The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[tristy]

I can't be the only one thinking that the HIAC will be a stinker. I just can't imagine Orton and/or Sting in a HIAC. Bah. I'm sure Dukes will come through with an amazing write-up of the match.

As a side-note, I was bored last night, and re-read WrestleMania XX on EWBIII. Awesome shit Dukes, even if it did get alittle to religious for my likes.

I'll be waiting for Unforgiven!

[K.O.T.W]

How do you visit EWBIII?

[DMN in the House]

I'll be honest, the ONLY feud I'm interested in is Mondo/Benoit, and thats to see if you can turn Mondo into a legit wrestler.

Well, that and I love me some Mondo, no homo.

[grind your soul]

How do you visit EWBIII?   

←

[Steve Corino]

MIKE AWESOME! That rules. Raw may have been good before, but now it's fixing to get Awesome!

Ha, just went to EWB3 from that link. Quite interesting to be in my old account of Jonnism Version 2 again. Allowed me to find my old sig, and add it to this one, because this quote rules.

Edited September 19, 2004 by Steve Corino

[K.O.T.W]

Thanks grind your soul!!

[K.O.T.W]

Well It took me the whole night, and I may be really, really, really tired today, but I just read the last 3 Parts of the Original BVS (The ones not on the site), and I gotta say - Wow.

Without a doubt, this was (and still is) the best diary on the EWB Boards, and if legal issues weren't a problem, this should definately be published - Hell, It's already my favourite Non-Fiction story of all time.

Kudos, Dukes, Kudos.

[Kane's Mullet Slacker]

At first I wasn't so sure about the Mondo/Benoit feud, but now I'm interested. Heel Benoit is awesome, I'm loving it. Question: Did Mondo gain overness in his run with Dreamer as tag champs?

[The Third Dukes]

Just to let you know, this diary will continue this weekend... however, I'm not sure the next few weeks will be my best work. Oh, I'll go out for Unforgiven, sure, but... well, SmackDown!'s in a bit of a state of scrambling right now, and I need the help of you guys. See the Vault for details -- I don't want to double-post.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Aug. 26 / 04, taped Aug. 24 and viewed Aug. 31 because I'm lazy like that.

- Yes, I'm a few shows behind, but this is the show for now, and later today I'll rant on RAW. Let's just say you can tell when a brand is stepping aside and letting its competition have the spotlight. It's not really two companies (at least the WWE isn't pretending it is), so I guess in that respect it does work a little.

- From Fresno, CA.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match: Ron Killings and Road Dogg v. Tajiri and Scott Colt. Boy, did Tajiri get screwed over or what? His ex-tag partner is off with the Cruiserweight title and knocking on the door of a main event that neither man would get a sniff of in Japan, while he's forced to be in a comedy opening tag match. Case in point, Dogg insists on a dance-off, and Colt (showing signs of Cabana-ism) complies. EVERYBODY CONGA~! But Colt's behind Dogg and German suplexes him for two. That's actually a pretty clever heel move. Tajiri enters and takes his frustrations out on Dogg's face as the DA2K4 plays heel in this match. Colt overshoots the slingshot legdrop, but recovers by biting Dogg. Tajiri bring the "pain in the ass" pantomime out of mothballs before kicking Dogg's knee ligaments into random pasta. Colt with a slingshot suplex for the heck of it, for two. He goes up top, but the senton misses. Tajiri cuts off the hot tag by stepping on Dogg's hand (you big bully you...), then works a knucklelock. Dogg's comical selling is actually doing well. Dogg breaks out and tries the funky punches... with the bad hand, so Tajiri hits a roundhouse for two. Handspring elbow misses, and Dogg gets a Tarantula try so intentionally bad it goes all the way around to being good. Colt charges to break, but Dogg does that on his own and the DA collides. Hot tag Killings, who slugs away and gets a spinkick on Colt for two. Tajiri tries the green mist, but Dogg beats him to the... er, punch... with gray "mist" and Tajiri coughs and acts totally dazed. Somebody at UPN's asleep at the switch. Anyway, Killings dives off the top with the flying sunset flip for the pin at 8:24. Good match, even with the silliness in it. **1/4

- His Rowdiness addresses us. So, over the next three weeks, there will be a 12-man tournament to find out who will get a shot at Eddie Guerrero at No Mercy. I understand using tournaments to separate the two brands here -- RAW is about entertainment and SD about sport -- but aren't we killing the gimmick? When was the last time Eddie was in a feud (not counting this quasi-feud with Edge, even though that's been tearing up the house shows)? Anyway, it's four three-way dances to start, and we begin with...

- Jose Maximo v. Hurricane v. Jamie Noble. Hurricane dives onto both men to start, and in the ring he superkicks Jose. Noble comes in with a swinging neckbreaker, and he and Jose try a double dropkick combo that Hurricane mistimes in selling and the whole thing looks pretty awkward. Hurricane covers (the blown spot, not an opponent) by acting like he tweaked his knee, so Jose and Noble take turns kicking it. Jose gets the triple moonsault on Hurricane for two, but Noble gets a German suplex on Jose for two. Jose crossbodies Noble in retaliation, then sets Hurricane up in the Tree of Woe. He goes to charge but Noble cuts him down and gets a powerbomb for two. Noble then dropkicks a still-hanging Hurricane for two. Ouch. Noble cranks on an STF, but Jose drops an elbow to stop it. Hurricane bails to get feeling in his leg, so Noble and Jose hit him with highspots in turn. Back in, Hurricane tries a chokeslam on Jose but the leg gives out, and Noble gets the figure-four for the tapout at 5:33. **

- Matt Hardy promises a new era in Mattitude. He upgrades himself to Matt Hardy Version 2.0, then says that Eddie Guerrero will find himself "obsolete" at No Mercy. This could work.

- Joel Maximo v. Billy Kidman v. Undertaker. Torrie Update: she's still a zombie. Man, that's like a line from a B-movie. Anyway, Kidman spends the entire match trying to wake Torrie up, which is all the same because Joel goes after Taker and gets flattened. Last Ride is reversed to a rana, however, but Joel's backslide is laughed off (in sinister fashion -- is this a heel turn?). Kidman tries checking the urn for Folger's crystals or something as Joel slugs away at Taker, knocking him down with a missile dropkick. Taker stands up and tosses Joel like a ragdoll. Both men try a clothesline, and that goes WAY better for Taker, as you'd guess. Lariat, chokeslam, Tombstone, and Joel goes Adios at 5:53. Match was all Joel bumping for Taker. *1/2

- Kurt Angle re-iterates his promise to make his brother pay for his indiscretions. Team Angle is an unstoppable force that will plow over everyone who even thinks of crossing their path. But Kurt does promises to pay funeral expenses for Eric, because they're still brothers and all. How sweet.

- Bull Buchanan v. Ultimo Dragon v. Rob Van Dam. Ultimo and RVD double down on Bull, who uses a corner whip to do his springboard lariat on both men. RVD gets pummeled, and a powerslam gets two. Ultimo goes up top and crossbodies Bull, but his followup standing moonsault gets the knees. Bull goes to the body-vice, but RVD clips him and Ultimo makes it a DDT for two. Bull tosses RVD and follows, so Ultimo Asais them both and brings RVD in for two. RVD catches Bull charging with his stepover enzuigiri, so Ultimo stands Bull up and both men nail Bull flush on the jaw. YEEOUCH. Ultimo tosses Bull into the corner, where RVD gets a monkey flip that sends Bull sailing into the ref. Ultimo stands over Bull and sets up the Asai DDT, but RVD tackles Ultimo and goes up top. Charlie Haas appears out of nowhere and shoves RVD to the mat, so Ultimo Asai DDTs HIM as the ref returns to count it at 7:16. Not a bad experience, as Bull is pretty carryable. **1/4

- Eric Angle rebuts, saying he's tired of living in Kurt's shadow. He's ready to step out and take what's his. And that starts with shattering all of Kurt's dreams and all of Kurt's team.

