Would this work?

[Dr. Rated-R]

Okay, for our Writing class, a friend and I are teaming up to write a movie script. Now, since this is about a movie script, I figured it'd be best suited here. Now, I'm not posting the whole script, as it's still in the works, but I may after we finish. Heres the concept.

*666 (Tentative Title)

An Atheist, Brian Locke, did more than disagree with the idea of religion. He hated it, hated it with a passion. He was on his walk home from work one hot, Summer day, and passed a local church. He mumbled to himself about his hatred toward it, and occasionally grimmaced at it, until finally passing it. He made it to his worn, dirty New York City apartment, arriving just in time to answer the phone. It was a coworker, who let him know that he left his camera at the office (Brian was a photogropher, working for the New York Times.) Brian left, back to his workpkace. He was stopped by a homeless man, but didn't feel like bothering with him, so he pushed the hobo aside, and walked onward. He picked up his camera, and made to go home. He was stopped by the hobo again, and couldn't seem to dodge him. He finally asked the hobo what he wanted, and the hobo asked him a question. "Do you believe in God?" He started, and proceeded to tell a story about how one must not take God, or Satan, lightly. Brian answered to this, calling it "Bullshit." The man told him, in response to this, not to toy with the power of God, nor the power of Satan. Once again, Brian replied "Bullshit." The bum then told him, if he wasn't scared, to dial *666, and see what would happen. He dubbed it, again, "Bullshit," and said that he would dial the number. He went home, and turned on the television. He got up, and looked at the mirror in his bathroom, and saw, or thought he saw, the hobo's reflection, and could've sworn he saw him holding a phone, and saying "Dial it." He kept having these images, until finally deciding to make the call. He hadn't been scared, but didn't intend to take orders from a hobo. However, he dialed the number, and heard a simple 'beep', a pause, and then a dial tone. Nothing happened. He laughed, and sat back down in front of the TV. He heard a noise from the kitchen, and walked into it, to see his dog, Butch, playing in a pile of trash, that he'd torn out of a garbage bag. Brian rebagged the trash, and decided to take it to the trash can outside. He opened the door, and stepped into, instead of his backyard, a vast, crimson world. Earth had become a living, breathing embodiment of Hell.

I'm too lazy to summarize the rest. Brian learns that he, the one who dialed the number, must save the Earth from Satan. Over the course of the script, a certain emphasis is placed upon the hobo, and he is revealed to be God. He had given Brian the 'advice' to dial the number because a good deal of Earth had forgotten about him, and religion all together. Brian ends up defeating Satan, and banishing him back to Hell, and gaining religion in the process. The world went back to it's previous state, and Brian was not the only one to have found religion. The people of Earth had stared God in the face, and could no longer deny his authenticity.

This is a poor summary, I know, but give me some criticism (sp?) none the less.

[Guest Locutus of Borg]

Not a bad concept. It could be good if you can write it well.

[Numbahs]

Not a bad concept. It could be good if you can write it well.

I agree. It's not bad, it's not great....it all really hinges on how it's written.

[Dr. Rated-R]

When I'm in the mood, I can bust out a decent story, but this is my first venture into script writing, so I'm relying on my friend to turn my story, once written, into a script.

Also, I'm glad that, thus far, no one's hated the story.

[Mike Ockizitchy]

I thought it was pretty good, I would go see it. Good job. (Y)

[BlackFlagg]

interesting, sounds like something I'd check out.

[Dyko]

This seems like a pretty decent storyline idea, and like a lot of other people here, I think a lot of it is gonna depend on the quality of the writing.

One thing I'm not too sure about is the ending part...like what happens after he dials the number. Reading it, it seems like the actual Earth, with everyone in it becomes taken over by Hell, and then by the end, after Satan is defeated, the entire world turns to religion? I'm not really sure if I like that, just because it seems a little too broad and epic for me...

An alternative, just off the top of my head, would be maybe having something like Bryan becomes a changed man after all this happens, and accepts religion into his life, without it neccessarily being an event that affected the entire world, you know? Like maybe have him win, then it flashes back to the hobo standing in front of him at the church, but instead of asking him for change, the hobo just keeps on walking (so it's like all of this happened as a 'what if?', and Bryan ends up back at the exact moment that he made that initial decision). You can still have the hobo be God, and then it is more of a re-familiarizing-people-with-religion-on-a-personal-basis kind of thing. Maybe even have it end with another person being approached by the hobo, and once again being asked if they beleive in god?

