Awesome Terrible Movies Thread

[MalaCloudy Black]

Also this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Biology

Jennifer (Charlee Danielson) has seven known clitorises (not including others inside her), began menstruating at age five, and gives birth to a mutant baby two hours after each sexual intercourse. No man has been able to satisfy her, and she discards all of her offspring, as she refers to them as not being real. Batz (Anthony Sneed), has a drug-addicted penis with a mind of its own, that is growing out of control.

[IDOL]

For anyone with a Netflix streaming account, you can now watch Troll 2 in all of its shitty glory.

[VerbalPuke]

One of my favorite shit movies is 1990: The Bronx Warriors. It's one of many bad post apocalyptic flicks in the 1980s, but this one is just so much fun. Think of the Warriors, except with poor acting and silly special effects.

And this...

The gang finds one of their own dead, but the real story here is the fucking random drummer. The drum beat he is playing is actually quite awesome, but still, why is he just playing drums right there? The story behind it is that when the crew showed up to film, this guy was actually just hanging around playing his drums near the water. The film crew decided to just leave him in the filming, and actually emphasize his drum work a bit. This random encounter actually fits the scene well. The bikers are actual members of Hells Angels for the record, keep an eye out for the biker with a prosthetic hook for a hand.

[Rocky]

Also this:

http://en.wikipedia....iki/Bad_Biology

Jennifer (Charlee Danielson) has seven known clitorises (not including others inside her), began menstruating at age five, and gives birth to a mutant baby two hours after each sexual intercourse. No man has been able to satisfy her, and she discards all of her offspring, as she refers to them as not being real. Batz (Anthony Sneed), has a drug-addicted penis with a mind of its own, that is growing out of control.

Oh dear lord... The trailer just adds to the awesome terribleness of it all.

[S.V. Ellis]

I don't know if this post counts since it's not about a movie but if you can be bothered to, read this wiki article and tell me it wouldn't make a great shitty indie horror film?

[Hickey]

Christmas Evil is an absolutely awesome terrible movie.

[=BK=]

Also this:

http://en.wikipedia....iki/Bad_Biology

Jennifer (Charlee Danielson) has seven known clitorises (not including others inside her), began menstruating at age five, and gives birth to a mutant baby two hours after each sexual intercourse. No man has been able to satisfy her, and she discards all of her offspring, as she refers to them as not being real. Batz (Anthony Sneed), has a drug-addicted penis with a mind of its own, that is growing out of control.

Oh dear lord... The trailer just adds to the awesome terribleness of it all.

How the flying fuck is that on youtube?

[Asuka's Gonna Kill You]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebfLWAB8bY4

Enough said.

While getting that trailer, I came across this, the fuck?

Edited October 5, 2011 by JohnnyPerfect

[Skummy]

I swear, my parents could have just been murdered before my eyes, and I'd still be cheered up by MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE LIVING HEEEEEEREUGH. Never fails.

Anyway, terrible movies...I'm going to leave out anything that's been featured on MST3K, though there are some absolute gems on there, on the assumption that if you're into awful movies, you've probably already seen it.

Anyone who's into Spoony will know all about the movies of Reb Brown, who's an absolute FUCKING HURRICANE of B-movie brilliance. Yor, Hunter Of The Future is probably the most enjoyable bad film I've ever seen - classics swords and sorcery style nonsense, inexplicably turning into bad sci-fi half way through. It's just so much fun to watch, and full of amazingly terrible quotes. DAMN TALKING BOX!

Italian knock-offs are almost always entertaining - through the '70s, and especially the '80s, Italian film-makers often, similar to the occassionally wonderful Asylum Films nowadays, created low-budget knock-offs of major American movies, often disguised as sequels. While some are practically shot-for-shot remakes, others seem to have a genuine creative flair and imagination behind them, and can be utterly surreal or deranged in places. Bruno Mattei was the absolute king of the genre, actually having released a movie called Jaws 5, and Terminator 2 (prior to the release of the actual T-2). Hell Of The Living Dead/Zombie Creeping Flesh was probably his best, though.

The absolute pinnacle of Italian knock-offs, though, is Starcrash. I can't recommend it enough. It's absolutely mental. It's a Star Wars rip-off by Luigi Cozzi (who also directed a couple of awful Hercules movies starring a young Lou Ferrigno, who inexplicably battles giant robots), that somehow managed to cast Christopher Plummer as the villain, and get a score by John Barry. It also features a pre-fame David Hasselhoff, wielding a lightsaber, and throws in some Harryhausen-esque stop motion battles for good measure. It's everything wonderful about bad cinema - you can tell that, despite being not much more than a cheap rip-off, it's been made lovingly, with tons of imagination, but nobody involved has anything like the talent they'd need to make a good movie out of it. It really feels like something a small child would come up with just after watching Star Wars, it's such a brilliant mess of ideas and nonsensical plotlines. It also features one of my favourite lines in any movie; "Nothing like some good old-fashioned robot chauvinism". It's up there with Yor in terms of pure fun.

