The "Complete" whacked Out wrestling Memorial...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

That Thursday, it seemed like my head wasn't completely into things. For some reason, I kept thinking back to the time I met with Jocelyn- well, mixed with getting the song "We Built This City" stuck in my head for some unknown reason. Somehow, I doubted that NWATNA officials would let me bow out of the show for having a really bad song stuck in my head, so I made it a point to try desperately to get my head back together before the show (not easy, when I hear I'm jerking the curtain. I headed over to meet with the rest of my "stable" here, only to have Jay Matthews head over...

Matthews: "Hey- Danny just picked up a copy of Wrestlemania IV on eBay, you want to watch some with us- you know, get psyched for this?"

"Sure- who am I to pass up some good stable bonding?" I headed over to the others as Danny Hillstead put in the tape as the first match showed up...

[credit Scott Keith's rant, Wrestlemania IV]

- Opening match: Battle Royale. Case in point, whose dumb idea was it to open a show with a battle royale? Sam Houston gets the honor of being the first one out. Sika follows quickly after. This is basically a JTTS-fest. George Steele, who has been sitting outside since the start, pulls Jim Neidhart out. Ray Rougeau and the Killer Bees go in one big heap. JYD dumps Ron Bass with little trouble. The referees try to convince the Animal to actually enter the ring, but he's not going anywhere. Everyone gangs up on Hillbilly Jim and dumps him. Jim Powers gets dumped. We're getting down to the cream of the jobber crop. Nothing interesting going on outside of the eliminations. Ken Patera dumps both Zukhov and Volkoff, then gets dumped by Bad News Brown. Brown sends Harley Race and Jacque Rougueau flying, then Paul Roma. That leaves Brown and Bret Hart against JYD. The Dog takes both of them on, but the heels overwhelm him and beat on him for a while, then toss him. Bret foolishly thinks they'll split the trophy, but Brown ends that line of thought by turning on Hart out of nowhere. Just before Brown could toss Hart, however, a fan ran into the ring and helped Hart, then proceeded to hit a Belly to Belly Suplex on him, sending Bad News Brown over the top and giving the match to Hart! The fan then took the mic...

"THIS STUFF ENDS NOW, WWF! YOU WILL ALL RESPECT BRET HART! This guy has more talent than all you people, he's the wrestler of the future, and like me, HE GETS LAID EVERY NIGHT...often by an actual girl...WWF, be prepared- right now, DEXTER HART IS YOUR HOOKUP! HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME!"I don't rate battle royales, but this one sucked...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

The next day, I was still somewhat confused. I managed to see Roderick around the back, and I went to ask for some questions...

"So, Roderick- how's it going? Go well with time-travel? By the way, I happened to see Dexter Hart in a WRESTLING VIDEO FROM 1988...care to comment?"

R.Strong: "You know, I just KNEW you'd start with the 'I lost one of the five people I went with' thing...anyway, don't worry...it's all fine."

"Fine...how, exactly? Someone's lost in time..."

R.Strong: "Don't worry- time works in mysterious ways, but really...don't take it from me- let's have famed scientist Steven Hawking tell you why!" Strong pulled out a TV and VCR out of nowhere (because this is a Reflecto diary and those things just happen) and showed a videotape...

Hawking (on screen): "You see, there's one problem with time travel: You have to get in and get out within one week. If you don't, the time stream has enough time to rewrite your history and eliminate the paradoxes that would go through. It also means that if you want to stay back in time for any reason, if you can get away without meeting with yourself for 1 whole week, you'll succeed. [Of course, if you do meet with yourself, even by chance, you'll blip out of existence, but that's the risk...] In this way, time travel is actually possible..."

"Um...then why do I know what happened?"

R.Strong: "Only the people who cause these things to occur and those who have a direct connection to the person who goes through time will remember conclusively what occurred. You asked me to do it, so you still remember Dexter Hart before he went back in time. Understand?"

"I guess..."

Hawking (onscreen): "Excellent...now, share me some digits of yo' bitches, homey...Steven Hawking needs a little of that boom-shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka-boom-shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka-boom!"

"Um...what was that about?"

R.Strong: "Sorry...bad tape?" I thought it was all set as I proceeded to head out to the show...

wOw Flagship

Yumiko Hotta v. Jazz

Somewhere, Robbie Richter has just died for the sole purpose of rolling over in his grave. I mean, come on- a match with no gimmicks, no workers- just two people there to fight? That goes against all we know of wOw! To be fair, the two did put on a great match (by female standards), proving it might have been a good idea to let the two do what they do. I was surprised by the ending, however, as Yumiko Hotta managed to pull off the victory over Jazz. Considering the WWE's rules, I was surprised by this development...

(52, 70, 61)

After the break, the World's Greatest Jobber Team were hyping each other up...

Horowitz: "All right, Stalker- tonight's the night we turn things around. We may have been jobbers in the past, but there's a new day brewing. Can you feel this electricity in the air?"

Ichikawa: "Hai..."

Horowitz: "Hey, what's going on! But anyways, we need to do this- I mean, Los Barrio Boys, they're hungry, and a hungry team is a dangerous team. Don't you agree?"

Ichikawa: "Hai..."

Horowitz: "Hello in there...is someone listening...?"

Ichikawa: "Hai..."

Horowitz: "Hello, again...oh, let's just go out there and kick some ass!"

Ichikawa: "Hai..."

Horowitz: "*sigh*"

After the break, Los Barrio Boys headed to the ring. Just then, "Hava Nagila" hit as a sign came over the wOwTron:

"ICHIKAWA GOT A POSSE..."

Just then, the World's Greatest Jobber Team headed down the ramp for their debut match as a team!

Los Barrio Boys v. World's Greatest Jobber Team

WHEN JOBBERS COLLIDE~! This matchup was somewhat weak for a tag team matchup. I'm not sure, but I think Los Barrio Boys could probably use some time in development after this one. I'd give the WGJT some fair leeway, considering its their first match together, but it was fairly subpar for the style. To add to that, the new gimmick didn't change the fact that the WGJT are still, well, jobbers. Los Barrio Boys took advantage of that little fact,managing to get the victory on the two. Well, apparently they aren't getting the development time they need...

(34, 78, 56)

After the break, TJ Wilson and Harry Smith were talking...

Wilson: "I'm telling you, I should get the title shot tonight with Goddard. I mean, I DID beat 3 guys last week..."

Smith: "Yeah, but the challenge went for me- that's the way it has to go."

Wilson: "But...but I did better!"

Smith: "Well, I got the title shot..."

Wilson: "Fine!"

Smith: "Fine!" The two stormed off in a huff as Wilson got angry and stormed to the ring. Just then, Spanky was looking for an opponent, as we had a matchup!

Spanky v. TJ Wilson

This match was much better than I assumed it would be. TJ Wilson actually managed to mesh well with Spanky, something that I personally didn't see coming. As a result, the match ended up being a MOTN, possibly proving Wilson right on deserving a title shot. However, the result didn't do that, as Spanky wound up getting the win by some surprising reason [come on, you push the Stampedes, give Wilson the win...] I hope someone got fired for this blunder... (58, 88, 73)

After the break, "Nowhere Kids" hit as The Nobodies headed to the ring for a shot at the wOw Tag Team Titles! Just then, Tom Green's voice came over the wOwTron... "...like, like basketball players...and...and Greeks...YOU KNOW, MEN FROM GREECE?" Just then, "Grease" hit as the Men From Greece headed to the ring carrying their wOw Tag Team Titles!

(TAG TEAM) The Men From Greece v. The Nobodies

Well, this was another excellent match for both teams, as if it wasn't already assured. These teams are both some of those rare ones- they never seem to get the MOTN, but lead wrestling in consistently good matches for each. This one kept going back and forth between the two teams, as they managed to put on a number of good moves. The Men From Greece got Joey Hamm in a precarious position, then managed to hit the Big Fat Greek Suplex on him. However, just as they went for the "HOPA!" elbows, Joey Hamm rolled under Nico while Greg Burch hit a Cascading Entropy (450 Splash) on him, sending Nico down quicker and having Stavros administer the elbow on him. Stavros bounced off his partner, allowing Joey Hamm to cover him for the upset victory!

Winner (NEW Tag Team Champions): The Nobodies

(45, 86, 65)

(INTERNATIONAL) Finale v. Brandon Downard

Well, this started as an awesome brawl- usually obvious, considering that you had two of the best brawling prospects in wOw as your starters...The match started normally, but quickly degenerated into a hardcore matchup. The two kept attacking each other viciously, leading to a nice mixture of psychology and light tubes that wOw's just known for. Unfortunately for fans, just as the match was heading to a boil, Homicide ran in and attacked both workers, laying them out! Homicide then took a mic...

Homicide: "HOW YOU LIKE THAT, PROVIDENCE? AWA GONNA TAKE YO' ASSES DOWN! IT'S ON, NOW! I'MA GO THROUGH ALLA Y'ALL ONE BY ONE! AWA- WHAT?"

(40, 85, 62)

After the break, Harry Smith came down to the ring with Nattie Neidhart for his wOw World Title shot. Just then, "Carmelina" hit as Tom Goddard took the mic...

Goddard: "Yes, yes, Harry- you do manage a shot at MY title...but not all of it...you see, there's a couple stipulations that are in this. First off...send the girl back..." Smith looked at Neidhart and sent her back to the dressing room... "Ah, and now for the second stipulation..." Just then, Jocelyn Richter headed down the ramp wearing a Referee's outfit!

Carter: "Smith should have expected that- Tom Goddard is always able to find some way to get an advantage over his opponents, regardless of style..."

Gristleizer: "It's called intelligence, Madison- you should get some..."

Carter: "Oh, and how's that supposed to occur?"

Gristleizer: "Um...have Kevin Nash give you some?"

Tom Goddard v. Harry Smith (Special Referee: Jocelyn Richter)

Well, this is a poor feud, to say the least: These two just do not click, and I doubt they can ever do so. The fans are beginning to sour on the whole thing for each of its matches, as Harry Smith just brings out the worst in Tom Goddard (and vice versa.) Jocelyn Richter worked well enough as referee to keep the fans interested, giving Smith a number of nice-looking DDT variations and threatening to DQ him if he laid a finger on her. However, the end was fairly straightforward: Smith takes an advantage, Goddard uses MAGICAL LEGACY POWER~! to fight back, My Final Heaven, quick count by Richter, Goddard gets the victory. After the match, Goddard and Richter celebrated- until Nattie Neidhart and TJ Wilson came out to help Smith with an attack! The five brawled out there as the show ended...

(70, 68, 69)

After the show, me and Jocelyn were finally (somewhat) close. I tried to find the right words to apologize as I waited for the last shot of it. Roderick had managed to give me a tape, but seeing it as that crappy song I had stuck in my head, I did what I always do with bad music I pick up- namely, smile, thank them, and pass it to Steve. I saw Roderick come over (as per our plan), so I began to talk...

"Listen, Jocelyn, I'm really sorry if I hurt you- I...I had heard some rumors, and apparently, they were just exaggerated by some HHHaters on the Internet to make a weirder story. Will...will you forgive me?"

Jocelyn: "Of course- don't you know I couldn't stay mad at you for long..." Just then, I heard Steve over near the cassette player with Roderick...

Steve: "Check it out...Tom gave me this cool new tape- I wonder what it is..." Just then, the strains of "We Built This City" occurred. Steve waved us over...

Steve: "Wow, thanks, man! I wanted this tape- my bad songs collection wouldn't have been complete without it!" Just then, I saw Roderick introduce himself to Jocelyn...

[Meanwhile...]

R.Strong: "Oh, hi- you're the owner's daughter, right? My name's Roderick Strong- Tom's told me a lot about you..." (What's this feeling? He seems like...like I've known him my entire life...)

Jocelyn: "Thanks- I've heard some decent stuff about your work in ACW...I take it you were promoted?"

R.Strong: "Well, apparently..." (Yes! Now...now hopefully there'll be some reason for this...I hope I can manage to find it out...) Just then, Jocelyn was a little confused- she couldn't hear the music occurring, or Tom's making an angry face at Strong...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

After I saw this, I was in a daze. I mean, why wouldn't I be- after so long, there was this part of me that couldn't fathom anyone else making a play for Jocelyn. Upon thinking, I shouldn't have been shocked- a beautiful young girl, fun to be with, and had a father who could assure any worker a push would be very likely to be snatched up. Apparently, Roderick was the one most willing to do it. I had to get back in the game, but how...

Jared: "Um...Tom, what's going on? Tom...how many fingers am I holding up...?"

Steve: "Dood- don't you know by now? When Tom starts staring into space, no one can get a hold of him..."

Jared: "I see...problem?"

Steve: "Nothing much- just seems like Captain Yesterday over there was stopping him from bagging Jocelyn..." Suddenly, as I heard something, I had to strike...

"HA-DO-KEN! SHO-RYU-KEN! IM-RIK-JAMZ-BICH!" I proceeded to lay into Steve with a Fire Ball, a Dragon Punch, and a Slap, sending Steve reeling...

Jared: "Oog...somehow, I still can't believe you had training in a martial arts school dedicated to teaching moves from fighting video games..."

"Well, come on- you're learning magic- is it that much more wild?"

Jared: "I guess not...but come on, why go that big on Steve?"

"Did you HEAR what he said?"

Jared: "Point taken. Although, come on, man. Why put so much on this? Just think about it. You're Tom Goddard. You are the hottest independent wrestler in the country right now. You can bag any and every girl you want to- why waste all your time trying to get Jocelyn...?"

"Because I don't want anyone else but her, man! All my life, she's been the only girl I've ever wanted..."

Jared: "Come on- sometimes, you need to let go of these things. Leave childhood dreams behind...first loves bear no fruit, yadda yadda..."

"Um, dude...we're professional wrestlers. Our lives ARE a childhood dream..."

Jared: "Point taken. But really man- you have to keep some sane minds towards this. If Jocelyn wants someone else, you have to respect that...that's what a friend does. Things can't stay the same forever, you know..." Sadly, I somehow got that idea. It stayed on my mind for a little bit. Joey agreed to give me a ride to the next AWA PPV- luckily, as my mind was unable to think about driving. I kept trying to think back to what had happened the last time it had gotten this close, as a flashback started...

(1999, CLAMP School)

16-year-old Jared: "So, you guys able to come to my next Jared Steele Sexy Party Spectacular? I managed to get RSVP's from most of the cool kids- you KNOW this'll be an opportunity for some fun..."

16-year-old Tom: "What's the point...none of those silly girls are worth my time...none could understand my pain...I'm going to just stay home and listen to some KoRn..."

16-year-old Steve: "Come on, Tom. You suck the life out of anything. Think about it- we're in high school...the best years of our life..."

"10 to one someone pulls a Columbine on us..."

Jared: "See? You need something to help you get your head out of the clouds..."

"Cutting? Autoerotic asphyxiation? Using my cable modem to download Dragon Ball Z music videos?"

Steve: "No- something rewarding. Here- I got this flyer at the last indy show I went to for a place training wrestlers. According to this, the school's used as a funnel to a number of New England feds, including YPW and wOw..."

"YIKES..." I tried to leave, but Jared grabbed me...

Jared: "Come on. You need to do something, and we're putting you in for this!" Jared and Steve dragged me off, kicking and screaming, towards the training center. I saw Steve sign up...

Steve: "You're sure you don't want to sign up, Jared?"

Jared: "Sorry, man- my parents said they wouldn't sign off on me training until I graduate high school..."

Steve: "Okay, then! Steve Evans, your newest top prospect, signing on..." The person running the sign-ups waved Steve through as he headed over to watch the training. I chanced to look- it seemed almost right for me to be at this place. I decided to take a chance and sign up...

"Okay...sign me up...my name is Tom..." Just then, I remembered Steve's claim that they used the school as a funnel to YPW and wOw. I knew I'd get preferential treatment if I used my real name, and if I used my mom's maiden name, they'd catch on quickly for the same thing. I searched for an alias for my sign-up sheet. Searching through my backpack for an answer, I finally looked to the strategy guide for the video game I bought that week...

"um...Squall. Thomas Squall. Sign me up?" The person in charge waved me in. Jared watched from the sideline as we headed over to training. After a while, an older man headed through and stood in front of the trainees...

Older man: "Good day. Thanks for signing up for our pro wrestling training course. My name is Carl Laird, and as of today, when we're in this building, I OWN YOU. I am going to beat you, stretch you, and punish you. However, once you leave this room, you will be some of the best damn professional wrestlers that New England has ever seen. Now, I'm going to give people some tests- I need to know it's possible for you all to bump before you proceed any further. Line up and do what I say when you're in charge..." Phew- this'll be easy: I've known how to bump since I was 8. I went through and saw some of these other workers. I proceeded to take my bumps, then looked towards the trainer...

