General Movie Thread

[Hellraiser]

7 hours ago, GhostMachine said:

A Wrinkle In Time a classic novel that's finally been made into a film. Tomb Raider is kinda sorta maybe a remake of a video game movie.

The new Tomb Raider has nothing to do with the two Angelina Jolie flicks. It isn't even based on the same games. The Jolie movies were inspired by the classic Tomb Raider games while the new movie is based on the reboot of the series by Crystal Dynamic and Square Enix.

[Josh]

15 hours ago, Benjamin said:

Need help. Free night tonight and there's two choices: A Wrinkle in Time or Tomb Raider.

Which one should I go for?

How is this even a question? Wrinkle in Time all day.

[Benjamin]

4 hours ago, El Hijosh del Ice Cream said:

How is this even a question? Wrinkle in Time all day.

I'm going to watch both, definitely, it's just which one to watch last night. I ended up watching neither as my mother needed a driver, but catching Tomb Raider today and A Wrinkle in Time tomorrow  

[GhostMachine]

We ended up going to see The Hurricane Heist instead of A Wrinkle In Time. It was decent, but I'd recommend waiting for it to show up on cable or DVD. We all ended up wishing we'd gone to A Wrinkle In Time like we had planned. (One reason we changed our minds was that we saw a lot of kids at the theater, and their parents were ordering tickets for A Wrinkle In Time. And I mean easily a dozen kids.)

[Gorka]

I wasn't keen on Ready Player One already. Finding out the author of the book wrote a poem called "Nerd Porn Auteur"...

Spoiler

I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies

that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across

was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males

Men who like their women stupid and submissive

Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos

with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected

liposuctioned women

Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation

in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren't real women. They're objects.

And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.

These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on.

They disgust me.

And it's not that I'm against pornography.

I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.

Fact.

"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"

Guys need porn.

But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.

I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:

Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world

is a woman who is smarter than you are.

You can have the whole cheerleading squad,

I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:

Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.

Oh yes.

First I want to copy her Trig homework,

and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her

for hours and hours

until she reluctantly asks if we can stop

because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica.

Summa cum laude, baby!

That is what I call erotic.

But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?

No.

Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.

I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.

And the women in my porno movies will be the kind

that drive nerds like me mad with desire.

I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve.

The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.

Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.

Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses

and chips on their shoulders.

My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.

My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.

In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked.

They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and

beat them repeatedly at chess

and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle

or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.

Buy stock in some hand cream companies

because there is about to be a major shortage.

And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.

There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren

of all sexual orientations.

Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens."

This idea is a fucking gold mine.

I am gonna make millions,

because this country is full of database programmers

and electronics engineers

and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.

And you can help . . .

If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry,

and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet,

then you are hired.

It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive.

It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful.

You are beautiful. . .

And I will make you a star.

makes me want to avoid anything he's ever produced.

[=BK=]

Somebody doesn't dig all that deep when they're looking for porn.

[livid]

 

[Skummy]

On ‎15‎/‎03‎/‎2018 at 00:11, Gorka said:

I wasn't keen on Ready Player One already. Finding out the author of the book wrote a poem called "Nerd Porn Auteur"...

  Reveal hidden contents

I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies

that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across

was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males

Men who like their women stupid and submissive

Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos

with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected

liposuctioned women

Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation

in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren't real women. They're objects.

And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.

These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on.

They disgust me.

And it's not that I'm against pornography.

I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.

Fact.

"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"

Guys need porn.

But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.

I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:

Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world

is a woman who is smarter than you are.

You can have the whole cheerleading squad,

I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:

Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.

Oh yes.

First I want to copy her Trig homework,

and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her

for hours and hours

until she reluctantly asks if we can stop

because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica.

Summa cum laude, baby!

That is what I call erotic.

But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?

No.

Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.

I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.

And the women in my porno movies will be the kind

that drive nerds like me mad with desire.

I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve.

The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.

Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.

Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses

and chips on their shoulders.

My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.

My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.

In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked.

They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and

beat them repeatedly at chess

and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle

or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.

Buy stock in some hand cream companies

because there is about to be a major shortage.

