The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[Troy Maskell]

And no I won't be typing up a 2000 word editorial tonight. My feelings on Molly are well known and I'm sure I don't want to deal with the e-mails from outraged fans when I end said editorial with the hope that Chris Benoit actually lives up to his gimmick and breaks Mollys neck tonight.

But that doesn't mean I'm biased or anything. I'll admit it, yes the Molly Holly storyline has done a world of good, not just for women who have been subjected to what Nora was, but women everywhere but it's outlived its usefullness, let it go gracefully. It continues to amaze me that the creative team can find different ways to keep the Molly story going for a year now but they can't find anything for people like Mike Bucci who was sadly fired during the week for pulling a Brian Lawler, not undeserved but a sad inditement of what happens in the Wrestling world nowadays.

Anyway on with it

[The Third Dukes]

This has no bearing on anything, but am I the only one who thinks it cool I've turned Troy Maskell into a side character in the BVS universe? Rock on!

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Feb. 24 / 05, taped Feb. 22.

- Live from Filthydelphia.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette, who promise a different sort of night tonight.

- Opening match, WWE Cruiserweight Title: Minoru Fujita v. Paul London. London basically trashes ECW and bids good riddance to Nova in a pre-match promo so that everyone at home and in the arena can figure out he's the heel. Fujita kicks him into gooey paste to start, but a superkick is blocked and London runs him over and drops a fist. Dropsault (and he preens afterward) is followed by a double foot stomp for two. He tosses Fujita and baseball slides him, but on the outside a rana is blocked and Fujita flips London into the crowd. Back in, Fujita gets a roundhouse and basement dropkick for two. Ten kick count-along in the corner (that's different) and a roaring elbow gets two. London gets a sunset flip for two. London Bridge gets two. Contra Code, but London decides to try a Fujita Driver instead of going for the pin. Fujita slips out and gets a tiger suplex for the pin at 6:51. Heel London doesn't do it for me, but wrestler London certainly does. **1/2 Post-match, Paul Heyman emerges and (with Tajiri as translator) welcome Fujita into the Dangerous Alliance. The three of them leave for the night.

- Now that I've actually seen "The Warriors", I'm beginning to appreciate just how much of the Rock's act got lifted from that opening monologue.

- Backstage...

We are in a hallway. Rob Van Dam, Hurricane, Ron Simmons, and Stephanie McMahon are all present.

Stephanie: "Okay, guys. This is what you've earned. This is what you want. Just remember this: at the end of the day, we're all friends. Right?"

RVD: "No problem."

Simmons: "Yeah, I got ya."

Stephanie: "Now, I'm gonna be waiting in the back here, cuz... it's not fair for me to side with anyone. I just want a good fight."

Hurricane: "Don't you worry, Citizen Steph. The Hurricane always fights fair. I just want to make sure the rest of you have the same intentions."

RVD: "Wh... why wouldn't I?"

Simmons: "Well, c'mon, man, this is your place. You gon' be all fired up. They wanchoo to win. You wanna win."

RVD: "Well, yeah, but I'm not gonna betray your trust, dude. I'm Rob - Van - Dam. I don't do that."

Simmons: "All right. I'll see you in the ring. Just remember this... it's my title 'til ya get it off me. Either of ya. And you damn better do it by pinnin' me."

Stephanie: "Ron, please. Don't go causing trouble."

Hurricane: "No, no, let him speak out. What's your concern, Champ?"

Simmons: "Is like this. Y'all are a tag team. Ya know one another. I'm the new guy. I'm the champ. And I wanna make sure y'all ain't strikin' a deal behind my back."

RVD: "He's got a point."

Stephanie: "Come on, Rob, you know you wouldn't..."

RVD: "Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't... but I'd be a little concerned too in his place."

Hurricane: "Holy compromise! I think I can solve this! Let's have it be an elimination match. That way, you have to lose to lose the title. How's that, Citizen Simmons?"

Simmons: "Deal."

RVD: "All right... now let's do this right."

Stephanie: "That's the way. That's my team."

- Is it wrong that I found Stephanie's "that's my team" comment a little funny?

- Scott Colt v. Tazz. Tazz gets a huge pop, of course. Colt tries to outwrestle Tazz and gets a German suplex, but this just ticks Tazz off. Five or six Tazzplexes later and it's like the Path of Rage Tour all over again, ending in Tazzmission at 3:22. A slaughter is always good for the soul. *1/4

- Mattitude arrives, and Matt is taking his teammates out for a public tongue-lashing. Both of them screwed up royally in not winning the match on Sunday. Matt points out every single one of their flaws, while Cole actually scores points by noting that Matt got suckered into ABANDONING THE MATCH by Edge. Shannon seems legitimately on the verge of crying at this point. I haven't seen anything like this since the heyday of the LWO and "Eddy" Guerrero. Edge FINALLY interrupts and tells Matt to stuff it. He knows Matt is full of crap, and he says he MUST win the title at WrestleMania. It's not about glory; it's about what if someone did THIS to him... ah, the Miracle Tape...

A surveillance camera shot shows Edge wandering around the back halls of an unnamed arena. The timestamp reads 23-02-03 -- 23 February 2003, the day of the No Way Out PPV from Montreal. As Edge stretches out, we see someone rush into the shot and throw Edge into a concrete wall. The figure then stands over Edge and slams a lead pipe repeatedly into his neck area. As the figure runs off, we get a look at his face... it's Matt Hardy.

- Edge then goes into a SEETHING rage interview about the 13 months of his career lost over a senseless attack. In six weeks, all that rage will come out on Matt, and the title's coming to Edge. Well, I think we all knew this was the mystery footage Edge saw way back when, but at least it's official now, and it adds a bonus backstory. But it leaves unanswered (for now) the question of why Matt did it. Start your speculation.

- WWE United States Title: Ron Simmons v. Hurricane v. Rob Van Dam. As promised, no sign of Stephanie. Hurricane and RVD lock up, but Simmons grabs Hurricane and flings him into the corner. RVD adds shoulder thrusts as Hurricane appears the weak link first off. Double suplex, and RVD gets two. RVD with kicks to Hurricane, but the stepover enzuigiri is ducked and Simmons takes it. Double flapjack on Simmons gets two. Sandwich dropkick sends Simmons to his knees, and a Hurricane Shining Wizard gets RVD two. RVD goes up, but Hurricane follows and superplexes him for two. Simmons catches Hurricane in his spinebuster for two. Simmons tosses Hurricane, but RVD tosses Simmons from behind and hits both with a somersault plancha. RVD and Hurricane back in first, and a Hurri-chokeslam is blocked and countered with a superkick. Simmons returns and press slams Hurricane, and RVD gets the five-star to send him out at 6:40. Simmons immediately with a clothesline for two. RVD gets a thrust kick and standing moonsault for two. Simmons reverses a corner whip, but a blind charge misses and RVD clotheslines both over the top as we go to break. We come back with Simmons holding a bearhug as RVD fades fast. The mutants even start an RVD chant, which is saying something about how over he is. RVD pulls the arm trick and punches out, and the two get in a slugfest (one can only imagine how stiff THAT sucker is), won by RVD, who nails a roundhouse for two. Both men appear to be bleeding from the mouth at this point. RVD nails a spinkick and split-legged moonsault for two. Crowd is not appreciative. To the outside, where RVD misses a crossbody and Simmons drops him on the railing so he can blade. Back in, RVD flips out of a powerbomb and gets a rollup for two. Thrust kick and he goes up, but the Five-Star hits the knees. Simmons up first, and he sends RVD for the ride, but RVD tries a Lionsault press, but Simmons catches him with the powerslam for the pin at 13:44. This whole month should just be called "How Simmons Got His Groove Back". **1/2 Group hug to end.

