The manliest film ever.

[New Damage]

I didn't think Death Race was that bad either. I mean it wasn't great by any means. But it killed time that's for sure.

Statham is the fucking man though.

[OctoberRaven]

I guess it'd be more enjoyable with Rifftrax or something, but I just hated that movie and thought Statham was the thing that made an otherwise bad more worse.

That and the way the race boiled down to an obvious ripoff of Mario Kart with a Twisted Metal motif gave me headaches.

[Jayzon]

Expendables was pretty much what I expected: shitty dialogue save for a few pretty funny oneliners, barely a story, a metric fuckton of explosions and sweet guns. I enjoyed the hell out of it. Definitely a recommendable movie.

One thing that bothered me was that almost all the blood and gore was CGI, and how crappy it looked. But I guess that's a minor point. Seeing Terry Crews' machine-shotgun plow through dozens of people made up for everything.

[EddieG]

Loved, loved, LOVED it.

Nice to know it's nr. 1 in the UK as well!

[Rocky]

Are you old enough to see it Eddie?

I finally got around to see it the other day...

Definite highlight is Terry Crews and his "Fuck Off" gun.

[thatblindgeye]

I must have had so many orgasms during this movie. Just a great movie to sit down, turn your brain off, and see a bunch of shit explode and people get blown away by guns or stabbed or whatever the fuck else they can think of. I definitely marked out at Terry Crews' gun, as well as Statham manning the gun on the plane and the impending explosion. This is a kind of movie I would want a trilogy to be made out of, assuming the main cast can remain and the content can be up to par.

[EddieG]

Are you old enough to see it Eddie?

I finally got around to see it the other day...

Definite highlight is Terry Crews and his "Fuck Off" gun.

If I'm old enough to do your mum...

Terry Crews' gun was amazing, as well as Sly's super spear to Austin and Couture's SUPER KO FINISH HIM PUNCH to a burning Austin was wicked.

I've heard some people give bad reviews, but they're just idiots who expected an actual decent movie as supposed to the bunch of explosions and choreographed CGI fights.

[Josh]

Just saw it. I have mixed thoughts on it. They're in the spoiler tags.

First things first: I was psyched to see this. I'm all for some over-the-top action. That said, about half of the movie worked for me, and half didn't.

I fuckin' LOVED the sections where things went into blatant self-parody territory. The tongue-in-cheek Arnold/Sly/Bruce scene, Statham raining down bullets from the nose of the plane that Sly was forcing into a dive, Li's "smaller is better" fight with Lundgren under the steel grating, bodies being literally shot into two halves, HALE FUCKIN' CESAR'S COMPLETELY MOTHERFUCKING GRATUITOUS ARMAGEDDON OF WARHEAD BULLETS THAT JUST NEVER SEEMED TO END, etc. Some of these things were obviously intentional self-parody while some left you wondering (the entire sub-plot of Statham and his abused ex - that fucking basketball court fight was HILARIOUS), but I liken this to "They Live" (the 80's horror/sci-fi film with Roddy Piper): either way the parody was highly entertaining and all of these moments worked together in spite of each other. And to top all of that off, the "buddy" moments and high emotional conflicts between protagonists like Sly and Statham were so fucking drenched in homo-eroticism that you just knew if the editor has let us dwell on that scene any longer then we would have seen graphic man-on-man 69ing. So fuckin' over the top and hilarious - and intentional some of the time! My only complaint in terms of over-the-top parody in the film is there were no tits. Not a single teat to be found. Had there been a scene or two of gratuitous lady chest, the parody gamut would have been fully run. Otherwise, all of the above is the stuff in the movie I loved.

Now for the half I didn't love. The intentionally serious stuff - especially the fight scenes and expositional stuff that fall into this category. The movie just kept shifting back and forth from full self-parody to these serious moments. As mentioned, some of these moments became unintentionally hilarious (and therefore worth it), but most just lay flat like the movie's limp 50-year-old-gay-weight-lifter penis. That's not to say I wanted no story at all. Quite the opposite. More effort could have gone into making the story understandable (not believable - again, parody is what worked for this film.) Same goes for character development. And here again, believability is not the issue. I'm all for ridiculousness! Elaborate on Li's supposed family instead of just dropping that thread cold! Give me more opportunities to see Couture (who really proved himself to be the GOD AWFUL actor that works perfectly in this sort of film) being off-balance and an all-around nut job. Give me more of what half of the film promised me.

