Official Newcastle United Thread

[Gazz]

So, with my beloved Magpies yet again making a public embarassment of themselves both on and off the pitch this weekend, and the weekend before that, and the weekend before that etc. etc.

What are peoples thoughts on the sacking of 'Big Sam'? our drubbing by United? Harry's public refusal? Our potential next manager? Joey Barton's anger management problem? Mike Ashley promising to wear a suit and have a more 'hands on' role from now on? January transfers? Our next on or off-field crisis? The miracle that is Shay Given?

[9 to 5]

Fuck you for signing Given off us for next to nothing.

[Gazz]

Fuck you for signing Given off us for next to nothing.

Easily, best signing we've ever made.

[Baddar]

And that's the Hat-Trick!

[therockbox]

Fuck you for signing Given off us for next to nothing.

Easily, best signing we've ever made.

[ONO]

Fuck you for signing Given off us for next to nothing.

Easily, best signing we've ever made.

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

I support Newcastle for as long as they have David Edgar. I know nothing else about them.

[Lineker]

Fuck you for signing Given off us for next to nothing.

Easily, best signing we've ever made.

Close second behind £8million Boumsong, I'm afraid.

Nah, Luque for £10m tops that.

And I felt I had to post this week's Robbo column from the BBC Football page:

Well, you couldn't say it wasn't coming but nothing that happens at Newcastle will surprise any of us anymore.

Chris Mort (that's French for 'dead' isn't it?) made all the right noises about longevity and long-term plans and to be fair eight months is a good run on Tyneside these days.

Big Sam couldn't lose entertainingly. That was his major failing. But surely someone sometime has got to stand up and stick with a certain someone till he's had a chance to really prove himself.

Since Freddie Shepherd took his ball home you'd have thought there was the prospect of a bit more stability but the next victim, sorry, candidate will make it eight bosses in 11 years at St James'.

Since King Kev they've ditched the good (Robson), the bad (Souness), the ugly (Allardyce), the greedy (Dalglish), the needy (Gullit) and the weedy (Roeder). Who the hell's next?

It's hard to really care. You feel like starting off with that snide remark our wonderful MPs always begin with when their rivals are in some sort of bother: "Much as I don't want to intrude into private grief..."

But to be honest, I haven't met a Geordie in the last couple of days who isn't as gobsmacked as the rest of us by the whole blinking farce.

And, as a Boro fan who does his best to ignore the fact that a quarter of the Riverside season tickets are owned by empty seats, the faithful, bursting-at-the-seams Gallowgate end deserves a bit more than this.

Granted, you Geordies do get ahead of yourselves rather too often. Frankly 11th is not far below where you should be, given the squad. But loyalty ought to have brought some reward in the last 30 years.

Even the Boro bagged a Mickey Mouse tinpot trophy that Spurs or Everton would pocket right now if they could.

Still it feeds the tabloid hacks, if no one else - and here's my guess as to who the likeliest candidates might be.

Harry Redknapp: Has already proved that he has what it takes to manage a club like Newcastle. He's won nowt and his team can't score at home. Bournemouth to North Shields, though... Too cold for the man, unless he takes full advantage of Mr Ashley's private jet.

Alan Shearer: Prefers the home comforts of the Match of the Day studio - and who can blame him?

Jose Mourinho: Unless the Special One has started smoking the Special Cigarettes, never in a million years.

Mark Hughes: Again he's won nowt but his teams can play when they forget about clogging and he'd have the overpaid nitwits working for each other.

Terry Venables: England No. 1, then England No. 2, then Newcastle gaffer. It's not looking good as a career path, Tel. Maybe wait a couple of years for St James's and give yourself a more prestigious job in the meantime - Port Vale could do with someone new.

Amy Winehouse: Unstable, unpredictable, liable to fall apart any moment, doesn't know owt about football, should suit Newcastle United down to the ground.

Steve McClaren: Free, relatively local, and whatever happens he'll keep smiling.

Fabio Capello: No chance. He's just delighted to find out that when people told him he had the toughest job in football they were lying.

J K Rowling: Writes fantasy books about boys with magical powers, maybe she could inject some creativity into the midfield pairing of Butt and Smith.

Kevin Keegan: A Phoenix-like return from KK? The fans'd just love it LOVE IT! if that happened. And at least he'd walk before you sacked him.

Paul Gascoigne: All right, his first attempt at management didn't work out so well but this is a challenge that could just suit him down to the ground - and don't forget this is a club that only recently entrusted the job to Glenn Roeder.

Ant 'n' Dec: Local lads made good. I can't see them getting their hands dirty. It's more likely to turn into some deathly reality show called summat like 'I'm a Non-Entity - Get Me Out Of Here' (first contestant to be voted out - Rozendal).

Robson Greene: That Wire in the Blood series is pretty nasty stuff but nothing compared with the carnage of the 4-1 trouncing against Pompey. Might have the stomach for it.

Tony Blair: Famously used to watch Jackie Milburn on the terraces before he was born. A true Toon Army soldier, he could raise a bit of finance by (a) getting his banking buddies involved, or (b) spending a bit of his own dosh.

