The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[phatman]

KEY:

1. Who should, logically, win;

2. Who you are rooting for;

3. How well the match has been built;

4. How much of an asset/liability it is to SummerSlam;

5. How much of a chance it has to be the match we remember.

SUMMERSLAM

Toronto, Ontario

August 15, 2004

World Heavyweight Title Match

Rhyno © vs. Chris Jericho -

1. Jericho

2. Rhyno

3. Definately had the best build up of all the SummerSlam matches

4. Big Asset

5. 7/10

WWE Heavyweight Title Match

Eddie Guerrero © vs. Edge -

1. Edge

2. Edge

3. Just the usual #1 Contender faces off against Champ IMO

4. After the final outcome of the match is revealed i believe we will know why this match was put on the card

5. 8/10

Intercontinental Title Match

Molly Holly © vs. Chris Nowinski -

1. Chris Nowinski

2. Nowinski

3. IC Belt on Molly sucks lol.. Get it off her now!

4. Meh

5. 3/10

WWE United States Title Elimination Match

Matt Hardy © vs. Konnan vs. Eric Angle vs. Bull Buchanan

1. Matt Hardy

2. Matt Hardy

3. Not too badly

4. Will have an average affect on the people who read the results

5. 4/10

World Tag Team Title Match (Special Referee: Chris Benoit)

Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer © vs. Batista and Michael Shane -

1. Batista & Michael Shane

2. Mondo & Dreamer

3. Hasnt really had any faults but i dont really think Batista & Shane need tag gold at the moment...

4. Just a title defense... No real liability.

5. 5/10

WWE Tag Team Title Match

Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio © vs. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar -

1. Billy Kidman & Rey Rey

2. Kidman & Rey

3. Great build up

4. Definately the match of the night i believe...

5. 9/10

Grudge Match

Sting (w/Chris Harris) vs. Randy Orton -

1. Orton

2. Orton

3. Nice build up

4. Has potential... Randy can gain a lot with the win....

5. 6/10

2 out of 3 falls for the Vacant WWE Cruiserweight Title

Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble -

1. Ultimo

2. Noble

3. Excellent build up on the CW front!

4. This match will be very entertaining for everyone...

5. 8/10

WWE All-Star Match

RAW: Eric Bischoff, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Kane, Christian

SD!: Roddy Piper, Undertaker, Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin -

1. SD!

2. RAW

3. Meh

4. All-Star match looks to be a good idea... Even though i think the match will suck as far as ratings are concerned...

5. 4/10

TIEBREAKERS:

1. Which match will open the show? Mondo & Dreamer vs Batista & Shane

2. Who will be the special surprise appearance I said would occur? No Idea...

3. There will be one swerve at SummerSlam. What? Either Nowinski lays down for Molly or Mondo turns on Dreamer and Benoit...

4. What individual will score the pin in the All-Star match? Eric Bischoff

5. Will anyone get at least 8 of 9 matches correct? No!!!

Edited September 4, 2004 by phatman

[The Third Dukes]

Sunday Night HEAT

Live from Toronto, ON, home of SummerSlam

*****

We begin with the usual subdued opening, as we are joined in a skybox at the Air Canada Centre by a new duo. One of these people is very familiar to WWE viewers -- Paul Heyman. The other is a new face, recently hired from NWA Wildside in an attempt to slow down their ascent and basically steal all the talent in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a warm WWE welcome to...

Dan Wilson: "We are looking down upon the Air Canada Centre with one hour to go before the Mid-Summer Classic! Good evening and welcome to Sunday Night Heat on Spike TV, just moments before SummerSlam comes live on Pay-Per-View and the brands collide! I'm Dan "the Dragon" Wilson, and for the next hour, we'll look at what is to come tonight, but as this is RAW's show, let's start by viewing RAW's contribution to tonight's spectacular show."

Let's view that video montage. Your theme is "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw.

I don't need to be anything other (Jericho's countdown)

Than a prison guard's son (Batista injuring Benoit)

I don't need to be anything other (Nowinski in Harvard)

Than a specialist's son (Jericho's family in Winnipeg)

I don't have to be anyone other (Orton smirks at Sting in a face-off)

Than the birth of two souls in one (Mondo and Dreamer hold the belts high)

Part of where I'm going, is knowing (Orton puts a Sharpshooter on Sting)

Where I'm coming from (Rhyno GOREs Booker T)

I don't want to be anything (Molly grabs the pole on RNN)

Other than what I've been trying to be lately (and smashes Orton with it)

All I have to do is think of me (Nowinski bows and points to his head)

And I have peace of mind (Evolution stand together)

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms (Tracy tries to find Trish's assailant)

Wondering what I've got to do (Orton stares in shock)

Or who I'm supposed to be (Rhyno attacks Jericho at a photo-op)

I don't want to be anything (HHH and Christian fight)

Other than me (Mondo shatters a cane over Bryan Clarke's head)

I'm surrounded by liars (Molly looks around on Be a Diva RNN)

Everywhere I turn (Sting and Chris Harris urge Evolution to bring it)

I'm surrounded by imposters (mini-Rhyno)

Everywhere I turn (Jericho turns around and is GOREd)

I'm surrounded by identity crisis (Molly holds the belt up high)

Everywhere I turn (Shane scans the crowd)

Am I the only one who noticed? (Kane saves HBK from Storm and Test)

I can't be the only one who's learned (Nowinski reads from a textbook)

I don't want to be anything (Sting destroys Orton)

Other than what I've been trying to be lately (HHH and Rhyno brawl)

All I have to do is think of me (Bischoff smiles as Christian attacks Piper)

And I have peace of mind (Mondo and Benoit stand together)

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms (Bischoff throws a fit)

Wondering what I've got to do (Mondo reaches for a tag)

Or who I'm supposed to be (Orton interviews himself)

I don't want to be anything (Christian listens to Molly)

Other than me (Kane smiles into the camera)

Can I have everyone's attention please? (People in the ring looking to the entrance)

If you're not like this and that, (Mondo bounces off of Jeter's head)

You're gonna have to leave (Orton runs to the back)

I came from the mountain (HHH holding the belt atop a ladder)

The crust of creation (HBK wearing a Source of Strength shirt)

My whole situation (Benoit surrounded by Evolution)

Made from clay to stone (Nowinski by a statue of John Harvard)

And now I'm telling everybody (Bischoff on the mic)

Motion graphic time!

I don't want to be (Mondo and Dreamer)

Anything other than (Batista and Shane)

What I've been trying to be lately (Mondo/Dreamer vs. Batista/Shane, Benoit as ref, World Tag Titles)

All I have to do (Sting)

Is think of me (Randy Orton)

And I have peace of mind (Sting w/Chris Harris vs. Randy Orton)

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms (Molly Holly)

Wondering what I've got to do (Christopher Nowinski)

Or who I'm supposed to be (Molly Holly vs. Christopher Nowinski w/Teddy Long, Intercontinental Title)

I don't want to be (Rhyno)

Anything other than (Chris Jericho)

Meeeeeeeeeeee (Rhyno vs. Chris Jericho, World Heavyweight Title)

Dan Wilson: "That is a powerful lineup from the RAW side, and not even shown there at the end was RAW's All-Star Team, which you can see right now -- Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Kane, and Christian, as well as of course the General Manager, Eric Bischoff. Paul Heyman, welcome to Heat, first, and let me ask, how is SmackDown! going to try to top this?"

Paul Heyman: "Dan, SmackDown! is all about what happens in the ring. We will be having some great contests featuring athletes. In fact, that's part of the reason I'm here -- Roddy Piper has decided that for tonight's Cruiserweight title match, both I and Nidia are banned from ringside. He wants the best man to win."

Dan Wilson: "Still, what can SmackDown! do to top RAW? I have a good feeling you'll remember RAW's matches when it's over."

Paul Heyman: "Well, that's a fun little segue for me because as I show you what SmackDown! has to offer, I gotta say, just like Nickelback, you may be feelin' way too damn good about tonight."

More montaging! Theme: "Feelin' Way Too Damn Good" by Nickelback, just as Paul said it was. How about that?

I missed you so much (Eddie makes Kurt Angle tap at WM20)

That I begged you to fly and see me (Rey and Kidman dive onto Team Angle)

You must've broke down (Haas taps in WarGames)

Coz you finally said you would (Taker salutes Eddie)

But now that you're here (Ultimo nails Noble with the telephone)

I just feel like I'm constantly dreaming (Team Angle demolish Torrie)

Coz something's gotta go wrong (Bull powerbombs Edge on the outside)

Coz I'm feelin' way to damn good (Edge celebrates at the Great Am. Bash)

For 48 hours (Wide-angle shot of WarGames)

I don't think that we left my hotel room (Kidman and Torrie celebrating their anniversary)

Should show you the sights (Eddie driving to the arena)

Coz I'm sure that I said that I would (Matt celebrating with the US title)

We gotta <<phrase edited>> (Shannon and Evan helping Matt in a match)

Just one last time in the shower (Undertaker cleans house)

Well something's gotta go wrong (Torrie stands over a KO'd Kidman)

Coz I'm feelin' way to damn good (Haas and Shelton smiling)

And it's like, every time I turn around (Eric spins and blasts Kurt in WarGames)

I fall in love and find my heart face down and (Kidman crying as Torrie lies prone)

Where it lands is where it should (Taker dumps Kurt at the Bash)

This time it's like (APA attack WGTT in WarGames)

The two of us should probably start to fight (Kurt and Eric stare down)

Coz something's gotta go wrong (Matt hits Konnan with the belt)

Coz I'm feeling way to damn good, oh (Kidman and Rey celebrate at Vengeance)

Feelin' way too damn good (Noble holds the Cruiser title aloft)

Sometimes I think best if left in the memory (Edge pins Bull at Vengeance)

It's better kept inside than left for good (Konnan and Bull brawl on SD!)

Lookin' back each time they tried to tell me (Kurt orders Eric around)

Well something's gotta go wrong (Edge and Eddie collide)

Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good (Edge celebrates after pinning Bull)

Song edit! We're out of things to say! On to the motion graphics!

And it's like, every time I turn around (Ultimo, then Noble)

I fall in love and find my heart face down and (Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble, 2/3 falls, Cruiserweight title (vacant))

Where it lands is where it should (Kidman and Rey)

This time it's like (Angle and Brock)

The two of us should probably start to fight (Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio vs. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, WWE Tag Team Titles)

Coz something's gotta go wrong (Matt, then Eric)

Coz I'm feeling way to damn good, oh, oh (Konnan, then Bull)

Feelin' way too damn good (Matt Hardy vs. Eric Angle vs. Konnan vs. Bull Buchanan, Elimination Rules, WWE United States title)

[i missed you so much (Eddie Guerrero)

That I begged you to fly and see me] (Edge)

Feelin' way too damn good (Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge, WWE Heavyweight Title)

Paul Heyman: "Now, that -- THAT is an impressive group of matches right there. And you talked about RAW's All-Star team, well... SmackDown's All-Star team features three men who have headlined for major companies in their career in Undertaker, Rob Van Dam, and Rowdy Roddy Piper, PLUS they have the World's Greatest Tag Team! How can you go wrong with a lineup like that?"

Dan Wilson: "Well, it depends on wrong. Kane is a very dangerous individual, and he's made it clear that the Undertaker and Rob Van Dam are his targets. What will happen when he gets either of them alone?"

Paul Heyman: "It'll be a brutal encounter, that's for damn sure. But along those lines, the Undertaker has given a rebuttal to some of Kane's claims. We have the videotape."

Cut to the pre-packaged stuff. Taker is standing in the middle of a circle of flame, with the camera shot from above. Taker doesn't show his face to the camera, as it is obscured by his wide-brimmed hat.

Undertaker: "Kane... I have heard your screams... I have heard your words... they did not fall on deaf ears. I know of your demons... I created them... I made you who you are today. And every night... when you sleep... you lose another piece... of your humanity... thanks to me. Tonight... this battle... is not about the brands to me... it is about... taking away... what you hold most dear... your power... your existence... your ounce of respect... and most importantly... your very soul... Kane... brother... poor wretched soul... at SummerSlam... I will put you... out of your misery..."

Taker darts his head quickly up to the camera with a snap that would pop the arena were he in one.

Undertaker: "Rest... In... Peace..."

Taker's eyes roll back as a gong goes off somewhere. Don't ask where, okay? That's not important. The fire flies to a height of... well, let's see, Taker is 6'10, so I'd estimate... 10 feet up, then stops, and when it does, Taker is gone. We fade to black.

Paul Heyman: "It's a scary situation, Dan, when you cross the Undertaker, and it appears he is going out of his way to destroy Kane."

Dan Wilson: "Wouldn't be the first time. Folks, later on tonight, we'll see the Women's Championship on the line as Tracy defends her title against the monster of women, Chynna Doll!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Dan Wilson: "We are back here in Toronto on Heat, and... Paul? What are you doing?"

The camera pulls back to show Heyman holding a boombox with its tape deck open. Paul has a tape in his other hand.

Paul Heyman: "Oh, I just figured there was no better way to do this next bit than to do it ECW style. I mean, it's a format I invented, so I might as well have the music going for it."

Dan Wilson: "Music? What format needs music?"

Paul Heyman (smiling): "Clearly, you needed to watch more Hardcore TV in your time, kid. Because this is the Pulp Promo."

Heyman puts the tape in, closes the tape deck, and presses PLAY. After a few seconds, Dick Dale's "Miserlou" hits AND WE'RE OFF! Each interview is basically a quick cut to somebody or a bunch of somebodies.

***

Eddie Guerrero, alone.

Eddie Guerrero: "Edge, mi amigo, tonight, this ain't about nothin' but seein' who the best is. Yeah, we on your home turf, esse, but guess what... the home team don't always win, specially when the visitor has so much more talent. And das what I got tonight, homes! This talent put me on top agains the Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, Kurt Angle, an' anyone else who wanna piece o' me! Edge... tonight, I remain the WWE Champion. VIVA GUERRERO!"

***

Team Angle.

Kurt Angle: "Okay, guys. We may have suffered a few setbacks in the past, but this is SummerSlam. This is where we take it up a notch. This is where we make our mark. Charlie, Shelton, you guys are gonna carry the All-Star match. Everyone knows what All-Stars you are, even in this backwards city."

Charlie Haas: "That's right. We're gonna take 'em out!"

Shelton Benjamin: "I can beat that HHH any day!"

Kurt Angle: "I know you can. I've done it several times myself. Now Mike... there's still a place for you here. I know you're not doing anything, but I've got instructions for ya. You'll see. And as for us..."

Brock Lesnar: "Yeah. A couple of nobody lightweights who think they can fly around the best wrestlers in the WWE."

Kurt Angle: "No! Don't think that way! We can't fall into the trap others have. Look at Vengeance! These two guys thought it would be easy, and they were in the battle of their life! You know how good Charlie and Shelton are... that's how good Kidman and Rey are! It's time for us to be better. We are champions in the amateur ring. Let's be champs in the professional ring."

Brock Lesnar: "Time to bring the pain!"

Kurt Angle: "It's damn true."

***

Christopher Nowinski and Teddy Long.

Teddy Long: "A lotta playa hatas out there been comin' up to Theodore R Long an' askin' him: Bro, why you backin' that cracka Nowinski? Well, lemme tell ya... Chris Nowinski ain't no ordinary white guy. He's a prime time playa, belie dat. He got the skillz that every manager would be crazy to pass up on. An' afta tonight, they ain't gon' be no doubtas left in the billin' when little ol' Molly hands ova that Innerconnental Title, belie dat, playa."

Christopher Nowinski: "Molly... dear, sweet Molly... you may have ridden the wave of emotion to victory over Christian, but against me, emotion means nothing. I am a thinking man. I don't fall for getting in the drama. I have studied every aspect of your performances and I know every counter to your attacks. You will see your reign terminated by the smartest man in all of wrestling. Believe that, my dear."

***

Triple H and Shawn Michaels.

Triple H: "All right, Shawn, this is it. This is it! We are going into SummerSlam as the - key - representatives of RAW's team. I don't care that we gotta work for that scumball Bischoff. We are legends! We are heroes! There ain't gonna be no Undertaker or Van Dam stealing our spotlight! You ready for this?"

Shawn Michaels: "I'm ready... but are you? Hunter, I've seen you. You can't keep yourself under control. Your actions... well, they worry me sometimes. We are a team. We have a goal, and that's to win a match. Are you gonna keep that goal?"

Triple H: "You can count on it. You know my motto in the ring: refuse to lose."

Shawn Michaels: "That's the spirit. That's the way."

***

Chris Benoit, in a referee's uniform.

