The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[Ace]

Molly Won the belt finallly :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up:

Oh and A MASSIVE WHAT!!!!!! For stone cold's Save :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up: :thumbs-up:

[The Third Dukes]

LONG overdue...

*****

- The SmarK Rant for Bad Blood, June 13 / 04.

- Sorry this is a few days late, but I wanted to view and re-view the show before I made a real opinion of it. This was one of those shows that was begging to be judged on story rather than match, and that's usually where I'm at my worst as a reviewer.

- Live (sorta) from Columbus, OH.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- Opening match: Kane v. Shawn Michaels. Ballsy choice for the opener, definitely. HBK sticks and moves to start, scoring shots after Kane gets overzealous. Kane blocks a German suplex and no-sells a dropkick before beating the crap out of HBK. Chokeslam is blocked, and both men do their over-the-top thing on an HBK clothesline -- Kane lands on his feet, HBK skins the cat back in. Kane eschews the lockup thing for a suplex and a series of forearms, and a cross-corner whip leads to a quasi-Flair Flip. Kane follows, and after a few unseemly attacks, HBK is able to turn it into a superplex for two. Some chopping follows, but Kane boots HBK out. Diving clothesline TO THE FLOOR follows, and back in, a DDT gets two. Kane hits a facelock as the announcers talk about the Tombstone from Hell, and HBK fights it, only to get hit with a Rude Awakening. Kane picks HBK up at two. Oooh, that ain't good. Kane does some choking, but yells at the ref and gets hit with a flying jalapeno as a result. KIP UP OF DOOM and HBK slugs it out. German suplex gets two. HBK runs into a clothesline (with full 360 sell), and Kane steps on HBK's throat. Kane wrenches HBK's neck for two. You know, HBK should be happy he's in sports entertainment and not a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, because he'd be dead. Kane with two rolling suplexes (haven't seen that in a while), but HBK reverses the third to a Perfectplex for two. Kane gets pissed and hits the chokeslam for an intentional two. Kane goes for the kill with the Burning Hammer, but HBK escapes and gets a bulldog. Back elbow, another kip up, and HBK goes ladder hunting. Kane follows and sends HBK to the STEEL steps. Kane sets HBK on the top and hits a MOTHERLOVIN TOP ROPE DDT on HBK. Somehow it's only two, as HBK finds the ropes. Big boot is ducked, and HBK ranas Kane to the outside and follows with a plancha. Ten punch countalong, but HBK is thrown into the ref. Oops. The ladder enters play as Kane puts it in the corner and is promptly superkicked into it. HBK goes for an elbow off the ladder, but Kane sits up and HBK crashes and burns. The ref takes the ladder away as HBK gets out of a Tombstone and rolls Kane up for two. Sweet Chin Music is blocked, Burning Hammer is blocked, small package gets two, and HBK knocks Kane down with a crossbody and goes up. Kane sits up and follows, and HBK gets chucked across the ring. Another diving clothesline gets two. Burning Hammer SOMEHOW only gets two, as HBK finds the ropes. Kane argues the count, but turns around straight into Sweet Chin Music for two. Now HBK tries a Tornado DDT, but Kane stops him mid-spin, walks to the top rope (!!), and hits the Burning Hammer (with Shawn THANKFULLY taking it face-first) to get the pin at 23:42. Kane played the monster heel well, HBK bumped for 50, and even the garbage spots were worked just fine. I'll get in trouble for this, but I think this was Kane's best match ever. ****

- World Tag Team titles: Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer v. Johnny Jeter and Joey Matthews. Yeah, they're SO not following that up. It's a huge brawl to start, and the champs get rollups for two. Matthews and Mondo head to the outside and stay there, basically. Jeter gets a facejam and suplex for two as Mondo eats stairs. Jeter with a backbreaker for two. Monkey flip on Dreamer as Matthews brutalizes Mondo with the kendo stick. Dropkick gets two for Jeter, and we HIT THE CHINLOCK as Mondo reverses momentum on Matthews and sends him postward. Back in, Jeter gets a diving clothesline as Matthews finds the ladder from the previous match. Jeter's spinkick misses as Matthews slams Mondo on the ladder. Jeter slips out of a Dreamer slam and tests Dreamer's BALLS OF STEEL. Suplex gets two back in. Meanwhile, Mondo has found his magic bag and empties the thumbtacks. So that's what Cactus Jack was carrying around when he was lost in Cleveland. Back in the ring, Dreamer with a slam and DDT for two as Matthews saves and it's back to BONZO GONZO (not that it ever left). Mondo with a double M.Bison, and he and Matthews fight on the ladder outside. Dreamer Driver on Jeter, Matthews hits the tacks, and a Superfly Splash by Mondo finishes it at 11:09. This, folks, is why CZW is out of business. 1/2*

- Chris Nowinski and Rodney Mack v. Scott Hall and Booker T. This would be the "superfluous black dudes" match, I think. Amazingly, Teddy Long don't seem to notice, belie dat. Faces clean house to start, but miscommunication on a suplex leads to Nowinski getting two. Nowinski with forearms and a kneelift to make Hall YOUR poison-in-peril. It gets two. Tandem punching, and Mack clotheslines Hall for two. Slam gets two. Double suplex and Nowinski gets a flying kneedrop for two. Inverted DDT gets two. Nowinski sends Hall into a right jab from Mack, and a legdrop gets two. German suplex gets two. Hall clotheslines Mack down to get breathing room, and Nowinski flies straight into a fallaway slam. Hot tag Booker, and he does the usual. Spinaroonie leads to a leg lariat on Nowinski for two. Hall goes for whatever off the turnbuckle and gets hit in the gut, and a Cactus DDT finishes the Bad Guy at 9:14. Very basic match, and the formula was well done. *1/2

- A nice video package takes the Evolution v. HBK/Sting storyline and shows how it turned into this.

- Sting v. Randy Orton. Orton emerges with Evolution. Sting is unhappy. Dude should be used to it by now, ya think? Anyway, Sting gives Orton a clean break, but Orton slaps Sting on the second try. Orton urges Sting to charge him, but Sting won't bite, so Orton slugs away at Sting. Orton misses a charge and goes flying out onto Evolution. Orton pulls Sting out with him and sends him to the guardrail as Evolution create space. Shoulderblock and Play of the Day back in gets two. Turnbuckle clothesline and Orton boots Sting in the back of the knee, beginning the legwork. Shinbreaker and standing legbar (with rope aid), then a diving headbutt to the leg. Orton with a half-crab blocked, and Sting gets a drop toehold and punches Orton on the mat. Suplex gets two. Stinger Splash and Scorpion Deathlock, but Orton breaks by yanking out Sting's bad leg. Figure-four by Orton (duh), and Shane helps out. Shane has to let go when he senses the ref checking, and that allows Sting to reverse it. Orton breaks the hold and tries a powerslam, but Sting gets the Savage/Steamboat reversal for two. Release German suplex by Sting, and a BAAAAAAAACK body drop as Orton bails. Sting races in and baseball slides everyone down, making sure to hit with the good leg only. Sting tries to suplex Orton back in, but his leg gives out and everyone in Evolution co-operates to get Orton the pin at 12:27. ** Massive beatdown on Sting ensues, of course. This ain't over, says JR. Good, because this definitely had the feel of "To Be Continued" to it.

- Women's title: Lucille LaChienne v. Tracy v. Trish Stratus v. Jazz. Everyone pairs off to start, with Jazz and Trish dominating. Handstand rana by Trish disposes of Lucille, but Jazz stops punishing Tracy long enough to give Trish a double chickenwing. Lucille breaks. Trish suplexes Lucille for two. Tracy re-emerges with Pie in the Sky on Jazz, but Lucille breaks. Lucille gets a front suplex on Tracy, and the heels give Trish a doomsday device. Tracy recovers to clean house, getting two on Lucille before Trish saves. Triash and Tracy fight it out, but Stratusfaction misses as Tracy shoves Trish away. Lucille tries a German on Tracy, but Tracy reverses to an inverted DDT as Jazz slaps an STF on Trish. Pie in the Sky to Lucille, but Trish taps first at 5:28 to give Jazz the title. Whatever. *

- A *sweet* video package follows, chronicling the 18 weeks of abuse Molly has suffered at Christian's hands and how long she's been waiting for this.

"Don’t suck the fun out of this. Everyone finds out the night of the event. That includes you."

--Null, "IWF: Null's Master Plan", talking about the next match

- Intercontinental Title: Christian v. Molly Holly. Molly is UNGODLY over as they do the staredown. DDP pre-emptively apologizes for dropping the professionalism and being a cheerleader. Christian wins a lockup and slaps Molly around. Molly gets pissed and chokes away, but Christian tosses her off. Headlock and punches by Christian, and he dropkicks her. Caveman hair drag to the corner leads to some chopping, but Christian is unsuccessful and getting Molly's shirt off. We've all been there. Molly uses the FINGERNAILS OF DOOM to get Christian away, then punches away to a HUGE pop. Twisting armbar, but Christian shoves her off and gets a flapjack for two. Hairpull slam and Christian tosses Molly, adding a sliding kick for good measure. Molly visits the ringpost twice, and back in, the ARROGANT COVER~! gets two before Molly reverses to an ANKLELOCK~! The crowd is going NUTS at this point as Christian scrambles to the ropes. Short clothesline by Molly, and a missile dropkick gets two. Ten punch countalong and DDT gets two. Christian runs Molly over with a bodypress for two. The ladies in the crowd are screeching at everything in this match. It's like a boy band concert in there. Powerslam gets two. Christian tries a corner charge but takes the Holy Shit Bump instead to pop the crowd HUGE. Christian walks (haven't I seen this before?) so the ref does the "get in by 10 or forfeit the title" bit (this looks familiar). This time, though, Chynna Doll emerges from behind the referee (who is dramatically counting Christian) and powerbombs Molly. Christian saunters in and covers, but he stalled too long and only gets two. Rear Naked Stretch is reversed to a Diamond Cutter (complete with sound effect from DDP) for the Double KO. Chynna calls the ref's attention to her tossing Christian the belt, and Christian smacks Molly with it for the DQ at 11:44. Oh, God, they DID go through with it. This is basically the same finish they did last year, at the same PPV, with the same Intercontinental Champion, and the same false cheap finish in between.

- So at this point, the crowd is chanting "Bullsh*t" and I'm warming up the pokers, but AUSTIN~! emerges and says the match MUST CONTINUE. No DQ, no countout, and everyone banned from ringside. Chynna protests, so Austin goes KICK WHAM STUNNER on her to send her packing. The match restarts with Christian beating up Molly and getting a DDT. He gets a second beltshot for two. Christian begins whipping Molly with the belt as the match (in context) gets mildly disturbing and realistic. Christian forces himself on Molly, which wakes her up, pisses her off, and causes her to go choke-happy. Low kick and handspring elbow by Molly, and she sets up -- and connects with -- the SHATTERED DREAMS~! as the place is going ballistic. Molly-Go-Round follows, but it only gets two. The crowd, the announcers, my friends, myself, and pretty much the entire world assumed that was the finish. Christian hits a rabbit punch and takes time to loosen a turnbuckle. He chops Molly right across her boobs, being a total absolute dick. Into the exposed turnbuckle goes Molly, and an Unprettier follows. This time, though, Christian makes sure to cover missionary-style (which the announcers don't pick up on) and Molly is up at two. Christian steals Lilian Garcia's chair, making sure to nail her with it on the way in, and Molly eats a chairshot for two. The crowd is absolutely having a heart attack right now. Caveman drag to the chair, and Christian sets up a piledriver, but he takes too long fondling her (tell it like it is) and Molly reverses to a wrist clutch suplex with bridge for the pin and the title at 21:44 as the crowd absolutely blows the roof off the joint.

- Well. As matches go, this was way too gimmicky (and, at times, creepy), but as far as playing off the storyline of the match and the characters involved, it was one of the more memorable matches of all time. Personally, this ranks right up there with Steiner/Rotundo from 1988 as far as personal mark-out moments, and Molly's teary-eyed smile at the end brought a smile to MY face. It was also pointed out to me that the whole thing was an allegory for Molly's real-life struggle (which included Austin coming to the rescue, Christian as Regal using his connections to remain in the good, and Lilian as Gail Kim taking one for the team due to protesting too much). That just makes the whole thing more... uncomfortable. Hey, if Nora agreed to the whole thing, more power to her, and certainly this was the biggest mark-out moment the WWE has had since Eddie's title win, but ignorance for me really would have been bliss. This isn't to detract from what happened, of course, and it's probably the closest the WWE has come to a REAL morality play since the days of Hulkamania. I just hope we can all move on from this terrible moment -- as much as possible -- and go back to wrestling, because heaven knows lost in all this is that Molly may be the greatest women's wrestler in North America since the Alundra Blayze era.

- Oh, the rating? Call it **1/2.

- A cool Vengeance ad sets up Eddie v. Taker, part two.

- Main event, World title: Rhyno v. Triple H v. Chris Jericho. Talk about a tough act to follow, but if anyone can, it's Y2J. HHH charges Rhyno to repay the favor from Backlash, but Jericho hits the quad to stop him. Rhyno chop blocks Jericho and goes for the leg, but HHH USES THE KNEE~!. He hesitates and gets cradled by Jericho for two. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER by Rhyno, but HHH gets a DDT for two. Jericho goes back to the quad, with a figure-four, but Rhyno flops onto Jericho for two. Rhyno works the leg with a Stretch Muffler, but HHH breaks and suplexes Rhyno. HHH with a guillotine choke, but Jericho breaks and goes to work on HHH's leg. Rhyno dumps Jericho and slams HHH's leg into the post, but Jericho slams Rhyno's head into said post and hooks the RINGPOST FIGURE FOUR~! on HHH. Rhyno breaks it and we all head back as Rhyno hits a Boston Crab (which works the back, not the leg, but points for effort). Jericho gets to the ropes, while HHH forces Rhyno to break with a neckbreaker for two. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick on HHH, and Rhyno gets two off of it. Rhyno backs into a German from Jericho, but his try at Lionsaulting HHH hits the knees. Rhyno picks HHH up, but HHH clubs the neck to stop him and tries for KICK WHAM PEDIGREE. Jericho stops that, but Walls of Jericho is blocked. Rhyno clotheslines Jericho and powerslams him for two. Everyone goes outside and fights on the Spanish announce table -- those Spanish announcers should sue for workman's comp -- and the upshot is that Jericho sends Rhyno through it with a DDT. Walls of Jericho is hit in the ring, but HHH makes the ropes. Jericho walks into a HHH facejam. Clothesline and brainbuster follow as Rhyno emerges from the ruins. HHH tries KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, but before he hits is, Rhyno dives off the top with a GOAR GOAR GOAR on HHH! Obviously, that'll get the pin at 15:10, as HHH looks like he was squashing Jericho before doing the job. Nice one, Hunter. *1/2

The Bottom Line:

Well, almost literally this will be judged based on the sheer markout value of the I-C match, and there it's a thumbs-up. However, add to it the thrilling opener and a decent Orton/Sting match that fires their issue up more, and you have a PPV that I feel will probably be maligned in the future. Certainly the chauvinist pigs who attend wrestling events may not like it as much, but that's their problem, ain't it?

Thumbs leaning up.

*****

No RAW preview this time. Just wait for the show.

Dukes

[GCCWolverine]

Wouldn't it be Eddie-Taker, Part 3? Double DQ brawl, Cage Match at Summerslam, and now *gets shot*

(hey, if you can rip on me for Cornette, I can rip on you for this )

[Guest y2gudge]

Bad Blood was so-so in my opinion but strong writing from yourself Dukes. Me now noticing the flaws of Jeter & Matthews/Mondo & Dreamer and a less than stellar (somehow) Main Event were the cons, pros were good write up's for Molly/Christian & an unlikely HBK/Kane, making me enjoy the show overall.

7/10

*y2gudge*

[The Third Dukes]

Getting shot mid-sentence? Hey, DoubleX, I think someone's stealing your LUEisms!

*****

WWE RAW!

June 14, 2004

LIVE from Dayton, OH

No highlights. Only the One World Leader opening, not even the credits. No pyro in the arena. Just a group of fans, wondering why they weren't being given a hot opening. Not that I blame them, mind you, but there WAS a reason...

Finkel (in ring): "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to open tonight's edition of RAW by presenting to you the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Intercontinental Champion, Molly Holly!"

"She's a Lady" hits as the crowd goes insane. Molly Holly appears from behind the curtain, the Intercontinental Title around her waist. She heads to the ring, and as she does, JR greets us.

JR: "Listen to this ovation for Molly Holly! It was just under 24 hours ago in front of a packed house in Columbus, Ohio, that Molly made the kind of history everyone shoots for! She defeated Christian in the center of the ring, and she stands now, the Intercontinental Champion! I tell ya, Diamond Dallas Page, on paper, she is the smallest of the champions in our history, but when it comes to the measurement that matters, she stands above them all!"

DDP: "That's right, Jim Ross! To have been through so much -- and I know she doesn't want us to focus on it, but it's like with Lance Armstrong winning the Tour de France after beating cancer! Individually, she's done two amazing things -- and when ya put them together, you can only admire, you can only... I don't even know how to say it!"

Molly has entered the ring. The music has stopped, but the cheering continues.

JR: "This Dayton Arena is star-struck, Page! I haven't seen a reaction like this in years!"

The camera pans the audience, most of which is standing in ovation. It cuts to the announcers, and DDP is standing as well. We see the workers at ringside, many of whom are applauding. Molly does a slow turn, seemingly taking it all in. She seems overwhelmed.

DDP: "C'mon, Jim, stand up!"

JR: "Well, if we weren't on the job right now..."

DDP: "I know, I know, but who cares? They'll forgive ya!"

Molly is smiling the broadest, but the most sincere, smile. She looks down at her waist, as if to check if the belt is really, honestly there. She wipes a tear from her eyes before looking up and placing the mic to her lips.

Molly: "It fits!"

DDP laughs over his headset. The crowd cheers louder and begins chanting Molly's name.

Molly: "Guys, when I... when I came into this business, I just wanted to have fun. I wanted to be good, yeah -- I wanted to be damn good. But I also... I wanted to be able to live. To face the world every day and know -- KNOW -- that this is what I wanted to do. Then, when Vince McMahon came calling..."

The crowd boos Vince's name out of force of habit. Molly smiles and shakes her head.

Molly: "When Vince came calling, he gave me the opportunity I always wanted. I got to join my family right here. And it was fun... for a while. But after a while, you know... everything seems to be the past. The times with my cousins, Hardcore and Crash (God bless him)... the times with Hurricane, being a superhero again... heck, even the times when I was being mocked for being... well, not ideal... all those times were just fine, because I was where I knew I belonged."

DDP: "Best place to work."

JR: "That's right."

Molly: "When I was sitting alone in my hotel room, my roommate having been forced out, my body no longer feeling like mine, and I wanted to step aside and retire rather than face this hell night in and night out, it was knowing that I belonged here that made me stay."

The crowd spontaneously starts chanting "Darren Sucks" as Molly cracks a smile and holds her hand up for attention.

Molly: "And when I was told, Molly, take all the time off you need after Armageddon, we'll cover for you, it was knowing that I belonged here and had all my friends here that made me keep showing up week in and week out!"

JR: "The heart of a warrior, Page."

DDP: "I never doubted."

Molly: "And on that fateful day Christian said he was going to give a woman a title shot... I figured someone like Trish would take it, or the champ, Alexis... but everyone in the back looked at me, and everyone in the crowd was chanting Molly, Molly, Molly..."

The crowd keeps it up.

Molly: "...I figured I'd get it overwith. I thought I'd lose and lose big-time. But then I..."

She pauses. She seems almost overcome. She places her hand over her mouth and takes a few deep breaths.

JR: "Take your time."

DDP: "This is your moment."

Molly: "I heard a few things about women I didn't like. And it wasn't just that I was a woman. It was that I kept thinking about what I'd been through. It made me mad. I don't even know what happened... I challenged Christian to WrestleMania."

JR: "I remember that."

Molly: "I never wanted to be the big story. I never wanted to be the person moving the merchandise. I just wanted to be a wrestler. But somehow, just by being in this position, I became a hero. I don't know how to be a hero. And I certainly didn't feel like one, being reminded that my heroic deed was that I still walked to work every day and didn't kill myself. That doesn't sound like being a hero to me."

DDP: "You have no idea, girl. You're more of a hero than you know."

Molly: "After WrestleMania, I was fully prepared to just return to fighting women. That's what the whole thing with Chynna was -- woman against woman. But..."

She seems unable to form the words of her feelings. The crowd chants Molly's name again.

Molly: "...but I guess, just like I'll never go back and remove that moment -- those pains -- from my life, I couldn't go back to being a women's wrestler. And when the greatest wrestler of all time tells you he admires you and wants you to achieve a goal you never dreamed possible..."

