The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[IAceI]

Keep the proper read ups, i like them more.

Also you're still going strong Dukes, can't wait for the Bash.

And your Noble promos are amazing. "Venjince" Ha.

[Guest y2gudge]

Mike - Barton .. .. what the fuck? I have no idea why you'd sign this guy. He's definately not over in the slightest [and wouldn't be over in the States, no matter what EWR says], and thrusting him into a main role and title picture in his first show? I'd be more than frustrated if that were the case.

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I totally forgot about this when writing my response - MAJOR no no for me, I now offically hate Rey & Kidman for injuring Brock and allowing this piece of shit into your WWE...

*y2gudge*

[The Third Dukes]

To clear things up: Mike Tirico is a play-by-play man who works for ABC/ESPN. It's my current theory that ABC would want their own announcers covering their event, and that this would be part of the compromise they reach with the WWE. Hey, it's MY universe, so live with it. Bottom line is, Tirico and Meltzer aren't my guys -- I'm just using two random announcers on HEAT.

And yeah, I was unimpressed with myself this week, too. I can't be good every week -- just like the real thing. Sorry, guys. It looked a lot better on paper.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for June 24 / 04, taped June 22.

- From Orlando, FL.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match: Konnan v. Big Bubba Rogers. And why the HELL is this the opener? Bubba squashes Konnan to start, getting a suplex and going punchy kicky on him. Konnan with a BAAAAAAAAAAAACK bodydrop to reverse the tide, and a rolling lariat sends Bubba to the outside. Konnan gets yanked out and sent into the STEEL steps. Back in, it gets two and we HIT THE CHINLOCK. Crowd lets us know Bossman sucks, and I can't say I disagree. Konnan fights out into a shouldertackle. Big fat splash misses, and Konnan does the count to ten with punches and head shots to the buckle. Good for him. DDT gets two. Diving elbow gets two. Bubba with a sliding punch and he tries the Bossman Slam, but Konnan tackles him and gets the Tequila Sunrise for the tapout at 6:39. Wasn't terrible. * Matt Hardy beats on Konnan as punishment for the sh*tty match.

- Team Angle are out, minus Brock Lesnar, who was injured last week. So now they need a replacement. Kurt refuses to say if he and the new guy will team at Vengeance, but just introduces the newest team member... MIKE BARTON??? Did they get Jim Ross drunk? Seriously, Mike Barton? Well, he means about as much as anyone would -- namely, nothing whatsoever -- and the crowd just sort of stares at him. Barton is apparently doing Marc Mero's gimmick, and more power to him. Barton mentions the Brawl for All, which goes over EVERYONE'S head, then challenges anyone to a fight. And when it's a fight, we know what we'll get...

- Impromptu Match: Kurt Angle and Mike Barton v. APA. Now, of all the guys to use to get a new guy over, I'm not sure I'd trust these people. A huge brawl breaks out (I'm shocked, really), and before it can go anywhere it heads to the outside, where Kurt tosses Faarooq around and makes him the legal man. Overhead suplex gets two. Here comes Barton, who gets an OK lariat for his first offensive move. Suplex and fistdrop get two. Barton sets Faarooq up for the Pop-Up Superplex from Kurt, which gets two. Ankle Lock is blocked, but Angle just gets a release German suplex. Barton in, and he goes UFC on Faarooq's head before hitting a backdrop. More UFC punches get two. Sidewalk slam by Barton, and Kurt enters to miss the moonsault. Hot tag Bradshaw. Spinebuster to Kurt, Gutwrench suplex to Barton, and a fallaway slam for Kurt gets two before the save. It's BONZO GONZO as Barton nails a discus punch to send Faarooq out. Clothesline from Hell by Bradshaw on Angle, but Barton finishes with -- what else? -- the TKO at 10:20. Slow start, but it got REALLY good at the end. **1/2 I realize Brock's injury put them in a bind, but I doubt Mike Barton is anyone's long term solution.

- Right to Censor v. Billy Kidman, Rey Misterio, and Edge. Pre-match vignette shows Kidman asking Torrie Wilson to return to just being Torrie, and Torrie seals her promise with a kiss. Some guys have all the luck. Steven Richards makes sure to remind us that PDAs are immoral, and that gets Kidman to charge the ring and try to take them all on. He loses that fight, but that triggers Edge's entrance (fashionably late, I see) to turn the tide. Kidman with a crossbody on Henry, Rey ranas Morley on the outside, and Edge locks the Sharpshooter on Bull before Henry saves and pounds away. Slam gets two. Morley with the running knee smashes and Russian legsweep as Edge is officially YOUR face-in-peril. Back suplex gets two. Bull with a big boot and body vice gutbuster for two. Snake Eyes, and Henry is in to squash Edge for two. We HIT THE CHINLOCK as we go to commercial. Edge gets out, but walks into the BEARHUG OF DOOM. We do the arm thing before Edge breaks. Henry no-sells a spear and bring in Morley, who gets a German suplex for two. Bull in, and he f*cks up the next spot: I think it was supposed to be Bull springing off the turnbuckle into an Edge spear, but Bull lost his footing and crashed. He gets up, has the presence of mind to blame Kidman and Rey for tripping him, and turns around as Edge hits the spear anyway. At least they covered. Either way, hot tag Rey and a springboard rana gets two. Morley gets a rana as well, and Rey Drops the Dime on Bull for two before Henry saves. It's BONZO GONZO again as Steven brings a chair in and distracts the ref. Rey eats the chair for two before Kidan saves. Bull decides to punish Kidman by powerbombing him on the chair, but YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN hits the chair... for the DQ at 16:18? F*CK! Crowd hates that finish, and can't say as I blame them. Just not good, as there was NO REASON for Henry to have so much offense in a six-man. *1/2

- So Torrie is off telling Taker of her decision, and Taker just stands there being spooky and stuff. Eddie Guerrero walks in and lets Taker know he can trust him. Taker merely motions for Torrie to leave. Okay then.

- Jamie Noble v. Ron Killings. Winner gets a shot at Ultimo Dragon at some point in the future. Noble does some armdragging to start, but Killings reverses to an armbar. Noble leverages for two before Killings drags Noble back to the canvas, but Noble breaks and gets a dropkick. Noble tries a legbar, but Killings gets an enzuigiri. Diving crack smash misses altogether, and Noble goes back to working the leg with a half-crab and spinning toe hold. Killings fights out and gets a spinkick, but his leg hurts and Noble tosses him. Noble with a baseball slide and slingshot plancha as we go to commercial. We return with Noble working the leg some more, letting go before being forced to break, and dropkicking the knee in the corner. Tree of Woe leads to more legwork, but a figure-four try is reversed to a cradle for two. Killings slugs away and gets a forearm before sending Noble out, and he dives with a crossbody on Noble and Nidia... hurting his own leg as he does so. Nidia gets some shots in for fun, but Noble's figure-four is blocked with a low blow. Corner elbow by Killings, and a German suplex, but the leg gives out and we get a double pin at 13:21. I HATE the double pin with a passion, but the psychology redeems this match somewhat. **1/4 Noble attacks Killings after the bell, Ultimo saves, and Piper makes the inevitable three-way at Vengeance.

- Non-title: Matt Hardy v. Road Dogg. Matt Facts! Matt will win the Bash, and Matt doesn't do drugs. Hardy slugs away and scores a jumping back elbow, setting up a suplex for two. Dogg with a clothesline and funky punches, but the shaky legs kneedrop misses. Hardy gets a dropkick for two. Powerslam and yodelling legdrop gets two. Flapjack, but Konnan runs in for the DQ at 4:16. Match was more or less an excuse for the run-in. * Shannon Moore evens the sides as we brawl around.

- We go to the CBC studios, as they've got the Canadian coverage of the Great American Bash. Ron MacLean and Bruce Hart introduce the new guys, and we get a final list of participants: everybody. Decent filler, but how come the Americans get Meltzer and we get stuck with the black sheep of the Hart family?

- Main event: Eddie Guerrero and Undertaker v. World's Greatest Tag Team. The announcers talk about how opponents could be forced to team up at the Bash, citing this match as an example. WGTT have the rest of Team Angle with them, while Taker is without Torrie or the urn. Taker beats up Shelton to start, and WGTT try double-teaming but get crushed. Taker tries a chokeslam, but Shelton gets out of it and drops an elbow. Zombie situp, and Taker is sent outside. Team Angle beatdown on Taker (not that he particularly sells or anything) and Eddie gets suplexed by Shelton. All four men enter, and when we settle down, Haas and Eddie are your legal men. Eddie's slingshot senton is stopped by Shelton, who tosses him to the fllor. Back in, Haas gets a German suplex for two as Eddie is YOUR Mexican-in-peril. Shelton with a spinkick for two. STO gets two. Shelton suckers Taker in, allowing Barton to enter and land a discus punch on Eddie for the hell of it. Leapfrog choke and Oklahoma roll get two. Suplex, and WGTT try the atomic drop / superkick finishing sequnce, but Eddie breaks it up. Eddie ranas Shelton, but takes his time knocking Eric off the apron onto his teammates and walks into a belly-to-belly. 450 hits the knees, hot tag Taker. HE LIVES~! Sorry, being sarcastic. Soupbones for everyone! Powerslam to Haas gets two before Shelton enters for the double-team. Haas gets an Angle Slam blocked, and Taker goes for the chokeslam. Kurt now runs in and tries to use a chair, but Taker throws Haas into Kurt, and a Tombstone ends it at 13:42. ** A series of events sends everyone to the ring to end the show.

The Bottom Line:

Definitely a mis-step for SmackDown! this week, as the idea of using Bart Gunn, a perennial midcarder in the US, as a replacement for Brock Lesnar is quite laughable. Fortunately, soon after the Great American Bash, WWE is going to be getting a boatload of new talent, as I'm sure some of these guys are gonna stick, plus Tajiri has been cleared to wrestle again, which is always good.

But seriously, Mike Barton?

*****

No need for a GAB preview. It'll be up tonight, I hope. For the record, Sullen Slacker's Bad Blood prize was to rig the draw for one of the 10 matches tonight. The other nine are -- I'm dead serious -- completely random. But that doesn't mean they aren't interesting.

Dukes

[grind your soul]

Wasn't terrible. * Matt Hardy beats on Konnan as punishment for the sh*tty match.

So the match wasn't terrible, and gets a one-star rating - but then he calls it shitty? Hm.

SK doesn't usually censor his swearing, at least not when I've read his work [except on WrestleLine, which forced him to censor it].

CBC airing WWE? This is a really, REALLY weird universe. I'd expect TSN, maybe SportsNet or even the Score. But - CBC? AND RON MCLEAN? Oh, my head is spinning.

[Engage]

What's with the CBC? They wouldn't touch pro wrestling with a ten foot pole. Although if anything Don Cherry needs in on this.

[The Third Dukes]

Okay, fine, I picked CBC because I wanted to think of a Canadian network that would show it. I'd say that ABC normally wouldn't show wrestling either, but hey, in the Sunday night slot, they usually just show some movie.

So, very very very Northern Amercians , what mainstream Canadian network (i.e., received in basically all households) would show this? And who would lead the coverage? (I mean, I'm sure they'd still get Bruce Hart or Wade Keller if they could to do colour -- ooh, lookee there, metric spelling -- but who's their PBP man?)

And yes, the thought of Mike Tirico calling a match is somewhat amusing, but the man's called just about every sport there is, and for some reason I can hear his commentary in my head.

GAB is ready. I will do a HYBRID~! for it. Matches in Virch, intermittent backstage stuff and comments from the hosts written out. It will include a Bottom Line at the end. So, that comes tomorrow.

In the meantime, consider this your chance to help a stupid American.

[grind your soul]

Okay, fine, I picked CBC because I wanted to think of a Canadian network that would show it.  I'd say that ABC normally wouldn't show wrestling either, but hey, in the Sunday night slot, they usually just show some movie.

So, very very very Northern Amercians , what mainstream Canadian network (i.e., received in basically all households) would show this?  And who would lead the coverage?  (I mean, I'm sure they'd still get Bruce Hart or Wade Keller if they could to do colour -- ooh, lookee there, metric spelling -- but who's their PBP man?)

In the meantime, consider this your chance to help a stupid American.

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I'd put it on TSN. That's a pretty nationally televised network. Those with basic cable are guaranteed to have it, it's not an add-on. Plus, they already have a working agreement to show RAW.

