The Great Invasion of 2006

[Skummy]

Would it have offended people left if you'd had all of them wrestling in heaven?

Judging from past diaries dealing with the subject: Yes.

[Hellfire]

The ironing!

Oh the ironing!

Won't somebody think of the ironing?

[million$$man]

Let me say this, as a fan of George Romero's, I find this diary to be very intresting. I can't wait to see how this pans out........Don't forget Yokozuna though.......You can't forget Yoko....

Edited November 24, 2005 by million$$man

[RPS]

WWE RAW is WAR

Monday, November 21st 2005

Just seconds after the commercial break and in the ring we see Chavo Guerrero and Gregory Helms are at battle. Gregory Helms is bouncing off the ropes, perhaps going for a Shining Wizard when the lights go out in the entire arena. The fans expect for the lights to turn on within a few seconds, a common ploy pulled by any wrestling promotion for added suspense… but nothing. It lasts a minute before the fans become restless. From an entrance on the floor arrives a couple dozen people wearing hoods, carrying torches. The fans mark out big time, unaware of the real threat they pose.

Chavo and Gregory are royally confused; they are merely puppets of the proletariat in the grand scheme of things; victims of the ruling class. Utilized by Vince McMahon for economic gain. The hooded men with torches now surround the ring and Gregory Helms and Chavo Guerrero have stopped and now stare at the men outside of the ring.

With a booming voice someone speak up, “Chavo, you are excused.”

Chavo Guerrero is shocked and surprised. At first he doesn’t know what to do, but he simply rolls out of the ring, hops the railing and leaves through the fans that are shocked. They all stand in unison, eyes all on the ring. If looks could kill, Gregory Helms would be dead one million times over.

“Mr. Helms,” the voice once again booms, “this is nothing personal. Nothing personal at all. We just wanted to send a little message to Vincent Kennedy McMahon. That we are coming. That we will not be stopped. I apologize.”

One of the hooded men steps in the ring now and he stumbles towards Helms, but with great speed. Helms swings around and knocks him down with a back hand. Gregory Helms manages to catch another with a spinning heel kick to the face. Helms turns his attention one second and one of the zombies manages to tackle him by the legs. One of the biggest zombies stumbles, perhaps around the weight of 600 lbs. steps forward and yanks Helms towards the corner.

“Finish him off,” the voice stated, the fans are still in shock about what is happening but with growing anticpation they watch as the masked man ascends to the second turn buckle while the other hooded men hold Gregory Helms on the mat.

The large figured man simply sits on the stomach Gregory Helms, a banzai drop essentially. But upon impact, Helm’s chest collapsed, sending portions of his lungs and tissue in every direction while blood leaked so elegantly from his chest. The fans realized what had just happened and many were overwhelmed with disgust. One fan in particular had a treat as he looked down to see that Mr. Helm’s heart now lie on his lap in the front row.

The hooded men proceed to rip off their hoods, revealing their true identities. Crash Holly, Yokozuna (the man who crushed Mr. Helms stomach), British Bulldog, Mr. Perfect, Big Bossman, Road Warrior Hawk, Rick Rude, The Wall, Bobby Duncum JR., Chris Candido, Brian Pillman amongst many others. There was a man who in fact, no-one could identify nor did he have the build of a wrestler.

The zombies shortly after ripping off their hoods decided it would be best to divulge in eating the corpse of the fallen Gregory Helms. The man, who would later be identified as Craig Nelson stood now in the ring around his minions of zombies, “THE INVASION HAS BEGUN MR. MCMAHON. These men and women have returned to take back wrestling make it what it used to be. Gregory Helms was the first victim, but there shall be more and more and more. In fact, we will be on hand week after week after week until we overtake the WWE and it’s fascist stranglehold on the wrestling business.”

Craig Nelson ordered the Wrestling Zombies to leave the ring, but Craig Nelson stopped in the ring as they filed out of the arena. He smiled, reminding many of a used car salesman and he spoke up, “and if you think these are the big guns, you got something else coming at you. We’ve got Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, Andre the Giant, and MANY, MANY more. And we have also taken the liberty of training some new Zombie Wrestlers for this invasion. You may be saying to yourself… how do you train new Zombie Wrestlers? Well lets just say we resurrected somebody from the dead…”

Stu Hart rolls into the ring and staggers over to Craig Nelson. Craig Nelson smiles a demonic smile, totally aware of what he has just told Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Not only does he have some of the most talented wrestlers to ever grace the world; but he has one of the best wrestling trainers to ever exist. Craig Nelson orders Stu Hart to leave the ring as RAW is WAR is subsequently ended a little too early.