Chris Benoit: "In a little over half an hour, the most important night of some people's lives begins. For four men, it is a chance to leave with a prized possession. A title. It's a title that says you are the man, you are the best, you are in the elite. And that's what they want. Nick Mondo, Tommy Dreamer, Batista, Michael Shane... two of you will suffer agony, and two of you will leave as champions. And the best part for me is -- your fate is in my hands. Think back to all the mistakes you may have made. Think back to everything you've done that might annoy me. Things like causing injury for no reason. Things like insulting the status of the ring and turning it into a joke, a trap. I hope you all know exactly what you're doing. Someone will win -- and someone will learn a valuable lesson. You don't incite a Wolverine."

***

Rob Van Dam with Roddy Piper.

Roddy Piper: "OK, Robby, you ready for this? You ready to take five nobodies and crack them up? You wanna be a star? I know ya are one! I wouldn't put ya on my team fer no reason! Now, ya gonna go out there and give it all ya got in the name o' pride -- against the man who traded ya away a year ago?"

Rob Van Dam (in a flat tone of voice, opposite of Piper's fiery pep talk): "Sure."

A pause, then...

Roddy Piper: "All right. Good answer. Hey, ya wanna go get a beer?"

***

Valerie, also alone.

Valerie: "Uh uh uh. Ya think I'd let my little secret out a day early to you people? What-EVER. I'm not a girl to tell everything in my little book. Besides, the guys on RAW -- such total losers. I already promised that tomorrow, I'm bringing out a surprise. And believe me, it'll be soooo totally awesome. But not until then. Chow, baby!"

***

Jamie Noble and Nidia.

Nidia: "Jamie, honey... I wanna be there when you win the title back. It's what we dream of, what we work for all our lives."

Jamie Noble: "Ah know, sweet thang, but yoo just gotta stay in da back. I got a long nite ahead, but donchoo worry, hon. When its all ovah, I'll have the title, and I might have enough in da tank fer yoo, too, honey."

Nidia: "Ooh, I like when you talk like that."

They snuggle. We return to the commentary booth as Heyman is making the Mr. Yuck face before continuing.

***

Over to Evolution with Eric Bischoff.

Eric Bischoff: "Boys, tonight will be our crowning night. It's time for Evolution to stop being the next stars, and become the present. Randy... after you polish off that old-timer, Sting, it'll be my pleasure to see him head back to the retirement home where he came from. Batista and Michael, don't let Benoit get to you. You're 10 times better than those chumps, and nothing Chris can think of doing will change the outcome. And after I secure Halloween Havoc for RAW and a perfect night for Evolution, well... I'll be livin' large! Flair, Hunter -- you're gonna regret not bein' with us tonight!"

Randy Orton: "Harris, there's still time for you to consider our offer. There's still time to join the greatest group going. All you have to do is show Sting what everyone in this hick town already knows -- that he's the biggest idiot in wrestling. Chris, just remember... Sting was. I am."

Eric Bischoff: "Boys, we're gonna shock the wrestling world tonight!"

***

Edge bumps into Molly Holly.

Edge: "Oh, hi. I... uh... sorry."

Molly Holly: "Relax. I don't think you're anything like your brother. Thank God, anyway. I don't think I could stand it."

Edge: "But I thought you thought he was a nice guy."

Molly Holly: "I really don't know. He... he's got a long way to go. I can't understand him, I don't want to be around him... can you talk to him?"

Edge: "Ya know, I'd love to, but not right now. I have the biggest match of my life coming up tonight! I can become the champ! Wouldn't that just reek of awesomeness?"

Molly Holly: "Yeah, I guess so."

Edge walks off, pumping himself up.

Molly Holly: "Yeah, I... guess. I'd kinda like to be the champ, myself. Or maybe just be respected. I..." (realizes she's talking to herself, then sees the camera) "Well, might as well complain to you. I don't get it. At what point do people realize I'm the real deal? I beat Chynna, I beat Christian... does this belt mean something? Nowinski thinks he can outsmart me? Let him try! Just let him! I'll still be the champ when this is over -- and maybe he'll learn something: that I'm really good."

***

And finally, who else?

Chris Jericho: "You know, people talk about destiny like it's something that happens every day. Destiny only matters when you see the odds piled up against you, but you know -- you KNOW -- YOU KNOW YOU DON'T CARE! And right now, Rhyno, destiny is present. My destiny isn't to be another victim. My destiny is NOT to fear you. I didn't work back from an injury suffered about a year ago to be cannon fodder. I didn't electrify the crowds in Arizona so that I could be an also-ran. And I know I didn't make HHH tap out in the center of the ring so that I could have my shoulders on the mat. Rhyno, you claim to be tough, and as World Heavyweight Champion, the evidence is certainly on your side. But your fierceness, your tenacity, your brutality, and your Gore are no match for my ultimate weapon tonight -- my destiny. In the place where I lost the chance 30 months ago to etch my name among the immortals, I get that second chance. And tonight, it happens. And the wrestling world will never... ever... be the same - again."

***

The music stops as we switch to the motion graphics.

Dan Wilson: "Thanks, everyone. Well, coming up next, it's some SmackDown! action, as 3 Live Kru's Ron Killings goes one-on-one with Scott Colt! Don't go anywhere!"

*****

The rest of the show is the two matches, which mean nothing and go nowhere. Colt beats Killings in 8:34, and Tracy retains in 3:59. And now I have to go to work... ugh. SummerSlam will be posted sometime this long weekend, and will not suck. I mean it.

[Kapalua2483]

KEY:

1. Who should, logically, win;

2. Who you are rooting for;

3. How well the match has been built;

4. How much of an asset/liability it is to SummerSlam;

5. How much of a chance it has to be the match we remember.

SUMMERSLAM

Toronto, Ontario

August 15, 2004

World Heavyweight Title Match

Rhyno © vs. Chris Jericho -

1. Jericho

2. Jericho

3. I Think personally it's been built well.

4. Big Asset

5. 8/10

WWE Heavyweight Title Match

Eddie Guerrero © vs. Edge -

1. Edge

2. Eddie Guerrero

3. Not as strong as the other Main Title but still better than some of the other matches

4. It will serve it's purpose of getting the Smackdown Title on the show.

5. 8/10

Intercontinental Title Match

Molly Holly © vs. Chris Nowinski -

1. Molly Holly

2. Molly Holly

3. Molly Holly in general has been built well towards her reign and through for the IC Title.

4. This match should have a slight impact because of Molly's movement up to IC Title for the last six months.

5. 4/10

WWE United States Title Elimination Match

Matt Hardy © vs. Konnan vs. Eric Angle vs. Bull Buchanan

1. Konnan

2. Eric Angle

3. Not bad but it's been built as Konnan and Hardy having issues so they will cancel each other out.

4. Will have an average affect on the people who read the results

5. 6/10

World Tag Team Title Match (Special Referee: Chris Benoit)

Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer © vs. Batista and Michael Shane -

1. Batista & Michael Shane

2. Batista & Michael Shane

3. Been a solid build up and I think Batista and Shane will surprise Mondo and Dreamer and take the belts.

4. Your normal Tag Title Defense

5. 4/10

WWE Tag Team Title Match

Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio © vs. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar -

1. Billy Kidman & Rey Rey

2. Kidman & Rey

3. Great build up

4. With the competitors..remember what Misterio and Kidman did with WGTT last year..this will be double that. Match of the night.

5. 9/10

Grudge Match

Sting (w/Chris Harris) vs. Randy Orton -

1. Orton

2. Sting

3. Nice build up

4. This one has a shot folks.

5. 6/10

2 out of 3 falls for the Vacant WWE Cruiserweight Title

Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble -

1. Noble

2. Noble

3. Love it

4. This will be another of the highlighted Cruiser Matches that will be good.

5. 8/10

WWE All-Star Match

RAW: Eric Bischoff, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Kane, Christian

SD!: Roddy Piper, Undertaker, Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin -

1. SD!

2. SD!

3. Meh

4. This match will be tough on the ratings but it will be interesting.

5. 4/10

TIEBREAKERS:

1. Which match will open the show? Noble vs Ultimo

2. Who will be the special surprise appearance I said would occur? Steve Austin?

3. There will be one swerve at SummerSlam. What? Undertaker will turn on Smackdown.

4. What individual will score the pin in the All-Star match? Eric Bischoff

5. Will anyone get at least 8 of 9 matches correct? No

[oldskool]

KEY:

1. Who should, logically, win;

2. Who you are rooting for;

3. How well the match has been built;

4. How much of an asset/liability it is to SummerSlam;

5. How much of a chance it has to be the match we remember.

SUMMERSLAM

Toronto, Ontario

August 15, 2004

World Heavyweight Title Match

Rhyno © vs. Chris Jericho -

1. Jericho

2. Jericho

3. Solid work with the promos, GORE GORE GORE got over fast.

4. Minor Liability. Jericho's been injured before and Rhyno's stiff. What happens if Y2J goes down in the match, considering who most of us think should/will win?

5. 10/10

WWE Heavyweight Title Match

Eddie Guerrero © vs. Edge -

1. Eddie

2. Eddie

3. Not as majorly hyped, but good nonetheless

4. Slight asset. Good match without a massive amount of writing to get it over.

5. 9/10 ONLY because I think it'll surprise people.

Intercontinental Title Match

Molly Holly © vs. Chris Nowinski -

1. Nowinski. Molly's been booked well, but how long can she continue down this path before it gets stale? Logically it should end here with Nowinski, and have someone else step up to defend Molly and take the feud.

2. Nowinski (Hey, I'm a Tough Enough mark.)

3. Molly Holly in general has been built well towards her reign and through for the IC Title.

4. It'll be big if Molly loses, but if she wins, it's a throwaway match.

5. 1/10 if Molly wins, 10/10 if she loses.

WWE United States Title Elimination Match

Matt Hardy © vs. Konnan vs. Eric Angle vs. Bull Buchanan

1. Konnan

2. Buchanan

3. Eric gets to prove himself, Matt and Konnan get to battle it out and Buchanan is just there, unless I missed something.

4. Not a huge impact for me personally, but it depends on what comes from it as a result.

5. 2/10

World Tag Team Title Match (Special Referee: Chris Benoit)

Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer © vs. Batista and Michael Shane -

1. Batista & Michael Shane

2. Everybody. I don't care who wins as long as there's CLUBBERIN~!

3. Solid build-up, interesting to see what Benoit does as referee.

4. Seems like it's here to get the Tag Titles and Benoit on the show.

5. 4/10

WWE Tag Team Title Match

Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio © vs. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar -

1. Billy Kidman & Rey Rey

2. Kidman & Rey

3. Very well built up.

4. Match of the night, possible MOTY candidate.

5. 10/10

Grudge Match

Sting (w/Chris Harris) vs. Randy Orton -

1. Orton

2. Sting

3. Built well, RNN = Ratings.

4. Could be really bad, or really good.

5. 6/10

2 out of 3 falls for the Vacant WWE Cruiserweight Title

Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble -

1. Noble

2. Dragon

3. Entertaining.

4. Excellent bout that can only be ruined by a bad ending.

5. 7/10 to 10/10 depending on how it's ended.

WWE All-Star Match

RAW: Eric Bischoff, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Kane, Christian

SD!: Roddy Piper, Undertaker, Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin -

1. SD!

2. SD!

3. Meh

4. This match will be tough on the ratings but it will be interesting.

5. 4/10

TIEBREAKERS:

1. Which match will open the show? WWE Tag Titles

2. Who will be the special surprise appearance I said would occur? Vince McMahon...

3. There will be one swerve at SummerSlam. What? Christian turns his back on RAW and defects to SmackDown to get away from Molly.

4. What individual will score the pin in the All-Star match? Haas

5. Will anyone get at least 8 of 9 matches correct? No

[The Third Dukes]

(poster © 2004 DBD Productions, all rights reserved)

One World Leader. WWE logo.

A ripoff of DMX's "Who We Be" supplies the background as we see clips from the hype videos of each match. Each person is shown fighting back against the other, or showing some form of heart. HHH and Jericho are shown rehabbing; Sting, Kidman, and Ultimo are all crawling for the tag; Piper is a bloody mess from 1984ish; and so on. It ends with all 32 people, in order, addressing the camera and saying "I am {stage name}", much like the finish to the DMX video. We fade to black as we see a crowded arena.

WE HAVE TWO BRANDS PRESENT SO THAT MEANS DOUBLE THE PYRO as we are live Live LIVE from the Air Canada Centre. Sign in the crowd: "Jericho and Edge: the Daily Double!"

Michael Cole: "We are North of the Border in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, live from the Air Canada Centre! Welcome to the first meeting of the brands in five long months! Welcome to the MidSummer Tradition, 17 years strong! Welcome to SummerSlam! I'm Michael Cole with James E. Cornette, and we will be bringing you the SmackDown! portion of tonight's show. Good Ol' JR and DDP have RAW, and we'll throw it to Paul Heyman and Dan the Dragon Wilson for the All-Star Match, but first, we have a doozy coming up!"

Jim Cornette: "That's right, Michael Cole, because our first match may be the most unpredictable one of the night, as it features a title belt that could go any one of not two, not three, but four ways! Let's kick it off the right way, Michael!"

"Ch-Check It Out" hits over the PA as the crowd comes to their feet. Konnan marches out from the back, sucking up to the crowd with a Vince Carter jersey. He enters the ring and gives the three-finger signal of the Kru before taking the mic.

Konnan: "Yo yo yo, let me speak--"

Or not, because as he tries to speak on dis, the sirens go off and Bull Buchanan marches to the ring to a torrent of boos. He enters the ring and gives the RTC preacher's salute before staring Konnan down. "Made in the USA" plays as the fans turn to the entrance, having not heard this music since Lex Luger's ill-fated WWF run. But it's Eric Angle and not Lex coming to the ring. He enters the ring and twirls for the crowd. The browser loads to 10, 30, 70, and 100% as Matt Hardy emerges from the back alone. We find out that Matt always enjoyed summer vacation and that Matt stands out in a crowd. Matt steps into the ring, giving the V-1 hand sign, before handing his belt over to Nick Patrick. The match begins.

Four Way Elimination Match for the WWE United States Title: Matt Hardy Version 1 (champion) vs. Eric Angle (challenger) vs. Bull Buchanan (challenger) vs. Konnan (challenger)

Eric charges Matt and knocks him over, kicking the match off. Buchanan boots down Konnan, and Eric and Bull have the advantage. They whip Matt and Konnan into each other, but Konnan gets a rolling lariat on Matt to knock him over. Konnan picks Matt up, but Eric grabs Matt from behind in a cradle for one. Bull grabs Konnan from behind and sends him into the turnbuckle, charging in with a clothesline. Eric, meanwhile, clotheslines Matt out of the ring and follows, but on the outside Matt takes over and sends Eric into the STEEL steps.

In the ring, Bull puts Konnan on the top rope and follows up for a superplex, but Konnan tries to block and they slug it out. Matt returns to the ring and yanks Bull off the turnbuckle, allowing Konnan to hit a crossbody on both men. Eric returns and gets a German suplex on Konnan, bridging for two. Matt pounds on Bull, chopping him in the shirt and tie, before sending him across the ring. Eric gets on all fours, and Matt launches off his back in Poetry in Motion on Bull. Matt then thanks Eric with a DDT, while Konnan gets the facejam on Bull, covering and getting two.

Konnan tries for the Tequila Sunrise, but Matt catches Konnan with a dropkick as he steps over Bull. Konnan falls back into an Eric cradle for two. Bull is still down, though, so Matt goes to the second rope and connects with the yodelling legdrop. He covers for two. Eric catches a frustrated Matt from behind with the Angle Slam, but as he goes to cover, Mike Barton races to ringside and makes it just in time to pull the referee out at two. Eric sees Barton and is distracted, while Konnan grabs Eric from behind in a full nelson slam. Bull recovers and heads up top, and as Eric pulls himself up, Bull gets the top-rope scissors kick. Barton puts the referee back in, and Bull covers to get the three count.

OUT: Eric Angle (7:33)

Matt cradles a celebrating Bull, getting two. Eric slides to the outside and begins to pound on Barton as referees arrive to break it up. Matt uses the distraction to grab the title belt, returning to the ring. He swings at Konnan, who ducks as Bull gets hit with the belt. Matt shrugs before returning the belt, and Konnan puts Bull in the Tequila Sunrise. Nick Patrick returns to the ring as Bull fights for the ropes, but Matt stands between Bull and the ropes, forcing the big man to tap out.

OUT: Bull Buchanan (9:21)

Matt pulls Konnan off of Bull and DDTs him. He covers for two. Matt sends Konnan into the ropes, getting a back body drop on the way out. He mounts Konnan and pounds him, but Konnan slaps Matt to stop the momentum and tosses him off. Both men bounce up, and Konnan scores a running elbowsmash. Konnan picks Matt up and suplexes him before covering. It gets two. Konnan tries to whip Matt into the ropes, but Matt reverses and clotheslines Konnan to the outside.