- Back from commercial, the US title guys search out Stephanie, but she's nowhere to be found. An ominous black tie appears on her dressing room door, however. I hate when villains leave calling cards.

- Eddie Guerrero and Rey Misterio v. World's Greatest Tag Team v. Nathan Jones and Kenzo Suzuki v. Shannon Moore and Evan Karagias v. New Blood. Winner of this match gets a tag title shot at some indeterminate point in the future that'll likely be WrestleMania. But don't tell anyone. Conway and Rey start, and Rey hits a pair of armdrags before Conway gets a dropkick and ranas a charging Kenzo. Maven in, and the DROPKICK OF DOOM connects on Evan as everyone cycles in and out like some lucha match. Eddie gets a slingshot senton on Kenzo, but Nathan runs him over with a big boot. WGTT abuse Eddie with the leapfrog choke, and Shelton adds a German suplex for two. Evan drops the big elbow on Eddie for two, but Shelton runs him off and Haas gets a swinging neckbreaker on Nathan for fun. Conway and Moore try to enter at the same time, so Conway gets a slingshot suplex and goes up. He dives at Nathan, but YOU CAN'T CROSSBODY NATHAN and Shelton dives onto Conway for two. WGTT set Conway up for a Doomsday Device, but Rey gets a Frankensteiner on Shelton and topples the tower over. Eddie and Kenzo cover various people for two-counts. Evan returns with a springboard dropkick for two. Shannon Ward jumps onto the apron, trying to get in the act, but the ref orders her off. She tells her team to take a walk, but Rey meets them with a corkscrew hilo and that sets off a trainwreck, as Shelton, Shannon, Conway, Evan, and Eddie all add their own wacky dives. That leaves Haas and Maven in the ring, and Haas gets an overhead suplex for two. Angle Slam, but Eddie returns and Frog Splashes Maven to steal the pin at 11:21. This was a car crash, but it gives Eddie and Rey something to do. *1/4

- (This last part speaks for itself...)

Gong. Gong. Lightning strikes the stage and sends up the wall of flame. Behind it are the Undertaker, the Creature, Pain, and Suffering -- the Army of Darkness. The Creature leads the way, holding the urn in front of her. The Undertaker follows, as Pain and Suffering trail him. Undertaker stands on the steps as the other three wait in the aisle. He brings the lights back on and steps into the ring. He takes the mic from a petrified Tony Chimel.

Undertaker: "Look around you... look at the darkness that encompasses all those who dare to stand between me... and my glory... I subsist on the fear of others... and I back down from nothing... Those who would not join me... shall face the wrath of the Army of Darkness... no man or woman shall be safe... from the Hell I can unleash in the WWE...

Billy Kidman... you have fought my mission from its first day... you have fought to keep me... from assembling the army... that will bring about my glory... when you stole from me... you signed the warrant of your own doom... I leave you now with two choices... join... or perish...

For I will make of you an example... to all those who would doubt my power... all those who would laugh at my capabilities... and all those who believe me to be weak... because this mortal shell advances in age... I am an invincible being... I am more than just my physical presence... I am eternal... and I shall not be denied in gaining my glory...

You, Billy Kidman... will be the first man through whom I gain my glory... It is you who will be made the initial sacrifice... the great spectacle... through which all shall know my power... Billy Kidman... when the hour presents itself... you... will rest... in... peeeeeeeeeace...."

Undertaker rolls his eyes back, but instead of his music, we get Kidman's. A spotlight shows him in the crowd, walking to the barrier. As he does, Pain and Suffering move to the barrier to attack him, but with a flick of his wrist, Undertaker waves them off.

Undertaker: "Approach..."

Kidman climbs over the barrier, but doesn't enter the ring. He keeps the ring between himself and the Army. He stares into the Undertaker's eyes, refusing to turn away. He climbs the steps, but comes no closer.

Kidman: "Undertaker... I've made this clear on many occasions. You picked the wrong person to start your Army with. You took someone who people cared about. Who I cared about! You took the one thing that means more to me than anything else. I want to do the same to you."

Undertaker laughs an evil laugh.

Undertaker: "No man... no woman... no thing of this earth... can mean a thing... merely the desire... to add to my personal glory... If this is your vengeance... your best chance... is to surrender..."

Kidman: "Oh, no. I can't surrender. I'll never quit. But I know that deep down, you are weak. You speak of how your body is deteriorating. That's the secret. You can accomplish nothing if you are crippled, broken down, and gone. The black magic you used... it must be what keeps you strong. But I will break that spell, and I will take your greatest glory away."

Undertaker stares at him.

Kidman: "I know that look. You're wondering how, aren't you? Well... Undertaker... the first step to preventing you from obtaining any glory is to show that your physical presence is weak. Then, your Army will be scattered like thieves in the night. Undertaker, I will destroy you as I have been trained to do. Right here, In This Very Ring! Undertaker, I want you at WrestleMania 21!"

The crowd cheers. Undertaker merely smiles.

Kidman: "Good. I have your attention. But I wanna up it just a bit. You see, I don't trust your... army. I know what happened at No Way Out. If they didn't get involved, I could've destroyed you. And I WILL destroy you. I just wish I could have your assurance that you will face me without their help."

Undertaker: "You have chosen... and you choose poorly... Billy Kidman... you have signed the warrant... of your own execution... April 3 is the date of death... for it is at that time... that you will see me compound my glory... when I drag you... and your worthless body... your soul... everything that matters to you... straight... into the pits... of Hell..."

Kidman: "That's it! You said the word. Undertaker, what better way to destroy your legacy than in the match created for you, by you, because of you! Undertaker, since you wish to eliminate me, it will be one-on-one, and it will be in the only environment I can trust you in. Undertaker, I'll see you in Hell... IN A CELL!"

The crowd goes berserk, while Michael Cole and Jim Cornette claim Kidman has lost his mind. Cole wonders if Undertaker will accept the extra stipulation away from the numbers game. Kidman stares at Undertaker, never wavering in his stance. Undertaker removes his hat and gives Kidman the eyes of the dead before responding.

