Paradox games but definitely NOT GAMES OF THRONE

[Meacon Keaton]

On 12/05/2020 at 11:53, metalman said:

There's no point looking at that nice map, all you losers will ditch it to play whatever new third rate fantasy series floats your boat by the time the game comes out.

You're an angry metalman.

[METALMAN]

I am just passionate and energetic. You berk.

[OctoberRaven]

On 30/03/2020 at 17:06, Mick said:

Euron Greyjoy inspired my flagship:

 

I hope you've got a strong hull. Don't want it to burst prematurely, after all.

[METALMAN]

wow, aren't these Game of Thrones people really cool, naming their sword after a bloody Peter Gabriel song. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

. 

[OctoberRaven]

Don't be absurd.

It's called that because GRRM is a big Kinnikuman fan and his favorite is Jaegar.

[MalaCloudy Black]

 

[Schlitzbrille]

Nevermind release date is already known

[Schlitzbrille]

FBI OPEN UP

[Meacon Keaton]

Off to The Wall with you, Benjen the Pervert.

[Mick]

On 25/05/2020 at 23:44, Linda Killmaster said:

FBI OPEN UP

He doesn't have shit on Tyrek Lannister

[Schlitzbrille]

55 minutes ago, Mick said:

He doesn't have shit on Tyrek Lannister

GODS WHAT A STUPID NAME. Not as stupid as Lancel, but...

[OctoberRaven]

At least when he gets exiled from Westeros he'll get a career resurgence as a wrestling dinosaur.

[Schlitzbrille]

>TFW your great-aunt is nearly young enough to be your daughter

[Bobfoc]

Expect some Crusader Kings 3 information soon.

[MalaCloudy Black]

 

[Schlitzbrille]

22 hours ago, Linda Killmaster said:

>TFW your great-aunt is nearly young enough to be your daughter

Nothing to see here.  

[Schlitzbrille]

 

SAD Maegor, NO STAMINA

[Mick]

8375 is a respectable run. You've gotta give us a rundown on the regions and other interesting tidbits. 

[Schlitzbrille]

6 hours ago, Mick said:

8375 is a respectable run. You've gotta give us a rundown on the regions and other interesting tidbits. 

Rulers since game start:

• Robert I Baratheon (283-343 AC)
  Queens: Cersei Lannister, Kerryn Tully
• Ronnal I Baratheon (343-357 AC)
  Queen: Jeyne Bar Emmon
• Garon I Baratheon (357-360 AC)
  Queen: Margaery Fossoway (green apple)
• Stannis I Baratheon (360-391 AC)
  Queens: Syrona Mormont, Joanna Crane
• Axel I Baratheon (391 AC-PRESENT)
  Queens: Cassandra Stormhart, (betrothed to) Carella Stormhart

 

Bobby B is who I remember the most of:

• Outdid Jaehaerys the Conciliator, lived to 80, ruled for 60 years, fathered seventeen children by seven women (4x Cersei Lannister, 7x Kerryn Tully (daughter of Edmure "Lord Buttmonkey" Tully), 2x Daenerys Targaryen, 1x Bethany Lydden/Ysilla Kenning/Joy of the King's Gate/Denara. United the Stepstones in 325, used the prestige gains from it to request an invasion CB. Got it, chose Pentos for giggles; did think about Asshai and Leng for the hell of it.
• Elsewhere, Stannis the Mannis married a Jogos Nhai woman and had one son. Line died out in 313, roughly two weeks or so before Kerryn Tully's thirteenth nameday. She wasn't wed yet when Cersei finally croaked in 320, so went for it.
• Noted ships I need to get in on: Asha Greyjoy/Bobby B, Renly/Arianne Martell, Tyrion/Lysa Tully, Gerold Dayne WHO IS OF THE NIGHT/Leonette Fossoway, Catelyn Tully/Domeric Bolton.

Bobby B's eldest son Axel was murdered in 333 AC at the age of 47 while doing his duties as Hand of the King so no Margaery Tyrell as Queen , so we now turn to Ronnal I Baratheon. Was a perfectly serviceable king who reigned 14 years, tortured his bastard aunt Marya Waters to death after she attempted to claim the Iron Throne. Lived to 50, succeeded by his son Garon.

