The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[Nick Adams]

And Virch strikes with the irony again! I can't wait to see Molly kick Eric's ass.

And Evolution infighting...that would be about right.

[The Third Dukes]

I can't wait to see Molly kick Eric's ass.

←

[Steve Corino]

The part about Traylor was nice. The show was more or less just a placeholder as far as I could see, just build to No Mercy, but the Traylor thing was great.

Owen asking about Andy and Lindsey was kinda funny though, because in all this time I hadn't thought about how to Owen and the rest, they just disappeared. Glad to see you're here to think about these things for us

[DonaldMick]

I like the way you handled Ray's death, except for, y'know, BREAKING KAYFABE (don't they always try to tell us that Smackdown is live? I could've sworn they did...)

And what would Ray have to spend time in Purgatory for, anyway?

[Nick Adams]

If you recall the original "Battle for Vince's Soul" reposts, Dukes has said he's Catholic. Purgatory is mandatory in Catholicism.

And just double-checking, but Andy and Lindsey are Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson, right?

If not...eh, I didn't read the last part of the original story, I'm only taking some guesses, considering the way WMXX resulted.

Also, good way to present Ray's death. It definitely rings well. Good to see that Owen is still on the job...somewhere.

Also, filler show! FILLER SHOW! BAH GAWD, THA' FILLER SHOW! Anyway, No Mercy looks to be interesting, to say the least.

[Blehschmidt]

As always, the last couple shows have been excellent Dukes.

I know you were concerned about the Traylor thing, and I think it was exceptionally well done.

I am looking forward to Havok, and I will get you some matches soon.

-Raist

[Ace]

OMG!!!

MARK OUT OVERLOAD!!!

Owen rules but just one question...If Andy and Lindsay saved Vince who is Owen & Co trying to save now????????

and my last statment...

VERSION 2 FOR CHAMP. GO MATT GO!!!

[oldskool]

If Andy and Lindsay saved Vince who is Owen & Co trying to save now????????

[GCCWolverine]

Well, as I see it, Andy and Lindsay didn't save Vince completely, just got rid of the demon. He's no longer possessed, but he may still need to be saved.

[The Third Dukes]

The RAW Short Form

By Eric S.

Greetings, loyal readers! You may be wondering why Scooter isn't filling you in with his ranting goodness, but the fact is that even he needs a day off, and he figured a show that was going nowhere and couldn't build to anything was the best way to do it. Besides, with it only being late September and he hasn't used any of his contractually obligated "screw this" cards on the Pulse, why not start now?

I'll spare you the political talk this week, which can be found in my News, Reviews, Opinions, Etc., column and get straight into dissecting this here show. Onward!

MATCHES

Dude Looks Like A Lady v2, Gail Kim, and Ivory Tower defeated HHH's Bitch, HHH's Other Bitch, and Alexis Laree (Pinfall, Gail over the Other Bitch, Wacky Partner Miscommunication): Okay, does anyone give a f*ck about the Trish/Tracy saga at this point? They both want to be HHH's arm candy, I get it. Meanwhile, Jazz continues to show why SHE should be challenging Alexis and not either of these two wannabes. Add that Ivory got back on TV, and this match wasn't a total throwaway, though I'm absolutely f*cking sick of the love triangle of bad acting.

Mike Awesome defeated HeAT Announcer for Hire (Pinfall, Awesome Bomb): Total squash. Next!

Lance Storm (with Tammy Lynn Bytch) defeated Black Sheep Flair (Submission, Sharpshooter): I couldn't pay much attention to this match because I was focusing too much on Tammy Lynn trying to distract The Most Intelligent Man in the World on the outside of the ring. Although I may have to think of a new name for Nowinski -- any intelligent man would've said "Screw this, Storm's winning, I'll look at some fine booty instead!" But then again, there's only one Genius.

Jesus H. Benoit and Uncle Eric defeated the Token Title IX Beneficiary and Tommy Dreamer (Submission, Benoit over Dreamer, Crossface): If there's any justice in the world, they will rig the voting to put Molly and Eric together at Halloween Havoc and have Eric use his mad karate skills (assuming they exist) to beat the f*ck out of Molly. Just get off my screen. All this talk about coming back from nowhere -- f*ck it. Vince McMahon is trying too hard to push her down our throats and it ain't working. No, wait, give Molly to Benoit and let him chop the sh*t out of her. God. I hate Molly almost as much as I hate Flex.

Bland Master Flash, DAVE~!, and the Little Heartbreaker defeated The 13th Disciple, Brandon Lee, and Chris Harris (Pinfall, Flash over Disciple, RKO on a chair): Another six-man tag to close out the show. It's painfully obvious that Shawn has more talent than anyone else in the ring, and considering he's pushing 40, that's pretty sad. Still, seeing Sting reduced to standing on the sidelines is a bit of karmic justice, and maybe this Harris kid is going to be something. Oh, and Orton still sucks. More on that later.