As Konnan recovers, Matt runs the ropes and hits a tope on Konnan. Matt throws Konnan back in the ring and tries a hangman's neckbreaker, but Konnan drops down first and reverses the move. He goes up top, but his splash attempt hits the knees. Matt is up first and kicks Konnan in the gut, hollering for the Twist of Fate. Konnan shoves Matt aside, but into Nick Patrick. Konnan rolls Matt up, but for nothing. Konnan tries to revive Patrick, but as he does, Big Bubba Rogers comes into the ring and hits the Bossman Slam on Konnan. Rogers' interference bring Road Dogg to ringside to brawl him away, while Matt drapes an arm over Konnan as the oblivious Patrick counts three to end it.

WINNER and STILL WWE United States Champion: Matt Hardy (13:51)

As Matt Hardy is given the title and leaves with Rogers, the replay is shown on the TitanTron. Konnan sees it and calls for a mic.

Konnan: "Hey -- hey gato! You wanna win dat way? I had bout enough o' you and yo cheap-ass tricks. How bout dis, dog? SmackDown! Me and you! One more time, in a steel cage! You like that little Mattitude, bro?"

Matt returns to the ring.

Matt Hardy: "You and me? Cage? Easy. I'll be ready. You bring a lunch. In fact, here's a sneak preview."

Hardy boots Konnan in the stomach and delivers the Twist of Fate to him before leaving. He gets halfway down the aisle when...

..."LoveFuryPassionEnergy" hits! Matt's jaw drops a mile as the crowd explodes in a cheer. Back from behind the curtain appears Lita, pushing a stroller with little JD in it. She stops on the stage as Matt walks forward, dumbfounded. The crowd chants "Lita" repeatedly. Lita looks at Matt, who seems outraged that he's been upstaged. Matt yells at her to go to the back, but Lita smiles and punts a field goal on Matt's groin.

Michael Cole: "Can you imagine this? Lita's back!"

Jim Cornette: "Yeah, but you call that the act of a good parent?"

Michael Cole: "I call it getting even!"

An ad for Chris Jericho's newest DVD, "Never the Same Again", plays.

Jim Ross: "Well, DDP, it looks like SummerSlam is off to a hot start, as already we've seen a wild affair and a return I don't think anyone anticipated."

Dallas Page: "And doesn't Lita look good, Jim? And what about the baby? C'mon, you were blubberin' all over the place about that baby! Admit it."

Jim Ross: "Maybe."

The Harvard fight song plays as Christopher Nowinski heads to the ring, with Theodore Long right behind him, thuggin' and/or buggin' as always. Nowinski stands in the ring and stretches, awaiting his opponent. "She's a Lady" by Limp Bizkit (if only it were real) plays, bringing the crowd to their feet. Molly Holly walks out, smiling and waving, title around her waist. She enters the ring via the bottom rope and gives the belt to Jack Doan...

Intercontinental Title: Molly Holly (champion) vs. Christopher Nowinski (challenger)

...just as she's attacked from behind by Nowinski. Nowinski clubs away on Molly's back, sending her into the ropes and scoring a sidewalk slam on the way back. He turns Molly onto her stomach and pounds the back down some more before picking Molly up and throwing her into the turnbuckle. Nowinski delivers shoulder thrusts to Molly before setting her on the top turnbuckle. He follows her up and stands on the middle rope, delivering a superplex.

He covers, but only gets two. Nowinski sends Molly into the ropes, but on the way out, Molly gets a rana on Nowinski. She pounds away at Nowinski's face before picking him up by the hair and trying for a slingshot suplex. However, the back is hurt, and Nowinski falls on top of Molly for two. Nowinski drives the knee into Molly's back, adding a hair pull with it to deliver about the same effect as a camel clutch.

Molly screams in pain as Doan tells Nowinski to let go. Nowinski obliges and points to his head for the crowd's sake before lifting Molly up in a bearhug. Molly tries to wiggle out of it, but Nowinski has it cinched in. Molly fades from the pain as Doan checks her arm. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it stays up! (thanks tnm7)

Molly rallies the crowd behind her and begins to punch away at Nowinski's face before rearing back and kicking Nowinski low to break. She bounces off the ropes and lands a spinning DDT on Nowinski. The cover gets two. Molly stomps away at Nowinski before scampering to the top rope. She waits for Nowinski to stand and dives for the Molly-Go-Round, but Nowinski moves and Molly lands flat on her back. Nowinski scoops Molly up off the ground, gets a running start, and delivers a Davey Boy powerslam. He covers, and that's enough for the title.

WINNER and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Christopher Nowinski (7:02)

Jim Ross: "Dammit! Christopher Nowinski just bowled over poor Molly... I can't believe it."

Dallas Page: "Believe it, Jim. Christopher Nowinski is the real deal, bro."

An ad for future shows of World Wrestling Entertainment plays. London, ON tomorrow! Hamilton on Tuesday! Anaheim! Fresno! Australia! Love it all!

Michael Cole: "You're looking live at the Air Canada Centre here in Toronto, Canada, and Corny, this next match is going to be a thrill to watch and an honor to call."

Jim Cornette: "You're absolutely right, Michael Cole. We have some outstanding athletes here, and whoever comes out of this is going to be known as one of the best."

The silhouette of the mask appears on the TitanTron, and as Rey's hip-hop music plays, both he and Kidman vault out from under the stage, belts around their waists. Torrie Wilson emerges from the back, and after giving Kidman a good-luck kiss, the trio head to the ring. Kidman and Rey enter and remove their belts for the referee. "Here Comes the Pain" starts up as Brock Lesnar emerges from the back. He jogs in place, starts to head to the ring, then stops. "Medal" plays as Kurt Angle joins him onstage. Both men look down, then point upward, setting off Kurt's pyro. They walk to the ring, where Brock jumps to the apron, setting off more pyro...

WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar (challengers) vs. Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio (champions)

...through which Rey 6-1-9s Brock in the back, knocking him off the ropes and to the floor. Kurt helps Brock up, which sets Rey up to score a somersault hilo on both men to take them down. Rey returns to the ring as Kurt and Brock talk strategy. Brock enters and starts with Rey. They lock up, and Brock shoves Rey into a neutral corner. Brock stalks in, but Rey does a rolling chop block, knocking Brock down.

Rey kips up and scores a submission hold -- the one he used in WarGames -- on Brock. Brock struggles, but he eventually backs Rey into the corner, flattening him. Brock tosses Rey across the ring, but Rey vaults onto the second turnbuckle and moonsaults down Brock. Kidman tags in, and the Animals get a double dropkick and double armdrag. Kurt charges, so Kidman gets a drop toe hold on him into a Rey flip senton.

Brock is back up, so Kidman catches him in a monkey flip and the heels bail again. This time, Kidman goes to the top rope and backflips onto both Kurt and Brock, knocking them down. He goes to return to the ring, but Brock kips up and grabs him by the hair, throwing him into the railing. This causes Rey to dive off the top turnbuckle onto Brock, but Brock catches him and slams him back-first into the post. Brock tosses Kidman back into the ring and pounds his back. Brock picks Kidman up and throws him into the ropes, catching him in an overhead suplex on the way out.

Kurt tags in, and Brock puts Kidman on his shoulders as Kurt dives off the top, causing a crossbody/electric chair combo. Kurt twirls for the crowd, then covers Kidman. It gets two. Kurt picks Kidman up and punches away at him, backing him into the corner. Kurt fakes a whip to the opposite buckle, the catches Kidman and throws him over his head into the first turnbuckle. Kurt covers for two. Brock tags in, and the challengers get a double suplex on Kidman. Brock picks Kidman up from behind and sets him on the top rope, following him up with a release German superplex.

Brock tags Kurt back in, but as Kurt picks Kidman up, Kidman trips Kurt and tries to crawl over him for the tag. Brock (still in the ring) stops Kidman, and as Rey protests, Brock takes Kidman and javelins him into the aisleway. Kurt rolls to the outside and grabs Kidman, suplexing him into the railing on the outside before returning the match to the ring. Kurt sees Kidman prone and goes to the top rope, attempting a moonsault. Kidman barely rolls away from it as Kurt hits the mat.

Kurt slowly gets to his feet as Kidman is inches away from the tag, but Kurt knocks Rey off the apron and throws Kidman back into his own corner. Brock tags in, nailing Kidman with a series of shoulder thrusts. He sets Kidman on the top rope and tags in Kurt. Kurt enters, gets a running start, and pops up, superplexing Kidman. He covers for two. Kurt removes the straps of his singlet and stands behind Kidman, who slowly gets to his feet.

Kurt hooks up the Angle Slam, but Kidman lands on his feet behind Kurt. Kidman rolls Kurt up in a cradle, but Kurt kicks out at two. Kidman charges, and Kurt overhead suplexes him. Brock enters and picks Kidman up for a powerbomb. He hangs on to Kidman's arms, preventing him from reversing, but Kidman fights the powerbomb. Kurt climbs to the top rope as Kidman and Brock struggle, then dives off, yanking Kidman's hair to allow Brock to complete the powerbomb. Brock covers, but Rey forces a break at two.

Kurt sends Rey to the outside as Brock picks Kidman up on his shoulders. He goes for the F-5, but Kidman reverses THAT into the facejam. Kidman is barely moving as Brock shakes out the cobwebs, and the race to tag is on. Kurt tags in and races across, not only pulling Kidman back but instantly slapping on the Ankle Lock. Kidman fights the pain and tries to crawl to something, anything, but the beating is too much. His arm is raised three times, and three times it falls.

WINNERS and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar (16:24)

Jim Cornette: "What a masterful display of sheer dominance tonight, Michael Cole! That's why Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar are among the elite in SmackDown!'s roster, and that's why they are indeed the new WWE Tag Team Champions."

Michael Cole: "Rey Misterio just had no chance to get involved in this one, and it was all Team Angle showing their utter dominance with a convincing win. Who's gonna beat these guys?"

Judgment Day is on sale now! See Eddie, Brock, and Kurt in triple threat action! Remember the high-flying ladder match! Witness the Undertaker's big return as the Dead Man! On sale wherever high quality DVDs are sold!

Michael Cole: "Folks, we are just getting started tonight for SummerSlam, because up next... perhaps one of the most anticipated matches in the WWE's relatively young Cruiserweight Division history."

Jim Cornette: "Oh, there's not a doubt in my mind that this could be one for the memory banks, Michael Cole, but you never know -- we talk about what makes a great match and part of it is talent level... well, are these guys really on the same level?"

Michael Cole: "Let's find out."

The rockabilly music of Jamie Noble plays, as he emerges in his trailer park outfit, alone. He enters the ring and removes his shirt, leaving on his torn-up jean shorts, taped fists, and boots. He waits. Japanese music plays as the crowd is on their feet. Ultimo Dragon comes in from the back, hesitating before bowing and setting off the spurts of fire. He walks to the ring and removes his long cape before adjusting his mask. The referee -- a debuting Andrew Thomas -- talks to both men in the center of the ring as we hear the rules: one-minute rest periods between falls, the winning fall cannot be a countout or DQ or the title remains vacant, etc. The men shake hands before Thomas holds the belt on high. He hands it to the timekeeper and calls for the bell.

Two out of Three Falls Match for the Vacant WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble

They lock up, and Ultimo wins with a headlock. He keeps it on as Noble tries a suplex, but Ultimo lands on his feet and re-applies the headlock. Noble shoves Ultimo into the ropes, ducks down, and gets caught by an Ultimo crossbody on the rebound. Ultimo drops an elbow on Noble and works the headlock some more. Noble gets up and tries to trip Ultimo, but Ultimo pulls Noble over in the headlock judo-style and keeps it on. Noble stands up again and makes the ropes. The two lock up again, and Ultimo backs Noble into the corner.

Ultimo chops Noble down, sending him across the ring and following in with a front handspring into a forearm smash. Noble bails to the outside, so Ultimo races forward and Lionsaults back onto his feet. Noble flinches, however, and stumbles back into the railing. Ultimo follows him outside and tosses him in, landing karate chops to Noble's head.

He covers for two. Ultimo picks Noble up and gets a German suplex, bridging for two. He sends Noble into the ropes, but Noble ducks the chop rebound. Noble tries a headscissors, but Ultimo ducks as Noble sails over Ultimo's head. Ultimo waits for Noble to try to stand and bows. He leaps and hits the Asai DDT on Noble. The cover follows, and that's the first three count.

SCORE: Ultimo - 1, Noble - 0 (5:15)

Noble tries to charge Ultimo early, but Ultimo ducks and Noble crashes into the turnbuckle. Ultimo chops away on Noble, hiptossing him out of the corner. Noble gets up, but Ultimo dropkicks him. Noble is up again, so Ultimo hits a satellite headscissors to send Noble out of the ring. Ultimo gets on the apron and tries the Asai moonsault, but Noble dodges and Ultimo lands on the mats, holding his knee. Noble kicks the knee a few times before tossing Ultimo back into the ring.

Ultimo pulls himself up by the ropes, so Noble merely kicks the back of Ultimo's left leg, toppling Ultimo again. Noble applies a leg hold, but Ultimo grabs the ropes immediately. Noble pulls Ultimo into the center of the ring and applies a spinning toe hold. Ultimo uses his right leg to kick Noble away, then catches Noble on the rebound with a drop toehold. Ultimo applies a headlock, but Noble stands up and lifts Ultimo, grabbing his left leg and dropping it across his own leg in a shinbreaker. Ultimo hops around, so Noble lariats him down. Noble drops his knee on Ultimo's shin, then pulls upward, hyperextending the leg.

Ultimo calls out in pain as cameras show a split screen of Paul Heyman in the skybox, cheering Ultimo on. Ultimo makes the ropes. Noble picks Ultimo up and punches away in the corner before sending Ultimo into the opposite corner. Ultimo lands chest-first in the corner, and Noble clips Ultimo from behind as we now see Nidia backstage, cheering Noble on.

Noble goes for a single-leg crab. Ultimo crawls on his hands, inching for the ropes, but Noble lets go before Ultimo can get there. Ultimo stands on his one good leg and fires a series of chops at Noble. Ultimo sends Noble into the ropes, but on the rebound, Ultimo puts his head down and Noble jumps over him, slams on the brakes, and kicks out Ultimo's leg. Noble then applies a figure-four leglock. Ultimo fights it for a few seconds, but decides to save himself and taps out early.

SCORE: Ultimo - 1, Noble - 1 (13:45 wrestling time)

Ultimo tries to walk to the center of the ring, but he's noticeably limping. Noble kicks the back of the leg as Ultimo tries to limp away. Ultimo grabs the ropes, but Noble merely whips him in and hits a dropkick to the knee on the way out.

Noble goes right back to the figure-four as we see a triple screen of Heyman, the match, and Nidia (Heyman is screaming encouragement, Nidia jumping for joy). Ultimo tries to roll over, but can't do it. Ultimo scoots on his back like a crab to the ropes, but Noble is stronger and pulls Ultimo back to the center of the ring. Ultimo appears almost ready to tap, but instead makes a last-ditch effort to reverse. He rolls, but Noble sees this and rolls with it, causing both men to do a full roll and end up where they started. This time, though, Ultimo is close enough to the side ropes, and he reaches them after a few seconds of struggle (and nearly 3 minutes in the hold!).

Noble gets up, incensed, and argues with Thomas to no avail. Noble goes to the top rope as Ultimo struggles to stand. When Ultimo reaches his foot, Noble dives off and connects with an Asai DDT of his own. Noble smirks and covers, but at two, Ultimo puts his good foot on the ropes. Noble is frustrated and drags Ultimo to the center of the ring, covering again. This time, Ultimo gets the shoulder up. Noble picks Ultimo up and connects with a dragon screw on Ultimo. He tries a Stretch Muffler on Ultimo, but Ultimo uses his good leg to turn it into a headscissors.

Both men are up, and Ultimo chops away on Noble. He sends Noble for the ride, then tries a back handspring elbow, but stumbles and falls during the handspring, clutching his leg. As Thomas checks Ultimo's condition, Noble removes a turnbuckle pad. Noble picks Ultimo up and slams him into the turnbuckle before cradling him with the feet on the ropes. It gets two before Thomas sees the feet and stops the count.

Noble gets mad at the referee, coming close to shoving him (as Nidia yells "NO!" at the screen) before regaining his composure. Noble picks Ultimo up and sends him into the ropes, bouncing off the opposite ropes and attempting a crossbody. However, Ultimo's leg gives out during the bounce off the ropes and Ultimo stumbles flat on his face, sending Noble over Ultimo's head and crashing into the mat.

Noble lies flat on his face, trying to shake the cobwebs, as Ultimo limps over. Ultimo grabs Noble's leg, wraps it around his own -- his good leg -- and rolls Noble onto his shoulders in La Majistral. Noble is too surprised to react, and the count gets three.

WINNER and NEW WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Ultimo Dragon (24:19 total wrestling time)

Michael Cole: "What a gut check for Ultimo Dragon! His leg may be numb -- it may be injured -- but he used a stroke of good fortune to win the Cruiserweight title!"