I'd also probably put on one of the TSN SportsCenter guys to do the show. Or, actually, maybe I'd put Michael Landsberg of Off the Record. He's knowledgeable on the subject of wrestling, and I'm sure he could add some insight to the matches.

I'd also stick a WWE superstar in there with him to help him out. Someone like Al Snow, or maybe even Mick Foley. Someone who he could get along with and go on about the matches with.

[DoubleX]

I'd also stick a WWE superstar in there with him to help him out. Someone like Al Snow, or maybe even Mick Foley. Someone who he could get along with and go on about the matches with.

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YES!! Put Foley in there! I've always wanted to see Foley do colour commentary.

Now post GAB, ya bastard.

[DonaldMick]

I'll second Landsberg as PBP guy. And you can still have it on CBC, as they have a business arrangment with TSN (Olympic coverage).

As for the color... he has to know the brand and be able to explain some of the psychology. And he has to be Canadian... is Benoit available?

[The Third Dukes]

And long anticipated, always imitated, never duplicated, f*ck the hybrid and let's kick it STRONG STYLE, we go LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE to Virginia, land of my birth and the best goddamn sub-national of all 62 or 63 in North America, depending on whether Nunavut is official yet, and throw some Lethal Mothaf*ckin' Lottery, beeyotch!

*****

WWE GREAT AMERICAN BASH!!!

June 27, 2004 * Norfolk, VA

THE US'S NATIONAL HOLIDAY IS IN A WEEK AND WE'RE STILL GOING PYRO CRAZY from the Tidewater region and biggest US Navy base in the States! Sign in the crowd: "_A_nyone _B_ut _C_urt!" 100 points for originality, minus several million for spelling. The following is the ABC broadcast -- your mileage may vary. As such, we get the head shots of the guys at ringside for the intro.

Tirico: "We are here at the Scope in Norfolk, Virginia, as professional wrestling returns to prime time network TV for the first time in 12 years! This is the event called the WWE Great American Bash! Hello, everyone, I'm Mike Tirico. World Wrestling Entertainment has undergone a lot of controversy since the last showing of Saturday Night's Main Event in 1992. Stars such as Steve Austin and the Rock have emerged, re-invented wrestling, and entered semi-retirement. Some of the great names have left the sport or passed on -- names such as Ted DiBiase, Ric Flair, and the legendary brothers, Bret and Owen Hart. But through it all, the spirit of competition stays strong, and tonight we have that spirit. I'm joined by pro wrestling expert David Meltzer, and David, tonight we have 40 wrestlers who represent the past, present, and future, hoping to be the big star entering one of the greatest annual extravaganzas, SummerSlam."

Meltzer: "Mike, you're absolutely right. When you talk about the past, present, and future, that's really what you have here. You have timeless veterans who still thrill the crowd such as the Undertaker and Ultimo Dragon, not to mention the man in charge tonight, Rowdy Roddy Piper. You have young guns whose time has not yet come, but just might tonight -- stars like Matt Hardy and Shelton Benjamin. You have people no one's heard of who will thrill you in names like Scott Colt and Jose and Joel Maximo. And above all, you have the stars of today. Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle, Rey Misterio, Rob Van Dam... this is an exciting time for the WWE and for this brand of sports entertainment."

Tirico: "Folks, tonight is the Lethal Lottery. The rules are as follows. Earlier tonight, 40 men entered their names in a random drawing. They will square off in 10 matches, 2 against 2. The winning team will have both members advance to the finals tonight, in which all 20 men will compete in that classic match, the battle royal, and the winner is guaranteed a main event spot when SummerSlam rolls around, August 15, from Toronto, Canada. Now, here's the important part: the drawing is completely and utterly arbitrary. Anyone could team with anybody -- and just like with Kobe and Shaq, you have to live with each other or you'll lose."

Meltzer: "And in fact, that's why Roddy Piper added the SummerSlam match as a reward. The last thing he wanted was for people to sabotage their team because they were drawn with someone they didn't see eye to eye with. We're not going to have that tonight... with any luck, anyway, Mike."

Music for the first match plays.

Tirico: "Well, the matches have been decided and the first one is on its way to the ring, so let's go to the WWE's ring announcers, Tony Chimel, for all the details."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, heading to the ring, at a total combined weight of 502 pounds, the team of Steve Rizzono and the APA's Bradshaw! ... And their opponents, on the way to the ring, representing the Right to Censor, weighing 240 pounds, Sean Morley! ... And his partner, from Austin, Texas, weighing 258 pounds, Mike Barton!"

Bradshaw / Steve Rizzono vs. Sean Morley / Mike Barton

Bradshaw attacks Morley before Barton can get in the ring. Bradshaw sends Morley into the ropes and nails him with a shoulderblock. Barton enters, but Rizzono cuts him off as Bradshaw hits Morley with a fallaway slam. Barton runs over Rizzono and into Bradshaw, nailing him with a flurry of punches. Bradshaw fights back, and the two slug it out mid-ring. Morley grabs Bradshaw by the hair from behind and holds him in a full nelson as Barton nails Bradshaw with a series of straight rights.

Rizzono goes to break it up, but the referee sends him to the corner. Morley lets go of Bradshaw, backing him into the ropes and hitting his running knee smashes. Morley connects with a Russian legsweep. Morley tags in Barton, who tosses Bradshaw into the ropes and nails a spinebuster as he returns. Barton covers for two. Barton tags Morley back in and slams Bradshaw as Morley goes up. Morley dives off the top with the Moral High Ground, but Bradshaw's knees are up.

Bradshaw crawls to his corner as Morley does the same, and the tag gets to Barton and Rizzono. Rizzono enters via the top rope, trying a crossbody on Barton, but Barton catches him. Barton adjusts his grip into the fireman's carry on Rizzono, then swings him around and drops him with the TKO. Bradshaw doesn't react in time, and the pinfall is academic.

ADVANCING: Mike Barton and Sean Morley (4:37)

Tirico: "And just like that, we have our first two participants in tonight's finals! Mike Barton putting the young Steve Rizzono away with a move he calls the TKO."

Meltzer: "It was common knowledge beforehand that Rizzono was the least experienced of the people who would be participating tonight, and really, it showed, as he tried to do too much, too soon, and it backfired in a big way, as you can see."

Cut to backstage for the first of many segments highlighting the randomness of the draw.

Jose: "Joel, man... you gon be all right?"

Joel: "Yeah, don' worry bout it. This is the best, right?"

Jose: "What do you mean?"

Joel: "No matter what, man, one of us is gonna have a shot at SummerSlam. Thas all we can ask for."

Jose: "All right... hey bro?"

Joel: "Yeah?"

Jose: "Don' need to go easy on me."

Joel: "You too, man. I wanna fight."

Back to ringside commentary.

Tirico: "Well, it looks like we have the first major surprise of the night, David. Jose and Joel Maximo, a pair of brothers who you said could make an impact tonight, are going against each other."

Meltzer: "And it's going to be interesting to see how they react, really. Not only are they brothers, they're tag team partners, and that's really the key. I'm sure by now they know each other inside and out, so really, this could either way."

Tirico: "It'll depend entirely on who their teammates are, so let's go once again to Tony Chimel for introductions."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Eddyville, KY, weighing 275, Right to Censor member Bull Buchanan! ... and his tag team partner, from Guadalajara, Mexico, Jose Maximo! Their opponents, first, from Guadalajara, Mexico, Joel Maximo! ... And accompanied by Nidia, from Wheeling, WV, weighing in at an even 200 pounds, Jamie Noble!"

Bull Buchanan / Jose Maximo vs. Joel Maximo / Jamie Noble

Noble and Jose start, as Jose hits a dropkick out of the lockup. Joel enters, but Jose armdrags him. Joel charges again, but Jose alleyoops him straight into Noble. Both men roll to the outside as Bull backs Jose up. Bull lifts Jose over his head and dumps him over the top rope onto Joel and Noble. Jose attacks Noble with punches, but Joel grabs him and tosses him back in.

As the referee escorts Bull out of the ring, Joel and Noble get a double DDT on Jose. Joel leaves, and Noble covers for two. Noble tosses Jose into his corner, tagging in Joel. Noble holds Jose open for an abdominal stretch, while Joel bounces off the ropes and dropkicks Jose in the stomach. Noble leaves as Joel tosses Jose into the turnbuckle. Joel hangs Jose upside down in the Tree of Woe, takes a few steps backwards, and hits a baseball slide into Jose.

Joel rips the top half of his uniform off and chokes Jose with it, yelling about how "this is what you wanted!". The referee tells Joel to back off, and Joel reluctantly does, tagging in Noble. Noble goes to the top rope as Joel stands Jose up. Noble dives off and connects with a missile dropkick. He covers for two. Noble tosses Jose into the ropes and hits a back elbow as Jose rebounds out. Noble points at Bull, who enters the ring and is cut off by the referee. Joel and Noble place Jose on the top rope, follow up, and connect with a double superplex on him.

Joel floats over on Jose as the referee turns around. It gets two. Joel tosses Jose into a neutral corner, slamming him headfirst as Jose drops into moonsault position. Joel connects off the first turnbuckle for two. He pops up and connects off the second turnbuckle for two. He pops up again and tries for it off the top, but Jose is ready and rolls aside. Both men slowly get up, with Joel up first. He charges Jose, who backdrops him over the top rope. Joel skins the cat back in, but charges straight into a lariat from Jose. Both men are down.

Joel gets up first, but instead of tagging in Noble, he tries to drag Jose away. Jose kips up before Joel can get there, and Jose charges, blasting Joel with a spinkick. Jose makes the somersault tag to Bull, who enters the ring and boots down both Joel and Noble. He picks Joel up and hits the body-vice gutbuster on him, then tosses him into Noble. Noble is staggered, so Bull bounds up to the top rope and rebounds with a lariat on Noble.

Bull kicks Noble out of the ring and picks up Joel in a military press, getting five reps before dropping him face-first on the corner. Jose asks for the tag, so Bull tags him in as he sets Joel up for a powerbomb. Bull lifts Joel up as Jose springboards to the top rope, and Jose dives on Joel as Bull throws Joel to the mat. Jose stays on him, and that gets a three-count.

ADVANCING: Bull Buchanan and Jose Maximo (11:39)

Tirico: "And it's Jose, not Joel, who will be in the big match! Joel, alongside Bull Buchanan--"

Tirico stops when Bull picks Jose up and plants him in a sit-out spinebuster.

Tirico: "WHOA! Bull Buchanan has just levelled the man who he teamed with to enter the finals! Why?"

Meltzer: "Mike, after the match is over, they're under no obligation to be nice to each other. It's really quite simple -- Bull Buchanan wants any advantage he can get, and he's just gotten a big one by getting that extra impact on one of the competitors."

Backstage again, as we see Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson. She's giving him a massage. Some guys have all the luck.

Kidman: "Torrie... honey, I dunno. You think I can trust him? I mean, you and I both know he's out to prove he's Team Angle material."

Torrie: "Exactly! That's why you can trust him! He's going to be trying to win. Isn't that what you want to do?"

Kidman: "Well, yeah... but... he could also do that by softening me up. I mean, his buddies Haas and Benjamin are going to go for the belts at Vengeance, and... what better way than to incapacitate me and leave Rey one-on-two?"

Torrie: "C'mon, babe... just give him a chance. You gotta trust him. I don't think Eric's like the rest of them. I think he's a good guy, deep down. And isn't that enough?"

Kidman: "Well... this is you talking, right?"

Torrie: "I told you, I'm through with that act."

Kidman: "All right... I think I can do this."

They kiss.

Kidman: "I'll be back soon. I love you!"

Torrie: "I love you too!"

Back to the announcers.

Tirico: "Well, there's a welcome sight, as Billy Kidman gets a good-luck kiss from his wife, Torrie Wilson, just before a match with someone he apparently has to watch out for."

Meltzer: "Well, Eric Angle -- who I believe is the man in question -- is a member of his brother Kurt's Team Angle. You remember Kurt, don't you -- 1996 gold medallist in freestyle wrestling?"

Tirico: "One of many great Olympians the USA has produced."

Meltzer: "Well, so far, he's duplicated that success in the pros, and now he's coaching a bunch of amateur stars who want to follow in his path -- his brother Eric among them. And in two weeks on Pay-Per-View, it'll be Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin, two of those proteges, going against Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio for the WWE Tag Team Titles."

