The X Factor 2009

[Downward Spiral]

Thoughts from last night in some semblance of order.

Olly: I can't fault him on the fact that he's been good, and pretty consistent week after week. But I STILL can't see him as a viable recording artist. Everything about him screams 'cabaret' and whoever told him he could dance needs to be bloody shot. Unless he pulls out something genuinely spectacular, then he'ss just going to look like a one-trick pony week after week.

Jamie: I bloody love him. Not his strongest performance, but then again it's not the strongest of U2 songs. I hope he stays out of the bottom two tonight, but even if he doesn't, there's no way they'll send him home.

Danyl: Week on week, Danyl is producing the best performances. Last night's was no exception, that was a superb arrangement, oscillating between the Muse and Nina Simone ends of the 'Feeling Good' spectrum and nailing a pretty cool Bond-esque vibe. On talent alone, he's head and shoulders above the rest. That said, he bloody well knows it, which makes him slightly less likeable. On the plus side, it will make him an awesome performer and may finally produce an X-Factor artist who could produce some semi-consistent touring revenue.

Lloyd: Fuck me, that pretty much made my ears bleed. Sod back-flip-gate, why not point out the fact that he can't sing and that Cheryl was a moron for putting him into the top three.

Joe (aka Shergar): Yes, vocally it was alright, but can we never use the words 'sexy' and 'Joe' in the same sentence again please? Thanks. It was alright. I absolutely agree with Simon's comment at the end though: yes, he can sing. Very well in fact. Sadly there's nothing about him which screams 'interesting' or 'marketable'. That smile will only take him so far. He needs to develop some semblance of a personality or edge is he has a prayer of making it anywhere in the music industry.

Miss Frank: Apart from the whole thing being in danger of falling apart at the end, I loved this performancee. They've got a real Mis-teeq quality about them which is far from a bad thing. That said, Shaniece has yet to sing in tune, which makes their harmonies sound fucking awful. It's such a sshame because the other two have got great voices and are being dragged down by poorer vocals from their third member. All that criticism aside, they're a great act with genuine marketability about them. Sod the vocals, at the end of the day, that's the only really important thing here.

John and Edward: Well... it was different... Except it wasn't. It was exactly the same car crash as the week before, except with marginally less of a twin-cest overtone and a poor woman who looked like she was about to be raped by the two of them half-way through. I've given up even bothering to have an opinion on these two. They'll make it to the final 6 at least, but I can't help feeling that there would be nowhere near as much ambivalence to them if they fucked off and did Eurovision instead.

Lucie: Fuck me she was dull. It was a good vocal (not a great one). The beginning was very good, I actually wanted to like her. But listen back to the high notes at the end. They were completely nasal because, as I've said all along, she just hasn't got the power to hit those big, strong notes. It was the best she's performed so far, but again, I want to see something marketable about her before I start changing my opinion on her.

Stacy: I am seriously worried for this girl's health. Genuinely. Every time on that stage when the music stops, she looks fucking terrified. When Cheryl gave some severely mild criticism she looked like she would burst into tears. I wouldn't be surprised if she withdraws half-way through with a nervous breakdown, I'm that worried by her. It was an OK performance, lacking the power of previous weeks, but she is without a doubt the best female vocalist this year.

Rachel: YES YES YES! It was a fun, slightly less serious performance where she didn't stare down the camera looking like she would rip someone's throat out. It was all going so well: finaly, I thought my faith in her abilities would be vindicated by some votes. And then she opened her mouth at the end. I mean, seriously, what the hell was she doing? In acting as manically as Stacy she stripped away all the coolness and attitude which made her interesting in the first place. I think she'll end up in the bottom two and end up going tonight, which is a crying shame as I thought it was her best performance yet. Vocally, and commercially, she is still head and shoulders above about 50% of the other competitors, but I just can't see her lasting beyond tonight . I'd love to be proven wrong.

It was a real mixed bag this week, but then Big Band always is. Sometimes it produces some amazing performances, other times people forget that the only redeeming thing about swing music is the charisma of the person performing it. Bottom two predictions tonight: Rachel and... Lloyd. Surely? I mean, come the fuck on Wales, Scotland had the right idea last week, it's time for you to follow suit!

