The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[DonaldMick]

OK, first of all... * Hurricane Donald goes to check a calendar... October. Damn, it's not an April Fools joke that Nathan Jones is a champion.

Then again, he won tag gold with John Heidenrich in Japan, so stranger things have happened.

Unforgiven looks to be off the proverbial hook, I'm especially looking forward to HBK/Y2J and Storm/Nowinski.

And if you're gonna do the Control-Alt-Delete, do it with rolling suplexes (like Eddie Guerrero with the Three Amigos).

[phil226]

OK, first of all... * Hurricane Donald goes to check a calendar... October. Damn, it's not an April Fools joke that Nathan Jones is a champion.

[Skummy]

I have to say, I really enjoy this diary and I loved the ending to that RAW. I can't see Orton/Sting in HIAC being a great match as neither are stellar workers or likely to take huge bumps, but if you get the emotion as strong as possible then it could be a great contest.

The Jericho/Michaels thing is interesting, in quite an old-school way. It's kind of like the Megapowers, but over a shorter period of time, so not quite as epic. Should be a great match either way, and I'm interested to see how it ends. Come on HBK heel turn~!

HHH/Rhyno doesn't really interest me, neither does the Women's Title match...

The Awesome/Dreamer match won't be a workrate classic, and I question the logic behind giving Awesome a "rookie monster" push at this stage of his career. I'm a mark for both men, though, so it could still be good.

The IC Title match doesn't interest me that much, and the Tag Title match could go either way.

[craig]

i haven't read this in ages, very good, just make sure you don't make sting seem a complete stranger to the HIAC as it's just a WCW cage, also do a mark out moment and have stings entrance like the Booker-T- v Stenier (i think) cage match from WCW

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Sep. 09 / 04, taped Sep. 07.

- From Tulsa, OK.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and James E. Cornette.

- Opening match: Rob Van Dam, Billy Kidman, and Rey Misterio v. Team Angle "B". Tell it like it is, folks. Pier Six to start as the faces clear the ring and execute triple planchas on the heels. Back in the ring, RVD with the stepover enzuigiri on Barton, and Rey and Kidman do Poetry in Motion on Haas for the heck of it. Rey with the rana on Shelton for two. Kidman tries a sunset flip on Haas, but Barton drops the fist. RVD barrels over WGTT, and as the ref tries to clear the ring, Barton loads the glove and hits the left cross on Kidman for two. Barton with a slam, and he steps on Kidman's chest to bring in Haas. Well, of COURSE Kidman is face-in-peril. Shelton enters with a spinkick, then a Greco-Roman throw for two. Haas in, and the Doomsday Device gets two. Great -- NOW what does WGTT do for a finisher? Anyway, Haas with a German suplex for two. Barton enters, and he and Haas do an uppercut/German combo for two. Shelton demands in, so Barton lifts Kidman up, and Shelton dives at Kidman... who ducks out of the way and rolls Barton up for two. I'm not sure what they were pretending would happen, but it's got me interested. Anyway, Kidman fights out of the corner like an animal that's been... uh, cornered or something... and is almost to his own corner when Haas dives to stop it. Haas drags Kidman back, and WGTT do the leapfrog choke for two. Shelton tries a boot but misses, so Kidman steals the stepover enzuigiri (why not?), but this time Barton cuts off the tag with a rabbit punch and back suplex. Shelton gets two. RVD finally gets bored and hits a somersault monkey flip on Shelton before diving off the top rope and knocking over Haas. This FINALLY allows Kidman the tag to Rey, who ranas everyone in a five-foot radius. Haas catches him in a half-nelson suplex, and WGTT does hit whatever Barton and Shelton were trying: an electric chair / DDT combo. Sick. Of course, Kidman saves at two, and everything falls apart as it's... time to dust off the Gordon Solie catchphrase book... BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA~! Super BONZO GONZOsity abounds before a 619, West Coast Hop, Five-Star, and Shooting Star Press finish off Haas at 14:41. Way too over-the-top at some points -- less can be more -- but a wild opener nonetheless. **1/2

- Edge is ready for tonight...

Edge: "Kevin {Kelly, who was interviewing him}, tonight is my night. Tonight is the night I should have had in my hometown -- a night you ruined for me, Eddie. Don't think that just because you haven't lost in six months you're suddenly the hot commodity. I don't buy it. I've been waiting on the sidelines so long... just waiting... hearing the echoes... 'he aint good enough'... 'he peaked too soon'... 'wasted opportunity'... well, Eddie, tonight those echoes will rattle in YOUR skull. They'll pierce YOUR heart. Because after tonight, Eddie, I'll make sure people think YOU ain't good enough. I'll make them think YOU peaked too soon. And tonight will be an opportunity YOU wasted. It's time for me to become the WWE Heavyweight Champion, and to take the final step on the road to superstardom. It began in 1990, when I was a teenage fan ringside in Toronto. It ends in Oklahoma, when I'm an accomplished veteran ready to take the final step. Eddie -- the time really is now. You thought you knew me? After tonight, you will know me -- as the WWE Heavyweight Champion."

- Right to Censor v. Hurricane and Eric Angle. Hurricane and Morley start, and Morley bowls over Hurricane and poses. Hurricane recovers and poses right back before hitting a flying jalapeno and Shining Wizard for two. Eric enters with a suplex and legdrop for two. Bull with the blind tag, and he boots Eric down. Springboard lariat is ducked, and Eric gets a Rude Awakening. Hurricane back in, but a crossbody is caught. Morley enters with the running knee smashes and Russian legsweep as Hurricane is YOUR hero-in-peril. Bull gets a press slam and body-vice gutbuster for two. Morley goes up top, but the Moral High Ground hits the knees. Hot tag Eric, suplexes abound. Angle Slam to Morley, and the Anklelock finishes at 4:57. *3/4 But then the fun part, as Team Angle ("A" and "B") storms the ring and wipes the floor with Hurricane and Eric, including another evil rant from Kurt Angle (looking more and more like Lex Luthor by the minute) about how Eric has crossed the line and left behind his family. Evil Kurt rules.

- Meanwhile, Ron Killings and Road Dogg report that Konnan was injured on the Australian tour, so their six-man is off. Awwwwwww. Evan Karagias taunts them for being losers (I love shoot comments that blah blah blah) and a huge fight breaks out, eventually swallowing up about 15 guys. Cornette is in his glory calling this, by the way, and Cole seems over his head. After the dust clears, Team Angle has run everyone over and says they're headed to the ring.

- And in the ring, they say they're bored and are willing to put the tag titles up against anyone who can boast of a convincing record. Paul Heyman accepts, saying he knows of a team with a convincing record...

- WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Team JAPAN. They're giving this away on free TV?!? Huge mess to start, and Brock and Tajiri begin the stiffness battle in one corner while Kurt tosses Ultimo around in the other. Faces are whipped together, but Tajiri alley-oops Ultimo into a backflip kick on Kurt. Tajiri with a thrust kick to Brock, and the faces hit handspring elbows to both front and back of Brock's head. Brock bails, leaving Kurt alone. Tajiri corners him and karates him to death, then ducks so that Ultimo can hit a body attack on Kurt. Ultimo pulls Kurt out and gets a Northern Lights suplex for two. He goes for La Majistral, but Brock lariats Ultimo into next week and Kurt gets two. Into the suplex montage! Overhead for Kurt! Overhead for Brock! Release German for Brock! Two-counts for everything as Ultimo is getting bounced around like there's no tomorrow. Kurt tags in with the rolling Germans to Ultimo. Kurt holds Ultimo in the air for a stalling suplex for two. Brock in, and a DDT gets two. Brock with a Doctor Bomb for two. He sets Ultimo up top, and Kurt pops up with a superplex for two. Ultimo has to be dead. HAS to be. But Angle's try for an Angle Slam is flipped out of, and Ultimo gets a clothesline to knock both men down. Brock in first (and easily), but Ultimo nails the Asai DDT out of the ropes (!!) to knock HIM down. Haas and Shelton wander to ringside and yank Tajiri off the apron, but RVD follows and soon the whole damn locker room is out and the match kinda ends at 8:00 or so. DAMMIT! I WANT A FULL MATCH! Well, okay, yeah, that was the point of booking it the way they did. ***

- Backstage, Kidman runs into Steven Richards...

Kidman: "Steven... wait... I, uh... I'm getting desperate."

Richards: "And how does that affect the Right to Censor? Is this about your harlot you call a wife? She's better off where she is!"

Kidman: "NO, no! She's not! And that's the thing... Undertaker is corrupting her. I can... I just know. She's not doing this because she wants to. I can feel it. And I know you guys don't want corruption... we're in the same boat."

Richards: "Listen, Mr. Kidman. No one tells us what to do, or who to censor. We are the authority! We decide who is right, and who is wrong -- who is with us, and who is against us! But you make a very interesting case."

Kidman: "You agree then?"

Richards: "If it is true that she is being corrupted by an evil influence against her will -- and certainly, we would not be surprised by it -- then the Right to Censor has an enemy in the Undertaker. But do not think for a second that we are on your side, Mr. Kidman. We know what that woman would do under your pathetic, relaxed, decrepit lack of guidelines."

Kidman: "Decrepit? Me? I've fought evil in ways you can't even comprehend!"

Richards pauses, and during the pause we hear Cornette scoff.

Richards: "Mr. Kidman, if you do fight the good fight, you will appreciate what we are about to do. When we save someone, they are saved. And tonight, you have given us the mission to save your wife from the hands of the Undertaker -- and Mr. Kidman, believe me, it will be for your own good."

Richards walks off as Kidman blinks and stares in his direction, almost regretfully.

Kidman: "What have I done?"

- #1 Contender's Match: Undertaker v. Matt Hardy Version 2.0. Torrie update: no salvation yet. Matt is accompanied by the whole brigade, and it's a SmackDown!, so we all know what to expect, don't we? Taker runs through Matt with his usual offense to start, sending Matt bailing to the outside. Taker follows but gets mega-teamed as Bubba distracts the ref. They toss him back in, and Matt gets the yodelling legdrop for two. DDT try is powered out of, and Taker scores a lariat for two. Chokeslam try, but Matt goes low to fight out and rolls Taker up for two. Whip is reversed, but Taker charges in and absolutely creams the ref in the process. And BRING ON THE INTERFERENCE! Evan -- bam. Shannon -- bam. Bubba -- bam. But the numbers are too much and Taker is weakening... just in time to make the undead superhuman comeback. What a lovely guy. So now RTC runs out in full glory. Morley -- bam. Richards -- bam. Bull -- oops, Bull has a steel chair and splats Taker with it. Everyone leaves, the ref comes to, and a gratuitous Twist of Fate ends it at 4:42. Way to give the rub, Mark -- how about only one guy pinning you next time? 1/4*

- Nathan Jones laughs in the back. He dares anyone -- ANYONE -- to take his US title. He also claims if he had been around when the brackets were up, he would be standing in Eddie's path now, but better things await. For further proof of the glory that is background humor, Shannon Ward is skipping around a chair as Jones's music is playing as an undercurrent. As Jones stops speaking, his music ends and Ward dives into the chair, winning her game of solitaire musical chairs. Yup.

- Main event, WWE Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Edge. No staredown, no nothin, just Edge attacking right off the bat. Cross-corner whip and clothesline, then a suplex as Eddie leaves the corner. Edge tries for the spear early, but Eddie rolls out of bounds. Edge follows with a pescado and keeps up the pressure as the announcers are just in awe of Edge's fire. Edge tosses Eddie into the steps, and back in, he gets a springboard legdrop for two. Edge pounds on Eddie's back before getting a suplex and paintbrushing Eddie. That wakes Eddie up, and he fires back, but a try for a dropkick is ducked by Edge, who slaps on his Sharpshooter variant as we take a break. We return as Eddie makes the ropes, so Edge catapults Eddie into the ringpost and rolls him up for two. Eddie fights out of a camel clutch and drops Edge on his back, bridging for two before Edge kicks out and sweeps Eddie's leg. Edge with a single-leg crab, but Eddie swivels out and enzuigiris before hitting the slingshot senton for two. Eddie goes for the rolling verticals, but the leg gives out on the third one and Edge falls on top for two. Edge keeps up the pressure and hangs Eddie in the Tree of Woe, but his spear attempt misses when Eddie pulls himself up, and Edge hits the post. To quote Scooby-Doo, "Ruh roh." Eddie pulls himself down (limping all the way) and grabs a hammerlock into a slam on Edge. He applies a move kinda like Stretch Muffler but on the arm, but that's incredibly short-sighted because Edge just bulldogs him. Edge winds up and delivers a clothesline, but it's the bad arm and Eddie no-sells before getting a judo throw on the arm and switching to an armbar. Matt Hardy wanders to ringside, with Kurt and Brock in tow, and pays them off as we take another break. We return with Edge in the middle of a cross armlock and wiggling to the ropes. Edge stands up and kicks Eddie's leg out of his leg in desperation before clipping Eddie and applying a figure-four. Shouldn't the time limit be up now? Oh, whatever. Eddie fights his way to the ropes, finally getting there... with Angle's help? The announcers speculate that Matt wants Eddie as Edge pulls Eddie to the center of the ring for two. To the top, and a missile dropkick gets two, but Edge crashes on his bad arm. Both men up, and Eddie gets an armdrag to stop Edge, then slaps on the reverse Crossface. Edge s-l-o-w-l-y heads to the ropes... and Brock pulls him the rest of the way for the break??? Even the announcers are confused at this point as Kurt and Brock shake hands. Eddie continues pounding on Edge's arm, then goes up for a frog splash on the arm... that comes up short when he can't push off. Edge rolls over for two. Edge picks Eddie up and tries a slam, but his arm gives out and Eddie nearly reverses to a cradle for two. Kurt trips Eddie, who stops to argue as Edge gets a German for two... before Kurt trips Edge to break. Finally Cornette guesses that Matt wants the match to go as long as possible so the champ will be easy pickings. Edge goes up top and looks for the spear, but he uses his other arm so it doesn't have the impact and only gets two. Why the HELL wasn't this the SummerSlam match? Both men are spent, so Edge tries the Edgecution DDT, but Eddie wrenches the arm to get out and gets a backslide for two. He tries La Majistral, but he can't pivot on his leg and Edge gets a drop toehold into a rollup of his own for two. They slug it out, and Eddie wins that handily and gets a facejam for two. Inverted DDT by Eddie gets two. Eddie goes up top, but Edge follows and gets a belly-to-belly superplex... that... eventually... gets... two. Edge lines up for one more spear, but Kurt's watch tells him it's time to interfere and Team Angle "A" storm the ring and beat Edge down for the DQ at 28:09. Welcome to the main event, Edge. ****1/4 Eddie tries to save, but Mattitude enters and beats him down. Heel miscommunication leads to Edge being able to score a double clothesline as he now ignores his injury (match is over, might as well). The tag champs try to bail and help take Eddie to the hospital, so Edge hits a plancha on all 7 guys to drive the crowd absolutely batty. And we're out.