STORYLINES

Always a Follower: Shawn hit this one right on the head. Randy Orton just seems unable to carry his end of a major feud, and if they're trying to get him to go places with Michaels, it's going to fail. I hate to say it, but Shawn might be the best thing they have going, and if they made him a full-fledged heel, Jericho/Michaels would be money.

Death to the Christian!: It's like something out of a bad horror film. Christian is attempting to keep Title IX Girl out of Kane's way... why, I do not know... and the minute he says everything's safe, BAM! Kane on the attack! It's beautiful, and seeing Molly run screaming into the night must have brought Darren a chuckle or two from prison.

Flower Power: Okay, I'll admit, seeing Tracy re-position HHH's dozen roses from Trish's bag to her own gave me a chuckle. And the fact that we never saw it resolved is something wrestling usually doesn't do. It's clear Tracy's the slow heel in this one, which is fine by me. Girl needs a character.

Halloween Havoc Campaigning!: It looks like Nowinski and Storm are gonna meet at Halloween Havoc, which is good because it shows Vince can still manipulate 'em like he used to. Still, Eric and Molly? As I said before, what good can come of that that doesn't involve Eric going kung-fu on her? And am I going to have to start calling her Starla Sexton just to emphasize how uncool this "Survivor" push really is? She's reaching rarefied air -- the Flex Kavana Zone.

No Sign of Our Champion and Savior?: Where's Jericho?

Ah, But We Get Rhyno the Man-Beast: Good for him. He needs a match. Poor baby.

All in all, this episode sucked. It was so bad I had to check if Ashcroft booked it -- but then again, he would've at least had Michaels go over in the main event and preach about Jesus for 30 minutes. Instead, we save that for next week in the Garden. Joy of joys.

How does Scott take this week in and week out?

Well, look around the site and click on my friends' links as we get ready for the Roundtable at No Mercy. God, Hogan's back. No wonder I laugh at Scooter every day for having to recap this sh*t.

I'm out.

*****

Okay, that sucked. I'm sticking to Virch for now. And yes, Eric S strikes as this annoying.

*****

September 30, 2004

WWE.com

Just three days away from No Mercy, the WWE reports to Wichita, Kansas for the final buildup to the big Pay-Per-View!

Edge has promised that his tag team partner will be present tonight! In three days, this man will team with Edge to try to take the WWE Tag Team Titles from Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. Lots of people are certain they know who it is, but the man they keep pointing to is retired. Isn't he?

Eddie Guerrero and Matt Hardy Version 2.0 will square off at No Mercy for the WWE Title. It was at No Mercy 2003 that Matt challenged Billy Kidman to a match in the shadow of tragedy, and now history has repeated itself. What will Matt's mental state be entering the match? Is he prepared for this challenge?

Tonight we will have a huge Survivor Series-style match for our program! Team Angle's four top members -- Kurt, Brock, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin -- will be one team and will be accompanied by their teammate Mike Barton! On the other side will be Rob Van Dam, the Hurricane, Eric Angle, and Edge! Can Edge get the one-up on the tag champs entering No Mercy? Will his mystery partner even the odds, or is that up to RVD's manager, Stephanie McMahon?

All this and more -- including another match added by GM Roddy Piper -- tonight at 8/7 Central on UPN! Be sure to Smack Your TV to catch all the action!

*****

And keep voting, dammit!

[Troy Maskell]

My votes for matches won't get in but if I were booking this is the Havoc card I'd have.

World Heavyweight Title

Chris Jericho © V Kane

It makes sense to me, Kane is being portrayed as this unstoppable monster. It seems his place is up now.

IC Title

Nowinski © V Chris Harris

Why? Well Storm and Nowinski seem like a bad combination to me. Harris has been wallowing as Sting's lackey since he started. He needs something to get out of the rut he's in now.

Tag Team Title

Batista and Shane © V Test and Lance Storm

This is a better match for me. It gives Harris SOMETHING and doesn't leave the fans short changed by leaving Storm in the cold.

Women's Title

Alexis Laree © V Gail Kim

See me.....See me not caring....the match is there cause the Women's title HAS to be defended.

Chris Benoit V Nick Mondo II

PROVIDED it was built up right, some vignettes saying how Benoit didn't kill off Mondo and now he's coming back for revenge. I think there's enough in that storyline to work

Mike Awesome V Shawn Michaels

Simple reasoning. I need Michaels on the show. I need Awesome on the show. Result? Put them in a match.