[Liam]

Rachel was really good, and I do like her personally, but I can't see her not being in the bottom two, unfortunately.

[GA!]

Rachel was really good, and I do like her personally, but I can't see her not being in the bottom two, unfortunately.

She survived. Hooray for acting like the black version of Stacy!

I'm surprised Danyl was in the bottom two, but it supports what I've been saying all along. His popularity has been overstated, and he continually goes back to that extremely overrated first audition to get him through. He deserved to go through more than Miss Frank though. I think Miss Frank flushed away their popularity by reintroducing the raps.

Also, my Mum is practically disgusted at me for voting for John and Edward every week. Let's be honest, we might as well keep them in for a while for fun. I mean, is anyone genuinely shocked that Kandy Rain, Miss Frank and Rikki Loney are out?

[IAceI]

There was absolutely nothing vocally okay about Joe's performance whatsoever. This is Joe the Geordie lad right? I sound better in the shower. It was truly, truly awful.

But then you said Olly can't dance soooo ¬_¬

[Asuka's Gonna Kill You]

Ugh, the British public sank to a new low last night. I've seen some bad judgements in the past, but last night was up there with the best of them. Miss Frank should never have gone home and I feel like we've just missed the one chance of getting the most overrated contestant in X Factor history out of the show. His survival song confirmed yet again that he does the same performance every time, over the top shouting while shuffling a microphone. I love that Simon believes he could be a 'world beater', because I feel he'd stand no chance over in the states.

I'll stick to saying John and Edward will go pretty far in this too. People keep believing they'll go, but for all the haters they have, they've clearly got a hell of a lot of people voting them in for whatever reason. The main positive from last night is Rachel being voted in.

[GA!]

I'll stick to saying John and Edward will go pretty far in this too. People keep believing they'll go, but for all the haters they have, they've clearly got a hell of a lot of people voting them in for whatever reason. The main positive from last night is Rachel being voted in.

I vote for John and Edward because of the entertainment factor. Plus it's nice seeing an act sing as if they're on Stars In Their Eyes, instead of the transatlantic warbling bollocks everyone else provides.

Another thing that's been bugging me - if Jamie got a recording contract, would he be a respected artist? It's accepted that pop stars can begin a career off that platform, but to the rock audience he'd go for, wouldn't he get viewed as a hack?

[Fudge]

I really got my hopes up about Danyl going, but I knew for a fact that he would've had more votes than Miss Frank, so that pissed on my bonfire. At least one of the two I thought would go in the next couple of weeks went. Now Lloyd, please fuck off.

[Downward Spiral]

I really got my hopes up about Danyl going, but I knew for a fact that he would've had more votes than Miss Frank, so that pissed on my bonfire. At least one of the two I thought would go in the next couple of weeks went. Now Lloyd, please fuck off.

This. This is the key issue that last night's show raised.

As for the whole Miss Frank would never win it thing, I absolutely agree. That said, it's ridiculous that they've gone out in week 3, when of all the acts left, the added exposure and time to gel would have done wonders for their future marketability. Lloyd can stand there week on week and sing the same fucking note for two minutes and still not get any more interesting.

[y2gudge08]

Lloyd was once again terrible and should have gone, I didn't mind Miss Frank and with the re-introduction of the raps I thought they'd be safe...how wrong was I?! I'm glad Danyl was in the bottom two as hopefully he and Simon can now go back and see that he keeps singing the same old tripe with a big note at the end, if he changes and comes back next week with a difference to the usual I may even like him. Plus for all the doubters can you tell me any act that could sing Ricky Martin dressed in lime green and bright orange suits and stay in the competition other than John and Edward?!

[Blue Rosler]

They might as well call the show a day. Most of the acts are just diabolically bad. Why can't they just have an Olly/Lucie/Joe final next week?

Olly is awesome. I really hope that he makes it huge, I think he will judging by the audience's reaction, since he's an entertainer. Each week I love his performances.

[Jimmy]

Joe is so...drab. I haven't watched the show religiously, but his closing performance was just 'there'. It wasn't anything special and I can't really see him being a popstar.