The Bottom Line:

Total one-match show, but the match was insanely good. Edge being put against Kurt and/or Brock ought to lead to some awesome results, and Eddie sold like a champ to make him look like a champ. Matt against Eddie ought to be good, and with Taker embroiled in issues with RTC and/or Kidman, at least he can squash someone meaningless.

Okay, now that this fed is on a roll, what's gonna stop it?

[craig]

i'm so into the whole kidman and torrie storyline, dunno maybe its coz we know the whole real side to them anyway great smackdown

[Steve Corino]

Kidman: "Decrepit? Me? I've fought evil in ways you can't even comprehend!"

[GCCWolverine]

I love shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments...

Dukes? Your response?

Yup, these are my readers...

[grind your soul]

Why call them Team Angle "B" and "A"?

It would work MUCH better as A-Team Angle, and B-Team Angle, don't you think? I think so. And I am important, damnit!!!

SmackDown! is becoming too much of a "schmozz" show. It's like one long segment of CHAOS~! And not enough Piper to uphold the "law".

[The Third Dukes]

Don't call it a postwhore, cuz I don't need it. And if it is one, I'll take the warning and live. But this is a strategically placed feedback/news post designed to push Unforgiven so that it's not the last post on a page thus ignored.

*****

Actually, first thing first. Scott Keith calls them Team Angle "A" and "B". The WWE calls it all "Team Angle". And yes, SD is schmozzing, but you expect less under Hot Rod? Actually, to be fair, there's a point to all this. You'll see.

*****

Btw, I'm thinking of outsourcing some of my diary. Anyone wanna make up Heat and Velocity using the leftovers? What? I'm being lazy and petty? Fine, forget I asked.

*****

WWE.com (my version) is reporting that the Hulk Hogan is getting restless in his boardroom position. At the same time, Meltzer says that Hogan has been training incessantly to make a cameo at an upcoming PPV, with most people in the locker room believing it will be Survivor Series. More on this as we get it.

*****

Abdullah the Butcher has been invited to sit at ringside for Unforgiven. No word on whether Vince forced him to pay double to cover the two spots he takes up sitting down. Abby is expected to be acknowledged by Nick Mondo before the Last Man Standing match.

*****

And yes, that's Nathan Jones, WWE United States Champion. Not all my decisions make sense, I'll admit, but I think I did a good job putting him here. There are quite a few people on SD! who could've used a US title reign -- Eric Angle and Bull Buchanan spring to mind -- but Jonesy has always been a personal favorite of mine to write, so I have no qualms.

*****

The No Mercy main event is set as Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy V2. Rumor has it a Taker/Kidman/Bull triple threat match will be added next week, while Edge/Angle and Eric/Brock are also possible matches. As always, the card is very much subject to change.

*****

On HeAT, we had words from Kane, reminding us that he will make Molly hurt, feel the pain that he has felt and that no one ever wants to experience. Meanwhile, Jericho and Michaels had another intense staredown, and hey, it IS Abdullah the Butcher at ringside! In the main event, Christian beat Rob Conway in 4:54 with the Unprettier. And now, I have to go touch up Unforgiven. Yay.

Dukes

[The Third Dukes]

Dateline: September 12, 2004. Portland, Oregon. It has been half a year since WrestleMania, and it is half a year until the next. In six months, many things can happen -- alliances turn to battles, battles to friendships, love to hatred, heroes to villains, those who want to be into those who are. In six months, what was once a simple question of future plans turned into a war of epic proportions. In six months, a man has gone from the sidelines to the headlines -- but may have lost more than he gained. Chapters have been written... Wars have been declared... but will the sins of the last six months be wiped out in one night...

...or will they remain...

U n f o r g i v e n

I WOULD BE UNFORGIVEN IF I DIDN'T GO ALL OUT WITH A COMMENT ABOUT THE PYRO as we are coming to you from Portland, Oregon, for the first time in quite some time. Sign in the crowd: "Scott Hall is the Last Man Drinking!" Classy.

JR: "Welcome to the Rose Garden! Welcome to Portland, Oregon, for the first time on Pay-Per-View in years! Welcome to one of the most anticipated RAW shows in a long time! Welcome to Unforgiven! I'm Jim Ross, alongside DDP, and Dallas, I gotta say that tonight we got something for everyone!"

DDP: "That's right, Jimbo! We got four -- count 'em -- FOUR title matches, a Last Man Standing match, and the biggest of them all -- Hell in a Cell! For Sting and Randy Orton, tonight is definitely a Bad Thing!"

The tires screech as the Cuban beats play. Scott Hall comes out from the back, walking to the ring with his toothpicks, vest, and tights (no gold, though). He enters the ring and points and stamps his feet as a wall of golden sparks shoot up from behind him. Can You Dig It, Sucka? Well, the crowd can, as Booker T emerges. He waits at the entrance, looks at his hand, shakes his head, nods his head, and sets off the pyro and spouts of flame. He enters the ring and makes preparations with Hall for the match.

Motorhead's Evolution theme plays as the crowd's cheering turns to booing. Batista and Michael Shane emerge from the back, both wearing their World Tag Team title belts. They enter the ring and remove their Evolution T-shirts. The belts are handed off to Rudy Charles, the referee, and the match is set to begin.

World Tag Team Titles: Evolution (champions) vs. Booker T and Scott Hall (challengers)

Booker and Shane start. They lock up, and Booker grabs a headlock. Shane backs him into the ropes, and Charles asks for a break, which he gets. Shane tries a punch, but Booker blocks and slugs away. Booker sends Shane into the ropes and connects on a back elbow. He bounces off the ropes and lands his tiptoe kneedrop. He gets two.

Hall tags in and runs Shane from corner to corner, meeting him with clotheslines. Hall picks Shane up for a fallaway slam, but Batista enters and runs Hall over, with Shane falling on top for two. Shane and Batista go for a double something, but Hall ducks it and grabs both champs in a neckbreaker. He tags in Booker, who delivers a series of knees to Shane's gut before slamming him. Batista, though, pops back up and lariats Booker down.

As Batista exits, Shane waits for Booker to get up and scores a flying forearm on him. Shane brings Batista in, and Batista clubs Booker in the back with his forearm. He sends Booker for the ride, and on the way back, Batista catches Booker in a spinebuster. Batista does a ground and pound on Booker before picking him up and bodyslamming him. He covers for two. Batista brings Shane in, and Shane bends his knee while Batista picks Booker up and drops him gut-first on it.

Shane shakes the feeling out of his leg (hey, Booker's big), then warms up the band. He connects with Sweet Shane Music, but his leg prevents it from full effect, and after he walks it off, the cover only gets two. Shane tags in Batista as he rests his leg, and Batista sends Booker into the ropes. Booker ducks a clothesline, then Batista ducks one, then Booker and Batista collide and both are down. Batista's up first, but Booker soon follows and lands a leg lariat to Batista's head. Batista seems to be closer when the camera catches Booker staring at his hand. A split second later, Booker Spinaroonies up to his feet WCW style and dives, tagging in Hall.

Hall pounces on Shane with furious fists, sending him into the ropes and hitting a back body drop on the way out. Batista enters and gets nailed with a shot across the chest. Hall climbs to the second rope and rides Batista down with a bulldog. Shane attempts to dive onto Hall, but Hall catches him and hits the fallaway slam. He covers, but Batista saves. All four men enter the ring, but that doesn't last long as Hall clotheslines Shane out and follows.

Batista charges Booker, but Booker catches him in the Book End. Hall returns from disposing of Shane, and with Booker cheering him on, Hall hits the Razor's Edge on Batista. He covers, but Booker is not the legal man, so Rudy Charles escorts him out, allowing someone to run in from the crowd and hit a Leaping DDT on Hall. The man rolls Batista on top of Hall and leaves, and Charles sees the cover and counts the win for the champs.

WINNERS and STILL World Tag Team Champions: Evolution (11:12)

JR: "What happened there? Who is that...?"

We get a closer look. He's a kid in his mid-20s, with bleached blond hair, bright red cheeks, and a smile on his face that belies his sky blue eyes. He's wearing an Evolution T-shirt to hide his physique, but a look at his arms suggests he's not the best-built man.

DDP: "I don't believe it! How'd they get him?"

JR: "You know who this is?"

DDP: "Of course I do! We fought back in WCW! That's Ric Flair's son! That's David Flair! David has followed in his father's footsteps and joined Evolution!"

As DDP rants, Flair enters the ring and stands at the feet of Hall, he picks the legs up, does a whoo that wouldn't necessarily make his father proud, and locks on the figure-four. Hall screams in pain before Booker arrives and clears the ring. Booker helps Hall up as Evolution retreats.

We go backstage to Jonathan Coachman, who is with Valerie and Mike Awesome.

Coach: "Valerie, tonight your man, Mike Awesome, makes his first in-ring appearance in the WWE. Is he ready for Tommy Dreamer?"

Valerie (after non-verbally telling Coach to talk to the hand): "Duh. He's ready. The question is, is Tommy Dreamer ready for him? I would think Dreamer's got a chance. Not. C'mon, fella, you'll see this girl's got a little taste in the best. And tonight's gonna prove to be totally Awesome. Let's go, Mikey."

Valerie leaves, with Awesome following. Back to ringside.

JR: "Well, I gotta say it sounds like Valerie may be a little confident in Mike Awesome's ability tonight."

DDP: "She's more than confident, she's convinced. But it's not like it's misplaced yet. This guy has destroyed people around him. Let's see if Dreamer is the same way."

"This is Extreme" plays for the first time as Stacy's leg appears through the curtain. The rest of Stacy follows it, followed by Tommy Dreamer, who walks to the ring to applause. He gets in the ring and awaits his opponent. New, thunderous, driving hip-hop music (actually a rip-off of "Never Scared" sans lyrics -- because Bonecrusher needs the money to pay for Slim-Fast ) plays as Valerie walks to the ring, staring at Stacy the whole time. Mike Awesome walks behind her, expressionless, geared for battle. He enters the ring and stares at Dreamer, who looks up to emphasize Awesome's size (what he has of it -- I mean, he's no Big Show). Referee Jim Molineaux orders the valets to the outside and calls for the bell.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Awesome

Awesome shoves Dreamer. Dreamer begins to slug Awesome, but it has no effect. Awesome tosses Dreamer into the ropes and runs him over with a clothesline on the way out. Awesome stomps on Dreamer before picking him up and dropping him groin-first on the top rope. From there, Awesome bounces off the ropes and shoulderblocks Dreamer off the apron (where he'd recovered to) and to the floor.

Awesome heads outside and tosses Dreamer into the steps before bringing him back in. In the ring, Awesome pounds on Dreamer before sending him into the turnbuckle. Awesome places Dreamer on the turnbuckle and steps to the apron, climbing to the top with him. He lifts Dreamer up, planting him with a top rope sit-out spinebuster, which DDP says is the Awesome Bomb. He covers, and the referee counts the three to end the match.

WINNER: Mike Awesome (3:35)

JR: "WOW! Maybe this Valerie knows something the rest of us don't know! Mike Awesome, in his first match on RAW, just decimated one-half of the former Tag Team Champions!"

DDP: "I think he just lived up to his last name here tonight, Jim! That was truly AWESOME!"

JR: "Hard to argue there."

Hey! You! Yes, you! Wanna catch RAW Live when it comes to your town? Well, listen up. Tomorrow, we're in Seattle! From there, it's off to Tucson, AZ! Look for us in Kansas City soon after, and then it's some big ones, as we hit Madison Square Garden, the United Kingdom, and Chi-Town!

JR: "Well, folks, I have a bad feeling about this next match here... I don't know if it should really happen, cuz I don't see what there is to prove..."

DDP: "It's gonna be dangerous, Jim, real dangerous. But I believe we're in for an upset here -- just you wait."

"She's a Lady (Limp Bizkit Remix)" by Tom Jones plays as out walks Molly Holly, waving to the crowd and trying to keep a brave face. She enters the ring and poses on the turnbuckle, jumping off *just* before the pyro shoots up from everywhere. The music and mood changes. Bright red bathes the arena. Kane walks out, a towel over his head, looking down. He steps over the ropes and removes the towel. He raises his arms and lowers them, as the corners of the ring are set ablaze. Rudy Charles hesitantly checks both wrestlers before calling for the bell.

Kane vs. Molly Holly

Kane charges Molly, who slides to the outside to create distance. Kane steps over the ropes as Molly ducks back in, after which Molly drops Kane throat-first on the top rope. Molly dropkicks Kane twice, sending him to the floor. As Kane shakes the cobwebs, Molly goes to the top rope and dives onto Kane, who is on the floor. Kane catches Molly, however, and throws her back-first into the ringpost (as in, throws).

