The Worst Movie You Have Ever Seen

[Josh]

Actually, RiffTrax (one of the two current groups that consists of former MST3K members) actually has taken it on. I haven't seen it though, as I find their process a bit complicated for my taste.

[TGC]

I will find this and this will kill two hours of my Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[livid]

Either The Love Guru or Corky Romano.

[AnnIQ Edison]

The Forgotten. Just non sensical to the point of me never wanting to see the film again. (and rag on the friend who chose it forever more)

[TGC]

The Forgotten was a terribly great movie!

And i loved Corky Romano

[GoGo Yubari]

The Last Airbender. Seriously, I just... seriously. The most unforgivably terrible movie I have ever seen in my life. I watched this with three friends who are also fans of the original TV series through the wonders of Skype, and my recurring comments were sort of a combination of horrified mumbling and "... this is actually a movie. Someone really made this."

The acting in the primary cast is 90% bad, maybe 5% good if you factor in really minor roles, and 5% Aasif Mandvi is Hamming This Up On Purpose, Isn't He. Shyamalan cast a complete unknown kid with probably no acting experience in Noah Ringer as the main character, and Ringer rewards Shyamalan by looking confused and traumatized in nearly every scene, no matter what the context of the scene is. Really. After the good guys save the fucking day, they cut to Ringer and he looks like someone just kicked his puppy. Nicola Peltz and Jackson Rathbone were cast as Katara and Sokka, the hero's companions, based on being "the best actors for the parts." They read their lines in the most wooden manner possible; Rathbone repeatedly looks like he's reading cue cards from just off-camera. And here's the thing; they all suck out loud, and worse yet they suck out loud whilst playing the main characters of the franchise, but it's probably not their fault! After all, Shyamalan took established, talented actors and dragged them down into an impenetrable mess. Cliff Curtis plays Ozai, who in the series is supposed to be the main villain and is shrouded in mystery the whole way through the first act, like a boring middle-management type instead of the guy who is trying to take over the world through his imperialist regime of people who shoot fire from their hands. Seriously, it's insane how completely unemotional he is in every scene. Any time he has a scene with anyone, there is no suspense whatsoever. Dev Patel as Zuko, the tortured son anti-villain type, as... okay, look. Zuko in the series is a pretty melodramatic teen angst character to begin with, but the writing and voice acting overcomes it either via talent or by playing it for laughs. Dev Patel has to play the same miserable angst completely straight, and it doesn't work. Aasif Mandvi plays the real main villain of the movie and... well. It's an amusingly hammy performance that indicates that at least someone is enjoying being in the movie, but it's not very good outside of that. The only member of the cast who actually does a good job is Shaun Toub as Iroh, Zuko's mentor and Ozai's brother, because he's so good that he makes the stilted dialogue almost seem natural and he actually brings Patel and Mandvi up to his level when he does scenes with them. M. Night Shyamalan has no idea how to direct actors in an action movie. None whatsoever.

The writing... this is a intended blockbuster film. It's written by a guy who has been in the industry for over ten years. It's adapted from very, very arguably the best Western animation series of the last five years, with rich characters and an engrossing plot. In this movie, there are lines like "It's led by a princess, because her father died," "Bring me ALL YOUR ELDERLY!" and "We have to show them we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in their beliefs." Those... those are really lines in this movie. It's like some sort of FanFiction.Net parody of a bad Avatar movie except this is the actual movie they made. Really. Really! Characters don't develop. Supporting characters have very little motivation whatsoever. Instead of letting things develop in the plot they just have Katara narrate "And then we did this. And then we did this. And then we went here. And then these characters fell in love." I mean... okay. So in this franchise people have the ability to manipulate elements, right? So, the Fire Nation (guess what element their soldiers manipulate!) are imprisoning people from the Earth Kingdom. They do it in a dusty, dirty prison... village. Thing. And the Earthbenders are completely powerless and incapable of fighting back until our hero points out that there is earth underneath them, and then they start fighting back because these people, these people whose power it is to manipulate earth, were TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THEY WERE STANDING ON THE EARTH. It's a mess.