***

WWE.com Releases Statement on Zombie Invasion

Vince McMahon, along with his wife Linda, will share a meeting with vital members of the WWE Corporation to discuss the occurrence on RAW. Not only was the wrestling brand invaded by Zombie Wrestlers, but they took the life of Gregory Shane Helms (1974-2005). WWE would like condolences to the family of Gregory Shane Helms.

As of the time of this posting, the tapings for Smackdown on Tuesday, November 22nd 2005 have been cancelled and refunds will be offered.

Stay posted to WWE.com for full details on the meeting between Vince McMahon and the staff of the WWE.

***

Sitting in his cage, Jason realized his time was dwindling. The boys in the other cages were disappearing by the hour and Jason was the next in line. He fiddled with the lock with his left hand, trying to break free, but at the same time not bringing attention to himself. Jason didn’t want his fate to be in the hands of some fucked up Zombies; he wanted to control his own fate.

Jason managed to get the lock after a minute of playing with it; it came as a shock. He managed to contain his excitement and stay still for a second. He didn’t want to immediately bring attention to himself. He heard the moans and groans of the zombies as he developed a plan.

He saw Zombie Eddie Guerrero going to a cage, preparing to take another boy. And Jason realized it was time for liberation. Craig Nelson was no where in site; he was here 2 minutes ago, but he had shortly left. Jason kicked the cage door up and sprawled to his feet. He grabbed a 2’4” and swung it violently at Eddie Guerrero, connecting with great force the zombie fell to the ground. Jason proceeded to open the cages of the 2 remaining boys in hopes that he could outrun them, leaving them for the zombies to feast upon.

Jason ran down a corridor and came to two doors. One was inevitably the exit; the other was a door leading to another room. With no windows and pure luck to act upon, Jason wasn’t sure what decision to make.

The shrieks of the young boys being ripped to pieces by the likes of Andre the Giant and The Wall made Jason shiver. He could hear the pressing footsteps behind him of the Zombies. With little time he decided with the left door. With the turn of the handle, he stumbled inside of the dimly lit room, with a bed in the middle. Inside the bed was two bodies, hidden by the darkness.

Jason managed to flick on the light switch.

“What in the hell?” The monotone voice stated.

“How in the fuck did you get out punk?” Craig Nelson asked.

Jason looked down and with great horror saw Craig Nelson mounted in the doggy position ontop of Linda McMahon, husband and partner in the WWE. Craig Nelson was shocked, pulling his dick from the aging vagina of Linda he approached Jason with hard-on; ducking a left hook, Jason managed to throw Craig Nelson into a cabinet full of books. Jason saw to his right was a window. With little regard for his safety or body he tossed himself into the glass window.

Jason landed on the wet grass, unaware of what was going to happen. He looked up and realized that although he managed to escape the lair of Mr. Craig Nelson, that he was in more trouble. Every house within a ten block radius was on fire; lying in the streets was dead bodies of people that Jason knew and to his left stood about 30 zombies; all staring at Jason with lifeless eyes. Jason knew that he was the prey; but he wasn’t sure if he could escape. It only took a second before he began to run.

Craig Nelson felt the blood running down his nose. He stamped his foot as realized not only his physical nakedness, but his emotional nakedness. Linda McMahon was sitting on the bed, realizing what had just happened.

“He escaped, Craigy,” Linda said, sulking in the revelation that perhaps she was caught.

“Linda, he is going to get caught. Give me 2 seconds to round up the Zombies. That punk kid cannot get out with the news that you are in on this plan. He cannot let anyone know that you are playing a hand in the demisal of the WWE,” Craig Nelson preached to his partner in crime and lover, Linda McMahon.

Craig Nelson departed from the room, leaving a still horny Linda McMahon lying on the edge of his bed half-naked. The evil intentions of Linda McMahon to overtake the WWE alongside her lover Craig Nelson was on the brink of being revealed; and even than, it kind of turned her on.

[SwantonEdge]

OMG! What the hell is wrong with you!? LINDA MCMAHON!?

Well, surprisingly, I'm actually enjoying this. The whole zombie invasion and subsequent crushing of Gregory Helms was amusing, if not completely disgusting. The WWE press report made me laugh, wether it was intentional or not, it was a funny piece of writing. Ummm...I think you need more killing. Kill Snitskey...or Viscera! Yeah! Kill Viscera!

[MADMAN]

Well, l really have enjoyed this diary so far. I agree that if u have used Eddie Guerrero in a way that would poke fun at his death, then it would have been disguting and in bad taste. But i feel that you did a good job with the backstory. And for all those people who are complaining about the backstory and how it was too extreme, u also have to remember. ECW was too extreme at the start, but we grew to love it. Hopefully, we will love this diary and I would just like to say, u have a new reader

[Guest andydtazz]

Will someone pull this crap off here as its just trampling over the deads graves

[Guest Chaos Theory]

Will someone pull this crap off here as its just trampling over the deads graves

[apsham]

To be truthful, some people will read anything.

