Schlitzbrille

ALL GLORY TO KELLEN MOORE.

Anybody want some applesauce?

Can't think of a better time than now to find out if I have Jedi powers.

Cinnamon roll flavored yogurt, where have you been all my life?

Food sensitivity? Since when is food allergy an offensive term?

Hello EWB. Has ESPN told you all how fantastic I am and the greatest quarterback in NFL history? I totally don't have issues with insecurity or anything.

Hmmmm...what should I talk about with this status update?

How do I talk in the second person?

I AM THE BOX GHOST! I have power over all things cardboard and SQUARE! This Sunday, I am going to CONTAIN the hopes and dreams of all 29 other competitors as I toss them out, one by one...........BEWARE!

I don't know how my wrestling news site of choice knows I'm into Asian women, and quite frankly, I don't want to know how either.

I feel rather old today.

I found the solution to America's woes. Where's my Nobel Prize?

I heard that Joe Flacco was on here earlier and called me unphotogenic.

I keep confusing Srar and thatshortguy with one another. 

I shoulda put on a tinfoil hat before logging onto Facebook today.

I will not do it over here/I will not do it over there/I will not do it in the sky/I will not do it while making a pie/I will not, I will not accept your invite to play Facebook games, Sam I Am.

I'm being held hostage by an Enderman.

If elected Pope, I promise to banish Rob Dyrdek to the lowest rung of the firey pits of hell where his kind belong.

If my sig isn't obvious enough, I am a Babymetal fan.

Is t-he "t'" word filter an obscure joke I'm unaware of?

Let's discuss Britani Knight.

Note to self: Lava bridge in the Nether, not a great idea.

Oddest place you've ever accessed EWB from is....?

Of course Walmart gives me the option to buy 25 pounds of Reese's Pieces. USA! USA! USA!

Pants.