Jim Cornette: "Good fortune's all it was, Michael Cole! His leg gave out -- the same leg that almost cost him the title won him the title!"

We go backstage, as Kidman is recuperating, trying to recover from the beating. Rey Misterio runs in.

Rey: "Hey, Kidman -- Torrie wanted me to give this to you."

He produces a note. Kidman reads it out loud.

Kidman (reading): "Billy -- I'm going to accompany the Undertaker for tonight's match. After all the times he's helped us when Team Angle tried to cripple one of us, I felt I had to repay him. Even though I'm going to be a Creature of the Night, I will still always be your creature of the night. Love, Torrie."

He shrugs.

Kidman: "I guess one night couldn't hurt."

Over to the skybox.

Dan Wilson: "Well, folks, it's halfway through an exciting SummerSlam, and that means it's time for the All-Star Break. Paul Heyman, we have the privilege of providing this for the fans, and I think it's gonna be a doozy."

Paul Heyman: "Oh, you're damn right it will be. Just look at the star power you have going tonight!"

Note: I had the entrances all typed out, but due to space constraints you'll have to imagine them. They took up 10 full minutes, at any rate -- and that's only because WGTT ran to the ring.

All-Star Match!

Everyone charges in a dogpile to start (except for the GMs, who go to their corners). RVD kicks away at Christian, while WGTT double-team HBK. HHH and Kane pound on Taker before sending him into the ropes. Taker clotheslines both men to knock them down. Meanwhile, Christian catches an RVD boot and trips him before going to a suplex. HBK ducks a Shelton superkick and throws him into Haas. Both men spill into Taker, who glares at them. The distraction allows HHH to land a kneelift on Taker and send him out.

WGTT regroup and charge Kane, who catches both of them in chokeslams. RVD pounds on HBK, but HHH charges to save. RVD ducks, however, and HHH nails HBK. Kane comes over and questions him, while RVD takes the opportunity to crossbody all three men down. Everyone rolls outside, leaving Christian against WGTT in the ring. Haas picks Christian up and German suplexes him for the first two-count of the match. Haas positions Christian on the ropes as Shelton bounces off the opposite side and hits the leapfrog choke. Haas exits, making Shelton and Christian the legal men.

Shelton grabs Christian and picks him up, but Christian hits a low blow and a suplex. He covers for two. Christian tags in Kane, who pounds on Shelton's back. Kane sends Shelton into the ropes and gets a clothesline on the way out. He climbs to the top, but HHH tags himself in. Kane argues with HHH, so Shelton shakes the ropes and Kane crotches himself. HHH charges, but Shelton clotheslines him down. Shelton tags RVD in, and the two send HHH into the ropes and hit a double superkick.

RVD covers for two. RVD suplexes HHH and goes to the top rope, but the Five-Star misses. Christian and Taker are tagged in, and Christian charges Taker, only to be caught and slammed. Taker bounces off the ropes but misses an elbowdrop. Christian grabs Taker from behind in the Rear Naked Stretch, dropping him and covering for two. Taker sits up (as Torrie raises the urn), so Christian staggers into his corner, but Kane tags himself in and steps over the ropes. Kane and Taker face off as the crowd cheers and shoots pictures, but Piper sneaks in and low blows Kane, allowing Taker to punch away on Kane.

Taker sends Kane into the ropes and scores a diving clothesline. He tags in Haas, who grabs Kane from behind in a German suplex. Haas holds the cover for two. Kane sits up, so Haas tries a seated dropkick. It doesn't faze Kane, who grabs Haas and picks him up for the Burning Hammer. Shelton yanks his partner out of the hold, which draws in Christian and, soon enough, everybody else. Another huge brawl breaks out as Kane Tombstones Haas, Shelton holds off Christian, Taker and HHH tussle, HBK and RVD duck and dodge, and Piper puts an airplane spin on Bischoff.

Piper slaps on the sleeper on Bischoff, but Kane rips him away and chokeslams him. Kane then tries to boot RVD, but RVD catches it and hits the stepover enzuigiri. He showboats, allowing Christian to get a diving DDT on RVD. Shelton scores a dragon whip on Christian to knock him down, but HHH comes in and kicks Shelton before hitting the Pedigree. Taker grabs HHH and positions him for the Tombstone, connecting with it as Kane sits back up. Kane charges Taker and clotheslines him, sending the two men out of the ring and brawling to the back.

Haas comes to and covers Christian, figuring he's as good as anyone, and the ref (who has also forgotten who's legal) counts two before HBK saves. RVD goes to the top rope and lands the Five-Star on Bischoff, but HBK tosses Bischoff out of the ring as RVD clutches his stomach. RVD charges HBK and lands a roundhouse, sending him out of the ring. Christian charges RVD, but Haas cuts him off and gets a belly-to-belly suplex. Christian rolls to the outside, but pulls Haas out with him.

Haas and Christian brawl as Piper, Bischoff, and HBK come over to break it up, allowing RVD to dive over the top and wipe them all out. Back in the ring, HHH and Shelton get up. Shelton staggers backwards into HHH's kick, and HHH tries a second Pedigree. Haas dashes back into the ring and clotheslines HHH to stop it as Shelton flips over onto HHH for two. HHH heads to his corner to leave, but Shelton follows him in and splashes him.

Shelton climbs HHH and delivers the ten-punch countalong, but HHH dumps him to the floor and follows as HBK and Christian return. Haas sees Christian and whips him into the ropes, landing a punch to the gut on the way back. He picks Christian up and delivers the Angle Slam. As he celebrates, though, HBK warms up the band. Haas turns around straight into Sweet Chin Music, and HBK falls on top for the winning three.

WINNERS: RAW (19:59)

Dan Wilson: "And Halloween Havoc will belong to RAW thanks to the Heartbreak Kid!"

Paul Heyman: "He cheated! He had to!"

Dan Wilson: "Looked fair to me!"

We get a replay of the Chris Jericho "Tell Me I'm Fake" ad.

Jim Ross: "Well, Page, it looks like we get bragging rights for the next 6 months, at least until the Royal Rumble comes around."

Dallas Page: "Hey, good effort by everyone involved, and I gotta applaud Shawn and all the others -- they did us proud. And that's a Good Thing."

"Whatever" plays as Chris Benoit emerges, decked out in a referee's uniform. He shakes his limbs before entering the ring and acknowledging the crowd. "Evolution" plays. Batista and Michael Shane head to the ring in their ring outfits. They step into their corner, staring at Benoit hesitantly. "This Is Extreme" starts up as the long leg of Stacy Keibler pokes through the curtain, followed by the rest of her. Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer are close behind, raising matching canes and wearing the tag belts. They present them to Benoit, who holds them high before handing them to the timekeeper. Both teams talk strategy before deciding Mondo and Batista will start as Dreamer and Shane stand in their corners. Batista and Mondo circle each other. Benoit calls for the bell.

World Tag Team Titles: Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer (champions) vs. Batista and Michael Shane (challengers)

Shane cradles Mondo with tights as Benoit counts a lightning-fast three!

WINNERS and NEW World Tag Team Champions: Batista and Michael Shane (0:19)

Jim Ross: "What the hell?"

Dallas Page: "What happened?"

Dreamer wonders the same thing, arguing with Benoit as Evolution celebrate. Benoit stands there, taking the argument, before seemingly turning to face Evolution. He then stops and strikes Dreamer with a hard chop, sending Dreamer to the mat. Benoit stomps Dreamer out of the ring, with Batista slamming the belt into Mondo's head to stop him from doing something. Benoit heads outside as Batista picks Mondo up and Demon Bombs him. Benoit grabs the stairs and clocks Dreamer with them as Shane dives off the top with the Picture Perfect Elbow on Mondo. Benoit then returns to the ring via the top rope and nails the diving headbutt on Mondo. He blows his nose on Mondo and raises Evolution's hands as "Evolution" reprises.

Jim Ross: "Dammit! I don't believe this! Benoit has... he sold out! He sold out to Evolution, the same group that broke his damn arm two months ago! Why, Benoit? Why would you?"

Dallas Page: "I can't believe this! Why would anyone do this!"

As Evolution (all three) start to leave, they spot Stacy Keibler, now defenseless. Benoit smiles and approaches her as Stacy (who is actually taller) cowers in fear. Just then, the Crow Music hits and Sting and Chris Harris charge, sending Evolution scurrying. Harris takes the mic.

Chris Harris: "Evolution -- you may have pulled a fast one tonight, but dammit, that's the last one you'll pull! Randy Orton, c'mon out! I want this match to go down right now while I can see everyone!"

"Evolution" hits as Randy Orton emerges from the back. He stops at the base of the ramp, looking at Benoit, Batista, and Shane, who nod back at him. Orton nods before charging the ring. Harris steps out of it and helps Dreamer pick Mondo up. The two men stare each other down as Charles Robinson races in and calls for the bell.

Randy Orton (w/Chris Benoit, Batista, and Michael Shane) vs. Sting (w/Chris Harris, Tommy Dreamer, and Nick Mondo)

Sting charges Orton, who quickly bails to the safety of Evolution. Sting calls for Orton to enter, and as he does, Sting pounds on him on the apron. Sting then suplexes Orton in and continues stomping away. Orton gets up, but Sting sends him into the ropes and clotheslines him on the way back, howling to the crowd. Sting bounces off the ropes, but Batista trips him up. Sting yells at Batista, allowing Orton a cradle for two.

Orton shoulderblocks Sting down, then covers. It gets two. Orton picks Sting up in the Play of the Day. He covers again, but again it gets two. Orton sends Sting into the corner, but Sting reverses and Orton hits hard. Sting flies in with a Stinger Splash. He sends Orton to the other corner, but this time, Benoit pulls Orton out of the way and Sting crashes to the turnbuckle. As Robinson admonishes Benoit, Shane runs in and superkicks Sting down. Orton falls on top as Robinson turns around, but it's only worth two before Sting gets his foot on the ropes.

Orton gets irate. He sends Sting hard into the corner and tries a Stinger Splash of his own, but Sting dodges it and hits a German Suplex on the rebound, holding the bridge for two. Benoit tries to enter the ring at this point, but Robinson cuts him off. This allows Batista to enter and Demon Bomb Sting. Finally, Mondo has seen enough and tackles Benoit off the apron, triggering a wild brawl at ringside with Mondo, Dreamer, Benoit, and Shane.

Robinson and other refs try to break this up, which allows Harris to sneak in and spear down Batista. He pops right back up and catches a charging Orton in the Catatonic. Harris rolls Batista to the outside as Sting crawls over and drapes an arm on Orton. Harris yells at the ref to get back in, and Robinson does, counting a very non-clean three on Orton.

WINNER: Sting (7:23)

Jim Ross: "Yes! Sting wins!"

Dallas Page: "But how did he win? He's not gonna take that! No one's proved anything tonight! You know, just once I'd like to see these two go one-on-one without anybody coming in and ruining it!"

Jim Ross: "Well, I agree that would be desirable, but I don't know how you'll get that to happen!"

Michael Cole: "Well, guys, I don't know what to say, but instead, we have our main event coming up right now. Eddie Guerrero defends the WWE Title against Edge, next!"

We get a video look at Edge's rise to the main event, and Eddie's parallel rise to the WWE Title, set to the tune of "Feelin' Way Too Damn Good."

"Never Gonna Stop" plays as the Toronto crowd... gives a mixed reaction? Edge walks out, playing to the crowd before removing his sunglasses and sliding into the ring. Edge shakes his head as he prepares for his match. "VIVA GUERRERO" is heard shouted over the loudspeakers, bringing the crowd to their feet as Eddie Guerrero emerges, walking with the belt around his waist. Eddie enters the ring and salutes the crowd before handing the belt off to Tim White. The two men stare down as the crowd cheers, and it becomes clear: Eddie's more popular.

WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero (champion) vs. Edge (challenger)

Eddie and Edge lock up as Edge backs Eddie into the corner. Edge offers a clean break. They lock up again, and this time Eddie turns the lockup into a headlock. Edge shoves Eddie off, catching him with a backdrop on the way back. Edge stomps away before picking Eddie up. Eddie blocks a suplex by Edge and fires back with one of his own. He rolls over, hangs on, and gets a second suplex. He rolls over, hangs on, and gets a third suplex to keep Edge down.

Eddie steps onto the apron and jumps in with a slingshot senton. He covers for two. Eddie sends Edge into the ropes, but Edge meets Eddie with a spear on the way out. He punches Eddie repeatedly in the head before picking him up and suplexing him. Edge covers for two. Edge slugs away at Eddie before sending him into the ropes and scoring a spinebuster. Edge picks Eddie up again, this time slamming him down and covering. It gets two. Edge goes to the top rope as Eddie pulls himself up. Edge nails Eddie with a missile dropkick. He covers for two.

Edge pulls Eddie up and tries a suplex, but Eddie lands on his feet. Eddie hooks Edge's arms from behind and applies the Gory Special 2000 neckbreaker. He covers for two. Eddie slaps his chest and heads to the top rope. He dives, but Edge gets the knees up. Eddie rolls in pain, so Edge quickly lands an elbow on Eddie and covers. Eddie is out at two, and both men get up. Edge chops away at Eddie, who replies in kind.

Edge wins the chop battle and tosses Eddie into the ropes, trying for a rana on the way out, but Eddie catches the legs and gets a giant swing, sending Edge around ten times before throwing him into the corner. Eddie holds himself up with the ropes before stumbling onto Edge in a cover. The ref counts two. Eddie gets up and drags Edge to the center of the ring. He hooks Edge's legs and slaps his back, getting a Mexican surfboard. As he holds it, Edge tries to rock back to get Eddie's shoulders on the mat.

He succeeds once, but at two, Eddie rocks forward and keeps the pain on. Edge manages to wiggle out of the hold, but the damage is done. Eddie continues pounding the back with stomps and forearms before picking Edge up. Eddie gets a suplex on Edge to put him near the corner. Eddie picks Edge up by the legs and ties him in the Tree of Woe. He steps out of the ring, grabs Edge's head, and pulls, thus causing the same pain as a Tarantula would.

Edge screams out as the referee tells Eddie to break before Edge bites on Eddie's hands, forcing a break. Edge works his way out of the Tree as Eddie returns to the ring and stomps the back. Eddie picks Edge up and tries a tilt-a-whirl suplex, but Edge stops it halfway through with a headscissors. Edge then armdrags a charging Eddie, twice, before tripping Eddie up and applying his Sharpshooter variant.

Eddie yells in pain as he squirms to the ropes, the crowd cheering him on (much to Cole's bemusement). Eddie finally makes the ropes, forcing Edge to break. Edge sends Eddie into the ropes and tries a back body drop on the way out, but his back gives way and he collapses with Eddie on top. Eddie rolls Edge over and goes to the top rope. He slaps his chest and dives off, connecting with the Frog Splash. He hooks the leg, and the referee counts a three.

WINNER and STILL WWE Heavyweight Champion: Eddie Guerrero (13:42)

Michael Cole: "Eddie Guerrero with another successful defense of the WWE Title! Will anyone stop him?"

Jim Cornette: "Michael Cole, I just don't see it happening. This guy is amazing, he's talented, and he's taken out just about everyone over the past year -- and that includes BEFORE he won the gold!"

As Edge struggles to his feet, Eddie helps him up. Eddie offers his hand. Edge looks at it, then at the crowd. He shakes hands, and the two raise each other's arms in victory as we go to commercial.

Bad Blood is out on DVD too! A triple threat for the World Title! Sting and Orton, Round 1! Molly finally wins the big one! All available for you! Check it out in stores now!

Jim Ross: "We are back at SummerSlam... Page, can you feel it?"

Dallas Page: "Oh yeah, I feel it. This place is ready. There's only one thing left, and it's what they've all been waiting for!!"

Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Zero... the ball rolls back... BOOM! "Cmon, Jericho / you know I got ya / Yeah / ...break the walls DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!" You know the rest as Chris Jericho emerges to the loudest cheer of the night. He goes through his entrance with the crowd chanting Y2J every step of the way. The cheers turn to loud booing as Rhyno's metallic jungle rock music begins. Rhyno walks out, snarling, belt around his waist, before entering the ring. He pounds his chest and stares at Jericho before removing the belt and handing it to Earl Hebner. We are ready. It's on.

World Heavyweight Title: Rhyno (champion) vs. Chris Jericho (challenger)

Rhyno charges Jericho, but Jericho sidesteps as Rhyno hits the turnbuckle. Jericho chops away at Rhyno before sending him to the opposite corner. Jericho bounces off the ropes and hits the facejam on Rhyno. Jericho pounds on Rhyno's neck before applying a front chancery as JR notes Rhyno's neck surgery in 2001. Rhyno stands up and grabs Jericho by the waist, shoving him back into the turnbuckle. He then grabs Jericho's leg and wrapping it around the ropes. He pulls upward as Jericho screams in pain.