[Tarheels.]

To be truthful, some people will read anything.

[RPS]

I am sick and tired of people sitting here making frivilous claims. You know what, I am damn proud of most of the diaries I write. You know why? Because at least I do something different than the majority of other lame-ass people making diaries. Am I claiming my diary is God's gift to all of his worshippers? Am I claiming my diary is the most innovative thing to ever be created? No, but at least I am DOING something different and not doing WWE 2003: MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY or WCW 2001: WHAT VINCE SHOULD HAVE DONE BECAUSE I AM A PRETENIOUS GEEK.

No, I am doing a Zombie Invasion of the WWE; yeah, it may be "DUMB" but at THE very least, I am thinking outside the box instead of just going along with the flow of things and trying to fit in.

All of these people bitching about it being too offensive are just going to fuel the fire. You want offensive? Eddie Guerrero's weapon of choice won't be a title belt or steel chair. It'll be a TOOTH BRUSH! Or, maybe Crash Holly won't eat his victims, he'll choke him to death just like how Crash died. Now, that is offensive.

It just seems like people are bitching for no reason. Example, twat4life (I guess the age old adage screen names never lie is true)...

And I don't see how it belongs in the Dome considering there was one match and I saw no ratings for it either so the cube would probably be a better place for this.

Seriously; there have been TWO entries. One of which, was a back story. The other of which did contain a show, but I am pretty sure if Zombies did happen to invade RAW and crush Gregory Helms chest and than proceed to eat his insides they'd probably WOULDN'T continue the show. I don't know, call me crazy... maybe you should wait MORE than two entries before you start judging the contents of a diary. Call me old fashioned if you want, but it just seems like the proper thing to do.

You know what, maybe just maybe some people here should start making some constructive feedback. I haven't seen anything yet besides people saying "this is offensive to dead wrestlers" that is telling me what I have done wrong. You know, I kind of love having so many hits and replies in such a short time, but you people need to realize if you are going to needlessly bitch about something, than I am going to go out of my way to offend you; just my nature.

And you wanna know the beauty of this endless amount of feedback is? You guys keep BUMPING my diaries ahead of your boring, run of the mill, WWE MY WAY Diaries... and each time I see my name at the top of the board, I just crack a smile!

Edited November 26, 2005 by PunkRockPete

[tristy]

Fucking hell, I love you to death PRP.

[StevenRichardsRules]

I have no problem with this diary. It's been well-written thus far and I haven't found anything offensive, a little tasteless but certainly not offensive. As PRP pointed out, it could be much more offensive than it is. I also agree witH PRP on his stance on WWE and TNA diaries. I feel like all I ever see in the Dome is "OMGz I SIGNEz AJ STYLES!!! MEGA PUSH!!!". Maybe that's why I only tend to read established diary writers. Not that I don't give the others a chance but everyone seems to want to do the same thing (push Styles or Petey Williams or Daniels to the moon). Ugh, I just can't stand it. As for twat4life, he's not doing anything but whoring in this diary so my recommendation to him is don't read it if you don't like it.

[Matt]

I'm enjoying this diary, whilst its farfetched its certainly entertaining, using Eddie so soon is a little tasteless, but hell that's the intention, as long as these corpses are treated correctly, this will be good.

But here's a suggestion, structure it a little better and use and and to make it mroe readable, that way it might not send me to sleep during large paragraphs

[RPS]

It was perhaps the most important board meeting that the WWE had ever had. In retrospect even more important than any board meeting surrounding the purchase of World Championship Wrestling or Steroid trial. Zombies were invading the WWE and god-damnit, they meant business.

Vince McMahon: “Now boys, I don’t want to sound paranoid. You know me, good, old reliable Vince McMahon. I’ll shit on a prostitutes chest if she asked me; I am the kind of guy who comes through for a friend. For example that one time Mark asked me if I’d murder his unborn child. I just shrugged my shoulders and gave Sara a good old kick down the cellar stairs…”

Linda McMahon: “What my husband is trying to say is that we shouldn’t be taking any drastic measures. Yes, Zombie Wrestlers are invading the WWE, but lets not kid ourselves. If we decide to shut down the regular operations of the WWE than we let those sick son of a bitches win the battle. They want us to shut our doors; they want us to stop operating. I think we should allow them to appear on our shows, wrestle in our matches.”

Triple H: “Look, ah, see the problem with, ah, letting these zombies on our TV shows is simple. How am I sure these Zombies are going to let me win? Say I am fighting, ah, Zombie Chris Candido. That dead son of a bitch, ah, never deserved a god-damn title, ah. He needs to realize it is all about the Game and how you play it; and, ah, by playing a game, I mean being, ah, submissive and agreeing to lose to me because of my immense creative control!”

