, each and every man in the ring aside from the unconscious Warlord charges at X-Pac. This is no mere beatdown; this is a focused realization of the crowd's chants and catcalls. The crowd goes wild as poor X-Pac is battered and beaten to a bloody pulp. Then, when they're done with him, every man in the ring except Warlord dumps X-Pac to the floor!

ELIMINATION #19: X-Pac by those who think he sucks

The crowd erupts into approval, and the wrestlers stand watching--just a moment too long! Not one second later, Val Venis and Repo Man form an unspoken and dubious alliance, grabbing Meng by the legs and dumping HIM to the floor as well!

ELIMINATION #20: Meng by Val Venis and Repo Man

Val and Repo laugh and high-five.

But that's also a mistake.

Because YOU DON'T HIGH-FIVE THE REPO MAN!

One short-arm Irish whip into a clothesline later, and Val Venis is ALSO on the floor!

ELIMINATION #21: Val Venis by Repo Man

By this point, everyone settles down a bit and realizes that the best thing to do is get right back to beating the hell out of each other. Once again they pair off--Silver King on Repo, Charlie on Warlord--just as the countdown begins and then winds down...

#26!

Apparently in the midst of the in-ring chaos, nobody noticed the enormous block of ice that had been lugged onto the ramp.

All that changes, of course, when the ice block bursts open and a mummy named Yeti lumbers forth.

As Warlord whips Charlie into the ropes and delivers a big-time back body drop, as Repo Man locks Silver King in the corner and drives an elbow into his face, the Yeti shambles down the aisle, arms outstretched, legs and arms stiff as a board. Whatever abominable snowman or ancient, uh, mummified Himalayan king is ensorcelled within the dark magicks that now cause the dead to rise, it's abundantly clear that he's wrapped a bit too tightly to encourage any kind of mobility at all. It takes him a full thirty seconds to reach the ring and two ringside officials to help him onto the apron, after which point it's just a matter of clumsily stepping over the top rope... and falling flat on his face.

Like a turtle, the Yeti remains paralyzed.

In a moment of panic, Silver King--ever the professional--rushes to "attack" the Yeti, and during the course of the attack he miraculously manages to right the big man and fall under attack himself. The Yeti, arms still outstretched, wraps himself around King as best he can and delivers a devastating, soul-stealing bear hug, which King sells as if he's being sucked deep into the abyss. Repo Man recoils in horror--such a beast has never been seen in a wrestling ring before, and he'd much rather help Warlord eliminate Chainsaw Charlie than deal with whatever macabre creation this is. With the Yeti's power-draining attack leaving Silver King one step away from sand--and Chainsaw Charlie recovering from being on the ropes--the clock appears again. Is there another wrestler who starts with Z? Let's do the alphabet again!

#27!

Oh, no.

There is another Z.

And it's... Zeus.

The monsters keep growing more dangerous as the Human Wrecking Machine slaps his pecs, barks his lungs out, and thunders toward fresh victims in the ring. Perhaps out of a misplaced sense of duty--or perhaps because Chainsaw Charlie is now leveling Warlord with a roundhouse left and knocking the big man down--Repo Man decides to hedge his bets against the incoming big guy, waiting to intercept him with punches as he steps through the ropes.

This is, to be frank, an alarmingly stupid thing to do and it can hardly be said that Repo gets anything other than what's coming to him when he's tossed out by the head.

ELIMINATION #22: Repo Man by Zeus

The Yeti turns its energy-draining attack toward the newcomer, but Zeus don't play that game and instead shoves Yeti to the other side of the ring. Meanwhile, Zeus picks up Silver King, grabs him by the hair, and tosses him over the top as well!

ELIMINATION #23: Silver King by Zeus

Zeus advances on the Yeti now, even as his energy-draining bear hug seems to have no effect. Finally, after a few seconds of barking and slapping his chest, Zeus suggests that the duo instead go for Warlord and Charlie, who have--by now--decided to set aside their differences in the interest of holy crap the ring is filling up with monsters and real ones this time. In no time, the two charge for their foes--Charlie on Yeti, Warlord on Zeus--and Charlie staggers the Yeti with big rights and lefts and forearms and essentially whatever else he can throw. Meanwhile, as the clock strikes down, Zeus shrugs off the petty Warlord, moving in towards Charlie one more time...

#28!

WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT!

NO!

WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT!

WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT... ANYMORE!

Oh, Lord. It's Arquette... David Arquette.

Yes, proving for perhaps the first time that last names count most in the alphabetical battle royal, an initially enthusiastic David Arquette swoops down the aisle in his weird red devil costume... only to discover that the ring is full of people who will kill his face off. He hesitates, reticent as the Warlord charges into Zeus again, only to this time find himself completely and thoroughly knocked to the floor.

ELIMINATION #24: Warlord by Zeus

However, Arquette is encouraged by what he sees on the other side of the ring, where Chainsaw Charlie has the Yeti staggered! Arquette slides into the ring and joins Charlie in one final push, shoving Yeti into the ropes. Yeti lumbers into a rebound and meets a double-clothesline that nearly knocks him down. Finally, both Arquette and Charlie grab Yeti by his grubby toilet paper shoulders and toss him--still stiff as a board--outside the ring!

ELIMINATION #25: Yeti by David Arquette and Chainsaw Charlie

Charlie nearly collapses--he's exhausted. Arquette, however, still has the presence of mind to see that a very angry Zeus remains in the ring. He taps Charlie on the shoulder, beckoning him to turn around as Zeus steps ever-closer, slapping his chest and shouting ever-louder.

Finally, the exhausted Charlie turns.

He visibly mouths, "Aw, shit."

And he throws himself at Zeus.

It's not, of course, for lack of trying. Charlie simply cannot stop the big man; he can't even move him. And it isn't long--right until the countdown, in fact--that even the great Chainsaw Charlie is finally dumped after his incredibly long run in the event.

ELIMINATION #26: Chainsaw Charlie by Zeus

Zeus advances.

Arquette cowers.

A buzzer goes off...

#29!

...Mick Foley, eat your heart out.

Making the four-peat today--and his SECOND appearance at the letter B spot--is the only man who can stop Zeus!

It's Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake!

Even so, Zeus shows no fear as the Barber clips and clops his way toward the ring, his trademark scissors in hand despite the fact that they won't do much aside from possible trim that funky Z on the side of Zeus's head. Even so, Beefcake is confident--so confident, in fact, that he leaves them at ringside as he steps into the ring, walking straight toward Zeus.

Arquette is still cowering as Zeus, frothing at the mouth and bugging his crossed eyes out of his head, stomps toward him.

Beefcake smiles.

And gouges at the eyes.

IMMEDIATELY Zeus is stunned, and Beefcake opens up with punches. He staggers Zeus against the ropes, gets a running start, and goes for the eyes one more time--with a leaping eye gouge!

Zeus goes over the top!

...and BEEFCAKE goes over the top!

ELIMINATIONS #27 & #28: Brutus Beefcake and Zeus by one another

A startled Arquette watches as Zeus and Beefcake continue to brawl on the corner, trading hard lefts and rights as they battle to the back. Arquette, however, realizes something else.