Laird: "Damn, Mr...Squall...you've got some good bumping skill. You could probably get squashed today in one of the feds we feed to. I'm going to put you in with the class that's running right now for the rest of the day...they're still mostly beginners, so you won't be too out of place. Here, let me bring you over to my assistant and that group..." Carl sent me over to the class, where I chanced to see too familiar a face in charge... "This is one of my assistants and liasions to whacked Out wrestling, Shane Goddard- Shane, sorry about this, but this is someone who'll be joining us- you might want to take note of this kid, he takes a near-impeccable bump..." Shane looked at my sign-up sheet, then looked at me...

Shane: "Okay...class, I need to hold off for just a second, I need to speak to Mr.'Squall' and just give him a little verbal gut-check..." Shane took me over to an office... "You know, Tom GODDARD, you're not fooling anyone...did you really think you could come in to the place where I'm one of the assistant trainers and not be found out the second I saw you?"

"Sorry, Shane- I knew that since this school's a feeder to wOw, I would get preferential treatment if I used my real name. I just wanted to get through wholly on my own ability..."

Shane: "Well, I can't say I can blame you for this stuff- hearing your reason, I actually have a bit more respect for you for doing it. If you want to be some 'Squall' guy here, I'll go with it. So, what made you want to finally join the family business?"

"Well, a couple of my buddies from school dragged me here, and once I saw the training, the wrestling in my blood just took over, I guess..."

Shane: "Ah. Hopefully, this'll work. I noticed you've been down since heading into high school..."

"Kind of..."

Shane: "Don't worry about it. When you pass through here, that'll be a good thing. Hell, look at me. I'm young, good-looking, not TOO much of a spot-monkey, and a legacy of two former wrestlers, one of which now owns a small crew of fishing boats and the other now one of CVS's top lobbyists in the Rhode Island House of Representatives. By all accounts, I should be one of the biggest heels in the company, but I almost always get huge cheers whenever I play a face...do you know why?"

"You're booked really, really well?"

Shane: "Of course not- it's the pain inside. You and I are not naturally likable people. If we have a little pain in our hearts, that will keep us a little grounded. The fans see that- it makes us more human, more likable than we could be. Mark my words- as my brother, you will almost certainly never be a heel in Rhode Island. You need that pain to be believable as a face- so that all of the fans see you as one of them, instead of on a pedestal."

"I see..."

Shane: "Good. Now let's get back to the rest of that class...we've got some tests going on..." I headed back out and joined the rest of the class and people who passed the bump test. I saw Steve, and pulled up a spot next to him.

Shane: "Now, tonight we're going to be giving a quick exhibition with some of our workers..." Just then, I saw Jocelyn and Roderick Strong head into the ring...

"Wait...I thought he wasn't based in the Northeast..."

Steve: "Are you kidding?"

Shane: "Now, let's see them show what a match should look like..." I saw the two lock up...which soon turned into what appeared to be a make-out session...which soon turned to a ladder match, as Jocelyn turned into me while Roderick turned into Christopher Daniels...I saw Daniels ascend the ladder...I saw him grab the AWA World Title...

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I woke up in the passenger's seat of Joey's car...

Joey: "Dude...something's really wrong with your dreams...what are you thinking in these?" I remembered the stuff that occurred...

"I...am a wrestler..."

Joey: "Damn straight you are...now, time to switch off!" Joey pulled over at a Dunkin' Donuts (thankfully, he caught on to my tastes) as we got some nourishing caffeine and switched off, heading towards Minneapolis...

(wOw Memorial Notes: Upon re-reading this one, it seems a little hard to really give reason for each of the things in this. Blame my assistant for this one: Some of his questions on the update prior to this led to him questioning why I use the struggle seen by our protagonists...which led to him getting a little too close to home in his questioning to it...which led to Reflecto not being in any shape for a normal one. Drawing from personal situations for wOw Memorial can sometimes work fairly well, but trying to use the same reasons that I write [in particular, my own willingness to go deep enough into my past so as to literally cause myself emotional pain just to continue doing the best writing I can possibly do] as the same reason that Goddard is willing to wrestle has so few things that go together that it doesn't seem like it could work anywhere near the same level [anyone who actually wrestles could help on this situation to see if there's anything close to that...] Eh, worst comes to worst- it's something to take out in the next edit...)

Edited September 19, 2004 by Reflecto

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

That night, I was a little bit more ready to wrestle- well, more than I should have been considering the circumstances. That didn't stop some of my friends from making sure of things...

Joey: "You're sure you're not going to jump off a bridge now, right?"

"Um...yeah. I got through most of the hardest stuff- plus, I don't have to actually see her until tomorrow, it'll be easier in Minneapolis..." Just then, Kari-Chan headed through and glomped me into next week... "...and it looks like it'll be much easier now..."

Kari-Chan: "TOMMY-KUN! I missedyoumissedyoumissedyoumissedyoumissedyou...that meany Reflecto didn't write me in enough, and I wanted to see you...I loveyouloveyouloveyouloveyouloveyou..."

"Thanks...I needed that...how've you been doing?"

Kari-Chan: "Well...I was missing you...then I found fun things to do...then I missed you some more...then a little less...and so on...but that doesn't matter, you're BACK! Yippieyippieyippie!" As Kari-Chan kept carrying on, I felt a little bit better...almost...

"(You're not happy...are you?)"

"(Leave me be, Alex...I'm trying to suppress it...)"

Shelley: "(Oh, come on- I got the scoop while reading Roderick's mind- he said that Jocelyn apparently got some kind of time travel-related crush on him...)"

"(Oh, come on...I'm trying to be able to wrestle...)"

"(Don't worry. Here- I'll fix it, you'll forget it happened until after your match...<SCANNING TOM GODDARD'S MIND...HUNTING DOWN MEMORIES...WARNING! The Aliens have implanted Spyware in your mind...Deleting...Done.> There you go...knock them dead!)"

"Um...thanks...?" I decided to rest up. Suddenly, I felt a bit better (albeit unable to tell how the Martians were trying to steal my brainwaves through subliminal messages in reality TV...) I knew I wouldn't need to do much work- I'd wrestled Jeff Hardy enough to know his style without thinking twice. Instead, I decided to wait by the Gorilla position and watch the show...

__________________________________________________________________________________

AWA: Major League Wrestling

Air Paris v. Bobby Quance

Well, apparently some federation has finally decided to give the "other" member of Air Raid a shot, as Air Paris made a debut for AWAMLW. The match was naturally a squash in order to make Paris look good- at least, it should have been, until Bobby Quance proceeded to do much better than he should have in this matchup. That was a good thing, as it made the match more watchable than your average squash. It didn't change the obvious finish of Air Paris getting the win, but what the hey- it proves each are watchable, so it's no problem to me...

(36, 84, 60)

Meanwhile, backstage Vader was trying to get into the building, only to be stopped by 2 security guards...

Vader: "What do you mean I'm not allowed in here? I'm an AWA wrestler!"

Security guard: "We're sorry- Mr. Bauer has given us strict orders to, and I quote- 'not let that fat sack of shit Vader in until he gets his killer instinct back'...sorry, but he thinks you're not worth paying until you're the monster he hired..." Vader proceeded to lay out one of the security guards...

Security guard 2: "Sorry- but that's not good enough for him. You might want to leave now..." The scene cut to the ring before we could see what Vader did...

(AWA Tag Team) The Men From Greece v. The Downard Brothers

Before the match began, Court H. Bauer headed down the ramp and took a mic...

Bauer: "Oh no- no AWA title matchup in MY federation's going to be wOw-only! I was going to save this matchup for later, but I feel we should add to this one, and do it RIGHT NOW!" Just then, The Johnsons and X-Foundation headed down to the ring and started attacking The Men From Greece and Downard Brothers!

Match: Well, this was somewhat of a mish-mash: Four different teams, and none of them really melded. The Downard Brothers brought their generic skill, the Men From Greece brought their brawling, X-Foundation brought their high-flying skill, and The Johnsons...well, they brought the suck...Despite all of this, the four teams managed to put on somewhat of a decent matchup, with the teams beginning to gang up on X-Foundation. The Johnsons and Men From Greece began to overpower the team, leading to them getting in a bad way. Just when Joey Ryan was on his last legs, Brandon Downard laid out Richard Johnson with a nice Facade Breaker while Brett Downard hit an RKO (which the announcers called the Dropline) on Rod Johnson, allowing the Men From Greece to hit the Big Fat Greek Suplex on Ryan to get the victory and keep the tag titles! After the match, the Men From Greece and Downard Brothers shook hands...until The Johnsons got up and attacked all four, spraying White Mist into all four of the workers' eyes as AWAMLW went to break!

(43, 85, 64)

After the match, a sign came up on the AWATron...

<<And now, great moments in the life of Harry Potsmoker.>>

Just then, Christopher Daniels showed up on the screen...

Daniels: "Hello, AWAMLW fans. Now, too many people have gotten the wrong idea about me. As the AWA World Champion you all know and love, I have the utmost respect for ANYONE who can manage to become a Heavyweight Champion in wrestling...even if it IS in some second-rate dump in Providence that'd have to work to get to the level of a Backyard fed...but I digress. In the interest of sportsmanship, I give you, the AWAMLW fans, a look at some of the best moments of our reigning AWA East Coast Champion, in a segment that I like to call 'Great Moments in the Life of Harry Potsmoker.'" Just then, a scene is shown of a high school gymnasium with a small boy (who could pass for a younger Harry Potsmoker) out in front.

Daniels (voiceover): "Tonight's show goes back to June 11, 1989, when little Tommy Goddard had managed to watch another night of the hard-hitting whacked Out wrestling action. Interested in the show, Goddard headed back to the locker room and watch, only to see a number of autograph hounds trying to get through- to no luck. Thankfully for this soon-to-be-wrestling star, his older brother Shane Goddard had made his debut that night in a Battle Royal for students of Robbie Richter's wrestling school. The elder Goddard saw his younger brother and brought him into the locker room, where Goddard was able to meet with all of his wrestling heroes." The scene showed a dramatization of the action, then finally went back to Daniels's face.

Daniels: "To most wrestling fans in Minneapolis, this would seem like a typical warm story of family. However, it's important for fans to know because it signifies a milestone in the child who grew up to become Harry Potsmoker's life, as this was the FIRST time that Potsmoker used his brother's status to get preferential treatment in whacked Out wrestling...BUT NOT THE LAST..." Daniels gave a "thumbs-up" sign to the crowd as a sign came up on the AWATron again...

<<This has been 'Great Moments in the Life of Harry Potsmoker'.>>

(87)

After the break, the tournament tree for the AWA Number One Contender's Tournament showed up again as the semi-final matches started up!

Chance Beckett v. Finale

Well, this was a much better matchup than I expected. These two workers actually managed to mesh really well, considering the styles clash that it should have been. In addition, the crowd was surprisingly hot for the matchup, considering they were two midcarders for the federation (for the most part.) These things probably were a result of the change- it was perfect for Finale to play a role of pure evil in the match, while Beckett looked better as the face trying to make it through. Finale just dominated most of the match as a result, which led to the problems with it: Just as Finale locked Beckett in the Ordinary Vanity and Beckett was about to pass out from the pain, Terry Funk ran in and clocked Finale with a steel chair, then placed Beckett on top of Finale, giving Chance Beckett a spot in the finals! After the match, Finale and Funk exchanged words with each other as Chance Beckett celebrated in the ring!

(76, 87, 81)

After the break, I prepared myself. I saw Jeff come over to me...

J.Hardy: "Fair warning- there might need to be some manager work for this one. Court's giving my father a tryout as my manager, so let's try and make him look good- okay?"

"You got it, man..." Just then, I started to hear my 'ripoff' music, and proceeded to head to the ring to the mixed reaction I had been getting for a little while. I headed to the ring and played to the crowd a bit, before I heard Jeff's music come on...

After that match, Jeff Hardy came to the ring with a giant orange cat that seemed to hover towards the ring (who the announcers called Imagi). The cat managed to see a fan in the front row (recognizable to EWB readers as Stokerino), leading the cat to cut the top half of his head off and pass it to the fan as a hat!

(EAST COAST) Harry Potsmoker v. Jeff Hardy (w/Imagi)

Well, on the plus side, Harry Potsmoker's really had a fire lit under himself in the last few weeks. Most of his work in AWAMLW has been on par with his work in NWATNA and wOw- apparently, his heat with Court H. Bauer outside the ring has taken a backseat to his love of putting on a good show (or the mega-push he's getting has pacified him.) This helped out, as his match was much better than his previous encounters in AWAMLW with Hardy. This is nothing but a good thing, as the more good matches, the better. The problem seemed to be the ending, as just as Jeff Hardy was ready to hit the Swanton Bomb, Imagi (still missing the top half of his head) ran in and blindly barrelled into him, sending Hardy groin-first into the turnbuckle. With this occuring, Potsmoker managed to hit the My Final Heaven on Hardy, sending him into the finals of the tournament!

(88, 87, 87)

After the match, Harry Potsmoker went to the back to celebrate...until Chance Beckett came up to him and motioned to his waist...

Beckett: "Hey, Punk-Smoker...seven days..."

Potsmoker: "Until what...Oh, that's right- the day Chance Beckett's AWA World Title dreams go UP...IN...SMOKE? Thanks, I'll put it on my calendar..."

Beckett: "You do that...just be prepared- come Saturday, I'll be in position to be the first wrestler to hold EVERY AWA singles title simultaneously...I have the Cruiserweight belt, next week, I'll have your East Coast belt, and I'll be number-one contender to the World belt..." The two glared at each other as the main event occurred...

(WORLD) Christopher Daniels v. Bryan Danielson

WOW. As if the great semifinal matches weren't enough, the AWA had to go and add to it by having Daniels and Danielson put on a match like this. This is the way to make your titles mean something, folks...just keep having world-class matches for it, combined with valuable top contenders, and you'll be at the top of the heap.The match was pretty similar to all the other AWA matches, as Daniels fought, Danielson used a variety of armbars to make the marks cream and get into the match, Daniels fought back and hit the Angel Wings, getting the victory for it. Afterwards, Daniels celebrated...until Harry Potsmoker ran in and attacked Daniels! Chance Beckett ran in after him, as Beckett and Potsmoker brawled off to end the show!

(75, 100, 87)

(Re-Release Notes: GAH...while beginning to copy wOw Memorial to my own computer for the purpose of having a backup [something I haven't had as of yet], I just took the time to check out how much it was in Print Preview. The results have really astonished me: According to the print preview, wOw Memorial's already 705 pages long. This shocks me further when you realize: It's taken roughly this long just to introduce the first rival to our hero- this series hasn't even come CLOSE to its end. The length of this bad boy just shocks me: Prior to wOw Memorial, the only stuff I really wrote was long poetry and short stories [both rarely breaking 5 pages]- comparatively, the fact that I would not be shocked if this series breaks 10,000 pages by the end of it at this rate is mind-boggling to me, personally.)

Edited September 16, 2004 by Reflecto

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

During that night, I was almost unable to sleep, just knowing I'd have to face Jocelyn again the next day at the PPV. How am I supposed to go through with this? I need time to calculate my next move...something that could allow me to really go through with this. Fortunately, someone was apparently paying attention...

Shelley: "(So, still trying to find the right words, huh?)"

"(Darn it...I had a really weepy internal monologue going on, too...)"

Shelley: "(Don't worry. I'll help you out with your problem...on one condition...)"

"(Okay...?)"

Shelley: "(Well, Joey did say he had to drive you to Minneapolis, so you're going to need a way to Nashville and back here...and you're apparently in too much of a 'Poor Me Angst-fest' to sleep...)"

"(Hey! Baka...)" Just then, Alex pulled up a peace sign...

Shelley: "(Put those together, and that means YOU'RE driving!)" S'cool with me- I like driving these distances...

Shelley: "(Excellent! It looks like I've found the person who'll get me to TNA shows...)"

"(HEY! I thought we had a deal- no reading the external first-person monologues...)"

Shelley: "(Sorry...the devil made me do it?)" Just then, a large hole opened up from the middle of the Earth...

Satan: "WHY IS EVERYONE USING ME AS AN EXCUSE IN THIS DIARY?"

"Um...I think this is a good time to head off..."

Shelley: "Good idea..." Me and Alex quickly jumped through the windows of his car and sped off as Satan chased us...

Satan: "Dad blast it! I'll get you whacked Out wrestling superstar wrestler boys!" Just then, the voice of Merle Haggard came on over the whole scene...

Haggard: "Looks like Tom Goddard and Alex Shelley just got themselves out of a mighty sticky situation, but the drive over to Nashville would be mighty boring, so let's just write them over there..." Suddenly, I found us at the site of the PPV...

