2014 FIFA World Cup

[DMN in the House]

I got Everton and Tottenham at 100%, then Aston Villa, Newcastle, and West Bromwich Albion at 90%.

I'm nominally a fan of Newcastle because everything I've ever seen says they're like the Oakland Raiders, but someone should advise me.

[Meacon Keaton]

Let's hold hands and run into the open arms of a club together, DMN.

[VerbalPuke]

I just checked him out on YouTube. In addition to being quite dreamy ( ), he also seems pretty awesome.

No promises that that's my team, Niner, but it's as good a place to start as any.

He pulled this with me four years ago when I started to become interested in soccer. He used Christopher Samba to recruit me.

[Benjamin]

Tsk tsk, Everyone knows the real superstar is Cherno.

[9 to 5]

Big black men should make anyone do as I say. >_>

[DMN in the House]

Let's hold hands and run into the open arms of a club together, DMN.

But...but... you like Denver!

Ok, let's try it.

[Szumi]

Oh that James goal. He is just so great to watch.

Columbia really deserved their win today. Uruguay just had no bite in their attack today, it really showed.

[GoGo Yubari]

DMN COME 2 SPURS JOIN USSSSSSS

but no honestly does EWB actually have any Everton supporters at all? That could be neat.

ANYWAY TIME FOR THIS THING

GoGo Yubari Presents the GoGo Freelance World Cup Preview Spectacular, As Reported by GoGo "Scoop" Yubari!

We are on day two of the knockout stages, and I am proud to announce that my sophisticated method of determining winners has been 100% successful! This isn't random bullshit off the top of my head, y'all. This is a process.

Mexico vs. The Netherlands Holland Cloglandia

Mexico is represented by Bad Eddie. Holland is represented by Captain Condom, who I think is Liam. That's Liam, right? Obviously I have to stand with my fellow supporter of Holland. CONGRATS LIAM.

Here's What You Should Know About Mexico: Mexico are the hard-working underdogs HORRIBLE MONSTERS in this match. They defend heroically LIKE UTTER BASTARDS WHO JUST WON'T DIE ALREADY, and under their new manager, Lovably Boisterous Sitcom Dad Miguel Herrera, they have developed impressive regrettably effective team cohesion considering that they were so bad last year that they only won two matches in qualification. Watch out for keeper of the tournament contender jerk with stupid hair Memo Ochoa in goal. He'll probably play great and make it a tough game. The prick.

Here's What You Should Know About the Netherlands: They were supposed to have been sent the memo that all the big-name European teams were to completely fucking choke in the group stage, but the deliveryman got lost in the haze of Amsterdam and has yet to resurface.

A Quick Summary of the Matchup: Will be abandoned when a talent scout realizes the vaudeville comedy potential of Miguel Herrera's irrational exuberance and Louis Van Gaal's refusal to do anything but the same scary-ass face in everything he does. They will get a multi-picture deal and the movies will be a hit in Asia.

Or, you know, the irresistible force of the Holtherlands offense vs. the immovable object of the Mexican defense. But that's boring.

And now, the most important factor in determining a winner. WHO HAS THE BETTER NATIONAL ANTHEM: Yeah, uh, I can't even front on this one.

went full-France with theirs. Actual translated lyrics: "But if some enemy outlander should dare to profane your ground with his step/Think, oh beloved fatherland, that heaven has given you a soldier in every son." Well, uh, fuck. Meanwhile,

sounds like the 12 Days of Christmas.

But I'm still breaking my own damn rules once again and going against the better national anthem and picking Holland. I'm not HTTK and my CONCACAF love does not extend fully into actually wishing for Mexico to beat anyone ever, aside from maybe when they're blatantly getting screwed out of a win, which has distressingly happened in two out of three games thusfar

In conclusion this is GoGo van Yubari saying HUP HOLLAND HUP.

Costa Rica vs. Greece

Gorka has Costa Rica, Pizzamonkey has Greece. Pizza didn't take part in voting Haku out in Random Rumble and is a swell guy, so obviously the advantage goes to Greece. I cannot possibly think of any factors that might negate this advantage!

Here's What You Should Know About Costa Rica: If you want to beat them, you have to

Seriously. I can't believe that Italy and Uruguay were not aware of this fact. Poor scouting. Their star player is Joel Campbell, who hypothetically plays for Arsenal, will almost certainly actually get playing time with them next season, and so I will sadly have to learn to hate him when this tournament is over.

Here's What You Should Know About Greece: They gave us theatre, philosophy, revolutionized architecture, the scientific method, mathematics, and art, and basically are responsible for a great, great deal of what Western Civilization is.

But they play boring football so they can go fuck themselves.

A Quick Summary of the Matchup: Greek captain Giorgos Karagounis boldly declares to the media that their team are feeling incredibly confident going into this match, so confident that even the gods could replace the Costa Ricans on the pitch and nothing would change. This in turn draws the attention of Zeus for the first time in like 2500 years or whatever, and in retribution for this act of sacrilege he turns the entire Greek team into a flock of sheep, and then presumably turns into a platypus or something in order to try to seduce their wives. It's still a low-scoring affair but Costa Rica win 1-0.

And now, the most important factor in determining a winner. WHO HAS THE BETTER NATIONAL ANTHEM:

is super-generic, but

is just kind of a drag. WE GET IT, YOU WERE AWESOME FOREVER AGO, DUDES. Get a little less BC and a little more AD, god.

In conclusion, the winners will be Costa Rica. The losers will be those of us who stumble in with the hopes that a fun match can be dragged out of Greece somehow. See you in 24 hours for more of this.

[LUKIE]

That Pinilla strike............................

[brenchill]

I don't know why Real and Barca are chasing Saurez. This James Rodriguez is the real deal. Great player.

[Gazz]

YEBOAH! I MEAN JAMES!

[Baddar]

Someone on my fb (who I'm positive wouldn't have a clue who usasoccerguy is) posted last night saying "Wow, I wonder how much Jay Rodriguez is worth now"

Still not entirely sure if he's serious or not.

[brenchill]

Another Southampton player that will be snapped up.

[TCO]

I don't know why Real and Barca are chasing Saurez. This James Rodriguez is the real deal. Great player.

Monaco paid 45mil euros for him last year and he's probably on around 150k, tax free. It's going to be near impossible to sign him after this display.

[Arjen Robben]

In the opening bit of the bbc coverage, with the guy painting the wee figures, did they change the face of Gerrard on it? He was looking all grumpy but I swear it used to have him smiling really creepily.

Yeah they did, he used to be creepy Gerrard, now he's just frowny Gerrard.

[brenchill]

I don't know why Real and Barca are chasing Saurez. This James Rodriguez is the real deal. Great player.

Monaco paid 45mil euros for him last year and he's probably on around 150k, tax free. It's going to be near impossible to sign him after this display.

I'm sure if a real big club came knocking he would be off.

[Ant]

He will go to Man City in exchange for Yaya Toure i reckon

[stokeriño]

He will go to Man City in exchange for Yaya Toure i reckon

A 22 year old lighting up the World Cup versus a 31 year old who's already thrown some kind of hissy fit to indicate he might not want to stay in Manchester...

There had better be some £30m balancing up that transfer, because seriously.

[Ant]

You don't think much of me do you?

[stokeriño]

I take each post as they come...