Vince McMahon: “God-damnit, folks, the fact of the matter is Eddie Guerrero turned up dead a few days ago. Fact of the matter is, we did fuck. I am a nice, reliable guy. He asked me politely if I’d put it in his asshole. Well, we were doing a little foreplay, just in the bathroom and I started to caress him everywhere with a toothbrush. Next thing you know, he deep throats the tooth brush and chokes himself. How the fuck was I to know that Eddie Guerrero didn’t know how to suck a cock and that he’d accidentally choke himself with a toothbrush? I ain’t psychic you son of a bitch.”

Stephanie McMahon: “You know what also scares me about the zombies…”

Shane McMahon: “Hold on a fucking second, you killed Eddie Guerrero, Dad?”

Vince McMahon: “Well yeah. It isn’t like you haven’t killed someone son. Remember when you were younger and we used to take you downtown at 3AM to kill some hobos. Those hobos were people too. They may not have smelt, looked or had feelings like humans, but the genetic make-up was there. You used to trick them into eating a sandwich containing three aptly placed razor blades. We’d sit and watch from a nearby bench as they struggled for their life.”

Johnny Ace: “I’d like to have a word…”

Shane McMahon: “Wait one second… I don’t remember killing any hobos.”

Vince McMahon: “Most kids don’t remember being 11 months old!”

Stephanie McMahon: “What really scares me about the Zombies is that…”

Johnny Ace: “No offense, but Zombie Crash Holly vs. Paul London for the Cruiserweight title doesn’t cut it. Just doesn’t. I mean, who is going to find it believable two guys weighing the same as my sister wrestling it out. I won’t! And another thing, do these Zombies realize the trademarks they are breaking. Crash Holly better change his name soon, or he’ll be getting a cease and desist!!!”

Vince McMahon: “Ok, another idea. Owen Hart ain’t dead. We just tossed Tiger Ali Singh off the balcony and hoped the fans wouldn’t notice the damn guy was a stinking brown towel head. Owen wanted to fake his damn death so he could move to Japan to get into that sick fucking sex shit they got going on there. I recently came into possession a movie where two Japanese women are fooling around. One busts out this big long tube and sticks it in the other woman’s vagina. They proceed to shove eels into the woman’s vagina. And than on command, the woman shoots them out of her vagina and into the tube. The catch is, her partner manages to catch each eel in her mouth as they come out the other end. Beautiful. Owen wanted to partake in acts like that. Smelling fat girls arm pits as he jacks off into the carcass of an antelope.”

Stephanie McMahon: “What if they want to wrestle. I mean; wrestling is fine. We are the WWE. But I think we should cut the shows down to ONE match a night. Just an idea I’ve been running with. The entire show can be a soap opera revolving around the one match. Each match is just Triple H vs. random zombie opponent. Triple H builds up a GIGANTIC streak; maybe like 3000 victories. And than; we clone Triple H and have Double Triple H beat him in a magnificent match! Either that, or just put the World title on a McMahon.”

Shane McMahon: “Seriously, you people wonder why our company loses MONEY each and every DAY.”

Vince McMahon: “I don’t wonder why we lose money. You got to cover up killing hobos somehow…”

Linda McMahon: “Vince, according to my chart, we can gain money from employing some Zombies. They require low wages, just a few corpses here and there.”

Shane McMahon: “But wait… what about the fact that our wrestlers lives are at stake. Didn’t you see what happened to Gregory Helms!?!?”

Vince McMahon: “Wait, we can make more money? Like, double our profits? That is like… double the hobos I can kill. Lets run with this idea. Monday Night RAW, we have a test trial. ZOMBIES vs. the WWE: The REAL Invasion. Contact that guy… what is his name?”

Linda McMahon: “Craig Nelson? I’ll tell him the plan right away.”

Shane McMahon eyes his mother uneasily as she stands up and leaves the boardroom and the insanity which will surely ensue from the hijynx that will come about.

***

Vince McMahon: “Zombies in the WWE Are A-OK!”

Reeling from the aftermath of perhaps the biggest Board Meeting in WWE history, a council unanimously decided that it would welcome with open arms the Zombie Wrestlers who crushed Gregory Helms last week on RAW. As a result to the pressing issue of Zombie Invasion, Smackdown, Heat and Velocity were cancelled this week. WWE.com was there for the duration of the meeting.

Vince McMahon was heard saying “Zombies in the WWE are A-OK with me… as long as they bring me a shit load of money.”

Although it was a unanimous decision, one could not happen to be notice the subsequent tension between various parties. For the majority of the meeting, Shane McMahon was seen hanging his head in shame. Their was concerns about the future of WWE super stars.