Christian V Rhyno

Rhyno's kinda slipped back into midcard hell since losing the title. I think this one would make a fine opener

You will notice that despite Dukes's pushing of said match. I didn't put in a Molly Holly V Eric Bischoff match. There's one simple reason for this and I've held it since the whole thing started on EWBIII in the BVS actual diary. I don't believe in the Molly Holly push, I believe it to have been initiated on means I find to be differing from Dukes and Dukes knows this. I believe that what happened to Molly in real life in Dukes's world however tragic has no basis whatsoever for a Molly Holly push. This has been going on for 10 months now in the BVS WWE, I was quite happy to see Molly challenge for the IC title at Wrestlemania. I don't agree with went on after that and I will hold that opinion for as long as I read this diary. Therefore I believe that a Molly Holly-Eric Bischoff match has NO place on Pay Per View let alone ABC regardless of how much of a mainstream story Molly is.

Like I said. Dukes knows my opinions, I've stated them in his diarys ever since the inital rape story in the original BVS.

[The Third Dukes]

I wholeheartedly understand Maskell's opinion and we have discussed this several times. I will also say that if more people are as upset about the whole thing as he is, I will scale back her push and return her to the women's division. In the meantime, though, I'm only going on what I believe would have to have happened in real life.

But why did I have it happen? That's a story for another diary. (cheap plug!)

In the meantime, after this show it will be time for a No Mercy PREDICTION CONTEST~! Winner gets to help me work out Survivor Series, SmackDown's side. So keep em comin. Oh, and Keep those matches coming, too. You never know if yours will be used or not.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Sept. 30 / 04, taped Sept. 28.

- From Wichita, KS.

- Your hosts are still Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match: Nova and Paul London v. Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn. Noble and Nova start, and Nova works a headlock and gets a bulldog. Gunn tries a cheapshot but gets tripped, and London scores a flip splash on Noble before tossing Gunn. Nova/London (man, that team needs a name) score a double elbowdrop and go all Rockers on us with the heels before a cheapshot turns the tide and London is stuck alone in the ring with Gunn. Press slam, and Noble enters as London is YOUR face-in-peril. Noble with a legdrop, and he tries to work the neck of London to set up the Dumbasser for Billy. DDT and knee to the neck, and enter Billy for the One and Only for two. Jackhammer gets two. Noble gets a neckbreaker for two. He hooks a headscissors on the ground, but London kips up out of it, only for Gunn to run him over with a shoulderblock. Noble tries a superplex, but London sandbags it (kayfabe-wise) and falls on top for two. Dropsault off the ropes and a rana leads to a hot tag to Nova, who as we all know invented the House of Fire segment. Spin Doctor to Gunn, and a Rube Goldberg-like bulldog on Noble gets two. London returns and tries the Contra Code (renamed Tower of London by Cornette), but he lands awkwardly and tweaks his neck, so Gunn gets the Dumbasser for two before Nova saves. Nova gets the Kryptonite Krunch (which, humorously enough, is the same bloody thing as the Dumbasser), and he helps London up to deliver the Tidal Wave to Gunn for the pin at 9:24. Ah, tag team wrestling, you gotta love it. **1/2

- And now, it's time to sell the Main Event...

Matt Hardy's music hits as he walks slowly to the ring. He is somber, subdued, and certainly shaken. He climbs into the ring, but doesn't acknowledge the crowd. He takes the mic.

Matt: "I was sent out here to talk about the most important match in my life -- a date with destiny -- a date with Eddie Guerrero on Pay-Per-View. And yet I... I can't help but feel like I'm not ready. Everything in my life has led me to this. But now... I'm even forgetting the words.

Two straight years... twice in late September... I suffer a huge loss. First a brother, then a friend... it's not fair. And... and the first time it... no, both times it just came out of nowhere. I dunno if you guys... if you think about these things... but ya gotta wonder if maybe the thing you love the most is... tryin' to push you out the door. I dunno... am I cursed? Am I jinxed? Should I tell all my friends to walk away from me while they're still alive? I just... don't know anymore... I don't know..."

Matt's near-breakdown is interrupted by the pipe and drum corps music of Rowdy Roddy Piper, who limps his way to the ring. He smiles as he enters, though Matt merely bows his head.