Undertaker: "SO BE IT."

GONG.

The Bottom Line:

So much to talk about here. All sorts of WrestleMania matches either amped up (Hardy/Edge), confirmed (Kidman/Taker), or hinted at (JAPAN/Eddie and Rey, RTC/Team Steph). I can see why they went light on matches today -- with only a few weeks to make all the matches official, they gotta sacrifice at least one show to catch up with RAW. I question the placement of the Kidman/Taker segment last (or even on the same show as the unveiling of the videotape), but I'm not Vince McMahon, Evil Genius.

And thank God for that.

[tristy]

I want to be a side-character in the BVS universe! Bastard. Anyways, moving on to my awesome Pros & Cons! I'm only doing it on the stuff I really care about.

Pros:

- "Undertaker: SO BE IT." That's pure awesomeness right there buddy. I could imagine Undertaker saying that. Good stuff.

- The Ron Simmons push. He deserves it. You have no idea how many times I've wished Simmons was in the position JBL is/was in. Keep it up.

Cons:

- The impending Simmons/Bradshaw match. It's going to be a stinker, no doubt it. Unless you add a stipulation that could provide a worthwhile brawl. Eh, we'll see.

- I don't think I like the idea of a cruiserweight taking on a super heavyweight like The Undertaker in a Hell In A Cell. I'm sure you'll pull it off and make the match awesome, but I don't know...just don't do anything insane, like a Double SSP off the cage.

- Why would RTC kidnap Stephanie? Because she shows alot of cleavage?

On a side note, I was skimming through your Battle For Vince's Soul diary yesterday, and I must say I loved Vince's Thanksgiving speech. Good stuff. I want to see an epic speech like that in this diary soon. :thumbsup:

[oldskool]

It's obviously Ron Simmons' fault. I mean....damn. Saying damn on television? For shame, Ron. For shame.

[DonaldMick]

You and me both, Tristof.

You and me both.

And since we did this show in Philadelphia, I guess it's only appropriate that somebody goes "OH MY GOD!!!"

I would've loved to hear that Edge promo, but c'est la vie. Heel London needs to find his groove, it was a bit of a rushed turn, but whatcha gonna do on two days notice?

And your obligatory poll... Tajiri/Ultimo/Fujita/Colt or Rude/Austin/Zbyzsko/Anderson/Eaton?

[Nick Adams]

Well, somebody had to write up a review of the show that was internet-like for that one blow-by-blow show, didn't they. Speaking of which, damn this is a long storyline. So, I guess I'll offer my comments:

- WrestleMania looks to be better in the BVS universe than in the real world. Of course, that's because the BVS universe is partially what could happen, partially what should happen, and partially what Vince would actually do, but not too much of any one aspect.

- Taker and Kidman is going to be interesting. All things considered, "SO BE IT" has got to be the creepiest response that I have ever heard - okay, at least that I could imagine the Undertaker saying. Especially with the way he is now.

- SIMMONS DA MAN! And "That's my team," - I gotta' agree with Virtual Keith, I have to laugh.

- How the heck did you do a five-team match? 5v5 Survivor Series? Just curious.

- Tazz nearly murders a man in under 3 minutes. That could be a gimmick or something.

- Paul London as a bad guy...sorry, can't see it.

Keep up the good work.

[Commander Sheepard]

Well that's ANOTHER match I'm looking forward to "seeing" at Wrestlemania. Seriously, Kidman vs Taker in the Cell could be either totally lame and overbooked, or one of the greatest things ever. Way to keep it interesting if nothing else Dukes.

[K.O.T.W]

Troy Mas-Cool (only he will get that joke) gets a spot in the universe? As our U.S Champ would say - DAMN.

And Kidman vs. Taker in HIAC at WM21 must be the oddest pairing ever. But the feud has rocked so far. Well done, you'll make the match great even if Virch has to use the HPUTA.

[Troy Maskell]

I should explain myself and my "Side character" ness in the whole thing.

Nick did get it right, I was asked by Dukes if I wouldn't mind doing a review for the blow by blow show. Which I gracefully agreed to, what's happened from then on is sort of booked on the fly. Dukes writes something as Virtual Keith, "Troy" reacts (In the BVS World just like I did it in the real world I'm notoriously slow and thus would've had time to read Keith's review) and we continue on.

That said I only do selected "Quotes" unless asked, Dukes is the main reviewer, I'm just a side guy

"Troy's" Quotes for this episode

Ok as much as this storyline needs a finish on the grandest stage of all was the world REALLY crying out for the 7 millionth Kidman-Undertaker interview segment? And why make it a "Main Event" Interview as my colleague Scott Keith would say? It could quite easily have slotted in perfectly midshow but heaven knows I'm not Vince McMahon, Evil Genius either (Glad to see you coming around to my way of thinking for a change Scott).

And as for Hell in a Cell. Well it'll either steal the show, or suck on Boss Man type levels. Considering Taker and his "I'm not feeling it" usual self I'd bet on the latter. Kidman's gonna have to pull out more than a Kidman Phoenix (The double SSP from last year Remember?) to pull THIS one out of the mire.

Edited April 11, 2005 by Troy Maskell

[The Third Dukes]

Author's note: I have taken a TON of liberties with this week's WMGH trailer. Let's just say I couldn't possibly do this justice, but I'll give it a whirl.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Feb. 28 / 05.

- Live from Providence, RI. Someone thought putting a show in New England in February was a good idea. Clearly not me. Then again, I tend to be shovelling out three feet of white at this time, so what the hell do I know?

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and DDP.

- RNN! Orton demands Rock show up, but then realizes a fossil like him belongs in Miami, permanently retired. Besides, Rock probably has more sense than Orton gives him credit for -- who in their right mind would come to Rhode Island? So he acts like he wants to cut a promo on Rock, but Kane comes out and sets off various nasty amounts of pyro. Orton does the smartest thing ever: hands him the mic and runs away. Kane announces that the hunt has begun. Ever since SummerSlam, when people were pitying Molly for her loss of the I-C title, they've acted like she's the big victim. Well, if they want to pity her, he says, he'll MAKE them pity her. He'll be on the lookout for them, and when they arrive, what he has done to Christian in the past will be NOTHING. Tonight, the real pain begins. To the point, and it makes Kane a total nutball psycho -- you know, the dangerous kind?

- Booker T, Scott Hall, Tommy Dreamer, and Stacy are all sitting around wondering how to get involved with WrestleMania. Booker actually suggests messing around with their French before Stacy reminds him he did that before. They settle on having Stacy cause La Res to lose their two matches tonight, so that they'll challenge for WrestleMania. Interesting play there.

- Meanwhile, back in the ring, Eric Bischoff meets with some guy and tells him that he's holding open auditions for spots on RAW, and he wants to see what he's got. So we get...