DDP: "Rock did say that, JR."

Molly: "Well, it made me feel strange. Like I was a movement, a symbol, an icon -- I just wanna be Molly. And last night, I was Molly. I was Molly Holly, the smallest, the lightest, the most unlikely, and the most unbelievable Intercontinental Champion of all time!!!"

Molly lets out a yell of joy as the crowd echoes it. Molly pulls her belt off and stares at it.

Molly: "And guys... all I can say now is -- thanks for the chance. And Christian, I have something to say to you... and it's not what you think. What I wanna say is--"

Okay, enough mush, schmaltz, sentiment, and nostalgia -- we got a wrestling show to run. Christian emerges from the back, shaking his head and walking arm-in-arm with Chynna Doll. The sneer on his face can be seen from the opposite side of the arena. The crowd is booing loudly.

Christian: "I suppose I should congratulate you or something... so Molly, here goes: congratulations on being gift-wrapped that belt right there. Molly, you're not the champ -- you're a phony. You're a disgrace. But you're not the only one. Stone Cold Steve Austin ought to be ashamed of himself too. And maybe you should realize something, Molly -- if Stone Cold hadn't overstepped his authority, stuck his nose where it didn't belong, tried to injure Chynna here, and overturned the referee's decision WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE FINAL -- you would never be the champion you are now."

The crowd boos.

DDP: "He's got a point."

Christian: "As Intercontinental Champion, it was within my prerogative to get myself counted out or disqualified. That's what it takes when you're the champ. But that wasn't good enough for you, was it? You, and Steve Austin, and that referee, and every single person in the whole Godforsaken state of Ohio wanted you to win -- and they rigged it so it would happen! So enjoy being PAPER champion, Molly -- I'm sure it'll make a good story for the daytime talk shows, but in the locker room, and in the minds of the history books, you're nothing but a fraud!"

The crowd begins chanting "Asshole".

Christian: "You know, Molly... you are right. Everything about you is stuff you stumbled into. You haven't done anything to win this group of fans' admiration! Every day you showed up here so you could bask in the glory of being a charity case. Yeah, I heard you say you hated being a symbol or an icon, but that didn't stop you from being on Oprah or Dr. Phil or Regis and Kelly, who only gave a damn about you because you WERE an icon! Even your title -- you stumbled into it! You're living a dream, aren't you?"

DDP: "You call her life a dream?!?"

Christian: "Well, in seven days, prepare to wake up and face my reality."

Christian's music plays as he drops the mic and walks to the back. He looks over his shoulder one last time, staring a hole in Molly, who seems to be thinking about what he said.

***COMMERCIAL***

Intros for the next match begin as the announcers talk.

JR: "Page, this has already been a big night. And next week is shaping up to be bigger. We just learned that it'll be Christian and Molly one more time for the Intercontinental Title!"

DDP: "And that ought to be an astounding match, Jim, but we have another -- what, hour and 40 minutes or so here to get through!"

JR: "That's right, and we begin the night with this match, as Sylvain Grenier goes one-on-one with a man who came out on the short end of the stick last night at Bad Blood in his tag match."

DDP: "And you know a veteran like him doesn't wanna lose twice in a row."

Sylvain Grenier (w/Lucille LaChienne) vs. Scott Hall

Hall gets a headlock out of a lockup and punches at Grenier's face. Grenier shoves Hall off, but puts his head down and Hall punches the back of Grenier's neck. Hall sends Grenier into the turnbuckle and follows in with a clothesline on him. Grenier gets sent into the other turnbuckle, and Hall hits another clothesline. Hall sends Grenier to the floor, throwing him back in, but Grenier distracts the ref as Lucille jabs the French flagpole into Hall's back.

Hall enters the ring, holding his back, so Grenier lands a series of axhandles to his back. Grenier bounces off the ropes and dropkicks Hall in the small of the back, knocking him down. Grenier drops his knee on Hall's back and rolls him over for the cover. It gets two. Grenier picks Hall up and delivers a backbreaker to him. He covers again, and again he only gets two. Grenier goes to a bow-and-arrow hold, pushing his feet onto Hall's spine, but Hall slowly gets to his feet with Grenier on his back. Grenier re-adjusts his grip for a sleeper, but Hall backs into the turnbuckle and crushes Grenier.

Grenier stumbles out into a spinning punch from Hall. Hall goes to the second rope, but Lucille hooks his leg to get his attention. Hall turns around on the ropes to argue, but Grenier grabs him in a back suplex off the ropes. He covers for two. Grenier stands Hall up and punches away, but his attempt at a running clothesline is blocked by Hall, who picks Grenier up and throws him in a fallaway slam.

Hall signals for the Edge (being called the Razor's Edge by JR) as Lucille jumps onto the apron. Hall kisses Lucille before shoving her to the mat, then blocks a Grenier low blow attempt. He picks Grenier up and delivers the Razor's Edge. The cover and three is academic at 7:18.

WINNER: Scott Hall

As Hall celebrates, Christopher Nowinski emerges from the crowd. He stares at Hall, who notices him. The two exchange words as Nowinski moves to the timekeeper's table. The timekeeper pulls the ring bell away, but Nowinski scoops up Hall's pile of gold chains instead. He takes off into the crowd again as Hall stares wide-eyed.

DDP: "Oh, ho, look at this, JR! The Harvard boy pulls a fast one on ol' Scott Hall!"

JR: "Well, I think he made a major mistake myself. You don't mess with someone's property like that."

We go backstage, as Eric Bischoff is in his office.

Bischoff: "Yes, Mr. Piper, that's right. Tonight, in our main event, we're going to jump one show ahead of you. No one will remember the Bash or Vengeance when we're done, because we're going to put Chris Jericho and Triple H against each other with the winner going to SummerSlam for a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. Yes, I know we're jumping the gun, and that SummerSlam's nine weeks away, but... you gotta remember, Roddy. I don't care! I'm just going to make your brand -- your show -- irrelevant. Call it a dose of ruthless agression. Bye bye, chap."

He hangs up, chuckling to himself. The door knocks.

Bischoff: "Come in."

Sting enters.

Sting: "Okay, Eric, let's get right to it: Orton cheated to win last night. He used his buddies -- YOUR buddies -- to get a victory. Now what are you gonna do about it?"

Bischoff: "You want all of them? You can have them all. Later tonight, you're in a six-man tag with Evolution. That is, of course, if you can find two people to team with. Start looking."

Sting: "Oh, yeah, that's FAIR. Put me with two random guys against a team! You enjoy seeing me get my ass kicked?"

Bischoff (matter-of-factly): "Yeah."

Sting pauses. Bischoff smiles. Sting walks out.

Bischoff: "Ahhhh, it's good to be the Man."

***COMMERCIAL***

And now, the WWE Slam of the Night, brought to you by Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, in theaters soon as of this taping. From last night, Rhyno slams his body straight into HHH from the top rope, achieving the pin and remaining World Champion.

Intros begin for the next match as the announcers talk.

JR: "Well, Page, it's because of the bizarre finish to that match, I'm told, that we're having our main event tonight! It's gonna be Y2J one-on-one with the Game, and the winner is going to SummerSlam on August 15 in Toronto, Canada!"

DDP: "And not to tip a hand or anything, but you gotta think that Jericho's got more incentive because he wasn't pinned, he didn't submit -- he's still got a shot at champ! But it's more than that, Jim -- it's that he wants to be in Toronto. He lost the title in Toronto at WrestleMania X8, and now he can get it back in the same place!"

JR: "That's very true, but here's a chance for someone to take a shortcut as far as getting there! Booker T, who had a very impressive showing in defeat, has a shot at Rhyno right now, and I gotta think it's a good shot!"

World Heavyweight Title: Rhyno (champion) vs. Booker T (challenger)

After the two circle each other, Rhyno charges and hits a GORE on Booker. Booker is out, and Rhyno gets the three at only 0:37!

WINNER and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Rhyno

JR: "Oh my gawd! Did you see that, DDP? One move -- one gore from Rhyno -- and Booker T was out like a light!"

DDP: "Unbelievable! We saw a dimension to him at Bad Blood, but... wow! When he hits that move, it's lights out!"

JR: "I'm not sure Chris Jericho or Triple H wants to be the #1 Contender now. Look at how fast Booker T was finished off!"

We go backstage now, where Christopher Nowinski is racing through the halls, trying to get back to Teddy Long's ride (suitably pimped out, of course). He hops in, and Long tries to drive off into the night, but he's cut off by a monster truck. We pan up the truck to see it's black and white, with the nWo insignia on it. Long and Nowinski are both showing a look of fright as Scott Hall jumps out of the driver's seat. He pulls Nowinski from his car and holds him up by his slicked-back hair.

Hall: "Listen to me, you preppy chico. I tell everyone when I get in the ring, something happen to my gold, something happen to them. Well, something just happen to my gold. You did. And now, I gon' promise something to happen to you. Nowinski, next week, I wan' yo' ass one-on-one. An' I want you to bring the gold with ya."

Nowinski: "N-n-n-now now, Scott... finders keepers and all that."

Hall: "My ass! You stole it, prep boy! You--"

Hall pauses and gets an idea.

Hall: "Ya know what, Nowinski? Maybe you right. Maybe finders keepers. So how bout this, chico -- you bring da gold with you next week, and you bring with it some money -- street value of 25 grand, got me, bro? An' I'll have the refs put 'em over the ring, and we'll have a little bet on the match. Winner gets 'em both."

Nowinski (now smiling): "Yeah, I like that. Your gold will look smashing in my possession."

Hall: "Oh, but I forgot to tell ya -- if ya want da gold, you gon have to climb a ladder to get it. Now get outta here, before I show you why they call me da Bad Guy!"

Hall spits in Nowinski's face. Nowinski scampers into the car. Teddy Long backs up, drives around the monster truck, and peels off into the night. Hall stands there, smiling.

Hall: "He's a fool. I invented the ladder match -- and I ain't gon' lose to no highball like Nowinski in a ladder match. His money -- it's good as mine."

***COMMERCIAL***

JR: "My gawd, Page, it's been a fast-paced night already, hasn't it? We have two big matches signed for next week, and we still have two very big matches to go right now, including a main event that'll decide the fate of SummerSlam, some nine weeks away!"

DDP: "Well, that sounds strange, but the Royal Rumble winner knows he'll be in a Pay-Per-View event two months later, so really, it's not all THAT awkward, is it?"

JR: "Maybe, but I can't say as I think it'll be a trend. Folks, up next we--"

JR is cut off by the Evolution theme from Motorhead. All three members of Evolution walk to the ring. They get in and pose for the crowd before turning to the entrance, awaiting their foe(s).

The Crow Music plays. Sting emerges on the rampway, rolling his shoulders and taking a deep breath. He points his bat first at Evolution, then to the back as his music stops. The old ECW theme kicks in as Stacy's leg pokes out from behind the curtain, followed by the rest of her. Behind her walk the as-before World Tag Team Champions, Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer, to the ring. Sting leads the charge as all three men slide in.

Evolution vs. Sting, Nick Mondo, and Tommy Dreamer (w/Stacy Keibler)

Everyone pairs off -- Mondo and Shane, Dreamer and Batista, Sting and Orton. Sting tosses Orton into the ropes and runs him over with a clothesline on the way out. Mondo suplexes Shane and stomps away as Batista knocks Dreamer down with one massive right hand. Batista goes after Mondo, tossing him into the ropes, but Mondo gets a ropeflip moonsault press on Batista and punches away.

Sting delivers a back suplex to Orton, then picks him up and atomic drops him. Dreamer punches away at Shane and tosses him out of the ring, while Batista has Mondo in a bearhug. Dreamer kicks Batista's leg, and Mondo lands on Batista. The tag champs pick Batista up and double suplex him as Sting gets a Stinger Splash on Orton. Batista is sent over the top rope by a tandem clothesline as Sting presses Orton over his head and drops him.

Orton rolls out of the ring to call a huddle for Evolution, so Dreamer alleyoops Mondo over the ropes onto all three. Sting and Dreamer follow, and everyone brawls on the outside. Dreamer tosses Orton back in and throws him into the ropes. He kicks Orton in the gut, but Orton tosses Dreamer on the DDT attempt. Orton stomps away at Dreamer and brings in Batista. Batista picks Dreamer up and presses him over his head, then turns it into an Oklahoma powerslam. Batista covers for two.

Shane tags in, and Batista tosses Shane onto Dreamer. The cover gets two. Shane runs the ropes and dropkicks Dreamer as he gets up, then gets a standing moonsault on him. Shane picks Dreamer up and backs him into the Evolution corner, tagging in Orton. Orton and Shane double-team Dreamer, and Orton picks Dreamer up in an inverted atomic drop, followed by a clothesline. Orton covers for two. Orton tries for the Play of the Day, but Dreamer picks Orton up and turns the move into a sort-of powerbomb. Dreamer crawls to his corner as Orton tags in Shane, and in comes Mondo.

Mondo punches away at Shane, bouncing off the ropes and getting a headscissors. Batista enters and gets a rana for his trouble, as does Orton. Shane is back up, and Mondo nails him with a facecrusher. Mondo goes to the top rope, and as Shane staggers to his feet, Mondo hits M.Bison. Mondo covers for two before Orton saves.

Sting enters to even the odds, but the ref holds him back and Batista grabs Mondo, throwing him off the apron and into the Spanish announcers' table (which doesn't break). Orton runs over and throws him back in, and Shane quickly applies the Velocity Lock as we take a break and let Mondo's spleen return to where it belongs.

***COMMERCIAL***

Mondo reverses the lock and shoves Shane into the ropes, but Shane gets a spinkick on the way out. Batista enters, and Shane tosses Mondo into a Batista spinebuster. Batista covers for two. Batista tosses Mondo into the corner and delivers a series of shoulder thrusts to him. He picks Mondo up as Mondo clings to the top rope and drops him on the mat. Orton tags in, and as Mondo gets up, Orton tries an RKO.

However, he arrives too soon and flies over Mondo to the mat. Mondo tries to reach his corner, but Orton pulls him back. Orton gets a back suplex on Mondo and covers. It gets only two. Orton tags in Batista, who picks Mondo up over his head and drops him face-first to the turnbuckle. Batista mounts Orton and nails lefts and rights before dropping a knee across his nose. He covers, but it's only two. Orton tags in, and Batista lifts Mondo up for RKO3D. Orton covers, but Dreamer makes the save.

The referee escorts Dreamer out as Shane climbs to the top rope. Orton goads Dreamer while Shane frames Mondo and dives off for the Picture Perfect Elbow. Mondo rolls away (barely) as Shane crashes to the mat. Orton turns around and picks Mondo up as Dreamer and Shane exit, but his try for a second Play of the Day results in Mondo tripping Orton's free leg.

Mondo stumbles, but Orton grabs him from behind. Orton pulls Mondo up and bounces off the ropes, but Mondo turns around and levels Orton with a lariat. Batista tags in, but Dreamer runs around and trips Batista as he enters, allowing Mondo to make the tag to Sting.

Sting unloads on Batista with right hands, backing him into the corner. He sends Batista across the ring and flies in with a Stinger Splash. Batista is dazed, so Sting connects with a release German suplex. Shane runs in, but Sting sees him and tosses him skyward in a flapjack move. Sting faces Orton, who steps off the apron. Batista charges, but Sting ducks (using a sixth sense) and nails a clothesline on Batista.

He sends Batista into the ropes and floors him with a spinebuster as Dreamer and Shane go on the outside. Sting holds Batista prone as Mondo gets to the top rope. Mondo dives off with a splash on Batista, then rolls away as Sting wraps Batista's legs up in the Scoropion Deathlock. The ref is busy getting Mondo out, though, and doesn't see or hear Orton nails Sting with a chair. Batista rolls to the outside as Orton covers Sting, and the referee counts it at 22:15.

WINNERS: Evolution

JR: "Damn that Randy Orton! This isn't how you become a star -- by using chairs!"

DDP: "I tell ya, Jim, these kids today don't get it, do they?"

JR: "I suppose not."

Dreamer and Mondo help Sting to the back as Evolution celebrates in the ring. Batista and Shane leave as Orton sticks around, talking to some ring crew guys.

JR: "What is Randy Orton doing?"

DDP: "Looks like he wants to host RNN right now."

JR: "Well, I guess that's his business. Folks, we'll take a break, and when we come back, Randy Orton will provide us with RNN!"

***COMMERCIAL***

And indeed, we are back and RNN is set up.

Orton: "Welcome, everyone, to the greatest thing in Sports Entertianment since my father's appearance in the main event of WrestleMania I, RNN! Tonight, after celebrating my second big victory over that washed-up loser Sting, I grace your life with yet another winner, and a man I can humbly admit did what I was incapable of doing. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the man who last night ended the career of the Heartbreak Fogey, your friend and mine, KANE!"

Flashpots go off as Kane's music plays and he heads to the ring. Kane steps over the top rope and removes the towel from his head. He raises and lowers his arms, causing more pyro to go off on all four corners. Kane stares at Orton, who tries to stay cool.

Orton: "Welcome to RNN, Kane. It's a pleasure to have you here."

Kane stares at Orton, half-smiling.

Orton (more nervously): "Is there, uh, anything you'd like to say about your big win last night?"

Kane snatches the microphone out of Orton's hands. Orton slowly backs out of the ring, overheard to say, "Okay, I'll, uh, just be right here, um, if ya need me...", before sprinting to the locker room.

Kane: "When I first destroyed Shawn Michaels, I said it was because of all the privilege he had that I could never have. I promised that I would take him, take his dreams, take his life, take his glory, and crush it like there was no tomorrow. Well, Shawn, as you sit in your hospital bed, ask yourself... IS THERE a tomorrow? Or is it the end? Many people have claimed to put you out of business -- Austin, HHH, Jericho -- but I did it. I destroyed your beautiful life, your beautiful career, and your beautiful body.

One of these days, I'll be in the area again, and I'll see you in your hospital bed, writhing in pain, bandages covering your broken body. You will sense that I am a monster. You will KNOW that I am evil. You will understand that I have made my revenge upon you and all your fans who scream at my hideous body! And you will realize that my present is your future.

Shawn Michaels, I say to you that I may have kept you out of the ring, but I want more. I want to keep you out of existence! You speak of salvation and of a source of strength, but you know nothing about strength. There is no salvation -- for me, for anyone, and especially not for you. Shawn Michaels, when I am done with you, I will see you in the depths of Hell."

Kane raises his arms and brings them down, setting the pyro off as his music plays. Both JR and DDP are speechless as Kane leaves the ring.

***COMMERCIAL***

JR: "Well, Page, what we just heard from the Big Red Monster... it's kinda sick, isn't it?"

DDP: "Jim, no one ever accused Kane of being human. In fact, the whole ordeal of Kane is something I wanna think about, if I can get me into a little segment I call Good Thing, Bad Thing."

The Good Thing Bad Thing graphic appears.

DDP: "Kane' slife story is one we've all heard millions of times: bad parenting, a traumatic house fire, and so on and so forth. All his life, he's been told how ugly he is -- he wore the mask to cover his face, and if you remember his debut, he had a full body suit and gloves -- the only thing you could really see was his left hand. But look at him now. His arms are clean. His shoulders are clean. His face only has a few minor problems with it. But when you're told your entire life that you have a problem, nothing -- not even a mirror -- will make you think otherwise. Kane is at the point where he sees what he wants to see, and all of us here in the WWE are people he sees as better-looking and better off -- Shawn Michaels being one unfortunate example. And Jim, that's not a Good Thing... that's a Bad Thing."

DDP smiles.

JR: "There's certainly a lot of truth to that. Folks, our cameras caught up with this interesting conversation earlier today featuring two people from last night's Women's title match."

Tracy is clearly upset, and Trish is trying to calm her down.

Tracy: "I don't get it!  You know how close I was!  You couldn't wait another two seconds?"

Trish: "Tracy, please, I tried, but..."

Tracy: "But nothing!  It's just a matter of not hitting the mat -- how hard can that be?"

Trish: "Tracy... look, when you've been doing this as long as I have, you'll understand how hard some things are.  In the meantime, I'll help you however I can to get that Women's Title shot you earned.  I'm sorry.  Can you trust me?"

Tracy (smiling): "Of course.  I just wish I had the title."

They hug.

Trish: "Don't we all, Tracy."

JR: "And with that, we stand here ready for this next match, as Tracy begins the long road back up against another veteran of the women's scene in Victoria!"

DDP: "And if you're looking for me to provide a prediction, forget it! It all depends on who shows up!"

Tracy vs. Victoria

They lock up, and Tracy backs Victoria into the corner and gives a clean break. They lock up a second time, and Victoria gets a headlock. Tracy shoves her off, drops down on the rebound, and catches Victoria with a rana on the second rebound. Victoria pops up and armdrags Tracy to the ground, but her armbar is blocked by Tracy and both women stand back up.