Tirico: "An interesting prospect, David. Let's go to the ring for the intros."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Team #1, first, from Allentown, PA, weighing in at 190 pounds, the co-holder of the WWE Tag Team Championships, Billy Kidman! ... and his partner, from Pittsburgh, PA, weighing in at 245 pounds, Eric Angle! ... and the opponents, first, from Lewiston, ME, weighing in at 214 pounds, Nova! ... and his partner, from Toronto, Canada, weighing in at 245 pounds, Edge!"

Billy Kidman / Eric Angle vs. Nova / Edge

All four men go at it to start, with Kidman and Nova pairing off, as do Edge and Eric. Kidman whips Nova across the ring, scoring a headscissors on the way out that sends Nova hurtling into Edge and Eric, knocking all three down. Eric grabs Nova and DDTs him, covering for two before Edge pulls him off. Edge sends Eric into the corner and spears him, causing Eric to slump over Edge's shoulder.

Edge sets Eric on the top rope and tries for a Frankensteiner, but Kidman climbs up behind Edge and German suplexes him off the ropes. Eric recovers enough to stand on the top rope as Nova charges, and Eric nails Nova with a missile dropkick. Kidman covers Nova for two. Kidman and Eric send Nova into the ropes, but Nova vaults off Edge's back on the rebound and clotheslines both men down. Eric rolls to the outside as Nova backs Kidman into the corner. Nova monkey flips Kidman as Edge (who is now up) leaps for a dropkick, nailing Kidman square in the back.

Nova goes to the top rope as Edge leaves, but his moonsault dive misses. Kidman gets to his feet slowly, as does Nova. Both men charge, and Kidman catches Nova in a ground BK Bomb. He steps over Nova and tags in Eric. Eric enters as Kidman tosses Nova into the ropes. Nova rebounds straight into a belly-to-belly by Eric. Eric covers for two. Eric picks Nova up and tries a DDT, but Nova hooks Eric's leg and trips him up.

Nova picks up Eric's other leg and tries to turn him over in a Sharpshooter, but Kidman runs the apron and springboards in with a DDT to break it up. Nova and Eric both head to their corners, and Edge and Kidman get the tags. Edge tries to spear Kidman, who jumps over Edge. Edge slams on the brakes, but Kidman rolls him up for two. Both men are up, and they slug it out, with Edge winning it and sending Kidman into the ropes, nailing a back body drop on the way out. Edge goes to the top rope as Kidman stands up, but Eric shoves Edge off the turnbuckle and Edge crashes to the mat.

He gets up, but turns right into the Kid Krusher. Kidman covers, but Nova saves. Nova grabs Kidman and plants him with the Spin Doctor before leaving. Edge crawls onto Kidman for two. Edge tags in Nova before sending Kidman into the opposite corner (his own), allowing Eric to get a blind tag. Nova charges Kidman and clotheslines him in the corner, but as he celebrates, Eric comes up from behind with the Angle Slam.

He covers, but Edge saves at two. Now all four men are going at it again. Nova goes to the top and tries a Kryptonite Krunch on Kidman, but Eric shoves Kidman aside and Nova hits the mat. Eric and Kidman get a double suplex on Edge, and Kidman goes up for the Shooting Star Press. Nova recovers and tosses Eric into Kidman's corner, causing Kidman to crash to the outside. Eric turns around in horror, but Edge spins Eric back around and nails the Edgecution DDT. Edge covers, and that's a three-count.

ADVANCING: Edge and Nova (12:19)

Tirico: "And it'll be Edge and Nova advancing from this wild affair, which really could've gone either way."

Meltzer: "It really could have, but you notice the one mistake made here. Eric Angle bumped Billy Kidman from the top rope to the floor, and that was enough to cause the match to turn towards Nova and Edge. I don't think that Kidman will hold any grudge here, though really you never know -- but when two teams are as equally talented as these two, one mistake will change the match."

Okay, backstage we go with 3 Live Kru.

Konnan: "Yo, Dogg, I tink we got dis here in da bag, bro."

Dogg: "Damn straight, K-man. We got the draw of all draws, and tonight, it's gonna be one of the Kru heading straight to the top, baby!"

Killings: "Hell yeah! Hey, man, we're next! Get yer game face on!"

Dogg (grinning): "This is my game face."

Killings: "Aiiight. Hey, K, who you got?"

Konnan: "Some no-name's on the other side, bro. I focus on him, it's alll over. Now go out there and do the Kru proud, man!"

Dogg: "Let's do it!"

Back to ringside.

Tirico: "Let's do it, David? Sounds like a few favors were done tonight."

Meltzer: "Not necessarily favors, Mike. You've got the same chance of drawing your friend as your partner that you do of getting anyone else. That's the beauty of this. It's not unheard-of to see a prominent tag team take on two enemies who are much higher on the food chain. I've seen it happen. This may be just that case -- you never know."

Tirico: "Well, I guess that is the beauty of it. Just as a team with 1000-1 odds can win the NBA draft lottery, anyone can be on anyone's team here in the Lethal Lottery. Let's go to Tony Chimel for the introductions."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, at a total combined weight of 493 pounds, the team of James Maritato and Travis Tomko! ... and their opponents, on their way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 466 pounds, Ron Killings and the Road Dogg of 3 Live Kru!"

James Maritato / Travis Tomko vs. Ron Killings / Road Dogg

Maritato and Tomko charge, but 3LK duck. Killings dropkicks Tomko into the ropes, where Dogg alleyoops him out of the ring. Killings runs the ropes and dives onto Tomko as Dogg catches Maritato from behind in the Dogg Pound. He covers, and the referee counts the three to end the easy win.

ADVANCING: Ron Killings and Road Dogg (1:06)

Tirico: "WOW! I don't believe it! The established duo from 3 Live Kru just polished off their -- obviously overmatched opposition in about 1 minute flat!"

Meltzer: "Hey, these things happen. You get a guy or a pair of guys who are so much better than their opposition, and the end result is academic. You saw it in the first match, where the weak link was disposed of almost immediately, and you see it here, too!"

Tirico: "So 2 of the members of 3 Live Kru are through to the final, and it'll be interesting to see if Konnan, their teammate, will join them later tonight."

Backstage again, this time in Piper's office. We see Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore standing on one side, seemingly keeping their distance from Hurricane on the other, with Evan Karagias in between. Piper is offscreen (the camera is over his shoulder), but we hear him.

Piper: "Gentlemen, thanks fer comin. Ya see, I wanted to get this off ma chest before ya went out there. When this all started I was a little worried that things would be -- ya know, boring. After all, a bunch of team matches with people who are indifferent to each other -- really, what's the fun in that? So, Uncle Roddy... cheated a little. He... uh... well, he put this match together on his own."

Matt's eyes go wide in anger. He and Hurricane simultaneously lean forward to protest.

Piper: "Now hold on here! If ya wanna shot at SummerSlam, yer gonna get along! That's the challenge! Ya think I always teamed with people I liked? Hell, no one cared fer me, but they fought with me, cuz Ol' RP always came through! So that's what I expect of all four of ya! Don't let me down! Get out there and do yer best and put on a show!"

Evan and Moore leave quietly, with Hurricane following, always looking over his shoulder. Matt stares at Piper, then quickly throws his arms up and walks out, angry. We go back to ringside.

Tirico: "An interesting wrinkle there, David, as Roddy Piper apparently took some of the random element out of tonight."

Meltzer: "I don't like the idea, personally -- it's sort of a bait-and-switch tactic for the four guys involved -- but then again, it's his show. He can do what he wants. And if the pairing are what I think they are, you're going to be in for an... interesting dynamic. I'll explain it to you, but I wanna just re-assure you: this isn't a Days of Our Lives storyline; this stuff REALLY HAPPENED."

Tirico: "It should be interesting, then. Tony Chimel, take it away."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, on their way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 395 pounds, the team of Shannon Moore and Evan Karagias! ... and their opponents, first, making his way to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 191 pounds, The Hurricane! ... and his partner, from Cameron, NC, weighing in at 225 pounds, he is the WWE United States Champion, Matt Hardy Version 1!"

Shannon Moore / Evan Karagias vs. The Hurricane / Matt Hardy Version 1

Matt hangs back as Hurricane slides in and gets double-teamed. Matt continues to shout encouragement from the apron while Moore tosses Hurricane into the ropes and gets a rana on him. Evan goes to the top rope and hits a flying elbowdrop on a downed Hurricane. He covers for two. Evan sends Hurricane into the ropes and hits a drop toehold, then runs off the ropes and nails a senton on Hurricane. Evan tags Moore in, and the two send Hurricane into the ropes, hitting a double back elbow on the way out.

Evan tosses Hurricane into the corner and drops down for Poetry in Motion, but Moore's leap is cut off by a Hurricane punch to the gut as Moore crashes onto Evan. Hurricane jumps over them and dives for the tag, but Matt drops to the outside and avoids it. Evan rolls up a surprised Hurricane for two. Evan punches away on Hurricane before tagging Moore in. Moore and Evan send Hurricane into the ropes and clothesline him to the floor.

Matt instantly tosses Hurricane back in, shouting encouragement. Moore comes up from behind Hurricane and hits a release German suplex. He tags in Evan, who gets a springboard legdrop on Hurricane. Evan covers for two. Evan sends Hurricane into the ropes, but Hurricane bounces out with a flying punch-like shot on Evan. Hurricane rolls over to tag Matt in, but this time Matt is clearly out of position, and by the time he returns, Evan has pulled Hurricane away. Evan throws Hurricane into Moore's corner and charges in with a clothesline.

He tags in Moore, who goes to the top rope as Evan slams down Hurricane. Moore dives off the top, over Evan's shoulders, and nails a big splash on Hurricane. He keeps the cover, but it's only two. Moore sends Hurricane into a neutral corner and climbs to the second rope. He pounds on Hurricane, but after 7, he stops to taunt the crowd, allowing Hurricane to reach up and grab the goozle. Hurricane tosses Moore in the choke throw into a charging Evan, then picks Moore up and chokeslams him.

Hurricane again dives for the corner, but Evan manages to knock Matt off the apron (okay, Matt exaggerated it) to prevent the tag. Evan picks Hurricane up and drops him in an electric chair. He covers for two. Evan works an abdominal stretch near his corner, and as the referee checks on Hurricane, Moore grabs on. Matt grabs Moore at the same time.

The referee sees this and breaks all connections, allowing Hurricane to hiptoss Evan. Both men are up, and Hurricane scores an enzuigiri on Evan to knock him down. Hurricane crawls over to his corner, where Matt arrives, surveys the situation, rolls his eyes, and extends his hand, finally accepting the tag.

Matt enters the ring and peppers both Moore and Evan with right hands before dropping Moore with a DDT. He hops up to the second rope, yells, and drops the leg. He covers for two before Evan saves. Matt sends Evan out of the ring with a clothesline, and Hurricane dives off the top rope onto Evan. Matt tosses Shannon into the turnbuckle, kicks him in the gut, and nails the Twist of Fate. He covers, and the ref makes the one-two-three.

ADVANCING: The Hurricane and Matt Hardy Version 1 (13:03)

Tirico: "It looks like Matt Hardy kept his eyes on the prize there, and the result is, he's through to the final! Definitely a deserved win for--"

Matt pounds on Hurricane now that it's done, with Moore joining in. Evan goes up to the top rope and dives off, but Matt and Moore step aside and Evan lands his knee on Hurricane's back. Evan gets up, and all three men hug before standing tall.

Tirico: "Look at this! It looks like Matt Hardy has a new ally! Apparently it was all some sort of scheme!"

Meltzer: "I don't quite understand it, Mike, but there you go -- it looks like there's another follower of Mattitude!"

We go backstage, where Team Angle is holding a meeting.

Kurt: "All right, all right -- we got one guy in, and we shoulda had two. Eric, I'm disappointed in you, but that's okay -- you're getting a little better. Mike, I'll see you in the finals. Charlie -- I expect you to go all-out for your match. I don't want any excuses, got it? Shelton -- you know what I wanna see out of you. Let's get out there and show them how Team Angle gets things done, got it? Good!"

Kurt and Shelton walk off, leaving Barton, Eric, and Haas in the back.

Barton: "Wait -- I thought they were on opposite teams."