Piper: "Matt... Matt, listen. Hey, I ain't here to push ya down. Life's kicked ya enough in the past. But listen... life kicks all of us around! I've been down and out so often I lost count. An' it ain't like with you, where things happened that ya couldn't stop. I made my life hell. I was into just about every drug known to man. I was blackballed from wrestlin' fer a long time. But know this, Matt... I came back. An' here I am, 50 years old, with one hip, an' I'm... I'm somethin' again. Matt, ya dunno what I'd give to be you. You got it all, Matt... ya got the skills, ya got the personality, ya got the looks... hell, I bet if we asked the ladies right now if they'd want a Mattitude adjustment, they'd rise up like Stone Cold was here and shout HELL YEAH! So Matt... I want ya to step out o' yer little box right now. Look at me, Matt... I'm not speaking to ya as the GM anymore... I respect you. Ya think I wouldn't have put ya in the tournament YOU won to get this title shot if I didn't think ya had the goods? I wancha to go out there on Sunday, an' I wancha to give Eddie Guerrero all he can handle. An' believe me, these people will respect ya. They respect ya like I respect ya."

Piper puts the mic under his arm and begins to applaud Matt. The camera pans around as the entire building is applauding. Matt looks up, tear-stained, and seems to be confused. Slowly, a smile creeps across his face. He swallows, hard. He looks at Piper and hugs him. Piper drops the mic entirely and hugs back -- reluctantly, as is made clear by his facial expression.

Piper: "Now, ya ready ta fight?"

Matt: "Yeah... and you know what? I'm gonna do what Ray and what Jeff would want me to do. I'm gonna take the WWE Title and bring it on home to North Carolina -- the first champion from that state since You Know Who! WHOOO!"

The crowd WHOOs in kind, but "VIVA GUERRERO!" interrupts the proceedings as Eddie Guerrero emerges, belt around his waist. He looks at Matt, then at Piper. The crowd begins chanting for "Eddie".

Eddie: "Matt, understand something, hombre. I feel sorry for you. You've been through a lot. But so have I, and I didn't let it get in my way. I didn't go around asking for people to feel sorry for me. I fought back! And if you don't fight back, then this Sunday's gonna be a walk in the park for me... and I don't like that. You're better than that, Matt! You and me... we both know you can fight better than anyone else when you're at the top of your game, esse. So this Sunday, at No Mercy, I want the best fight I can get out of you. And if it takes every last ounce of sweat I have, so help me, esse, I will take you to the limit!"

Matt: "You know, Eddie... it's just not the same. Yeah, I'll fight. I'll fight you to win the title I shoulda won last year. And I'll fight you to win the match I deserve to win. But understand this, Eddie -- if you really want the real me, you're gonna get him, and the real me ain't a pretty picture. You talked about lying, cheating, and stealing back in the day -- well, I can do that too. I may dedicate my win to my family, but that doesn't mean I have to be a good soldier and put on a clean fight. I will take every cheapshot I need to. I expect nothing less out of you. Eddie, prepare for a brawl -- this ain't no catch-as-catch-can display we're about to have."

Piper (taken aback at first, but slowly recovering): "That's... that's good, man. Channel your pain. Channel your anger. Bring it to something healthy. That's the way ya gotta do it..."

Matt: "SHUT UP, ROD! Eddie, life's kicked me around so many times that I can't stand it anymore. I'm not upset now... I'm getting even! And it starts with you! When that WWE Title is around my waist, no one will be able to step on me anymore! No one! That's going to be the best feeling I'll ever have. In fact... maybe I should start feeling good right now!"

Matt charges Eddie as the crowd cheers the impending brawl. Eddie seems to get the upper hand as Piper leaves the ring, but Evan and Shannon emerge and begin a three-on-one beating. The APA follows out to restore order, but they're soon joined by Noble, Gunn, Nova, London... and soon Matt and Eddie are on the outside with Piper watching a bunch of tag teams going bananas. Piper grabs a mic and calls for an end to hostilities, but they don't listen until...

Piper: "EVERYBODY STOP THIS RIGHT NOW OR I'M WORKING OUT A TRADE TO RAW TO SPLIT YOU ALL UP!"

That gets their attention.

Piper: "All right. I see there's a lotta guys who wanna get at it. An' it so happens I got a spot or two left on the big show. So No Mercy, I'm gonna do somethin' that might have ya guys thinkin' I'm a little crazy. I'm puttin' together the largest Tag Team Turmoil in WWE history! I'm lookin' for any and all people who wanna do somethin' to get to my office and sign up. Ya got 15 minutes before I tell the guys in the production truck who's in it, and then it's official! So follow me, boys, an' I'll get it together! Be a part of history! Oh, and as an incentive, the team that emerges victorious from Tag Team Turmoil will get a shot at the WWE Tag Team Championships at Survivor Series! How's that? C'mon!"

The pipe and drum corps music plays as Piper walks to the back. All the tag teams face each other off, hesitant to make a move, while Matt and Eddie give a forced handshake and prepare for their battle Sunday.

- Well, THAT was quite the busy segment.