They lock up again, and Victoria backs Tracy into the corner and gives HER a clean break. Tracy fires out and shoots a double-leg takedown, but Victoria rolls on top and tries to hook the legs, but Tracy pushes her over and gets two. Both women get back up, and Victoria tries to lift Tracy in a suplex, but Tracy slips out the back and German suplexes Victoria for two. Tracy heads to the top rope, but Victoria follows and gets a super hiptoss. Victoria clamps on a 3/4 nelson rollup for two, and both women are up again.

Victoria gets an armdrag, but Tracy returns it and backs Victoria up into the corner, chopping away. Victoria is sent for the ride into the turnbuckle, but Tracy's charge is met with a bodypress for two. Victoria uses a headlock to back Tracy into the corner, and she shoots Tracy across the ring. Tracy, however, leaps onto the turnbuckles, climbs to the top, and catches a surprised Victoria with Pie in the Sky. The cover follows to finish at 5:25.

WINNER: Tracy

Tracy helps Victoria up. The two shakes hands as Trish enters and joins in. They all raise each other's hands as the announcers talk.

JR: "Well, there's your answer, Page. This was a very sportsmanlike performance from Victoria, who we know is capable of delivering a beating."

DDP: "It's kinda surprising, Jim. I don't know why she'd try to win fair -- certainly a lot of people here would rather cheat."

JR: "Well, folks, speaking of two guys who want to win... whoa, do we have that in our main event! It's Y2J! It's the Game! And a trip to SummerSlam is on the line! That's next! Don't go anywhere!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Before the intros begin, Rhyno makes his second appearance. He sits in on commentary with JR and DDP.

JR: "Well, Page, it looks like we are being joined here by the World Heavyweight Champion, Rhyno. Rhyno, it's good to have you with us, and certainly it was impressive the way you finished off Booker T earlier tonight."

Nothing.

DDP: "Do you have a favorite in this match? You faced both these guys last night, and since one of them will be waiting for you at SummerSlam, is there one you'd prefer to see over the other?"

Rhyno: "No one can defeat me!"

DDP: "Okay, but..."

Rhyno: "NO ONE!"

DDP: "Very well."

#1 Contender's Match (SummerSlam): Chris Jericho vs. Triple H

They lock up, and HHH backs Jericho into the corner and punches away at him. HHH tosses Jericho across the ring, but Jericho meets a charging HHH with a clothesline. Jericho immediately goes to HHH's leg, stomping away at it. He picks HHH up by the leg, but HHH grabs the ropes and leverages Jericho out of the ring. HHH heads outside with him and sends him into the guardrail before tossing him back in.

HHH stomps Jericho's leg, then picks him up by said leg. Unfortunately, Jericho gets to his feet and nails an enzuigiri. Jericho covers quickly for two. Jericho punches away at HHH before picking him up and suplexing him. Jericho goes to the top rope and tries a missile dropkick on a rising HHH, but HHH grabs Jericho out of midair and steps over him for a half-crab.

Jericho grabs HHH's leg and yanks it out, causing HHH to fall flat on his face and allowing Jericho to switch to an anklelock. HHH makes the ropes as Jericho breaks. Jericho helps HHH up, and the two lock up. Jericho hits a headlock, but HHH grabs Jericho's leg with his free arm and trips him. HHH legdrops the leg, then spins Jericho to his back and tries a spinning toehold. Jericho kicks him off, and on the rebound from the ropes, Jericho gets a spinkick to HHH's face with the WRONG LEG, leading to Jericho staggering over and only getting two.

HHH hits a stomach punch on Jericho and suplexes him, covering for two. Now HHH helps Jericho up, but straight into a short lariat. He covers, but again it's two. HHH pounds away at Jericho before standing him up, charging in, and kicking Jericho's bad leg. HHH, however, lands awkwardly on his own bad leg and is therefore slow to get up. Both men are up at the same time, and HHH kicks Jericho before trying to set up the Pedigree. Jericho, however, trips HHH before his arms are hooked and tries for the Walls of Jericho.

HHH bridges out of it and makes the ropes. Jericho waits for HHH to get up and nails his springboard dropkick, but he lands on his bad leg and crumples to the mat. Jericho crawls over, but the cover only gets two. Jericho and HHH get to their knees and slug it out from there, with HHH going to the eyes to get the advantage. He picks Jericho up and quickly DDTs him. He covers for two. HHH sees Jericho wincing as he stands and clips Jericho, knocking him to the mat.

HHH rolls Jericho over and starts with an Indian deathlock, but it's right next to the ropes and Jericho gets to them. HHH pulls Jericho back by the leg and stands him up, sending him into the turnbuckle. Jericho moves out of the way of the charge and trips HHH, applying the Walls of Jericho successfully. HHH powers to his hands, and Jericho immediately drops HHH's good leg and brings his weight down on the knee of HHH's bad leg.

HHH hollers in pain as Jericho rolls off. The referee checks HHH, who is unable to put weight on the knee. Jericho moves in to check, and HHH quickly cradles him. But it's only two. HHH keeps his hold of Jericho's hooked (bad) leg and keeps Jericho back-first on the mat. HHH spins and hits the figure-four on Jericho, who flails about in agony.

Jericho tries to reach for the ropes behind him, but it results in his shoulders being on the mat for a two-count. Finally, Jericho makes a huge twitch, starting the move's reversal, and HHH can't fight it off in time as Jericho turns the move over. With all the pressure now on HHH's bad leg, he is forced to concede the match at 14:07.

WINNER and headed to SummerSlam: Chris Jericho

Rhyno tosses his headset down and charges the ring. As Jericho gets to his feet, Rhyno slides under the bottom rope. Jericho turns to leave and runs straight into a GORE from Rhyno, knocking him flat on his back, motionless. Rhyno stands over Jericho as his music plays.

JR: "OH MAH GAWD! RHYNO JUST BROKE HIS CHALLENGER WITH A GORE! JUST ONE LETHAL MOVE AND Y2J IS OUT! JERICHO HAS NINE WEEKS TO THINK OF A WAY TO STOP IT! IT'S JERICHO! RHYNO! SUMMERSLAM! CAN Y2J COME BACK TO THE TOP, OR WILL RHYNO STOP HIM DEAD IN HIS TRACKS JUST LIKE THAT?"

<<<FIN>>>

[grind your soul]

The Virch rant for the show was a bit too positive in my opinion [and way too marky during the Molly - Christian match, especially for Austin's entrance].

Otherwise, pretty strong show. Sure, I wouldn't have paid for it [shit, I won't pay for WM so whatever], but I definately would've sought it out on a website for download.

but when it comes to the measurement that matters, she stands above them all!

..er, in ass-width?

This Molly storyline is both touching and surreal. Mostly the latter.

Edited July 4, 2004 by grind your soul

[The Third Dukes]

Incidentally, I know I got the Molly/Christian thing nailed when the amount of mail I got for shortchanging the match equalled the amount of mail I got accusing me of being a mark. So there.

- The SmarK Raw Rant for June 14 / 04.

- Live from Dayton, OH, home of The Rick.

- Your hosts are JR and DDP.

- No opening, as we go straight to the new Intercontinental Champion. You know, a reader told me that the WWE now has a serious case of the now-whats with this title: okay, she has the win, but on the surface she can't play plucky underdog forever, and the I-C title around the waist of someone 5'4 and under a buck fifty just looks WRONG. Molly's opening line: "It fits!" That cracked me up. She talks about her career, even saluting Crash's memory, and at times she appears ready to lose it. Finally, she lets out a huge cheer as the crowd eats it all up. They've got a winner, I'll give them that. Sign in the crowd: "She's a Lady, She's a Champion!" Amen. She has words for Christian, who appears and won't let her get them out. Molly's a fraud champion because the match was restarted by people working against him to make sure she won. Man has a point. So next week, in Miami, Rock's hometown, it's a rematch. Christian tries to stay away from any mysogynistic dialogue, and good for him.

- Opening match: Sylvain Grenier v. Scott Hall. Grenier is totally lost without Rene Dupree out there. Hall dominates a lockup and uses his experience to take advantage. Grenier bails, but Hall tosses him back in and eats a flagpole from Lucille for his trouble. Grenier works the back with a dropkick and kneedrop for two. Backbreaker gets two. Grenier unveils a new move -- a bow-and-arrow type lock -- but Hall stands up and Grenier is forced to switch to a sleeper to maintain control. It doesn't work, as Hall slams him into the turnbuckle and nails a discus punch. Hall argues with Lucille, so Grenier gets a backdrop for two. The advantage is short-lived as Hall gets a fallaway slam before treating the Frenchwoman like a prostitute (oh, the irony). Razor's Edge (called as such) finishes at 7:18. Gets Hall some heat back. 3/4* Christopher Nowinski emerges and STEALS THE GOLD CHAINS! Oh, man -- somethin gon happen to someone now...

- Meanwhile, Bischoff announces tonight's main event in a phone call to Piper: HHH v. Jericho, winner goes to SummerSlam. I'll refrain on commenting until after the match if need be. Sting bursts in and wants a piece of Evolution, and is told to go find some tag team partners. Sting: "You enjoy seeing me get my ass kicked?" Bischoff: "Yeah."

- World title: Rhyno v. Booker T. Circle, circle, circle, GOAR GOAR GOAR, goodnight at 0:37. DUD Jim and Dallas help emphasize the point: Rhyno's finisher is lethal. And I guess Booker's considering retirement again, because he got plowed over here.

- Meanwhile, Nowinski and Long try to escape, but the MONSTER TRUCK OF DOOM (so that's where it's been all this time) cuts them off. Hall gets out and threatens some street justice on Nowinski, but the words "finders keepers" give him an idea. Next week, Hall v. Nowinski, gold chains v. 25 grand, ladder match. Nowinski agrees and hurries off, leaving Hall to remind fans that he "invented" the ladder match, which is official WWE canon because Bret Hart's matches in Stampede NEVER HAPPENED. Thanks, Vince.

- So it's time for the six-man, but Sting hasn't been seen finding anyone yet. Still, the music hits, and Sting's teaming with... Stacy? Oh, wait, it's...

- Evolution v. Sting, Tommy Dreamer, and Nick Mondo (w/Stacy). Whew. Huge brawl kicks us off -- like there's any other kind involving Philly rejects -- and this goes for some time. Sting lariats Orton, Mondo suplexes Shane, and Batista knocks down Dreamer. Batista turns to Mondo, but Mondo hits a standing Lionsault. Orton gets atomic dropped as Shane is dumped. Batista has the bearhug (already?), so Dreamer trips him and Mondo gets a quasi-Thesz Press. Double suplex by the tag champs as a Stinger Splash and press slam rock Orton. Evolution calls a group huddle, so Mondo dives out to knock them over and everyone follows. Back in the ring (4:00 to get a match going), as Dreamer tries a DDT on Orton and gets suplexed. Batista with a powerslam for two. Batista presses Shane onto Dreamer for two. Dropkick and moonsault by Shane, and Orton enters. Orton with an inverted atomic drop and clothesline for two. Play of the Day is reversed, hot tag Mondo. RANAS FOR EVERYONE~! M.Bison gets two on Shane as Orton saves. Sting is ushered back by the ref as Batista flings Mondo through the Spanish announce table -- which doesn't break. Ewww! Everyone panics as Shane applies a surfboard and we go to commercial. We come back as Mondo breaks, so Shane spinkicks him. Batista with a spinebuster for two. Shoudler thrusts and pancake drop by Batista, and Orton tries for the kill, but misses the RKO. I mean, he AIRBALLS it. Ugly. Crowd starts a "You F*cked Up" chant in his honor. Orton recovers his bearings -- if not his dignity -- with a backdrop for two. Batista in, and Snake Eyes leads to UFC strikes for two. RKO3D gets two. Shane enters (illegally) for the Picture Perfect Elbow, but misses. Play of the Day is blocked (again), and an RKO try is telegraphed as Mondo hits a clothesline, hot tag Sting. Stinger Splash and release German suplex to Batista, and Shane is sent flat on his face. Orton backs off, but Batista gets nailed with a clothesline for his trouble. Spinebuster as Dreamer pounds on Shane, and Mondo hits the Superfly Splash on Batista to set up the Scorpion Deathlock. Mondo is sent out, though, and Orton whacks Sting with a chair and pins him at 22:15 (!). Way too long for everyone at this stage in their career. Four of the guys aren't ready for that amount of time, Dreamer's in no condition to go that long, and Sting is still too rusty. Points for effort, though. **

- And Orton promptly sets up RNN, being the company guy that he is. He welcomes Kane out, and wisely gives him the mic and makes a break for it. The "talking to a stone wall" bit he did was a nice touch, though. Kane brags about breaking Shawn Michaels and says he's not done. He wants EVERYONE to feel his pain, be at his level of disfigurement, etc. He'll see Shawn in Hell. Is that code for what their rematch will be?

- DDP psychoanalyzes.

- Tracy whines about Trish being unable to hold for the 1 or 2 seconds needed for her to get the title. Trish tries to play the "I'm more experienced and you'll understand as you've been here longer" bit, which is brutally ironic given the two people involved.

- Tracy v. Victoria. Okay, it's apparently Nice Victoria this week. A reader emailed me and said that Victoria actually IS consistent in character -- that character being a schizo tweener. It's an interesting idea, to say the least. Not necessarily GOOD or anything, but interesting. Lockup and clean break. Lockup and Victoria with a headlock, but Tracy reverses to rana. Armdrag by Victoria, and we reach a stalemate. Round 2: Victoria returns the clean break, and the two get into a quasi-amateur pinning thing that gets Tracy two. Victoria tries a suplex, but Tracy with a German for two. Tracy goes up top but gets slammed off for two, and back to a stand-off. Round 3: Armdrag by Victoria, but Tracy unloads the CANADIAN VIOLENCE (betcha didn't know that one before Bad Blood). Blind charge falls into a bodypress by Victoria for two. Victora sends Tracy across the ring, but Tracy vaults onto the turnbuckle and hits Pie in the Sky to win at 5:25. Certainly a taste of something different, if totally boring. *1/2 The girls have a bonding moment afterwards. Awwwwww.

- Main event: Triple H v. Chris Jericho. Rhyno joins us on commentary and sounds menacing. HHH opens with punches, but a blind charge eats a lariat. Jericho goes straight for the leg, but HHH knocks him to the floor. Into the guardrail, and back in, it's HHH working on Jericho's leg. That just sets up the enzuigiri for two. Suplex, and Jericho tries for whatever off the top, only to get caught and turned over in a half-crab. Jericho grabs the bad leg of HHH and reverses to an anklelock. HHH makes the ropes, and Jericho helps him up. See, we're FRIENDLY PEOPLE in Canada. HHH trips Jericho to break a headlock, and he works the leg with a spinning toehold. Jericho blocks it and gets a spinkick, but with the wrong leg, and the cover only gets two. HHH with a suplex for two, and he pulls Jericho up... into a clothesline for two. Yankee doodle bastard. HHH slugs away and kicks Jericho's leg out of his leg, but HHH falls awkwardly. He recovers in time to try KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, but it's blocked, and the subsequent Walls try is blocked. Jericho with the springboard dropkick (faking a relapse of his leg injury) for two. Both men decide to slug it out without standing up, and HHH rakes the eyes and gets a DDT for two. HHH clips Jericho, and into the INDIAN DEATHLOCK OF SEVERE DISCOMFORT. Another blind charge misses, and the Walls of Jericho is on. HHH is ready to crawl to the ropes, so Jericho focuses all his weight on the bad leg of HHH. HHH claims he's injured again, but he's playing possum and gets two off a cradle. HHH maintains the leg and goes for a figure-four, but Jericho reverses it and HHH taps at 14:07. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. **1/4 Rhyno hits the GOAR GOAR GOAR OF DEATH on Jericho to close the show.

The Bottom Line:

Ending the show with two face/face matches was a definite risk, but HHH figured out which side his bread was buttered on and played the subtle heel. This may be the first time I've seen anyone tap out to a figure-four reversal, which is all the better because HHH did it. And with two big matches announced for next week, plus SummerSlam's main event in the can, RAW is definitely taking advantage of SummerSlam being the THIRD event on SmackDown!'s calendar.

Next week, we answer the all-important question: who's the manliest, Christian, Rock, or Chynna?

*****

WWE.com

June 17, 2004

The Windy City is the site of both an F-5 and a Hurricane tonight! The WWE's SmackDown! brand blows in with a full head of steam tonight at 8/7 Central on UPN!

Matt Hardy and Konnan will face off in our main event tonight, but that's not the big news. The big news is that Roddy Piper, ever the wild one, has promised a Great American Bash preview by giving each man a random partner for a tag match! Who are these partners? He hasn't said, and he won't tell the participants until just before the match either! What if Matt teams with Ron Killings, and Konnan with Shannon Moore? Oh, man, we're in for a wild one tonight!

After making an impact on the WWE Tag Team championship match last night, Kurt Angle and his team have secured a shot at Vengeance. Who will represent them? The Olympian promises he'll let us know tonight!

Edge has been out for 6 weeks at the hands of a floor powerbomb from Bull Buchanan. Now he seeks revenge, as he faces the Right to Censor's enforcer one-on-one! Can Edge get his revenge? Or will the Bull stampede all over him again?

All this and more -- including a pair of title matches -- tonight at 8/7 Central on UPN! Be sure to Smack Your TV for all the fun and thrilling action!

[The Third Dukes]

WWE SmackDown!

June "17", 2004

"LIVE" from Chicago, IL

Show me some footage of last week's show, as Kidman, Rey, Jose, and Joel put on a brilliant tag match overshadowed by Team Angle beating the crap out of them and referee Mick Foley, who we brought out of mothballs for tonight. Edge makes a triumphant return to chase off the RTC, who had been a thorn in the side of Eddie Guerrero despite Guerrero beating Bull Buchanan. Oh, and it's Eddie/Taker and Matt/Konnan at Vengeance, too. On tap for tonight: Edge v. Bull Buchanan; Matt/someone v. Konnan/someone.

JAKE AND ELWOOD SKIPPED THEIR BEER TAB SO THEY COULD PAY OFF THE FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS WE SPENT ON THIS PYRO as we're live from that same old place... Sweet Home Chicago! Note to readers: find the movie "Blues Brothers" from 1980. Trust me. Anyway, sign in the crowd: "(pic of Zombie Torrie) > (pic of Stephanie)". Ouch.

Cole: "The Second City hosts the First-Rate action of the WWE, as we are just 10 days away from our network return with the Great American Bash! Welcome to SmackDown! I'm Michael Cole alongside James E. Cornette, and Corny, I'm ready for tonight's big match, as we will have a bit of a preview of sorts for the Lethal Lottery on ABC!"

Cornette: "That's right, Michael Cole, and this is a bit of a bizarre match here, cuz nobody knows who's teaming! Matt Hardy could be with Road Dogg or Killings, and Konnan -- well, what if he drew Big Bubba? We got a chance at 3-on-1!"

Cole: "Roddy Piper has stated the draw has already occurred, and nobody will wrestle twice tonight, so right there could be some important clues. But let's not forget the other big match. Edge makes his return after suffering a concussion at the hands of the RTC's enforcer, Bull Buchanan."

Cornette: "Bull Buchanan has proven he is no fluke, and obviously he's gotten a lot better. He beat Hurricane at Judgment Day, Michael Cole, and he did very well against Eddie Guerrero last week. Now, he gets the man he hurt back in early May."

Intros for the first match begin as Ron Killings comes out to defend his title.

Cole: "Well, Jim, I hate to do this to you, but I've drawn the assignment for the first match, which means that I'm going to be off commentary for the time being."

Cornette: "Hey, don't worry about me, Michael Cole, I can handle it on my own."

Cole: "Actually, um..."

Cornette: "What?"

His challenger, Ultimo Dragon, emerges with Paul Heyman.

Cornette: "Oh, no... Cole, why do you do this to me?"

Cole: "Hey, I don't control who I referee for! Besides, it's just one match!"

Cornette: "Dammit, Michael, where do you... dammit. Well, folks, I suppose I should say it's my pleasure -- even though it isn't -- to welcome the manager of Ultimo Dragon here to guest commentary. Paul Heyman, I guess you're cocky about your guy's chances here."

Heyman: "Well, I don't wanna say we're overconfident, Jimmy, but..."

Cornette: "Hey! You know I don't like to be called that!"

Heyman: "Whatever. I will say, though, that Ultimo Dragon is one of the most phenomenal wrestlers I have ever met, and it would be a surprise if he didn't win the Cruiserweight title."

Cornette: "Well, then, prepare for the surprise of a life time, Paul E., unless you're gonna pull that damn cell phone out."