He's the last man standing in the Royal Rumble!

Leaping to the top turnbuckle, he pumps his fists in the air, firing up the crowd, seemingly... surprised that his entrance music isn't playing. He suspects nothing--even as the countdown clock appears once again and counts down to zero.

Only when he hears the buzzer does he turn back to the entryway.

#30!

He waits... but no one arrives.

All at once, there is a rumbling as the alternate universe resolves itself around a single point behind Arquette--at the timekeeper's table, where the guest timekeeper--the very man who announced the show in the first--stood up.

"David! David, David, David! Listen, pal... I know you're big into celebrity appearances and all that?"

The timekeeper stepped into the ring behind Arquette. He had a microphone in one hand and a stack of blue cards in the other.

"But the Royal Rumble, David?"

Just then, he clocked Arquette over the head with the microphone, depositing him onto the floor.

"This is MY yard!"

ELIMINATION #29: David Arquette by...

The WINNER of the Alphabet Rumble...

DREW CAREY!

================================================================================

One's FD, one's Sousa.

Vote if you want. After getting only two of ten entries back, I could really not give a fuck.

The Arena will be closed and deleted by next weekend. May it BIH.

[Sousa]

Everyone else is lame.

[King Ellis]

#21!

YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!

EE!EE!EE!EE!EE!EE!EE!

TATANKA!

BUFFALO!

[C-MIL]

*JIVE SOUL BRO LYRICS GO HERE*

And you worked so hard.

For nothing.

Ugh, I want to cry.

[Sousa]

...shit, I bet whoever did that meant to fix that before he sent it in, too.

[C-MIL]

That would suggest one of the entrants didn't know the lyrics by heart... which I refuse to believe.

[Sousa]

I would imagine said entrant just needed to remind himself what the first few lines were.

[nufan]

Rumble number two.. it was just more addictive to read.

[C-MIL]

"Well, I met this lady and..."

Actually, no.

It's one of the rare instances where I'd actually advocate the use of youtube in a diary... like... thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-rMxydtXis

EDIT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2iIYibSa-g - now featuring more WWF-style overt racism™

Edited February 9, 2009 by C-MIL

[Sousa]

That was a long-ass night, in whoever-that-is's defense.

[FireDoughnut]

Sousa's was so much better than mine. I was just desperate to get something in. Kudos chief.

1-1

[NobBe Nobbs]

Boy howdy that's a damn fine job of disguising the two authors. With my last post, I curse Zoidberg put my vote behind candidate #2 and leave y'all with a snippet of the finished...CHIKARUMBLE. I had a better name for it, I just can't remember it.

Spoiler: Click here to view

Quack doesn’t get time to celebrate or even take a breather, because now STIGMA is on him like stink on cheese with some clubbing forearms. You might even say they’re CLUBBERING THEY ARE CLUBBERING TONY, if you were of a more Keithy persuasion, but it’s very wild and undisciplined offense from STIGMA who, like Shane Matthews, has been on a rather lacklustre streak of late. Maybe this is him getting his vengeance for losing to Quack at Dual and Duality but, if so, he’s not going about it very well – Quack covers up, lets STIGMA batter his arms for a few moments, then brings his legs up and basically monkey flips the guy off him. STIGMA scrambles to his feet and charges blind at Quack, who does a nice judo-esque hip toss that STIGMA rolls straight out of and...wait…yes, YES, WE’VE GOT AN INDY RESPECT POSE! That’s an indy respect pose going down between Mike Quackenbush and STIG-no, wait, STIGMA’s just kicked Quack in the particulars. So much for that. In case it wasn’t already clear – which it wasn’t – there’s no disqualifications in effect and Chuck, who’s in the process of being beaten from pillar to post by Brodie, spots the complete lack of referee intervention and aims a low dropkick into Brodie’s joy department before the big tree can squish him with the planned spinebuster. Brodie crumples and entrant #10 Amasis, having taken his sweet time funking his way to the ring, catches him on the way down with a slingshot legdrop from the apron that ends up looking like a Rocker Dropper – the Funky Pharaoh rolls backwards onto his feet, moonwalks into the middle of the ring and drops into the splits as Chuck attempts a bulldog, misses and falls flat on his ass, whereupon Amasis grabs his head and rolls forward without actually getting back up.

It’s a difficult sequence to describe, just know it was totally bitching.

Now minus an Eddie Kingston to get in his way, Quack gets to have free reign with the fallen Brodie and busts out the first and quite possibly last CHIKARA Special of the match, but Amasis clearly doesn’t quite grasp the idea of a free-for-all properly as he hops over the entwined bodies and hits Quack with a shoulder tackle, then himself gets taken down because he runs into the path of STIGMA who goes around him with a waistlock and near as dammit drops Amasis on his head with a sick German suplex. Because this looks like the portion of the match where all semblance of order goes out of the window, it’s Chucky T’s turn and he makes a renewed beeline for the rising Quack. Did somebody say Awful Waffle? They should have – Quack gets splattered all over the mat with the brutal driver-thing and Chuck acts like he’s just won the Super Bowl by doing a silly little dance. Does Amasis take offense to this? Why yes, yes he does, and Chucky’s reward for trying to infringe on his racket is a lungblower, but Amasis doesn’t get any chance to show off his chops because STIGMA pulls out the Sam Fisher Special – kicking him in the back of the knee – and even though he’s rudo beyond belief, the fans do appreciate him breaking out THAT! JAPANESE! MOVE! For a second, STIGMA seems to forget himself and drinks up the pop (hey, it works on two different levels!), then the reality of the situation gets pounded back into him. Turns out that, if you ignore somebody for long enough, they get better and Brodie just about murders STIGMA with a fucking nasty lariat(ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) to drive the point home. So Quack’s down, STIGMA’s out of commission, Amasis is u-sorry, he just ate a Liger bomb from Brodie, he’s down and Chuck is…Chuck is fine but is playing dead, and all the while Brodie is stalking around the bodies like a raging bull. It looks bad for everybody who is not him, but then…

POOR-QUALITY MIDI MUSIC PIERCED THE AIR! Most of the lights go out except for some super-funky blue strobe ones and, as Amasis makes a miraculous recovery just to dance, the crowd began to clap along with the truly awe-inspiring…

TEST YOUR MIGHT

TEST YOUR MIGHT

TEST YOUR MIGHT

TEST YOUR MIGHT

MORTAL KOMBAT!

FIGHT!

The fans love him, so should you – it’s entrant #11, the Eight-Bit Luchadore…Plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayer Uuuuuuuuunooooooooooooooooo! But, slightly more importantly, the dastardly STIGMA is no longer out of commission, having recovered from being beheaded admirably well, and as the lights come back on he tags Amasis for the second time with THAT! JAPANESE! MOVE! Brodie’s attention is squarely on Player Uno, who’s doing something with a roll of duct tape on the outside, so there’s nobody to stop STIGMA from bringing AMASIS…sorry, force of habit, Amasis out to the apron. The Funky Pharaoh’s in no state to fight back, having just had his bell rung twice with T! J! M!, and though he suffers through the agony of choice for a moment – stroking his non-existent beard and all – STIGMA eventually plumps for something nice and simple to get the job done…an Air Raid Crash right onto the fucking apron! Fuck being eliminated, Amasis is probably dead!