Garon didn't get much time to do anything, was murdered two and a half years in by Bryen Farring, leading to:

Stannis 'not the Goddamn Mannis' I Baratheon. Ascended at the age of 10. Beat back an attempt by the Royces to claim the Iron Throne (then-Lord of Runestone Andar Royce was a grandson of Bobby B via Rhaeys Waters, the daughter he "fostered" on Daenerys Targaryen.) The son they "had", Maekar, would be the founder of the cadet dynasty House Stormhart, who would in time take control of Dragonstone after Maekar's sixteenth nameday. At some point executed the 38th High Septon. Died suspiciously at the age of 41, leading to Axel. 

Axel's favorite pastime is finding excuses to go to war and execute the crap out of people, with deposing Lord Paramounts a close second. Deposed the Martells, Daynes (who I replaced the Martells with), Storm's End Baratheons, and Tyrells to date. The Dayne rebellion was the worst, solely for executing ten of them that he captured while sacking Starfall. Ages ranged from seven months to 67. 
His kill list to date:

Spoiler

 

1. Dontos Brune ("natural causes")
2. Ser Rhaegar ("natural causes")
3. Kyle Wydman (beheading)
4. Stanton Piper (beheading)
5. Theomar Harper (beheading)
6. Eldred Saul (hanged/drawn/quartered)
7. Alesander Tully (beheading)
8. Monford (peasant rebel) (beheading)
9. Angran Martell (beheading)
10. Walys Tyrell (uncle to Axel) (beheading)
11. Myria Tyrell (aunt to Axel) (strangulation)
12. Lyonel Waters (strangulation)
13. Lyessa Tyrell (strangulation)
14. Luthor Flowers (hanged/drawn/quartered)
15. Elinor Tyrell (strangulation)
16. Edgar Tyrell (beheading)
17. Eustace Farring (beheading)
18. Alays Dayne (strangulation)
19. Alyn Dayne (beheading)
20. Azalais Dayne (gods what a stupid name, I bet her mother was a half-witted whore with a stutter and a fat arse) (strangulation)
21. Donnel Storm (beheading)
22. Inis Dayne (strangulation)
23. Marietta Rayne (strangulation)
24. Marise Dayne (strangulation)
25. Rosarya Dayne (strangulation)
26. Valeria Dayne (strangulation)
27. Wylla Dayne (strangulation)
28. Bryen Farring (another one) (beheading)
29. Clarence Chelsted (beheading)
30. Jon Mallery (strangulation)
31. Humfrey Stokeworth (beheading)
32. Ronnet Baratheon (whatever degrees of separation you'd call a great-grandson of Renly (Ronnet) and a great-great-greatgrandson of Bobby B (Axel) (beheaded)
33. Bryan Rykker (beheaded)
34. Isla Baratheon (whatever a daughter of Axel's great-granddad Ronnal I Baratheon is) (buried alive)
35. Jyalla Dayne (buried alive)
36. Larra Farring (broken at the wheel)
37. Damon Corbray (walled up alive)
38. Barre Brune (mauled to death by a bear. No idea if it was black and brown and covered in hair )
39. Aeron Greyjoy (bowels torn out)
40. Alays Leen (dishonorable duel)
41. Cassandra Stormhart (first wife) (buried alive)
42. Amory Lydden (buried alive)
43. Jasmylla Leen (strangulation)
44. Tybolt Lannister (crushed to death)
45. Tommen Lannister (buried alive)

 

Assorted notes:

• Ser Friendzone is my current dude's greatgreatgrandfather via Syrona Mormont being dad Stannis' first wife.
• Gendry did alright and ran Flea Bottom at a point but Arya didn't exist this timeline so . 
• Garlan Tyrell took after book Loras in certain ways, ended up becoming Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.  Succeeded by Waymar Royce.
• Jaremy Rykker and Denys Mallister both served as Lord Commanders of the Night's Watch.
• Fuck if I care what Xaro Xhoan Daxos of the SIX HUNDRED FUCKING NAMES did, I'm fairly sure he nagged me a while on embargo wars.
• Brienne of Tarth did nothing of note. Mentioning this because in this game, an Ironborn woman named Barbrey Myre ended up being the first woman on the Kingsguard, being appointed in 311 AC at the age of 18. Did not expect her to accept it at all, did it for giggles.
• Hizdahr zo Loraq did alright, ruled Meereen for a few years before his death of natural causes. Did the show do him dirty? Haven't gotten to Meereen proper in the books yet, considering that GRRM is currently targeting Winds of Winter for 2021 now would be a good time to start over.
• Tormund died in the most Tormund way, drunk off his ass at the age of 76. Essos is a shitshow as usual without my intervention:

[Mick]

Sweet. I'm surprised there was any shit from the Greyjoys or Lannisters. Did Jamie and Cersei have any kids?