- Dangerous Alliance 2K4 v. Nathan Jones and Los Maximos. I hope these guys remembered to sign up. Ultimo and Jose start as I remember the days when the Maximos could put on a **** spotfest with Ultimo/Tajiri and Kidman/Rey. Maybe this'll light a fire under them. Ultimo gets a suplex and standing moonsault, then brings in Colt with a Cannonball for two. The Maximos miss a double dropkick, and Tajiri enters to kick Joel into paste. Could the Maximos do me a favor and wear their names on their tights or something so I can tell them apart? Please? Joel (or Jose) gets a springboard moonsault on Colt, but Tajiri catches the other one and slams him. Ultimo goes to the top, but Nathan tosses him off and into the railing. YEEOUCH. Back in the ring, the Maximos isolate Colt and make HIM the face-in-peril. Interesting choice. Jones comes in and kicks Colt in the face for two. The Maximos get the triple moonsault combo for two. Double single-leg crab by Jose and Joel as we take a break. We return with Colt on the top, ready to launch himself at Nathan, but YOU CAN'T BODYPRESS NATHAN and Jonesy gets two. Jose and Joel climb to the top, and Nathan sets Colt up in the electric chair as the Maximos hit a DOUBLE BUFF BLOCKBUSTER on Colt. Ew. Tajiri saves, and rightly so. Tajiri ties Nathan up in the Tarantula, and as the ref deals with that, Ultimo comes back in (was he KO'd this whole time?) and delivers a DOUBLE ASAI DDT to the Maximos. We clear the debris, and Colt makes the hot tag to Ultimo. Spinkicks for both Maximos, and a basement dropkick and Shining Wizard to Nathan. Tajiri mists Nathan on the outside so that Colt can dive onto him, and the Dragon Sleeper finishes one Maximo or the other at 14:03. Got really rockin' at the end. **1/4

- Torrie Wilson (still ten times hotter than Katie Vick and only half as dead) and the Undertaker (sex symbol and hero to mindless zombies everywhere except the ECW Arena) give vague and generalized threats to Kidman and Bull. Torrie focuses her anger on Bull, while Taker again tells Kidman to let Torrie live with her decision. The whole thing seems kinda weird, really.

- Okay, enough yapping, it's official for No Mercy!

* WWE Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

* WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

* WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and whoever

* Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan

* Tazz v. Rey Misterio

* TAG TEAM TURMOIL~!: (Right to Censor), (Los Maximos), (Road Dogg and Ron Killings), (Nova and Paul London), (APA), (World's Greatest Tag Team), (Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore), (Rob Van Dam and Hurricane), (Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn), (Tajiri and Scott Colt)

Wow. The Turmoil itself could take up as much as an hour of time if they do it right. Normally I'd complain about a six-match PPV, but this has the potential to be a something-for-everyone show. Workrate freaks will love Eddie/Matt, the marks will go nuts if it is Hogan coming back, tag team fans will just drool over the turmoil, and JR will like the Taker/Bull stuff. HOSSES AFIRE!

- Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan. Oh dear, I don't believe they're doing this. Bull pounds on Kidman, but Kidman gets a sliding punch and sunset flip for one. Blind charge actually connects for Kidman, and he gets Raven's bulldog for two. Bull catches Kidman in an atomic drop, both ways, and hits the rebound clothesline for two. To the body-vice, but Kidman swings the knee into the face to break. He tries a Lionsault, but Bull catches him in a shoulderbreaker. Legdrop gets two. Bull goes up top, but Kidman dropkicks him out of whatever and gets a rana for two. Now Kidman goes up, but Bull crotches and superplexes him for two. Hey, can Undertaker get injured and we can just have these two go for 15 minutes at No Mercy? Bull tosses Kidman and pulls the mats back, ready to re-enact the Edge powerbomb, but YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN and Bull is knocked silly for the countout at 8:04. Cheap but necessary finish. **1/2 Undertaker enters and Tombstones both men for good measure. What a team player.

- Tazz speaks!

Tazz: "This Sunday, I emerge from exile. I've spent six months gettin' myself back in shape, and I ain't lettin' some little punk like Rey Misterio try to finish me off. Rey may be a good, high-flyin' competitor, but he ain't street tough. I'm not soft anymore. I'm not gonna be messed around with. I went back to the hood, and I found me the backup I need to be a dominant force. I went back to the Port Authority and called up ol' Joey Numbahs. And he's ready to bust a few heads in if he gotta. And for those who's wonderin', yeah, Joey Numbahs is real. And he's someone very familiah. Someone who's gonna beat in a lotta heads and show youse guys what thug life is all about. Beat us if you can. And Rey... Survive If I Let You!"