Elimination #6 – Amasis (by STIGMA, 13:42)

Among other things that would have been included - Player Uno taping over the Start button on his tights so he can't be paused, Uno donning a Metal Cap and running riot for like ten seconds, Chris Hero returning wearing Rorschach's mask just so I could write "THE KINGS OF WRESTLING RIDE AGAIN", Chucky not taking elimination well and hucking a grenade back into the ring (panic ensues), Icarus getting a true, overblown death sequence and a rowboat spot. Also, Brodie Lee would have won. Shocker.

[C-MIL]

But you eliminated Amasis...

[NobBe Nobbs]

I know, but I had to be cruel to be kind.

[El Presidente]

First of all, I'm really sorry for not showing.

Second of all, since I had such a big part of it done, I figured I'll post whatever I had done too. I was doing an iDOM rumble for the NWA Heavyweight Championship.

Rumble Pt. 1

Spoiler: Click here to view

Prologue: In December of 2008, the National Wrestling Alliance was devastated by the news that the undefeated NWA Heavyweight Champion, Brock Lesnar, suffered a career-threatening neck injury while wrestling in Japan against Satoshi Kojima. The following week, a sold-out audience stood still as J.J. Dillon announced to the world that Lesnar's injury would keep him out of the ring for a minimum of one year, and because of the NWA's policy that the Big Gold must be defended at least once within a 90 day period, Dillon was forced to strip the NWA Heavyweight Championship from possibly the greatest champion of all time. Dillon wished Lesnar a speedy recovery, and hoped to see him back in the ring to reclaim his championship and his glory at some point in 2009.

Despite the sadness for Lesnar's injury, which came at a terrible time considering his record-breaking career was just starting to hit its peak, the chains had to keep moving. It was then that J.J. Dillon announced that to kick off the new year, a royal rumble would be held to crown a new NWA Heavyweight Champion, and it would feature thirty of the greatest superstars in the world, from ten different NWA hand-picked promotions. Dillon ran down the promotions that would be involved: Calgary Stampede, Eastern Championship Wrestling, Honolulu Championship Wrestling, Imperio De Lucha Azteca (Konnan apparently reached an agreement with Dillon over his stars competing in the U.S. after the Eddy Guerrero controversy in 2002), Memphis Championship Wrestling, NWA: Los Angeles, NWA: Motor City, Ric Flair Promotions, Titan Wrestling Entertainment, and, of course, World Class Championship Wrestling. Each promotion would be allowed to enter three wrestlers, which Dillon gave them complete control over, and this was surely shaping up to be one of the biggest matches in NWA history. With that said...

National Wrestling Alliance Presents:

THE ROYAL RUMBLE

Jim Ross: " Hello everyone, WCCW's Jim Ross here with Memphis's own, Jerry "The King" Lawler. And King, what a HUGE night this is gonna' be for the NWA... and for wrestlin' in general! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " It sure is, JR. And this could be a huge night for ANY of the promotions participating, and as you know, that includes my own baby, Memphis Championship Wrestling. "

Jim Ross: " Well, let's not forget that WCCW entered three men in this contest who have ALL held the Big Gold at some point in their careers, and as far as I'm concerned, the belt's BOUND to come back where it belongs, and that's in World Class Championship Wrestlin'. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Well, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. "

The cameras move from the announce table to the ring, to reveal TWE's own Howard Finkel, who has been introducing the rumble match for over a decade now, standing in the middle of the ring with a microphone.

Howard Finkel: " The following contest... is the ROYAL... RUMBLE... MATCH. The winner of this bout, will be crowned the NEWWWW... NWA.. HEAVYWEIGHT.. CHAMPION.. of the world. Superstars will enter the ring every TWO minutes. And now, let's find out.. who drew the NUMBER ONE spot. "

LATINOOOO... HEAT

Entrant #1, Representing: Imperio De Lucha Azteca - Eddy Guerrero

Jim Ross: " It's Eddy Guerrero, King! And I think we all remember the controversy in 2002 when ILA last challenged for the Big Gold. When Konnan interrupted the main event between Kurt Angle and Eddy Guerrero after Eddy's defeat and refused to EVER let any of his wrestlers compete in the United States again. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Oh boy, I do remember that, and I gotta' admit, I was quite surprised to hear that ILA would be taking part in this match, but HEY.. it's a free chance to win the Big Gold, and nobody's gonna' pass that up. "

Eddy awaits in the ring, warming up and jumping around, ready for action, as second competitor makes his way out. Then, to everyone's surprise, including Eddy's, Whatever by Our Lady Peace hits over the PA..

Entrant #2, Representing: Imperio De Lucha Azteca - Chris Benoit

Jim Ross: " BAH' GAWD, KING, IT'S ANOTHER MEMBER OF ILA, IT'S CHRIS BENOIT! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " WELL... I guess this is the NWA's punishment for ILA. "

Eddy stops jumping around in the ring as his good friend and fellow ILA wrestler, Chris Benoit, starts heading down to the ring. Obviously, neither man seems happy about this from the start, and the crowd is completely on their side, overpowering JR and Jerry Lawler's commenting with their thunderous boo's, forcing them to have to scream to each other.

Jim Ross: " YOU CAN TELL BY THE REACTION OF THIS CROWD, KING, THEY'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS. "

Benoit slides into the ring and stands right in front of his friend as his music stops. Immediately, the bell rings, and both competitors hesitate for a moment. Eddy finally breaks the ice by extending his arm out, shaking hands with Benoit and signaling that the match is going to be under way. Despite their great friendship, these two have had some fantastic matches in ILA, and their in-ring chemistry showed immediately as they locked up in some fantastic chain mat wrestling, which the crowd welcomed with applause. Benoit then charged towards Guerrero, but Eddy bent over and lifted Benoit over his head, forcing him to go flying over the top rope, but only to the apron.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " That would've been a rather un-lucky start for Benoit! "

The Rabid Wolverine slides back into the ring behind Eddy and grabs him from behind, locking in his arms and nailing him with a german suplex. Benoit holds on to the maneuver and goes for another two germans on Eddy before pointing to the outside. He grabbed Guerrero back up off the ground by his hair and with one hand, carelessly tossed him over the top rope, but once again, no eliminations yet as Eddy managed to hold on to the top rope and land on the apron himself. Benoit was a bit more astute than his opponent, though, and he immediately sprinted towards him, looking to throw him off the apron. Once The Wolverine reached his target, however, Eddy slid himself through the second and third rope and shoulder blocked him in the mid section, then catapulted himself over the top rope for an impressive flying sunset flip. Eddy springs back up and shouts "WOOOOO!" as he nails the maneuver and livens up the crowd once again. Then, the countdown begins.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

BOOM! After an exploding pyro, a familiar face and a massive body comes walking out to the ramp.