- Mike Barton v. Rey Misterio v. Matt Hardy Version 2.0. No time for Matt Facts, as apparently that got lost in the upgrade. Barton is disposed of immediately through double-teaming, so Matt and Rey have their usual good match. Suplex by Matt gets two. Matt with a press slam (dumping Rey onto Barton), then a tope suicida to wipe both men out. Back in, Matt with a Side Effect on Rey, but Barton slugs him down and drops a fist for two. Barton lariats Rey (who does a 1 1/2 somersault sell), so Matt does the same to Barton (with similar results). Matt goes up top as Rey kips up, but Rey scrambles up as well and the duo do stereo legdrops. 6-1-9 to Barton, but Matt rolls him up before the West Coast Hop can land and Rey is left high and dry as Matt wins at 6:58. Matt/Rey carried this. **1/2

- Main event: Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin v. Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Eric Angle, and Konn... wait, Konnan gets punked out by WGTT pre-match, but RVD runs in and gets even for earlier in the night as those four disappear. So it's 2-on-3, but Kurt and Brock go straight for the low man on the totem pole and beat him into a gooey paste as Eddie and Edge try to come in but are told to report to the apron. Both men deliver overhead suplexes for two-counts, then pick Eric up. Doomsday Device (Kurt deals the lariat), but as Kurt pulls the straps down, Eric rolls him up for two. Kurt tries an overhead suplex, but Eric turns it into a belly-to-belly through leverage as Cole plays up that Eric knows Kurt "inside and out". Wait -- the Angles aren't from West Virginia, are they? Kurt charges straight into a drop toehold, so Brock tags in and teaches him who the man is. An F-5 looks to kill, but Edge and Eddie double dropkick Brock before it's delivered. Hot tag Eddie, who runs through everyone in a 10-foot radius... including Edge, who takes a mistimed shot. Edge and Eddie argue, so Kurt rolls Eddie up for two. Edge walks as Haas and Shelton return, so Edge gets a double spear on WGTT. Eddie with the rolling verticals on Brock as Konnan comes back from getting nachos or whatever the hell he was doing and hits the rolling lariat on Kurt. He goes for the Tequila Sunrise, but Haas distracts the ref as Shelton picks up one of the 42 belts at ringside and nails Konnan with it for the Kurt pin at 15:43. Too much going on, and not enough emphasis on anything. ** The donnybrook continues as RVD and Barton hit the ring and a huge brawl breaks out.

- Backstage, Ultimo gets ready to leave when Matt blasts him with a sneak attack. Twist of Fate on the floor, but then Noble runs in and takes over until Undertaker cleans house. Taker bows to the urn (and Torrie), end of show.

The Bottom Line:

Well, not much happening this week. Yeah, the wrestling was good, but three-ways tend to be a drag, and this was no exception. I miss a good one-on-one match, and there were none to be found this week, which was just a cluster. Hopefully the Matt push is serious, but with Taker around, I don't see how it can go anywhere.

Until next week, BUY THE BOOK!

[Guest -Ex-]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but when are the last two parts of BFVS going to be PDFed for download on your site?

I NEEEED them, bad.

[oldskool]

/ewbIII/">EWB III has the last two parts there in the diary dome Hall of Fame.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Aug. 30 / 04.

- Live from San Jose, CA, home of some former Internet guy.

- Your hosts are JR and DDP.

- Opening match: Alexis Laree v. Jazz v. Gail Kim. Winner gets a shot at Tracy's Women's title at Unforgiven. The bad girls double-team to start, and Laree quickly bails so that Gail can hit her ropewalk rana to the floor. Back in, Jazz with a suplex and she stretches Laree, but to no avail. Jazz picks Laree up for a slam, but Laree slips out the back and shoves the two heels together, rolling Jazz up for two. Gail dives off the top but hits Jazz as Laree bounces between the two of them, ramming forearms into each in turn. Finally, Jazz gets sick of this and tosses Laree, then Gail, then brings Laree in the hard way for two. Fisherman's buster gets two. Jazz tries a second one, but Gail trips Jazz and rolls Laree up for two. Laree reverses a suplex to one of her own and kips up, catching Jazz in the face as she does so. Handspring elbow to Gail, rana for Jazz, and the LareeDT finishes Gail off at 5:13. So it's Laree/Tracy at Unforgiven, which is BEGGING for a heel turn. 1/2*

- Molly Holly tells Kane that she's not interested in a match at Unforgiven because she has unfinished business. She wants to become a 2-time IC champ, and tonight is her chance. But just as she leaves, Kane appears and mops the floor with Molly, tossing her into every available surface and yelling about feeling his pain. If Molly were male, she'd be blading like nuts right now. Kane leaves Molly in a heap on the floor.

- We return from break with paramedics trying to load Molly into an ambulance, but with Molly refusing.

- Chris Harris v. Lance Storm v. Molly Holly. This is specifically announced as elimination rules. Chris Nowinski is at ringside and talks about what a fool Molly is for even trying to be in the match. "How many shots will Linda McMahon give her before she realizes women aren't as good as men?" Famous last words, fella. No Molly yet, so Harris and Storm start out. Storm gets a headlock, which Harris converts to a backdrop. Harris goes up top, but Storm catches the missile dropkick and slingshots Harris over the ropes. To the outside, where Storm throws Harris into the post, and back in, to the legbar... as Molly struggles to ringside to a huge pop! Harris breaks, so Storm whips Harris into Molly, who ducks and sends Harris flying to the outside. Nowinski wonders if Molly has silicone in her brain. Insert Trish joke here. Storm superkicks Molly for two. Harris spears down Storm for two. Double clothesline leads to a triple KO, but Molly crawls over onto Harris for two as the crowd actually buys it as a finish. Storm up first, and he gets a German suplex on Molly for two. And now the silliness really begins, as the pyro goes off, the music plays, and Molly looks to the entrance... allowing her to get rolled up by Harris at 6:45. I HATE THAT F*CKING FINISH! But wait, there's more, as now Kane really does appear as Molly walks to the back and stands over her, screaming about meeting her at Unforgiven. This causes Harris and Storm (much to Dawn Marie's consternation at ringside) to abandon the match and double-team Kane. Molly escapes and officials manage to subdue Kane (DDP: "Does Rodney King live in Sacramento now?" Nowinski: "You really ARE stuck in 1991!") long enough for Harris and Storm to beat the count back in. Storm ducks a dropkick and tries for the Sharpshooter, but Harris reverses to one of his own, so Storm re-reverses to a single-leg crab as Dawn Marie cheers by bouncing up and down. No complaints here. Harris is inches from the ropes when Nowinski enters the ring and pulls Storm away from them, and Harris taps out at 9:24 to make it Nowinski/Storm at Unforgiven. And just to establish the face, Storm thanks Nowinski by running him over with a clothesline and putting on the Sharpshooter till Nowinski taps like a Tough Enough bitch. Bizarre match. *3/4

- Meanwhile, Molly will indeed meet Kane at Unforgiven, and Kane will learn how resilient she is. Molly tries a new catchphrase ("What doesn't kill me makes me stronger"), but I don't see it lasting.

