EWB's Top 50 Stand-Ups: RESULTS

[Bigal]

Okay, first off, here’s everybody that didn’t make the list, despite receiving votes:

Adam Ferrara

Alan Davies

Andrew "Dice Clay"

Andy Kaufman

Bill Engvall

Bob Marley

Bob Saget

Brian Posehn

Bruce Bruce

Chris Tucker

Conan O'Brien

Dave Allen

Derek Edwards

Doug Stanhope

Drew Carey

Ed Byrne

Emo Philips

George Lopez

Henry Rollins

Jasper Carrott

Jay Mohr

Jeremy Hotz

Jethro

Jim Breuer

Jim Davidson

Jim Norton

John Pinette

Kevin James

Larry Miller

Lenny Bruce

Mark Watson

Martin Lawrence

Michael McIntyre

Nick DiPaolo

Nick Swardson

Omid Djalili

Redd Foxx

Rob Newman

Robin Williams

Russell Brand

Sean Locke

Stephen Lynch

Steve Coogan

Tim Vine

Wanda Sykes

Zach Galifinakis

Nobody really jumps out at me there, except Djalili and Locke (because they’re awesome), and Robin Williams (because he’s very well-known).

Anyway, let’s start with the first five:

50. Lisa Lampanelli

8 points, 2 votes

"...my problem is, I can't get a good-looking white guy anymore, I just don't have the looks to get that. I can get hot blacks, but also blacks are now starting to get uppity and go for the skinny white ones and the Asians, which is very offensive to me that they don't stick with their roots — the chubby white girl!"

49 [T]. Peter Kay

9 points, 2 votes

"Garlic bread, it's the future, I've tasted it"

49 [T]. Bill Maher

9 points, 2 votes

“New Rule: Stop introducing a new iPod every month. First came the original, then the Mini, then the Shuffle, now the Nano. It's so slim Kate Moss uses it to cut her cocaine.”

47[T]. Gabriel Iglesias

10 points, 2 votes

“In San Diego, they have this checkpoint, designed to prevent illegal aliens from making it all the way to L.A. – you see how well that works”

47.[T] David Cross

10 points, 2 votes

"I've always been a bit of a news junkie, but not as much as I am now. Hopefully that will change in a matter of months and I can go back to making more abortion jokes."

[NobBe Nobbs]

Jethro didn't make it and David Cross is 47th? You people are just wrong. Seriously, that Cross quote is going to be funnier than 95% of the rest of the list (excepting the guys I voted for...>_>)

[Fanku Kaibutsu]

I've never heard of Peter Kay, that joke in his profile wasn't funny, and I'm officially pissed off he made it onto the list in front of Lenny Bruce or Redd Foxx

[BlackFlagg]

the lack of love for the greatness of Larry Miller makes me a sad panda

[Turbo Yannis]

I've never heard of Peter Kay, that joke in his profile wasn't funny, and I'm officially pissed off he made it onto the list in front of Lenny Bruce or Redd Foxx

Edited November 22, 2007 by Turbonegro

[stokeriño]

Peter Kay is in fact awful, and most of the rest of those are Americans who I don't/barely know. This list can only get better from here. >_>

[apsham]

COUNT MY DAMN VOTE, CROSS SHOULD BE HIGHER.

Ahem.

[MalaCloudy Black]

Lisa Lampanelli made the list? Really? Are you guys serious, or was that one of those "let's vote for the painfully unfunny one because it'll be funny" deals? She's one of the least funny comics I've ever heard. I'd put half of the guys that didn't make the list before her. Ugh.

[Skummy]

Lenny Bruce didn't make the list? Now I feel even more of a tosser for not remembering to vote for him.

[YI]

Peter Kay is in fact awful, and most of the rest of those are Americans who I don't/barely know. This list can only get better from here. >_>

[Darloboy]

Agreed, Phoenix Nights is amazing.

[stokeriño]

Tried watching it once, failed to laugh in 15 minutes. Turned it off.

[Turbo Yannis]

"Thanks for that ovation. It really brought a tear to my...Jap's eye"

Ray Vaughn > Everything

[Draevyn]

The only two I know so far are David Cross and Bill Maher, both of which I find hilarious and think they should have been higher up on the list.

Emo Philips

Jeremy Hotz

John Pinette

Lenny Bruce

Robin Williams

Stephen Lynch

These guys not being on the list at all makes me quite sad, but hey, I might find some really good comics out of this list.

[Bigal]

45. Louis CK

11 points, 2 votes

“You know what’s amazing to me? You can name your kid whatever you want; there are no laws. There should be a couple of laws…you could call him Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff – 40 Fs, that’s it.”

44 [T]. Noel Fielding

12 points, 2 votes

“(talking about a game he invented) Check this out right, its called pelt the rabbit in his big white face, I know, the title alone is awesome. Basically you could be out and about anywhere, by a windmill, it dont matter, and this rabbit comes after you. He has this enormous white face and you just need to get away and pelt him with pennys or take of your Chelsea boot and take him out... Cos if he catches you, he just throws you on the floor and rapes you!”

44 [T]. Jeffrey Ross

12 points, 2 votes

“William Shatner, you have really let yourself boldly go.”

42. Brian Regan

13 points, 2 votes

“You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks. Sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant trucks loaded up with logs, and they pass each other on the highway... I don't understand that. I mean, if they need logs over there... and they need 'em over there, you'd think a phone call would save 'em a whole lot of trouble.”

41. Rodney Carrington

16 points, 2 votes

“I watch porno when I’m on the road, a lot of it…well, not a lot, just about two or three minutes. They shold invent porn for guys like me, just $2.99, not the whole $12.99. The second scene’s always better anyways…‘Aww damn, I should-a waited; she’s got bigger titties!”

[Liam]

Noel Fielding's stand-up is something thats pretty hard to convey in one gag/quote. I like it, but it is just bizarre.

And I find the wedding party joke by Peter Kaye genius, just because its so true.

Edited November 26, 2007 by Liam Byrne

[Kyle_]

While that was a good Jeffery Ross joke, has has so many better ones. Ok list there, besides Carrington, but I just don't like him at all.

[IzzyX]

Chris Rock better come in this, I mean he is the new definition of HILARIOUS!

[apsham]

Chris Rock hasn't been funny for at least eight or ten years now, if he was ever funny.

[Draevyn]

Carrington and Reagan are the ones I know out of these ones, and I like them both.