Kane picks Molly up and beals her into the guardrail before returning her to the ring. In the ring, Kane grabs Molly and slugs her in the face, which puts her against the ropes. Kane whips her across the ring and lifts her up in a military press, alley-ooping her 10 feet up before the landing. Kane picks Molly up again and goes for a throat thrust, but Molly catches the arm and leverages Kane to the mat before hitting her spinning armbars. She kicks the arm as she holds it, trying to stop the chokeslam, before running the ropes and trying a rana. Kane laughs as Molly hangs helplessly upside-down around Kane's neck.

Molly pulls herself up and punches away on Kane, but Kane falls forward, effectively powerbombing Molly. Kane picks Molly up and drops her with Snake Eyes in the corner. Molly's out on her feet, so Kane boots her down. Kane steps on Molly's throat as the referee begs him to get off, which Kane does at four. Kane picks Molly up around her shoulders, trying to deliver the Burning Hammer. However, Molly bites Kane's fingers, causing him to drop her, and Molly responds by getting an armbar on the standing Kane, hanging off of the arm like an anchor.

Kane attempts to pull Molly up, but she forces him to the mat instead with what's now a cross armlock. Kane rolls to his feet again, this time swinging Molly off of his arm and to the mat. Kane grabs Molly with his other arm around the throat (whoops, Molly picked the wrong arm). Kane lifts Molly up, but he can't steady her with his other arm (aha) and Molly slips out of his grasp in time to kick Kane low. She shoves Kane back to the turnbuckle and slaps him repeatedly in the face before setting up for Shattered Dreams. She charges, but Kane catches Molly by the throat again, untangles himself, and does a one-armed chokeslam.

Kane picks Molly up (as JR begs for a cover) and grabs her from behind for a reverse suplex. Halfway up, though, Molly fights out and drops a Diamond Cutter. She covers, but Kane emphatically kicks out at two. Molly climbs to the top rope, but Kane sits up and is right behind her. Kane storms up after Molly, ready to superplex her. However, Molly hooks the ropes, rakes Kane's eyes, and grabs Kane by the throat, delivering the leaping choke throw she did to Big Show.

With Kane down and seemingly staying down, Molly crawls back up to the top to finish. As she does, though, Kane gets to his feet and pulls something out of his boot. We see Kane manipulating something in his hands as Molly waits for him to face her. He does, Molly flies...

...and as she rotates around, Kane tosses a fireball that hits Molly square in the face! Rudy Charles has no choice but to end the match.

WINNER by DQ: Molly Holly (12:31)

JR: "OHHH MY GOD! MOLLY'S FLESH MUST BE BURNED RIGHT OFF HER BODY! DAMN YOU, KANE!"

DDP: "This is... this is serious... she never saw it coming..."

As Molly writhes in pain, Kane stands over her, smiling. He picks Molly up over her shoulders and, with Molly's face still covered by her hands, nails her with the Burning Hammer. Molly stops moving as Kane sets off his ringpost pyro. Officials race in from the back to check on Molly as Kane steps over the ropes while his music plays.

From that, to this. Backstage, the Divas are watching, silent. Stacy starts crying in fear, leaning on Victoria's shoulder. Alexis slowly stands up.

Alexis: "I got a match to do... but... I dunno..."

Tracy: "Yeah, let's just go. They got him under control... I hope. Keep us posted, okay?"

The other girls basically acknowledge as Tracy and Alexis leave.

Stacy (choking back tears): "I... I can't... he's... I'm scared..."

Victoria: "I know. We all are. It's gonna be fine. Look, why don't you leave right now? I'll take you back to the hotel."

Stacy nods. The two of them leave, leaving behind Trish, Ivory, Chynna Doll, Lucille, and Valerie. Trish looks around and slowly walks out as we go back to ringside.

JR: "Well, I... I don't want to continue without an update on the condition of Molly, but... you know, I hope she's okay..."

DDP: "I'm sure she'll be fine. Kane didn't come anywhere close to hurting her like she's been hurt, Jim. It's simple. Kane ain't got nothin' on Molly yet. She'll be back."

JR: "I really hope so."

Generic rock music plays, but it's Alexis Laree's, so everyone cheers. Laree heads to the ring, doing Lita's dancing motions before jogging the rest of the way. She gets in the ring and climbs the turnbuckle, continuing her imitation of Lita. As she plays to the crowd, Trish's old music (now Tracy's) begins. Tracy heads to the ring, skipping the whole way. She enters the ring and waves to the crowd before shaking Laree's hand. Referee Earl Hebner holds the belt up high, and we are ready to begin.

Women's Title match: Tracy (champion) vs. Alexis Laree (challenger)

They lock up. Tracy chops Laree, who chops back. Laree sends Tracy into the ropes, but misses a back elbow. Tracy hits a flying forearm and mounts Laree, pounding her head on the mat. The two women roll around before they make the ropes and Hebner (sadly) has to break. Both get up, and Laree charges Tracy into the turnbuckle. She monkey flips Tracy out, then hits a clothesline on Tracy. Tracy stands up and backs into the corner, so Laree climbs on top and goes for the ten-punch countalong.

Tracy slides out on 7, though, and positions Laree for an electric chair, which Laree counters to a Victory Roll for two. Both girls get up, and Tracy puts Laree in a small package, getting her a two count. Tracy DDTs Laree before going to the top rope. Laree gets up, but Pie in the Sky misses. Tracy lands on her feet, and Laree gets a German suplex on Tracy. She picks Tracy up in a front chancery and runs to the ropes. One LareeDT later, and Hebner records the three-count and title change.

WINNER and NEW Women's Champion: Alexis Laree (4:09)

Laree celebrates as Tracy pulls herself up. Hebner hands Laree the belt, but Tracy sees it and grabs it back. She stares at the belt as Trish Stratus makes her way to the ring. Trish calms her friend down, and Tracy hands the belt to Laree. The three women have a group hug before leaving together.

JR: "What a display of sportsmanship by Tracy there. She lost the match, but she's leaving with her head held high!"

DDP: "It's good to see people leave a match with no hard feelings, Jim... but, uh... that won't be the case here."

Start the motion graphic.

JR: "Indeed not, Page. Up next, folks, it's Chris Benoit taking on Nick Mondo to see who will be the Last Man Standing... and this all started at SummerSlam when Benoit revealed his true colors."

*****

Benoit, in a referee's outfit, prior to SummerSlam. Benoit: "Think back to everything you've done that might annoy me."

Nick Mondo sends René Dupree through a tack-filled table in his debut. Benoit: "Things like causing injury for no reason."

Mondo and Dreamer brawl with Test and Hardcore Holly at Backlash. Benoit: "Things like insulting the status of the ring."

Mondo and Batista circle each other at SummerSlam. Benoit: "Someone will win -- and someone will learn a valuable lesson."

Shane sneaks in and cradles Mondo as Benoit delivers a lightning-fast three. JR: "What the hell?" DDP: "Why would anyone do this?!"

Benoit dives off onto Mondo and blows his nose on him. JR: "This was a damned set-up!"

RAW, August 16. Benoit is on RNN. As he speaks, we see footage of Molly winning at Badd Blood. Benoit: "When I was cast aside like a plot device in favor of some lesser athlete, I took matters into my own hands."

Now, a shot of Orton talking. Orton: "I didn't know you had anything against Nick Mondo."

Stock footage of Mondo's CZW deathmatches. Benoit: "He and Tommy Dreamer, pride themselves on being part of bloody wars, on using weaponry, on breaking a few tables."

Back to Benoit sneering at Orton. Benoit: "It makes you a thug -- a criminal."

Mondo storming to the ring. DDP: "This is gonna get nasty!"

Footage of Benoit/Sabu from ECW. Mondo: "I looked at how you broke a man's neck, and sent him to the hospital."

Footage of Benoit's Radicalz debut and subsequent turn on Cactus Jack. Mondo: "And who let you in? Mick Foley -- and you thanked him by trying to end his career!"

Mondo staring down Benoit. Mondo: "But all that is secondhand when compared to your biggest example."

Shots of Benoit/Sullivan from WCW. Mondo: "Lemme ask you -- as Kevin Sullivan sits on the sidelines, where's his wife?"

Mondo in Benoit's face. Mondo: "She's with you." (The word "you" echoes.)

Stage of Unforgiven 2003. Mondo: "I want you at Unforgiven."

Back to Benoit's reply. Benoit: "You want the Crippler? You want to see how evil I can get? Fine." (The word "Fine" also echoes.)

The sound bites play over a series of Benoit and Mondo highlights.

Mondo: "Benoit, for everything you have destroyed, I will -- no, I MUST -- destroy you."

Benoit: "I've been making people regret facing me all my life."

Mondo: "After Unforgiven, there will be a funeral in your house!"

Benoit: "For me or for you, Nick?"

Mondo: "I will live up to those I idolized..."

Benoit: "You'll be another man I've left in my path..."

Mondo: "Sabu..."

Benoit: "A broken neck..."

Mondo: "Foley..."

Benoit: "...stuck in a retirement home..."

Mondo: "Abdullah and the Sheik!"

Benoit: "No one to care for you."

JR: "Last! Man! Standing!"

The screen suddenly goes black. We hear two last statements.

Benoit: "Time for me to beat you at your own game."

Mondo (whispered): "Are you scared?"

*****

"Whatever" plays as Chris Benoit walks out from the back to a torrent of boos. He has with him a huge rolling bin, filled with weaponry for his disposal. He reaches ringisde and pulls a chair out of the bin, tossing it into the ring before walking around ringside. He gets in Abdullah the Butcher's face, and the two exchange words before Benoit smirks and rolls in. "This is Extreme" plays as Nick Mondo comes out from the back. He is pushing a pallet wagon, this time stacked with what appears to be about a dozen tables. He leaves the wagon at the entranceway and races to the ring, sliding in under the ropes as Lilian Garcia ducks for cover and Nick Patrick (he of the booming voice -- all the better to count) calls for the bell.

Last Man Standing: Chris Benoit vs. Nick Mondo

Mondo slugs away at Benoit, backing him into the ropes. He continues pounding on Benoit, who tries to block but can't. Mondo sends Benoit into the ropes and clips him on the way out. He mounts Benoit and begins raining taped fists on him. Benoit pushes Mondo aside and chops him in the chest as both men stand. He fires Mondo back into the corner, then grabs his head and slams it into the turnbuckle. He slams Mondo down, then removes the padding on said turnbuckle.

Mondo bounces up and grabs Benoit from behind in a German suplex. He hangs on and tries another one, but Benoit switches and hits his own. Benoit pulls Mondo up and hits another one. Benoit pulls Mondo up again, but Mondo switches and shoves Benoit into the exposed turnbuckle. Benoit staggers out into a tilt-a-whirl slam. One, two, three, four, Benoit's up. Mondo pounds on Benoit, but Benoit goes low, then rams Mondo into the bolt.

Mondo staggers out and is scooped up by Benoit into the Tombstone position. Mondo reverses it, Benoit reverses it, and Benoit drops Mondo with a shoulderbreaker. Benoit blows his nose on Mondo, then picks the chair up. Mondo stands up, but gets hit with the chair and slumps into the exposed corner. Benoit connects with the chair, sandwiching Mondo's head between the chair and the bolt. One, two, three, four, five, Mondo's up and bleeding.

Benoit swings again, but misses. Mondo punches away on Benoit, eventually rocking him with a right cross that leaves Benoit propped up on the ropes. Mondo vaults up and connects with the Sledgehammer Legdrop on Benoit. One, two, three, four, five, Benoit's up. Benoit heads out to join Mondo on the outside. The two slug it out before Benoit whips Mondo into the steps, dislodging them. Benoit picks the steps up and slams them into Mondo's head, knocking him down. Benoit straddles Mondo and steps on his chest while pounding the steps into his head. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, Mondo's up.

Mondo kicks the steps into Benoit's head. He climbs onto the apron and dives off, hitting M.Bison on Benoit. One, two, three, four, five, six, Benoit's up. Benoit spears Mondo into the side of the bin, then rolls Mondo back into the ring. Mondo stomps on Benoit as Benoit follows, then runs the ropes and charges. Benoit ducks, and Mondo goes flying out of the ring into the bin, as an overhead shot shows it to be full of chairs. One, two, three, four... Benoit tells Patrick to stop counting and enters the bin.

He pulls Mondo up, but Mondo clocks Benoit with a chair (for the record, both men are standing on the pile of chairs, and the bin comes to their waists -- and is 6' tall). Benoit reels, but uses the side of the bin to keep up until Mondo blasts him again. Mondo stands tall, but Benoit's foot catches Mondo in the groin. Benoit stands up and tosses Mondo out of the bin all the way to the stage. One, two, three, four, five, Benoit pulls Mondo up and chops away. Benoit tries to whip Mondo into the bin, but Mondo reverses.

With Benoit barely standing, Mondo walks over to Abdullah at ringside and holds his hand out. Abdullah fishes through his pockets before handing an object to Mondo. Mondo walks back over, puts Benoit in a headlock, and uses the object -- Abdullah's trusty fork -- to stab Benoit in the head. He stabs Benoit 10 times (with the crowd counting along) before Benoit picks Mondo up and back suplexes him onto the stage. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, both men get up (and are both bleeding).

Benoit chops away at Mondo as we see crew members setting up tables in the background. Mondo staggers, but recovers with a back body drop onto the stage on Benoit. As the ref counts, Mondo reaches under the ring and finds a ladder. Benoit's up at eight, and Mondo charges, but Benoit grabs the ladder and the two fight over it. Benoit suddenly lets go, and Mondo winds up spearing himself with the ladder into the bin.

