The Worst Movie You Have Ever Seen

[Pesci]

Year One was bad, Clash Of The Titans may have been worse because of the blink-and-you-miss-it final battle, but I think I'll reach back a bit further and give the award to Good Burger.

You son of a bitch. You SON of a bitch

[Frederick Jameson]

Rob Zombies Halloween

I watched it at the cinema and when it came out on DVD I was offered it for free from a friend who somehow ended up with 2 copys and I hated it so much I still wouldn't take it even though usually I am very big on having every movie in a collection even if I never watch some of them.

I haven't seen RZ Halloween 2 yet but most ppl I know who have watched it say it's even worse then the 1st one

[ChrisSteeleAteMyHamster]

Scary Movie 2...

...or Legally Blonde 2...

...or She's All That...

...or Harold And Maude (I HATE that movie but it's a much loved cult movie and the mrs loves it)...

I rarely go to watch movies that I know might be a bit iffy.

[Jimmy]

Deck The Halls, Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans.

New Moon also get a mention for being really shit.

[DJ Ice]

Zombiez, Zombiez a million times over! That movie Sucked!

[El Dandy]

Probably Knowing or the remake of The Wicker Man.

[GA!]

Probably Knowing or the remake of The Wicker Man.

Knowing is a weird one. If they weren't lazy with the explanation that

it was aliens all along

then it would've been quite a unique film from the Hollywood system. As such, it is merely below average.

[Kyle_]

Strange Wilderness or Bio Dome

[LUKIE]

Dragonball Evolution

There was nothing... nothing... NOTHING even remotely good, or interesting, in this movie. It was an abomination.

I will also throw out my dislike of the transformers movies.

[Mick]

Super Mario Brothers

So, they take three good actors and throw them into a film where the studio has decided to give a somewhat rational reason for the shit we see in the video games.

"He jumps high!" --Jump Boots!

"He throws fireballs!"--Special gun!

"Psycho Lizards!"--Uh...weird technology we don't have on earth !

I don't know why the studios see the need to totally butcher video game movies by throwing that kind of shit in. Playing a video game is about the suspension of belief, right? So why do they have to do crap like that all the time? They did the same thing with Street Fighter.

*Bunch of execs sitting around table eating Chinese food*

"HOW DO WE EXPLAIN BISON'S PSYCHO CRUSHER?!"

"....how about we have him use some electrical thingy?"

*Everyone agrees enthusiastically*

At least with the two Mortal Kombat films, they didn't fuck up the story much. That didn't make it better, but hey, at least it was something they did right.

***

READY 2 RUMBLE and NO HOLDS BARRED

In 1989, we got a film exploiting Hulk Hogan for all he was worth. He played a thinly disguised clone of himself, current WWF Champion (Rip Thomas), in a universe where professional wrestling was REAL! So great was his influence that the network had him sitting in at meetings. Nobody could fuck with Rip!

UNTIL

The rival network, having failed in their attempt to recruit Rip, create a program that caters to people beating the shit out each other, "Battle of the Tough Guys". While we're treated to Stan Hansen making fun of the size of David Paymer's penis, the shit hits the fans (and a limo driver's shorts ) when the super psychotic Zeus shows up, forcing insurance premiums to sky rocket whenever he's in the vicinity.

Naturally, this leads to a showdown where Rip Thomas commits, at the very least, aggravated manslaughter, and he lives happily ever after as the WWF Champion.

Then, for eleven years, not a single movie about fictional pro wrestling was made, probably because people preferred waching real pro wrestling on TV versus a limo driver pooping his pants or Hulk Hogan and the female lead having a lot of sexual tension and solving it by rigging up a sheet between them.

But that didn't stop WCW from wanting to jump on the train.

Now, I had a lot to say about Ready 2 Rumble, but my God, I think you've all seen it, and know how bad it is. At least with No Holds Barred, we got what we paid for (essentially a two hour promo for Hulk Hogan starting strong, getting his ass kicked and Hulking up just in time), but this....I don't know. I don't know what's worse, the movie itself or the shameless promotion that WCW did to tie into it.