"(Okay...I got us here...now what are you going to do?)"

Shelley: "(Just going to use one of my powers to help you out. You can't face Jocelyn yet- but knowing her, she'll be bound to come right to you when she knows you've arrived. Solution: Get you out of this place...)"

"(Um...think that by me again?)" Before I could get that, Alex grabbed me and hit me with a stiff headbutt...

Shelley: "Hey, what was that for...wait...what the? Did that say what I think it did?"

Goddard: "Yep...one of my many cool powers: The ability to switch my personality with others with just, as you saw, a headbutt. Now, if she comes by here, I'll just take play as you so that you don't have to bother with this yet. Remember- she's not as tight with me as you are, so you should be fine...."

Shelley: "Okay- thanks, I guess..." I headed away from "me" and found the other three members of Alex's stable, trying to play it as cool as possible...

Jimmy Jacobs: "So, Alex, tonight's the big night- we finally debut for a Big 2 fed..."

Shelley: "Um...I was the one that AWAMLW wanted, remember?" Phew...at least that's an easy one...

Chris Hero: "Oh, rub it in Jimmy's face again? Just watch it- at least HE can pull off a comedic gimmick like this one without a problem, unlike you, Mr. I-Make-Brad Armstrong-Look-Like-Mr. Charisma..." Wait a minute...he...can't do comedic gimmicks? I never thought of that little extra...

NWA: Total Nonstop Action PPV

Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Don West.

Team America2 (Tom Goddard, Danny Hillstead, Jay Matthews, Jayce Simmons) [w/Robert Lowenstein]

v. Team Canada (Teddy Hart, Jack Evans, Kevin Steen, Petey Williams) [w/Scott D'Amore]

Tenay: "This match should be a big one for both teams, Don- I have recieved word that Team USA has already agreed to defend the America's X-Cup against the winning team in this match next week on the Total Nonstop Action Pay-Per-View!"

West: "You know that Team Canada's been waitin' faw this awppuhtunity to regain tha America's X-Cup, and Team America2 reely wawnts a shawt at the Cup as well!"

Well, this wasn't too much of a styles clash- surprising,as once more than 4 people are in the ring, they almost never mesh well. Luckily, there was just enough of a mix of godlike workers (Hart, Evans, Simmons, Goddard), up-and-comers (Williams, Matthews), and space-savers (Hillstead,Steen) to make this really work well for itself. In addition, D'Amore and Lowenstein managed to mix it up fairly well for each team. D'Amore struck first, managing to get the hockey stick to Petey Williams- only to be matched off as Lowenstein got the rowing oar to Danny Hillstead, leading to a stick duel between the two outside the ring. Inside the ring, however, Hart and Evans matched up on Team America2 with some really good teamwork, matched by what seemed to be somewhat disappointing teamwork between Goddard and Simmons [a real downer- Simmons trained under Joey Hamm [Goddard's partner in AWAMLW, and Goddard's notorious for being able to mesh with almost anyone in tag competition. Apparently, tonight was an off night as far as that was concerned...] On the outside, however, Hillstead managed to win the stick duel, and slid inside to crack Teddy Hart over the head with the oar, then paddle him for the cheap pop, as Simmons loaded Goddard up for what appeared to be the My Final Heaven...only to have Goddard Superplex him, then hit a Springboard Dropkick on him to give Team America2 the victory. A little weird, but cool nonetheless...

(42, 74, 58)

After the break, Team America2 headed backstage, where Jocelyn Richter was standing by...

Richter: "Well, it looks as if we've got a great mixture for the fans- the one true Idol of TNA, Jocelyn Richter, and the team that'll be facing our own America's X-Cup champions, Team America2! I'm going to get a word with the leader of this team- Tom Goddard. Mr.Goddard, you've managed to make this team the hottest one in NWATNA today...what are your thoughts going into next week's match?" (Crud...think back to the TNA shows I watched...how does Tom play this character...)

Goddard: "Um...uh...this was...um, a great victory...uh...Ms.Richter...um, uh, I loved it almost as much, um, as I love to suck it!"

Richter: "Um...excuse me?"

Goddard: "Uh- you heard right, I loved winning this match, um, almost as much as I love having illicit sex with men, um, and I'm a man who LOVES having illicit sex with men...YEAH!" (I think that went well...)

Richter: "I...see...(For Yevon's sake, Tom, what is this about? You're killing me out here...) um...strong words from the head of Team America2 here...back to you?" Meanwhile, in the back...

Shelley: "(Mental note...never trust Alex with this 'power' when I'll be on an open mic that night again...)"

Meanwhile, backstage, Goldylocks and John Walters were talking...

Goldylocks: "Okay, now- I know that I've proven that I am the Manager of greatness here in NWATNA- I mean, come on, John- you've proven yourself as the TRUE Unstoppable Force here by now...but this isn't enough. I need more..." Goldylocks licked her lips...

Walters: "..."

Goldylocks: "That's why I've managed to get the perfect way to EXPAND..." Goldylocks looked downwards... "...our empire here. I took out a loan for $25,000 to any person who can beat you...of course, when the inevitable occurs..."

Walters: "..."

Goldylocks: "We'll have a new member of our little stable, so to speak."

Walters: "..."

Goldylocks: "That's why tonight, I need you to find the first challenger, and do what I know you can do...in the ring...to that guy, and get us another person to take with us on your road to the top! Do I make myself clear...?"

Walters: "...Whatever." John Walters got up and headed towards the ring with Goldylocks following...

After that, Goldylocks and Walters headed into the ring...

Goldylocks: "So, who'll it be? Who's the first TNA worker who is willing to try out the world's toughest Get-Rich-Quick scheme? Anyone...we're waiting..."

Walters: "..." Just then, David Young came to the ring and attacked the two of them...

John Walters v. David Young

What happens when an irresistable force meets an immovable object? We're not likely to find out here. The better question would be, what happens when John Walters, a guy who's gimmick entails the fact that he's undefeated, faces off with David Young, a guy who no one's mean enough in TNA to admit doesn't win a match? That's a bit easier to answer, as Walters just destroyed him. Pretty decent squash, as Walters just decimated him within 3 minutes, then locked him in the Sharpshooter to seal the deal. Young tapped quickly, then Walters kept it on until Young passed out. Finally, Walters broke the hold as Goldylocks grabbed David Young...

Goldylocks: "Well, it looks like you weren't man enough to beat the Unstoppable Force, John Walters, so from now on, get it through your beaten, broken mind...you're MY property now...isn't that right, Johnny?"

Walters: "..."

Goldylocks: "Well, I doubt it's a problem- I mean, I can think of WORSE punishments than being the servant to the TRUE perfect diva of NWATNA...right?"

Walters: "..."

Goldylocks: "Just pick this broken piece of dogmeat up and send him back to the dressing room with us...he needs training..."

Walters: "...Whatever." Walters grabbed David Young and carried him back to the dressing room as Goldylocks played to the crowd...

After the break, Julio Dinero was in the ring and grabbed a mic...

Dinero: "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a night that will go down in the annals of NWA history. Better than any time the title was defended, better than anything seen in this ring before, tonight, my boy, CM Punk, will show all of you the true power of Straight Edge when he finally destroys the career of Raven in a ring covered in barbed wire! Now, just because the power of Straight Edge will be in action, does mean one problem- you don't get to see the equal power of someone like me who is truly Money, so if there's anyone who's got the mouth to fight me, get out here and cash that check!" Just then, the music playing in the back of the Peacemakers segment hit as Chris Hero came out...

Hero: "Halt, vile evildoer! For too long, you and your mastermind have been torturing the good, noble citizen..."

Dinero: "Who- Raven? Man, you must be on more drugs than he did if you think Raven's a noble citizen..."

Hero: "Of course not! I speak of John Q. TNA viewer, with how you keep yammering on! For evils against the viewers of NWATNA, we, the Peacemakers, will make you pay!" Chris Hero ran out to the ring and attacked Dinero, hitting a Hero's Welcome on him...

Dinero: "Well...at least...you were...the only...one..."

Hero: "Oh, my teammates will be coming..." Just then, three separate ziplines came through from the top of the TNA building as Kid Psycho, Rave Master, and The Barbaric Berzerker headed down for the attack. The Barbaric Berzerker quickly hit a Suicide Solution on Dinero, followed by a Gravity Killer by Rave Master, followed afterwards by Kid Psycho hitting a Tiger Driver on Dinero from the top rope, leaving Dinero down.

Hero: "Our work is done here- another victory for, The Peacemakers!"

Kid Psycho, Rave Master, Barbaric Berzerker: "YEAH!"

(45)

Kid Kash v. Altar Boy Luke

Well, this was just shy of a great match. Don't get me wrong, it was watchable, but I just didn't feel like it had all it could have, you know? I'm not sure if either one was phoning it in, but it wasn't as great as I'd hoped. The two put on just enough to pass, however, so there's no major problem. The one thing that didn't work was the end- Kid Kash hasn't gotten as much of a push in recent months, so having him go over Altar Boy Luke was a little weird. After the match, however, Altar Boy Luke attacked Kash, then took a mic...

Altar Boy Luke: "Oh, now Kid Kash, you may have been the better man here in the ring tonight, but do NOT think that will save you! Oh, no, the end times are nigh, people, and no matter how much skill you think you have in the ring, it will NOT matter to HIM! For I KNOW that The Messiah is coming, people, and when you have to answer to him, NOTHING will save you from your almighty JUDGEMENT! SO SAYETH THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ALTAR BOY LUKE!"

(38, 79, 58)

After the break, I chanced to see where they were taping the next interview. I could see Jocelyn there...*sigh* I knew I still couldn't find the right words for her...but I felt I could find a way to get some immediate revenge on a certain person who screwed over my character's development...

Shelley: "Hey, Jimmy- you mind coming over and grabbing me for a second after I go to the background here? Just adding to my character a bit..."

Jacobs: "Um...okay?"

After the break, Jocelyn Richter was with Jason Cross, carrying his Super-X Trophy...

Richter: "Once more, this is TNA's Idol, Jocelyn Richter, here to give you the scoops you need to know! I'm here with Jason..." Cross sighed a bit... "Oh yes...the 2004 Super-X Tournament Champion Jason Cross...Jason, in the past month, people with TNA have been noticing a bit of a change from you...anything to say to that?"

Cross: "I...I mean, what do they want from me? I...I won the Super-X Title...I brought the America's X-Cup to Team USA...what's wrong with that? What's wrong with thinking that way? I pulled it off when no one else can...is it wrong to think of it that way?"

Richter: "Moving along- tonight, you've been granted a title shot by your teammate, Chris Sabin, over his X-Title. What's your views going into this match?"

Cross: "Who...who cares what I think on it? I can do anything for these people, and they just treat the other members of the team as if they did it- who cares about results anymore? All these people want is what they already know..."

Richter: "I see...until then, this is Jocelyn Richter, sending you back to the action..." Just then, Kid Psycho ran onto the screen...

Kid Psycho: "I'M A PSYCHIC! I'M A PSYCHIC! I'M A PSYCHIC!" Just then, The Barbaric Berzerker grabbed ahold of Kid Psycho and dragged him off screen...

Richter: "(Honestly...what the hell is going on today?)"

Jason Cross v. Chris Sabin

Well, this was a decent matchup. Cross and Sabin usually bring the goods, so I was excited by this matchup. The two seemed to mesh fairly well, which helped get the match to its best ability. The crowd, unfortunately, didn't seem to feel the same way, as they were a little dead throughout it. Chris Sabin took the advantage. Sabin proceeded to hit a Future Shock on Cross, but only got two. Seeing the problem, Cross looked at his Super-X Tournament trophy while Chris Sabin headed to the top rope. Cross punched the inside of the trophy as Sabin set himself up for a Flying Crossbody...only to have Cross punch Sabin in the face following it, then throw what appeared to be brass knuckles out of the ring! With Sabin out, Cross headed to the top rope as the fans booed and hit a Crossfire to get the win and the title!

Winner (NEW X-Champion): Jason Cross

(48, 81, 64)

3 Live Kru v. Red Shirt Security II

Well, this was pretty much par for the course. I still don't see how Legend and Kevin Northcutt fit together (at least in the ring), but 3 Live Kru matches are at least always good for a laugh...if nothing else. The teams were fairly matched off- Legend and Killings managing to actually work, while Northcutt and BG James providing most of the "non-work". To be fair, Legend and Killings's ability to work helped bring the match up, at least providing a respite from Northcutt's wannabe hoss offense and BG James's devolution to the Human SLAP! Machine...Unfortunately (or fortunately, either way)- that was how the match played out, as a quick "SLAP!" got the win for 3LK. Eh, it was what it was...

(68, 79, 73)

Jeff Jarrett v. Jerry Lynn (86, 80, 84)

Oh, goody, Triple J gets in a match with absolutely no buildup against the leader of Team USA...I smell a job coming on for no apparent reason...this match, of course, comes from the fact that apparently Jerry Lynn was getting complacent in his push in the X-Cup, so Jarrett had to regulate and show who's the boss's son. To be fair, however, the fans were into the match- of course, most of that is because they've wanted Lynn in the World Title picture since the day NWATNA opened, but other than that...the only other surprise in the match came from the ending. Instead of Jarrett winning cleanly, Lynn took an advantage and nearly hit the Cradle Piledriver on Jarrett- only to have Jayce Simmons come out to the ring and Missile Dropkick Jarrett down over Lynn, turning it into a pinning predicament and giving Jarrett the win! After the match, Jayce Simmons exchanged words with Jerry Lynn as he headed back to the dressing room...

After the match, the ring crew came out carrying some barbed wire and began to replace the ropes with the main event match as a video showed up at home recapping the CM Punk/Raven feud...

[We interrupt the regularly-seen video that the fans saw at home and at the arena for a Special Message to you, the whacked Out wrestling Memorial fan, from our original writer, Reflecto.]

"Greetings, wOw Memorial fans- all few of you. Now, this should have been a place where you would have seen, like the fans who'd watch this PPV on TV or in the stands in the wOw Memorial universe would have seen a video recapping the grueling feud between Raven and CM Punk. However, you are not for good reason:

If I may shoot for a moment- this feud SUCKED. It Really, REALLY sucked. I broke a cardinal rule I set in place with wOw Memorial Volume 2 with this feud, namely the vow I made with myself that in Volume 2, I would not do things just to make wOw Memorial popular at the expense of my own style- to not do things just because they were what the 'big name' writers would do, and instead book to other people: To myself, to my assistants, to the voices in my head, and most importantly, to any insane whim that I had. In the Raven/CM Punk feud, I booked it solely because it was booked a bunch in the indies, meaning it would be booked by all the 'popular' writers on the Dome. In short: I went against my own unique style- the only thing I can really promise anyone who reads whacked Out wrestling Memorial to set it apart from the rest of these cookie-cutter EWR diaries, and for that, I am truly sorry to all the readers who I forced this abortion of a feud upon.

As penance for this mistake, I have done the only thing I could- namely, I have taken popular anime characters Sana Kurata and Excel Excel , given them mallets, and told them to attack at will, starting...now.

<<Scenes are shown of Reflecto getting beaten with mallets>>

OW! Not the face...I'm a pretty man! NO! That place is even worse...HI-HOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

[We now return you to the TNA Pay-Per-View in progress.]

CM Punk v. Raven

Well, a bad feud deserves a bad match...unfortunately, no one told these two, as they actually managed to put on a decent enough barbed wire match. Large amounts of typical moves for a barbed wire match applied, i.e. Irish whips a plenty. These two proceeded to attack with their usual modes for most of it, however, leaving them with a regular matchup for the two of them. Raven was the first to make it outside the ring- managing to grab a chair and attack CM Punk with it, then force Punk into the barbed wire with the chair. However, as Raven let go of it, CM Punk came back, hitting a dropkick to Raven's back and sending him face first onto the chair. Raven got up again, only for Punk to attack more, finally sending Raven into a Hangman-type move into the barbed wire! Seeing Raven's predicament, the referee called for the bell, awarding the win to CM Punk. After the match, the referee sent for some EMTs to cut Raven out of the wire, sending him to the back on a stretcher!

(77, 80, 78)

Over: 64

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

The following car trip was...memorable, to say the least. A quick headbutt to get me and Alex back in our proper bodies preceded a pretty damn good argument (me getting pissed he gave me a gay gimmick way too soon, him getting pissed I either outed him as a psychic, or made him the first special needs superhero [or both], which soon led to stopping at a rest area and breaking out mallets. Luckily, neither really needed to use theirs, as just before the attack could start, he fell asleep on the side of the road. I had half a mind to just ditch him there, but some form of "generosity" or whatever was close enough got in the way as I proceeded to deadlift him...into the trunk of the car and kept going towards Minneapolis. (That'll teach him...) Eventually, I proceeded to get to Minneapolis, and proceeded to rest up and watch the latest episode of Sin...

wOw Sin

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and RD Reynolds.