Benoit sets the ladder down, then grabs Mondo and suplexes him onto the ladder. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, Mondo's up. Benoit picks up the fork Mondo dropped from earlier and grabs Mondo in a headlock. He begins grinding the fork into Mondo's face, tearing it up as he does. Mondo staggers around, walking to the entranceway near the tables (which are now in a three-deep pyramid) as Benoit follows, ladder under his arm.

Benoit sets the ladder down and throws Mondo onto it. Benoit faces the crowd and smiles, meaning he's unaware of Mondo getting up at nine and picking Benoit up on his shoulders. Mondo lifts Benoit and plants him with an Assault Driver on the stage, but he's spent. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, Mondo's up, nine, Benoit too. Mondo pounds on Benoit, then grabs the ladder and sets it up. He makes sure to slam Benoit on the stage before climbing.

Once at the top, Mondo leaps off, looking for M.Bison, but Benoit grabs his arm and slaps on the Crossface. Mondo pounds on the stage, but that does nothing. Eventually, Mondo seems to pass out. Benoit releases the hold, but tells Patrick not to count. He climbs the ladder, gives the cut-throat sign, and dives off for the flying headbutt, but Mondo rolls aside and Benoit slams into the stage. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, Mondo's up and climbs the ladder, eight, nine, Mondo is at the top of the ladder as Benoit stands up.

Mondo shakes his head and steps onto the TitanTron from the ladder. Benoit climbs the ladder to give chase. Mondo and Benoit slug it out on the Tron (near the bottom of the screen), both men coming close to falling onto the table pyramid. Eventually, Mondo headbutts Benoit, who falls on the Tron's border and hangs on. Mondo tries to stomp Benoit's hands, but Benoit grabs Mondo's foot and uses it to pull himself up. Mondo beckons Benoit to follow him, then starts climbing the side of the Tron.

Benoit slowly gives chase as both men, drained of blood and their faces covered in it, make their way atop the TitanTron, which has an extra thick border. They slug it out up top as Nick Patrick tries to crane his head upward. Benoit goes low on Mondo and pulls Mondo's head between his legs. Benoit lifts him up, turns, and POWERBOMBS HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE TITANTRON THROUGH THE TABLE PYRAMID, shattering it. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten -- like you had to ask.

LAST MAN STANDING: Chris Benoit (25:41)

JR: "OH MY GOD! CHRIS BENOIT HAS JUST CRIPPLED ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE WHATSOEVER!"

DDP: "I can't believe it! Nick Mondo... is he alive?"

As Benoit climbs down the TitanTron, EMTs and DDP rush out to tend to Nick Mondo. Benoit sees them as he goes by and blows his nose on Mondo one last time. As he walks off, Mondo begins to stir. He tries to pull himself up, but the EMTs insist to him to stay prone. They load him onto a stretcher, but as they leave, Mondo gives a thumbs-up to the crowd, which responds with a huge ovation.

Not that it's necessary or anything, but we're going to follow this match with a "Don't Try This at Home" PSA. Just to clear our conscience, y'know?

*****

Part Two later. It's 3 AM over here, and this is a good place to rest.

[craig]

are we gonna get part 2 n e time soon?

[TMM]

are we gonna get part 2 n e time soon?

←

Good, constructive reply there.

Anyway, good stuff on Unforgiven so far, except I can't see the WWE sanctioning the use of any form of stabbing on it's shows. Other than that, I love the new champion in Alexis Laree as well as David Flair in Evolution. I can see it working in reality and that's always a good thing in a diary.

[Twist]

Both the match and the "video package" before the Mondo/Benoit match was sweet. I could actually imagine them saying everything, the echoes and all. I look forward to part II. And on the record of stabbing, Triple H has done it to HBK before, with a screwdriver in hell in a cell I believe. It just looked really shitty.

[Skummy]

I loved that whole thing, and I can see that Dreamer's career is definitely winding down now as he's gone from semi-main event tag team wrestler to jobber-to-the-stars whilst Nick Mondo's feuding with a main eventer...

Last Man Standing was great to read, but I find it hard to picture that match taking place on a WWE Pay-per-view, especially not on the same PPV as a woman getting a fireball thrown in her face...

The Molly/Kane match interests me, but I'm growing tired of the Molly sympathy push, so hopefully this will spark things up a bit.

[The Third Dukes]

Motorhead's "The Game" snaps the crowd back to the show as HHH wanders out. He pours water from his water bottle over his head and catches some in his mouth before marching to the ring. He climbs onto the ring apron, and looks out into the crowd before bending down and...

...spinning around to nail a charging Rhyno, who tried to jump HHH much like he had at Backlash.

Triple H vs. Rhyno

HHH steps into the ring and, as Rhyno charges, spits the water in his face, throwing Rhyno enough off his game to allow HHH a clothesline. HHH picks Rhyno up and uppercuts him, then stands him against the turnbuckle and swings a fist, missing over Rhyno's head. Rhyno catches HHH and atomic drops him, then as HHH staggers around, nails a shoulderblock. He goes to the ground and pound, but HHH coldcocks Rhyno in the head to break.

Both men get up, but Rhyno backs HHH into the corner on a lockup and delivers a series of shoulder thrusts as Trish Stratus appears at ringside. Rhyno tosses HHH into the corner and charges, but HHH hits a kneelift to slow Rhyno down, followed by a facecrusher. He covers for two. HHH sends Rhyno into the ropes, but Rhyno reverses. Rhyno meets HHH with a clothesline that sends HHH flying out of the ring and knocking Trish down in the process.

HHH freaks out, trying to help Trish up, but Tracy soon follows and orders HHH to get back in the ring. He does so, but still watches as Tracy helps Trish. HHH then turns around and runs straight into the GORE from Rhyno. The pinfall immediately follows.

WINNER: Rhyno (4:36)

JR: "What a dominant win by this Man Beast! HHH... he took his eyes off the prize, so to speak, and now Rhyno remains unbeaten against the Game!"

DDP: "And that's the biggest key, Jim! HHH forgot where he was, and yeah, it sucks when someone you really like is hurt, but Tracy did the right thing, took control of the situation, and HHH did the wrong thing by not focusing on his opponent. I'm sure he's gonna want a rematch down the line."

Trish returns from the back and checks on her boyfriend as he gets up. He shows as much concern for her as she does for him, and after it's established everyone's okay, they head to the back together. However, on the other side of the curtain, Tracy is waiting as the two continue to walk to the locker room...

Trish: "Are you ok, honey?"

HHH: "Yeah... I'm fine... how are you?"

Trish: "I..."

Tracy: "She's going to be fine. You just whacked her upside the head, nothing big."

HHH (his eyes going wide): "I what?"

Tracy: "Oh, I'm sure it was an accident. I mean, you have such a great history of how you treat women -- you wouldn't hit one on purpose, would you?"

Trish: "Hey... he's different now. He's not the same man. I know he wouldn't do that to me. He was being tossed out."

Tracy: "Yeah. And so that little cartwheel he did was just a mistake? Think about it. I'm your friend here."

Tracy walks off, a smile on her face. Trish and HHH stare, each with a different type of confusion marking their expression.

JR: "Wh... what is this? Why is Tracy spreading this kind of... we all saw what happened!"

DDP: "Well, maybe she had a different view than we did. Let's take another look at the tape."

We replay the tape, which shows HHH somersaulting out of the ring from the impact and his feet crashing down on Trish, who tries to duck but can't do so in time.

JR: "Well... from there I don't see how you could blame HHH one bit."

DDP: "Maybe. Maybe Rhyno IS strong enough to cause HHH to go flying out from a simple clothesline three minutes into a match. But does that sound logical?"

JR: "Well, he has beaten some of the best in this business in record time."

DDP: "With his spear, his Gore! Not with a clothesline! This isn't Stan Hansen or Bradshaw here, Jimbo!"

The Harvard fight song interrupts their diatribe, as Chris Nowinski emerges from the back to booing from the crowd. He takes the Intercontinental Title off of his waist and holds it high as he walks to the ring with Theodore Long. The two enter the ring, and Nowinski removes his warmups and prepares for battle. The majestic music of Lance Storm causes the fans to let out a small cheer, as some apparently didn't get the memo that Lance was the face in this match. Lance poses atop the entranceway with Dawn Marie before heading to the ring. He gets in and heads to his corner, keeping his eyes on Nowinski the entire time. Referee Jim Molineux checks Storm and Nowinski for weapons, then holds the belt on high. He calls for the bell.

Intercontinental Championship: Christopher Nowinski (champion) vs. Lance Storm (challenger)

They lock up, and Storm grabs a headlock. Nowinski shoves Storm away, Storm leapfrogs on the return, and Nowinski tries a hiptoss which Storm reverses. Nowinski charges into a second hiptoss, after which Storm trips Nowinski and grabs a leghold. Nowinski scampers to the ropes to break. Both men get back up, and this time Nowinski forces Storm to a corner during the lockup.

Nowinski peppers Storm with punches in lieu of a break, but Storm reverses a corner whip by pulling Nowinski back in and hitting an armdrag. Nowinski stands and charges straight into a Storm chop. Storm goes to the top as Nowinski stands up, and he connects with a missile dropkick to the champion. He covers for two, then goes back to working the leg again. Nowinski tries to pull himself up via the ropes, so Storm releases the hold and ruins Nowinski's balance. Nowinski gets to his feet, but Storm gets a dropkick to the knee and kneedrops Nowinski's calf. He tries for the Sharpshooter, but Nowinski bridges out of it and fights his way to the ropes before Storm can turn him over.

Nowinski heads to the outside and grabs his belt, threatening to take a walk. Storm gives chase on the outside and grabs Nowinski, peppering him with right hands before throwing him back into the ring. In the ring, Nowinski begs off, but as Storm charges in, Nowinski trips Storm, who hits his head hard on the mat. Nowinski covers -- with his feet on the ropes, of course -- and the referee counts three.

WINNER and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Christopher Nowinski (5:44)

JR: "Come on! Nowinski had... he had his feet in the ropes! Lance Storm was dominating this match before Nowinski used the ropes to steal a victory!"

DDP: "Not the way you wanna see a title defended, Jim, but if it's what it'll take, it's what we'll... wait a minute!"

Storm, seething over the result, stands up and watches Nowinski celebrate. When Nowinski turns around, Storm superkicks him in the face. Storm picks up the title and puts it on, admiring it before leaving the ring with Dawn Marie -- title still in his possession.

JR: "Well, it appears Lance Storm has overturned the referee's decision, so to speak."

DDP: "He's not allowed to do that! What gives him the right?"

JR: "Hey, Nowinski stole a victory, this is just getting even!"

DDP: "The heck it is! Two wrongs don't make a right!"

JR: "Well, we'll see if Nowinski can get it back... but first, we have a dandy for you. Two guys who are in it not because of hatred, but because of pride and the title. Y2J and Shawn Michaels will compete, next."

*****

Clips of Jericho's win over Rhyno at SummerSlam.

JR: "Powerbomb by Jericho! And another! Will that do it?"

DDP: "TWO! THREE! NEW CHAMPION!"

JR: "Chris Jericho has returned to the summit! He is the new World Heavyweight Champion!"

Clips of the All-Star Match.

Heyman: "Haas doesn't even see Shawn Michaels in the ring!"

Wilson: "Charlie Haas turns around... OH!"

Heyman: "Right on the money!"

Wilson: "This one is over, and Team RAW pulls it out! Shawn Michaels picking up the honors in this All-Star battle!"

The next night on RAW.

Y2J: "I made it, after the long road back. I beat the best RAW has to offer. But where do I go from here? If there's anyone in the back who thinks they're worthy..."

JR: "Shawn Michaels?"

DDP: "I guess Jericho got an answer he didn't expect."

HBK: "Now hang on. I've done enough for this show... it's cuz of me that Halloween Havoc is a RAW show. The least I can ask for is a reward. Think of it, Chris... you and me... the two big stars... we sell out these arenas... we sell out the merchandise... we need to do this."

DDP: "Sure would be a lot of fun."

Y2J: "All right. One More Time!"

Crowd chants "One More Time" as the two stare down.

Two weeks ago.

HBK: "You've won the title. You spent every single moment trying to get it back. It's been your desire -- no, your OBSESSION since May. Will you be satisfied with just being a former champ?"

Y2J: "I'm not gonna think about losing! Not today, not at Unforgiven, not EVER! Cuz when you do that, you DO lose!"

HBK: "I just wanna make sure that if you lose, YOU'LL live. Got it?"

Y2J: "Yeah."

Last week.

JR: "Shawn Michaels appears to be chastising Jericho for being aggressive."

DDP: "This isn't the most stable of teams."

JR: "And now Jericho giving the HeartBreak Kid advice!"

DDP: "The head games are in full force, Jim."

Sound bites play over shots of both wrestlers.

Y2J: "I made you tap, dammit! No one makes the great Shawn Michaels tap, but I DID IT! And at Unforgiven, I'll do it again!"

HBK: "People say they see me in you... how true is it?"

DDP: "Who's the best RAW's got?"

*****

"Sexy Boy" plays as Shawn Michaels struts out from the back. He wears his trademark white flashy tights with a T-shirt that reads "GAL 3:26" ("You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus"). He enters the ring, twirls, and poses as a series of flashpots go off behind him. He takes the shirt off and flings it into the crowd, preparing for his opponent. The TitanTron shows the countdown to Y2J, starting at 10 (okay, 9.99, but whatever) and going to 0.00. After this, we follow the counter rolling down a virtual tunnel until a huge explosion goes off in the arena. Chris Jericho's silhouette appears, walking towards us. On the word "DOOOOWN", it strikes the pose, and we scroll down to see the real Chris Jericho, title around his waist, striking the same pose. Jericho turns around and heads to the ring, keeping his eyes on Michaels the whole time. He steps onto the apron and makes an exaggerated step into the ring. After this, he surrenders the title to Earl Hebner, who holds it aloft. Both men shake hands and await the bell.