- Eric Angle v. some guy. Hiptoss, belly-to-belly, Angle Slam, goodnight at 0:47. DUD Well, he ain't gettin' the contract, anyway.

- Johnny LeRoux interview. Nowinski made a mistake attacking him. If he's so desperate for competition, why don't they settle it next week in the ring? He'll beat Nowinski at his own game, he will. What, Jeopardy!? Tough Enough? Tiddlywinks? Actually, judging from the e-mails I get, Tiddlywinks might = Ratings.

- Meanwhile, cameras follow Molly and Christian to the ubiquitous Friendly Tap.

- Meanwhile #2, Kane is watching the broadcast and notices this. Hey, maybe someone wants to order a Flaming Homer and needs him to provide the fire. Don't go jumping to conclusions here.

- René Dupree v. Chris Harris. Here's an interesting concept: the tag titles are being defended in a pair of singles matches, and if the challengers win both they win the titles. So Dupree and Harris slug it out to start, with Dupree getting a drop toehold and legbar. Harris powers out and lariats Dupree for two. Harris tries a suplex, but Dupree blocks and kicks the leg out of his leg. Shinbreaker and Dupree gets a half-crab. Harris turns it into an enzuigiri, but Dupree ducks and makes with an anklelock. Harris makes the ropes. Dupree clips Harris and goes for THE EXTREMELY FRENCH PEOPLE'S ELBOW~! (which makes no sense in context but I don't really care), but Harris rolls aside. Dupree stays on the leg as Harris tries to stand, actually getting a dragon screw (although Harris did most of the work) and trying a Sharpshooter just to piss Harris off. Harris tries to reverse, so Dupree rolls over and gets a Figure-Four. Harris B-A-R-E-L-Y makes the ropes, and Dupree is pissed. He gets Lucille LaChienne to distract the ref as he goes for the belts, but Stacy Keibler shows up and hits him low, allowing Harris to hobble over and nail a DDT on the belt (with Sting removing all evidence) for the pin at 8:43. Nice. **1/2 Sting helps Harris out, but Grenier attacks as we go to break.

- World Tag Team title(s): Sylvain Grenier v. Sting. We return with Grenier working a chinlock as Sting powers out. Sting slugs away and shoves Grenier into the corner, getting a release German suplex for two. Grenier goes to the eyes and gets an abdominal stretch, but Sting hiptosses out of it and tries a Stinger splash. He overshoots, allowing Dupree to clock him with a belt and get two for Grenier. Grenier pounds Sting upside the head and hits a DDT for two. Lariat gets two. Grenier tries a Stinger Splash of his own, but Sting avoids it and rolls him up on the rebound for two. Atomic drop, both ways, and Sting tries a clothesline but Grenier ducks and hits the Deathdrop for two. Now Stacy returns to distract Grenier, but instead distracts the ref, so he misses Sting getting a rollup. Lucille enters and shoves the pile over, and Grenier holds on to the tights for the pin at 6:14 shown. If Grenier keeps cheating like an evil bastard, I might actually be forced to start liking him or something. Don't place bets, mind you. *1/4

- Out at the bar, Molly and Christian get to talking...

Christian: "Molly, I got something very important to say. It's about you. I..."

Molly: "Christian, please. I told you, I'm not ready."

Christian: "No, it's not that. Molly... I don't want you going after the men anymore."

Molly: "Wh... why?"

Christian: "Molly, look at me. Look at my neck. Look at my back. I haven't walked normally for weeks now. This is what Benoit did to me. This is what he almost did to you! And it's what Kane wants to do to you."

Molly: "He can't. He can't hurt me. Nothing can hurt me anymore. I'm a fighter."

Christian: "I understand that, I do. But... Molly... what are you trying to prove?"

Molly: "I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anyone."

Christian: "Is this about him? He's not gonna get to you."

Molly: "No! It's... it's..."

Christian: "It is, isn't it?"

Molly doesn't reply. She wipes away a tear.

Christian: "Molly... he's gone. It's over. I'm here to protect you, okay?"

Molly: "No... it's not over. He's still out there. What if... what if they say it's my fault? What if it was my fault? Then he's gonna be back. I don't wanna have to... no! I want to know I'll stand up to him -- that I'll take him out! I need to fight!"

Christian (cradling a crying Molly's head in his arms): "Shhhhh... shhhh... you don't have to do this. I'm here. We're all here. He's never gonna get you again. Never. No one's gonna get you again. C'mon... everything's gonna be okay..."

Molly (choking back sobs): "It's gonna be okay... it's... I gotta keep ready... I gotta be ready to fight..."

Christian: "Molly, no. There are no more monsters. It's over. I won't let them hurt you. I promise. No one is ever going to hurt you like that again. You don't have to fight the big boys. You don't need to fight them to fight him. I believe in you. You'll take him out. But he's never coming back. Okay? C'mon, let's go."

Christian allows Molly to sit back up. They both get their things and start to leave when...

Molly: "What are you--?"

Christian: "I'll handle this. What do you want?"

The camera pans over to show who they're talking to.

Kane: "You know what I want. Her."

Christian: "Not anymore. She doesn't need to or want to. You got a problem with her? You talk to me."

Molly: "Christian, please, you don't--"

Kane: "Fine. I will!"

Kane grabs Christian by the throat and tosses him headfirst into the jukebox in the background. He then picks him up and presses his head against a railing, trying to crush his windpipe.

Molly: "Let him go! What did he do to you?"

Kane: "He wanted this. And I want you."

Molly: "No... I'm not..."

Kane: "Meet me in the ring at WrestleMania! I will make you feel REAL pain!"

Molly: "Kane, please, let me think..."

Kane: "DO IT! Or I break your man's neck."

Molly wavers. Kane presses harder as Christian gasps for air. Molly turns pale.

Molly: "All right, all right, just let him go! I'll do it."

Kane smiles and releases the hold as Christian collapses, coughing and holding his throat. Molly stands aside as Kane walks by, smiling at her. He holds up his hand, all fingers extended.

Kane: "Five weeks... then you'll know pain."

Molly slumps down as Kane walks off. She cries as the camera shows Christian struggling to his feet.

Molly (softly): "I'm sorry... it's my fault..."

- I wanted to add my thoughts on this segment, but they mushroomed out of control and I decided to make it a whole 'nother column.

- Johnny Jeter and the Matthews Family v. Booker T, Tommy Dreamer, and Scott Hall. Crowd is mildly distracted by the whole previous segment. Faces clear house as Dreamer slugs down on Jeter and Chris gets bulldogged by Hall. Joey with a cheapshot on Booker T, then he and Chris do a double suplex as the ref clears the ring to make Booker YOUR sucka-in-peril. Joey gets a neckscissors as Jeter comes in with a splash for two. Northern Lights suplex gets two. Double clothesline gets two, and Chris hits a diving rana for two. Hell miscommunication eventually allows a double leg lariat by Booker, hot tag Dreamer. Everyone gets punched until a double-team crotches Dreamer on the ropes (BALLS OF STEEL~!). It's BONZO GONZO as Hall gets the Edge on Jeter, but Grenier runs interference and the Matthewses get the Problem Solver on Dreamer for the pin at 7:09. So Harris pinned Dupree, Booker and Hall are actively irking La Res, and the Matthewses just got a clean pin. I smell a four-way at WrestleMania. Match was okay. **

- The following preview has been approved for all audiences by World Wrestling Entertainment...