Heyman: "Only if you have a banana."

WWE Cruiserweight Title: Ron Killings (champion) vs. Ultimo Dragon (challenger)

They lock up, and Killings grabs a headlock. Ultimo tries a backdrop, but Killings lands on his feet. He spins Ultimo around and tries a Diamond Cutter, but Ultimo shoves him off and tries a roundhouse on the rebound, but Killings catches the boot, sweeps the leg, and falls on top. Ultimo won't even give him a one before shoving him off and getting his own headlock, but Killings stands up and shoves Ultimo into a turnbuckle, cradling on the rebound.

Ultimo rolls through the cradle and gets a front chancery, and as they both stand up, Killings punches Ultimo and breaks before getting an STO of sorts. Killings tries an armbar, but Ultimo kips up and the two stare down. Another lockup, and Killings pushes Ultimo into the corner. A clean break follows, but Ultimo tries a double-leg takedown. Killings vaults over him and lands on his back, back-first. Killings spins over to a double armbar, but Ultimo beals Killings over his head and switches to a dragon sleeper.

Killings bridges up and walks the turnbuckle, pushing off and reversing to a pinning predicament for two before the break. Ultimo gets a waistlock on Killings, who does a standing switch, but Ultimo slides to the ropes, guillotining Killings on the top strand. Ultimo gets on the apron and stuffs his shoulder into Killings, then flips over and gets a sunset flip for two. Ultimo grabs Killings' leg and tries to hyperextend the hip, but Killings kicks Ultimo in the back of the other leg to trip him down. Killings tries an STF, but Ultimo is ready and fights the hold as the two make the ropes. Both men are up as Jamie Noble and Nidia march to ringside.

Killings ducks under a lockup and tries a reverse neckbreaker, but he loses his grip on the mask. Ultimo turns and fires a kick into Killings' head, dazing him as Ultimo covers for two. Ultimo waits for Killings to get up, looking over his shoulder, but Killings is ready and belly-flops as Ultimo flies over him on the Asai DDT try. Killings rolls him over and covers for two. Killings tries to pick Ultimo up, but Ultimo slaps his hands away. The two try to box it out, but Ultimo ducks a Killings right cross and lands a thrust kick, dimming Killings' lights.

Ultimo covers for two. Ultimo waits for Killings to get up, but it's right by the ropes and, as Nidia distracts Cole, Noble drops Ultimo throat-first on the top rope. Ultimo thrashes about as an oblivious Killings covers for two. Killings sees Noble gloating and looks at Ultimo's throat. Figuring out the obvious, he runs the ropes and dives through them onto Noble. As Killings punches away on Noble, Ultimo gets on the apron and Asais onto both of them. Back in the ring, Ultimo gets a palm strike on Killings, but his attempt at an overhead chop is caught, and Killings gets a judo throw on Ultimo, whose feet hit Cole on the way over.

Killings checks on Cole as Ultimo yells at Noble to leave. Noble gets on the apron as the two argue some more, and Killings comes up from behind. Noble punches Ultimo in the face, and the recoil causes Ultimo and Killings to bang heads. Killings falls flat, and Ultimo falls on top as Cole recovers. Both men are seeing stars, and neither moves as Cole counts Ultimo on top of Killings for the three at 13:09.

WINNER and NEW WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Ultimo Dragon

Heyman: "Yes! We did it! All right!"

Cornette: "Did what? You were just handed the title! You shouldn't be champion!"

Heyman: "Hey -- Jamie Noble tried to screw us, and we won anyway! I'll take it! Don't tell me you never won that way!"

Cornette: "I won on my own!"

Heyman: "If you mean by swinging a racket, yeah!"

Cornette: "I didn't rely on outside interference!"

Heyman: "How can you say that and not have your nose grow?"

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Ultimo slowly gets up as he is handed the belt. He bows to Cole and puts the belt around his waist before Noble attacks him. Killings recovers soon, though, and the two send Noble flying out of the ring. He and Nidia head to the back as Killings and Ultimo face off. Killings bows to Ultimo, who returns it, and the two shake hands. Cole returns to ringside.

Cornette: "Why don't you go congratulate your man on being a lucky dog?"

Heyman: "Hey, at least I have a man!"

Cornette: "You're right -- I have a woman instead!"

Heyman: "What the hell does that mean?"

Cole: "Hey, guys, guys! Did you even notice the match?"

Heyman: "You got your call, I did my job! Now I guess you're stuck with him for the rest of the day. Good luck, Mike -- you'll need it."

Cole: "Geez, what did you say to him?"

Cornette: "Why do you assume it's MY fault?"

Cole: "Oh dear... folks, uh... when we come back, Kurt Angle and his crew will be out to talk about Vengeance! Who's going to challenge for the tag team titles? Don't go away!"

***COMMERCIAL***

And now, the Slam of the Night, brought to you by PowerAde! From last week, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar run through five guys after a tag title match.

"Medal" hits over the PA as Kurt, Brock, Charlie, Shelton, and Eric all emerge. Brock leads the way, leaping onto the apron and setting off his pyro as Kurt hangs back, pointing upward and setting his off. They time it so that on the third blast from Kurt's pyro, Brock's goes off. All five men enter the ring.

Brock jogs in place in the center, Haas and Benjamin climb opposite corners, and Kurt and Eric do stereo twirls -- although Eric is stuck behind Brock from the POV of the camera. Kurt takes a microphone and stands in the front, as (l-r) Brock, Haas, Shelton, and Eric look on. As a reminder to those of you not familiar with my shortand, this --> * <-- means the crowd is interjecting with "WHAT" to throw off whoever's speaking.

Kurt: "Last week, * in front of your typical, * stupid * inner-city slum crowd, * you saw four guys do battle * for the WWE Tag Team titles. * Now, they were okay, * but they didn't have Intensity, * or Integrity, * and they damn sure didn't have Intelligence. * And neither do any of you if that's all you can say. * See? * Forget it. * Anyway, * after the match, * we showed them what real people do to show Intensity. * And tonight, * those foolish little champions * have told us to pick two guys * and see how well we do. * Well, you asked for it. * At Vengeance, * July 11th, * Your Olympic Hero will step into the ring. * Now, * I realize I need a partner. * And while I have two of the greatest tag team specialists available, * I want this to be special. * So I'm picking a very special person in my life * and asking him * to join me. * That person is someone I respect, * admire, * and most of all * consider my equal. * That man..."

Eric begins to step forward.

Kurt: "...is Brock Lesnar."

Eric stops mid-step and shuffles to the back, behind Haas and Shelton. Brock Lesnar cheers like he's won the lottery before taking the mic from Kurt and shaking his hand. He addresses the audience, but his words aren't to them.

Brock: "Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio. Billy Kidman... and Rey Misterio. Two pathetic lightweights. Two guys who've made a living being giant killers. This is the challenge we face. Well, Billy, Rey... your time is almost up. Maybe you don't remember well, but I do. It was this February in San Francisco at No Way Out. Billy -- what a boy's name that is -- I destroyed you. I humiliated you. I treated you like a ragdoll and then I took your title. At Vengeance, the title has changed, and the names have changed, but the result will be the same. You'll be tossed around the ring, fighting like a boy among men, while I stand and watch you suffer. At Vengeance, your little show ends, and I'll leave you just like your wife -- DEAD."

Brock and Kurt stand side by side as Kurt takes the mic.

Kurt: "Just like my esteemed colleague said, * the countdown is on. * Kidman, * Rey, * on July 11th, * you will see * that we are the best team ever assembled. * It doesn't matter * whether you spin out * or tap out; * the belts * are ours for the taking."

"Medal" hits again as Kurt and Brock stand tall for the photos. Haas and Shelton frame them on either side, while Eric remains in the background, quietly leaving the ring, seemingly lost in thought. The others pass him by as they head to the back, Cole and Cornette obliviously talking about the match just made (you really need me to type this out? I'm on a word limit, ya know!). Eric finally gets a smile on his face and rushes to the back. The announcers let us know it's gonna be Nathan Jones in action when we come back, as they apparently didn't notice Eric either. But I did. So there.

***COMMERCIAL***

We go straight to the intros, baby, as the announcers talk.

Cole: "Welcome back, folks, to Chicago's beautiful United Center, as Jim Cornette and I provide you with all the action, although I doubt we'll see much in this next match, Corny."

Cornette: "This isn't gonna be like the Cruiserweight match, Michael, but that doesn't mean we won't see action. What you're about to see is an exercise in attrition. You have a guy here who doesn't believe in wrestling, doesn't believe in high flying -- he just wants to beat the crap outta ya, and that's what he does best."

Cole: "And you gotta wonder what's going through his head lately -- we were talking about how Shannon Ward might have been a calming influence, but after last week -- I don't know anymore. It's made him focused on brutality, though, I can't deny that."

Nathan Jones vs. Road Dogg

Dogg slides under Jones's left hand and kicks Jones in the back, but Jones turns around. Dogg runs the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Jones slugs him down with a single right hand. Jones grabs Dogg's hair and pulls him back up, then sends him into the ropes and lets him run into Jones's boot. Jones covers for two. Jones picks Dogg up, but Dogg socks him repeatedly in the breadbasket until Jones lets go. Dogg then punches Jones repeatedly, but the Jump Jive and Wail punch is cut off by a Jones right hand as Dogg takes too long.

Jones picks Dogg up and throws him out over the top rope, and on the outside, Ward gives Dogg mouth-to-mouth. Dogg plants a more blatant kiss on Ward, but Jones sees this, and when Dogg returns, Jones backs him into the corner and starts punching away left and right. The ref tells Jones to back off, but Jones ignores him and continues slugging away. Dogg is seated in the corner, so Jones takes a few steps back, charges, and slams his knee straight into Dogg's face. Jones drags Dogg to the center of the ring and picks him up. He bounces off the ropes and Punts Dogg in the face.

He puts one foot on Dogg to cover, but removes it at two. He picks Dogg up and props him in the corner as the referee pleads with Jones to stop, but Jones unloads with right hands on Dogg. Finally, as Jones steps back so that the referee can check Dogg, Rob Van Dam enters the ring. The crowd noise gets the ref's attention as RVD bowls over Jones with a crossbody at 6:01.

WINNER by DQ: Nathan Jones

Cornette: "What the hell is he doing here?"

Cole: "Rob Van Dam has come out of nowhere! Is this for last week, you think?"

Cornette: "If it is, he should save it! Nathan Jones was in the middle of a match!"

Cole: "He didn't care about the match! He just wanted to injure Road Dogg! And now RVD has come to his rescue and sent him from the riOH MY GOD!"

That would be RVD diving over the top onto Nathan as the two brawl to the back.

Cornette: "This is unconscionable behavior here! Roddy Piper should fine and suspend Rob Van Dam for his actions here and now. I cannot believe anyone would let their personal behavior get in the way of another man's match! What kind of statement is that making?"

Cole: "Jim, you did it all the time."

Cornette: "...SO? Doesn't mean I was right!"

Cole (audibly sighing): "Folks, let's take you backstage where Kevin Kelly is standing by with the Undertaker."

And there he is.

Kelly: "Undertaker, at Vengeance, you will be facing off against Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Heavyweight Title. You've met him before, and in the past he's gotten the better of you. Do you feel you've learned from those matches?"

Taker: "Eddie Guerrero... you've been a fortunate man so far... you have faced great men, and have beaten them... but at Vengeance... you will not know what you face..."

Kelly: "But Eddie's beaten you before. We all know how it went last year."

Torrie (speaking not as herself, but in an overblown stage whisper while elongating her words, trying to sound like a voice from beyond): "Heeeee haaaaaaaaaas beatennnnnnnn what heeeeeeeee waaaaaaaaaaaaaassss..."

Taker: "Eddie... you have not faced what I am... You have never seen... what I am capable... of doing... I will take everything... you believe in... and everything... you have worked for..."

Kelly: "The title?"

Torrie: "Hiiiiiiiis cooooooonsciencccccccccce... hiiiiiiiiis exiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssstencccccccccce..."

Taker: "After Vengeance... after we meet... I will destroy any vestige of your humanity... I am your worst nightmare... I am the reaper of souls... I will make you... Rest... In... Peace..."

An offstage gong is heard as Taker rolls his eyes back. Fade to black.

***COMMERCIAL***

We come back with a Great American Bash ad. June 27. ABC. Love it. And now we have some intros for the next match.

Cole: "Well, Jim, it's only 10 days now from the Great American Bash on ABC, and I've been talking to a lot of the guys, and they can't wait for the return of the WWE to the big networks."

Cornette: "It's been over 10 years since Saturday Night's Main Event last aired, and you know all these guys are pumped to be in front of the largest free TV audience they'd have had in ages."

Cole: "And a lot of people are going to be giving peak performances for the occasion, but you gotta wonder -- who's gonna be able to get along in this? Nobody involved necessarily knows or likes anyone else!"

Cornette: "Well, that's part of the excitement. I went through this a few times back in the day, and I would tell my guys that the only thing they could do was try to win their match. If they got through their match, it didn't matter who the partner was, cuz they'd won."

Cole: "Speaking of winning, this team here came within inches of winning the tag titles several times last week, and now they're trying to climb back up the ladder again."

Cornette: "It's usually very hard to bounce back from the loss in the big match, and it wouldn't really surprise me if their opponents here, those veterans the APA, handed them a loss due to the sheer letdown factor. It's gonna be interesting to see if Jose and Joel bounce back."

Los Maximos vs. A.P.A.

The Maximos springboard in with rana attempts, but Bradshaw gets a powerbomb on Joel as Jose turns his over. Jose pops up and dropkicks Bradshaw, then pounds away on Faarooq. Bradshaw yanks Jose off and tosses him to the floor as Joel gets up and leaps at Bradshaw. Bradshaw, however, catches him and scores the Last Call fallaway slam. He makes the drinking motion as Faarooq leaves, but Jose makes a return with an enzuigiri to the seated Bradshaw.

The Maximos send Bradshaw into the ropes and score twin dropkicks on the way out. Jose leaves as Joel heads to the top and missile dropkicks Bradshaw in the back of the head. Joel goes back to the second rope and flips off with a foot stomp on Bradshaw. He covers for two. Joel trips Bradshaw and tags in Jose, who comes in off the top and nails a roundhouse kick to Bradshaw. Jose mounts Bradshaw and strikes away before standing up and hitting a standing moonsault.

He covers for two. Joel tags in, and the Maximos get a spinkick and legsweep combo on Bradshaw. Joel goes to the top rope and hits a 450 splash on Bradshaw. He covers for two. Jose tags in and hits a moonsault on Bradshaw from the bottom rope, Joel from the middle, Jose from the top. It gets two. Jose whips Bradshaw into the turnbuckles, but his attempt at a Stinger Splash-type attack misses. Bradshaw bounces off the ropes and delivers the Clothesline from Hell for the double KO.

Bradshaw is inches away from the tag when Joel runs in and baseball slides Bradshaw in the ribs. As Joel is taken back, Jose heads to the apron and springboards in with a kneedrop to Bradshaw's throat. Jose covers, but Faarooq saves at two. The ref returns Faarooq to his corner as Joel enters, and the two set Bradshaw in the Tree of Woe. Joel stays in and gets a running start, nailing Bradshaw with a baseball slide to the face. Jose tags in, and he does the same thing.

Jose untangles Bradshaw and climbs the top rope as Bradshaw staggers to his feet (sporting a black eye). Jose dives, but Bradshaw wallops him in mid-air with a clothesline. Jose crawls to his corner and brings in Joel as Bradshaw finally makes it to tag in Faarooq. Faarooq shoulderblocks Joel down, then picks him up, sends him into the ropes, and hits his spinebuster. Jose runs in, but Faarooq powerslams him. Joel pops back up and tries a kick, but Faarooq catches it. Joel responds with an enzuigiri, sending Faarooq to the canvas.

Joel covers, but Bradshaw dives in to save at two. All four men are in the ring, and the Maximos pair off, chopping the APA (Joel/Faarooq, Jose/Bradshaw). The Maximos try to whip the APA together, but neither will budge. Both men try racing to each other's corners, but they're met with stereo tackles. Faarooq tosses Jose, and Bradshaw lifts Joel up for a powerbomb as Faarooq adds emphasis on the way down. Faarooq covers as Bradshaw boots away Jose, and the ref gets the three-count for the APA at 12:38.

WINNERS: A.P.A.

Cole: "See what I mean, Jim? The APA took advantage of a frustrated Maximo team, and they come out victorious in this match!"

Cornette: "Well, they won the match, but I gotta feel that Jose and Joel aren't gonna take this loss-- hey!"

The Maximos have returned to the ring, nailing front-and-back spinkicks on Bradshaw to floor him. They trip a charging Faarooq into a prone Bradshaw, then pick Bradshaw up and set him on the top rope. They both follow, and Bradshaw is hit with the Spanish Fly onto Faarooq. The Maximos music plays.

Cornette: "See? These guys wanna remain stars! This is how you do that -- you don't just walk to the back!"

Cole: "Certainly the APA are gonna remember them. Folks, coming up, we have a good old-fashioned grudge match. Edge and Bull Buchanan! Can Edge avenge the powerbomb at the hands of the RTC's enforcer? Find out!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Hey, you! Doncha wanna know our TV schedule? No? Oh, okay. In that case, let's just continue with the show. Oh, you were KIDDING. Okay then. Miami on 6/21, Orlando on 6/22, Norfolk for the Great American Bash on 6/27, Richmond on 6/28, Fayetteville on 6/29, and Winnipeg on 7/5. Happy? Okay, now back to the show.

Cole: "Welcome back, folks, and while we were at commercial, our cameras were rolling backstage, and we caught this footage that might shake up Vengeance."

Brock Lesnar is headed to the exits, done for the night presumably.  However, Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio cut him off and block the way.

Brock: "Hey, kids, what's up?  You want an autograph?"

Kidman: "Ha, ha, ha, Brock.  We'll see what you think of us on the 11th."

Brock: "Oh, I already know what I'll think of you then... roadkill."

Kidman: "You sure do talk big."

Brock leans in on the door, completely surrounding Kidman.  Rey slinks off, as Kidman looks around, seeing he's trapped.

Brock: "I am big, Billy.  Look at you.  That title of yours doesn't even look right.  You're nothing more than a con artist, a fluke, a freak who's been playing with the big boys and found ways to win.  Well, that stops now, Billy the Kid.  You see, on July 11th, I'm going to show the world that you're just a boy.  You'll go crying home to mommy about the big bad bully who stole your title.  And I'll just stand by and laugh, cuz there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

At this point, Rey returns to the picture, slamming a chair across Brock's back.  Kidman escapes, and as Rey holds the chair up, Kidman delivers a Van Daminator to Brock, sending him through the doors and slamming his head against the sidewalk.  Kidman and Rey stop, then look at Brock.  Rey rushes off, yelling for a doctor, as blood appears from behind Brock's head.

Kidman: "Stay there, Brock -- I may not like you, but we're gonna get you help.  GUYS!  OVER HERE!"

Intros begin as the announcers discuss.

Cole: "Man, talk about bad luck for Brock there. Just as he was about to work his way up to the tag team titles, he takes one bad fall and he's out like a light."

Cornette: "Well, don't assume too much here, Michael Cole. After all, Brock Lesnar is a tough son of a gun, and it wouldn't surprise me if he came back from this."

Cole: "Well, comebacks come in all forms, Corny, and right now we're about to witness another one. It's Edge making his grand return to the ring as he squares off, one-on-one, with the RTC's Bull Buchanan, who you remember took him out a while ago."

Cornette: "Edge is a man who's been injured a lot, Cole, and it'll be interesting to see if he can recover from this one with a big W!"

Bull Buchanan (w/the rest of the RTC) vs. Edge

Edge fires off forearms at Bull, throwing him into the corner and nailing a clothesline. Edge suplexes Bull, picks him up, and sends him into the ropes, spearing him and punching away at his head. Edge picks Bull up and bangs his head against the turnbuckle ten times, with the crowd counting along. He grabs Bull for the Edgecution, but Bull stops it with a low blow.

Bull shakes his head to clear the cobwebs before tossing Edge into the ropes and hitting a tilt-a-whirl slam on the way out. Bull covers for two. Bull picks Edge up and backs him into the ropes, sending him for the ride. Bull tries a boot, but Edge ducks, and on the return, Edge hits a flying forearm on Bull. Bull rolls to the outside, but when Edge follows, Bull jumps him and pounds his back. Bull tosses Edge into the ringpost, then rolls him back in.

Bull waits for Edge to stand and bounds up to the top rope, diving off with the lariat to flip Edge over. He covers for two. Bull picks Edge up and sends him back out of the ring, distracting the ref so that Henry can squash his back against the apron. Edge is rolled back in, and Bull waits for Edge to stand up. He clothesline Edge back out of the ring. The referee warns him to keep it inside, but that allows Morley to deliver a fisherman's suplex on the floor. Edge is rolled back in again, and this time Bull covers for two.