Entrant #3, Representing: Titan Wrestling Entertainment - Paul "The Great" Wight

Jim Ross: " It's the biggest man in the competition, King! It's Paul Wight! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " "THE GREAT!" ... I wouldn't want to be in Benoit's or Eddy's shoes right now, I'll tell ya' that much. I've faced some big guys in my day, but Wight is just from another planet! "

Jim Ross: " And in case you all forgot, Wight is the first former NWA Heavyweight Champion to enter the competition. "

Eddy takes his attention off of Benoit, who was just starting to regain his energy and get up in the corner, and turns directly towards the big man as he stands tall on the apron before walking over the top rope and into the ring. Eddy goes right after him with a series of shots to the head, and he is immediately aided by Benoit in double teaming Wight. With Guerrero attacking him from the right and Benoit from the left, it wasn't looking very good for the five hundred pounder, who finally dropped to one knee when the shots started to take their toll.

Jim Ross: " He could be outta' here soon! "

In perfect timing with JR's comment, Wight screams and stands back up, grabbing each of his opponents by their necks with his hands.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " I wouldn't say that just yet. "

He tosses Benoit to the corner with his left hand, and focuses solely on Guerrero, raising him up and dropping him down with a chokeslam with the help of his left hand. With Eddy seemingly out of action for a bit, due to the impact, Benoit comes running back towards Wight and nails him on the chest with four backhand chops. Once again, however, The Great doesn't seem to be too affected by the shots he's taking. He grabs The Rabid Wolvering by his neck and lifts him up off the ground, but Benoit shocks everybody when he uses the chokeslam to his advantage, grabbing a hold of Wight's arm and using his momentum to carry him down and lock in the Crippler Crossface!

Jim Ross: " Textbook reversal by Benoit, King! "

Benoit has the Crossface locked in, and Wight seems to be in a world of hurt, screaming from the pain. The Wolverine seems to have the big man in a terrible predicament, as there are no rope breaks in the royal rumble, and he could end up seriously hurt if the maneuver is locked in for so long. Meanwhile, Eddy Guerrero gets back up to his feet, and, noticing the situation, he climbs out to the apron and to the top rope closest to the action. He takes a moment to get the crowd involved from the turnbuckle, then leaps off for a Frog Splash. Paul Wight notices Guerrero's intentions, and uses every inch of strength he had left to push himself and Benoit forward, forcing Guerrero to land on both men and not only on Wight, and forcing Benoit to release the hold. The impact puts all three men down, and the countdown starts again.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #4, Representing: Calgary Stampede - Christian Cage

Cage comes walking out to the ramp with his always-so-cocky smile, loving the negative reaction he's hearing from the crowd.

Jim Ross: " You've gotta' hand it to Christian Cage, King, this guy's been on a path to success ever since the infamous SPLIT of Sex and Steele. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " No doubt about it, JR, he's a sleeper coming into this match, and I wouldn't sleep on Hardcastle, either. "

Jim Ross: " Well, trust me, that ain't gonna' happen as long as WCCW has something to do with it, the Big Gold's not goin' back to Calgary. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " ... That's because it's destined to come to Memphis! "

Jim Ross: " Oh, please. "

Upon noticing the weak conditions of the other three competitors currently in the match, Christian sprints down to the ring and tries to take advantage of them at the best of his abilities. He grabs a hold of Guerrero and gets him up on his feet, locking him in for an unprettier. Eddy quickly fights back and pushes Cage into the ropes, catching him on the way back with a beautiful dropkick. Guerrero grabs Christian up off the mat by his head, and swings towards the outside, but Cage nicely rolls through and counters, tossing Guerrero over the top rope. Eddy manages to land on the apron for a second time tonight, this time, though, he looks to be hanging on by a thread as he grasps the top rope with all of his strength as his feet are nearly touching the floor.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Looks like we might have our very first elimination, JR! "

Christian Cage, as usual, lets his arrogance get the best of him, as he starts celebrating Eddy's elimination before it even officially happens. Guerrero takes the opportunity to flip himself back into the ring, where he curls up into a ball and rests near the turnbuckle. By this point, Benoit is back up on his feet. The Wolverine catches Cage by surprise as he locks his arms around him in from behind and delivers a single release german suplex. Benoit takes a second to look around, and notices that he's the only man standing in the ring, as Eddy, Cage, and Wight are all still trying to recover from the action. After looking around for a few seconds, Benoit signals for the end with a "cut throat." and starts walking towards the turnbuckle.

Jim Ross: " Where's he goin', King!? "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " He's going to the top! "

Benoit makes it to the top rope and looks around to decide who is target is going to be. Just before he leaps off, the countdown starts once again.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7..

Benoit jumps off and nails Paul Wight with a swandive headbutt, re-assuring that the big man's agony would continue and that he would be kept out of action for as long as possible. Then, the crowd turned to the titantron as the countdown neared the end.

6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #5, Representing: Memphis Championship Wrestling - Matt Hardy

Jim Ross: " IT'S ONE OF YER OWN, KING! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Damn luck of the draw! I've got faith in Matt, though, let me tell ya'. He knows ALLLL about overcoming the odds. Matter of fact, he had to defeat the Music City MASTODON, Mable, just to get here! "

Jim Ross: " Don't get too excited, King, if Hardy even stands a CHANCE of lastin' in this match.. it's 'cause no WCCW wrestler is out there yet. I know how y'all do it in Memphis, don't get me wrong, but it sure ain't nothin' like Texas. "

Lawler ignores the comment and the focus is back on the ring, where Benoit and Eddy Guerrero are now both up, and are trying to work together to get a very weak Paul Wight out of the ring. Meanwhile, Hardy slips right in and tries to blend in with the pack, throwing Christian Cage into the corner and starting a fight of his own against one half of the most popular tag team in Calgary. Benoit and Guerrero seem to be on a mission to get Wight out of the ring, as they have him pinned against the ropes, and are both pushing with every inch of strength they have, Benoit near his upper body, and Eddy by his legs.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Are they crazy? There's no WAY they're gonna' be able to lift something THAT big. "

It appears that Lawler is right. Despite the obvious efforts, it seems like an impossible task to lift "The Great" Wight over the top rope. Angered by the results, both Benoit and Guerrero start unleashing a series of chops and punches to the head of the big man, continuining to push him towards the ropes, where Wight seems to now have found some sort of comfort leaning between the middle and top rope, taking hits from ILA's finest. Meanwhile, Hardy and Cage continue their little brawl in the top left corner of the screen, going back and forth, exchanging all sorts of strikes to each other's upper bodies. Here, the match hit a somewhat boring point, and the crowd's excitement hit its lowest point. Fast forward about a minute, and the countdown is once again taking up the entire titantron.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " I've got a feeling this is gonna' be someone HUGE, JR. "

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Jim Ross: " Bah' gawd, King, you were right! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Ha ha! I told you. "

Entrant #6, Representing: Eastern Championship Wrestling - Baldo The Destroyer

A huge entrant, in fact, especially in size, the recently crowned ECW champion, Baldo The Destroyer, comes power walking down to the ring, but doesn't catch the attention of any of the competitors in the ring. He enters freely and has a moment to choose who he'd like to attack. With almost no hesitation, Baldo breaks up the on-going brawl between Guerrero/Benoit and Paul Wight, apparently coming to the aid of "The Great" by knocking Eddy out unconscious with a yakuza kick, then following up by catching a running Benoit with a Baldo Bomb right in the middle of the ring. Wight takes this chance to finally regain some of his energy, and starts pulling himself up using the top rope for leverage. However, just when it seems like Wight is finally going to start taking control of this match, Baldo turns towards him and charges with all he's got, clothelining him right over the top rope and to the outside! The giant hits the floor with both of his feet, and by the look on his face, and the crowd's reaction, you can easily tell that this isn't something he was expecting to happen so early, if at all.