Many fans feel that the WWE is ignoring the fact that they are dealing with murderous zombies; with one super star already dead, one has to wonder if there will be more to fall.

“omgz, lik wut if ChRis MaStErs loses to BRITHS BULLDO?!” one WWE fan posted on a message board. He followed this post by a sad emoticon, as well as one that has tears coming from his eyes. Another fan posted “lol” in response.

Many are wondering about the status of the Roster split in this new Invasion. Well the rosters remain split with the oncoming threat of the Zombies? Or will the Brands stay separate?

All of these questions and more will be answered on RAW; there are already proposed matches for the show being posted. General Manager Eric Bischoff has put forth 3 different matches that Zombies can partake in. There will be 3 potential matches. Triple H, tag-team Champions The Big Show-Kane and Ric Flair will take on Zombies of the choice of their leader, Craig Nelson. Furthermore, RAW will feature The Heart Throbs taking on Rosey in a handicap match.

Tune in to RAW to see one of the most highly anticipated RAWs of ALL TIME!

***

Running through the field, Jason stumbled upon a tree stump and collided with the ground. A face full of mud and leaves plastered to t-shirt, Jason realized that if he lied down in the field for long enough, he’d be spotted.

Stumbling up to his feet, he surveyed the general area and realized he was alone; there wasn’t a Zombie within eyesight and he decided that since he had been fleeing for half a day, it might be safe to take a mini-break. He sat down on the tree stump that tripped him and he caught his breath for a brief moment.

“Uuagah! Help!”

Jason turned his head looking for the source of the voice. Jason saw nothing to the right. Nothing to the left. Jason spun in circles, unsure where to run.

Jason saw a frail old man, limping near the road. Jason wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t sure where to turn; where to run. He needed to find someone more reliable than a frail old man out in the wilderness, middle of no where. But he realized that perhaps the old man was his only chance.

Just than, Jason saw trailing behind the old man was a horde of zombies. They were closing in. Jason stood for a second staring as they tackled him and began to rip him piece by piece. Jason huffed a sigh of relief, seconds before he was about to start running away. But Jason found himself tackled into the mud pit. The stench of death reeked upon the body tackling him. Jason wasn’t sure whether or not a Zombie had tackled him. Jason wasn’t sure about his fate; but he was sure that whatever tackled him reeked of death and he wanted it to stop.

[StevenRichardsRules]

Okay. Now THAT was somewhat offensive. But I won't lie and say I wasn't amused. This is one of those diaries that is kinda borderline offensive yet also funny in that offensity. I especially laughed when you had the quote about the internet fan. Class. Keep this up, it'd pretty damn amusing.

[RPS]

WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW

Monday, November 28th 2005

Brief clips are shown of last weeks horrific Terrorist Zombie attack on the WWE. Everything from the Stu Hart being revealed to be training new Zombie Wrestlers to Gregory Helms unfortunate death. A video package is played for the fallen super star – clips of his most important, crucial and touching moments in the WWE are shown. So basically he gets embarrassed; his dream of being a wrestler is fullfilled in the midst of being made a joke on National television for the last 3 to 4 years. Just remember; if your favorite mediocre WWE wrestler dies they probably aren’t going to get a full week of WWE programming dedicated to them.

Ric Flair vs. Zombie Pillman

We head to the ring where Ric Flair is shown in the ring holding his Intercontinental Title in his hands. He looks quite nervous as he slides into the ring and awaits his opponent. Brian Pillman comes down, sans music, lights and pyrotechnics of most wrestlers. Zombie Pillman slides into the ring and he doesn’t even wait for the bell before he stalks towards Ric Flair.

Zombie Pillman stumbles towards Flair and Flair hits a few stiff chops. Ric Flair throws Zombie Pillman into the corner and he unloads with some stiff chops. The fans whoo with each chop. Ric Flair kicks Zombie Pillman in the gut and chops him. Zombie Pillman absorbs each shot and looks stronger and stronger with each shot. Ric Flair sends Zombie Pillman into the ropes only to take him down with a chop!

Ric Flair waits for Zombie Pillman to get to his feet. He helps him up and hits a series of chops. Ric Flair gets the fans to chant woohoo with each chop. Flair sizes him up for a punch, but instead resorts back to the chop. Flair sends Zombie Pillman onto the apron and than he chops him on the apron. Zombie Pillman staggers around on the apron before Ric Flair knocks him down with a huge chop!

Ric Flair makes his way to the outside and he chops Zombie Pillman a few times before hitting the big chop and sending him to the mat. Ric Flair whoos to the audience. Zombie Pillman looks angry now… he stands up, grabs Ric Flair by the arms and rips them off. The fans are in total shock as blood flies from the place where Flair’s limbs were. Zombie Pillman proceeds to chop Ric Flair who is standing on his feet. Ric Flair collapses, blood leaking everywhere as Zombie Pillman wins by fatality.