World Heavyweight championship: Chris Jericho (champion) vs. Shawn Michaels (challenger)

They lock up. Michaels backs Jericho into a corner and gives him a clean break. They lock up again. This time, Jericho backs Michaels into the corner. Michaels flinches during the clean break, unsettling Jericho and allowing Michaels to attack with shots to the head. Michaels sends Jericho into the ropes, but he misses a back elbow and Jericho roars out with a crossbody. Jericho picks Michaels up and backs him into the ropes. He sends Michaels for the ride, but puts his head down and Michaels gets a sunset flip for a one-count.

Both men are up, and Michaels tells Jericho to bring it. Jericho charges, so Michaels trips him and grabs a headlock. Jericho fights to a standing position and shoves Michaels chest-first into a turnbuckle. Michaels staggers backwards into a rollup by Jericho for two. Jericho transitions the rollup into a Walls of Jericho try, but Michaels kicks Jericho away, then catches Jericho with a drop toehold on the return. Michaels works a leghold on Jericho, who tries to get to his feet. Michaels rides the leg like a Fujiwara armbar until Jericho makes his way to the ropes. Jericho stands up and shakes out the feeling in his leg, which allows Michaels to soccer kick it. Jericho falls to the mat, so Michaels applies a spinning toehold.

Jericho makes his way to the ropes again, and Michaels waits until four to break. Michaels picks Jericho up and attempts to shove him into the ropes, but Jericho resists and chops away at Michaels. Jericho backs Michaels into the ropes and sends him for the ride. He hits Michaels with a back body drop on the way out, then as Michaels stands up, Jericho clotheslines Michaels, who does a full flip on the way down. Jericho tries the Lionsault, but it hits the knees.

Michaels kips up as Jericho is on his knees, recovering, and picks Jericho up for a snap suplex. He floats over on the cover, but only gets two. Michaels grabs Jericho's leg, looking for a dragon screw, but Jericho nails an enzuigiri to cause Michaels to fall flat on his face. Jericho covers for two. Jericho picks Michaels up for a powerbomb, but Michaels grabs Jericho's bad leg to block it. Michaels trips Jericho and applies a figure-four leglock to him.

Jericho screams in pain, while Michaels begins yelling "Is it worth it?" at Jericho. Jericho attempts to sit up, but his attempts are fraught with pain. He falls back, earning a two-count before raising the shoulder. He tries to reverse the hold, but Michaels leans the other way to stop it. Finally, Jericho gives one huge lunge and flips the hold over. Now Michaels is in trouble, but he's able to power out of it.

Both men stand up, Michaels first, and they engage in a slugfest. Jericho wins it and tosses Michaels into a turnbuckle as Michaels flips up onto it. Jericho hobbles over and climbs up after Michaels, hitting a back superplex on Michaels. Jericho covers for two. Jericho argues the count with the referee, but to no avail. Jericho turns around and goes to Michaels, who catches him in a small package for two. Jericho is quickly up and stomping away on Michaels.

He picks Michaels up and sends him to the corner, but Michaels reverses. Michaels charges in, but Jericho sends him over the top and to the outside. Jericho gets time to rest as Michaels pulls himself up and to a standing position. Michaels climbs to the apron, so Jericho hits his springboard dropkick on Michaels but lands awkwardly on his leg. Michaels crawls back in and applies an anklelock to Jericho, who panics and tries to make his way to the ropes. As he does, Michaels releases. While Jericho pulls himself up, Michaels warms up the band.

Jericho stands as Michaels charges in, but Jericho catches the boot. He spins Michaels around and trips him, slapping on the Walls of Jericho. Michaels crawls on his hands, trying to power out, but it gets him nowhere. He tries to hit Jericho's leg, but each time he reaches back, the pain hurts more. He begins to inch to the ropes, but as he's almost there, Jericho pulls him back. Finally, after almost two minutes in the hold, Michaels taps out.

WINNER and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Jericho (16:06)

Jericho celebrates with the title after Earl Hebner hands it to him. He puts it on and poses for the crowd, just as Shawn Michaels gets up. Michaels looks Jericho in the eye as the music stops. Jericho and Michaels have an uneasy moment before Michaels extends his hand and can be heard saying "well done". Jericho takes his hand, and the two embrace. Michaels raises Jericho's hand in victory.

JR: "That is class. That is sportsmanship, right there. He lost the match, but he's a good man. Both these men are champions."

DDP: "I hope they meet again, Jim. Three just ain't enough. This should be the series of the future right here."

Motion graphic for our main event.

JR: "Ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the main event. The most dangerous structure in WWE history is the only way we can settle the score. Sting, Randy Orton, coming up next."

*****

March 15.

Orton: "My guest tonight is a man who did not win his match. He is a loser. And he has an announcement tonight."

JR: "Sting had a great match with Shawn Michaels, but he didn't win."

Orton: "Tell me... when are you going to hang it up."

Sting: "On my time."

DDP: "Wait a minute!"

JR: "Randy Orton attacking Sting right now..."

Orton: "You're going to realize that YOU WERE and I AM."

Backlash.

JR: "The challengers... Sting and Shawn Michaels... dominating this match thus far."

DDP: "Where is Orton going?"

JR: "He wants no part of the Stinger, it looks like."

April 26.

JR: "Sting! Sting is headed to ringside!"

DDP: "What a shot to Orton!"

JR: "Tommy Dreamer on the cover! New champions!"

DDP: "Sting has just made Randy Orton available for revenge!"

May 10.

JR: "Jericho... 's got the Walls on Batista!"

DDP: "And Sting has Shane tied up!"

JR: "And Orton is just walking away!"

DDP: "He's saving himself."

Badd Blood.

JR: "Sting trying to bring Orton in... wait a minute!"

DDP: "Evolution with an assist to Orton!"

JR: "And Randy Orton has used strength in numbers to steal this one!"

June 28.

Sting: "Orton! You wanna have backup! Well next week, I'm bringing an old friend with me."

July 5.

JR: "Who is this friend he's talking about?"

DDP: "Here he is!"

JR: "It's Chris Harris, the Kentucky Wildcat! Chris Harris is making his WWE debut, and he's at the side of the legendary Sting!"

DDP: "Surprise, Evolution!"

JR: "SPEAR by Harris! There's the cover! And welcome to RAW, Chris Harris!"

SummerSlam.

JR: "This is just like Badd Blood. There's too many people at ringside for Sting to compete with."

DDP: "But he's got backup!"

JR: "Chris Harris is in the ring! Spear to Batista! Orton gets Catatonic! Sting with the cover! And Sting steals a page from Evolution's book!"

August 23.

Orton: "This has gone on long enough. The cheating by this painted old fogey has to end. I want you to stop it, Rock."

Rock: "You talk about cheating? Well, the Rock says this... Unforgiven, it will end. At Unforgiven, it will be the final chapter. And at Unforgiven, the Rock will damn well make sure everyone stays on the sidelines."

JR: "How will he do that?"

Rock (his words echoing): "HELL IN A CELL!"

Clips of the two fighting play over Metallica's "Unforgiven".

Hetfield:

(over highlights of Orton winning)

With time the child draws in --

This whipping boy done wrong --

Deprived of all his thoughts,

The young man struggles on and on. He's known

A vow unto his own

That never from this day

His will they'll take away...

(over highlights of Sting winning)

They dedicate their lives

To running all of his.

He tries to please them all --

This bitter man, he is.

Throughout his life the same --

He's battled constantly

This fight he cannot win.

A tired man they see...

(over shots of the two staring down)

What I've felt, what I've known

Never shined through in what I've shown.

Never be, Never see,

Won't see what might have been.

What I've felt, What I've known

Never shined through in what I've shown.

Never free, Never me,

So I dub thee "Unforgiven".

The hard guitar bridge plays as the two are shown in slugfests. It leads to shots of both men, tired and broken, as the final words play...

So I dub thee "Unforgiven"...

The final drum/cymbal roll leads into the motion graphic, which fades back to a shot of the arena, where Lilian Garcia is standing inside the steel structure.

Garcia: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it will take place inside Hell in a Cell!"

The crowd cheers loudly.

Garcia: "In this match, there is no disqualification, no countout, and this steel structure will be used to keep the combatants in and everybody else out. The man who first scores a pinfall or submission inside the ring will be declared the winner."

Motorhead's "Evolution" plays as Randy Orton walks out from backstage. He cautiously makes his way to the ring, looking at the imposing steel structure, much bigger than anything he's ever been in. He enters through the door and up the stairs into the ring. His normal arrogance is subdued as he awaits his opponent.

The Crow Music plays as the crowd lets out a cheer. Sting emerges from the back, no bat or trenchcoat (as he promised), just ready to fight. He lets out a howl from the top of the stage before heading to the cage. Sting, a veteran of many of WCW and NWA's tougher cage matches, seems less intimidated by the structure than Orton. He enters the door and waits by it until he hears the padlock clicked into place by the officials. There are only three people on the inside now -- Sting, Orton, and referee Nick Patrick.

Sting enters the ring, and after both men fake charging the other, Patrick examines them. He finds no foreign objects on Orton or Sting, so he orders both men to opposite corners. As soon as he is satisfied that they are ready, he orders the bell to be rung.

HELL IN A CELL: Randy Orton vs. Sting

The two men circle each other before locking up. Sting breaks the lockup in the center of the ring. Orton goes for another one, but Sting ducks and unloads with right hands on Orton. He backs Orton into the corner and continues unloading before mounting him and delivering the ten-punch countalong.

He sends Orton across the ring and charges in, but Orton bails to the outside. Sting, undaunted, runs the ropes and baseball slides Orton. Sting continues pounding Orton on the outside, but a whip is reversed and Orton sends Sting into the stairs. Orton looks under the ring for weaponry, but as he does, Sting recovers and sledges him in the back. Sting sends Orton into the ring. He re-enters and pounds on Orton's back. Sting sends Orton into the ropes and fires off a clothesline on the way out. He mounts Orton and begins striking him in the face.

After ten shots, he gets up and howls to the crowd, but Orton grabs Sting's leg and trips him from behind. Orton rolls Sting over and stomps his groin before catapulting Sting to the outside, over the top to the floor. Orton follows to the outside, and the two get in a slugfest. Orton ends it by raking the eyes and tossing Sting into the Cell wall. Orton then slams Sting's head on the ring apron before heading onto said apron. He tries a double axhandle, but Sting sidesteps and tosses Orton into the structure.

He rolls Orton back in, but as he slides in, Orton stomps away. Orton tosses Sting into the ropes and catches him with a boot to the midsection and Play of the Day. Instead of covering, though, he heads to the outside and looks under the ring again. He pulls out a baseball bat, identical to Sting's, and re-enters the ring. Sting stands up, and Orton connects with a shot to his back. Orton slams the bat between Sting's shoulder blades again, then uses the bat to aid in a Russian legsweep. Orton stands over Sting and prepares to jam the bat into his throat, but Sting blocks it, then uses the bat to leverage Orton into the corner.

Sting, bat in hand, charges Orton and drives the bat into his ribs. Sting tosses the bat to the outside and kicks Orton before putting him on the top turnbuckle. Sting follows and tries for a superplex, but Orton appears to block. The two slug it out on the top turnbuckle, and Sting gets the advantage, peppering a dazed Orton. Sting then shoves Orton, who flies off the top turnbuckle and spins face-first into the Cell's corner before landing.

Sting heads down and picks up a now bleeding Orton, slamming him head-first into the Cell. Sting then hits a German suplex on the outside on Orton before getting the bat. Orton sees Sting and runs, with Sting giving chase. Orton builds a head of steam around the corner and tries to barrel into the door, but the lock won't give and Orton only hurts himself, staggering backwards into a shot from Sting. Sting grabs Orton but drops the bat in doing so, and Orton picks it up and nails Sting, upward, between the legs with it. With Sting in severe pain, Orton climbs the cage wall. He gets halfway up before dropping down and bulldogging Sting on the bat.

Orton tosses a (bleeding) Sting back into the ring. Orton follows with the bat. He winds up and strikes Sting on the knee with it, causing Sting to fall down. Orton drags Sting to the ropes and ties his leg in them. He then smashes the bat repeatedly into Sting's leg until it (the bat) breaks off. Orton unties Sting and drags him to the center of the ring, where he attempts to put on a figure-four. Sting kicks him off, but Orton grabs the leg again. This time, Sting pulls Orton over into a small package, getting the first two-count.

Orton gets up and goes to the top, but he jumps off into Sting's good leg's foot to the face. Sting fights his way to his knees and pounds Orton in the gut before headbutting him in the groin. He gets up and hops over to Orton, backing him into the corner. Sting sends Orton into the other corner, but he falls as he does so. Both men are down. Sting pulls himself up first and grabs half of the bat. Orton approaches, so Sting jams the butt of the bat into Orton's head, repeatedly, then pulls himself up and nails Orton with an atomic drop and clothesline.

Sting gets back up and tosses Orton into the corner, flying in with a Stinger Splash. He sends Orton to the opposite corner, but his bum wheel slows him down enough that Orton recovers and dodges the Splash. Orton rolls outside and pulls Sting to the post, then wraps Sting's legs around the post and puts on the figure-four. Nick Patrick begs with Orton (who is doing sit-ups in the hold) to break, and finally, after 30 seconds, Orton does. Orton does, however, yank Sting groin-first into the post as an exclamation point.

Orton rolls back in and stands Sting up, trying the RKO, but Sting collapses and Orton goes flying over him to the mat. Sting pulls himself up behind Orton and hits the Deathdrop on Orton. He covers, but it's only two. Orton drops his blade on-camera, so Sting picks it up and looms menacingly over Orton. He puts the blade to Orton's head, but Orton kicks Sting away and grabs the blade himself. Orton (with Sting's hands for guidance) runs the blade along Sting's forehead, worsening the cut. Orton tosses the blade to Nick Patrick, then punches away at Sting's cut.