As I began to watch the show, I heard something come from the car's trunk...

Shelley: "(YOU RAT BASTARD- YOU PUT ME IN THE FREAKING TRUNK! Eh, what the hell- who do you want to cheer for in this matchup?)"

Hand Maid Mully

Nikita <---

Just as I began to make my choice, Jared Steele ran into the scene...

Steele: "Aw, come on, Tom- why won't you cheer for Hand Maid Mully? She really deserves a push, you know- she's bound to be an amazing member of the Women's Division if you just give her a chance..."

"Eh, what the hell- I'll cheer for her..." Just then, Hawk from Tough Enough came out and attacked Jared, sending the two away...

Shelley: "(Okay-sending the two over...)

Hand Maid Mully: "Oh- Jared told you to cheer for me, is that it? I knew he was the only one in power who was a fan of mine..." (LOVE LOVE INCREASE- TO JARED STEELE. YOU GET NOTHING, BIOTCH!)

Nikita: "Oh- you would have cheered for me, if it wasn't for your friends? I knew you 'popular' kids couldn't understand a truly independent soul...Fuck your Gap clothing, I do not need any of that! *cries*" (INCONCLUSIVE- Please steal Nikita's notebook filled with bad goth poetry to get a direct idea either way regarding increase or decrease.)

Hand Maid Mully v. Nikita

Nikita's apparently a somewhat respected prospect in Britain...which makes me wonder why wOw wasted her first match Stateside against Hand Maid Mully. Nothing against Hand Maid Mully- she performs her gimmick well and is apparently a decent high flyer, but I can't get into her matches due to the fact that her gimmick requires her to wear a big wind-up crank on her back- something that makes it impossible for her to take a bump without ruining the matchup. As a result, the match turned into a quick no-selling farce, as Nikita threw her best stuff only to find the forced offensive power of Hand Maid Mully keeping her held back. This led to problems, only ended with one quick Wind-Up by Hand Maid Mully to get the victory. Pretty poor, to say the least- hopefully, they'll give Nikita a chance with someone who can sell and change Hand Maid Mully's gimmick...

(22, 53, 37)

Stevie Mac v. Sabian

Okay...this has to go into my list of "pleasant surprises." I hadn't known Stevie Mac to do that well in wOw previously, and all the rumors I heard said this was Sabian's tryout to get a spot on the active wOw roster. If it was, I think it's safe to say "Mission Accomplished." The two put on an overachieving matchup, providing for some definite good hopes for the future. The ending did seem a little out of place for the two of them, however, as Finale ran in and helped Stevie Mac attack Sabian. Afterwards, Stevie Mac kneeled to Finale as he took a mic...

"Ah, young Stevie Mac...soon, very soon- you will provide yet another person in my endless, noble struggle to destroy this shattered fantasy that wOw hath provided to the world- to force the endless scope of wOw to tumble from its current axis...and onto OUR Axis..."

(24, 86, 55)

While proceeding to watch the next match on tape, I happened to remember a chance occurrence before the matchup happened. I was walking backstage, when The Diamond Exchange's manager came up to me...

Veronica Diamond: "Hey...I was wondering...you wouldn't happen to know what had happened to my twin brother, would you?"

"Um...you have a twin?"

Diamond: "Yeah- Dexter Hart...."

"Um...you're serious?"

Diamond: "Yeah, yeah, I know- he came from the shallow end of the gene pool...anyway, I hadn't seen him for a little bit, so I called him up...and well...he was 38 years old..."

"Hold up...Dexter's 38?"

Diamond: "I know- I can't explain it either. One minute, he was my 21 year old twin brother, the next, he's 17 years older than me...I'm not even sure what's going on!" Ah, This is the toughest part of this stuff. How do you tell a girl "I'm sorry, but your brother went with two of the underneath tag teams back in time to help me get a girl to like me again, only to be stuck in 1987 because he's a complete moron?"

"Well, I'll try to find out something, but I'm not sure on this one..."

Diamond: "Thanks, Tom- I was told you'd be able to help me out..." (LOVE-LOVE INCREASE)

After remembering that, I watched the show again...

The Diamond Exchange v. World's Greatest Jobber Team

Well, the match wasn't...too much of a pain to watch- granted, it was nowhere near the level of most tag matches this year (really a golden year for the tag team), but considering it has one team that never worked together past the last couple weeks (World's Greatest Jobber Team) and one fairly garden-variety tag team (The Diamond Exchange/Power Company/Two Pawns in Robbie Richter's Eternal feud with All Other New England Indy Promotions To Ever Exist), just mediocre isn't a bad thing. As a result, the two showed a lot more promise than either had shown before, which was a good thing. The ending was somewhat formulaic, however- Veronica Diamond distracts Barry Horowitz, leading to a Powerslam on him by Dean Powers to get the victory. Not too bad...

(37, 72, 54)

After the match, I saw a somewhat-angry looking Alex Shelley holding a jack...

Shelley ("All right, all right- who the hell do you want to cheer in this match?")

Jamie Kogyaru <---

Jocelyn Richter

"If Jocelyn's gonna be a big meany, I'll just have to cheer her opponent, then. So THERE."

Shelley: "(Okay...SENDING...)"

Jamie: "What...the? You're cheering me over Jocelyn? This...this is surprising. Thanks, Tom!" (LOVE-LOVE DRAMATIC INCREASE)

Jocelyn: "Well, fine! Be that way. See if I care- Baka..." (LOVE-LOVE SMALL DECREASE)

Jamie Kogyaru v. Jocelyn Richter

OH. MY. GOD. I have just seen the greatest women's wrestling match in the history of United States Wrestling. This is the biggest rarity I think I've ever seen- a match between female workers that would be world-class regardless of gender. Kogyaru proceeded to have another of her amazing matches, while Richter proved all the hype about her in-ring ability was actually true. The two meshed together almost perfectly, leading to a match that should be shown to any female trying to break into the business as an example of "What To Do". The only problem that I had with this match was the ending, when Sharon Goddard ran in and went for a LARIATOOOOOOOOOO!- only to accidentally hit Richter with it, allowing Kogyaru to get the pinfall. A little weak, but considering how good the match was, I can live with it...

(55, 91, 73)

After the break, Tom Goddard went to the ring and took a mic...

"Ladies and gentlemen, I come here tonight, in an attempt to stage an intervention for some certain people out in back there. I speak, of course, of the Stampede Bulldogs. Now, I know that their view has been somewhat mistaken, but I come on behalf of every wOw fan out there when I say- you suck. Harry Smith- during the past few months, you have proven yourself to be the biggest piece of luggage out there- you need to be carried every time you step foot in the ring with me. And THIS is supposed to be my competition for the wOw Heavyweight Title? Look- I know all you AWA punks don't like me, but couldn't you send someone a little...better than these jobbers in training? Face facts, folks- there is NO CHANCE I will ever lose to these people, and it's honestly an insult to your intelligence that I have to keep fighting them over, and over, and over again. So, if they would be nice enough to come out here and have Harry Smith forfeit the number-one contender position and politely go away forever- the wOw fans will be much happier in the long run..." Just then, the Stampede Bulldogs and Nattie Neidhart came out and attacked Goddard...

Smith: "Oi, Goddard- here's a little present for that catgirl from us..." The three then proceeded to drive Goddard groin-first into the ringpost, leaving Goddard in huge pain in the ring! (67)

After the match, Robbie Richter headed to the ring carrying the wOw Transcontinental Title and took a mic...

Richter: "Ladies and gentlemen- judging from the influx of new talent in wOw, we felt it was time to add another title to the mix. Henceforth, I'm reactivating the wOw Transcontinental belt, and putting it up for grabs in a battle royal- right now. Anyone who wants a shot at the belt can come out here and deliver!" Just then, 20 workers came out and attacked as the bell rang.

20-Man Battle Royal for the Transcontinental Title:

1- 57U eliminated by Kangor

2-Chris Cash eliminated by Forest Yuhas

3-Greg Burch eliminated by Adam Windsor

4-Kangor eliminated by Jared Steele

5-Jayce Simmons eliminated by Danny Hillstead

6-Monty Brown eliminated by Jared Steele

7-Chris Cassidy eliminated by Adam Windsor

8-Ironwood eliminated by Essa Rios

9-Brandon Downard eliminated by Spanky

10-Diablos eliminated by Spanky

11-Danny Hillstead eliminated by Homicide

12-Jared Steele eliminated by Spanky

13-Forest Yuhas eliminated by Adam Windsor

14-HeartBurnKid eliminated by Spanky

15-Alex Shelley eliminated by Adam Windsor

16-Joey Hamm eliminated by Spanky

17-Essa Rios eliminated by Homicide

18-Spanky eliminated by Homicide

19- Adam Windsor eliminated by Homicide

After the match, Homicide took a mic...

"YES! OH YES! Finally, AWA's got one of your belts, punk! This bad boy's going straight to Court H., and SEE if any of y'all punks try and stop me!"

(42, 74, 58)

Chuck Palumbo v. Masato Tanaka

Well, the endless improvement of Chuck Palumbo seems to have continued here tonight...Masato Tanaka became the latest person to carry Palumbo to a watchable match here in wOw, as the fans proceeded to enjoy the match fairly well. The match was just shy of a really good match, adding to the fun. Palumbo got the victory following a Jungle Kick, which seems somewhat weird considering Tanaka's a more well-known worker than he is. Not too bad, for the most part...

(69, 79, 74)

Tom Goddard v. Scoot Andrews

Okay- this was one of the most disappointing matches I had seen. I had heard endless stories that this should have been amazing, but it was the biggest letdown ever. To suffice- the worker considered by uber-smarks the Best worker in the world, and one of the best indy workers to never get a break- had a match worse than a women's match (albeit an amazing one) and a Chuck Palumbo match on the same card. That should tell you, if nothing else, these two guys are overrated as all hell. The match was predictable- Goddard got the win via a quick My Final Heaven (not too bad- Andrews proved he doesn't deserve a title reign, even if Goddard proved the same). SUB-PAR. (62, 78, 70)

Over: 62

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

AWAMLW Underground

Rocky Romero v. Matt LaPlaca

Well, at least these thrown together matches are somewhat decent...I was honestly surprised by this match. I had known Romero was decent, but I hadn't thought that Matt LaPlaca could actually work- I thought he was just some psychopath they found off the street and gave a position. However, he really managed to hold his own with Romero in the ring, which is a pleasant enough surprise. LaPlaca managed to take the advantage with a number of vicious moves. However, just as LaPlaca was getting ready to drop acid before forcing Romero down at gunpoint, Romero dropkicked him in the back, forcing LaPlaca to spit the acid out! After this, it was no problem for Romero to get an easy victory on LaPlaca. Not too bad, considering what it was...

(41, 81, 61)

After the break, Court H. Bauer was in the AWAMLW locker room talking to the workers...

Bauer: "Okay, guys- NOW is the time to panic. The AWAMLW has been under some threats before, but this is serious. I NEVER in my life thought that that punk Potsmoker would get this far in the tournament! I tried throwing Vader at him, we had Jeff Hardy there to attack him, but that guy seems to be Teflon. We need him out of AWAMLW, and we need it now. That's why I called you all here- you see, his contract states that we can't touch him OR his little "Death Eater" friends of his as long as he holds the AWA East Coast title. This wouldn't be a problem, except if he manages to win Saturday- he becomes the number-one contender, and I can't touch him as long as he's in that position! To add to that, if he gets that close, it means he could possibly win the AWA World Title, and we'll all have to know that that PUNK gets to be held in the same breath as all the great AWA World Champions in the past! To this end, I'm calling a force of all of you to get that title off him, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. And to help you know how to beat these wOw guys, I've got someone who can beat them at their own game- the first AWA worker to win a wOw Title, HOMICIDE!" Homicide headed over to Bauer's side and took a mic...

Homicide: "All right, yo- me and Daniels are gonna beat down Potsmoker bad, a'ight? Then on Saturday, he won't be able to come near our AWA boy- he'll lose the East Coast title, lose out on the Number One Contender's spot, then we can fire his ass. Any questions?"

Bauer: "Okay- you got your plan? Keep this from occurring, okay?" The crew left just as Christopher Daniels headed over to Bauer:

Daniels: "Um...what if this doesn't work? I mean, come on...he is doing very well lately..."

Bauer: "Don't worry- I have some more tricks up my sleeve for Saturday..."

After a break, Court H.Bauer headed out to the ring and took a mic...

Bauer: "Ladies and gentlemen, I come here tonight in immense amounts of joy. Tonight, I get to introduce all of you to YOUR NEXT Number-One Contender to the AWA World Heavyweight Title- our reigning Global Cruiserweight Champion, CHANCE BECKETT!" Just then, Beckett headed out to the ring and took a mic...

Beckett: "That's right, folks- this Saturday, I'm going to get a chance to strike a huge blow for all of you fine people here in AWAMLW and prove once and for all, the cream truly rises to the top here. However, I think I need just a little more seasoning, so I'm challenging any Death Eater to come on out here and allow me to give you a sneak preview of what your leader's got coming to him!" Just then, Alex Shelley came down the ramp and took a mic...

Shelley: "Hey, Beckett- if you're ready to give us a try, I'll take you on- on one condition: You put that Cruiserweight Title on the line!" Beckett looked at Bauer, who nodded as the bell rang!

(Cruiserweight) Chance Beckett v. Alex Shelley

Well, to be fair, at least they're pushing someone talented here...this was another outstanding matchup for Chance Beckett's cap- a huge plus considering his recent push to main event-caliber matches. To add to this one, Alex Shelley's style was so naturally close to Beckett's that they worked really well together. As a result, the match ended up at world-class caliber skills, making both workers look like gods as a result. The ending somewhat worked as well, as Chance Beckett hit a Chance Encounter on Alex Shelley...only to have Harry Potsmoker show up on the screen...

Potsmoker: "5 days..." Just as Beckett was distracted, Brandon Downard hit a Facade Breaker on him, then put Shelley on top of Beckett, giving the Death Eaters another AWA Title!

(59, 98, 78)

After the match, a video aired on the AWATron...

INT. Vader is in a grassy field, with a close-up shot.

Vader: "Sometimes, a person knows they're beaten. I had undergone a losing streak. This wouldn't have been a problem- if both the guys I lost to weren't much smaller than I am. Then, last Saturday, I was embarrassed- told straight out that I wasn't worth it anymore- that I was washed up. However, this wasn't a problem- when I heard this, I realized something. If I wasn't able to do this, then I had to follow some of my other dreams..." The camera panned out to show Vader standing in the outfield area of Coors Field...

Vader: "If wrestling wants no part of me...then other sports will soon see that it's Vader Time..."

The Men From Greece v. Tom Howard and Mike Sullivan

You know, one thing I've noticed in the past is how straight-up great the Men From Greece are together. However, there's a weakness with this: Their matches are always amazing together, but never world-class level for some reason. I always enjoy the matches, but don't believe I've ever truly marked out watching the MFGs work. This match was no exception, as the two faced off with Tom Howard and Mike Sullivan (apparently being teamed together by AWAMLW) and putting on another of their par-for-the-course matches. This one's only weakness was the ending, as The Johnsons headed into the ring and attacked the Men From Greece. A Double Mist shot followed, with Richard Johnson spraying Nico with Yellow Mist while Rod Johnson sprayed Stavros with White Mist, both causing a DQ. After the match, the Men From Greece were blinded while The Johnsons kept attacking them (Oh dear god- tell me the Shane Twins aren't getting pushed here...)

(44, 89, 66)

Christopher Daniels and Homicide v. EMOtion

Well, apparently the AWA keeps some form of continuity in choosing Potsmoker's teammate/sidekick, going with his tag team partner from before they gave him this push as the most evil human being alive (for, um...uh...not being AWAMLW-grown, I guess...eh, who cares, it's getting INSANELY over here- why bring logic into it?) This led to some bonuses for Potsmoker and Hamm, as their experience led to a large amount of nice double-team moves (moreso than the relatively thrown-together team of Daniels and Homicide could muster.) Despite that, the two teams meshed really well, leading to a decent show as a result. The ending worked fairly decently for this as well, as Potsmoker got Daniels alone, then proceeded to CHEAT TO WIN~! against him. I don't think that's a bad move- with how heelish Daniels has been in his videos, they needed some form of an in-ring heel move to make sure the fans got that they're supposed to be booing Potsmoker here. After the match, EMOtion celebrated more- until Chance Beckett ran in and attacked Potsmoker. The show ended with EMOtion getting beaten down as Beckett and Daniels shook hands...