Winner: Zombie Pillman

We head to the backstage area where Shelton Benjamin is shown with Todd Grisham watching the monitor. Shelton Benjamin jaw looks like it has hit the ground as he simply cannot believe what he saw. He slaps Todd Grisham on the shoulder, “yo, my nigga, I gotta go buy some crack and fried chicken. You guys have fun with them zombies, okay nigger?”

Shelton Benjamin tries to walk away, but Vince McMahon gets in his way. Vince McMahon has a piece of paper in his hands and Benjamin looks confused. Vince McMahon speaks up, “I think you are forgetting that you are under contract.”

“I am under contract,” Benjamin states, “to wrestle… not to fight Zombies for my LIFE!”

Vince McMahon chuckles and than hands the contract to Benjamin and points down to something, “in your contract, section 2.1c, it states ‘I, HEREBY, GIVE MY SERVICES TO VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON IF ZOMBIES, WEREWOLVES OR CLONES OF JERRY LAWLER TRY TO OVERTAKE THE WWE.’ So you see, Shelton, you are MY nigger slave and you will either mine me some damn diamonds like your other fuckin’ niggers or you will wrestle some god-damn Zombies..”

Shelton Benjamin looks upset at the revelation as we head back to the ring for the second match of the night.

The Heart Throbs vs. Rosey

Simply a warm up match for these three wrestlers to hone their skills before tackling a challenge like a Zombie. Antonio and Romeo try to take Rosey down with a clothes line, but they both hit the mat. Antonio and Romeo are up to their feet and they get sent to the outside with a double clothes line.

The Heart Throbs are angry about being on the losing end of the encounter, so they go to the outside and get chairs. The Heart Throbs slide in the ring and clock Rosey a few times as the match is officially over because of the DQ loss.

The Heart Throbs want to inflict more damage on Rosey, but wait, Jamal makes his way to the ring and it is a Three Minute Warning reunion! Three Minute Warning absolutely destroy the Heart Throbs and send them to the outside.

As the Heart Throbs are on the outside, a pack of Zombie wrestlers including Bobby Zombie JR. and Eddie Guerrero grab the two Heart Throb members and proceed to rip them into a thousand pieces. Three Minute Warning stand in the ring and they don’t even look phased at the death of their co-workers and nemesis.

The Zombie Wrestlers swarm the ring and look like they could inflict some damage, but a loud boom scares them and Kane’s music plays.

Winner: Rosey by DQ!

Kane & Big Show vs. Andre The Zombie & The Wall Zombie

Kane comes to the ring first with his pyro in tact as the Zombie Wrestlers flee and Three Minute Warning head to the back. As the flames shoot high into the air, Kane gets into the ring and does his usual preparation for the match. Big Show music also plays as the massive beast makes his way to the ring and stares at the ramp for their competition.

The two zombies, The Wall Zombie and Andre the Zombie make their way to the ring. It appears as though the two teams are made up completely of massive giants. It is going to be an interesting match.

Kane starts the bout off against Andre The Zombie. The two lock up and Andre The Zombie grabs him by the head and with one clean swipe, rips the head clean off the shoulders. Blood shoots high into the air as Kane is now dead, much like Ric Flair before him.

The Big Show is scared shitless as he steps off the apron and decides to head up the ramp. But a pack of zombies are walking down the ramp. With a look of fear in his heart, Big Show returns to the ring. He takes Andre The Zombie down with a clubbing forearm! The Wall is in the ring but Big Show takes him down with a back body drop. The Big Show tries to choke slam Andre the Zombie, but The Wall Zombie grabs the head of Kane and hits The Big Show over the head with it.

The Big Show is reeling against the ropes as he can barely stand. But wait, the Zombies on the outside grab him by the feet and hold him there. The Big Show is locked against the ropes as The Zombie Bulldog gets on the apron and rips the Big Show’s heart out. Blood is flying everywhere just like Kane a few moments ago. The Wall Zombie covers the corpse of the Big Show as the referee makes the three count.

Post-match, the referee tries to flee the ring, but Andre the Zombie simply grabs him by his arms and rips them off. Andre the Zombie proceeds to beat the head, torso and legs of the referee with the arms he ripped off before the referee falls to the ground bleeding profusely and now probably dead.

Winner: Andre The Zombie & The Wall Zombie

The fans are in complete shock. Tonight we have seen the death’s of Ric Flair, Kane, the Big Show and of course the most cherished referee. The fans are in complete shock, many have left the building in fear of their very own lives. But wait, No Chance plays across the speakers. The Zombies who surround the ring are looking all around for a foe in sight.