He stands Sting up and goes for a big right hand, but Sting ducks it. Sting trips Orton with a double-leg takedown and tries for the Deathlock, but Orton shoves Sting into the turnbuckle. Orton heads outside as Sting is out on his feet. He climbs to the top corner of the cage as Sting staggers out of the corner, then shoves off and nails Sting with a crossbody, but Sting rolls through it. He gets two. Sting and Orton get to their knees and slug it out from there, with neither man getting the advantage until Sting hits Orton in the throat.

Sting slowly pulls himself to his feet and grabs Orton, falling back with a piledriver. Sting rolls over, but it's still only two. Sting hobbles over to Orton's legs and picks them up. He wipes the blood/paint out of his eyes and steps through as Orton tries to bridge out. Sting, however, veers left and right until Orton is caught, and Sting manages to step through with the Scorpion. Orton is trapped in the center of the ring, and his attempts to power out are met by Sting pulling back further.

Orton then rolls into Sting's balance leg, causing Sting's bad leg (in the grapevine) to give out with it. Orton stands up, holding Sting's legs, and manages to reverse the Scorpion to one of his own. Sting has almost no energy left, and his attempts to crawl don't seem to be getting him anywhere. Orton uses one hand to hold the Scorpion and one to punch Sting in the knee until finally, Sting taps out of his own hold.

WINNER: Randy Orton (26:58)

Orton collapses as the bell rings. Patrick holds his hand up as the officials unlock the door. David Flair, Michael Shane, Batista, and Chris Benoit head to the ring. They help Randy Orton to the outside, then out the door, before lifting him on their shoulders and posing for the fans, who are less than appreciative.

JR: "RANDY ORTON! RANDY ORTON HAS BEATEN STING WITH BY GAWD STING'S OWN MOVE! EVOLUTION REIGNED SUPREME TONIGHT! CHRIS BENOIT, THE LAST MAN STANDING! BATISTA, SHANE, THE TAG CHAMPIONS, WITH AN ASSIST FROM FLAIR! AND RANDY ORTON, THE SURVIVOR OF HELL IN A CELL! WHAT A NIGHT IT HAS BEEN! EVOLUTION RUNS THE TABLE! CAN ANYONE STOP THEM FROM DOING WHAT THEY WANT IN THE WWE?"

<<<FIN>>>

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK Rant for Unforgiven.

- Live from Portland, OR.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- Opening match, World Tag Team titles: Evolution v. Booker T and Scott Hall. It's pretty amazing that they've taken a thrown-together tag team like Hall and Booker and not only attached a storyline to their title shot, but actually made people think there might be a title change. Good choice for the opener, at any rate. Booker and Shane start, and Booker wins a slugfest and gets the kneedrop for two. Hall in, and he runs Shane around the ring, but Batista interrupts the fallaway slam. Shane gets two. Hall ducks the champs and gets a pair of neckbreakers, and Booker enters with a slam to Shane before Batista flattens him. Shane with a flying jalapeno as Booker is YOUR veteran-in-peril. Batista goes CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN', TONY before hitting the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER. He goes ground and pound, and a slam gets two. Shane in, and Batista drops Booker into a gutbuster on Shane's knee, which actually does as much damage to the 200-pound Shane as it does to the 260-pound Booker. Sweet Shane Music, but the leg is gimpy so it only gets two. Batista in, and that leads to a Double KO spot. Booker with the leg lariat to Batista, and the Spinaroonie leads to a hot tag to Hall. Hall goes nuts on with righ hands, and Batista eats the second-rope bulldog. Fallaway slam to Shane gets two, Batista saves. It's BONZO GONZO as Batista gets the Book End from Booker, and Hall looks to finish with the Razor's Edge. The ref escorts Booker out, so DAVID FLAIR enters with a DDT to Hall, and the champs retain at 11:12. Flair hits Hall with a figure-four before Booker clears the ring. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. **

- Mike Awesome v. Tommy Dreamer. Awesome's music is a lot of bass and not much rhythm, which makes for an interesting contrast with Valerie. Dreamer, bless his heart, does everything possible to make Awesome look like a monster. Awesome no-sells some punches before levelling Dreamer with a lariat. Dreamer gets crotched on the top rope, then Awesome shoulderblocks him to the outside. Into the STEEL steps, then back in for some general splattering. Awesome sets Dreamer up top, and it's a MAIN EVENT TOP ROPE SIT-OUT SPINEBUSTER OF DEATH (which apparently is the new Awesome Bomb) to murderize Dreamer at 3:35. Total, total squash. DUD

- Kane v. Molly Holly. Molly runs away to start, tricking Kane into getting on the apron and dropping his throat on the ropes. A pair of dropkicks send Kane to the floor, but Molly's pescado is caught and Kane LAUNCHES her into the ringpost. From there into the guardrail, and then back in the ring, where he just tries to ruin her pretty face. Bastard. Military press follows, with Kane tossing Molly into the air high enough for her to qualify for beverage cart service. Kane tries for a throat thrust, but Molly yanks Kane down with the arm (using his momentum against him) and goes to work on the arm. See, now this is where things can get a little weird: Just about everyone in North America works left, as in the left arm or left leg. But just about everyone in the world is right-handed, so what Molly's trying to neutralize here I'm not entirely sure. Rana attempt is blocked as Molly hangs like a piece of jewelry from Kane's neck. She decides to pull herself up and try a Thesz Press finish, but Kane just powerbombs her instead. Snake Eyes and big boot level Molly, and Kane stands on her throat because he can. A Burning Hammer try is blocked when Molly bites Kane's hand ("OWWW!"), so Molly tries that thing they called "Six Second Magic" in all the No Mercy games. Well, the size difference is right. Kane falls over into the armbar, but he's just too strong and stands up again, tossing Molly clear. Kane goes for the chokeslam -- with the good arm, as DDP notes -- but the bad arm can't steady Molly, who fights out and goes low on Kane. Molly with the BITCHSLAPS OF DEATH to set up Shattered Dreams, but she runs straight into a chokeslam. JR is begging for Kane to end the match, but Kane tries a reverse suplex, only to get hit with a Diamond Cutter when Molly blocks. It gets two. To the top, but Kane is right behind her. Superplex try is blocked by an eyerake, and as Kane staggers off the ropes, Molly hits a chokeslam on HIM, just as with Big Show. She goes back up for the Molly-Go-Round as Kane gets to his feet. Molly leaps, but Kane hits her IN MIDAIR with a fireball for the DQ at 12:31. He never wanted to win the match, see, he just wanted to hurt her. Kane with a Burning Hammer after the match to emphasize the point. Good big/little dynamic going, and it was a fun match up until the finish. **1/4

- Backstage, the Divas are in shock -- SHOCK -- at Kane's treatment. Stacy's so disturbed that she leaves the arena, writing her out of the Last Man Standing contest later on. I'm half-expecting Chynna Doll to be all "that's what she gets", but sadly nothing of the sort comes of it. Besides, Chynna's been Molly's bitch way too often.

- Women's Title: Tracy v. Alexis Laree. And MAN does the crowd not care or what? I would have put this AFTER the LMS match and not before it -- Benoit needs no helping getting a crowd back into it, and this is dead time anyway. Although I can understand the women wanting to get their match overwith, as DDP speculates, and that's a Good Thing. Chopping battle begins, and Laree wins it (eh? The American beat the Canadian at chopping? You bastards!). Tracy comes back with a flying whatever, and a catfight erupts. Laree with a monkey flip and clothesline, then she tries ten punches. Tracy slides out at 7, but Laree counters to a Victory Roll for two. Tracy with a rollup for two. DDT, but Pie in the Sky misses. German suplex and LareeDT finish at 4:09. Tracy is upset at losing, but Trish calms her down and Tracy hands the belt over. Group hug follows. This was there. 1/4*

- A sweet video package emphasizing why Mondo and Benoit HATE each other leads into the next match.

- Last Man Standing: Nick Mondo v. Chris Benoit. Benoit has a huge bin full of chairs, so Mondo wheels out a half-dozen tables, which he leaves at the entranceway before charging the ring. LET THE HATRED BEGIN! Mondo pounds away on Benoit before clipping him and doing more pounding. Benoit fires back with CANADIAN VIOLENCE and slams Mondo's head into the turnbuckle. A slam, and Benoit opens the bidding by exposing the steel bolt. Mondo recovers and tries the rolling Germans on Benoit, but Benoit switches and gets two of his own before Mondo switches and sends Benoit into the bolt. Tilt-a-whirl slam gets a four-count. More stiffing, but Benoit BLASTS Mondo with a low blow and sends him into the STEEL bolt. They do a Tombstone reversal spot, which ends with Benoit hitting a shoulderbreaker and SNOT ROCKET OF DOOM. Benoit gets a chair he tossed into the ring and waffles Mondo with it, then smashes Mondo's head with the chair into the bolt. Mondo is down for five and blades. Benoit with a swing and a miss for strike one, and Mondo nails strikes two through 13 or so on Benoit's face. Sledgehammer Legdrop gets a five-count. To the outside, where Mondo eats stairs. Benoit nails Mondo with the steps, then stands on Mondo and drills him again in the head. That gets a seven-count. Mondo hits a big boot to sends the stairs into Benoit (who was carrying them like Kane always does, begging to get sent into them), and M.Bison off the apron gets a six-count. Benoit spears Mondo into the bin, but back in, Mondo jumps Benoit. He charges, but Benoit pulls the ropes down and sends Mondo into the bin. Benoit tells Patrick not to count (can he DO that?) and enters the bin. Mondo fires a chair into Benoit's face, and a second one. Benoit kicks Mondo low, then tosses him out of the bin, where Mondo lands with a thud on the stage. It gets a five-count before Benoit picks Mondo up. Mondo sends Benoit into the bin, then sees Abdullah the Butcher at ringside. Oh no. Abdullah hands over his cherished heirloom to Mondo, and Benoit gets totally forked up by Mondo. Back suplex onto the stage by Benoit stops the forking, and both men are down for seven. Benoit with more CANADIAN VIOLENCE, but he charges and takes a back body drop on the ramp for an eight-count. Mondo fishes a ladder out as Benoit's down and charges, but Benoit catches it and a tug-of-war breaks out, ended when Benoit lets go and Mondo propels himself backwards into the bin, taking the ladder to the stomach. I didn't think that worked outside of cartoons. Suplex on the ladder gets a nine-count for Benoit. Benoit gets the fork and uses it liberally on Mondo, as we're at a combined 1.5 Muta here and JR is a little uncomfortable. Mondo staggers around to the stage as Benoit follows. A slam on the ladder seems to finish, but Benoit gets arrogant and Mondo's up at nine, picking Benoit up for an Assault Driver on the stage and a double KO. Mondo's up at eight, Benoit at nine. Mondo with more shots to the head, then a slam and he climbs the ladder. Benoit catches Mondo coming off the ladder in the Crossface. Tapping does no good in a Last Man Standing match, so Benoit holds on until Mondo passes out. Benoit again doesn't want it over yet and climbs the ladder, looking for the swandive headbutt. It misses. Damn, didn't spinal fusion surgery teach Benoit anything? Mondo is up at seven and climbing, but Benoit's up at nine and following him up. Mondo stands on the lower edge of the Tron as Benoit joins him, and a slugfest erupts. Both men tease falling into the tables before Mondo gets a headbutt that nearly sends Benoit off the Tron. Mondo tries to stomp Benoit's hands, but Benoit grabs Mondo to pull himself back up. Mondo slugs away, then decides to up the insanity by climbing the Tron to the top. Benoit follows, and the two fight it out atop the Tron. Benoit wins that with a low blow, then delivers a MOTHERF*CKING POWERBOMB OFF THE TRON! Mondo freefalls through the tables (which were conveniently set up in a six-table pyramid), and that'll end the match at 25:41. Crowd chants "Holy Sh*t", and for once I agree. Benoit, ever the humanitarian, delivers another snot rocket as he walks to the back. Mondo is stretchered out, but gives the thumbs-up to the crowd. Awesome brawl. ***1/2

- Rhyno v. HHH. See, this is why you put the women's match on here -- whoever follows that bump is just going to be greeted with a spent crowd. Thankfully, HHH is so greeted, which does my heart good. HHH learns his lesson from Backlash and comes out first, but Rhyno still tries to attack during the entrance, but HHH senses that and turns to clock him. Fun little callback. HHH continues with the EVIAN SPEW OF DOOM in Rhyno's face, followed by a clothesline. HHH pounds away (overshooting Rhyno's head -- way to make your monster heel look bad, Hunter), but Rhyno gets an atomic drop and shoulderblock. Rhyno pounds away, but HHH blasts him to break. Rhyno with shoulder thrusts in the corner as Trish bounces to ringside. HHH USES THE KNEE~! to cut Rhyno off, and a facecrusher gets two. Rhyno reverses a whip and sends HHH tumbling to the outside, landing on Trish. HHH apologizes, but Tracy tells HHH to continue the match and she'll get Trish. HHH re-enters and walks into a GOAR GOAR GOAR for the pin at 4:35. The match was basically an excuse to get these two on the card and to start the angle. 1/2*

- And indeed, backstage, Tracy accuses HHH of hitting Trish on purpose, citing that HHH is still an evil bastard. DDP plays devil's advocate, saying that it's not like Rhyno's clothesline compares to "Stan Hansen or Bradshaw". Yes, they compared Stan Hansen to Bradshaw in terms of lariats. WWE logic at its finest.