- Meanwhile, Tracy and Laree argue about their Unforgiven match before it degenerates into a catfight.

- Booker T v. Michael Shane. My cable goes out during this match and I spend a bunch of time trying to yell at Shaw for being nimrods, and it comes back just in time to hear JR rant about Evolution being sore losers as they beat Booker down. So you can fill in the blanks.

- Chris Jericho is backstage and runs into Shawn Michaels. How's that for coincidence....

Michaels: "Oh, hey Chris. What's going on?"

Jericho: "Oh, nothing. Just thought I'd check out the scene on my show."

HBK: "Whoa, whoa, your show? This is your show? You're not doing anything."

Y2J: "Neither are you. Why are you here?"

HBK: "Didn't you see what Kane did earlier? I was over here to try to help. See, I like to think of other people too."

Y2J: "You? Think of others? Since when? I grew up idolizing you... back when I was in juniors, trying to decide what to do with my life, I watched you and Marty live from Minneapolis. Where's he now, Shawn?"

HBK: "He's doing fine. Question is: where are you now?"

Y2J: "What?"

HBK: "Chris... you've won the title. You spent every single moment trying to get it back. It's been your desire -- no, your OBSESSION since May. You joked on HHH for being obsessed with the belt, but what about you? What'll you do when you lose it?"

Y2J: "Well, I'll get it back, of course..."

HBK: "And what if you can't? What if, September 12, Unforgiven, in Portland, Oregon, I take that title. Suppose as time goes on, I turn back your challenge. It could happen. I've beaten you on the big stage -- you beat me on a RAW with a bunch of people covering your back. Will you be satisfied with just being a former champ?"

Y2J: "Of course. You think this is everything?"

HBK: "I used to. I used to be centered around that title. Everything was about showing how great I was. I was afraid of losing the belt before, so I (uses air quotes) 'Lost My Smile' instead. I was half-ready not to defend against Austin because of my back... and if I had my way, it would've never happened. The title... not losing... my legacy... it became everything. EVERYTHING. And you know what? People say they see me in you... how true is it?"

Y2J (clearly off-guard): "Well... it's not. I mean... I'll defend this belt, and... if I lose... well... (snaps out of it) hang on! I'm not gonna think about losing! Not today, not at Unforgiven, not EVER! Cuz when you do that, you DO lose! Dammit, I'm a champion, and I'm gonna fight. Shawn, I was tempted to just go out and see who the better man was, but you're gettin' to me. I made you tap, dammit! No one makes the great Shawn Michaels tap, but I DID IT! And at Unforgiven, I'll do it again -- right in the center of the ring, in front of all my millions of Jerichoholics, and you'll know I'm the best when they ring..."

HBK (intentionally stepping on the line): "...ring the bell, ring the damn bell?"

Y2J: "...Yeah."

HBK: "I'm sure, Chris. Look, I want to be champion, sure. But this is about the fans, not about me, and if I lose, I'll live. I just wanna make sure that if you lose, YOU'LL live. Got it?"

Y2J: "Yeah. I got it. Loud and clear, Shawn. See you at Unforgiven."

Jericho walks off, and as he does, Shawn smiles and points to his head, saying "I'm in there" to the camera as we fade to commercial. (Segment Rating: 98)

- Amazing, mind-bending segment that walks the line between kayfabe and reality as only they can. Plus, it hints at either man playing the heel -- Shawn trying to use mind-games that Nowinski would be proud of, and Jericho becoming the Gollumesque obsessed champion. Now, granted, it still takes two awesome wrestlers to pull this story out, but they can deliver.

- DDP plays up the drug-like power of being the best in "Good Thing, Bad Thing." Like he knows anything about being the best.

- Batista v. Scott Hall. Hmmm, I wonder who the tag champs will face at Unforgiven? Anyway, some Earlier Today footage shows that Booker went over clean with the scissors kick, so I'm happy. Batista slugs away on Hall and tosses him out of the ring, where Michael Shane appears and throws him back in. Hall protests, so Batista slams him down for two. More CLUBBERIN' FOREARMS as Batista goes to a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. This is going nowhere and even Hall can see it, so he starts openly calling spots. Batista works over Hall in the corner and slaps him, but that pisses Hall off. Hall fires back with his cross-corner attacks and a fallaway slam for two. Second-rope bulldog gets two. Hall says that's it, so Shane pops in to distract the ref and Batista uses the belt for two. And now it gets redeemable, as Hall gets all pissed off and fires away with MERCILESS fists, legit giving Batista a shiner, until the ref tries to pull Hall off and Hall clocks HIM thinking it's Michael Shane (a point Hall drives home via the old "Wait a sec... if you're... then who's..." pantomime). Of course, this allows Shane to enter, and Evolution does a Doomsday Dropkick on Hall. Ref's still out, of course, so Booker T returns from earlier and gets a Bookend on Batista before axe kicking Shane (again) and scoring a Spinaroonie. Hall crawls over for the pin at 10:07. Sue me, but when Hall took over it suddenly started to look nice, and the shmozzy ending helped matters. *1/2

- I mean, they still shouldn't get ten minutes, but...

- Mondo is back, this time berating Jonathan Coachman (ooh, a sure sign of a future star -- he makes Coach his bitch) about how hardcore he is until Benoit steps in. The two stare at each other, Mondo making his best intense face and Benoit just smirking, in an image I guarantee will be on all the DVD covers. Mondo then basically tells Benoit to have his alleged wife make funeral preparations, to which Benoit responds "For me or you?" Great way to understcore their fundamental differences.

- Chris Benoit v. Tommy Dreamer. Stacy is seen pleading with Dreamer on the way down the aisle, as the announcers speculate she's taking things a little too seriously. Benoit unloads the CANADIAN VIOLENCE to start and tosses Dreamer with a German suplex into the ropes. Poor Tommy is caught by the foot in the ropes, so Benoit steps on Dreamer's groin (BALLS OF STEEL, BABEE!) and only unties him to step on the foot. Bastard. Benoit waits for Dreamer to stand up and chops him back down, then counts as he stands over Dreamer. Dreamer pulls himself up and punches at Benoit, who coolly suplexes him halfway across the ring (I didn't know Dreamer could still DO that) and nails the diving headbutt. He counts instead of covering, which is foolish in this match, and Dreamer's up at seven with a Dreamer Driver (which he does from a squat position to catch Benoit off-guard) for two. Dreamer tries a DDT, but Benoit backdrops him and gets the Rolling Germans. He then pounds away on Dreamer, refusing to stop even after Dreamer gets to the ropes, then pulls Dreamer back and continues punching his lights out before standing up and counting. This is almost callous. I love it. SNOT ROCKET OF DEATH sets up a flying legdrop, and this time Nick Mondo enters the ring as Benoit stares at Dreamer and counts. Oops. Mondo pounds the heck out of Benoit for the DQ at 8:14 as the crowd cheers him on. Benoit bails, but bumps Stacy in the process. He helps her up like a gentlemen... only to headbutt her back to the ground. Mondo chases Benoit to the back. Dreamer taking a sh*tkicking is nice, especially when Benoit does it. **1/4

- Valerie does a video saying that Mike Awesome will be at Unforgiven and wants an opponent.