(75, 89, 82)

Over: 70

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Meanwhile, at a mental institution...

"You have a visitor..." Just then, Matt Hardy came to the doorway...

Hardy: "Who...would want to visit me...? After what I did..." Just then, Hardy saw Lita head over to him...

Lita: "I've been trying to find the courage to come- I know about the problems you had..."

Hardy: "I...I broke the Code...I do not deserve to live...I injured that person...I haven't had many chances to get onscreen in the last 6-odd months to continue the storyline..." Lita then headed over to him...

Lita: "I know you're not dangerous, and you're not a robot..." Lita went over and hugged Matt..."...if you want, I'll show you how human you are..." Lita led him to the bed he was using, just as a voice came through...

(The following scene has been blacked out by The Redemption Crew for the benefit of viewers [including Team whacked Out wrestling Memorial top assistant 'The InterKnight'] who would get uneasy by seeing Lita and/or Matt Hardy in a sex scene, or 'robot'/'human' sex scenes, or basically anything remotely unsavory. Remember, kids: It's okay to show people dying in Iraq over dinnertime, it's okay to kill people at any time, but show someone one breast for a couple seconds and people will automatically shoot up their school. The Redemption Crew: Because we know what's best for you. Now, on to WWE Raw...

"Hold up...if you know what's best for us, why are you going to Reflecto booking?"

"NO COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY! THE DOME'S ONLY TRUE ARTISTE REFUSES TO BE CENSORED!")

As Raw started, Rico was backstage with the rest of Metro...

Rico: "All right, boys. For too long, these...unstylish people have been taking too much time away from us here on Raw. Tonight is the night in which we, the bastions of style that we are, must rise up and take Raw back for the beautiful people in the crowd! Now, Mr.Dinsmore- tonight, I KNOW you will manage to bring some style into that...that Shannon Moore- I mean, come ON! Transvestitism is SO not worthy of us. Mr. Richter...tonight, I don't even know what jobber they'll put you with, but I KNOW you can give him a necessary dose of style...and me..."

Bradley Richter: "Yeah, what about you, boss?"

Rico: "Well, come ON...I just got a manicure, I can't go out there...besides, with all these people, why should ALL of us have to smell like those...those brutes? We need someone to hold up the fort here! Now go- show the world the greatness of pure style!"

WWE RAW

Nicholas Dinsmore (w/Miss Jackie) v. Shannon Moore

Before the match, Dinsmore took a mic...

Dinsmore: "Now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight it's my great pleasure to teach all of you the benefits of good fashion. That's why me and my friends'...lovely assistant, Miss Jackie, will be showing all of you our newest video, designed to give all of you...baser people the top fashions for this fall...roll them..." Just then, a Limp Bizkit cover of "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" hit as Shannon Moore headed to the ring wearing yet another thing that looked like he was stealing from a Diva's gym bag...

Moore: "Oh, come on, Nicky...you wouldn't deny a girl her chance to show all these lil' old fans HER newest video, would you?" The fans started booing at those claims... "Anyway, if you're really going to do those, let's put that out for our match tonight-winner shows their video?" Dinsmore and Jackie looked at each other, then nodded as Moore headed into the ring for their matchup!

Match: STYLES CLASH. There's really no nice way to say it- this matchup didn't work out well. Dinsmore's technical style and Moore's high-flying just didn't mesh at all, even before Dinsmore's more prissy gimmick (keeping him from more violent acts) and Moore's female impersonations (handcuffing him to a more female-style match) just added more problems to this. Apparently, the two also synchronized their off-night, making the match even harder to watch. Nicholas Dinsmore took the advantage quickly, managing to attack Moore with some nice moves. Miss Jackie tried to distract Moore, but instead her actions managed to get Dinsmore's eye, leading to Shannon Moore hitting a Moonsault on Dinsmore (while trying to keep his skirt from blowing over his head) to get the victory!

(56, 65, 60)

After the match, Miss Jackie and Nicholas Dinsmore left in a huff, as Moore put on a video...

"THE TRANSGENDER LIFESTYLE AND YOU."

Moore: "Hello, kids, I'm Shannon Moore. Most of you know me as a reigning WWE superstar. What you may not know is my life, believing that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. However, tonight, I'm here to show you how the transgender lifestyle is not a threat to you. For too long, people thought we were 'perverts', that we weren't good people, and that we were kidding ourselves. However, at this meeting, we're all just ourselves, in the gender we were truly born as..." Moore opened a door, showing a room full of transgender people (including Renee Richards, Cloudy, Dr.Frank N. Furter, sycodmn, RuPaul, a Milton Berle look-alike, and [seemingly out-of-place] reigning OVW champion Max Impact.)

Moore: "Here, everyone's supportive of everyone else, because they've all been through the same thing. Let's listen in on one of their views." Impact began to speak...

Impact: "Tonight, I come to you with great joy. It's taken me years of feeling ashamed because of the body I was born in, but I finally managed to get my dream. I've saved up enough money, and in another week, I'll finally be able to afford my sex change operation. I'm so happy I could cry..." (The group clapped as Moore continued.)

Moore: "After hearing this news, I spoke with the happy soon-to-be-woman."

Moore: "Excuse me- congratulations on the news..."

Impact: "Thank you, Shannon...this is a great thing..."

Moore: "Just out of curiosity- I'm doing some documentaries of our struggle- when you get it, would you be willing to come and let us see the operation, peaking with the great moment?"

Impact: "Of course, Shannon- I'll see you next week!"

Moore: "That'll do it for this week- until next time, I'm Shannon Moore, telling you it's OKAY to be a girl trapped in a man's body!"

Impact: "Or vice versa!"

(47)

Mark Henry and Rodney Mack v. La Resistance

You know, sometimes, I feel like I'm spoiled by so many good tag matches that have gone around. This match is a case in point. If there wasn't so many great tag team matches that have occurred this year, this would have been watchable. Without them,however, this was sub-par as a result. The match was also somewhat predictable for a finish, as Theodore Long managed to distract Sylvain Grenier as Rodney Mack locked a Blackout onto Rene Dupree for the victory. Eh-it was what it was...

(70, 74, 72)

After the break, "The Big Sho" Funaki headed out to the ring and took a mic...

Funaki: "HA! I find that NO ONE...in back...want to mess with RAW...NUMBA ONE...BIG...NASTY...BASTARD...so I make open challenge to any Young Lion out there...who want to step into ring...with 'The Big Sho'!"

JR: "What's a Young Lion supposed to be?"

Lawler: "I think it's supposed to be like showing Ruthless Aggression...only Japanese..." Just then, a young guy who appeared to be M-Dogg 20 from those horrific Backyard Wrestling tapes (though the announcers called him Matt Cross for some reason) came out to the ring as we had a match.

"The Big Sho" Funaki v. Matt Cross

Well, considering the match involves a cruiserweight pretending to be The Big Show and a Yardtard, the match was actually somewhat watchable. The two managed to put on a fairly decent match for the most part, meshing about as well as you'd expect them to. Naturally, "The Big Sho" got the advantage on Cross rather easily, and started attacking with a number of bad power moves. Being a Yardtard before being a worker, Cross was unable to match off with them, leading to Funaki punishing Cross. Just as Funaki set him up for the Showstopper, however, Kyo Dai ran in and laid out Funaki with a number of attacks, leading to Matt Cross managing to get the victory on him!

Lawler: "Did I just see what I thought I did?"

JR: "I don't believe that- the rookie Matt Cross has just picked up a HUGE upset win over 'The Big Sho' Funaki!"

After the match, Matt Cross celebrated as Raw went to break...

(42, 77, 59)

After the break, Matt Cross was still celebrating as a number of undercard guys congratulated him on his victory. Just then, Eric Bischoff came into the room...

Bischoff: "Now, that was impressive, I'll admit. So impressive a win, in fact, Mr...Cross, is it? Well, anyways, since you're able to face off with my stars and win, I'm happy to announce you're the first recipient of the NEWEST addition to the rulebook of Eric Bischoff's Monday Night Raw: ANY PERSON who can manage to defeat a Superstar on Monday Night Raw who DOES NOT have a contract with us will automatically be given a contract immediately following their victorious match..." Just then, Chavo Classic headed over to Matt Cross...

Chavo: "Hey, Bischoff, mang, you need to settle down- this kid don't need to sign that stuff now, mang? Listen, kid- I see you out there, you speak to me, mang- I saw you...you fly and stuff, yo! Stick with me, and I'ma make sure that you keep flying- know what I'm sayin'?" Cross and Chavo began talking as Bischoff shook his head...

(36)

After that promo, I got pissed. Apparently, the tape I was using to record Raw kicked out too early. (Mental note: Never buy tapes at the dollar store again...) This led to some problems for me. I commandeered a computer in the AWA offices (luckily, when it's that late, no one cared) and got the results for the rest of the show:

Collyer-3000 d. Bradley Richter (50, 81, 65) (I was surprised by this one, until a friend told me it was apparently Chad Collyer [which made me more upset I missed the match...])

"Highlight Reel": Chris Jericho, The Rock, Shane Goddard (94)

Maven d. John Heidenreich by Jerry Lawler interference to retain WWE Intercontinental Title (55, 65, 60)

Lance Storm puts Maven through a table (77)

Scott Steiner d. John Cena (88, 78, 84)

The Hurricane d. Shawn Michaels to become number-one contender to World Title by Chris Jericho interference (91, 90, 90)

I could have focused more on these matches, and I really wanted to, but then I figured: It's late. Honestly right now, I just want to go back to Rhode Island in peace... (That's a shoot, brotha! Back Wednesday!)

Edited October 9, 2004 by Reflecto

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

That Thursday, I had managed to make it to the show, only to be called into the office by Jerry and Vince...

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Jarrett: "Yes- I wanted to talk to you about that...new direction you took your character in last week..." Yikes...

"Ah...yes, well...um...uh...you wouldn't believe it if I told you the story on that..."

Russo: "We LOVE it! It's XTREME!"

"Pardon me?"

Jarrett: "We've thought that making your character bisexual would help the gimmick more, and we're hoping that you can really use this to go into the stratosphere."

"I see..."

Russo: "Don't worry about it- we'll help you out. Now, the fans all probably know that you're apparently...very well-liked by females up in Rhode Island, so I doubt you would really know how to do this..."

"Well, my sister has given me some insight for how I could play the role..."

Jarrett: "We've seen your sister- she's too tough if you're playing that role in that manner. That's why we've got one of our workers to help you out...BRING OUT THE SMARK!" Yikes...that NEVER sounds any good. I was hoping Reflecto or InterKnight would make the call to cut the scene as I saw him enter the room, almost oozing his way into a seat near Vince and Jerry...

"B...boy...? Boy...?"

Russo: "I don't believe you've met...Tom, this is Bob Ryder...he'll be showing you the ways of your new gimmick..."

Ryder: "I...get boy? Boy...for me?"

Jarrett: "No- no boy for you. You TEACH boy. Boy important to our future. Hands off boy..."

Ryder: "No....no boy?"

Russo: "No...no boy, Bob. Go teach boy." Somehow, I felt things would get a little weirder here. They were sending me to learn stuff from that...thing? I mentally reminded myself to bring mace to shows as I went to go find XPlosion's start... (Sometimes, especially with stuff like this, I wonder if I'll get lynched by any members of various groups. Then I realize, no one's reading this anyway, so it doesn't matter what the hell I do. L.RON, sometimes I love having no fanbase...)

NWATNA XPlosion

As TNA XPlosion started up, Vince Russo headed out to the ring.

Russo: "Now, everyone here in NWA: Total Nonstop Action knows that we have the most innovative division in wrestling, and THAT'S A SHOOT, BROTHA! However, in addition to the great wrestlers, we also have some of the best tag teams in professional wrestling today. That's why, it's my pleasure as Director of Authority for NWA: Total Nonstop Action to present the newest title, the TNA X-Tag Team Championship. Tonight, 4 qualifying matches will take place in order to get matches, and the final one will occur between those teams in a Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match to determine our first champions! Now, let's get on with the show!"

After the break, Chris Hero led The Barbaric Berzerker and Kid Psycho out to the ring for their qualifying matchup, all three wearing black armbands with an S-shield on them. The Barbaric Berzerker tried his best to look somewhat menacing while Kid Psycho spent his time waving to all the fans as Chris Hero gave each one the mic...

Berzerker: "HUSS! HUSS!"

Kid Psycho: "I'm a SUPERRRRR Hero!"

Chris Hero: "Tonight, it is our sad duty to announce something we never like to hear about- namely, one of our own's passing. It is a rare day when a superhero loses their life, but when it does- all true heroes must mourn the loss. That's why we'd like to ask all the citizens here to join us in a salute to Christopher Reeve..." The three put up the arms with the armbands on it as Chris Hero gave the mic to The Barbaric Berzerker...

Berzerker: "HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS!" Just as the three got ready, The Briscoe Brothers headed out to the ring...

Jay Briscoe: "Oh, touching Love-in, guys, but all these Nashville hicks need to see something WORTHY of love, the two hottest men in the NWATNA today, me and my brother. Oh, and little superhero-wannabees: If that guy's supposed to be a hero, why isn't he doing what WE can? Oh, look at me! I'm BREATHING! I'm alive!"

Mark Briscoe: "Look at me, I'm walking! See- I'm such a hero!" The crowd gave massive heat to the two as The Barbaric Berzerker and Kid Psycho pounced on the ropes, waiting for the two to enter the ring as the bell sounded...

The Peacemakers v. The Briscoe Brothers

I'm not the only one who remembers the times when Jacobs and Shelley v. The Briscoes would be a top-caliber matchup on any indy scene, right? Oh, wait- that's before the NWA got a hold with these two teams, that's right. To be fair, however, the workrate hasn't changed much for either team, as they both meshed very well for themselves in the match. The Briscoe Brothers continued to take the offensive, forcing Kid Psycho to play 'special Superhero-in-peril' for most of the match. Naturally, the ending as a result was pretty obvious, as is most other tag team matches: Kid Psycho gets the hot tag, The Barbaric Berzerker becomes a HUSS AFIRE~!, Suicide Solution is hit on Jay Briscoe, and the Peacemakers make it to the match on Sunday. Pretty standard as far as tag team matches go, and I would like to see more from these two...

(41, 81, 61)

After the break, the announcers were hyping things up...

Meltzer: "Our next match in this should be good- we're apparently going to see the TNA debuts for two of America's top independent teams: Hollywood Inc. and The Backseat Boyz!"

Richter: "I know, Dave- I actually got a chance to sit down earlier this week with Hollywood Inc. and see what their plans are for the match in a new segment that I like to call- Idol Chatter!" A graphic came up of the words "IDOL CHATTER with Jocelyn Richter..."

Richter: "Hey, everybody, I'm backstage here with one of NWATNA's newest teams, Hollywood Inc. Now, most people haven't heard much of you two outside of the West Coast- how do you think that you'll be able to handle yourselves in NWATNA?"

Joey Kaos: "I think the real question is- Why should WE have to defend our abilities to you TNA punks? The fact remains, you people here in NWATNA should consider yourselves blessed. Me and my boy Lee Handsome here have come to show you people the REAL best tag team in the world today, and that of course is Hollywood Inc."

Lee Handsome: "Um...what he said...yeah, um, you've got, like, Kaos here- he's the second best worker in the world, you know? And I'm...when you see me, you'll, like, understand, you know- that I'm, um, the greatest worker in existence? Kaos here, um, he's a great worker, but I...I've, um, got everything: Uh, the brawling of, um, uh, Steve Austin, um, the technical skill of, uh, Kurt Angle, um, the high-flying ability, um, of AJ Styles, and uh, the charisma of, like, The Rock or something! We're, um, the greatest workers in the world! And, um all of those, uh other guys, um, suck! In fact, um, every other worker on the planet, uh, they suck too! And we don't?"

Joey Kaos: "As you can see- you've got the only two great workers on the planet right here. The question isn't WILL we be able to take over the whole of NWA: Total Nonstop Action, but WHEN will we be able to take down all of Total Nonstop Action?"

Lee Handsome: "Um...yeah! We're gonna take, um, everyone down because, um, we rule! And all of you, um, suck?"

Hollywood Inc. v. The Backseat Boyz

Well- apparently Hollywood Inc. can talk better than they wrestle...The Backseat Boyz managed to totally bottlefeed Hollywood Inc. throughout this matchup. The Backseat Boyz managed to put on the match they usually tend to do (something that's usually awesome), while Lee Handsome...well, the guy managed to botch everything up to and including locking up. This led to some problems in the match, as The Backseat Boyz used a lot of hot tags and double-teams to TRY to carry Lee Handsome to something great. To be fair, however, when Handsome tagged out to Joey Kaos, it was very good, as Kaos was able to mesh well with Johnny Kashmere and Trent Acid well enough to put on a great show with them. Kaos managed to fight his team back into it, getting a number of near-pinfalls. However, just as Kaos managed to lay both Johnny Kashmere and Trent Acid out with separate Kaostrifys, he took a microphone and beat both of them with it a bit- then tagged Lee Handsome and walked out of the ring...