And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.

There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren

of all sexual orientations.

Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens."

This idea is a fucking gold mine.

I am gonna make millions,

because this country is full of database programmers

and electronics engineers

and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.

And you can help . . .

If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry,

and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet,

then you are hired.

It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive.

It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful.

You are beautiful. . .

And I will make you a star.

makes me want to avoid anything he's ever produced.

It's a fair reflection of his work, and pretty much every problem I have with "Nerd Culture" as a concept. It's more references than plot - most of which it takes the time to spell out to you in meticulous detail, lest you not "get it", despite the fact that the central concept of the book is about the pursuit of hidden "Easter Eggs" and references within the in-universe game, so the reader never gets to share in anything like the experience of the characters by playing "spot the reference" themselves as they could in, say, a Kim Newman book. Imagine Stranger Things if, every five minutes, a character said, "well, this scene is very much reminiscent of the movie IT, which was itself based on a Stephen King book...". It's "LOOK WHAT I KNOW" spread out to novel length.

Beyond that, and the obvious author insert central character who shows no personal growth, and a relationship to women about along the lines you'd expect from the author of "Nerd Porn Auteur". The central character explains, at laborious length, how he's an expert on everything about the 1980s, all of pop culture, all the most obscure music imaginable - yet somehow in his list of music manages to avoid the burgeoning hip-hop scene, the remnants of disco, or pretty much anything African American at all. The character repeatedly crows about his exhaustive knowledge, but outside of video games, he's scratching the surface.

It's the whole "Nerd as Outsider" idea that I absolutely detest. The idea that you're special, or unique, or part of some kind of minority culture because you - *gasp* - like Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings and Marvel Comics. In 2011. You and the rest of the world, buddy.

[Benjamin]

 

[K]

emma stone i love you but dear god I cannot watch that fuckin house bunny movie or whatever on netflix. fuck me that's bad.

[Josh]

I thought that was Anna Farris?

[livid]

It's both.

But yeah, that movie's not great. Early in Emma Stone's career though too.

Edited March 29, 2018 by livid

[Maxx]

Ready Player One is an alright movie.  It's not great, but its got a lot of cool moments.  I imagine people who aren't into video games will not enjoy it.

[Ruki]

3 hours ago, Maxx said:

Ready Player One is an alright movie.  It's not great, but its got a lot of cool moments.  I imagine people who aren't into video games will not enjoy it.

Is there still the creepy/stalker-y romance from the books? (At least, that's what I've heard)

[lanky316]

I didn't think so particularly... It's not exactly a normal relationship but it doesn't have loads of obsessive stalkery elements in it like the book does.

 

They give Art3mis a more active role by having her as some sort of resistance fighter. They meet at a car race in game and he quite likes her they meet a couple of times he tells her he loves her at a party which almost immediately leads to his real world home being blown up and him being taken in by the resistance which she's a member of. In the book the real world meet ups happens a lot later (if I remember correctly) so it seemed more natural and organic all things considering.

Edited March 30, 2018 by lanky316

[K]

I watched the Boys and Girl from County Clare (aka The Boys from County Clare,  aka The Great Ceilidh War) today. It's a really nice movie. It's on Netflix and I recommend it. It's one of those movies you put on when you don't know what to watch. It won't change your life or anything, but it's really nice and easy going. Plus I always enjoy seeing Colm Meaney.

(Also it's got one of the Corrs in a leading role)

[K]

[FLiam]

31 minutes ago, K said:

True story. Earlier today, I fancied watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. So I loaded up Sky to see if it was on demand, hit the search button, type it in, and hell if I knew that it had just started showing on ITV4 literally three minutes before.

Blew my fucking mind.

[Colly]

It's always on ITV4. That and Escape to Victory. 

[Mx. Canadian Destroyer]

On 3/30/2018 at 10:48, Maxx said:

Ready Player One is an alright movie.  It's not great, but its got a lot of cool moments.  I imagine people who aren't into video games will not enjoy it.

I keep wanting to go watch it because I read the book at the beginning of the year. But every time I go to book a ticket or whatever, I'm like "nah". I can't tell if I am excited to see it or not.