Bull picks Edge up and gives him a back suplex. He covers, but it's still only two. Bull tosses Edge into a corner and delivers a series of shoulder thrusts to Edge's midsection. He picks Edge up out of the corner and sends him into the opposite corner. Edge staggers out into a Bull powerslam. Bull covers for two. Bull goes to the body-vice as the show goes to an ad break.

***COMMERCIAL***

Edge is fading fast in the body-vice. The referee lifts his arm once, but it falls. A second time, it falls again. He tries a third time, and this time Edge keeps the arm up and swings his knee into Bull's face, causing him to drop the hold. Edge pulls Bull by the tie into a lariat. Edge climbs to the top rope, but Steven grabs his foot. Edge turns around and dives, spearing Steven.

He pounds away, but as Bull pulls on the ref to get up, Morley and Henry stomp on Edge. Morley holds Edge down as Henry splashes him. They throw Edge back in, and Bull smiles as he goes to the top. He dives off with the legdrop, but Edge rolls away. Bull is slow to get up, and Edge catches him from behind with the Edge-O-Matic. He hooks the leg, but it's still only two.

Edge slowly gets up and stands behind Bull. He hooks a German suplex, with bridge, but Bull gets out at two. Edge reverses Bull's whip into the ropes, and after Edge ducks a clothesline, the two men nail each other. As both men struggle to their feet, Steven throws a chair into the ring. The referee catches it and admonishes Steven, but that allows Henry to give Bull a second chair, and Bull cracks it over Edge's skull. He disposes of the chair, covers, and the referee turns around in time to count three at 13:29.

WINNER: Bull Buchanan

Cole: "What a cheap way to win for Bull Buchanan. The match was hardly settled at this point, and he feels the need to... what a hypocrite!"

Cornette: "Michael Cole, it's all about winning, and that's what Bull did right there!"

Cole: "This has gone beyond winning. These guys are out to make a point. They tried to end Edge's career already, and now -- oh, God, not again!"

Bull has Edge positioned for a powerbomb on the chair. But Edge is saved by the words that blare over the PA...

Piper: "You go through with that and I'll fire the whole lot of ya!"

Bull stops. Steven screams at Bull to finish him off, but to no avail. Steven looks to the stage, where Piper is standing in a Hot Rod! shirt and jeans.

Piper: "Yeah, good thinkin', Buchanan. Now that's usin' the ol' noggin. I gotta say, I can't fault ya fer winnin' the match. Heck, ol' RP has been known to crack a few heads with chairs back in his day. But I gotta say, I didn't like your little goon tactics on the outside. Ya wanna impress me, bub? Impress me one-on-one, not in a crowd like this. So, I got me an idea, but first I wanted to say somethin' that everyone would like to hear.

Ya see, in 10 days, at the Great American Bash, we got 40 guys competing in a bunch of crazy tag matches. Ya might wonder what's the point of all this? Why should I get along with someone I don't like? Well, it's simple, boys. Uncle Roddy's gonna provide a little incentive here. Ya see, after the tag matches, I'm takin' all the winners, and I'm throwin' 'em in a battle royal to close the show. But it won't be any ol' battle royal, nah... cuz after what B<bleep>ff did on RAW, I gotta up the ante. So the winner of the Great American Bash is gonna get priority seating -- he will be guaranteed a match with the WWE Title on the line in Toronto at the big Pay-Per-View of SummerSlam!

That's right. Eddie, if ya win the Bash, you're guaranteed a rematch should ya lose the belt. Taker, same fer you. Same fer everyone who's gonna be on the show. But as fer you, Bull... I got a special thing for you. You wanna fight dirty? I like it. Ya wanna use yer buddies? I hate it. So I'm makin' this match fer ya. Vengeance, July 11th, it'll be Edge and Bull Buchanan in a street fight... with everybody else and their brother-in-law banned from ringside under penalty of being suspended through SummerSlam! So if ya don't wanna miss the big show of the year, I suggest ya let these two kill each other like civilized people. Well, that's all I gotta say, so be on yer business..."

Bull and Steven smile as Bull grabs Edge...

Piper: "But you're still fired if ya powerbomb him!"

Bull lets go and walks off as Steven throws a fit and Piper's music plays.

Cole: "What an announcement this is! SummerSlam's main event could be decided at the Great American Bash! You wanna tune in to ABC now!"

***COMMERCIAL***

When we return, "Medal" picks up. Eric Angle storms the ring and grabs the microphone from Tony Chimel.

Eric: "Kurt! You passed me over for the Tag Title shot, but now it looks like you're in a bind. So let me show you what I'm capable of. I'm gonna show you I'm better than you are. I'll show you I can beat the man you couldn't beat! Eddie Guerrero, I want you right here and now!"

Cole: "Whoa!"

Cornette: "Is he nuts?"

Cole: "I don't know, but if he can hang with the WWE Champion, this would be a huge statement!"

Cornette: "Forget statement! This could be a huge upset!"

VIVA GUERRERO plays. Eddie heads to the ring, WWE Title on his shoulder, sneering at Eric. He rolls into the ring and gives the title to the referee. He looks at Eric, confident in his abilities, as the referee calls for the bell.

WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero (champion) vs. Eric Angle (challenger)

They lock up, and Eric backs Eddie into the corner. He offers a clean break, and it is accepted. Eddie locks up with Eric again, getting a wristlock. Eric grabs Eddie's jaw and tries to toss him over, but Eddie slips out and sends Eric into the ropes, getting a drop toehold and an armbar. Eric stands up and pulls his arm free, tackling Eddie down and shooting a half-nelson to a pinning predicament for one.

Eric punches away at Eddie, but Eddie chops Eric across the chest. Eric falls into the corner, and Eddie gets a monkey flip as Eric falls in the center of the ring. Eddie climbs quickly to the top rope, but Eric gets up and charges the turnbuckle, scoring a pop-up superplex. He covers for two. Eric tosses Eddie into the ropes and hits a belly-to-belly suplex on the way out. He comes off the ropes with a kneedrop and covers for two.

Eric picks Eddie up and tries a vertical suplex, but Eddie blocks. Eddie gets a vertical suplex of his own. He rolls through it and picks Eric up in a second vertical suplex. He rolls through again, trying a third vertical suplex, but Eric cradles him for two. Both men get up, and Eric charges for a clothesline, but Eddie gets a jumping arm-breaker to counter.

Eddie wraps the arm around his leg, but turns it into La Majistral for two. Eric gets up and catches a charging Eddie in a powerslam. He keeps the cover for two. Eric pulls his own straps down and stands behind Eddie. Eddie backs into Eric, who goes for the Angle Slam, but Eddie gets out of it as Eric shakes his arm. Eddie grabs the arm and plants Eric in the Reverse Crossface. Eric almost immediately yells in pain and taps out at 6:49.

WINNER and STILL WWE Heavyweight Champion: Eddie Guerrero

Cole: "Well, it was a valiant effort by Eric Angle, but in the end, too much Eddie spelled his downfall."

Cornette: "Really a shame, Michael Cole, because he looked to show flashes of brilliance and they never really happened."

Cole: "Ya gotta wonder if he did enough -- just enough -- to replace Brock Lesnar if need be at Ven--"

Cole is again cut off -- yes, this is a pattern -- by Kurt Angle, who storms the ring and Angle Slams Eddie for real. Charlie Haas is right behind him, and the two dump Eddie out of the ring. Kurt takes a mic and turns to Eric.

Kurt: "What were you thinking? Don't you know that any decisions about this team go through the captain -- me? You're supposed to tell me before you pull a stunt like that! And I'm so sorry you felt slighted earlier -- geez, maybe if you could win a few matches that wouldn't be such a problem!"

Kurt drops the mic and walks off. Haas looks at both Kurt and Eric, picks up the mic, and speaks to Eric.

Haas: "Man... I'm sorry. But ya know... you're the new guy. Your time will come. Just wait for it, man. Just wait for your time, and you'll get it. Now's not the time, though. Ya gotta be a team player. C'mon... let's go get some dinner."

No music plays as Haas tries to pick Eric up. Eric refuses help, instead slapping Haas's hand away. Haas looks on in confusion as Eric gets in his face. The camera can't pick anything up, but Haas listens as Eric goes nuts. Finally, Kurt returns to the ring. He pulls Eric back, and puts him in front of a camera, where we DO hear his words.

Kurt (thinking it's private): "Dammit, Eric, don't screw this up! I gave you your chance! I'm the reason you're here -- as a favor! You couldn't make it on your own, and I don't wanna look like an idiot for choosing you! So don't screw up! You got it?"

Eric reluctantly nods.

Kurt (again, in his own zone): "All right. Now let's go."

The three walk off. Haas and Kurt lead the way as Eric walks behind them, muttering to himself.

Cole: "Tensions are close to exploding! The mystery partner match is still to come! Stay tuned for our main event -- it's gonna be hot!"

***COMMERCIAL***

"Ch-Check It Out" plays as Konnan emerges. He enters the ring and, after doing the spiel that I don't need to type up because we ALL know it by now (right?), awaits his partner. "Medal" strikes up as Konnan looks to the entranceway. Shelton Benjamin emerges, running to the ring in his velour tracksuit. He rolls into the ring and looks at Konnan. The two men share an uneasy sideways glance.

The Mattitude search engine loads up to 10, 30, 70, 100%. Matt Hardy emerges as we find out our Matt Facts: Matt likes surprises, and Matt is a team player. Matt enters the ring and offers his belt to Konnan, heard saying, "Touch it." As Konnan extends his hand, Matt pulls the belt away, saying, "That's enough." Matt's smirk turns to shock, however, when "STAND BACK" is heard and the Hurricane's music plays. Hurricane -- who doesn't seem much more thrilled -- walks slowly to the ring, staring at Matt the entire time. Both men look at each other. Matt says something, and the two go nose-to-nose, allowing a sneak attack.

Konnan and Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy Version 1 and Hurricane

Konnan pounds on Matt while Shelton suplexes Hurricane. Konnan sends Matt into the ropes, hitting the rolling lariat on the way out. Shelton gets a T-Bone suplex on Hurricane, while Konnan sends Matt out of the ring. Shelton whips Hurricane into the ropes, but puts his head down and gets nailed with a Shining Wizard as a result.

Hurricane climbs to the top rope, but Matt re-appears and grabs Shelton for a Twist of Fate just as Hurricane leaps for an Overcast, and the two collide. Konnan re-appears and tosses Matt out of the ring. He suplexes Hurricane, and Shelton comes off the top with a fistdrop. He covers for two. Shelton waits for Hurricane to get up, but in doing so, allows Konnan to slap him on the back, tagging himself in. Konnan clubs away on Hurricane, sending him into a neutral corner.

Konnan charges in with a lariat, but Hurricane ducks and Konnan hits the turnbuckle. Hurricane tries to tag Matt in, but Matt refuses. Hurricane stares in disbelief, and Konnan rolls Hurricane up for two. Konnan punches away at Hurricane, tossing him into the ropes and getting a backbreaker on the way out. Konnan tags Shelton in, and Shelton goes up top while Konnan holds Hurricane for a German suplex. Shelton tries a missile dropkick, but Hurricane dodges and Konnan gets it.

As Konnan and Shelton disagree, Hurricane slams their heads together. He walks over and forcibly tags Matt in. Matt begins nailing both Konnan and Shelton with right hands before sending Shelton out of the ring with a dropkick. He grabs Konnan and DDTs him. He covers, but Shelton's legal, and Shelton enters with an elbowdrop to break. Shelton gets a German suplex on Matt as Konnan leaves. Shelton heads to the top rope and tries the 450, but Matt gets his knees up.

Matt runs to the second turnbuckle by Hurricane and hollers, but Konnan races over and shoves him off, causing Matt to crash. Matt gets up and accuses Hurricane, trying to slap him, but Hurricane blocks with his hand and that counts as a tag. Shelton rolls Matt up to no effect, and Hurricane springboards in with a legdrop to Shelton. Hurricane picks Shelton up and delivers Eye of the Hurricane, but Konnan saves at two, drawing Matt in.

The legal and illegal men pair off, and Shelton tries to dump Hurricane, but Hurricane skins the cat back in. Shelton grabs Matt for a belly-to-belly, but Hurricane charges to lariat Shelton. Konnan sees this and tackles Shelton away, leaving Hurricane to nail Matt. Shelton yells at Konnan, who points out the result. Shelton quickly sends Hurricane out of the ring as Konnan picks Matt up. Shelton superkicks Matt, and Konnan converts to a German suplex with a bridge as the ref -- forgetting who's legal -- counts the three at 11:27.

WINNERS: Konnan and Shelton Benjamin

Cole: "A bizarre finish if ever there was one! Miscommunications all around, Corny, and if that happens at the Great American Bash, you lose your shot at SummerSlam!"

Cornette: "That's what happens when you have a new partner, and you're right -- these guys all need to get their act together if they want a shot at the big gold!"

Cole: "We're out of time right now! We hope you join us next week for another thrilling edition of SmackDown! For James E. Cornette, this is Michael Cole saying, be back next week!"

<<<FIN>>>

[Blehschmidt]

Now Dukes.......exploiting the heat between Matt and Helms is wrong!!!!

Good Show's all around..can't wait for the Bash.

[The Third Dukes]

Geez, Raist -- you don't think it would be a tad realistic to have a face and a heel not want to get along, especially after a brutally stiff fight a couple weeks back for the US title?

Okay, fine... I was being cheap. But then again, I'm not done with cheapitude.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for June 17 / 04, taped June 15.

- from Chicago, IL.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette, although Cole draws ref duty to open, so Paul Heyman fills in.

- Opening match, WWE Cruiserweight title: Ron Killings v. Ultimo Dragon. For those keeping score at home, it takes all of 30 seconds before the first banana reference. At this rate, we'll know WAY too much about Cornette's and Heyman's personal lives. Killings with a headlock to start, and they go into a countersequence ending with with Ultimo getting the headlock. Killings tries a cradle but can't hook it. He settles for an STO, but Ultimo kips up and the crowd politely applauds. I like how they're working Ultimo's style into the WWE style. Given how over Ultimo's gotten being a sports entertainer (with Heyman's help), it might work. Killings wins a lockup and gets a clean break. Ultimo dives for the legs, but Killings gets a standing senton on a diving Ultimo. He tries a bizarre submission hold, but Ultimo reverses it to a dragon sleeper. Killings uses the Bret/Austin counter for two. They fight over a German suplex, ending when Ultimo slides under the ropes, ramming Killings neck-first into the middle strand. Ultimo re-enters with a sunset flip for two. Ultimo tries a leghold of some sort, but Killings trips Ultimo. An STF (!) if blocked, and both men stand up as Jamie Noble and Nidia get a closer look. Killings tries a neckbreaker, but he can't get a good grip on the mask, and Ultimo gets a thrust kick for two. Ultimo tries the Asai DDT, but Killings has a new counter: duck down and watch Ultimo crash and burn on the mat. It gets two. The two get in a strike-fest, which Ultimo wins for two. Nidia distracts Cole (so he IS hetero...) and Noble drops Ultimo on the ropes. Killings gets two before realizing he had to have gotten help, and he nails Noble with a tope suicida. Ultimo gets the Asai moonsault on both men for the hell of it. Back in, a shotei connects, but Killings grabs the arm on a Steamboat chop and tosses Ultimo... into Cole. Whoops. Killings checks on Cole as Ultimo and Noble argue. Killings tries to sneak up on Ultimo as Cole revives, but Noble shoves Ultimo into Killings and the two clang heads. Ultimo falls on Killings for the pin and the title at 13:09. Hardly a definitive win, but if it sets up a three-way down the line, I won't mind. **1/2 Ultimo and Killings take out their frustration on Noble and bow to each other.

- Team Angle Deluxe emerges, as the five men co-ordinate their pyro in an incredibly cool bit. Kurt talks about how the tag titles are on people who don't deserve them, and says he will challenge at Vengeance for the straps. His partner will be someone near and dear to him, as Eric seems to take a step forward. But it's Brock, and Eric sulks off. Cute. Brock mentions No Way Out when he squashed Kidman for the US Title, and promises the same thing will happen at Vengeance. Long segment considering all it did was make a match at Vengeance, but it's Kurt Angle so I can live with it.

- Nathan Jones v. Road Dogg. The announcers call this an "exercise of attrition", and say it won't be the same type of action in the previous match. I see JR has taught Cole well in the art of the spin. Here's a fun game: every time someone does a move, take a drink. Jones no-sells a kick to the small of the back, and Dogg charges into a right hand. Big boot gets two. Hang on, Scott Hall, that didn't count. Dogg punches the breadbasket to break free, unloading with punches and dancing, but the funky punch is intercepted. Jones chucks Dogg out, and Ward tries CPR (aw, what the hell -- drink up, Scott), and Dogg replies with some mouth-to-mouth of his own. Jones ain't happy, and he lets Dogg feel it by boxing him down in the corner. Jones nails a running kneesmash and Punt on Dogg. No, Scott, the Punt doesn't count either. Corner KO seems to work, but before the ref can call it, RVD enters the ring for the DQ at 6:01. Who needs AlAnon when you have Nathan Jones? 3/4* RVD and Jones go to the back as the crowd cheers RVD on.

- Torrie Wilson and Undertaker have words for Eddie Guerrero. You beat who he was, but not who he IS. Torrie speaks in a loud whisper, stretching her words out. It's like Paul Bearer, but without the annoying falsetto. Taker is Eddie's worst nightmare. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments.

- I'd be remiss if I didn't point this out: Michael Cole, in pimping the Great American Bash, says it's the WWE's big return to "the major networks." Bet UPN was glad to hear THAT one. Cornette kinda covers for him by putting it in the context of SNME, which hasn't aired since 1992. Both men talk about the unpredictable nature of the Lethal Lottery, and how it'll force people to be team players.

- Los Maximos v. APA. Cole and Corny mention a possible letdown effect for the Maximos, which is a good way to make sure they don't look like jobbers after Bradshaw gets done with them. Jose ranas Faarooq, but Bradshaw catches Joel in a powerbomb. Jose dropkicks Bradshaw (so there) and pounds Faarooq, but Bradshaw sends Jose to the floor and gets the fallaway slam on Joel. He celebrates, allowing Jose to nail him with an enzuigiri. The Maximos hit a double dropkick on Bradshaw, and Joel earns a missile dropkick and ropeflip foot stomp (!!), drilling Bradshaw for two. Something tells me the Maximos are fighting fire with fire here. Jose with a roundhouse and standing moonsault for two. The Maximos hit a kicking version of Total Elimination, and Joel with a 450 for two. Moonsault combo gets two. Blind charge by Jose misses, and the Hades clothesline... leads to a double KO. Whew, I thought that would be it. Joel cuts off the tag with a baseball slide straight in the ribs, and Jose gets a springboard kneedrop for two. The Maximos put Bradshaw in the Tree of Woe, and each one in turn baseball slides him in the face. Bradshaw is developing a nice shiner from this. Jose dives at an untangled Bradshaw, who absolutely MURDERIZES him with a lariat, hot tag Faarooq. Shoulderblock and spinebuster to Joel, powerslam to Jose, but Joel nails an enzuigiri off a blocked kick to knock down Faarooq. Bradshaw makes the save, and it's BONZO GONZO as the Maximos DRILL some high-quality chops. They can't whip the APA together (well, duh, they're giving up 100 pounds), so they try blind charges on each other's men and get met with spears. Double-team powerbomb on Joel finishes for the APA at 12:38, as Bradshaw boots Jose away. WWE STRONG STYLE~! ***1/4 Seriously, that was the best APA match ever. These two teams have a serious groove, and their forgoing of the big/little dynamic for a power-striking contest fits nicely. Simmons and Layfield can still do a wild brawl, and the Maximos mixed up their usual spot-fest with a nice dose of pounding. Jose and Joel give Bradshaw a Spanish Fly post-match, just to piss them off. REMATCH!

- Backstage, Brock corners Kidman and tries to bully him, but Rey saves with a chair. Kidman gets a Van Daminator, and Brock "accidentally" falls through the door and bangs his head on the concrete. Bait, meet switch.