Jim Ross: " I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, KING, HE'S GONE! The biggest man in the rumble, a former two-time NWA Heavyweight Champion... and he's the first one out. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Just like THAT. Benoit and Guerrero couldn't do it in ten minutes, Baldo did it in ONE. "

Jim Ross: " I am just shocked to see Paul Wight be the first man to get ELIMINATED. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Well... that's just the way things go sometimes. "

Elimination #1: Paul "The Great" Wight (by Baldo The Destroyer)

Wight is obviously unhappy about what just transpired in the ring, but he seems to be taking out his aggression on the wrong person, one of the referees out at ringside. After his short burst of anger, Wight walks back up the ramp for the ultimate walk of shame, and you can tell by the look in his eyes that he is definitely disappointed about his performance here so far, and most of the credit for that HAS to be given to The Rabid Wolverine. Back in the ring, Baldo is still pumped up from Wight's eliminaiton, and tries to keep his momentum going by grabbing Matt Hardy from behind by his hair, and tossing him in the direction of the ropes.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Not like this! "

Luckily for Lawler, and MCW's chances, Hardy doesn't go over, but instead bounces on the ropes and falls back down to the mat. Meanwhile, Eddy manages to climb up to the top rope, undetected by the competition. He waits for the right moment, then jumps off and nails The Destroyer with a missile dropkick. He springs back up to his feet and hits a standing dropkick on Christian Cage before pounding on his chest and shouting something in mexican to get the crowd behind him.

Jim Ross: " Listen to this capacity crowd, King, they love him! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Yeah, and for what reason, I don't know. "

Eddy looks to capitalize on his momentum, and grabs Matt Hardy off the ground. Hardy seems to be a likeable target because of his long hair and the ease that his opponents have to grab him by it. Eddy then pushes forward towards the ropes, but Hardy inables him to throw him out by countering the attempt with a backdrop.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #7, Representing: Honolulu Championship Wrestling - Rocky Johnson Jr.

One of Honolulu's most popular stars, Rocky, comes running out to the ramp, all oiled up and ready to compete. With the cameras focusing on Rocky's entrance, however, we are unable to see what's happening in the ring.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " NO! HANG ON, MATT! "

The cameras switch back to the squared circle, where we only catch the end of Matt Hardy's elimination, as he's pushed over the top rope by Chris Benoit. An instant replay shows that Benoit surprised Matt Hardy from behind, near the ropes, and simply tossed him over.

Jim Ross: " ... He's outta' here, King. How do ya' like THAT!? "

Elimination #2: Matt Hardy (by Chris Benoit)

Rocky passes by an angry Hardy and slows down for a moment, before heading into the ring and taking everyone by storm with his fresh energy. He blocks a right hand from Cage and unleashes a flurry of shots of his own, sending Christian down. Baldo spins him around, but has his right hand blocked as well, and he's also nailed with a series of Rocky's signature punches. To capitalize on his effort, Johnson runs towards the ropes and clothelines The Destroyer down.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Rocky's on FIRE! "

Guerrero finally puts an end to Rocky's mean streak, flipping him around, kicking him in the gut, and lifting him off the ground for a brainbuster. Rocky rolls through and lands behind Eddy, then grabs him by his hair with his right hand and charges towards the ropes, tossing Guerrero over the top, but once again, only on to the apron. Johnson notices immediately, and sprints back towards his opponent, but Eddy catches him with a shoulder block through the ropes. Benoit notices the situation, but also sees it as an opportunity to eliminate another contestant. He heads towards Eddy, and surprisingly aids Rocky in trying to eliminate his fellow ILA superstar.

Jim Ross: " Benoit's going after his only ally in this match, King! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Shows what kind of teamwork Konnan teaches those guys in Mexico, huh? I'll tell you one thing, you'd NEVER see this done in Memphis. "

Jim Ross: " Well, us Texans stick together pretty well ourselves. "

Benoit and Rocky start pushing a weakened Eddy, who seems to be barely hanging on, clasping the top rope with both of his hands and constantly looking behind him to see how close he is to the ground. Just when things started to look back for Latino Heat, Christian Cage hits Benoit from behind with a double axe handle and Eddy's given a chance to slide back into the ring to catch his breath. The action slows down for a bit here. Guerrero, Rocky, and Baldo all take a short break from the action, while Christian Cage stomps on Rocky Johnson in the bottom right corner of the screen. Then, the countdown begins again.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #8, Representing: NWA: Motor City - Raven

NWA: Motor City's first entrant in the rumble, Raven, makes his way out to the the ramp with a steel chair in hand. The officials try to stop Raven from bringing a foreign object into the ring, but they were obviously crazy in thinking that he'd comply. Raven slides under the bottom rope and enters the ring. He waits for someone else to attack him first. To no surprise, Raven's former stable-mate from his ECW days, Baldo The Destroyer, is the first to strike, and also the first to be caught by a hard shot on the head with that steel chair.

Jim Ross: " This isn't right, King. I hate these motor city goons. "

Christian Cage charges towards Raven as well, but he also eats a stiff chair shot right to the head. Just seconds after nailing Cage, Raven is spun around by Chris Benoit, who pulls the steel chair away from him and tosses it to the outside. He kicks Raven in the gut, then follows that up with a snap suplex. All of a sudden, Eddy Guerrero comes sprinting towards Benoit out of nowhere. He grabs him by his head and tights and throws him at full force into the ropes. The Wolverine goes right over, but refuses to let go of the top rope with his right hand, and eventually pulls himself up to the apron.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " How many times is that gonna' happen, JR? .. I guess that luchadore style really helps in a match like this. "

Raven takes advantage of the situation, spinning Eddy around and planting him in the middle of the ring with the Evenflow DDT. The Motor City star looks around for a second to see that every other competitor in the match is either knocked out or regaining energy in a corner, and stretches out his arms for his signature taunt. He then stomps his way towards Rocky and grabs him up by his head. He pushes him into the turnbuckle, then grabs him by the inside of his thigh and starts trying to push him over the turnbuckle and to the outside. Unable to get the job done, Raven throws in some quick strikes to weaken Rocky's mid-section nand aid towards the elimination, but to no avail. As Rocky starts fighting back, everyone seems to be regaining consciousness and getting back up. The confusion leaves Raven alone for just a second, and allows him to undetectedly crawl up into the corner and grab something from underneath the ring with just one hand. The clock counts down again.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #9, Representing: NWA: Los Angeles - Jeff Hardy

Rumble Pt. 2

Spoiler: Click here to view

Full of energy, Jeff Hardy comes sprinting down to the ring and slides in at an incredibly fast speed. He starts attacking everyone in sight with right hand after right hand, but it appears that he's entered this match at the wrong time. After nailing every competitor in this match with a right hand, he swung at Raven, who opened up his hand and threw some kind of a powder or flour in Jeff Hardy's eyes, blinding him completely. Hardy starts swinging carelessly to emphasize the severity of the powder attack, which allows Raven to pick him up by his pants with his left hand and by his hair with his right, and toss him right over the top rope and to the outside. An unfortunate early couple of eliminations for both Hardy Boyz.