- AWESOME promo for Sting/Orton at Unforgiven, with Sting wearing the white hat and both sides doing the High Noon motif. Stacy dressed as a saloon lady (and JR at the piano) just makes it that much funnier.

- Main event RNN segment: HHH is the guest. Why is this the end again? Oh yeah, HHH. Anyway, he says that Trish will be back next week (I do like that they didn't abandon the HHH/Trish story just because of the injury), and that HHH is ready to reclaim "his" title as soon as things are right with the world. And what does that entail? Well, beating the man who seems to have his number -- Rhyno. Orton is offended that HHH is stealing the spotlight -- he wanted to ask HHH about Hell in a Cell, see. HHH says it's his moment and Orton won't steal it. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. Anyway, Rhyno appears out of nowhere and GOAR GOAR GOARs HHH before accepting as only he can. And we're out.

The Bottom Line:

Bizarre type of show, as Sting/Orton -- which has been a blood feud for darn near six months -- was given the cool treatment and a face turn seemed to come out of nowhere. Still, with three more matches added to Unforgiven and two GREAT subtexts tossed in (Molly can survive anyone's punishment and Shawn questions Jericho's motive), this show might not be a transitional show after all.

Though I doubt it.

*****

September 02, 2004

WWE.com

We're off to the ARCO Arena in Sacramento, California, for another red-hot edition of WWE SmackDown! on UPN!

Last week, Roddy Piper made a #1 Contender's tournament, and this week, we get semifinals! In the first match, the new Matt Hardy Version 2.0 takes on the WWE Cruiserweight champion, Ultimo Dragon. Although this will be a non-title match (Matt has bulked up a bit), there should be some high-flying action in this one. Will either man's team of allies (the Dangerous Alliance 2004 or Mattitude) help their leaders out?

In the other semifinal, Jamie Noble goes against one of the biggest challenges of his career -- the Undertaker! The Dead Man appears to be the odds-on favorite among those left, but Noble feels his whole life has been defying the odds, and what better time to start than now? After a convincing first round win for both men, which one will enter the finals?

SmackDown! went international this past weekend, making a stop in Sydney, Australia! We'll have highlights from the show, including a major development that we will show in its entirety, thanks to our WWE cameras! What happened, and how will it affect the course of SmackDown!? Find out!

All this and more -- including a WWE Tag Team Title match -- tonight at 8/7 Central on UPN! Be sure to Smack Your TV to catch it all!

[Guest HYA]

That last RAW was a great show, awesome Jericho/HBK segment. I'm looking forward to see how you use Mike Awesome, and the Orton/Sting HIAC writeup should be a good read.

Hopefully Matt Hardy goes over Taker to become the number one contendor.

[Guest y2gudge]

The last Raw did seem good from the Virch write-up, I'm just hoping you keep the Mondo/Benoit feud at a high as I am looking forward to that as well as HBK/Jericho for some strange reason. I think Virch said it best "this show might not be a transitional show after all."

*y2gudge*

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Sep. 02 / 04, taped Aug. 31.

- From Sacramento, CA.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match, WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Nova and Paul London. Kurt stands on the apron as Brock laughs, but the challengers aren't laughing and double hiptoss and double armbar Brock. Brock fights out, but London gets a dropsault and Nova nails a suplex into a London senton. Brock bails, so London hits a somersault hilo, but Nova says "no way, dude, I invented that move" and tries to do it, only getting halfway over on rotation and forcing Brock to scramble to catch him. Brilliant. Back in the ring, Total Elimination by the challengers sets up the Tidal Wave (London taking Chris Chetti's spot) for two. Kurt runs in, but Brock is down so the challengers double-team him, too, getting a double armdrag, double dropkick, and double elbowdrop. Now Brock's up, but a double lariat misses and Nova and London send him to the outside. Angle sneaks up behind Nova and does the rolling Germans, but London dives over both men and grabs Angle's head for a quasi-Blockbuster as the crowd just gasps. Nova falls on top for two before Brock saves. Brock tosses London with a military press-Snake Eyes combo as Angle throws Nova in an overhead suplex. And that's the end of that, as Angle and Brock suplex the loving crap out of Nova for two straight minutes, ending with an F-5 at 8:14. But don't underestimate this -- this was no squash, and in fact made London/Nova look like the Rockers. Also note that when the odds were even, Kurt and Brock dominated, but Nova and London double-teamed just enough to make you think... aw, who am I kidding? It was a good match and no less. ***

- Uncle Roddy's here again to tell us that next week is the rematch between Eddie Guerrero and Edge. Good. Hopefully this'll be a little longer.

- Mike Barton v. Rey Misterio. Rey flies around the ring to start, knocking Barton out and doing his fake-out (which became the 619) to freak Barton backwards into the railing. Barton returns and tries to dance with Rey, who jumps in with a rana and rolling legdrop for two. Rey misses whatever off the top and Barton punches away at Rey's ribs. Gutbuster gets two. Sidewalk slam gets two. Barton goes for the glove, but the ref discards it, allowing Rey a dropkick. Rana try, but Barton catches and powerbombs him for two. Barton pounds the ribs some more, backing Rey into the corner for a standing eight-count (now that's how you get a gimmick over -- too bad it's Bart Gunn). Rey charges but is caught and powerslammed for two. World's Greatest Tag Team make a gratuitous appearance at ringside, so Rey tosses Barton into them and wipes all three out with a 450. Back in the ring, Rey goes for the West Coast Hop, but Shelton crotches him and Barton tries a TKO, but Rey reverses that to a rollup to win at 6:55. **1/2 WGTT initiate a 3-on-1, so RVD and Kidman come down to even the sides. Stephanie (acting on behalf of all three guys) challenges for a six-man next week, promising that Team Angle has made new enemies in RVD. Haas and Shelton accept, Barton seems worried. Probably because he's jobbing. Oh well.

- And now, off to Australia for the next segment or two, as we get the main event of the Sydney show...

"Ashes to Dust" plays as Konnan emerges from the back, US title on his shoulder. He enters the ring, but doesn't do his spiel. He does take the mic, however.

Konnan: "Yo, yo, yo, let me speak on dis right here. All y'all bros down under ain't worth my time. Dis be Mexico representin', and the US title... ain't no room for no sheep-lovin' kanga boys 'round here. So even tho I gots to do this here, they ain't tellin' me gainst who. So Piper, c'mon out here and let's get this overwith so I can leave dis nuttin' land behind."

The crowd is now booing Konnan as Roddy Piper walks to the ring.

Konnan: "Hey ol' man, I ain't got all day, bro."

Piper steps into the ring.

Piper: "Now lemme make something perfectly clear, Konnan. I call the shots around here -- you don't. I could have you face anyone from Eddie Guerrero to ol' RP himself right now, and you'd have to do it. But if you wanna quickie, I'll give ya one. How 'bout if I told ya that you'd be facing some local guy who I can personally vouch ain't stepped foot in the ring in about six weeks. Would ya wanna do it?"

Konnan: "Some wannabe hero, uh? So I can show all dese good-for-nothin' boomerang bitches how we do it right in the WWE?"

Piper: "That's right."