- Elimination Match: Team Angle (sans Mike Barton, at ringside) v. Rob Van Dam, Eric Angle, Edge, and Hurricane. Hurricane and Haas start, and Hurricane gets a hiptoss and pose. Shelton tries a cheapshot, but Eric intercedes and it's a donnybrook. Barton harasses Stephanie at ringside -- are they TRYING to turn him face? -- so RVD barrels over the top to take him out. Back in the ring, Brock suplexes the daylights out of Edge, and Kurt tries the moonsault (and yet again misses). Eric gets a swinging neckbreaker on Kurt, and the ref tries to restore order as we take a break. We return with it 4-on-3, as Eric was counted out via a TKO from Barton during the break. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME. In the ring, meanwhile, RVD knocks over Shelton and gets Rolling Thunder for two. To the top, but Kurt gets the Pop-Up Superplex out of nowhere and Shelton rolls on top for two. Shelton tries a Dragon Whip, but RVD ducks it and gets a superkick of his own, into the Five-Star for the pin at 10:34. He celebrates, forgetting it's an elimination match, so Haas rolls him up at 10:50. Stephanie was screaming at RVD to pay attention, but RVD must have had his Sanity Filter on and not heard her. Hurricane enters with an Overcast and Shining Black for two. Haas tries to tag out, but Edge enters and the faces do a double back suplex on Haas. Chokeslam and Edgecution finish Haas at 13:07, and we take another break. We return with Hurricane firmly in hero-in-peril role, as Brock tosses him around at will. Kurt with the rolling Germans, into a Stroke-like maneuver for two. Hurricane with a desperation powerslam out of a blind charge, but Brock cuts off the hot tag. F-5 on Hurricane plants him dead at 18:22, leaving Edge 1-on-2. Much like he'll be Sunday, nyuk nyuk. Edge ducks out of Brock's lockup and tries a hiptoss, but Brock blocks and clotheslines him. Kurt comes in and tries the Anklelock, but Edge kicks him off and scores and overhead suplex. Brock charges right into a drop toehold, then Edge flips Kurt onto Brock. Edge heads to the outside, trying to sucker Kurt out with him, but both men follow and Edge runs for cover. So he IS taking lessons from Hogan! Brock threatens to F-5 him into the ringpost, but Edge slides down and uses a chair to clean house, getting himself DQ'd at 21:00 but saving his Canadian bacon for Sunday. Total mess. *1/4 But as Kurt and Brock walk to the back, Edge takes a mic...

Edge: "Wait! Where ya guys goin? I'm all alone! Come get me! Or better yet, wait right there. You see, up on the big screen, I got a friend preparing a bit of a surprise for ya. Please welcome the man who, as you thought, will be my partner at No Mercy."

We cut to the big screen, where we see the back of a massive man, 6'7, 280. His skin appears unnaturally tanned, and he wears a bandana covering most of his head, with blonde hair poking through the back. He is in all black, with an nWo logo on his shirt, and stands in front of the door to a tractor. He turns around to face the camera as the crowd goes ballistic. We see Kurt and Brock's jaws drop, then go full-screen to where the man is standing, stroking his black beard under a blond mustache and removing his sunglasses. Yeah, him.

Hogan (calmly): "You know something, Edge... the Hulkster's been thinking about your proposition for a long time. And while this old man doesn't quite have the wheels he used to... there's still a lot of fire running through the red-and-yellow blood in my veins, dude. And a lot of that fire is because of you two clowns on Team Angle, amigo. Brock Lesnar, I haven't forgotten when you squeezed the life out of me and put on the shelf for six months, man. You claimed you killed Hulkamania, brother, but you forget -- NO ONE kills Hulkamania, amigo. And as for you, Kurt Angle dude... I remember the Royal Rumble when you tried to break my ankle after you'd won a match. People like you, who thrive on killing other people, survive on crippling rather than winning... it makes my blood boil, dudes. And this Sunday, at No Mercy, in the Meadowlands, brother, I will take all this aggression out on both of you." We see Kurt smirk. "I know you wonder how much the ol' Hulkster's got left in the tank, amigo. But remember this: I've been spending seven months getting ready for a return. I knew my career wasn't over at WrestleMania, brothers. But I also knew I could pick my spots as a member of the Board of Governors. And as a member of that Board, I know every little pathetic dirty trick you've pulled over the past seven months, Kurt Angle brother. And this Sunday, it'll all come back to haunt you when the Edgeheads and the Hulkamaniacs give us the power and we run wild all over you. So Kurt Angle... Brock Lesnar... lemme ask you something... whatcha gonna do... when this happens... to you?!"