- Bull Buchanan v. Edge. The ending should be obvious, but the trick will be to make us forget the ending during the match. Here goes nothing. Edge goes to town early with a suplex and spear, then rams Bull's head into the buckle ten times. That shit never gets old. Edgecution, but Bull goes low and gets a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Big boot misses, and Edge scores a forearm. Bull suckers Edge outside and sends him to the STEEL post, and back in, the springboard lariat (with Jannetty sell) gets two. Back to the outside, where Mark Henry uses his fat to crunch Edge against the apron. Bull waits for Edge to get up and sends him back out again. Funny. Again the ref barks at Bull, and this time, Sean Morley gets a fisherman's suplex on Edge. It gets two for Bull. Back suplex gets two. Nice moveset, Barry. Shoulder thrusts in the corner lead to a buckle whip and powerslam for two. To the AD BREAK INDUCING BODY VICE OF DOOM and a commercial. We come back with Edge almost passing out, but not quite, as he knees Bull in the face to break. Edge scores a lariat using Bull's tie (different) and goes up top, but Steven Richards distracts him, so Edge dives onto Steven instead, which is totally stupid. Why is it stupid, you ask? Because it allows Bull to distract the ref as Henry splats Edge on the floor. Back in, but Bull's flying legdrop misses for a double KO. Edge-O-Matic gets two. German suplex gets two. Whip, reverse, double KO again. Steven tosses a chair into the ring in full view of the ref, so the ref puts it back. But this allows Henry to hand Bull a second chair, and it's LIGHTS OUT for Edge at 13:29. Now THAT'S some high-quality cheating. **1/2

- So Bull threatens to powerbomb Edge onto a chair as the announcers remind everyone a Bull powerbomb put Edge out of action, but Roddy Piper threatens to fire the RTC if that happens. Piper congratulates Bull on cheating to win. If only he'd done it on his own. But he'll get back to that. First, the Bash: after Eric "Bitchoff" began the festivities for SummerSlam, Piper had to reply, so the winners of the Lethal Lottery matches will enter a battle royal (as they did in WCW), and the winner of the battle royal gets a reserved seat for the WWE Title match at SummerSlam, even if it's Eddie or Taker or a minor leaguer or ANYONE. Not bad. Back to Bull: he likes Bull's ethics, but wants it to be one-on-one. So at Vengeance, it's Edge v. Bull, in a street fight, with "everyone and their brother-in-law" banned from ringside. This is actually an inside joke, because Sean Morley is Edge's brother-in-law. Anyway, Piper says he's done and goes to leave, so Bull decides it's okay to get back to the business of injuring Edge. Piper: "But you're still fired if ya powerbomb him!" Steven gives a great look to the camera here. Very rambling comments from Piper, but it's Piper, so you expect that. The GAB certainly has more meaning now, which is good. I'm sure ABC will approve.

- Eric Angle emerges alone and says he's tired of being the low man on the Team Angle totem pole. He's gonna prove his worth right now... by facing Eddie? The announcers talk about how this could be the biggest upset ever.

- WWE Heavyweight title: Eddie Guerrero v. Eric Angle. Eric gives a clean break to start, but the second time around, Eddie gets a wristlock. Eric tries to break, but Eddie is one step ahead of him and gets a drop toehold and armbar. Eric powers out and scores a half-nelson for one. Eric punches, so Eddie chops, and we ALL know that chopping beats punching. It's like rock-paper-scissors: paper (chopping) beats rock (punching). Don't ask what scissors is; you'd be stretching the analogy. Eddie with a monkey flip and he goes up top to finish early, but Eric gets the Pop-Up Superplex for two. Belly-to-belly and kneedrop gets two. The announcers note his offense is like Kurt's but more low impact, basically burying any hope he has. Although the crowd doesn't buy the near falls. Eddie blocks a suplex and gets the rolling verticals, but Eric cradles on the third one for two. Eddie counters a clothesline into a jumping arm-breaker. He works the arm, wrapping it around the leg, then spins through it into La Majistral for two. Powerslam by Eric gets two. Eddie slips out of the Angle Slam due to Eric's arm not being 100%, and the Reverse Crossface finishes at 6:49. All Eddie. *1/2 Kurt Angle bitches Eric out after the loss for going behind his back, and Charlie Haas tries to play peacemaker by telling Eric his time will come. But where's Shelton?

- Main event, Lethal Lottery rules: Konnan and someone v. Matt Hardy and someone. Ah, Konnan draws Shelton Benjamin. The two have an uneasy handshake as Cole mentions Judgment Day. Matt Facts: Matt likes surprises, and Matt is a team player. Matt does the "touch it -- that's enough" bit with Konnan in a nice little wink-wink moment, but Hurricane is his partner and Matt is pissed. Konnan/Shelton jump their opponents mid-argument. Rolling lariat by Konnan, and T-Bone by Shelton. Matt and Konnan bail, but Hurricane gets a Shining Wizard thing on Shelton. Matt tries a Twist of Fate as Hurricane leaps for a Buff Blockbuster, and the OMEGA guys collide. Konnan dumps Matt and suplexes Hurricane, and Shelton gets a fistdrop for two. Konnan tags himself in and goes CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN on Hurricane. Blind charge misses, but Matt won't tag in. Hurricane stares at him like an idiot, allowing Konnan to roll him up for two. Backbreaker by Konnan, and Shelton enters. The two screw up a double-team and discuss their miscommunication, so Hurricane rams them together and forces Matt into the ring. This is kinda-sorta the hot tag here, because Matt beats up both men and sends Shelton out with a dropkick. DDT on Konnan, but Shelton hits an elbowdrop. German suplex, but the 450 hits the knees. Matt tries for the yodelling legdrop, but Konnan races around the ring and shoves him off, framing Hurricane for it. Matt slaps Hurricane, and the ref must have counted that as a tag, because he won't count Matt down on a rollup. Hurricane with a springboard legdrop and Eye of the Hurricane on Shelton for two. It's BONZO GONZO as Hurricane skins the cat and tries to nail Shelton. Konnan knocks Shelton out of the way and Hurricane hits Matt instead. Fortunately, Shelton can put 2 and 2 together, so he sends Hurricane to the floor, and Konnan takes Haas's place in the Star-Spangled Blaster to Matt to win at 11:27. Stupidity of the teammates having disagreements aside, this was a pretty decent match. **1/2 Cole and Cornette hammer home the point -- you may need to work with an enemy at the Bash to get a shot at SummerSlam.

The Bottom Line:

The workrate is out in full force as we approach the Bash/Vengeance double-shot. Everyone's trying to impress on both sides for a shot at SummerSlam, and the real winners are the fans. Taker showed signs of heeldom in his promo, which is good because face/face never works. But with a lot of issues simmering just under the surface and four matches set for Vengeance, SummerSlam has a lot of different ways to go.

It all depends on the mind of Roddy Piper. *shudder*

*****

June 21, 2004

WWE.com

FINALLY - THE WWE - HAS COME BACK - TO THE HOME - OF THE ROCK! Sorry, had to do it -- it's going to be a wild night in South Florida as we hit Miami for another LIVE edition of RAW!

Scott Hall has been outstanding since his WWE return, but Christopher Nowinski won't forget the nWo. Now, he's made Hall mad by stealing his chains -- with a street value of 25 grand! Both the chains and the cash will be on the line this week as the two square off in a ladder match -- a match Hall made famous at WrestleManias past! Can the veteran Bad Guy take out the Smart Guy?

At Bad Blood, we witnessed history. But should we have? Christian would argue that the match was over and was unfairly restarted, so he is the uncrowned Intercontinental Champion. Tonight, we will see if he can make it official as he gets his rematch with Molly Holly! How will it play out one more time?

On RNN, Kane promised he would send Shawn Michaels to Hell. Shawn isn't back to full strength yet, but you know that's never stopped him before! Tonight, though he's still in a Dayton hospital for observation, the Heartbreak Kid will speak about the monster!

All this and more -- including a very special RNN -- this week on RAW! Tune in to the First Network for Men to catch all the action at 9/8 Central, LIVE on SpikeTV!

[The Third Dukes]

I tried typing this up three times and had my computer crash three times due to some *@#$&ing pop-up. So I'm sorry, but I've lost too much time as it is. Tomorrow, I'll be back with a full SmackDown! and the Great American Bash.

But first, a little question of my readers: is it worth my time to do full reports, or should I stick with just Virching? Seriously.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for June 21 / 04.

- Live from Miami, FL.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- Opening sports entertainment segment: RNN. Orton doesn't even get the chance to introduce the Rock, who comes out with his own fanfare to be the guest. Rock continues ignoring Orton as he talks about how great Molly's win was, but Orton calls it "pathetic". He then LAYS into the Rock verbally, declaring that Austin completely overstepped his boundaries at Bad Blood and rigged the match. Wrestling? Rigged? But wait, there's more: Rock said no copouts, and with ALL the media basically DEMANDING Molly win the title, there HAD to be a copout, and how better than to have a member of the Board of Governors overrule a referee and beat up a woman? For a moment, I was half expecting someone to say "again", but thankfully better taste prevails. And how do you think Christian feels, Orton sez, knowing that everyone expects him to lay down for a girl? These are all good questions -- work OR shoot -- but before we can get an answer, the Rock has some points to make. Christian took the copout; Austin was merely stopping it. But no matter, because now Christian doesn't have to worry about "needing" to lose. Que? Ah, Rock says, Molly's already won, so the pressure's off. Fair enough. Orton says it's not good enough, and starts planting the seeds of suspicion, claiming Rock will just be another Austin. Rock is outraged, and tells Orton he's said one word too many and his punishment is to job to HHH. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. Orton flips out, telling Rock to stop "moonlighting" and demanding he go back where he belongs to Hollywood. Rock acts like he'll just leave before giving the Rock Bottom to Orton. Bizarre segment, as Christian was almost becoming the babyface here.

- Backstage, Theodore Long fires up his clientele. Jazz has a chance to put Tracy in her place as part of a mixed tag, while for Nowinski, he can take the poison out. Nowinski responds with an equally fired-up and distinctly non-preppie promo that talks about how this will validate him and how he won't just be a character. Good stuff.

- Opening match: Sting v. Michael Shane. Shane tries a cheap shot in the corner, but Sting anticipates and dodges. Shane ducks out of a phantom Stinger Splash, leaving him open to a kneelift. Sting gets a suplex and neckbreaker for two. Shane bails to the outside, goading Sting to follow, but Sting stays and Shane rolls back in. Hm. Sting tries a headlock, but Shane clips from behind and dropkicks the knee. Legbar is fought out of, and Sting gets a flapjack and kneedrop for two. Shane goes low and tries to work the leg, but Sting kicks him off and clotheslines him for two. Stinger Splash, times two, and the Deathlock, but the nWo... er, Evolution runs in for the DQ at 4:54. Sting tried, but Shane was just having an off night. *1/2 Sting bails and escapes, and while Evolution chases, Tommy Dreamer CRACKS Orton over the head with a chair. Who did Orton piss off? First the Rock bitches him, then Dreamer, and later HHH.

- Nick Mondo "Tell Me I'm Fake" ad. They play a clip of Mondo from a CZW outdoor show getting tossed off a building through a bunch of light tubes and about a dozen tables, which has to be the scariest thing I've EVER seen.

- Ladder match: Christopher Nowinski v. Scott Hall. Nowinski and Long sidestep the ladder, while Hall walks right under it in a cute reference to 1994. Hall works a headlock, dazing Nowinski, but Nowinski scores a back suplex and heads to the aisle. Hall grabs him by the hair and tosses him into the guardrail, adding a few shots to the nose. Nowinski begs off and gets his facemask from Theodore Long, headbutting Hall with it. Back in the ring, Nowinski goes up top but gets slammed. Hall gets a pair of corner clotheslines and a Russian legsweep, then heads for the ladder before Long cuts him off with a cane to the back. No DQ, but Long is told to hit the showers as Nowinski gets a double axhandle off the apron. Nowinski grabs the ladder and jams Hall in the gut before using the laws of physics to drive it into Hall's balls, with a chair as the fulcrum. Ouch. Nowinski heads to the ring and sets the ladder up, but Hall lifts his facemask and rams Nowinski headfirst into the ladder. Bulldog off the ladder onto Nowinski, and Hall climbs, but Nowinski shoves the ladder over and guillotines Hall on the top rope. Nowinski starts to climb, but Hall yanks him down and catapults him into the ladder. Nowinski pulls himself up and jabs Hall with the ladder before getting the first unprotected head shot of the match. A splash off the ladder hits the mark, and Nowinski tries to climb, but Hall shoves the ladder down and Nowinski crotches himself on the ropes. Hall suplexes him onto the ladder as we take a break. We come back with both men climbing the ladder, and Nowinski leaps over the top and gets a MURDERDEATHKILL POWERBOMB (sunset flip bomb) on Hall. He must've worked with Al Snow over the weekend. Nowinski sets the ladder up against the ropes, but Hall reverses a whip into it, but Nowinski slams on the brakes (and points to his head), BUT Hall pancakes Nowinski into the ladder, sending both it and Nowinski over and out. On the outside, Nowinski gets mad and javelins the ladder, nearly decapitating Hall in the process. Eep. Back in, Nowinski seems to have a free ride, but he stops to kick Hall around some. This costs him, as Hall revives and Edges Nowinski off the ladder. And we lay around some more. Hall up first, but Nowinski catches him from behind in a German suplex. He climbs, but Hall tips the ladder over and Nowinski crashes onto it. Hall tries to get a fallaway slam on the ladder, but Nowinski grabs his hair and turns it into a neckbreaker on the ladder. Not as much of a stretch as you think -- once you have the hair, you just go with the throw and yank your opponent down with you. Hall is clearly on Dream Street as Nowinski sets the ladder up in the corner, but Hall reverses Nowinski into it. Hall tries a second Edge, but Nowinski backdrops him into the ladder. Nowinski pulls the ladder out of the wreckage and sets it up, but right at the top, Hall grabs his foot. Nowinski can't make the last lunge, so he leaps off the ladder and nails Hall with a flying kick to the head. Nowinski tries to ram Hall headfirst into the ladder, but Hall blocks. And climbs. And Nowinski's so busy bragging he almost misses it. Nowinski gets an electric chair on Hall, and now he... heads outside? Yup, there's Long's cane. He climbs to the top as Hall revives and climbs, and Nowinski dives, slamming the cane into Hall's throat as everyone falls over. Nowinski and Hall climb opposite sides, but Nowinski wins the race and slugs Hall off the ladder, winning the gold at 22:09. Ay, there's the rub. Some real slow stuff in the middle, and it seemed like the bookers said to themselves, "It's a ladder match, it's SUPPOSED to be epic". This is NOT Nowinski's normal style -- or, for that matter, Hall's anymore -- but they worked it out and the result is actually quite decent. Certainly should do a lot for Nowinski's career. **3/4

- Christian talks to Coachman and says a lot of what was said in the opening segment. Molly's had her day in the sun, but now it's back to the Women's division where she belongs. Christian will win back HIS title, and he'll do it ON HIS OWN. Oh, will he now? Rock arrives to tell Christian good luck. Christian: "As long as you stay away, I'll MAKE my own luck." Chynna gives Christian a good luck kiss, finally cementing their "relationship".

- Randy Orton v. Triple H. The crowd is still reeling from the ladder match, and HHH's entrance is met with severe apathy. Ouch. Better turn him heel again soon. Orton attacks before the bell as the crowd gets nachos. HHH fights him off with punches and USES THE KNEE~! on Orton, who bails as his Evolution teammates console him. HHH continues the onslaught as Orton is still selling the earlier braining and beating. Facecrusher gets two. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER gets two. Batista trips HHH on the outside as Orton slams his knee into HHH's back and we still don't care. Bear in mind, Orton can get a good match with Benoit, Jericho, or RVD -- but with this lug? Why bother? Orton with a Play of the Day for two. He clips HHH, hoping to keep him down, but HHH blocks the figure-four repeatedly. DDT by HHH gets two. Shane drops HHH's throat on the ropes, and Orton rolls him up for two. Orton goes to the chinlock, with feet on the ropes. HHH yanks him off and slugs him down, adding a neckbreaker for two. Batista enters the ring and gets KICK WHAM PEDIGREE for his trouble. Shane tries to come in off the top but is caught in KICK WHAM PEDIGREE as well, as the crowd seems ready for the inevitable... RKO for the pin at 7:03?!? Crowd lets out a huge "WTF?" mixed reaction as JR decries the match as a travesty. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. 1/2* Notice the difference in the two matches. Hall got into the ebb and flow of his match with Nowinski and had no problem putting Nowinski over in the match he "invented". HHH, meanwhile, needs to beat up all three guys and lose because the numbers overwhelm him after basically selling nothing all day. This, folks, is why politics sucks and why HHH needs to die a cruel death.

- Molly gets a rebuttal backstage, where she says that Christian had it all -- the belt, the interference, free reign to obliterate her -- and he couldn't do it. She will overcome, and she will remain the champ. NOTHING can stop her now, she says. Famous last words.

- Rhyno and Jazz v. Chris Jericho and Tracy. There's pretty much only one possible ending for this match. The men and women pair off, and Tracy gets a monkey flip and rana while Jericho gets a facejam on Rhyno and springboard dropkick on Jazz for good measure. Tracy nails Pie in the Sky on a returning Long as Jericho gets the Flashback on Rhyno for two. The heels corner Jericho, however, and pound him into pudding. Rhyno scores a powerslam for two. Jazz enters and tries an STF, but Jericho blocks, only to walk into a shoulderblock from Rhyno. Rhyno tags himself back in and gorilla presses Jericho into main-eventer-in-peril role. It gets two. To the outside, where Long uses the cane to haterize, and back in, Rhyno gets a backdrop for two. To the top, and a big splash gets two. Rhyno copies Jazz's double chickenwing for the hell of it, turning it into a slam of sorts for two. Rhyno slugs away and scores shoulder thrusts in the corner before getting a DDT for two. Jazz tags in and puts on a half-crab, and Rhyno knocks Tracy off the apron as Jericho tries to crawl over for the tag. Rhyno tags back in and clips Jericho before applying a leglock. Jericho makes the ropes. Rhyno whips Jericho into the corner, but Jericho stumbles before getting there. Rhyno laughs and brings in Jazz, who tries the Jazz Stinger, only to get suplexed in return. Both people crawl for the tag, and Tracy gets the hot tag... and runs straight into a GOAR GOAR GOAR to end it at 8:45. Well, that was abrupt. ** That's pretty much what the ending had to be in order to keep everyone strong -- Tracy loses nothing by jobbing to Rhyno -- plus it shows that a man is 10 times stronger than a woman on average and makes Molly a bigger underdog.

- Shawn Michaels is still in Dayton, and he responds to Kane's taunts. His heart still beats, and he still has his smile, says Shawn. Well, that's a relief. As long as he can walk, he will try to bring Kane around. Shawn goes into almost Christ-like metaphors talking about bringing Kane around to the power of good and all that. He says he will do ANYTHING to make it happen. Bizarre bit to say the least.

- Main event, Intercontinental Title: Molly Holly v. Christian. And doesn't it look weird seeing HER name first? Christian bullies Molly and messes her hair up, and Molly strikes away and scores the handspring elbow. Molly with a Rube Goldberg bulldog that Rey Rey used to do, and a twisting arm wrench on the ground, into an armbar. Christian bails to the outside, frustrated. Molly dives onto him and punches away, and back in, she gets two. Christian is dazed, and Molly lands a dropkick and rana on Christian for two. To the corner, and Molly slugs away with the ten-punch countalong and Shattered Dreams as the place goes ballistic. Christian tries to choke Molly, but she flings him off in a monkey flip as Christian bails outside again. He re-enters and attempts to kick Molly, but she catches it and dragon screws Christian into a figure-four. Chynna drags Christian to the ropes, but Molly is undeterred and backdrops Christian to the center of the ring. Flying bodypress gets two, and the Molly Go Round finishes the slaughter at 5:12. Now THIS is what people wanted to see on PPV, but I understand why you'd hold off on it. Christian was just run over, bell-to-bell, and while it wasn't pretty, you gotta know Christian will rebound from this. Molly, meanwhile, got what she needed -- a clean, decisive, absolute win over a male, and not just a male, but the male that was torturing her. * The women's locker room empties as Chynna gets into the ring to confront Molly. Everyone kicks Chynna's ass to a huge pop. Molly poses with the I-C title as Christian realizes what just happened... and throws a temper tantrum, circa 2002. He leaves, pissed off, as the women carry Molly around on their shoulders and we go off the air.

The Bottom Line:

Kind of a weird show here. They're teasing a sort of sympathy for Christian, then they wipe him out in one match. Nowinski and Hall stole the show early, overshadowing HHH's attempted power play, but the Molly Express may have claimed its first victim. The big question is: can Christian recover from not only losing, but losing in a complete squash? DDP tried to play it up as "he never knew what hit him", but I don't know if that'll fly anymore.

It certainly makes next week interesting.

*****

WWE.com

June 24, 2004

Three more days until we hit prime time on ABC, and the superstars of SmackDown! are ready to give it their all!