The scene is a trailer strewn with various foreign objects. Eddie Guerrero stands in the middle of it, dressed like Ambassador Duke from Doonesbury. He surveys the area as his voice plays in a voiceover.

Eddie (voiceover): "So there we were, on the road to WrestleMania. We had two steel folding chairs, seventy-five sets of brass knuckles, five different high-powered trashcan lids, half a salt-shaker of powder for the eyes, and a whole collection of blue mist, red mist, green mist, black mist... also, a quart of Montezuma's Revenge water, a quart of tranquilizer, a case of Steve Austin's leftover beer, a pint of ether, and two dozen rags for soaking. Not that we needed all this stuff, but once you get serious about cheating to win, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether-soaked rag, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."

Rey (from off-camera): "Hey, Eddie! Hitchhiker!"

Eddie: "What?"

He exits the trailer as we see it's connected to a convertible that Rey is driving. Sonjay Dutt is on the side of the road.

Rey: "Hitchhiker, man. Let's give the boy a lift!"

Eddie: "Are you crazy, man? You can't stop here. This is Angle country!"

Rey: "C'mon, man!"

Eddie: "All right."

Eddie hops out of the trailer, closes it, locks it, and jumps into the front seat.

Sonjay: "Hot damn. I never rode to WrestleMania before."

Eddie: "Is that right? Well... I guess you're about ready, then, aren't you?"

Rey: "We're your friends. We're not like the others, man, really."

Eddie: "Don't talk like that or I'll get the cattle prod on ya, got it?"

Rey: "Heh heh heh... right."

Eddie (to a very nervous Sonjay): "Get in."

Sonjay enters the back seat. The car drives on. As it does, we focus on Eddie, lost in thought.

Eddie's voiceover: "I gotta remain normal, man. Gotta remain normal. How long could I maintain? How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same stretch of highway was the last known home of the Giant Gonzalez; will he make that grim connection when my tag team partner starts screaming about who dat droppin' out the sky? If so, well, we'll just have to beat his brains in with a sledgehammer and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs."

Eddie suddenly jerks to an upright position. His eyes dart around to everyone else in the car.

Eddie's voiceover: "Did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

WRESTLEMANIA GOES HOLLYWOOD! Live Sunday, April 3rd, only on Pay-Per-View.

Eddie: "Want some brass knucks, kid?"

Sonjay: "What?"

Eddie (thinking better of it): "Never mind."

- Hunter S. would be proud.

- Main event, handicap match: Chris Benoit, Randy Orton, and David Flair v. Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels. Gee, wonder who jobs here? Flair insists on starting against Jericho and gets right chopped into itty bitty pieces. Facejam and Lionsault try, but Orton shoves Jericho out. Orton follows, but Michaels dives onto both men and picks Orton to beat up. Benoit rolls Jericho back in, but Flair screws up again and Jericho gets a Northern Lights suplex for two. Benoit tags in, and the CHOPPING~! begins. Jericho sends Benoit to the corner, where Michaels pops up and swats the back of his head. Jericho rolls Benoit up for two. Benoit knocks Michaels off the apron, where Orton gives him Play of the Day on the turf. Back in, Jericho gets a suplex, then springboard dropkicks Flair off the apron for no good reason. He turns around... straight into a clothesline. Har har. Jericho goes to tag, but Orton has blocked Michaels and Benoit gets the rolling Germans as we take a break. We come back with Orton applying a figure-four on Jericho (as During the Break footage shows him wrapping Jericho around the post). Michaels dives in to break. Orton with a press slam, and Flair enters to put on HIS figure-four. Jericho kicks him off (of course), but Flair gets a bodypress for two. Benoit with the diving headbutt for two. Orton tries an RKO, but Jericho blocks and delivers an atomic drop and spinkick. Hot tag Michaels, and everyone gets knocked down before a back elbow to Orton. He kips up and starts ramming heads together, ending with a slam and elbow to Flair for two. Benoit saves and tries the Crossface, so Jericho breaks and it's BONZO GONZO. Michaels hits Jericho with the superkick by mistake, and he's so distraught he doesn't see Orton behind him. Oops. RKO, goodbye at 10:54. **1/2 Orton celebrates by trying the People's Eyebrow as both Michaels and Jericho get up... and Jericho gives Michaels a dirty look as we end the show.

The Bottom Line:

Hey, the wrestling was pretty good this week, so I'm happy. A four-way at WrestleMania just seems too ordinary, and it'll be interesting to see how they spice it up. Molly v. Kane is going to be... well, like I said, I have a whole nother column on that. And the three-way is shaping up nicely, just in time to steal the show.

Until next time, BUY THE BOOKS!

*****

NETCOP v. RAW EMOTION

When a single segment on a show makes me mount a soapbox, you know it's Must-Read.

First, from my review:

"- Out to the bar, Molly and Christian get to talking, and Christian demands that Molly stop fighting men. For her own good, of course. After all, if you can't trust a Canadian, who can you trust? Molly wants to keep proving herself, and after some questioning, Christian figures out it's because Molly still fears Regal. Molly breaks down, so Christian offers to take her... home? elsewhere?... when Kane arrives. He brutalizes Christian and makes threats of destroying him right in front of Molly until she capitulates and agrees to a match with him at WrestleMania. Kane leaves as Molly slumps over and cries."

Boy, am I glad I had this on tape, because I had to stop watching and take a walk just to clear my head over this one. The first part was something I'm sure Troy will have fun dissecting: Molly finally gives a rationale for continuing to fight the men, and someone finally points out how dangerous it is. The idea of feeling she has to defend herself may be blurring the kayfabe line, but that's par for the course with this storyline. I do like, however, that what seems like just avoiding mentioning Darren's name on the air actually lends to the authenticity, as I'm sure a victim of assault that scarring couldn't even bring herself to verbalize it without getting flashbacks.

And then Kane showed up, and things just got eerily quiet. Or maybe that was what it seemed like. I knew they were building Kane/Molly at WM21, which posed a problem: you DID that match at Unforgiven, and Kane threw it. Why would this be any different? There's no saying it won't be, but it does bring things full circle. That said...

...that was incredibly intense for someone merely choking another person over a guardrail. The ending, with Molly feeling responsible, almost made the whole thing seem like something out of Clockwork Orange, but it helped to get across how deeply upsetting the whole thing is supposed to be.