I musst Ollie, so I can't comment on that. But I still think John and Edward are really entertaining. For all the wrong reasons of course, but their song was the most fun to watch. I thought Jamie was good and Lucie is getting there. But it seems very 'meh' this year, you know?

[Blue Rosler]

[Dynamite]

Joe's a good singer but I hate the guy. Mainly cause he just looks like a woman, can't keep his head up straight and is just ridiculously camp.

Lloyd can't sing or entertain. I don't know why he's still on the show. He's this year's Eoghan.

Jamie doesn't entertain me in the slightest now the novelty of his afro has worn off.

Danyl has the biggest mouth in the world. He's a good singer though and looks like he's genuinelly trying to be more likeable so that's okay by me.

John + Edward are the act that makes the show fun and give it a bit of variety. I hope they stay in a few rounds longer.

Olly is awesome. He's my favourite to win and is probably the most entertaining to watch sing.

Stacey is the most entertaining to watch off-stage, though. It's amazing to see how her personality suddenly switches whenever the song starts/stops. She's my second favourite.

Lucie's good and everything but she doesn't bring much to the show really. But I like her for some reason so I hope she does well.

The competition was better last year, I think. There's too many that will amount to nothing even if they do win. I don't see a potential Leona among the bunch although I think Olly could make it as a legit singer along the lines of a Will Young.

[Jimmy]

Oh yeah, I thought Danyll was pretty good last night. He's one of my favourites still. Quality voice.

[Downward Spiral]

Can someone, anyone, explain to me what the appeal is of Lucy? I just don't get it. Every week she's gone out there and sounded completely anaemic, struggling to get any power behind any of her big notes. Every time she goes into the higher register it finishes up as this nasal squeak which I swear, if I amplified it any louder, would get every dog and cat in the city scurrying to the door. Is she completely terrible? No. She can sing. To an extent. But she isn't worthy of the uncritical praise that seems to have been heaped on to her by seemingly most of the viewers.

This week was awful. The momentum is fast being sucked out of this series (and this is coming from someone who considers the X-Factor being probably more important than the world cup.) Last week's Rock Week was just painful, and this week wasn't much better.

Stacey - I really wanted to like this. Sadly, I think this song only really works when it's delivered by Dusty Springfield or if it's belted out with gusto. Stacey's didn't fall into either category. And please, stop trying to make her 'sexy'. I've never seen someone look so uncomfortable up there...

Olly - Terrible, terrible call on the choreography. Yes, I understand that it was sticking with the routine in the movie but if you hadn't seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, you'll have a similar reaction to me when I literally screamed at the TV. "WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THRILLER IN A BEATLES SONG?" Olly represents a real quandary for me. I don't like him. His dancing is... awful. I don't find him very likeable, but week on week I have to keep handing it to him; he's consistently delivering the best performances. That said, if he pulls out yet another Beatles song next week it's going to be ridiculous. A good performance, an excellent vocal. The fucker.

Lloyd - Fuck off. Just... fuck off. That was absolutely awful. And I think we can all agree what that song needed was a segue into the Sean Kingston version, can't we. Because THAT made the whole debacle likeable. And I swear to God, have Cheryl and Brian Friedman been CRB checked? With last week's horrendous routine, and this week's... fiasco with him serenading Cheryl, every time he goes on stage it just gets uncomfortable. And then he sings...

Jamie - This was brilliant. Best performance of the night for me. Sadly I can see him being in the bottom two tonight partly because he was right in the middle of the show, and secondly, every sodding time he gets the judges comments, it becomes a slanging match between Louis and Simon to the point where his actual performance is forgotten. If he goes tonight instead of someone like Lloyd or Lucy then the whole thing will pretty much have become a joke.

Lucy - See comments above. I don't get it. It didn't seem like a hard song to sing, and yet still she struggled on the top notes. Why is she in any way likeable???

Danyl - Ruth Lorenzo showed last year how this song should have been done. It was a decent vocal performance, I'll certainly give him credit for that, but I was underwhelmed by how he simply didn't take advantage of the powerful tonal changes in that song. It was toned down in the wrong places, and amped up in the wrong places in others. He absolutely should go through, but I thought that this song would have given him the chance to create the moment to get everyone behind him again.

