Extreme Warfare Battleground

Emperor Fuckshit · July 9, 2004

<body><img src="http://img19.photobucket.com/albums/v56/jed123/EWBdiary.jpg" alt="The image “http://img19.photobucket.com/albums/v56/jed123/EWBdiary.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors." width="624" height="81">-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Exciting Backstory:In 2004, a group of English-speaking teenagers formed a wrestling promotion, SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE! This is a video-tape (converted into words) of what they found there (in the wrestling industry)!At times it may be shocking and repulsive, at others it may be very exciting! Without further ado, let's look at the exciting roster...-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Exciting Roster:Vince Russo:This a bad motherfucker. You don't wanna mess with him, and his back issues of the Wrestling Observer. He gonna know lots about wrestling on yo' monkey ass. Dig that? And then, he will say something really quite insulting about you, and possibly your intelligence.Iwc:Driven by the dark forces of apathy and carrying his mysterious sign 'EWB = Ugh' his destruction and discombobulation of his wretched opponents is serene in its vagueness. He'd rather be somewhere else, but dammit, if he has to be here, he's going to kick your punk ass all over town.Sean D Man:I pity the fool who starts an argument with Sean D Man. His promos are a thing of beauty as he dissects his opponent's diatribes sentence by sentence, word by word, letter by letter. And then, when you've been reducing to a blubbering mass of valid point-less man-blubber, he'll...um...pin you...and stuff.The Old Age Admins (Kobra & Muddatrucker)They don't stop by here much any more, but when they do, it's to kick the ass of some punk young pretender. You ready for a whupping, kid? Huh? Well? Are you? Ready to be whupped, huh? And so on.KliqsterA shadowy figure, who sits high above the ring at EWB shows, mending and fixing problems, and pistol-whipping any douche in the crowd who doesn't cheer. On the few ocassions he steps into the ring, he uses an unorthodox style, based around Japanese martial arts such as Peehaitchpee, Myskwull and even the cruder Haitchteemell. He also wears shades.The MidgetA connving, dirty character, who often plays the role of a manager, helping his chosen charges to the top by any means neccesary. He calls himself 'Los Manager del Champions' which is believed to be Spanish for 'windbreak' OR WHATEVER.SycodmnYo, dudes, this somewhat radical Californian native sure knows how to have him a good time. He will use alcohol and many other crazy drugs to do this. He is known for his unscrupulous morals and roughneck fighting style. He can often be seen with his personal lackey, Pancho Villa. They occasionally team in a pairing known simply as 'Sycodmn'.Grind Your Soul's Shadowy Gothic Underground Lair Army of Doom (GYSSGULAD)The premier stable in EWB, GYSSGULAD are a somewhat gothic, slightly shadowy group of semi-twisted individuals, about whom some things are known, but not that all that many. Their leader Grind Your Soul is well-known for his many piercings, and mean hockey skills. His underlings, Cloud Strife andGabriel often form a fairly formidable tag team, and also listen to THE SATANIC METAL MUSIC OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF. The fourth member Tristy does not really fit with the group, and can often be seen hanging around their DoomLairCastle saying 'um...' and 'uh...' whilst unsuccessfully attempting to wear black clothing. Agent RisktakerHe is a real American, he fights for the right of every man! Except foreign ones! AR is a real apple pie, college football, American-made man! If you're a foreigner, chances are he's not too keen on you, and will do bad things to you. U-S-A! U-S-A!Kou & Squancho's Team of MenThis powerhouse tag team (of men) are well known as the most entertaining and charismatic workers in EWB. Squancho reminds observers of The Rock, with his many catchphrases, and because he is BLACK, REALLY! Kou, on the other hand, is an accomplished artist, with his famous 'Kou Koumics Koumic Strip Kou Kou Kou PUN PUN' comic strip being syndicated by zero newspapers, and read by idiots everywhere. This zany duo are full to the brim with hijinks!The Straight EdgeThis tag team is comprised of CM Punk and Fitzy, and they are known for the abstinence from drugs (including alcohol, which some people say is not a drug, but they are not correct, because SPEED KILLS so I wish you a SAFE DRIVE, sir) and casual sex. This makes them better than other people, because they do not get shot by angry drug dealers. They share a liking for independent wrestling, and this makes them very dangerous to fight!Soul'jah Red Front, Red Front, Trotsky, Lenin, Mao, Guevara, Stalin, Tito, Marx, Engels, Kardelj, Bukharin, Brezhnev, Marchais, Castro, even Picasso! Not McDonalds! Yes, he is a Communist, and he fights for the re-distribution of wealth to crappy peasants, and land too. If you do not shut up, he will nationalize your face!KaneaniteThis young man suffered a TRAGIC ACCIDENT soon after he was born, and was horribly burned by his brother, or half-brother or whatever. Even though he looks fine, HE WAS BURNED. The emotional scars run deeper for this man than the physical scars (which ARE there), and this leads to precarious situations!Conniption5/10 for you, Zero for you, you suck...10, you are good. Yes, he is A REVIEWER, and he will review many things, which can lead to situations when people disagree with the review and it can lead to a violent result, so WATCH OUT.The Business ManHey baby, it's all business. And money/finanical issues. Business, baby. And other slick phrases. TBM lives up to his name, by being, literally, a man concerned with affairs of business. He will be reading the Financial Times, and stuff. He will fight you...but don't worry...it's just _______ (I forgot what word goes here).YET TO DEBUTMarsh'Big Sexy' JookDrag-PacSahymes Bond (International Man of MYSTERIES)TomThese people will have exciting gimmicks, but will be revealed through on-screen vignettes.PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST SORT OF AROUND:Caucasian HeatTroy MaskellTawrenRubber Band ManNabeelCorey TBoris YeltsinMore will be added as necessary to take part in particular angles/storylines etc. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Commissioner: Emperor FuckshitCommentators: Diego & EssaInterviewer: Jeff Hardy's StalkerTitles: EWB World, EWB Tag Team                                            First show preview coming soon...</body>

Gabriel · July 9, 2004

You will all see the rise of the mighty GYSSGULAD... :shifty:

I'll be checkin' in to see how much ass Cloudy and I kick.

stokeriño · July 9, 2004

If you do not shut up, he will nationalize your face!