Eddie Guerrero and Undertaker are the current opponents set for Vengeance, but before they get there, they'll have to survive as a team. Roddy Piper, in another effort to show what might happen at the Bash, has paired this unusual combo together in a main event level tag match. Their opponents? None other than the World's Greatest Tag Team! Will they live up to that moniker?

Ron Killings is upset with the outcome of his match against Ultimo Dragon. He wants a chance to redeem himself, and he feels he can get it -- but first, he must face the man whose actions changed the course of the Cruiserweight title in Jamie Noble! You can bet the winner of this match will be named #1 Contender for the Cruiserweight title -- but who will it be?

We know that on July 11, it'll be Matt Hardy facing Konnan for the WWE United States title. However, both sides have been conscripted by GM Roddy Piper into "warmup" matches. Konnan is being forced to go against Mattitude's bodyguard, Big Bubba Rogers, while Matt will have a non-title match against Konnan's 3LK running mate, the Road Dogg! Will either man be at 100% after the match, or will they be "softened up" by their respective foes?

All this and more -- including the definitive list of 40 men who will enter the Bash on ABC -- tonight at 8/7 Central on UPN! Make sure to Smack Your TV to catch all the action!

[grind your soul]

I think your regular write-ups really elaborate on everything that happens on your shows, whilst the Virch recaps just sort of skim over everything [and sometimes miss happenings throughout the show].

Your interviews are mostly very good, which would be a big loss if you dumped the show reports in favour of the Virch recaps. I don't really mind the difference in the match write-ups, though.

So really, all you'd be losing are the interviews [which are fairly integral], and some depth to the matches.

That's my take on it, anyway.

I'd say, do the PPVs in full [both ways], and maybe consider dropping the TV things.

Edited July 11, 2004 by grind your soul

[Steve Corino]

What you could do is lose the matches and post the interviews at the top of the Virch report. Your interviews are really good, but you're more or less just writing the matches twice.

[oldskool]

Keep writing up the interviews (I'm personally hoping for another 100% ala Viva Guerrero), but Virch the rest of the show.

[GCCWolverine]

I really enjoy the full match reports, but you really need the interviews more than the match reports. Maybe do a Plankton style report (just list winners and high spots, do interviews in full), then Virch it in more detail.

[The Third Dukes]

Let's go full for now and see if I can put it out at a decent pace.

*****

WWE SmackDown!

June "24", 2004

"LIVE" from Orlando, FL

Highlights of Eddie Guerrero's rise to superstardom begin, oddly enough, with his SummerSlam match against Undertaker, which according to WWE canon is now officially when he became a superstar. The shout of "VIVA GUERRERO" is heard over Survivor Series highlights, as he scores a clean win on Hulk Hogan during the match. We see him come to Hogan's rescue and officially be cemented as the top babyface on the SmackDown! side before his tapout win over Kurt Angle at WrestleMania XX. He survives all comers as we see the Vengeance logo and Eddie Guerrero's next challenge: same as the first, the Undertaker. In addition, we see Kurt Angle's Team of stars united against all comers, including 3 Live Kru and Eddie himself. Kurt and Brock blitz through half a dozen people after a match in Long Island, but the focus is on Haas and Shelton, who are shown beating various people. We end with the motion graphic of tonight's main event: Eddie Guerrero & Undertaker v. World's Greatest Tag Team.

TRACY MCGRADY MAY BE ON HIS WAY OUT OF TOWN BUT THAT JUST MEANS MORE PYRO FOR THE REST OF US as we are live from the land of Disneyworld in Orlando. Sign in the crowd: "Let's Get Ready to BASH!" Attention, Michael Buffer...

Cole: "From the theme park capital of the world, the stars of the best brand of sports entertainment prepare to send you on the ride of your life! Welcome to SmackDown! I'm Michael Cole, and he's James E. Cornette, and tonight, we have a blockbuster Main Event for you!"

Cornette: "That's right, folks, it'll be Eddie Guerrero and the Undertaker -- opponents in three weeks' time in Hartford at Vengeance -- having to be a great tag team, but can they defeat the World's Greatest Tag Team? That's the challenge before them right now!"

Cole: "And don't forget, folks, both Matt Hardy and Konnan -- who will also meet at Vengeance -- will be given warmup matches tonight, as Hardy will have a non-title match against the Road Dogg, another member, just like Konnan, of 3 Live Kru!"

Intros begin for the first match.

Cole: "But first, it looks like Konnan is going to have HIS warmup match! Corny, he's going against a long-time WWE superstar in Big Bubba Rogers, who I'm sure has been given order to take Konnan out one way or the other!"

Cornette: "If I were Konnan here I'd make sure to have eyes in the back of my head at all times. Not only is he going against a long-time superstar, but you gotta know Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore are lurking somewhere, and this could be the big difference between victory and defeat tonight!"

Konnan vs. Big Bubba Rogers

Bubba jumps the gun and pounds Konnan in the corner, sending him across the ring and hitting an avalanche on the other side. He grabs Konnan and suplexes him, then stomps on him. Bubba grabs Konnan and picks him up, punching him into the ropes, but Konnan reverses the whip and gets a back body drop. Konnan bounces off the rope and hits a rolling lariat on Bubba, who heads to the outside. Konnan goads him, so Bubba pulls Konnan out and sends him into the steps. Back in, Bubba covers for two.

Bubba goes to the chinlock as we find out Bossman sucks. Konnan gets to his feet and elbows out of the chinlock, running the ropes but getting knocked down by a shouldertackle. Bubba bounces off the ropes and goes for a splash on Konnan, but Konnan moves away. Konnan punches away at Bubba, sending him into the turnbuckle and mounting the ropes. He nails Bubba ten times, as the crowd counts along, then hops down and rams Bubba's head into the turnbuckle ten times as the crowd counts again.

Bubba staggers out, punch drunk, so Konnan hooks a DDT on Bubba and rolls him over for two. Konnan goes to the top rope and dives off, hitting Bubba with an elbowdrop. He covers again for two. Bubba is sent into the ropes, but Konnan puts his head down and Bubba gets a sliding punch. Bubba sends Konnan into the ropes after standing up. He tries for the Bossman Slam, but Konnan spears him on the rebound. Konnan hooks the arm and leg in the Tequila Sunrise, and Bubba fights for a while before tapping out at 6:39.

WINNER: Konnan

Cole: "And that's one down, one to go tonight on SmackDown! Konnan has survived his warmup match, and he made it look easy!"

Cornette: "The plus side to being a veteran is you've seen it all, Michael Cole, but the downside is you're not the man you used to be. Bubba Rogers in his prime coulda made short work of Konnan, but time caught up with him a while ago, and it really showed tonight."

Cole: "A very big win for K-Dawg and the Kru here as-- WAIT!"

Matt Hardy runs in and smashes the US Title belt into Konnan's face.

Cole: "So much for a celebration, Corny!"

Cornette: "Michael, that's what you call being on your game at all times!"

Cole: "I call it a cheap shot!"

Cornette: "Tomayto, tomahto... same thing!"

Cole: "It is not! I've read the rulebook!"

Cornette (with mock surprise): "You can READ?"

Cole: "Shut up! Folks, when we come back, we'll hear from Team Angle. Last week, they lost Brock Lesnar to injury -- who will take his place at Vengeance? Stay tuned to find out!"

***COMMERCIAL***

And now, the Sting of the Week, brought to you by Stacker2's YJStinger! From last week, Brock Lesnar falls through a door, onto the concrete, and out of our lives for a few weeks. Oops.

"Medal" hits over the PA system as Team Angle v2.0 (Kurt, Eric, Haas, Shelton) all emerge from the back. Kurt hits his pyro (nearly catching Eric in the middle of it) before the four head to the ring. Kurt and Eric do stereo twirls, while Haas and Shelton mount the corners and play to the crowd. Kurt takes a mic, and we all know what that means in terms of * being used.

Kurt: "Last week, * we stood here In This Very Ring * and gave you * a glimpse of the future. * But a couple of people in the back * thought it would be funny * to take Brock Lesnar out of the equation."

The crowd cheers.

Kurt: "Well, congratulations, boys. * You've succeeded. * But what you don't realize * is that Team Angle has contacts around the world. * And tonight, * just when you thought we were down, * we rise again with a new teammate. * He may not be the man that we take into battle at Vengeance, * but he'll be the man * who can step up to the plate. * Ladies and gentlemen, * it is my pleasure to give you * a superstar around the world * a main event player in Japan and in Canada * and the man who put Bradshaw's lights out in a legitimate fight with a single left hand, * ladies and gentlemen, * this is the man with the hands of stone, Mike Barton!"

"Medal" plays again as Mike Barton makes his debut. You old-schoolers are probably saying, "Wait a sec -- ain't that Bart Gunn?" And you'd be right, even though he has shorter hair and is clean shaven. His new look is a boxer's attire, complete with long black robe with gold trim and and white lettering, "THE SMOKING GUN". He enters the ring and removes his robe to reveal a similarly designed set of trunks (Black/Gold trim, name BARTON on the front). He is wearing boxing gloves, and he throws a series of air punches (nearly hitting Eric on one of them) before removing his gloves (also black). Kurt hands him the mic.

Barton: "I've been gone a long time, so a lot of you may not remember me. I was the winner of a contest called the Brawl for All. It weren't no wrestling contest -- it was a war! And I faced the toughest men the WWE had and I knocked 'em all out! Five men stepped up, and five men went down! But I pissed off the wrong men, and they sent me to Japan. And ever since then -- six long years -- I've been kicking ass and knocking people out over there, too! I am recognized in the rest of the world for my ability to destroy. And now, you're gonna see just how damn good I am! No one's gonna hold me back anymore. And if they try, they'll never hear ten."

Kurt: "And if anyone wants to test themselves tonight, you'll see just how good Mike Barton is -- if you're still awake after he puts you on your back! It's true, it's damn true!"

A pause, then the APA's music starts up. The APA make their way to the ring. Bradshaw has a mic.

Bradshaw: "So you're back, huh? Claimin' you're the toughest guy here? Well, if ya wanna take the mantle of the toughest, you gotta prove it against the best we got! And if you just issued a challenge -- hell, there ain't nothin' me and Faarooq like better than a challenge to a battle of fisticuffs! So let's do it! Pick a partner, and we'll see how damn tough you are!"

Team Angle go into a huddle, and when it's done, Eric and WGTT leave for the back. Kurt signals for the APA to bring it on, and they do.

Kurt Angle and Mike Barton vs. A.P.A.

Barton and Faarooq pair off, as do Kurt and Bradshaw. Bradshaw pummels Kurt, while Faarooq is being battered in the corner by Barton. Barton sends Faarooq across the ring, where he collides with Bradshaw. Bradshaw turns around and catches a charging Barton with a boot.

Everyone heads to the outside, where Bradshaw drops Barton on the railing while Kurt sends Faarooq into the steps. Kurt tosses Faarooq in, making him the legal man, and picks him up in the ring. He tosses Faarooq in an overhead suplex. He covers for two. Kurt tags Barton in, and Barton tosses Faarooq into the corner, hitting him with a lariat on the way out.

Barton picks Faarooq up and suplexes him, then bounces off the ropes with a fistdrop. He covers for two. Barton backs Faarooq into the corner and tags Kurt in. Barton sets Faarooq on the top rope, slugs him once with the right hand, and stpes aside as Kurt darts up to the top and superplexes Faarooq. Kurt celebrates, and the delay means he only gets two.

Kurt pulls his straps down and tries for an Ankle Lock, but Faarooq kicks Kurt away. Kurt waits as Faarooq stands up, and Kurt catches Faarooq in a release German suplex. Barton tags in, and he begins pounding the back of Faarooq's head. Barton stands Faarooq up and delivers a back suplex to him. Barton gets in the mount position and punches away on Faarooq before switching to a cover. It only gets two.

Barton argues the count before picking Faarooq up and sending him into the ropes. Barton catches Faarooq in a side slam. He tags in Kurt, who goes up to the top rope. He dives off in a moonsault, but Faarooq rolls out of the way. Kurt tries to stop the tag, but Bradshaw gets it anyway. Bradshaw enters and punches away on Kurt, sending him into the ropes and nailing a spinebuster.

Barton charges in and gets hit with a gutwrench suplex for his trouble, while Kurt tries to dive at a standing Bradshaw and is hit with the Last Call fallaway slam. Bradshaw covers, but Barton breaks it up at two, drawing Faarooq back in. All four men go at it, with Barton sending Faarooq into the ropes and nailing a spinning left punch that drops Faarooq to the mat.

Barton rolls Faarooq out as Angle misses a charge on Bradshaw and hits the corner. Bradshaw connects with the Clothesline from Hell, but Barton picks him up and puts him in a Death Valley Driver position before dropping him with a Stunner. He covers, and it gets the three-count at 10:20.

WINNERS: Mike Barton and Kurt Angle

Cole: "And Mike Barton is back in a big way tonight on SmackDown!, winning his first match in the WWE in well over five years!"

Cornette: "And you see how he did it, Michael Cole? That move he did is known as the TKO, I'm told, and it certainly put the knockout on Bradshaw to get them the win! Watch the replay here -- Barton pulls Bradshaw off after the Clothesline from Hell, and picks him up over his shoulders, dropping him like a bad habit into a version of the Stone Cold Stunner -- and that, my friend, is how you do the TKO!"

Cole: "A devastating maneuver if ever there was one, Corny -- folks, still to come tonight, it's Eddie Guerrero and the Undertaker! Can they co-exist against the World's Greatest Tag Team? Stay tuned to find out!"

***COMMERCIAL***

We are backstage with Torrie Wilson, who is putting on her pale face when Billy Kidman walks in.

Torrie: "Billy! You startled me."

Kidman: "Getting into character?"

Torrie (shrugging): "Yeah? Is that ok?"

Kidman: "I, uh, kinda wish you wouldn't. You're not the same person when you're with him."

Torrie: "I don't understand."

Kidman: "Look, do you remember anything about what happens when you're with him?"

Torrie (after a long pause): "Nothing major."

Kidman: "Well, let me tell you: you've walked out on me during matches. Two weeks ago, you abandoned me. I was so off my game I almost lost the title. I... I just wanna know if you're his or mine."

Torrie: "Oh, Billy, sweetie, of course I'm yours! Look, if it bothers you that much, I'm sure Undertaker will be fine on his own. He doesn't need a little woman to back him up, does he?"

Kidman: "I don't wanna... like, cut you off or anything, but--"

Torrie plants a kiss on Kidman, who (after being surprised) reciprocates in a long, passionate manner. Torrie pulls back and smiles.

Torrie: "Still wondering whose side I'm on?"

Kidman: "Not at all!"

He goes in for a second kiss when there's a pounding on the door. Rey Misterio enters.

Rey: "C'mon, Kidman! We're next! Get ready!"

Kidman (sighing): "All right!" (as he walks off) "Dammit, Rey, this is awful timing."

Rey (as he also walks off): "I'm sorry, dude, but--"

The door closes. Torrie goes to remove her makeup. We return to the arena as Cole and Cornette talk over the introductions.

Cornette: "Yecch!"

Cole: "What, you don't like romance?"

Cornette: "We're here for wrestling, Michael Cole, not to see women throwing themselves at men! There's a time and a place for everything!"

Cole: "It's always the right time for a husband and wife to kiss, Corny!"

Cornette: "Not just before a match! You're gonna distract him!"

Cole: "I think Kidman's less distracted now than he was before. And folks, he's gonna need it in this six-man tag team match, as you can hear the Right to Censor on their way to the ring and... well, it looks like Steven has a mic again."

Cornette: "Here's another thing that's the wrong place and wrong time."

Steven: "The Right to Censor is pleased to be having this match at this time. Billy Kidman, your behavior was scandalous and inappropriate. We will not tolerate your public displays of affection, especially with a known harlot like Torrie Wilson. You shame yourself, and you shame your tag team partner to the point where he will not show his face."

Cole: "Shut up!"

Cornette: "Hey, he's got a point."

Steven: "You above all people condone your wife's pornographic odysseys. You should know that while she parades around, driving many people to the depths of sin in their hearts, being responsible for the breakups of marriages around the world, you sit at home allowing her to behave like a cheap prostitute. If you are not man enough to keep her from distorting the minds of our youth, the Right to Censor will have to punish you and your so-called love for your inaction. You have left us no choice. We shall--"

He's cut off by the silhouette on the Tron. Rey Misterio vaults up from beneath the stage, but as he does, Billy Kidman races in from around the corner. Both men sprint to the ring. Rey stops short, waiting for Edge, while Kidman slides in and tackles down Steven, slugging away at him. Of course, Steven's not in the match, so it leaves him open to triple-teaming.

Bull Buchanan, Sean Morley, and Mark Henry vs. Rey Misterio, Billy Kidman, and Edge

Bull picks Kidman up and slams him to the mat as Henry bounces off the ropes and splashes him. Morley kicks Rey to keep him from the ring when "Never Gonna Stop" fires up and Edge charges in. Edge grabs Bull and slugs him into the corner as Rey trips Morley and pulls him outside. Henry is choking Kidman, so Edge adds a dropkick to Henry's head, then goes back and spears down Bull.

Kidman gets up to the top rope as Henry clears the cobwebs, then dives with a crossbody onto Henry. Meanwhile, Rey ranas Morley into the steps as Edge locks his Sharpshooter variant in on Bull. Henry clotheslines Kidman out and pounds Edge to break the hold. Henry continues pounding on Edge's back, tossing him into the ropes and catching him in a slam. He covers for two. Henry tags Morley in, who runs the ropes with Edge, jamming his knee into Edge's gut the whole time, before hitting a Russian legsweep.

He picks Edge up in a back suplex, then crawls over and covers for two. Morley tosses Edge into the corner and tags Bull in. Morley tosses Edge into the ropes as Bull bounces off the opposite ropes and runs Edge over with a big boot. Bull picks Edge up in a body-vice, quickly dropping to his knees for a gutbuster. He covers Edge for two.

Bull picks Edge up over his head and drops him face-first into the corner before tagging in Henry. Henry gets in position as Bull whips Edge out of the corner and into the other neutral corner. Henry charges and squashes Edge into the turnbuckle. He covers for two. Henry puts on the chinlock as we go to break.

***COMMERCIAL***

Edge gets to his feet as Henry tries to keep the chinlock on, but Edge elbows out and runs the ropes, running straight into a Henry bearhug. Edge tries to fight out of the bearhug, but every time he gets close, Henry squeezes a little more forcefully and Edge weakens. Edge's arms fall to his sides as the referee checks the first time. He checks a second time, and again Edge is unresponsive. The third time, though, Edge's arm stays up, and Edge begins punching with lefts and rights to break the hold.

Edge pounds Henry into the ropes, sends him off the ropes, and tries for a spear on the rebound, but Henry stays up as Edge bounces off. Henry walks over Edge's back and tags in Morley, who picks Edge up and German suplexes him. He covers for two. Morley tags in Bull and stands Edge up. Bull goes to the opposite corner, planning to spring off with the lariat, but it's the corner where Kidman and Rey are, and they grab his foot and cause him to crash to the mat.

A dazed Bull slowly stands up, looking at the tag champs in the corner, before turning around and getting speared. Edge crawls over Bull, not bothering to cover, and tags in Rey. Rey vaults in with a rana on Bull and hooks a leg for two. He sends Bull into the ropes and gets a Thesz Press on the way out. Morley comes in and gets hit with a rana as well. Rey goes to the apron and springboards in with a legdrop on Bull, covering for two before Henry saves. This draws Kidman and Edge in, and all six are at it again.

In the meantime, Steven distracts the ref and brings a chair into the ring. Bull picks it up and clocks Rey with it as Morley sends Edge to the outside. Bull sets the chair to one side and covers, but Kidman dives in and saves at two. Bull grabs Kidman by the hair and uppercuts him before dragging him over to the chair as the referee tries to escort Rey and Henry out. Bull goes to powerbomb Kidman on the chair, but of course, Kidman reverses that to a facebuster on the chair. Unfortunately, the ref sees the impact and calls for the bell at 16:18.

WINNERS by DQ: Right to Censor

Cole: "What a cheap way out!"

Cornette: "I agree! Kidman should be above that!"

Cole: "Above that? He was trying to survive and he happened to do a move that hit the chair! You're gonna tell me that's his problem?"

Cornette: "Well, who won the match, Michael Cole?"

Cole: "You're a load, you know that? Folks, up next, we're going to see who will face Ultimo Dragon for the Cruiserweight title. It's Ron Killings, the former champion, squaring off against Jamie Noble! Stay tuned!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Cole: "Welcome back, folks, and During the Break our cameras caught this footage involving the participants in tonight's main event."

We see Torrie Wilson talking to a silent, stone-faced, Undertaker.