- Intercontinental Title: Chris Nowinski v. Lance Storm. Someone forgot to tell the crowd that Storm turned face a couple weeks ago. Storm schools Nowinski with a set of hiptosses into a leglock. Nowinski makes the ropes, and this time he decides to eschew the clean break (ooh, a Harvard word) in favor of beating Storm up. Storm gets another armdrag out of a whip reversal, and then RATTLES Nowinski with a chop. Missile dropkick gets two, and back to the leg. Basement dropkick and kneedrop on the leg follow. Sharpshooter is blocked, and Nowinski decides to take a walk. Storm tosses him back in, but Nowinski begs off, suckering Storm into a Flair Pin at 5:44. If the purpose was to get Storm over, it didn't work. 3/4* Storm superkicks a celebrating Nowinski and leaves with the title, indicating this isn't just a stopgap feud. I like it.

- World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels. These Biblical shirts Shawn has are gettin' mighty preachy. HBK gives Y2J a clean break, but doesn't anticipate reciprocity, which surprises Jericho enough that Shawn gets in the first blows. Jericho recovers with a crossbody, but puts his head down and Shawn gets a sunset flip for one. Shawn invites Jericho to do his worst, and Jericho obliges, but Shawn trips him and grabs a headlock. How appropriate. Jericho shoves Michaels into the turnbuckle, then rolls him up for two, into the Walls. Michaels kicks out and works Jericho's leg. Soccer kick and spinning toehold follow, but Jericho's in the ropes, and Shawn takes the full time to break, playing a subtle heel. Shawn tries to shove Jericho away, but Jericho takes umbrage and unloads the chops. That's the WWE's been missing lately -- random acts of chopping. Shawn bumps like the Shawn of old, taking his 20-story backdrop and somersault clothesline sell. Lionsault hits the knees, however, and Michaels kips up to complete the trilogy. Suplex gets two. Jericho with an enzuigiri for two. Jericho tries the powerbomb, but Shawn blocks and hits a figure-four, yelling at Jericho "Is it worth it" in a neat ad-lib. They work it for a two-count before Jericho reverses the hold and Shawn powers out. They slug it out, with Jericho winning and sending Michaels in for his version of the Flair Flip. Jericho gets a back superplex for two, then argues the count with Earl Hebner as JR wonders if Shawn may be right. Michaels rolls Jericho up for two. Shawn sends Y2J into the turnbuckle, but a blind charge leads to something resembling the Holy Sh*t Bump. As Shawn gets to the apron, Jericho lands the springboard dropkick, but tweaks the leg again. Shawn races in with an anklelock to slow Jericho down, then warms up the band. Jericho catches the superkick and nails the Walls of Jericho, and after a long time in the hold, Michaels taps out at 16:06. Huh? This was like the first 15 minutes of a 30-minute match with an ending superglued on. The worst of their three matches, though that's really not saying much, since even bad Y2J/HBK is good. ***1/4 Michaels fakes being a jerk about losing before raising Jericho's hand.

- An AWESOME video package details our main event...

- Main event, Hell in a Cell: Sting v. Randy Orton. I just don't see them living up to the expectations here, but they'll surely give it a go. Lockup goes nowhere, and Sting ducks a second try and begins brawling. Ten punch countalong and Orton bails, so Sting baseball slides him. To the outside, where Sting hits the stairs. Orton looks for plunder, but Sting cuts him off before he can find any and sends Orton back to teh ring. Some clubberin', Tony, THEY BE CLUBBERIN' follows. Big-time clothesline and Sting goes ground-and-pound on Orton, then howls. Orton trips Sting mid-howl and stomps his groin (another howl here) before catapulting him back out. They slug it out on the floor, and Orton wins that, sending Sting into the Cell wall as JR reminds us that the Cell does not, indeed, taste like chocolate. I was wondering about that. Back to the apron with a headshot, but Orton misses a double axhandle off the apron and Sting tosses him into the Cell. Orton takes the advantage back in, getting Play of the Day on Sting. He heads back outside and fishes out a baseball bat (see, Orton had told Sting to come empty-handed, but Orton brought weapons. He's a BAD PERSON, don't ya know). Orton gets in a few batshots and a Russian legsweep. Orton goes to jam Sting in the throat, but Sting blocks and trips Orton to the corner. A shot to the ribs buckles Orton, and Sting sets up for a superplex. They fight it out up top, and Sting punches down Orton and sends him off the top into the Cell. Nice bump by Orton there. Orton blades, so Sting sends him Cellward and gets a German on the outside. Sting grabs the bat, so Orton tries to flee. He attempts to run the door over, but the lock doesn't break and Orton just bounces backwards into Sting's bat. Cute. Sting drops the bat to pick Orton up, but Orton grabs the bat and nutmegs Sting with it. Ow. Orton then climbs up the cage wall to nail Sting with a bulldog on the bat. I wonder who booked this match, because they're certainly thinking outside the box with regards to what can be done... um... inside it. Uh-huh. Sting blades (why not?) and they head back in, where Orton uses the bat some more. Orton drags Sting to the ropes, ties him up, and waylays Sting's kneecap with the bat so much he actually gets a broken-bat single. Better check him for cork, ref. Sting blocks a figure-four try, then rolls Orton up for two on the second attempt. Why yes, that IS the first near fall of the match. Orton misses whatever off the top for a double KO. Sting fights from his knees and headbutts Orton in the groin. Lots of groinal abuse here. Sting tries the comeback, but the leg gives out on a corner whip and we have a Double KO instead. Sting grabs half of the bat and jams the butt of it into Orton's head because he can. And NOW Sting gets the wheels moving, with an atomic drop, clothesline, and Stinger Splash. A second Stinger Splash misses, though, as the announcers attribute it to Sting's bad leg. Orton goes to the outside and does the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR~! on Sting, adding sit-ups in the hold just to be a prick. After finally breaking the hold, he yanks Sting into the post for the hell of it. RKO try misses when Sting is too weak to stand. That's a unique counter. Deathdrop by Sting gets two. Orton then royally f*cks up and drops his blade on camera, but Sting covers by pretending it was meant to happen, picking the blade up and threatening Orton with it. JR and DDP, bless them, manage to play along. Orton knocks Sting away and grabs the blade, ripping it across Sting's forehead to worsen the cut. Ewwwwww. Orton casually tosses the blade aside and pounds on Sting's cut. Sting ducks a right and tries the Scorpion, but Orton shoves Sting into the turnbuckle. Sting staggers around as Orton climbs the Cell again, and this time, Orton pushes off the side of the Cell and nails Sting with a crossbody... that Sting rolls through for two. Well, it looked good on paper, anyway. Both men slug it out on their knees, and Sting wins it with a throat thrust as the announcers are shocked at Sting's brutality. Piledriver gets two for the Stinger. Sting tries the Scorpion again, hooking it on after a bit of a struggle, and Orton looks rather screwed. He can't power out, so he rolls around, tripping Sting (whose bad leg gives away) and reversing the hold. Now STING is f*cked and he knows it, but he makes the crawl to the ropes. Orton then holds the grapevine with one arm (like Rock) and PUNCHES THE KNEE with his other hand, and that convinces Sting to tap out at 26:58. Randy's best match ever. **** Evolution carries Orton on their shoulders to celebrate, end of show.

The Bottom Line:

A few too many filler matches for my liking, but three matches at ***+ makes this one somewhat memorable. I could have done without the HHH/Rhyno nonsense or the Women's title fiasco, but everyone else brought their working boots, and surprise MVP performances from Mondo and Orton make this a recommendation. Fast forward through any match not going 7 minutes, though, because they aren't worth the time, but the Cell and LMS matches will fulfill your bloodlust easily.

Thumbs up.

*****

September 13, 2004

WWE.com

Tonight in Seattle is the fallout from Unforgiven -- and will there ever be a lot of it!

The final image of Unforgiven was of Randy Orton being carried away on Evolution's shoulders. Indeed, it was a banner night last night, as the group went 3-0 and won the two show-stealing encounters. What does Eric Bischoff plan for an encore?

Molly Holly spent last night in a Portland hospital, being treated for first- and second-degree burns on her face after Kane tossed a fireball at her during their match. Who will make the Big Red Monster pay for his heinous acts? Is he satisfied that poor Molly feels his pain now?

Lance Storm lost the battle, but the war is far from over! After being cheated out of a win by Intercontinental Champion Chris Nowinski, Storm superkicked the Harvard grad and walked off with the title! Sure, he's not really the Champ, but now will Nowinski be forced to give him a rematch? If so, on what grounds?

All this and more -- including an update on Nick Mondo's condition -- tonight at 9 / 8 Central on SpikeTV! Tune in to see it all unfold, LIVE!

[The Third Dukes]

Oh yeah, I think we might begin to regret this by the end of the day... but whatever...

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Sep. 13 / 04.

- Live from Seattle, WA.

- Your hosts are JR and DDP.

- Evolution comes out in full force, led by Uncle Eric. Bischoff declares yesterday a momentous day in the course of RAW, in which Ruthless Aggression finally took over. He recounts all the injuries (Mondo, Sting, Molly), but says that Molly is in the building tonight and will be forced to rematch with Kane because of the DQ finish. Benoit and Orton are congratulated on destroying their opponents and given the night off. David Flair is officially inducted into Evolution, although sadly they skip over the ritual hazing. Chris Jericho interrupts the merriment and wants to know where HIS big celebration is. Bischoff says that, well, since you and Shawn got along so well yesterday, you can be a team today -- against the other three members of Evolution. Jericho likes that idea, and they talk it over... but it's a DIVERSION, you see, as HBK sneaks into the ring and blasts David with a superkick. There's your initiation, pal. Evolution charges, Jericho saves. HBK goes over in a segment he was involved in for 5 seconds. I'm shocked, really.

- Bischoff calls Valerie into his office. Not for that. He tells her she has a mixed tag match with Mike Awesome against Dreamer and Stacy, then offers her an up-front payment to make sure they do the right thing. Valerie, poor soul, has a Gold Club moment before Bischoff's more specific: hurt the opposition and show them Ruthless Aggression.

- Tracy and Trish (w/Trips) v. Jazz and Gail (w/Theodore Long). Man, the least they could do is dress Hunter up in one of Godfather's old outfits and be done with it. Massive catfighting, and the faces dominate with stereo dropkicks, sending the heels bailing. Long tries to cut Tracy off, but HHH pounds him flat. Back in, Tracy gets a rana for two. Trish tags in, and she gets a monkey flip and bulldog on Jazz for two. Gail kicks Trish into Tracy, and Tracy quickly tags in. Tracy charges Gail but misses, and Jazz gets a fisherman's suplex for two. Gail with the ropewalk into a crossbody for two. She tries a rana, but Tracy blocks it and they roll to the corner. Trish gives herself the hot tag (although Tracy acts like she didn't need it) and goes to town with the Chick Kick on Gail for two. Jazz gets back bodydropped, and Gail eats the handstand rana. Tracy tags herself back in and goes up top, so Trish tags HERSELF back in as the Sledgehammer of Plot makes its first appearance tonight. The two girls argue, so Jazz hooks Trish in the double chickenwing and Tracy walks away as Trish submits at 5:14. Fun little match, stupidity of the plotline aside. *3/4 Trish gets a gang beating with Long calling the shots before HHH has enough and grabs Long, Pedigreeing him (and, the announcers note, adding him to the list of casualties in the last 36 hours). Jazz and Gail help him to the back. I half expect one of them to offer to cheer Long up, but that would be wrong.

- Meanwhile, Earlier Today footage shows Sting (sadly not wearing makeup, although he's kind enough to don shades and slick the hair back anyway) being visited by Chris Harris (and WWE cameras). I'll spare you the acting details and just say that Sting will be back next week, and Harris has Nowinski for the I-C title tonight. Chris Harris acting is a VERY BAD THING, although having watched AMW highlights on the Wrestling Channel, I'm stunned they don't consider Harris as a tag team title contender. Hell, not like Sting has anything better to do.

- Mike Awesome and Valerie v. Tommy Dreamer and Stacy Keibler. Valerie and Stacy did NOT come dressed for the occasion. Awesome splatters Dreamer and brings in Valerie to kick Dreamer low. Valerie musses Stacy's hair, and Stacy channels Kevin Nash. No, she doesn't ruin her leg; she gets mad. YOU DON'T MESS WITH HER HAIR! Stacy races in but runs straight into Awesome's lariat. Dreamer is tossed, and an Awesome Bomb finishes Stacy (and I mean FINISHES) at 1:54. DUD Awesome powerbombs Dreamer ONTO Stacy just to make his point as Valerie makes the money signal.

- Bischoff pays off Valerie.

- Backstage, Tracy and Trish discuss...

Tracy: "What was with you tonight? I coulda won the match."

Trish: "By tagging yourself in. I had it won too."

Tracy: "So, what, you can't accept that I want credit? You can't handle it when I succeed?"

Trish: "When did I say that? I'm all right. You're the one who can't handle it."

Tracy: "Me? How?"

Trish: "Well, the way you've been working with Hunter while I was out... no, wait... never mind."

Tracy: "Whoa, whoa... are you saying I'm trying to..."

Trish: "Well, how else can I explain the way you acted last night?"

Tracy: "Trish... you were the first one to get famous... the first one to make the WWE... the first one to win the title... I don't want you to be the first one to be in a bad relationship too."

Trish: "You really think he's a bad guy? Based on what? He's been great to me."

At this point, HHH walks by.

HHH: "What's wrong, ladies?"

Tracy: "Well, I..."

Trish: "Nothing. She's just having one of those days. C'mon, let's go."

Trish pulls HHH away and begins to leave, indicating behind HHH's back that she'll talk to Tracy later. Tracy just shakes her head.