The directing... man. I know M. Night Shyamalan was intending to prove that he wasn't just a suspense director, but I'm pretty sure the way to do that isn't to remove any suspense whatsoever from the movie. Seriously. He's basically making a big, shitty homage to Star Wars movies here. There are no pay-offs for long-running subplots. The action sequences mean nothing. The fighting styles themselves are clumsily plotted out so it just looks like bad tai chi hand gestures and cgi being thrown this way and that. It's just... things happen. And they keep happening. And then the movie ends. It's also amazing that he took a bright, vibrant animated world and decided the best way to film this movie would be to turn everything drab and dusty.

But really, the acting, writing, and directing are incredibly bad, but for me the worst part is, as a fan of the original, the fact that Shyamalan failed to get a single thing right about the source material. He pronounces the names of every character but two incorrectly. He casts white people to play the heroes of the obviously Asian-inspired world, and worse yet he casts untalented white people. He gets major, character-defining qualities jarringly wrong (Zuko's defining physical trait is the scar that covers like a third of his face, which stands as a constant reminder of his past failings and desire to regain his honor. In the movie, he... maybe has a singed eyebrow and a slightly deformed brow). He takes a series that heavily emphasized strong female leads, and decides to make the only prominent female character in the movie a passive, pathetic hanger-on who stands around helplessly during nearly every fight scene and has no discernible motivation for what she does. He removes nearly all the humor from a show that did humor that appealed to multiple age ranges perfectly. He clearly watches the animated series, decides he hates everything that is good about it, and sets about remaking it in his own, Hollywood Punchline-worthy image.

I mean... fuck. Manos: the Hands of Fate is, on its own merits, an amazingly awful movie, but it was a movie made by a fertilizer salesman on a bet featuring a cast of locals. The Last Airbender is made by a real director, using millions of dollars, featuring a cast stocked with actors from some of the biggest film franchises of the decade, and it is irredeemably bad in every way. The Last Airbender is the worst movie ever, because it could have been a good movie and you can't say the same for anything as cheap as Manos or as irredeemable as the Seltzer/Friedberg movies.

[Sousa]

And i loved Corky Romano

We can't be friends anymore.

One of the consequences of being married to my wife is that I have seen a lot of bad movies, because my wife has really, really shitty taste in movies. Two comedies stand out above them all.

First is RV (yes, I've fucking seen RV, shut up). I have a rule about movies: if I can like at least one character, then the movie isn't that terrible. RV follows around some of the most unpleasant people that I have ever seen in a film. It's not just the main characters, either; there's a good-natured set of country rubes who follow them from place to place, and I guess we're supposed to dislike them because they annoy the protagonists, but we already hate the protagonists because the whole fucking family is full of demanding contemptible slime who are perpetually vexed at the earth, but that just means that the filmmakers have to crank up the obnoxiousness to twelve and yank off the fucking knob. Remember National Lampoon's Vacation, how the family would occasionally get pissed off at what was going on but we still had Clark Griswold there with his boundless enthusiasm to keep us going? Imagine if every single character in the movie was the kids. That's RV.

But it can't hold a candle to Christmas with the Kranks.

Holy shit, this movie actually frightens me.

This one has the same problem. We have a super-sweet saccharine daughter with no flaws who jets off to South America or some shit and won't be around for Christmas, so Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis at their most obnoxious decide to skip Christmas and go on vacation. What they failed to plan for was that they apparently live in George Orwell's 1984, except instead of Big Brother, it's Dan Akroyd. The local newspaper actually runs a story about how this family is the only one on their block that doesn't put up the identical Frosty the Snowman decoration that everyone on the street has on their roofs. Okay? It's the exact same Frosty the Snowman decoration. While the evil neighborhood organization is pressuring these people, you'd think that our sympathies would be with Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis, but fuck that shit, we can't sympathize with Tim Allen, he's an asshole. Once again, we are supposed to think these tormented people are the bad guys, so the movie goes out of its way to make them hateful and self-indulgent because of course self-indulgence is evil. Later, when they find out their daughter is coming home, they suddenly have a change of heart, cancel their vacation plans, and fall right back in line with the neighborhood association, and they even pay attention to Old Cancer Lady Who Is Dying (yes.), which they didn't have time to do before because they were too busy being heartless evil fucking assholes who won't put a snowman up.