The Toon Army themselves: Ebbsfleet Mark II. Since Ashley spends most of his time in amongst the fans in his barely credible one-of-the-lads charade, why doesn't he just let them have a proper say? Could it be any worse?

If all else fails, I'll have a bash. Obviously they're near-neighbours and deadly rivals so I'll do me best to bring the club to its knees as soon as possible. Though whether I'll do a better job at that than Ashley or Shepherd is very hard to imagine.

Seriously though, my money's on Mark Hughes being the next mug. I give him a fortnight.

[Gazz]

Fuck you for signing Given off us for next to nothing.

Easily, best signing we've ever made.

Usually Newcastle fans have their cock in Shearer's ass.

Meh, we relied on him far too much, based our entire tactics around servicing a bloke with all the acceleration and pace of Stonehenge in the fastest league in the world :/

And bad signings, Bramble? Maric? Viana? Guivarc'h? Marcelino? Bassedas? Cordone? need I go on...

[Baddar]

Bramble is a legend.

Scored a corker against Liverpool a few weeks back.

[Crybaby Bunting]

1) Barton shouldn't have been signed at all, much less at the price he was bought for. What made Big Sam think an agressive thug with an impending court case over assault would have been a good idea? He'd have been alright on a free considering City were so desperate to get rid of him but £5.8m? Fuck right off.

2) Shay Given may be an incredible goalkeeper but his form's been appalling so far this season, ever since he got injured in the pre-season he doesn't seem to be giving his all like he used to. Seriously give Steve Harper a run as goalkeeper or something for a change, you can't just expect to pick the same goalkeeper every match regardless of form.

3) Fat men in replica shirts don't work, much less a fat businessman who ran a sports empire

4) I never expected Allerdyce to actually go when he did, it just looked as though the Newcastle fans were starting to accept him through force of habit. Although considering his appalling purchases in the transfer market this season it could well be that no-one wanted another 14 million or so wasted on a crop of shite players.

5) Newcastle will not win the premiership in the next ten years. No matter how much you support the club, no matter how much you want this to happen, it will not. Be happy with an lower half finish by the end of this season considering it could be far more worse.

6) What possessed Allerdyce to consider Alan Smith? Then play him as a midfielder? Then select him as captain? It's no secret that Ashley has a boner for Smith but surely Allerdyce can't be that easily influenced, Smith has done nothing good for Newcastle this season and has shown the world what a violent angry fuck he can be. How can any of the Newcastle squad honestly look upto him?

[Dynamite]

I don't understand how NUFC is such an attractive enough club for the media to think it would be a good idea for Hughes to move to them. He has got Rovers three points away from 4th place and he won't need the Intertoto Cup to get into Europe. On top of all this he's got a serious chance of succeeding Fergie. Not only would Newcastle be a step down, it'd probably damage a lot of his long-term career goals.

[Lineker]

I don't understand how Newcastle is an attractive club for it to have it's own official thread.

¬_¬

[Baddar]

I don't understand how Newcastle is an attractive club for it to have it's own official thread.

¬_¬

Nor me.

Then again, the main reason there's no United thread is because there's like Me, JTE and about 2 other Utd fans on here.

[YI]

I don't understand how Newcastle is an attractive club for it to have it's own official thread.

¬_¬

[Turbo Yannis]

Titus Bramble is 5000/1 to get the job.

Personally, I like those odds.

[YI]

In the pub tonight, someone was going on about how we should get Art Attack's neil Buchanan as manager...I can't remember his logic...but I remember it being pretty sound.

[Renegade]

^ Screw that, just get THE HEAAAD.

What possessed Allerdyce to consider Alan Smith? Then play him as a midfielder? Then select him as captain? It's no secret that Ashley has a boner for Smith but surely Allerdyce can't be that easily influenced, Smith has done nothing good for Newcastle this season and has shown the world what a violent angry fuck he can be. How can any of the Newcastle squad honestly look upto him

[Baddar]

^ Screw that, just get THE HEAAAD.

What possessed Allerdyce to consider Alan Smith? Then play him as a midfielder? Then select him as captain? It's no secret that Ashley has a boner for Smith but surely Allerdyce can't be that easily influenced, Smith has done nothing good for Newcastle this season and has shown the world what a violent angry fuck he can be. How can any of the Newcastle squad honestly look upto him

lmao. I found it hilarious how he got sent off for complaining about a goal being allowed on Sunday against Man Utd. Fair enough in most circumstances, but they were 5-0 down!

Yeah, it was silly. But then, he did probably say "What the fuck was that?! Are you fucking blind or what you stupid cunt?!" ...So it was probably justified.

Normally, players get a yellow card for just complaining, so he must've told Styles his opinions of him (and/or his assistants) and he took exception to it.

[IAceI]

Personally I'd love to have a player that at 5-0 down still actually gave a shit about what was happening, nice to see someone cares. I've always admired Smith, he's a battler and I like that in a player, he doesn't give up and will play where he's told and give his best doing it. Fair play to Smith. At the end of the day, he was right >_<