Deadliest Warrior Season 3

[OctoberRaven]

Season lineup according to Wikipedia:

3.1 Episode 23: George Washington vs. Napoleon Bonaparte

3.2 Episode 24: Joan of Arc vs. William the Conqueror

3.3 Episode 25: U.S. Army Rangers vs. North Korean Special Operation Force

3.4 Episode 26: Genghis Khan vs. Hannibal

3.5 Episode 27: Saddam Hussein vs. Pol Pot

3.6 Episode 28: Lawrence of Arabia vs. Theodore Roosevelt

3.7 Episode 29: Ivan the Terrible vs. Hernán Cortés

3.8 Episode 30: Crazy Horse vs. Pancho Villa

3.9 Episode 31: French Foreign Legion vs. Gurkha

3.10 Episode 32: Vampire vs. Zombie

Max Geiger and his stupid, Celt-hating program is gone, so we might get less BS calls (Spartan vs Samurai, Spartan vs Ninja, Celt vs Persian to name a few...)

Also, Vampire vs Zombie is reciple for lols. Especially with Max Brooks being the Zombie expert.

Edited July 7, 2011 by OctoberRavenO

[Mick]

My picks:

3.1 Episode 23: George Washington vs. Napoleon Bonaparte

(Granted, Napoleon was the far better general, but Washington was one tall SOB, fought in the French and Indian Wars, and had a temper akin to Bruce Banner. Napoleon....no clue about his one on one prowress )

3.2 Episode 24: Joan of Arc vs. William the Conqueror

(Same style, who cares...)

3.3 Episode 25: U.S. Army Rangers vs. North Korean Special Operation Force

(The North Korean army trains by running half-naked through rivers in winter. Need I say more?)

3.4 Episode 26: Genghis Khan vs. Hannibal

(Hannibal couldn't stop Rome )

3.5 Episode 27: Saddam Hussein vs. Pol Pot

(Say what you want about him, but Saddam at least didn't murder people with glasses just because they had glasses.)

3.6 Episode 28: Lawrence of Arabia vs. Theodore Roosevelt

(The man got shot in the chest and gave a speech, while bleeding!)

3.7 Episode 29: Ivan the Terrible vs. Hernán Cortés

(Only if Cortes has his cursed Aztec treasure will he win )

3.8 Episode 30: Crazy Horse vs. Pancho Villa

(Pancho Villa was born a year after Crazy Horse died [which was in 1877]; given the rapid rise in weaponry from then on, Crazy Horse doesn't stand a chance)

3.9 Episode 31: French Foreign Legion vs. Gurkha

(It's a push)

3.10 Episode 32: Vampire vs. Zombie

(This really depends on what versions we're using. Still, a Vampire can still operate at a cognitive level, while a Zombie can't. )

[OctoberRaven]

I agree with you on everything except that the Zombie would win. Vampire's favorite form of killing was exsanguination... draining all the blood from the victim. This is useless against a zombie.

[Mick]

I agree with you on everything except that the Zombie would win. Vampire's favorite form of killing was exsanguination... draining all the blood from the victim. This is useless against a zombie.

Tell that to Valek

[GoGo Yubari]

If Roosevelt doesn't win fuck this show forever, I will never watch it again.

But yeah, thank god the computer simulation bullshit is gone and hopefully whatever their criterion for fights is now will factor in more than just weapons so we don't get more bullshit like Alexander the Great losing to Atilla the Hun totally because of weapons.

[OctoberRaven]

From what I undersand, there will still be a simulator, just not the one Max Geiger relied on.

[Mick]

I don't see how anyone can lose to a man with a neck-hand.

[The Quasi Juice]

Looking forward to the North Korean one, although because they are up against the US army, they will probably lose 'cause it's an American show

[EWB's Best Poster.]

That celt vs persian one still pisses me off. a club that killed 8 men in 6 seconds vs a weapon that doesnt even kill and it got 4 total? Nice program.

Iron vs bronze, iron wins. Thats why its fucking iron.

[GhostMachine]

Looking forward to the North Korean one, although because they are up against the US army, they will probably lose 'cause it's an American show

Nope. Green Berets lost to the Spetsnaz in season one.