Kaos: "I don't see ANY need for me to continue with this match- I already proved I'm better than all of you, so who gives a crap about the rest of this?" In the ring, however, Handsome proceeded to lay back-first on top of Johnny Kashmere, getting his team the victory as Handsome went and ran to celebrate with Kaos (who was already on his way backstage.)

(53, 84, 68)

After the match, Goldylocks led her men to the ring...

Meltzer: "Now HERE's a team that everyone can enjoy, right here: Goldylocks and her men are easily the most formidable stable in NWATNA today!"

Richter: "I'm sorry- Goldylocks and two guys isn't a stable, Dave- that's her 11:00!" Goldylocks took the mic...

Goldylocks: "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's a great night here in Total Nonstop Action...Tonight, you will get to see the step needed as history unfolds before all of our eyes. Tonight, NWATNA's TRUE Unstoppable Force, John Walters..."

Walters: "..."

Young: "Um...Miss Goldylocks?"

Goldylocks: "Oh yeah...andDavidYoung... qualify to get the TNA X-Tag Team titles in his,er,their grasp. Finally, after all of you have seen the greatness of the Unstoppable Force..." Goldylocks looked over to her side as Young looked quizzical..."...andDavidYoung..., he,er,they will FINALLY get me something else big...Big...BIG..." Goldylocks looked towards Walters's waist..."right where it belongs..."

Walters: "...Whatever." Just then, The Gathering headed to the ring as the matchup started...

The Gathering II v. Walters and Young

Yep, it's official: First matches between teammates will never mesh well. Hamrick and Cabana had to take the lead in this match with their experience together (they had TWO matches to Walters and Young's one...) There was some definite potential between the two teams, however, as some nice moves occurred on each one's side. The Gathering managed to overpower David Young, getting a large amount of nice moves on him throughout the matchup. Young managed to make the tag to John Walters, only for him to begin to get attacked by the two of them as well. However, Goldylocks managed to distract the referee, allowing David Young to hit a Spinebuster on Colt Cabana while John Walters hit a huge dropkick on Chris Hamrick, then locked the Sharpshooter in on him for the big victory. After the match, Walters and Young celebrated as Goldylocks pushed Young out of the way, then continued to celebrate with Walters as the show went to break.

Meltzer: "What a big victory for the team of John Walters and David Young!"

Richter: "Oh, please...did you not SEE that interference? They got off lucky..."

Meltzer: "Your jealousy is SO transparent...they won, give them some credit..."

(45, 75, 60)

After the break, The SAT headed to the ring for the final qualifier for the TNA X-Tag Titles and waited for their opponent. Just then, some pseudo-'70s music hit as Kriss Sprules headed down to the ring (and looked like he was nearly gassed just getting down there), then took a mic...

Sprules: "puff...puff...Finally...puff...tonight, I can introduce the world to the next generation in tag team wrestling! The TNA X-Tag Titles will see their new owners tonight, as the next great stars win them! We all know of the greatness of Ray Gordy's legacy, and how his father INVENTED the whole idea of tag team wrestling..."

Sign on screen: "HE'S LYING..."

Sprules: "...and to add to that, no one was doing the X-Division style of wrestling before Caprice Coleman came up and showed the world the greatness of the style!"

Sign on screen: "Still lying..."

Sprules: "So without further adieu, I'm pleased to give you the greatest team in wrestling history, Five Star Attraction! Hey- would I lie to you?"

Sign on screen: "Don't answer that..." Just then, Caprice Coleman and Ray Gordy headed down the ramp as the match started.

The SAT v. Five Star Attraction

Well, maybe Sprules wasn't totally lying- the first match for Coleman and Gordy was actually really good after all. I'm not sure whether this was all them or whether the SAT carried the two, but the match actually ended up being the best of the night as a result. The two teams managed to mesh very well together (apparently), as nice moves abounded from each team. The SAT managed to get Caprice Coleman in a bad place and set up for a Spanish Fly- only to have Kriss Sprules hit the ropes and send the two down. With that occurring, Ray Gordy hit an Asiatic Spike on Joel Maximo to give Five Star Attraction the victory.

(43, 86, 64)

After the break, Team America2 headed out to the ring accompanied by Robert Lowenstein. Lowenstein took the mic...

Lowenstein: "Now, as all of you fans out there know, next Sunday will be a great day- my family's already cleared a spot in one of our mansions for the America's X-Cup trophy, you know. However, my esteemed captain, Mr. Goddard, has thought that our crew needed some more practice before the big day..." Lowenstein gave Goddard the mic...

Goddard: "Thank you, Robert...these people you've chosen are good, but they have not got anything CLOSE to the amount of glamour that they will need to become America's X-Cup Champions this Sunday. Only Jayce has come CLOSE to being in my league, you see...so if you will pick one of the other two for this one, I will give them some...HARD training in how to become someone at my level..."

Meltzer: "Yeah, I've heard he's a master at teaching people the art of give-and-take..."

Richter: "Will you shut up, Dave?"

Meltzer: "...said one satisfied customer..."

Richter: "Oh, REAL mature...I'm an Idol, I don't NEED that treatment from peons like YOU..."

Meltzer: "Slut..."

Richter: "Meany..." Meanwhile, in the ring, Danny Hillstead headed over.

Hillstead: "Let me take the training, Mr.Goddard- I WANT to be at the level to bring the title to the North, where everything good in the US belongs..."

Goddard: "The fact that you KNOW you need the help puts you closer to the level of that bond that only blood and glitter can give- only the way to make success in wrestling. However, your teammate did not. Mr.Matthews- YOU will fight alongside me tonight, and prove your worthiness to Team America2..."

Matthews: "Yes, sir."

Goddard: "Now- who did you get us to fight against?"

Lowenstein: "Well, I managed to procure you one of the greatest teams on the independent scene today..." The crowd started cheering... "And in doing so, I got you a team so totally dominant that I can safely say NO ONE Team USA can throw at you will be in their league..." The roars kept going, with some "M-F-G!" chants starting... "...and in doing so, I got you a team that I Personally know is one of the best in the world today..." The cheers continued... "...and in doing so, I got you some Romans...YOU'RE AWARE, RIGHT? MEN FROM ROME?" Just then, "Roam" by the B-52's hit amid a chorus of boos and "RIP-OFF!" chants as Faarooq Asad came out in full Gladiator costume while Kassius came out clad in a uniform that seemed like he came from a frathouse toga party as fans kept booing both teams...

Tom Goddard and Jay Matthews v. The Men From Rome

Oh dear Yevon, this was a train wreck. Where should I start: The fact that Tom Goddard had to work with a different partner than he usually does in TNA (his work with Jayce Simmons has shown some promise here), the fact that they had to face Ron Simmons and some British indy guy in Kassius doing a bad ripoff of the Men From Greece, or the fact that said team was HORRIBLE (Kassius needs a HUGE amount of work just to be passable, while Simmons has lost so much it's not funny.) As a result, the matchup was so bad that Tom Goddard and Jay Matthews need some respect just for making it mediocre. The Men From Rome proved nothing more than the fact that they didn't deserve to be on a major stage (and a good thing- I heard that this was a tryout, and as a result Ron Simmons wasn't given a job while Kassius was sent to NWA Wildside.) Thankfully, the right result occurred- a quick My Final Heaven by Goddard got the two America2 guys the big victory. After the match, Goddard took the mic...

"Thank you, thank you! You're all such a lovely audience! I wish I were the planet Jupiter, so I could make love to you all!" The crowd kept booing... "And let's give another round of applause for my teammate tonight, Mr. Jason Matthews- come on!" Goddard kissed Matthews's hand before raising it to the (still booing) crowd as XPlosion went off the air...

(52, 71, 61)

Over: 62

(Sometimes, it gets hard to know exactly what the problems any diary has are, especially when no one is responding for the most part. However, upon looking through the whole of the diary thus far, I think I've finally found the problem. It seemed too simple before hand, I should have known exactly why things didn't click before. All this time, wOw Memorial simply needed...

MORE COWBELL~!

(On behalf of the members of Team whacked Out wrestling, we're terribly sorry for that glaring oversight, and will make sure to have enough Cowbell from now on. Make sure to stay tuned to more of wOw Memorial.)

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

The next night, I managed to meet up with Jocelyn before the show. After going over the angle we were supposed to be in, everything seemed fine...until HE showed up...

Roderick: "Hey, Tom...Jocelyn, anything new come up yet...?"

Jocelyn: "...bleh..." Darn it...I'm supposed to be the one she goes "bleh" over...

"Oh, hi...what's going on?"

Roderick: "I got the call- thanks, guys! Robbie's booked me and my brother to come back to wOw. Couldn't have done it without you, Tom..."

"You were promoted again? Great..." (CRAP! Why'd I have to put that promotion request in...?)

Jocelyn: "You're gonna be on roster again! Excellent!" No...

"Yeah- this will be super..." (Oog...please say he won't get a push...)

Jocelyn: "Hey...maybe I should ask to manage you two, huh?" NAN DESU KA???

"Why go with that? I mean, come on: Someone as talented as Roderick deserves his own manager- someone who'll be instantly identifiable with The Strong Brothers..."

Roderick: "Well, I heard they're putting me with an ACW chick- it should be good nonetheless..."

Jocelyn: "Excellent. Say- if you're not doing anything after the show, would you like to head over to this club with me and some of the others..." I felt a sinking feeling in my heart, until I heard Roderick's reply...

Roderick: "Sorry, but you're not my type..." Instantly, I was confused. On the one hand, I should have felt as happy as when the Red Sox won the pennant, but on the other, I just saw my best friend get totally, utterly shot down. If this was what I wanted, why did I feel this bad about it occurring...

Jocelyn: "Eh...Tom, let's go...I mean, 'The show must go on'...right?" I knew the tones in her voice too well- she was unhappy. I made it a point to talk to Roderick later as I heard the familiar hiss of the fog machine as Flagship started up...

wOw Flagship

As Flagship started up, The Strong Brothers were in the ring waiting for their opponents. Just then, "Hava Nagila" hit as a sign occurred on the wOwTron:

"YOU LOVE STALKER"

Just then, the World's Greatest Jobber Team headed to the ring as the match started...

World's Greatest Jobber Team v. The Strong Brothers

The Strong Brothers are one of ACW's better tag teams- and they didn't appear to be as good as advertised. I'm still not sure why the World's Greatest Jobber Team isn't clicking: Barry Horowitz is wrestling better than he has in years, and Stalker Ichikawa's actually managing to put on fairly good comedy shows for his part. However, the two teams together didn't manage to click, and it wasn't the Strong Brothers's fault- that team managed to mesh really well for themselves. Horowitz and Ichikawa managed to take the advantage, hitting Stereo Roll-Ups on The Strong Brothers- only to have Roderick Strong reverse the roll-up on Stalker Ichikawa. The referee counted Strong's pin first, giving The Strong Brothers the win!

(27, 73, 50)

After the break, Harry Smith was WALKING~!, when Jocelyn Richter headed to him...

Jocelyn: "*sniff* Harry...I...I need some help...Tom...he...he...*cries*"

Harry: "I see...what did he do...?"

Jocelyn: "He...he...he tried to force himself on me...I need someone to help me...someone...someone attractive...preferably the son of a great wrestling legend...help me,please?"

Harry: "Of course- anything for someone as lovely as you..." Harry and Jocelyn headed down the hall... "Honestly, what kind of man would force themselves on a girl?"

Jocelyn: "Oh, I don't know...the same guy, perhaps, who'd do this?" Just then, Tom Goddard came out from an adjoining corridor and attacked Harry Smith with a steel chair!

Jocelyn: "Silly Canadian- did you REALLY think I'd let you get anywhere with me? Oh, you did? That's so sweet..." Goddard threw the steel chair down and hit a Legdrop on him as Flagship went to break...

(78)

Sharon Goddard v. Akira Hokuto

WHOA. Well, you can't say that wOw doesn't bring in good matches. This one was one of the many excellent women's matches the fed has gotten, and would have been even a passable match regardless of gender. The two managed to put on a fairly straight-forward brawl for the most part, managing to match well enough to work. Hokuto started on the offensive, Goddard used her MAGICAL wOw LEGEND POWER~! to get back into it, LARIATOOOOOOOOOO!, Goddard got the victory. Not half bad- I could be happy seeing more of these two in the ring...

(56, 72, 64)

While I had a break, I looked for Roderick. I couldn't stand this feeling of sadness- I really needed to get an answer so I could go back to being a spoiled little brat (what can I say, the dirtsheets really begin to tell you some things...) I found him just as he was beginning to pack up his things...

"Hey, dude- why'd you do that just now? Jocelyn looks really upset..."

Roderick: "Come on, man- I was doing you a favor, bro...she gets upset, you swoop in, you give her that TOOT-TOOT, you give her that BEEP-BEEP..." Just then, I saw the signs of a Dragon Ball-esque rage cloud near my arms... "Um, come on- what did you want me to do? There's already someone I want..."

"I...see...?"

Roderick: "Don't worry, Tom- I mean, come on: Let's just say that she's a long-distance thing right now and leave it at that...although, since I doubt she'll know what I'm doing, if you're saying for me to steal her, I will..." (YIKES! This did not seem like what I wanted to occur...)

[While he was hunting down Roderick and talking to him: Sugar Man d. Izzy (23, 80, 51)]

Butterbean v. Samoa Joe

Well, this was a surprisingly good matchup. I don't know whether it's the result of Samoa Joe being a great brawler or Butterbean finally getting a fire lit under him, but this match just worked wonders. The two wrestlers brutalized each other with nice stiff moves- Samoa Joe looking closer to an MMA match, while Butterbean kept boxing him. However, to be fair, Samoa Joe tried to out wrestle Butterbean- not a problem, for the most part...well, save for the end of the match. Butterbean overpowered Samoa Joe for the most part after he kept from punch-kick offense, finally managing a huge uppercut on Samoa Joe for the upset victory...

Gristleizer: "I don't believe this! Butterbean's managed to pull off a big upset here!"

MMV: "And Butterbean gets his first big victory in wOw wrestling, and to add insult to injury, it comes at the hands of ROH's World Champion!"

Gristleizer: "This should teach everyone: wOw is TRULY the hottest up-and-coming federation in the world today!" As the announcers hyped Butterbean up (while he kept opening his mouth in the middle of the ring in celebration), Samoa Joe got pissed off, attacking Butterbean with a number of nice moves before finally punching him in the stomach, sending him down!

(56, 84, 70)

The Bishie Boys v. The Axis of Evil (Halo/Finale)

Okay. Goddard...Finale...Evans...Passion...AWESOME! Any questions? When you have four of the best workers on the indy scene (even taking away the four's work in both AWAMLW and NWATNA), you're bound to get a good show. Even though the two teams clashed (with the Bishies' high-flying and the Axis's brawling), the two teams' chemistry more than made up for the weakness. The matchup, as a result, looked good for the whole thing. The only weakness with this was the ending. On the one hand, Finale managed to get the pin on Evans- a decent thing, keeping Finale valid while not killing any heat for the champ- but on the other, it only occurred after the Stampede Bulldogs did their necessary run in (as part of "Booking Rule #4: If you don't like someone, you ALWAYS run in on their match), only more original this time: This time, the two attacked the Bishies with a LADDER instead of a steel chair! SMELL THE ORIGINALITY~! Pretty decent match despite all of these problems, so no big deal.

(62, 93, 77)

Over: 66

After the match, Tom Goddard took a mic...

Goddard: "So, Harry- interested in ladders, huh? Well, you might want to check that. Since you're such a fan of them, and everyone on the indy scene knows Goddard gets so high they had to call me Potsmoker, why not make these things merge? At the River Rave, it'll be you and me, one last time, in wOw's deadliest bumpfest: The infamous CAPTURE T3H B33R match!" The crowd cheered as Goddard made that claim for the new match for the two.(Having a lot of downtime and no home Internet connection leads to problems for these things. It also means I can learn what I was going to make matches and change them, leading me to find a big mistake here: I wrote ladders, but I put in my booking sheet that it would be a Capture T3H B33R matchup. Oh well- nothing an edit can't save...)

Edited November 17, 2004 by Reflecto

[The InterKnight]

Hello to the fans of wOw Memorial....all three of you.

You know me as the InterKnight, but my name is Jared, aka the Jared Steele of wOw Memorial (in an efed sense) , and I am also Reflecto's infamous "assistant".