Eric: "So did I."

Haas: "Maybe they are, but we're still Team Angle."

Back to ringside.

Tirico: "I wonder what Kurt Angle meant there -- if he's training people in his ways, I don't think he'd be consulting an opponent, do you, David?"

Meltzer: "Well, yes and no -- Kurt Angle's a strange man. He has a way about him that not many people would agree with, but it works for him. It works well -- the guy's a decorated champion. I'm not going to argue with him -- maybe his tactics aren't what I'd do, but they've brought him to the winner's circle so far."

Tirico: "We'll have to see what he has in mind as we go back to Tony Chimel."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, in the ring, from Chicago, IL, weighing in at 233 pounds, Scott Colt! ... and his partner, from Orangeburg, SC, weighing in at 245 pounds, one-half of the Self-Professed World's Greatest Tag Team, Shelton Benjamin! ... and the opponents, first, from Hartford, CT, weighing in at 205 pounds, Paul London! ... and his partner, from Pittsburgh, PA, weighing 220 pounds, Kurt Angle!"

Scott Colt / Shelton Benjaminvs. Paul London / Kurt Angle

Colt and Kurt start, with Kurt smirking at Colt the whole time. Kurt locks up and gets a headlock, but Colt back suplexes him. Kurt gets up, surprised, and locks up again. Kurt backs Colt into a corner and pretends to offer a clean break, but chops Colt instead. Kurt chops Colt a second time, but on the third try, Colt catches the chop and rides Kurt to the ground with an armbar.

Kurt stands up quickly and tosses Colt to break the armbar, but Colt gets up and takes Kurt down with a double-leg takedown. Colt tries to go ground and pound on Kurt, but Kurt blocks and they're back to square one. Kurt wins a lockup with a headlock and promptly switches to a wristlock, but Colt is ready and backs Kurt into a neutral corner.

Kurt staggers out into a rana by Colt, after which Colt heads to the apron and slingshots in with a legdrop on Kurt. He covers for two. Kurt gets up quickly, confused, and tries another lockup. Colt ducks underneath it, but as he does, Shelton tags himself in. Colt leaves as Shelton and Kurt stare down...

...and Shelton gets floored by a Kurt phantom punch. Kurt dives for the cover as London cuts Colt off, and Shelton stays down for three.

ADVANCING: Paul London and Kurt Angle (4:52)

Tirico: "What just happened? Did Shelton Benjamin get knocked out?"

Meltzer: "No he didn't! That punch never landed! Shelton Benjamin just took a dive! He rigged the match!"

As Kurt celebrates, Shelton applauds, and London heads to the back half in disgust, Colt races back in and knocks Kurt down, punching away on his head. Shelton grabs Colt and tosses him into the ropes, but puts his head down and is nailed with a DDT on the rebound. Colt returns to Kurt and gets a double underhook, then lifts Kurt up and nails the Colt 45 backbreaker. Colt spits on Kurt and Shelton as he walks out with the crowd cheering.

Tirico: "Whoa! That's one kid who wasn't going to be thankful just to show up, David! He just flew through both Kurt Angle and Shelton Benjamin, who have to be wondering who this guy is right now!"

Meltzer: "I could've told them! This kid -- Scott Colt -- was considered the shining star of the WWE's minor league! He is known around the country and respected for his abilities! Kurt Angle should've done his homework, cuz he'd have known you don't screw someone with Scott Colt's talent."

Tirico: "Folks, we are halfway through tonight's telecast, and we have to pay the bills. We'll be back after these words from your local sponsor -- it's halftime here at the Bash!"

***INTERMISSION***

[The Third Dukes]

I'd switch to CBC from ABC, but I don't know how they'd go about it, so no. Anyway, back to the US feed -- your mileage (or kilometrage) may vary.

*****

Tirico: "Welcome back, folks, and if you're just joining us here at the Great American Bash, here are some highlights from earlier tonight. We began with Mike Barton helping his team to victory after disposing of the rookie Steve Rizzono. It was Bull Buchanan and Jose Maximo going on in the second match after Jose made the pin on his brother Joel. We then saw Edge and Nova win a hard-fought battle over opponents Eric Angle and Billy Kidman when Angle and Kidman collided. Our next match wasn't much of one, more of a slaughter as Ron Killings and Road Dogg ran through James Maritato and Travis Tomko. Up next, we saw Matt Hardy and Hurricane advance, but it was the aftermath, where Hurricane was ganged up on by all three men, that got everyone's attention. And Kurt Angle and Paul London were gift-wrapped a spot in the finals by Shelton Benjamin, much to the dismay of his partner, Scott Colt. Dave, we've seen a lot of interesting matches thus far, and the big one -- the battle royal -- is still to come. Any surprises yet?"

Meltzer: "Well, to me, the big surprise was the action of Shelton Benjamin. You would think the guy would have more... more pride in his trade than to let someone get a win on him. It doesn't bode well for Kurt Angle or Paul London, who so far hasn't even set foot inside the ring proper."

Tirico: "That is true. What match has impressed you the most?"

Meltzer: "Well, to me, if I were to take along a lucky loser team, it would Kidman and Eric Angle. They were able to put their differences aside, and except for one mistake right at the end, they went toe-to-toe with Nova and Edge -- and Edge is going to be a favorite in the finals tonight, make no mistake."

Intros signal the return to action.

Tirico: "Folks, it's time to return to the ring, so let's go to Tony Chimel and find out who we have right now."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, headed to the ring, at a total combined weight of 525 pounds, the team of Sonjay Dutt and Nathan Jones! ... And their opponents, first, on his way to the ring, representing the Right to Censor, weighing 331 pounds, Mark Henry! ... and his partner, from Mexico City, weighing 250 pounds, he is part of 3 Live Kru, Konnan!"

Sonjay Dutt / Nathan Jones vs. Mark Henry / Konnan

Konnan and Dutt pair off, as do Henry and Jones. Henry and Jones get into a huge slugfest, neither man giving an inch, while Konnan scores a rolling lariat and facejam on Dutt. Konnan tosses Dutt into the corner and grabs Jones from behind in a full nelson. Henry opens up on him with punches to the gut, but Dutt flies in and wipes out all three men with a bodypress.

An angry Jones picks Dutt up and throws him into the corner, following him in with a series of punches around the face while Konnan and Henry watch in confusion. Jones finishes after two dozen shots and walks out of the ring, so Konnan picks Dutt out of the corner and covers him for the victory before any more damage is done.

ADVANCING: Konnan and Mark Henry (2:43)

Tirico: "Nathan Jones apparently doesn't care if he's performing at SummerSlam at all."

Meltzer: "No he doesn't. All he cares about is hurting people. He saw Sonjay Dutt in that match as another person to beat up, and when Sonjay hit him, that was all the excuse Nathan Jones needed. He made his point and moved on."

Tirico: "Let's go backstage, where Kevin Kelly is standing by. Kev?"

We quickly go backstage, where Kevin Kelly is standing by with Eddie Guerrero and Undertaker.

Kelly: "All right, Eddie Guerrero, Undertaker, the two of you will be in the next match, but it will be as opponents, just as you will be in two weeks' time. Do either of you plan on holding back and risking losing out on the guaranteed spot at SummerSlam?"

Eddie: "Kevin, hombre, have you ever known me to go halfway at anything? I am a man of pride, and a man of integrity! You will see me at my very best tonight at the Great American Bash! You will then see me repeat that performance at Vengeance, because I don't make no excuses, and I don't take no fallbacks! Viva Guerrero!"

Kelly: "And what about you, Undertaker?"

Taker: "Every time... I enter the ring... is another time... for me... to destroy those... who cross my path... Be it tonight... or be it at Vengeance... I will stand tall... I will eliminate all who resist... They shall come to know the power of the Undertaker... To the other WWE personalities who would dare to defeat me, I say... Rest -- In -- Peace...."

Kelly: "Okay, guys, thanks very much. Back to you, Mike."

Tirico: "Thanks, Kevin. Well, it seems that we're in for a treat in this next one, depending on who the partners are, so let's find out together with Tony Chimel."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Team #1, at a total combined weight of 470 pounds, the team of Doug Basham and the WWE Heavyweight Champion, Eddie Guerrero! ... and their opponents, first, from the Great State of Texas, weighing 269 pounds, Billy Gunn! ... and his partner, from Death Valley, weighing in at 305 pounds, the Undertaker!"

Doug Basham / Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Gunn / Undertaker

Eddie charges and pounds away on Gunn as Taker attacks Basham. Both men send their foes into the ropes and deliver something on the way out -- Eddie a clothesline, Taker a big boot. Eddie picks Gunn up and suplexes him as Taker stands over Basham. Eddie rolls through with it and suplexes Gunn again as Basham stands up straight into the goozle. Eddie's third suplex and Taker's chokeslam are simultaneous.

Taker covers Basham, but Eddie saves at two. Taker gets up and stares down Eddie, but it allows Gunn to recover and cradle Eddie for one before Eddie pops up and ranas Gunn out of the ring. Taker charges Eddie, but Eddie ducks. Taker bounces off the ropes and swings at Eddie, but again Eddie ducks; however, this time Basham gets it. Gunn returns, but Eddie dodges the Fame-Asser and picks Gunn up.

Eddie locks on the Gory Special into a neckbreaker as Basham is on the receiving end of a second chokeslam. Eddie goes to the top rope as Taker gives the cut-throat signal. Eddie slaps his chest as Doug gets scooped up in the Tombstone position. Eddie nails the Frog Splash on Gunn as Taker drills Basham. Eddie is winded from the landing, though, and Taker covers Basham before Eddie can cover Gunn. Both men stay on their cover for three, but it's Taker's that counts.

ADVANCING: Billy Gunn and The Undertaker (5:37)

Eddie hears Taker's music and realizes he was too late. He turns around, sees Taker on Basham, and shakes his head, leaving the ring. He doesn't see Taker make his one-knee pose in Eddie's direction as the crowd applauds.

Tirico: "Well, it's pretty clear now that these two men both deserve to be champions, but tonight, only one man could go through, and that man was The Undertaker."

Meltzer: "That's true, but one more thing to notice here -- look at the Undertaker right now. He is showing respect for his opponent. You have to believe that it'll be business in two weeks, but that both these men respect each other's athleticism, skills, fighting spirit, and everything else. I think we'll be in for a treat at Vengeance."

Tirico: "Still, David, it closes a loophole in at least one case. Eddie Guerrero will not be both champion and top contender come SummerSlam."

Meltzer: "That is right. I would say Vengeance has become all the more important for Eddie Guerrero."

Back to backstage, where Faarooq, Bradshaw, Rizzono, Colt, Nova, London, and Hennigan are playing cards. Faarooq checks his watch.

Faarooq: "Damn. Deal me out, man. I got my match next."

Hennigan: "You do?"

Faarooq: "Yeah, foo. The champs just finished."

Hennigan: "Hey, in that case, I'm up next, too."

Bradshaw: "Y'all gonna be long?"

Faarooq: "Hell no. We gon' just do a little beat-down and be right back. Hell, I don't even care if I lose."

Bradshaw: "All right, I guess we can go five-way for a while. Hey, Scott, you gonna go easy now that the big man ain't around?"

Colt (sitting behind the big stack): "Why should I? I ain't gettin' burned twice tonight."

Bradshaw: "Good answer, kid. I like that attitude. If only Steve here woulda felt the same way!"

Rizzono (nearly out): "Hey, it's not my fault I--"

Bradshaw: "Shut up, loser!"

Back to the arena as intros begin.

Tirico: "Always interesting to see how the participants unwind backstage, isn't it?"

Meltzer (chuckling): "Faarooq and Bradshaw are avid card players, Mike, but it appears that Scott Colt might be the new golden boy of the WWE if he's that successful at their game."

Tirico: "Let's go to Tony Chimel and get all the details on our next match."

Chimel: "The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, on the way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 376 pounds, the team of John Hennigan and the co-holder of the WWE Tag Team Championships, Rey Misterio! ... and their opponents, first, weighing 220 pounds, the leader of the Right to Censor, Steven Richards! ... and his partner, from Warner Robbins, GA, weighing 270 pounds, Faarooq!"