Finally, you might have heard that I'm a fan of the movies of Roddy Piper. While "They Live" is, while camp in places, a genuine sci-fi classic, most of his work is dross. Hell Comes To Frogtown is a good fun, ridiculous post-apocalyptic mess, and one of the strangest films I've ever seen...though loses points for being knowingly camp. Even if just for Piper, most of his films are a lot of fun to watch, and almost always dreadful.

I have yet to get round to seeing it, but I want to check out Burning Bright just for the synopsis; "A thriller centered on a young woman and her autistic little brother who are trapped in a house with a ravenous tiger during a hurricane."

[MalaCloudy Black]

If we're going to talk Italian knock-offs, Spider-man. All the way.

[GA!]

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a parody. Can't count that, surely?

If we're going to talk Italian knock-offs, Spider-man. All the way.

HOLY SHIT! I forgot about that. Best thing ever.

Far as awesome terrible films go: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is definitely up there, I watch it every Christmas (non-MST3K by the way, it doesn't need snarky comments). I love the original SyFy and Asylum films even though they're deliberately awful. Lots of 50s/60s sci-fi like Tarantula and Ed Wood. I'm also deeply into the works of Kurt Angle.

Birdemic has several great set-pieces - "I hear a mountain lion! I gotta get back to my house and you better get to your car!" - but, and quite rare for an awful film, it really drags.

EDIT:

Finally, you might have heard that I'm a fan of the movies of Roddy Piper. While "They Live" is, while camp in places, a genuine sci-fi classic,

I've been trying to figure out why I don't like They Live as much as I thought I would despite it being the sort of thing I'm into, and I think you nailed it. The third act is so over-the-top it just doesn't work. As a concept and for a good chunk of it though it is a classic.

[Hobo]

One of my favorite shit movies is 1990: The Bronx Warriors. It's one of many bad post apocalyptic flicks in the 1980s, but this one is just so much fun. Think of the Warriors, except with poor acting and silly special effects.

And this...

The gang finds one of their own dead, but the real story here is the fucking random drummer. The drum beat he is playing is actually quite awesome, but still, why is he just playing drums right there? The story behind it is that when the crew showed up to film, this guy was actually just hanging around playing his drums near the water. The film crew decided to just leave him in the filming, and actually emphasize his drum work a bit. This random encounter actually fits the scene well. The bikers are actual members of Hells Angels for the record, keep an eye out for the biker with a prosthetic hook for a hand.

Hah! Awesome! The sequel to that movie is Escape 2000! "LEAVE THE BRONX!"

[Damian WayLNKe]

Reading about the Italian movies reminded me of Scarecrow Gone Wild which features Ken Shamrock. Why does Italy remind me of this movie? One of my roommates told me to "obtain" it, but the version that I got was dubbed over with Italian. We still watched it anyway though

[Skummy]

If we're going to talk Italian knock-offs, Spider-man. All the way.

Italian Spiderman is a parody of the kind of thing I'm talking about, isn't it? So I'm not sure if it counts...I don't know, I've never seen it.

Now Turkish Spiderman, that's something. It's actually called 3 Dev Adam (Three Mighty Men), and I had intended to do a video review of it one day, though my copy's a hideously grainy VHS rip. Spiderman is the villain, in a shitty costume, never uses his powers, and essentially is just a ridiculously sadistic villain - at one point I think he buries a woman up to her neck in sand, and runs her head over with a jeep or something. The heroes are Captain America - again in a knock-off costume, though probably actually better than Reb Brown's Captain - and "El Santo" (quite clearly not actually him), who spends half the film unmasked. It's remarkable.

Speaking of Santo - lucha movies are an absolute treasure trove, I can't believe I didn't bring them up earlier. Some can be pretty hard to track down, and I've actually struck up deals with specialist suppliers in the past to get hold of some of them, and spent absurd amounts of money for a few fo them. If I ever do get round to doing video reviews, lucha movies were intended to be a key component - I actually already have most of a review of Las Momias De Guanajuato filmed, but never finished editing it because of technical nonsense.

Some of the films are fairly dull, hokey B-movies and not actually all that interesting to watch, but still the surreal nature of these guys being in lucha masks the whole time gives even the worst movies their charm - MST3K fans might have seen "Samson & The Vampire Women", one of the few English dubs.