Definately keep us ut-to-date on how this goes, because it seems rather interesting.

On a side note, in third semsester, i took an advanced script writing course and came up with a script that I am so proud of...it takes place in the First World War, and without going into TOO much detail, involves a medieval undead army rising up on the battlefield between the trenches, slaughtering most of the German and English soldiers in their respective trenches, causing the survivors to join together to survive and defeat the undead. I actually based it on the story of that Christmas day in WWI, where both sides came up from their trenches and palyed football/soccer together.

The story may sound a bit stupid, but don't worry (because I know that you all are...), I actually researched stuff and found a place that was the site of bth medieval AND WWI battles, and the first act pretty much details the medival side of the story, and how the general was betrayed and so his army rises every 100 years...blah-blah-blah.

All-in-all, I just wanted to write about skeletons, wearing armor, carrying axes, riding their skeleton horses, and being shot at by German and English WWI soldiers, because, damnit, there isn't enough of that shit going down these days.

Anyways, sorry about the long tangent, I am tired...so...yeah, veg, what I said in the first half.

EDIT: Forgot to add my name!

Dyko (that's the stuff...)

Edited May 13, 2004 by Dyko

[Godfatha]

Sounds interesting but it was on the verge of sounding a bit cheesy (the whole battling Satan reminds me of End Of Days for some reason).

[Commander Sheepard]

This one could swing either way: Could be a cool, and powerful movie about a personal re-discovery and an epic battle against evil...Or it could be a cheesy B-movie fit for an MST3K reunion. It all depends on the writing...

[Colly]

Don't call him Brian! Its a rubbish name! The whole idea is let down by it, why do you think Brian was used in 'The Life of Brian'? Its because its not a good name for a hero.

Otherwise its good. Big budget though

[Drezdon]

If written well, it could be a good movie, but only if it's written well, otherwise it could turn out to be a big pile of donkey nads. Nice concept though (Y)

[Timmoru Suzuki]

I like the idea, just again the ending of the whole world turning to relegion seems a bit epic and broad (as already said). I'd have just Brian turn to relegion. Maybe have scenes showing him at church, helping homeless etc, and have the hobo watch him doing these christian acts, then smile and walk off (at the very end). Maybe a fit cheesey, but heh.

Good idea otherwise. Hope it goes well.

[Summers]

1. Change the name. Brian isn't suited.

2. Make sure you keep the whole 'battling Satan' thing subtle, don't go over the top with it.

3. Make sure it's brilliantly written.

[Dr. Rated-R]

I like the idea, just again the ending of the whole world turning to relegion seems a bit epic and broad (as already said). I'd have just Brian turn to relegion.

True. I didn't really mean the entire Earth, but it did come across that way. I figure that I could show some scenes of people renovating the old Church from the beginning of the movie, and show a packed crowd inside of it. I like the idea of having him do good deeds at the end of it, too, as well as the hobo smiling, and then walking away at the end.

Anyways, if I do post thit, I'd probably only post the short story, as the actual script will be written by my partner for the assignment, and it's gonna take more time to get finished, probably right up until exams (about a week and a half,) which is when the assignment is due.

[Steven]

You could call him Gabe, short for Gabrial. That way it has some meaning. Might be a bit cheesy as to who Gabrial is really ment to be. It could open up a whole new sub-story of Gaberial losing his faith and being made human with no memory of his true past etc. May end up was too cheesy though.

[Lord Nibbler]

Personally, I found it cheesy as Hell. Sounds like a Christian propaganda film.

[apsham]

It could be good, for people who like those knids of movies. I'd see it as a striaght-to-video release, and then turn out to be a cult-favorite until you came out with better movies, then once again a cult favorite afterwards.

[Guest bruins72]

Personally, I found it cheesy as Hell. Sounds like a Christian propaganda film.

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If you want a Christian propaganda film, check out The Omega Code. It was financed by the Christian Broadcast Network or something like that. It had Casper Van Dien (Rico from Starship Troopers) as the lead. It was about the future being predicted by a hidden code in the bible and different groups trying to decipher it. The whole bible code thing has been debated and researched in real life for ages. Anyhow, the movie was pretty cheesy but you could tell that it was put out by a Christian group (which I only found out after seeing it).

[Johnny Drama]

sounds okay but would have be writen well although I agree with most that it is slightly cheesey.