Konnan: "You got a deal. Bring on this nob--"

Before Konnan can finish his sentence, the didgeridoo music starts up and the crowd cheers. They cheer even louder when they see which native son it is: Nathan Jones, back from a 45-day suspension. Konnan's jaw just drops, and he yanks the sunglasses off, trying to backpedal out of the match. Piper smiles as Tim White enters the ring and asks for the bell to be rung.

WWE United States title match: Konnan (champion) vs. Nathan Jones (challenger)

Konnan runs to the outside as Jones steps in, and after talking trash to Jones, enters the ring. The two lock up, and Jones tosses Konnan into the corner, charging in with a right cross. Konnan staggers out of the corner, so Jones kicks him in the face to knock him down, then goes to the ground and pounds him. The ref pulls Jones off of Konnan, who rolls to the outside. Outside, Ward taps Konnan on the shoulder, and when Konnan turns around, waves and says "hi". It's enough to distract Konnan as Jones has come outside and boots Konnan down before stomping on him. Jones rolls Konnan back into the ring and waits for Konnan to get up. Jones chokes Konnan, threatening to deliver a chokeslam, but Konnan breaks out of it and kicks Jones in the groin. Konnan then delivers the facejam and covers. It gets two. Konnan chokes Jones down as White asks him to stop, then gets up and argues with the ref. As he turns around, Jones is up and begins punching Konnan in the face repeatedly. Konnan gets sent into the ropes, and Jones meets him with a roundhouse right to the jaw to knock him over. Jones picks Konnan up and sends him into the corner, warming up both hands as the crowd cheers. Jones winds up, but Konnan ducks the punch and catches Jones from behind in a roll-up with the tights. Jones kicks out at two. Konnan tosses Jones into the ropes and hits the rolling lariat on the way out to floor Jones. Konnan goes up top as Jones is slow to recover and dives onto Jones, but Jones gets his knees up. Konnan rolls on the mat as Jones is on his feet, and as Konnan pulls himself up to a doubled-over position, Jones charges and Punts Konnan in the face, causing him to somersault to the mat. Jones covers, and that gets a three at 7:04.

WINNER and NEW WWE United States Champion: Nathan Jones

The crowd lets out a cheer as their native son is given the belt and holds it up high. Konnan quietly walks to the back as Jones asks for a mic. Ward enters the ring and puts the belt around Jones' waist, upside-down -- which may have been intentional, knowing their characters. But this isn't about characters. Jones speaks.

Jones: "Well, mates... it's been a long time comin' ain't it? I'm so bloody honoured to be standin' here, the first man from my country to wear gold in the WWE. All of you around here supported me back when I came up -- back when I beat Scott Steiner for the WWA title -- back when I was a tag champion -- you all rooted for me. I'm proud to be one of your own tonight, and this win is proof that no matter what you've done, you can bounce back and straight out your life, mate. So one more time for all the blokes out there... AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!"

The crowd continues that chant throughout the rest of the video as Jones climbs the turnbuckle with an Australian flag and holds it high.

- Certainly no better or worse than any 1980s house show main event. 3/4* And the idea of Jones as US champ is long overdue -- he's been getting a mini-push as a monster, and now he has something to claim as part of that push. Let's see if it lasts.

- Did I just say Jones as a champ was a good move? I'd better lie down...

- Okay, back.

- Semifinal #1: Matt Hardy Version 2.0 v. Ultimo Dragon. Hmmm... Evan, Shannon, Bubba, Tajiri, Colt, and Heyman are at ringside. You think there might be interference? Ultimo dives onto Mattitude right off the bat to take them out of the picture, but Matt goes to the outside and sends Ultimo into the STEEL steps. Back in, Matt gets a gutwrench suplex for two as Ultimo tries to roll through it. Suplex by Matt gets two. Matt with a back body drop on Ultimo, then goes to the second rope and hits the yodelling legdrop for two. Ultimo scratches away, then unleashes thunderous kicks for the comeback. Dragon sleeper try, but Evan distracts the ref as Shannon dropkicks Ultimo. Matt covers for two. Matt tries the Twist of Fate, but Ultimo reverses to a Northern Lights for two. Bubba throws the nightstick in, but the ref intercepts it and goes to remove it, allowing Bubba himself to hit the Bossman Slam. Tajiri mists Bubba and kicks him into gooey paste, but the damage is done and Matt comes off the top with a second legdrop for the pin at 5:45. Yes, Ultimo is Cruiserweight champ and needed a protected job, but this? *3/4

- Eddie muses about being champion and guarantees no one will take it away -- not Edge, not Matt, not Noble, not Taker, not even any of 15 other random people he names.

- Semifinal #2: Jamie Noble v. Undertaker. Torrie update: still a Creature of the Night or whatever the heck she's supposed to be. Nidia's a slow learner, as she once again tries to attack Torrie in the aisleway. Torrie no-sells (so there), while Noble blasts Taker with everything he's got. Taker shrugs most of it off, but Noble goes to the leg and gets a small degree of success. Figure-four, but Taker sits up and grabs the goozle like he did to Ric Flair in X8. Chokeslam, but Nidia stops the ROPEWALK OF DOOM and Noble gets a superplex (which is impressive until you see the lack of elevation Taker gets) for two. Noble tries a moonsault, but Taker catches him, Tombstone, goodnight at 4:03. Yeah, I'm shocked. Not. *1/4

- Mattitude gang-rushes Taker and beats him to dea... er, oblivion with a bunch of finishers. Matt proclaims that next week, V-2 goes to the top, and Taker becomes obsolete. What's with the sudden computer theme? You gonna rename the legdrop the Control-Alt-Delete now?

- Main event: World's Greatest Tag Team v. Eddie Guerrero and Edge. Edge and Eddie fire off stereo chops on WGTT to start, but Haas and Shelton reverse a whip and the faces collide. A shoving match begins, and WGTT take advantage, dumping Eddie and focusing on Edge. Haas gets an Oklahoma slam, and WGTT score a double suplex for two. Shelton gets a front chancery and turns it into a rollup for two. Haas back in, and the Doomsday Device gets two as we go to break. We return with Haas holding the Haas of Pain on Edge, who wiggles out of it, but straight into a Shelton superkick. Shelton tags in and scores a Stinger splash, but Edge flips out of a German suplex and scores a spear. Both men are down, but Haas gets the tag and cuts Edge off. Haas scores a reverse suplex and Oklahoma roll for two. Shelton returns with a Dragon Whip and missile dropkick for two. The heels collide and Edge double clotheslines, hot tag Eddie. Rolling verticals for Haas, and Shelton goes down to a rana and slingshot senton for two. Eddie goes up top, but Edge tags himself in and the two argue. Double superkick by WGTT on Edge, but Eddie won't leave the ring. As the ref deals with it, RVD storms in and gets a Van Daminator on Haas (didn't he ever watch ECW?), allowing Edge the pin at 11:41. *** Eddie and Edge argue in the aftermath.

The Bottom Line:

Well, full steam ahead for next week, with three big matches on the offering. Matt/Taker will likely be overbooked, but Eddie/Edge and the six-man are known to deliver. SmackDown! isn't taking a back seat to anyone right now, as it appears NWATNA's emergence has finally made WWE stand up and get their act together.

The Weekly Wars are back, baby!

[The InterKnight]

Personally Dukes, I actually think you SHOULD dub Hardy's Guillotine Leg Drop the "Control Alt Delete". It'd be great

[phil226]

So is Jones a face now or was that just a 'hometown hero' promo?

oh and Ctrl+Alt+Delete > all as a name

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Sep. 06 / 04.