It's just amazing how many different genres they tried to plug luchadores into - most are action/horror (Vs. Dracula, etc.), but they do sci-fi (Santo Vs. The Martians), and even try their hand at Bond/Mission Impossible style spy flicks on occassion.

One of the absolute best of the bunch is Las Momias De Guanajuato - in which the mummy of a dead luchadore called "Satan" returns after a hundred years to exact his revenge on El Santo, the descendent of another El Santo who defeated him. Santo himself barely features, as Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras are the central characters - the highlights are Mascaras' amazing fashion sense, and his habit of driving a dune buggy, and Blue Demon telling his son he's adopted within seconds of the character being introduced. Oh, and Blue Demon shoots a fucking gold-plated flamethrower pistol.

Santo & Blue Demon Vs. The Monsters is good fun too, featuring the two heroes facing entirely not copyright infringing versions of Dracula, the Wolfman, Frankenstein's Monster, a vampire woman and a bizarre Cyclops/Creature From The Black Lagoon thing. One of the monsters is played by a pre-fame Tenieblas, too. ots of good silly fun - and, oddly, Blue Demon is listed under his real name in the credits.

Probably the most fun, though, is Los Campeones Justicieros (Champions Of Justice). No Santo, but we do get Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras, Black Shadow, Tinieblas, Mano Negra, El Médico Asesino, and probably a few others. It begins with the greatest opening sequence in cinematic history, as the luchadores, in full get-up, ride motorcycles down the highway in formation. The plot of the movie is, essentially, that a mad scientist is attempting to kidnap various beauty queens for some reason - all of whom happen to be nieces or god-daughters of famous luchadores - and he does so by inventing a machine that gives his midget henchmen super strength. Why he doesn't invent a machine that gives his ordinary sized henchmen super strength, I don't know, but it leads to fight scenes in which Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras get beaten up by a group of midgets in red capes and bodysuits, or else just hurl midgets at each other.

...how have you not already stopped reading this and started watching this movie?! Aside from midget fight scenes, the best part of the movie is any time the luchadores are going about their daily business - Mil Mascaras rocking a tailored suit and mask combo, a couple of them hanging out on a speedboat in swimming trunks and lucha masks, and El Médico Asesino actually waking up in bed, in pyjamas and lucha masks. It's wonderful. Also, there's a genuinely brilliant "blink and you'll miss it" moment where Mil Mascaras changes masks in a split-second.

[MalaCloudy Black]

I think I did mean Turkish Spiderman, because I was thinking of the one where he's a douchebag and Cap is the hero.

[Josh]

loses points for being knowingly camp.

This really does bear repeating. The very best terrible movies are the ones that have no idea they're terrible.

It relates to something the Rifftrax guys tried. As an experiment, they riffed one of film history's true greats - Casablanca. The theory is that in order for a movie riffing to be great, the one true key component is that the movie take itself seriously. So, to me, that's the number one thing any truly awesome terrible movie has going for it: it takes itself seriously.

[Skummy]

loses points for being knowingly camp.

This really does bear repeating. The very best terrible movies are the ones that have no idea they're terrible.

It relates to something the Rifftrax guys tried. As an experiment, they riffed one of film history's true greats - Casablanca. The theory is that in order for a movie riffing to be great, the one true key component is that the movie take itself seriously. So, to me, that's the number one thing any truly awesome terrible movie has going for it: it takes itself seriously.

Precisely. The most enjoyable terrible movies are the ones that you can tell were something of a labour of love, where the amount of imagination and heart going into them far outweighs the ability of the film-makers. It gives them a brilliant charm, and one that's increasingly hard to find in modern films - either they're too self-aware, or CGI effects and whatnot just lack the appeal of ropey costumes and stop-motion, or whatever.

[MalaCloudy Black]

Also, how could I forget Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter?

Essentially, Jesus comes to Ottawa to save the city's lesbians from vampires and he does it with the help of El Santo.

One of my favourite scenes - Jesus Christ vs. the Atheists:

[tenaciousg]

Also this:

http://en.wikipedia....iki/Bad_Biology

Jennifer (Charlee Danielson) has seven known clitorises (not including others inside her), began menstruating at age five, and gives birth to a mutant baby two hours after each sexual intercourse. No man has been able to satisfy her, and she discards all of her offspring, as she refers to them as not being real. Batz (Anthony Sneed), has a drug-addicted penis with a mind of its own, that is growing out of control.

Oh dear lord... The trailer just adds to the awesome terribleness of it all.

What the shit. That works for both the trailer and the movie.