The thing you have to realize is that the match-ups aren't really accurate at all because the testing is inconsistent and other factors beyond equipment are usually not factored in.

And as long as we're mentioning bullshit as some others have brought up: Knight vs. Pirate. The whole episode was pretty much garbage and has the worst fight AND finish they've done yet. The battles where they've had one on one fights yet gave one warrior a frickin' siege weapon (Alexander vs. Atilla) are also pretty damned dumb.

Washington vs. Napoleon may be a full scale army battle, NOT a one on one fight.

Vampire vs. Zombie I have to give to the vampire. Yes, they kill by exsanguination, which doesn't mean squat to a zombie. But while they're both undead (unless you mean the Twilight emo-fairy type `vampires'), vampires are intelligent and have other supernatural abilities that zombies don't. Zombies are mindless and fairly slow.

[Skummy]

The thing you have to realize is that the match-ups aren't really accurate at all because the testing is inconsistent and other factors beyond equipment are usually not factored in.

And, y'know, the fact that the entire premise is absurd.

[Mick]

Washington vs. Napoleon may be a full scale army battle, NOT a one on one fight.

Sucks to be Washington then.

As for the premise, yeah it's bullshit, but I just want to see things get fucked up.

One of my favorite weapons was the Maori's Mere. Yeah, the Maori got his ass kicked, but look at what that damn thing did.

Though to be fair, let's look at it like this: Winner's write the history books. Maybe it's less BULLSHIT and more reality....

[GhostMachine]

A few things about some of the battles:

Spartan vs. Ninja should never have been done. Despite what they show in movies, Ninjas were assassins, not warriors. If a ninja has to fight an opponent, he's already failed. Like the ninja expert said, a ninja would have fled then come back and killed the Spartan in his sleep.

Spetsnaz vs. Green Berets I at first thought was bs due to the E-Tool being one of the Green Beret team's weapons. But on the Aftermath (online follow up show), it was explained that during a nasty battle in `Nam a Green Beret killed several VC by wielding an E-Tool like a battle axe. And if it came down to a sniper fight, the Green Berets would have won that battle hands down.

Knight vs. Pirate was total crap. They ignored the Knight's shield completely during the testing and took it out of the equation during the battle (Knight dropped it and never picked it back up), the fact the grenado only did stun/shockwave damage (didn't do much at all to the armor), and also that the flintlock was next to useless and the blunderbuss misfired the first time. The end of the fight was idiotic, as it made the Knight look like a moron. He basically lost because he didn't put his visor back down. I have the season one dvd set and refuse to rewatch that episode.

A Pirate would only win under those circumstances if he got a near point blank range shot with a blunderbuss - and it actually fired. But if the Knight had the shield, it wouldn't matter what weapons a Pirate had, as he'd be dead meat. (Well, maybe if he had a cannon.....*snicker*)

[EWB's Best Poster.]

I dunno, those spetsnaz were fucking awesome. He quite literally walked away from an explosion while lighting a cigarette. Hes hardcore. And if it came down to a sniper fight, a Canadian woulda won.

The pirate and the knight I disagree with you on totally. You say the one weapon was only good for concussion and shockwaves and forget the other guy has a giant tin can around him. Thats not concussion friendly. Theres a reason armour went the way of the dodo and gunpowder was it. Thats just a fact. In the end a guy without that much metal can simply walk away from the knight, and come back later on. You brough up the fact about ninjas doing so, youve seem to have forgotten that pirates also "didnt fight fair".

Zombie vs Vampire? My thing is this. Vampires operate on a 12 hour clock. In fact, during the other 12 hours they die. Zombies never quit, never rest, always hunt. They soak up damage like a mother fucker. To me, that makes it pretty close. You cant look a mindless thing in the eyes and mind control him, you cant change into a bat or something and fly away. He just walks and walks and walks until he finds you.

[Skummy]

Also, zombies and vampires are both fictional. They can do whatever you want them to do, because they don't exist.

The whole "vampires die in sunlight" thing was invented by Murnau. If you read Dracula, he goes out in sunlight all the damn time.

That said, - a single zombie wouldn't win a fight against anything. The power, and the horror, of zombies is entirely around there being a lot of them. They're a relentless horde. A single zombie is a shuffling, braindead beast. Very easy to outwit, and relatively easy to kill. Yes, the vampire's whole blood-sucking thing wouldn't do a lot of good, but vampires are still essentially human, so they can still use weapons, and any other of the countless ways they could beat a zombie.