The twins - I'll give them this, I had a smile on my face when they were on. That said, the points been made, and the joke's wearing thin. Can we ship them off to Eurovision and have it done with now please?

Joe - Yuk. I can't staand Joe. I don't like his vocal tone although I accept that his vocals have been largely note perfect so far, which given the field of competition this far is no mean feat. The problem has been identified by Simon. If he were to star in the resurrection of Britannia High, he'd probably be brilliant. Sadly, he's not, so instead he stands on stage smiling his way through every song regardless of the tone of the lyrics or indeed anything else. The effect is just simply jarring. He'll probably make it to the final, but I've yet to be convinced he's anything other than a sweet voice and a pretty face. Which, perhaps is asking a bit much of the format. Maybe that's fine.

I just can't decide where they've gone wrong this year. I think part of the problem is that some of the interesting acts which would add a bit of variety to this, perhaps this is overstating things, but I think the show would be a lot more interesting if Miss Frank were still around.

Oh well, roll on tonight. My predictions for the bottom two are: Lloyd and... as much as it would a bit of a travesty, Jamie.

[Asuka's Gonna Kill You]

Lucie hasn't exactly been getting non stop praise. During the audition period, she was being built up as the favourite, yet ever since it went live, I've barely seen anybody claim her as a favourite.

And seriously, I'm shocked at peoples comments on Jamie. I thought that was beyond horrendous actually. His voice just isn't good enough and I cant help but wonder how long it is before everybody realises that. I'm starting to feel that he believes he's better than he actually is too, which is never a good thing.

Surprisingly, despite detesting him, Danyl was actually good last night. Wrong song for Stacey I thought, just not a good idea. Twins, Olly and Lucie were all the most entertaining of the night for me.

It SHOULD be Jamie and Lloyd in the bottom two tonight, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a shock, as the British public have been disgraceful up until now. I'll take a punt at Stacey and Jamie as the bottom two. Hoping to be wrong on Stacey, but we'll see.

Edited November 8, 2009 by JohnnyPerfect

[GA!]

Honestly, I see Lloyd and Joe in the bottom two tonight. Lloyd for being incapable of singing, and Joe for having the same amount of personality as Rachel. Whatever the case, there's no doubt Lloyd is gone tonight - the bookies have him at 150/1 now, which is worse than when Jedward were dismissed early on as just a comedy act with little chance of getting through week 1.

It won't be long until one of Simon's acts get the chop. I (sadly) see Olly and Danyl going all the way now. So bye bye Jamie.

[IAceI]

I'm raging. From absolutely hating them one minute to wanting to see them again? Don't make your reasons too obvious Simon.

It's beyond a joke now, who cares if Lucie wasn't going to win - she was better than them two and deserved to go through.

I never normally get into X-Factor that much, I start watching when the finalists are picked and this year isn't the best crop but it actually wound me up last night. When Cheryl went to send home the twins I was all grins, and then Simon opened his mouth and I knew what was coming. So did Lucie, she knew fine well when he was saying what he was saying that she was axed.

The only person left I'd like to see win is Olly to be honest. I've wanted him to win from the start and I wanted Lucie to go far but it's not even funny now. Danyl's an arrogant cock. Joe is fucking shite, like truly, truly woeful. Lloyd is boring as sin. Jamie's gone terrible. Jedward are just evil in dobule twat form. Stacy's okay, big beak though. I can't even enjoy the twins, it's impossible. It isn't even amusing and their voices are cringeworthy, I don't get how they're entertaining and even then I have fucking You've Been Framed to watch "entertainment" where two tosspots sing badly while dancing as equally badly. It's... it's beyond words.

I don't normally wish ill on people. Not 17 year olds but I find myself compelled to say "die now, die in a fire you useless, smug annoying arseholes. And get a hair cut while you're at it." Over the top much? Yes. I don't care. I do want them to die. :@ :@

[Scott McFly]

I'm still refusing to watch this until the twins are out. There's cheesy and entertaining and then there's just plain fucking atrocious. I've only ever seen their opening audition and the Britney Spears song, and that was more than enough for me.

[ONO]

The guy Olly dances like a drunk Butlins tour guide.