We see Hogan enter the tractor, as the camera pulls back to reveal it is decked out in the nWo logo. The camera scans to see where it's going, revealing Team Angle's red, white, and blue minivan in its path. We cut back to see Kurt and Brock's eyes go wide. The tractor's engine guns, and it rolls forward, slowly gaining speed. It reaches full throttle as it approaches the minivan, and in a dramatic moment, it smashes into the side of the minivan, utterly totalling it.

Kurt and Brock race to the back, with a cameraman desperately following them. They arrive on the outside to see the minivan, a total wreck. Haas, Shelton, and Barton are also staring at it. The nWo tractor is a mere ten feet away. Hogan blows the horn to get the attention of all five men. He leans out the window of the tractor, having put his sunglasses back on, and yells to them...

Hogan: "WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHERS? WHATCHA GONNA DO?"

The Bottom Line:

Total hype show, although it helped flesh out No Mercy in a way I didn't expect. I imagine a match will be added at the last minute, because even with half the roster in TAG TEAM TURMOIL, six matches may not cut it. Still, it should have something for everyone, and hopefully Kurt and Brock will twist Hogan in enough knots to make that match palatable.

So, will Ultimo be able to carry Nathan Jones? Will three wrestlers get a good match out of Hogan? Will Vince McMahon allow Matt to get an emotional victory? Is Tazz shorter than Rey? Tune in on Sunday, SAME PPV TIME, SAME PPV CHANNEL!

I'm such a shill.

*****

Okay, it's PPV PREDICTION CONTEST TIME~!

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither?

3. Will anyone interfere in the match?

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood Hogan

5. Who pins whom in the above match?

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan

7. Who pins whom in the above match?

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway?

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL?

11. Who will finish second?

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

13. What match will be the best?

14. Will these be the only matches?

15. What match will get the main event slot?

No tiebreakers, as I plan to have as many people as I need help me with Survivor Series. Good luck to everyone and I'll see you in 48 hours or so with No Mercy.

Dukes

EDIT: Bah, I was real tired. It's Bull, not Brock, in the triple threat match. Sorry.

Edited November 6, 2004 by Dukes

[Nick Adams]

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

I say Hardy.

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither?

It's a match for the biggest title on SmackDown. I say he uses both, then finishes off with a Twist of Fate.

3. Will anyone interfere in the match?

Nah. I doubt it, at least. This could be one of the better matches. Why have interference when you could build it up.

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood Hogan

I say Edge and the Hulkster. Lesnar's probably going to be a bit worn from the match before that.

5. Who pins whom in the above match?

Edge pins Lesnar. Hulgan's too old to actually be viable to pin the gigantic non-steroid-enhanced freak.

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Brock Lesnar

Taker.

7. Who pins whom in the above match?

Taker pins Kidman.

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio

Rey, just for the sake of seeing Tazz getting 619'ed. I can't stop thinking of that image.

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway?

Joey Abs? Joey Styles? Heck, I'll pass on this one. It's just another mobster...

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL?

Killings and Road Dogg.

11. Who will finish second?

RVD and the Hurricane. Why not, eh?

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

Jones. Only one Cruiserweight victory over a monster (albeit Tazz is a short monster), thank you.

13. What match will be the best?

Triple T has potential, but I'll go with the WWE Title match.

14. Will these be the only matches?

I doubt it.

15. What match will get the main event slot?

Tag Team Turmoil. It's 20 men slugging it out. They can't just have a huge fight like that, and then just move on.

[DonaldMick]

1. Matt Hardy

2. Both. Eddie will kick out of the Swanton (HEEL~) but will go down to the Bossman Slam.

3. Probably Kurt Angle.

4. Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar

5. Angle pins Hogan, brah

6. Bull got KTFOd bad enough to be out of the match? I think it'll be Kidman, though.

7. Kidman pins Taker after Brock (/Bull) can't follow up the F5 (/Scissor Kick)

8. Tazz

9. Random generic hoss # 2,533B - Matt Morgan, perhaps? The Tough Enough irony would be worth it.

10. Tajiri and Colt, Dangerous Alliance 2k4 deserves another title shot.

11. Gunn and Noble, just to make my blood boil.

12. Ultimo Dragon

13. Eddie/Matt

14. Yes

15. Although the most important match is Eddie/Matt, the main event will probably be the Tag Team title match.

[deanitude]

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

Prediction: Matt Hardy

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither?

Prediction: Both

3. Will anyone interfere in the match?

Prediction: No, it's been built up too much for it to end cheaply

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood

Hogan

Prediction: Kurt and Brock Retain

5. Who pins whom in the above match?

Prediction: Kurt pins Edge

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Brock Lesnar

Prediction: Kidman

7. Who pins whom in the above match?

Prediction: Kidman pins Brock (Bull)

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio

Prediction: Tazz

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway?

