EWB Screenwriting Group

[Jimmy]

The topic in lounge said what I had in mind. There seems to be a handful of members who are interested in writing or contributing to screenplays. This place is for anyone who wants to critique screenplays, share their screenplays or for anyone who has any questions in regard to screenwriting. Basically any kind of discussion that's related to this form of writing.

If people are comfortable placing their work on EWB, I'll keep a link to all screenplays posted in the first page so anyone can enter and read whatever they like.

So yeah, if you got an idea or some work you want to share - some work to read, or just to talk about something you might have in the works; here is the place. (Y)

So yeah, that's it - basically. I hope that covers everything.

[GA!]

As long as people are able to critique properly, this could be really good.

[Jimmy]

To start some kind of discussion going, I've written two television pilots since I've started screenwriting; both of which had their flaws, mainly which were due to style. My writing style wasn't approved, as such; overexplaining and the switching of tenses.

I've been advised and I've read that planning is essential to scriptwriting; which I've started doing. But I seem to habe some idea of direction, but just can't quite get going. Right now, I've been somewhat working on another TV Pilot for a series I planned on calling Jade City, a comic book, superhero approach to a world where we have costumed superheroes and such. I thought it would be quite fun and wacky, and I have a few pages I could possibly share. For me, my problem is planning the whole thing out and then transfering thoughts to page which I'm happy with.

I'm trying to work myself up to a feature. I don't really have much fun writing shorts. Some of them are okay, but I prefer trying to write a TV Series or a movie.

Not that this post has much point, just thought I'd try and start a little discussion off.

[TKz]

As I said in the starting thread, I've got a few projects sitting in My Documents that occasionally get updated. The first being an adventure story, similar to Uncharted in ways, that focuses on a 25 year old man-child searching for an old legend that his grandfather told him. I've got the opening segment written thus far, and I plan on splitting the actual story up into a few different sections - Opening/Introducing Characters/Travelling on the Ship/The Island/The Climax/The Happy Ending. Obviously there'd be more than just that and there's a lot more to parts like The Island, but you get the idea. I've got most of the characters jotted down with some detail, at the moment I'm working on how to introduce my main character and working out more detailed parts of the later story. (Such as what happens on The Island) I'm also trying to figure out a villain. Right now I'm torn between the classic (or cliche) "Other Treasure Hunter", you know the guy - He's got money, goons, guns etc. or something actually on the Island. I'm considering going with both.

The other main project I've got in the work is something my friend and myself are doing, which is a TV Series about Vampires (we started it before Twilight ruined the whole Vampire thing >_>) based in London. I've completed the pilot script, and Dave has finished the second episode. He's working on the third and I've yet to start on fourth. Between us we've got most of the story for a full 12 episode series and plenty of characters and such.

I'd hardly claim either are anything amazing, heck, the first one is only like 5 pages so far, but at the moment I'm mostly writing as a way to improve and to do something with all the idea's that I dream up when I'm bored.

EDIT: I've also got the start of a sitcom pilot that was terrible.

[C-MIL]

The last script I started was a romantic comedy.

Summary: Guy has a crush on his neighbor, agrees to look after her pet parrot while she goes on vacation, drunkenly and embarrasingly confesses his lurid fantasies and now has three days to prevent the bird from repeating them before the girl's return.

[Jimmy]

C, that's awesomely wacky.

Tkz, I would love to read that pilot. (Y)

[GA!]

To start some kind of discussion going, I've written two television pilots since I've started screenwriting; both of which had their flaws, mainly which were due to style. My writing style wasn't approved, as such; overexplaining and the switching of tenses.

It's always present tense. And, like you should if you were writing a novel, you must remove every word that doesn't advance the plot. Even if the word is 'the'.

I've been advised and I've read that planning is essential to scriptwriting; which I've started doing.

Also recommend this. The way I plan, I have a document laid out like this:

SCENE NUMBER - LOCATION OF SCREEN

WHAT HAPPENS: Explain the scene fully. As it's your personal notes, it doesn't matter if you use a stream of consciousness technique here.

WHY IT HAPPENS: You must justify the scene to yourself. If you're doing a scene just to introduce somebody, put over a character's personality without it having any relevance to the plot, or if it's a bunch of jokes without a later pay-off, cut it. No excuse.

LINES: So you don't forget key lines.

Repeat the process until the story is finished.

As far as writing projects are going, I've submitted a script to the BBC Writersroom, and am working on my next piece to send after I receive my first inevitable rejection. It's a dystopian comedy about the main character on the run from the system after a series of incidents.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, GA, I've fixed the tense problem and the description one. I write as little as possible and always in present. I might try that way of planning, too.

[Hailtothechimp]

I got into screenplays this fall actually. I had to write a play for my creative writing class. I was pretty sure it sucked pretty hard but I had fun writing it. It's a one act play that takes place during the 1920's. One of those old detective stories that has an obscene amount of monologues.