It turned me Jewish.

[Hellfire]

House of the Dead. Thread over.

Other than that, could also be Starship Troopers II as well. Godawful.

[The DBZemon King]

It has the reputation as such already, but Showgirls is legitimately a terribly horrible sexist poorly written poorly acted trainwreck of a film. Hilarious as all hell, but it is a genuine moment where everything went wrong and it could not be blamed on five dollar budgets and poor effects. We are literally supposed to be massively turned on by this movie, which is near impossible with the 90s cheese overflowing it. Think about this: They made Jesse from Saved by the Bell kissing sex goddess Gina Gershon into the most uncomfortable thing imaginable. That's a bad movie.

My friends and I have a drinking game we play when we watch that movie. Everytime someone looks at anyone in the group with a, "What the fuck I can't believe what I'm watching" look on their face everyone has to take a shot..

I could make up a crazy Hangover scenario, but I feel lazy. Let's just say we get really fucked up half way through the movie.

[The DBZemon King]

Your avatar = Dee Reynolds = Kaitlin Olsen = IASIP = You're my hero.

[Guest Mr. Holland Head]

Year One was bad, Clash Of The Titans may have been worse because of the blink-and-you-miss-it final battle, but I think I'll reach back a bit further and give the award to Good Burger.

[naiwf]

Waterworld and Showgirls are up there, but nothing beats The Blair Witch Project for me.

I had met a couple of girls that summer through a job and they wanted to see the movie, so we all got together on a Saturday and went to one movie theater after another and kept finding that the single showing of the movie was sold out. After three theaters I was ready to call it a day as I was pissed, but no, they suggested we continue to march on. Eventually, we found out that there were multiple showings in this theater all the way out in the depths of Brooklyn that we had to take a train and a bus to reach. So after almost two hours we got to the damn theater and just managed to snag some tickets five minutes before the movie was to start. I took one of the world's most fulfilling pisses, walked into the room and learned thatwe were in a theater that hadn't had the seats replaced in 20 something years. They were like some horrible beach chairs on rails and EVERY time someone moved an inch you heard a screeching noise similar to a vuvuzela.

The movie began, we missed half of the fucking dialogue due to vuvuzela after vuvuzela as this fat guy could NOT get comfortable and when the movie ended I wanted to shoot the director, the actors and my two "new friends" in the face because I had just wasted an entire day to see the worst movie of my life. Then we had to stop to get something to eat since we'd been together for roughly six hours without stopping for a meal, and after eating, we were treated with another two hour trek to get back to the city and I'd lost one of my few off days that summer just to see a "movie" that I hated. I stayed friends with one of the girls for the next 7 or 8 years before she moved, but CONSTANTLY reminded her that she owed me a day of my life back thanks to that horrible fucking movie.

[darkrayne]

hmm worst movie ever? Oh god.. Napoleon Dynamite.

I absolutely abhor that movie and everything about it.

Lets see here.. a quote from Wikipedia describing what part of the movie was about:

Napoleon's grandma breaks her coccyx in a quad bike accident and, believing her grandsons cannot be trusted to look after themselves, she asks Uncle Rico (Jon Gries) to stay with them while she recovers. Uncle Rico is a middle-aged former high-school quarterback who lives in an orange 1975 Dodge Santana campervan and is mentally stuck in the year 1982 (a fact which caused a breakup with his girlfriend). His presence, although increasingly irksome to Napoleon, is a boon to Kip as he and Uncle Rico embark on a joint project to become door-to-door salesmen selling sets of plastic food storage containers. Kip reveals that he would like to earn some money to enable him to meet his new Internet girlfriend from Detroit, LaFawnduh Lucas (Shondrella Avery). Uncle Rico is not averse to using Napoleon's name to gain credibility in his attempts to sell herbal breast-enhancement products to Napoleon's school mates, causing increasing friction between Uncle Rico and Napoleon.

Really? Sounds like someone's acid trip gone wrong....