Elimination #3: Jeff Hardy (by Raven)

Jim Ross: " Are you kiddin' me? That can't be legal. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " OF COURSE that's not legal, but who's gonna' call it on him? Are you? "

Jim Ross: " Yer damn right I am. "

JR takes his headset off and stands at the announce table, showing a lot of courage by shouting at Raven. Before too long, Raven actually hears JR's voice and turns his attenion towards wrestling's favor commentator, shouting some insults his way also. Lawler tries to talk some sense into his partner.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Oh will you sit down! "

Ross ignores Lawler's advice and continues to shout at Raven, letting him know that he isn't pleased about the way he eliminated Jeff Hardy just a few moments ago. Eventually, JR would prove to be a huge distraction for Raven. Baldo takes the opportunity to grab him from behind and throw him towards the ropes. Half of Raven's body goes over, but the bottom half stays in and allows him to push himself back into the ring. Baldo walks over and chokes him out with his foot near the bottom rope. Meanwhile, Benoit and Guerrero seem to be back on the same page, as they work together on Christian Cage. Rocky interrupts them and starts brawling with Benoit. All of a sudden, in the middle of a dead moment, Baldo picks Raven up by his neck, in the same position he'd have him in for a Baldo Bomb. He lifts him up and starts heading towards the bottom right turnbuckle. Once he reaches it, he pushes Raven against the ropes and tries to drop him over the top. Raven fights back by kicking his legs around a bit. The countdown begins once again as Raven is almost eliminated.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5..

Before the next entrant could even come in, Raven is eliminated by Baldo, who manages to push him over with that choke hold. After the elimination, the clock is nearly down to the end, and Baldo is flexing and taunting the crowd as he's just eliminated his former mentor, and the second man tonight.

Elimination #4: Raven (by Baldo The Destroyer)

4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

As the clock finally reaches the end, a familiar music plays on the PA, and JR stands up at the announce table, as he knows who's making his way out to the ring.

Entrant #10, Representing: World Class Championship Wrestling - "Mean" Mark Callous

The WCCW Heavyweight Champion, and one of the favorites to win this match, "Mean" Mark Callous, comes confidently walking out to the ramp.

Jim Ross: " HERE WE GO, KING, BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Sit down, will ya'? You keep getting up, it's making me feel weird. "

JR hypes Callous for his entire walk up the ramp. Then, Callous finally arrives to the ring and interrupts Baldo's celebration early. Immediately upon entering, Callous goes right after ECW's big man, knocking him around with a series of right hands. He's interrupted by Christian Cage from behind, but Callous easily shakes him off and grabs a hold of him by his head. Then, he effortlessly tosses him towards the ropes and sends him flying over with ease.

Elimination #5: Christian Cage (by Mean Mark Callous)

The crowd can feel the momentum swinging all the way in Callous's direction. He heads back in Baldo's direction, but is once again stopped from taking him out, this time by Rocky Johnson. Rocky turns Callous around and starts nailing him on the head with his signature right hands. The shots seem to be doing more damage to Rocky than to Callous, and are only making the WCCW champion angrier. Rocky then runs to the ropes and charges towards Callous, but gets caught with a big boot to the head. Eddy Guerrero comes out of nowhere and jumps on Callous's back, holding him into a headlock and wrapping his legs around him. Callous doesn't seem to get too worried, though, and simply drops back and lands on Guerrero, forcing him to release the hold. Benoit comes to the aid of his friend, but Callous gets right back up and kicks The Wolverine in the gut, then places his head in between his legs and nails him with a Last Ride.

Jim Ross: " He's takin' everyone out, King! "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Not everyone. "

Baldo found himself free because of the various distractions for Callous, and approaches him from behind. He grabs him by his hair with one hand and tosses him towards the ropes with all of his strength. Surprisingly, Callous stomps on the ground and doesn't go very far off of The Destroyer's throw. He angrily turns his head back in Baldo's direction and points at him. For the first time tonight, and possibly in his career, Baldo seems to be begging his opponent to spare him. To no surprise, Callous doesn't listen, or care. He walks towards the bigger Baldo and starts nailing him with a series of very hard, close fisted right hands. He continues to punch him until he backs him into the ropes. Then, he shows great awareness by sliding out of the way at the last second when he notices Chris Benoit running at full speed behind him. Benoit leaps and ends up nailing Baldo right on the head with a flying forearm, which sends him reeling back, bending backwards over the top rope, but trying desperately to stay in.

10.. 9.. 8..

The crowd doesn't really pay attention to the countdown. Callous big boots Baldo as he was fighting to stay in and flips him over the top rope.

Elimination #6: Baldo The Destroyer (by Mean Mark Callous)

7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #11, Representing: NWA: Los Angeles - John Cena

Jim Ross: " Here's the young guy from LA, King, one of the breakout stars of 2008, John Cena. But I don't envy him ONE BIT, havin' to go into that ring with a MEAN Mark Callous. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " I can't believe I'm saying this, but the way Callous is tossing guys over the top right now, I wouldn't wanna' be him either. "

Cena comes sprinting down to the ring, full of energy, but doesn't really know what he's getting himself into. He steps in a ring that's being owned by Mark Callous and tries to stay out of the big man's way, starting a brawl with Rocky Johnson in the corner. Meanwhile, Callous continues on to go on an absolute tear. He grabs Chris Benoit by his neck with one hand and drags him towards the ropes, where he lifts him up and tries to drop him over with a chokeslam. Eddy Guerrero comes rushing over to the aid of his friend and dropkicks Callous's knees, forcing him to release the hold and bring Benoit back into the ring. Somehow, though, Callous grabs a hold of Benoit's neck once again from one knee, then stands up and grabs a hold of Eddy's neck with the other hand.

Jim Ross: " Bah' gawd, he's gonna' send 'em both over! "

Eddy and Benoit counter by each kicking Callous's gut, then running to the ropes for extra speed and catching him with a double shoulder block. The crowd erupts as Callous has finally been taken down. Then, all of a sudden, Eddy Guerrero shockingly turns on his fellow ILA superstar and best friend, Chris Benoit. He grabs waits for the perfect moment to grab him by his head and tights and quickly throws him right over the top rope and to the outside. It all happened so fast that Benoit and the crowd are still a bit stunned to even realize that the elimination had occured. Eddy shrugs in the ring, trying to justify himself to Benoit.