[Mick]

My biggest complaint with Ninja vs Spartan is they totally ignored the Black Egg.

A while back I was at Tijuana Flats. I tried their hottest sauce, and made the idiotic mistake of rubbing my eyes. I can honestly say that my eyeballs felt like they were melting, and I then spent the next ten minutes washing my eyes out in the restroom. Now, since the Spartan doesn't really have that kind of time advantage, the fight would've been over right there.

As for the Pirate vs Knight...

The Pirate had guns. The Knight did not. Once guns showed up, it's no coincidence that armor became less of a factor. The knight was also honor bound, while the Pirate could've cared less.

And as far as the damn Zombie vs Vampire, the only way a Vampire can lose is if the Zombie dumbs the vampire down enough to make an insanely stupid move; the Vampire will figure out that you have to go for the Zombie's head. You think a zombie can figure out that it can use a fucking stake on the Vampire?

[EWB's Best Poster.]

Thats the thing about deadliest warrior. They want to know if a weapon KILLS not burns or hurts. A sling they keep bringing in will knock your ass out, but likely wont kill you. So its ignored. Likely why the egg wasnt a huge factor.

Thats the reason that celt episode pissed me off so much.

[GhostMachine]

My biggest complaint with Ninja vs Spartan is they totally ignored the Black Egg.

A while back I was at Tijuana Flats. I tried their hottest sauce, and made the idiotic mistake of rubbing my eyes. I can honestly say that my eyeballs felt like they were melting, and I then spent the next ten minutes washing my eyes out in the restroom. Now, since the Spartan doesn't really have that kind of time advantage, the fight would've been over right there.

As for the Pirate vs Knight...

The Pirate had guns. The Knight did not. Once guns showed up, it's no coincidence that armor became less of a factor. The knight was also honor bound, while the Pirate could've cared less.

And as far as the damn Zombie vs Vampire, the only way a Vampire can lose is if the Zombie dumbs the vampire down enough to make an insanely stupid move; the Vampire will figure out that you have to go for the Zombie's head. You think a zombie can figure out that it can use a fucking stake on the Vampire?

The black egg was stopped by the Spartan's shield. Which is pretty much the reason Spartans win the fights on the show: the damn shield.

I know guns can penetrate armor and that's what killed them. BUT...the flintlock was next to useless on the armor during testing - it not only didn't hit where it was aimed at, but all it did was make a big dent. And the blunderbuss misfired the first time and would probably have been ineffective at long range or if the Knight has a shield. I have no allusions that in a real match up a Knight would beat a Pirate. But the way the testing was done, and the way the fight was acted out, I still call bullshit. Especially since the fight made the Knight look like an idiot.

As was already said, the vampires dying in sunlight bs was thought up later. And that's the only way I see a zombie winning; the vampire loses track of time or can't flee and the sun comes up. But if you ignore that weakness, its no contest. Zombies are pussies except in groups or if they catch you by surprise or in a place where you can't flee.

[OctoberRaven]

Thats the thing about deadliest warrior. They want to know if a weapon KILLS not burns or hurts. A sling they keep bringing in will knock your ass out, but likely wont kill you. So its ignored. Likely why the egg wasnt a huge factor.

Thats the reason that celt episode pissed me off so much.

Unless it's the Persian war chariot, couldn't be considered a lethal blow yet got 100+ kills while the goddamn Burda got 14....

EDIT-

Washington vs. Napoleon may be a full scale army battle, NOT a one on one fight.

Didn't they say that about Sun-Tzu vs Vlad?

Also, the real reason the Spartans won is because their expert happens to be a producer. Why else would they have completely ignored the fact that the Samurai would have won entirely with the kanabo? At the force that sucker hits with, first shot breaks the sheild arm, second shot cracks the skull helmet be damned.

Edited July 17, 2011 by OctoberRavenO

[EWB's Best Poster.]

Just saying you give that giant celt a claymore and that persian whatever he had, and tell me which you would be afraid of. Im thinking its the team of guys that each clear 6 feet and swing a 6 foot weapon.