Vince McMahon struts out onto the stage and he has a microphone in hand. He smiles with a look of excitement. McMahon speaks up, “you think that you are stronger than the WWE? Yeah, you killed some of the best talent we have and Gregory Helms! But boy have I got a surprise FOR you. You thought Owen Hart was on your side. Well, baby, he is back and better in the WWE. We faked his death so he could fullfill his dreams of being a gay porn star. He lives off getting shit on by fat Japanese guys, but he came back when I offered him a million dollar a day contract. Oh, but he isn’t here right now. He’ll be here next week, LIVE on the SHOW!

“I do have a surprise for you. You think you can kill my wrestlers. This means war!”

A spot light shines up high into the rafters as Vince McMahon points up there. The fans look up and see Shane McMahon is up there with a sword in hand. Shane McMahon has a rope in hand as he seems to be really high up.

“You want a WAR? WELL, we have a saying here in the WWE… you want some? COME GET SOME!”

John Cena leads a pack of face wrestlers to the ring with various weapons as Shane McMahon proceeds to swing down from the rafter with a sword in hand. Shane McMahon lands in the ring as the Zombie’s flee up the ramp and towards the back. Triple H’s music plays as the game makes his way towards the ring. Triple H picks up a microphone as the face wrestlers all stand around him and seem to be rallying behind Triple H.

“I am THE Game-uuuuh! I inherit this business when that uhhh old man up there dies. And there isn’t a damn uhhh thing you Zombie assholes can do about it. One of you drag your rotting corpse down here for the main event.”

There is a commotion amongst the Zombie squad as to who should face Triple H. But they come to a consensus seconds later – Zombie Candido!

Zombie Candido vs. Triple H

The only time Chris Candido will ever be near the main event and he is dead! The match kicks off with Triple H opening fire with a few punches before he takes Candido down with a knee to the face. The WWE wrestlers all surround one side of the ring while the Zombie wrestlers all surround another side of the ring as they cheer on their side.

Triple H walks into a bear hug by Zombie Candido. Triple H screams in pain as it looks like Candido is going to make Triple H explode from the pressure. But wait, Rey Mysterio is on the apron and he is distracting Candido. But wait, one of the Zombies grabs him by the tights and drags him into the crowd of Zombies. A few wrestlers try and stop the destruction of Rey Mysterio, but after a few seconds he amounts to a pile of flesh and yet another victim.

The match progresses and Triple H is setting up for the Pedigree only a few minutes into the match. But wait, Candido hits a low blow. And Triple H is bent over and holding his family jewels. Candido grabs him by the neck, raises him in the air for a nice picture perfect photo. Candido brings him closer and than bites him on the neck! The face wrestlers are all shocked as Triple H breaks free, hits a Pedigree and gets the 1-2-3!

Triple H is up to his feet now and he has his hands raised in the air, not realizing a huge chunk has been bitten out of his neck. Triple H falls to one knee grabbing his neck as Craig Nelson slides into the ring with a microphone in hand.

Winner: Triple H

Craig Nelson speaks up, “Triple H, you have been bitten by a Zombie. Do you know what that means!? That means you are soon to become a Zombie. Give it two hours tops! These are your last two hours as being a Human!”

Triple H is going to grab Craig Nelson, but wait… the Zombie Wrestlers slide in the ring and pull him up and hold him down on the outside. Craig Nelson is smiling, “John Cena and company, get out of here before I sick my Zombies on you. I have some unfinished business.”

John Cena and the gang of wrestlers all walk up the ramp, but they are stopped by Vince McMahon who has a microphone in hand, “how dare you! You took one of my own. Killing Kane and The Big Show were fine. They wouldn’t touch my dick when they were Champs and look where it got them. But Triple H was my own flesh and blood… by law. And you ripped him from my wife’s womb by law. Let it be known, this is the last McMahon you will extract from me!”

But wait, Stephanie McMahon runs down to the ring past her father. She slides in the ring and looks Craig Nelson in the eye with hatred, “you took Triple H away from me! You bastard! There is only one thing I can do.”

The fans are waiting for Stephanie to attack Craig Nelson, but instead she puts her hand forth for a shake, "I want to become a Zombie to be reunited with my husband!”

“STEPHANIE!” Vince yells into the microphone as she rolls to the outside and allows for Eddie Guerrero to bite her on the neck as she officially becomes a Zombie, following suit of her husband.

“You see Vince. Your force is lacking. You have lost your son in law and your daughter in one night. You lost three former world champions, a referee and … well, two guys who we think are gay. And next week will be the same fate. You’d better organize better for the show down next week. Because this was PHASE number one. With Zombie H on our side, we’ve got a force that cannot and will not be stopped. Just try!”