- Okay, who lit this here fire under me?

- Live from Wichita Falls, TX, wherever that is.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- Opening sports entertainment silliness: Tracy is out to talk about facing Laree at Unforgiven. She wants a warm-up, though, and doesn't care who it is. But she knows it won't be Trish, who's teaming with her sweetie HHH later tonight. Hunter and Trish -- that's just dirty. Valerie emerges (give them some music, people) and says she wouldn't mind stealing a title or two. "All work and no bling makes Val a bored little girl, ya know." So Tracy's all ready to do it, but Mike Awesome appears and beats her down repeatedly. Tommy Dreamer of all people gets pissed off, running Awesome out of the way and making sure Tracy's ok -- only for Val and Awesome to return and beat the crap out of Dreamer too. How nice of them. Val shrugs and walks away, figuring the match is off. Bizarre opening segment...

- ...made all the more bizarre by Alexis Laree looking on. She is interviewed by Coach and basically tells him that she's in this for the title and no more. Tracy's proven to be a fine competitor, but on Sunday, that will mean NOTHING. Geez, that match NEEDS a heel turn in the worst way. Sigh.

- Big Show v. Molly Holly. Well, if you can't guess the point of this match, you're not paying attention. Show tosses Molly into the corner to start as JR comments on how we haven't seen Show in some time. What, like that's bad? Molly crawls under Show's legs and attacks his knees, dropping him to one knee. Molly then bounces up to the top rope and moonsaults Show for two. Show tosses Molly into the ropes and tries to punch her face, but Molly grabs the arm and climbs up to Show's shoulders, spinning around and planting him with a DDT. Show is in a daze, so Molly climbs to the top rope, and in the most bizarre visual I've seen in wrestling history (and that's saying a lot), grabs Show by the throat and dives off the top rope, essentially chokeslamming him (even though he just falls over backwards). Molly races back up to the top, and a gratuitous Molly-Go-Round (albeit on the prone Show) finishes him and his dignity soon after at 3:19. Good riddance. DUD And indeed, Show was fired soon after this when it was discovered he was a heavy drinker. Rumor has it Billy Gunn nearly walked out in protest, though sadly that was avoided.

- Dreamer's back, and he's really angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Actually, in my case, I just don't like him, but that's another story. Dreamer says that last week, Valerie demanded something for Mike Awesome to do, so now he's providing it. He challenges Awesome to a match at Unforgiven. Valerie comes out and accepts on her client's behalf, as they wisely avoid giving Awesome any mic time whatsoever. Valerie winks at Dreamer, promising an "awesome time on Sunday -- but not for you, doll." And indeed, here's Mike Awesome again to attack from behind and powerbomb Dreamer one more time, just in case the point wasn't hammered home.

- Chris Nowinski and Rodney Mack v. Lance Storm and Test. Canadians clean house to start, pounding on Mack and giving Nowinski a pumphandle slam (Test) and German suplex (Storm). Heels bail, so Storm gets a baseball slide on Mack. Back in, Test powers down Nowinski, and Storm enters with a spinkick for two. Mack gets a cheapshot with Long's cane, and Nowinski adds a Cactus DDT to make Storm YOUR face-in-peril. Mack gets a powerslam for two. Nowinski adds a suplex for two. Nowinski's body attack is ducked, and Storm adds a shotei (!!) to build to a Double KO. Hot tag Test, who runs over everybody in sight. Long protests on the apron, but Dawn Marie grabs Nowinski's slicked-back hair to prevent a beltshot and Test boots down Mack for the pin at 5:14. I can dig it. *

- Batista and Michael Shane are protesting to Bischoff about having to defend at Unforgiven. Bischoff says they'll have backup, and points to two riot officers he hired. One of whom is black. And the other has stringy hair coming out the back of his helmet. Evolution is rightly suspicious, but Bischoff assures them everything is fine. At this point, Hall turns to the camera, lifts his helmet, and makes the "shhh" sign in a bit I found oddly hilarious. Of course, he turns around with the helmet still lifted, but it doesn't matter as he and the other guy (Booker T) get the jump on the champs and pose with the belts. Hall, of course, wears it around his neck to replace the gold chains he lost.

- Triple H and Trish Stratus v. Rhyno and Ivory. Rhyno tosses HHH and they brawl into the crowd, leaving Trish and Ivory to go at it. Ivory tackles down Trish and works the arm as the commentators let us know that was the body part Nowinski injured the worst. Trish fights out of it and gets a DDT and elbowdrop. Trish with a rollup for two. We split screen to Rhyno tossing stuff at HHH, and HHH USING THE KNEE~! as only he can. Back in the ring, Ivory cuts off the comeback with an armbreaker and goes up top, but Trish goes for the handstand rana, only to slip and nearly fall on her head. Eep. DDP covers for it by claiming that Trish's arm was injured to the point that she couldn't hold herself up, and Ivory covers by getting a big elbow (okay, not so big) for two. Ivory looks for something out of a fireman's carry to finish, but the men return and HHH gets KICK WHAM PEDIGREE on Ivory for the Trish pin at 4:13. How sweet of HHH -- beats up a woman for his girlfriend. 3/4* Tracy celebrates with Trish and Trips, although Trish seems a bit uncomfortable.

- Nick Mondo is seen backstage, collecting every weapon he can find. He goes INTENSE on the camera, rattling off names like Abdullah the Butcher, Cactus Jack, and the Sheik and promising to make their acts look tame compared to what he does to Benoit. Funny bit: Portland hasn't had many wrestling events, since the Oregon State Athletic Commission rivals Maryland's as far as blood discomfort. So for all this to be happening in Portland will be a bit like making up for lost time, I guess. I get the feeling the WWE won't be back for much after Unforgiven, but what the heck, it's not like there's another game in town. Anyway, Mondo ends by showing us a wheelbarrow full of Home Depot material and asking Benoit how he's gonna stand up to what made Mondo famous. "When it's Last Man Standing, Chris, you enter my world. And you'll find out why I'm called SICK." You mean he's gonna give Benoit tuberculosis?

- Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels v. Johnny Jeter and Chris Matthews. Realize for a second that Johnny Jeter is in the main event. Then cry. Jericho and Matthews start, and Matthews misses a clothesline before being suplexed and faceplanted. Michaels in, and he gets a German suplex on Matthews before throwing him aside so Jeter can tag in. Jeter gets a headlock, but Michaels busts out a teardrop suplex and goes up top for the flying elbow. Jericho stops him and tells him to just pin Jeter, so Michaels climbs down and walks into a spinkick. Jericho indicates he out-thought Michaels. Uh oh, this could get good. Jeter slugs away and gets a Northern Lights throw for two. Matthews in, but he misses a bodypress and Michaels scores a flying jalapeno. Jericho reaches for the hot tag, so Michaels ROLLS HIS EYES and grants it. Jericho pauses to look back, allowing Jeter and Matthews the chance to do a double clothesline. Now Michaels points to his head. This is getting good. Matthews sets Jericho up for a top-rope Frankensteiner, but Jericho catches and powerbombs him. Suplex and ARROGANT COVER~! get two as Michaels chides him for not hooking the leg. Jericho forcibly tags Michaels in to get it right, so Michaels warms up the band. Matthews ducks the Superkick and brings in Jeter, who catches Michaels in a suplex for two. He goes up top, but Michaels ducks the flying spinkick and gets a headscissors to send Jeter bailing. Michaels sets up to do a pescado, but Jericho stops that ("you wanna get counted out?") and does a quebrada. Jericho tosses Jeter in, and Michaels warms the band up again, but Jericho tells him not to telegraph his finisher. This allows Matthews to yank Michaels by the hair as Jeter tags him in. Senton misses, though, and Jericho gets the tag. Jericho runs through Matthews with the usual, but the Lionsault hits the knees. Matthews is dead weight, however, so Michaels tags in (blindly, of course) and pins Matthews at 8:45. As a match, it was good. As a series of mindf*cks, it was awesome. **3/4

- And now, to the official tune of Unforgiven ("The Unforgiven Pt. I" by Metallica, because someone's old-school), it's YOUR PPV card...