LAdies and gentlemen, this diary is not dead, merely on extended hiatus due to Tom "Reflecto" Greene having come under some extenuating circumstances beyond his, or anyone at Team wOw's, control.

We have no way of knowing when this hiatus, or the circumstances causing it, will end, but we promise you all...this will be back, eventually.

I plead on Tom's behalf that this not be deleted in his absence.

Stay strong, Memorialites. This will be back.

EXCELSIOR!

-"The Real Deal" Jared Steele

Team Whacked Out Wrestling.

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

whacked Out wrestling Memorial: Short Slices of whacked-Out Lives...

(Ladies and gentlemen, this is Reflecto speaking. Thankfully, the circumstances that my assistant [OOC: Huge props to InterKnight for holding this down and just for being there for me throughout all of this stuff...] kept this stuff down- however, there's also no Internet hookup (or at least, no regular one.) Hence, we're starting this little extra: A bunch of different ways to help you the reader get a little piece of other stuff in the lives of our characters while new "full-fledged" shows come up. [Judging from how bad I am at booking, I assume this might be a bit better for the whole of this anyways...but I digress...])

Coming back from the wOw taping, I had gotten this strange urge that I couldn't fight. I tried to talk to Alex and the MFGs, but Stavros was fast asleep while Alex fought with Nico over using one of his sweatshirts as a makeshift blanket so Alex could do the same. Just as I saw Alex make a strange face (only to have Nico fall asleep), I saw a chance. I waited for the other person driving with me to fall asleep, then made a quick change in direction. When the other three woke up, they were a bit surprised...

Nico: "TOM GODDARD...why we here and not at AWA taping yet?"

"Sorry guys, but I just felt the need for us to hit the beach, ya know?"

Stavros: "<<Greek speaking>> Beach? <<Greek speaking>>"

Nico: "I know, MY BROTHER...this seems weird..." Just then, we found out how weird it was, as basically...everyone converged on the beach at the same time. I recognized the wOw guys of course, but I also saw the AWAMLW workers, NWATNA guys, Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore for no apparent reason, and even Shane's friends from Raw head over.

Nico: "Why we all here? Is this show?"

Alex: "Dude- it's a party, who needs a celebration?" Just then, I saw stuff get set up as a huge beach party occurred.

Shane: "So, I see you got the same idea in your head too, huh? Honestly, I was driving to the house show tonight, when I thought- 'Man, it'd be nice to go to the beach right now.' Paul agreed- soon enough, we saw most of the guys on Raw here. Honestly, I didn't expect to see you here, man..."

"I know, bro..."

Shane: "Anyway, where did the girls go?" Just then, a huge level of wOw and AWAMLW girls showed up in swimsuits as a number of the guys here tended to get nosebleeds, really taking them out of much of the action....

Kari-Chan: "YIPPIE! Tommy-kun came here! I got this specially for you..."

Jamie: "Aren't we supposed to be in Minneapolis right now? I mean, that's the show on Saturdays, right?" Just then, Court H. Bauer headed over...

Court: "Don't worry- Everything's fine. We'll just rewind time after this so that the show goes on as scheduled!" I could have sworn I saw two giant peace signs occur in the sky as Court said that last part...

Lori: "I hope you like this..."

Ms.Hardy: "Um...why are we supposed to be here? I mean, come on- We've got the Redemption Crew after us- MICKIE could get sand in a bunch of places: You KNOW Krebstar models are a bitch to clean, Jared..."

Jared: "Come on, Missy- this is the 'beach episode'- these are never in continuity. We can do whatever we want with no problem."

Hawk: "You said it, Jared!" Hawk and Jared then proceeded to grab a beer each and toast as the party continued. I looked through the crowd. Suddenly, I saw Jocelyn get out of the changing room and head over...

Alex: "(His heart pounded when he saw how his childhood friend had become...a woman...)"

"HEY! I thought we agreed- NO READING THE INNER MONOLOGUES!" As I had to start getting my mallet out to attack, I saw a few things: One of the world's largest games of beach volleyball (at last check, the AWAMLW roster was beating the NWATNA roster...), a virtual modeling show of divas from most of the companies in swimsuits, and just a big party. I finally managed to get through and see Jocelyn...

Jocelyn: "Just out of curiosity, one thing bugged me. This is in gametime around October, and in reality, written in November. We just got out of a wOw show, so we're probably still close to Rhode Island. How the hell are we all able to still party at the beach this close to that time?" Just then, everyone stopped what they were doing and just shouted:

All: BECAUSE GEORGE W.BUSH EVISCERATED ENVIRONMENTAL LAWS!" Suddenly, I got the urge to pick up a guitar, and almost felt like my words were being lip-synched...

"You know, I wrote a little song like that, and it GOES LIKE THIS!" I could see virtually everybody go into a huge dance number as I started 'singing'...

"I got my cherry gas-guzzler just waiting to get us down the line..."

All: "Whoo-hoo-hoo..."

"I got it filled to overflowing, gallon's a steal at only $2.09..."

All: "Where you getting, oh where you getting..."

"Now we're heading towards the beach,"

"Our lives are just a peach,"

"We're gonna have a ball because our number's not yet called..."

All: "Oh, nothing could be funner than having us a George Bush Summer...

2...3...4..."

"You know this beach is just heaven-sent..."

"Who cares about the obvious problems with the environment..."

"Why ask for Bush to be 'return-to-sender...'"

"When you don't have to lose your summer baby until December..."

All: "Whoa-ho-ho..."

All: "George Bush summer, how can we ever deny its charm..."

"Oh baby..."

Jocelyn: "Come on now, this swimsuit's money well spent...

Short-sighted clearance people dropped it 50%...

Man, this life is all too perfect it's true..."

"Don't say that, or al-Qaeda will be targetting you..."

"Whoo-hoo-hoo..."

Steve: "But just what is a George Bush Summer?"

Jared: "It's hanging out in Iraq with all your friends!"

Jocelyn: "It's blind patriotism!"

"It's beachfront property in Denver within 20 years!"

Michael Moore: "It's watching the DVD of my latest film, Fahrenheit 9/11..."

All: "NO WAY! Michael Moore? LET'S GET HIM!" Just then, the whole group proceeded to grab Moore and toss him into the ocean, sending him downwards...

All: "GEORGE BUSH SUMMER-YEAH!"Just then, the scene shifted to the TNA offices...

Jerry Jarrett: "What the hell did you tape this for?"

Voice: "Um- we thought it could be usable in the future?"

Voice 2: "Yeah- this could work for the angles you've got planned with Richter as 'TNA Idol' or Goddard as that 'Glam Rock' guy..."

Russo:"Well, it's XTREME, but come on: Most of these guys don't work for us! You two are insane, psycho..." The camera went on the two to show Reflecto and InterKnight...

Both: "Um...whacked Out, perhaps?" The camera froze as the ending occurred...

"Purchase this DVD and the soundtrack to whacked Out wrestling Memorial Now at all finer Kreb-Mart locations..."

[RavenBlack]

Yay!

*is observed dancing around somewhere in the background with her Alex Shelley doll*

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Short Slices Presents: Roderick Strong's Adventures in Time Travel!

Strong's log. It was another one of my many trips through time, this instance to the year 3004. If I had to pick a reason I travel there the most, it had to be her- the only girl who I've ever been willing to destroy the timestream for. Kat- oh, how I long for thee when you haven't been born for nearly 1000 years from my normal time...Oh, I digress. Once I got through the timestream, I was certain to find the exact spot that we were supposed to meet (even if you're coming from 1000 years in the past, being late is a bad thing.) I saw my future angel come through and headed towards her...

Kat: "Roderick! I've waited for you...I was able to get my teammates to give me some time off, so we've got the whole day to just be together..."

R.Strong: "Excellent- I've been waiting for this since- well, the last time we were together..."

Kat: "Oh, really? Aren't you supposed to be a big player in the 21st century? I'd hate to know I was dating some nerd from 1000 years before..." I wondered if I should tell her about the girl from 2004 who was interested in me, but I couldn't do it. I knew I wanted Kat, not that other girl. Besides, what good's a girlfriend who could get you pushed by a second-rate indy fed when your girlfriend is in tight with members of the Legion of Super-Heroes?

R.Strong: "I know, but come on- you're much more interesting than any of those girls..."

Kat: "Aww...that's so...sweet, even if it's a bit weird- traveling 1000 years is a pretty long way for a date..."

R.Strong: "Come on- you let Stefan introduce you to one of his Time Travelers' Guild friends- did you think that freak wouldn't set you up with someone left of center?"

Kat: "I guess...anyway, Did you bring that...Dee-vee-dee thingy or something?" I pulled out a discount-level DVD player I picked up in 2004 and handed it to her.

R.Strong: "Sure- I brought one...why did you want to know?"

Kat: "I know you said you're a fan of wrestling, right?'

R.Strong: "Well, I wrestle back in 2004..."

Kat: "Well, it seems that way back, some of my distant relatives were pro wrestlers, so some Dee-vee-dees of them were passed down. I couldn't watch them- our player is ancient. Now, I can see my ancestors' skill in the ring!"

R.Strong: "Excellent...you're sure I'm not one of them, right?"

Kat: "Come on- if you were, I'd know it- kissing your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather's like kissing...well...your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather." We headed over to her room at HQ. I set up the DVD player (a bitch considering how plugs have advanced since 2004) and proceeded to watch it...

Kat: "Ah, Best of...wow? Have you heard of them? Are they good? Why would they name themselves wow, anyways? Why not something more now, like Sprock or Nass...?"

R.Strong: "Um, yeah- I've kind of heard of wOw...this little place over in the area where the Great Mall of Rhode Island is now..."

Kat: "People LIVED there? Whoa..."What the...? Her ancestors worked for wOw back in the day?I had to see this... "EEEEEE! She must be my ancestor- she looks so much like me!" I almost immediately recognized that one- I worked with her in ACW for a brief period. Kari was fairly...well, looks of a total hottie, personality was like a puppy with its master. Somehow, I was surprised I didn't find it earlier- she looked so much like Kat that it made sense.

Kat: "EEEEEE! This guy's my ancestor! I had heard that he was really good back in 2004- did you know him, Roderick? Huh? Huh?" It was then that I got the info that I was dreading seeing.

The match I was looking at was a Tom Goddard match- he was doing some squash stuff against someone I thought I recognized as Austin Aries, a guy I had done some work with in ACW. Considering the stuff she said, I got the info. By rejecting Jocelyn Richter back in 2004, I must have been the catalyst that could mean that the girl I love will blip out of existence...

R.Strong: "I'm sorry- I have to go do something quick, Kat- I'll be back..." I left as Kat turned off what looked to be a nice Richter-Jamie Kogyaru matchup and made my way back to 2004, knowing exactly what I had to do- if only to save the one I loved a chance to exist...

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

And now, the Real-Life Adventures of Team wOwfed...

It was another day in the mean streets, where no one got no Internet to their name. Our heroes managed to find a connection, and were ready to show the next adventure...

InterKnight: "So, you got the new update?"

Reflecto: "You know it- I spent enough time on this one so that it would be awesome stuff..."

InterKnight: "You mean, that Back to the Future thing with Roderick and that one girl you stole from your LSH stuff wasn't it?"

Reflecto: "Nope- I got some big stuff. AWAMLW show, with one of the longer matches I've written!"

InterKnight: "Very cool. So why the update?"

Reflecto: "You know- my cousin's computer had no floppy disk drive- no way to get to the sweet show within. I was in wOw mode, so..."

InterKnight: "You gotta do what you gotta do, huh?"

Reflecto: "Yeah. Now, to get the disk in..." JUST THEN, disaster struck!

InterKnight: "The show came up...?"

Reflecto: "Yeah...the show came...WAIT A MINUTE! Whyioughta..." Our heroes then proceeded to attack with a string of giant paper fans and mallets before Reflecto noticed something...

Reflecto: "Wait...where's the show?" Unfortunately for our heroes, the disk they put their hopes, their dreams, their goals on...

InterKnight: "Um, it's just the next show..." ...yeah, yeah, it was broken, okay?

Reflecto: "FUCK! What am I going to do?"

InterKnight: "Reload the show on another disk?"

Reflecto: "Can't- I deleted the show after moving it to a disk!"

InterKnight: "Fix the disk?"

Reflecto: "Tried- they aren't doing it..."

InterKnight: "Um...just cynically rewrite the results and blow off that show as if nothing happened?" Just then, a lightbulb went off in the head of the hero!

Reflecto: "I'VE GOT IT! I'll cynically rewrite the results without anything as if nothing happened! It's not like people read this for matches, anyway..."

InterKnight: "Yeah...great idea..."

Reflecto: "The matches for this show would have been:

Prodigy d. Mike Sullivan (52)

The Johnsons d. The Downard Brothers (60)

Jack Evans d. Air Paris (61)

Alex Shelley: "Hey, don't forget me...."

Reflecto:"Oh, yeah- Alex said he didn't get any reading or something in this matchup...not sure why, really...you happy?"

Shelley: "Very!" Moving on, then...

Jamie Kogyaru d. Kari-Chan (49)

Scott Hall d. Terry Funk (71)

The Men From Greece d. The Stampede Bulldogs (66)

Harry Potsmoker d. Chance Beckett (88)

Reflecto: There! A victory for diaries no one read if there ever was one!"

InterKnight: "You said it! This calls for a sexy party!" Just then, the two were magically spirited...to a bar dedicated to the perverted arts...

Both: "This wasn't what we had in mind, over-being of the keyboard, sir@As I saw them writhe in torment as others writhed alongside them, I felt it was time to show my face...

Tom Goddard: "Hey, it's all your fault for writing me as some whiny bitch boy...ain't I a stinker?"

[stokeriño]

^ Officially the best way to blow off a show that I have yet come across.

*hands out congratulatory bottles of sake*

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

October, 2004.

After just having been in TNA for a little over a month, I was surprised that they called me into the offices. I was shocked- I didn't do anything that seemed to be against their rules. I saw the other members of my stable in the same boat for some reason, and began to be worried- did something occur to keep us all from being booked? I waited for us to be called in, finally being more shocked to see Jocelyn in the same boat. I waited until I heard Jerry Jarrett speak...

Jarrett: "Now, I called you all in here to discuss something important..."

"Whatever it is, we're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry..."

Jarrett: "Don't worry too much, Mr. Goddard- we just wanted to call you all in here to discuss something we're planning for merchandise this holiday season. Since we've given your groups gimmicks that would be feasible, we plan to have each of you record some Christmas music in the hopes someone who watches TNA will be enough of a mark to buy it..."

"Oh, that sounds...fine..."

Jarrett: "We've already gotten Miss Richter here to do a song for it..."

Jocelyn: "It's going to be incredibly easy for you to do this, Tom- they said they already got some wannabe country singer, made them do a cheesy cover of 'Santa Baby', and will claim I wrote it. Not too bad, huh?"

"I see..."

Jarrett: "Don't expect to get out of it that easy though- we're having you do it straight-up. We've already written something for your characters to use in this one- you won't really have to think too much on it."

"Oh, all right..."

Jarrett: "Excellent. I figured Team America2 would work for it- the 3 Live Kru had no problems with this..."

"3 Live Kru did a track for this? How would that go about?" Suddenly, I felt a flash forward to December...

whacked Out wrestling Memorial: Christmas Special!

Konnan (spoken): "This Christmas..."

Killings (sung): "GET ROWDY!"

BG James (spoken): "This Christmas..."

Killings (sung): "We gonna move some thangs..."

Lollipop (spoken): "This Christmas..."

Killings (sung): "We gonna move some thangs..." As I heard another view of the 3 Live Kru Christmas song (I am STILL shocked that they're actually playing tripe like these- eh, put a Christmas title on shit and it'll be played, I guess...), I waited around for the perfect stuff. I knew there was a holiday celebration going on with a lot of my friends this year, but I wanted to get the proper presents for most of the people on my list first. Fortunately, I had a much higher paycheck than I had last year...but unfortunately, I had more people to buy for this year as well, leading to more of a problem in getting things done this Christmas (between gas and the Christmas presents, I had very little money for myself.) I walked through the mall, chancing to see some of the more interesting things...

Santa: "Ho ho ho! And what would you like for Christmas, little...boy?" Just then, I saw that Mr.Productive Anal Virginity guy head over to Santa...

Mr.PAV: "Well, to start, I'll give you a present, Santa- you have so many people sit on your lap, that I'll let you sit on mine..." Santa got up as Mr.PAV sat down and sat on his lap. "Now, what would really make my Christmas merry is if you drop those pants and take a big piss on me like you were R.Kelly, then finish it off with a nice, extra-tasty Chili Dog...how about it, Santy Claus?"