John Hennigan / Rey Misterio vs. Steven Richards / Faarooq

As the bell rings, Richards gets into Hennigan's face. Rey and Hennigan approach as Steven backs into Faarooq. Steven turns around to see Faarooq smiling and shaking his head. Steven tries to run, but Faarooq grabs him. Steven is placed in the corner, where Faarooq pounds his head repeatedly in the corner until Steven slumps down. Faarooq steps aside as Rey runs in and nails the Bronco Buster on Steven. Faarooq picks Steven up and press slams him to the center of the ring. Hennigan picks Steven up and gets a suplex on him.

Steven staggers to the ropes, trying to pull himself up, as Rey bounces off the opposite strands and nails Steven with the 6-1-9. Steven staggers backwards straight to Faarooq, who gets his spinebuster on Steven. Hennigan heads to the top rope and turns around as Rey and Faarooq hold Steven down. Hennigan dives with a beautiful moonsault on Steven, and all three cover to keep him down for the full three-count.

ADVANCING: John Hennigan and Rey Misterio (3:45)

Tirico: "And the very unpopular Steven Richards gets his comeuppance in this match! Faarooq threw away a title shot -- which I guess he figured he didn't have much shot at -- in order to destroy this charismatic but controversial wrestler."

Meltzer: "You said the operative word, Mike. Faarooq is in the twilight of his career, and although he still has flashes of brilliance, he is not championship material any more. He knew this, and I think he decided he would have the satisfaction of destroying Steven Richards instead. I guess, anyway -- it's the only way I can make sense of this."

Back to the back, where Paul Heyman is talking to Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam.

Heyman: "Gentlemen, this is it. Rob, I know we've had our differences in the past, but know this -- I believed in you. I made ECW live, breathe, and thrive based on my faith in you. I have no regrets. If there's anyone I would want to stake my future on, it's you. Asai-san, I believe in you now. You are the Cruiserweight champion. Tonight, your actions -- your abilities -- and your results will go a long way toward determining the respect you and your fellow cruisers can get. I know, right here in my heart, that both of you are capable of greatness. If any two men are capable of handling this spot -- having to win a tag match, and with no rest, go straight to the finals -- you two are. Forget what everyone else says! Forget what others think of you! Think of yourself! Think of the glory you two are headed to! Tonight, I see it -- Rob Van Dam and Ultimo Dragon -- the showstealers! You can do it! Go out there and win one! But guys -- don't do it for me. Do it for yourselves and for your glory."

Back to ringside.

Tirico: "Well, David, there's one match to go. Four men still alive for two spots, and I get the feeling that even though everyone had just one shot, this may be the most intense battle we get all night."

Meltzer: "Well, Mike, when you consider who's left, and just from that clue, you can piece together the final match -- it really is interesting, and it really is one to look forward to."

Tirico: "Let's get the particulars from Tony Chimel."

Chimel: "The following is the final tag team match scheduled for one fall, and immediately following this match, the Lethal Lottery Finals Battle Royal shall begin! Introducing Team #1, first, from the Department of Corrections in Cobb County, GA, weighing in at 315 pounds, Big Bubba Rogers! ... and his partner, from Edmond, OK, weighing 240 pounds, one-half of the Self-Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team, Charlie Haas! ... and their opponents, first, from Nagoya, Japan, weighing in at 182 pounds, he is the WWE Cruiserweight Champion, Ultimo Dragon! ... and his partner, from Battle Creek, MI, weighing in at 237 pounds, Rob - Van - Dam!"

Big Bubba Rogers / Charlie Haas vs. Ultimo Dragon / Rob Van Dam

RVD and Haas begin. They lock up, and Haas gets the advantage in the corner, slugging away. RVD ducks a right overhead smash, though, and slips out, nailing a spinkick on Haas in the corner. He sends Haas to the opposite corner, somersaults, and monkey flips Haas to the center of the ring. RVD tags in Ultimo, who goes to the top rope and moonsaults Haas halfway across the ring. He covers for two.

Ultimo sees Haas on his hands and knees and hits a guillotine legdrop to Haas's head. He picks Haas up and DDTs him, covering, but Rogers makes the save. RVD is drawn in and all four men go at it again. RVD gets a pair of shoulder thrusts on Bubba, backflips, and charges, but Bubba sidesteps as RVD goes crashing into the post. Haas, meanwhile, catches an Ultimo rana attempt and catapults him out of the ring. Haas gets behind RVD and German suplexes him, bridging but only getting two. Haas sees RVD favoring his arm and takes RVD down with an armbar.

RVD tries to fight out of it, but Haas steps over and drops his weight on the arm. Haas tags Bubba in, and Bubba grabs RVD from the side and suplexes him onto his bad arm. Bubba covers and gets two. Bubba picks RVD up to a seated position and applies a hammerlock. RVD stands up, so Bubba clubs him between the shoulder blades and sends him into the ropes. RVD backflips over the top of Bubba, who turns around and tries to kick RVD, but RVD catches the foot and hits the stepover enzuigiri.

RVD tags in Ultimo as Bubba brings Haas in, and Ultimo nails a series of thrusts and kicks to Haas, backing him into the ropes. Ultimo sends him for the ride and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on the way out. Ultimo connects with a standing moonsault, covering for two before Bubba saves. As Bubba is escorted out, Ultimo tries for the Asai DDT, but Haas catches Ultimo in mid-air and slams him down.

Haas chokes Ultimo as Bubba takes his time leaving. Haas switches to a cover as soon as the referee turns around, and he only gets two. Haas picks Ultimo up and gets a back suplex. He covers for two. Haas tags Bubba in, then balances Ultimo on the middle rope. Bubba bounces off the opposite rope, vaults over Haas (who is practically on his hands and knees, but still), and crushes Ultimo with the leg straddle. Ultimo is dragged face-down to the center of the ring, and Bubba comes off the ropes with a legdrop to the back of the head. He turns Ultimo over and covers for two.

Bubba picks Ultimo up and sends him into the ropes. He puts his knee in Ultimo's gut, sending Ultimo flipping over to the outside. Bubba runs the ropes and baseball slides Ultimo into the guardrail. Bubba grabs Ultimo and tosses him back in, tagging in Haas. Bubba picks Ultimo up in the bearhug position as Haas goes to the top rope. The two deliver a variant on the Hart Attack to Ultimo. Haas waits for Bubba to leave, then covers, but RVD runs in and saves at two.

Haas slams Ultimo's head into Bubba's raised boot, then brings Bubba in. Bubba stomps away on Ultimo before landing a Million Dollar Fistdrop. He covers for two. Bubba sends Ultimo into the ropes and tries for the Bossman Slam, but Ultimo ducks under Bubba's extended arm (remember how he delivers it), grabs his head from behind, and Rolls the Dice for the Double KO. Bubba brings in Haas, but Haas can't cut Ultimo off and RVD gets the tag.

RVD vaults to the top rope and nails a roundhouse to a charging Haas. He pounds away on Haas on the ground, picks him up, and sends him into the corner, scoring a monkey flip as he charges in. Bubba enters, but RVD gets a spinkick on him. RVD gets a handspring moonsault on Haas and covers, but Bubba breaks it up at two.

Bubba pounds on RVD, sending him into the ropes, and Haas tries to meet him. RVD, however, sidesteps and, in one motion, sends Haas crashing into Bubba, causing both men to tumble to the outside. RVD runs the ropes and barrels over the top in a somersault plancha onto both men. Ultimo then re-enters and crosses the ring, hops onto the apron, and Asais all three. RVD returns first, followed by Haas.

RVD slams down Haas, then races to the top rope. His split-legged moonsault is met with knees to the groin, however, and Haas rolls RVD up in La Majistral for two. Haas sends RVD into the turnbuckle, but RVD slides out of the ring and Haas stops short, only to see Ultimo fly off the same turnbuckle and hit the Asai DDT on Haas. Ultimo covers, and Bubba can't break it up in time as we get the three-count.

ADVANCING: Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam (19:20)

Tirico: "And that's it! Rob Van Dam and Ultimo Dragon steal the last two spots with just under a minute to go before the draw! We almost had your lucky loser idea come to fruition!"

Meltzer: "I don't know how they would've handled it, but -- Mike, we have no time to waste! I've been told we're taking a commercial break, but when we come back, the finals will begin!"

Tirico: "No time limit! No countouts! No DQs! Someone is going to SummerSlam, next!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Great American Bash Finals battle royal with: Billy Gunn, Bull Buchanan, Edge, Hurricane, John Hennigan, Jose Maximo, Konnan, Kurt Angle, Mark Henry, Matt Hardy, Mike Barton, Nova, Paul London, Rey Misterio, Road Dogg, Rob Van Dam, Ron Killings, Sean Morley, Ultimo Dragon, Undertaker

Everyone pairs off at random as no one seems to be able to get an advantage for more than two seconds. Nova and London double-team Kurt, landing a double dropkick and double drop toehold. Meanwhile, 3 Live Kru and the RTC are in a huge dogpile in one corner, which nearly sends Dogg over the top rope. Barton tries to punch down Undertaker, who merely stares at him. Hurricane lands a hard superkick to Matt, while London gets a spinebuster on Kurt. Nova attacks Barton from behind, while Edge and RVD exchange kicks. Barton lands a series of crosses on Nova, connecting with a spinning left to send Nova over and to the showers at 2:47.

Undertaker picks a person at random -- John Hennigan -- and launches him over the top and out at 3:08.

Killings dropkicks Henry, who teeters against the ropes. Konnan gets a running start and nails a rolling lariat, and Henry falls out of the ring, eliminated at 3:43.

Joel gets a moonsault off the top on Ultimo, then calls Killings up. The duo do a double superplex to Ultimo, but Morley and Bull take advantage and double legdrop Killings. Matt beats down Hurricane long enough to focus on Konnan, giving him a DDT. London grabs Kurt and tries for the Contra Code, but Kurt uses London's momentum to send him over the corner and out at 5:30.

Edge DDTs Barton, then ties him up for a Sharpshooter. Jose tries a springboard legdrop on Ultimo, but Ultimo rolls aside and, as the two get up, pastes Jose with a roundhouse kick. Killings tries to help Konnan, but Matt sees him coming and pulls the rope down, sending Killings to the outside at 6:44.

Matt sends Konnan into the ropes, but Dogg tries to cut Matt off. Matt nails Dogg with the Twist of Fate. Matt grabs Dogg and tosses him out, too, at 7:30.

Konnan charges Matt, but runs straight into Bull's boot. Morley, Bull, and Matt all team up to throw Konnan over the top and out at 8:07.

The RTC double DDTs Edge to break the Sharpshooter, and Bull works over him for a while. 3 Live Kru recuperate on the outside, so Jose dives over the top with a tope con hilo onto all three, eliminating himself at 9:06.

Morley gets the running knee smashes on Edge, while Bull pounds away on RVD. Ultimo nails the Asai DDT on Gunn, then a second one hits Barton. He tries a third one on Taker, but Taker catches and Tombstones him. Matt tries to toss RVD in the corner, but Hurricane charges and clotheslines Matt in the back of the head. The momentum causes RVD to hit the ground at 10:48, though Matt sneaks back in.

Hurricane picks Matt up and chokeslams him. Barton crawls to the ropes, arriving just in time to get a 6-1-9 from Rey. Matt charges Rey (who is on the apron), but Rey ducks. Hurricane is ready from behind, and Hurricane and Rey combine to pull Matt out at 11:50.

Barton is dead weight, so Taker picks him up and throws him out of the ring at 12:24.

Rey goes to the top rope and dives off with a dragonrana on Taker, who quickly sits back up. Hurricane grabs him from behind with Eye of the Hurricane, but as he celebrates, Taker sits up again. Taker gets to his knees as Gunn bounces off the ropes and drops the Fame-Asser on Taker. Gunn, Hurricane, and Rey all try to eliminate Taker as Edge gets the ten-punch countalong on Bull, scoring a rana on the way out. Kurt nails Morley with an Angle Slam. Meanwhile, Taker revives and reverses the tide on his three aggressors, sending them out one (Rey at 14:57) by one (Gunn at 15:00) by one (Hurricane at 15:09).