One has to wonder, though, how long they'll run with it. It's pretty clear they're setting up for a transition of Molly back to the Women's Division -- most likely as soon as Darren is convicted, sentenced, and/or deported. But when she goes back, how do they not put her over the Women's Champ right away? And then how do they proceed to book her as anything but a dominant champ? Molly isn't exactly Goldberg, even when compared to other women, and if you think she can be turned heel, you're nuts.

Meanwhile, what of Christian and Kane? Are they allegories, metaphors, or just wrestlers in all this? Granted, Kane's unmasked character is actually CONSISTENT with all this, what with being certain he's the most wounded animal out there and seeking vengeance like some Frank Castle from Hell, but Christian as a hero seems rather shallow. How do we know this isn't a set-up? Couldn't Christian be trying to get at Molly and do so in the worst way possible -- betraying her trust? Or is he really in love with her, in which case does he need to be so damn pussified?

The key point, I guess, from Vince's perspective, is that he now has made a money match out of a match that's been done already. If this works, people will want to see Molly pull off the upset or, at the very least, see Christian make the sacrifice to save her. I'm not certain this is drawing in new fans or anything, but it certainly is lighting up the IP messageboards. If Christian turns, he automatically catapults everyone as the biggest rat bastard in WWE history (which covers quite a bit of ground). And if he's legit right now, then the moment Molly finally opens her heart will be a MOMENT -- we're talking Savage and Liz reuniting at WM7 here.

All of this, of course, trivializes Kane. What is his role? Why is he the aggressor? And most importantly, after WrestleMania, where does he go? If Molly slays the beast, everything he was building to disappears -- he's no longer a threat to do anything, much like Big Show was destroyed by that initial decisive pin Molly got in the Chamber in 2003. Surely the WWE isn't dumb enough to do that. But they can't put him over -- not at WrestleMania, not completely, not in the way the character wants to go over, as it were. Molly is sympathetic enough (or worn-out enough) that to re-invent the story would be too much. This is the coda, as it were.

So has the WWE booked itself into a corner? Maybe. There are only a few ways they can go from here, and every fan who's followed wrestling more than a few years can piece together which endings are groan-worthy and which are satisfactory. If the whole thing is about Molly conquering her inner fear, that can be done without damaging Kane. If it's about Molly accepting Christian, that definitely can be done without damaging Kane. If it's about Christian getting revenge that Eric Cartman would be proud of, Kane becomes essential and therefore even better, but you risk a riot. Anything else makes the match either a throwaway or more damaging than positive.

Now wait, you say. Doesn't the WWE dislike being predictable? To which I say, what do you call the fans going home happy 90% of the time? The WWE is built on storylines where swerves only occur if they add to the story rather than cheat the ending of it. Steve Austin's deal with the devil at WMX-7 is the best example -- now Austin has gone from rebel to desperate man, and in retrospect it made sense AND almost breathed new life into the Austin. I mean, he didn't actually get booed or anything, but the thought was there. So basically, while the WWE may not like that everyone can follow the story to its conclusion and see the finish, if you still pop for it and buy the PPV to see it, they'll live with it.

So what I'm trying to say is this: this match is likely to draw some female viewers in, which can only be construed as good. It's not the money match on the show -- that honor clearly goes to either Matt/Edge or Benoit/Jericho/Michaels -- but it gives RAW an answer to Kidman/Taker on the "pure emotion" scale. In the end, though, the WWE is going to have to be VERY careful how they book this match and conclusion, moreso than with almost any other match at Mania, because it is high risk. The good news is it's also high reward.

Wow, I wrote the 2000 word editorial instead of Troy. What happened?

[Guest Majick]

Eddie: "Want some brass knucks, kid?"

Sonjay: "What?"

Eddie (thinking better of it): "Never mind."

- Hunter S. would be proud.

←

[Troy Maskell]

Meanwhile in the bar. Molly and Christian are talking and after one year. ONE YEAR mind you we finally find out the reason she's actually doing all this, namely he that shall not be mentioned. You know I know Scott's doing a whole seperate column and I know that it will probably disagree from my own opinion but seriously there's only one thing that comes into my mind when I see this and Widro if you censor this there'll be hell to pay. You don't censor Hyatte or Eric, blanket field my friend. Fuck Vince McMahon and whoever the hell thought this was a good idea. To have a poor girl relive those moments night after night after night is bad enough but to turn that into an angle so you can feel about yourselves? FUCK THAT! How insensitive can one organisation be? I said in this column a couple of weeks ago there's a line you don't cross, kayfabe or no kayfabe and this is so far on the wrong side of the line I really don't know where they're going with it.

But hey, maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, maybe it's a fun entertaining storyline for most but I guess when the old Necrophilia angle came in everything's fair game right? I wish people would have some common foresight to see the wrongs here but maybe that's asking too much from the garden variety WWE fan (Not you IP readers who are of course wise beyond your years, especially if you read this column).

Then to really make everything complete. Kane shows up and beats up Christian some more as we go into shill-o-rama for Wrestlemania. Sure, why not? The girls just poured her heart out on national television, why not trivialise it? Trivialise Molly, send Kane into a nothing fued. I don't care anymore. Knock yourselves out

[The Third Dukes]

Shows come back tomorrow, but first...

As part of the WrestleMania 21 experience and to put a nice little bow on the BVS Universe before it becomes a scenario, I present to you the chance to talk to the stars of the BVS and/or WWE. That's right, it's a Q&A.

So, here's what I want. Send me your questions in a PM. That means Private Message. It's something you can do via the menu up at the top of this page. See where it says "0 New Messages"? Yeah, click that. Hopefully you clicked in another window so you're still reading, because from here, you click "Compose New Message", send it to Dukes, and act like you're posting, only I'm the only one who'll read it.

Yes, I ripped this off from Conniption, but only kinda. All his Q&A stuff was to him personally. This is to the characters I created. Let's say I'm up for the challenge.

Also, be very specific who the question is to. I will assume (unless you state otherwise) that you're asking the person and not the character when it's addressed to a member of the WWE roster. But if you wanna talk to the Angels, you need to address THEM. Addressing Kidman and Torrie will just get them to pretend they don't know what you're talking about. For that matter, so will Shawn Michaels and Paul Heyman, so don't ask about their roles in the original BVS either.

(Although if I get enough questions about them, I may change that rule.)

So basically, what I'm doing here is allowing all of you to vent your curiosity while I go and do more roleplaying and stuff. Hopefully, this'll be pretty good.

[Troy Maskell]

I'll add to Duke's thoughts (Subject to his approval of course) by saying if anyone (I don't know why) has any questions for "Troy" about anything in the BVS Universe they want an opinion on they can also give them n PM to Dukes or me and before WM if there's enough questions I'll do a feedback session of my own.

Ok so I'm stealing another idea from Virtual Keith, least I'm honest.