Craig Nelson rolls to the outside as he orders the Zombie Wrestlers to leave the Arena. Vince stands on the ramp with his wrestlers in tact, unaware of what he can do at this point to stop the impending demise of his wrestling federation.

***

WWE: News, notes, updates, preview for RAW!

For those keeping tallies at home here is a summary of each side’s strongest players so far in the epic “War”

TOP 10 WWE SUPER STARS

1. John Cena (WWE Champion, plus the wrestlers can rally behind him)

2. Batista (World Heavyweight Champion, tough and doesn’t take shit)

3. Three Minute Warning (defeated the Heart Breakers, didn’t die)

4. Kurt Angle (former Gold Medal Winner)

5. Owen Hart (fake death, became porn star, returned to roots)

6. Shelton Benjamin (token black guy)

7. Matt Hardy (claims he will not die)

8. Carlito (the hair could be an asset to the team)

9. Gene Snitsky (has killed before and will do it again if the time is right)

10. Chris Masters (what if he locks one of them in the Masterlock?)

Plus, the WWE are led by Vince McMahon who isn’t all there in the head, his wife Linda McMahon who is a little sketchy and there crazy as fuck son Shane.

TOP 15 ZOMBIES

1. Zombie H (strongest force in Wrestling)

2. Zombie Candido (converted Zombie H)

3. Andre the Zombie (killed Kane, the Big Show and referee)

4. The Wall Zombie (killed Kane, the Big Show and referee)

5. Zombie Pillman (killed Ric Flair)

6. Zombie Guerrero (people love the guy)

7. Mr. Perfect Zombie (he is perfect, remember?)

8. The Zombie Bulldog (ripped the Big Show’s heart out)

9. Bobby Zombie Jr. (died on crack and appears he is still on crack)

10. Zombie Holly (he has won the hardcore title a bunch of times)

Plus the Zombies are led by evil mastermind Craig Nelson and partially Stephanie McMahon who has become a Zombie, but c’mon, she is going to work her backstage power still. Furthermore, Stu Hart is training wrestlers as well.

WWE has formerly ceased production on the WWE show Friday Night Smackdown due to the impending Zombie crisis and the need to for a collective attack.

Next week on RAW, Vince McMahon promises to bring Owen Hart back to the WWE. Will Owen Hart be fueled in a Pop-Eye like parody by scat and naked men or will Owen Hart put his game-face on and deliver the goods in a match against The Zombie Bossman!

There will also be a match for the now vacated Intercontinental Title match. It will feature Mr. Perfect Zombie vs. Bobby Lashley vs. “Zombie” Chris Adams vs. Gene Snitsky!

In World Tag-Team title action it will be MNM vs. Big Dick Zombie and Rocco Zombie in a match that is sure to turn heads. Furthermore, Chavo will be on hand to confront Craig Nelson for shaming the name of his family by turning Eddie into a Zombie.

And in the main event, it will be John Cena vs. Yokozuna for the WWE Championship. Will John Cena be able to defeat all odds and take down Yokozuna? Or will Yokozuna come get some and defeat Cena? Watch RAW this week to find out.

Furthermore, due to the now only ONE television show per week, the drastic increase of wages due to now fighting Zombies instead of professional wrestlers there was massive cuts in the WWE. The WWE roster as follows.

WWE ROSTER

Batista

Boogeyman

Booker T

Carlito

Chavo Guerrero

Chris Benoit

Chris Masters

Edge

Funaki

Gene Snitsky

Heidenreich

John Bradshaw-Layfield

John Cena

Ken Kennedy

Kurt Angle

Lashley

Matt Hardy

MNM

Orlando Jordan

Owen Hart

Paul Birchall

Randy Orton

Road Warrior Animal

Rob Van Dam

Shawn Michaels

Shelton Benjamin

Simon Dean

Steven Richards

The Undertaker

Tyson Tomko

Viscera

William Regal.

And for those keep a tally at home, here is the current losses of the WWE at the hands of the Zombies. Feel free to discuss who is next.

WWE CASUALITIES

1. Gregory Helms (DEAD)

2. Ric Flair (DEAD)

3. Romeo & Antonio (DEAD)

4. The Big Show (DEAD)

5. Kane (DEAD)

6. Rey Mysterio (DEAD)

7. Triple H (ZOMBIE)

A formal statement by Craig Nelson on the forces of the Zombie empire shall be released after next week’s RAW is not earlier!

Edited January 5, 2006 by PunkRockPete

[DMN in the House]

zOMG hh ARE TEH ZOMBIE!

Seriously, its sick, twisted, and lacking in taste, but its fucking hilarious.

Keep this shit up.

[Guest J-Money808]

This Diary Owns!

[Riceman 4K]

There better be an angle where the Boogeyman takes control over several of the zombies to do his biddings.

This is interesting in a sick, twisted sort of way...