So...yeah.

***

Highlander Sequels

The premise for Highlander was simple "There can be only one". Fair enough. Highlander was awesome. Then they made a not so awesome sequel that turned the immortals into aliens. Then they made a so-so sequel that pretended that Highlander II never happened, and they offered a simple explaination for why we need the fighting in Highlander III: "Oh, three immortals were stuck in a cave for a few hundred years".

Now, Highlander had a great franchise going. A few films and a TV series that the fans ate up. So, they decided to merge them together, where we got Highlander Endgame. Okay, so, the game is finally over, fair enough. Then came Highlander: The Source, which I----honestly hated. It came out 20 years after the original, and even though studios are looking for something to make a quick buck by slapping a label on it, they saw the writing on the wall with this one. No distributor would touch it, so it got a release on Sci-Fi. When it premiered, it was the one bright side to another wise shit weekend (having to be with my mom in the hospital while she was there for testing, sleeping on the world's crappiest sofa, and being a perfectly healthy human being not requiring medical attention forced to eat hospital food). This was the one beacon of hope on the weekend schedule. And it...was...awful.

***

Pauly Shore Movies

NEXT!

***

Leslie Nielsen Movies

See anything post-Naked Gun. Even Naked Gun was kind of meh.

[Guest Mr. Holland Head]

Leslie Nielsen's later career was really weird. I remember after the whole SARS thing he was used for a radio commercial extolling the virtues of visiting Toronto.

"So, Mr. Nielsen, how was your meal?"

"The steak was a little tough!"

"You had lobster."

"Well that explains...pretty much everything."

"Would you like me to take your bib?"

"No thanks, I'll wear it home."

[C-MIL]

I Know Who Killed Me.

That movie did.

[Kaney]

See No Evil. I know, Kane is in it etc etc but jesus this was bad. I was actually cringing when he started masturbating near the end. Uuuugh.

I wouldn't saw it's the worst movie I've ever seen, but I really really hated Goodfellas. I've only watched it once, and fuck me was it boring. Just cannot understand the love for it at all. One of the few films I own that I have absolutely no desire to ever watch again, thanks to the tedium. I've watched fucking Doom more times than this.

[zero]

Thanks Mick, I had blocked the Mario movie from my memory.

[MalaCloudy Black]

Ready 2 Rumble is so terrible it's great.

[Damian WayLNKe]

I might have to watch Hulk again with Eric Bana. I remember thinking that was the worst movie I had ever seen when I saw it in theaters.

[Sousa]

Oh come on, surely Mario Bros. and Street Fighter fit neatly into "so bad it's good" territory. In the former you've got a completely and laughably batshit crazy picture that somehow manages to take this tale of a mushroom-and-flower-eating plumber who travels to a world of evil winged turtles, Buzzy Beetles, and flying spectacled cloud-riding monsters that throw spiked shelled monsters to the ground... somehow they started from that premise and managed to make it even stranger. And Street Fighter is just plain entertaining, from the hilarious dialogue to the villains hamming it up at every turn. Both perfectly watchable movies. Not at all good, but definitely fun.

Most video game movies fall into this category (yes, that includes Mortal Kombat, which sucks whether you want to admit it or not). One of the only video game movies I've ever seen that truly bored me was Doom.

[zero]

Oh come on, surely Mario Bros. and Street Fighter fit neatly into "so bad it's good" territory. In the former you've got a completely and laughably batshit crazy picture that somehow manages to take this tale of a mushroom-and-flower-eating plumber who travels to a world of evil winged turtles, Buzzy Beetles, and flying spectacled cloud-riding monsters that throw spiked shelled monsters to the ground... somehow they started from that premise and managed to make it even stranger.

Probably the nicest thing ever said about that movie. When you put it like that, it almost sounds enjoyable.

Street Fighter was always a guilty pleasure for me though.

And while we're talking about awful video game adaptations, Double Dragon, anyone?

[TKz]

Dragonball Evolution was the biggest piece of shit ever.

[Jimmy]

It hurt me more and more every minute went by. It raped my childhood long and hard. Over. And Over. And Over.