I felt myself feel sick for seeing that as I proceeded to run and buy what I felt the rest of the people on my list could use (as well as a few nice things for myself). I had very few left on the list when I ran out of available cash, when I happened to see it...a very nice jacket on sale that looked like it would have been perfect for Jocelyn. I kicked myself for spending most of my money, but consoled myself with the cool things I got for myself. I then proceeded to look for ways to make more money to enhance this stuff...

"Hmmm...let's see...these should manage to give me a little money coming in. I'll try that..." The manager looked pleased as I tried...

"Excellent. Welcome to the team...as long as you give us 150 dollars for your product..."

"Crap in a hat!"

Meanwhile, Jared, Vance, and Missy were setting up for the big party...

Vance: "I'm telling you guys, this will be AWESOME! Jared may have thrown the best parties before, but when you add the Vance-man to this, this year's is going to be Out-of-sight, you dig?"

Jared: "Why are you talking like that?"

Vance: "Sorry..."

Missy: "Don't worry. I've planned something huge for exactly this occasion. I'm going to have something to make everyone happy..." Just then, Missy pulled out a giant book...

Jared: "Um...what's that for?"

Missy: "My teacher taught me of this one summoner about 10 years ago that he witnessed- a man called Dave Sullivan. Despite it being a first attempt on the request of his brother, he did what no one else thought possible at the time- he managed to summon Santa for their celebration. Since then, the tools have been passed around on the Internet to recreate this, and I will do it for all involved. I have the things this says it needs: A little baking soda, some vinegar, a little goat's blood...for tonight's party, we're going to summon Santa!" Just then, Mr.PAV came over to them for no apparent reason...

Mr.PAV: "Oh, who cares about Santa? Give me 5 minutes and I'll get you plenty of old men in red suits who'll let you sit on their lap and tell them what you REALLY want..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

"<<The tree is taking too much room up in my bachelor pad,

kids are throwing tantrums for the next Christmas fad,

as I wait for the gift I most want...>>

Oh, this is great. "My" song comes up on the radio, and here I am while it plays...

"<<I wait for Santa to come out of his sleigh

and pull your fine ass out for a great Christmas lay

For this present, the fight will not daunt me...>>

"Christmas cake...get your Christmas cake! Nice tasty Christmas cakes here! Get them before it's...not Christmas!" Somehow, I cursed the holiday. I mean, come on- I'm not one to actually work a 9 to 5- that's why I wrestle, dammit!

"<<Oh, visions of sugarplums can only be topped

by the image of us in the Horizontal Bop

No better thing to do while we're waiting...">>

Ah, the joys of wrestling. It was a good thing, unfortunately, not good enough. I had at least one scummy show planned in a couple hours that I had to get to once my shift was over, so my mind was a little out there...

"<<Yes, we're gonna take you on a journey the Polar Express would fear

and unlike Christmastime, you'll come multiple times this year

I know this is something you won't be hating...>>"

Redneck: "Um...I'll take one of those there Christmas cakes, boy..."

"Um...what...oh, yeah! Here you go!" I passed the cake to the redneck, who immediately dropped trou and began performing a rudeness to the cake...

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???"

Redneck: "Did you just swear at me? MANAGER! This worker was cussin' me out!" Crud. I saw the manager come by and knew what was up- I handed my non-essential clothes to him and left. I swear, this always happens to me- I pick up a non-wrestling job, some pervert has sex with food in front of me, I get fired. Eh, I didn't really want to keep the job anyway. I decided to drive off and wait to get some more time before I had to get to the latest show. After a short drive, I headed to the VFW where it was taking place, seeing a more wretched hive of people who'll never have their own action figures. A endless spree of wifebeaters and ICP memorabilia occurred as I headed to the booker, only to get a shock...

"<<I just hope for you to wrap my parts up underneath the tree

so I can give you presents filled with sexual deviancy

as we receive the gift on everyone's list...>>

"YOU! You just got me fired from my part-time job!"

Redneck: "Hey, wait a minute...YOU'RE Tom Goddard? Honestly, I didn't recognize you..."

"Oh, no problem- it was easier for me to do so, seeing as you had SEX WITH A CHRISTMAS CAKE in front of me..."

Redneck: "Oh, you're on that? Come on- it was all full of sponge, cream filling, and those hot little strawberries on top...I couldn't help myself, I had to nail that little prick-teaser right there on the table!"

"Okay...that's sick..."

Redneck: "Sick, schmick- you still know why you're here. You're our special guest, you came to job to me. Now, what was the additional price you asked for?"

"It'll cost you $250 extra for me to do the job to you above my booking fee of $750, and I don't take merchandise or food for the jobber's fee. Okay?"

Redneck: "How about I make it $500 and you don't tell the wife about my little...liasion?"

"Um...okay...?"

Redneck: "Honestly, she doesn't need to know my dalliances, but ever since I caught her with that HARLOT eggplant, I needed to get my revenge somehow..."

"I'm going to go over there now..."

Redneck: "Wait! If you don't, I'll also give some extra stuff..." A smile came to my face...

"Well, sir...how'd you like to buy some high-quality cutlery from me?"

"<<Now at long last is the time for us to take a break

I've got places to go and many people to make

But I'll be back before you get too pissed..."

Meanwhile, back at the Steele compound...

Steele: "Um, you're sure that this won't make a mess, right?"

Nevada: "Come on- she's just summoning Santa here, not planning to ruin your house..."

Ms.Hardy: "Okay. Now, I'm going to need you two to prick your fingers with me...a little human blood is needed to mix with the goat's blood..." Jared and Vance pricked their fingers as Missy started chanting..." "Ooga booga suka gimika...bara koge pan...ooga Booga looga...reda Fleko diri ito towson fi...Come to us, Santa!" Just then, the three joined hands as the mixture began to spew bright red smoke. Just then, the lights all shut off as the ground opened up and a loud voice occurred from the depths...

Voice: "GRONDA! GRONDA GRONDA GRONDA GRONDA GRONDA!!!!"

Steele: "Um...that guy, Dave Sullivan...wasn't he that guy from WCW...you know, Evad Sullivan?"

Ms.Hardy: "Um...yeah, why?"

Steele: "Um, I think he wrote down the summoning results wrong..." Just then, Gronda came up from the depths of Hell and attacked...

Gronda: "FEAR GRONDA MORTALS! ACCEPT GRONDA'S DEVIL TESTICLE LOVE!"

Steele: "Okay. Mental note: Never trust dyslexic summoner's spells again, at least not before a big party..."

To Be Continued- GRONDA!

Edited December 13, 2004 by Reflecto

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Okay...so let me just review my status. I've got to go out there and lose to some idiotic redneck for a little bit of money, get through Christmas Eve rushes, get the present I need, and hopefully get back to Jared's place for the Christmas Eve party, where I'm not even certain if this will all work. Somehow, I can't imagine anyone having a more hectic Christmas than I am right now...

Meanwhile...

"GRONDA! GRONDA GRONDA GRONDA!"

Vance: "Have you come across anything to summon an angel yet, Missy?"

Ms.Hardy: "It's not as easy as you think to summon the forces of good, Vance! Most summoners tend to focus on evil, ya know..."

Jared: "If they wreck my house, I will be VERY upset, guys..." Just then, Mr.Productive Anal Virginity headed through the kitchen door...

Mr.PAV: "I've finished getting the snacks ready..." Just then, Mr. Productive Anal Virginity looked at Gronda as he made his way towards the others. "Jared...guys...I...don't know what to say..."

Jared: "Just save us already...we've got a big demon after us..."

Mr.PAV: "He is JUST what I've always wanted! Come here, you big silly..."

Gronda: "KNEEL BEFORE GRONDA, PUNY HUMAN! GRONDA IS DEVIL TESTICLE LOVE!"

Mr.PAV: "You really shouldn't have...honestly..." Mr.PAV headed over towards Gronda, who proceeded to throw a fireball at him, leaving him charred in a way that was oddly similar to an old Looney Tune...

Mr.PAV: "Ow...I'm...going to get some...aloe vera now..." Mr.Productive Anal Virginity left the room as the three cowered before the might of Gronda...

Vance: "What are we supposed to do now?"

Jared: "I know- the guests should be arriving any minute now, and having a half-demon/half-jacked up guy from Hell attempt to rape them while they sleep is decidedly not the right way to treat party guests..."

Meanwhile...

I headed out towards the makeshift pseudo-trampoline ring for the match of 'truth'. I gazed at the crowd of bored people and/or what seemed to be the booker's friends and relatives, and heard no reaction. "Maybe he should have went for a former WWF guy", I thought as I struggled for words to make the crowd hate me as much as I could...

"Um...I am Tom Goddard, and I can't believe that a true superstar like me, someone who's name is respected in both the AWA and NWA right now, has to DEGRADE himself by performing in front of all you inbred hicks for a mere pittance!" I heard a scattering of cheers and "WHOO! INBRED HICKS!" from those remarks. I was shocked. Sleazy indy heel promo number 1 didn't work, so I had to go with number two...

"Um...I am Tom Goddard, and I'm from a foreign country! Yeah, and because I'm from a foreign country, I hate America and all you stand for!" I stood there satisfied, until I heard a heckler... "Big Bubba MacTroch's got a brother who's a legend in British wrestling- foreign people are okay with us! WHOO!" What...they didn't go with the 'sleazy evil foreigner' promo either? Eh, I guess it's time for plan C...

"Yes, yes...well, I am Tom Goddard, and I just put my seed in all of your daughter's bellies!" That did it. I heard a small chorus of boos go through and a couple hecklers shout "OH NO YOU DIDN'T! If anyone's gonna put their seed in my daughter's belly, it's gonna be ME!"s as the redneck guy (who apparently was Big Bubba MacTroch) headed over for the match, playing to the crowd a bit like the Sandman would (though it looked more to me like he just wanted a PBR before the match) and proceeded to start...

Tom Goddard v. "Big" Bubba MacTroch

You know, normally this would be the part where I talk about how the match was going. However, I don't really have time to do this. To begin with, this was from some second-rate federation that I had never even heard of before this (and who I'm sure has gone bankrupt by now after getting a talent like Goddard for their Christmas show, or at least should have.) To continue, I was invited to an awesome party by Jared Steele for wOw workers and fans to relax, mingle, and just party the night away to celebrate Christmas, and I really have to get to that. Seeing these, I'll just predict the match: Goddard tries to pull the big fat redneck guy to a match, the big fat redneck fights back, hits a Bodyslam (aka the only technical move he can do) to get the victory, goes back to celebrate with whichever Wal-Mart greeter is his rat. BO-RING.

Ah, there it goes- now I can hopefully get to the store in time...

Meanwhile...

The doorbell rang as Jared tried to get it...

Jared: "Oh, hi Jocelyn- we're still in the attempts of getting set up, so you might want to wait around..."

Jocelyn: "What's the matter...did you try to summon Santa but end up summoning Satan, getting a big scary demon who's trying to give you his Devil Testicle Love?"

Jared: "Um...sort of..."

Jocelyn: "But the party's still on, right?"

Jared: "Yeah...we just need to get this thing taken care of."

Jocelyn: "Cool. I'll wait here...where are the snacks again?"

Jared: "Still in the kitchen..." Jocelyn headed towards the kitchen, where Gronda was waiting...

"GRONDA...GRONDA LOVE JEEZY-CHEEZYS...GRONDA...HALT! WHO DISTURBS GRONDA????

Jocelyn: "Um...uh...I'm just trying to get snacks..." Meanwhile, Jared, Vance, and Missy were talking...

Missy: "Um...shouldn't we go help her?"

Jared: "This'll give us a time to set up the party. Besides, the protagonist always comes quicker to save the day if his lady love is endangered..."

Vance: "You mean...we're NOT the main characters? But...we're fighting to save the world and stuff..."

Jared: "Sorry..."

Vance: "*sniffle* And after I turned down the no-compete clause RF4 offered me in favor of this because I thought I'd get to be a hero...If anyone needs me, I'll be binging..." Vance headed towards the kitchen as the scene shifted again...

Meanwhile...

"Damn lines...well, at least they still had the outfit I wanted. Um...Reflecto? Could you be a dear and speed up this line a skosh?"

"Sorry...I don't know how to just do a skosh..." Reflecto proceeded to speed up the line a tad as I proceeded to make it up to the checkout line.

"That'll be 1,500 dollars, sir...thank you for shopping here, and have a Merry Christmas..." I made a beeline for the giftwrapping kiosk, then proceeded to head to the party.

Meanwhile...

"MORTAL! DO YOU KNOW FEAR OF GRONDA-GRONDA?"

Jocelyn: "Um...no...should I?"

" FOOLISH GIRL! GRONDA IS DEVIL TESTICLE LOVE! WORSHIP ME! KNEEL BEFORE GRONDA! "

Jocelyn: "I'd...rather not..."

"YOU DENY GRONDA! FOR THIS, YOU WILL PAY-GRONDA!" Just then, Vance Nevada headed into the room and headed for the crudites, getting in the way of Gronda as he began to shoot a fireball at Jocelyn. However, when Vance did this, the fireball began to bend its trajectory, hit the crudites (and proceed to nicely roast the vegetables on the platter for a much tastier dish), then shoot back at Gronda...

Jocelyn: "Um...how did you do that?"

Vance: "Dunno...just lucky, I guess..." Gronda proceeded to laugh as the flames headed towards him.

Gronda: "GRONDA IS LAUGHING! MY FIREBALLS ARE LIKE A TICKLE TO GRONDA!" Gronda proceeded to laugh...

Meanwhile...

until I came through the opposite way...

"Um...sorry, is this where I put the presents? Oh, hi Jocelyn...Vance...big, scary muscle man..."

Jocelyn: "Tom! Do something about this guy, pwease?"

"Um...why?"

Vance: "Nothing much- he's just an evil demon from hell we summoned in a failed attempt to summon Santa for our party and is trying to give us all his special brand of Devil Testicle Love..."

"Hmmm...this sounds like a tough order...it looks like it needs my...CUTCO KNIVES!"

Jocelyn: "Cutco...?"

"Yes, my special Cutco-brand Gunblade will destroy this demon with no problem! Mixing all the best parts of a gun, a blade, and the CUTCO advantage, I can do something like this..." I proceeded to take out the gunblade and lay waste to the demon. "...in no time!"

"GRONDA! NOOOO! GRONDA IS HURT! NOW GRONDA WILL CRY TEARS LIKE WATERFALLS! GRONDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Vance: "WOW!

"Remember kids, Cutco knives are the only cutlery approved by Team whacked Out wrestling for use in killing demons, and are still a steal!" I put my thumb up just as Reflecto and I each received huge product placement checks...

"Now, let's all get out there and PAR-TAY!"

All: "Yeah!" The three of us headed out to see a huge party going on in the living room...

Vance: "Wait a minute...I thought they had just started setting up, and now everyone's here and partying? How could that be?"

"Come on, Vance- it's a party. It doesn't need to make sense!" Just then, "Any Way you Want it" hit as I took a drink and began to get down. After numerous hours, the party began to wind down. I managed to find Jocelyn and sat down next to her...

"Ah- you haven't left yet... I wanted to give this to you...without everybody else around..." I handed her her present and watched her open it...

"What the...it's beautiful, Tom...how did you get the money for this?" I thought back to jobbing to the redneck, selling knives, and shilling cakes...

"Long story..."

Jocelyn: "That's okay. I wanted to give you this, too..." I saw her pass me a package. I opened it up to see a very nicely made new wrestling outfit...

"Wow...this looks amazing..."

Jocelyn: "Brad got it made from the people who do wardrobe for WWE workers- I figured, when you're this close, you need to look as professional as possible..."

"Thank you so much..."

Jocelyn: "I should be thanking you...this present must have cost more than mine...but really, anything you were to give me would be good, Tom...I'm just happy knowing it's from you...because...because I..."

"TOMMY-KUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Just then, I felt myself get glomped by Kari-Chan... "I was looking all over for you, but couldn't find you...I missed you and stuff...but now you're here and I can give you my Christmas present of love-love! Yippie!"

"Hi, Kari...let me go get your present..."

Kari-Chan: "I don't need a present! All I need is you! Yeppers!"

"I know, but still..." Suddenly, Kari-Chan grabbed a mallet...

Kari-Chan: "LOVE ME! LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME!" All things considered, this had to be an...eventful Christmas...

Epilogue: The next payday...

The next Monday, Jared walked into the wOw offices...

"GRONDA! GRONDA GRONDA GRONDA!"

Jared: "Um, Mr. Richter...why did you hire him?"

Richter: "No reason..."

[The InterKnight]

Somewhere, a certain android girl is pouting at being left out of these last two posts, Tom.

Seriously, how can you do a Team Steele segment without MICKIE?

Edited December 22, 2004 by The InterKnight