Hebner gets him to stop as Jericho falls to the ground in pain. Rhyno stomps away on the leg before picking Jericho up. He sends Jericho across the ring into the opposite turnbuckle and follows up by throwing his full weight at Jericho's leg. Rhyno drags Jericho to the center of the ring and stands on the back of Jericho's knee while pulling his leg upward. Jericho screams in pain as he crawls to the ropes, the fans chanting to support him. He gets his hands to the ropes as Rhyno steps aside and snorts at him.

Rhyno picks Jericho up and tosses him leg-first into the top turnbuckle. He goes to the top rope and dives off with a legdrop on Jericho's leg. Rhyno picks Jericho up, but Jericho cuts Rhyno off with a chop, then another. Jericho backs Rhyno into the corner and chops some more before hitting a snap suplex. Rhyno is quick to get up, but Jericho bounces to the second rope and dropkicks Rhyno before twinging his leg. Jericho goes to pick Rhyno up, but Rhyno punches at Jericho's leg and tosses him to the outside. Rhyno preps the Spanish announce table for its ritual destruction as Jericho struggles to his feet.

Rhyno throws Jericho onto the table and follows. Jericho punches Rhyno, and they start a slugfest on the table. Rhyno goes low, kicks the leg, picks Jericho up, and delivers a Main Event Spinebuster as the table is thusly sacrificed. The gods of sports entertainment are happy as Rhyno brings Jericho back in and stalks. Jericho slowly gets up, turns, and is GOREd, jumping back five feet on impact. Rhyno covers with one hand, but the count only gets two before Jericho somehow gets a shoulder up!

Rhyno stares in disbelief, then argues with Hebner over the count. Rhyno picks Jericho up and stands him up against the ropes. He bounces off the other side and tries a second GORE, but Jericho nails a roundhouse kick to a charging Rhyno as both men grab their surgically repaired body parts.

Jericho is up first, hopping on one foot to Rhyno and dropping his knee on Rhyno's neck. He rolls Rhyno over and covers for two. Jericho tries a ground sleeper on Rhyno, but Rhyno stands up and shoves Jericho off. On the rebound, Rhyno tries to trip Jericho, but Jericho jumps over it, then comes back and GOREs Rhyno! Jericho covers, but can only get two. Jericho picks Rhyno up and snap suplexes him, then tries a Lionsault, but Rhyno rolls and gets his foot on Jericho's legs.

Jericho stumbles around as Rhyno goes to charge, but Jericho vaults Rhyno and Rhyno crashes into the post. Jericho pulls Rhyno out and delivers his double powerbomb to Rhyno, holding the bridge on the second one. Hebner counts, and this gets the three and destiny is fulfilled.

WINNER and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Jericho (13:09)

Jim Ross: "HE DID IT! HE DID IT! Y2J CHRIS JERICHO IS BACK! FROM MAJOR RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY ONE YEAR AGO, THROUGH AGES OF TRAINING, AND NOW HERE IN CANADA, HE COMES FULL CIRCLE! THE Y2J COUNTDOWN IS AT ZERO! ALL HAIL CHRIS JERICHO, THE - HEAVYWEIGHT - CHAMPION - OF - THE WORLD! WHAT A SUMMERSLAM WE HAVE HAD TONIGHT!"

<<<FIN>>>

*****

So, there were a couple of people who didn't bold decisions, but I assumed that their "logical" choice was their choice. So, the winner of the prediction contest is...

...fuck. We have a tie. Well, that's why I have five tiebreakers...

...double fuck. We still have a three-way tie. Hmmm. Okay, three questions per free TV show until I break the tie. KOTW, Raistlin, and Corino are all in on it -- everyone else finished short of their 7/9. Here we go... questions for RAW, August 16:

1. Who will Chris Jericho's opponent at Unforgiven wind up being?

2. Who is this guy Valerie's talking about?

3. How will Benoit justify his joining Evolution?

High score(s) will move on until only one remains. Let's rock. Rant in the next post, because I'm on about 48000 characters right now.

Dukes

[K.O.T.W]

Woo Hoo! Go me.

1. Who will Chris Jericho's opponent at Unforgiven wind up being? Probably Hunter or Benoit

2. Who is this guy Valerie's talking about? Rock or Hogan

3. How will Benoit justify his joining Evolution? Because after he lost the World Title, he was stuck with "Jericho" syndrome, and had to ref the 2nd biggest show of the year, when someone like Roddy Piper even had a match

[GCCWolverine]

I'll offer a prediction for Valerie's wrestler, and say her boyfriend, Mr. Ryan Sakota...

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK Rant for SummerSlam, Aug. 15 / 04

- Live from Somewhere in Ontario.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross, Dallas Page for the RAW matches, Michael Cole and Jim Cornette for the SD! matches... and Dan Wilson and Paul Heyman for the All-Star Match. Wow, now that's a pretty big defection. I bet Wildside's wishing they offered him a long-term deal now.

- Opening match: WWE United States Title: Matt Hardy v. Eric Angle v. Bull Buchanan v. Konnan. Konnan doesn't get to talk, which is good. But then he gets to wrestle, which is bad. Eric uses Lex Luger's old music, which the announcers don't mention but which I feel I have to. MATT FACTS~!: Matt stands out in a crowd, and Matt enjoyed his summer vacation. He had a summer vacation? Eric opens the bidding on Matt as Bull attacks Konnan. Konnan uses a whip to get his rolling lariat on Matt, and Eric cradles for one. Corner clothesline by Bull on Konnan, and Matt and Eric spill outside. Bull and Konnan go up, but Matt returns and yanks Bull down, allowing Konnan a crossbody on both men. Eric with a German on Konnan for two. Matt and Eric do Poetry in Motion on Bull, but Matt DDTs Eric while Bull walks into a carpetmuncher from Konnan for two. Matt stops the Tequila Sunrise, and Eric cradles Konnan for two. Matt gets the yodel legdrop on Bull for two. Eric with the Angle Slam on Matt, but Mike Barton breaks up the count and distracts the ref. Eric yells at Barton, so Konnan with a full nelson slam, and Bull sends Eric packing at 7:33 with the top rope scissors kick. Eric has no one but himself to blame there, but he blames Barton anyway and chases him to the back. This causes Patrick (and everyone else) to try to break it up, so Matt slams Bull with the belt and Konnan hits the Tequila Sunrise as Patrick returns to record the tapout at 9:21. Ugh, I hate that move. So we're down to Matt v. Konnan AGAIN, and I question why they couldn't do two separate matches and put Bull/Eric on Heat. Not that Colt v. Killings was BAD, mind you (**1/2), but seriously, you don't have to have everyone on the card. Matt with a DDT on Konnan for two. Back body drop and ground/pound, but Konnan reverses and gets a running elbow. Suplex gets two. Matt sends Konnan to the outside, then dives on with a tope as the crowd cheers (they have been pretty solidly behind Matt all match, not the first time the crowd has been in bizarro world). Matt tries a Rude Awakening, but Konnan has his hand under Matt's chin and drops first, reversing the move. Nice. Konnan goes up top but hits the knees. Matt tries the Twist of Fate, but Konnan gets out of it and the ref is bumped. Bubba Rogers completes the insanity with a Bossman Slam, and Matt retains at 13:51. Wow, a four corners elimination match where everyone was protected by the overbooking. Stop the presses. Energetic opener, which was the point, but it really didn't do anything. *1/2

- BUT WAIT! Konnan demands one last match with Matt, on SmackDown!, in a cage. Matt accepts and delivers a Twist of Fate to Konnan to shut him up, but just as he's leaving, LITA of all people appears (as the crowd gives a collective "awwwwwwww" for little Jeff) and gets an unmotherly low blow on Matt. Now what kind of example is that setting? Groinal brutality makes baby Hardy cry.

- Intercontinental Title: Molly Holly v. Chris Nowinski. Nowinski jumps the gun to start, pounding the back and getting a sidewalk slam. More CLUBBERIN' before sending Molly to the corner. Shoulder thrusts and a superplex get two. Molly stops the tide with a rana, but she tries a slingshot suplex and her back gives way from the weight. Which is fine, because Nowinski has worked the back and he weighs twice as much as Molly anyway. Nowinski falls on top for two, then gets a hairpull camel clutch for the heck of it. To the BEARHUG OF DOOM to rally the crowd, as Molly does the KO arm thing. Molly kicks Nowinski between the legs (the universal female-on-male offensive move tonight) and gets a spinning DDT for two. Molly-Go-Round misses as Nowinski ducks, and a running powerslam finishes at 7:02. Man, who'd Molly piss off backstage? I mean, yeah, she couldn't be champ forever without the title losing prestige, but this was a slaughter. 1/2*

- WWE Tag Team Titles: Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio v. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. The champs reprise their WrestleMania entrance. Torrie gives Kidman one last good luck kiss. Rey gets the 619 on Brock's back through the pyro in a neat spot. Brock and Kurt regroup on the floor, so Rey bowls them both over. The heels stall for time before Brock and Rey start. Brock shoves Rey into the corner, but Rey cuts the knees out on Brock on the rebound. To the satellite headscissor armbar he did at WarGames, but Brock squashes Rey in the corner. Brock charges straight into a moonsault, and the Animals get a double dropkick and double armdrag. Kurt charges straight into a drop toehold / flip senton. Kidman catches Brock in a monkey flip, and Team Angle takes another timeout. Kidman does his Shooting Star Plancha on both men, but takes too long getting back in and Brock kips up and throws him into the STEEL guardrail. Rey tries to even the odds, but Brock catches him and slams him into the post. Back in the ring, Brock goes CLUBBERIN, TONY, THEY BE CLUBBERIN, before scoring an overhead suplex. Kurt in as the heels do a Rockerplex for two. Overhead suplex into the corner by Kurt gets two. Double suplex by the Amaresu boys, then Brock gets a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE! Torrie freaks out and runs away. Kidman tries to crawl past Kurt for the tag, but Brock gets Rey to distract the ref, then Brock and Kidman re-enacy the Nash/Rey LAWN DART OF DOOM as Kidman flies all the way to the STEEL ramp. I hope he has good insurance. Kurt goes outside and adds a suplex into the guardrail before returning Kidman's corpse to the ring. But even half-dead as Kidman is, he can avoid Kurt's moonsault. Kurt knocks Rey off the apron and tosses Kidman across the ring, and in comes Brock. Shoulder thrusts, then Kurt returns with the Pop-Up Superplex. Kidman SOMEHOW lands on his feet out of the Angle Slam and rolls up Kurt for two. Kidman charges into an overhead suplex by Kurt, and Brock tries a powerbomb, grabbing Kidman's arms to prevent the facejam, but Kidman tries to leverage it. Kurt comes off the top and yanks Kidman's hair to complete the powerbomb (even Rey is wincing on the apron), but Rey saves. Cole sounds uncomfortable calling this match. F-5 try, but Kidman gets the facejam now for a Double KO. Kurt in first, and in a BEAUTIFUL spot, he pulls Kidman away by the foot and turns it into an Ankle Lock as Kidman finally blacks out at 16:24. Crowd is stunned at the finish before they start applauding. I knew Rey was resting minor injuries here (hence the booking of the finish), and it makes the hot tag seem that much more important, but DAMN Kidman took a shitkicking here. THAT'S how you build up a dominant heel tag team. ***1/4 Now, can you imagine how good it would be if they actually tacked on the extra ten minutes and finished the formula? Exactly.

- Cruiserweight Title, 2/3 falls: Jamie Noble v. Ultimo Dragon. Heyman and Nidia are banned from ringside, but we get SPLIT-SCREENS OF DOOM at various times showing their reactions. Ultimo wins the lockup and works a headlock. Noble shoves off, but Ultimo with a crossbody and back to the headlock. Judo body throw by Ultimo keeps the headlock on as the crowd applauds. Noble makes the ropes out of frustration, then tries another lockup, but Ultimo chops his way out of that. Handspring forearm smash by Ultimo as Noble bails, so Ultimo does the fake-out, which works as Noble falls into the rail. Back in, Ultimo with a Steamboat chop for two. German suplex gets two. Noble misses whatever out of the ropes, and Ultimo gets the Asai DDT to win the first fall at 5:15. One minute rest period follows, during which Noble is cursing himself out for being dominated like that. So Noble charges Ultimo to start the second fall, but Ultimo ducks it and chops away. Hiptoss, dropkick, headscissors, and Noble bails. Ultimo follows with an Asai moonsault... that misses, as Ultimo lands awkwardly on his knee. Noble kicks it and tosses Ultimo in. Uh-oh... is it... is it... IT IS! NOW, WE GO TO SCHOOL! Noble kicks Ultimo's leg out of his leg and puts on a legbar, but Ultimo grabs the ropes. Spinning toe hold, but Ultimo kicks away and gets a drop toehold on the rebound. Back to the headlock by Ultimo, but Noble reverses to a shinbreaker and lariats Ultimo to the mat before working on the leg some more. Ultimo makes the ropes, but takes the Bret Hart bump and Noble clips him before applying a single-leg crab. Man, Noble is getting Ohtani-esque here. Noble senses the ropes are near and releases the hold, pulling Ultimo up. Ultimo chops away, but puts his head down and Noble jumps over and kicks out Ultimo's leg. Figure-four gets a quick tap at 14:45, and Ultimo spends the entire rest period trying to get some feeling in his leg. This is like the Cliff's Notes of Flair/Steamboat here. Not good enough for Ultimo, though, as he limps to a lockup, so Noble kicks the leg again and gets a dropkick to the knee. Back to the figure-four as Heyman spazzes out. Ultimo can't roll, so he tries the ropes, but Noble pulls back. Ultimo tries to reverse, but Noble does a full roll and we're back where we started... but too close to the ropes on the side, and Ultimo breaks after THREE MINUTES in the hold. I hope they don't have to amputate after the match. Noble wonders how that didn't end the match and argues, then goes up top and gets his OWN Asai DDT on Ultimo. He covers, but Ultimo makes the ropes at two. So Noble drags him to the center and tries again, but it's still two. Dragon screw into a Stretch Muffler, but Ultimo leverages it to a headscissors. More chopping by Ultimo, but he tries a handspring elbow (duh) and collapses. Noble removes the turnbuckle pad as the referee checks Ultimo. Noble slams Ultimo into the exposed bolt and tries a Flair pin, but the ref stops it at two. Noble nearly gets DQed before trying a double running crossbody, but irony strikes as Ultimo's leg prevents him from even being able to run and Noble sails overhead and splats on the mat. Ultimo hops over to Noble (who is gasping for breath) and gets La Majistral for the upset pin and the title at 26:19. Wow. ****1/4 Just beautiful booking that makes both men look like bad-asses and absolutely draws the crowd in with good old-fashioned wrestling. The crowd gives both men a standing ovation, and I can't disagree.

- All-Star Match: Eric Bischoff, Christian, Shawn Michael, Triple H, and Kane v. Roddy Piper, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Rob Van Dam, and Undertaker. Entrances alone take up 10 minutes, which helps the crowd recover. Everyone goes nuts to start except Piper and Bischoff. WGTT gets tossed into Taker, which allows HHH to USE THE KNEE~! and clear Taker out. Kane chokeslams the team, while HHH and HBK have miscommunication. RVD takes out three men with a crossbody, which leaves Christian to get double teamed. Leapfrog choke and Shelton and Christian remain in the ring to do something resembling a tag match. Christian with a low blow and a suplex for two. Kane goes CLUBBERIN and scores a clothesline. HHH enters on his own, which leads to an argument and Shelton escapes to bring in RVD. Double superkick on HHH gets two. Five-Star airballs, and Taker and Christian take over. Taker with a slam, but the elbowdrop misses and Christian gets a Rear Naked Stretch for two. Taker sits up, so Kane insists on coming in and we get a staredown. Slugfest, but Piper goes low on Kane and Taker takes over with a diving lariat. Haas gets a German on Kane for two. Kane sits up and no-sells a dropkick, but Shelton stops a Burning Hammer try and it's BONZO GONZO again. Kane with the Tombston on Haas while Piper gets the airplane spin and sleeper on Bischoff. Kane chokeslams Piper (well, inasmuch as Piper can take that bump nowadays), and the chain reaction begins as RVD gets the wheelhouse kick on Kane, Christian hits a reverse DDT on RVD, Shelton gets the Dragon Whip on Christian, HHH goes KICK WHAM PEDIGREE on Shelton, Taker Tombstones HHH, Kane sends Taker out of the ring, and the dead guys leave the match. Meanwhile, Haas covers Christian for two. RVD gets the Five-Star on Bischoff, but HBK pulls Bischoff out of the cover. A series of ring escapes allows RVD to dive onto Piper, Bischoff, HBK, Haas, and Christian with a running plancha. Back in the ring, HHH goes KICK and WHAM, but Haas cuts off the PEDIGREE and Shelton lands on top for two. Blinger Splash by Shelton, and a ten-punch countalong as HHH and Shelton head outside. Haas catches Christian in an Angle Slam, but walks into Sweet Chin Music for the pin at 19:59 as Halloween Havoc goes to RAW. Just a series of spots in lieu of a match, but most All-Star Games are showcases of offense anyway, so it kind of fits. *1/2

- World Tag Team Titles: Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer v. Batista and Michael Shane. They get it out of the way right off the bat, as Shane cradles Mondo with the tights and Benoit quick counts him at 0:19 for the title change. Not really a match, so no point rating it. Benoit then chops the bejeezus out of Dreamer to cement his heel turn, and Horsem... er, Evolution Beatdown #26B on Mondo follows. The heels turn their attention to Stacy (with camera angles trying to ignore that Stacy is actually 2-3 inches taller than Benoit), but Sting and Harris cut them off. And this segues into...