Ultimo drops Morley with a double-leg takedown, then applies a figure-four. Bull gets a powerbomb on Edge, but Edge goldbricks so that Bull can't lift him out. Kurt catches Taker from behind in an Angle Slam. Bull puts the body-vice on Edge. Kurt applies a legbar to Taker as Ultimo releases the hold on Morley. Ultimo goes to the top rope, and when Morley gets up, he tries a top-rope Asai DDT, only for Morley to duck it. Ultimo crashes onto Kurt and Taker instead. Edge uses a kneesmash to break the body-vice, but his crossbody is caught and turned into a powerslam. Taker sits up and sends Ultimo into the ropes, hitting the big boot. Morley and Bull get a tandem powerbomb / splash on Edge. Kurt takes a breather until Taker pulls him out of the corner. Taker tries a powerlsam on Kurt, but Kurt slips out the back door and hits a German suplex. He hangs on and gets a second one while Ultimo dropkicks Bull. Kurt hangs on and connects with a third suplex as Edge spears both RTC men. Ultimo attempts to grab Kurt from behind, but Kurt gets a standing switch and sends Ultimo out at 19:27.

Morley tries a Russian legsweep on Edge, but Edge blocks with a back elbow. Edge then ranas Morley to the ropes and clotheslines him to the floor after a surprisingly long 20:35, making Bull, Edge, Kurt, and Taker the FINAL FOUR.

Bull bounces to the top rope and catches a surprised Edge with a lariat on the way down. Kurt comes from behind on Bull, spins him around, punches him three times, and gets an overhead suplex. Kurt pulls the straps down and stalks Bull, but Taker picks Kurt up in a back suplex. Edge grabs Bull in a headlock and rides him for a bulldog. Edge sets up for a spear on Bull, but Bull boots him as he comes in. Bull then charges Kurt and tries to boot him, but Kurt ducks and Bull straddles on the top rope. Taker adds the final soupbone to send him to the floor at 23:07.

Taker stares at Kurt and lifts him up for the Tombstone, but Edge clips Taker and Kurt reverses to a Tombstone position on Taker. Taker, though, bridges and gets the Tombstone back, but Edge crossbodies both of them and Kurt winds up sandwiched in the middle. Edge picks Kurt up and points to Taker. Kurt, comprehending, grabs Taker by the hair. Edge goes to the top rope as Kurt applies a dragon sleeper, and Edge splashes down on Taker's exposed ribs. Kurt and Edge pull Taker to the ropes and struggle to get him over. Taker winds up going over the top rope, but lands on the apron. Edge and Kurt kick away, but Taker sits up and pulls himself to his feet. He grabs Edge by the throat as he re-enters, but Kurt runs the ropes and clotheslines Taker over and out at 26:38.

Edge and Kurt stare each other down. They lock up, both men tired, and Kurt gets a fireman's carry. He tries to kneedrop Edge, who moves aside. Edge sets up for the spear, but Kurt drop toeholds Edge into the ropes. Kurt tries an Ankle Lock, but it's blocked. Edge spears down Kurt, then turns him over and applies his own Ankle Lock. Kurt crawls to the ropes, pulling himself up with them, and nails Edge with an enzuigiri. Kurt slowly climbs to the top rope, looks over his shoulder, and goes for a moonsault -- missing, as always. Edge sets up on the top rope, waiting for Kurt to get up, only for Kurt to race up after him and suplex him off. Kurt staggers over and applies the Ankle Lock to Edge successfully. Edge crawls over to the ropes, but Kurt pulls him away. Edge is in pain, but then gets an idea. He taps furiously. Kurt lets go and begins to celebrate, temporarily forgetting he's in a battle royal. As he turns around, Edge hops to him with a kneelift, sending Kurt over the top and out to end the match and win the title shot.

Great American Bash CHAMPION: Edge (31:00)

Tirico: "There it is! Edge is your winner, and the champion of the Lethal Lottery! It will be Edge in Toronto getting a chance at the WWE Heavyweight Title!"

Meltzer: "And it's in his hometown, Mike! Edge not only survived a gruelling 15-minute tag match and a half-hour battle royal, but what a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Edge, in Toronto, for the title!"

Tirico: "Folks, thank you for joining us here on ABC. We hope you had as much fun watching as we did bringing it to you! For David Meltzer, this is Mike Tirico, saying that this has been a presentation of ABC Sports, the leader in championship television, along with World Wrestling Entertainment. Once again, Edge is the winner of the Lethal Lottery tonight at the Great American Bash! So long, everyone."

<<<FIN>>>

*****

Whew. So there it is. Let me recharge and Virch it. In the meantime, since this is an almost impossible format to do well, I'd almost accept mediocrity as a standard. I hope you liked it.

Dukes

[Drunken Muppet]

Great American Bash is one of your best shows in a while. A Canadian comes out the winner and will be the Latino Heat... if he is still champion. I still say Akio & Sakoda would make a good addition to OVW and could be brought up later to team with Ultimo.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK Rant for Great American Bash, June 27 / 04.

- Live from Norfolk, VA.

- Your (Canadian) hosts are Michael Landsberg and Chris Jericho, who handle things after intros from MacLean and Bruce.

- So, yeah, this is a Lethal Lottery, which means they throw a bunch of random tag matches out there and the winners come back in a battle royal to finish. According to my sources, the draw was legitimately random except for the one match where they admit it wasn't, but thankfully the WWE planned out the finishes a few days in advance. This would account for some bizarre house show matches this weekend.

- Opening match: Steve Rizzono and Bradshaw v. Sean Morley and Mike Barton. Admittedly, back in 1998 I would've thought Bart Gunn and Val Venis could've been a competent tag team, but now, screw it. Rizzono comes out with Bradshaw and is later seen playing poker with him, though that may not mean anything. Bradshaw starts the match during Barton's entrance, getting a shoulderblock. Barton enters and he and Bradshaw re-enact the Brawl for All final, including the lack of heat. Morley pulls Bradshaw back and the double-teaming makes Bradshaw YOUR cowboy-in-peril. Odd choice, since Rizzono would seem more like the guy to get the snot beat out of him. Morley with the knee smashes and Russian legsweep, and Barton enters with a spinebuster for two. Well, he's main event ready all right. Moral High Ground misses, and Rizzono enters. Barton catches him off the top with the TKO for the win at 4:37. Not a good start. 1/2*

- Jose and Joel Maximo talk about being opponents.

- Bull Buchanan and Jose Maximo v. Joel Maximo and Jamie Noble. Certainly an odd decision to make here, but there's plenty of odd decisions in the booking tonight. Jose with a dropkick to Noble and armdrag to Joel, and the Maximos get a double-team disguised as miscommunication. Bull tosses Jose onto his opponents, but that leads to a double-team as Joel tosses Jose in. Double DDT gets two for Noble. Abdominal stretch by Noble, with Joel dropkicking Jose in the open ribs. Joel does the Tree of Woe baseball slide on Jose, as I guess he's the de facto face in peril. See what I mean about odd choices? Bull Buchanan, being pushed as one of your top heels, is going to get the hot tag. Joel chokes Jose with the top half of his singlet, which both established him as the heel and helps me figure out which is which. Noble with a missile dropkick for two. Back elbow, and Bull enters, allowing the "heels" to double superplex Jose for two. Joel tries the moonsault combo, getting two, two, and an airball. Joel charges Jose, who tosses out Joel, who skins the cat back in and charges a second time, but gets a lariat for the Double KO. Nice. Joel up first, but Jose kips up and spinkicks his brother, hot tag Bull. And ain't that weird. Body-vice gutbuster on Joel, rebound lariat for Noble, Dr. Death military press for Joel, and Bull and Jose end with a powerbomb / springboard splash combo for the pin at 11:39. There's a reason the tag formula is used so often. **1/4 Bull turns on Jose so he doesn't get cheered or anything.

- Kidman and Torrie "act out" their reservations over Eric Angle teaming with them and announce that it's Kidman/Rey v. WGTT at Vengeance. Well, they lit it up a year ago, might as well give them another run...

- Billy Kidman and Eric Angle v. Nova and Edge. Good pop for all four men. Huge donnybrook to start, and Kidman opens the bidding with a headscissors on Nova that picks up the spare. Eric DDTs Nova for two. Edge spears Eric and in one motion puts him on the top rope, but Kidman tosses Edge away. Eric gets a missile dropkick on Nova, getting Kidman two. Nova counters a whip by leaping off Edge's back and knocking down both foes. Beautiful spot next as Nova monkey flips Kidman into an Edge dropkick, which hits Kidman while he's upside down. Nova and Kidman are now officially legal, but the Novasault misses. Kidman with a BK Bomb variant, and Eric gets a belly-to-belly for two. Nova reverses a DDT try into a Sharpshooter, but Kidman breaks it up with a springboard DDT. Edge and Kidman in, and Kidman jumps the spear and rolls Edge up for two. Edge with a BAAAAAAAAACK body drop off a slugfest, and he goes up, but Eric sends him back down. Kid Krusher gets two before Nova saves... and nails a Spin Doctor. Edge gets two. Enter Nova, but Edge gets stupid and sends Kidman into the wrong corner. Nova nails the corner clothesline, but Eric (who had gotten a blind tag) Angle Slams Nova for two and it's BONZO GONZO. Eric saves Kidman from the Kryptonite Krunch, and Edge is suplexed into SSP position. Nova sends Eric into Kidman, who crashes to the ground, and Eric walks into the Edgecution for the pin at 12:19. NOW we're talking. ***1/4

- Backstage, 3 Live Kru talk about what a great draw they got.

- James Maritato and Travis Tomko v. 3 Live Kru (Killings and Dogg). Brawl to start, big dive, Dogg Pound, goodnight at 1:06. DUD Probably all the better. Jericho claims he could win faster than the Kru did.

- Roddy Piper admits to rigging the draw for the next match. The participants are not amused.

- Shannon Moore and Evan Karagias v. Hurricane and Matt Hardy. I'm not surprised. Matt Facts~!: Matt was the popular one in school, and Matt has friends in low places. This was actually a neat bit of foreshadowing, come to think of it. Hurricane charges and is double-teamed as Matt yells encouragement. Funny. Big elbow by Evan gets two. Drop toehold and senton by Evan, and Moore enters with a double elbowsmash. The jobbers mess up Poetry in Motion and Hurricane tries a tag, but Matt slips and falls to the outside. It could happen! Evan rolls Hurricane up for two. Double clothesline to the floor, and Matt makes sure Hurricane beats the count back in. Moore with a release German suplex, and Evan gets a springboard legdrop for two as the duo reignites their WCW chemistry. Flying jalapeno and Hurricane tries again for the tag, but Matt is caught off-guard and Evan stops it. Corner clothesline by Evan, and Moore with the tower splash for two. Moore punches on Hurricane, but Hurricane throws 3 Count together and chokeslams Moore. Hurricane tries AGAIN, but Evan manages to send Matt flying all the way off the apron to the guardrail with the best collision of his life. Evan with an electric chair drop for two. Evan into the abdominal stretch, and Moore helps out, so Matt races over and tries to pull Moore off of Evan. The referee breaks the connection and Hurricane hiptosses out. Hurrigiri to Evan, and Matt finally gets the hot tag (his "Do I have to?" look as he extends his hand is priceless). DDT and yodelling legdrop for Moore gets two. Hurricane dons the CAPE OF DOOM and dives onto Evan as Matt hits the Twist of Fate for the pin at 13:09. Severe beatdown on Hurricane as Evan turns and joins Mattitude. Brilliant booking. **3/4

- Team Angle gets a peptalk as Kurt and Shelton discuss how to play as a team, which surprises Eric and Barton because they're opponents. Uh oh...

- Scott Colt and Shelton Benjamin v. Paul London and Kurt Angle. Landsberg nearly screws up, almost calling him Colt Cabana (his indy name). Jericho smooths it over. Kurt gets arrogant starting with Colt, who surprises him with a back suplex. Kurt chops in the corner, but Colt catches one with an armbar. Kurt tosses Colt, who returns with a double-leg takedown. Colt pounds away, but Kurt escapes and the crowd applauds Colt. Kurt gets another headlock, quickly switching to a wristlock to avoid the first counter, so Colt backs him into a corner and gets a rana and slingshot legdrop for two. Kurt gives a great "who is this guy?" look to the camera and flashes a signal to Shelton, who tags himself in and gets pinned by the PHANTOM PUNCH OF DEATH at 4:52. London literally did nothing. This was all about making Colt look good while getting Team Angle over as being all about Kurt, and at least they didn't drag it out longer than they had to. 3/4* Colt gets royally pissed and goes medieval on both Shelton and Kurt to a huge pop. A star is born.