Edited April 13, 2005 by Troy Maskell

[The Third Dukes]

Current question count: 5. Yeesh, talk about an ego burst.

Oh, and to re-iterate one more time and stuff: a * during someone's speech means the crowd decided to chant what at him.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for March 03 / 05, taped March 01.

- From Alba NY.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- Opening match: Minoru Fujita and Scott Colt v. Paul London and Jose Maximo. I don't know who booked the random cruiserweight tag match to start the show, but I'm glad they did. Fujita beats up Jose to start, getting a series of chops and roaring elbow in the corner. London dives off the top onto Fujita, so Colt races in and schools him with a back suplex and slingshot legdrop. Heels bail, so Colt alley-oops Fujita onto the pile. Colt tries to follow, but the ref stops him and Fujita gets double-teamed. Back in, London with a Dropsault for two, and he slaps around Colt in the corner. Heyman holds Colt back, so London simply tags in Jose and the two perform the moonsault sequence, ending with Jose on top for two. London with a forearm shiver and a Hotshot for two. London's heel stint isn't working for me, but really with Pure Energy down the toilet I wouldn't be surprised if they released him sometime soon. Double boot choke in the corner, but Jose's 450 legdrop misses. London cuts off Fujita but gets crotched, hot tag Colt. Clotheslines and DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER OF DOOM follow, and London bails as Colt suplexes Jose for two. London returns with a 450 legdrop of his own for two. It's BONZO GONZO as Heyman distracts the ref and London grabs the belt, but Colt steals it only to miss and whack Fujita with it. London rolls up Colt (with the tights) for the three at 7:55. Technically sound. **3/4

- Uh-oh... we're in an RTC meeting... sounds like a Fiendish Plan...

Steven: "Where have you been? I gave you orders last week to report to Headquarters for SmackDown!"

Bradshaw: "Calm down, Mr. Richards. I was on official Right to Censor business. I took the liberty of making sure our message would get heard at all levels in the WWE."

Steven: "That's strange, because I didn't see you on the show, either. You or Mr. Buchanan. What did the two of you do? We were making plans to recapture the WWE Tag Team Championships while you and he were..."

Bull enters the shot, accompanied by a bound, gagged, kicking, and would-be-screaming-were-it-not-for-the-gag Stephanie McMahon.

Bradshaw: "You see? We return with our insurance."

Steven: "Her? Why? Is this about getting even with your former tag team partner?"

Bradshaw: "A little, but you're missin' the big picture, Mr. Richards. I'm telling you right now that with her by our side and preaching our word, we can make the Right to Censor a true force for change in the WWE."

Morley: "And how do you propose that?"

Bull: "Because she's Stephanie MCMAHON."

A silence falls over the other RTC members. Bradshaw and Bull smile as Stephanie's eyes go wider. Richards laughs as it sinks in.

Steven: "Mr. Buchanan, you and Mr. Bradshaw have truly gone above and beyond the call of duty here. With a member of wrestling's ultimate dynasty on our side, the WWE will be forced to listen to what we have to say, and will be forced to clean up their act of foul language and gratuitous violence and sexuality. While I wish you had consulted with me first, Mr. Bradshaw... good job."

Morley: "Wait. You may have opened my eyes to the light, but what makes you so certain you can bring her around? McMahons are naturally strong-willed and refuse to be bullied."

Bradshaw: "C'mon. It's been done before. Remember Patty Hearst? She's just the next princess to go that way. Let's get to work."

They all leave as Stephanie continues to try to scream for help. We go back to the announcers at ringside.

Cole: "A travesty unfolded last week, Corny, as it appears the Right to Censor are once again up to their take-all-prisoners ways in an effort to get across their message."

Cornette: "It reeks of hypocrisy, Michael Cole, that somehow the violence needed to kidnap Stephanie McMahon is okay, but... what did they mean by remember Patty Hearst?"

Cole: "Oh, well, Patty Hearst is something from the 70s. She was a billionaire heiress, much like Stephanie, who got kidnapped by some kook organization -- again, like Stephanie. But when this organization got into clashes with the law, Patty Hearst fought on the side of her kidnappers. It's called Stockholm Syndrome. Basically, through either brainwashing or naturally sympathy for those around you, the victim joins the side of those who take her."

Cornette: "How do you KNOW this stuff?"

Cole: "I'm a former journalist -- it was a big story."

- Alert the media; the apocalypse is truly, truly upon us.

- Mike Barton v. Nick Mondo. I guess even Team Angle needs a bitch. Barton goes the slug-out route, but Mondo tosses him and gets a tope. Back in, big boot sets up the Sledgehammer Legdrop for two. Barton punches his way out and tries a TKO, but Barton slips out and rolls him up for two. Discus punch misses, and Mondo lifts him up for the Assault Driver and the pin at 3:22. 1/2* Nathan Jones appears and says he's unimpressed -- let's see Mondo take on a real fighter down the line. One who doesn't rely on canes and chairs, but on "hands of stone and feet of steel". Shit, Ron Garvin's coming back?

- Meanwhile, where there's a woman who needs saving, Hurricane is there to do it! A huge-ass backstage brawl breaks out with Bull Buchanan (*1/2), leading to Steven interjecting and doing the Evil Laughter. Somebody get Steven an Oilcan Harry mustache, STAT! At the very least, I demand that Stephanie be tied to the train tracks. It doesn't even have to be for the show -- just tie her to the train tracks. Anyway, Ron Simmons arrives to clean house, then tells Bradshaw he wants him next week to put him in his place once and for all. Wow, they're NOT saving this for WrestleMania?

- Ultimo Dragon v. Brock Lesnar. Ultimo kicks away to keep Brock at bay, but a running dropkick gets caught and Brock slams him down. Steinerline gets two. Release German suplex, but Ultimo lands on his feet and gets a Lionsault press on a rising Brock. Brock bails, so Ultimo Asais him. Back in the ring, a spinkick is no-sold and Brock gets an overhead suplex for two. Pop-Up Superplex actually works... for two. F-5 is countered to a Tornado DDT, and Asai goes up. Moonsault hits the knees, and F-5 finishes for real at 4:54. Quick and active. ** And now Kurt Angle comes out for some high-quality abuse.

Kurt: "Hey... Hey Ultimo... go tell Roddy Piper where he can stick his #1 contenders."

Ultimo is helped to the back as Brock smiles behind Kurt.

Angle: "And as for you, Eddie, * and you, Rey, * I hope you're happy being paper contenders. * You see, * even here in the middle of nowhere, * these people know * that your match last week * was a farce. First of all, Brock and I weren't in it. * And secondly, * you stole the pinfall * rightly belonging * to Charlie and Shelton. * So that's two, * two, * two Team Angle screwings in one! * So Roddy Piper, * before they send you to the retirement home, * I suggest you look into this * and see how you can do Team Angle right. * Because the WWE Tag Team Titles * deserve to have Your Olympic Hero * and Your NCAA Champion * involved."