- Sting v. Randy Orton. There's about six guys at ringside right now as opposed to the one advertised, but whatever. Orton stalls to start, but Sting brings him back in with a suplex and keeps pounding him. Clothesline (HOWL), but Batista with a trip and Orton gets a cradle for two. Shoulderblock gets two. Play of the Day gets two. Sting recovers with a Stinger Splash, but on the second try Benoit pulls Orton aside. Benoit apologizes to the ref as Shane gets a superkick on Sting. It gets two. Orton misses his own Stinger Splash and Sting gets a German on the rebound for two. Benoit distracts the ref again as Batista enters with a Demon Bomb, and that sets Mondo off as he goes nuts on the outside. A huge brawl erupts, and Harris enters with a spear to Batista and the Catatonic to Orton to give Sting the win at 7:23. Typical lumberjack match. 3/4* Is this, ya know, leading to a blowoff match anytime soon? Because this is getting kinda silly.

- WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Edge. And the crowd backs... EDDIE? Wow. Viva Guerrero, man. Edge breaks cleanly on a lockup. Eddie gets a headlock, but Edge with a backdrop to open the bidding. Eddie blocks a suplex and gets the rolling verticals and slingshot senton for two. Edge with a spear and suplex of his own for two. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER and slam gets two. Missile dropkick gets two. Edge playing the subtle heel in Toronto? Will wonders never cease? Suplex is slipped out of, and Eddie get the Gory Special 2000 for two. Frog splash hits the knees, and Edge covers for two. We get some BEYOND THE BORDER VIOLENCE next, which Edge wins. The 6'2 Edge tries a rana on the 5'9 Eddie, which fails as Eddie catches him in the GIANT SWING OF DEATH. Eddie stumbles on top for two. Mexican surfboard by Eddie, but Edge rocks back for two to break. Eddie suplexes Edge to the corner and hooks him in the Tre of Woe before heading outside and pulling on the neck. Edge bites Eddie's hands to break. Eddie tries a tilt-a-whirl, but Edge gets a headscissors and goes armdrag-happy before cinching in the Edgelock. Crowd cheers Eddie to the ropes (!!). Edge tries a back body drop, but Eddie slams his weight onto Edge to cause him to collapse, and the Frog Splash finishes at 13:24. Again, this felt rushed for some reason. ** Eddie and Edge hesitantly shake hands.

- Main event, World Heavyweight Title: Rhyno v. Chris Jericho. Y2J is INSANELY over, even more so than Eddie. Wow. Rhyno charges but misses and Jericho goes nuts with chops and the facejam. Jericho works the neck before Rhyno sends him into the turnbuckle. Rhyno wraps Jericho's leg around the ropes as Hebner forces a break. Rhyno works the leg some more, hurling himself at it like a bowling ball. He stands on Jericho's knee and pulls up, but Jericho makes the ropes. Rhyno tosses Jericho's leg into the turnbuckles, followed with a flying legdrop to Jericho's leg. Jericho cuts off the leg onslaught with a series of CANADIAN VIOLENCE, into a snap suplex. Springboard dropkick connects, but Jericho tweaks the leg again. Rhyno tosses Jericho and preps the Spanish announce table. Jericho blocks Rhyno and they slug it out on the table before Rhyno gets a spinebuster through it. Back in the ring, GOAR GOAR GOAR... gets two?!? Rhyno is in shock as the crowd explodes in cheers and JR notes that it's the first time someone kicked out of that in months. Rhyno tries again, but Jericho kicks a charging Rhyno in the head WITH HIS BAD LEG, causing a double KO. Jericho with a hopping kneedrop for two. Jericho with a ground sleeper, but Rhyno powers to his feet. Jericho is sent in the ropes, but rebounds with a GOAR GOAR GOAR of his own! It gets two. Snap suplex, but the Lionsault causes leg-to-leg contact. Rhyno charges but eats the post, and Jericho pulls the double powerbomb out of mothballs to get the pin and the title at 13:09 as Toronto blows the roof off the place. Red hot crowd makes this match better than it should've been. ***1/4

The Bottom Line:

Man, if this show had another half-hour or so for some of these matches, it would be close to the best PPV of the year (although Vengeance and WMXX might disagree). Still a very good effort from both brands, with Ultimo and Jericho standing out. Might not be remembered in a few months, but that doesn't mean it's worth forgetting. Although it seemed rushed, oddly enough.

Thumbs up.

*****

August 16, 2004

WWE.com

We're off to London, Ontario, for the fallout from SummerSlam as we get a LIVE edition of RAW on SpikeTV! Tune in at 9/8 Central to see it!

We have a NEW World Heavyweight Champion, and his name is Chris Jericho! Now that he has completed the comeback, he must do something even harder -- remain hungry enough to keep the gold! What will be his first challenge? We might find out tonight!

RNN usually has groundbreaking interviews, and this should be no exception, as Randy Orton has landed fellow Evolution star Chris Benoit! The big question on everyone's mind is: why did Benoit join the group that put him on the shelf two months ago? We look forward to his answer tonight!

On August 2, we saw a vignette for a new wrestler, being introduced by a California girl named Valerie. She promised we'd find out tonight who it is. So who is it? We don't know, and she ain't telling! Tune in to RAW and see if she reveals all!

All this and more -- including a start on the road to Unforgiven in Portland -- tonight at 9/8 Central! Tune in to the First Network for Men to catch it all tonight, LIVE!

[grind your soul]

Jericho winning with the double powerbomb on a bum knee ruins the match for me. There's no way he could get Rhyno in the doublebomb with TWO good legs - so there's damn sure no way he could do it with one.

Edge vs Eddie was meh, Noble vs Dragon was good but would never get that much time [no matter how good it was to us - the WWE fans would still shit on it after 20 minutes].

I liked the All-Star Match [since I'm big on clusterfucks], and both of the Tag Title matches, especially the RAW one. FUCK YOU, MONDREAMER. The SD one was really good, especially the putting over of the hot tag, which I've been WAITING for WWE to do forever.

Didn't like the four corners match, and the IC Title match was completely forgotten by me by the end of the show, although I did like the ending. Sting vs Orton is PLAYED, and even you know it. END IT, ALREADY. Harris is deadweight being paired with Sting, too.

All in all, a decent show - I'll say thumbs leaning up.

[Blehschmidt]

I actually almost won one of Dukes contests......YAY ME!!!

Summerslam was awesome Dukes....VERY AWESOME!!!

1. Who will Chris Jericho's opponent at Unforgiven wind up being?

Shawn Michaels (for winning the 10 man)

2. Who is this guy Valerie's talking about?

Joey Idol (XPW's Kaos)

3. How will Benoit justify his joining Evolution?

If they were bad ass enough to hurt HIM...there the people he should be running with in the first place.

[Guest y2gudge]

Summerslam was very hit and miss for me, it seemed you had one good match and then a bad one but overall I enjoyed the PPV for most especially Brock & Angle/Kidman & Rey and Jericho/Rhyno, the Crusier match was way too long for the WWE but enjoyable and it was good to see Nowinski win the IC strap. One question though, are you going to have Orton/Sting feud for the next five years or something?!

*y2gudge*

[StevieGRulez]

Good PPV, Real life its worth buying very intresting. Although as Y2Gudge stated above, Is Orton and Stinng going to feud until Orton is 40? lol. Anyway nice PPV

[The Third Dukes]

Oh, as for Sting/Orton still going... well, my unofficial justification is that Sting feuded with Vader for 2 years, and with Hogan for a year and a half, so really, a six-month feud is NOTHING. Seriously, though, I'll explain further next week.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Aug. 16 / 04.

- Live from Paul London, ON.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- And let's not waste any time with the question on everyone's mind, because Randy Orton has the OrTron 7000 set up.

Orton: "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the best thing to pass through London since the freeway out of town, RNN! As you can see, I'm still here, and after last night, a lot of people would think I'd be humble. A lot of people want me to be quiet. But it's simple -- I won't be quiet! I was robbed by an inept referee and a second-rate star like Chris Harris! Sting, if you want to take that win, you've got another thought coming! Next week, I want you In This Very Ring. I will show you that you were... and I am."

JR: "Will he ever be satisfied?"

DDP: "I don't know."

Orton: "But first... first, I have a special guest for you. A man who, last night, made a choice. It was the right choice; it was the good choice; it was a choice every man in the back would be proud to make. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new leader -- the new face -- the truest form of Evolution there is -- let's hear it for Chris Benoit!"

"Whatever" plays as Chris Benoit heads to the ring, getting a mixed reaction that comes with being a heel in Canada. He enters the ring and shakes Orton's hand. He stands back and smiles, hearing a crowd that knows they're not supposed to like him cheer him some anyway.

Orton: "Welcome aboard, Chris. It's an honor and a pleasure to follow the leadership of a man who has revolutionized wrestling. But before we continue, would you like to explain your actions to those among us who are less enlightened?"

Benoit: "My pleasure. You see, it's so simple if you think it out. When I held the Intercontinental Title, when I won in my hometown of Edmonton over Christian, I didn't hear people tell me how wonderful I was. I didn't hear people say congratulations. They resented me! They said I was the wrong man! Everyone wanted Molly to win it, not me. And when I lost it again, thanks to a blow to the head from this wondergirl, everyone cried... but for her, and not for me! It was all about her having to "Be a Diva"... well, guess what! I just lost some gold, and that should matter to you! I know why you pity Molly -- you hope to get in her pants someday -- but you should be focusing your brain, your logical part, on what happened to me. Well, when I was cast aside like a plot device in favor of some lesser athlete, I took matters into my own hands. I contacted Eric Bischoff, and I said, Eric, let me in!"

Orton: "Now, wait -- was this before or after Batista broke your arm?"

Benoit: "Randy... you were there. You know the truth. What Batista did was place my arm in a chair and step on the chair. When done one way, it breaks the ulna, crippling a man. But when done the right way, it makes a huge noise and creates the illusion of injury. Batista did it that way. I spent all this time planning to make SummerSlam my return. And when Nick Mondo said I would be the referee at SummerSlam -- it was two birds, one stone."

Orton: "Two birds with one stone? I didn't think you had anything against Nick Mondo."

Benoit: "Personally, I have no opinion of him. Professionally, he disgusts me. He and Tommy Dreamer, running around the ring, canes in hand. They pride themselves on being part of bloody wars, on using weaponry, on breaking a few tables. Do you think that makes you a wrestler, Randy? It makes you a thug -- a criminal -- a petty street rat. Their actions don't belong in a WWE ring, let alone rewarded with a World Tag Team Title reign. So I took it on myself not only to join Evolution with a bang, but to get the titles off of those two wannabe wrestlers before they were tarnished with the smell of blood of dirt that oozes from them. I--"

Benoit is cut off when "This is Extreme" plays. Nick Mondo walks out, alone, without Stacy or Dreamer. He marches to the ring and rolls in, staring down Benoit and Orton, cane in hand for his own defense.

JR: "Business just picked up, Page."

DDP: "Oh, this is gonna get interesting in a hurry, Jim."

Mondo: "I've heard just about all I want to hear. Now you're gonna hear me. You all are. And SpikeTV, TSN, Sky, whoever you are, you'd damn better have us on 7-second delay, because I ain't holding back!"

JR: "Uh-oh."

DDP: "This is gonna get nasty."

JR: "This could become personal."

Benoit: "Ooh, should I be worried that you're going to curse up a storm? Should I be scared that you have a tool of ignorance in your hand? Should I--"

Mondo: "You're the only tool of ignorance around here, you son of a {beep}!"

Crowd: Yay! Cursing is cool!

Mondo: "I asked myself why you did it too, Chris. But unlike other people who have been victims of the circumstance, I did research. And what I found was that I should've known you'd be a sellout... the only thing you've ever done in your life is whore yourself to the highest {beep} bidder!"

JR: "WOW!"

DDP: "He's got grapefruits, Jimbo."

Mondo: "I looked throughout your life, Chris. I looked at how you broke a man's neck, and sent him to the hospital. That man was a man I patterned myself after. Most people, when they break necks, are just a little apologetic. But you {beep} bragged about it! It became your name! That's why you're the Crippler, you little piece of {beep} -- because you broke a man's neck and you laughed about it!

Or, if ya just want to focus on your time in the WWE, we can do that. When did you come here, Chris? I remember -- it was just after you won the WCW title. You {beep} them over while you were champion because you couldn't handle the pressure of being the man on top after years of making enemies along the way. And who let you in? Another of my idols -- Mick Foley -- and you {beep} on him, too! You thanked him by trying to end his career!

But maybe that's too far back -- how about when you returned from your own broken neck -- yeah, instant karma got you by the {beep} and didn't let go, did it? -- you were contracted to SmackDown! But you jumped to RAW, because Vince said it was okay. So what did you do? You {beep} over RAW, took one of their titles, and defected back to SmackDown! without even so much as an I'm sorry, you piece of {beep}!

But all that -- all that -- is secondhand when compared to your biggest example of {beep} a man over. Does the name Kevin Sullivan mean anything to you? Do you remember when you were fighting him? Lemme ask you -- as Kevin Sullivan sits on the sidelines, an angry, bitter, broken, beaten man, left to {beep} off and die by you, Chris, where's his wife? I'll tell you: she's with you. It wasn't enough to {beep} his career, you had to {beep} his wife -- who's now YOUR wife, isn't she?

Chris -- you are a pathetic {beep} little {beep}. And I should have known you would stab all these great WWE fans in the back. I should have known you would treat us like {beep}. But this is the type of {beep} I don't have to take! Chris -- in my book, you will always be Unforgiven. And now, I want you at Unforgiven. It doesn't matter what I have to do to get it done -- you and I will meet one-on-one, and if you think I'm a worthless piece of {beep} who only knows how to fight, I'll see what you think when this guy beats the {beep} out of you until you don't have the {beep} to {beep} another man's wife with!"

The crowd cheers.

JR: "Well, I say, my grandma wouldn't approve of it."

DDP: "Your grandma never met the man Mondo just talked about."

Benoit: "You think four-letter words scare me? You want the Crippler? You want to see how evil I can get? Fine. You and me, at Unforgiven -- if you get there."

Benoit and Mondo stare down, each one spitting harsh words out at the other in turn. Orton stands back, not sure what to make of any of this, but certain his show is about to be upstaged. But before anyone can do anything, Eric Bischoff joins us.

Bischoff: "Nick -- I love you, man, but I gotta say -- you're a real mouthful sometimes! Now, I know you want a piece of Benoit -- and Benoit, I know you want a piece of Nick Mondo -- but now is not the time or place. You see, Nick, tonight, I've decided you need a rematch. It'll be you and Tommy Dreamer getting one last chance to win the World Tag Team Titles back. And this time, no tricks. Chris, you're not the referee. It'll be straight-up. You can trust me. But Nick... I expect you to be ready for this, because if you don't win the belts, you and Tommy will never, ever get another shot as long as I'm the General Manager of this show! And that's final!"

- Okay. I know everything Nick said is accepted in kayfabe-land (after all, Benoit/Sullivan started as an angle and blew up from there). But still, did he have permission to go where he did? Does Chris really want his kids to find out about Mom and Dad met on national television? And was cursing really necessary? I guess it establishes the depth of Nick's hatred -- and, by proxy, makes Benoit look more and more evil -- but at what point do you sound like a second-rate promotion, rather than the rulers of the universe? Is XPW really that cutting-edge?

- Backstage, Mondo sees a Benoit poster on the wall and slams his cane into it until it (the cane) breaks, letting out a primal scream. Wow, dude, take your Ritalin.