- Halftime show, as Jericho does a mock "Coach's Corner" segment and the Royal Canadian Air Farce does an impression of the McMahon family watching from home. "But Daddy, I wanna be back on TV!" "Not until your boobs inflate again!" Good stuff.

- Sonjay Dutt and Nathan Jones v. Konnan and Mark Henry. Can we go back to intermission? Henry and Jones have a no-selling contest while Konnan does his moves of insufficient doom on Dutt. Konnan and Henry double on Jones, but Dutt flies in and nails his partner while taking everyone out. That's a big mistake, as Jones delivers the corner punch flurry (which Jericho calls the K-1 KO) on Dutt before walking away. Konnan quietly pins Dutt at 2:43. Mercifully short. DUD

- Kevin Kelly interviews both Eddie Guerrero and Undertaker about tonight and about Vengeance.

- Doug Basham and Eddie Guerrero v. Billy Gunn and Undertaker. Eddie pairs off with Gunn while Taker draws Basham, and the two have a contest to see who can squash their opponent faster. Rolling verticals coincides with the chokeslam, and Taker goes for the pin but Eddie saves. Staredown allows Gunn to cradle Eddie for one before being sent out of the ring. Taker swings at Eddie, who ducks, but Basham gets blasted. Gory Special and a second chokeslam coincide, and Eddie nails the Frog Splash a split second before Taker gets the Tombstone. Eddie bounces off of Gunn, though, and Taker's pin beats Eddie's in a photo finish at 5:37. I think we all know who REALLY won, though. *1/4

- The APA are playing cards as Faarooq talks about not expecting to win. Scott Colt is cleaning house, while poor Rizzono is short stacked.

- John Hennigan and Rey Misterio v. Steven Richards and Faarooq. Faarooq helps lead a massive beatdown on Steven to a huge pop, culminating in a moonsault by Hennigan for the dogpile and pin at 3:27. DUD

- Paul Heyman psychs up Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam, who are teaming tonight. As always, Heyman rules.

- Big Bubba Rogers and Charlie Haas v. Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam. Rogers is once again from "The Dept. of Correction in Cobb County, Georgia". Jericho speculates as to how he did on the final exam. Haas wins a lockup and punches away, but RVD gets loose and spinkicks Haas. Monkey flip, and Ultimo enters with a moonsault almost halfway across the ring (!!) for two. Guillotine legdrop and DDT gets two. Everyone enters the ring as RVD crashes into the post on his shoulder thrusts. Ultimo is sent out by Haas, who then German suplexes RVD for two. Haas sees a chance for some psychology and works RVD's arm. Bubba suplexes RVD (making sure he lands bad-arm first) for two. Bubba slaps on a hammerlock, then turns to the clubberin'. RVD flips out and nails the stepover enzuigiri, hot tag Ultimo. Haas gets the crap beat out of him, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and standing moonsault get two. Asai DDT try is countered to a spike slam (EW!) by Haas, who gets two (after adding some choking). Back suplex gets two as Ultimo starts revving up the Iizuka scale. Haas and Bubba do a poor man's version of the leapfrog choke, molding it with the rope straddle, and Bubba adds a legdrop for two. Knee to the gut sends Ultimo out, and Bubba adds a baseball slide to Ultimo, who flies into the guardrail. Wow, someone brought their working boots. Haas in, and the two do a top-rope Hart Attack clothesline for two. Haas tosses Ultimo into Bubba's boot (an old-school tag spot if ever there was one), and Bubba gets a fistdrop DiBiase-style for two. Bossman Slam try is turned by Ultimo into a Roll the Dice, and it's hot tag #2 to RVD. Flying roundhouse kick to Haas, spinkick to Bubba, and handspring moonsault to Haas for two as it's BONZO GONZO ALONZO. RVD tosses Haas into Bubba in one motion, much like in the video games, and both heels head outside. RVD dives onto both of them, and Ultimo gets the Asai onto all three. Back in, RVD slams down Haas, but the split-legged moonsault hits the knees (ouch). Haas gets La Majistral for two. Haas tosses RVD into the corner, but RVD slides aside as Ultimo comes off the same corner with the Asai DDT for the three at 19:20. All those who had Bubba Rogers being involved in the best match of the night, raise your hands. Liars. ***1/2

- Finals: So, it's RVD, Ultimo, Rey, Hennigan, Taker, Gunn, Konnan, Henry, Angle, London, Hardy, Hurricane, Killings, Dogg, Edge, Nova, Bull, Jose, Barton, and Morley. A huge mishmash of stuff goes on early. Nova and London double up on Kurt, while 3LK and RTC renew acquaintances. Taker no-sells Barton, while Hurricane and Matt bring the hatred. Barton punches out Nova, using the discus punch to send him to the showers at 2:47. Taker tosses Hennigan at 3:08 for the heck of it. The Kru isolates Henry, and he and his fat are gone at 3:43 via Konnan. Jose and Killings double up Ultimo as Landsberg shills the CW three-way at Vengeance. RTC beat up Killings. London tries the Contra Code and gets sent flying over the top and through a table at 5:30. Edge gets the Sharpshooter on Barton and holds on for almost three minutes, which in Canada is considered first-degree assault. Jose and Ultimo do a cruiserweight sequence as Matt goes nuts on the Kru. Killings is gone at 6:44. Dogg goes outta there at 7:30. Konnan has more luck, but the RTC help Matt toss him at 8:07. Bull DDTs Edge to free Barton, while Jose sees 3LK mulling about and dives onto all of them at 9:06, but that takes HIM out. Oops. Ultimo nails an Asai DDT on Gunn, then Barton, then Ta... nevermind, Taker just Tombstoned Ultimo. Matt tries to eliminate RVD, but Hurricane nails Matt, which sends RVD out at 10:48 as Matt rolls back in. Chokeslam to Matt, and poor Barton gets hit with a 6-1-9 from Rey. Hurricane and Rey yank Matt out at 11:50, and Taker chucks Barton to the floor at 12:24 to put him out of his misery. Dragonrana by Rey on Taker, who sits up. Eye of the Hurricane, but he sits up. Dumbasser, but -- you guessed it -- he sits up. All three try to toss Taker. Edge punches away on Bull, scoring a rana out of the ten-punch position, while Kurt Angle Slams Morley. Taker wakes up and goes ballistic. Rey is sent packing at 14:57, and Gunn flies right behind him at 15:00. Hurricane eats boot and is out at 15:09. What a team player. Ultimo with a figure-four on Morley. Bull powerbombs Edge, but can't pick him up. Kurt gets the Angle Slam on taker as Bull goes to the body-vice on Edge. Ultimo releases the figure-four and goes up, but overshoots Morley and lands on Kurt and Taker. Edge fights out but gets powerslammed. RTC attack Edge while Taker boots Ultimo, only to get hit with rolling Germans by Kurt. Edge spears both RTCers, while Kurt sends Ultimo out at 19:27. Morley is sent out by his brother-in-law at 20:35.

Final Four: Bull, Edge, Kurt, Taker. Bull with the rebound lariat on Edge, but Kurt overhead suplexes Bull. Taker sends Kurt in a backdrop while Edge gets a bulldog on Bull, dog. Bull boots to block a spear, then tries to do the same to Kurt, but crotches himself on the ropes. Taker soupbones him out at 23:07. I realize in a battle royal it's easy to last a long time, but I gotta commend Bull here. He's my vote for Most Improved at this rate. Taker and Kurt do a Tombstone reversal sequence, ending when Edge dives onto both men. Edge and Kurt double-team Taker with an awesome dragon sleeper / bodypress combo. They both try to send Taker out, but Taker fights them off. He tries to goozle Edge, but Kurt charges and eliminates Taker at 26:38. So it's Edge v. Kurt, as Jericho quickly points out it's "the guy Eddie beat for the belt" against "the guy who would be the hometown hero". Kurt with a fireman's carry as both men sell the long match. Kneedrop misses, spear misses, Angle Lock is blocked, and Edge gets the spear and an Angle Lock of his own. Kurt with the enzuigiri to break, and he goes up to miss the moonsault. Now Edge goes up, which is dangerous, but Kurt gets the Pop-Up Superplex and Angle Lock. Edge hangs on for a full minute before tapping out, though that means nothing. Kurt, caught in the moment, celebrates, and Edge hops in and kneelifts him out at 31:00 to make the main event in his hometown at SummerSlam. I don't rate battle royals, but once they got down to 6 this was pretty tight.

The Bottom Line:

Well, if this were PPV I'd say a waste of money and thumbs in the middle, but it was on free TV and produced a fun little break. Edge winning means it'll be face/face at SummerSlam, so odds are Jericho/Rhyno will main event. As a free TV event, this was awesome, with four matches at or around *** (almost WrestleMania-like in that fasion). Too bad no one will remember it three months from now.

A qualified thumbs up.

*****

June 28, 2004

WWE.com

From the heart of the South in Richmond, Virginia, we present to you another edition of WWE RAW on SpikeTV!

We already know it'll be Chris Jericho and Rhyno meeting at SummerSlam, but a few people want a chance to prove they belong as well. Eric Bischoff is putting two of those people against each other, and they're two guys who have reason to think they could be champion -- they fought for the belt at WrestleMania! It's HHH against Kane, one more time, tonight!

RNN has been known for providing memorable moments, night after night. Tonight, Orton assures us he'll keep up that fine tradition. He refuses to name his guest for the night, though, but he says it'll be the best interview segment in WWE history -- guaranteed! Those are bold words!

One week after a devastating loss to Molly Holly, Christian is looking to get back to his winning ways. He will be tested tonight when he goes one-on-one with the former 5-time WCW champion, Booker T! Can Christian recover, or will the Sucka prevail? You'll have to watch to know!

All this and more -- including 2 titles on the line -- tonight at 9 / 8 Central, only on the First Network for Men, SpikeTV!

[Guest y2gudge]

A different kind of 'PPV' but overall it was a good read. You brought Colt & Rizzono in well with the differing storylines but I hope to god you re-tool Edge from his bland self before SS or it's one Main Event I won't be looking forward to!

*y2gudge*

[grind your soul]

Eh, I wasn't too big on the over-all show, but that's okay, since there's almost no way in hell I'd be overly excited about it if it happened IRL.

Some of the matches got WAY too much time. How long was the show on the wholescale? Four hours? Way too long for a glorified battle royal.

But that's okay. It's not like I dedicated four hours of my life to reading it.

Sorry about the OTR stuff, by the way. I haven't been on EWB much in the past few days, and I didn't notice your PM until this morning.

[The Third Dukes]

Sorry about the OTR stuff, by the way. I haven't been on EWB much in the past few days, and I didn't notice your PM until this morning.

←

Hey, it's cool. If you are still interested and stuff, I'll post it when you have it done. I mean, I won't WAIT or anything, but I have no problem and stuff.

Yeah.

Dukes

[The Third Dukes]

Okay, guys, I will hit the fast forward button when I get to the weekend in... 10 minutes or so. I'm going to do a Virch on the RAWs and SDs of the next two weeks, because frankly, every time I try to write it up, Yahoo's "pop-up blocker" lets a pop-up slip through the cracks and my computer freezes. I've lost a ton of material because of this, and it's ticking me off.

However, I will write segments out in full if they are requested after I do the shows. However, I'm experimenting with just a Virch (pure rant or match rant + interview transcripts) over the next two weeks. We'll see what it looks like as I continue to hone my skills and try to get back on schedule (I'm about 3-4 weeks behind real time -- not good).

I will edit it into this post. Cheerio.

Dukes

*****

Edited now.

Fitzy: Yep, from here on in, it's all Word.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Jun. 28 / 04.

- Live from Richmond, VA.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- Opening interview: RNN. Randy Orton promises a guest so thrilling it will be remembered as the greatest RNN of all time. And now, joining us via the OrTron 5800... Randy Orton. Yup. Orton interviews himself as JR expresses outrage. Funny bit where Sting (the wrestler) is confused with Sting (the musician). Orton kicked HHH out of Evolution, he destroyed Shawn Michaels' legacy, he is known far and wide as the future of the industry, yada yada yada. Both Ortons kiss up to each other as we close the segment. This was pretty much a watered-down version of an old "Piper's Pit", although much less cool because it wasn't vintage Piper.