Elimination #7: Chris Benoit (by Eddy Guerrero)

After a slow start, it seems like the eliminations are starting to come pretty quickly. Benoit is obviously upset at ringside as he walks away, and Eddy seems to be feeling a lot of regret in the ring. Guerrero tries to shout some apologies to Benoit, but doesn't realize that Mark Callous has gotten back to his feet and is impatiently waiting for Latino Heat to turn around. Once Eddy does, Callous comes forward with his right hand and grabs Eddy's neck. He drags him towards the ropes, and with the aid of his left, he lifts Guerrero up and over the top, chokeslamming him down to the padded part of the floor on the outside, but eliminating him in the process.

Elimination #8: Eddy Guerrero (by Mean Mark Callous)

Callous notices that Rocky Johnson and John Cena are having their little brawl near the ropes, with Cena trying to lift Rocky up over the top rope by the inside of his thigh. The WCCW champ stomps towards the duo and takes the crowd by surprise again when he grabs the back of Cena's thigh and lifts him up with enough strength to carry him AND Rocky over the top rope, eliminating both of them. The clock starts counting down once again.

Eliminations #9 and #10: John Cena and Rocky Johnson (by Mean Mark Callous)

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

All of a sudden, Mean Mark Callous is the only man left in a ring that was just packed with NWA superstars. He fixes his leather glove as he waits for the next entrant to make his way out to the ring.

Jim Ross: " You're looking at the next NWA Heavyweight Champion, King. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " There's still a long way to go, JR, and A LOT of guys who can take Callous down. I'm not worried. "

Entrant #12, Representing: Memphis Championship Wrestling - Mable

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " HERE WE GO, JR, IT'S MEMPHIS... VERSUS TEXAS. I TOLD you not to get too excited. There's no WAY Callous can lift The Mastodon over the top rope. "

Jim Ross: " If I remember correctly, you said the same thing about Baldo The Destroyer, and what happened to him? "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Are you comparing MY Mable to that.. useless piece of lard of Baldo. "

Jim Ross: " I believe I am. "

Before JR and King's argument could get out of hand, there's action in the ring to follow. Mable enters by climbing over the top rope, and both men are staring each other down in the middle of the ring, sizing each other up. Finally, Callous swings the first punch, but Mable answers right back and the two start exchanging hard shots in the middle of the ring. Mable has the best of the encounter and irish whips Callous across the ring, but Mean Mark comes flying at him with a clotheline on the way back and knocks The Music City Mastodon down on his huge ass for a massive thump that's heard throughout the arena.

Jim Ross: " YES! "

Callous gets a bit too cocky after he's able to knock down the Mastodon, and picks the big man back up to his feet. He drags him to the ropes and firmly grabs his neck with his right hand in position for a chokeslam. Obviously, Mable was too big to be lifted up by Callous's sole right hand, and the attempt at an elimination is failed miserably. Mable turns the momentum around with a couple of hard chops to the back of Callous's head, and manages to find a way to push him into the ropes to start unloading a series of hard back and forehand chops to the chest. The Mastodon has all of a sudden swung the momentum his way, and is starting to lay down a massive beating on "Mean" Mark Callous.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Here you go, JR, how do you like that? "

Jim Ross: " I don't! I don't like it! "

Mable has Callous pushed back first against the ropes, gripping the top rope in desperation. The clock starts ticking down again, catching Mable's attention for a second.

10.. 9..

The distraction allows Callous to try and fight back, hitting Mable with two right hands, but The Mastodon answered right back with a hard knee to the gut that sends Callous back into the ropes again. This time, howevever, Mable looks to capitalize on the opportunity. He runs across the ring to the opposite ropes and sprints towards Callous at the fastest speed anyone's probably ever seen him move. The crowd stands in anticipation of a big moment, and they aren't disappointed.

8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4..

Mable shocks everybody by leaping off the ground at a surprisingly high angle in the direction of Callous, who out-smarts the big man and lies down, pulling the top rope down and forcing Mable to go flying to the outside for a MASSIVE drop. Once again, out of nowhere, Mark Callous is the only man in the ring.

Elimination #11: Mable (by Mean Mark Callous)

Jim Ross: " YES! Texas prevails AGAIN, King. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " ...... "

Jim Ross: " What happened? Cat got yer tongue!? "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " I'm just... I'm speechless. Maybe I should've put my son in this match. "

Jim Ross: " Size doesn't always matter, King! Maybe you SHOULD have. "

3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

As the intense moment between JR and King is put on hold, the next entrant is revealed. The music isn't a very familiar one, but the crowd erupts at the sight of yet another massive individual walking through the ramp.

Entrant #13, Representing: Honolulu Championship Wrestling - Bob Sapp

Just by looking at Callous's expression, it's easy to tell that he's not pleased to see yet another man that has a size advantage on him. Sapp walks to the ring like a man on a mission. He steps in and immediately starts unleashing hard right after hard right to Callous, eventually knocking him down with a powerful lariat. The crowd surprisingly erupted into a "Sapp!" chant as he completely dominates Callous and capitalizes on a series of strikes with a nice powerslam.

Jim Ross: " Let me give you a statistic to think about, King. Mark Callous has 6 of the 11 eliminations so far in the royal rumble. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Well let me give you something to think about - Bob Sapp is man handling Mark Callous right now. "

Jim Ross: " Isn't that what MABLE was doing when he got his ass thrown... right over the top rope!? "

That obviously shuts Lawler up right away. Back in the ring, Bob Sapp signals to the crowd that he's getting ready to eliminate Callous as he points to the outside and gets the crowd chanting "Sapp!" again. The HCW champion wastes no time and picks Callous right up by his head. He drags him towards the ropes, then grabs his head with both of his hands and starts charging backwards towards the ropes opposite to him and with a tight grip on Callous's head. Just when they were about to reach the ropes, Mark Callous outsmarts his opponent and counters the attempt by hooking Sapp's legs up and putting him in a scoop slam position by the ropes. The momentum Sapp had used to carry him all the way there already put him in a tough position, and now Callous holds him in perfect position for a scoop slam over the top rope. He toys with the crowd for a little, but eventually drops Sapp right over the top rope and eliminates him before dropping back down to the ground himself, obviously hurting from having to lift some huge bodies here already.

Elimination #12: Bob Sapp (by Mean Mark Callous)

Callous lays in the ring as he actually has some time to recover before the next person comes out. At this point, Jerry Lawler stood up at the announce table and started shouting at Callous, with JR shouting in his ear.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Is somebody gonna' kick this guy's ass or am I gonna' have to go in there and do it myself!? "

Jim Ross: " YOU MUST BE OUTTA' YER MIND! "

Callous hears Lawler's words, and despite his lack of energy, he springs up off the ground and turns his attention to Memphis's cornerstone. The two start trading insults , and Lawler takes his headset off and puts his guard up, challenging Callous to a fight. The crowd surprisingly gets into it and starts backing up Lawler with some "MEMPHIS!" chants. This sets Callous off and makes him slide under the bottom rope and to the outside. He confidently walks right over to the announce table, and is standing directly in front of Jerry Lawler for a heated staredown. Lawler's cocky smile shows a lot of courage, and distracts Mark Callous from noticing that the clock is ticking down behind him.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

#BOOM#

The pyros set off and out comes a very respected wrestler, but a huge underdog in this type of match..