- Rodney Mack v. Maven. Hiptoss from Maven out of a lockup, and the DROPKICK OF DOOM sends Mack bailing. Mack returns and pushes Maven into the corner, punching away. Suplex gets two. Mack tries a Blackout, but Maven shoves Mack into the turnbuckle. Maven gets a rollup for two, but Valerie runs into the ring and sprays perfume in Theodore Long's eyes. We know it's perfume because JR tells us that's what it smells like. That's some damn strong perfume. So anyway, Long, incapacitated by the CHANEL OF DEATH, yells for help, and as the ref attends to him, Mike Awesome charges the ring, fresh off of jumping from the NWA when no one noticed that he left All Japan in a huff. Maven gets powerbombed, Mack gets powerbombed, the ref returns and HE gets powerbombed, and Awesome stacks them all and frog splashes the whole damn pile. Valerie cheers him on, then tells him one more, and Awesome picks the referee up and gives him another powerbomb onto Maven and Mack. Crowd is somewhat impressed, but I doubt Mike will set the world on fire. It's a Sports Entertainment Finish at 4:00 or so. Call it 1/2* for sheer entertainment of one man beating the crap out of another.

- So anyway, Valerie gets on the mic and tells the world that this is the man who has the gals in LA all excited. He's the real deal, the next big thing, etc. Crowd boos, so Valerie thinks they need more proof. Awesome picks Maven up and gives him a top rope powerbomb as the crowd begins to warm to him. Hey, destroying Maven's a good way to get into my good graces. Valerie smiles, snuggles with Awesome, and they leave. I'm not sure how they'll keep this up, but they're off to a good start -- re-inventing the Brock Lesnar entrance.

- Intercontinental Title: Chris Nowinski v. Chris Harris. Nowinski asks for a moment of silence for Teddy Long's vision and is given the loudest cheer London can muster. Funny. Harris backs Nowinski into the corner, chopping away and getting a dropkick. A second dropkick misses, and Nowinski gets a hiptoss and clothesline for two. Nowinski goes to the back with knee smashes and a camel clutch. Harris slithers out and gets a lariat for two. Harris tries a spear, but Nowinski vaults and catches him on the flip side with a German suplex for two. Cactus DDT gets two. Harris trips Nowinski and tries a Sharpshooter, but Nowinski kicks off and gets a back body drop for two. Harris kicks Nowinski and goes for the Catatonic, but Nowinski falls on top for two. Running powerslam finishes at 4:59. Good start, not so good match. 3/4* And here's Randy Orton to pummel Harris, yelling about why Sting's a coward. Dude, the guy may have just gone home or something. Deal with it.

- And as we come back, it's Y2J TIME! Jericho absorbs a FIVE-MINUTE standing ovation before thanking the fans and saying he did it ON HIS OWN. He says now the journey begins again. Last time he was champ, they called him a fluke, but not NOW, he insists. Riiiiiight. Anyway, he wants to know who will step up first, and out comes... Shawn Michaels? Crowd cheers him (in Canada, which is weird in and of itself, but I guess that Calgary RNN did the trick). Michaels talks about how great Jericho is, but also about how great he's been, and that he won the All-Star Match. He says that Shopzone has Y2J and HBK shirts at 1-5 (oh, come on, don't exaggerate like... well, I'll be damned), and that this is the match the crowd WANTS. Oh, and they're 1-1 against each other and deserve to go One More Time. Crowd chants "One More Time" as Jericho smiles. It will be his pleasure at Unforgiven. The two men shake hands, and that's your main event. Wait, that's your main event? Methinks they'll have something bigger cooked up.

- Scott Hall and Booker T v. Johnny Jeter and Chris Matthews. I guess rumours of these two being a full-time team are gonna be fulfilled. No problems here, sez I. Booker and Jeter start, and Booker gets a wicked chop and slam. Tiptoe kneedrop connects, and Matthews is tossed, but that allows Jeter a low blow and spinkick for two. Matthews enters with a kneelift and dropkick for two. Heels with a double dropkick on Booker, and Jeter goes up top. Super spinkick connects, Hall saves. Matthews enters with a flying roundhouse to the back of Booker's head (called the Hardball Kick by Page for reasons which escape me), and Hall again saves. Jeter and Matthews try a pair of crossbodies but collide, and Booker axe kicks them both. Hot tag Hall, who does the usual on both men. Booker gets the Spinaroonie and leg lariat on Matthews, and Hall with the Razor's Edge on Jeter for the pin at 7:35. The kids got some offense, the vets got the push, everyone played nice. What more do you want? **

- Molly Holly is out. Yay. She talks about how she'll get her rematch next week against Nowinski, and how she will win the title back. It's not if, but when, she says. But more than that, she's a stronger woman now for having lost, because she KNOWS she can live the dream and make it reality. There isn't anyone or anything she's scared of... oops, may have spoken too soon...

- Molly Holly v. Kane. Yes, Kane interrupts and TOWERS over Molly as a ref enters. Molly goes low to start the match, then tries to kick away at the legs. Kane grabs Molly off the ropes and throws her into the corner, so Molly dives for cover on the outside. Kane stalks her, so Molly races back into the ring and crotches Kane as he steps over. Dropkick gets her somewhere, but she tries to work the arm and gets slammed as a thank you. To the top, and the flying lariat connects. Kane signals for the chokeslam, so Molly goes low again and runs ouside, tossing anything she can find into Kane's path for the DQ at 3:14. 3/4* Molly escapes to the back, with Kane stalking after her. Okay then.

- Stacy talks to Dreamer, who appears psyched up. This is their chance! Dreamer gets more and more fired up as Stacy talks about respect. She reminds him of what Benoit did, and that that's how people have treated him all his life, but now is the time! And Dreamer is just fired up right now... damn.

- Main event, World Tag Team titles: Batista and Michael Shane v. Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer. And the challengers RACE to the ring (as much as Dreamer can anymore) and level their foes with right hands before unloading the punches as the crowd goes nuts. The heels bail, so Mondo FLIES over the top rope and nails both of them almost all the way to the ramp! DAMN we got some motivation. Batista returns to the ring, but Dreamer with a Cactus clothesline to take him out, while Mondo pounds on Shane and throws him into the railing. Back in the ring, Shane tries to duck a lockup so Mondo chops him down and gets in a lariat. Kneedrop follows. Tilt-a-whirl and Shane races to Batista. The crowd is chanting for Mondo right now. Batista gets outslugged (!) and Mondo with a superkick to put Batista in the ropes as Mondo does a springboard into a spinning guillotine on Batista (!), named the Sledgehammer Legdrop by Page. Mondo springboards in with a second legdrop for two. He brings in Dreamer, who continues the beating with a legdrop and avalanche as Batista brings Shane back in. Finally, Shane stops Dreamer's momentum by dodging a body attack and tying Dreamer in the ropes before adding a running dropkick. Batista returns with a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER as we go to break. We return with Batista applying a bearhug as Dreamer fights out of it. Shane hits a Buff Blockbuster on Dreamer (while he's still in the bearhug, mind you -- neat combo), and Batista gets two off of it. Shane in with a belly-to-belly suplex for two. He tunes up the band, but Dreamer avoids the superkick and gets a desperation DDT. Hot tag Mondo, who unloads on Batista and gets a DDT of his own. He then hits a SLINGSHOT POWERBOMB~! on a charging Shane, who is pretty much out for the night. To the top, but M.Bison gets two. Dreamer enters with a Dreamer Driver on Batista for two. Mondo tags in and goes for a moonsault (under-rotating -- please, Nick, don't try it again), but Benoit and Orton run in for the DQ at 16:45 as the crowd HATES the finish. Shane and Batista slowly recover and it's a MASSIVE beatdown on Mondo and Dreamer as Benoit gets in Mondo's face and does the DOUBLE SNOT ROCKET OF DEATH! Stacy enters to check her men out, showing she learned nothing from last night, and Benoit puts the Crossface on her as Mondo and Dreamer can only watch. Crowd is booing Evolution out of the building. Great tag formula, Mondo looks awesome, and Benoit is crazy over as a heel now. Maybe Mondo and Benoit won't suck. ***

The Bottom Line:

Strictly the Evolution Show here, as Orton beats up Harris to get to Sting AGAIN while Benoit shows why he's the best heel there is in wrestling. I had little or no faith in Mondo earlier, but it appears I'm in the minority, and Benoit is capable of miracles with less talent, so who knows?

Oh, and there's Jericho/Michaels, but we all know who's supposed to win that.

*****

August 19, 2004

WWE.com

SummerSlam has come and gone, but we're still here! UPN brings all the action tonight!

Konnan has been after the US title for three months now, and tonight will likely be his last chance. He gets one more shot at Matt Hardy, and this time, it's no interference, no double-teams, no weapons -- just a steel cage! Can the ringleader of 3 Live Kru bring home the gold?

We have new WWE Tag Team Champions, as Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar decimated Kidman and Rey on the way to the gold! They face their first challenge tonight, as they take on a pair of no-nonsense fighters in Faarooq and Bradshaw, the APA. Can these tough bar-room brawlers make a dent in Team Angle?

Edge came up short against Eddie Guerrero in his hometown, not just in the match, but in the fans' opinion! Does it bother him that he was second-favorite to Latino Heat at SummerSlam? Kevin Kelly will talk to him about it tonight!

All this and more -- including a triple threat tag match -- tonight at 8/7 Central on UPN! Smack Your TV to get the action around the country!

*****

Raistlin wins, 1-0. Corino, I gave you a week, what do you want from me?

I'll contact you via PM when your prize is ready. It involves spoilers, so let me know if you don't mind.

Dukes

[K.O.T.W]

Raistlin wins, 1-0.  Corino, I gave you a week, what do you want from me?

I'll contact you via PM when your prize is ready.  It involves spoilers, so let me know if you don't mind.

Dukes

←

[Guest y2gudge]

I'm somewhat looking forward to Benoit/Mondo from the build up there on Raw, lets hope you can keep it up with this mini-feud and it may surprise as one of the better matches of the PPV. Jericho finally wins the big one after so long, defeating the 'Man-Beast' and in return he gets...HBK - that says it all really...

*y2gudge*

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Aug. 19 / 04, taped Aug. 17.

- From Hamilton, ON.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match, WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. APA. APA brawl to start, with Faarooq getting his spinebuster on Kurt and Bradshaw hitting the Last Call on Brock. The APA try to double tackle Brock, but he won't go down and tosses both men aside instead. Kurt enters and gives Bradshaw the rolling German suplexes before throwing him to the APA corner so Faarooq can come in. Faarooq charges straight into a Kurt overhead suplex, and Brock enters with a release German suplex and F-5 for the pin at 2:58. Just a sparring match for the champs. 1/2* Kurt and Brock make a point of showing they haven't broken a sweat, then say that what Barton did to Eric at SummerSlam was just the beginning. Eric will NEVER succeed as long as Kurt is in the WWE. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. Brock proceeds to proclaim that the titles will go off of them when they retire or die, and that no two men can ever come close to defeating them. Tonight is the start of the Team Angle Era, in which technical expertise stands supreme. Put me down as a supporter, then.

- Ron Killings and Road Dogg v. Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore v. Tajiri and Scott Colt. Oh, and it's Tornado Rules, because we can. 3LK play the tweeners tonight, beating on anything that moves. Dogg tries his Jump Jive and Wail punches (called that by Cole, further proof that I am the most influential internet recapper in sports entertainment), but Evan blocks, so Colt catches Dogg from behind and German suplexes him. Tajiri kicks Moore into gooey paste as Killings dives on Colt for two. Dogg and Killings try a Doomsdogg Device, but Colt catches Killings from atop Dogg and suplexes him down. Damn. Tajiri hooks the Tarantula on Evan, but Moore kicks Tajiri in the mush to break. And AWAY WE GO as Dogg is tossed out of the ring, and Colt, Tajiri, Moore, Evan, and Killings all fly into him in spectacular fashion. Eventually, Colt and Moore are left, and Colt reverses a Twist of Fate to a back suplex and Cotl 45 for the pin at 7:35. Just a bunch of spots in lieu of something more coherent. **

- Edge broods...

Edge: "Last Sunday, in my hometown, I had to hear the people I grew up with reject me. My people rejected me. Eddie rode them -- he rode them to a victory. But he was lucky. He had surprise on his side. He had the surprise in my mind of hearing 20,000 people turn their backs on me. But no more, Eddie. We will meet again. And when we do, I will be prepared for anything and everything -- and I will be ready for you. Cuz you see, I will shut them out. I will ignore their presence. And I will leave the WWE Heavyweight Champion. Eddie Guerrero -- from now on, you only THINK you know me."

- A heel turn for Edge? Or merely a darker side? Actually, if they return the character to his roots -- a mysterious, dark figure who hides in the shadows and sides openly with no one -- they might be able to get somewhere. But first, it appears they want a rematch, even after Eddie cleanly and handily disposed of him. That just shows the main problem with SmackDown! -- so many stars, but they've built Eddie up as light-years better than anyone and it'll take a miracle to bring him down.

- Billy Gunn v. Undertaker. Oh yeah, this will be painful. Gunn has Nidia, of course, but Undertaker... has Torrie? Huh? Even the announcers are confused as to why Torrie is still with Taker. Zombie mourner look and all. Nidia sure seems confused, but she makes the best of it and ambushes Torrie to take her out of the equation. Torrie sits up, of course. The crowd loves it. Meanwhile, Gunn slugs away at Taker, who no-sells everything and finishes Gunn off with the series of the usual at 5:13. DUD

- BUT WAIT! During the Break footage shows Taker saluting the urn when Billy Kidman walks out. Kidman spins Torrie around and tries to ask what's what, but Torrie merely stares a hole through him. Taker stands by Torrie, who holds the urn out for Kidman. If this is an invitation, Kidman rejects it, heading to the back.

- And backstage, Kidman meets Rey, who's every bit as confused. Both mention it should have been one night only, but Rey actually brings sanity to the table by saying that maybe Torrie feels safer with him. Kidman stammers at this before merely replying "SHE'S MY WIFE!" Rey has no answer. This was seriously weird on many levels.

- Eric Angle heads to the ring for a rematch with Bull Buchanan, but Team Angle comes out and mugs him. Kurt takes the mic and tells Eric not to show his face on SmackDown! again, because this is what'll happen EVERY TIME. Wow, something went off in Kurt's brain at SummerSlam. Not that I mind psycho Kurt at all, but this is seriously messed up.

- And now, a rebuttal:

Eddie: "Look at this, esse. This is the WWE Heavyweight Title. It's still mine. It don't matter who I face or when I face 'em. The title will stay right here, where it belongs. Edge, you talk about the fans deserting you? Like it's my fault? They know when a man is ready to step up to the top of the ladder -- and I am, and you ain't, Edge. You are still stuck beneath me, like all those who would dare challenge for my title. This is my DREAM, Edge! This is my ticket to being LEGIT! You ain't gonna steal that from me -- you or ANYONE ELSE! If you want one more shot -- you know damn well where to find me. But don't expect a difference. I will still wear this title that you wish you could get your hands on. VIVA GUERRERO!"

- Rob Van Dam (w/Stephanie) v. Charlie Haas (w/Shelton). Just on observation, someone has been posting picture of Shelton (with Linda Miles' haricut) on the internet, and while it's not exactly something I'd f*ck with Scotsman's d*ck, it's still a damn sight more attractive than Lady Screech over on the face side. Anyway, a pre-match skit establishes that Piper isn't happy that Haas lost the match and is feeding him to RVD as punishment. I would have assumed the punishment was making him be within 10 feet of Stephanie, myself. RVD kicks away to start, but Haas ducks and tackles him. The two go into a pinfall reversal sequence that ends in RVD hitting the stepover enzuigiri to send Haas to the outside. RVD barrels onto WGTT, and back in, Rolling Thunder on Haas gets two. Haas dodgers a flying kick and suplexes RVD to take over. German suplex (with bridge) gets two. Bulldog, and Haas slaps on a front chancery. RVD tries to monkey flip out of it, but Haas holds on and the result is a nasty-looking neckbreaker that gets Haas two. Oklahoma slam gets two. RVD with a dead-on spinkick, and he goes up top, but Shelton crotches him and Haas gets a superplex for the pin at 5:48. ** WGTT beats down RVD afterwards, and logic says RVD now has to find a partner to get even. But who(m)?

- Main event, WWE United States title, cage match: Matt Hardy v. Konnan. And MAN, they're gonna give this a LOT of time. Konnan comes out and promises that tonight, the pain begins. For Matt or for the viewer? MATT FACTS~!: Matt is nervous about cage matches, and Matt misses Jeff. Wow, I almost forgot that.