- Sting rebuts backstage. Orton keeps winning because his friends watch out for him and help him beat superior competition. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. But don't worry, Sting says, because he has an old friend who wants to help him out. I panic and check lexluger.com, but then realize not even the WWE's that stupid. So next week, the odds will be on his side again.

- Tracy, Trish Stratus, and Alexis Laree v. Jazz, Gail Kim, and (evil) Victoria. Laree is insanely over in her hometown return. Huge fight-out to start, and the heels dominate as Victoria tosses Tracy. Everyone goes outside, so Laree dives over the top with a pescado to pop the crowd HUGE. Back in the ring, Tracy gets a rana as Trish nails the Stratusfaction on Gail for two. Tracy tries a corner clothesline but runs into Jazz's forearm. Jazz with the double chickenwing as Tracy becomes YOUR chick-in-peril. Gail does the ropewalk crossbody for two. Victoria with a slam and legdrop for two. Jazz and Gail try a double-team that backfires, hot tag... Trish? Yup, as she slugs away on Victoria and gets the Chick Kick on Gail. Jazz appears again and runs her over, into an STF. Tracy pulls Trish to the ropes, but that draws the ref in and Trish is triple-teamed. Gail enters with a rana for two. Victoria loses her grip on the Widow's Peak, and Trish gets a Stratusfaction to get the double KO. Hot tag Laree (which is what the fans wanted, making the first hot tag a nice swerve), and she beats up all three and finishes with the LareeDT on Jazz for the pin at 8:49. Does the Women's title mean anything when the champ keeps getting pinned and it changes hands? * Tracy enthusiastically celebrates with Laree, while Trish is more reserved.

- Chris Nowinski joins us, wearing a first-class suit... and the chains. WALL STREET PIMPS REPRESENTIN, YO! He says he got the gold and rid the WWE of its poison once and for all. He expects a thank you from Vince any time now. But he loves himself some gold, and the title scene on RAW is full of fools (he mentions Rhyno and Mondo by name, interestingly). So it's open season on the titleholders, and he'll out-think them for the belt. Oh, joy, a Nowinski push.

- DDP ruminates on brains and brawn in his Good Thing Bad Thing.

- World Tag Team titles: Team Extreme v. La Résistance. Sadly, it's Grenier/Lucy and not Grenier/Dupree, as he's still on the shelf. Mondo backs off and lets Grenier start, then slugs him down and gets a moonsault bodyblock for two. Mondo with a back body drop and dropkick to send Grenier to the outside, but his attempt at a plancha misses. Badly. Back in, Grenier gets two off of it. Lucille enters with a wristlock and inverted DDT for two. She gets a low blow because she can, then suplexes Mondo for two. Grenier back in with a flying kneedrop for two. Grenier tries a press slam, but Mondo slides out of it and sends the heels into each other before getting a German suplex. Hot tag Dreamer, who delivers a DDT to Grenier. Lucille tries a crossbody on Dreamer, but Dreamer catches her with the Dreamer Driver for the pin at 6:22. See, it's only cool when babyface women mess around with the men. Decent match, though, thanks to Mondo and Lucille. *3/4

- Chris Jericho (who, as opposed to Orton, I would LOVE to see interview himself) comes out and plays up SummerSlam. He's still scared, but he knows Rhyno should be scared too. SummerSlam could be his last chance to climb the mountain, and he knows that Rhyno will be in the way. Rhyno's music hits... and out comes a midget. Yay, midgets. Jericho interviews the little Rhyno ("Who'd you vote for in 2000?" "GORE!") and pretends to do matador-like moves on him before asking why anyone would fear him. At this point, the real Rhyno clips Jericho and destroys his leg, before simply saying "That's Why" into the mic. Something for everyone.

- Christian v. Booker T. Booker gets the headlock and shoulderblock, but the kneedrop misses and Christian gets a suplex and armbar. The crowd begins chanting "Creepy Bastard" as JR concurs. Christian looks around in confusion, allowing Booker to break the hold and chop away. Christian rolls outside as the crowd switches to "Christian sucks". He yells at them to shut up, but that only makes them louder as he returns and locks up again. Booker gets a suplex and pounds away, but Christian fights it off and works over Booker in the corner, noticeably distracted as JR hammers home what a Bad Person Christian is while DDP tries to call the match. Christian gets the Rear Naked Stretch for two as the crowd goes back to "creepy bastard", although this one may have had some prompting. Christian nearly throws another tantrum before rolling outside... and walking out at 4:42? WTF? DDP follows him backstage, trying to figure out what happened, but Christian blows him off. Molly sees this and wants to follow, but Tracy and Alexis hold her back and make her go to the ring for her match. Christian walks right out the building. Match was basically an excuse for the angle. DUD

- So we're outside, as Coachman catches up with Christian, who looks like he just got dumped. Christian says he went too far with Molly and he knows it, and that he figured the fanbase would just forget it and move on. Well, given the WWE fanbase, that might have been a safe assumption. But no, he's ruined. No one cares about him. He can't even show his face in public without people telling him how cruel he was. Coach tries to ask if it's professional to walk out, and Christian shoots back "Is it professional to be a pariah?" Christian is literally crying at this point as he ponders retirement to escape the pain. He drives off, leaving a confused Coach to ask the cameraman "What now?"

- Back inside, JR does his usual "he got what he deserved" bit, but DDP orders JR to shut up and talks about second chances. But before this can get interesting...

- ...we're sent to Eric Bischoff's office on Eric's orders, since Page isn't worth the TV time he's given. Bischoff lets us know that Sting's friend is officially on RAW as of next week, and that it'll be Sting and that friend against Evolution 3-on-2. "Welcome to RAW".

- Okay... as for Christian. I have no idea where this is going. My guess is the WWE is trying to play off the real-life legitimate heat they're getting from the story, which got to the point where Molly herself had to announce to the press she approved of it and was helping to write it. Sure, Christian's behavior was cruel (and, in some cases, unnecessarily so), but so was the backlash. It's perfectly reasonable to think that marks out there (not to mention concerned parents' groups) would get their panties in a bunch and be unable to determine fact from fiction. Let's face it, Jay Reso's not the villain in Nora Greenwald's life.

- Now, that said, it's also a truth that wrestling showing their emotions are considered less than effective in the ring. Molly got away with wearing her heart on her sleeve because -- and it's the truth -- she's female. The only time a male wrestler can show a soft side is when they win the title and have the obligatory sh*t-eatin' grin on their face. Crying is most definitely a no-no -- it nearly sabotaged Kurt Angle in 2000, and definitely made a mockery of him. I'm not saying Christian shouldn't show emotion or try to be sympathetic -- although he'll have a damned hard time doing so -- but crying may have belittled the effect.

- Okay, where was I?

- Intercontinental title: Molly Holly v. Johnny Jeter. It's so weird writing that name first. Jeter has Jackie Gayda and Joey Matthews with him, so expect some interference. Molly slips out of a headlock and backslides Jeter right off the bat for one. She ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Jeter into the corner, rolling him up for two. Jeter gets up, so Molly works the arm. Jeter shoves out of it and hiptosses Molly, following up with a spinning legdrop for two. Northern Lights suplex gets two. Jeter gets a kneelift to send Molly out, and Jackie and Matthews ram her into the post. Back in, Jeter gets a spinebuster for two. Blind charge misses, cueing the comeback, as Molly scores a handspring elbow into a Diamond Cutter for two. Damn. Ref is bumped on a Jeter spinkick, and Jackie slams her heel into Molly's head. Jeter gets two off of it. Jackie distracts the ref as Matthews goes up top, but Molly tosses Jeter into Matthews (who falls VERY awkwardly and actually breaks his leg on the steps), and the double-arm suplex finishes at 6:56. *3/4 Molly quickly leaves as EMTs (and Alexis Laree, breaking character) check on Matthews. Poor Alexis -- her big homecoming ruined.

- HHH talks about how he owns Kane. He's taken his mask, and his title, and now he will rip out Kane's very dignity. I think he covered that one with Katie Vick, actually...

- Main event: Triple H v. Kane. HHH, showing he clearly didn't learn from Backlash, is jumped during his intro. Kane tosses HHH into the STEEL ringpost and STEEL steps before sending him back in. Kane rips a turnbuckle cover off, threatening to send Earl Hebner into it, before ramming HHH into it and nailing Snake Eyes into the turnbuckle. Kane chokes HHH, yelling the whole time about Shawn Michaels, before picking him up and chokeslamming him. He picks him up at two. HHH hits a desperation low blow and DDT to start the comeback, then USES THE KNEE~!. It gets two. Kane no-sells a kneelift before tossing HHH back into the exposed buckle and Tombstoning him for two -- again, because he picked him up. Kane yells about sending HHH to join HBK in the hospital as he climbs the ropes for the Burning Hammer, but Shawn Michaels emerges out of nowhere to make the save at 6:14. HHH and HBK get a Superkliq on Kane, but he sits up and chokeslams them both. Both men get Tombstoned and laid on each other, as Kane finds HHH's sledgehammer and holds it over both their heads, rearing back before Hebner pulls it away. Hebner gets chokeslammed for his trouble as a host of officials keep Kane from murdering anyone. *1/2

The Bottom Line:

Certainly not the blowaway show it seemed on paper, as HHH/Kane was basically a way to establish how far gone Kane is. This is going to be remembered for Christian (the character) having a breakdown, although that's not too fair -- Jericho's skit and Matthews' injury also stand out, making this show must-see if only merely good. Still, it appears that Molly and Christian may not be done yet.

Though seriously, where can they go?

*****

June 30, 2004

AmyDumas.net front page

Jeffrey David Dumas

08:48 AM this morning

7 lbs, 6 oz

Mother and child in good health

*****

July 1, 2004

WWE.com

We head to North Carolina as the road to Vengeance is nearly over! What surprises will we find this week?

Edge is the champion of the Great American Bash, and as of right now, his spot at SummerSlam is reserved! However, that doesn't mean he can rest -- he still has to think about the RTC, specifically the man who injured him, Bull Buchanan! What will they think of Edge's return to the top?

During the Bash, we found out that Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin will face Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio for the WWE Tag Team Titles at Vengeance. Tonight, they get a warmup match as they square off against Hurricane and Steve Rizzono! Rizzono did not fare well at the Bash, but this is his chance to make up for it, while Hurricane is a proven threat!

Speaking of Kidman and Rey, they'll be in action as well, defending the WWE Tag Team titles! Their opponents will be two men who haven't teamed up much at all, but who share a common philosophy -- that of Mattitude! It's the US Champ, Matt Hardy, and his bodyguard, Bubba Rogers, going for more gold tonight!

All this and more -- including more fallout from the Bash -- tonight on UPN at 8/7 Central! Be sure to Smack Your TV to get all the action!

Edited July 24, 2004 by Dukes

[Fitzy]

I'm going to do a Virch on the RAWs and SDs of the next two weeks, because frankly, every time I try to write it up, Yahoo's "pop-up blocker" lets a pop-up slip through the cracks and my computer freezes.  I've lost a ton of material because of this, and it's ticking me off.

←

Why don't you just write it using Microsoft Word? It is so much easier and it will recovery anything if the computer freezes. Makes sense that way.

And as for popups, usre Mozilla Firefox. The Built in pop-up blocker won't allow anything at all to get through.

[DonaldMick]

And as for popups, usre Mozilla Firefox. The Built in pop-up blocker won't allow anything at all to get through.

Indeed. Or if you prefer IE, I recommend getting the Google Toolbar.

As for the show - looks like a pretty good one. We NEED to see the Jericho segment, though. Because as Al Snow would remind us, midgets = ratings.

And I can understand why you just want to Virch until you get caught up, but I'll miss the jokes about the pyro. It's one of those little things that make the diary fun to read.

Edited July 24, 2004 by Hurricane Donald

[grind your soul]

- Chris Jericho (who, as opposed to Orton, I would LOVE to see interview himself) comes out and plays up SummerSlam. He's still scared, but he knows Rhyno should be scared too. SummerSlam could be his last chance to climb the mountain, and he knows that Rhyno will be in the way. Rhyno's music hits... and out comes a midget. Yay, midgets. Jericho interviews the little Rhyno ("Who'd you vote for in 2000?" "GORE!") and pretends to do matador-like moves on him before asking why anyone would fear him. At this point, the real Rhyno clips Jericho and destroys his leg, before simply saying "That's Why" into the mic. Something for everyone.

Now THAT, my friend, is a MONEY SEGMENT.