Bad Christmas Movies

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

I need your help EWB. I'm writing something for my school paper on the worst Christmas films of all time, and I figure you might know of some I don't.

So use this thread to talk about really, horribly bad Christmas movies.

Obviously Santa Claus Conquers the Martians will make it in, and I'm thinking Santa's Slay or whatever that one with Goldberg was will as well (although I haven't seen it).

What else is out there? And why is it so awful?

[Essa]

Go with Jingle All The Way. Absolutely terrible. I'd avoid Santa's Slay, because I think that was supposed to be more satirical in nature than it was supposed to be scary. I know there was a bunch of 80's Christmas themed slasher movies that were all pretty much terrible. Don't have any names for you, but I'm sure you could find it with a google search.

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

Go with Jingle All The Way. Absolutely terrible. I'd avoid Santa's Slay, because I think that was supposed to be more satirical in nature than it was supposed to be scary. I know there was a bunch of 80's Christmas themed slasher movies that were all pretty much terrible. Don't have any names for you, but I'm sure you could find it with a google search.

I have a soft spot for Jingle All The Way because it was the first Christmas movie I ever saw in theatres, and I was too young to realize how bad it was. So my fellow EWBers, I ask you - was it really up there as one of the worst X-Mas films of all time?

[MalaCloudy Black]

Yes. Yes it was. If you thought the movie was bad, the novelization of the movie was worse.

[Mick]

Bastard, you beat me to it .

So uh....

Santa With Muscles.

What's horrible about this is Hogan's hairpiece.

So my fellow EWBers, I ask you - was it really up there as one of the worst X-Mas films of all time?

YES

[Gabriel]

Whatever, guys... I actually enjoyed Jingle All the Way. I also saw it at the theatre.

Besides, without that smash holiday classic... we wouldn't even have Christmas.

Seriously though... are there any GOOD Christmas movies? Some of them border on watchable, some of them are decently funny if you're drunk... but most of them are downright bad.

[GA!]

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Santa Who? is a pretty bad film, due to the angst of a forty-something year old journalist who never got over how his letter to Santa was burned when he was eight. Also, Santa's elves try to be cool and edgy but come across as cringe worthy, and the child is punch worthy. The only highlight is Leslie Nielsen, because you must be quite disturbed to dislike him.

Seriously though... are there any GOOD Christmas movies? Some of them border on watchable, some of them are decently funny if you're drunk... but most of them are downright bad.

The Snowman is a classic Christmas short film. I've seen it every Christmas for fifteen years.

There aren't that many good feature films though as you've pointed out. I remember 'Scrooged' being good, but it has been so long since I've seen it. The first Santa Clause was passable too.

[Jimmy]

Deck The Halls with Danny Devito was honestly awful, just a drizzling pile of shit. It wasn't funny, the plot was crap, and it was just general piss.

[Docpepper]

Black Christmas was awful

as for good Christmas movies I loved National lampoons Christmas Vacation

[Benji]

Seriously though... are there any GOOD Christmas movies? Some of them border on watchable, some of them are decently funny if you're drunk... but most of them are downright bad.

If you don't like Muppets Christmas Carol then you have no soul.

[GhostMachine]

Speaking of drizzling shits....

SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE!!

[Captain Kirk]

Scrooged was awesome bought it for a £4 the other day(not opening till nearer christmas though), Elf was decent to watch too. Do Christmas movies really need to be that great though?

[thatblindgeye]

A Christmas Story is a classic Christmas movie for me. I have to watch it every year when it plays for like a full 24 hours.

[K]

um p sure jingle all the way rules

[ZJ Penn]

Not sure if they qualify as Christmas films but there's Jack Frost and Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Kller Snowman

Read the plot summaries on Wikipedia and it's hard not to include them. Especially the one that ends with...

"The climax of the film pits Tiler against Jack in a final battle. Tiler realizes that Jack is allergic to bananas (because he himself is allergic to bananas), and destroys him by shooting him with a banana attached to an arrow."

[I Don't Mind]

I haven't seen it but I've heard Christmas With The Kranks was a pretty awful movie. Poor Tim Allen can't seem to catch a break these days.

[stokeriño]

Not sure if they qualify as Christmas films but there's Jack Frost and Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Kller Snowman

Read the plot summaries on Wikipedia and it's hard not to include them. Especially the one that ends with...

"The climax of the film pits Tiler against Jack in a final battle. Tiler realizes that Jack is allergic to bananas (because he himself is allergic to bananas), and destroys him by shooting him with a banana attached to an arrow."

My friend and I have debated what The Absolute Worst Film Ever is, and Jack Frost 2 was on the shortlist.

Personally I think one of the Lupin films (the name of which I currently forget, but would recognise if I saw it) is worse, but we're just splitting hairs by that point.

Edited November 13, 2008 by stokeriño

[Mick]

Good Christmas; by that, do you mean that Christmas is the theme or the setting?

If it's the setting, shit, you got Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Lethal Weapon.....

As far as a good CHRISTMAS movie....

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

[AJ]

Speaking of drizzling shits....

SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE!!

Surely you don't mean the 1985 classic with Dudley Moore and John Lithgo? As far as I'm concerned, having watched it once a year for as long as I can remember, that movie IS Christmas.

Having checked IMDB it only has an abysmal 4.9 rating. However I no longer trust their ratings, as both Santa Claus: The Movie and Jingle all the Way have lower ratings than White Chicks, and NOTHING is worse than White Chicks.

[Emperor Fuckshit]

'Jingle All the Way' is fantastic. I can't believe that it's Christmas unless/until I've seen that movie (and listened to 'A Fairytale of New York').

"AAAGH! ZIS TERBOMANNNN!!!!!"

"I am NOT a POEVOERT!!!! I justwaslooking forTURBOMANDOLL!!!!"

My suggestion would be 'A Hobo's Christmas'. It's a bad movie in almost all senses, but it's the kind of thing that you can't hate because it's so gentle and inoffensive and full of Christmas loveliness. Might be hard to track down (dirt-cheap made for TV movie), but it might be worth seeing if a crap cable channel is showing it.

How can anyone hate a Christmas movie, anyway? They're Christmas movies, and so by definition heart-warming and gorgeous.

Edited November 14, 2008 by Emperor Fuckshit