I am so badly going to steal that line for something. I WILL find an application for it in real life if it kills me.

Edited July 9, 2004 by stokeriño

Skummy · July 9, 2004

That's one heck of a backstory you got there. Seriously, though, awesome profiles, I will be reading...

Troy Maskell · July 9, 2004

Just sort of around.

JUST SORT OF AROUND?

I am offended dear sir. I can be good. Is it MY fault Kaneanite screwed me.

I could be in GYS's Shadowy Gothic Shadowy intrigue thingy, I mean.....we both show spontaneous Wade Belak love.

Does that not count for anything?

user posted image

Gabriel · July 9, 2004

Just sort of around.

JUST SORT OF AROUND?

I am offended dear sir. I can be good. Is it MY fault Kaneanite screwed me.

I could be in GYS's Shadowy Gothic Shadowy intrigue thingy, I mean.....we both show spontaneous Wade Belak love.

Does that not count for anything?

←

No...it doesn't.

And your serious lack of angst shows that you do not belong in the GYSSGULAD.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go listen to death metal and write about how much the world hates me... :shifty:

Skummy · July 9, 2004

I have angst! I have angst by the bucketload! The sackful, even! Where's the love for Skumfrog?

Troy Maskell · July 9, 2004

Oh I have angst.

But it's more "Kill the Head Booker" Angst than "I hate the World" Angst.

Such is the life of a jobber

Kaney · July 9, 2004

I am offended dear sir. I can be good. Is it MY fault Kaneanite screwed me.

You sir are a lier! I remember no such incident where I screwed you or anyone that may read this! I remember it as clearly as these non-existent scars! They are there! Look! LOOK!

*waves 'scars' in the face of passer-bys*

Troy Maskell · July 9, 2004

You sir are a lier! I remember no such incident where I screwed you or anyone that may read this! I remember it as clearly as these non-existent scars! They are there! Look! LOOK!

*waves 'scars' in the face of passer-bys*

←

Playing with Imaginary Fire can be Imaginarily Lethal I hear

Mike Ockizitchy · July 9, 2004

I'm not even "Just around". So sad... :ohwell:

July 9, 2004

You ever notice how many complaints you get when someone starts an EWB diary?

"Why am I not it it?"

"PUSH ME"

and etc....

Skummy · July 9, 2004

You ever notice how many complaints you get when someone starts an EWB diary?
"Why am I not it it?"

"PUSH ME"

and etc....

←

OMG!!! SMELL TEH IRONIE! HE IS COMPLAINING ABOUT PPL COMPLAINING!! LOL!!!!!!!!11!!eleven!

tristy · July 9, 2004

I can wear black just fine, thank you.

DMN in the House · July 9, 2004

Dude, that is like totally radical!

If me and Pancho act like Bill and Ted, I will love you forever.

caucasianheat · July 9, 2004

I'm truly wounded. For the most part, I wouldn't say I'm in great company with the people who are "just around". Nabeel? coreyt? Rubber Band Man? Am I considered on the same level as these people? Tear.

Meh, this should be cool, all EWB diaries usually are.

Edited July 9, 2004 by caucasianheat

kaya · July 10, 2004

hehe, im glad to see you're back with what will hopefully be another awesome comedy diary. What about giving C-heat, um... a latino-heat gimmick? but with... it being... Caucasian-Heat? You know? You could play it so he is from the Caucaus in central asia, or just be the super sexy white guy that he is, you feelin' me?

Bukharin was an anarchist btw >_>

Jook · July 10, 2004

'Big Sexy' Jook

I likes the sounds of this

Emperor Fuckshit · July 10, 2004

<img src="http://img19.photobucket.com/albums/v56/jed123/EWBdiary.jpg" alt="The image “http://img19.photobucket.com/albums/v56/jed123/EWBdiary.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors." width="624" height="81">WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT ANNOUNCED:At a press conference earlier today, EWB CEO Emperor Fuckshit announced the following brackets for the EWB World Title Tournament:Sycodmn vs. Sean D ManIwc vs. The MidgetVince Russo vs. MuddatruckerKobra vs. TristyThis promises to be a thrilling, single elimination ride through the boundaries of known pleasure and into the sea of utopia beyond.--------------------------------------------------PREVIEW FOR TV SHOW #1:The inaugural episode of EWB's flagship TV show, 'Make a Donation', is already being planned, with the following matches sure to occur:Iwc vs. The Midget (Tournament, First Round)Kou & Squancho's Team of Men vs. The Straight EdgeKobra vs. Tristy (Tournament, First Round)GGYSGULAD vs. Corey T, Boris Yeltsin & NabeelTawren vs. Rubber Band Man Plus, JHS catches up with such ring luminaries as Kaneanite andTom, and Marsh will have an exciting video package AND MUCH MORE FOR THE FANS!Tune in, this week to...Make a Donation!--------------------------------------------------

Edited July 10, 2004 by Emperor Fuckshit

July 10, 2004

Oh no.... I have to face Jeff.... Damn... I bet that sexy Midget wins the world title.

Extreme Warfare Battleground

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