I'd happily read and critique anything posted on here though. I enjoy reading screenplays more than I do writing them, but I know what to look for generally when it comes them. I suppose I could post my screenplay as well if it gets the ball rolling for everybody else.

[the machine]

Cool thread idea. I wrote a full-length script in undergrad and have started a couple since going to law school, unfortunately I don't get a chance to work on them much. I'd love to edit anything that gets put up here.

For those interested in what published screenplays submitted for award consideration look like, check out this site, which has screenplays from some of the best written films of this past year:

http://www.mcnblogs.com/mcindie/archives/2009/12/nineteen_screen.html

[HeartlineTwist]

I'm all over this. I love screenwriting. I'll be back later.

EDIT: As a note having read a couple of books and taken a couple of college classes on the matter, those scripts that have been submitted for consideration are slightly different format and style wise. For example, the scene numbering and stuff like that is usually left out, and camera directions are almost always omitted unless they are absolutely important.

As for planning and pre-writing, I've recently been trying this weird screenplay/fiction combo that helps me write faster and "see" the stuff play out in my head.

I'll be back here in a while. Maybe I'll be the first person to post something of my own.

Edited December 4, 2009 by HeartlineTwist

[Gene Kiniski]

I really want to start working on something, but I'm still lacking general format direction. I'm reading over some of those screenplays now to help. Can anyone recommend any good books or guides for me to check out?

[TKz]

I learnt most of what I know online, there's plenty of sites that'll give you some basic pointers. The rest you'll probably have to learn along the way like I'm trying too, unless you take a course or start giving some serious attention to studying it.

I can't find the cleaned up copy of the Pilot yet, but this is one of the rough drafts of the final product:

http://www.mediafire.com/?mwtxizxm5jz

As I said, it's not exactly going to light the world ablaze with it's creativity, but if anyone wants to read it, there it is. I'd actually quite like some commentary on the ideas and the actual writing itself if anyone feels like giving it a once over. Here's looking at you GA, with your professionalism.

EDIT: Reading it back... I really use ' in the completely wrong places a lot.

EDIT 2: The more I read back the more I realise how much this needs to be fixed up... As I said, this is one of the rough drafts, don't judge me too much on the horrible spelling and grammar. >_>

[HeartlineTwist]

If you're serious about screenwriting, I would highly suggest investing in Final Draft. Short of that, The Screenwriter's Bible, The Hollywood Standard, and The Complete Screenwriter's Manual are all some fantastic books that I own.

As far as contests are concerned, Script Savvy seems pretty legitimate as a monthly contest, and the in-depth feedback option looks like the best kind of bang for that low of buck that I've found.

[Gene Kiniski]

I have Final Draft 7 installed, had it for ages now. I'll check out those books though, thanks.

[Jimmy]

Tkz I've only had a chance to read a few pages; but from what I could see - you need to avoid big chunks of description. It can be quite a turn off. Try and cut every piece, bar descriptions, down the bare minimum. It was something GA was saying, it doesn't really matter of it's not perfect grammar. They're a set of intrsuctions.

What I did like, though, from what I read. Was you have a really good grasp of characters and dialouge. I thought it was an interesting start; but I'd really watch out for those long chunks of text.

[TGC]

Yes Final Draft is fantastic. I can not recommend it enough.

[GA!]

TKz,

I've read the first ten pages. It has potential but like Split said, you need to severely cut-down the description. The fight scene on page three should be punchy. Don't forget that each page represents sixty seconds screen time, therefore the movement must represent that. It should like the 1960's Batman fight scenes, BAM! POW! KAZAAM! is more concise than "and then he threatened to do that" and "he started to do this". Read a couple of fight scenes from Buffy The Vampire Slayer (buffyworld.com) to get a feel of them. Just avoid any Joss Whedon chumminess their description has.

Another problem with the description is you need to sound confident. Unless it's a mystery requiring a vague description, avoid saying things like "He is.... wearing a cream trench coat over what appears to be some kind of business suit" - the kind of is a huge turn off as you don't seem sure yourself. "He is wearing a cream trench coat over a business suit" works better.

A couple more nitpicks: you should've started a new page after declaring the 'OPENING CREDITS'. The scene that went from the roof to his apartment in page 5 and 6, you need a separate 'INT - APARTMENT - NIGHT' if the scene changes, even if it's continuous. And on page 2, you don't need to describe a scene cutting as sudden, the 'CUT TO' above should be labelled 'SMASH CUT TO' if you specifically want that. And then remove all the CUT TO's that aren't necessary to the plot as you're not the video editor.

I hope that doesn't come across as harsh. I'd much rather help a writer by critiquing them and telling them how to improve than patting them on the head.

[Numbahs]

From someone who's trying to do this as a career...

It's all about self-loathing. Remember that.

And subtext.

[C-MIL]

The Screenwriter's Bible is an excellent how-to for it, as well as writing in general. It's bogged down with a little new-age nonsense, but if you can wade through some of it, there's some terrific and unconventional methods for inspiring and motivating yourself.