* World Title: Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels

* Hell in a Cell: Sting v. Randy Orton

* Intercontinental Title: Chris Nowinski v. Lance Storm

* World Tag Team Titles: Batista and Michael Shane v. Scott Hall and Booker T

* Kane v. Molly Holly

* Triple H v. Rhyno

* Last Man Standing: Nick Mondo v. Chris Benoit

* Women's Title: Tracy v. Alexis Laree

* Mike Awesome v. Tommy Dreamer

- Pretty much a mishmash of stuff going on here, but with a HIAC, LMS, Kane promising brutality, and Mike Awesome beating up Tommy Dreamer, I think we all know it'll be pretty violent. I just wonder if the WWE will regret going in this direction. I mean, balls-out for one show is fine, but won't the fans want more?

- Lower the Cell and start the hard sell!

DDP: "Look at the size of this thing! I've never seen anything like it since that Ready to Rumble movie I was in!"

JR: "This is one of the most brutal structures ever devised. People's careers and lives are changed for all time in this cage. No man has ever entered this and come out the same. And I dare say, the same will be true for Orton and Sting."

Evolution's music plays. Randy Orton walks to the ring amidst the boos. He enters the Cell door and looks around at the structure. He slowly enters the ring, making sure to stare in wonderment before gaining his composure. He takes a mic and begins to speak.

Orton: "This is it, huh? This is the big, bad, Hell in a Cell. The newest thing in final showdowns, so they say. A match so brutal, so devastating, so unbelievably violent, that it's been saved for me and for Sting on Pay-Per-View. Whatever. Sting, if this is our environment, I am ready. If this is our battlefield, I will fight on it. Anything that may be necessary to prove to you and to the world who the real star of RAW is. Evolution is in for a wonderful night, Sting -- and you'll be the crown jewel when we sweep you aside like the dinosaur that you are. So this Sunday, in Portland, I'm going to make sure you--"

Orton is cut off by the Crow Music. Sting emerges from the back as the crowd cheers. He makes a slow, deliberate walk to the ring, almost certain he is about to be ambushed. He walks to the door of the Cell, opening it slowly. He enters and waits on the outside of the ring, staring up at Orton. He takes a microphone, puts it in his trenchcoat pocket, and steps into the ring. Orton charges, but Sting raises his bat, causing Orton to back off. Sting takes the mic out of his trenchcoat.

Sting: "Well, Randy... it looks like we're finally gonna settle it. You and me and one referee in this ring. Just three guys, and no way to make it more. You see that door over there? It may be open now, but when Sunday comes, nothing -- NOTHING -- will be able to get through it. And that means only one thing, Randy... you've gotta beat me. You can't just have your Evolution buddies take advantage. You have to win the match on your own -- something you've never done to me.

Think back, Orton... think about all our contests -- RAWs, Backlash, Badd Blood, SummerSlam... ever since WrestleMania there has been one constant. We've never been able to find out who the better man is. Is it you, the arrogant 24-year-old prodigy? Or is it me, the timeless legend old enough to be your father? Well, Randy, this Sunday you'll find out that I can still go with the best of them. I can still light it up when I have to. And I won't just curl up and retire -- I'll beat you to within an inch of your young life!"

Orton: "It's easy to talk big with a stick in your other hand, Stinger. I don't need a baseball bat to intimidate someone. I don't need a weapon to get my point across. I'll do it the old-fashioned way -- by beating you into the mat and PROVING that I am the better man. Can you handle it, Stinger? Can you live with it? If I beat you, will you ever be able to sleep at night, knowing you fell at the hands of someone young enough to be your son? Son. Think about what you said. Isn't that an indication that you should already be on the sidelines? I am part of a new generation of the WWE -- one that doesn't include you, Sting! One that will NEVER include you!"

Sting: "Is that all you're worried about? That the old man's gonna use treachery? When have I ever been a two-timer in my life, Randy? It doesn't happen. So if ya want, I'll leave the bat at home. I'll leave the trenchcoat at home. I'll just come as I am, and you come as you are. If that's the way ya want it, it's the way you'll have it. But Randy... either way... this Sunday... it's SHOWTIME!"

Orton: "Why wait?"

And with that, Orton suckerpunches Sting. He keeps the advantage with a series of rights, backing Sting into the corner. He tries for a cross-corner whip, but it's reversed. Sting flies in on Orton with a Stinger Splash. As Orton staggers out, Sting trips him onto his back and tries to apply the Scorpion Deathlock. Before he can, though, Batista, Michael Shane, and Chris Benoit enter the structure. As the tag champions pound on Sting, Benoit produces a lock and chain from somewhere and bolts the Cell door shut tight. He then enters the ring and joins in the 4-on-1 beating (Randy Orton having recovered).

Booker T and Scott Hall race to the scene of the crime, but with the bolt on the door, there's nothing they can do. Hall races back to the back as Booker tries shaking the door to no avail. Meanwhile, in the ring, Benoit and Shane ascend adjoining corners. Shane hits the Picture Perfect Elbow on Sting, and Benoit follows up with the diving headbutt. Meanwhile, Hall returns with a sledgehammer in his hands. He races down and tells Booker to stand back. Hall swings, but the lock won't break. Hall curses himself.

Batista hits the Demon Bomb on Sting as Nick Mondo races down the aisle. Mondo begins climbing the cage. He gets to the top and begins pounding on the ceiling, trying to rip a panel clear off. Back in the ring, Benoit and Batista stand Sting up as Orton grabs the baseball bat. Orton takes a few practice swings on the cage door to mock Hall, but as he does, Mondo yells at Hall to throw the sledgehammer to him. Hall climbs part of the way up and obliges. Orton winds up as Mondo uses the sledgehammer to take a swing at the cell roof.

Before Orton can swing, Mondo's shot with the sledgehammer dislodges a side of the wire, causing the center panel to swing down and catch Shane in the face. All three remaining members of Evolution look up, and Mondo gets a running start (as much as he can up there) before diving through the cell and onto Evolution. Booker and Hall climb the cage as Mondo pounds away on random Evolution members. Booker drops down first and grabs Shane chopping away on him. Hall follows him down, but is attacked from behind by Batista. Mondo picks up the baseball bat and waylays Benoit with it, drawing blood. Sting, who by this time is making a comeback, pries Batista off of Hall and punches away. Evolution quickly bails out, but now the locked door works against them, as they have nowhere to go.