I actually wanted to shoot myself in the head watching this movie... I dont understand why it was so popular...

[Evil Chase K]

4. Date Movie

I debated putting this movie on the list as I technically never saw the whole movie. I watched about five minutes of it and turned it off. I knew immediately it was a piece of shit for the life of me I cannot figure out how the genre of fucking stupid parodies has actually survived more than one or two movies.

3. The Village

Everyone rips on The Happening but I sort of enjoyed that movie. Shyamalan's true bomb had to be The Village. I hated everything about it. I was secretly hoping that the rumored ending would in fact be reality. That might have actually made the it worth sitting through that entire awful movie.

2. Zombiez

Hilariously bad dialogue, a random guy in a chicken suit, and gang members fighting zombies. What's not to like? Besides everything that is.

1. Edges of Darkness

The worst piece of shit movie I have ever seen and probably ever will see. Three separate stories that are all shitty, terrible acting, terrible directing, everything about this film fucking sucks. Except one thing: the black guy. The way he yells "SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR, BITCH!" to his wife might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen.

[Josh]

Wanted.

Never has a "protagonist" more deserved all the adversity in his life. And lots of other reasons, but - for real, I hated it.

[Toe]

There are horror movies that are so bad that they are funny. Zombiez is not one of those. I am still angry at the girl who made me watch that. It is just awful.

[Lint]

Year One was bad, Clash Of The Titans may have been worse because of the blink-and-you-miss-it final battle, but I think I'll reach back a bit further and give the award to Good Burger.

I REFUSE to hear bad talk about a movie that gave us such a classic song featuring a Less Than Jake cameo such as this...

[GA!]

I'll go with five. Can't be arsed to order them.

Romance and Cigarettes

The world's most expensive inside joke. A bunch of B-List Hollywood actors deliberately butcher well known musical numbers for reasons unbeknownst to the viewer. Lots of subplots go nowhere, none of the jokes are funny, and the ending is the worst example of having no ideas for a third act I've ever seen. A lot of American critics gave this film a good rating for the same reason they did for Synecdoche, New York - they were afraid of looking dumb, but it's the film itself which is dumb. Totally unwatchable.

Christmas with the Kranks

I've been unable to finish the film after two attempts. I'm afraid that the direction it wants to take after the point I stop (half way through) will result in me throwing my laptop at my TV.

Lady in the Water

If we stop paying attention to M Night, he will go away. Casting himself as the messiah writer is the most self-indulgent thing in cinema history.

Observe and Report

Morally repugnant piece of shit starring Seth Rogen (and he's fucking awful by himself. Has his career died yet? I hope so.).

Date Movie

Well, obviously.

[Rich]

Raving Maniacs

A plot that involves zombies, that aren't really zombies, incest you can telegraph in the first scene, aliens, a Vietnam war vet... who was never in vietnam. HORRIBLE, simply HORRIBLE!

[Skummy]

I loved Romance & Cigarettes - though, admittedly, pretty much just for Walken.

Worst film I've ever seen was probably Bruno. I make a habit of seeing dreadful films - I adore Bruno Mattei and most straight-to-DVD knock-off horror and sci-fi movies, I've seen Gigli, I have a collection of films starring Roddy Piper, and generally get more enjoyment out of a horribly made B-Movie than out of all but the best "good" films, so I know my bad cinema.

But Bruno. Jesus. I don't think I have ever seen another film with absolutely no redeeming qualities - there are hundreds of films where the moral, message or general worldview displayed therein is utterly reprehensible, probably moreso than Bruno, but none of them have ever appalled me quite as much as this. It's one joke, repeated for two hours. There's no subtlety, no story, and what does it achieve? The whole point of a character like Bruno interviewing celebrities is to show something about the nature of celebrity - what does a "gay" man hitting on a clearly uncomfortable, elderly man prove?

It's just repressed public school boy humour of the worst kind, and absolutely fucking dire. It gets me angry just remembering.

Honorary mention to Highlander 2 - never before or since has a sequel been made that so completely disregards everything about the original film. It would be terrible enough as a standalone movie, as a sequel its an absolute fucking travesty.