- Molly Holly v. Kane. Molly's got a good makeup job to make it look like she's sunburned or something. Molly dives onto Kane to start, and this time it works. She baseball slides Kane and does anything to keep him out of the ring, then crotches him on the top rope when he tries to get in. Molly gets a pair of dropkicks, but her rana is caught into a powerbomb. Chokeslam, Burning Hammer, but no pin. Kane then pulls Molly to the outside and sets her on the apron, against the post, with her face resting on the top of the flashpot. The crowd starts to freak out as Kane raises his arms. The ref tries to stop him, so Kane boots down the ref. DDP runs in to stop it, but he gets a Tombstone as Molly hasn't moved. Finally, Christian sprints down and tackles Molly away from the post just before Kane sets off the pyro. (Okay, "just" being about a half-second, but still.) Christian then grabs a chair as Molly comes to and proceeds to try to maul Kane with it as the ref revives and says the hell with it at 5:00 or so. Molly is escorted to the back as Christian is held back by officials. Can't those two do ANYTHING apart from each other? Match was nothing, though the sound of 10,000 people thinking they're about to watch a woman get barbecued is something the WWE should market to horror movie makers. 3/4*

- Backstage, Christian finds Coach. Kane is just like Frankenstein's monster, without morals, and he must be destroyed before he ruins another person's life. Does Molly know what happened, I wonder? JR does a good job of pointing out Molly has no clue what happened, and a camera locked on Molly reveals that, for all she knows, Christian tackled her down. Interesting.

- Dan Wilson joins us at commentary.

- Intercontinental Title: Chris Nowinski v. Chris Harris. Crowd is absolutely burned out from this, and so am I. Man, Nowinski is just having NO luck getting off the ground with this title reign. Announcers talk about Christian's actions, so if they won't pay attention, neither will I as Nowinski wins with the Cactus DDT in about 3:00. Lance Storm comes out, under the pretense of returning the belt, but instead whacks Nowinski with it, which leads to a 4-on-1 beatdown at the hands of the Cast of Rent (with Long noticeably absent). So over the last 36 hours, we've had Molly, Mondo, Sting, Long, Stacy, and now Storm beaten down. This Ruthless Aggression stuff is pretty taxing, ain't it?

- Evolution v. Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels. Jericho and Shane start. Jericho pretends he wants Batista, so Shane heads over to tag, but Jericho cuts Shane off and German suplexes him. Into the face corner, where Michaels teaches his nephew a few lessons in pain. Suplex and elbowdrop, then Michaels works the leg. Shane bridges to the ropes, but Michaels brings Jericho in, who chops away. BAAAAAAACK body drop on Shane, who bails and talks things over with the gang. Randy Orton emerges, despite having the day off, and Michaels lands on all three opponents as we take a break. During the Break, Orton tosses Michaels into the STEEL steps, and he's YOUR disciple-in-peril. Shane gets a leg lariat, but hurts himself and quickly tags Batista in. Batista clubs away and gets a powerslam for two. David in, and he unloads some chops before clotheslining down Michaels. Shane gets a belly-to-belly on his uncle, and Batista hits the bearhug. David goes up top and missile dropkicks Michaels while he's in the bearhug, and Batista slams Michaels down for two. Into the ground-and-pound, then enter Shane from the top. Picture Perfect Elbow, Jericho saves. David in with a figure-four, but Michaels kicks him aside and gets a desperation suplex. Batista cuts off the tag, though, and flings Michaels into the heel corner, where a triple-team breaks out. Batista gets the ref's attention, so Orton pulls Michaels into the post, groin-first. Batista with the Demon Bomb, Jericho saves again. And we take another break. We come back with Michaels fighting out of a chinlock, but Shane limps in and the heels collide. Michaels clotheslines both, but David distracts the ref for a false tag. Jericho superkicks Batista and Shane before being held back, so David enters and splashes Michaels off the top for two. David sends Michaels into the ropes, but misses a clothesline. Superkick and both men are down. Tag to Shane, hot tag to Jericho, who goes wild. Lionsault on Shane and David gets two each. Batista tries a lariat, but Jericho ducks and Shane gets it. Ref escorts Batista out, so Chris Benoit runs in and powerbombs Jericho. Michaels superkicks Benoit, but Orton RKOs Michaels and, as the rubble clears, David crawls over and pins Michaels at 24:11. Too much running in. **1/4 Evolution with a huge beating on Michaels and Jericho to punctuate it, including a Crossface for both men and a diving headbutt to Jericho. So... that's Molly, Mondo, Sting, Long, Stacy, Storm, Jericho, and HBK all needing medical attention in two nights. Think it's a little violent in there?

- Main event gloating: Bischoff joins Evolution in the ring...

Bischoff: "Well, well, well. What a night we have had, isn't it? Look at the litany of stars who have crashed and burned tonight. Why, our World Heavyweight champion is, at this very moment, making sure he hasn't torn something. Your wannabe tomboy, Molly... my, something must have embarrassed her, because she looked RED! And poor, poor Lance Storm... Nick Mondo... Sting... oh, the list goes ON and ON! But you see, that's the risk you take when you step into this ring from now on. We don't want the guys who can fly around and do somersaults! We want people who can take a beating and SURVIVE! And your heroes cannot stand up to the assault that Evolution is willing to bring. David Flair, the next generation of the greatest wrestler ever! Batista, a monster of a human being! Michael Shane, new and improved over that has-been HeartBreak Kid! Randy Orton, the man who is while all of you were! And Chris Benoit, the best fighter, wrestler, and destroyer of dreams I have ever seen in a ring! Ladies and gentlemen, there is no force on earth that can stop us! And if anyone tries, I will make sure they are sent packing from RAW -- the hard way. So..."

Bischoff's yakking is interrupted by the old WrestleMania music. Bischoff looks on in confusion until Linda McMahon makes an appearance. Bischoff clearly mouths "what do YOU want?" at Linda.

Linda: "Eric, I need to talk to you, and if you're going to brag about the actions of Evolution, then I'll talk to you in front of everyone. You see, after Unforgiven, I was met by several of our sponsors who did not approve of you and your group's actions. They did not approve of the fireball Kane threw... and yes, I know, he's not in Evolution, but you cheered it on earlier today. They did not approve of Chris Benoit trying to murder Nick Mondo. They didn't approve of the tactics used by Randy Orton in Hell in a Cell. I assured them that last night was a one-night thing... the product of wanting to make a statement on Pay-Per-View... and that things would under control tonight. But Eric, they weren't. Your actions have been reprehensible, and quite frankly I don't know if I can trust you on the big stage. Therefore..."

Bischoff: "Whoa, are you firing me? After all I've done to make RAW exciting?"

Linda: "No, Eric, I'm not. You're right... RAW is a very exciting show. But you need to be curbed in your enthusiasm before the sponsors pull out and the wrestlers demand trades. Now, most of our sponsors have been talking to ABC, which will be airing Halloween Havoc -- RAW's first network show -- on October 19. ABC has asked me to take steps to make sure that you will not let the show get out of hand. I assured them that after tonight, I would know if steps were necessary. They are. Eric Bischoff, I am excusing you from your managerial duties with regards to the assembling and execution of Halloween Havoc. This suspension is to begin immediately."

The crowd cheers as Evolution charges the ropes. Bischoff throws a fit before stopping and smiling.

Bischoff: "Well, if that's what you want, then I have five reasons you'll regret that decision -- cuz I'm still down with Evolution! Boys, let's add to our injury list!"

Evolution charges out of the ring as Linda drops the mic and gets scared. But as the group is halfway up the aisle...

CRASH!!!

...the glass breaks and Stone Cold Steve Austin's music begins. Evolution stops dead in their tracks, knowing Austin can drop any of them with one move. Austin appears next to Linda, staring Evolution down. He takes the mic Linda dropped. For those new to Austin-speak, * is an abbreviation for the crowd chanting WHAT. You're welcome.

Austin: "You wanna come up here, Eric? * Take on poor ol' Linda? * A little woman? * Be a man about it? * Well, you can come straight through me. * And not only will I fire you * and the rest of your cartel there, * but I will whip all your asses."

Bischoff tells Evolution to back off.

Austin: "Now, * on behalf of the Board of Gov'ners, * who made this decision * by unanimous vote * after only half a dozen beers * each, * I have the following announcement. * I'll get to it if ya let me."

Austin unfolds a piece of paper in his pocket and pretends to read from it.

Austin: "Whereas the Board of Governors, * bein' of sound mind and body, * don't trust Eric Bischoff any further than they can throw the little bastard, * and whereas * none of the current members * wishes to be held responsible * for a major network event, * cuz we all got somethin' better to do, * and whereas * the fans of the WWE, * having suffered through the jackass's reign long enough, * deserve a shot to prove anyone can do better at this than Eric here *...

...be it therefore announced, * -- whatever that means -- * that Halloween Havoc, * October 19, * on ABC, * will be the first ever show * made for, * of, * and by the fans of the WWE!"

The fans let out a huge cheer. Austin discards the note.

Austin: "Now what that means, * is that all of you * can suggest what ya wanna see * at Halloween Havoc. * All ya gotta do * is write stuff down, * and get it to us. * That means letter, * postcard, * email, * snail mail, * phone calls, * hell, stick a note in a beer bottle and drop it in the ocean, * but be sure to drink the beer first, * as long as we get it, * you could damn well see your match played out right there In That Very Ring!"

Bischoff: "Now, wait a minute! Wait a minute! You can't be serious! You're letting the fans have MY job? Why? Give me one good reason why!"

Austin: "Here's a reason, jackass."

Austin flips off Bischoff, who gets in Austin's face.

Bischoff: "You're trying to do an end run around me! You've had it in for me ever since I got the job! It tears you up that I'm still successful at what I do and you're stuck on the sidelines! Well, get this, Austin, there's no way my lawyers will let this happen! Ever! You have no right to take power away from me!"

Austin: "C'mon, Eric -- you know I'm more powerful than you."

Bischoff: "Maybe you outrank me. But dammit, this is still RAW. This is still my show! And as long as it's my show, I can get security to get your ass out of the building, and there ain't anything these fans can write to the WWE about to change it!"

The crowd boos. Austin looks at Linda, making a motion with his right arm. Linda nods.

Austin: "Well, hell, when you put it that--"

KICK WHAM STUNNER~!

Austin: "Eric Bischoff, your ass is on the sidelines from now til Halloween Havoc, and the fans are in control. And that's the bottom line, Cuz Stone Cold Said So!"

The Bottom Line:

So they're really going through with this, huh? It'll be interesting to see if they allow any title changes to occur or anything major to happen. As a gimmick, it's pretty intriguing, but there's five weeks to do something, and WWE fans are not exactly much for thinking on their own. Still, at the end of a violent pair of shows, it's nice to know the whole thing had a purpose.

But is this real -- or is this WWE Rigging? Who knows anymore?

*****

Okay, here's the drill:

PM me or reply in this thread if you want to suggest a match. Once a match is suggested, I'll add it to my sig, with the number of votes in favor and against it. The suggestion counts as a vote in favor. Once the vote reaches three either way, the match is confirmed or rejected. RAW wrestlers only are eligible. Here's the list, with disposition, titles, managers, stables, or whatever:

* Al Snow (face, voice of Heat)

* Alexis Laree (face, Women's Champion)

* Batista (heel, World Tag Team champion, member of Evolution)

* Booker T (face)

* Chris Benoit (heel, member of Evolution)

* Chris Harris (face)

* Chris Jericho (face, World Heavyweight Champion)

* Chris Matthews (heel, managed by Jackie Gayda)

* Chris Nowinski (heel, Intercontinental Champion, managed by Theodore Long)

* Christian (newly turned face)

* Chynna Doll (heel)

* David Flair (heel, member of Evolution)

* Dawn Marie (face, manages Lance Storm / Test)

* Eric Bischoff (heel, GM of RAW, member of Evolution)

* Gail Kim (heel, managed by Theodore Long)

* Ivory (heel)

* Jackie Gayda (manages Chris Matthews / Joey Matthews / Johnny Jeter)

* Jazz (heel, managed by Theodore Long)

* Joey Matthews (heel, managed by Jackie Gayda, INJURED)

* Johnny Jeter (heel, managed by Jackie Gayda)

* Kane (heel)

* Lance Storm (face, managed by Dawn Marie)

* Lita (face, ON MATERNITY LEAVE)

* Lucille LaChienne (heel, manages René Dupree / Sylvain Grenier)

* Maven (face)

* Michael Shane (heel, World Tag Team Champion, member of Evolution)

* Mike Awesome (heel, managed by Valerie)

* Molly Holly (face)

* Nick Mondo (face, managed by Stacy Keibler, will recover in time for event)

* Randy Orton (heel, member of Evolution)

* René Dupree (heel, managed by Lucille LaChienne, INJURED)

* Rhyno (heel)

* Rodney Mack (heel, managed by Theodore Long)

* Scott Hall (face)

* Shane McMahon (face)

* Shawn Michaels (face)

* Stacy Keibler (face, manages Nick Mondo / Tommy Dreamer)

* Sting (face)

* Sylvain Grenier (heel, managed by Lucille LaChienne)

* Test (face, managed by Dawn Marie)

* Theodore Long (heel, manages Christopher Nowinski / Gail Kim / Jazz / Rodney Mack)

* T.J. Wilson (face, has appeared only on Heat thus far)

* Tommy Dreamer (face, managed by Stacy Keibler)

* Tracy (face)

* Triple H (face, managed by Trish Stratus)

* Trish Stratus (face, manages Triple H)

* Valerie (heel, manages Mike Awesome)

* Victoria (varies from week to week)

I'm waiting for your input, boys. My sig is ready and willing.

Dukes

[DonaldMick]

So Taboosday lives on as the Havoc, eh?

*rubs hands in glee while submitting his match*

[Ace]

My Matches...

Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton for the World Title

Sting vs. Triple H

Batista and Michael Shane vs. HBK and Christian

Chris Benoit vs. Tommy Dreamer and Nick Mondo Handicap

Lance Storm vs. Chris Nowinski - Submission IC Title

Edited October 17, 2004 by TheAce