Soon after Benoit realizes this, he turns around in disgust, walking straight into a home run swing from Mondo. Mondo stands over Benoit and begins to count to ten, but at five, Orton RKOs Mondo onto Benoit. Hall and Booker slide out and fight off the tag champs as Sting grabs Orton and tosses him into the Cell wall. All six men fight each other as JR goes into full shill mode, but the final camera shot is of Mondo and a bloody Benoit, neither one being any man standing.

The Bottom Line:

Can you say "hype show"? Only four matches, only one of which was any good, and a lot of promos and run-ins to keep the rest of the people happy. HHH's love triangle doesn't interest me in the slightest, and his match with Rhyno seems to be tacked on with a staple gun. However, Jericho/Michaels will be interesting, and with a big blowoff in the Cell match and a guaranteed bloodfest in Benoit/Mondo, this card just might be saved.

Let's just hope they don't have Johnny Jeter run in during the World Title match.

*****

A few notes:

* Nathan Jones' promo was just a hometown hero promo. Canadian heels are treated as faces in Canada, so the WWE's official spin is in that vein. Jones is still very much a heel. Just a US champion heel.

* No prediction contest for Unforgiven, but feel free to post predictions if you want. The truth is, I don't have anything real to offer for No Mercy, and Halloween Havoc is... well, you'll see. Let's just say I'm doing something thought to be taboo.

* I can't believe my Readers want me to use the Control-Alt-Delete as an official name. Clearly I've fallen down the damn rabbit hole.

*****

Unforgiven

September 12, 2004

LIVE from Portland, OR

World Heavyweight Title

Chris Jericho © vs. Shawn Michaels

It started as a favor -- a favor to go at it One More Time.  From there, tension has risen -- or is it all just mindgames?  Michaels has questioned Jericho's priorities with the belt, but Jericho fired back, chastising Michaels for his actions in a tag match.  Neither man seems like he's going to back down from the other, and both are already in the other's head.  Add on that they're two very popular wrestlers AND two of the most talented in the industry, and this rubber match could be one for the ages.

Hell in a Cell

Sting vs. Randy Orton

Six months ago (!!), Randy Orton told Sting to retire.  Five months ago, Evolution screwed Sting and Michaels in Calgary, nearly starting a riot.  Three months ago, Batista and Michael Shane helped Orton get a victory.  Last month, it was Chris Harris' turn to help Sting win.  Now, Board of Governors member The Rock has declared that they will meet one-on-one in the only structure guaranteed to keep everyone out -- Hell in a Cell.  (And yes, we know Nick Mondo punctured the roof with a sledgehammer.  Our technicians are reinforcing the cage as we speak.)  Who will emerge the true star?  Is it still Showtime?  Or is it true that Sting WAS and Orton IS?

Triple H vs. Rhyno

Back at Backlash, Rhyno destroyed HHH to win the World Heavyweight Title.  At Badd Blood, HHH nearly had the World Title back in his grasp, only for Rhyno to dive in and pin him.  The World Title isn't at stake anymore, but something more important to HHH is -- pride.  He has never beaten Rhyno -- not before his jump to RAW, not since.  Could this be the time, or will the Man-Beast shut him down once again?  And what of Trish Stratus and Tracy?  Is this the key to HHH's success?

Molly Holly vs. Kane

Poor Molly.  Just when you solve one problem, another shows up.  Just as she forgives Christian for his misdeeds, Chris Nowinski takes her title.  After putting that past her, Kane shows up.  The Big Red Monster is sick of hearing about Molly's pain and struggle.  He feels it belittles his own story of what he went through -- which, to be fair, has left intense psychological scars on him.  But Kane wants to take it one step further -- he wants to inflict his pain on poor Molly so that she knows a real meaning of suffering.  Kane is a giant of a man, but so was Big Show, whom Molly dispatched with relative ease on RAW.  Can the little fighter continue her Cinderella story -- or will all her dreams go up in flames?

Last Man Standing

Chris Benoit vs. Nick Mondo

Entering SummerSlam, Nick Mondo was the tag team champion with Tommy Dreamer.  Exiting it, he was robbed of his title by Benoit, who stunned the world by joining Evolution.  Mondo returned the next night and unleashed a tirade the likes of which RAW hasn't seen in years, an attempt to ruin any reputation Benoit had by belitlling his professional and personal choices.  The two will now meet at Unforgiven, and it will be a Last Man Standing match.  The first man to destroy his opponent to the point of not answering a 10-count from the referee will win.  Benoit has been known to destroy men before -- his Crippler nickname came about after he broke Sabu's neck in ECW -- but Mondo has promised he will follow in the footsteps of some of the most violent pioneers of the sport.  Hide the women and children -- this one will get ugly!

Debut Match

Mike Awesome vs. Tommy Dreamer

Mike Awesome came out of nowhere to destroy Maven and Sylvain Grenier on the RAW after SummerSlam, revealing himself to be Valerie's weapon for WWE dominance.  So far, he has looked extremely dominant, tearing through anyone who gets in his path.  Now Tommy Dreamer has chosen to stand up to him.  Is this a mistake?  Or is the former Tag Team champion ready to bring back his winning ways?  The two were are both former ECW champions, but they've never crossed paths until now.  Is Mike truly Awesome?  Can we believe the hype?

Intercontinental Title Match

Chris Nowinski © vs. Lance Storm

Lance Storm had been biding his time on the sidelines.  But when it came time to face off for the Intercontinental Title's #1 Contendership, he proved he could still go.  Defeating both Chris Harris and Molly Holly in one match, he vaulted up the ladder and put himself face-to-face with Tough Enough's self-proclaimed golden boy.  Nowinski, who ran through Molly to win the title, has his first major title defense at Unforgiven, and it comes against a cagey veteran known for his technical skill.  Nowinski may be smart, but is he smart enough to out-wrestle one of the survivors of the Hart Dungeon -- the ultimate test of skill and resilience?

World Tag Team Title Match

Batista and Michael Shane © vs. Booker T and Scott Hall

While in many people's minds, Evolution is an illegitimate holder of the belt, this match would go a long way towards making them true champions.  However, it won't be easy.  Booker T is the closest thing to a tag-team specialist, having 13 separate recognized tag title reigns to his credit.  Hall, meanwhile, is only one-half of what many call the most dominant tag team of all time -- the Outsiders.  To add to it, each member of the challenging team holds a singles win over the champs -- Booker beating Michael Shane, and Hall getting the duke over Batista.  Can the young guns take down the veterans brawlers?

Women's Title Match

Tracy © vs. Alexis Laree

When Tracy won the gold, she wanted to celebrate with Trish, but Trish had been injured.  Ever since, Tracy has been defending the title and holding her own, although she's often been seen with HHH as backup -- professionally, of course, since HHH and Trish are an item.  However, many feel this long-time WWE fan turned wrestler needs to step it up against the biggest competition -- and outside of the otherwise occupied Molly, no one fits the bill better than Laree, who won the Women's title on her debut match.  Can Tracy keep the gold?  Or will Alexis return to glory?

[Guest y2gudge]

Matt Hardy needs to beat 'Taker so much it hurts and hopefuly you will push him to that next level, he could maybe even be the one to defeat Guerrero. As for his finisher "System Crash" or something similar would be a lot better that Ctrl-Alt-Delete...

Raw was the epitome of a hype show but I did enjoy the melee at the end of the show and I would personally have liked to watch it on TV to see how it would have come off. Plus hopefully post Unforgiven you can actually give Jericho a feud, not this dull as ditchwater stuff with HBK.

*y2gudge*