Torrie: "It's not that I don't enjoy it... I mean, it's fun going out there and hearing the roar of the crowd, it really is!  But I don't think it's right.  I don't want to make him feel any worse.  He loves me, and I love him, and I would never abandon him.  I'm sorry, but... I'd just rather not do this anymore.  Are you ok with that?"

No answer.

Torrie: "Please?  It means a lot to me."

Eddie comes up behind Torrie.  She turns around.

Torrie: "Oh!  Eddie, what's up?"

Eddie: "Hey, mamacita, whatever you and Zombie here wanna talk about is fine with me, but I wanna have a few words myself."

Torrie: "Sure... don't let me... stop you."

Eddie: "Thanks.  Undertaker... I know that you wanna piece of Latino Heat down the line, and la raza wants to see it happen.  But I tell you -- Vengeance, when we on opposite sides, you can try to win.  But that's then.  Tiempo esta ahora -- this is now.  And tonight, I will be your honest teammate.  A Guerrero fights with honor.  I expect the same from you, hombre.  Comprende?  Tonight -- you better play straight with me!"

Eddie walks out.  Torrie looks for any sort of answer from Taker, who merely points into the distance.

Torrie: "Um... thanks for understanding..."

She walks off as Taker remains there, pointing.

Intros begin for the next match as Cole and Cornette talk.

Cole: "Okay, that was kinda weird, Corny, but it looks like Undertaker is ready to go on his own."

Cornette: "Well, more power to him, Michael Cole, but I don't think it's really a smart idea for him to go out there especially after the way he brushed off Eddie Guerrero, who he's gonna be teaming with tonight!"

Cole: "You may be right about that. Folks, up next we have a #1 Contenders match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship, and I'm told that after this match, General Manager Roddy Piper will make it official for Vengeance."

Cornette: "That's why you're gonna see both these guys give it 110% out there, Michael Cole. Everything's on the line!"

#1 Contenders Match: Jamie Noble v. Ron Killings

They lock up, and Killings gets a side headlock, but Noble shoves him off and gets an armdrag on the rebound. Killings charges into a second armdrag, but on the third try, Killings hangs on to Noble's arm on the landing and turns it into an armbar. Noble stands up and leverages Killing's shoulders to the mat for two before Killings spins and drags Noble back to the mat.

Noble rolls forward and breaks the hold, then as both men stand up, Noble dropkicks Killings. Noble immediately grabs Killings' leg and tries a leglock, but Killings pulls himself up with the ropes and nails an enzuigiri. Noble is down, so Killings gets to the top rope. He tries a diving sunset flip, but Noble is up too soon and sidesteps Killings, who crashes onto his back. Noble immediately grabs Killings' leg and kicks the knee before applying a half-crab.

Killings scampers to the ropes for the break. Noble drags Killings back and puts on a spinning toehold, but Killings kicks him off. Killings nails Noble on the rebound with a spinkick, but favors his leg in the process. Noble is up and tosses Killings from the ring. As Killings tries to get back in, Noble runs the ropes and baseball slides Killings back to the guardrail. Killings slowly pulls himself off as Noble slingshots over the top and dives onto Killings. Noble nails Killings with a series of taped fists as we head to the commercial break.

***COMMERCIAL***

Noble is applying a standing legbar to Killings, who tries to wiggle his way to the ropes. He manages to get within inches of them, but can't reach them before Noble lets go of the hold and picks Killings up. Noble tosses Killings into the corner and charges in with a dropkick to Killings' knee. He turns Killings upside-down in the Tree of Woe and pulls on Killings' bad leg under the turnbuckle. The referee pulls him aside and admonishes him, then frees Killings, who falls on his face.

Noble drags Killings to the center of the ring and tries for a figure-four, but Killings gets a cradle for two. Both men are up, and Killings slugs away at Noble. He sends Noble into the ropes and connects with a forearm on the way out. Noble stands up near the ropes, so Killings charges in and clotheslines him over the top. Nidia helps Noble up, but Killings goes to the top turnbuckle and dives onto both men.

Killings, however, slams his bad leg into the mat and rolls off in pain. Nidia helps Noble return to the ring, and as Noble distracts the referee, Nidia stomps on Killings' knee. Killings re-enters the ring, attempting to get away from Nidia, so Noble kicks Killings' leg from behind, flooring Killings. Noble tries again for the figure-four, but Killings sees it coming and kicks him away.

Noble dashes back to Killings, who swings his good leg between Noble's and boots him low. Killings gets up and throws Noble into the corner, running in with an elbowsmash. Noble is dazed, so Killings grabs him from behind and hits a German suplex with a bridge, but his leg gives out on the bridge and he falls on his back. The referee comes over and counts to three, ending the match at 13:21, but who won?

Cole: "What happened? No one's music is playing... who's the winner?"

Cornette: "I say Noble has to have won! Ron Killings' shoulders were down!"

Cole: "But from where I sat, Noble was being held down by Killings... hold on..."

The referee comes over to talk to Cole, who removes his headset. The ref then gets on the phone and calls someone (presumably an official in the back). Cole and the ref exchange statements as the ref listens in on the phone. After a few seconds, the ref hangs up and says something to ring announcer Tony Chimel.

Chimel: "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. According to match referee Brian Hebner, both participants had their shoulders to the mat, and both participants were applying a force to keep the opponent down. Therefore, by definition, both men had a pinning predicament on the other lasting the three-count, and the referee has no choice but to rule that this match is...

A DRAW."

The crowd boos the non-finish. Killings shrugs as he gets up and turns to shake Noble's hand. Noble looks at him and takes the hand, but does so to pull Killings in and kick his bad leg again. Noble goes to work on Killings as the referee tries to pry him off, but Ultimo Dragon runs in and sends Noble to the aisle. Noble takes a mic.

Noble: "You two keep pertectin' each other all ya want. The whole dang world knows I won that match, I controlled that match, and at Venjince, I'll take my Cruiserweight title back with me!"

Noble goes to leave when the pipe and drum corps music starts up. Roddy Piper heads to the ringside area, shaking his head at Noble and carrying a mic of his own.

Piper: "Yer pretty cocky, ain't ya, Jamie? Ya think it's gonna be you at Vengeance, huh? Well, I got some big news fer ya... it is. Ya see, that match was to decide for me which of you two guys deserved a match with ol' Ultimo. An' clearly, since the both of ya are as good as the other, I can't really keep one o' ya out of it. So, at Vengeance, it'll be Jamie Noble against Ron Killings against Ultimo Dragon, one fall, winner takes it all! I think we'll be quite happy with how that little thing comes about, now, and you can thank Uncle Roddy for being so kind as to include in the Pay-Per-View festivities. Now, go on, guys -- ya got a Bash to prepare for... if there's any way in hell ya can!"

Cole: "Oh my God! What an announcement! A triple threat match coming up at Vengeance! One fall takes it all! Ultimo! Killings! Noble! Who's it gonna be?"

***COMMERCIAL***

Intros for the next match begin as Cole and Cornette recap the wild night.

Cole: "Well, folks, we've had a lot of things happen already that I didn't think we were gonna see -- you've had a brutal six-man affair, you've had a triple threat match announced..."

Cornette: "And don't forget, Cole -- you've seen the return of Mike Barton, who absolutely took out Bradshaw of the APA in his debut match!"

Cole: "That's right, Corny. And as I understand it, Mike Barton will be in Brock Lesnar's place at the Great American Bash in just three days on ABC as we look forward to that event as I'm sure you at home do as well."

Cornette: "And I've been told that after this match we'll have a special look at the Great American Bash, including a full list of those who will participate!"

Cole: "That is correct, but first, this match is going to be the other half of a pair of warmup matches for the two men who will face off at Vengeance for the United States title! Matt Hardy, the current WWE United States champion, is going to square off against Road Dogg, who is a good friend of Konnan's in 3 Live Kru!"

Cornette: "And just like earlier, Michael Cole, you know that this is all about doing the dirty work on the underneath for the big guy to take the gold."

Non-Title: Matt Hardy Version 1.0 vs. Road Dogg

Hardy wins the lockup and punches away at Dogg in the corner. Hardy sends Dogg across the ring and nails him with a jumping back elbow on the way out. Hardy stomps away and picks Dogg up for a suplex, floating over for two. Hardy sends Dogg into the ropes, but Dogg comes flying out with a clothesline. He does the "get up" hand motion before punching away at Hardy, juke, jiving, and landing a final right hand.

He bounces off the ropes and tries the shaky legs kneedrop, but Hardy rolls aside, bounces up, and dropkicks Dogg in the head. Hardy covers for two. Hardy whips Dogg into the ropes and hits a powerslam on the way out, forgoing the cover to go to the middle rope.

He yells to the crowd and dives off with a legdrop on Dogg. He covers for two. Hardy pounds on Dogg's back before sending him into the ropes and hitting a flapjack on the way out. Hardy covers, but at two, Konnan storms the ring and takes matters into his own hands. The referee stops the match at 4:16.

WINNER by DQ: Matt Hardy Version 1.0

Konnan continues hammering away at Hardy, sending him into the ropes and nailing a rolling lariat on the way out. Shannon Moore enters the ring behind Konnan, chair in hand, and nails Konnan as he turns around. Shannon helps Hardy leave the ring as Konnan grabs his head in pain while Dogg yells at Hardy and Shannon.

Cole: "Well, so much for a softening up! I guess if you wanna do something right, you do it yourself!"

Cornette: "Both men can say they've learned that lesson tonight, and what a lesson it is -- I've told my guys thousands of times that they need to do the same thing."

Cole: "Folks, as we try to restore order before our main event, let's go to the ABC headquarters in Times Square to find out more about this Sunday's Great American Bash with the people who will bring it to you, Mike Tirico and Dave Meltzer!

We cut to the ABC Studios, which looks like any other Sports studio show. The monitor in the back reads "WWE Great American Bash -- Norfolk, VA * June 27, 2004". Mike Tirico is on one side, while Dave Meltzer is on the other.

Tirico: "Thanks, Michael, and welcome to our studios in New York as we get set to bring you ABC's coverage of the WWE Great American Bash live from Norfolk, Virginia on Sunday, June 27. I'm Mike Tirico alongside wrestling expert Dave Meltzer, and Dave, I assume most of the people watching SmackDown! know about the cast of characters they see on a weekly basis, so let's focus on the five new faces that will make their WWE debut this Sunday, starting with the guy you're most interested in, Scott Colt."

Meltzer: "Well, Mike, Scott Colt is a guy who has made his name all around the Northeast, and in particular in promotions in Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana. He's a Chicago product -- as you may recall, Chicago gave us the Road Warriors, considered by many the greatest tag team ever -- but Colt is a different breed. He's a lot smaller, and he has the ability to match anyone move for move in the ring. I dare say he might be the future of the WWE, and he's going to turn heads come Sunday."

Tirico: "All right, another name that we've been told to talk about belongs to a big man by the name of Travis Tomko."

Meltzer: "Tomko is one of many people with football backgrounds who gravitate towards the squared circle, Mike. He's big, he's powerful, and he's going to be able to use his size to take care of a lot of his opponents. He's probably the least experienced of the group we're talking about, but he also carries with him an element of surprise. We've seen before that if you can hurt someone, experience can be overrated -- remember one of the great world champs of all time, Bill Goldberg, was a relative unknown even one year before winning the title."

Tirico: "And certainly Goldberg is a comparison that carries a lot of weight in wrestling circles. One name die-hard wrestling fans may be familiar with is Evan Karagias, who will also be making his first appearance."

Meltzer: "That's right. Evan Karagias is a product of the Carolinas, which is the same place the current US champ Matt Hardy started. He was around during the latter days of WCW, and in fact is a former Cruiserweight champion. His matches with people like Hurricane, Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble -- they're considered the stuff of legends from a promotion's dying days."

Tirico: "Speaking of legends, there's one guy who has been trained by legends who will also be appearing for the first time -- he's from Bombay, India, and is known as Sonjay Dutt."

Meltzer: "Ah yes. Sonjay was trained by a man named Sabu, who was famous for a tag team run with current superstar Rob Van Dam back in the day. Surprisingly, though, he doesn't imitate his teacher much in that he basically is a non-weapon type who prefers to go to the air. His gameplan more closely resembles that of a Billy Kidman or Rey Misterio, and certainly those aren't bad people to pattern your game after."

Tirico: "Not when they're the tag team champions. Finally, a bit of an unknown and a bit of a surprise, a wrestler from the West Coast who caught someone's eye in Steve Rizzono."

Meltzer: "Rizzono is the least experienced of the bunch in terms of actual wrestling in the minor leagues. He's more of a guy who is comfortable in the hardcore arena. He cut his teeth working in a promotion that specialized in turning wrestling into bloodsport, and as such hasn't really had the chance to make his name known as a wrestler, per se. I doubt he'll do much in this competition."

Tirico: "Speaking of the competition, who's your favorite to win it all?"

Meltzer: "Well, that's the funny thing, Mike -- this event really defies being able to make such a statement. You don't know who will be getting out of the tag team matches, because it's entirely possible that their partner won't be able to carry his share of the weight, and then it's over. However, once you get past the tag matches, you don't have to worry about that. It's every man for himself, and every man has a shot at being in the main event of one of the biggest shows in wrestling, SummerSlam."

Tirico: "Let's look at that full list right now."

As the announcers talk, the names come by in 8 groups of 5:

Eric Angle

Kurt Angle

Yoshihiro "Ultimo Dragon" Asai

Mike Barton

Doug Basham

Shelton Benjamin

Justin Bradshaw

"SuperNova" Mike Bucci

Bull Buchanan

Scott Colt

Adam "Edge" Copeland

Sonjay Dutt

Eddie Guerrero

Billy Gunn

Charlie Haas

Matt Hardy

"Hurricane" Gregory Helms

John Hennigan

Mark Henry

"Road Dogg" Brian James

Nathan Jones

Evan Karagias

Billy Kidman

Ron Killings

Konnan

Paul London

James Maritato

Joel Maximo

Jose Maximo

Rey Misterio

Shannon Moore

Sean Morley

Jamie Noble

Steven Richards

Steve Rizzono

Ray "Big Bubba" Rogers

Ron "Faarooq" Simmons

Travis Tomko

Undertaker

Rob Van Dam

Tirico: "Certainly a lot of colorful characters and great athletes, but only one will get that free pass to the SummerSlam main event. For Dave Meltzer, this is Mike Tirico, saying we'll see you on Sunday. Now back to Michael Cole and Jim Cornette in Orlando."

Cole: "Thank you, Mike. Still to come tonight, our big main event, as Eddie Guerrero and the Undertaker will be forced to co-exist against the World's Greatest Tag Team in a Bash preview! Can they do it? Find out next!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Eddie Guerrero and Undertaker (alone) vs. World's Greatest Tag Team (with Kurt Angle, Eric Angle, and Mike Barton)

Taker starts with Shelton, who tries to tackle him down and can't. Shelton whips Taker into the ropes, but Taker clotheslines him coming out. Haas enters from behind and tries a German suplex, but Taker won't budge. Shelton charges, and Taker (while still in the waistlock) grabs Shelton for a chokeslam, hitting it. Taker then falls backwards, crushing Haas.

As Haas rolls out of the ring, Eddie chokes Shelton with the bottom rope. Taker picks Shelton up for a second chokeslam, but Shelton reverses with a judo throw. He drops an elbow on Taker, who sits up. Shelton runs the ropes and clotheslines Taker out, but Taker lands on his feet. Haas attacks on the outside, and as the ref goes to straighten that out, Shelton brings Eddie into the ring and back suplexes him.

Haas rolls Taker into the ring and follows as Shelton gets a superkick on Eddie. Taker boots Haas, but as he does, Shelton clips him from behind. Eddie vaults over Shelton and ranas Haas onto Shelton. The ref restores order as Haas and Eddie remain in the ring. Eddie slams Haas down by the apron and climbs onto it. He goes to slingshot in when Shelton knocks him off the apron, gets down, and tosses him in.

Eddie backs into a German suplex from Haas, who holds the bridge for two. Haas stomps away at Eddie, tossing him into Shelton's corner and tagging Shelton in. Shelton hits a spinkick on Eddie. He covers for two. Shelton grabs Eddie and plants him with an STO. He covers again for two. Shelton runs across the ring and slugs Undertaker, who enters. The ref tries to hold Undetaker back, while Mike Barton enters the ring and plants Eddie with a spinning left hand.

Barton leaves as Shelton tags Haas in. Haas holds Eddie by the ropes as Shelton gets the leapfrog choke. Haas drops Eddie and jumps over him in an Oklahoma roll. The pinning predicament gets two before Eddie kicks out. Haas suplexes Eddie before tagging Shelton back in. Haas grabs Eddie in an inverted atomic drop, but Shelton's superkick is blocked by Eddie, who slams Shelton's foot onto Haas's head.

Shelton hobbles around and runs straight into Eddie's rana attempt as Haas rolls outside. Eric Angle jumps on the apron to prevent the tag, so Eddie knocks Eric back off (and onto Kurt and Barton). This distraction, though, allows Shelton to get a belly-to-belly suplex on Eddie. Shelton drags Eddie to the corner and climbs to the top rope. He dives off for a 450 splash, but Eddie gets the knees up. Shelton manages to tag in Haas, who dives for Eddie but can't make it before Eddie tags in Taker.

Taker slugs down both WGTT members with right hands before sending Haas into the ropes, bouncing off the other side, and nailing a diving clothesline. He picks Haas up and carries him over his shoulder, delivering a powerslam. He covers, but Shelton breaks it up. Shelton and Haas get a double superkick to Taker, who falls back into the ropes. Taker staggers into Haas, who tries an Angle Slam, but Taker blocks it with an elbow and grabs the goozle.

Eric has the ref distracted while Kurt gets into the ring with a chair. Kurt charges, so Taker tosses Haas into Kurt, and the heels collide. Eddie tosses Kurt from the ring as Taker picks Haas up over his shoulder again, this time sliding him down into the Tombstone. He covers, and the ref counts the three at 13:42.

WINNERS: Eddie Guerrero and Undertaker

As Eddie celebrates, all five members of Team Angle flood the ring for a beatdown. Billy Kidman, Rey Misterio, and Edge return from earlier to stop it. They're soon followed by all four RTC members, who pick their fights. Somewhere in the chaos, people stop pairing off on face/heel terms. Konnan charges and tries to clean house, but the MFers -- Matt Hardy, Shannon Moore, and Bubba Rogers -- follow him and attack. This draws Road Dogg and Ron Killings out to help their mate, but Killings' presence means Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn aren't far behind. Behind THEM, meanwhile, are Ultimo Dragon, Nova, Paul London, and the APA. But here come the Maximos behind the APA to attack. Everyone gets in the ring as RVD, Nathan Jones, Hurricane, and anyone else I forgot brawl all over the place -- all 35 men we know and have already seen.

Cole: "This is chaos! Everyone's taking shots at everybody -- this is what it's gonna be like on Sunday! But the man that survives this will be in the main event at SummerSlam! Who's it gonna be? For Jim Cornette, this is Michael Cole, urging you to tune in this Sunday to ABC at 8 / 7 Central for the Great American Bash, LIVE! Come back next week as we will have one-half of the main event all set!"

<<<FIN>>>

[Guest y2gudge]

The Great American Bash seems very different to usual PPVs and has consequently peaked my interest in the event, both Smackdown & Raw this week were ok, but lacked that something that you can nearly always find in between large breaks of PPVs.

If I had to choose I would say drop Virch before the actual write-up of each show as your promos are usually strong, with maybe a slight drop in the match content, except for PPVs of course...

*y2gudge*

[DMN in the House]

I gotta admit, its weird to think of Mike Tirico calling a wrestling event.

[Kane's Mullet Slacker]

It was kindofa foregone conclusion that it would be a three way dance for the Cursierweight title at Vengance btwn Ultimo, Noble, and Truth. Since Virch pretty much gave it away in his rant from last 'week's' SD! Still should be a good match. Very interesting dynamic by adding Mike Barton to Team Angle, I didn't see that one coming. Although I think you're trying to make him out to be like Marc Mero Version 2.0 with the boxing attire and the TKO finisher. We all know Jerry Lynn does the best TKO anyway I must be living under a rock or something but who's Mike Tirico?

[grind your soul]

Kay, so, this SmackDown sort of sucked, in my opinion.

Mike Tirilco and Dave Meltzer? What's wrong with the announcers you have now? I have no clue who Tirilco is, but I'm sure his hiring was essentially meaningless.

Mike - Barton .. .. what the fuck? I have no idea why you'd sign this guy. He's definately not over in the slightest [and wouldn't be over in the States, no matter what EWR says], and thrusting him into a main role and title picture in his first show? I'd be more than frustrated if that were the case.

Probably the worst SD! I've read from you in awhile, but here's hoping that your Lethal Lottery will make up for it.

Oh, and some of your TV shows seem like they'd go way over the two-hour time limit.