Cage match for the WWE United States Title: Matt Hardy Version 1.0 (champion) vs. Konnan (challenger)

They hesitantly lock up, and Matt gets a side headlock. Konnan shoves Matt off, but on the rebound, Matt gets a Lou Thesz Press and punches away. Konnan reverses and punches back, then both men get up. Konnan charges with a lariat, connecting before sending Matt towards the cage. Matt stops short of the cage, but turns around straight into a second lariat. Konnan goes to the mount position and strikes Matt across the bridge of the nose before picking him up and tossing him into the cage. Matt staggers backwards into a Konnan atomic drop. With Matt down, Konnan starts to walk to the door, but Matt grabs his leg and trips him. Matt then pulls Konnan back to the center of the ring and pounds on his neck. Matt picks Konnan up and drives knees into Konnan's face before hitting a DDT. Matt yells for the door to be opened, but Konnan grabs Matt's ankle. Matt turns and tries to pry himself loose, but Konnan grabs Matt's other foot and trips him before catapulting Matt into the turnbuckles. Matt is down, so Konnan begins to stomp away on him before picking him up and trying a suplex. Matt lands on his feet, however, and catches Konnan from behind in a release German suplex. Matt stomps away on Konnan before picking him up and pointing to the cage. He tries to slam Konnan's head into the cage, but Konnan blocks, elbows Matt, and sends Matt into the cage, raking his face and busting him open. Konnan pounds away at the cut before climbing over the top of Matt (stepping on his head) and trying to escape. Matt slowly gets up and catches Konnan near the top of the cage. Matt punches Konnan to get him to fall, then dives down after him with an elbowdrop to his throat. With Konnan flailing, Matt heads for the door, but stops when Konnan rolls to his knees. Matt charges Konnan, but Konnan headbutts Matt in the groin, uppercuts him in the groin, then stands up and unloads a flurry of right hands on Matt. Into the ropes Matt goes, and on the way out, Konnan hits a facejam. Konnan stands up, staggers a bit, and tries to walk to the door, but Matt dives and pulls him back. Matt picks Konnan up and tosses him five times into the cage, as now Konnan is also bleeding. Matt tries for the Twist of Fate, but Konnan shoves him off. Konnan catches him on the rebound in a Side Effect, but Matt elbows out. Matt gets a DDT on Konnan, then tries to climb out. Konnan is up and after him, and the two meet at the top. Konnan pounds Matt with right hands and elbows, taking the lead and climbing over the top. But Matt is still holding on, and he catches Konnan by the jersey and tries to drag him back in. Both men meet on top of the cage, where Matt hooks Konnan and superplexes him to the mats below. Both men are down as we are forced to take a commercial break.

***COMMERCIAL***

Matt is the first one up, and he begins to walk (using the ropes and cage to balance himself) around the ring to the door. Konnan stands up and grabs Matt by the tights, yanking him back to the center of the ring. Now Konnan dives for the door, but Matt cuts him off and pounds on Konnan's head and neck. Konnan rakes the eyes in return, and both men roll around punching each other. Both men stand up, still slugging away, before Matt rakes Konnan's eyes, tosses him into the cage, and tries a Twist of Fate. Konnan fights it, so Matt tries to turn it into a hangman's neckbreaker. Konnan grabs the ropes, so when Matt drops, he drops alone. Matt bounces back up just as Konnan turns around and nails a right hand to Matt's temple, flooring him again. Konnan drags Matt to the center of the ring and bounces off the ropes, landing a kneedrop to Matt's head. Konnan limps away, trying to make the door, but the leg gives out before he can. Matt grabs Konnan by the leg and slams it knee-first on the mat, keeping up the pain from the knee-head collision. Matt stands Konnan up and soccer kicks the back of Konnan's knee before heading for the door. Konnan, however, grabs his legs and tries to dive over him. Matt bites Konnan's leg to stop it, but Konnan kicks Matt in the teeth. Both men get up, and Konnan lifts Matt over his head and throws him into the cage, opening the cut some more. Konnan pounds away at the cut, but when he tries to leave via the door, Matt lashes out and catches Konnan's bad knee. Konnan trips, and Matt pounds on the back of the leg. Matt spits on Konnan and climbs to the top of the cage. He hollers as Konnan lies motionless, but as he dives, Konnan rolls aside. The impact jars Matt's spine and leaves him trying to pull himself up via the ropes. Konnan tries to slide out of the door, but Matt stops him. Matt turns Konnan around and sets Konnan's leg in the doorway. He reaches over Konnan and slams the door on Konnan's leg, then tries to crawl over Konnan out the door. Konnan grabs Matt's leg and pulls himself up to a seated position, then turns his grasp into an anklelock. Konnan maintains the hold as he uses the ropes to stand up. Matt also uses the ropes to get to his foot, then nails Konnan with an enzuigiri. Both men are down again. Matt is up first, and he climbs to the side of the cage. Konnan is soon up, and despite his bad leg, he tries to climb. Both men meet on the top of the cage wall, with Matt and Konnan slugging it out. Matt tries to hit Konnan with a kick, but he loses his balance and is hanging by his fingers from the top of the cage. Konnan slowly pulls himself over the top as Matt regains his balance. At the top, Konnan and Matt slug it out again, but this time, Konnan uses all that's left in his bad leg to drill Matt in the head with a big boot. Matt crashes to the mats, while Konnan uses his hands and good leg to avoid losing his balance. He begins a slow descent, trying to protect his leg, but Matt clears the cobwebs and begins to crawl for the door. It looks like Matt's going to win, but Konnan sees this and drops the final five feet. He lands on his bad leg, but it counts, and the bell rings at 25:15.

WINNER and NEW WWE United States Champion: Konnan

- Dogg and Killings come out to help Konnan to the back, but he still has the strength to hold the belt on high. How nice. I don't know if the leg injury is legit -- likely not, given the last kick -- but I imagine it's a way to justify making Konnan a transition champion, most likely to Bull Buchanan or Mike Barton (who himself would transition it to Eric Angle). Anyway, this match was brutally stiff for the first part before the psychology got weird. Still better than I expected. **1/4

The Bottom Line:

I'm not sure what's up right now with SmackDown! -- Eddie is too far ahead of everyone, and some of the feuds they're starting seem just bizarre. Kurt is simply too good to be fighting Eric, bloodlines or not. And Kidman/Taker? I'm not sure it'll work. Still, with Matt Hardy free of Konnan's suckitude, things can only be better for him.

One can hope, anyway.

*****

August 23, 2004

WWE.com

We're off to Anaheim, California, for WWE RAW tonight on SpikeTV! It's LIVE, unpredictable, and truly exciting!

Randy Orton has been pursuing Sting's retirement since WrestleMania ended. Tonight, he will force a man from Hollywood to do something about it. The Rock has been given an open invitation to RNN! Will he accept it? What will happen if he does?

Eight days ago, Chris Nowinski defeated Molly Holly for the Intercontinental Title. Now, the rematch happens. Can Nowinski remain the champion? Will Molly Holly make history again?

We know that Chris Benoit and Nick Mondo will meet at Unforgiven. Before they do, though, they will square off in 6-man tag team action! Joining Benoit will be the World Tag Team Champions, Batista and Michael Shane! Meanwhile, Mondo has recruited veteran stars Booker T and Scott Hall! Who will come out on top in this war?

All this and more -- including an update on Trish's condition -- tonight at 9/8 Central! Be sure to tune in to SpikeTV, TSN, or Sky Sports to catch the action!

[Steve Corino]

Shit! Knew I should have checked this more. Damn my brain. Ah well, I'll try again next time.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Aug. 23 / 04.

- Live from Anaheim, CA.

- Your hosts and Jim Ross and DDP.

- Opening match: Tracy and Alexis Laree v. Jazz and Gail Kim. Okay... why? Anyway, HHH is on commentary, cheering Tracy on (but not too closely -- apparently Trish chewed him out in a phone call. Ooh, how do you like THEM apples, Hunter?) Laree and Gail start, and Laree gets a rana and mounted punches on Gail. Tracy with a Lou Thesz press for two. The faces get a double hiptoss and alleged double elbowdrop, and Gail heads for the hills, so Laree LAUNCHES herself at Gail, Jazz, and Theodore Long, nearly overshooting everybody and killing herself. Someone's a little excited to be on TV. Back in the ring, Laree does Molly's spinning armbar, but Jazz sneaks in and clocks her into chick-in-peril. Double chickenwing by Jazz, but Laree won't quit. Gail with a big kick and ropewalk rana for two. Jazz gets a powerslam for two. The heels collide on a front/back clothesline attempt, hot tag Tracy. Pie in the Sky on Gail gets two before Jazz saves and it's BONZO GONZO. LareeDT finishes Gail at 6:19. Inoffensive enough. *

- And now, more promo goodness from the Nickster, who gets my vote for Most Improved if he keeps this up...

The scene is in front of a wall, upon which hangs a picture of Chris Benoit holding the WCW title high.

Mondo: "Benoit... all along, you've invited people into your world. A world of lies, treachery, and deceit. You made yourself to be the good guy, all the while tearing apart a family, destroying the legacy of a title, and stabbing everyone in the back on your way up. Well, Benoit, for everything you have destroyed, I will -- no, I MUST -- destroy you. This isn't about the tag team titles anymore. This isn't about Stacy, stuck at home with an injured arm. This isn't even about Evolution, you selfish little... it's about Sabu, who laid in a hospital, unsure if he'd walk about again. It's about Kevin Sullivan, who you couldn't trust to be a professional when you sunk a company. It's about every single person you have stabbed in the back on your way to the top of this business -- and most of all, it's about me. The one man you made a mistake in crossing. Benoit..."

The camera pans back to reveal Mondo has a sledgehammer in his hands.

Mondo: "...At Unforgiven, I will give you what millions around the world wish had been done a long time ago!"

He winds up and nails the picture right between Benoit's eyes, not only shattering the glass protecting it, but puncturing the wall behind it. He stares into the camera, a creepy smile coming across his face.

Mondo: "Are you scared?"

- Chris Harris v. Lance Storm. Storm chops away in the corner, but Harris reverses a corner whip and spears Storm down for two. Lariat and Harris stomps on the leg, but Storm kicks him away and trips him up. Headlock by Storm, but Harris suplexes out of it. Crossbody attempt is reversed to a backbreaker by Storm, and the superkick gets two. Dawn Marie gives something to Storm, but the ref takes it away and Harris charges in with a dropkick for two. Sharpshooter by Harris, but Storm reverses to one of his own just as Mike Awesome returns for the Brock Finish at 6:09. POWERBOMBS FOR EVERYONE as Valerie gets a gutbuster on Dawn Marie. Awesome stands around looking menacing while Valerie informs everyone that this is the man who will change sports entertainment forever. Good match until the ending. **

- Intercontinental Title: Chris Nowinski v. Molly Holly. Molly jukes away from Nowinski and gets a chop block, then does her spinning armbars. Nowinski is up and reverses a whip, but his head down and Molly punts him in the face and scores a forearm. Nowinski bails and dares Molly to follow, but she remains in the ring until Nowinski climbs back in. Nowinski wins the lockup and gets a fireman's carry and kneedrop for two. Into the corner, where Nowinski punches away, adding an uppercut that sends Molly to the floor. Nowinski follows and Molly eats stairs. Back in, it gets two. Cactus DDT gets two. To the top, but the clothesline misses as Molly ducks. Rana gets two for Molly. Springboard clothesline gets two. Into the corner and Molly tries a handspring elbow, but Nowinski catches her AS SHE'S UPSIDE DOWN and gets the running powerslam for two, with Molly's foot in the ropes. Nowinski complains about the count, allowing Molly to roll Nowinski up for two. Theodore Long complains of discrimination, allowing Kane to annihilate Molly with a chair and Nowinski to get the pin at 7:31. They should've just had him win clean, but what the hell. 1/2* And Kane has a mic...

Kane: "Molly, you talk of pain in your life. You talk about suffering. You have not come close to tasting the suffering I have tasted. You cannot even think of the pain that I have worn on my shoulders. But because you build yourself up as one who has withstood everything, I must tear you down by making you feel MY pain, MY torture, MY suffering. At Unforgiven, Molly, I will teach you the true meaning of pain. You will cry out in agony, but no one will save you from my wrath. You will scream for mercy, but I will show none. And Molly... when I am through with you... you will realize that you never knew pain, you never knew misery, and you never knew humiliation before you met the Big... Red... Monster."

- Ah, delusional heels. Gotta love 'em.

- And now, a rebuttal:

Benoit: "You know, Nick Mondo loves to portray me as an evil man. He acts like it's my fault I showed a woman how to live. He acts like I'm to blame for the people in WCW not knowing their asses from holes in the ground. And now, he thinks he can show me revenge? Mondo, I've been making people regret facing me all my life. If you want to bring your toys, we'll do this your way... I will beat you into oblivion, just like I did your so-called hero Sabu, until I become the Last Man Standing. What do you say, Nick? Time for me to beat you at your own game."

- Chris Benoit, Batista, and Michael Shane v. Nick Mondo, Booker T, and Scott Hall. Huge brawl to start as Mondo and Benoit exchange punches, kicks, chops and anything in between. Booker with a slam and tiptoe kneedrop on Shane, while Hall runs Batista pillar to post. Evolution regroups, so Mondo goes over the top onto all three and is immediately mugged. Brilliant, isn't he? Back in the ring, Batista with a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. Shane gets a kneedrop and belly-to-belly for two. He goes to the arm (on Benoit's orders) as we take a break. Mondo is standing when we return, and he breaks the hold by tripping Shane into the ropes for the Sledgehammer Legdrop. But now he's on the outside, so Benoit gives him a heartfelt German suplex on the mats. Back in, Shane gets two. Benoit goes to a hammerlock as Mondo scrambles for the ropes. Batista enters with a powerslam for two. Benoit goes up, but the diving headbutt misses. Hot tag Hall, who bullrushes Benoit and gets the fallaway slam on Shane for two. Razor's Edge try, but he's near the ropes and out he goes. This draws in Booker and it's BONZO GONZO! Mondo with a body attack on the tag champs, but Booker's Spinaroonie is cut off by Benoit, who then catches Hall in the Crossface for the submission at 13:42. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. **

- Booker checks on Hall as the champs mock him in the background. But Booker sees it and flattens Shane before being knocked down by a beltshot from Batista.

- Rhyno and Christian v. Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho. Another brawl opens us up, as the faces clear and get stereo topes on the heels. Back in the ring, double hiptoss, double elbowdrop, double kip-up, and double... aw, heck, the part of Marty Jannetty (albeit a sober one) is played by Chris Jericho tonight. Might as well tell it like it is. Christian charges, but the Doublemint Twins gets an alley-oop on him before Michaels leaves. Rhyno runs over Jericho with a lariat, and Christian grounds him with a leglock. Christian picks Jericho up and gets a dragon screw, and Rhyno enters with Stretch Muffler. Jericho makes the ropes, but he's the worse for wear, so Christian sneaks up from behind with Rear Naked Stretch for two. Rhyno and Christian get a double suplex, and Rhyno hits a shinbreaker for two. Christian tries the Unprettier, but Jericho shoves off and gets the springboard dropkick, hurting himself as much as Christian. Rhyno tries a GOAR GOAR GOAR but Jericho vaults it and gets a German suplex. Hot tag HBK, and punches abound. German suplex on Christian gets two before Rhyno saves. Jericho ties him up, and Michaels lands a missile dropkick on Rhyno to slow him down. Facejam and Lionsault to Christian, but Rhyno gets the GOAR GOAR GOAR on Jericho, so Michaels steals the pin at 11:01. Page claims that Michaels was trying to steal Jericho's glory, but dude, the guy was gored. Good match. **3/4

- Main event interview: RNN. He calls out Sting, then runs down the entire six months of this feud in all its glory. Sting says he can't trust Orton, because he knows Evolution will just try to bury him. Orton looks shocked -- SHOCKED -- by the allegations, but doesn't refute them. Eric Bischoff interrupts and talks -- and talks -- and talks -- but when Sting tells him to get to the point, Evolution do a massive beatdown on Sting to leave him laying. Chris Harris tries to save, but he gets beaten down. Booker T and Scott Hall even the sides, but Bischoff gets a low blow and Evolution seems to reign supreme...

- ...until THE ROCK runs in and Evolution scatters. Rock talks about how Chris Harris should be honored to be in the company of legends, and Harris agrees. Rock then points out that the fans are OWED one match with Sting and Orton where they go one-on-one, no run-ins, no DQs, no cheating, nothing. So it's not just any rematch at Unforgiven -- it's the only match that guarantees there will be a decisive winner...

-...

-...wait for it...

-...

-...HELL IN A CELL! Orton looks like he's facing the Grim Reaper himself, and Sting isn't much more comfortable as we're out of time.

The Bottom Line:

Hell in a Cell, eh? Well, I think we have our main event match. Maybe. Anyway, this show was definitely all about the PPV, as big matches were added left and right, and Benoit/Mondo is basically guaranteeing someone will die. Add a Hell in a Cell match, and this could be the bloodiest Unforgiven ever. And all this BEFORE HHH is added to the card.

In other words, it's all downhill from here.

[Commander Sheepard]

The PPV is definitely looking intriguing. Based just on what we know now, I'd buy it. If I had PPV access. And money. And a Sunday evening free. But still, I'd buy it.

[DonaldMick]

Hell in a Cell with Orton and Sting?

I think I need to pick my jaw up off the floor now...