Now, ALL of that aside, some individual performances are worth noting, especially Lundgren and Rourke - for completely different reasons. Lundgren was the epitome of the over-the-top action film character AND kept up a constant charisma. Most others were fine, but just perfunctory. And Rourke was the one actor to take one of those otherwise unwelcome serious bits and really make it work. He was the exception to the parody rule, even as ridiculously over-the-top as his other scenes were.

All in all, I'm glad I saw it, but there was a lot of unfulfilled promise here.

I predict Machete will succeed exactly where this one sort of failed. Plus, it actually may have a purpose beyond "brainless action film." Not that it needs one, but that's an awesome feat.

[LL!]

I've heard some people give bad reviews, but they're just idiots who expected an actual decent movie as supposed to the bunch of explosions and choreographed CGI fights.

Wrong. Nobody in their right mind believed this movie would be a real movie more than Sylvester Stallone. I was let down because it didn't reach the Crank levels of glorious parody. Stallone tried to instill some story elements into the movie that fell flat for me, and I'm sure for many others as well.

Either way, the actions scenes were FAMAZING.

Edit: Okay, just read Josh's stuff. And he brought up some good points that I agree with on the negative aspects of the film.

[Rocky]

In regards to what Josh said...

I told a guy at work, when asked about it.

I said "It's the most testosterone filled movie without tits I've ever seen"

As for the "story" based sections, it's seems as though it's laying the foundation for sequels etc.

Li may not have had a family, but why did he need the money?

Statham and what seems to be his search for "normal" while not working

When will Terry Crew's character turn into a bad guy? Ok I made that up, but no one can beat him with that gun

[TKz]

In regards to what Josh said...

I told a guy at work, when asked about it.

I said "It's the most testosterone filled movie without tits I've ever seen"

As for the "story" based sections, it's seems as though it's laying the foundation for sequels etc.

Li may not have had a family, but why did he need the money?

Statham and what seems to be his search for "normal" while not working

When will Terry Crew's character turn into a bad guy? Ok I made that up, but no one can beat him with that gun

STOP PRESSING THE ENTER KEY AT RIDICULOUS PLACES.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

[Rocky]

In regards to what Josh said...

I told a guy at work, when asked about it.

I said "It's the most testosterone filled movie without tits I've ever seen"

As for the "story" based sections, it's seems as though it's laying the foundation for sequels etc.

Li may not have had a family, but why did he need the money?

Statham and what seems to be his search for "normal" while not working

When will Terry Crew's character turn into a bad guy? Ok I made that up, but no one can beat him with that gun

STOP PRESSING THE ENTER KEY AT RIDICULOUS PLACES.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

How about you depress your Caps Lock key.

It

appears

to

be

stuck.

**EDIT**

I figured that you did say "Please and Thank You", so the courteous thing to do would be to take your suggestion into consideration and try to improve on my posting style. Even if it has no physical effect on any board related problems.

Edited August 29, 2010 by Rocky Feller

[METALMAN]

driving

out of the car wash

clouds move

across the hood

[New Damage]

...wait. There was a storyline?

[Syrjis]

Saw this yesterday. Was fucking awesome. My friend watched it aswell but didn't it like it that much because the lack of plot.

Fuck that. IT HAD TERRY CREWS WITH A "FUCK YOU!" -GUN IN IT! (Y)

[EddieG]

So according to Wiki, they're planning on making a sequel to this, with a long list of names rumored to jump on board.

Sources said that Stallone has been talking with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Charlie Sheen, Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, Carl Weathers, Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Chuck Norris, Lorenzo Lamas, Jeff Speakman, and Olivier Gruner about the sequel,

[The Future]

*insert Chuck Norris related meme here*

[EddieG]

[Gazz]

My balls just dropped again.

[Skummy]

I hate to be that guy, but it's fake.