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Maynard Finds Jesus?


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You know the old saying, “no news is good news”, well… that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit.  Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasn’t Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasn’t there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isn’t. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, here’s exactly what I was told:  “Maynard has found Jesus.” This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I don’t know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl… that’s all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who don’t read the whole post), here’s today's news: Maynard has found Jesus…
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Hmm... well it's April 2nd, they've updated the site twice since and no one's mentioned it being a joke. It does wreak of being a prank though, as cool as I'd take it if it were true.

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Being a huge Tool fan, this is really hurting me because I was looking forward to a new Tool CD by the end of the year.

But then again, I'm not a Christian (I'm the polar opposite), but I guess if it enhances Maynard's life, then he should go with it.

I'm still bummed though.

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If this is indeed the case, then more power to him. If he gets as preachy as Welsh has become, then fuck 'im. I hold him in the same standard I do everyone else of every other religion.

If this is a potshot at Welsh, I'll laugh for days. Even if Maynard's not actually involved in any of this and some folks associated with the band thought it up, I'll continue to laugh.

Either way, something's in the water. Korn gives Head to God, the Pope and Mitch Hedberg both pass away, the list goes on and on. I may not be a particular fan of this year, but it's interesting nevertheless.

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Guest Bluesman

Personally it may be a wise choice...musically it is not, as everyone who finds God turns to crap musically.

However it is a joke, so there isn't much point discussing it further.

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Their guitarist (Brian "Head" Welch) left Korn because he found Jesus.

His website is http://www.headtochrist.com

EDIT: Oh yeah, Head wrote a song called "A Cheap Name". It's apparently a "letter from God to 50 Cent about the error of his ways" or some shit.

Edited by Tristof
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I think every band or artist mentioned in this thread sucks.

Just my opinion.

But if it's true, good for Maynard, I still won't like him, but people who are hoping it's not true are wrong. Why would you hope for someone to be miserable?

If he's found God, and he's happy, be happy for him. Don't be selfish because you want a fucking record to come out.

Edited by SkinMySenses
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