Entrant #14, Representing: Imperio De Lucha Azteca - Rey Mysterio Jr.

Mark Callous turns away from Jerry Lawler and looks up at the ramp from the announce table, smiling as he listens to Mysterio's music... but can't seem to get a clear view of him from that far. He heads back into the ring and tries to look from a closer position, even squinting. Before he could even realize that Rey wasn't on the ramp, the crowd is erupting when Mysterio shows up right behind Callous going full speed and catching him with a dropkick to the back that sends him flying into the second rope, setting himself up for Rey to hit a beautiful 619 that sends Callous reeling back. The crowd is going crazy for ILA's only wrestler left, and the smallest man in the rumble, stepping up and taking down the dominant "Mean" Mark Callous.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Go Rey! Wouldn't it be something to see "Mean" Mark Callous get eliminated by Rey Mysterio! You gotta' love those luchadores sometimes. "

JR's anger shows just by the sole fact that he doesn't reply to Lawler's comment. Meanwhile, Rey Mysterio climbs up to the top rope and doesn't hesitate to leap off and nail Mark Callous with a fantastic corkscrew swanton bomb. Mysterio gets carried away with his momentum and picks Callous up by his head, trying to throw him into the ropes, but to no avail. Callous doesn't even move, and Mysterio notices that he's gotten himself into some trouble. Callous grabs Rey's mask and tosses him towards the outside with one hand, turning his back to him and raising his arm up in victory. Mysterio, however, hangs on to the top rope and slides himself back to the apron and inside the ring. Callouss confidently raises his arm, obviously thinking that he's eliminated Mysterio. The crowd, however, got quite loud and allowed Callous to realize that Rey had somehow hung on. Frustrated, Mark high stepped all the way to Mysterio, and choked him against the turnbuckle while trying to give a bit of a push to get him over the top. Rey somehow manages to hang on for dear life without being eliminated quickly by the bigger man.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

#ONE OF A KIND#

Entrant #15, Representing: NWA: Motor City - Rob Van Dam

As we approach the half way mark, JR and King give a run down of what's left to come in the second half of this rumble.

Jim Ross: " There's Rob Van Dam, the second representative of the Motor City, King. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Enough about Motor City, JR. Let me give you something to think about - we're half way through the rumble, and we haven't seen a SINGLE participant from Ric Flair Promotions yet. I think I smell something fishy. "

Jim Ross: " I'll have ta' agree with you there, King, I wouldn't be surprised if that maniac of Flair paid off JJ Dillon to help out his chances! He must'a known that he wouldn't have a SHOT in hell of winnin' this match, ESPECIALLY the way Mark Callous is fightin' right now. "

RVD comes running down to the ring in a hurry, and immediately upon entering, he helps Mysterio out by getting Mark Callous off his back with a couple of his trademark punches. After a short flurry, though, Van Dam is taken out by a big boot from the texan.

Jim Ross: " THIS IS JUST A GOOD OLE' FASHIONED SLOBBER KNOCKER. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " ... What? "

Jim Ross: " ... It's a texas thing, you wouldn't git it. "

After failing to eliminate Mysterio, Callous set his sights on taking RVD out of the competition. Once again, however, the texan was unable to get the job done, as Van Dam used his great athleticism to hang on to the ropes as Callous was on the verge of pushing him over. Although he is still dominating the match at this point, Callous is visibly frustrated with the fact that he's been unable to eliminate two of his smallest opponents thus far in Van Dam and Mysterio. As Callous continues to toy around with them and beat them around the ring, the countdown begins again.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #16, Representing: Ric Flair Promotions - Randy Orton

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " They must've heard us from the back, JR, they don't wanna' make it seem too suspicious. "

Jim Ross: " Well I'll tell ya' what.. this is their most dangerous guy, in my opinion. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Are you kidding me? JR.. take it from a guy who's been in that ring quite a few times.. STING is their most dangerous guy, alright? "

Orton comes sprinting down to the ring and all of a sudden, there's four people inside the squared circle again, and the tables have quickly turned on Callous, who finds himself getting triple teamed by the younger and fresher participants and gets laid out by a spinning heel kick from RVD, followed by an RKO from Orton. At this point, all three men agree to lift the big man up and throw him over the top in a joined effort. With no hesitation, the trio picks Mark Callous off the ground and pushes him into the ropes, with Van Dam and Mysterio on his sides, and with Orton pushing from behind to try and lift him over. JR nearly has a seizure at ringside, shouting at Callous to attempt to ignite the spark back in him and save him from a sure elimination. With a sudden burst of energy, Callous elbows Mysterio off of him, then punches Van Dam to the ground, and starts exchanging shots with RFP's third generation superstar. He grabs him by the neck, looking for a chokeslam, but Orton counters and hits an RKO out of nowhere. All of a sudden, Mark Callous is down once again, as he finds himself at the receiving end of a second RKO from Orton in short time. Before Randy could even try to eliminate Callous, Van Dam interrupts and starts brawling with him, and the clock counts down again.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #17, Representing: Titan Wrestling Entertainment - Dave Batista

Jim Ross: " BAH GAWD, King, that's one BIG man. "

Jerry "The King" Lawler: " Let's see how long Mark Callous lasts NOW. "

Jim Ross: " I don't think he's got Mark Callous on his mind right now. Don't forget this guy's got some pretty brutal history with Randy Orton. "

Just as JR finishes saying that, Batista is in the ring and going right after Randy Orton with no hesitation, pushing Van Dam out of his way and knocking The Legend Killer around with a series of shots followed by a brutal spinebuster. He gives the crowd the thumbs down and signals for the sitout powerbomb, but is interruptd by an angered RVD, who starts hitting him over the head with some forearms. Van Dam pushes Batista back towards the ropes and runs to the opposite side of the ring, charging towards him and looking for an elimination. Batista, however, bends down and lifts Van Dam up as he approaches him, tossing him over the top easily.

Elimination #13: Rob Van Dam (by Dave Batista)

Batista is visibly pumped up after getting his first elimination, and he goes right back after the rival Orton with incredibly fury, while Mysterio and Batista recover. After a short brawl, Batista set his sights on eliminating Orton, but the young gun was smart (and cheap) enough to ruin Batista's momentum with an eye rake. He looked for another RKO, this time on Batista, but the big man pushed him away before the move could be landed. By now, Mark Callous is back up to his feet, and he starts unleashing a series of hard rights to the face of TWE's former heavyweight champion.

Jim Ross: " Finally! It's the clash of the titans. "

Before long, Batista answered back with some shots of his own, and this became a full out brawl between the two.

10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. #BEEP#

Entrant #18, Representing: Calgary Stampede - Sexton Hardcastle

So as you can see, I'm pretty upset that I didn't get to finish, since I had a fucking shitload done and it was pretty long also. Unfortunately since my family owns a restaurant sometimes I have bigger commitments and I can't really do anything about it. But yeah, there's what I had.