- Eddie Guerrero v. Tajiri. No match, as Team Angle Classic floods the ring and beats everyone up. Rey Rey tries for the save but gets nowhere, and Colt and Fujita help clean house. But Eddie and Tajiri don't see eye-to-eye, and one Buzzsaw Kick later, the odds are with Team Angle again. Eventually this leads to a trainwreck spot, followed by Paul Heyman bargaining for a match: Dangerous Alliance v. Team Angle, next week. That could be very good.

- Eddie, of course, gets the consolation prize of having his trailer aired. Kind of ironic that Eddie is in a trailer portraying Hunter S. Thompson, noted druggie.

- Main event: Matt Hardy and Undertaker v. Edge and Billy Kidman. Heels have 150 people at ringside with them. Hmmm -- let's see, the heel champion and an Undertaker-led stable... no, wait, it's only been SIX years since the Corporate Ministry. Anyway, faces channel the RAGE~! to start and pound their respective foes, leading to a double clothesline and double running kick. Kidman's bringing the stiffness, it seems. Matt bails and consults with Mattitude, so Edge baseball slides the bunch. Kidman, meanwhile, gets a Thesz Press on Taker and slams fists at his eye socket the whole time. Edge then grabs Taker and throws him into the corner, where he staggers out into a spear for two. Kidman, meanwhile, gets pulled aside by Pain and Suffering and undergoes pain and suffering. Edge with a missile dropkick on Taker, but Matt comes back with a gutwrench to make Edge Hulkamaniac-in-peril. Kidman slowly returns to his corner as Matt gets a German suplex for two and we take a break. We return with Taker applying the CLAWHOLD OF DOOM to Edge, smothering him for two. ROPEWALK OF DOOM gets two. Soupbones fly, then Matt comes in with a Bossman slam for two. Evan distracts the ref as Pain enters, but Matt eats the boot by mistake. Hot tag Kidman, who runs Pain over quickly before spearing down Undertaker kicking him in the groin several times. Matt yanks his hair, but Edge enters with the spear to Matt before Shannon trips Edge on a running whatever. Kidman goes up top and nails a Shining Black on Taker, then dives onto all of the Army of Darkness for fun. Edge chases Matt away while Taker returns and plasters Kidman with a chair for the pin at 13:44. Better than it had any right to be, but I'm scared of the Kidman/Taker cell match if it's all about hatred. ** The Army then executes all its finishers (well, Pain and Suffering do), and Kidman is hauled off and tied to a Taker symbol as it rises to Tron level. So much for statute of limitation on that.

The Bottom Line:

It's really strange seeing who is at the forefront and who's collateral damage whenever WrestleMania rolls around. I gotta wonder if WGTT will be overlooked in the booking of JAPAN/Angle (a tag team dream match, to be sure). Also, with Fujita as cruiser champ, Scott Colt appears to be getting jobbed out, which makes NO sense whatsoever. Right now I'm not even sure half the upper-midcard makes it to WrestleMania.

Still, gotta have that Mondo v. Nathan match, right?

*****

PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER CONVICTED OF RAPE

WWE Scandal Ends; Sentence Expected Later in Week

DALLAS, TX (AP) -- Darren Matthews, a British ex-carnival worker who became a regular on "WWE RAW" later in his career, was convicted today (March 5) on a count of first-degree rape and sexual assault stemming from an incident in November 2003. A jury took 4 hours to convict.

Matthews was stone-faced as the verdict was read, while his victim found comfort for her tears of joy on the shoulder of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, a Texas native and a man credited with bringing about the arrest of Matthews.

Matthews had gained fame in 2000 as "William Regal", an uptight English snob who behaved like royalty. He was chosen to appear in two WrestleManias during his career, but a heart condition permanently sidelined him in February 2003. He was made a writer by the WWE and was primarily given control of the Women's title and its direction.

It was during this stint that the crime took place, according to prosecutors. The victim, Nora Greenwald, was rewarded for her silence by her character, a quiet no-nonsense wrestler named Molly Holly, being given a Women's Title reign and even a main event spot. However, after Austin learned of the crime -- supposedly happening on multiple occasions, although Matthews was charged only once -- a sting operation was co-ordinated in Boise, Idaho, and Matthews was arrested.

Ironically, Greenwald and her character had more success after the arrest than during the time Matthews was in charge. Sympathy for her plight has since made her the most successful women's wrestler since Joanie "Chyna" Laurer, including becoming the second woman in WWE history to win a championship contended for by men.

"We are pleased that this tragic ordeal has come to a happy conclusion," WWE owner Vince McMahon said in a statement released after the verdict. "We hope that never again will this occur in the WWE or anywhere, and we will continue to support all women in our organization should they cry for help."

Matthews' sentence could have been for the death penalty, but the British government objected to one of its citizens being executed. It is likely that he will be deported to England and sent to prison for life without parole.

[DonaldMick]

Sign in the crowd: "DON'T DROP THE SOAP, DARREN"

OK, I PMed you at 12:45 am my time, it's 4:00 now... seriously Dukes, did you have that in the can waiting for someone to ask about it?

Shit, Ron Garvin's coming back?

Might want to edit that out before TGC's marking out causes an explosion that would kill us all.

Did Kidman/Taker get one of those "working stiff" notices, or did our boy Kidman turn it up a couple of thousand notches?

And last but not least, Supercage II: Electric Boogaloo = buyrate. I know it might be a little late, but MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Edited April 14, 2005 by Hurricane Donald

[Guest Majick]

For some strange reason, I got a huge kick out of the whole Patty Hearst thing. Even if no-one else watching Smackdown got it, I loved it. And Michael Cole harking back to his days as a journalist = :thumbsup:

[Troy Maskell]

Eddie Guerrero V Tajiri

Before this one even starts Team Angle OLD SCHOOL EDITION comes out and deals out the mass beatdown. Rey Rey tries the save and fails before Colt and Fujita come out to help clean house, Tajiri turns things back Team Angle's way with a Buzzsaw kick on Eddie and we have our clusterfuck spot. Meanwhile Paul Heyman bargains for a match, Dangerous Alliance V Team Angle, next week. It can't be a Dangerous Alliance without Wargames but it could be good.

[grind your soul]

Being a journalism student, I have to deal with news articles every day, and Dukes, I think we've finally found something you CAN'T do!

I'm really on the fence about the Molly thing. I like the angle with Christian, but the feud with Kane really isn't doing it for me.

Otherwise, I'm sort of tuning out of this - the angles are all over the place, and it's getting hard to follow everyone. I think you've made too many people into stars, and now they're all getting lost in the shuffle.

Oh, and the Kidman - Undertaker angle is totally garbage and unbelievable and can only result in bad things.

[The Third Dukes]

Being a journalism student, I have to deal with news articles every day, and Dukes, I think we've finally found something you CAN'T do!