Prediction: Johnny Nitro

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL?

Prediction: RVD and Hurricane

11. Who will finish second?

Prediction: Nova and London

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

Prediction: Ultimo

13. What match will be the best?

Prediction: Triple T

14. Will these be the only matches?

Prediction: Probably not... maybe a... diva match thrown in

15. What match will get the main event slot?

Prediction: Common sense says the WWE Title match... since it's dedicated to Jeff and Ray

[Guest y2gudge]

As you said yourself never do the approach you did on Raw again because it was quite simply terrible, Virch is our cocky little friend and we don't need no substitute.

Anyways...

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

Eddie Guerrero has held the Title for what seems forever and to me this seems like the perfect time to pass the Title on to Hardy, someone who you have majorly over-looked in the diary.

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither?

Neither

3. Will anyone interfere in the match?

No

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood Hogan

It pains me to say it, but I think it will happen - Hogan needs a win to come back on and with it they will also win gold at No Mercy.

5. Who pins whom in the above match?

Hogan pins Angle

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan

Kidman finally turns heel by brutalising 'Taker with the added help of some sort of weapon (maybe even something like this year's No Mercy with Heidenreich) and maybe with the backing of the RTC. However Torrie is still zombie-fied meaning Kidman hasn't killed 'The Deadman'...YET!

7. Who pins whom in the above match?

Kidman pins Undertaker

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio

Two returns whom both come back with wins, Tazz beats Rey with maybe the added assistance of Joey Numbahs.

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway?

Maybe someone ECW-esque so I'm plumping for...Justin Credible

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL?

World's Greatest Tag Team - Team Angle still feud with Edge & Hogan but Angle & Lesnar can't get their hands on them because Hot Rod will fire them if they do, leaving Shelton & Charlie to face them at SS.

11. Who will finish second?

Scott Colt & Tajiri

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

Jones won't lose the Title so soon after winning it, Ultimo will put up a good fight but ultimately Jones will KO 'The Dragon.'

13. What match will be the best?

Eddie/Hardy

14. Will these be the only matches?

Yes

15. What match will get the main event slot?

Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan - I've chose this because it would add to Undertaker's beating to finish the show.

*y2gudge*

[GCCWolverine]

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Matt Hardy

2. Swanton Bomb

3. Yes

4. Angle and Lesnar

5. Lesnar pins Edge

6. Billy Kidman

7. Kidman pins Taker

8. Tazz

9. Um...Steve Rizzoni

10. WGTT

11. Tajiri/Colt

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones

13. Tag Titles

14. Yes

15. Eddie/Matt

[Blehschmidt]

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither?

3. Will anyone interfere in the match? Yes

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood Hogan

5. Who pins whom in the above match? Angle pins Edge

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchannon

7. Who pins whom in the above match? Taker pins Bull

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway? Nunzio/Little Guido

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL? Nova and London

11. Who will finish second? WGTT

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

13. What match will be the best? Hardy/Guerrero

14. Will these be the only matches? No

15. What match will get the main event slot? Tag Titles

[oldskool]

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither?

Bossman Slam gets two and a missed Swanton leads to a Frog Splash pin for Eddie.

3. Will anyone interfere in the match? Nope

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood Hogan

5. Who pins whom in the above match?

Hogan pins Angle

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan

7. Who pins whom in the above match? Kidman pins Buchanan

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway? Chris Chetti?

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL? Tajiri & Scott Colt

11. Who will finish second? APA

12. WWE United States Title: Nathan Jones v. Ultimo Dragon

13. What match will be the best? Guerrero-Hardy

14. Will these be the only matches? NO

15. What match will get the main event slot? Guerrero-Hardy

[craig]

1. WWE Heavyweight Title: Eddie Guerrero v. Matt Hardy Matt

2. Will Hardy use the Bossman Slam, Swanton Bomb, both, or neither? Neither

3. Will anyone interfere in the match? Shannon and Evan

4. WWE Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Edge and Hollywood Hogan Angle and Lesnar

5. Who pins whom in the above match? Kurt pins Edge

6. Undertaker v. Billy Kidman v. Bull Buchanan Undertaker

7. Who pins whom in the above match? Undertaker pins Bull

8. Tazz v. Rey Misterio Tazz

9. Who *is* Joey Numbahs, anyway? Joey Styles

10. Who will win TAG TEAM TURMOIL? WGTT

11. Who will finish second? Tajiri and Scott Colt

12. WWE United States Title: Ultimo Dragon

13. What match will be the best? Matt v Eddie

14. Will these be the only matches? Yep

15. What match will get the main event slot?

Eddie v Hardy